Episodes
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If you feel like it'd your job to make everyone happy, or that it's always your fault when someone is upset, this definitely listen to today's episode. To learn more about why we do this, and practical solutions that you can implement in your life and relationships to help you navigate this pattern, you can check out the masterclass we did on this in the Codependency Alchemy Membership.
Resources:
* Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on Instagram
* Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community.
* The Codependency Quiz: 9 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.
* How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. ONLY $25 FOR THE MONTH OF MAY!
* Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon & BookBaby Bookstore
Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
I’ll never forget when I was in my situationship back in 2019 and all my sexual abuse trauma came bubbling up to the surface. I was completely confused because I felt like I had forgiven and put that past me, and I couldn’t understand why it so loud all of a sudden.
I learned that I had really repressed some very real feelings and emotions that a very young part of me was still holding. And in today’s podcast episode, Marcee was experiencing something very similar.
Please keep in mind when listening to today’s podcast episode that we will be discussing sexual abuse and trauma, so if this topic is sensitive to you please take care of your needs and check in with yourself before listening.
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Missing episodes?
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For those of us with codependent or anxious attachment patterns, it's super common to find ourselves making a new person or relationship mean something about us. We start dreaming up this whole future with them and attaching our sense of self-worth and belonging to how much they like us.
Resources:
* Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on Instagram
* Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community.
* The Codependency Quiz: 9 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.
* How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. ONLY $25 FOR THE MONTH OF MAY!
* Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon & BookBaby Bookstore
Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
Opening up about a past "situationship" was incredibly difficult (or should I say embarrassing), but I really wanted to share with you all how that experience illuminated my insecure attachment patterns and codependent behaviors that I was completely unaware of.
What is a situationship? I would describe a situationship as a romantic connection, but nothing that suggests commitment. It’s perfect if you want to be in limbo and constantly question your sanity. 🤣
Resources:
Resources:
* Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on Instagram
* Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community.
* The Codependency Quiz: 9 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.
* How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. ONLY $25 FOR THE MONTH OF MAY!
* Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon & BookBaby Bookstore
Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
Honestly feeling unwell. Annoyed. This is the best word to describe me right now. I'm dysregulated AF. Everything seems to just have the perfect smell, taste, or sound to just send me into a spiral, like smoke out of my ears fuming.
I loathe feeling this way.
And yet feeling this way is the key to unlock the next door I'm being invited to walk through. An…
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This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
If you find yourself blaming someone or something outside of you, you are avoiding something within you.
It was so lovely to connect with those of you who were able to make the call for our April Meetup. Here’s the inner child practice that was mentioned on the call today:
I want to thank you again for your vulnerability, courage, and curiosity on the call. It was so powerful to walk so many of you through shadow work and inner child healing! Please feel free to leave any reflections that came through for you in the comments.
ILYSM 🤟🏾
Alyssa
Codependency Alchemy by Alyssa Zander is a membership and podcast created to empower you in becoming your most authentic self with confidence and ease by overcoming self-doubt, guilt, and shadow aspects of yourself that have you looping in dysfunctional patterns in your relationships. To join monthly meetups like this one, and get access to more resources for supporting you in your healing codependency journey, you can upgrade your subscription to paid and join our growing community.
Upcoming Events
April 18th: AMA Chat
Bring your questions to our AMA Chat on Thursday, April 18th between 10AM-1PM (PST)
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This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
This months Masterclass in Codependency Alchemy: The Membership for paid subscribers is on How to Stop Taking Responsibility for Other People's Feelings and Moods, and discovering common signs of codependency like fixing others' problems, excessive apologizing, and changing boundaries to please others. Learn how to identify these patterns and why we do them with the shadow work prompts I share with you.
If you’re interested in watching the full class and transcript, you can upgrade to paid.
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I know I needed community and a brave place for me to navigate my unhealthy relationship patterns, so I created the places I needed. In this episode I talk about how Codependency Alchemy has grown, and thank you all for an amazing SEASON 2!
Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on InstagramCLICK HERE TO GET ON THE WAITLIST FOR THE MASTERMINDCodependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
This is just the beginning babes. Stay tuned.
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
Many of the women I have the privilege of working with are mothers. Mothers who feel touched out and need space, but feel guilt when it comes for asking or taking it, or they struggle trusting the resilience of their child and their partner to figure out their own way. I share about my background with child development and things I've learned about cultivating a prepared environment that supports the child's development and behavior.
Join the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on InstagramCLICK HERE TO GET ON THE WAITLIST FOR THE MASTERMINDOn Children - By Kahlil GibranCodependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
What is reasonable, or not reasonable when it comes to asking your partner for support. Additionally, what can you rely on your partner for?
CLICK HERE TO GET ON THE WAITLIST FOR THE MASTERMINDCatch the Healing the Mother Wound Masterclass Replay on SubstackCodependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
What are you afraid will happen or what are you afraid it might mean about you if you ask for what you need, or if you ask for support?
This was a question submitted in the Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel on Instagram. If you want to drop your own topic suggestions make sure you join the Broadcast Channel by clicking here: Codependency Alchemy Broadcast Channel
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
It was so lovely to connect with those of you who were able to make the call for our March Meetup. Please feel free to leave any reflections that came through for you in the comments!
ILYSM 🤟🏾
Alyssa
Codependency Alchemy by Alyssa Zander is a membership and podcast created to empower you in becoming your most authentic self with confidence and ease by overcoming self-doubt and guilt. To join monthly meetups like this one, and get access to more resources for supporting you in your healing codependency journey, you can upgrade your subscription to paid and join our growing community.
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When one partner consistently over-gives or seeks to create comfort for the other, a pattern emerges—one that often stems from deep-seated codependent tendencies rooted in fears of abandonment and rejection. In this episode we explore how these patterns manifest, the toll they take on both partners, and how to navigate towards healthier, more balanced relationships.
CLICK HERE TO GET ON THE WAITLIST FOR THE MASTERMINDCodependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
I think we can all agree that breakups are hardly ever easy. In this episode I talk about the breakup that pushed me to my edges, and how I finally had to face myself (and my unresolved trauma) in the process. I talk about the pain, revelations, and healing that took place through some of the darkest moments of my life. Without this breakup, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
I think this means I passed the test?! Join me as I tell you babes about a vivid dream that sent me tumbling down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and fear, threatening to sabotage my relationship, once again. I unravel the familiar patterns and confront the impulse to push away someone I love.
Resources:
Listen to Why People-Pleasing is Keeping You From Your Authenticity & JoyCodependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby BookstoreLet's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
This months Masterclass in Codependency Alchemy: The Membership for paid subscribers is on Healing the Mother Wound, where we begin to recognize the role of the mother wound and the ways it perpetuates codependent behaviors in our life and relationships. If you’re interested in watching the full class, you can upgrade to paid and access the video and full transcript.
In this masterclass I will be sharing about the connection between the mother wound and codependency, empowering us all in uncovering unhealthy dynamics and supporting us in cultivating a healthy level independence... yes, healthy level, because hyper-independence can also be a trauma response that can negatively effect our relationships and is actually really common when we experience the mother wound.
What is the Mother Wound?
The mother wound comes from the absence of safety and love we needed as children from our mothers.
It doesn't imply that your mother was unloving or uncaring overall, but rather highlights moments when you felt unworthy and inadequate, believing you weren't good or perfect enough to receive your mother's love and validation.
This leads to experiencing a fear of abandonment, rejection, betrayal, and an overall feeling of unworthiness.
In this masterclass we will explore:
* What is the mother wound?
* What is codependency?
* How the mother wound and codependency are interrelated
* Shadow work (getting to the root and reality checking some of our codependency tendencies)
* A somatic and inner child healing practice
After watching the masterclass, I invite you to join me in the comments, sharing what came through regarding the shadow work prompts, and the somatic/inner child practice. You’re welcome to ask questions and share your take-aways from the class in the comments as well!
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This week we're talking about insecure attachment styles! We'll uncover the roots of anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment styles. From understanding childhood traumas to its impact on our adult relationships, we'll explore how self-awareness, vulnerability, and personal responsibility can pave the way towards earned secure attachment, fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
🙏🏾 If the podcast is supporting you on your journey, please share and leave a rating or review so that other people can receive support and find the podcast!
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
In this episode, Alyssa shares her personal journey of navigating conflict with a dysregulated partner while healing from an insecure attachment style. We'll talk about setting boundaries with compassion, creating space for your partner's emotions without feeling the need to "fix" them, and trusting in the resilience of both yourself and your partner.
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
If you've struggled with anxious attachment or fearful avoidant attachment in your relationships, this episode offers gives you a real life experience of what conflicts can look like when you're stepping into earned secure attachment.
🙏🏾 If the podcast is supporting you on your journey, please share and leave a rating or review so that other people can receive support and find the podcast!
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
In this episode Alyssa Zander will give four prompts that will help you in understanding your shadow self. Learn how staying curious opens your heart and eases the ego, paving the way for self-reflection and personal growth.
Explore powerful journal prompts to meet your shadow self. Uncover the nuances of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors by bringing curiosity to situations that trigger strong reactions.Discover how asking why certain aspects of your personality make you uncomfortable can lead to greater self-awareness, unveiling potential elements of your shadow self.Engage in honest and open journaling about your experiences. Identify recurring patterns in your thoughts and behaviors to uncover themes of your shadow self.Learn about what your shadow aspects need from you instead of suppressing them.🙏🏾 If the podcast is supporting you on your journey, please share and leave a rating or review so that other people can receive support and find the podcast!
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
In this episode, Alyssa Zander addresses a listener's question on managing triggers within a current relationship. Discover three transformative strategies that have personally supported Alyssa in navigating relationship triggers, highlighting the importance of taking personal responsibility for emotional safety.
Learn about how triggers often arise when we don't feel safe within ourselves, and why it is so important to take personal responsibility for our emotional safety.Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation: Understand the two-fold approach to managing triggers.Discover how practicing self-compassion and sharing your healing journey with your partner, with consent, can deepen understanding and connection.🙏🏾 If the podcast is supporting you on your journey, please share and leave a rating or review so that other people can receive support and find the podcast!
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe -
In this episode, Alyssa opens up about the journey of her relationship, exploring the nuances of a healthy, consistent connection and the unexpected challenges she faced. Discover the hidden dynamics that can arise in healthy relationships, and how unresolved trauma can impact our perception of love.
Uncover the subtle triggers that may arise and how they are invitations to heal unresolved trauma.Explore the concept of self-sabotage in healthy relationships, particularly for those who have experienced trauma. Personal share about things I wish I had done differently in the beginning.
Codependency Alchemy: The Membership: Subscribe on Substack for weekly shadow work prompts, exclusive podcast episodes, and access to monthly masterclasses and group coaching calls. Take the next step in your healing journey and join a supportive community. Use this link and save on The Membership! The Codependency Assessment: 10 questions to help you see where codependency is influencing your life and relationships.How to Heal Codependency in Your Relationships: A 5-week self-paced course that guides you through the tools & practices I use to get clients from resentful to reciprocal relationships. (USE PROMO CODE "PODCAST" TO GET 50% OFF)Get your copy of “Healing the Mother Wound: With Mother Earth” on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & BookBaby Bookstore
Want to hear Part 2: The Breakup? Let me know in the poll or the comments!
🙏🏾 If the podcast is supporting you on your journey, please share and leave a rating or review so that other people can receive support and find the podcast!
Resources:Let's connect! Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and you can even subscribe and watch the full episodes on YouTube!
Support the show
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe - Show more
