The One Narcissistic Abuse Wound That You Need to Heal NOW

14 Aug 2024 · NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

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We know that Narcissists can leave some damage, but let's talk about the one that needs to get attention right now! Listen in to todays' episode for more...

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Transcript:

Speaker 1: (00:00)Good morning, good afternoon, or goodnight, wherever you are. Hello, I'm so glad you joined me. And today I have a special episode talking about a wound, a narcissistic wound, of course, that people don't really talk about. And maybe it's not so obvious, even though I would say a hundred percent of us have. So stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:22)Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with? I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:20)We have talked about effects of narcissistic abuse. There are many, many, many of them. And in today's episode, we're gonna talk about the one that pretty much everybody has. I've had it, all my clients have it. It's something that's underlying and it's something that we have to maintain because of the level of narcissistic abuse and what it does to our mind, body, and dang soul, okay? It is chronic fatigue. When you have been exposed to narcissistic abuse, your nervous system, it gets stuck. You are stuck in that survival mode. You're always walking around on eggshells, right? You're hyper aware of everything going on around you, and you know you're listening, you're looking, your senses are always heightened in your environment to protect yourself and stay safe. I can remember back when I was going through narcissistic abuse, especially the physical abuse, just that fear of what's on the other side of the door. Speaker 1: (02:21)Do I need to protect myself? And it's just that fight flight fawn, whatever mode you go into, but you're always on. Every part of you is just always on. I mean, that sounds tiring enough. But what happens is when you are on that, you're running on adrenaline, you're running on cortisol, you're running on these stress hormones, right? So once you disconnect, once this person isn't in your daily life, once, you're not having to have that protection and that armor on so tight, there's no longer this constant dependency on stress, right? And those hormones that it actually will cause fatigue. I was kind of thinking about it in comparison. I mean, it's kind of off, but you'll get my comparison. I like analogy. So here we go. So I was comparing it to when I was like so focused, and you all can probably relate when you're so focused on studying for finals or some huge test. Speaker 1: (03:21)But let's do finals, because usually that's multiple classes. You know, it can be a couple of weeks of really preparing. Or if you're like me, a procrastinator, maybe a couple days and, but you're thrown into something, maybe pulling all nighters, putting your own self-care aside, over stuffing that brain. But imagine that times a million with trauma and abuse thrown into it and needing to stay safe during that time, which is often way more time than the time you would spend to prepare for a final, right? For a lot of us, it was years, decades of abuse that was embedded in our daily life. So that is why so many of my clients come to me after they disconnect from a narcissist, and they're like, now what? Right? We're so acclimated and our body physically is acclimated to this type of lifestyle. So here we are going, okay, now what? Speaker 1: (04:16)You literally have no idea really what to do, where to start, your body, your mind, everything's just been shaken up, flipped upside down. Sure, there may be relief, of course, but there's a whole identity of yourself that you are losing, and part of that identity is constant stress in your mind and your physical body, right? So that seems like, oh, that would be, that would be great, right? And it is great, but it's also when any big changes happen that can lead to exhaustion and just different chemicals, hormones, you know, changing and having to recalibrate. So that leads us to the what now. And that what now goes beyond one podcast episode and is what I do with my clients, help them heal, find peace, find freedom. But let's get to the basics, right? Just to start out, first of all, you need sleep, rest, your body needs rest, your mind needs rest, sleep is great. Speaker 1: (05:14)But if rest is all you can get at the moment, we're still going through healing, we're gonna still have ruminating thoughts, but rest is so, so important. Like a queen bear in winter. Okay? You're gonna be a queen bear. This is your order. You need to get that rest. Now, one week of good sleep, that's, that's not gonna do the healing. That's not everything you need to do. So this is something where if you want change, you truly want peace in your life, you want to find that calm, you wanna find that balance, you are going to have to make changes in your routines, right? So I'm not gonna overwhelm you, and we're gonna get to this in a second. We're gonna do this in like little baby bits, so stay with me here. But we're gonna get into a pattern of at least trying to be able to get sleep here and there maybe once a week if you can, sleeping in. Speaker 1: (06:00)And we'll get into how to do that because I know a lot of us live busy lives, we're parents, all of that. But the other things that we need to do, and we're gonna do these one at a time, okay? So just stay with me. I'm saying this because I know how overwhelming it is in the beginning, and this is why it's great to have support and whatever, but I'm here trying to at least give you some bits and tips that you can take with you. And they may seem simple, but I'm telling you, they will be life changing if you can implement them one by one, and the order in which you wanna do it is up to you. So nourishing your body with healthy foods. Yeah, talking about the fruits and veggies, like this is simple stuff. But sometimes when we are so overwhelmed or exhausted, it's easy to reach for the takeout or the pink sprinkled donuts. Speaker 1: (06:51)I mean, what I'm human. So really making an effort to eat healthy, taking supplements if you need to, like go get your physical girl, go see what you need in that body getting out. Nature is another thing. Having alone time and not, I mean, alone time is super important for this healing process, but also it is important to connect and kind of regain trust in people, which can take some time, right? Depending on your situation. But even getting out with new people, uplifting people. And I have episodes on that. I have some friendship episodes and you can find, but there's, and this is also actually a really great time to keep on decluttering the people who are mistreating you or dragging you down. So it's like, while we're at it, let's, let's keep on a roll here, because you are protecting your peace and odds are if you've tolerated from one person, you've tolerated from multiple people. Speaker 1: (07:45)So again, this is a one, one piece at a time journey, but that might be something for me, that was one of the first things I did was also say, okay, what other people are in my life? Maybe I can't disconnect like so black and white yet, but who do I probably need to distance from now that I realize I'm getting mistreated by more than one person and I've tolerated a type of behavior because I was raised to accept this behavior and now I'm realizing I don't like that, I don't like that feeling. I don't like to be controlled, I don't like to have to walk on eggshells. So that is also an option at this time. Again, the order of this and the frequency or speed of this is up to you and your path. It is always helpful to have someone along for the ride. Speaker 1: (08:33)Like I said, and you guys probably know if you've been listening, I had my own therapist, I had a coach, both narcissistic, knowledgeable . So I do always say that even if it's a therapist you go to, I would love you to go to someone who actually has dealt with a narcissist in their own life. Um, that's just my personal suggestion. So it's not easy, you know, disconnecting from narcissist, period. It's not easy healing, it's not easy trying to create a new support system around you, right? It's not easy. But these truly are things you have to do to heal and clear space for that peaceful, joyful life that I promise you can have. And look, this, this crap is overwhelming as it is, right? I do not wanna overwhelm you. So remember, start with one thing. What is one thing you can change in your daily life to start healing? Speaker 1: (09:31)Don't overwhelm yourself. Like what seems the easiest to you? Is it just changing your diet, drinking more water? Is it cutting out the friend who always complains? Maybe there's just a coworker that maybe you could, they're just really up in your, texting you, complaining, whatever. Maybe it's shifting that relationship. You can do things slowly and on your own timetable, but the the trick is getting closer and closer to a peaceful life. Okay? So, and maybe that is getting out in nature every day for a certain amount of time. Maybe it is asking for help from a parent of yours, maybe a friend. If you're, let's say you're a single mother and you know, all this has just happened and you're exhausted, ask somebody for help and say, can you come over so I can take a two hour nap every Saturday for a little bit, right? Speaker 1: (10:23)There are ways to ask for help. I know it's hard, but you're worth it and you do deserve it. And after you implement one thing, sparkle by sparkle, I like to call it , your first sparkle in your life. Once you've got that going a little bit and you're feeling a little better in that area, add another. So once you're getting a little more sleep, you've got a rhythm, then maybe throw a little broccoli down your ch you get my point. So it's one by one. It, it doesn't have to be so hard, doesn't have to be so heavy and you don't have to do it alone. So I am here if you would like to work with me. All my information is always in the show notes, aka a podcast description on any platform that you're listening to. It will be there. I will leave my information on how to work with me. Speaker 1: (11:08)That link, I will leave my email if you have questions or you can feel free to email me. I have a free Facebook group that's a nice support group for narcissistic abuse victims. It's a women's only group. And before I go, I want to remind you, you are beautiful. You are strong af for helping yourself get out of a toxic situation. And even if you're in it and you're listening to this and you're wanting more for yourself, that's a first step. And be proud of even that, okay? It's hard. These are very hard situations. This is not for the faint of heart. And you can do this. You can do this. All right, I will see you in the next episode. I have a special guest, my client and friend Carol Lorraine, chatting about her experience with narcissistic abuse. We have a really great conversation, so make sure to hit subscribe. You do not wanna miss this episode. Smooches and Doses.

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5-Minute Fix for Anxiety + Overthinking
15 May· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):
When your mind won't stop racing, second guessing over analyzing, running through worst case scenarios. It is time for a reset. This five minute nervous system practice will bring you back to calm back to your body. Back to now. Let's quiet the noise together. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. Okay, queen. Take a deep breath in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. My favorite breath work is the halo breath, which is in through that nose, out through your mouth. Repeat this couple of times in and out until you feel settled.
(01:02)Let your body relax and let's begin. Overthinking happens when your nervous system is overwhelmed. It's your brain's way of trying to solve a problem that doesn't have an immediate solution or maybe doesn't even belong to you anymore. And if you're someone who's experienced trauma or high stress environments, especially emotional abuse, toxic relationships, your brain may have been trained to stay on this high alert. But right now, in this moment here with Queen Krista, Jade, you're safe. You're safe right now and you get to come home to you. So let's name this overthinking. Say this with me. It can be out loud or silently. I will say a few words and break it up so it's easy to memorize so you can repeat it easily repeat after me. I see you overthinking.
(02:17)You're trying to help, but I'm okay right now. Good. So you are not broken for spinning in your head. You are human, you're adapting, but it's time to step off that hamster wheel with love. So let's bring you into your body. This is a great way when you want to get out of your head, you go into your body, it's a little spoiler alert. One of the ways we can get into your body is different ways of grounding. So we're going to do a little trifecta. We're going to touch three things that are around you, feel their texture and say them out loud. For example, I'm touching my green velvet blanket, right? So I can say velvet blanket.
(03:25)Then I'm going to feel the smooth outside of the keyboard on my computer. Smooth keyboard. And there's a tissue over here. I'm going to touch the white tissue. Okay? So touch three things and say them out loud. I will give you time to do that. Okay, now we're going to listen. We're going to name three sounds. You hear, even if they are subtle, it could be a humming fridge, distant traffic. Right now I am hearing the fan going on in my bathroom. It could be the television on in a room that's not yours distant. So name three sounds you here.
(04:43)Great. And finally, name three things you can see this could be colors, shapes, objects. Perfect. You are so good at this. Have you done this before? Okay, so this simple practice, it's very simple, right? It seems like something we would maybe do with the child. And guess what? This is amazing for working with children. I actually do this one with my daughter who sometimes she has a little perfectionism and this will distract her when she gets anxiety. So it sends a message to your brain that says, I'm here. I'm in my body. I'm in the present. So let's go over those again. So you can use them in the future. And you can save this episode as a reminder. But you touch three things, say 'em out loud. Name three sounds, say it out loud and three things you can see saying it out loud. I like to say things out loud, you don't have to, but I recommend it. I feel that helps me be more present. So let's end this practice with some calming affirmations. And I again, will state an affirmation and you just repeat after me. I am safe in this moment. And you can put your hands over your heart, one hand on your heart, one on your stomach, whatever feels good.
(06:33)I am allowed to pause. I release what's not mine to carry. My piece matters more than their approval. I choose to return to me. And if you are in recovery from narcissistic abuse or toxic dynamics, I want you to add this one. They do not get to live in my head anymore. I am free. Okay, so let's do a couple more of those. Inhale, exhale, halos in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, feeling your shoulders drop out through the mouth chest softening in through the nose, out through the mouth. Your body returning to the now.
(08:12)You don't have to think your way out of everything though. We like to sometimes, right? Sometimes the path just comes after you pause. You are safe and your peace is always worth protecting. So make sure to carve out this time every single day you should be having body time. Let's call it body time queen body time, okay, queen body time at ti. Just play one of my thrive in fives. We are on every single Thursday for around five minutes. It's more today. I think I babbled during some of that, but that's okay. That means we needed it. Okay? So be sure to the podcast, if you haven't, wherever you're listening to this, whatever podcast platform, hit that follow button. So then you get notifications whenever one of my episodes, whether it's Tuesday, longer episode or the Thrive, and five on Thursdays, these little bite-size resets.
(09:15)You will get notification. And if this helps you at all, I would appreciate it so much if you would share it with a friend who lives in her head a little too much too. I feel like we kind of packed together sometimes, right? So you probably know a couple. So if you wouldn't mind sharing this specific podcast, if you think it would help this episode or anything else you think would help, just share it along. You can just copy and paste the link or tell them to search my show Narcissistic Abuse Recovery on their podcast platform. She deserves peace too. So I'm trying to reach anybody I can to help get through this because we can all come out thriving no matter what we've been through. Alright, thank you so much for listening. Have a peaceful day and I'll see you in the next episode.
(10:09)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.
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Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord-Cutting Will Set You Free
13 May· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Feel like you know they’re toxic but still feel emotionally hooked? This deep cord-cutting is your sacred reset. Release the energetic ties, reclaim your peace, and feel lighter—fast.
✨ Press play, Queen. Your freedom starts now.
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Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, this episode is for saving, and you can go back to it over and over and over and over again. You might need it. Sometimes we do cord cuttings and they do work immediately. A hundred percent. I have had that happen with one of mine, one of my narcissist cord cuttings, another one where it was someone I had known a lot longer and deeper relationship with. It took somewhat longer a few times, and then sometimes it feels good to just do it if you have any sort of feeling like come back, right? Because nothing's foolproof, like, oh my God, you're never going to think about this person or worry about this person again in your life, right? But I promise you, there is energetic entanglement that does get separated when you do these cord cutting. So stay close. Wait for my amazing intro and then you'll be back. And we're going to dive deep into this cord cutting from a narcissist.
(01:07)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(02:05)Alright, welcome, queen. I am so excited for this episode because these have helped me so much. Oh my gosh. Let me just describe real quick. One of my favorite cord cuttings was from someone I knew from a very, very long time ago, and I was really worried. I had cut them out of my life and was like, this is going to be so hard. So right away, I'm going to do a cord cutting, and I had done cord cuttings before. That's so I had experience with them, so I knew to just do it right away. And I did a cord cutting. It was very powerful. I had some emotions come up. It was a 20 minute one just like this. And the I don't know, difference. It was really night and day right after. And I can't promise you everyone is going to have exact same results, but I do promise you will have some result and feel a change, even if it's a small one.
(03:09)It also depends on how open you are and what you believe. I always say you got to have faith for things to happen. That's just my personal beliefs about a lot of things. But this worked so well for me, especially with that one person. Other ones, like I said earlier, that it might take a little bit longer or a few times. So it depends. Everyone's different. So give it time, give yourself grace, but you will have some transformation of some sort, and definitely save this, save this, save this. Okay, so let's just take a breath for a second. Okay? This is your sacred space here where we're going to do this cutting. This is your moment to realize what no longer serves you. That doesn't mean you're selfish, just means there's something that it's not even just not serving you. It is doing damage to you.
(04:11)So to cut the energetic cords that have kept you tangled in pain, confusion, the chaos of narcissistic abuse, right? We don't want to stay in that spiderweb of hell. So you are safe here in this moment. You are powerful here. You have the power right here. You are coming home to you. So I invite you to take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale. This is the beginning of your new found freedom. Okay? When you feel ready, close your eyes. We're going to do a little breath work to start. Bring both hands to your heart and make sure you are in a quiet space where you will be uninterrupted. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. These are called halo breaths, and they're my favorite. Again, inhale peace.
(05:30)Exhale tension. Feel your body sink. Sink into whatever piece of furniture floor is supporting you, knowing this is your time. Let your shoulders drop. Unclench your jaw, soften your belly. Now breathe into your heart space. Visualize a soft golden light glowing in the center of your chest, expanding gently with every breath. This is your power center, your intuition, your truth. Now, I want you to imagine standing in a wide open space. It's safe, it's sacred, it's protected before you, and I'm here with you. You're not alone. You're safe before you stand. The image of the narcissist you are cutting ties with, they're only here as a symbol. Okay? You're safe. You're in full control here. They cannot hurt you here.
(07:18)Now, look down between you and this narcissist. There is an energetic cord. What does it look like to you? Is it thick, thin, frayed tight? Is it glowing? Is it dark? Just observe this cord without judgment. There's no right or wrong. It just is what it is. Just be with this cord. This cord has been connected through pain, guilt, trauma, obligation, maybe even love of some sort, familial, romantic friendship, love. But now it's time to release this court. Release these things that you've been carrying, not because you hate, but because you love yourself enough to let go. And I'm going to repeat that because you love yourself enough to let go.
(08:47)It's time to let go. Take a moment now to feel into what this connection has cost you. This might bring up some feelings. Just let them rise up. It's okay. Don't push them away. Just let them bubble up and say these affirmations quietly or aloud after me so you can say them in your mind or speak them out loud. Whatever you are comfortable with, I will say them first and give you time to repeat and go on to the next one. I acknowledge the pain this bond has brought. I acknowledge the way I've ded myself to stay connected.
(09:50)I acknowledge the confusion, the fear, and the self-doubt that's lived in this cord. I acknowledge that I am done, done, shrinking, done, doubting, done carrying energy that is not mine. Now we are getting to the cutting of the cord. Visualize yourself holding a powerful tool of your choice. This may be scissors, a golden sword with some diamonds. That's what I'm using, a beam of light, a torch. Whatever feels strong yet sacred to you. Okay, you've got that in your mind's eye. Raise that tool toward the cord. Now we're going to breathe in deeply through the nose. And on your exhale, you're going to swiftly cut the cord.
(11:30)Exhale, cutting the cord. Now watch it. Watch it fall away. Watch the image of that narcissist, dissolve, disintegrate. Feel your energy shift. Feel it. How does that feel? The lightness in your chest, the strength in your belly, that power and the peace that begins to bloom. Sit in this moment. Let yourself really enjoy this. Tears may come up, confidence may come up. Things you have been sitting on and squishing down may rise. There is a shift. There has been a shift in you. Now say aloud, I'll say it. And then you can repeat after me. I release you.
(12:45)I forgive what I need to for my own healing. I do not need closure. I create my own. The cord is cut, the pattern is broken. The cycle ends with me. Beautiful. Now we're going to seal and protect your energy. So when you feel ready, bring your hands back to your heart. Imagine that golden light in your chest expanding again, but now it begins to wrap around you like a cocoon. This is your shield, your golden shield. No one gets access unless you allow it. Right? You're in control. Repeat after me. I reclaim my energy.
(14:18)I call back every piece of me I gave away. I am whole. I am protected. I am safe in my own body, in my own power. Sit and feel that power for a moment. Breathe it in. Feel nice and strong. Balance that crown on your head, queen. Now visualize roots growing from the soles of your feet down into the earth. You can even picture some golden roots. Notice I like gold. You are grounded, you are anchored, yet you are free. Isn't that an amazing feeling? From here, I invite you to picture your future, the embodiment of you in your future. Feel it. You are light, you are free, you are rising.
(15:59)From this moment forward, the cord remains cut. It cannot reattach. You have already shifted. You've chosen by doing this here today. You have chosen your freedom. Repeat after me. I trust the healing has begun. I trust the Holy Spirit God, or maybe just your higher self is guiding me. I walk in peace. I walk in power, and I never look back. Take one more deep breath through your nose. Exhale. And when you're ready, gently bring awareness back to your body. Wiggle your fingers, roll your shoulders. Do some hip swerves, whatever feels good. And when you are ready, slowly open your eyes.
(17:44)You did something truly powerful today. You don't know anyone. Access to your energy, right? You're allowed to walk away without guilt. You are allowed to protect your own peace. You're allowed to be free. If you found this helpful, make sure to definitely follow the podcast for more healing tools. Thursdays, we do thrive. Thrive to five, I almost said that's not it. Five to thrive. So there are shorter healing methods. And generally on Tuesdays, they're my full episodes. This is kind of a rare one where I'm doing a whole episode related to an actual embodied exercise. But I have been asked to do this several times, so I'm finally doing it. So this is that deeper dive. And last week I did put out a shorter version. If you just want to a quick fix, you can always do that. And if you ever need a full personalized cord cutting, definitely email me.
(18:58)All of my information is always in the description notes. Do not forget to go over there if you want to work with me or purchase my boundaries course, which is amazing. I'm a little biased. Yes I am. But I love it. And I have many, many happy clients that have gone through the boundaries course and have told me all of their amazing shifts in their lives where they have gone from people pleasers to loving themselves, drawing boundaries without guilt, and had really amazing results. Right? So I hope you enjoyed this today. You are not alone. You are rising up like the queen you are. And I will see you in the next episode.
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Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord in 5 Minutes (Thrive in 5)
8 May· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Still feeling emotionally or energetically tied to the narcissist—even after going no contact? In this 5-minute mini healing, I’ll walk you through a powerful cord-cutting visualization to help you release their grip and call your energy back to YOU. 👑
✨ Perfect for when you feel drained, triggered, or just can’t stop thinking about them.
Make sure to follow the podcast so you don’t miss the upcoming FULL cord-cutting ritual episode!
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Want to work 1:1 with Christy?
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: [email protected]

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):
Alright, are you still feeling like they've got a grip on your energy even after you blocked 'em, you deleted them, you have walked away? Well, it's time for a five minute cord cutting reset. Think of it as a mini detox to reclaim your power. And I'll be guiding you through a deeper full cord cutting in a future episode. So make sure you click that follow button on my podcast so you don't miss it. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you.
(00:44)All right, queen, you've done the thing, you're out, you're healing somehow they're still in your head. You feel like you're in their web, right? They're still draining your energy, still showing up in dreams, thoughts, emotions, even maybe if you're co-parenting you have to have contact. But that is an energetic cord. And today we are going to cut it and this is your mini detox. A quick but still powerful reset. And I will walk you through that fuller one in the future. But this is just going to give us a little bandaid. Alright, so step one, you want to actually visualize the cord. So I want you to close your eyes, breathe in through your nose and out your mouth. Picture a cord stretching between you and this person. See where it's connected to your body. It could be your chest. Where do you feel it? Just whatever pops up. There's no right answer. Your chest, your gut, maybe even your throat. Notice its color, texture, its weight. Does it feel heavy? Does it feel light?
(02:08)This is energetic baggage we are releasing. Alright, and you're a queen, so I know you have some gold scissors, golden, beautiful shiny scissors. And I want you to imagine holding these scissors, they're infused with light truth and your power. Repeat after me. I release this energetic tie. I call my energy back. What's mine returns to me? What's theirs? I release completely. Now cut the cord with your scissors. Feel that freedom. Let the cord dissolve, disintegrate, or burst into light. For step three, we're going to seal and recenter. So place your hands on your heart, breathe in through your nose and release saying, I am whole.
(03:37)I am protected, I am free. And you are queen. We just cleared some space. You just reclaimed some power. So make sure you're following the podcast so you do not miss the full cord cutting that is longer lasting and very, very beneficial for people that are dealing with narcissists who really know how to suck your energy. So that's your in five for today. So don't forget, you own your power, you own these golden scissors and can do this cord cutting anytime. So make sure to save it so you can come back to it for a quick cord cutting and follow. So you will be notified for the full cord cutting coming soon.
(04:38)Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.
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Why You STILL Feel Stuck After Narcissistic Abuse — And How to Finally Move Forward With Peace
6 May· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Still feeling stuck after leaving the narcissist? You’re not broken—you’re healing. In this episode, Christy breaks down the real reason survivors feel frozen after narcissistic abuse and shares powerful steps to start moving forward with confidence and clarity.
WORK WITH ME 1:1
Somatic Sparkle Sessions:
https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: [email protected]
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens. Today we're getting real about a feeling that so many women carry in silence after narcissistic abuse. Why can't I move on? Why do you still feel stuck even though they're gone, or at least you're broken up, even if you're co-parenting, but they're like out of your daily life? Why do you still feel stuck? Why do you keep second guessing, freezing up, replaying things in your mind, you just feel like you're not moving forward? If that's you, this episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself and start understanding what's actually happening underneath the surface.
(00:42)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:40)Okay, so let's get something straight right now. You are not lazy, broken or weak. You're traumatized and there is a difference. Feeling stuck is often your actual nervous system doing what it was trained to do. So that's a little bit of a relief here, right? It is freezing to survive. You are in survival mode if you're still feeling the stuckness. So after the chaos, and we all know the chaos of narcissistic abuse, the gaslighting invalidation, the emotional whiplash that yo-yo, the up and down, that you're great, you're the worst. All of that, your body gets stuck in a loop and it's not just your mind, it's in your body. So intellectually it's over. And like I said, that could just be in a different way. It's not the daily. It's not the hourly, but it's over in a sense. But your nervous system has not gotten that memo.
(02:45)It's not caught up, and we call this trauma paralysis. It's not that you don't want to move forward, of course you do, but your body, here's the key, your body holds that it remembers all of what's happened. It doesn't feel safe enough to, I want to say that a different way. It doesn't feel safe yet enough to move forward. So we live in this world that pushes quick fixes and snapbacks, right? Like, oh, just let it go. You should be over it by now. Why are you still thinking about them? I have been guilty of this saying this to myself and saying this to others for sure, right? When you're in protection mode over a friend, you might be like, oh, don't worry about them. You shouldn't be thinking about them. You deserve more. Don't even worry about them. All those things are things we say to ourselves, to others, but that's not always the reality, especially with narcissistic abuse.
(03:50)The mindset in that is actually toxic in itself. Narcissistic abuse is not like a regular breakup. It is psychological warfare, and that might sound extreme, but narcissistic abuse is extreme. If you've been with a narcissist, they are extreme. So of course you're not over it. Within a few weeks, maybe even a couple years, you're still feeling stuck and you're not stuck because you're weak. So I want you to hear that again. You are not stuck because you're weak. You're stuck because you were wounded by this narcissist, by this relationship. So take a deep breath here, pause and just take it. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. These are my favorite just to calm down. Breaths like inhaling through the nose, out through the mouth is called halo breathing. It's a type of breath work, and just let this settle in as you do these slow breaths and you're connecting to your body, and when you connect and slow your body down, you can actually hear things like affirmations and meditations a lot more clearly, and it's more likely they will actually sink in. So that's why I want you to just kind of calm your body down. Focus on your inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth and hear this. Healing is not linear and it's not on anyone else's timeline.
(05:29)This is very personal to you and your journey, where you're at, who you are, all sorts of things. So I want you to know that it's not linear and it's your timeline or God's timeline. If you're a God person, I always view it as God's timeline for me. So why do you feel frozen? Let's break this part down. Some of the biggest reasons you may feel like you can't move forward. One, you are afraid of repeating the pattern. Can I get a what? I've heard this one so much from my clients, they are terrified and I was too, but terrified of repeating the pattern. This can be a romantic relationship. This can be friendships. I had some friendships that weren't so hot and I was afraid like, am I a bad friend picker? So you're afraid of repeating this pattern, you got burned. Of course you're scared it will happen again. So that alone can keep you frozen in this hypervigilance. So that's one reason. Another is you lost yourself, okay? You can be found, so don't freak out, but I mean I'm sure you already know and feel because I hear it all the time. I lost myself.
(06:53)It is a phrase I hear all the time, but for so long your identity was shaped by abuse. And again, this could be with parents, this could be with siblings, this could be with a romantic interest, a best friend, a boss. And even if it's not decades, it could be a short amount of time. It still can do a lot of damage. So who you were, what you liked, what you wanted, it all got buried under survival mode and under what they wanted, or you tiptoeing around because you were in fear of them, so therefore you couldn't be your true self. So you did lose part of yourself. Again, you can get it back. Number three, you're subconsciously blaming yourself. You might not even know it. You might know the abuse wasn't your fault. You might still carry guilt, shame, or what if I would've?
(07:56)Just those types of thoughts. That inner narrative can create major resistance from moving forward. It goes along with just not trusting yourself. Having that guilt can lead to feelings of like, oh, I made a poor decision, so I might do that again. Number four, your nervous system is still dysregulated, going back to your body, remembering everything and not being caught up. So even after they're gone or you're not dealing with them in the same way, your body may still be stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn. That's why somatic healing is so amazing. If you're a new, here I am a somatic healing facilitator along with a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, and I have a link in the description for the one-on-one somatic healing sessions. I call 'em sparkle sessions. There's also coaching. I always have my information in the description of the podcast, so go check that out.
(09:06)If you are ready to start feeling safe in that body, right, your body remembers it's dysregulated. We want to get it regulated again, and doing that somatic work is the fastest way to do it. So the fifth reason why you may feel frozen is you are grieving the fantasy. You may not miss them, but you miss what you thought was there or the dream of what you wanted to be there. Sometimes we're in denial and we kind of have this ideal, even though we see some things, we glaze over it, we have this dream, the potential what could have been and grieving that can be very complicated, very confusing, but again, it's normal. This is all normal reactions to post narcissistic abuse. Alright, the good part. How do we move forward? Yay. We like the problem solving here. So what do we do with all this, right?
(10:14)Number one, tell yourself the truth. If you have to stare in the mirror every day when you wake up, put it on a post-it on your mirror, add it to I do affirmations. I've talked about that on my phone. Memos, voice memos. Leave yourself a voice memo. You are not stuck because something is wrong with you. You're stuck because something wrong happened to you. I'll say it one more time. You're not stuck because something is wrong with you. You're stuck because something wrong happened to you. Okay, two, here comes that body work gently reconnect with your body. We get very disconnected from our body when we are in survival mode, when we're in fight or flight, right? You're, you're not where you need to be. So let's do a little micro somatic reset together. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. If you're driving or something, save this for later. You can just listen. So inhale slowly through your nose for 4, 3, 2, 1, and release slowly.
(11:43)And sometimes when I'm starting out, I just do four in four out to make it easy. You can change it to four and then six. But sometimes if you're just starting with breath work, you can exhale not quite as long, and you never want to do this in a place where you're not sitting or laying. Always be cautious with breath work so you don't get lightheaded. Okay, do another inhale for four seconds in 4, 3, 2, 1, and exhale, 4, 3, 2, 1. Now, do you feel your body settle a little bit, queen? Yes, that is a nervous system reset. Even a minute a day can shift things, right? I'm just showing you a tiny, tiny micro somatic experience, right? It's a tiny one that was under a minute. That can just help you settle a little. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. We have some amazing, amazing exercises in the somatic world.
(12:56)Alright, number three, for how to move forward, take small, doable action. I say doable because I don't like to bite off really big bites that are so overwhelming because after narcissistic abuse, you're already overwhelmed. You don't need to have some huge mountain to climb. So don't aim to sprint. Aim to shift one healthy new habit or one boundary. They're my favorite. One new affirmation a day, just one. Like I said, put one affirmation on a post-it, put it on your mirror and say it when you brush your teeth. One thing, don't overdo it. Don't be like, yes, I want to do this and that. It's too hard to maintain. Okay, and speaking of affirmations, there is a link in the description for my free affirmation bundle just for survivors like you. It is only free for a few more days. So go grab that. Okay, number four, don't do this alone.
(14:07)So moving forward support is so important and healing happens in safe supportive spaces. So we're not lean on your ex narcissist sister. Okay? I'm sure she's lovely. Let's go a little safer, at least for now. Somebody who doesn't have contact in relation with the narcissist is good. So having a friend is important. Then there obviously are podcasts like this. My Thrive in five mini episodes I do on Thursdays are awesome coaching with me one-on-one, a therapist really knows narcissism. They do not all. So do your research and any type of narcissistic abuse support that is valid. There are books out there, some of them are very stale in my opinion. I am working on a course specific to narcissistic abuse recovery. Super excited about that. There are courses out there, whatever you need, don't try to fight it alone, okay? There is absolutely hope so I will drop my coaching info in the description box.
(15:30)Just a reminder, so I do narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, right? Obviously that is my specialty. And in that, yes, it's a lot of talk and that, but if you choose, and I always give the option, we absolutely can. And a lot of people do the somatic exercises too, so it's a good balance. I love, that's my favorite way. I sometimes just do somatic. Some people don't want to talk, they just want to heal through the body. There's some more introverted or private people, they don't want to share their story. We do somatic healing. You don't have to say much. You can tell me what comes up, but you say whatever you want that comes out. But you can sit there for a whole hour and we just do body work and you don't really have to say much at all. And then there's some people who do the somatic sessions and they talk a lot through it.
(16:25)They want a lot's coming up for them, and they're more expressive, like I am. My ass talks through that. I have a somatic facilitator as well, and I talk through my sessions. I'm verbal. I'm visual. So I see a lot and I'm just like, oh, there's this and that. Help me. It helps me analyze it. But whatever style you have, I will be able to work with. I will ask you before the session so I know what do you prefer, any of that. So somatic sparkle sessions are really just focused on the somatic experience, but you can have a little talking in there. Narcissistic abuse, recovery coaching is, I would say mostly talking and we can sprinkle in this somatic experience, but either way, you're going to definitely get healing. And the somatic way is obviously more body-based and we go into meditations, visualizations. It's really great for visual people, but I definitely have clients who are not that visual and we've done other exercises.
(17:38)There's so many different methods. It can be sound, it can be, like I said, visualizations, even future visualizations, repetitive language. There's all sorts of things we can do. And if you want more information, I don't want to sit here and talk about my session for the next half hour or so, but if you have any specific questions or want to know more, there is a link you can look to get more description. But if you have further questions, just email me. My email's always in the description too. I'm just a email away. So you are not behind, you're not broken. You are not stuck forever. Even though it might feel like it, you are healing you listening to this right now, shining a light on it is healing and it takes time. It takes feeling safe and compassion with yourself. Compassion from someone who can support you like myself or a therapist, and the fact you're here listening, learning, that's movement, that's power.
(18:49)You are taking your power back right now. So give yourself a pat on the back. You have moved forward just in the last whatever. How many minutes is this? 18 minutes. Okay, so sip that tea. Remind yourself I'm not stuck. I'm rising. You are rising up. You are not stuck, are you? Maybe not exactly where you want to be. I mean, isn't that most of us, you are rising one sparkle at a time. You are rising up. So check that description for free tools, coaching links, anything and everything you need to keep on rising like the queen, you are.
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Narcissist Driving You Crazy Again? Try This 5-Minute Reset to Reclaim Your Peace (Thrive in 5)
1 May· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Feeling triggered by a narcissist’s mind games? This 5-minute Thrive in Five episode is your reset button. Join me for two powerful somatic tools—the Queen Shake-Off and the vagus nerve hum—to help release anxious energy, regulate your nervous system, and return to peace. Save this episode for anytime your crown feels wobbly, and remember: you’re not crazy, you’re just healing. 💫
Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Want to work 1:1 with Christy?
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: [email protected]
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1 (00:00):
I am so excited for this week's Thursday, thrive in five, which is your five minute pause from the madness, the manipulation, the WTF moments that only a narcissist can deliver. So lovely. So take a breath queen. This one is for when your peace is under attack. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Okay, let me guess. You're getting triggered. They're texting, gaslighting, triangulating, or playing the victim like it's their full-time job, which it is. And suddenly you're right back in this emotional spin cycle. So first I need you to breathe, pause, and we are going to reset together. So first, here's your truth, right? Their behavior is not a reflection of you or your worth or any of that.
(01:11)It is a reflection of their disorder, their wounds, and their refusal to heal. There are people that will help themselves. Narcissists mostly are not, so you don't have to fix it. You don't have to respond unless of course there's legal stuff where you have to and you don't have to absorb their chaos. So we're going to do two resets today. Two choices. You can pick one, pick both if you're really having a time of it. So the somatic reset, number one is the queen shake off. Yes, we're adding queen in there. I want you to feel like a queen when you're shaking. So stand up if you can. Otherwise you can kind of do this while you're sitting, but stand up, shake your hands rapidly. You are getting this anxious energy, this chaotic energy that has infiltrated your body. You're shaking it off right? So start with your hands, shaking, shaking, shaking, and start to shake your arms.
(02:24)I like how I'm doing this right now. It's like I can't say the words without doing it, so hopefully it won't mess up my voice here. Then roll your shoulders back, roll your shoulders back, keep going. All right. Now while you're doing this, you're shaking, you're rolling your shoulders so you kind of look crazy. That's okay, we're here for it. Now, bounce lightly on your toes. So you're shaking, you're rolling, you are bouncing, you are getting this energy going through your body. This energy needs to go somewhere and say out loud, this energy is not mine. I release it. Okay, repeat it after me. This energy is not mine.
(03:18)I release it. This moves the adrenaline and cortisol out of your system and it's starting to tell your body, we are safe now. We are safe now. And if you want to get really cuckoo with it, which sometimes I do because I'm a cuckoo queen, you can run in place while you are doing this, right? So after you're bouncing, you start getting faster, faster into a running in place, shaking your hands and shoulders rolling and running in place. If you really have a lot of pent up energy and you go, go, go, go, go. And you'll know, your body will start to feel like, okay, I'm finally getting this out. You can start to wind down when you feel that. Then you can take some nice slow breaths. So this is just a practice. You can do it with me now for a few seconds, but you can do it later.
(04:16)Save this episode. This is an important one to have saved so you can go back to it every time. Sometimes it helps to just have someone's voice say, Hey, this is what you need to do. Because when you're going through manipulation and gaslighting and whatever, you get confused. Your brain's all fluffed around. It really helps to have a focus of someone's voice telling you what you need to do, even if it's something simple that typically you can remember when you're in this mindset and being jacked up emotionally by somebody, you're not in the same frequency that you need to be. So you might need a little guidance, that's fine. So save this episode and come back to it and you can do it longer if you need to. So then you're going to wind down once you're shaking and rolling and running or whatever, getting that energy out, and then you are safe now, right?
(05:13)And I would hold my hand to my heart and say, I am safe. Okay? Number two, somatic reset. Number two is the vagus nerve. Hum. If you have heard of the vagus nerve, it is connected to all things of balancing the nervous system. So you place one hand on your chest and one on your belly, take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, you hum low and long. So, and you repeat that just two to three times, this stimulates that vagus nerve, and that's your body's natural, calm the hell down button. Okay? So that is a really great automatic way to reset. So again, you repeat that low hum two to three times, and here's your reminder. You're not crazy. You're being activated by a pattern that used to control you, but today you're going to handle it differently. It's all on how we deal with things, right?
(06:23)Lemons to lemonade. You are self-regulating, stepping into your power instead of letting someone take it from you and you're in charge, not them, right? So you get to say, I'm having these feelings. I'm not going to take the bait. I'm not going to react back to them. I am going to shake it off, or I'm going to home. Home. That was so creep. I'll never do that again. So that is your thriving vibe. Like I said, please save this episode because if you are going to save any episodes, this is a very good one to save because it is like one of those quick fixes. Okay, you got this now go sip your tea, adjust your crown and protect your piece. It's got a restraining order against toxic energy. It should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.
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Still Not Feeling Like You After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How It Rewired Your Brain—And What Actually Heals It
29 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Is your brain still stuck in survival mode after narcissistic abuse? 👑 In this episode, I’m breaking down how abuse secretly rewires your brain — and how you can start healing it today. Plus, grab my free affirmation list and check out the links for somatic healing sessions and private recovery coaching if you're ready to go deeper. Healing is possible, Queen — and it starts now. 💖
Grab a Somatic Sparkle Session with Christy!
https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Want to do 1:1 narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with Christy?
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: [email protected]
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens and welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Christy Jade. Today we're diving into something that literally changes everything once you know it. The hidden ways narcissistic abuse rewires your brain and how to heal it because what fun is it if we don't fix it, right? So if you've ever wondered why you sometimes feel stuck, scared, or even addicted to toxic patterns, it's not just in your head, well, it's actually in your head, in your brain wiring, and today I'm breaking it all down in a way that is hopefully empowering, not overwhelming. Let's jump in.
(00:42)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:40)So first, quick brain science 1 0 1. Our brains are constantly adapting. It's called neuroplasticity. And when we go through narcissistic abuse, especially over long periods, our brain adapts, but it's in this survival mode way, right? Well ways. So here's what that can often look like. This first one I knew I always had, but I really didn't understand why until I really did my own education and research and really dove into the narcissistic world. But hyper vigilance, this is always scanning for danger. Even subconsciously, you may not even notice you do it because if you kind of had this going on since childhood, then that's something that may have mostly been there because you've always been doing it. So you really don't know any different. But subconsciously you are always scanning for something to go wrong even when you're safe now. And even if this isn't just in emotional relationship wise, it can go into other parts of your life.
(02:59)You can even be in a parking lot and be really looking around and anxious thinking that something's going to happen because of a totally unrelated situation. But you have that hypervigilance that just bleeds into all areas of your life, which is what did happen to me. So I'm very familiar with that one, and you may be too. Another one is people pleasing and fawning. So this is a very common one with a lot of my clients. I myself was not a people pleaser in general, but with certain, I would say in my family, I people pleased in a lot of situations due to this. So your brain has learned to be agreeable to keep you safer, right? Because if you are in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you get manipulated, you get gaslit, you get tricked, you get mind ed, whatever you want to call it.
(04:01)So your brain wants to protect itself and it knows if you are not agreeable, you can get hurt, and that could be emotionally, physically, in whatever ways. So your brain's trying to keep you safe. Then there's the self-doubt and the gaslighting loops. And this one is what drives us batty, right? It has driven us. If you've been through narcissistic abuse specifically or you're wondering if you are, this is a good sign, right? With narcissists, there is no doubt you have been gaslit. So you start to question your own instincts and memories while you're in the situation. And even if you are out of the situation for years, that can still definitely be there if you have not healed it and done the work, right? So you question your own thoughts, your own feelings. Did that even happen that way? Because that's kind of how your brain was trained.
(05:03)And the last one we're going to talk about today is the addiction to validation. And I just know everyone basically listening right here can really relate to this. You chase these crumbs of approval because your brain was trained to seek safety through what those external love bombs. So you're chasing these little crumbs because it feels a lot better when you finally get those love bombs. It's like this weird addiction to saying, oh, okay, I am safe in this moment. In between the unsafe moments, we become addicted to the love bombs, to the feeling special, to all the manipulation. So none of this is your fault. I want to throw that out there. So can you just take a moment and breathe? Take a nice breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. This is not your fault, none of this. Your brain was trying to protect you because something was happening bad to you.
(06:22)You did not do this. This is not your fault. But the beautiful part is if it rewired once, right? This has been wired, all of this, it can rewire again. So a lot of people think, oh, the damage is done, this is done. No, we can rewire this in your favor. So now to the good start, the good start, the good stuff, how to start healing and rewire your brain. So the good news is the neuroplasticity is not just how the damage happened. Like I said, it's how you heal too. So what has been done can be undone. So I'm excited about that part. Yay, we love that. And I am proof. I have had a lot of rewiring done. It is amazing. And I remember in the beginning kind of being skeptical and I think it even works faster the more you agree to believe from the get go.
(07:26)So maybe you can move faster than I did, but I still move pretty quickly with my rewiring. So we're going to talk about four powerful ways to start healing and retraining that beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? Number one is, if you don't know if you are new here, I am a somatic healing facilitator. So this is one of my favorite things in the world, somatic work. This is getting out of your head and into your body. I want any time, first, I'm just going to throw this before I go into it, throw this in there. If you could take anything from this podcast episode, when you are feeling stressed out, anxiety, questioning yourself, looking over your shoulder, waiting for that shoe to drop any of these outcomes of being abused, I want you to think to yourself, get out of your head and into your body.
(08:24)Get out of your head and into your body. This is crucial, and I'm just saying that as a little tip, but the big work is deeper work, right? It's ongoing work. It's really creating and carving out the time to do this work, this somatic work. So this can be breath work, this can be grounding, this can be meditation, visualizations. I teach in yoga. That's a great way too. Shaking it out. Screaming into a pillow is literally somatic work that can be done. And all of this getting out of your head and into your body sends an I am safe message to your nervous system, okay? It is sending your nervous system a message. It is getting closer to safety. It might take some time. The first time you do breath work, you're not going to be magically healed. That's just not how it works. Rewiring can take some time, but it does not have to take as much time as you probably think.
(09:32)So I actually offer personalized somatic healing sessions if you want deeper support. They are magical. I have plenty of very happy clients and testimonials if you want, but I will link my somatic sessions. I call 'em sparkle sessions in the description box so you can check that out and see if that's an option for you. Alright, going into the next one, affirmations and new dialogue. It's a similar thing as far as the repetition part of it, right? The brain listens to repetition. That's why daily affirmations, and I did these in the beginning. I still do daily affirmations, but I did a long list of them and I did them very frequently in the beginning. And you don't have to overwhelm yourself, but I definitely recommend when you wake up and right before you go to sleep. And what I did in the beginning was recorded myself on my voice memos on my phone.
(10:35)I recorded, it was about, I think then I think it was 20 minutes. It was a long one, and you don't have to do that. If that overwhelms, you start with a 10 minute one and you can build up if you want, if you want. But mine was, I really dove in and I did a 20 minute affirmation. I have a list of affirmations actually that I can also link. It's free that you can start using or you can create your own. I'll put that in the description box. But daily affirmations are one of the most powerful healing tools. You've probably heard about them because it's cliche, but I always say, well, cliches are cliche for a reason because they work. So I really, really highly recommend daily affirmations. Like I said, in the morning when you wake up and right before bed is when your brain is most open to receiving and rewiring.
(11:33)So it's a beautiful time. Also, if you do hypnotherapy, which I am going to try for the first time, I'm doing hypnotherapy and a couple of weeks and I am so excited, I will report back. I will do an episode about it. Actually, maybe I can interview her on here. Oh, that would be fun. So squirrel. I have a squirrel brain, you guys, okay, keep up with me. So affirmations, new dialogue, and really doing those when your brain is most open, but you can do 'em. I set timers even for myself at lunchtime and then like an afternoon one, and I do prayer and affirmations. Boom, boom. Shakalaka. Let's go to number three. My favorite word in the world, what is it? Boundaries. Boundaries as healing tools. Ironically, I did not set it up this way. I also have a boundaries course for you guys.
(12:30)It's like every one of these lines up with what I have as far as offers. That's cool. I did not plan it. It sounds like I did. But every boundary you hold reinforces to your brain. It's saying, I am safe. I am protecting myself. Now here's the news, fresh, no one's going to protect us. We protect ourselves, but you have to protect yourself. That's the key there, right? That's something that, I know it sounds silly and I'm kind of laughing at myself saying it because it sounds silly, but that is a truth and it's an unfortunate truth. But really, people aren't going to protect us like we protect ourselves.
(13:17)And especially if you have a history of abuse, you may not trust anyone too at this point anyway, right? It's great to trust people, but you might not be there and that's okay. So your best way to protect your peace, that gold bubble, we like to talk about that golden peace bubble pictured around you. I love her. Okay? That's your boundary bubble, and that's how you keep yourself safe. And in turn, you keep your family safe, your kids safe. It is a domino effect. So every boundary, every time you set a new boundary, that golden bubble is getting stronger and stronger and more indestructible. God, I love boundaries. All right, number four, self validation, practice validation. We all need that. I mean, coming out of narcissistic abuse, that is a word I hear over and over. I want to feel validated. It's like you have been so invalidated going through what you've been through and even after, sometimes even when you're out of a situation, you still question yourself.
(14:30)So it's like, God, it feels so good to be validated, and it's great to get that external validation from someone like me, a coach, a narcissistic abuse coach cheering you on, validating you. That's great. A therapist is great. That really good BF of yours, that was like I told you to get out of that relationship and I'm going to validate the shit out of you. She's great too. But guess what? You have to validate your own feelings and experiences without waiting for others to agree. You got to get to that point and build your brain strength and resilience. And again, this might not be overnight, okay? Do not feel bad. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. But you look in that mirror and you say you know the truth. You know what happened, your feelings are valid, your memory is correct. You could do affirmations with self validation, but that self validation, that is something when you get there, it's huge.
(15:39)It's a huge healing. So healing is not about doing everything perfectly, but it is about consistent tiny wins that stack up. I always say sparkle by sparkle, right? People say brick by brick, I prefer sparkles. And those rewired patterns, they become your new normal. And it's amazing. I can't tell you the difference in my life. I mean, even five years ago, you guys, I wish I could draw a visual of it because it is insane how it's affected my entire life where I didn't realize, I didn't realize how much it affected even my work, how it affected just how I view myself, friendships, motherhood. I mean, this stuff affects every part of us. So the more you heal, it's like this beautiful unlayering of a lotus flower petals. Yeah, I'm getting woo woo here, just layer after layer. It's like, oh my gosh, look at, and it happens quickly because like I said, you're healing one thing.
(17:05)It has that domino effect of healing where it's going into other parts and you're just like, oh my gosh, wow, this is, I start making more money. That's a true thing. I started making more money. I started just magnetizing a much more quality level of friends. I mean, it's a whole other episode I could do, but just when you shift and you get healthier, your life gets healthier all the way around. So I know it's kind of a side tangent because I'm a squirrel squirrel, but it will become your new normal and it will be a beautiful new normal. Okay, so what time is it? How long? 17 minutes. Let's do a little visualization, a real quick one. Okay. So if you're in a spot where you can close your eyes, close your eyes. If you are driving, just soak this in. Do not close your eyes.
(18:02)And do not get distracted by me. You could even turn me down or turn me off, or pause me because I don't want to distract you from driving. If you're in a place where you can be in the quiet, snuggle up with a little blinky, take some breaths, let's do a little visualization. Okay? So imagine a warm golden bubble surrounding your entire body, just this glowing golden light and a sphere around your whole body encompassing everything from your top of your head to your feet. Or if you're sitting down just wrapping around your spine, your legs, all the way under you, feel it seeping into every cell, breathing in, rewiring you with peace.
(19:06)Imagine that peace traveling all around you, that calm, neutralizing, and just calming everything down. Then imagine the power. Maybe you feel you've lost power. It's time for that power to come back, that power seeping through all of your cells and now a protection, a strength, traveling around that bubble through every cell of your body. You've got peace, power, protection. You are safe in this bubble. You are strong in this bubble, you are free. Breathe that truth in. You are safe, you are strong, you are free, and know you are healing. Even now, right in this moment, right in this one minute exercise, you are healing. Isn't that amazing?
(20:27)Okay, so that's it for today's episode. If this spoke to your heart, do not forget to follow the show. It's so important. Follow me, follow me. And if you could leave a quick review on Apple, it helps this message reach even more incredible women who deserve this healing too. So please take 30 seconds to go click the little five star. If you scroll down on my main page of my podcast, you scroll all the way down. I dunno if it's all the way down, but if you scroll down, you'll see five stars. Just click that fifth star because I deserve five stars. I mean, we just did a fun little thing. Come on. Come on. I'm Christie. I'm just kidding. And if you're ready to go deeper, I do offer private one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching. I have gotten questions recently. Is it actually me and not a team of coaches?
(21:17)Yes. I like to keep this intimate as long as I can. So I'm going to, and so yes, I work, I do some group coaching. So we can customize your healing journey together in that one-on-one coaching. And you can find all the info linked in the description box below. Remember, there's that also Empowered Boundaries course. There's affirmations. They're all the goods. So make sure to check out that. And there's a Facebook page, a private free Facebook group that you can join as well. So go check the description box out. And remember, healing is not just possible. It's inevitable when you keep showing up, right? It's that consistency. So keep showing up to my podcast. Keep showing up for yourself, sign up for somatic session, whatever it is, and until next time, protect your peace girl. Okay? Get in that bubble. You look so good in gold.
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Grieving Someone Who’s Still Alive? Try This 5-Minute Meditation to Release the Pain of Estranged Relationships (Thrive in 5)
24 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
You can still love them… and still need distance.In this 5-minute guided meditation, we gently release the guilt, grief, and “should-haves” that come with estranged or toxic relationships—especially those involving narcissistic parents, siblings, or partners.
This is your moment to reconnect with peace, honor your heart, and remember that walking away doesn’t mean you didn’t love—it means you finally started loving you.
Press play, take a breath, and let go with grace, Queen. 💛
Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Want to work 1:1 with Christy?
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: [email protected]
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk
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Hoover Who? How to Spot, Stop, and Shut Down Narcissistic Hoovering Like a Queen
22 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Ever get a “Nobody gets me like you” text from a narcissist you tried to keep away from? Or the ol’ “I had a dream about you…” 🙄 Don’t fall for the bait, babe — it’s called hoovering, and it’s a manipulative mind game meant to suck you back in.
In this juicy, no-fluff episode, I'm breaking down exactly what narcissistic hoovering looks like (spoiler: it's NOT about love — it's about control). You'll learn:
Why they come back just when you’re glowing up 🌟
What “supply” really means (and why they’re desperate for yours)
How to handle hoovering like a boundary-setting queen 👑
My 3 Queen Rules to stay blocked, blessed, and unbothered 💅
Plus: Affirmations to protect your energy + your peace
You are not a vending machine for their broken ego. You're a whole QUEEN. Let’s armor up, get savvy, and stay unshakably in our peace bubble. 🫧
"Grey Rock Method " Episode mentioned:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Want to work 1:1 with Christy?
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you. [email protected]
Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with me, your host, Christie Jade. It is my birthday, so I'm feeling all sorts of grateful and sparkly today. So I wanted to just shout out to all of you listeners and clients, thank you. Thank you so much for being on this journey and supporting me and being a part of my peace bubble. So I hope that I've helped you maintain your peace bubble and learn how to stay in your peace bubble and spread your peace bubble. We're all about peace bubbling today. Alright, so first of all, what is that? Just checking in that I miss you. The weird birthday text. Speaking of birthdays, out of nowhere, if you have been no contact or even low contact and you feel like that narcissist is trying to wiggle their way back in, that is Hoovering. It is called Hoovering. That is the name. So we're going to break it down and make sure that you are blocked, blessed, and unbothered by their hoovering. So stay close and we will dive right in.
(01:12)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(02:11)Okay, so if you don't know what hoovering is, some of you may, some of you may not. If you don't know what exactly it is, it comes from the Hoover vacuum. Yeah, the actual vacuum, because the narcissist is trying to suck you back in after a discard or a period of silence. They usually go through these rotations of behaviors. So they will often build you up, discard you, suck you back in. It's somewhat of an abusive cycle. They may say things like, I've been thinking about you or I can't, can't stop dreaming about you. Or I had a dream about you. I've changed. Let's talk this out. Or Hey, you good, right? These little things that may seem innocent, but when you're dealing with a narcissist, there is no innocence and they all have a manipulation, some string attacked, right? There's all meaning and intention behind everything they do, and they might even go dramatic, and I've definitely had this in my past.
(03:20)The showing up unannounced, sending flowers, my flowers all came after poor treatment. That's part of the regular abuse cycle. Then you had a narcissist in all sorts of fun, pretending to be sick to get your attention or suddenly becoming spiritual or like, oh, I'm going to go to therapy, and it just is very sudden and there's a reason for that. It is because they are trying desperately to get control of you again, because if you haven't listened to all my podcasts, here's a giveaway, not a giveaway like here's some money and some flowers giveaway. But a giveaway of something that narcissists always are doing is either trying to gain control or get control back checking if they have control. It's all about control. So whenever these things happen, even if they have discarded you, they want to know they have control of you. So they're going to do all of these hoovering techniques to check and to see if they have control or if not, they're going to try to get it back through the same techniques.
(04:34)So it's not about love. It's not about really wanting you back. I'm sorry you are special, but you don't need this narcissist to make you feel that way because it's BS coming from them and it's about control. They're not actually seeking connection with you. They are seeking access. I'm going to repeat that again. They aren't seeking connection and it can be tricky. I get it. I've been there, but they are just seeking access to you, and if you let them in again, they will just restart the same manipulation cycle over and over. So don't let that shiny sparkle bait fool you. Right? What do I always say? Don't take the bait. I think I'll make t-shirts. Don't take the bait because the fish hook, it's still there. So why do they hoover? So let's say you've moved on, which most of you listening, most of who I work with are people who have moved on from an actual relationship or have moved on and are getting sucked back in and are trying to stay out.
(05:45)So you have moved on and they feel it and they hate losing their supply. If you don't know what supply is, these are energy vampires and they need supply to build their egos and to get that control. We talked about the more healed and distant you are, which they feel, they can feel that, right? They sense it, whether it's just obviously in a physical way, you're not around them, you're not answering their calls or emotionally or energetically. They can feel you going further and further. The more desperate they become. They sense that you are getting healthier. They sense that you are growing, they sense you are self caring, all of those things, and it makes their ego panic. So that's one reason why another, they are testing your boundaries. You're starting to show boundary setting. It's one of my favorite words, but it is not their favorite word.
(06:48)It is their least favorite word. They want to see if you will bite though, if they can still reel you in and know that they still have that power over you. That's a game. It is a game to them, and it ends up being a deep wound to you. You have these wounds to them, it is a game. Do not play their game, homie. Don't play that. We're not going to play their game. Okay? Number three, they're bored or they need a hit of validation. This is just slimy feeling, but it's true. So they're low on their narcissistic supply and you have been a reliable source before they go to the easiest targets. If they've already had you and they know they can have that power over, that's a lot easier than starting with someone new. So they'll come sniffing back around and it is gross and a tb gbs and we're not here for it.
(07:46)And you're better than that, right? You are not a vending machine for their broken self-worth. You are a queen. Okay? So how do you respond like this queen? What do you do? Here are my three queen rules to handle this like the powerful goddess who are all right. Number one, no response is a response. I know some of you still have that guilt where you feel like, oh, if I don't respond, no respond, I'm a bad feeling, a bad person. Or they may feel bad even though you know they're rotten. You still don't want to make anyone feel bad. They just have this pull over you. But silence is a full sentence. You do not owe them closure. You don't owe them anything. You don't owe them a response. You don't owe them kindness. You owe yourself peace. If you're in a situation where you can block them, delete them, do all of that, do it.
(08:49)That is my recommendation. If you need to work with me to get there, please reach out to me. I will put information in the show notes. Email me if the link, for some reason, a link. Last week, someone wrote me and said, my link did not work. I don't know why I have to check on that. Always email me if something doesn't work, email me. But they're usually good. I don't know what happened. So make sure, I'm so glad that they still reached out via email, so now we can work together. So I'm sorry about that. If anyone else tried to sign up and couldn't, but working one-on-one with me, we can work through a lot of this stuff that is hard to do on your own. I get it. So you need to protect your space. You deserve that. Now, number two, expect the Hoover and prepare.
(09:36)You could even keep a little Hoover folder on your phone. You could put a little vacuum emoji. Do they have a vacuum emoji? I hope so. And put screenshots of lies. They said any of their toxic behavior, chaos. You could write in your little notes section on your phone, just write notes. Things that I used to do this with an ex I had that was horrendous. I had back in my day when this was going on, I didn't really have notes and everything on my phone. Our phones weren't as efficient as they are now, and I kept a piece of paper. I remember it had 33 things on it. I still remember the number. 33 things that I could read whenever I felt like whenever he'd read. He would show up in the middle of the night with flowers. He would leave stuff on my car.
(10:24)He'd cry and leave messages and poetry, everything. So I would take this paper out and just read over and over to not get sucked back in because he had that power over me until he didn't. So that's a way to do it. Now, you don't have to carry it around in your purse. You can put it on your phone. And when you start to feel shaky, you're going to pull back into the web. Nostalgic, you remember the truth. What is the truth? It is easy for it to slip. I get it. So keep notes, screenshots. Have a little folder on your phone and just either put a spider web or a Hoover vacuum right on there. Number three, energetically shut it down. You can do affirmations. You can do somatic healing with me. But even starting with some affirmations that you repeat every day, especially in the beginning, multiple times a day, have them on your phone in that folder, right?
(11:25)I am unavailable for manipulation. My piece is protected. My energy is sacred. Say it. Feel it, believe it. Part of it is really getting those things down, and it's not overnight, but the more you do this stuff and the more hand to heart, and I know other people have gone through this and gone to the other side and gotten away, gotten out, haven't got pulled back in. It's possible. It's possible for you. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me. It's not easy for anybody. And if you are still in contact, this is for co-parents or shared responsibilities, if you're still in contact, because you have to be, you can still do the Gray Rock Method. Some of this stuff you can use as well. But the Gray Rock Method is your bff. I will put that in the podcast notes, the description, be boring, be dry, give them nothing emotionally.
(12:33)Do not take their bait. The Great Rock method is brilliant. We love it. We love it. But that's where the power is, right? And it's hard, and you might mess up and you start over. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. We're not perfect. But the more you practice it, the more you become that gray rock. It is one of the best tactics for narcissists because eventually they get bored. Will they come try to Hoover again? Yeah, gray rock. Gray rock, gray rock as much as you possibly can. It should be a hundred percent of the time. But again, we're not perfect. So that is a really important method here. If some of these things you can't do, if you can't totally block, which I always want to say this to my co-parents, depending on your situation, talk to your lawyer about getting on a third party app where that's the only way you communicate that should be allowed. You can add that to the addendum of your divorce decree.
(13:40)Some of my clients do email only, but there's third party apps that you can have, I think your lawyer on, and don't quote me on this, I am not a legal person. I just hear things and I pass them on. In this situation, if you want to ask me questions or you want to ask me about the apps, I can check in with other people I know for specific app names. Maybe I'll do actually an episode on that. But I am not here for legal advice. Okay? I'm throwing that out there. But I do believe if you talk to your lawyer, you can figure out a way where you do not have to have, I feel like texts are worse. People get more emotional in texts. They feel like they have more access to you. Email can be more formal. And then if you put a third party on an app, then they know they're being watched by somebody else and they either behave better or if they don't, it's right there and your lawyers see it and it's there for the courts.
(14:42)Everything's documented and saved on this app, and it's a beautiful thing. So that's just a little tip. Yeah, and tell me, you guys in my Facebook group, if you're not in it, go join it. By the way, that'll be in the description as always. Come join my Facebook group. It's private and free, but tell me in there, you can always message me on Facebook or Instagram or just write a post and tell me if you guys want more information on divorce tips, if you need that. Okay, so I know how tempting it can be to peek at the messages, wonder if they've changed or even just respond out of habit or guilt, right? But let this be your reminder. You are not who you were when they last had true access to you. You are healing, you are rising, you are glowing like a damn queen.
(15:42)You're reclaiming and it scares them, and that's good. You can let it scare them. But that's why they are grabbing back. They feel a lack of control. They feel you are stretching away from them, and it's all about the power. So if you want extra help setting powerful boundaries that stick, grab My Empowered Boundaries course. This is it's good stuff and it's packed with everything you need to keep these narcissists out. And your piece in. I'll put that link in the description. If this episode hit home, share it with the fellow queen who needs that Hoover proof armor, because we got to keep each other safe on these streets. No, let's keep each other strong. I want to help as many women as I can and men too. If there's men out there listening, great, share it with your brothers, your sisters, anybody out there?
(16:48)I would just want to help as many people as I can, be able to stay away from these toxic people and toxic relationships. You deserve so much better. So let's be before we go, let's go back to that affirmation from earlier. There's going to be three. I'm going to add the fourth because I always have to have my special one at the end. So if you're in a space where you can hands to heart, shut your eyes. Don't shut your eyes. If you're driving, take a couple deep breaths in through your nose, out through your mouth. That's called a halo breath. And breathwork is part of Somatic Healing, which I am a facilitator for. If you're interested in that, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, and repeat after me. I am unavailable for manipulation.
(17:48)My is protected. My energy is sacred. I'm a queen. Yes, queen, yes, queen. I love it. All right, so I want you to just let this episode really set in Hoovering. It's mind boggling, it's confusing, but remember that you are stronger than their games and they're tricks. You're seeing them now. And I'm not saying that it makes it easy, but it does make it easier. Once you see what they do more clearly and more clearly, you'll get so much smarter and stronger with this. Okay, so the little check-ins, the I miss you, the, oh, remember, here's our song. Or, oh, you're the only person I remember those texts. You're the only person who gets me, or you're the only person who would understand this. It worked okay. It worked on me many, many moons ago. Now I see right through it, but it took time. So give yourself a break. If you get pulled back and you've gone back and forth, don't beat yourself up. But you're here now. You are doing the work. I'm so proud of you and I'm here for you if you want to work one-on-one together, or if you want my boundaries course. And if you have any questions, feel free to email me. I will talk to you in the next episode. Have a beautiful week, smooches.
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Why You Are Still Attracted to Narcissists ( And How to Break the Pattern )
15 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Ever wonder why you keep attracting narcissists, control freaks, or just plain toxic people — even after doing all the healing things?
Spoiler alert: It’s not your fault... but it is your time to break the cycle. 👑
In this juicy episode, I’m spilling the truth about:
Why chaos can feel like chemistry 💣How childhood wounds + nervous system wiring keep you stuckThe surprising reason you confuse anxiety for butterfliesAnd the exact tools to shift your energy, raise your standards, and finally attract what you deserve — peace, safety, and healthy love 🙌
If you’re ready to stop calling crumbs a meal and start walking in your QUEEN energy… this one’s for you.
Press play, babe. Let’s break this pattern together. 💥✨
Join my free private facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Grab your Narcissist Abuse Recovery Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint with Christy:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Somatic Healing Session with Christy
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/somatic-sparkle-healing-sessions/
My Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! [email protected] Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk BOOK MENTIONED:https://a.co/d/8er9jzd TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to, but rewind reverse. It's not, but still she thrives. Not anymore. Christie's throwing a fast one. Yes, I have changed my title. If you didn't see in the podcast artwork or on the title, it is now called Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. We are getting very clear, very straightforward, so more people will know what my title means so they know how I help people so I can help more people. Makes sense, right? So when I first started this podcast, I didn't know if I wanted to just have it be narcissistic abuse. I thought maybe I want to branch out. And the more I do it, the more I just love helping you guys specifically with narcissistic abuse recovery. I know there are some episodes that will help people still in the mix, but my specialty is helping people who are out of narcissistic toxic relationships, right?
(01:05)I have a lot of people co-parenting with narcissists, or you have disconnected from a family member and you're dealing with the aftermath of that. Or maybe you are on the verge of deciding what to do and you need a little boost. We're here to catch you and do the journey with you. So the brand as a whole, just not to confuse you, everything will still be narcissistic abuse. I am going to get really into the recovery, really focusing on the recovery, how you can break the patterns we're talking about today, how you can help your nervous system, how you can trust yourself again and rebuild the life you want. So that is the general idea. There's going to be obviously so much more, but really we're focusing mostly on the recovery. So today's episode is why you're still attracted to narcissists and how to break the pattern. So stay close.
(02:05)Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(03:03)All right? So have you ever felt like a freaking magnet in your heart has only attracted narcissists or control freaks, manipulators, people that you have to walk on eggshells? This could be romantic relationships, friendships, Donald down the street. I don't know anybody. It just seems like you seem to attract energy. Vampires, manipulators, gaslight or whatever. You're like, why does this keep happening? So there is a reason that this does happen, but it's nothing wrong with you, okay? It's a truth bomb, but the good news, it's nothing wrong with you. But there are reasons this happens. And first of all, childhood conditioning is a thing that is when because of your environment growing up, which I would say a large part of you who have been in narcissistic relationships that were chosen probably had some stuff going on in childhood that could have led you that way.
(04:13)There is a small percentage that it could be people pleasing personality, but oftentimes that can be caused over people. Pleasers can be caused by something that has happened or a dynamic in a family in childhood. But either way, most, I would say most have unmet emotional needs during childhood, which creates this familiarity with emotionally distant or even abusive partners that we experience. You've either got people who dismiss you or could take or leave you, or you're always last place in the family unit. And then there are the abusive partners, obviously the narcissistic partners, and you really have just this familiarity with and accept that because of the familiarity, it could be, I don't really know any better. It could be like, well, subconsciously this feels safe and familiar to me and it's not your fault. So that's the good news. So the other thing, there's a couple other things.
(05:18)Repetition, compulsion. So this is where you actually subconsciously are creating, you recreate the old dynamics that you used to have. Let's say you get out of a toxic relationship, your body subconsciously will almost seek out those similar situations hoping to fix it, to rewrite it, to rewire. Our body is amazing and layered. So luckily we don't have to go through it time and time again to fix it. That's where all of our little coping and healing methods and methodologies come into play. And then there's nervous system addiction. This one is huge. This one you may have heard of before, even if you didn't know what it was called. It's where chaos can feel like chemistry, right? Those big highs. It's actually chaos. When you fight, you fight hard. And it's like, I feel like I always mention Eminem and Kim Eminem, if you're old enough to know Eminem, do younger kids know Eminem?
(06:23)Now, I don't even know Marshall Mathers, but it's those high highs and low lows, and just that chaos is you view it as a chemistry when you've been wired for dysfunction, whether that be earlier in your childhood or even let's say you had a long dysfunctional relationship, a very codependent relationship, and then you break out of it. But there's an addiction to that drama, to that chaos. You've heard people addicted to drama. That's what it is. Okay? So what feels like love is often just your nervous system recognizing it's old dance partner drama. Well, ain't that some shit? You're like, well, that's great. Well don't worry. Don't worry. We'll get help. That's why we're here. So let's talk energy because it's not just about seeing the red flags that you ignored in other relationships, friendships or red flags that were there in your family, but you couldn't do much about because you were living under their roof, whatever.
(07:31)It's, it's also about your frequency. So trauma actually lowers your energetic frequency. I'm going to say that again. Trauma lowers your energetic frequency, making you a match for who? People who feed off pain, they always say like narcissists generally have a type. It's people they can feed off of and it's off of the pain, not the peace. When you have a narcissist, they have no fun with people who are really feeling healthy and peaceful and confident. That's not a match, right? That's not going to work because that confident, peaceful person is going to feel that wrath of a narcissist and never be okay with it. And again, this isn't your fault that you've been okay with it or you've been this energetic match, right? But it can come from childhood stuff like we talked about trauma, lack of self-worth, and that leads you to accept crumbs.
(08:40)Can we talk about the damn crumbs, these narcissists drop? I'm going to give you a little crumb here and there and beat your body, mind and soul in between. Yeah, that was fun. Let's not do that again, right? But that's from that lack of self worth. So there's also the intuition versus fear where sometimes we mistake anxiety instead of anxiety. We're viewing it as butterflies because first of all, do you know that you actually have very similar energetic frequencies when you have anxiety versus when you have butterflies and excitement? So the body itself can get a little confused. But when you have trauma and all of the stuff that we have gone through, no one has taught us that difference, and we haven't had good healthy environments or relationships to go by where it's like the good butterflies. So we are mistaking anxiety, the walking on eggshells, that fear for butterflies because that is what we're used to, kind of goes back to what you're familiar with, but also no one was there to teach us that difference, and I'm here to teach you that difference. So stay tuned. There will be more episodes about that.
(10:02)So this is where you have to tap into that inner sparkle, right? Getting reconnected to yourself. This is one of my hugest things I talk about in my coaching. We start out every coaching, I don't care if you've already done it with somebody else in therapy, whatever we do, a hell yes, hell no system that will knock your socks off. It's going to re-identify you get down to what is a yes in your no, a no in your life. You're going to get to really know yourself on a deeper level and connect with yourself. Again, it's your inner sparkle, I call it, right? You can call it intuition, you can call it holy spirit, activate whatever you want, but I call it inner sparkle. And when you don't feel safe within you will confuse chaos for connection. But when you reconnect to you that inner sparkle, God, intuition, whatever you want to call it, truth to me, it's truth to it's your truth.
(11:06)It's God's truth, the truth that is you. When you connect to that and you can, I know you're like, but I don't even know where to start. I'm going to help you. You start acting entirely different. And when you act different, you think different. What else? You attract differently. You attract differently, okay, this is science. Science, yay. All right, so that's all great. How do we break the patterns? So now we empower her, that inner sparkle inside of you. We're going to give her some tools and say, let's do this. We're going to put her crown on because she's a queen. And like I said, we start with this. Hell yes, hell no list, revisit. This is a zoomed outlook. Obviously when you work with me, this is very detailed and it will be transformational. It will be life-changing. But I'm going to zoom out.
(12:07)You can start somewhere. This is your homework. If you want to work with me, we'll get to that in a second. The hell yes, hell no list. Revisit what actually feels good in relationships. And you're using this as your internal compass. So when we do this, this is something you do on your own, but then we also come back together and I help guide you. And if you need help relearning some of these things, I listen to what your inner dialogue is and we kind of evaluate, go back and forth, and I ask questions to get you to come to your own truth, your inner truth, that inner sparkle, right? Then the self-trust rebuild. I get it. If you're just out of a relationship for even years out and haven't done the work, you're like, I don't trust myself. Are you kidding? Look what I put up with.
(12:56)Look what I let my kids go through. Whatever. I've heard it all. So you're doing some intuitive journaling, re-parenting yourself. Maybe you didn't get parented how you should have. You've got affirmations. I see you, I hear you, I got you to yourself. Do you know how powerful that is to just hold yourself and say, I got you. You were not held and got you. Weren't that the way you should have been? So I got you. Now, showing up for yourself builds that self-trust. There's a lot that goes into that somatic healing. One of my favorite things to do. Your body holds the blueprint to ever rethink. Your body remembers. There's a great book called the Bobby. The body remembers. Maybe Bobby does too. I don't know who he is. I have a cousin, Bobby, maybe it's him. No, but the body remembers. I will try to think to link that in my description.
(13:58)If not, it's an easy title. Remember, go look on Amazon, the body remembers it's a great book, but your body holds the blueprint. We use breathwork, we use grounding. My meditation bundle that you get free with a lot of my programs is amazing. My four minute start today, I give that free to everybody who joins my email list or my Facebook group. You guys have probably gotten that if you've joined either of those things. It's a four minute start your day meditation. I am huge into meditation. It has changed my life. Don't poo poo it till you do it. And that starts to regulate and recognize true safety. And for anyone who says, oh, meditation, I don't have the time for that. Do you have the time for this? I don't think so. Do you have time for bullshit? No. Let's do a little meditating.
(14:52)Anyway. So you want to regulate and recognize true safety. True safety. Imagine what that you get to feel that again. Or if you never felt it at all since you were born, since you were a kid, you get to know what safety is. Yes, please sign me up. All right. One of my favorite words in the world is boundaries. I have a whole freaking course on this, A 10 video course. I'll put that in the description box. But boundaries as protection and magnetism, right? We know boundaries is protection. Everyone talks about it. Oh, boundary up, right? Boundaries. Keep your peace protected. Protect your peace with the big bubble. I always talk about the damn peace bubble, but when you own your power inside of that bubble, when you're finally like, yep, I got this. I've got my walls up. It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be successful, let me tell you that too.
(15:56)Okay? I've had my slip ups of boundaries, but overall successful as hell, the wrong people fall off when you are owning your power, period. Ex point, maybe a no, drop the question mark. We'll not question ourselves. We've got self-trust boundaries. I love that as a magnet to the right ones coming into your life. This is new friendships. These are very healthy people in relationships that want to build you up and want to hold you and say, I got you too. Yeah, you got to get yourself. But guess what? It is icing on top to have a partner that you don't have to walk on eggshells. That you don't have to wonder, do they even have my back? You don't have to wonder if I say this. Are they going to do this right? I mean, we all have our shit. We're all going to have minor conflicts or we're people, people in the world, we're human.
(17:04)But if there's patterns of just not feeling good enough for your partner, imagine what that would feel like to have a partner you feel safe with and they are attracted to you because you know who you are. That's when you find true love. And I will say that about when I found my husband. I really was very strong in who I was. I had a lot more confidence than even five years prior. And it was kind of like when I finally was comfortable, maybe it's more comfortable, I felt more comfortable and sure of myself. I feel like when I actually attracted my husband, the healthiest human in the world, I still pinch myself. And I'm like, is this real life? But I did a lot of work to get there. I did. I had a couple nutty ass exes. Sorry, exes. If you're listening, you probably know you're nutty a little bit, don't you?
(18:10)Definite. I can think of one who dev land, some major narcissistic traits, and it was always about him, very dismissive, not very nice with the words. Sometimes I would say emotionally abusive. Luckily I wasn't physically abusive because I would've cry. He chopped his face. But I'm telling you the difference of after I got out of the relationship and I went to more therapy and I started just working on my self-esteem more. And even though I didn't know it was narcissism at the time, really, I wrote a lot. I journaled a lot. I did a lot of work. And I hate to call it work because I actually enjoy doing it, but it's what it's called. Soul work. Does that sound better? Soul work? But I journaled. I went deep. What is it about him? What is he really bringing me? And it was almost nothing, right?
(19:11)I mean, even our good moments, they were always followed by a very steep hill down. So I'm getting way off topic here, but I'm trying to just convey to you that when you magnetize a healthy person, and I think this is what's hard, sometimes you can't see over that hill because all is this side of the hill. And I'm trying to scream from up here. I promise you, the peace you feel is worth the work, the soul work. It's worth the pain and hardships that do come with being strong, cutting off toxic people, whatever you need to do. It's not always easy work to build a bubble and protect yourself and do what's right for you and for let's say your kids or whatever it is. Your correct, yes, the right, yes in your life, your purpose. If you're a God person, I can speak from the God point of view.
(20:14)I'm a God person. I walk in God's purpose every day, and I know damn well what is not a part of that purpose. And it's not pain. It's not saying we never have pain, but it is not knowingly going into pain day after day, walking on eggshells, accepting abuse. That's not it. That's not love. And I am up on this mountain up here, this hill, because you can get up here with me. I'm going to reach down and pull you the hell up with me. I'm up here. It is so peaceful and it is so worth the journey. So if you want to walk in this journey, you need someone there with you. I will put the different ways to work with me in the description. If you want to email me and ask more about working with me, I do somatic healing, I do just coaching.
(21:14)I can do little mix of both. And I have my boundaries course that I've sold a lot of lately, and people are writing and loving it. It is empowered boundaries. So I'll link that and I will put my somatic healing link in there as well. And we can start off with just a touchpoint session. And if you just want to talk and have a free chat, I'll put in a link there too to see if you are a match for what I do, to see where we could go in this journey together. Because I'm telling you, the piece on this side is I didn't know it existed. I feel like it's the same thing as my husband. I always say I didn't know someone like him really actually existed. And I'm not joking or being cutesy and romantic when I say that. Because of that frequency I was at, I attracted some low dudes, some low energy dudes.
(22:19)And like I said, I got my frequency up. I attracted him, and I almost sabotaged that. That's the story for another episode. If you all want that, let me know in the Facebook community group, go join that. If you're not in it, I'll link that. All the links, all the fun. But because I was like, it was almost like I felt like this is too good to be true. And I was terrified. It felt very unfamiliar. Obviously I'd never had anyone like him and I almost sabotaged it, but I got smart and I fixed it. I'm smarter and I look anyway. I'm so passionate. I'm running out of vocal chords here, so I will end this episode. But yes, I'll put the ways to work with me, my boundaries, courses in there. That is, it drips out every week, one episode or video, whatever, every week so you don't overwhelm yourself.
(23:25)And it's really, really good information if you suck at boundaries there, it's lemme speak frankly. And if you want to work in more of a customized way, then we can grab a free call. Or if you want to just jump in and jump on a somatic healing coaching call, we can do that. And if you just want to say, hi, I am always available on email and you can hit me up on Instagram and have you noticed a pattern in the kind of people you attract, hit me up, share that with me. And I am fierce. Christie, Jade on Instagram. If you are on Instagram, go follow me over there and say hello. And yeah, let me know. Is there a pattern that you feel like there's a specific type of person you attract? I'd love to hear. Alright, so you guys, thank you so much for being my support on this podcast.
(24:20)I'm so excited for the name change and I feel like there's also this uplevel energetic boost with it. So let's go rah rah Mbba. Before we have our three outgoing, what is it called? Affirmations. Is that it? Yeah. All right, let's have some affirmations. Take a deep breath. If you're new here, you just breathe in through the nose, out the mouth. That's called a halo breath. My favorite breath. Whoever knew one day I'd say I have a favorite breath. 10-year-old man. Did not know that. But here I am. All right, you're going to start with, let's do I attract. Alright, we'll do repeat after me. I attract healthy individuals. Our next one. My frequency is higher every day. And last but never least because I'm a queen. Yes, shine that crown, baby. I will see you in the next episode. Have eight. Beautiful day.
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Emotional Healing Through Decluttering & My Declutter Challenge
10 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Decluttering has become such buzz word a hot topic. Marie Kondo really exploded it. But her style is too overwhelming for people who have gone through trauma. I have found a great technique that works wonders for people like you and I who already have overwhelm and need to do things bit by bit AKA sparkle by sparkle! So let's talk about how my declutter technique actually helps HEAL more than your home!
My Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ChristyJade
WAYS TO WORK WITH ME:
Intake “Power Hour” coaching call
https://calendly.com/butstillshethrives/intakecall
1 month coaching package
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3 month coaching package (with unlimited voxer access between calls)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1: (00:00)Hello? Hello. Today we are going to talk about decluttering. This is something I've been dabbling with leading on my YouTube channel for years. It is one of the things I do that, uh, people get a little excited about. So I was like, why don't I do a lovely little podcast about the relation between decluttering and healing. So that's what we're gonna talk about. So stay close, and if you're on YouTube, you can stare at my face as I talk. And if you're on podcast, here's my voice. Hello. And you podcasters get a special little intro. Do, do, do. Speaker 1: (00:46)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still, she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kinda lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up, ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:43)But now we're back from the intro. Alright, so like I said, we are going to dive into decluttering for emotional healings today. Now decluttering, it's, it's become such a, I don't know, like a hot word, hot topic. Marie Kondo really exploded it. Ali Caza, who is one of my actual mentors, um, also really became, well, well-known for her declutter course, and then she became a bestselling author with her book called Declutter Like a mother that I highly recommend. And she's amazing. Um, and it just has become such a thing because it can have so many benefits besides the obvious just decluttering your space. So I wanted to talk about, for people who have gone through trauma or just are overwhelmed at a really deep level where overwhelm leads their life and they have high anxiety or depression, your space can get out of, can get out of control, right? Speaker 1: (02:51)So decluttering can have many positive effects on the mental and emotional wellbeing, which contributes to healing. So your healing journey, if you're listening to me on my normal podcast about narcissism and abuse and how to make life better in general, you're someone who is probably on a healing journey or getting there. So here are some reasons why decluttering can be beneficial. And we might have a follow-up episode with this. Um, depending on how well it's received. If, if the people wanna hear more about decluttering, let me know. So first of all, the obvious one I think most of us know is reduced stress, because clutter in your living space can create visual chaos and can contribute to feelings of o overwhelm. Not everybody has this, but a lot of people who already feel overwhelmed and anxious. This can definitely happen to, if your space is cluttered and there's a lot of just things that ever, basically every item you have, you have to manage. Speaker 1: (03:58)So if you're someone who's overwhelmed, you're already feeling overwhelmed by decision fatigue, just making all sorts of decisions and actions. Maybe you're juggling your work, your home life, your kids, your friendships, travels, whatever. There's, there's a lot of balls we have in the air, especially I know a lot of you are moms like I am. So when you have that more organized, serene environment, it can reduce the stress and promote that sense of calm that we're striving for, right? A lot of us are like, I just wanna have calm. I wanna feel like I have my together. And when your house is, for me, I, this goes hand in hand. I am so tied to my environment, like hands down. I used to say to my mom, like, you'll know how my week's going. If you look at my room when I was like a teenager, right? Speaker 1: (05:00)Like having a good week, it was kind of tidy, feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. It was reflected in my environment. I think that's pretty common. So that can also though be like chicken and egg, where by doing these declutters, I'm actually doing a declutter challenge on my YouTube right now. It's a 30 day challenge. So if you're on my YouTube, go check those out. If you haven't, if you are not on my YouTube, go find me. I'm Christy Jade, C-H-R-I-S-T-Y, Jade. And you'll see my declutter series has started, and I have previous past Declutters on there too. Um, but I do declutter in a dash and I do that for people like myself and others like me that get overwhelmed easily. And the Marie Kondo ain't working because we don't, we cannot, we don't have the capacity to pull out an entire wardrobe, lay it on our bed and pretend we're gonna actually get that done quickly and we're gonna end up having to sleep in the guest room, right? Speaker 1: (06:06)Like, I don't have the capacity to do these huge overhauls. Occasionally I'll do one if I'm in that spirit of life, but, but it's rare. These mini declutters are where it's at for people like us. It is, I'd say 10 to 30 minutes tops is ideal. And that's also including the time you take to, um, allocate the items that either go to the trash or giveaway or to like another room, right? So anyway, I'm getting sidetracked here, but I, that's kind of like the intro into it is, yes, it reduces stress. This, this is how and why, and in these mini sessions is the best way for people like you and I to do this, right? If you have an, a big chunk of time and a big chunk of money, it's great if you can have someone come in and like redo everything in a few days. Speaker 1: (07:04)But the everyday person doesn't have that. Okay? Number two, another way that decluttering helps is improved focus and productivity. Productivity. I always say that word, word anyway, because a clutter-free space allows you to focus better on the tasks. Again, I will work from home. If I'm sitting there either on the phone with a client or typing up doing all the backend stuff that I do for my business, and there's a pile of laundry to the right of me on a chair, where is my attention gonna be? It's gonna be split. So it's so important to keep things decluttered and keep up with, um, cleaning routines, which I, if you guys want me to, um, I will also, you can email me, my email's always in the show notes. You can email and ask me my cleaning routine right now. It is just, it's awesome. Um, it, it's very helpful for keeping up with it with cleaning and laundry. Speaker 1: (08:11)Laundry is a big one. Oh, okay. Knocking stuff over. So you're less likely to be distracted by the mess, which can lead to increased productivity, right? And that sense of I've accomplished something. So that is number two. Number three, enhanced emotional wellbeing. As I talked about, physical clutter can be often a reflection of your mental clutter. So sorting through your, and organizing your belongings. That's why I was saying the chicken and egg right can help you process and release emotional attachment to objects. And again, this is a process, but it can be cathartic. Um, I've done it even with, let's say in the past, like when I had like ex-boyfriend stuff, you know, I had a little bin of, you know, the cards and mementos and stuff and it was like, I wasn't excited to do it, but when I finally did it and released that quote clutter, it did help release, right? Speaker 1: (09:19)Because I don't have that in my space anymore. The, I'm a big energy person, if you don't know that about me, and even knowing it's in my space is taking up some, some of that emotional space, that emotional clutter, because I don't need from my ex-boyfriend if I'm not with my boyfriend, right? I even did it with an old friend. We had a little box that were cheesy butts, um, of cards and just same type of thing, tickets. And yeah, there were some good memories, but, um, she wasn't so kind to me in the end. And so there was a, they were tainted anyway. And so I released those and just having that out of my space. And I know that's, you know, like past this and that. But there can also be things like, um, let's say like things with negative associations. Like let's say you're a prom dress, you just hold onto it for nostalgia. Speaker 1: (10:21)But whenever you see it in your closet, let's say you have in your closet, it's just in the back there and it's like, oh, nostalgia. But let's say you've gained some weight. I just know this has happened to some people. I've had client that held onto a lot of clothes from the past and she'd gained weight and it was a reminder, like every time she looked at it, she'd feel bad about herself. And I'm like, girl, first of all, that was like 20 years ago. We've all grown and you are a new you and that is holding you back. And we don't wanna feel stuck, right? I'm like, antis, stuckness. That's what all my coaching is about. We don't wanna be stuck. We want to be living in the now and looking forward to the future, creating the future we want. So does staring at things that are, have negative feelings, like listen to your body, booboos, you're looking at something in your closet and it makes you feel bad, get rid of it, right? Speaker 1: (11:18)So that's another kind of angle on the emotional wellbeing aspect. Number four, clear reminded, this goes hand in hand kind of with, I was saying you're working from home or just in general, but a tidy space often does translate to a clearer mind. And when you remove the clutter, you may find it easier to think clearly. So besides being a distraction, like you're looking at that laundry pile, I do again, believe in the energy of when there's a bunch of chaos around. It is harder for me to think, even if I'm not looking at it, even if I'm staring at my screen. It's kind of just knowing it's there and feeling this like chaotic energy around, right? So decluttering is creating a more harmonious and positive environment. I noticed that just today I took down my, I had a bunch of Christmas stuff up and we took, you know, we took it down like a week ago or something. Speaker 1: (12:14)Um, but I, I have felt more at peace in my living room. I love Christmas. I love Christmas decor, but with a child, the decor got a little outta hand and she likes all little things and plays with them. I'm like, I know I'm gonna miss this one day. So I take it all out. But it felt so calm having so much less stuff around after the holiday, clear out, you know, number six, increased self-esteem. So actually accomplishing the task of doing the decluttering, that alone can build your confidence and self-esteem. I know it does for me. I'm like, look at me. Go look at me. Declutter the crap outta my kitchen. Go ahead girl. Getting rid of all those VAEs yesterday. Um, it shows that you have the ability to take control of your surroundings, which sometimes we feel like we're out of control. Speaker 1: (13:08)Like we don't have control. Like we don't have our together. So even that's what I love. I'm very immediate satisfaction and I know a lot of my followers are too, right? I tend to attract people like myself. That's a thing with a lot of, I don't know what you call me, I don't wanna say I'm an influencer, but like whatever a a, I'm a vibe . No, but I'm, I'm in a public space, right? And a lot of times you will attract people that are like you. So knowing what I know from talking to my followers, my subscribers and just knowing how the world works with when you follow people, it's 'cause you resonate usually, right? Um, it, I think we have this love the dopamine hit of like doing something quickly and feeling accomplished and good about it. Like, yes, I did that and not having it take, you know, two months to, to complete. Speaker 1: (14:04)That's why I love these quick declutters. 'cause it's like, yes, I did that look, yes. Ooh, I cleared out a a drawer in like seven minutes and I have like, you know, a third more space and that feels good and I did that and I can, it's like a reminder. I can take control of things even if it's little by little, right? Because that can, that's a whole other story. But that can relate to, and that's how I do my coaching as well. We can't do everything at once, but little by little it really feels better than you might think. And you, it's like a snowball effect where the, the more you do those little by little, the bigger the impact, the bigger the effect. And it's amazing. And that's why I love coaching. 'cause it's so fun to watch people grow so quickly. Um, but it is kind of, I call it sparkle by a sparkle. Speaker 1: (14:55)So that self-esteem will rise. Number seven, space for new beginnings. La la la. So decluttering can be symbolic of letting go of the past, like I mentioned, and making room for new. And this is, this is your environment. This is also decluttering those nasty, toxic people outta your life. That, that was like a benefit I had of when I kind of decluttered a lot of, not just physical, but just I did a lot of work emotionally years ago. And it was, it was hard, but, but distancing from toxic anything or chaotic anything, environment people. Um, I did a lot of it and it was like a lot to handle 'cause it was a lot at once. But I will say holy cannoli, yeah, I said holy cannoli, the space it opened up for new people that I didn't even know. Like, such empowering, uplifting women even existed honestly, that were like, that I had access to. Speaker 1: (16:04)If that makes sense. You know, you see women like motivational speakers or whatever, these, you know, people that seem far off, but these are like real life everyday women that I have become friends with. And I would not have had the open space if I wouldn't have taken out the toxic people out of my life. And it's similar, right? With decluttering. I mean that's a tip in general, that's always a tip for me. But talking about our physical space, same thing. Clear out what is not working for you, right? You get rid of those nine pairs of old pants that you just don't fit in and they make you feel bad. Get rid of those and maybe go get yourself a couple pairs of cute new pants that make you feel good, that fit you now. And you're looking in the mirror and you're like, Gina, I do still got it. Speaker 1: (16:53)Okay. Um, so the space for new beginnings, I love that. And last, there's, there's more benefits, but I'm gonna wrap it up with number eight, better physical health. So a clutter, flee, flea. Flea, a clutter-free environment can be easier to maintain and clean. So first of all, the time you get back, I just wanna throw that, that's kind of, that's physical health related to in a way, but it's also, it's separate. The time you get back is insane. The less you have, the less you have to clean and manage every single item you have to manage. Imagine, think about all the items you have in your house. Picture 'em. Gosh, like that's, that for me is a reminder. Whenever I feel like, oh, I don't know if I wanna get rid of this. I do sit and think about Christie, think about all the stuff you have. Speaker 1: (17:44)Imagine all of it. That's so overwhelming to think about. This will feel good to just get rid of it. Get rid of it, right? So all the things that are not working for you, that means they are working against you, that's against your health. Also. The more stuff you have, the less clean, the more allergens you have. I know that for a fact when I lived in a one bedroom apartment with all wood floors and barely anything in it, my allergies were not as bad as when I moved in a house with a bunch of carpet and accumulated a lot of stuff. Uh, huge difference, right? And just creating like a healthier living space, right? And I will say this, when I do these declutters, I get more steps in getting those steps in through decluttering, organizing. It's, I don't know, it's my like hyperfocus right now. Speaker 1: (18:40)And I love it because I'm getting my steps in on top of my workouts. I'm gonna dance class, um, aiming four times a week and it's a great free way to get a workout, right? You're going from room to room. Like you can make it more time. I know we're doing the declutter in a dash, but that's 10 minutes of some sort of physical activity. And if you wanna go for 30, you wanna go for an hour 'cause you have the time that day or you wanna allocate that time, say, oh, I could do that. That could be in my workout dance while you're doing it. You know, I do. I mean, not on camera 'cause you couldn't hear me, but when I clean and I organize on my own, declutter on my own, I jam out and dance and bop around. So burn, burn, baby burn. Speaker 1: (19:30)So remember, the process of decluttering is personal and the benefits do vary from person to person. Oh, someone's beeping me. Um, it's not just about tidying up the physical space, but creating the mental and emotional space, right? It's all intertwined. And I know it's not easy, but what I always try to do with my clients in my coaching world with decluttering, whatever it is, is I'm trying to help make life more fun. At the end of the day, I want life to be simpler and fun for you and decluttering, doing it in a dash, I hope is feels lighter for you and that you can look forward to it and say, oh, I, I got 10 minutes. I gotta a half hour instead of like, these major overhauls that are so overwhelming. And maybe we have the energy to do that sometimes, and that's cool. Speaker 1: (20:32)But if you are like me, I do not have that often. And these, I do get excited to do these with you guys and I just love doing this declutter challenge and I might continue it or I don't know, you'll, you guys, I'll get your feedback toward the end of it. Um, if you want me to continue or do a new challenge, like an organizational challenge. But it's, it's very freeing feeling and it's simple. It's, you know, it's just, and when you get into that daily habit, it's so helpful. So again, if you're on YouTube watching me, just go to my channel where you already are and um, watch my declutters subscribe if you're not subscribed. And if you are listening and you didn't even know I had a YouTube channel surprise, I have YouTube channel and I do, I don't know, I do random. Speaker 1: (21:22)I'm random Christie. So I do declutters, I do makeup videos. I might start a series on Wednesday nights of past dating stories. I thought that would be fun. My husband thought that was like a grand idea. He actually, I think he gave it to me when I was telling dating stories because I have crazy, insane dating stories. So that could be fun. Um, but yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm just me just living my best life, trying to have fun, keep things peaceful and simple, but have fun doing it right, like healing. I love a good heel. Healing can be fun too. So if you're looking for help in that area, on the emotional side, I am a light. I don't like to even say life coach. I need to find a new name for myself. But basically, especially if you've been through some stuff and you're just not feeling good and you want that sparkly life, that just joy. Speaker 1: (22:16)Like we're not, we're not looking to be, you know, queen of the entire world, but we're queens. That's my thing. We are queens and we should treat ourselves like queens. Other people should treat us like queens. I'm not saying 'cause we're better. We're all deserving. God created us right? As these people who should not be, um, what's the word I'm looking? Suffering basically, right? Like we should, he doesn't want us to suffer every day. He's sky daddy. That's why I call him Sky Daddy wants us to live our purpose. And if you're not a God person, that's cool. It's your higher, higher person. What's it called? Your higher self, right? What's your higher self want? And there's so many ways to help heal yourself. And I do believe decluttering. It sounds so weird. Like, oh, decluttering is healing, but it truly is. And I can vouch for it because whenever I do it, I feel such a dopamine hit and that like, like I said, this accomplished. Speaker 1: (23:21)Like, yeah, I did it. You know, I'm doing the thing even if it's bit by bit. Um, so thank you for listening. If you're on audio, hello. Hello. Come join my YouTube and if you can see my face, hi. I can't even see my face. I don't even have my thing on right now. There we go. I couldn't see 'cause I had my notes to the side. I gotta keep notes. I have a DDI need some notes up in here. So I hope you enjoyed this podcast. And like I said, you have, you have the my email address. The email address fierce mama C at gmail that's in the podcast notes. So shoot me a note, say hi. The links to How to Work with me, ways to work with Me are always in the show notes. So check those out and say hi on YouTube. All right, Bibo boo, I love you. Are we gonna do, we're not gonna do, um, 'cause I think this is running long. How long is this? It doesn't say, I feel like this is long. So we're not gonna do affirmations this one, but I will try next time. Okay. Excuse me. Pardon me. Love you. So smooches and deuces. I will see you in the next episode.
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How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You ( Spring Reset for the Soul )
8 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
It’s not just your closet that needs decluttering this season—your soul does too. In this episode, we’re doing some deep emotional spring cleaning. I'm walking you through how to clear out toxic habits, relationships, and even sneaky thought patterns that no longer align with your healing journey.
We'll also revisit my game-changing Hell Yes / Hell No method to help you evaluate what truly deserves space in your life right now. If you've been feeling stuck, heavy, or emotionally cluttered, this episode is your permission slip to release and rise.
Join my free private facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
My Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! [email protected] Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk Mentioned Meditation episode:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-best-ways-to-meditate-to-rebalance-your-nervous-system/id1662241353?i=1000700731909
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, my beautiful queens. You know what time it is? It is spring. Well, it depends what area of the world you're in, but for many of us it is spring cleaning. If you're somewhere else where it's not springtime, let's call it fall cleaning, whatever you want to call it, it is a new season approaching. And guess what that often means, physical declutter. But it also should mean to you mental declutter. They are attached, right? They go hand in hand. When for me, when my surroundings are like a hot mess express, that's usually a sign that my brain is kind of a hot mess express where I'm going through something. So think of it that way. And you're probably decluttering your closet, maybe working on spring projects. But what about your spirit? What about that soul? This episode is perfect for right now, in the new season, new energy, whether you're getting rid of that narcissist or just ready to release all the BS you put up with or ready to release the behaviors that you are still maybe practicing because you got accustomed to them by being with a narcissist or having narcissists in your life.
(01:15)So stay close and we will dive in.
(01:21)Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with. I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(02:18)All right, so let's start with that Soul clutter. We don't really talk about as much. So what is soul clutter? This can be lingering relationships that we are not really being served by, right? They're not serving us. They're not making us feel better. We're walking on eggshells. This may not be the narcissist that you're here listening to the narcissist podcast about, but guess what? Oftentimes when we do tolerate narcissists, we also tolerate just poor behavior from maybe poor people, people that treat us poorly, right? This is a theme of poor. We don't want to feel poor in spirit. I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about feeling poor in spirit. We want people who uplift us, who make us rich in spirit. So what are those relationships we maybe need to declutter? What are habits that we want to get rid of? And some of these could be people pleasing habits, right?
(03:19)If you're here, you may know what it's like to people. Please, not necessarily with everyone. I'll say I myself was not a people pleaser with every person in my life, but with certain people, definitely with the narcissist and definitely with some family members, I felt too afraid to really speak my mind, speak up, protect myself and all that. So you may still be in the habit of not protecting yourself, not putting yourself first when you need to. You may have thoughts that clutter your mind. I know you know them that I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe I'm the crazy one. All those yucky thoughts we need to clear out. And here's a big one, the guilt. I have talked to so many clients recently that are co-parenting and they have guilt from maybe even being with the person they are now free from, or they have guilt of not wanting to have any contact with their ex besides the required because they want to feel like they're really co-parenting in a good, nice, healthy way in front of their children.
(04:33)And then there's also the shoulds that go along with all of that, right? So emotional clutter sneaks in, especially after, well, during of course narcissistic abuse, but also after, because like I said, we have been primed. We have been conditioned to accept certain behaviors, and we have been twisted into thinking certain things about ourselves. We have been confused. We have been mind ed, excuse my French, that I didn't actually say. There's a lot of things that we have been victim of, but we are not going to be victims anymore. This is the spring cleaning I'm talking about. We are going to kick that soul clutter to the curb and say, no more say it with me. No more. No more. I am not accepting this clutter in my soul. You have so much better things to fill your life up with, your heart, up, your spirit, all of that.
(05:40)We don't need this. So let's normalize the fact that this is normal after narcissistic abuse to have all these things. I mean, it's not fun. I'm not throwing a party all excited that it's here, but I want to normalize for you, and it's hard to let go of a lot of these things even when we know they're not good for us. Why is that? Why is that? There could be codependency on a narcissist, or even, let's say you have mutual friends. Sometimes it's hard to let go of people associated with the narcissist because you still have strings attached because that is what has happened to us. Again, we are the victims of these things, but it's time for you to take control and decide. We've got to make decisions here. If you're going to declutter your soul, girl, you have to say, I decide I'm going to do what is best for me as the best I can moving forward.
(06:43)And some of those habits, those thoughts, the guilt, it's also hard to let go of those because we're so comfortable with them. They're part of our identity, it seems. Spoiler alert, it's not your identity that is not the core of who you are. You might even believe it is. I'm here to tell you, no, sissy, it ain't. It's not you. When you were born, this was not your identity. It was not your identity to have these thoughts, to have the guilt, to have the shoulds, to have these relationships that are crappy and not conducive to your life.
(07:30)So I want you to let that sink in. Even though certain things might not be good for you, you're accepting them and I'm normalizing that for you. I'm giving you grace. You give yourself grace about it. And you also say, guess what? It's time for me to change. So something I do with my clients from the get go, and if we work together, this would be on a much more detailed, in a more detailed way than I'm going to kind of zoom out with you here, but we do this. Hell yes, hell no filter. So this is something you do when you work with me, and then my clients go back, even after they're done working with me, they will go back and reevaluate. It's pretty simple but so powerful. And so many people do not do this in their daily lives. They don't go back and check in and do this.
(08:32)So if you get anything from this episode, I want you to write hell yes on one side of a piece of paper and hell no on the other side because we're spring cleaning and we're going to start small, okay? If you work with me, we go. I say sparkle by sparkle too. We do small, but it impacts big. Okay? So for me, I go back to this list myself. I just had to do this a couple weeks ago. I had a friend that I was like, man, I really love her. We've been there for each other through a lot, but there's a lot of things that just aren't sitting right, and I have to look at my hell yes, hell no list, and think about what's really conducive to my life and what's not, right? These are things we go back to and I felt like, you know what?
(09:26)I think at this time, I've got to just take a little breather, just step back a little because this is not healthy for me. Sometimes we have to reevaluate even years later. So think about, and you can pick one of these topics, people, habits, thoughts or obligations. Which one just screams out to you when you say, oh God, it just feels exhausting. It could be people in your life. Maybe there's really draining people that are taking up too much of your time. You feel like you have to answer every one of their calls. You feel like you have to solve their problems. A lot of people pleasers really take on a lot. It could be habits, just destructive habits you have that's really taking over. It could be thoughts, it could be you are in your head telling yourself lies, you're not good enough, or you can't do this, or you'll never be able to get over this.
(10:20)If that's taking over. Take note of that. And then the obligations. This was a huge one in my life, gosh, probably a decade ago when I read this book. The best yes, which I'm now rereading again, because obligations wise, I felt spread so thin as a new mom, going to all the little birthday parties and this and that on top of my stuff, just learning how to balance it all. I wasn't balancing. I was just adding, adding to my plate and I was exhausted. So that would be a good one for someone like that. If that's you, obligations could be it. So I want you to pick a topic and then kind of go a little deeper into it. Maybe just start with one person that pops up that you feel like is exhausting and start setting a boundary. It could be a friend, like I said, is calling multiple times a day and you feel like that's what friends do.
(11:22)We're there for each other. Okay? You don't have to be there multiple times if it fills you up and that's how you want to spend your time. But also there's a lot more positive, better things. And if you're on a growth journey, it helps to work on yourself and maybe be doing those habits you're not doing. Go work out instead of sitting on the phone for an hour of someone just dumping all over you and not making changes in their life. I always say I like to help people who help themselves. I will be an ear, but I'm not here for people just complaining. Complaining without doing anything about it. So maybe that resonates with you. Maybe it's the obligations. Dig a little deeper. What specifically is it? Is it the family events? Or there are just so many and you feel like you have to go to all of them?
(12:14)Maybe you only go to every other one and see how that feels for now and tell your family. Have an open discussion that you feel very spread thin in this phase of life and it's nothing personal, but you're trying to just take a little off your plate. And if your family loves you, they will understand. So what else do we have? And there's the thoughts, right? Maybe it's practicing, doing affirmations every day to counter the I am not worthy. We add, I am worthy, I am valuable, I am loved. I'm a damn queen. If you know my affirmations at the end of these episodes, a good affirmation can really just make you smile, crack that smile. So like I said, if we work together, we go really deep into this stuff, but this is just a zoomed out version that can make a shift in you if you choose one of these things to actually do. But you have to follow through. I love the people one, because I think everybody, I feel like a lot of people have boundary issues with people in our situations. People have gone through narcissistic abuse, even after, tend to have a little trouble setting boundaries. They've been taught that they shouldn't have any. So it's time to buckle up those boundaries.
(13:38)So when you do release some of this soul clutter, some things that might come up are guilt. If you do cut someone out or you just don't answer the phone every time they call, you've got to do something with that guilt. I call it flushing it down the damn toilet. I'm just kidding. You have this guilt and you have to really get to the truth. The truth. If someone is dumping on you, and maybe it's a one-sided relationship, there's always drama and chaos and they always need advice, and it's just, you have to know. I'm telling you, and I think in the depths that's probably covered up by all this crap, but deep down, deep, deep down, if you search, you know, should not feel guilty about that. You shouldn't. That is not healthy for you. But guess what? This will help your guilt. It's not healthy for them.
(14:44)It is not healthy for them, for you to enable them dumping on you and not doing anything about their life to make changes. And it's really just enabling and actually toxic to themselves. So throw the guilt out the door. Then there's, oh, this is a good one. So the limiting beliefs like the, I'm not worthy. Here's a big one. I can't trust myself. I have heard this so much recently with clients, listeners, to my podcast writing in, I can't trust myself. People write in, please, can you help me trust myself again? Yes I can by the way, but on a zoomed out version here, what can we do with that? I can't trust myself. You've got to get reconnected to your body, and I highly recommend meditation, yoga, and meditation doesn't always have to mean sitting with your legs crossed, owing, and listening to the birds chirping.
(15:55)I think that's great. I love doing it myself. But there are different versions, and I think I do have some episodes on meditation specifically. You can search and I'll try to put'em in the description, but when you can't trust yourself, it's because you've been disconnected from yourself. That happens, especially with narcissistic abuse. Any type of abuse, any manipulation, gaslighting, confusion, someone inflicting confusion on you upon you will make you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust after narcissistic abuse saying, how did I let that happen to me? Oh my God, I can't trust myself. Well, you just got disconnected, baby, you got unplugged. So you need to get plugged back in. How do you do that? Carving out the time to be in quiet with yourself is, I would say the number one first thing you need to do. I have guided meditations. I can put my insight timer.
(16:53)I have meditations on an app called Insight Timer. It's free. I can put that in the description to get you started with some good ones. I have a four minute morning one if you are on my email list, you probably already have that and go back to that. If you haven't done it, it is a great four minute quick way to connect to yourself every morning. And then there's longer ones and some real deep ones we can get into. But start small. And then the obligations, they just don't feel aligned anymore. On your hell yes, hell no. List. What are the obligations that still feel aligned? Put 'em in the hell yes. List the hell no. Maybe a growing out, a pickleball, honey. I don't know. I never tried it. I'm not a pickleball kind of gal. Tell me about it though. If you are, I'm excited for you. No, but there are things we just don't feel aligned more anymore and that's okay. That's okay. So don't feel this guilt over all of this stuff. It's okay to grow, to change, to not want to be dragged down. When you start growing guys, you're going to probably lose. You might lose a couple people. They're not growing with you. That happens. That happened to me, man.
(18:20)I grew real quick. There was a couple years there, I just blew the hell into the sky. I was like, I call myself a unicorn. I felt like the biggest shift of my entire life. And I lost several people, several people, and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. And I definitely feel so much better now. But this is part of your growth journey. If you really want to be happy, you want to grow, you truly want peace, it's going to get uncomfortable before it gets good. It's in parallel, but it is uncomfortable because you're not used to happy. You're not used to true happiness. You're not used to living in your truth, your way, your life, your alignment. You're probably used to living under other people's thumbs, right? Alright, so letting go. It doesn't have to be dramatic, even with a person. You don't have to have some big talk, which is always the way I go. I'm big and dramatic, okay? Say I'd be like, look, bitch, this ain't working out. But you don't have to do it that way. You can slowly shift slowly, not answer someone's calls. I'm not saying go someone that's awful. Don't drop kick someone unless they're abusive, in which case, drop, kick that motherfucker, block 'em, whatever you got to do.
(19:54)But think of it as being intentional and sacred to protect your peace. It's protective. It doesn't have to be dramatic, it's just protective. It's simple. It might come off as cold at times, but look, there's a reason you're cutting someone out of your life, probably because they're not treating you right or they're just very negative, whatever it is, okay? Or letting go of patterns you have or thoughts you have that doesn't have to be dramatic either. You don't have to have some big seance about it. You start weaving in positive affirmations. You start praying if you're a God person, you start doing challenges with yourself. I did this in my little healing journey in the beginning. I remember saying, I'm going to try to go five hours without saying anything like negative. And also, if I have a negative thought, I'm going to try to turn it around.
(21:03)And I'm not saying we're never going to have negative thoughts or feelings, but it's a great challenge to find out and be so aware of how often you have negative thoughts and are talking negatively. So challenge yourself not to and get into the habit of having more positivity in your brain and your words. Alright, now, here's a quick visualization we can do. So you have this list, you can work on it in real time, in real life, but also visualizations are powerful. So if you didn't have time to really get all the details out, you can do this later. But if you do have an idea, let's say you have this person in your mind that you're like, yeah, gosh, I wish I didn't spend so much time listening to them and just their energy suckers or whatever. Or maybe it's that narcissistic ex who you've decided you're just going to have contact when you need to around the kids.
(22:10)And that's it. Okay? So you've decided I'm going to no longer have contact unless it's just about them on that third app and get that addendum set on your divorce decree, whatever you got to do to solidify it. Or maybe it's your mom and you still want her in your life, but maybe you just have a call with her once a week instead of every day or whatever it is. But imagine what is not serving you. What? What's the hell no to that? Hell yes or the hell yes that you want to have? What is the opposite there? So whatever's not serving you, imagine placing that into a suitcase. Pack it up.
(23:06)This could be a person. It's weird. We're putting people in suitcases now. Okay, you're getting weird with Christie, but imagine whatever it is, whatever it represents, it doesn't have to be the person, right? Look, it's this darkness, it's this heaviness. Or maybe it's all those obligations. Maybe it's a bunch of balloons, it's a bunch of birthday parties you don't want to go to anymore. You don't have to go to all the damn birthday parties, pack 'em up in a small suitcase, in a big suitcase, whatever. Zip it up and then I want you to lift it up. Feel how heavy that is. That shit's heavy. That is heavy. But guess what? I'm a God person, so I'm going to visualize God. You visualize God if you're God person or you visualize your higher self, if that's what you want to do, the version of you you are becoming and can't wait to be.
(24:02)She's got this. It's no problem because she's so healed that she is going to pick it up from you. And then she's just going to put it out there into the nethers, the others, the somewhere or give it to God. I'm a big proponent of giving it to God. So I am lifting this heavy burden of a suitcase and I'm saying, I can't do this anymore. I have something in my mind right now. I'll be honest. I have a situation in my life. It is in my family, not my immediate family, but it's in my family and it's weighed heavily on me. And I, I've been coping, but I feel like at times it's too heavy still. So guess what? We're all, are you with me? Hold my hand. Girl. I need you. I need you too. Alright, we are holding hands. We are packing our stuff.
(24:59)We're saying, okay, I can't do this anymore. I don't want, I am choosing. Let's change the language. I am choosing not to do this. I'm deciding not to do this anymore. Alright, pick that heavy bag up, lift it up. I'm handing mine up to God. Who are you handing yours to? Maybe it's a guardian angel. Maybe it's someone who's passed on. Maybe it's one of your parents who's passed on. That was your world and they're always looking out for you. They are reaching down and saying, give me your baggage. Let me take this. And then they're going to go hand it to God. I'm sorry, I'm a guy. I told you I'm a God person. I can't stop. No, but whatever resonates for you, hand it over to that higher power, your higher self. Some other existential spiritual being outside of you or perhaps inside of you too. Say, I'm not in this alone. And here we say, I don't need to feel guilty for choosing this piece. I want you to repeat that after me. I don't need to feel guilty for choosing this piece.
(26:25)So here's the actions you can take this week, right? Finish up your hell yes, hell no. List release one toxic person. And that doesn't mean you have to totally cold cut them out. You can. That's great if you, and they're a piece of crap, please by all means. But it could be backing away from someone a little bit. Maybe it's backing away from everyone a little bit. Maybe it's only answering your phone outside the hours of nine, two, seven. Maybe it's just, I actually do this, right? I generally talk to my mom in the morning and I say goodnight at night during the day. I don't really talk to people. I don't take calls. I used to don't take texts. I mean for emergencies, yes. And at lunchtime, that's my hour. Or I'll call my B fff while I'm eating taco or something. But I was so inundated with phone calls and advice seeking and dumping in my life.
(27:31)I had to set huge boundaries. So release the one obligation or person or belief, just one. That's all you got to do to start. And then spend about 10 minutes after this if you can, or tonight, tomorrow morning, whenever you have a little slot, set a timer. Like set an alarm. I mean to carve this out, to carve this time out every day if you can. And you can because everyone has 10 minutes. Don't lie. You do in silence or prayer. You can meditate on it. You can pray on it to feel what's truly aligned. You could do that four minute meditation and sit for five minutes and see what comes up.
(28:21)What is a line releasing one thing. And if you want you can add on. But that's where the accountability comes on. So if you're working with me, this is an example of some of the stuff we do. This really doesn't even touch the tip of the icebreaker here, but this gives you an example of it's something simple we can do. It's not going to take super amounts of time, but the accountability and the checking in is a beautiful thing. That's why you work with a coach essentially, to get my knowledge and all of that, which is great, but also the accountability. So you're allowed to choose peace. You are allowed to release and you are allowed to rise. So shall we end this with some affirmations and then I'm going to invite you also, I want you to share your hell now in my email, send me an email. Or if you're on Instagram, you can send it there. But my email is always in my description, fierce mama C at gmail. So hands over heart, eyes shut. If you are not driving or anywhere you need to have your eyes open, please don't shut them. If you need 'em open, take an inhale through the nose and exhale, inhale through the nose, exhale. And you're going to repeat after me. I'm going to do one at a time. You are allowed to choose peace. I am allowed to release. I am allowed to rise....cause I'm a queen!!!
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How to Balance Your Nervous System After Narcissistic Abuse
4 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1: (00:00)In today's episode, we are going to talk about how to calm down that nervous system immediately. What is the single best way to do this? Stay close to find out. Not, not too close though. It's it's flu season, y'all. It's flu season. Speaker 2: (00:16)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:14)All right, so welcome back. Let's dive into the single fastest way to calm that nervous system down. This is useful for anybody if you have not gone through abuse, that's fabulous. Very jealous. Love it. But also you can use this to help calm down in any stressful situation. Maybe you're just having a bad day at work. Maybe your hubby or your mama or your friend is driving you up a wall. Maybe the kiddos are getting a little needy and you just need a break. This is the single best way to calm that nervous system down. I'm gonna be very honest too. This was not my go-to way. I wanted to learn how to calm down. I am not a calm person in general. I'm very energetic. I love to dance and do hip hop. I like to sing some fast songs. I like to do everything fast, which is probably exactly why I need this calming tool. Speaker 1: (02:14)But you have to give things a chance. So before you click away, once you hear what this one thing is, I want you to have an open mind. Are you all ready? Are you opening your minds? Great, great, great, great. Okay. It is all about that breath, baby. I'm sure you have heard of breath work. If you were in the yoga world, the meditation world, if you're not welcome, there's a lot of talk about breathing and breath. And I'm not taking big enough deep breaths right now. And if I did, I'd be calmer. But I'm speedy Christy. So this is why I need to use this tool. I practice it often and it truly has changed my life along with other tools that I use. I love meditation. I love yoga. I'll be honest, I did not like any of those three things when I first started them, but I knew because so many people had said how amazing it was, how it changed their life. Speaker 1: (03:10)I was like, I'm gonna give it more of a chance. So breath work was the last of those three that I tried. And the irony is, it is the quickest one to work. It is that in the moment when you can't go meditate, when you can't go downward, dogger your butt all over work, you can breathe, you can take a few seconds or a few minutes to breathe. So we call this die of frag, pragmatic breathing. Okay? That's what we're gonna talk about. There's many different ways to breathe. Like he, he, he, no, I'm just kidding. There's, there's books, there's podcasts, all about breath. If you wanna dive deeper into this, but we're gonna be really simple here today on my show. Super simple. This technique, like I said, it is simple, it's quick. And it is highly effective in reducing stress and promoting relaxation, which we can all use more of, right? Speaker 1: (04:06)So number one, you need to find a quiet and comfortable place, okay? If you are at work or you're at work and like you just need a break at work, I'm trying to picture like a chaotic place. We are a lot. Hopefully you don't have like a super chaotic, stressful job, but I know some of you do, right? This is life, we're lifeing together. So I've gotta work with what some of you have. So let's say you do have somewhat of a stressful job. Maybe you're trying to get out of it, but in the meantime it doesn't help all the things you're gonna do later. You wanna know how can I at least get some immediate relief now so you can find a quiet place. You can always shove yourself into a little bathroom for a few minutes, right? We always are allowed to go pee pee and poopoo so they won't know what you're doing in there if you're just taking some nice breaths. Speaker 1: (04:52)So if you're at home though, and you can get away, you can lock yourself in the pantry away from the kids, go out to your car. Does anyone else do that? I love a good car session. Let me run to my car. I, or like when I'm coming back from somewhere and I'm like, I just want a little bit longer on my own, um, I will sit in the car for a few minutes and I love it. So anyway, yes, you can always email me and be like, yes sister, tell me your fun stories at fierce mama [email protected]. Anyway, I digress. So find a quiet, comfortable place if possible, right? If you are lucky enough to have a beautiful space in your home, it's all yours. You can lie down. I actually have that. I have a meditation lounge chair. It's magical. I think it was like 99 bucks on Amazon and it has like eight different inclines I think. Speaker 1: (05:46)And it's super cozy. And that's my favorite place to meditate or do my breath work. Number two, you gotta close your eyes. I was never good at close in my eyes. I like to see everything. I'm a paper. I'm nosy, I'm impatient. But you learn over time, you to close your eyes. You take a deep breath in through your nose, allowing your diaphragm to expand. And I'm actually working on this with my daughter 'cause she's starting to sing. She actually is the leader, the lead singer in a band. So we're working on diaphragm breathing because it's essential to singing. So I try to explain it like imagine there's like a tube going down your lungs and at the bottom it's got a big balloon. So you're in your case, if we're doing this type of breath work, you're going through your nose and you're feeling that expansion, that balloon stretching out as you inhale. Speaker 1: (06:43)And when you do this, you're gonna count to 4 1 2. Remember, it's like one Mississippi, not like 1, 2, 3, 4. Whoa, no, we're not gangster today. We're just Mississippi. And back in like we did in like sixth grade. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi. So that's your inhale. Then you're gonna hold it for another count of four. You know the drill. Let me hear you say you Mississippi, can I get a Mississippi in the back? Okay, then you're going to exhale slowly through your mouth for guess what? Another count of four. We're gonna make this super simple for you. I told you we are not gonna change the numbers. There are different ways you can do like, I, I don't even remember now 'cause I like to keep the same numbers or I get confused. I don't wanna think too much when I'm breathing. It's like too much, too much multitasking. Speaker 1: (07:36)So keep the number, the same four, hold for four, exhale for four, right? And when you exhale that four, you're ensuring that you fully empty your lungs. So make sure you're saying the Mississippi, again, we're not doing 1, 2, 3, 4 and then mm-hmm, we wanna make sure all that nasty, that negative breath is outta your body and you can suck in some new life. You're gonna repeat this deep breathing for a few minutes, focusing on your breath and nothing else. If you only have 40 seconds and you're just, you're in your cubicle and you're about to scratch someone's eyes out or whatever, first of all, maybe, maybe got some therapy if it's serious. But if you just need a little breath, take this breath, do the 4, 4, 4. And even just focusing on the numbers 4, 4, 4 is helping your brain to focus on something else. It's somewhat of a distraction to get out, pull you like out of your emotion to get what I call out of your head and into your body, right? Speaker 1: (08:39)So this breath work, it immediately puts you in your body. That's what I love about it. So again, this was the last thing I tried and when once I did it a few times and was like, really does work? They were not lying. Like I just hadn't been listening for how many decades probably. Um, I finally was like, man, this is like my go-to especially if I've just got a short amount of time where I wanna just decompress my brain, decompress my body, and have that immediate relief. So this breathing helps activate your body's relaxation response and that reduces that fight or flight which is associated with stress and anxiety, right? So whether you're at work, you're at home, you ran into a nasty neighbor, whatever your situation is, maybe it's dealing with that co-parent. We can we not even call 'em co-parents if they're narcissists, you're not really co-parenting, but if you have to share parenting with, of your child with a narcissist, you know that fight or flight, you know that anxiety that creeps up. Speaker 1: (09:56)And I know this is so important for my clients. We definitely, I we do breath work, we do meditation, we do tapping. Now we do reiki. So if you wanna work with me one-on-one, I offer all of those things. You can always email me to ask more details. And I also will always have like my regular coaching packages listed in the show notes of this podcast. So if you go to the main page of my podcast on whatever platform you scroll, not too far down, it should be pretty high up there. It'll say like, work with me or something and there will be links to the different options. I have different packages and obviously certain ones, you'll save more money if you do one call, you know it's a certain amount. If you get a whole month, you're gonna save a little money by signing up for multiple, um, because I want you to get major, major shifts quickly. Speaker 1: (10:57)And one session can be great, but let's be honest, a whole month is so much better and I have plenty of clients to account for that. I haveli clients that have been with me for years, there's been six months , three months or three months. It's, it's a weird word. ERs month. Yeah, month. There we go. Too many s's. Um, but it's such a journey and it's individualized. But please, if you feel like you need support in either dealing with a narcissist, maybe you don't have a narcissist in your life, but you feel like you need healing or you need guidance in any way, I do not strictly just work with narcissistic abuse victims. It is my specialty, but I run the gamut in who I help and who I help heal. So please reach out if you're on the fence or have questions. I'm here again, it's fierce mama c my email will be in the show notes. Speaker 1: (11:56)Um, but this is, I just wanted to throw out a quick tool that you could have in your little back pocket. That's what they say at all the meetings in corporate America. Do they stay still? Say that. Excuse me. I used to work in the television production field and I remember just cracking up every time I'd be in one of those, you know, corporate meetings. We had like three meetings a day, meetings about meetings and the, you know, they have these catchphrases and I'm like, he'd be like, alright Bill, well I'll keep that in my back pocket. I'd be like, okay Adriana, I'm going to keep that in my back pocket for next time. It was just a little catch phrase that made me giggle. So keep this in your back pocket, everybody, wherever you are. So you can take this out, 4, 4, 4, breathe in for hold for, breathe out for and repeat if you can. If you have the time, create the time. I love creating time. That's a thing. So hope you all had a fabulous last week and I hope this is a helpful tool and I will catch you in the next video. All alright, smooches and dueces.
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Heal from Narcissistic Abuse Through This Guided Meditation
1 Apr· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
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TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1: (00:00)Hello and welcome to, but Still she thrives. Today we're gonna do something a little different and I'm gonna walk you through an actual guided meditation that I created for survivors of abuse. So, as you know, that's a big focus on my podcast. You know, I love meditation. If you've been following me, I'm a big advocate of meditating and yoga and all energy work. So I wanted to create something for you guys that you could go back to and just have on hand that's specifically for people who have gone through abuse. So stay close for today's magical episode that you can come back to time and time again when you're feeling stressed out and want to help heal energetically. Speaker 1: (00:46)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with, and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kinda lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:43)All right, Queens, welcome to this meditation, designed to help survivors of narcissistic abuse find inner peace and healing. So take a moment to find a comfortable and quiet space where you will not be disturbed. If you're driving, that's okay. You can just listen to this, but don't get distracted. Don't be a distracted driver, but you can subconsciously let some of this in and then go back to it later when you have time to actually really marinate in it. All right, so let's close our eyes and just shake out any of that energy, release it from your body. We're going to start with some just easy breathing, so just focus on your breath. Let's take a few inhales. Let's go in 1, 2, 3. Hold it at the top and exhale. Gonna do another two. And in 1, 2, 3, hold it at the top. And exhale. Speaker 1: (02:53)Last 1, 1, 2, 3. Hold it at the top and exhale. All right, so now we're going to begin by grounding yourself In the present moment, I want you to just feel the weight of your body on the chair or cushion, whatever you're relaxing on. And imagine roots growing from the base of your spine, extending deep into the earth, anchoring you in here. And now we want you to be really present. So I'll give you a few seconds to just imagine the branches coming from the base of your spine. That's the root chakra. And it could be wrapping around. If you have chair legs, you can imagine it going around them, down into the floorboards, into the earth's crust. And deeper and deeper into the earth, grounding you, keeping you nice and safe and stable in this comfortable position. Speaker 1: (04:16)All right. Now I want you to shift your focus to any physical sensations. So can feel the rise and fall of your chest, which with each breath, this picture it, imagine it, feel it rising and falling. You're just following your own body. Now, scan your body for any tension or discomfort at all. So you could start at your toes, your feet, your legs, your hips, your lower back, your upper back. Maybe your chest has some tightness. A lot of us hold anxiety there. Also, the throat chakra's, another one. It gets a lot of tightness, especially in US women. Speaker 1: (05:24)And that jaw, that neck and jaw line is, it's very common. So you may have some tension here. So I want you to first just notice it. Notice it maybe even in your head. Okay? And now I want you to focus on wherever the tension is. I want you to really focus in on it. And I want you to imagine that tension melting away. So as you breathe in, bring your focus to that area. And as you exhale, imagine releasing and melting that tension away from that area. I'll give you a little time to go through this. Wherever you have that tension in your body, just be with your body. Speaker 1: (06:23)Observe the tension, and use your mind's eye to release the tension. The power of the mind is incredible. Imagine melting away the tension, slowly melting it away with each exhale. Now pay attention to your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, counting to 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, and exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, which eat with each breath. Release that stress and anxiety that is often caused by narcissistic abuse. We're gonna do this breathing pattern one more time. Inhale deeply through the nose, counting to 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. Exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, releasing that stress and anxiety. Now that we're present and in our breath, I want you to repeat this affirmation silently or out loud, whichever you prefer. Repeat after me. I am strong. Speaker 1: (08:34)I am worthy of love and respect. I am healing. I choose to release the pain of the past. And as always, you know, I always have to end our affirmations 'cause I'm a queen. Alright, now, I'd love you to imagine a bright, warm light surrounding you. Imagine this beautiful, yellowish orange, gold, bright light. It's your protective shield. It's creating a safe space where no harm can touch you. Visualize this light, healing any emotional wounds and filling you with love and strength. Really let yourself surrender and feel that protection. Let it all in. You deserve to feel safe. Speaker 1: (09:56)You are safe in this moment. Now, this part of the meditation is gonna be maybe hard for some. It was hard for me in the beginning of this journey, but you'll learn with practice to be able to do it. It might not be today, but just practice until you can feel it so gently. Bring to mind the person who has caused you this pain without excusing their behavior. Because there is no excuse. Try to find a place within you to forgive them. This doesn't mean you forget. It doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship or have lovey dovey warm feelings toward them. This is about forgiveness. Forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs, right? Us carrying resentment and hatred only is harmful to us. So let's try to let go of that burden of anger, the resentment. Speaker 1: (11:05)Imagine holding it in your hands. Imagine holding that, that anger, the hatred, the resentment. Even if there's guilt wrapped up in there, maybe you need to forgive yourself as well. I want you to hold onto that ball of emotion in your hands. You can cut both hands together and hold it and imagine what that feels like. It's been hard. I know it's been really hard, and it's time to release this pain. So on the count of three, we're all going to set free these emotions to the best of our ability. 1, 2, 3. I want you to open your hands as if you're releasing a bird into the sky and let all those nasty feelings go. Imagine them flying out into the universe, getting sucked up far, far, far away from you. If you feel like there's some still lingering, I want you to rub your hands together. I'm doing it. You can hear it maybe through the microphone. Rub your hands together and then shake it away. Shake it away as if you're getting water off your hands after washing them. You don't have a towel, , shake it off. Release again that I know that could be hard for some people. I am here with you. We're in this together. Alright, now we're gonna do that more. Turning your attention to yourself. Speaker 1: (12:46)I want you to reflect on the strength and the resilience it took to survive the abuse. Recognize you are deserving of love and compassion and sweet words and feeling valuable. Place your hand on your heart. I'm doing it with you. And send yourself feelings of warmth, appreciation, and self love. Tell yourself I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm gonna say it again. I love you. I'm proud of you. And this wasn't in the plan, but I feel like we all need this right now. I want you to wrap your arms around yourself. Mm-Hmm. . That's right. It's self huggy. Time . Speaker 1: (13:52)And just hold yourself there. Say, I am safe. I am safe. I am loved. I am loved. I deserve peace. I deserve peace. Okay, now I want you to take a moment to release any negative emotions or memories tied to the abuse. Again, this might not be overnight, but this is a practice. Imagine them dissolving into the air, leaving you feeling at least a little bit lighter and freer. Maybe it's more, maybe you're able to really release a lot of it today. That would be amazing. Everybody's on their own timeline, their own journey. So don't judge on how much you're able to do today. Again, it's a practice. That's why we call it a practice release. Speaker 1: (15:04)Now, think about the people and things you are grateful for in your life. It's just, even if there's just one person right now you're really grateful for, or maybe it's a group of friends. Maybe it's a family member that stood up for you. Maybe it's a coworker that is there and supports you. Think about at least one person Now, focus on the positive aspects that bring you joy and happiness. It could be a beautiful day outside today. It could be the taste of pink sprinkled donuts. No bias here. Think about something that brings you joy someone and something that brings you joy. Speaker 1: (16:02)And let yourself feel that you deserve to feel that joy and you deserve to feel a lot of that joy. Now, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Wiggle your fingers and toes. And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes. Take a deep breath. Ah, maybe you want drop your shoulders and just kind of shake it out a little. And let yourself carry this moment, this sense of healing and empowerment with you throughout your day. Now remember this, meditation is a practice. It is a tool for your healing journey so you can return to it whenever you need to find peace and strength. You are not alone and you deserve love, respect, and happiness. And I want you to have all of those things. So if you need help on this journey, I am here. I do coaching, I do guided, customized meditations. Speaker 1: (17:15)Um, you can always look in my show notes to see ways to work with me. But if you have a specific thing you'd like to do, feel free to email me. My email is always also in the show notes. Um, but I want to help support as many women as I can on this journey. I know it's a hard one and anything I can do to help, I want to do. So please don't hesitate to reach out. And again, save this episode. And if you are loving my podcast in general, if you would do me a huge favor, it is such a help to me. If you leave a review on the Apple Podcast page, if you're listening on Apple, you just go to my main page of my podcast, scroll all the way down to where it says reviews, and you can hit the five stars if you think it's five stars. And leave a lovely little note about what you like about the podcast or how I've helped you in any way. I love, love getting feedback and it really helps my podcast grow. So thank you so much. I love you and I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for listening.
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How to Stop Repeating Toxic Relationship Patterns After Narcissistic Abuse
27 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Do you ever feel like you're stuck in the same toxic patterns — whether it’s in romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even friendships? Maybe you’ve walked away from a narcissistic parent, partner, or sibling... but somehow, the same energy keeps showing up in different people. You’re not crazy — and you’re definitely not alone.
In this episode, we’re diving into why these unhealthy patterns repeat and exactly how to break the cycle for good. You’ll learn how trauma bonds form, how to spot the red flags within yourself, and what it takes to choose peace over chaos.
Whether you’re dating again, setting new boundaries with family, or simply doing the inner work, this episode will help you trust yourself, heal deeply, and rewrite your story.
Join my free private facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
My Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! [email protected]
TRANSCRIPT
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(01:00)Welcome to, but still Sheet Thrives. It's your host, Christie, Jade. Good morning, good afternoon, good night. Wherever you are with your shiny queen crown, you are looking hot. All right? So I am really excited about this. Okay, I think I say that on every episode. I get really excited about all of this. I'm very passionate if you don't know. But today's episode we are talking about breaking patterns. This means breaking patterns for yourself. This means breaking patterns for your children, which I know all you mamas, I know not all of your mamas, but I have lot of mom clients. This is one of their biggest fears is their kids have, I can't word today, but seeing them with these patterns, worrying that they will also repeat the patterns, right? The children looking up to their role models, their mom. So we're going to talk about that.
(01:56)We're also going to talk about breaking that pattern within yourself. I know a lot of us worry when we are going through it or right after being out of a narcissistic relationship or just if we haven't really healed and it's a couple years later going, why am I still repeating these patterns? Why am I surrounding myself and not seeing red flags? So this is all important stuff, but we're going to try to knock it out here in this episode on a zoomed out approach. If you ever want more customized help, you're narcissistic recovery, coach Christie is here for you, and all the information on working with me as a coach will be in my show notes or a description, okay? So we're going to touch on why we repeat the patterns, the awareness being step one with anything. You got to be aware of what's going on and the new patterns you can create, right?
(02:51)New pattern, new you that you 2.0 as I always call it, and then we'll wrap it up. So let's dive in. Get your little flippers on. We are going to dive in Pool of fun. First of all, let's talk trauma loops and familiar dysfunction, okay? What feels familiar often feels safe, even if it's not. So I want you to think back whether you had trauma in your childhood or you were in a romantic partnership for a long time and you were used to that. When you get familiar to being mistreated, maybe you don't know any different because you grew up like this in your childhood and that could have led you to later having romantic relationships that were not so hot. Even friendships that were not healthy. We have that toxic word thrown around all the time, but that's what it is. Or even accepting abuse in an office environment.
(03:51)These things happen often because what feels familiar feels safe, even when it's harmful. Knowing that I want you to look at your life. What parts of your life were you not treated well? And you might have to go way back and it may have started again in childhood, may have started in a relationship in your teens, maybe your first little lovely romance in high school. There was some sort of dysfunction, some trauma, and it conditioned you to be almost tricked into feeling like this is comfortable, right? I won't say safe because it's not safe, but there can be comfort even if you don't feel safe because that is what you are used to, okay? So that's why we often repeat the patterns because either we don't know any better, we haven't lived with anything else or it feels the most comfortable, so we tolerate it.
(04:57)So again, it could be from childhood, past relationships, even office relationships, even the mailman. No, that probably didn't happen. Alright, so there's that. And if you didn't have the modeling of healthy boundaries and love, if you had a parent that stepped all over your boundaries and spit on 'em and chewed 'em and spit 'em out again, all of that, you didn't know any other way. You didn't have that loving, healthy relationship where someone respected you and you could be tricked because if you had a narcissistic parent, let's say you would get love bombs. So on one hand you're like, oh my gosh, they made me feel so special at times and they would shower me with gifts at times. And then on the other side of that though, in turn, what did they do? They dismissed you, they manipulated you, they gaslit, you twisted everything around, right?
(05:56)They abused you. They could have mentally, emotionally, physically abused you and then, oh, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. Maybe they didn't say sorry, but they can when they want something or they want that cycle to continue. If you look up the abuse cycle, I have a whole episode on it. It explains a lot of that. So if you had a very toxic modeling growing up, that can also be why you repeat those patterns. You don't have the knowledge. You don't even know what it feels like to have a very healthy, balanced relationship. So it makes sense. You would repeat the pattern. So we're not going to go shaming ourselves or blaming ourselves. So then we get to the awareness, identifying the red flags in yourself. And this is where I feel bad, but you know me, I'm always going to give it to you straight.
(06:52)I am always going to give it to you loud and clear. People pleasing and me and my husband have had this conversation where he feels like it shouldn't be a negative thing. People pleasing like it's supposed to be a positive thing. People pleasing to me is not positive. I know, I know. Hold it in. Don't yell at me just yet. Being kind to people, positive, loving people positive. Putting others above yourself at certain times for certain situations. Positive being a people pleaser, which really means you are just trying to please people all the time. That usually includes excluding yourself or putting people first before you or feeling so uncomfortable saying no to people that you go against your own grain. That is a negative. So that is a red flag in yourself. People pleasing is not at all. It's cut out to be okay. I know it might hurt.
(08:01)Just shake it off. We still got more. So you got to be tough here on this show. Alright, ignoring your gut instincts. The feeling, it's when you were, let's say, dating that guy before you were married and you felt like, oh, he got pretty angry right there. That felt like that didn't feel right inside. But then he got me those beautiful flowers and he took me on that beautiful trip to Hawaii. Shit, I'll take him. Just kidding, just kidding. He took me to Hawaii and he told me how beautiful it was. He makes me feel so special. But what was your body feeling? What was your body going through? I myself dated this guy in my early twenties. I call us Eminem and what was his damn ex's name? Kim Eminem and Kim where? And he was not physically abusive. I'll add that in there.
(08:58)But there was a lot of ups and downs and I remember that gut instinct. I mean it flared up all the time. I'd be like, God, he is so dismissive. And he would cancel plans on me like last minute all the time and just how he spoke to me. He called me names, not nice names, not ones I'd feel comfortable writing down on a piece of paper. One started with the C, okay, I'll give you that hint and that, but was then met with poetry, flowers on my car in the middle of the night. We didn't live together. He would come up 30 minutes for his, I'm so sorry. After he would treat me like dog dudes. And that happened continuously. Talk about the cycle of abuse. Oh my goodness. I went to a therapist during this time and she literally did a diagram on a big piece of paper and was like, Christie, this is you.
(09:57)You are in this wake up. That was my gut instinct, knowing damn well she was right. I cried. I wouldn't cry if it wasn't right. I cried and I stayed because I ignored that gut instinct until I couldn't anymore. And thank God I got out asta baby. The other thing is overexplaining, when you have to overexplain, I'd be like, well this is overexplaining for people covering up for people. Oh, well he had to do this because this and this and this. And he did that because it did over explain, over excusing, let's call it. Okay, so when you are over excusing people, when you're ignoring the gut instincts and people pleasing, we're going to wave that red flag. I literally have my arm up in the air like a crazy person over here. No one can even see me waving the red flag. Okay, that's your red flag that you have control of.
(10:53)That's the beautiful thing. Okay, so notice what you're drawn to next. Are you drawn to intensity? I was addicted. I think to that high there were the highs and the lows. What's that though? That's inconsistency. So you are used to whether you're drawn to it, you want to say, going back to what's familiar, that familiarity of the up and down and up and down, which I had from my childhood. There was somewhere in my childhood that I had an up and down relationship and guess what felt super familiar that did when I had my romantic relationship. It's like, oh well this is love. That's what I thought. Oh yeah. Oh well, it's just what happens in relationships. I didn't know any better. There's big highs and there's low lows. It's chaotic. So you are actually being drawn to chaos, intensity and inconsistency. So I'm here to tell you, in case you don't know yet and you haven't experienced it, there is consistency. Love. I'm going to say love, not there is love is consistency. Love is not intensity. Healthy love is not intense up and down. Okay? And it's understanding. And I bet if you were in a narcissistic or abusive situation, there was not understanding. Yeah. Now I want you to create your emotional red flag list. What does that mean? Emotional red flag list. Let's look at yourself. Are you a people pleaser?
(12:42)Do you ignore your gut instincts? Do you make excuses for people? Do you speak reasons to yourself about how you may cause certain things? Because that is what an abusive person will manipulate you to believe. And you might still have some of that now. So evaluate yourself and if you need help again, want to work one-on-one to create this list, email me. We can have a call to help evaluate yourself so you can be aware of what exactly you are doing on your end that you can control. You might not think you can. I'm here to tell you, sister, I turned it all around. Here I am. I people pleased a lot in multiple relationships in my life and I am now ask anyone. I know it's a big nope for me. Now, I am not a people pleaser. I'm kind, I'm loving. I do what I need to do for the right people who deserve it. And then also strangers and I do give to charity and all that good stuff too, but I will not sacrifice my peace for somebody else. Okay, so this is going to get us to the new patterns, the new you 2.0 practical steps. Pause before choosing. I love this. And ask yourself, I want you to write this down in your notebook. Write on top of that emotional red flag list. Ask yourself this important question. Is this piece or just familiar chaos?
(14:31)Is it familiar chaos? Is it familiar or is it peace because you deserve peace? It may be boring at first. Trust me, my husband boring. He's not boring. But at the beginning of our relationship, I felt like, what the hell? There's no issues, no problem. I mean there was one problem that I made a bigger problem because I needed chaos because that's what I was used to. But kibosh that thank God there was no real problems, there was no real issues. It was so peaceful. I didn't know what the hell to do with it. Now I'm so glad I chose peace. Okay, also rewiring your nervous system. I've got an episode on that meditation, somatic healing, slowing the F down, not thinking everything is so urgent. You might have some of that. I do. I still have a twinge of it. I'm not perfect. This queen is not.
(15:27)I might be a queen, but I'm not God, I still have that. It's like an urgency we get if you've gone through abuse, you develop an urgency usually where you're kind of on edge. So that can make us have inside of our bodies more of a tension where we like to do, do we have to be doing right? You can go opposite too. But for those who can relate to that, you need to slow down. And if you're depressed and you're too slow laying on the bed, we need to get up and get our body moving. Body moving either way is great. It's the way you do it. You have to evaluate if you're going way too fast, you need to stick some yoga, some meditation in there. Do some breath work. And I do all of this stuff with my clients. I have somatic healings.
(16:19)That's all we do. They're amazing. If you're interested, pop me a if email or I'll put my link there too. But you have to rewire your nervous system and you do it from the inside out with somatic healing. It's the inside and you are working from there instead of that head therapy work, which it has its place too. Now, if you are going into dating, if you are, I know a lot of my clients are divorced, starting to date, maybe you're not even thinking about it yet and you're just friending. You're just finding a new crew of friends. You've dropped some of them. They were controlling just like your ex. There's so many situations we could have here, but we have to do that from our healed self, not our old wounds. So you do want to be in parallel making sure you're doing the work, you're doing the meditation, you're doing the somatic work.
(17:14)You're with a therapist, you're with a coach like yours, truly, right? Because if you're entering relationships with your old wounds, it's not going to work out. I'm just going to let you know that that's not saying you can't go on dates and whatever, but until you're really doing this work, you need to go very slowly in your relationships. Don't be a jumper. Okay? So for this, let's do a journal prompt. In that lovely book you can do, you have your emotional red flag list and your little quote is this piece or familiar chaos. And now you can add a journal prompt. What does safe feel like? Not just exciting, what does safe feel like in your body? What does safe feel like in your mind spiritually, anything in any way you want to write it. What does safe feel like? Truly buzzword for us. Okay? That is one of my affirmations I do with myself almost every day. I used to do 'em every day, multiple times a day when I was doing the heavy work. I feel like I'm on maintenance now, but I am safe. The first time I said that, guys, that affirmation, I cried a river. The Nile River actually came out of my freaking eyes, my tear ducts. It was crazy. I have really big tear ducks.
(18:57)So look, you are not doomed to repeat these patterns. Every conscious choice is a little sparkle in your new foundation. Okay? So just start light. After you do your list, look at one emotional red flag, one pattern. You are ready to break today and you can email me. I'd love to hear, email me. What is one pattern? You're ready to break and I will send you back. I promise I will write back to every one of you. What's one pattern you're ready to break? And I will send an encouraging response back and maybe a little tip if you need it. You can ask me if you want a little tip. So these are not repeating the patterns. And maybe I'll do a separate episode. This is a little longer than I thought it would be about repeating patterns for our children. This alone, guys obviously helps because you are a role model.
(20:00)So what you are living, oh, who said this was it? I might've been my B fff. I think she told me this quote. Yes, it was okay. She said she heard this somewhere. I don't know where, but I love it. Your children don't absorb what you say to them. They absorb who you are. Now say it again for the people in the back. All the way in the back. Your children don't absorb what you say to them. They absorb who you are. That means you got to live it. You can't say don't let anyone treat you poorly and then have your best friend be talking down to you and demanding you be here at this time. And they see that it makes no sense. They're watching mom be treated like dooo bags while you're telling them not to be treated like dooo bags. That's not how it works, sis.
(20:54)Okay, so that's a big one. I love that quote. Write that down. You have a lot of writing today in a writing mood. So we can do another podcast more specific to that. I'll write a note to do that. But just doing this work yourself is such a huge step in breaking the cycle. They are absorbing everything. My daughter, I should do an episode on what my daughter has learned from me. She could tell you she's 10 years old and she's the healthiest human I've ever met in my life. So just saying all that to say that just modeling does way more than you think. But I will do a podcast more specific to what are things you can say or do specifically with your child to help them not break? No, we want them to break the patterns, to not continue the patterns that you maybe have been continuing.
(21:51)The people pleaser, the tolerating certain things we should, not the believing things that crush our confidence, any of that. We don't want that for our kids. We always want our kids to have it better than we did. That's every parent's dream, isn't it? So you are not doomed. Don't worry, you got this. And of course, sign up. And for my Facebook, I have a private free Facebook group. Go get in there. And also if you want to have one-on-one coaching with me, we have fun. We have fun, and it is empowering and it will shift your life. I'm just going to throw it out there. I haven't had one client complaint about their shift when they have done ongoing work with me. So again, my link will always be there in the description. I hope you guys have a beautiful day. Let's take a big deep breath in and let's do a couple affirmations. That's how I roll. Inhale through the nose and release out the mouth.
(23:01)Inhale through the nose, out through the mouth, and then repeat after me. Let's do this one together guys. If you're driving, don't say it out loud. I don't want you crying all over the road. I am safe. I'm going to say it again. I am safe. I am deserving. I am deserving because I am a queen. There you go, you got it. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Love, love, love. And don't forget to email me to tell me what little red flag of emotion is on your list that you would like to shift most. And it's fierce Mama C at Gmail. I always put it in my show notes, but it's fierce mama. M-A-M-A-C at Gmail. Alright, see you in the next one. Bye.
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The Best Ways to Meditate To Rebalance Your Nervous System
25 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
After abuse, our bodies still remember, even if we have done the mind work. Keep these meditations in your practice arsenal to heal from the inside! Want to take your healing to the next level?
Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
My Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free private facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazonhttps://amzn.to/46dDSYk EMAIL ME! [email protected] TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1: (00:00)Welcome to, but still she thrives. This is Christie, and today we're gonna talk about 12 different kind of out of the box ways to meditate. Speaker 2: (00:11)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. All right, so Speaker 1: (01:07)Meditation is a practice that can take many forms and there are some creative outside of the box. Like I said, approaches to meditation. I am a huge advocate of meditation. It has changed my life. And if you are a person who has gone through abuse or trauma, meditation is really an amazing way in addition to your healing journey. Um, so yes, definitely use some of these approaches. Try them out if you haven't already and email me. My email is always in the show notes. You can email me and let me know which one is your favorite. Number one, walking meditation. I love this 'cause it incorporates something I'm very big on, which is moving your body to move that energy. So instead of sitting, you can practice meditation while walking. So you focus on each step, your breath or sensations you know, that are in your body as you move. Speaker 1: (02:04)I also sometimes like to focus on different things like the trees or the blue skies. Um, there are times I like to do like listen to a podcast, but I kind of view them as separate ways. But I do incorporate both. But when you wanna really be present, just focusing on something you know, like your breath, like something visual is a really cool way to do walking meditation. This is really good for those of us who have a problem sitting still, which I did for a long time now. I've kind of conquered that and I can do sitting meditations. I can do them for a long time. But it took me a while to get there and this was kind of a good bridge for me to get present without having to sit there and like still kind of felt in my head. This kind of teaches you how to get out of it. Speaker 1: (02:51)So it's a good starting point. Number two, artistic meditation. So engaging in creative activities like painting, drawing, sculpting, those adult coloring books or little kids coloring books. I'm not gonna judge. So letting your artistic expression flow without judgment, right? Like don't go in trying to be a perfectionist about the art. Just letting your intuition guide you and seeing what comes up. Sometimes all color, do art and words come up too, like this just kind of flow outta me. Um, it can turn into like an art slash free writing session. So playing around with your artistic creative, um, vibes if you will. I know a lot of you are creatives out there and it's a really good way to be able to do it without making it like a typical project where you're trying to make it perfect or you have a main goal, you have an outcome you're trying to get to. Speaker 1: (03:47)It's just like free flow and I love it. I just sounded like a valley girl. I love it. Oh my god. All right, next laughter Yoga. I actually did not hear about this until I think it was 2018 when I moved back to Maryland where I am now. I went to a yoga studio. My friend brought me there and she was like, let's do laughter yoga. And I was like, what? It is a laughter yoga class. So they laugh heartily like without any reason. There's, it's, it's hard to explain. You just have to go ahead and do it, but it is such a release. I actually ended up crying tears and it, it didn't, it didn't feel like hysterical laughter tears, you know, you have that. It felt like a release of something sad, like I was releasing this kind of heavy feeling through doing that laughter exercise. Speaker 1: (04:48)It's again, it's hard to describe until you actually do it. So maybe check out a local studio or I'm sure there are laughter yoga sessions that you could look at on YouTube. I've never done one online, I've only done it in person. Um, but I imagine there might be a way to do it online, but I think if you can do it in person, like with other people, that in-person connection is definitely pretty cool. So while I did have that sad, heavy feeling, I felt it lift. So therefore I still was left with like an upbeat mood, you know, it was like a mood booster still. Speaking of mood boosters, do you all have my four minute morning mood boost meditation? It is epic. Go grab it. It's always in the show notes. I created it for one of my busy mom clients who wanted like a shorter, I think I had a 10 minute one at the time and she wanted even shorter one to start in the morning and the morning rush, but be able to do something. Speaker 1: (05:46)And I did. And it's been my most listened to. I actually sell it too on a site. It's been my most sold out meditation. But you get it free if you get it in the show notes. So go grab it. Number three, a sound bath meditation. Ah, these are so amazing. So you can do meditation through sound. You lie down, you can listen to singing bowls, gongs or other instruments that produce these really soothing vibrations. I have a couple of singing bowls that I do myself, right? But it's nice to have someone else do it for you in a yoga studio or if you have a friend and you're both into this woo woo stuff, um, one of you can do the sound bath for the other and then you could trade. Um, it's just awesome and some people really respond well to sounds. It's not my personal favorite. Speaker 1: (06:37)I think it's cool. I like it occasionally, but I'm really into visual meditation, so I prefer that. But it's, it's really fun if you're into more of the oral stuff. Oral a u r, not oral, right? Do I have that right? Audible . We're gonna move on number five, sensory meditation. So you can explore different sensory experiences such as tasting various foods. I remember my daughter, gosh, it was a few years ago, she was like in kindergarten and first grade even. We would do these, it was called cosmic kids yoga. And they had these little sessions that were just meditations that weren't the yoga but meditation parts and it was called zenden. That's it. I was trying to think of it. So zenden, this is great for kids by the way. If you have kids that are younger and you wanna introduce them into meditation and yoga, but in one of them, it was the first time I saw this, it was actually a meditation. Speaker 1: (07:40)And during it they were having you, like they had you go get a piece of food. I remember we had a cheese stick when we did it and they had you close your eyes and taste it. So it's like meditating through your senses. So you could do it through taste, touch, scent, sound, right? And experiencing the different, you could do whatever combination you want or just one of them. Um, experiencing that is going to make you more present. And the more you practice any of these methods, the more present you become, the calmer you become, the namaste you are. So, I don't know, it's a pretty cool one. I would definitely try, try the taste one out. It's pretty fun. And if you guys want any specific videos on these, just email me. I love when you email me and ask questions. So go ahead. Speaker 1: (08:30)It's in there, it's on the show notes. Fierce Mama C at Gmail. Um, and ask me for specific videos that I can recommend to you and I will. Alright, number six, the floating tank meditation. So try sensory deprivation tanks or float tanks where you float in a Voyant. Epsom salt. I always say Epsom, I wanna say Epson with an N 'cause I'm, I don't know if it's, it's my printer, my old printer speaking to me. Anyway, Epsom salt infused solution in complete darkness and silence. This for me. I don't know, I get kind of panicked. I can't really, I I'm not big on this one, but it does work for some people. Everybody's different. That's why we have to try all of these things out. Um, but the isolation can really lead you to profound meditative experiences. Um, I I being like in complete dark like that, I don't know. Speaker 1: (09:27)It's not that I'm afraid of the dark, no, I'm just kidding. I'm really not. But it's just not my preference. Number seven, guided visualization. This is one I freaking love. I just love guided, guided meditations with The visuals are very helpful for me. Again, everybody's different, so try 'em all out. So rather than the traditional like breath focused meditation, you engage in guided imagery or visualization sessions and there's usually a recorded guide or you can do 'em live. Like I've led live meditations in my yoga classes before. Um, I think I have a couple recorded ones out there floating around somewhere. But you can follow along with a recorded guide to create these really vivid mental landscapes. Often they can include, you know, nature landscapes like fields of lavender or beach landscapes or I used to do one I loved. Um, that was, you know, going into the forest and you know, it's like kind of this magical mystical land. Speaker 1: (10:35)Um, there's just so many out there there, there's a plethora of them that said, I said that really strange. But that's okay. We're all friends here. Um, a plethora of them on YouTube again. Um, I do have meditations that you can request from me. So let me know if you want a guided visualization one. I have one for abundance. Um, I have an anxiety one, so, so that is one of my favorites. Next one is lucid dream meditation. You can practice meditation techniques that lead to lucid dreaming where you become aware you are dreaming within a dream. This is a very unique way to explore your subconscious mind. I actually did this like by accident when I was a child, which was pretty cool. So I learned to kind of do it again, if you want more details on any of this, message me. 'cause we have 12 of these to get through. Speaker 1: (11:33)But you can always, you know, look at them yourself or message me with questions. Number nine, forest bathing. This has a name, another name which is Shinran Yoku. Um, and this you spend time in nature immersing yourself just in the sights, the sounds and smells of the forest. This is a Japanese tradition and it can be very, very rejuvenating. It's a deeper meditation. You spend some more time. This isn't like a four minute mood boost. This is very immersive. You are up in there, you are letting your soul fly all over that forest. Um, no, but you're really surrendering to it, you know, it's a, it's a whole experience. Um, so that's a really, really cool one. Number 10 is the chaka meditation. This is where you focus your gaze on a fixed object such as a candle flame or like the edge of a art piece, like on your wall. Speaker 1: (12:40)And just, you don't leave that spot, you just concentrate on that one spot and it can enhance concentration and just that inner stillness. And it's like a practice like any other meditation, right? So the first time you do it, it might be hard, you get, might distract, you might get distracted. But over time as you do this, it's just teaching yourself to be still be present. And it's a pretty easy way to meditate if you want to be still. And you, you don't wanna have all these, all this other noise I guess, right? Like, I like other things. I like the forest bathing, I like the visuals. But this is, if you're more of a simplistic person, this could be really up your alley. Number 11, mindful movement. So you can do activities. You may have heard of them, like tai chi, keong. I don't really know if I'm saying that one right? Speaker 1: (13:35)Or yoga, which if you don't know, I teach yoga. I love yoga. Yin yoga is my jam. Where you combine physical movement with meditation. That's why I love yin yoga. It is a very slow yoga. It's a deep yoga and there's a lot of meditative pieces to it. So I love it. And they encourage mindfulness through motion. Pretty self-explanatory. Number 12, do you ever get a smell, a waft of a perfume and you're like, oh, that smells like my grandma. Or that smells like me when I was 15 years old. No aromatherapy meditation. So using essential oils and scent to enhance your meditation experience is really cool. I love combining scents with my meditation. Um, I love Palo Santo. I love the scent of rose. Gives me all the feels. I just love it. So I have rose oils, I have like all rose actual perfume that I wear. Speaker 1: (14:40)Um, and inhaling certain scents can help you relax, right? Lavender, we know that eucalyptus is kind of like invigorating for me. I love that one. Peppermint. So it depends on what you're trying to accomplish by your meditation. Like if you're doing a morning mood boost, even if it's a longer one and you know, smelling like a citric, a citrus, I guess a citrus scent. Eucalyptus, peppermint, something that kind of awakens you, that's great for that. If you're trying to relax, you're trying to go to bed, you can do the whole lavender, chamomile, any more calming sense. But essential oils you can even get, you know, the little sticks with the oil in the canister. Um, 'cause we don't wanna burn any houses down. Okay? I seriously left a candle on once and I was traumatized and I did not burn a candle since . No, no to fire. Speaker 1: (15:37)Um, so I like those little sticks. Incense is pretty cool too. Um, I used to love, what is it called? Patchouli, patchouli. Any of y'all use patchouli anyway, so we could go down aromatherapy meditation, the that hole for, for a long time. But we have to end this 'cause you guys need to get to meditating. Okay? But remember this is a personal practice. This is individual. What works for you may not work for another. I remember when I started meditating thinking like, oh, there's a right way to meditate. I, I was even a perfectionist about meditating. It's stupid, right? . So experiment with these fun different types of ways, right? And adapt them to suit your preferences. The key is to find a style that resonates with you and helps you cultivate that mindfulness, that inner peace and what works for your schedule. What works for what you're trying to achieve. Speaker 1: (16:35)Like I said, are you trying to wake up in the morning, you're trying to go to bed? Just, you know, customize it your way 'cause it's your life and you are a queen. All right, I am thinking about doing a separate, um, whatcha imma call it? Why can't I speak affirmation? Affirmation, maybe not every week, but some weeks on Thursdays. Just stick an affirmation. So let me know what you think about that, either on social media. You can message me or email me. Tell me if you'd like separate ones. And if you have any recommendations on what kind of affirmations, shoot it on over and you know the drill. If you wanna work with me one-on-one, you wanna get some coaching done, we can do coaching, we can do energy work, all the things. Um, I will put the ways to work with me one-on-one in the show notes. So all you have to do is click over there, click itty, click take your pick. Mm That I should make an end song that says that. Click itty, click Take your pick. Work with me. I would love to work with you. That'd be great. Alright, see you on the horizon. Smooches and doses. She says . Alright, I think I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed, y'all. You go meditate. Namaste.
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5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 2
20 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
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BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT episode:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531
TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(01:00)Hello. Welcome back to, but Still She Thrives with Kristi Jade. I am excited to dive back into one of our favorite topics here, co-parenting with a narcissist, right? But we, last week we're talking about five proven strategies to co-parent with a narcissist, which is difficult without drama. Can it be done? Stay tuned. So we talked about two of the strategies. The first one was mastering the art of detached communication. The second was boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. And we're going to dive into the third through the fifth today. Three, create a bulletproof parenting plan. So something with narcs, narcissists, I call 'em narcs for short. Get used to that one. Okay? Not the narcs that narc on you, but they can be very good at twisting things and lying, manipulating. So it's really good to have everything in writing and everything very specific. So you want to over communicate in writing.
(02:07)You want to keep it simple and concise, but really that's the main means of communication you want to do and spell out the specifics so they cannot fuddle with you later. Is fuddle a word that means that I don't even know, I'm going to go back to high school. So like holidays, medical decisions, who's buying? What if you're like, oh, my kid's in soccer and needs cleats? Who is responsible for that? When you're setting those things up, especially, or you're adding something to a divorce decree, whatever, you really want to make sure that you are clear and specific when you are communicating. Like I said in the earlier or previous version of this episode with numbers one and two, you do want to be very to the point and non-emotional, but when you are trying to figure plans out, especially if it's something for a larger plan, then you want to make sure you have the specifics in there so they can't mess it up.
(03:10)Muddle it up. Was that what I was looking for? Maybe? Alright, so this can include conflict resolution steps. Okay, so these are clear steps in case there are disagreements. What do you do with conflict resolution? Get a plan together, right? And then stick to the plan. These narcissists thrive on chaos. I want you to hear that again. You probably know it, but let's hear it again. Narcissists thrive on chaos structure shuts it down. When you keep things clear and simple, you guys, it is almost like their worst nightmare, but they can't wiggle around and cause the chaos they normally can, right? So an example of this would be I'll follow what's in our parenting plan. Let me know if you'd like to discuss it during mediation, right? So you can point back to whatever's in your parenting plan. And the queen tip here, do not budge without a legal paper trail, even if they sweet talk you, because they probably will.
(04:19)They try that usually and then they get nasty and mean if they don't get their way. So try to get it on the legal side. You want a legal paper trail? Anything in writing that has your signature on it is gold. Gold, baby gold, like your crown. Alright, number four, this is a big one and I know it's important to you guys because you guys are amazing parents, okay? Who's an amazing parent? Raise your hand. You might not feel like it. Raise your hand anyway, okay? You are here. A lot of you are here because we're talking about co-parenting because you care about your children. I know a lot of you want to stop the cycle. You don't want them to repeat your mistakes. You don't want them to see you make wrong moves. You are worrying because you are a great parent no matter what you have tolerated or been through.
(05:10)We're starting fresh today, okay? So shake that guilt off and let's dive into protecting your kids from emotional tug of war. How do you do this? First, you be the safe space. You create the calm loving home that you maybe didn't get yourself. If you're in this situation, a lot of times there are repeated patterns, so you may have not had that. How would you like to be a child in a home? Right? Think about that. What would make you feel loved and calm and safe? Where can your kids decompress? Even set up maybe a little safe station for them, even if it's in a corner of their room. My daughter has, right? There's a bean bag and a fuzzy, I love tactile things, so I love fuzzy blankets and she has this fuzzy, I can't think of the word rug. It's called a rug.
(06:09)I'm having word issues tonight. She has this fuzzy rug there. Pillows, make it comfy and safe. She has books she can bring over there, like have a safe space for your child, but then you're also going to be the safe space. So you're going to not dismiss their feelings, you're going to hear them out. You're going to be tired because this is a tiring period of your life, but you only go through this period once and you've got to show up for your kids and you have to do the best you can to show up for them in a calm and safe and stable. I want to repeat the word stable to you. Again, a stable place for them to have to call home. You want to be the stability, you want to be the discipline, right? Because that's stability. Even if, I mean, I've got a tween now, she's about to be 11.
(07:07)Does she love discipline? No. Do I know she needs it? Yeah, we have a lot of fun. I am one of the most fun moms you'll ever have or ever have. You want me to be your mama? No. That you'll ever know, but I'm also a disciplinarian and you're going to respect me and you're going to play by the rules and you're going to do your homework. You're going to clean up your masses, but you're also going to have a lot of fun if you play by all the rules, right? So you got to find the balance. But be that safe space. Don't bad mouth the narc. Oh, I know this is hard. I know it's tempting. This is really hard. You've probably already failed at it, but that's okay. We're going to start fresh today. Remember, focus on empowering your child. Instead, focus on empowering your kid.
(07:54)That's the focus when you start to think about bad marking them, think about what effect that can have on your child and what's more important. It's more important that your child feels safe and loved and not chaotic. You are adding chaos to them by badmouthing the narc. Okay? Don't do it. Three, teach emotional intelligence. I love doing this with my daughter. Oh, it's so good helping them name their feelings from an early age. I know it sounds like all woo woo and whatever. It's this generation. Well, guess what? We need it. Name their feelings and trusting their instincts. My daughter started doing yoga and she was two years old. I started teaching yoga later. She started doing it more when I started teaching it. But at two years old, when I was practicing myself, she would do yoga with me. And even yoga, meditation. That helps them get in touch with their mind, body, soul, right?
(08:55)That's not a fake thing. Yoga is a trend for a long time for a reason. It helps them be more connected to themselves. You can teach that, right? So help them name their feelings. You can say, I know that was confusing. How did that confusion make you feel? Or dig deeper? What else was going on? What did you feel in your body? Recognize that If someone's making you feel bad, where does that feel bad in your body? And remember that feeling because when you feel that, take a breath and evaluate and move on. That's a way deeper topic, but you get my gist, hopefully. So queen tip, remind your child, no matter what happens, I will always believe in you and love you again. Some of us probably didn't get that, did we? As kids? I know there's probably 90% of you listening, maybe more that did not get told.
(10:02)I will always believe you. Believe in you, love you no matter what, and you need to trust yourself, right? A lot of us can have issues not trusting ourselves, especially after narcissistic abuse obviously. Alright, so we're here at the last one. Are you ready? Are you cozy? Prioritize your own sanity and healing. Of course, we got to take care of the kids. They're our number one. But in the airplane, if you don't breathe that oxygen, you can't help. And one of my favorite quotes, if you or you can't, I don't even know my own favorite quote, you can't pour from an empty cuff. You can't do it. So you have to be filled. So how do you do that? One? Build your support squad, right? You want to lean on your friends, a therapist, Christie, Jade, that's me, who understands narcissistic abuse. So I can be your support squad, please email me and we can talk about ways to work together or there's links in the description that can take you directly to specific places.
(11:16)How to work with me. I do somatic healing and I do narcissistic abuse coaching. Or we can do a combination. Whatever you need. I got you. So email me if you want to customize your own thing or check out the links, but hopefully you have a couple friends you can lean on that understand what you're going through. A lot of people do not understand narcissistic abuse and that's why people feel isolated. We've been told that we're crazy or we're sensitive or we're this and that, right? And sometimes when I remember back in the old days, I used to feel like I wouldn't be believed, so I just didn't even want to talk about it to most people. Number two, embrace your power. Focus on what you can control. This is huge. This should be in bold in your brain, okay? Focus on what you can control.
(12:13)That's your mindset. You wake up every day. You do meditations, you do affirmations. You look in that mirror and say, I believe in you, right? Your reactions. Are you taking the bait of the narcissist with, are you getting emotional? Are you not making sure everything is in writing? There's reactions too as far as if they are emotionally torturing you on the phone and you're getting manipulated and drug back into their chaos. Create a new system that works where you're not, go to that email, do email only. Talk to your lawyers. Get it drawn up in the papers. That's how you're going to do it, right? And your power, something you can control is your peace. You do have a choice. There's a lot of choices we make. We want to put out there and blame everything else. And I know you've been through a lot, but there's a lot you can control. And sometimes yes, you need that support, whether it's your friends therapist, me, a support group, whatever. Then we have the third way to prioritize your sanity and healing practice. Radical, radical. Not like radical dude, but immense amounts of self-care. That's meditation, that's journaling that not all of this. You could do whatever suits you. Prayer, I'm a God woman. I pray a lot. It helps me so much. What keeps you centered? Maybe it's running, maybe it's dancing your ass off to nineties hip hop. That really fills my gut.
(13:57)So you can repeat an affirmation like this. I choose peace today. Their chaos is not my responsibility. And the queen tip for this, think of your mental space like a VIP club. Only calm, healthy energy gets past the security picture, that beautiful golden bubble, the peace bubble we talk about. And imagine inside of that what that would feel like. Really if you had calm, healthy energy, that's all that was in there. So whenever that crazy ass chaotic narcissist is outside of that bubble staring at you with their big old googly eyes just foaming at the mouth to ruin you and your day, say, hell no. And you create the barriers. And if you need help doing that, write me. Okay? So let's end on a big deep breath in and an exhale. And I think we'll go back to that quote we just did as our affirmation. I choose peace today. Repeat after me. I choose peace today.
(15:18)Their chaos is not my responsibility. I'm a queen. Yes you are. Go shine your crown, run a bubble bath so you can get that radical dude and protect yourself and protect your kids. Save both of these episodes because you're going to need reminders. That's just a thing. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. Don't have guilt. You're starting over today and you can start again tomorrow if you have to. Right? Trust yourself. Start trusting yourself. You get in touch with yourself. We talk about getting your kids in touch with themselves. You too, right? I've been going to yoga classes a lot more. I've been doing more meditations and I feel the difference even at this stage in my game. We can fall out of those practices. And I will say when you start at the foundation of such such just solid ground with the meditate and with the yoga being in touch and connected to yourself, things go so much better.
(16:35)There's a difference. So if you don't meditate, go try my four minute super quick morning meditation. It's always in the show notes and you probably have it if you signed up for my emails or on my Facebook group. You should already have it in your email. If you need it, you can't find it, email me and ask it is the best morning meditation super easy, it's guided. It's me talking to you for four minutes through a fun little meditation. It's easy. It's a great way to start. And then you can build out and do more and more as you get more comfortable. Okay? Have a beautiful, beautiful day, night, wherever you are listening from. And if you want to, I love to know where people are listening from. So email me, my email is always in the description. And tell me where you are listening from. Are you in the us? Are you abroad, overseas somewhere? Where is it? I love to know where my people are. All right, have a good one, smooches Deuces, and I'll see you in the next episode.
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When Does a Narcissist Give Up? The Real Answer
18 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
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TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1: (00:00)Welcome to, but still she thrives. Today we are going to talk about when will the narcissist give up? Dun dun dun. Stay tuned. Speaker 2: (00:14)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:11)Alright, so I wanna preface this with the fact that depending on the narcissist, some of them will quote, never quite give up, but they may take some small breaks, some large breaks, and if you really are good at staying no contact, they may finally give up. So that brings us to number one, the case where a narcissist may give up and go away, at least for a while, is when they feel they have lost power, right? They're all about power. That is all they care about. They control the power. If they don't have it, they try to get it back. That's where they tug on your heartstrings and do their manipulation, whatever they can do to get you back under their power. So usually this occurs after you implement that no contact rule. That is always my first advice with a narcissist, unless there is some legal reason that you need to be in contact with them. Speaker 1: (02:12)My personal opinion of narcissists is there is no good reason to stay in touch with them if you have the option not to. So that's why the no contact rule is the best rule and it has the most success rate for keeping the narcissists away. So it effectively serves as a defense against most of their manipulations, right? They can't do the gaslighting, they can't twist your words when you're not having contact. They can't do anything in response to what you are doing. There's literally no contact. There's no way for them to have the power over you. Does that mean they w won't go ahead and talk crap about you to other people? You know? Yes, they may do that, especially in the, the beginning when you first start having no contact. That could be a way they may try to go through other people to get to you, to get you to contact them. Speaker 1: (03:07)But once you are strong in that no contact, if you can hold that method, , I'll call it, if you can keep it up, then that is when the beauty happens and they start to lose the interest, right? They lose that interest because it's no longer as easy as it was for them before and they have to start making more effort, bigger effort. And honestly, a lot of narcissists are, can be like lazy. They can be lazy about their control. So they want it, they target people who maybe have big hearts are empathetic. So it's easier to manipulate and tug on the heartstrings of those people to get the control. But when you make it too hard and you have no contact or you do the gray rock method, which I will link my episode to the Gray Rock method in the show notes. But when you do that, they don't have the ability to feel that control that they thrive off of. Speaker 1: (04:08)So they are more likely to, you know, cut the cord or just kind of forget about you and hopefully move on to the next victim, not hopefully for that victim, sorry, next victim. But for me, I can't control that. So I was just glad to be rid of my narcissist and they can, you know, go on with their lives, seek somebody else, mess with someone else's head. But I was just glad it was not mine. Another case where they may give up and go away is when the victim discovers what they're doing. And once you understand a narcissist and you start to see it, it be, it can become almost like a science, you know, it can become a lot more predictable than you ever thought. So when the narcissist is exposed, they'll of course deny it. But when their manipulations, when their tactics don't work anymore, they may, if they are, if they are fearful that you will expose them to other people to, you know, other relationships they have families, friends, work situations. Speaker 1: (05:23)If they see that you are calling them out, I'm not suggesting calling them out, that's another episode. But um, if their stuff isn't working and they obviously there's been a shift basically in your relationship, then they can no longer use again that manipulation since the mask has been unveiled and they struggle to get that control back. Right? So I will touch lightly on it though because I think it is important I do my go-to is not to be like you are a narcissist, da da da, right? My go-to is keep very short and direct, non-emotional, um, in your conflict. Hopefully the last conflict you have with a narcissist before you do the no contact method. Then we have the gray rock method that goes a little deeper. I'm not gonna discuss all that here. Like I said, there's a whole episode on it so you don't need to hear me squabble about it twice, but I will link that in the show notes. Speaker 1: (06:31)But the gray rock method is a way, if you have to, let's say parent a child with your ex who's a narcissist, that is a really good way to be able to navigate. And I don't suggest saying you're a narcissist and this and that. If you have to be in their life, you don't want to them off because yes, it may work in a way for them to back off or try to stay as far as they can from you so you don't expose them. But if you have to legally talk and all of that, it could backfire. Okay? So when they have no more supply, if you haven't heard the term narcissistic supply, it's a thing, their supply, I think of it as just this spider that is gathering all of its food in this big nasty narcissistic web, right? So that could be from you and then if you start to have no contact or even gray method, they may start to gather information or keep tabs on you or smear your name to other people, right? Speaker 1: (07:38)So the thing is, if that doesn't work, which hopefully if you have good friends that you know, don't take the bait of the narcissist, hopefully that would cause them to give up, right? So depending on who those relationships are or how many, everybody's situation is different, but if you have good friends and you can even warn them and say, Hey, my ex may reach out to you or whatever, don't take the bait, don't take the call. Um, the more you can block them from having contact with anybody that is in connection to you, the better. So block them on social media, block them on email, have your friends and family block them everywhere you can because that also will make it a little more likely that they will give up again if something is way too much effort, depending on the narcissist, 'cause it re truly, there's such a range of them, they can go to further lengths, but in general a lot of them can be lazy with their efforts, right? Speaker 1: (08:44)Because usually they can manipulate and flip around and gaslight like it's nothing. It's literally just who they are, how they are. They don't have to sit and really think about, oh, how could I get her to do this? It just is, it's a sickness. I wanna, to me it is a sickness in their head that automatically is always ready to just control and gain power at anyone else's expense, right? So they're constantly just like firing away on how to manipulate, how to get their way. So it's so natural that it's not that much effort. So when they actually have to make a big effort, it'll either them off or eventually they'll get tired of it. That being said, I want to say this and on a lot of episodes I mention this, if there is someone who is violent or you feel like they may be violent, I'm not saying, oh they'll go away, you'll be fine. Speaker 1: (09:51)When there is someone violent involved, which I know many narcissists can be emotionally or physically abusive, if they are, I suggest you call the hotline number for domestic abuse. That is always in my podcast show notes to get advice. If you are fearful or fear, feel like you are in danger in any way. I do have many clients that it is not a dangerous physical situation and they don't feel totally endangered, they just more wanna know how to navigate the manipulation. So that's where most of this is going. If it goes beyond the scope of that, of course you want to be careful. There is no guarantee a narcissist is going to stay away forever or go away and that, you know, things will be all good engraving and they're just gonna forget about you. This episode is about how to keep them at as much of a distance as you possibly can, but everyone is different. Speaker 1: (10:52)There is no guarantees. These are tactics that we can use and try out with whatever narcissist is in your life and you know, use it as kind of a test. And a lot of times the no contact method does work, at least for a while, sometimes forever. A lot of people have a lot of luck with it. And again, the gray rock method you can refer to in my podcast notes, that episode, um, that's a great way if you have to legally be bound to this person, usually that is due to, you know, child custody situations. Um, it's a really good way to navigate the conversations and just having a relationship of some sort unfortunately, that you have to keep with the narcissist. If you need help going through this journey and you are on the other side of being with a narcissist. I work with people who are starting to heal from their journey. Speaker 1: (11:55)They have disconnected from the narcissist or maybe it's somebody who is a relative. You know that you don't see that often, but when you do, you wanna know how to handle the relationship or maybe it is a parent and you are having a tough time navigating how to deal with that because they're your parent, but you also can't stand how they treat you. There's so many situations I deal with as a coach. Um, so if you want to see if you are a match for my coaching, you can look at the three current ways to work with me through my one-on-one coaching, and I also have a boundaries course. I will link as well all in the show notes and I look forward to talking with you. But before we say goodbye, let's do some queen affirmations. Alright? If you're driving, do not put your hand on your heart, but if you are not driving and you're in a place, you can go ahead, put your hand on your heart, put both your hands on your heart. I don't care. Put your feet on your heart. Let's really get into this. All right? We're gonna do a little affirmation. Take a big breath. Ah, just let the stress melt off of you. Breathe in your nose and out your mouth. Speaker 1: (13:08)I am worthy of peace. Repeat after me. I am worthy of peace. Nobody can take my power away. I deserve to be loved because I'm a queen . All right, you guys, I will see you in the next episode. Have a great week, and don't forget to check my show notes and I'll chat with you later.
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How to Outsmart a Narcissist
17 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now!
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Join my PRIVATE facebook community with other women who have gone through it!!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
My meditations on Insight Timer:
https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share
TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1: (00:00)Hello Queens. Welcome to another episode of, but Still She Thrives. Today we are diving into a topic that many of us have encountered at some point in our lives dealing with narcissists. They're all around us. So whether it's a coworker, family member, friend, or even a romantic partner or ex romantic partner, narcissists can be challenging to navigate. But fear not. Christie Jaya is here, . Today we're gonna discuss some strategies on how to outsmart those nasty little narcissists. Speaker 2: (00:34)Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:31)So first, really briefly, if you are new here, we are gonna touch on what narcissism actually is. It's a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, right? But spoiler alert, narcissists deep, deep down are very wounded, very insecure and powerless. And this is why they have to have this big mask. It's all a big nasty mask. Mask, but it's still there. So we still have to deal with it. It doesn't change the fact that they treat people poorly and have no empathy. They also have such fragile egos and can be so manipulative that it makes interactions with them. Super challenging. And if you have a narcissist in your life, you know what I'm talking about, probably why you clicked on this. So the first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to recognize their behavior patterns. This could include grandiosity, la, lack of empathy, manipulation, and this constant need for attention and admiration, which ain't cute. Speaker 1: (02:36)So, you know, my first advice with a narcissist is Ron. But if you can't continue on and listen, once you've identified a narcissist in your life, whatever relationship that is, the next step is setting healthy boundaries, right? They often push boundaries. They don't give a about your boundaries. They can be quite demanding. So to outsmart them, you need to establish very clear limits on what you're willing to tolerate and communicate them assertively. So you've gotta, this is part of the work I do with my clients, is building that confidence. Because without the confidence, sometimes it isn't believable that you have a boundary or you won't hold the boundary due to fear or guilt or whatever, right? So they may resist these boundaries completely. So standing firm is essential to your wellbeing. They, again, they're gonna try to guilt trip you or play the victim, but stay resolute in your boundaries. Speaker 1: (03:35)Queen, I know you can speaking, which if you don't know I have a boundaries course, all my information is always in my podcast show notes. Go click around in there, see what I have to offer. I have all my coaching offers and my boundaries course, which is epic. You'll love it. Grab it. There's a special bonus going on when you purchase it right now. So now is the time. So we know narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. So to outsmart them, avoid feeding their ego. Do not engage in the excessive flattery. A lot of us at one point or another may think, oh, I'll just try to make them feel better and they'll be nicer to me. Right? No, do not do that. Don't give the constant validation. Instead, focus on rational communication. Like very short and sweet communication. And they say to give constructive feedback when necessary. Speaker 1: (04:32)I, I have a hard time with this. Um, I feel like any feedback, constructive or not, this is not a rational human. So the odds are against you that they're actually going to take it into consideration unless they're like absolutely desperate. But, so that is kind of up to you. I'm always very against giving any constructive feedback to the narcissist that I have had in my life. So that's kind of a personal preference. You can try it out, but I would not have high expectations. But by not giving into their constant need for attention, you can take away some of their power and control. Another crucial strategy is maintaining emotional detachment. Oh, this is such a huge one. Narcissists can be emotionally manipulative, right? We know that. So it's essential to protect, protect, that's a new word, PR protect. That's very passionate way of saying protect , protect your own emotions. Speaker 1: (05:30)Do not take their insults or criticisms of you personally. This is so hard for a lot of us, especially a lot of us are empaths that get sucked into their web, right? A lot of us have big hearts and big feelings and we're sensitive, right? It's, it's tough. But this is why I do what I do with people because this is part of the journey I love helping with, is to get you to that point. Not only do you gain your confidence, but you also learn to unt attach detach, I don't know, are they both words? Um, emotionally so that you can actually navigate successfully. Like whether that's a relationship or you know, you're co-parenting or whatever. So do not take their. Just don't take it. Don't absorb it. Don't take the bait. By staying emotionally grounded and not reacting to their, you can regain control of the situation, which is what we're trying to achieve by outsmarting them, right? Speaker 1: (06:30)I wanna drum roll for this one. Oo, that did not sound like a drum roll. All right? When dealing with a narcissist, it is essential to document every, everything. I cannot reiterate this enough. Keep records of your interactions, messages, any incidents that might be relative. Um, I would like to also say if you can avoid phone calls with them and do text or email, that is so much better because you have all the proof in the pudding and you know, have it documented. You don't know, especially with narcissists, when stuff can turn and get bad, go legal, maybe you want it to go legal, then it's extra important. You have all of these, like this tracking right of the words they say. A lot of times they can't help themselves. So they can be really stupid when it comes to saying that will bite them in the later. Speaker 1: (07:27)It's like, I don't know. The only icing on the cake with a narcissist is they get real stupid 'cause they're so reactionary. So whether it's a workplace situation that turns into a harassment suit or legal disputes divorce, I've seen a lot of divorce situations where thank goodness that these women or men had everything documented and it really was helpful in their favor with custody and all that. Side note, I think I've mentioned this before, but you can, I, I don't do all this legal stuff, don't quote me on this, but I believe you can get some sort of addendum on a divorce decree. Not sure if that's the exact wording, but I think so where you can make it so that a third party sees your communication between each other. This really has helped some of my clients when they're dealing with co-parenting. This has been awesome. Speaker 1: (08:23)They have this app. There's specific apps for co-parenting for this reason or not co-parenting. I say that I always say co-parenting, but having to parent with someone else, co-parenting is really not a good way to describe parenting with a narcissist if you are not together because they don't really co anything after that. Um, do they even co anything at all? So, but if you are parenting with an ex and they are a narcissist, this is really helpful. There are apps, I don't know the names, but talk to your attorney, um, or anyone in the legal field and ask what your options are for having any communication like legally has to be through a third party app sort of thing where I believe the attorney can have the visibility on there as well. And another thing you can also have set, set up is so that they can only contact you about things pertaining to the children. Speaker 1: (09:24)So you're not gonna get all this crappy hate mail for the rest of your life. So yes, I will say narcissists can be some pretty intelligent people. I know a couple of them that are highly intelligent, but one of their weaknesses is they can be very reactive and that can be in our favor as far as them being kind of sloppy with their evidence, right? Stuff that they say. And if you have it documented, it can be pure gold and very helpful if it goes to a legal situation or other ways too. So make sure to document everything. And also maybe this isn't outsmarting a narcissist, but making sure people know like you, I'm not saying go blab your business to everybody, but make sure somebody close to you knows your situation and can help you out. You can lean on them, you can support them. Speaker 1: (10:25)I actually, this is only with someone you really, really trust. I've actually sent stuff that I had documented, I have emailed it to my best friend who I trust greatly so that that evidence is backed up somewhere else as well. Because you never know, narcissists can get cuckoo, especially like if you're still living with one or you think they could have your password, anything like that where they could go and delete everything. So I say if you have a trusted person to lean on, just in general getting support from them, but also thinking about using them as an extra backup. If you truly, truly trust 'em, like a best friend, family member, nobody who you think could get convinced by a narcissist that you're a show person. Because guess what narcissists will do. The smear campaign will, they will start telling all these people all this about you make you look bad. Speaker 1: (11:26)So it has to be someone you know is a thousand percent on your side. So these are some of the ways there's others. And if you wanna go deeper into it, go check out the ways to work with me and sign up for a call or a month or three months or the rest of your life so we can deal with this together. I am here for you. I have a lot of golden nuggets and dealt with all of this myself and I'm in a really great place now. So I love helping you and that's why I do what I do. If you are not subscribed to my podcast, go ahead and hit subscribe or follow or whatever it says on your podcast platform. Don't forget, I release new episodes every single Tuesday and sometimes I have little bonus episodes, so come follow me so you don't miss any episodes. I'm also on social media, Instagram, I'm fierce. Christy Jade on YouTube. I think I'm fierce. Christy Jade, I'm just fierce. Christy Jade all around. Um, also if you wanna email me, just say hi, have any questions. My email address is always in the show notes so you can find me there. Alright, let's settle down the end of the episode. Let's get namaste. Take a deep breath, hands to heart in less you're driving 'cause that's really awkward. And let's just breathe in. Do a couple affirmations. Okay, inhale, exhale and repeat after me. Speaker 1: (12:51)I have power over my own life. Nobody controls me but me. I'm learning every day and am right where I'm supposed to be because I'm a queen. Alright, Queens, I love you, smooches and deuces and all that good stuff and I will see you in the next episode.
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5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 1
11 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
No More Drama: Co-Parenting Sanity Strategies for Narc Survival
Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now!
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Join our facebook community!!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
My meditations on Insight Timer:
https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share
EPISODES MENTIONED:
EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273
BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies. Let's go protect our peace.
(01:00)Hello Queens, it's Christie. Jade, I'm so excited for today's podcast episode. We're going to talk about five proven strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist while protecting your piece. Is that possible? Yes, it is. Well, we're going to try our damnedest. Alright, so you can control your side of things, right? We can't control what they do, but let's dive into the five ways. This is going to be a two part episode because there's a lot to dive into and I wanted to break it up a little bit. So be sure to follow me on whatever podcast platform you are listening. If you're on Apple, if you're on Podbean directly, wherever you are, hit the follow button so you will get a notification so you can get the next episode, the next part of this episode, and then all the following episodes. Yay. Fun. Alright, so let's dive in.
(01:59)Number one, you must master the art of detached communication. If you've heard me talk about or other people talk about the gray rock method, that is a way, we'll get to that in a second. But using the Biff method, that's BIFF, is an amazing method to stick to when dealing with narcissists of any kind. But especially when you're in this co-parenting dynamic, you have to, are forced to communicate with them most often. You've got a kid together, you're doing custody, you're doing just the back and forth of this and that. There's a doctor's appointment. You got to pay for the shoes. Alright, so Biff B is for brief, keeping those messages brief. Any of your texts, your emails, any of that, your phone conversations, I highly suggest depending on your situation, avoiding phone if possible. I love everything in writing. We'll get to that too.
(03:03)So there's brief, keeping it brief, informative, so we're sharing information when it comes to the kids. We don't need our emotions all going back and forth. We don't need to get into all the fluffy details and just the emotions and everything that's just this bubbling over of stuff that's not necessary. Okay? Informative is key, brief, informative, friendly ish. I say ish because ish, we don't want to be over friendly with these MPHs. So that's civil, basically, and firm. Here's the thing. You got to be firm with your boundaries and we'll get to boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries is number two, spoiler alert, but you want to be firm with how you speak to them. And they love a good weak target. They love a flexible target they can knock over. So you've got to stand firm and confident, and the more you practice, the more it'll come easier.
(04:07)It's beautiful. Okay? Document everything. Like I said, I love text, email. If you can go through a third party app like that, I know a lot of my clients end up, we put it in their divorce decrees. You can add things. Whatever you need to do legally, that's a whole separate episode. But really as a zoomed out, look into this, get everything documented, any conversation could end up in court. So keep it calm and factual. No emotion, none of the bs. Okay? Calm to the point. Emotion, free zone. Do not take their bait, okay? Respond. You're sending an email to a coworker, okay? You want it to be polite but detached. There's that word again, we love it. Detached, detached, detached. Okay? I'm not saying this is easy, girl. I've been through it too. I get it. I know it, but I'm on the other side of it and I've become a master at detaching and it is such a freeing feeling.
(05:18)Ooh, if I could just let you feel what I feel now that I am detached, it's awesome. So an example of that could be, I'm happy to discuss this during our scheduled time. Please email me your concerns, right? Or let's say even brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Let me see an example of let's say you're meeting up to drop off a child. You don't need to get into, you were supposed to do this last week and I just want to make sure you're going to do this and right. We don't need all that. Just say, I will meet you to pick up Kayla at 4:00 PM at this school, and if you could please bring her shoes, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for working with me. Right? The firmness can be in that way too, right? Oh, thank you for, it's like assuming they are going to do what they're supposed to do.
(06:19)That's also a little tip, right? Putting that in there. Thanks for being the dad. You're supposed to be without saying that. Okay? Remember too, the power of that gray rock method. Be dull, be boring, and unreactive. I go into this in its own little episode. I will link the description box of the podcast, but when they try to make you take that bait, they trigger you. That is the best way to win. We're winning. We're winning. Alright, number two. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Everyone say it with me now. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Alright, one of my favorite words in the world setting.
(07:04)So you are clearly outlining the rules for communication. Schedule changes, decision-making, like you got to take the reins here you are taking your power back. You are setting clear outlines and narcissists need very clear, clear, clear. No questions because they will take advantage of any room that you give them. That's the same thing with the emails or whatever, right? Anything, when you add unnecessary stuff, they can twist it, they can turn it, they can do all sorts of, you know what I'm talking about? You've been there. The more you give them, the more they will take or twist or make it work for them, whatever. So we got to do simple here. Same with the boundaries. You've just got to create these very crisp and clean outlines of the boundary. Be very clear and you have to stay consistent. So narcissists, push limits. So you have to stay firm in your decisions.
(08:06)When they see they can wiggle you, they will wiggle you harder. When they get away with wiggling you, they will wiggle you way more. There's a whole lot of wiggling going on, okay? We don't want wiggles, no wiggles. We want boundaries, not wiggles. And then pick your battles. This is tough too. Once we get into this empowerment zone and we're on this healing journey and we're like, look, I'm free of you and I'm not going to put up with your shit anymore. We can get like, Ooh, I'm going to beat my chest too, right? I get it. The pendulum can sometimes swing to that other side, which is great in ways, but sometimes it cannot serve us because then they get even more defensive, even more wanting to go against us. So not every jab they give and they give a million jabs needs a response.
(09:00)And you are also, by doing this, by picking and choosing, you're also guarding your own energy and protecting that lovely golden peace bubble around you that you're trying to form here. If you're just jumping back at every jab they say, taking every jab they give and feeling like you need to call it out or you need to stuff it down or show them you're not taking it anymore, that's also going to be destructive to you and your kids. So you've got to say, is this something I truly need to respond to? Or not even call out, but change, right? Or put the kibosh on. There are plenty of them. You will need that, right? Some, not so much. Some you can just say, noted, they're a clown. Let's keep rolling.
(09:50)And then ways to do this with the boundaries. Something like, I'm not available outside our agreed parenting times if they're trying to get you to do X, Y, z or whatever. Thank you for your understanding, right? There she is. Again, the assuming, the best we know, we know. They don't understand. Come on. Like I said, I've been through this. I know, but we're going to say that anyway and keep it all documented because it can always go to court. You have no idea what they can break out next. They got pockets full of all the things. So we're going to end and we're going to do this mantra. So take a breath, a breath, please. I hope you're breathing a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hands on heart. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage, repeat. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage. You don't have to engage. Isn't that freeing? You don't have to. Why? Because you are a queen.
(11:04)Alright? We will have part two of this where we're going to talk about creating a bulletproof parenting plan. We're going to talk about protecting your kids from this emotional tug of war and prioritizing your own sanity and healing. Those are all good things, right? Okay. So remember, you do not have to match their energy to win. You win by staying calm, collected, and clear. That's how you win. And I'm on the other side, and I am telling you, it definitely is a life changer when you realize, you know what? I don't put up with their shit, but I also don't have to prove myself either, and I don't have to take their bait. I get to protect my peace. So always ask yourself that. Is this something that's protecting my peace? Is this response I'm giving something that is actually protecting my peace? Is it making me feel better or worse? Am I stooping that they're level? If so, we got rewind, redo. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to click the follow button. If you want to work one-on-one, email me or look at my links to sign up for a session. My shit's life changing, okay? I will change your laugh with the help of you. Of course. Alright, see you in the next episode. Bye.
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The 8 Ways to Navigate Narcissistic Parents as an Adult
6 Mar· NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship
Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now!
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Join our facebook community!!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
My meditations on Insight Timer:
https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share
EPISODES MENTIONED:
EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273
BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531
TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, I am so excited for this episode. It is highly requested and it's so deep and there's a lot to it. So it took me a while to really get my stuff together. I wanted to make sure that I covered everything and I think I got it. So grab your favorite drink and sit on back. It's going to be some good stuff in here. So take notes too. Get a pen, get a journal, make it fun. Do a little doodle. Who else doodles. Do you still doodle? I'm 45. I still doodle everywhere. Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted?
(00:54)And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(01:31)Alright, so we're going to talk about eight different ways. Eight. I wanted to keep it to five, but I couldn't how to deal with a narcissistic parent. So the first thing is understanding narcissistic behavior. So if you're here, you're already probably trying to do that, and we have episodes. I will link them in the description of the podcast on certain toxic traits to look at different behaviors they have. So you're looking for lack of empathy, manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting. Do you ever have that where they, as soon as you go to them with something, they will shift it back to you. And in general, emotional abuse and even being super dismissive is maybe some, don't call it abuse, but it is a behavior that is narcissistic and is never fun. It's not healthy when people dismiss you and demean you. Also, knowing this is still part of the narcissistic behavior, but knowing they are unlikely to change their behavior.
(02:36)This is something some of you know, right? And you're here and you're kind of like, I know they're not going to change. What can I do? Others of you have hope and I get it. I had hope for someone for a very long time that I could help them change. I could help them see that if they would just listen long enough, they could understand, but they don't seem to want to understand. But I know that deep down, maybe they do right? All of those things that we tell ourselves and we think this way because guess what? Most people we know would be rational people that would be able to change. If you go to them with something, Hey, this is bothering me. Is there a way we can compromise on this so you can change this behavior? A lot of people would love to grow.
(03:21)Narcissists do not really want to grow. They don't think anything's wrong with them, and we know deep, deep down they do. But we're talking about day-to-day behaviors. They're not going to accept blame. They're not going to have accountability. If they do, it's from a very desperate place of if you're literally like, I'm going to leave you and divorce you, they may put on a facade of normal behavior as such as, okay, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. But then the broken promise cycle should show you that they're not going to keep their promises. So focusing on your responses and not fixing them, right? They're not likely to change. So what can you do? And then that'll bring us to step two, which is, well, not step two, but tip two, I guess setting boundaries. One of my favorite words in the world, and some people hate this word, it feels maybe rigid.
(04:15)It feels if you're a people pleaser, you really might not like this, right? You're like, oh, I got to set boundaries. I got to stand up and do something. No, you're maybe more passive. I have a strong personality, so I'm a boundary setter. It's a little easier for me than some, but listen to what I have to say. Before you feel like putting on the brakes, you don't want to have to handle setting boundaries. There's a way to do it out of love. And remember that you're protecting yourself, not like trying to stop someone else. That's how I view it. I got to protect my peace. We know all about the peace bubble here at, but still she thrives. Okay, so first you're going to identify what behaviors are unacceptable to me. We just went over some of the gaslighting, all that guilt tripping, Ooh, heck no.
(05:02)What about those feelings that maybe you don't even know how to pinpoint, but you know, feel like you're walking on eggshells and we're like, that's a no. That doesn't feel good. Any controlling behavior. This next one, I swear almost every one of my clients, probably all, but I never like to say a hundred percent invalidating your Emos. Can you raise your hand if you're sure. Remember that commercial? No. Raise your hand if the narcissist in your life who in this case is apparent, invalidates your emotions. Or like I said, dismisses them does not give you that cuddly feeling of support whenever you have emotions. They may even say, you're oversensitive, you're crazy, you're dramatic, you're just blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Okay, so first it's identifying what you're not okay with. Then it's communicating your limits. This is where it gets tricky, but this is what you have to do if you are in touch with your parents, and we'll get to that too later.
(06:10)But if you are in touch with them and you feel like you cannot not be in touch with them, which I understand it is very difficult with parents, that is an option to disconnect, but we'll talk about that later. I don't want to discuss this topic is something I in my own life have had to say to a narcissist, right? I will not discuss this topic or I'm not going to however you want to phrase it. I'm not going to discuss this topic another way. If I had someone that would yell at me often, not necessarily a narcissist, but same thing, responding with something like I need space. When you raise your voice. For me, that's a little gentler, but I'm trying to give some gentle responses for those of us who are not where I am at and I am a little more harsh I guess you could call it, but for me more just like it's a truth of mine.
(07:10)I am X years old. Listen now it's 45. I will not accept you raising your voice to me. And I actually give a consequence. I say, if that happens again, I'm going to hang up the phone or I'm going to exit the room. I'm going to whatever it is, right? I'm going to leave your house. But I let them know that's not something I'm going to tolerate and the hardest part maybe for many of us is sticking to the boundaries without over explaining or defending them. I won't discuss this topic. The more you discuss why you won't discuss this topic. Let's say you say, I don't want to discuss this topic because I feel this way, and that gives them so much more space to overtalk you, turn things around, convince you that you're wrong, right? Stand in your truth. You've already made the decision, so stick to it.
(08:14)I'm not going to discuss this topic. You don't have to overexplain everything. You don't have to defend yourself. This is your truth. It's what you have decided is best for you in your life, and only you can do that. Only you know yourself the best. So yes, they will easily try to shift things. If you give them the room, don't give them the room. Write that in big letters. Don't give them room. This should be short and simple limits, and if you don't want to call 'em boundaries, you can call 'em limits. Make yourself feel a little fluffier, a little better, right? Whatever. It's your preferences, but it's a non-negotiable. It should be a non-negotiable because your peace at this point, honey, if you've been through it and you have a narcissistic parent and you're listening to this and you're either 25, 35, 45, that's decades of dealing with a bunch of Bs you shouldn't have had to deal with.
(09:08)It is time for you to say no more, and I am okay with protecting my peace at this point. That's why you are here. You have to act on this. You've got to act on it and live it. Okay? Number three, detaching emotionally. Oh, this is one of the things that can be hard, but once you do it and you feel it for the first time that you're actually able to detach like this, it is the most freeing, just peaceful, calm, almost uncomfortable feeling. You may have never felt it before. If you have had parents that are narcissists or someone in your life for so long, you're like, I don't even know. I could feel like this. First, you want to reduce your emotional dependence on their validation. We talked about they don't validate what I feel you don't need them to. That's what we have to get to.
(10:09)And that's not overnight, but we can chalk this down. That's not a saying. I'm making it one. Now we're going to chalk this down where request in the Facebook group, if you're not in it, please join that it's in my description box, but go in there request. Say, Hey, I'd love to hear more details on detaching emotionally or the validation, whatever. So I'm just trying to touch on these so you get a bigger picture and then we can zoom in later. But the dependence on their validation is what keeps you on the string of a narcissist in that web. You want their validation. You've got to let go of that desire and you can do cord cutting meditations even.
(10:56)And some people are against those. Look, I was raised Catholic, I'm Christian. I have certain different beliefs of different things, but I'm very much a God person, a Christian person, and I sometimes use those tools like meditations to help me, but it's always in prayer. It's always with God and I say, God, please guide me on this journey. And it's just sometimes good to have a voice guiding me through something like saying, please, and you can just say a prayer if you want, right? God, please help me emotionally detach from needing their validation, right? The next thing is the gray rock method, and I will put that special episode that many love. It's one of my most listen to episodes of the Gray Rock Method. So this is pretty much keeping interactions dull and non-reactive to avoid being a target. Like I said, the more you give them, the more space and words you give to them, they are going to chomp it up.
(12:04)They're going to get in there, they're going to twist shit. They're going to confuse you. They make you wonder about yourself, going to make you go to loco in the cocoa. We don't want that. So simple and very short, very basic non-emotional practices. The gray rock method, it's a real method out there and I have a whole podcast episode on it. If you have not listened to that or you need a refresh because we all do, go listen to that. I'll put it in the description box and accepting that they may not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. I say may not, but now I'm out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feeling or experiences. If they do, they're probably just doing it for their own benefit. So 10 out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. They're not here for that.
(12:59)They're here for them. I call 'em their own up their butt, right? They're just up their own butt. They don't, don't care about your feelings or experiences. They're out for themselves. They want the power. So if they take a millisecond to actually feel or care for you, there goes their power. They think, right? That's not true, that's not rational, but they're not true rational people. Alright, moving on to the fourth, managing guilt and emotional triggers. So expect the guilt tripping, right? The expectations just know what you're getting. This is text to book. What they're going to do, they're going to guilt trip. They are going to emotionally bat you around and manipulate you, right? Expect it and know what to do with it. You say their emotions, their behaviors are not mine and they're not yours to carry. Their emotions aren't yours. Don't take the bait.
(13:54)They get all riled up and angry. That doesn't mean you have to get riled up and angry. What do you do? Come on class. What do you do? We learned this already. We say I'm not going to accept this and I'm going to what? Walk away. You have that right baby, okay? Even if it's your parent blood or not, I don't give a, yeah, you have that permission from me and then we want to reframe the guilt. So choosing your wellbeing. It's not selfish, it's self preserving. It's necessary. I'm going to say it again. Choosing your wellbeing. They have made you think it's selfish. They twist everything around to tell you, you are selfish. You are selfish. That is the most frequent thing I heard from my narcissist. You are selfish. You are selfish. It is deflecting. It is them turning what they are onto you.
(14:57)It is them trying to make you believe something so that they have the upper hand and it's bullshit and it's necessary to choose your wellbeing, especially when it comes to a narcissist. They will drag you through coals and not care. Okay, five. Here we go. We talked about that. Limiting contact or no contact, so if it's necessary, go very low contact. I feel it's necessary in most cases. Okay, I'm going to give you the options, but I hope you lean toward the more conservative approach of very limited contact if you have a narcissist in your life. Co-parenting is a different story. I know some parenting situations are tricky, but this is minimal controlled interactions. Maybe having a buffer of another person around or my personal favorite is no contact if the relationship is too toxic. If you're here, it probably is no contact and I have an episode about that.
(16:05)I'm going to have to try to remember, I'm going to have to listen to this again and put all these episodes in the description box. It's so important and you need to, when you enter limited or no contact for the limited, decide on clear rules for your communication. You get to decide that I just worked on this with a client the other day. We're going to emails only. That's it. That is it. You get to make the rules. Obviously if there's a lawyer involved, this was a co-parenting situation and it was okay. It was agreed upon. Email was okay, they're not going to want it to be okay. They're going to want to have the upper hand and they decide, but you get to decide email only. I prefer that over text, especially over phone. Everything is in writing. You can do it through an app.
(16:53)There are apps out there, especially if you're in co-parenting situations. Ask your lawyers to put an addendum on to only speak through certain apps, and that's a great way to have. It's like through a third party. Everything is there. If it goes something legal, all the evidence is there. Get everything in writing and keep it short and sweet. I have literally written a bunch of emails for my clients to their exes just because they felt like they would get emotional. So I'm like, all right, what points do we need? Let's keep it clear, short, concise, and it's worked really beautifully so that definitely get clear on the rules and they can't have unannounced visits, any of that BS no more. And I know I'm talking about exes too. That's because I know a lot of situations, if you have had narcissistic parents, you may have narcissistic exes too.
(17:51)That is something that you can give yourself permission to do. I'm only going to communicate with them through this or keep it to a limited time instead of answering all their calls. Say, I can talk to you Sundays at this time. It depends on your situation. That's why all of these situations, look, they're very different. Everyone's going to have a different story, but you can get a general idea of this and if you want to work with me one-on-one, we go into obviously customize plans for everybody. We got blueprints over here, so if you are going low contact, have those rules in place and prepare for backlash. Guess who doesn't like losing control? My queen narcissist. They hate it. It's their least favorite thing. You have to stay firm.
(18:44)It's not for the fan of heart, but you are a strong queen. I see you. You're on here for a reason. Just know I'm telling you, no one really told me when I went through all of my stuff earlier in life, a lot of stuff, I've had different layers of it, but one of the biggest ones, no one really told me about the backlash, how severe it would be, and just I wasn't really prepared. I wish I would've been more prepared. So I'm glad you're here. Prepare. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you have support. You can be in my Facebook group, get support there from other people in your situation. Get support from me and stay firm in your boundaries. So let's go on to number six, strengthening your support system. Speak in a witch. Do an evaluation of your friends.
(19:33)You're going to need healthy friends around here. If you're trying to take out the narcissist trash, you're going to need healthy friends supporting you, people who uplift you, people who don't make you question yourself, not people who are mutual friends with these people and are questioning you or family members that might see both sides because they're a flying monkey for the narcissist. None of that. Focus on the support of those. Have your back and that can be friends, that can be family, it can be a therapist, it can be yours, truly over here, Krista, Jade. Hey girl. If you need one-on-one support from someone who really knows what you're going through, I'm all for therapy. I love therapists. You have to have the right one that really knows what they're talking about. So you might have to date around therapy or a support group. There are actual support groups, and then there's my Facebook group.
(20:34)Like I said, connect with people who uplift rather than drain you. You don't have time to drain and disturb your peace anymore. We're done, right? Can I get an amen? What? Are you still with me? I'm waking you up. Number seven, prioritizing your healing. Okay? This is the better stuff, right? We have to deal with all that crap and how to navigate this is self-care, okay? Meditation. Guys, if you have not done my four minute meditation, it's a great place to start. You do it every morning, you can do it midday. If you have a few minutes and you do, everyone has a few minutes, go out to your dang car, right? Instead of a water break, smoke break, pee break, hold your pee and meditate. Just kidding, we can all find four minutes, but especially in the morning, you can wake up four minutes earlier.
(21:25)I'm telling you, just this tiny meditation will give you a peek into meditation and what it can do for you. I love guided meditations. You can find 'em all over YouTube. I have my own on the insight timer app. I should put that in my description box. I don't think of all the things, but I have multiple ones. I have one's for anxiety, one's for abundance, all sorts of healing, meditations, journaling. If you love to write, write in a journal I write every morning, I pray and then I journal about it, right? Therapy is a form of self-care. Going to some sort of narcissistic help with coach, like a coach like me or somebody else is going to be self-help. Is that a word? Or spiritual practices? Whatever makes you feel good and comfortable, do more of it. Then you want to work on that inner child healing.
(22:25)I do this with my coaching, but I also do this with somatic healing. If you don't know, I'm a somatic heal healer, which facilitator, whatever you want to call it, and we heal from the inside out from the body. Somatic means body. Your body remembers everything. So you can do all the mindset stuff in the world. Your body's still going to remember. That's why we go back. We feel like real pumped up for a while, and then we can side back somatic healing, which I love to do both. I love to mix both. So we get both of it. The mindset and the body. You are going to have very lasting results. So inner child healing in whatever modality, right? So you're reparenting yourself with kindness and affirmation, which wouldn't that be nice if we had that. Maybe you did with one parent, but also shifting your mindset from victimhood to empowerment, and I know I might get an ass whooping on this one because I am validating that you were a victim.
(23:26)I was a victim. I get it. I went through it. But we shall not use that as our identity. I would prefer you think of yourself as a survivor as empowered and using what happened now to catapult you into the greatest life you can have. Your parent, whoever, whatever narcissist in your life does not define you, okay? Let them have the bullshit. Let them hold that, right? They have the poison. We're going to step, yes, we got sprayed with poison. What are we going to do about it? We're going to spit it back in their damn faces and run. Alright. Number eight, staying grounded in your faith and truth. I am a God person. I don't care what you are. I hope you're God person. I love God. He's a good dude. Sky daddy. He's upstairs. If you want to ever talk to him, you just say, Hey, what's up?
(24:28)God, no. If you're spiritual, pray, meditate to stay centered in your truth, not theirs. Again, you're not the one with all the poison that's theirs. Sit in it. Say, I don't have room for you. I don't have time for you. I want nothing to do with this poison and ask God for guidance. Every day I ask God, shine the light of my path, my obedience. Sometimes I say it for obedience to you or the healthy path for me, whatever I'm needing in that moment. Remember God, your higher power, whatever does not call you to suffer but to thrive. He wants you to thrive. We're not here to suffer. I know we may suffer. I get it. I know there's suffering and there's darkness in the world, but sky daddy, I think of him as the best dad out there who wants me to just do all the good things, help all the people be good to myself, help my family break the cycles of abuse, whatever He wants it all for me and for you.
(25:41)So what does your God, your higher power want for you? Think about that. Write it down, and then trust yourself, which is hard for people who've gone through abuse. This can be tricky, but try to trust yourself. Your feelings, your needs, your worth are valid. It's all valid, even though it might not feel like it because you had somebody in your life invalidating you over and over and over. We're going to rewrite that. So these are the things. This is like, there's a lot of housing in here, which I will tell you. They say, Christie, don't give away all the how's. That's the whole thing you want to wait for. So you can do that in coaching. Well, I like to give shit away free because I care more about helping you than the dollars in my pocket. Honestly, I want to help as many people as I can, and if you want further, deeper help that I cannot, I'm trying to spit out as much as I can for you here, but whatever I can't get out in this podcast you want to delve deeper into, let me know.
(26:51)I will put a link. There's always going to be a link there of how to work with me, whether it's a somatic healing or coaching or both. I will put the link in the top part so you know where to click, and if you want to just email me and chat and just see what kind of help you think you may need, you're kind of lost out there. Email me. My email is always on there too Fierce Mama C, that's me at Gmail. I hope you guys like this episode. I loved it. I think it's really important. I'm like, I love my episode. See what happens when you heal, you get confidence. Yeah, girl, no, I feel good about this because it's been asked for and I wanted to really make sure I covered a lot. If you have more questions, again, that Facebook group is where you want to ask anything, just post on there. Ask, request me to do, delve deeper into maybe self-care. Whatever you want to hear more about, let me know. I love that. And you can also put up your own, what wins have you had this week?
(28:00)What have you done in your healing journey? Which one of these eight things are you doing? Maybe you're doing some of them already dealing with your narcissistic parent. That space is a safe space to share and have support from people that are going through the same thing we are. We love that, don't we? I love it. Alright, so that is it for this episode. Of course, I would love to help as many people as possible. I know not everyone can do one-on-one sessions, but that is where you're going to get the customized stuff right? We're going to really get some deep, long lasting healing, and I shift people pretty damn quickly. It's my specialty. I love that about me, but it is, I'm quick myself. One of my best friends calls me Bunny, and because I like to go through things quickly, I'm not going to be sitting.
(29:00)I don't want to lay on that couch and cry about shit any more than I have to. I'm going to do it. I think emotions are important. You address them, you honor them, and then you say, this life is short. Let's fucking party. No, that's not what you say. Well, maybe I do. No, I want to thrive. What's my purpose? I want to feel happy again. I want to find the old me that was in there, or I want to find myself for the first time. I want to feel confident. I want to have joy. I want to break the cycle where I know that I'm not going to tolerate anyone else treating me poorly ever again. And I want my kids to see that there's all these things, right? So honor yourself, put your crown on. Let's do some affirmations to end this, okay? All right, we'll do it specific to this topic first. The first one, I am free of getting validation from my parent.
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Emotional Healing Through Decluttering & My Declutter Challenge

How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You ( Spring Reset for the Soul )

How to Balance Your Nervous System After Narcissistic Abuse

Heal from Narcissistic Abuse Through This Guided Meditation

How to Stop Repeating Toxic Relationship Patterns After Narcissistic Abuse

The Best Ways to Meditate To Rebalance Your Nervous System

5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 2

When Does a Narcissist Give Up? The Real Answer

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 1

The 8 Ways to Navigate Narcissistic Parents as an Adult