Episodes
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Hey listener. We’ve come back for our yearly podcast. This time, we’re looking at another summer blockbuster: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, also known as Indiana Jones 5, also known as Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny’s Child. This movie is unique among summer blockbusters, in that it was projected to make a lot of money, and it didn’t do that. This film has been out for several weeks now, and that has been long enough for officials to declare it a box office bomb. Ouch!
Nevertheless, your hosts have taken it upon themselves to watch this two and a half hour movie to let you know what you missed by not seeing it. In this episode, we talk about Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Grand Theft Auto, de-aging technology, Jaws (Quint, Hooper), The Fast and the Furious (Diesel), Antonio Banderas, Dr. Strangelove, the Coen brothers, Gimli conventions, and the art of falling asleep in a movie theater. You won’t want to miss it, because if you do, you will be less connected to the zeitgeist. We also talk about Nazis, because duh!
If you have comments on Indiana Jones and the Dial of Beyonce, please share them. We love hearing from our devoted base of one listener. Please enjoy this snob as much as we enjoyed doing it, which was a whole stinking lot. I’ll tell you one thing, you’ll enjoy this episode more than anyone enjoyed Shia LaBeouf’s role in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Aliens. Fortunately, Shia is not in this movie, which means there are no scenes of a character swinging on jungle vines alongside monkeys. You’ll have to just find a way to do that in your own spare time, which we do on a weekly basis. We highly recommend it. In fact, you should probably listen to this episode while swinging around on jungle vines, just to set the mood.
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One June 10th, 2022, Jurassic World: Dominion was released. For a few days, people were talking about it, mostly regarding how bad it is. By the time this podcast episode was recorded a month later, nobody cared. It’s quite possible nobody ever cared about this movie, but the marketing was so aggressive that there was a brief moment that people believed they kind of cared. Still, lots of people saw it, for it has nearly made a billion dollars. However, just like Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, having that many people see it does not translate to having anyone remember that it even exists. In this episode, we talk about this movie that no one cares about, connecting it to previous Jurassic World movies that no one cares about as well as Jurassic Park movies that people still kind of care about. We also talk about No Country for Old Men, Jack Nicholson, and Carl Jung. Mostly, we talk about Henry Wu, the character played by B.D. Wong in four of the Jurassic films, including this one. As forgettable as this movie is, the price of the ticket was worth it to see B.D. Wong in a forlorn state after having caused the destruction of the planet with his advancements in genetic engineering. It’s very funny. We hope you enjoy this episode, listener. And if you don’t, please leave us a bad review about why you hate this podcast and unsubscribe. Thanks!
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Missing episodes?
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The movie is Predator. The setting is the jungle somewhere. The characters are a lot of beefy men, and one sneaky alien who starts pickin’ em off one by one. There’s some flexin. There’s some dyin. There’s even a bareknuckle brawl starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. This movie is a rompin’ stompin’ ride, and without movies of this kind, General Snobbery podcast wouldn’t exist. And we all know a lot of people would be worse off because of that.
We’re just kidding about that. We know no one listens to this podcast. But damnit! It’s fun to record. And maybe this is the episode that really takes off.
In this episode, Matt and Sean talk about a lot of things, some of which are parts of the movie Predator. Other things include the Mortal Kombat character Reptile, the Greek myth of the Labyrinth, and Danny Glover. Prepare yourself, listener. This one’s bound for explosion, macho man style. -
Here’s a celebration of movie dads, and anything else we thought about in association. Enjoy, listener!
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The Legend of Bagger Vance is a movie that not many people saw, and that very few people still talk about. But we’re still talking about it, damnit! Why? Well, you’ll just have to listen to find out, Listener. That’s the only way you’ll learn what this R. Redford/W. Smith film has to do with suburban dads who live lives of suppressed anger that manifests as psychotic rage. Enjoy!
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Twister is a movie about tornados, Bill Paxton, and the 90s. Enjoy!
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Hey Listener! Remember Lake Placid? It’s a movie that has Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, and Betty White as a foul-mouthed woman who fed her husband to a giant crocodile. It’s a hoot! No, this snob is not about the sequel, Lake Placid vs. Anaconda. It’s just about the boring ole original. But hey! We also talk about other movies like Jurassic Park, The Shining, Stand by Me, Silence of the Lambs, and Major League: Back to the Minors. You don’t want to miss this snob. If you do, an aquatic creature might bite your head off any moment.
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Hey Listener. This episode is about Mel Gibson’s Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto. Did we mention Mel Gibson made this film? In case you didn’t know that, you will after this episode. Except for the parts where we don’t talk about Apocalypto at all and instead talk a lot about life coaches. But maybe those also have something to do with Mel Gibson. Who the fuck knows.
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Hey Listener. Did you hear that there’s a pandemic afoot? Did you know that M. Night Shyamalan predicted it in 2008 with his prophetic film, The Happening? Don’t let Mark Wahlberg’s atrocious acting fool you — this movie has a message. And it’s a message that we can always laugh during times of strife, even when random kids that enter halfway through the movie are getting shot on a random person’s doorstep. Good luck surviving the apocalypse! Who knows what twists are coming next.
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Hey Listener. In this episode, Matt and Sean snob about James Cameron’s Avatar, a movie that people cared about a lot for a while, and barely talk about anymore. Why are we talking about Avatar when a global pandemic is destroying the fabric of civilization? Well, why does James Cameron fancy himself an explorer of the sea? Some questions just don’t have answers. For those questions, we turn to the snobbing table, because sometimes that’s the only thing that makes sense. Especially when you’re talking about a movie where giant blue people fuse their braids with plants and dragons.
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In the 73rd episode of the remarkably consistent podcast General Snobbery, your favorite film deconstructionists turn their Derridean eye toward the 1980 film Altered States starring William "John" Hurt. Haven't heard of it? Well you should have! And now you will!
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What do two shows on the History Channel have to do with Scott Stapp? Probably not that much, but at least something, because all of them are discussed on this new episode of General Snobbery, where we examine the strange intersection between masculinity and conspiracy that seems to exist in these craaaazy times. Forged in Fire and Ancient Aliens are pretty wild shows, so this episode is a pretty wild ride! We hope you’ll join us.
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Ready Player One is directed by Spielberg, Steven, who has had Asian stereotypes decorate his films all the way since IJ and the T of D (not including the vaguely Asian characteristics of the shark from Jaws). Ready Player One is about a kid named Wade Watts, whose alter ego is Parzival — regardless of which persona he inhabits, he’s a really bad actor. He has one face, and it’s a very ugly face. He earns no sympathy. Unfortunately, he survives in the end — but at least Simon Pegg does, too.
This is a movie that thinks it’s really important. It’s about Steven Spielberg celebrating Steven Spielberg. It doesn’t care about the dangers of technology and instead makes technology seem awesome. It’s about worshipping a massive dork named Mark Rylance. It’s about Easter eggs, but there’s no rabbit in sight. There is, however, an Iron Giant, and Beetlejuice, and a lot of other dumb things.
You probably shouldn’t watch this movie. If you do, we wish you luck. Also, you should definitely listen to this podcast, cause we hardly talk about the movie, since it’s not interesting. Instead, we talk about interesting things like Stranger Things, and cultural nostalgia, and mythology, and social media, and VR. Our podcast is a lot better than Ready Player One.
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No dialogue, none. Just Arnold screams. Wow, this is going to be a good movie. And then, Arnold eyes bulging out of a prosthetic Arnold face. Okay, I get it. This is going to be one of the best movies ever made.
Hello listener, let's take an Interstellar trip.
Doug Quaid (not to be confused with Dennis) is just an average, blue collar Austrian-American living in the future. He has an attractive wife and while he doesn't love his job, it's stable. But there's one thing in life he really wants, like, really really wants. And that's to go to Mars.
However, since Hey Arnold can't afford a trip to Mars, he goes on a mind trip by way of a memory Inception device which spurs him to remember that he is a secret agent who had worked for Cohaagen but had switched allegiance to Kuato. Just so you're aware, Cohaagen is a man and Kuato is a speaking wart. Nonetheless, once the Memento of Quaid's old life comes back to him, he is hunted down like a beast, on earth, on mars, in the bright day, and during the Dark Knight.
As he learns more about his Prestigeious career as a Cohaagen crony, he sympathizes more and more with the Dunquirky mutants of mars, like the "three breasted prostitute", and attempts to free them from the Danish yoke of Cohaagen by starting the reactor and making oxygen.
Listener, this description is no doubt a confusing mess, But man Begins to understand the story more when one considers whether the entire story is but an illusion, an empty memory made to make old Quaid feel good about his life. Despite what the most accurate reading of the film is, two things are for certain: science fiction can really comment on the intricacies of humanity and Paul Verhoeven (not to be confused with Cohaagen) is a goddamn genius.
Thank you for joining us listener. And if you must listen to one thing today, please listen to Arnold screaming.
Also, Dean Norris is in this film and II'm pretty sure his character from Breaking Bad - Hank Schrader - suffered from Insomnia.
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Those wily Coen are at it again! From the fellas who brought you The Big Lebowski, Fargo, and A Serious Man comes The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, a six-in-one special that follows wild characters through the Wild West as only the Coens can conceive it. Six short films connected thematically comprise this film, which better win some Oscars, because it’s fucking good. You might consider it the Coen brothers at their best. Because The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is about three things the Coen seems to love most: Songs, Stories, and Death. And, of course, how the three are closely related.
SONGS
Those Coens sure enjoy their songs. I mean, what soundtrack is more iconic than O Brother Where Art Thou? All right, Rocky 4, but apart from that, what else? Nothing, that’s what! The Coens are enamored with the way that songs carry on stories and traditions, the way they are passed down through time. There’s the song of the railroad workers at the beginning of Brother. There’s the song that Danny has to learn for his Bar Mitzvah in A Serious Man. There’s the songs that Oscar Isaac sings in Inside Llewyn Davis. And now, there’s numerous songs throughout Scruggs, including the titular character playing and singing “Cool Water” while riding his horse “Dan” to start off the film. After all, the word “ballad” is in the title, and ballads are among the oldest types of stories that exist — songs passed down around the fire, spread through the oral tradition for all to remember through time.
STORIES
Speaking of old stories, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is enamored with storytelling. The entire movie is framed as a storybook, and before each of the six stories, we see a hand turning the pages of a book and arriving at the new story before we fade into the Coenic rendition. With the exception of ______, which was based on a Jack London story and stars Tom Waits as a prospector, all these stories were written by the Coens.
Among the earliest stories are parables, which have deep moral lessons hidden within. This is contrasted with fables, which tell the moral outright at the end. Parables leave it up to the reader. There’s also mythology, which the Coens greatly appreciate given their Jewish, Old Testament-heavy upbringing. And finally, there’s the classic American story: the Tall Tale.
Who can forget the stories of John Henry battling the machine on the railroad, or Pecos Bill riding the tornadoes, or Paul Bunyan chopping down trees with one sweep of the axe? These are stories that arose from the American Frontier, and the Coens play with those tropes, especially with Scruggs himself, who is an over-the-top, infamous outlaw known for his pleasant demeanor and sharpshooting.
The Coens have long been fans of stories within stories. Heck, even The Big Lebowski is set up as a story being told to us, via Sam Elliot, the mustached “Stranger.” They seem fascinated with the mechanisms of storytelling and how the story itself transmutes meaning, as opposed to an explicitly-stated moral at the conclusion. (This is why many were POed at the end of No Country For Old Men — because they had to interpret it themselves, and that’s hard, man!) The stories of Scruggs suggest that the Coens are so enamored with the devices of storytelling, because storytelling is our key to immortality.
DEATH
Many have pointed out the bleakness to this film, due to the fact that all of the stories involve some contemplation of — and confrontation with — death. The Big D. That inevitable conclusion to our existences that we do our best to avoid, both in thought and action. The Coens want us to contemplate it. They want their characters to contemplate it. They find humor in it — such as when Scruggs kills Clancy Brown in the old saloon over cards — as well as tragedy — such as the brutal ending of “The Gal Who Got Rattled.”
The final short, “The Mortal Remains”, suggests that our approach to our death in large part determines the quality of our lives. Are we desperately clinging to notions of who we believe we are, and were, like the terrified woman in the center of the carriage? Or are we able to fastidiously adhere to its inevitability, like the French guy who goes through the doors at the end? When that inevitable moment comes, how prepared will we be to accept it?
Regardless, the Coens appear to believe that stories are a gateway to transcendence. Though the lives that animate the stories are impermanent, the stories themselves get passed down through time, and those impermanent characters become immortalized in memory. The Kid may have killed Buster at the end, but one day, The Kid will meet his match as well. As the last line of the titular story states, “There is another kid out there now, somewhere, just learning to sing, and sling a gun, and hoping to earn a legend of his own. Perhaps some day he will meet The Kid, and that will be another story--different, yet the same.”
We are playing out the same stories, in different forms, and these stories carry eternal lessons that recur through epochs and generations, cultures and religious traditions. In a time when virtue and morality is threatened under the postmodern veneer of relativism, the Coens turn to stories to remind us that there are values worth living for, values that transcend and philosophical interpretation, and our adherence to those values in large part determines how prepared we will be to meet our inevitable mortality.
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This episode is mostly about the movie Airplane! Airplane! is a funny movie. It’s filled with silly jokes, rich parody, and Lloyd Bridges, who is addicted to sniffing glue. We revisit this classic comedy and finds points of richness. Along the way, we discuss the difference between satire and parody, our current PC culture, and Darth Maul. Maul gets the most airtime, apart from the film de jour, and we hope that we can find ways to continue talking about Maul, because he’s significant, and we’re still not sure why. So if you have any insights on Maul, please come to our website, generalsnobbery.com, and let us know your thoughts. Maybe Maul is the hope we need. If not, there’s still Airplane! for some good old-fashioned laugharoos.
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What the hay is Burning Man, eh? Well, we can tell you one thing: it’s certainly not Coachella! In this snob, Matt and Sean break form, talking not about a movie but about a “festival” — that is, this thing called Burning Man. What is it? Is it legit? 2 legit? 2 legit 2 quit? No one would ever say something like that there. It’s pretty darn cool, it turns out, and this episode gets into why.
Sean recently returned from the Burn, his first experience, and Matt, ever the compassionate Buddha man, interviews him in order to get into the heart of “that thing in the desert.” We hope that you will join us on this wild ride, Listener, for we wish to give you a glimpse into this wild pagan ritual, this splendid gathering of naked people. With hope, one day, together we will comprise the General Snobbery tent, and we shall deliver laughs for all the playa to enjoy. -
There's no way around it, Listener. The Goonies is all about sex. In particular, it is a coming of age story about what it means to be an American boy discovering sexuality for the first time. Can the Goonies, by traveling deep into a cave, discover the treasure they looking for? The treasure of ONE EYED WILLY? Or, will they be thwarted by those mother-loving Italians, the Fratelli Brothers?
We know how it happened. Fresh from the throes of hi new-found, burgeoning love, having arisen from the dark Temple of Doom, Steven Spielberg demanded a movie about boys learning about sex. And when the director of Jaws wants a movie about boys learning about sex, America gets a movie about boys learning about sex.
We got Astin, we got Brolin, we got Short Round, and all the rest, teaching us, the viewer, of the diverse ways American boys experience the onslaught of sexuality. Some are timid. Some are confident. Some don't quite get it. Some use gadgets.
No matter what kind of puberty you had, we can all relate with Mikey. All he wants is to find ONE EYED WILLY and save his family. Is this really so fantastical? Isn't the what every man has wanted throughout all of time? I guess you could say, we can all relate with Mikey, especially Steven Spielberg who, once again, seems to be enthralled with the sexual awakening of these young boys.
As always listener, thank you for joining us. We have no doubt that this episode will forever change the way you think about your GOONIE.
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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, also known as Jurassic World 2, or Jurassic Park 5, is a new movie that has made over a billion dollars. This movie stars Chris Prat, James Cromwell, Bryce Dallas Howard, and a raptor named Blue. Pratt returns with his signature clicker to usher the way for these benevolent dinos to rule the world again. That T-Rex that was such a bad boiii in J. Park Uno is now pretty heroic, continuously saving the day alongside a new host of hilarious dinos, including one that rams things with its head.
Join us for this return to snobbing form where we entertain the thousands of questions surrounding these dino films, including, but not limited to: the ethics of human cloning, capitalism and the 1%, John Hammond, feminism, British people, and that whale dinosaur that eats everything. We are thrilled you are joining us once again at this eternal table of snobbery, and we wish you good tidings as velociraptors threaten to break into your suburban home and eat you. Praise be. Praise be.
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