Episodes
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A sneak eater and a speed eater from the jump, I literally made friends with kids based on what they had in their fridge and pantry. When I was around food, I couldn’t rest until it was finished. My earliest memories are food-related, and they are painted with a lot of shame, fear, and low self-esteem. I thought if I got down to a magical weight, everything would start going my way. Instead, I ate my way to 300 pounds, while blaming everyone around me. When it came to a point where numbing myself with food stopped working, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). The physical recovery never gets old; I can hike, do yoga, and I’m in better shape in my late fifties than I was in my twenties. I fit into the same size clothes year in and year out, and no more sleep apnea or CPAP machines either! But the emotional and spiritual recovery are the true gifts of this program. FA is the answer for me. My life just keeps getting better, and I can’t imagine living any other way.
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My whole life was about dieting, restricting, and waiting to be thin. When I’m thin, then I’ll be happy, I thought. I was sure Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) was not for me – too time consuming, and there was that whole “higher power” thing. I’ll just go to the gym more often and I’ll keep doing this commercial weight-loss program, I told myself. In actuality, my "weight loss program" meant going to the bakery, buying a dozen items, eating half, and throwing the other half out the car window on the way home. Dieting got me up to 185 pounds, and I was constantly at war with myself. It was my grown daughters who first joined FA, and I watched as they both lost weight and became more sensible people, unrecognizable from when they started the program. It took me seven long years of thinking about FA before I was convinced. By then, I was so desperate that I followed every suggestion my sponsor offered. I lost 50 pounds, and my life got better. At 78, I am a healthier person both mentally and physically, living a happy, productive life.
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Missing episodes?
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Standing at the refrigerator looking for something—anything—to change the way I felt, I heard myself admit, “I do not know how to eat,” and I started to cry. Ironically, I was the class clown, the jokester, and above all, I wanted you to like me. I lost weight after gaining the freshman 50 in college, and I thought that would solve my problems. It didn’t. Then, I thought getting married would make everything better. It didn’t. In another Twelve Step program, I listened to people talk about obsession, compulsion, and negative thinking. My truth was that I knew all of these things were very much alive in me. I also realized that I was sitting in those meetings high on sugar, wondering, am I really even sober? When I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I was given the gift of open-mindedness. Having always been a rebel and a hippie, I liked to do things my way. In FA, a still, small voice said, “Take your sponsor’s suggestions.” It was then I decided not to joke around anymore, and no questioning, litigating, or fighting either. To my surprise, I’ve found amazing freedom in that. Today, I live in a healthy body, with a spirit that shines.
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At the age of thirty and weighing 207 pounds, I was living a hopeless life. My existence was one of self-loathing, never feeling like I belonged. As a young person, I started hiding food, which began a cycle of guilt and shame over my eating. I fantasized that by going away to college I would make myself over into a new person. Instead, college was defined by a lot of eating, a lot of drinking, and a lot of crushes on men who didn’t know I was alive. After graduating, I continued finding myself in unfulfilling relationships and jobs that sucked the life out of me. When you think you are worthless, it’s really hard to make rational decisions. When I finally found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), my sponsor encouraged me to talk about myself instead of hiding behind a protective, permanent grin. I learned to put myself and my recovery first. In FA, I grew physically smaller - by 60 pounds! - but my voice grew much larger. In fact, I’m singing again, which is bringing me great joy. Today, I am becoming someone I never even dreamt I could be, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
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At nine years old, eating five meals a day and snacking in between, I thought I was ugly and I hated my body. In high school, at 217 pounds, my friends thought I was the strong one, but I never really showed what was happening inside. My twenties were a complete blur. I started a new diet every Monday morning, but by 10 a.m., I’d say, “forget it.” I’d try again on Tuesday without any luck, and by Wednesday, I’d rationalize – “It’s almost the weekend, so I’ll just start again next Monday.” Repeat, repeat, repeat. Diets, self-help books, podcasts, motivational speeches, yoga retreats, I even became a life coach – and wound up at 265 pounds. Then, I met a woman who’d been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for over twenty years. When she shared how much she loved herself, I decided right then – “Whatever she’s doing, I’m doing it, too.” Today, I’m in a healthy body, I’ve found peace and joy in living, and I truly love myself. It feels like a miracle the way FA has transformed my entire life. Believe me, FA works. And if I can do this, so can you.
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I was just miserable. Ashamed. Desperate. Somehow, I had eaten my way to being 80 pounds overweight. What I could wear on a Friday wouldn’t fit by Sunday night. Willpower is something I have in spades, but I was no match for the phenomenon of craving that occurred when my addiction to food kicked in. In truth, I was a person of great extremes, and at one point in my life, I had restricted my way down to an unhealthy 103 pounds. The turning point came when I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), and the relief was immediate. I came to a meeting and found a sponsor who helped guide me through the program. I learned that weight was a symptom of a deeper disease that affected how I was making life decisions. In FA, I lost weight and, more importantly, learned to accept who I am. I’ve learned to cut other people (and myself) some slack, I am a more forgiving person, and I have a far greater sense of peace and serenity. I have learned how to sit with discomfort without eating my way through it. Now, I can show up for my life, regardless of the challenges thrown my way.
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Plagued by a lifetime of anxiety and repeated hospitalizations for depression, this transgender man took refuge in food. As his addiction progressed, everyday tasks and the most basic self-care seemed impossible. With anger issues escalating at work, diabetes so out of control he was losing his eyesight, and thousands of dollars spent on therapy, things were only getting worse. He knew he couldn’t continue eating addictively, but he simply could not stop. This, he said, was a loneliness like no other. At his first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting, he realized that he was not broken and he was not alone. In FA, he found a whole new life -- a life of peace and freedom that he never dreamed possible.
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I grew up a middle child in a single parent family, until my life changed at the age of five when I moved in with my aunt and uncle. I would eat everything in the kitchen, and then deny, deny, deny -- or blame it on the dog. At school, I felt like a square peg in a round hole and was often in trouble for misbehaving. After school, I would prepare a packaged meal with eight servings and then eat it all before destroying the evidence. I started drinking at 14, which led to an addiction to pain medication. Finding AA brought sobriety, but I still felt something was wrong, so I filled up my life with busyness. College classes, starting a business, and taking on an internship, I was on the go from 6 am to 10 pm and eating around the clock. After two failed marriages, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous and quickly lost weight. Through studying the 12 steps, I have developed a connection with a Higher Power; I am able to show up for my family and ailing mother rather than avoiding life’s challenges, and at work, instead of isolating, I’m collaborating with a team. Today, with trust and reliance on God, I know I’m going to be ok. What could be better?!
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While putting food on the table and keeping the lights on were ongoing challenges at home, my family showed their love through large quantities of food. At school, I was always the biggest person in my class. TV shows and magazines about weight loss only made the cravings worse. I worked hard at the gym and then rewarded myself with food. Once I had my own money and was able to buy what I wanted, my food addiction really took off. At 300 pounds, everything hurt. I had high blood pressure and was pre-diabetic. With heart disease rampant in my family, I knew if I didn’t get into recovery, I’d be dead very soon. I had heard about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, but - no flour, no sugar? No way! Then I heard a little voice say, “Let’s just go check this out.” My plan was to lose weight, get married, and leave. Long story short, I lost weight, got married, and stayed. What is my life like now? Amazing. I could still be that 300-pound person waking up every day saying, “I don’t want to do this,” shoving myself into my size 24 clothes. Instead, I get to show up for life as my authentic self; asking for help, loving those around me, loving myself, and loving my life.
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She did not have weight to lose, but knew she was in serious trouble with binge eating. Repeated trips to fast food and convenient stores looking for “pep” and answers in food, she was overwhelmed, hopeless, and certain Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) couldn’t help. The more she ate, the emptier she felt. Today she feels content and satisfied, and she gets to be the best version of herself. She’s one of thousands who prove that the FA program works for anyone who truly wants to recover from food addiction.
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I was an anxiety-ridden child. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and felt as if I just never fit in. Looking for relief, I made food my solution. I hoarded food, stole food, and stole money to buy food. Graduating to other substances, I was smoking cigarettes at eleven years old, and using alcohol and marijuana by sixteen. When my doctor prescribed diet pills and then more diet pills, I was rocking the world. Finally, I didn’t have that insatiable need to eat. I was animated! I was fun! But every time I lost a large amount of weight, it would always come right back on. For years, even after my marriage and the birth of my daughter, I was miserable and in a deep hole of despair. When I finally came to a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting, sick, tired, angry, and resentful, I felt something I hadn’t felt before: hope. Today, I’m grateful to be in a healthy, right-sized body, with a beautiful network of friends who understand what I’ve been through. I’ve found a loving Higher Power and a life of peace and serenity. I’m a “satisfied customer,” and I’m going to keep coming back.
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As a kid, I would eat everything that was put in front of me and then go back for seconds. But I was thin, so my weight wasn’t an issue. As I grew up, I ate to escape: from work stress, from family relationships, and from fear in general. I was wracked with so much worry and resentment that, night after night, I had difficulty sleeping. I turned to food in the shape of huge meals, constant snacking, and eating again before bed. I was buying two to three bottles of antacids at a time to deal with my reflux. My doctor, whom I’d known and trusted for years, told me point-blank: “Your weight is unacceptable.” Dangerously high blood pressure and a myriad of other issues were threatening my health. I had to find a way to not only lose weight, but to keep it off. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) has transformed my life. Slowly but surely, I practiced replacing fear with faith. Now that I’ve been in FA for over sixteen years, why do I keep coming? The longer I work the FA program and the Twelve Steps, the better my life gets. It’s been a wonderful journey.
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From my earliest memories, I was never satisfied. No matter how much I got, I wanted more. I felt like everyone else had life’s instruction manual, but I felt alone and awkward. In school I found my solace in food and Teen Beat magazine. After college, I decided a geographical cure would solve my problems, hoping that as soon as I crossed the border into Minnesota, I would be able to stop eating. Next, I tried Florida and Colorado, each time doing a round of souvenir eating before leaving. By then I was out of a job, had a multitude of health problems, and my relationships were a mess. I tried everything: acupuncture, therapy, coaching, wilderness retreats. I was completely stuck. Then my cousin introduced me to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), and from my first meeting, I saw hope. I always thought that if I loved myself, I would change how I ate. In FA, the reverse happened. I stopped eating addictively, and I started to love myself. In this program I became debt-free, I found the courage to date and marry my wonderful partner, and I learned to enjoy meaningful relationships.
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I grew up an only child with two loving parents, but my expectations were so high I never believed anyone loved me enough. I was left with a deep emptiness that I tried to fill with food, constantly fantasizing about what I’d eat next, and figuring out how to sneak food without anyone seeing. When my parents would go out at night, I could eat whatever I wanted, oscillating in my own Bermuda Triangle: the kitchen, the couch, and the TV. My parents had been sick for my entire life, and I did not know how to process my feelings. Food was the only thing I could rely on, so I just kept eating. I walked into my first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting at 17 years old, weighing 241 pounds, and I can tell you, FA works. This program is for everyone. Not only have I gone from a size 24 to a size 4, I have also been given language to talk about my feelings and healthy tools to deal with whatever life throws my way.
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At 58 years of age, I argued that I didn’t really eat much, but you don’t get to be 300 pounds without eating. In reality, I was a fast food guy in denial. I never ate breakfast, but I would stop at the drive-thru, eat in my car, and binge all day at the office. I had high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. When my doctor gave me the foodaddicts.org website and asked me to attend at least one FA meeting, my main excuse was that I had acres of lawn to mow that would take several hours each Saturday. Coming from a small, rural community, I lived a small, isolated life. On finding FA and recovery from food addiction, my world opened up. Through the program, I gradually found my Higher Power and the time for my recovery. I have met wonderful people from around the world who are my support network. I am so grateful for my health: my cholesterol is now perfect, and I have no more blood sugar issues. Also, I upgraded my lawnmower. No more excuses!
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At 18 years old and 295 pounds, I was trapped in the downward spiral of food addiction. When I heard about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I thought, “No way will I ever set foot in one of those meetings." I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy as an infant and I lost a sibling at a young age. Experiencing grief and survivor’s guilt, I thought, “How could there be a Higher Power when so many terrible things happen?” Even when I did open the FA door and heard people telling stories that matched my own, I did not think the program was for me. My plan was to just lose weight and leave FA as soon as possible. What happened instead was that my life completely changed. Yes, I lost weight, but more importantly, in FA, I learned how to be me and how to live authentically. Getting out of my active food addiction allowed me to be present for the cancer treatment and eventual passing of my mother, meet my incredible wife, become a father, and pursue a true passion in life. At 31, I feel so grateful that I no longer have to eat addictively. I no longer have to live in fear. I can show up for my life today, one day at a time.
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Nineteen years old, 245 lbs., and completely out of control with food, I could not get it together to apply to colleges, get my driver’s license, or even get out of bed. Lonely and depressed, “eh, whatever” became my mantra. Even after losing 100 pounds in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I still treated my program as a diet. When I started to put weight back on, I got honest and became serious about recovery. Since then, I have grown up in FA. My professional and personal lives have flourished. I’ve handled jobs with increasing responsibility, met my husband, moved to a new state, and bought a house. Today, I live in gratitude – sharing this program with others as it was so generously shared with me.
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On the outside, she would light up a room with smiles and positive energy. A competitive athlete who also had a penchant for traveling the world, her life looked like a dream. On the inside, however, she was plagued with deep insecurity and anxiety from a young age. When poor body image crossed paths with always wondering if she would ever fit in, she began to exercise excessively to make up for the large quantities of food she was consuming. She looked great in a bikini but was binging her way around the world. She was miserable while training for marathons because she was so busy obsessing about food, constantly baking for friends, and wondering why others loved her when she didn’t love herself. Only in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) did she see the extent of her exercise bulimia. She committed to recovery in FA and finally took the time to find her true self. In FA she found love, first for herself, and then with a life partner. After facing fertility issues, their daughter was born – something she had never dreamed would be in her future. Today her life is lived in gratitude and service to others, giving back what she has so generously been given.
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Fueled by willpower, high moral standards, and determination, I successfully controlled my weight for extended periods. However, by my early twenties, my eating was out of control and I was overweight and hopeless. After each 10,000 calorie binge, I would curl up in bed crying in pain and swear this would be the last time, knowing I could not stay stopped. I tried therapy to deal with my overeating, but never told my psychiatrist the quantities I ate. Yoga, meditation, running, working out at the gym, and acupuncture could not stop me from eating food from the trash and bingeing in café restrooms. Only when I admitted total failure and became willing to follow the clear suggestions of my Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) fellowship did I experience relief in the form of recovery. What keeps me in FA after years of abstinence? A life of self-reflection and sanity is far better than living in the emotional and physical misery of food addiction. (Recorded Live)
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Over time, she went from being a picky eater, to an under-eater, to an emotional eater, to a binge eater. After getting sober in another 12-step program, her eating got completely out of control, and she realized she was still practicing a lethal addiction. To control her weight, she trained at the gym at 4am, spent money on herbal concoctions, and listened to subliminal meditations. After joining the military and facing regular body weigh-ins, she risked losing promotions. When she found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), she experienced success, but she left the program and got back into eating addictively. When she returned to FA with a new focus on honesty, commitment, and the 12 Steps, her journey of recovery evolved from “I have to” to “I want to.”
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