Episodes
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The Many Pregnancy Prevention OptionsBy Everyday Health. Listen to the âș Podcast at How To Sex.
Contraception Options 101: Everything You Need to Know About Birth ControlHereâs the lowdown on pregnancy prevention with pills, patches, implants, and other types of birth control, plus information on effectiveness, availability, cost, and more.
By Cheryl Alkon; By John Paul McHugh, MD courtesy of American College of Lifestyle Medicine
Updated on August 28, 2023
Itâs a fact: If youâre a woman, and you have sex with a man, itâs possible youâll get pregnant. But if you donât want to have a baby, there are many forms of birth control to help prevent pregnancy.Birth Control: A Definition and OverviewWhile abstinence, or refraining from intercourse, is the only way to prevent pregnancy with 100 percent certainty, contraception, or birth control, comes in several different forms, both non-hormonal and hormonal.
Non-hormonal methods generally create a physical barrier between the sperm and the egg; a notable exception is the copper IUD, which changes the uterine environment but does not actually present a physical barrier. Two permanent contraception methods require surgery: sterilization, or tubal ligation, for women and vasectomy for men.
Hormonal methods generally prevent ovulation (the release of an egg), make it more difficult for sperm to enter the uterus, or prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.
Whatâs the Best Birth Control Method?
âIt varies, and it depends on you and your lifestyle,â says Keosha T. Bond, an assistant medical professor at The City University of New York School of Medicine in New York City. âI try to explain thereâs no one-size-fits-all. Itâs more, âWhat can I do, and how does my body react?â There are so many contraceptive methods out there, but not every one will fit every person.â
How Effective Is Birth Control?
The effectiveness rate of various birth control methods is based on perfect use; meaning the method is used consistently and correctly every single time, and typical use, which includes people who use the method inconsistently or incorrectly.
Knowing what all your birth control options are will help you and your partner choose what works best for you. âI think itâs awesome to be talking about it. A lot of people just donât knowâ about birth control, says Christine Carlan Greves, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist with Orlando Health in Florida.
Birth Control Methods: All Your Contraception OptionsHereâs a look at the various kinds of birth control available today.
Hormonal Birth ControlContraceptive methods that use hormones alter how your body works in order to prevent pregnancy. These range from daily-use options, such as birth control pills, to long-term-use approaches, such as hormonal IUDs, which can stay in place for several years, says Dr. Bond.
NauseaWeight gainChanged menstrual cycles, including spotting
Hormonal Contraception Option: Birth Control Pills
There are two types of birth control pills: combination pills that contain both estrogen and a form of progesterone called progestin, as well as progestin-only pills (also known as the mini pill).
The pills work by preventing ovulation, so there is no egg for sperm to fertilize, or by thickening cervical mucus so sperm cannot travel to an egg.
Birth control pills need to be taken every day as directed. Most types of progestin-only pills must be taken within the same three-hour time window every day. Some pills can also be used to stop your period.
How effective are birth control pills? Combined and progestin-only birth control pills are more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.
How much do they cost? You need a prescription to get birth control pills. They may cost nothing or up to $50 a month and can be free or low-cost with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, or other government programs.
Hormonal Birth Control Side Effects
Some people donât do well on hormonal contraception. âEach woman is different, and you have to understand your body,â says Bond. If you notice one or more of these side effects, let your doctor know:Some women like the effect of âthe pillâ on their breast size. They are glad to have that kind of âweight gainâ.
Hormonal Birth Control Option: Vaginal Ring (NuvaRing or Annovera)
Who Shouldnât Take Hormonal Birth Control?
For some people, the use of hormones is not recommended. âThe pill is easy and awesome, but if you have migraines with aura (vision changes during a bad headache) or have a history of deep vein thrombosis, stroke, or other cardiac changes,â talk to your doctor to learn if you should consider another birth control option, says Dr. Greves. Moreover, if you have a blood-clotting disorder, you donât want to take estrogen, and if you have breast cancer, you donât want to take estrogen or progestin. Smokers and those considered overweight or obese should talk to their doctors about which contraceptives are recommended for them.
Hormonal Contraception Option: The Shot, Depo, or Depo-Provera
An injection of medroxyprogesterone (Depo-Provera) (also known as the birth control shot) can prevent pregnancy for three months.
The shot contains high-dose progestin to prevent ovulation, and it also makes cervical mucus thicker to prevent sperm from reaching the egg.
In most cases, your doctor or nurse will give you the shot every quarter, but in some cases, you may be able to bring the shot home to give it to yourself.
How effective is the shot? Injectables are more than 99 percent effective with perfect use and 96 percent effective with typical use.
How much does it cost? It can cost nothing or up to $150, and it can be free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.
Hormonal Contraception Option: Birth Control Implant, or Nexplanon
The birth control implant, also called Nexplanon, is a small rod about the size of a matchstick that is placed into the upper arm. It releases progestin to prevent pregnancy for up to three years.
The implant must be inserted by a trained healthcare provider and can be removed at any time if you want to get pregnant.
How effective is the implant? The implant is more than 99 percent effective.
How much does it cost? It can cost anywhere between $0 and $1,300, but itâs totally free with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.Like combination birth control pills, the vaginal ring contains both progestin and estrogen.
Hormonal Birth Control Option: The Patch (Xulane or Twirla)
Itâs a small ring that a woman wears inside her vagina, and the hormones work to prevent ovulation and pregnancy.
There are two types of vaginal rings: ethinyl estradiol and etonogestrel (NuvaRing) and ethinyl estradiol and segesterone (Annovera). Each NuvaRing lasts for up to five weeks. You take the old one out and put in a new one about once a month, and it can be used to safely skip your period. Each Annovera ring lasts for one year, but you must put it in your vagina for three weeks, then take it out for one week every month, during which time youâll typically have a period.
How effective is the vaginal ring? Vaginal rings are more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.
How much does it cost? You need a prescription to get the vaginal ring. NuvaRing can cost anywhere from $0 to $200, and Annovera can cost anywhere from $0 to $2,200. But vaginal rings can be free or low-cost with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.Like the vaginal ring, the patch (brand names Xulane or Twirla) also releases estrogen and progestin, but through a patch worn on your stomach, buttocks, or back.
The patch must be changed once a week for three weeks, and then you skip a week and have your period. Xulane can also be used to prevent your period if you add a new patch on the fourth week instead of skipping a week.
How effective is the patch? The patch is more than 99 percent effective if used perfectly and 93 percent effective if used typically.
How much does it cost? You need a prescription to get the patch. One pack of three patches lasts for up to one month and can cost from $0 to $150. It is free with most health insurance plans, Medicaid, and some government programs.Note: Hormonal treatments may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the motherâs womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation.
Intrauterine Devices (IUDs)Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are one of the most effective forms of birth control. IUDs are inserted into the uterus by a trained healthcare professional and can work for up to 10 years, depending on which type you choose. They can also be removed any time if you want to get pregnant.
Barrier Methods
Copper (Nonhormonal) IUD
The Paragard copper IUD (also called the copper IUD) is the only nonhormonal IUD on the market. Itâs a small piece of flexible plastic shaped like a T that has copper wrapped around it, which prevents sperm from reaching an egg because sperm are repelled by copper.
The copper IUD can be used as a regular form of birth control or as a form of emergency contraception (see more information about emergency contraception below). Paragard IUDs are the most effective form of emergency contraception. If you have one inserted within five days after having unprotected sex, itâs more than 99.9 percent effective against pregnancy and then provides very reliable contraception for up to 10 years.
Hormonal IUDs
Like the nonhormonal IUD, hormonal IUDs are a small piece of flexible plastic shaped like a T. They release a tiny amount of progestin into your body over several years, which helps prevent pregnancy.
There are four brands of hormonal IUDs available in the United States: Mirena, Kyleena, Liletta, and Skyla. Different brands last for different lengths of time. Whichever you choose, you can have your IUD removed whenever you want.
An IUD must be inserted and removed by a doctor, nurse, or another trained healthcare provider.
How effective is the IUD? All IUDs are more than 99 percent effective both for perfect and typical use.
How much do they cost? Anywhere from $0 to $1,300; they are free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.
Note: IUD devices may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the motherâs womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation.Other than condoms, these older methods of contraception typically arenât as effective. âSponges or a diaphragm? I donât want to say they are outdated, but they arenât talked about as much today by healthcare providers,â says Bond. Most barrier methods need to be inserted into the vagina before sex, so âthey take away from the romance aspect of engaging in sex,â she adds.
Natural Family Planning and Fertility Awareness Methods
Similarly, âa diaphragm doesnât work that great,â says Greves. âItâs better than nothing, but I donât remember the last time I recommended it to someone.â
On the other hand, male condoms and internal condoms remain effective forms of contraception that can also help prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Barrier Method Option: Diaphragm
A diaphragm is a shallow, flexible cup made of silicone that you put inside your vagina. It covers the cervix and acts as a barrier so sperm canât reach an egg.
Diaphragms are most effective when theyâre used with spermicide (a cream or gel that kills sperm).
Your doctor must fit you for a diaphragm and give you a prescription, and then you can get one at a pharmacy, drugstore, or health center. After that, you can insert it and remove it yourself.
How effective is the diaphragm? If used perfectly with spermicide, the diaphragm is 84 percent effective. With typical use, itâs 83 percent effective.
How much does it cost? Anywhere from $0 to $250. You can probably get a free or inexpensive diaphragm with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, and some government programs. Spermicide, which is available over-the-counter at the drugstore, costs about $5 to $15 per kit.
Barrier Method Option: Sponge
The sponge is small and round and made of soft, squishy plastic.
You insert it deep inside your vagina up to 24 hours before you have sex. It covers your cervix and contains spermicide to help prevent pregnancy. The Today sponge, the only brand of sponge available in the United States; is sold at pharmacies, drugstores, and some supermarkets.
How effective is the sponge? With perfect use, the sponge is 80 to 91 percent effective (itâs more effective if youâve never given birth); with typical use, itâs 73 to 86 percent effective.
How much does it cost? It costs about $15 for a pack of three. You may be able to get low-cost or free sponges at Planned Parenthood or another health center.
Barrier Method Option: Cervical Cap
Like the diaphragm, the cervical cap is a silicone cup, but itâs smaller. You insert the cap deep in your vagina to cover the cervix and prevent sperm from reaching an egg. Itâs also more effective when used with spermicide.
FemCap is the only type of cervical cap available in the United States.
Cervical caps are sold in pharmacies, drugstores, and health centers, but you need a prescription. A nurse or doctor will need to examine you to determine which size cervical cap is best for you.
How effective is the cervical cap? Like the sponge, the cervical cap is more effective if youâve never given birth. If youâve never given birth, the cervical cap is 86 percent effective. If you have given birth, the cap is 71 percent effective.
How much does it cost? The cap costs between $0 and $275, not including spermicide. You can probably get a cervical cap for free or low-cost with most types of health insurance, Medicaid, and other government programs.
Barrier Method Option: Male Condoms
Male condoms are worn as a sheath over the penis during sex. They prevent pregnancy by stopping sperm from getting into the vagina, so it canât reach and fertilize an egg.
Male condoms are used to avoid pregnancy, and they can also reduce the transmission of STIs. Most male condoms are made of latex, but some are made of plastics like polyurethane, polyisoprene, and nitrile for those who are allergic to latex. Lambskin and other animal membrane condoms also prevent pregnancy, but they donât protect you from STIs.
How effective are condoms? If used perfectly, male condoms are 98 percent effective, or 87 percent effective if used typically.
How much do they cost? Male condoms are available in most drugstores, grocery stores, convenience stores, health clinics, online, and vending machines. A box of three usually costs between $2 and $6. Lower-cost or free condoms are available at various health centers.
Barrier Method Option: Internal Condoms
Internal condoms are soft plastic pouches that you put inside your vagina or anus before you have sex. They prevent pregnancy by covering the inside of your vagina, creating a barrier that stops sperm from reaching an egg. They also help prevent transmission of STIs if worn in the vagina or anus.
Internal condoms were once known as âfemaleâ condoms, but they can be used by people of any gender. The only brand of internal condom thatâs available in the United States is the FC2 Female Condom. Itâs available online, at many health centers, and by prescription in drugstores.
How effective are internal condoms? If used perfectly, internal condoms are 95 percent effective. If used typically, they are 79 percent effective.
How much do they cost? They usually cost about $2 or $3 each, but they are covered by most types of health insurance if you have a prescription. Some health centers may offer them for free.Natural family planning or fertility awareness methods,(FAM); generally involve a woman taking note of the most fertile days of her menstrual cycle and avoiding sex during these days.
They include the Billings ovulation method, in which a woman looks at the consistency of her cervical mucus (long and stringy just before ovulation), and tracking basal body temperature (which rises a small amount during ovulation) to predict the time with the lowest odds of pregnancy.RELATED: 6 Family Planning and Natural Approaches to Birth Control That Are Legitimate Contraception Methods
FAM takes a lot of dedication, both to track changes over several months and to avoid vaginal sex (or use condoms) when most fertile. âI donât think FAM is reliable,â says Bond. âThere is pre-ejaculation that can contain sperm that you can become pregnant by. If you are not sure about taking some kind of pill, or other hormonal contraception, you should consider using condoms, because they are easy and donât require that much change in the body.â
Pulling Out, or Withdrawal
How effective is FAM? The effectiveness of fertility awareness methods including the Billings method varies widely, with a failure rate of less than 1 percent to up to 12 percent with perfect use, and from 2 percent all the way up to 34 percent with typical use.
How much does it cost? About $10 for a thermometer.
Pulling out, also known as withdrawal, is when a man removes his penis from the vagina just before ejaculating. Itâs tricky, because pre-ejaculate can form before withdrawal. Avoiding pregnancy means keeping all sperm away from the vagina, and with this method, even a small amount of sperm can get into the vagina and lead to pregnancy. This method is best used when combined with another birth control method, such as condoms.
How effective is withdrawal? The withdrawal method is 96 percent effective with perfect use and 80 percent effective with typical use.
How much does it cost? Nothing, but condoms are recommended.
Abstinence and Outercourse
Avoiding any kind of vaginal, anal, or oral sex is called abstinence, and activities such as kissing, dry-humping, masturbating, massage, and talking about fantasies are considered outercourse. The idea is to keep sperm away from the vagina to avoid pregnancy, but these methods require a lot of dedication and willpower.Terms like âtitty fuckingâ, âcrotch fuckingâ, âjerking offâ, and anal copulation; as well as fellatio (oral-induced male ejaculation), cunnilingus (oral-induce female climax), or nipple stimulation; are the most common outercourse options for a pleasurable climax without vagina penetration by the penis.
Vasectomy: The Ultimate Birth Control?
How effective are abstinence and outercourse? 100 percent.
How much does it cost? Nothing.Considering a vasectomy? Learn about its effectiveness, risks, and impact on sexual performance. Make an informed choice!
Emergency Contraception
Permanent Methods of Contraception: Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy
For women, sterilization or tubal ligation is a way to permanently prevent pregnancy. It requires surgery to seal off the fallopian tubes so that an egg can never reach a sperm and be fertilized.
Learn More About How to Get Your Tubes Tied: What to Know About Permanent Birth Control
For men, vasectomy is the option for permanent birth control. A vasectomy is a simple surgery in which the small tubes in the scrotum that carry sperm are cut or blocked off, so sperm canât leave the body and cause pregnancy.
Permanent sterilization methods do not protect against sexually transmitted infections; condoms are still necessary to reduce the chances of contracting an STI. While vasectomy and tubal ligation reversal procedures exist, they are pricey and not always effective. Choose these options if you are sure you donât want to have children (or more children).
How effective is permanent contraception? Tubal sterilization and vasectomy both have a failure rate close to 0 percent.
How much does it cost? Tubal ligation can cost anywhere from $0 to $6,000.
A vasectomy costs between $0 and $1,000.
Both tubal ligation and vasectomies may be totally free (or low-cost) with some health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.If used as soon as possible after unprotected sex, emergency contraception (EC) is a safe way to prevent pregnancy. Methods are more or less effective depending on a few variables, such as your weight and how long it has been since you had unprotected sex.
EC comes in several forms:
The Progestin (Levonorgestrel) Pill, or Plan B One-Step
The progestin (levonorgestrel) pill, also known as the âmorning-after pillâ and by the leading brand name, Plan B One-Step, must be taken within 72 hours (three days) of unprotected sex.
How effective is the progestin (levonorgestrel) pill? Levonorgestrel pills can lower your chance of getting pregnant by 75 to 89 percent if you take them within three days after unprotected sex.
How much does it cost? Plan B usually retails for approximately $40 to $50 nationwide. Generic versions usually cost about $11 to $45. If you have health insurance or Medicaid, itâs likely that you can get the progestin pill for free, you just have to ask your nurse or doctor for a prescription (even though you donât need a prescription to buy these types of pills over-the-counter). You may also be able to get the morning-after pill for free or low-cost from a health center or family planning clinic.
Ella
A pill that contains ulipristal acetate, also known by the brand-name Ella, must be taken within five days of unprotected sex. You need a prescription to get Ella, either by seeing your doctor or getting a prescription online.
How effective is Ella? Ella reduces your chances of getting pregnant by 85 percent if you take it within five days after unprotected sex.
How much does it cost? Ella usually costs about $50 at a pharmacy or drugstore, but it might be free if you have health insurance or Medicaid. You may also be able to get Ella for free or low-cost from a health center or family planning clinic. Depending on which state you live in, you may be able to get a prescription for Ella directly from your pharmacist.
The Yuzpe method
The Yuzpe method involves taking higher than usual doses of combination birth control pills that have both estrogen and progestin. This method is most effective within three days of unprotected sex, and it must be done under the supervision of a physician (the number of pills you would take depends on the brand of birth control you use).
How effective is the Yuzpe method? The Yuzpe method is thought to be about 75 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.
How much does it cost? It costs the same as combination birth control pills, which you would usually already have on hand if you are using this method.Note: Hormonal treatments may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the motherâs womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation. The hormone dose also induces a prompt mentruational flow.
The Copper IUD
The copper Paragard IUD is a non-hormonal IUD. Once the IUD is inserted into the uterus, it makes it hard for sperm to fertilize an egg. When used as a form of EC, the copper IUD is most effective if used within five days after unprotected sex
How effective is the copper IUD? Itâs more than 99.9 percent effective against pregnancy and then provides very reliable contraception for up to 10 years.
How much does it cost? It costs the same as when itâs used for regular contraception, anywhere from $0 to $1,300, but it is often free or low-cost with many health insurance plans, Medicaid, and other government programs.Note: IUD devices may also prevent a conception from securely attaching to the motherâs womb (nidation), resulting in a very early miscarriage which often appears to be a normal menstruation. Some liken it to a âcoat-hanger abortionâ device, but inserted by a medical professional, to limit damage to the womanâs body, while effectively puncturing any amniotic sack in the uterus.
RELATED: Learn More About Emergency ContraceptionBy Everyday Health. Listen to the âș Podcast at How To Sex.
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Recklessness ruptured my plumbing, and permanently curtailed my sex life.
By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
I Fucked up.
I am writing this mainly because there is not a lot of information about this particular injury
Around October of last year I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I thrust too hard at the wrong angle and tore my Urethra and two blood vessels in my penis.
When the injury first occurred I was close to climaxing. Because of this, when the injury happened and the blood vessels and urethra were torn, blood started mixing into my urethra. I was cumming blood
I was not in pain but I could feel that my dick was not pointing in the right direction and turned on the lights, blood was everywhere and pouring out of me at an alarming rate (think youâre cumming but it doesnât stop and its blood)
At this point Iâm panicking and yell out that I need to go to the hospital immediately.
I throw on loose pants without zipping them up, a hoodie, and grab a towel to soak the blood thatâs coming out. Then me and my girl go to the hospital.
The hospital near me specialized in bodily injury and doesnât have the type of urologist doctor that I need to see, so I have to drive 30 minutes away to the closest hospital that has a Urology department.
Once I get to this secondary hospital, I am immediately taken in and put into a room of my own once they see my dick; and about an hour later I see a Urologist who runs some tests and tells me about the ruptured urethra and blood vessels.
I need surgery.
The surgery is a process called âde glovingâ where they âde-gloveâ the skin around your penis, roll it down, and make an incision into the underside of the skin and go in and stitch up the torn vessels and urethra, these are dissolvable stitches and they stay in your penis until they go away on their own.
About 8 hours later I actually went into surgery, I donât remember anything. I was wheeled into the operating room and the anesthesiologist cracked a dumb joke, and then I was out.
I woke up with my penis wrapped up in bandages and a catheter in me. If you have never had to use a catheter, count yourself lucky. I was told I needed to keep the catheter in for 10 days.
These were the longest 10 days of my life. If you asked me what the pain was on a scale of 1-10, it was 7 with the opioids, and 11 without them.
Any little movement with my penis and I got searing pain. Wearing any type of clothes was out because I just could not take it, I was pretty much naked during those ten days. Anytime the catheter twisted? Pain. Anytime I had to roll out of bed to go get something from the fridge? Pain.
Worst of all? Erections.
As the men reading this will know, erections are not really voluntary, we just get them sometimes. Morning wood is a real thing and its not controllable.
Want to know what getting an erection feels like when you have stitches in your dick and a catheter? Worse than words could ever explain.
I woke up screaming three times a night. I would tear something and I could see the stale blood along the catheter as my erections came and went. The blood became crispy, and if I didnât clean it when it happened, the next erection would be 5 times as painful because it would grow along the stale, sharp leftover blood on the catheter.
I quickly learned how to kill erections, but it was still really bad. Iâm actually leaving out some details because Iâm not fully recovered yet and the phantom pain comes back as Iâm trying to recall it.
As of today, I have the catheter out and can walk around again, but erections are still painful, I imagine that will go away in the next few weeks.
Yes, You Really Can Fracture a Penis shaft â Here's What That Means
Proceed with caution if you're squeamish.
BY SOPHIE SAINT THOMAS - 2018
There are a lot of sexual myths out there, but doctors confirm that broken penises aren't one of them. Remember when Lexie Grey supposedly broke Mark Sloan's penis back when all our favorite characters on Grey's Anatomy were still alive? Nope, Shonda Rhimes wasn't making that up. While there aren't actually bones in the penis, a penile fracture is a real-life injury. We spoke to several urologists to learn how it happens, what a broken penis looks like, and how to treat one.
What exactly is a fractured penis (often known as a "broken dick")?
First, a quick refresher on what inside a penis can break in the first place: A penis contains two chambers of tissue called the corpus cavernosum, which fill with blood when the penis becomes erect.
Blunt force to an erect penis can tear the sheath surrounding these chambers (and even rupture the erectile tissue inside) so that the blood inside leaks out to other areas of the penis. If you need another visual, Alex Shteynshlyuger, a urologist in New York City, says to think of this covering less like a bone and "more like a sausage casing." (Doctors, however, call the covering of the corpus cavernosum the "tunica albuginea.")
How do penile fractures happen?
A penis can be broken during vigorous penetrative sex or through masturbation. When this happens during partnered sex involving a penis and vagina, "generally speaking, the penis will come out of the vagina and strike against the pubic bone," says Leslie Deane, an associate professor of urology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
While a penis can fracture during sex in any position, research suggests that Female on top, or rear-entry positions such as âreverse cowgirlâ or âdoggy styleâ may lead to penile fractures more often than âmissionaryâ or âspooning.â A penis may be more likely to exit a vagina or anus entirely when thrusting from behind and then, instead of reentering, bang against something hard like the perineum. (If you're an anal sex beginner, it's important to take things slow. Deane says penile fractures aren't uncommon, and that he sees several cases a year. He adds that he observes higher rates of the injury around Valentine's Day and that alcohol is sometimes involved.
What does a broken dick look like?
According to Stacy Loeb, an assistant professor of urology and population health at New York University, a penile fracture may be accompanied by a popping noise, a rapid loss of erection, and acute pain. "The penis may develop swelling and bruising, referred to as an 'eggplant deformity,'" Loeb says. This means that the eggplant emoji isn't totally off-base as a representation of dicks: It just looks like a broken one. Shteynshlyuger adds that some penile fractures lead to bleeding from the tip of the urethra and that patients may notice blood in their urine. If you're having fun with a penis that suddenly "pops," goes soft, and causes its owner immense pain, seek medical attention immediately. You might have a broken dick on your hands.
How is a broken penis treated?
Still reading? Good, because there's some positive news: If treated, broken dicks stand a great chance of making a full recovery. Unfortunately, Deane says, surgery is required in most cases. While there are less severe penile injuries that can occur during sex, such as a tear of one of the superficial veins, the only way to know for sure what's going on is to head to the emergency room.
It's also important to do it fast: "Surgical repair of the tear usually results in good outcomes," Shteynshlyuger emphasizes. However, "If a penile fracture is severe and not treated in a timely manner, it can lead to problems with obtaining or maintaining erections, [or] it may also cause scar formation in the penis and a condition called Peyronie's disease, which causes curvature and deformity of the penis."
After surgery to repair the ruptured "sausage casing" inside the penis, the recovering patient should be able to have sex again in about six to eight weeks, although Deane advises going slow at first. This doesn't mean that wild, headboard-rattling sex is off the table after a penile fracture, but it's not a bad idea for patients to ease their way back in.
Hard Flaccid Syndrome
A rare condition that affects some men, is called Hard Flaccid. They have a stiff, but smaller-than-erect cock. Itâs painful, inhibits real erection, prevents ejaculation, and has constant pain which increases during urination.
Our best investigations conclude that it comes from a likely combination of muscle injury coupled with an anxiety or stress disorder. Many people manifest stiff muscles under stress. More often itâs neck, back, or chest muscles. But rarely itâs the pelvic floor muscles which connect the pelvic bone to the tailbone. When women do Kegal exercises for better vagina constriction, they are working those same pelvic floor muscle groups.
But when a physical injury leads to muscle spasms, like common back injuries cause, The spasms can lead to a precipitous chain of other âself preservationâ conditions.
The Hard Flaccid Syndrome is believed to be just such a âperfect stormâ chain of events.
Letâs hear from a few men who are dealing with this, and what their progress entails.
âOld Willâ said;
âI had Hard-Flaccid for about two years. Low labido, cold penis, glands sometimes had white spots. Then for about 8 months I practiced relaxing, worked on my anxiety and anger issues and it all over time went away.
I started off on anxiety meds and that's when I noticed hard-flaccid getting better. Suddenly it hit me that the only thing I hadn't thought of was managing my anxiety. I was on that for about 2 months. Then when I got off the meds it started to get a little worse but I figured, if it was really anxiety that caused it, then I needed to calm down, and stop obsessing over it. I mean, I was absolutely obsessed with curing my hard flaccid. So, I just stopped looking into it. I stopped looking for cures online. I made the decision to just enjoy life for a change, better myself and not think about all this all day. And slowly, it just returned to normal.
When I first really started taking my mental health seriously, which was about 8 months ago, and the true beginning of my recovery process I lifted weights about 5 days a week. I wouldn't call myself heavyweight lifter. I did light moderate weight lifting. But I haven't been to the gym since November. I plan on going back. I'm a firm believer of exercise improving body and mind.
I masturbated during my healing process. I do think it would have made things move along a little faster, if I didn't masturbate at all, but I figured it was worse if I stressed over it. So, if I was gonna masturbate, I was going to enjoy it and have no regrets about it.
I know how difficult this is for people so I wanted to share my story and hope it helps many of you.â
âWhirl Mindâ responded;
âMine likely developed from a lot of sitting, possibly bad diet for a few days or spicy food that led to minor constipation/difficult bowel movements, and general stress that increased clenching. Who knew I could injury myself by crapping too hard?
Not totally sure though and Iâm still in a minor flare, softer down there today though.
Mine also went away pretty much completely for about 2 weeks recently, without sticking to any routine. Iâm noticing some pelvic floor inflammation and extra pain at the base as of a few days ago and the HF has returned but in a more minor way. Hoping I can get over this again and also trying to work on my anxiety.
My condition had suddenly turned into the thin & weightless âlong flaccidâ and it freaked me out at first, but after 5 days or so of that I pretty much just accepted any variance in that as good and got myself into a positive feedback loop. Note that I am an extremely high-strung person and this wasnât easy but I was so desperate that it was imperative that I just let go. So pushing everything surrounding this shit to the back of my mind but also staying afloat on any positive changes like better hang, better fullness temporarily etc. I think this mental state was and is a huge part of the condition to focus on for most people but also a big reason why it is so fickle.
I donât know if something in particular in terms of lifestyle or diet caused this recent return to HF but I do know that my anxiety surrounding the condition was a little worse for a few days this week. I can clearly feel the issue of dysfunction at the base which seems to stem from my IC and BC muscles, because when the both the Hard-Flaccid and Long-Flaccid states leveled out and I was feeling good and much closer to normal I still dealt with many of the muscular symptoms, or what Iâm assuming are muscular.
Anxiety can be so hidden in our psyche and Iâve literally watched it, like a switch going on and off, effect at least the peripheral symptoms of this condition. Iâve practiced no-fap, which means abstaining from jerking off; mainly as an experiment but my erection quality is astounding at this point in time.
As anxiety is dealt with, libido should increase as well as Erection Quality in the absence of a more severe issue. The uncertainty of this condition is so hard to deal with, and with some firmness & tightness down there, now present again.
Iâm seriously trying to get a grip on my anxiety and will probably do some light stretches. For me personally I found that sometimes getting into a routine all to fix HF would make things worse since I was so fixated on it, so if anything Iâm trying to find a balance with everything.
Keep in mind I never stuck to any routine and was somewhat inconsistent, the change to Long-Flaccid happened so suddenly while I was just trying to sleep, and in pain; and the improvements that followed seemed to only come with time, working on anxiety and trying to live without thinking about this condition.â
Gunz GotBunz added his encouragement;
âYour symptoms are my symptoms, and I found that after being completely calm, and using the relaxation & mindfulness techniques every day, it was so easy for my wife to stimulate me my penis was so long and hard! I felt the glory of Rome that day!
But alas that was but once. Anxiety always takes a toll on the body, and the more I achieve mindfulness the better and bigger my erection gets!â
Numb Penis: Whatâs Going on and How to Fix It!
By Dugan
Youâre watching a hot sex scene, getting it on in your backseat, or youâre taking a little âme timeâ with your favorite website, and, well, you notice things arenât happening down there. Whatâs going on? It could be something called penis numbness. There are quite a few reasons a man can be the bewildered owner of a numb penis. Read on to learn how penis numbness reached you and then how to get him back up and at âem!
1) Penile Injury â Known also as penile traumas, penis injuries can cause penis numbness . A penile injury damages the blood vessels, which are essential to a healthy penis because they bring the blood that produces an erection. Lots of things can hurt a penis, such as rough sex, too much masturbating, using a too-tight grip for self-pleasure, sexual aids, and group sports.
2) Neuropathy â Neuropathy is when a limb or appendage goes numb. This numb penis is often the effect of an illness or condition but can also be the result of the regular pinching of a nerve (say in the hip area). Neuropathy wears 2 masks. One time it feels like a cold numbness, and the next time it feels like pins-and-needles or lightning shooting through the penis. Medical conditions such as diabetes, obesity, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and some cancers can cause neuropathy.
3) Peyronieâs Disease â Peyronieâs disease is a condition in which the penis has a curve of more than 20 percent. In addition to being a painful disease, Peyronieâs disease has been associated with loss of penile sensation in some men. The scar tissue that causes Peyronieâs can be less sensitive than regular tissue, resulting in loss of genital sensation.
4) Lifestyle â Lifestyle is a big part of health, but itâs often the thing people are most reticent to change. Diet and exercise are significant factors that need to be addressed if there arenât already healthy behaviors in practice. Stress can also make the problem worse, so be sure to incorporate stress-reduction techniques into each day. Changes in lifestyle have been shown time and time again to yield big results.
Penis Power: How to Get It Back!
Want a more-sensitive penis? In most cases, a man can regain sensitivity with a little dedication and a little help. Here are a few ways to breathe life back into a manâs boner.
Address the root disease if itâs the cause. Work with doctors and therapists to first treat the disease and then treat the symptom, not vice versa. Whole-body health should always be the number one focus.
Wear looser pants and underwear to give the big guy some space and not have to spend the day hugging fabric, which desensitizes it.
Spend some time each day letting it all hang out in a personal space. A little air also prevents too much contact for the penis.
More movement â sitting all day can deaden the nerves in the pelvic basin. Get up every hour or two to give them some freedom.
Donât go too hard, or too often, when sexing it up.
For men who cycle, get a padded bicycle seat cover and padded shorts to reduce the hard compression against the nerves for prolonged rides.
Proper penis care can also preserve sensation and decrease the chances of penis numbness. Lightly, but thoroughly, wash it with a gentle cleanser and warm water, then rinse and air dry.
Use a reliable skin treatment oil, like Shea Butter, Almond oil, or other safe moisturizer. Avoid lotions with harmful ingredients. All of it gets absorbed into your organs, and can be toxic.
Sex lubricants that might be fine for a womanâs internal organs, may be terrible for a manâs external organ. Water-based lubes evaporate very quickly, especially with rapid stroking. If your lover is stroking you hard, and the once-viscos lube, is now a tar-like glue, It can not only tear your very thin cock skin, but it can also lead to bursting internal cells inside your shaft or glans.
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Tie up your man and go to town.
By alf_2712. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
Bondage sex is often associated with Sado Masochism. But that vaste generalization does a great disservice to a wide range of sexual proclivities. Each part of this grouping ought to be understood on itâs own attributes.
Bondage is simply adding real or perceived restrictions in a sexual encounter. Itâs the fantasy of lost control over a situation which thrills many lovers. It often incorporates a fantasy scenario and some role-playing.
Sadism is the infliction of discomfort to a lover.
Masochism is a self-inflicted discomfort.
Today weâre hearing from Alfie, about her loverâs favorite kink. He allows himself to be restrained and subjected to sexual frustration, in the form of a very delayed ejaculation.
Healthy lovemaking of this sort may include switching roles, or may remain in fixed roles of a dominant & a submissive.
Sometimes itâs only a fantasy desired by one of them, yet the other lover plays a role simply to satisfy the otherâs sexual sesires. Hereâs Alfie.
My favorite Tease & Denial plot.Spread eagle is my definitely my favorite bondage position. I love it. Tying at the feet is not always necessary, but the hands, absolutely. Even though a pair of cuffs in the middle do have their place, Iâm a firm believer in hands at the corners. Some sort of strapping under the bed, whatever; we just want his arms out. Face up, of course.
You will need:n a bed big enough for both of you
n some kind of restraint system already attached at all four corners of the bed frame, to tie his limbs outward, toward the four corners of the bed
n a bowl or basket containing:
A: a bottle of tasty massage oil,
B: a cock ring, and
C: a feather, furry mitt, or something which is very ticklish.
Besides these, the following are preferred;
n big tits If youâve got them
n and minty gum can be nice.
No need for a blindfold. believe me, his eyes are your friend. You might also keep a glass of water, gotta keep those spit and sweat glands pumping. Ice water if youâre a bitch.
And a word on gagging. itâs up to you! But if youâre gonna gag, gag properly (i.e. rubber is better than your thong). Letâs get started! But let him breathe freely. His muffled voice is more for your experience of domination.
Get your man on your bed. Your face and hairdo should be impeccable and sultry, with lipstick mascara, and whatever else makes you look like a high-class slut. But somehow keep your hair from falling into your face on onto his oily body.
You want his to see your impeccable face and styled hair for the entire event.
If thereâs a clock in the room, hide it.
Get him on his back and give him a kiss. A pillow under his head is good. And heâs naked, right? Completely naked? Dote on him and ask if he likes the position of the pillow. This doting just camouflages the torment you have planned for today.
You donât have to be also naked, yet; but let your clothing help set a sensual mood. A Silky robe or his favorite lingerie is a good choice to start with.
Make focused attention on his comfort before you gently attach the restraints. Adjust the wrist restraints so you can fit one finger between the material and his skin. You want barely any wiggle room in his arms.
And his legs? Well, thatâs up to you. Being bound on the bed and all accessible is going to make him squirm whether his legs are forced straight or not. I say leave em. But he might accidently hurt you if he suddenly flinches his legs.
Once all restraints are attached, extend each of his limbs and tighten the length up, so heâs truly spread-eagle and limited from squirming around during the event.
Tease and denial is the name of the game here. Or âedgingâ if you like. And edging it is.
Weâll be taking him right to the edge of an orgasm, more than a few times.
You know youâre doing well if you lose count. I hope your blowjob skills are up to date, âcause tongue is king here. Not to say itâs your only asset (itâs not). but subjecting him to excruciating pussy-torture can come a bit later.
In case itâs not clear already, this guide is written from a womanâs perspective; so if youâre not one, some parts of it may not be applicable.
Set the scene:So! Your man-slave is bound and the fun can begin.
Whatâs first? Well, âwhatâs firstâ is the part that I donât really know about. I hope the setting is nice, the light not too bright; the room not too cold. Sensual music or nature sounds can be nice.
I like to get on top for a moment after the restraints are on, & give him a hickey, then slither down to his knees.
Scratch his stomach and sides on the way down (good nails are good to have; nothing like a French manicure at your manâs balls). Yeah, scratch his balls a little.
Sensual disrobing:
By now itâs time to take something off. Make it a sensual performance for his enjoyment. I let my g string panties stay on a little longer, but you ainât got a smooth stomach for nothing.
Apply the Massage Oil:Now itâs time to bring out the massage oil. I Hope you taste tested it first. Sweet Almond or olive oil is reliable. Sweet Almond unscented oil has a very neutral taste. Artificial scents might smell nice, but usually are bitter tasting, and might upset your stomach. Plan on lots of tasting.
Mmm, oil. Again, donât use any water-base lubricant for this event. Whatever oil it is you use, itâll warm up in your hand and be a little more liquidy. We donât need to let it yet, though.
So kneel facing him, right up between his thighs; & get yourself all slippery; itâs easy to start with your own arms, and then your chest and beyond. Show him how slippery. Cover yourself from your neck down to your thighs.
Now straddle over his waist as you coat his arms, shoulders, neck, chest, and armpits. Itâll make little suction noises when you dump it on your hands and on to his body. Cover everything in front of you, down to his knees, up to his nipples, only enough on his cock to get it shiny. Donât put oil on his head, or yours. Take a minute to lightly rub his armpits, flanks, and nipples.
Now slowly slide your panties down each hip, then shift off him as you draw a leg out of the thong. Then get up and stand over him, facing his feet, with your ass and cunt in his full view. Now slowly descend to your knees, and apply oil on your ass, once coated sufficiently, lean over with a hand resting on the mattress right next to his crotch, so he can see you further rub the oil slowly over your anus and labia.
Add some more oil on his pelvis, thighs, hips, just make sure youâre carefully supporting your own weight as you slide your hands over his oily body. We donât need any cracked ribs ruining the event.
When youâre both coated, rotate around and kneel between his thighs.
Now slowly lean over and give one of his nipples a lick, then lay flat on top of him again.
Let your tits make first body contact to his chest, and pause to oscillate a bit, before fully landing your entire torso onto his, with your thighs along the inside of his.
You can probably feel gravity pulling you towards his feet. You can position your breasts nicely between his thighs on the slide down stroke, then slide back up to his face and do it again. Maybe lick his balls.
Get up on your knees and rotate to straddle his stomach now, on your knees again, his eyes facing your ass. Pour or squirt some oil into your palm and hold it for, oh, ten seconds. Then cup your hand with it up under his balls, and drag the liquid up to his belly button.
Massage his entire scrotum sack, gently fondling each of his balls as you go.
Finally, drip a bit of oil over his cock tip, then use an open palm to very gently rub just his glans, the top cap of his cock.
Add some more oil on his cock tip, and sensually spread the oil down his entire cock shaft.
Ooh, all slippery, all of a sudden. Grasp his cock below the head and slide your hand back down again, and massage his balls some more, Itâs amazing if the sack is trimmed or shaven.
Put your thumb and forefinger in an âokayâ circle position around the base of his cock, above the balls, and squeeze. Draw your hand up a little and see that cock head bulge; every nerve ending standing at attention. You can hold the tight grasp about 15 seconds, then release him now, because itâs time for the cock ring.
I prefer and recommend the simple stretchy rubber O ring that leaves his balls free. Have him take a deep breathe in, then have him completely relax his body as he exhales. While he exhales, roll the cock ring on down his oily shaft, right to the base. Now maybe give him a minute to cool down first if you have to. While your ass is in his face, rub your labia and anus slowly, some more, then crawl back down between his thighs and look at his eyes.
Next, itâs time for part one of I donât know how many:This is the slow, grueling handjob. Itâs going to be very tasty indeed. I have a big smile on my face, perched inside his spread knees, looking into his eyes and licking my teeth.
What a view he has: my face, my hair, tits, neck, bare shoulders, and his big, helpless cock wrapped in my slick fingers. A nice little exclamation point.
With the cock ring on properly, his cock is; hard. Donât forget it. The cock ring is a must-have for 90% of the time. The cock ringâs doing some work for you in keeping his penis bigger, harder, more sensitive and for longer. It also prolongs cumming, which is nice. Would you like to prolong cumming?
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Iâd say for now stay at his knees. Have one hand by his stomach and the other around his dick. Tickle, rub, caress and massage the head. Your fingertips have a little texture and itâs good for this.
Make a fist above the head and slide the cock through your liberally lubricated hand, and then the next above it. Keep one hand working his balls while the other is up and down the shaft, getting just high enough to touch the head.
But this isnât really a handjob guide; itâs up to you to know how to get him real worked up in your hands, but just shy of cumming. Pay very close attention to his facial expressions. You should have learned these clues from all the previous sex youâve had with your lover.
And I mean real just shy of cumming. Donât take any chances if heâs looking ready bust a nut 'cause gameâs over if he does, unless youâre both into a little Post orgasmic torture.
After the third or fourth almost-orgasm, just stop. Release his cock (I didnât say take the ring off) and take a break.
Lie down next to him, ask him how heâs doing. Heâs probably a mess already.
If heâs been talking a lot and annoying you, feel free to gag him. Ball gags are best. You can also shut him up with some tongue and a little gravity-biased spit swapping. Reach down and stroke his cock. I say gag him. If he doesnât heâs never getting out. Hehe, look at those eyes. You need him to be able to breathe freely, because itâs one of the clues of his impending ejaculation.
Get back on top of him, looking away. Sit on his chest; or his neck. Donât worry, he can breathe. Get out your oil. Heâs likely to groan at the click of the bottle closing. Thatâs right, slow grueling handjob part two. Drip some lube on his cock and get busy again. It should take less than five minutes to get him to orgasm, so go for four and a half. Give it a couple minutes cool down period each time.
Take off his gag for a minute. Donât worry, youâll get it back on. Lie flat on top of his body, with your cunt barely rubbing the side of his cock shaft. Kiss him on the lips, and tell him youâre going to suck his cock a little; maybe a lot? See the slightly pained expression.
Tell him youâre going to eat him alive. I like to tell him; âKiss me if you want to cum, suck my lips off.â
Save your saliva, put the gag back and reverse yourself. Apply some fresh oil and get into the 69 position. Depending on how tall you both are your thighs may be right past his face, but likely not (unless on purpose). Licky licky, sucky sucky.
Ooh, the blowjob, about the most vindictive instrument of torture at your disposal; pleasure-torture, of course, but torturous none the less.
Have your hands intertwined around his balls and the base of his cock, and point the thing at your lips. Tell him itâs just inches away. He can feel your hands, your breath and your tits on his stomach, but is looking at your spread ass. Told you a blindfold wasnât necessary. That said, presentation isnât as important now, either.
Press his cock against his stomach and give his balls a lick. In fact, give his balls the whole hog all over again. Lap away like a dog on peanut butter.
Tongue, tongue, tongue. Not the best from this angle though, so back to the shaft. Do a sloppy harmonica slide kiss up its length and back down the other side. Do it again; then let the tip of your tongue wander along the base of the head, all around; youâll probably have been introduced to precum by now. Precum is the bomb. In fact, precum is a reward, and you want more of it. And god knows his dick wants more of your saliva.
Yes, saliva, the wonderful renewable fluid of many useful and interesting applications. Put it on his dick. Lots of it. Big, long, flat licks are good for applying the stuff. So is outright drooling. Itâs also recyclable; anyway, coat it.
Purse your lips in the Marilyn Monroe âpruneâ shape and plant them on the head. Lower your own head, slowly, keeping them pressed, sliding your lips over the head so he breaks firmly through your kiss. I like to call this move âcrowningâ the dick.
Mmm, cocksucking. In this context of extremely erotic tease and denial, this is where the head of his cock gets a good workout. Get both hands around the shaft and your mouth on the head for the full engulfing effect, or take him to your tonsils while heâs gasping. He should be gasping.
Heâs definitely feeling the restraints, for he really wants his hands on your ass. Or your head, or something, anything. Helpless as a little duckling.
So employ to whatever effect you choose. Your lips, tongue, teeth, the cavity at the back of your mouthâŠthe roof of your mouth, cheeks, did I say lips? Teeth are special. The mouthâs real power, there to tease and delight, nibble and horrify, perhaps making a gentle introduction as his cock glides past your cool, wet lips for the umpteenth time.
His cock, still, sealed inside the tight, wet and very hot prison of your mouth, with your tongue the interrogator and no escape in sight. Iâm sure itâs ecstasy, and ecstasy should last. For a real treat, squirt some (edible) oil in your mouth, let it sit for a moment, and suck him in. Loudly. Unseal your lips to allow some of the goo to dribble out. They call cum-swapping snowballing because of the accumulation; keep slurping. No need for lip gloss with this kind of action.
Instead of popping him out of your mouth when heâs about to cum again, if you think he can handle it just keep him there, suspended in your mouth (oxygen free). In the 69 position your mouth and throat are positioned excellently for sucking cock. Deepthroat him if you can. You want him to really feel and experience the depth and unrelenting cock-ministering power of your body.
Give him a real tour of the orgasm factory, so to speak. With the cock ring, one merely needs a hand and the lightest touch at the base of his cock in order to point it about.
You are his queen tonight, so continue to make the most of it. Give him the most lascivious tongue lashing of his life. Snake it up, down and around the shaft, his belly button, his thighs (no substitute for tits though), and all over the head.
Pointed tongue, flat tongue, slurpy dripping loving tongue; he can feel your every taste bud. Stop intermittently of course. One thing youâll have to get used to is the sound of breathless disappointment.
Iâve described so far you being flat on his stomach, like a half of 69. If you are, after a good bit of luxury cocksucking, flip around, get your ass in the air, and; continue it. If you thought there was some spit content before, well. Give him a real working over all over again.
Noticed you havenât used any artificial lubricant in a while? Yeah. Look into his eyes, stick your tongue out all the way, and give him a big snail trail from under his balls to the tip of his cock. You probably know how to swish your tongue around with your mouth closed to stimulate more production.
Have him watch you do this. Then, leave his cock flat on his stomach, lean over and, slowly, let a big fat string drip down past your lips and all over his cock and balls. Drool it. Youâll probably have to break it off at your chin, afterwards. Rub it in (to his dick, I mean), run your tongue up to the head again, hold it vertical, and do your best to make him squeal.
âWhat, you donât want your dick sucked?â
You should be at least an hour in. That cockâs been wet for a while. Itâs had quite a bit of tongue. If youâre good at blowjobs, heâll have done some work. And having been licked all over, he ainât nothing but cock now.
Reapply some oil and remind him. Heâs probably moaning, panting, and unsure. Give his balls a scratch. The gag in his mouth will have been suppressing his complaints nicely, to say nothing of the feeling of helplessness it contributes. If this is his first time heâll have never wanted to cum so badly in his life.
Slow, drawn out, deliberate and agonizing tease and denial is a kind of extreme erotic frustration that in the process of inducing is, well, quite delicious.
You can give your mouth a break now. Sit back at his knees, facing him, and produce your feather, fur, or strip of silk. Wiggle the point of the feather under and around his balls, maliciously target the head, and run it up to his neck. Aw, itâs just a little feather. Drape your piece of fabric on his dick and trace it over and around, or hold it at length and have it dance around his balls.
Set them aside. Did you bring some condoms? I hope so. Oil him up again and slip one on. Dribble a little oil on top, and put another one on! And one or two more, depending on their thickness (you probably donât need to lube up the last one). Hoo boy. Youâre going to fuck him like this. Heâll feel the heat but not your pussy.
So with a glint in your eye, release his leg restraints and have him slide his thighs together, then climb on cowgirl facing him.. Take him right to the hilt; I donât want to know the noises heâs making. Grind away your clot on his pelvis, but keep the vertical strokes to a minimum. Is it unbearable? Of course not. So letâs turn the torture up to 11.
After youâve had enough of this, take the condoms off, all at once, release his cock, and have your pussy sit at the base of his shaft. Tell him you want to polish his lovely shaft, and âthis is gonna suck.â Put your hands down on the bed beside him, and slide your pussy up the length of the shaft, till your clit is just past the head. Slide back down. Groaning, muffled moaning and heavy breathing are all to be expected. Heâs not penetrating your cunt, but your labia & clit are enjoying his shaft.
Be agonizing. Wet pussy sliding on a cock in this state is a deadly, twisted move. You can be a little bit sadistic. Make his cock shine. I neednât point out itâs the more sensitive underside of his cock youâre working with. So go extra slowly and ignore the whimpering. After a few minutes of this, get off, stand his cock up and plunge the whole thing deep into your pussy. Not too fast though. If you think he can keep still and you arenât reverse cowgirl, lean forward and kiss his neck. Lick some of the sweat off your victimâs face. Then lean back, keeping his dick confined the whole time. Then crawl up and bury his face in your ass, and purr while he struggles, his cock twitching, getting nothing but air.
âWhat now? You want some cum soon?â
That can be obliged, if he isnât ready for another slow, grueling handjob or getting sucked again. But he probably is; and how he gets off is, of course, up to you. Should he orgasm deep in your pussy? I say no. Having him cum all over somewhere visible is more rewarding. You could take the gag off now too, but he might bite you. Get your tongue at the ready, and prepare for an extra large spoonful of hot, sticky cum.
You know how to get him there; when heâs finally ready. I recommend the sloppy cum in mouth finish. Work him. This should be at least the 15th time he approaches a volcanic cum pop.
So either get a hand on there and tongue him to the first squirt, or jerk him with Oily Hand. A hand around his balls either way. Right when he starts ejaculating, pop that bulging cock head in your mouth and get on the receiving end. Smile while it oozes past your lips and down to his balls, like so much spit before it. Cum play is where itâs at. Iâd say make sure to get all the cum out, for a giggle during cleanup.
By alf_2712
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Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More By Nuna Alberts, LCSW. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
If youâve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, youâre not alone. The runaway success of E. L. Jamesâs Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of books; the three top-selling print and e-books in the United States between 2010 and 2019; not to mention the sales of the movies they generated, prove that interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is anything but rare.
BDSM can involve role playing, sensory manipulation, and more. Here are a few popular ways enthusiasts like to get kinky!
Prevalence: How Many People Practice BDSM? Further proof: Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a 2016 study. The same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 34 percent said that theyâd done so at least once in the past. No wonder if you search the phrase âBDSMâ on Google it will return more than 500 million results. By comparison, the phrase âmissionary sexâ returns about 163 million results.
The History of BDSM: Not So New Explore a little more and youâll also discover that BDSM is nothing new. Among BDSMâs historical high points:
Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868. The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled âScratching,â âBiting,â and âReversing Roles.â The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the authorâs name gave rise to the term âsadism.â Similarly, the term âmasochismâ is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Furs describes a dominant-submissive relationship. Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten. And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage. Is BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder? At one time, mental health experts were dubious about whether those who practiced BDSM were mentally healthy. But the American Psychiatric Association took a huge step in destigmatizing kink with the release of the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013. For the first time ever, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in sexual behaviors outside the mainstream, such as BDSM, and those who force others to engage in those behaviors without consent.
That means simply experimenting with, say, whips and chains, is no longer a sign of mental illness that by itself âjustifies or requires clinical intervention,â the manual states.
There are true sexual disorders that are similar in theme. Sexual sadism disorder, for instance, involves inflicting physical or psychological pain on another for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And sexual masochism disorder involves deliberately involving yourself in a situation in which you are humiliated, beaten, or abused for the purpose of sexual excitement.
The difference between these two disorders and BDSM is consent, in the case of sexual sadism disorder, and that BDSM does not go to the degree of causing significant distress or impairing function, in the case of sexual masochism disorder.
The Psychology of BDSM: Why Are People Drawn to It? Most of the available evidence shows that the majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect except that they find traditional (âvanillaâ) intimacy unfulfilling and want something more intense.
âPeople always ask if itâs normal to be interested in BDSM,â says Michal Daveed, a spokeswoman for The Eulenspiegal Society, a nonprofit organization in New York City that describes itself as the âoldest and largest BDSM support and education groupâ in the country.
âNormal is a funny word to describe a really widespread and diverse humanity. If your definition of normal is how many people are doing this, itâs way more people than you may think,â says Daveed. âAnd if your definition of normal is ordinary, the BDSM world is full of ordinary people whose sexuality happens to be hardwired a particular way.â
One landmark 2008 study backs Daveed up. It found that people who engaged in BDSM were more likely to have experienced oral sex or anal sex, to have had more than one partner in the previous year, to have had sex with someone other than their regular partner, and to have taken part in phone sex, visited an internet sex site, viewed an X-rated film or video, used a sex toy, had group sex, or taken part in manual stimulation of the anus, fisting, or rimming.
However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious. Indeed, men who had engaged in BDSM scored significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.
âOur findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ânormalâ sex,â the researchers concluded.
âBDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality,â says Filippo M. Nimbi, PhD, a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology and in the department of dynamic and clinical psychology at Sapienza University, both in Rome.
Dr. Nimbi is also the coauthor of a study that compared 266 consensual BDSM practitioners to 200 control subjects who described their sex lives as traditional. (10) Echoing the earlier study, the researchers found that the BDSM group tended to report fewer sexual problems than the general population.
âPeople engaging in BDSM are usually people who have thought a lot about their sexuality,â Nimbi said. âThey have explored and faced their sexual boundaries. Basically, they know what they like, and they do it. This has a positive outcome on their sexual experiences and on the overall quality of their lives.â
Many people think itâs a pathology or a perversion to, say, want to be spanked hard and to be happy about that, he added. âWe each develop our erotic fantasies from our different tastes, experiences, and curiosities, beginning in childhood and lasting until the end of our lives. Everyone is different. We can develop the same fantasy from different stories, and we can develop different fantasies from the same stories. Some people find in BDSM a way to be free, to get wild, to let go, and to play a different role from their everyday lives. And if they get satisfaction and respect the ârules,â why should it be abnormal?â
The Physicality of BDSM: Why Does It Feel Good? Patti Britton, PhD, MPH, cofounder of the credentialing and training institute Sex Coach U and a past president of the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), as well as other experts are quick to point out that seeking the pain-pleasure connection is not unique to the BDSM community. Think of athletes who push past physical comfort to experience a ârunnerâs high,â or people who chase thrills by engaging in dangerous extreme sports, like skydiving. Think of the bliss that aficionados of super spicy food experience when biting into a pepper sets their mouth on fire, or the rush of fear that riding a roller-coaster or watching a horror movie can bring.
âThe same chemical cocktail of endorphins, dopamine, and other hormones that make those experiences pleasurable to some makes BDSM actually quite wonderful to others,â says clinical sexologist Francesca Gentille, coeditor of The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, and host of the podcast Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra. âI like to compare sexual preferences to taste in food. Most of us donât like bland food, but we have a range of how spicy we like it.â
Common Questions & Answers What does BDSM stand for?
BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.
Why do people like BDSM?
In the past, it was thought that BDSM might be a sign of unhealthy sexuality. But increasingly, even medical professionals say that BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality. Erotic fantasies that fall into this category develop from different tastes, experiences, and curiosities that develop in childhood.
What is a rigger in BDSM?
A rigger is someone who, in engaging in BDSM play, ties rope for bondage purposes.
What is a brat in BDSM?
A brat, in the context of BDSM, is someone who misbehaves toward the dominant party in the BDSM scene being played out.
Is BDSM illegal?
BDSM occupies murky territory, legally. The foundation of BDSM âplayâ is consent between the parties engaging in it. However, you cannot legally consent to be tortured or assaulted. And what seems to be âplayâ to some may appear differently to others.
Roleplaying and BDSM: The Variety Is Endless Doctor and patient. Teacher and student. Roleplaying is a common aspect of BDSM âplay.â It may involve two or more people who âact outâ a particular scene or fantasy. BDSM roleplay can happen in person or virtually. It almost always involves at least one individual being dominant and another being submissive. It may be simple, or it may be complicated enough to require a script. And actual sex is not the focus.
âThe core of BDSM is the psychological part,â explains Mistress Damiana Chi, a dominatrix in Los Angeles who holds a PhD in clinical psychology. (She asked that her real name not be used, citing privacy concerns.) âFor BDSM to be real, it has to involve an exchange of power with a lot of trust and respect. The couple has to decide which role they want to play, the dominant one or the submissive, and itâs that dynamic that creates erotic intensity.â
Common themes for BDSM role play include:
Kidnapper and victim Law enforcement and prisoner Owner and pet Royal and commoner Most Recent
While chains and whips might excite Rihanna (as she proclaims in the hit song âS&Mâ), itâs wrong to think all manifestations of BDSM involve inflicting extreme pain. The range of erotic expressions that fit under its umbrella is huge.
At one end thereâs âlightâ BDSM, which includes activities like tickling, using a blindfold, tying your partner to the bedposts with silk scarves, slapping their rear playfully, and making verbal demands, such as âCall me Sirâ or âCall me Madam.â No pain. No force. Just playful and pleasurable.
At the other end of the spectrum is âhardcoreâ BDSM. This can include whipping, caning, binding with ropes, dripping hot wax directly on the skin, and hundreds more forms of erotic expression, many of which you might find impossible to imagine.
âThere are universal themes, but Iâve seen things that have shocked even me, not because they were unsafe, but because they were so infinitely creative,â says Dr. Britton.
Asking to have clothespins attached to your tongue. Being mummified with plastic wrap so that youâre completely immobilized. Living as a submissive wearing a leather collar while serving a dominant partner. Yes, there are people who choose these activities â the key word being âchoose.â
âThere are two essential things to know about BDSM,â explains Britton. âIt is always voluntary, and the reason people do it is because it feels good. Thereâs something about transcending pain that can be almost a spiritual experience,â she adds. âIt releases the self from the body. Iâve had people tell me, âthe more my body is restrained, the freer I feel.ââ
Common forms of BDSM play include:
Bondage (restraint or restriction) Wax (dripping hot wax on the skin) Impact (spanking, slapping, caning, flogging) Sensation (using tools such as feathers, a paddle, burlap, on the skin) Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earmuffs, ear plugs) The Importance of Communication, Consent, and Using Safe Words
How can having someone strike you, perhaps to the point that you cry out in pain, not be abuse? âConsent is the magic word,â says Nimbi.
âWhile mainstream sexual encounters also stress the importance of consent, consent often takes the form of an unstated, implicit assumption based on perceived behavioral displays of interest or willingness,â note University of British Columbia psychologists Cara Dunkley, PhD, and Lori A. Brotto, PhD in a 2019 paper. âThe BDSM community takes consent further, demanding explicit rather than tacit consent.â
In a dominant-submissive âscene,â for instance one in which one person is going to be flogged, itâs standard practice for the âdomâ or âtopâ and the âsubâ or âbottomâ to first negotiate at length and then contract, often in writing, what the sub is definitely willing to do, what he or she might be willing to do, and what is absolutely off-limits before they begin to âplay.â
They also must agree on a safe word or gesture that the sub can use at any time to stop the action. That means that if thereâs any potential for pain, both players are aware of the rules and of their own limits. Ironically, it also means that the sub actually has more control of the scene than the dom, since he or she defines the parameters and has the power to stop the action at any time, for any reason.
âThere is no community on the planet more committed to the concept of consent than the BDSM community,â says Valerie White, a lawyer and founder of the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, a nonprofit advocacy and education group based in Sharon, Massachusetts. âOf course, you can come across a rogue, just as you can in any group. But if anyone crosses the line, they are cast out so quickly it would make your head spin to see it.â
Common safe words include:
Red Pineapple Banana Peach Safe and Risk-Aware Kink: How to Try It Safely at Home
If youâre planning on trying kink at home, experts advise going to a class, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or checking out informational videos on YouTube before trying anything other than light BDSM at home to see and learn how to engage in this type of erotic expression safely.
âYou have to learn this,â says Britton. âYou donât just go to Home Depot and buy a rope and tie your husband up. BDSM play is not random. Itâs not built on spontaneity. Itâs built on anticipating a set of behaviors that are negotiated beforehand.â
âPeople playing at home without training is dangerous,â says Gentille, who spent four years as a collared submissive at home with a dominant partner in a relationship. âYou canât, for example, just leave a person alone in a room, tied up and gagged, and expect it to go well.â
Social Etiquette and BDSM
It might sound contrary, but thereâs most definitely a code of behavior with regard to practicing BDSM properly. If youâre thinking about trying BDSM at a social gathering, often dubbed a âplay party,â which can be an informal gathering hosted by someone or an organized event, youâll need to do some prepping beforehand about the social mores. Can you touch someone elseâs toys? How do you handle consent? Can everybody play? Learning the ropes before you go will ensure that you have a good time.
The BDSM Terms You Need to Know
BDSM also has its own language to describe who takes part, how they take part, and how things work. Among common terms youâll encounter in this world are:
Bondage and discipline Dominance and submission Male dominance Male submission Female dominance Female submission Sadism and masochism
BDSM and the Law: What You Need to Know
The legality behind BDSM is murky. Legally, for instance, you cannot consent to be tortured or assaulted. And, to the outside eye, some BDSM activities can appear to fall into that category. So, for example, if police raid a BDSM event and see activities that they object to, they can charge the participants even if there is consent. While itâs unlikely youâll encounter a problem, especially in the confines of your own home, itâs good to know the lay of the land, legally. And there are special cases â like custody battles â where people need to know how this kind of information can be used in court.
BDSM: Beyond Taboo
Of course, while BDSM is not for everyone (Britton herself identifies more as vanilla than kink), there is more and more recognition that it is 100 percent normal to fantasize about it. Whatâs more, given the reclassification of BDSM and related behaviors in the DSM-V and the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, itâs easier than ever to explore those fantasies in real life without shame, if one desires to.
One sure sign that kink is becoming less and less taboo: The Harvard College Munch, which brings together students with interested in kinky sex, is now recognized by the university as an official campus group. (12)
âItâs very out in the culture right now, but itâs not fully out of the shadows yet,â says Gentille. âPeople are still embarrassed to talk about sex. What they discover when they dive a little deeper into it is that in BDSM you actually get to talk about what you like, what youâre curious about, and what is a definite âNo.â Itâs clear, overt, and collaborative and that can feel delightful. And if you like it, if you have control over what happens, itâs all good fun.â
Speaking BDSM: A Glossary of Terms Used to Describe BDSMCurious about BDSM? Hereâs the lowdown on the vocabulary youâll need to ask questions and learn about it.
By Julie Lynn Marks
BDSM enthusiasts have created an entire vocabulary around their lifestyle.
If youâre interested in exploring BDSM (bondage/discipline, domination/submission, sadism/masochism), youâll need to understand BDSM terms. The glossary below will make it easier for you to parse the technical terminology as well as the not-so-scientific vernacular â aka, slang â youâll need to speak BDSM.
Aftercare
When a scene is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care thatâs administered, usually by a top. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.
Age Play
When participants take on an older or younger role.
BDSM
An umbrella term used to describe a sexual practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism.
Bondage and Discipline
A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a submissive partner when they break a rule).
Bottom
The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations.
Breath Play
A form of play when one participant controls their breath. This may include choking or holding the breath.
Consent
Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.
Contract
An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral.
Dom
A dominant role, often referring to a male.
Domina
A dominant who is female and embraces a feminine gender role â sometimes called a Domme or Dominatrix.
Dominance and Submission (D/S)
A term for the behaviors or rituals that a submissive person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/S, one person usually has power over another.
Dominant
A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene.
Drop
The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop.
Dungeon
A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a personâs home or at a club).
Dungeon Monitor
A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual.
Edge Play
BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous, such as breath play.
Female Dominance
When a woman takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene.
Female Submission
BDSM activity in which a woman submits to a sexual partner.
Fetish
An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object.
Fetish Wear
The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other role-playing costumes).
Gender Play
A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender.
Hard Limits
An activity that a person in a BDSM relationship absolutely wonât do. A hard limit canât be negotiated.
Impact Play
A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with a hand, paddle, cane, whip, flogger, or other instrument.
Kink
Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink.
Master
The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship.
Male Dominance
BDSM acts when the dominant partner is a man, also called maledom.
Male Submission
BDSM activities when the submissive participant is a man, also referred to as malesub.
Masochist
An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by their own pain or humiliation.
Munch
An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle.
Play
A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves.
Play Party
A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity.
Pro Domme
A woman who is a professional top and dominant.
Protocol
A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow.
Role Play
When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays.
Sadism and Masochism
This subset of BDSM involves inflicting pain or humiliation for the purpose of pleasure or sexual gratification.
Sadist
A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain or humiliation on someone else.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC)
This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.
Safe Word
An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene to stop the activity or session immediately. Some common safe words are âred,â âred light,â âpineapple,â and âbanana.â
Soft Limits
A limit thatâs more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person is hesitant to perform but may be willing to try.
Scene
The actual BDSM activities or encounters that take place.
Slave
A person who gives up total control of one or more parts of their life to a master.
Submissive
Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub.
Switch
A person who sometimes plays a top and sometimes plays a bottom in a BDSM scene.
Top
The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene.
Topping From the Bottom
When a bottom tries to control a scene even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge.
24-7s
When individuals in a relationship engage in some form of BDSM at all times (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).
Vanilla SexUsed by people in the BDSM community to label sexual behavior that doesnât involve kink.
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A discussion of Advanced Maturity and Sexuality By Mark Stibich, PhD. Listen to the âș podcast at How To Sex.
Many people in their 70s and 80s are not only sexually active, but satisfied with their senior sex lives.
University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation. Letâs talk about sex. Though the frequency or ability to perform sexually may decline with age due to physiological changes, these don't necessarily affect how a person experiences or enjoys sex.
Aging-related problems like erectile dysfunction (ED), vaginal dryness, or urinary incontinence can affect sex. But their impact can also be minimized by using medication, managing chronic conditions, seeking individual or couples counseling, and changing sexual practices.
This article explores the sex lives of adults 65 and over and the problems that can interfere with sex as the body ages. It also discusses the various treatment options and ways to maintainâor even jumpstartâyour senior sex life.
Studies suggest that men are almost twice as likely as women to still have sex or masturbate in their later years. A British study found close to 60% of men ages 70 to 80 and 31% of men ages 80 to 90 are still sexually active. In women, those figures drop to 34% and 14%, respectively.
This lower rate of sexual activity in older women may be due to a lack of opportunity rather than a lack of desire. Research shows that older women are less likely to have partners (due in large part to the fact that they often outlive their partners). This is sometimes referred to as "the partner gap."
It is common for men to experience sexual problems after age 40. Reasons include a natural decline in testosterone levels, heart disease, and prostate problems. The inability to achieve or sustain an erection or reach orgasm or ejaculation are common concerns.
Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED), formerly known as impotence, is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual penetration and long enough to achieve orgasm.
While ED is more common in older men, aging itself does not cause the problem. ED is related to conditions, sometimes several at once, that directly or indirectly interfere with erections.
Risk factors include high blood pressure, diabetic nerve damage, smoking, obesity, Peyronie's disease, depression, and even certain medications. An accurate diagnosis is needed to ensure the right treatment.
ED drugs like Viagra (sildenafil), Levitra (vardenafil), and Cialis (tadalafil) are often the first-line treatments for ED. Lifestyle changes and counseling can also help. For some men, hormonal therapy, penis pumps, and penile implants may be recommended.
Is There a Female Viagra?
Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is a non-cancerous enlarged prostate and one of the most common health problems in older males.6 BPH can cause symptoms like difficulty urinating, frequent urination, or waking up in the middle of the night to urinate (nocturia).
On top of this, BPH can cause sexual problems like low libido (low sex drive) and delayed ejaculation (difficulty reaching orgasm).
Among the treatment options, testosterone therapy may help restore libido. There are also certain drugs used off-label that may help with delayed ejaculation, including cabergoline (originally marketed as Dostinex) and Wellbutrin (bupropion).7
Because some BPH medications can also cause sexual dysfunction, a change in the dose may help resolve these concerns.
Lifestyle Changes to Treat Erectile Dysfunction Sexual Health Problems in Older Women
More than a third of older women experience sexual problems. These are typically due to menopause, when estrogen levels steeply decline. Hormonal changes can lessen sexual desire and make it harder to become aroused.
Sexual organs also change as a person gets older. A woman's vagina will shorten and narrow. The vaginal walls become thinner and less flexible, tearing more easily. Vaginal lubrication decreases, making vaginal intercourse more painful.
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is diagnosed when an absence of sexual fantasies, thoughts, and desires causes personal distress. It is a problem that is common among many older women.
A medication known as Addyi (flibanserin) is used to treat HSDD in women. It is currently only approved for premenopausal women, but research shows that it can also improve libido in older women as well.
Risk of Low Libido After Menopause
Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is uncomfortable and can make sex painful. Over-the-counter (OTC) remedies that can help relieve irritation and itching from vaginal dryness include lubricants such as K-Y Jelly or vaginal suppositories like Replens.
If OTC remedies donât help, your doctor may prescribe estrogen cream as well as estrogen-containing vaginal rings and vaginal suppositories.
There are also plant-based products, like black cohosh, that have estrogen-like effects. These should be used with caution in women who have had or are at risk of breast cancer.
Pain With Sex
Painful intercourse is more likely in older women as vaginal tissue tends to thin and tear easily after menopause. Standard treatments for vaginal dryness can often help ease pain during sex.
If that is not effective, prescription drugs like Osphena (ospemifene) and Intrarosa (prasterone) can treat thinning vaginal tissues and help relieve moderate to severe vaginal dryness.
Dealing With Painful Intercourse After Menopause
Pelvic Organ Prolapse
The pelvic floor muscles and tissues hold the bladder, uterus, cervix, vagina, and rectum in place. Pelvic organ prolapse (POP) occurs when the pelvic floor weakens, causing the pelvic organs to drop and bulge (prolapse) in the vagina. This can cause pelvic pain and pressure, pain with sex, and urinary incontinence.
POP is often treated with pelvic floor physical therapy to strengthen the supporting muscles. In some cases, surgery may be needed.
What Is Uterine Prolapse?
Other Health ConcernsChronic medical conditions become more common as a person ages. Many of these can interfere with an older person's sex life.
Low libidoDifficulty with arousalErectile dysfunctionPainful intercourseReduced genital sensationUrinary tract infectionsYeast infections
Arthritis and Chronic Pain
Arthritis and other chronic pain conditions are common among older adults and can make sex very difficult. Depending on the cause, doctors may recommend physical therapy to strengthen muscles and improve flexibility.
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), both over-the-counter and prescription, can be taken before sex to help ease the pain. Opioid drugs, while effective as a pain reliever, can cause a drop in testosterone and contribute to ED.
If the pain only occurs in certain sexual positions, let your partner know and try different positions. Bolstering your bodies with pillows and cushions can also help.
Best Positions for Sex With Back Pain
Diabetes
In the United States, almost one-third of adults over 65 have diabetes. Approximately half of these are undiagnosed.
Diabetes can cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. This can be due to circulation problems, medication side effects, or nerve damage. Problems include:The best way to reduce the impact of diabetes is to gain control of your blood sugar. Speak with your doctor if you have difficulty managing your blood sugar, and be sure to mention any sexual health problems you may be having. It's important for your doctor to know.
AntidepressantsAntihistaminesChemotherapyDiuretics ("water pills")High blood pressure medicinesOpioid painkillers
Heart Disease
Older age is the greatest risk factor for heart disease. Heart disease causes problems as arteries start to narrow and harden (referred to as atherosclerosis). This reduces blood flow throughout the body, including the pelvis and genitals, resulting in sexual dysfunction in both men and women.
Heart disease is one of the leading causes of erectile dysfunction in men. It can also cause women to have difficulty achieving orgasm due to the decreased blood flow to the genitals.
There is no one way to resolve these issues, but there is evidence that statin drugs used to reduce the risk of heart disease can improve erectile dysfunction in some men.19 Some studies suggest that similar approaches may improve sexual function in women with heart disease.
People with heart disease may also be nervous about sex due to fear of a heart attack. While sexual activity is generally safe, talk to your health provider if you are concerned.
Navigating Sex After a Heart Attack
Obesity
Today, more than 40% of adults over 65 meet the definition of obesity. Research shows that women who are obese are more likely to experience sexual dysfunction than non-obese women. In addition, obesity increases the odds of erectile dysfunction in men.
These issues may be directly related to higher rates of diabetes among people who are obese as well as reduced blood circulation due to atherosclerosis.
Weight loss, achieved with a healthy diet and routine exercise, is considered the best strategy to overcome obesity. It may also improve a person's self-image and sense of well-being while making sex easier to navigate.
Urinary Incontinence
Urinary incontinence is the loss of bladder control. This becomes more common with age, especially in women.
Incontinence can be embarrassing and make sex awkward. Women who experience stress incontinence may be afraid to orgasm. Extra pressure on the abdomen during intercourse can also cause urinary leakage.
If you have incontinence, empty your bladder before sex. Changing sexual positions can help prevent urinary leakage by avoiding the compression of the bladder. Pelvic floor exercises can also help strengthen the muscles that aid with urine control.
Medications
Some medications used in older adults can cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. These include:If you are having sexual difficulties, let your doctor know and advise them of any drugs you are taking, including over-the-counter, prescription, or recreational.
How to Maintain a Healthy Sex Life
Lifestyle and Mental Health
Lifestyle and mental health issues can also contribute to sexual problems in older adults. These issues can be just as difficultâand sometimes even more difficultâto overcome than physical ones. If you are faced with any of these issues, there are things you can do to turn them around.
Alcohol
For some people, drinking a glass of wine helps them relax and get in the mood. However, too much alcohol can end up impairing sexual function. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, alcohol is the most-used drug among older adults, with 65% of people 65 and older reporting high-risk drinking.
Alcohol can impair a man's ability to get an erection, cause premature ejaculation, or delay orgasm. In women, too much alcohol can make it difficult to climax.
Reducing the amount you drink can help, but if you are unable to control your alcohol use, speak to your doctor about treatment options.
Depression
In the United States, between 5% and 10% of adults over 65 are estimated to be depressed. This can lead to many health concerns, including sexual dysfunction.
In people with depression, neurotransmittersâchemical messengers that send signals between the brain and bodyâare out of balance. This can affect sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm. Ironically, medications used to treat depression can have the same effects.
While the benefits of antidepressants often outweigh the risks, therapy and counseling may offer a reasonable option for those with mild depression.
Stress
Stress can be a contributing factor to sexual dysfunction. Financial worries and health concerns are just some of the common stresses affecting older adults.
To relieve stress (and the effect it has on your sex life), consider stress management techniques like mindful breathing, tai chi, yoga, and meditation. Research shows practicing mindfulness and meditation can ease the effects of stress and improve overall feelings of well-being. This alone may help improve sex.
In addition, seek professional assistance from financial advisors, health advocates, and social workers to help better deal with the other stresses in your life.
Relationship Issues
Lack of sexual intimacy is often related to relationship problems. If you are and your partner are not connecting emotionally, it can lessen your desire to be intimate.
On the flip side, studies show that older couples who engage in sexual intercourse with their partner are likely to share a closer relationship. Moreover, closeness to oneâs partner has been shown to increase overall well-being.
While this issue is not unique to older couples, many people find talking to a marriage counselor can help them work through relationship issues and rekindle sexual feelings and attraction.
Self-Image
With age can come weight gain and other body changes that may affect one's sense of physical attractiveness. Self-consciousness can spill over into the bedroom and affect a person's confidence during sex.
A 2019 study among older women found that those who were self-conscious about their bodies reported less sexual satisfaction. By contrast, those who had greater self-acceptance of their bodies irrespective of weight or aging-related changes had a more satisfying sex life.
Self-acceptance is ultimately the key. Working with a therapist, either alone or as a couple, can help you discuss your feelings openly and find a way to embrace a more positive self-image.The benefits of maintaining your sex life as you age are physical and emotional. Being sexually active is associated with a lower risk of medical conditions and a longer life. It's also associated with a greater sense of happiness and overall well-being.
Back rubsCuddlingHolding handsHuggingPlacing your hand on your partner's shoulder or armPlayful nudgesSitting next to each otherTouching feet under the table
If your sex life has become stagnant and you'd like to rev it back up, here are a few things you can do.
Communicate
Good sex begins with good communication. Couples who have been together a long time often think they know what the other is thinking. But no one is a mind reader.
Talk to your partner about any concerns you have. You may feel as though your mate is no longer attracted to you because sex has become infrequent, when in fact they are experiencing a decline in sexual interest.
In addition, as sex organs change with age, what felt good before may no longer feel good or may even be painful. Be open with your partner about these changes.
Communicating about sex can be challenging at any age, however. If you and your partner struggle to talk about sex, consider seeing a sex therapist.
Redefine Sex
Sex, as you get older, may need to change. But different can still be good, if not better. With an empty nest and possibly retirement, thereâs more time and privacy to explore.
Research shows older adults have a broader definition of sexual activity than younger adults. In other words, they better understand that there is more to sex than just intercourse. Foreplay on its own can be quite satisfying.
Be creative and willing to try new things.
Rethink Intimacy
Sex isn't just physical. Itâs an emotional expression of intimacy. As you grow older, sexual intimacy changes. What this means to you and your partner may need to be redefined.
Emotional intimacy can be expressed through non-sexual physical touch. Examples of non-sexual physical touch include:Another non-sexual way to build emotional intimacy is spending quality time together. Things you can do:
Go out on dates with other couples.Look through old photos and reminisce.Play cards, board games, or word games.Read aloud to each other.Play music together.Travel, explore new places.Visit with friends or family.
Just Do It
Instead of waiting for the desire to strike, experts recommend that older adults just go for it. This is because sex has physical and emotional benefits. Orgasms release oxytocin, a hormone that induces a state of calm and improves sleep.
Even if youâre not in the mood, having sex can set the stage for more sex in the future. This is especially true for women. Having sex regularly helps increase natural lubrication and vaginal elasticity. It may also improve erections in men.
Summary
Older age can lead to sexual problems in different ways. Age alone increases the risk of erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, low libido, vaginal dryness, and pelvic organ prolapse. Medical conditions like arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and incontinence can also directly or indirectly interfere with sex.
Lifestyle and emotional issues that can impair sexual function in all ages can become even more profound in adults 65 years and older. These include stress, depression, negative self-image, relationship problems, and alcohol abuse.
By working with a doctor or therapist, you can overcome many of these concerns and improve not only your quality of life but your sex life as well. Keeping open lines of communication and embracing change as a natural part of life can also help keep your sex life fresh as you approach your later years.
By Mark Stibich, PhD for Very Well HealthThis post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.
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Weird Hormones and suppressed fetishes can make expecting, a delight.
By various parents. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.
A young and frisky married couple is contemplating having a baby. Theyâre seeking advice on lots of things, but the question that came to us is;
âWhat is sex like, during pregnancy and after?
Some details are straight-forward and answers are easy. Like;
Itâs rare for an obstetrician to recommend any limits on sexual intercourse, and in those rare situations, Couples can utilize their other means of sexually satisfying each otherâs cravings.
What a medical professional canât tell you, is how your morning sickness and late term discomfort will take a toll on your libido. And then there are other hang-ups, like knowing your child is fractions of an inch from where daddyâs parts are rubbing mommyâs parts.
Pregnancy does amazing things to a womanâs complexion, and bustline. That usually draws her manâs attention. But the last weeks of pregnancy have common discomforts. But after delivery, her vagina needs a break for about 6 weeks. Couples sometimes have to put effort into getting back in the grove of sexual intimacy, only this time a baby can interrupt anything.
So itâs especially important to have great sex before a seasonal post-partum drought hits your sex life.
Well, weâre going to give you lots of perspectives, for couples whoâve been through this unique phase. Enjoy! Hereâs what some experienced folks said;
First trimester it sucked. I was chronically sick, didnât feel sexy, couldnât orgasm , it was horrible. Second trimester a switch flipped , my vagina became engorged with blood , I feel tighter , hornier , wetter. I want my man now. Iâm just blessed I have a homey who goes through this crazy cycle with me because now it feels so good and I canât get enough of him but the first trimester sucked
InternalLevel
Fun. It forced my wife and me to explore a lot of new positions and techniques. I also got a lot better at oral because toward the end of pregnancy that was the easiest way for her to have an orgasm due to being limited to only a few positions.
Adventurous_Mind
With my first pregnancy it was great. I wanted to do it a lot of the time and could climax with just penetration what until that point had never happened before. Eventually, by week 34, PGP kicked in and there was nothing until 6-8 weeks after my c-section.
My third pregnancy was the opposite, I had severe morning sickness/nausea till week 15-16, then hardly had any sex drive till week 25 when I had a persistant pelvic pain and it was physically impossible to do it anymore. I can count on one hand how many times we had sex between finding out I was pregnant at 3 weeks gestation till 20 weeks after my c-section.
Complete Honesty
When my woman was pregnant - it was top tier sex. I Would recommend, if youâre partner is down for it!
Raven heart
I was in the mood all the time with all 5 of my pregnancies. The drawback is, after I had each one; my libido went on an extended vacation for a years or so, so Iâd have to fake it, fake interest, fake the orgasms, all of it.
Then with pregnancies 4 and 5, each orgasm would cause my uterus to contract, even at 6 weeks pregnant it happened, making me not really want the orgasms. Odd shit
boys mom
I was in Japan for much of the pregnancy of our first son. I was home for our 2nd sonâs pregnancy. I think I'd rather have been back in Japan! The wifey was insatiable! Monday thru Friday, at 5am, wham bam thank you ma'am!
5 Pm, wham bam thank you ma'am. On the weekends, it was thrice per day. Same with our third, a baby girl!
done good
I Dunno. I guess I was too gross for my hubby to even want it. He never tried. But the do-it-yourself release was epic.
Automatic_Plant
It was Tiring when she got a high sex drive spell. Oh, God! She had a honey spell for a whole week. I was right tired all week
Prairie Chocolate
Didnât have it, husband stayed the fuck away from me, we only did it a few times during pregnancy and it was awful, especially at the end when trying to go into labor, I felt like a beached whale
Creep in cupcake
Best sex of our marriage, her sex drive finally matched mine, she gets a little thicker, her breast are engorged and plump, and I could leave it in and fall asleep. Its probably why we had 4 kids, now that I think about it.
Definition Primary
Once I hit the second trimester, I was a total horn dog!
Plenty_Trouble
Pretty bad honestly. We tried once or twice but I had this mental block that I could hurt her or the baby, even though I know it's very unlikely. Some people have a pregnancy fetish or aren't bothered by it at all; but I'm not one of those people. Made me feel super guilty whenever my wife was horny.
neil
Some of the best sex Iâve had. The only time Iâve ever gushed.
spagooter and mash
My wife and I were going at it constantly, almost every day!
Anonymous
My libido is a little higher. Although during the later months of pregnancy some positions are off the table.
Boog Tot
You can nut in her as much as you want!
Fire
Much, much better until that last trimester. Then it was a struggle, uncomfortable, and orgasms gave me terrible Braxton hicks. But yeah, for those first two trimesters; cannot get enough.
almost always except
Wife is pregnant with twins. She's more horny than she's ever been. Amazing sex!
mario z
It Depends.
With the First pregnancy, first trimester sucked, second one was great, third, I was horny as hell but sex hurt so bad. So I basically kept dragging my husband into the bedroom, convincing him I would be ok, and then regretting it once we started .
With the Second pregnancy, first trimester was ok, but second and third were phenomenal. I dunno what happened, but all the stars aligned and my libido was only beaten by my newfound sensitivity. Husband had a blast too.
Goose G
Unfortunately, almost non-existent with my partner. Lots of masturbation
One Curious Yogi
The positions were hard but it honestly feels so much better after I got pregnant and had the baby.
Couldn't understand what the hype was about before.
Not that it didn't feel good before either, just wasn't nearly as good as it is now.
Flat worm
Absolutely best! She had this extra blood flow down there and as a result all the labia and all that were way more puffy than usual. The sensation was phenomenal!
mg macius
Non existent. He refused to do it.
And then would lay next to me when he thought I was asleep and jerk off.
I was so huge I couldn't even touch myself so I was just miserable both pregnancies.
Chemical_Reality
My wife is always really shy and would tell me the next day that she wanted to wake me up in the middle of the night and make love. I kept saying âwhy didnât you?â
mighty jor
It was great, and I swear having sex like every day, or every other day throughout the pregnancy, is what kept me from having any tearing when I gave birth both times.
Until the last two weeks before I gave birth, then it got super painful so we had to stop then. But otherwise itâs wonderful. I also was not a squirter before I ever got pregnant. And then after I got pregnant with my first baby, I started squirting and Iâm thankful that was something that stuck around after the pregnancy.
Capital_Search
I loved it. I already like curvy women which my wife is. So all the extra curves that come with pregnancy, drove me wild. Super sweet as well.
norml enough
I considered myself to have a higher-than-average sex drive prior to pregnancy, so my husband and I were curious just how horny Iâd be once I was pregnant given what Iâd heard from other women.
Turns out: not horny at all. Libido went back to baseline within a month postpartum, thank god, but I had less than no interest in sex during pregnancy. My husband also thought my pregnant body was super sexy, so that was a pretty big bummer for him
c dubs b
During my wife's first pregnancy, I wanted nothing to do with it once she got a bigger belly, not because she wasn't attractive, more just fear. She basically had to pin me down a few times and beg me to do it.
tim 28
I always felt like I had to pee. Even if I just peed. Itâs like my bladder was being squeezed from both sides. Honestly not ideal.
Human 420
From a manâs perspective; it was weird, but for some reason my woman was 10 times more beautiful when she was pregnant, almost like her skin had a certain glow, hard to explain.
I was very happy about becoming a father, but regarding sex; I wasn't exactly thrilled all the time, when she wanted it.
But with her hormones going amok i didn't mind too much, plus getting her to the point of orgasm was a lot easier when she wasn't pregnant. I barely had to do anything.
Well Okay
I was super horny during my third pregnancy. Around month 3-4 we were going at it and I started bleeding. After a call into the doc she said get to the er and get checked out. They did an internal ultrasound and it took forever to find the heartbeat. We thought weâd lost the baby. It traumatized my husband a lot. They found the heartbeat thankfully and all was well, but we had to take a break from sex for a while.
Once I was given the all clear to go ahead again by my doctor, husband didnât want to have sex at all during pregnancy. The final 5 months of pregnancy and the 6-8 weeks after, waiting for my post-partum check-up and birth control to kick in was fucking torture for me.
It took a year and a half after she was born to get our sex routine back to normal.
Paranormal_Shithole
Yea, my wife was super horny all the time. While it was awesome, it actually almost broke my penis. I had to ask my Commanding Officer if we were going to the field anytime soon, so I could give my Peter a rest.
I was gone two weeks for field exercises, (Iâm a Marine) worst mistake of my life.
She jumped my bones not even 10 secs into getting home from 2 weeks out in the desert of California. I had to wrestle her off me so I could at least go shower first. She joined me in the shower.
Then I didn't get any electrolytes for the next 6 hrs. My tummy was rumbling, and she didn't care. I swear by the next morning I looked like a corpse.
Donât let a heavy pregnant woman ride cowgirl at high-speed, bucking bronco fury! One slip on the drop and Peter goes to E R.
Papa Marine
It varied each pregnancy. We had amazing ones with lots of orgasms.
And one pregnancy where it hurt literally so bad that we had to stop doing it all together, for like 4 months in a row!
Oh, and in the end, I had one position; the âstranded whaleâ position. Ya know, where youâre so big you canât do any positions other than looking like a stranded whale!
Bubbly-Butterfly
My ex-wife was not interested in sex while pregnant with both of our kids.
After a while she just wasnât into sex at all; So maybe it wasnât the pregnancyâs fault?
I think I could count the times we had pregnant sex on one hand. I took care of myself a lot during that time.
Iâm not trying to get anyone else pregnant, these days
flock-of-bagels
I ended up with an even higher sex drive than usual. Amazing until I got to 36 weeks; and then overnight, everything got so uncomfortable, it became a complete impossibility to have penatrative sex.
Key-Statistician
First pregnancy my wife was super horny and I wasn't really. Second pregnancy was the opposite.
Sad story.
francesco
Iâm currently 7 months along. In my 1st trimester, I didnât want much sex because of the nausea.
But from roughly 14 weeks or so to the present, I crave my hubby constantly. The sex is amazing!
I happen to want it more in the middle of the night, or mornings, or both!
Hubby had to set a time limit of acceptable times to wake him up during the night though; so he is able to go back to sleep before work. Which I respect .
Palpitation Future
My wife was a sex maniac. Plus, I didn't have to pull out before the blast of jizz. Best 9 months of my life!
ian j
At 39 weeks, I miss sex but I have no drive, which is just as well because the last time we did (like, a month or two ago), it was so uncomfortable I couldn't get there. And I'm even more swollen and sore now.
I can't wait for this to be over, I keep telling the baby, "Get out!"
lynn
It was amazing. Preggo boobs are the best! Pregnancy with my girlfriend enhanced our sex life. Her hormones were all fucked up so she wanted it a lot and I was thinking; âHey, I don't have to pull out anymore.â Life was good.
Mortico
With my first pregnancy, sex was great. The hormones made everything more intense and certain positions worked easily until quite late in the pregnancy.
I was hoping to repeat the experience in my second pregnancy; but having a toddler to care for while growing a second one, made me so tired that my husband barely ever saw me awake after the first kid fell asleep.
I don't have many memories from my third pregnancy, to be honest.
jan in am
For some reason my wife wanted it all the time while pregnant. I think more for âIâm still sexy validation than anything.â
Another thing, sex was fine but her cunt had a different smell, not bad but different. Sorta like I had a âfill-inâ sex kitten.
bemest
We're about 6 months along at this point, and my husband hasn't been able to even contemplate sex since we found out. He's a bit over-protective of the fetus. He doesn't like it when I poke my belly because the baby mightn't like that. I'll occassionally admit to him I'm sexually frustrated, and he agrees he is a bit, too. But he just can't. He explains he knows everyone says it's safe, but what if? Would you ever forgive yourself if something happened to the baby because of sex? Just not worth it.
HaveFetusNotSex
My wife is pregnant right now. The sex is great other than dodging the baby bump.
Most men find their wife to be just as, or even more beautiful when they are pregnant.
Plus itâs always amazing to not have to, ah, pull out.
Boose
Sucks, to be honest. My orgasms caused immense pain, Braxton Hicks and a very hard stomach from a very angry baby in my uterus.
Worst thing is, I'm so fucking horny all the time, but I have no interest in dealing with all the suffering during and afterwards.
It's hard to find an angle that doesn't hurt, and the gunk that comes out over the next few days is absolutely disgusting and worrisome.
Plus, Iâm too heavy and bulky. I can't find the right position. I get tired and sore too quickly.
Pristine Princess
My wife was super horny up until 3rd trimester.
5 stars, Product surpassed expectations, service was amazing, and she came faster than expected! Yes, I would reorder, and recommend to others!
Maleficent-Lion
I think we actually triggered labor. I was full term, as it all started about 6 hours post coitus.
I'm sure I read somewhere that women who have had frequent orgasms while pregnant, tend to have more efficient labors, as it gives the uterus a bit of a contraction workout. Not to mention the strengthening of your pelvic floor muscles, to help with labor and the recovery.
Anonymous
Iâm the guy, and my girlfriend is preggers with #2.
Man! Her fucking is absolutely amazing. Her cunt has always been wet, don't get me wrong; but as I'm fucking her now. She will literally spurt her female juices all over me, and the bed. Her orgasms are so much more intense.
2Leauxkey
I had zero interest in sex while pregnant. My body honestly didnât feel like my own, and being pregnant felt terrible for 99% of the pregnancy.
We did it when I was trying to naturally induce labor, but it felt kinda like a chore. My man also felt a little weird about poking baby even though he knows itâs irrational. So neither of us were really revving to go.
hopefully romantic
With my ex-wife, after the morning sickness passed, we were in the bedroom the moment that I got home from work everyday. Into the 3rd trimester, I couldnât keep her off of me. Although, I did have to switch my deodorant, because it was making her nauseous.
Sadly, we split up. Now sheâs with another guy and in her 2nd pregnancy.
She told me that the guy sheâs with wonât touch her. He called her fat and ugly. His loss, I guess.
Rude_Device
My husband just hates preggo sex. it was HELL on us for our first baby. I was ravingly hormonal and my sex drive was insane. and he basically ran and hid whenever he knew i was in the mood, or turned me down. I was distraught a lot.
He never could really explain it; muttered stuff like he didnât like the belly in the way, or he was not attracted to the shape, or I was heavy.
He admitted that even though he knew it was safe, it was just too weird for him.
I think stress kills his sex drive and he was stressed about becoming a dad in his own nonverbal way. He also flipped out if i mentioned my cervix hurt, or if I had a tiny bit of cervical bleeding from sex, which is normal and not harmful. Despite that we did do it at least once or twice a month, though it was more him grudgingly doing it at my behest, to avoid a fallout.
I was pretty much livid with him all the time and took the whole no sex thing personally, and we fought all the time, mainly with that being the underlying issue.
I was worried it was going to last past pregnancy and that he wouldnât be able to connect with me as a mother and wife; or worse, not connect with his child.
Anyway, after baby was born, all that stuff didnât happen, and we got back to having sex 2 weeks after baby was born, and it was good. I had no tears or other trauma, and I pretty much recovered early.
Good luck, if your man has hang-ups like mine did. Maybe buy vibrators and other toys, and tell him about your sexual arousal without him. Show him the monster life-like dildo that fucks your cunt and ask him if his lovely cock is more dangerous than the monster rubber dildo youâve been slamming into your cunt every afternoon.
dionysian
It almost killed me.
From about three months ,along right up until our daughter was born, my wife was ravenous. Morning and night, weekend nooners, she could not get enough.
It took all of my strength and will, to barely keep up. I seriously wondered sometimes if I was going to survive it.
Five stars and would recommend! I would choose death by cowgirl, all over again.
punks mostly dead
During my first pregnancy, we both were worried it could cause a miscarriage or premature labor. Where we came up with that notion I canât remember. We did have sex but it was slower and not as often.
The second time around the pregnancy was high risk and I was sick all during the first trimester, so we didnât have sex at all, in those weeks.
But by the second trimester I was insatiable. I was never really uncomfortable because we tried different positions and improved our rhythms to make it pleasurable for both of us.
Anonymous
My wife is just in her 1st trimester with our 1st baby. We have had sex once in the past month. She's pretty nauseous, but I am crossing my fingers that once she feels better, she might be more interested.
I always hoped she would be a horny pregnant person, and not an uncomfortable pregnant person.
Mood Shoes
Pregnancy sex was the absolute best sex ever, during my first pregnancy.
My second pregnancy, I was pregnant with twins and threw up nonstop for 34 weeks. I was definitely not feeling the heat that pregnancy.
orange star
It was bad. I always felt like I was making my baby have sex.
Zarphod
My âexâ refused to have sex with me when I was pregnant.
up your bum chum
The Mrs. completely turned off sex. I think we only did it twice the entire pregnancy.
crush_gold
I Don't know if you worry about this as well, but my husband's distaste for pregnancy really kind of kept him from doing anything like even rubbing my belly, feeling kicks, spooning with me while holding my belly. He didnt even like me spooning him with my belly pressed to him, talking to baby thru my belly, or any of those gushy things i really HOPED for him to do.
Basically I freaked out that if he couldn't connect to baby while I was pregnant he would not be able to connect when she was there, or be there for me in labor.
Luckily he was a fabulous labor partner, and was a true rock for me for the 24 hours of my misery, and he was the best daddy ever! From the start, he and our daughter are inseparable and itâs ridiculous how devoted he is to her.
dionysian
With my ex it was great! she was constantly in the mood, anytime we werenât working, we were in our apartment having sex in every room.
In my new marriage, we didnât really have frequent sex before this pregnancy; and now during it, sex went down even further so.
tay wil
It was like my genitals turned off. They just didn't get aroused, didn't respond to touch; nothing.
I was worried I'd lost the ability to orgasm forever. Thankfully, it did come back, a few months after giving birth.
High Fives For Dayz
Sexy and amazing.
A lot of incredible anal stuff that she initiated, and so many her-initiated two-a-days.
Very happy penis, very happy testicles, and a very happy wife.
Daniel In frangible
Fucking amazing. Iâm stunned I didnât get pregnant again during the pregnancies. Iâm preggo now, and despite the morning sickness itâs great.
Also zero worries about pulling out or condoms.
My only gripe is I donât think I look as good, Iâm plump and my face has gone dark this time. But well, I donât have to look at me and my partner looks as good as ever.
Also sex after the birth (after all the bleeding is over), is pretty good too. I havenât asked my current man how he feels about the changes because he is a bit reserved about discussing sexual topics. My ex-husband though, felt preggo sex was the best, both with me and his current wife.
The dude just had to tell me.
One more thing, ladies, if youâre making your guy wait weeks before fucking (post-partum), you can still use your hands and mouth to keep him content and attentive.
And he can find creative ways to pleasure you, too.
Technical_Image
Me and my ex were expecting a baby boy in July 2021. She was a quite different animal when it came to sex. She wanted to do it every minute of the day, and I kept up with her for the most part.
But after she had our baby, she wanted it more than I could handle. Somewhere down the line she lost feelings and we broke up.
But yeah that's how it was when she was pregnant. Latinas be tripping!
deadly scone
Thereâs three moods during pregnancy for me:
· Horny
· Hungry
· Exhausted
Anonymous
When my wife was told in the 9th month; that sex and orgasms were a sure fire way to get induce labor, I couldnât keep her off of me. It was wonderful. A little extra discharge but nothing gross.
Magickal Fuck Frog
I remember my wifeâs Obstetrician was always insisting we have sex. She said something about it being good for the pregnancy. But we never did. Canât do sex in front of a kid, you know.
Anonymous
Both times I was pregnant, I became unable to orgasm around the second trimester, and that lasted through weaning.
Sex was still enjoyable, but my drive was also way down.
Oh, and first trimester I was too pukey for sex anyhow.
When my drive came back, though, it came back with a vengeance.
sane dragon
My ex-wife loved it. Her orgasms were multiple as well.
But fucking was limited to cowgirl or from the side.
It was nice, knowing that there's no more trying for a kid.
unbiased asian
My husband had a real pregnancy fetish; that is, until I got pregnant .
I guess he loved the glow of a pregnant woman, and the thought of sex with a pregnant woman, but he didn't really enjoy it when the time came.
He was creeped out by his baby being right there. For both pregnancies, once I started really showing, we pretty much stopped having sex.
Stunning_Attention
I loved it, & would recommend lotsa great sex, if you plan on having children.
Oh, and itâs just so care-free! We went from that phase of being careful trying to prevent pregnancy. Then to that phase where we had a task to accomplish and sex started feeling like a mandate.
But pregnancy sex with a glowing hot wife carrying your child and loving on your cock twice as often, after the nausea stage ends.
Neighborhood No
My ex-wife tried to break me every day for the last six months.
Independent Ok
Golly. After my 1st trimester, when I could actually hold down water and food, I was horny as hell. All I wanted was spicy food, and spicy bedroom action.
fresh_momma
After the first trimester, it was amazing. My wife felt sexy (which she was!), with the raging hormones and it made the whole experience great
silver fire
I Got lightly sprayed with breast milk during the latter stages. Hormones be cray!
Imaginary_Moose
So good! And I swear it kept me from going past my due date. We had sex within hours of my water breaking for both of my babies.
Print Own
From a manâs perspective, it was great. The hormones she was releasing (is that called pheromones?) it made me go primal. Iâve never been hornier and have wanted her as much as I did when she was pregnant.
that_bearded_guy
My guy was reluctant, so I told him that after the baby is born he'll be lucky if he gets laid once a month, if at all, so he better get it while he can.
Besides, do you have to have intercourse? Does he think oral is dangerous too? Do something sexual together, so you can stay connected.
Merrickan Girl
My wifeâs last trimester for our third/last baby girl, she was down-right forcing me at times to make daily deposits every morning before I left for work.
She was so serious, she wanted that baby out yesterday. At least thatâs the urgent reason she always gave me!
Anonymous
It was nice during first pregnancy. Second pregnancy, it was good up until 3rd trimester.
Lightning crotch made it so that if we did have sex, any movement would be severely painful for the next 2-3 days.
Wut Smith is This
Sex was Frequent. My wife was prego with twins and weâd have sex a lot more than when we didnât have kids. There werenât much options for positions though.
Poor boy was wedged into her pelvis. Luckily my dicks not long, or he would have came out with black eyes.
Health Ok
Sex was great. Pregnancy hormones sure did a number on me. I was horny 24 7, and we stayed sexually active daily until the day before labor, with both kids.
Ok-Preparation
God I miss those days. Makes me want to knock her up again.
Big Thisty Beast
Nothing to brag about during the pregnancy. I had early complications, so no intercourse. Just stimulation is aggravating for 20 weeks.
But the first time after that post 6 week appointment. I needed a bottle of wine, first ;cause I was not prepared at all. But I NEEDED that dick.
We both finished, and he was so happy and out of breath. I just started sobbing so bad. Crying like a crocodile because it was so good after like a year of blah.
Tears of joy. Such a weird experience. Fucking hormones.
rosebud
Male here, and I loved it . Her tits were big and full, and she had a really healthy âglowâ to her.
Best of all there was no worries about getting her pregnant any more. No rubbers or birth control of any kind; just all out natural sex . Wonderful!
Dead Red
Perfect!
My Husband was super super into it, and made me feel so sexy! Even though it was obvious I was huge.
Perfect.
Beatrix Kidd
Pretty crazy. Some ,then none, then more than I could take.
In the last month she was insatiable.
Afterwards it was quite a few months before she resumed.
planet 1
My wife was huge and beautiful and I could not keep my hands off her.
spokey man
I was on an antidepressant called Venlafaxine, the year before getting pregnant, and was unable to have orgasms because of it.
Six months after no longer taking it, I still couldn't enjoy sex.
I somehow still became pregnant and all of a sudden I could feel again. So it was quite lovely.
I had lots of catching up to do.
Holub
Been a long time for me but my wife was always craving it and the further along she got, the wilder it was.
She even wanted it as she began labor, before going to the hospital.
The nurses were laughing because she didnât get âcleaned upâ time before getting to the hospital.
I was absolutely delighted every time she told me she was pregnant, cause well you can guess.
Mental-Pitch
It was great! I was a lot more confident about my body, actually.
I generally really enjoyed it.
Itâs after the baby is born that itâs not so great, due to delivery recovery, and hormones, and a kid cock-blocking all the time.
Educational_Boot
Fucking awesome!
With kid #5 I was a sex slave for nearly the whole time.
She was always so hot so we kept the window open during the winter. It was the coldest winter in decades where we live.
I never thought I would enjoy freezing my ass of so much. She was ravenous; at all hours.
nuclear_pickle
I was reluctant to do it. I Found my wife really attractive while she was pregnant, but I was genuinely worried about hitting the baby with my cock; despite it being scientifically impossible.
Mysterious
It was weird. Not bad weird but the body does some crazy things. The bigger I got, the more I could feel my uterus contracting after an orgasm. It was unsettling until I called my OB and was like âExcuse me but what the fuckâ or something like that. She told me it was normal and not to worry. Stay hydrated and it wonât be as noticeable.
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was so desperate to get my daughter out. Semen can start the dilation process, so sex was just a way to evacuate her from the hot tub party that was my uterus.
G_Ram
My wife and I remember this fondly.
Her hormones were absolutely raging and she was horny pretty much all the time. I've never had more sex than when my wife was pregnant. She was insatiable and wetter than I've ever seen her.
We had to do this sideways maneuver when she got way pregnant because she couldn't breathe if she was on her back and obviously she couldn't lay on her stomach. But it worked for us.
Then you can't do it for at least 6 weeks after your kid is born and you go into sex withdrawal. And my wife had postpartum pretty severely, so it was even longer after that.
Cosmic Pope
Iâm Currently pregnant. My hormones are raging and I feel like I'm constantly pulling my partner in the bedroom.
Physically & emotionally, the hormones are going on all circuitry, so I'm loving it.
Running_zombie_
I absolutely loved it. She was so physically, hormonally and emotionally into it that the sex itself was great.
Plus, a pregnant woman is just a beautiful thing, like a damn sunset. So, all around, five stars
Edith Whart
Awesome. She was horned up all the time. She would wake me up in the middle of the night, ride me like a Harley, and then weâd have a midnight snack.
Stupid Old
My doctor encouraged us! It's great stress relief, because being pregnant wasn't easy (at least for me). I was pretty much assured it was pretty darn impossible to harm the fetus with sex. Also, it works pretty great to bring on labor when you're 5 days overdue. So if the doc is telling me to have sex when I'm 10 months preggers, I'm pretty sure it was okay at 6 months.
My sex life didn't ramp up during pregnancy; it definitely slowed down, but we still were pretty regular! And yes, you need to let your body heal after having the baby (6-8 weeks is generally the recommendation) but we got back on track after week 6 (and I had a C-Section).
The only difference is, now there is a kid in the mix so trying to find the time is so much harder (and can be frustrating when you're planning on some exciting festivities and about 5 mins in, a little someone decides to wake up early and scream until picked up). To solve this, we now plan for sex (sounds so unromantic but it really isn't).
We try for at least one night a week (kiddo now sleeps 12 hours and has since 3 months - he's 9 months now) where we spend the entire evening on each other. Any other chances we get during the week are bonus - showers, early morning quickies, etc.
Have faith! And seriously, if your man rejects your advances, citing fears about the baby, have a real professional talk to your husband about his fears - they are totally unfounded and it would be interested to see where he has formed them.
Sofiira
The truth is that I was never much in the mood when she was pregnant. Not because she was about twice as big as usual, but because she was a fucking bitch for nine months, not that I can blame her.
nalf
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps. -
The Ten Best Positions For Anal.
By Daniel Fucking Davis. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
All you faithful readers know Iâm a big fan of knocking on a girlâs back door. It feels great. Itâs naughty. Whatâs not to like about it?
Nothing⊠for the guy.
For the girl, anal can often be traumatic. Iâve posted a bunch of times on how to prepare for anal sex. You can type âanalâ in my search bar and get a ton of info. But let me highlight some things:Anal sex requires preparation to keep it from being messy.
Anal sex requires relaxation and trust. If the girl isnât relaxed⊠if she tenses up⊠thatâs when it hurts.Anal sex requires a lot of lube. Lots of lube.Anal sex requires you to begin small. A finger in the ass. Then two fingers. Then your cock.Anal sex requires you to start slow. Slide it in and pump with short, slow strokes.Anal sex requires foreplay. Because again, a woman needs to be really relaxed and into it before her ass will open.
What I havenât written about in much detail is good positions for anal. Iâve said, âIf it hurts, try the woman on top.â But beyond that, nothing much. That changes with this post.
âI want to share with you ten positions that can be great for anal.â Theyâre great for a variety of reasons: intimacy, pleasure for him, pleasure for her, comfort, etc. Iâll spell out the benefits of each one. They are listed in no particular order. But if you read the articles about preparing for anal that I have written and then learn these ten positions, I guarantee you that you can comfortably (and erotically!) add this very enjoyable aspect to your sex life.
1. âThe Reverse Cowgirl Rump Riderâ
He lies on his back, legs together. She straddles him, facing away and bounces with his dong-a-long in her bonk-a-donk.
This position is great for her, not only because it lets her control how deep and fast her ass is being fucked, but also because it provides a great angle. Heâs going straight in, with a slight upward press. Should be comfortable.
Itâs a great position for him because of the view - her bulbous back pillows being split by his love meat.
2. âThe Sphincter Spoonâ
The key to this spooning technique is that the girl pulls her legs up close to her chest, maybe using her arms behind her knees to hold them. When the legs are pulled up like that, the external spincter muscle (i.e. the asshole) loosens some.
When the guy slides in, he goes as deep as possible. But motion is limited.
This position is all about intimacy. There is a ton of body contact. He can whisper in her ear or kiss her neck. Guys, you also can play with her nipples or even reach between her legs and rub gently.
This is a great starter position for the first anal of the night, precisely because there isnât much motion. It lets her slowly relax her booty.
3. âThe Super Sodomy Side Slideâ
In this position, the girl lies face-down, then pulls one leg up some. So her one leg is straight down. With her other leg, sheâs pulled her knee up close to even with her waist. This tilts her slightly onto her side. The guy then straddles the one leg that is straight down. He spreads her cheeks, and slides in.
What makes this position great for her is how relaxing it is. He can rub her back while heâs fucking her ass. It also doesnât allow for very deep penetration.
For him there are two pleasures. First, as he pumps, his scrotum is going to be rubbing against the smooth skin on the back of her leg. It feels amazing. Secondly, each time he thrusts in, her one butt cheek - the one of the leg that is straight out - is going to hit him right in what is sometimes called the âinguinal canalâ area, where the guyâs leg meets his torso. The firm but soft tush pressing in there⊠fuck! Feel so good!
Guys, an added little treat for her⊠She she first gets in this position, get down there, slide a finger in her vay-jay-jay, palm facing down, curling the finger slightly. That will place your fingertip on her g-spot. While you work the finger in and out, let your tongue press on her asshole, just causing it to spread a little. Sheâll love it.
4. âThe Dallying In Her Derriereâ
This is a lovely, slow, lazy way to pump her rump. You are on her side. She is on her back, with her legs hitched over you. She can keep them together or spread them apart, depending on what she finds more comfortable.
This is also a very intimate position, as it allows you to see each otherâs faces. Motion is limited, as her legs hooked over him prevent him from pumping too hard. He can play with her chest or her clit. She can reach down and rub his balls while he fucks her.
5. âThe Ass-n-Clittyâ
Another variation of women-on top. The girl straddles the guy, cowgirl style, facing him, her knees wide apart. She puts his hotdog in her buns, then leans back, using her hands for support. And she bounces and bounces and bounces.
The plus for her is that she gets to control tempo and depth. And again, itâs a great angle - straight up her dark tunnel.
In addition, in that position her guy has clear access to her clitty-cat. He can pet it. Guys, in this position, I recommend using your thumb. Lick it so itâs slick. Then press it down on top of her clit and roll it, like a pea bring rolled under your finger.
Or you can take a finger and curl it in, making a âcome hereâ motion. That puts your finger on her g-spot. Again, roll it around like a pea under your fingertip.
For guys, not only do you have an amazing view, but it actually is a very tight fit. With her knees apart like that, her glute muscles get pushed together. Thus, your shaft is cradled in soft butt cheek. Feels amazing.
True story. I have had a girlfriend squirt all over my abs in this position while I was in her ass.
6. âThe Catholic Birth Controlâ
You wouldnât think missionary position would be great for anal, but it really, really is. However, you probably need to have her hips tilted up. You can do this simply by placing a few pillows under her hips.
This is another position aimed at intimacy. The couple can kiss and caress even as heâs tapping her tushie.
This position also allows for only shallow penetration, thus itâs great for a girl who, try as she might, believes she can only take the tip. Itâs also great for a guy who is well endowed, as maybe only the first two or three inches will get in.
Guys, be careful in this position. Itâs easy to slip out. And what can really hurt a girl is when you slip out and then donât aim carefully when you slide back in. It forces her anus to stretch in funny ways! No bueno.
7. âThe Hero, Pooter-Pounder Styleâ
In the kamasutra, âthe Heroâ position is woman on her back, with her legs pulled up to the degree that her pelvis tilts up. This can be done a variety of ways. She can grab under her knees and pull them back. He can grab her ankles and push them back. The point is, her legs are in the air, spread apart, and her hips are tilted up. This gives him a straight shot to her pooter-palace!
After six positions which were more gentle, we now get to the ones which will be a bit harder. Thus, it requires a bit more experience. These are anal positions you might try after you have being doing one of the first six for awhile. So your rump is all relaxed and ready for a good ramming. ;)
For the girls, the fun part of this position is that as well as any of them, you have access to your sugared almond. While your man drills your dumper, rub that thing like you are a DJ and itâs god-damned New Years Eve. You might cum.
Guys, you need to understand that with her hips tilted and legs spread, you could go really, really deep. Thatâs great, if she says itâs great. If not, then this is a position where you have to exercise self control and only use the first four inches or so.
8. âThe Doggy In the Donkâ
I donât want to exaggerate here, so Iâll say it carefully. This is the biggest fantasy of every man on earth. There is nothing like getting a hot girl face down, ass up, and smashing her onion.
What does this give to the guys? The best site on earth. When you can see your cock sliding in and out, wedged between those breathtaking cheeks⊠when that booty meet shakes with each thrust, a slight ripple working through each one⊠wow. I have a tear in my eye just thinking about it.
In addition to the view, if the girl has warmed up to anal and can handle it, this is the position in which the guy can go his hardest. The angle of his cock in her ass, especially if she puts her chest down on the bed, is such that it is a very, very smooth fit. Her rectum is in its natural position. So he can grab her hips and pound away.
For the girl, doggystyle anal can be either heaven or purgatory. Heâs going to be deep in your ass. But in this position, he stimulates some of the nerves that are actually located in the vaginal wall. If a girl is going to cum during anal, this position will probably be it. While the guy is reaming her from behind, sheâll reach down and play with her clit. If she can cum this way, it will be so intense her back might break.
This is one position where a couple of well-placed mirrors can really add to the experience for both of you. She will be able to see your activities and the joy on your face. Youâll bet to see the full impact on her body. Watch her tits ripple and sway. See the look on her face when you give her her first anal climax.
9. âThe Best Lap Dance Everâ
This is yet another woman on top position. The man sits in a chair. Guys, use a kitchen chair, not a big ass recliner. It gives you more range of motion. The woman come and sits on his lap, with his man-meat in her moneymaker.
There are two variations to this. The woman can put her legs between his legs. If she does this, she can put her hands on his knees and bounce. Or the woman can put her legs outside his. Unless she has really long legs, she might not be able to bounce as well. But she can grind and rock. Itâs a amazing sensation when you grind in that position, ladies! Itâs like you are trying to break our cock off inside your can.
Guys, if she goes with her legs outside yours, why not reach around and flick her on-off switch lightly. Itâs ether that your you make it rain!
10. âThe 3am At Danielâs Houseâ
This is a variation on doggy-style; doing it while standing, with the woman bent over something. Itâs one of my favorites, hence the name. (Back off! When you get your own blog, you can name sex positions after yourself too!)
Itâs a really comfortable position for the woman. Sheâs braced on a chair or couch. She might even be able to rest on it. A variation is if she picks up one leg and rests her knee on the object. A good example of that is a bathroom counter. She leans over it and puts one knee up on it while I explore her third-entry.
Itâs great for the guy for the same reason doggy-style is. Itâs a nice view. He can grab the hips and go hard. Because itâs a comfortable position, itâs also great for prolonged anal. Thereâs no need to pound out your nut in 30 seconds. Get her in this position and spend a good 20 minutes working her bubble over.
This position can also be very pleasurable for the woman too. There is a muscle cluster that starts in your lower back, runs through the glutes, and down the back of the legs to the heel. Thatâs why if you walk funny in a bad shoe, it can hurt your back. Itâs the longest muscle cluster in the human body. When a girl is bent over like this, that muscle cluster is tight. And so as she tenses her anus slightly (which is natural to do as your ass is being fucked), sheâll feel that through her entire lower body. And guys, if you can reach around and play with her clit and make her cum in this position, she can collapse. The shudder it sends through her legs literally floors her.
And there you have it, faithful readers. Is this every anal position I know? This is the tip of the iceberg. But hopefully if you like these, you can put your own spins and variances on them, and have plenty of variety to your hot, hot booty sex!
Cause letâs face it. This is good advice.
Credit for all the illustrations goes to wewomen.com. They have their own take on âbest ofâ positions. -
Fred Requests a woman's point of view to help him understand.
Then Maye weighs in with good memories and advice.By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
Fredâs QuestionDear BFW;
I've never tried anal sex before. It never appealed to me. Actually, I never have given it much thought until I perused the anal sex category here at Literotica and found it so popular.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I have never even had sex doggie style either. Yes, I realize that doggie style sex is an overwhelming favorite for hordes of people but not for me. It is not that I did not try having sex doggie style, it just did not work for me; my cock did not reach far enough for me to feel like I was fucking her. I mean, really fucking her. Okay, it reached but it would not go in far enough for me to feel that feeling of deep and satisfying penetration. It felt weird. I mean, I do not have a small cock. My cock is a little bigger than average at 7". Yeah, she seemed to enjoy it, but I was not receiving the same feeling that I receive when doing it missionary style and being able to really pound her.
"Sorry, Honey, scoot down so that your head doesn't bang the wall."
Moreover, although all the women who I have ever been with were clean, having just showered, shaved, douched, and flossed, whenever I tried having sex with them doggie style, I always received an aroma of excrement, which is a total turn off. I mean, I really do not want to smell shit when I am boning someone, and I am not even having sex with them anally; I am just trying to do it doggie style. Yet, when you start pounding away, pumping your pelvic area against her hips, you are going to get a whiff of poopies. And even if she is the most beautiful chick, that is gross.
"Geez, Beyonce, what the Hell did you eat last night? You smell like a 3-day-old Taco Bell."
I remember growing up and that was one of the worse ranks you could say to someone about their mother.
"Shut up Carl! Your mother takes it up the ass."
Way worse than saying that your mother wears combat boots, taking a cock up the ass was a big insult. That is, until a Greek kid moved into the neighborhood and we were playing; and then we started arguing over something stupid and one kid said to the Greek kid.
"You mother takes it up the ass."
The Greek kid, Nick, I think his name was, shrugged and walked away because, apparently, she did take it up the ass. He probably thought the kid was complimenting his mother instead of insulting her.
I remember that movie back in the late '70's, Midnight Express with Billy Hayes. He played a college student who went through Turkey hoping to score some drugs, Hashish, and deliver them back to the United States, only he was caught. Boy, those Turks fucked everybody up the ass; it did not matter if you were a man or a woman. What did he call Turkey, a country of pigs? Anyway, any time you dropped anything in that country, you were best just to walk away from it and pretend that it was not yours rather than to bend over and pick it up only to find a Turkish cock up your ass.
"Fred, Is that your money clip?"
"Hasad, I don't know who that money clip belongs to but it is not mine."
"It has your name engraved on it, Fred."
"Hey, Hasad, do you think that I am the only person in Turkey named Freddie?"
"Yes."
"Okay Hasad, then, kick it over here and I'll lie on the ground with my ass to the pavement to pick it up."
Anyway, call me ignorant and I am sure that I will piss off a lot of people who are into anal sex but I always thought of anal sex as a gay thing or as a Greek thing and never as a another choice selection to my sexual menu.
"Honey, can I fuck you up the ass tonight?"
"Gee, Sweetie, wouldn't you rather have a blow job?"
"Okay, Honey."
Now that I think of it, that movie with Burt Reynolds, Deliverance, I can hear the banjo music, now, showed those mountain men fucking anything that moved up the ass.
"Look, Darryl, a deer. Shoot it."
"Nah, let's track it and catch it. Then, we'll fuck it up the ass before we kill it and bring the meat home to Maw."
Oh, and that scene in Quentin Tarantino's, Pulp Fiction where that shopkeeper takes the black dude down the cellar and he calls his friend, a cop, and they are both ready to bone this poor guy up the ass until Butch Coolidge, Bruce Willis, saved his ass with a Samari's sword. Man that was a violent movie. I betcha when Vincent Vega, John Travolta, emerged from the bathroom after taking a shit, he would have preferred taking it up the ass instead of being blown away with that sawed off shotgun by Butch. They just don't make good family movies like that anymore (lol).
Actually, don't the Eskimos like anal sex? Still, they have a reason; it is fucking cold in those igloos. Who wants to take off your clothes to have sex when it is so cold that the penguins are trying to get in bed with you to keep warm? This way, the Eskimo women just inch down their seal line pajama bottoms and bang go, you are getting off. How they rub noses while having anal sex is something that I'd like to see, well...maybe not.
Presently, sex to me includes intercourse, of course, oral sex, and foreplay. I can see Bubba in prison chomping at the bit not being able to wait until he can get a good behavior pass to go out of his jail cell and to use the computer in the library so that he can write me a nasty comment to this story. Yet, you know, Bubba, if you hadn't been a criminal and dumb enough to have been caught and have your sorry ass thrown in jail, then you would not have to be boning some other convict up the ass while sniffing their poopies. Matter of fact, once you are a free man and out on the street, you cannot tell me that you would rather bone a hussy up the ass instead of fucking them missionary style.
I asked my girlfriend if she ever had anal sex and she said that she had it once and did not care for it. Then, I asked my sister-in-law (I have to be careful writing about my sister-in-law otherwise this piece can easily become an incest, okay taboo piece, rather than an anal piece) if she had anal sex and she said that she had. My sister-in-law was the one who wanted me to have sex doggie style with her. She liked doing it doggie style but I could not satisfy her that way. Hey, call me old fashioned. To me, fucking someone up the ass is just sex and not making love. I'd rather face the woman when I am making love to her; so that I can kiss her and suck her tits. Maybe, that's it. I'm a tit man rather than an ass man and it's rather hard trying to suck nipples when they are way on the other side while you have your cock behind her instead of in front of her where God intended Adam to bone Eve.
"Freddie, you're hurting me and stretching my tits all out of shape trying to pull them back to suck them while you are fucking me up the ass."
Now, all the religious freaks will be coming out of the woodwork to make nasty comments to this story. Hey, if you zealots are so full of religion then you shouldn't be doing anal sex anyway. Doesn't the Bible tell you that the only time you people are suppose to have sex is when you are making babies?
"Honey, can I have sex with you, tonight?"
"I'm sorry, Jacob, but I am already pregnant. Give me 9 months and we'll have sex again, then."
Yeah, try telling that to Moses. He had like 100 kids. He must have thought he was a Mormon instead of a Jew and it was okay to have more than one wife. Can you just see Mrs. Moses, now?
"Hey, Moses. Why don't you bone me up the ass once in a while instead of fucking me missionary style? I'm tired of having all these kids and with you going up to the mountaintop waiting for Jesus to talk to you and not being around to help change diapers. Moses! Where are you going with all those animals? It's raining."
Okay, for a brief period, 4 years, I was in the swinging lifestyle and I took an unofficial survey of the women who I partied with (they call it party with instead of saying had sex with) and everyone one of them said that she has had anal sex. Yet, I did not find one woman who preferred anal sex to penis to vagina intercourse. Now, that's an interesting discovery, don't you think? Allow me to repeat that. There was not one woman who would rather have anal sex to having regular penis to vagina intercourse, not one.
"You look lovely tonight; I cannot wait to make love to you."
"Why don't I just drop my panty and bend over. Then, you can fuck me up the ass and we can continue our evening without all of the sexual anticipation?"
"But, Honey, we are in the elevator."
"So, you say that like there is something wrong with that."
My friend, Bill, who was a swinger, met this woman who wanted him to fuck her up the ass. She had never had anal sex before and had always wanted to try it. Her husband, the only other guy, apparently, like me who does not like anal sex, would not accommodate her so Bill said, "Sure," he'd fuck her up the ass. Only, and apparently, this woman did not know the rules to anal sex. How could she? She never had it before. Well, before attending this house party where the swingers gathered, the woman had gone to dinner with her husband and had a big meal.
Well, you guessed it. Bill was fucking her up the ass. Let me tell you about Bill. He is one horny guy and can fuck better than anyone half his age and he is 60. And he has this huge cock. Anyway, he's fucking this woman up the ass and she is enjoying herself until, suddenly...Bill is covered from his neck to his knees in her shit. She shit all over him and all over the sheets. There was shit on the carpet and on the walls. This woman must have been saving this shit up because it was everywhere. There was so much shit. The woman was so embarrassed that she hauled ass out of there with her husband and left poor Bill covered in shit. He showered and returned to the room to help the hostess clean up the mess. Now, that is a true story and you can ask Bill if you don't believe me. Bill, get in here and tell the readers about that woman who shit all over you when you were fucking her up the ass and that it is a true story.
"It's true."
"Thanks, Bill."
Now, let me end this story by writing that it was not my intention to pass judgment or to insult or to criticize anyone's sexual lifestyle. I embrace everyone's right to float their own boat so long as it is between two consenting adults. Sorry, Darryl. I am only trying to understand.
So, I ask you, what is the big deal about anal sex? I'd especially like to hear a woman's point of view, a woman who not only enjoys it and looks forward to it but also who prefers it to penis to vagina intercourse, and one who is not Greek, Turkish or an Eskimo; l o l.
"Sorry, Paris Hilton, you are just a slut and your opinion does not count. What's that? You have a story to tell me that you want me to write about you and Britney Spears and you want me to tell everyone the real reason why Britney shaved her head? Okay. Well, I have to take off with Paris, everyone. Ciao!"
How To Enjoy Anal Sex
One woman's suggestions.
MayhemLass answers Fred.
Judging from the popularity of this category and the myriad of responses I received, I have come to the conclusion that the misconceptions and preconceived notions respecting anal sex are legendary. My impression is for the most part that a lot of men want it and a lot of women are horrified at the very thought. Generally, society has frowned on this type of sex, as reflected in derogatory remarks such as "asshole". Unfortunately, a lot of people are missing out on a great addition to their sexual repertoire.
Before I go any further, I want to VERY clearly urge anyone with ANY concerns about their health to USE a condom. Even the gentlest anal sex can cause tiny nicks and scratches that could easily conduct any organisms straight into your body.
The anus has a multitude of nerves and muscles which when stimulated correctly, can provide enormous pleasure. Two sphincters are obvious when a finger is inserted â the first which provides the 'pucker" with which everyone is familiar, the other, about half an inch in. The first is controlled by the individual consciously â thus you can tighten or loosen it at will. The second is controlled by the part of the brain that controls bodily functions such as heartbeat, breathing etc â i.e. you cannot control its reactions directly. Proper and gentle manipulation can be equally enjoyable for men â whose prostrate can be stimulated from the insertion of a finger in the rectum â and for women, whose G spot is readily massaged through this form of lovemaking.
I would highly recommend that each individual familiarize themselves with their own bodies, exploring their own fundaments first to gauge the feeling and reactions that the insertion of a finger or object engenders.
As an aficionado myself, and female, I thought it would be helpful to address the issue and give my own suggestions/recommendations respecting the introduction and enjoyment of this unique form of lovemaking. I will deal with male penetration of a female's rectum as that is what I can recommend and am familiar with.
Anal sex is not something that should be introduced on a whim, nor thrust upon someone who is unfamiliar with this very arousing form of lovemaking. Ultimately, I believe that preparation and patience are the two primary ingredients of a successful introduction to anal sex.
A subtle yet honest form of behaviour modification works very well in this regard. Introducing your lover by attempting to push a stiff penis up a very small area unused to intrusions from that side of the body is a guarantee of failure. Rather, start gently and carefully.
Preparing Her Desire
1. First, begin with oral sex â an excellent starting point as you not only have intimate access to the desired area but as your lover's arousal increases, you are provided with the opportunity to gently and subtly introduce a finger; for instance, just tickling the fundament as your tongue takes care to keep her attention focused on the main event. As your lover starts to peak, push your finger very gently within the rim â do not go too deep or you will not only most likely derail her orgasm (thus creating a very frustrated and angry lover), you will also overstep the first steps to successful seduction.
Do this frequently and often, allowing her to slowly get accustomed to the feel of something tickling her anus, and in turn, linking an orgasm with the sensation of a foreign object around her anus. Done correctly, she will unconsciously begin to enjoy the extra stimulation provided by a careful finger or a warm tongue.
My strongest advice â DO NOT rush it! Most of us have been taught from a young age that anything to do with the very natural functions conversant with an anus are "dirty", that anything to do with the butt is "hands off". So not only do most people have to deal with the startling reality of accustoming themselves to something foreign in their anus â even more importantly, they have to overcome societal imperatives and parental restrictions.
2. Second, after your lover has become accustomed to â and learned to enjoy â non-threatening anal play, slowly begin to increase the level of your insertion. The anus does not self-lubricate, so unless your finger is sufficiently lubricated with your partner's own juices, then use a proper lubricant such as KY jelly or something similar. Providing oral sex while gently thrusting your finger in and out of her anus after she has learned to enjoy anal play is guaranteed to provide a very satisfactory and intense orgasm â thus continuing your gentle behaviour modification.
At this stage, it can also be stimulating and encouraging to gently insert a finger during intercourse. This can be done in a variety of positions, the easiest being the female kneeling and the male penetrating from the back. He then has easy access to her rectum and although it can be tricky, the sensation engendered by double penetration can be seductive and immensely exciting.
3. Third. After a sufficient period of time has elapsed and your lover has become accustomed to and enjoys her anus being stimulated, then you can begin preparations for actual anal intercourse.
There are some basic rules and preparation that I would highly recommend if you want an enjoyable and satisfying experience with anal sex. I will list them below:
âą Be healthy â ensure there is plenty of fibre in your diet so that your natural functions are normal and healthy. Some individuals prefer to have an enema to ensure no fecal matter is present, but if your diet is healthy and you have emptied your bowels, I do not believe this is necessary.
âą Have a recommended lubricant on hand, such as KY jelly.
âą Be conscious at all times of your lover's responses â being aware and responsive to her reactions is crucial if both parties are to enjoy the process.
4. Next, it is probably most helpful to introduce anal sex when your lover is already open, relaxed and aroused â i.e. don't START with it but consider it the culmination of a sexy, fun and enthusiastic session of lovemaking. This is also advised because due to matters of hygiene and possible cross-contamination, it is highly recommended than the penis is washed thoroughly and carefully with soap and water after anal sex. The penis must be washed both to avoid any bacteria that might cause infection in the penis, but also to avoid giving your lover any issues.
Preparing Her Anus
Thus, assuming that you are now ready to introduce the penis, I suggest the following:
1. Lots of lubrication â particularly the first few times â play with your partner's anus with lubricated fingers and warm tongue until the rectum is relaxed and open. You can lubricate her rectum during play. Then, ensure that your penis is similarly coated with a safe lubricant.
2. Choosing a position which is comfortable for both of you â spoon fashion works very well especially for the first few times as it gives the woman more control â holding your penis firmly, push it gently â and I mean gently, against the lubricated rectum. A lubricated anus together with a lubricated penis almost guarantees that the spongy head of the penis will slowly push in. JUST as you enter â STOP!
It should be noted at this point, that the two sphincter muscles I mentioned above now become relevant. The woman can help with the first muscle by pushing out as if having a bowel movement - that flares the anus open and gives egress to the penis. BUT, once the head of the penis has entered, the man must stop and allow the inner sphincter muscles to accommodate themselves to the intrusion. However, eager and open she is, the woman cannot control that inner muscle and must wait for her body to accommodate â forcing it at this point could damage and tear the muscles.
3. Let the woman take the initiative at this point. She has to accustom herself to the feel of the penis in her butt â the sensation when first experienced can feel quite uncomfortable, as if you need to have a bowel movement. Allow her the time to relax both physically (given time, the inner ring of muscles will loosen) and emotionally, to the feel of a penis in her rectum. Allow her to take the lead, to indicate either verbally or through her body that she is ready for you to push a little more of your penis up. Again, Go Slow! As the penis is thrust up the fundament, that ring of muscles will once again tighten; allow them the time to loosen and relax as they accommodate the girth of the penis.
Once the entire penis is inserted to the groin, relax and enjoy the sensation before actually beginning to thrust. The woman can flex and constrict the outer ring of muscles as she becomes used to the feel. By slowing wiggling her bottom, she can control the rhythm and make the decision when she wants her partner to push in or out.
4. The feel of a penis up your rectum is immensely arousing once you have been properly prepared. There is the physical reality that the anus has a multitude of nerve endings and muscles that signal pleasure, the feel of a thrusting penis against the G spot can induce a sensation unlike any other (and can actually eventually lead to female ejaculation which will be the subject of another essay) and then the emotional reality that you are engaging in a "forbidden" pleasure can be in itself stimulating and exciting.
Enjoying Anal
From that point on, keeping hyper aware of your partner's response, you can engage in an increasingly enthusiastic bout of anal intercourse. As the intercourse continues, while the anus itself doesn't self-lubricate, the sensation and intense pleasure will ensure that the woman's natural lubrication together with the male's pre-cum mingle to form a very satisfactory and slippery lubricant which adds to the pleasure and allows intercourse to become more enthusiastic.
The man, at this point, may want to reach around and stimulate the woman's clitoris manually as it is quite common for women to require a little extra stimulation.
The only drawback to anal sex at this point occurs when the very exciting session has culminated and both partners have orgasmed. While it is tempting to loll in bed and enjoy the aftermath, it is crucial to wash within a reasonably quick period after sex â both the male and the female â to avoid the possibility of any infections.
I would add at this point that once you and your partner have a little more experience, some may prefer to use less lubricant or dispense with it altogether. Many females such as myself prefer the rougher stimulus provided by an unlubricated penis.
All in all, anal sex can be an exciting, arousing and fun addition to lovemaking.
By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass -
Can a device make it better for us? By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
A battery-charged vibrator
Sex toys â also called adult toys or âmarital aidsâ â are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.
Itâs totally normal to use sex toys, but itâs also totally normal not to â itâs a personal decision, and everyoneâs different. As long as youâre using sex toys safely, thereâs nothing harmful about it.
Why do people use sex toys?
All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm â this is especially common for women. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their lovers.
Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.
Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause â like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.
What are the different types of sex toys? There are thousands of different sex toys out there. Some of the most common ones include: Vibrators (aka vibes, personal massagers) â Objects that vibrate (move continuously/buzz) to stimulate your genitals. Itâs very common for people to use vibrators to stimulate their clitoris and other parts of their vulva and vagina. But vibrators can also stimulate the penis, scrotum and testicles, nipples, and anus. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes. Some can go inside a vagina or anus, and others are meant to be used outside the body.Dildos (Objects that go inside a vagina, anus, or mouth.) Dildos come in many shapes and sizes, but theyâre often shaped like a penis. Some look like realistic penises, and others are more abstract. They can also be slightly curved, to help stimulate your g-spot or prostate. Dildos can be made out of lots of different materials, like silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or, break-resistant glass.Anal toys Sex toys made specifically to stimulate and/or go inside your anus. Anal toys include plugs (usually called butt plugs), anal beads, prostate massagers, and dildos with a wide base. You need to use lube to use anal toys safely. And itâs very important that any toy you put in your butt has a flared base (meaning itâs wider at the bottom) or some other way to pull the toy out, so it canât accidentally slip all the way in. If a sex toy goes all the way inside your butt, it could get stuck and you may have to go to the doctor to get it out.Sleeves (aka masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or strokers) â Soft tubes that you put your penis into. Sleeves come in all shapes and sizes, and often have different textures on the inside for more sensation. Some even have vibration or suction. There are also strokers that are specially designed for a larger clitoris or smaller penis, particularly for intersex people or trans men on hormone therapy.Penis rings (aka cock rings, erectile dysfunction rings, or constriction rings) â rings that go around your scrotum and/or penis. Penis rings slow blood flow out of the penis when itâs erect (hard), which can increase sensation, or make your erection harder and longer-lasting. The safest penis rings are made from soft, flexible materials that you can easily remove, like silicone, rubber, or leather with snaps. Some penis rings have little vibrators on them, to stimulate you and/or your partner. Because penis rings restrict your blood flow, donât wear one for longer than 10-30 minutes, and take it off right away if you feel any pain or discomfort. And talk to your nurse or doctor before using penis rings if you have a bleeding disorder or are on blood-thinning medicine.Pumps (aka penis pumps, vacuum pumps, or vacuum erection pumps) â Vacuum-like devices that use a hand or battery-powered pump to create suction around your penis, clitoris, vulva, or nipples. Pumps used negative air pressure to create a vacuum, which drives blood flow to the area, which helps increase sensitivity and sensation. Some people also like the feeling of the suction. Penis pumps can help you get an erection, but they wonât make your penis permanently bigger. Some pumps are designed to help treat erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, and orgasm disorder â you can get more information about these pumps from a nurse or doctor. But most of the pumps you buy in sex stores or adult shops are not medical devices, theyâre just meant to enhance pleasure during sex and masturbation. Make sure to follow the instructions, and donât pump for longer than the instructions say. And talk to your healthcare team before using a pump if you have a blood disorder, or are on blood-thinning medication.Ben Wa balls (aka Kegel balls, Kegel trainers, vagina balls, orgasm balls) â Round objects that you put inside your vagina. They can help you do exercises that tone and strengthen your Kegel muscles (aka pelvic floor muscles). Kegel balls are usually weighted so you have to squeeze your vagina to keep them inside your body. Some are hollow with smaller balls inside that roll and bounce when you move, making a jiggling sensation. You donât need these balls to do Kegel exercises, and not everyone uses them for that purpose â many people just like the way they feel inside their vagina.Packers (a k a prosthetics) â objects that look and feel like a realistic penis (usually soft) that create a âbulgeâ in your underwear or clothes. Some packers also let you pee standing up (called stand-to-pee or STP packers). Like with anyoneâs genitals, packers arenât always sexual or used for sex. But some packers can be worn bent down or sticking up, so they can resemble both a non-erect (soft) penis and an erect (hard) penis, and can be used for sex.Harnesses (aka straps or strap-on harnesses) â garments that hold a packer, dildo, or other sex toy against your body. Some are worn like underwear or jock straps, and others may go around other parts of your body, like your thigh.
There are so many different kinds of sex toys and ways to use them that figuring out where to start can feel a little overwhelming. Going to a sex toy shop and asking someone who works there about different products can be a great way to learn more about sex toys and what might work well for you. You can also just try something that seems interesting and go from there. Or you may decide sex toys arenât for you, and thatâs totally Okay too. The point is that there are lots of options for different bodies and different kinds of sex â so no matter who you are or what kinds of sex you have, sex toys can be an option for you.
How do I use sex toys safely? Sharing sex toys with other people can spread a sexually transmitted disease; referred to as an STD.
If someone who has an STD uses a sex toy, the body fluids on that toy can spread the infection to the next person who uses that toy. So if youâre using a sex toy with a partner, itâs important to take steps to help prevent STDs.
Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another personâs genitals.
Putting condoms on sex toys can help keep them clean and prevent the spread of STDs. Just make sure you change condoms before the toy touches another personâs genitals.
If youâre using a sex toy in your anus, make sure you use lots of lube.
The anus doesnât lubricate itself (get wet) the way a vagina does, so putting something in your butt without adding lube can be painful, uncomfortable, and even unsafe. And never put a sex toy thatâs been in an anus into a vagina without washing it or changing the condom first. If germs from your anus get into your vagina, it can lead to vaginitis. Itâs also important to make sure that any sex toy you use in your anus has a wide base or some other way to keep it from going all the way in. If a sex toy goes so far into your anus that you canât reach it, you may need to see a nurse or doctor to get it out. (You canât lose a sex toy in your vagina because your cervix blocks the end of it.)
Donât use silicone lube with silicone sex toys, unless you put condoms on them.
Silicone lube can react with the solid silicone in your toy and damage it. Water-based lube is a safe bet to use with any sex toy (and any condom).
Only allow non-porous toys inside you.
If youâre putting a sex toy inside your body (mouth, vagina, or anus), itâs best to use one made of a body-safe, non-porous material â like 100% silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass. Toys made from non-porous materials donât absorb germs and are easier to keep clean. Sex toys made from materials that may be porous, but you can always use a condom on your toy to help it stay clean and keep any possible germs on it out of your body.
Itâs always best to use sex toys that are specifically made to be sex toys.
This is especially if youâre putting them inside your body. DIY sex toys might not be safe, especially if they can break, have rough, sharp, or loose parts, or are made of materials that are unsanitary or can cause a reaction.
Where can I buy sex toys? You can buy sex toys at specialty stores, usually called sex shops, sex stores, or adult stores. Some pharmacies, drug stores, or large retail stores sell a small variety of the more common sex toys, like vibrators.
Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy).
Now, letâs hear from a knowledgeable connoisseur of various sex toys.
Sex Toys 101 Things to consider when buying a new toy. By X xene
My new sex toys arrived in the mail a couple of weeks ago and as I tentatively opened the packages, I hoped I had made the right decision. For me, shopping money is very limited and it always pisses me off beyond belief when I order something that turns out to be a dud. Over the last few years, I have amassed quite a collectionâŠone worthy of a full size toy chest if I were to store them all together. So when it comes to picking out toys, the wrong ones and the right ones, I definitely have the experience behind me to make wiser decisions than when I was first starting out.
So, because I am such a nice person, I thought Iâd put together a list of things every girl, and guy, should consider when buying a new toy. I want to break it down into separate criteria, Price, Function, Size, & Product Maintenance.
Price:
You have to make sure you know what youâre looking for before you ever venture into a store, or onto a site. Now, I know you wonât have a particular product in mind, but ask yourself this question, âAm I looking for something to use everyday, every week, or just on special occasions?â The answer to that question that indicative of how much you should expect to spend.
If you just want something to âtry outâ or use for one night of kink, donât waste a lot of money on it. Chances are, you can find a cheap version of whatever it is somewhere onlineâŠbut if itâs not going to be used that often, you really donât have to worry too much about the quality of it. Cheap is fine. Most likely, the thrill will come from the psychological aspect of using the toyâŠnot the physical sensations it gives.
If itâs a toy you plan to use weekly, like with a partner, Iâd go for the upgradeâŠbut not for the top of the line model. However, if you are not in a relationship, are in a long distance relationship, or are a chronic masturbator (which I could probably head up the support group on that one), go for quality. Otherwise, youâre just going to spend more money in the long run because youâre gonna break it, wear it out, or get tired of it. You get what you pay for and quality sex toys are rarely cheap. Although, I do luck up sometimes with a discount coupon or something manufactured by a company still trying to make a name for itself. If you are lucky enough to encounter any of these bargains, jump on them. Just because youâve never heard of the company doesnât mean the product wonât be quality. Actually, Doc Johnson, one of the most famous sex toy manufacturers puts out a lot of toys of questionable quality. Just check out what youâre getting first and you should be fine.
Function:
In order to get a product, whether cheap or expensive, that does what you want it to do for you, you have to ask yourself, âWhat gets me off?â The vague terms, clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, g-spot stimulation will be terms you find plastered on nearly all toys. Taking their word for it will most likely end with you laying in your bed frustrated that it isnât working and eventually getting tired and throwing whatever youâre playing with across the room only to fall back on your fingers or an old reliable toy.
If vibration does it for you, there is something you should take into consideration. Anything wrapped with a jelly sleeve (or any other soft covering) is going to be lacking in the vibration department. No matter how powerful the vibrator inside is, the vibrations just donât travel through soft matter easily. If you want something heavy on vibration, you need a toy made of hard plastic or metal.
If you want something that stimulates the g-spot, you first have to know exactly where yours is located (and it differs in depth from woman to woman). You also need to know what kind of stimulation you need. Some women prefer a gentle rubbing type stimulation, whereas others prefer thumping or tapping. And for some, it is as simple as steady hard pressure. Know what feels good to your body before tackling the sex toy store.
Size:
Yeah, I said it. Size matters. Just probably not in the way most men seem to think it does. Granted there are some size queens out there, but most of us couldnât accommodate more than 7 inches comfortably anywayâŠso whatâs the point?
For some reason, the manufacturing companies have decided that if it doesnât vibrate, thrust, gyrate or sing âTwinkle, Twinkle, Little Starâ that in order to sell it must be the size of a tanker truck. But they couldnât be more wrong. Unless itâs a double header, there is no reason to have so many foot long dildos on the market.
And whatâs up with all of them having bulbous heads the size of a softball? I donât know about anyone else, but just because my body was designed to push out a child doesnât mean I want to experience myself being stretched out like that just for the hell of it!
With the anal stuffâŠbe careful. I have fallen prey to this more times than one by buying over the internet. If you just want a little backdoor teasing, make sure you get specific measurements of the plug/vibe before you get it. Most of these seem to be made for porn stars and gay men who are used to having something large up their ass. But, if itâs not something you do often, go for a smaller model. I promise, it will feel three times as big once inside you.
Cleaning and Storage:
I have to say that these are things I never really thought about for a long time. I guess I had been buying sex toys for about three or four years before I even thought to check out the cleaning/storage instructions on the box before purchase. But this can be a very time consuming and expensive part of the ordeal. Trust me, wait until you have to pay twelve dollars for a special cleaning solution for a toy thatâs not that greatâŠit finds the bottom of the box (no pun intended unfortunately) very quickly.
Hard plastic, metal and glass toys can all be cleaned with warm soapy water. They donât really have to be wrapped up or stored in any special way. Theyâre easyâŠand, as Iâm sure youâve noticed by now, my preference.
Jelly coated toys fall into different categories depending on how porous they are. But some take special cleaners. Some require boiling water. And all of them should be wrapped in clear plastic wrap before storing. And every piece of lint or dust will stick to them. Think about where itâs goingâŠdo you really want dust inside you? Kinda gives new meaning to the âitâs been so long Iâm growing cobwebsâ saying, doesnât it?
Then there are the cyberskin toysâŠjust avoid these at all costs. I believe Hustler or Penthouse puts them out. But these things are a dandy. Sure, they feel as close to real as any toy Iâve ever used, but itâs not worth the pain in the ass of cleaning them. In order to clean them, you first use warm soapy water (and they only come clean if you jump out of bed and get them to the sink while the stuff youâre trying to wash off is still wet). Then, you have to set up a system of some sort where you suspend them to let them air-dry. But none of the cyber-skin material can be touching anything or it leaves weird permanent indentures and slick spots. After theyâre dry, you have to sprinkle them with talcum powder to keep the 'skinâ from getting all sticky and nasty feeling. Theyâre a real pain in the ass and I would say just avoid them altogether.
By X xene for Literotica
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps. -
Prone Positions for intimacy
BY THE EDITORS OF MENâS HEALTH. Listen to the âș Podcast at How To Sex.
A fun, new sex position is an easy way to immerse yourself in a sexual experience. Take a much-needed break from stressing about work or the state of the world by attempting something adventurous in the bedroom, like the many sex positions youâll find on this list. (Donât worry, we also included fan favorites like missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style.
Which positions should you try next? Start by asking yourself what youâre hoping to achieve by changing up your usual routine. This will guide how you approach this list of sex positions, explains Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of; She Comes First; and, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
Guys, if you and your woman are looking for positions to help her orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where you can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. âMost women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless thereâs some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,â Kerner says.
Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. âSome of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,â Kerner says.
Some of these sex positions are fun to try for noveltyâs sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. âYou will likely want to mix and match positions,â Kerner says. âYou can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex youâre having.â
If a sex position feels uncomfortable, donât overdo it. This isnât a âpush through the painâ situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.
These positions are detailed in no particular order, but weâll need to split this topic into two parts, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if weâre just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcript with detailed illustrations of all 56 positions.
And now, letâs continue with the next position.
Chapter 4: Man On Top
27. Missionary
Also known as: The Matrimonial, Male Dominant
Benefits: We know this one isn't necessarily new to lots of guys, but there's something sort of kinky about doin' it in the most vanilla position of all. Plus, you get lots of eye and body contact.
Technique: Men, Your woman lies down on her back, her legs spread enough for you to lay upon her, facing her; with your legs between hers, and your penis penetrating her vagina. The massive skin-to-skin contact triggers oxytocin for both partners and aids deeper sexual arousal. Kissing enhances intimacy and bonding. Her hands are free to stimulate him, why he shifts his weight occasionally from one arm to the other, giving his a free hand for pleasuring her breasts, and other intimate touches. The most commonly used position in the world, the missionary, is an especially intimate position allowing for face-to-face contact. You like it because you can control penetration depth and speed of thrusting. Your woman enjoys feeling your weight on her body, and the maximum skin-to-skin contact.
Note that this position can make it more difficult to hold off ejaculation because of the intense friction and deep thrusting. To lengthen lovemaking, start with this, then switch to a position that maintains clitoral pressure without so much pelvic back and forth.
Also try: Push up to create space in between you to sneak a small vibrator down for buzzing the top of her mound.
Hot tip for him: Raise one of her legs so her knee is level with your right shoulder. Keep her other leg flat on the bed. Thrust toward the inner thigh of her raised leg. This adjustment forces tighter penetration and more clitoral pressure.
28. Quicker Picker Upper
Also known as: The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Technique: Men, Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a push-up position, you take your weight off her body.
Hot Tip: Some women love the passionate hammering of her cunt. By adding lumbar support, it give a man more direct impact for vaginal thrusting. It's also helpful for when a woman's belly is larger, such as during the 3rd trimester of pregnancy.
Note: Pregnancy often brings out the sexual animal in a woman. Some are insatiable.
29. David Copperfield
Also known as: Trick and Treat
Benefits: This sex position is the âpiĂšce de rĂ©sistanceâ for women who prefer a strong, upward stroking motion.
Technique: Men, Place a pillow under her hips to tilt her pelvis up. Bend her knees so she can place her feet on your shoulder blades. This experience is all about using both hands and your mouth, drawing out the hidden clitoris from its nest, and lavishing it with tender affection and intense stimulation.
Also try: Amplify your oral efforts with a simple sleight-of-hand trick: While you lap away, try using your hands to push gently upward on her abdomen, stretching her skin away from her pubic bone, and helping to coax the head of the clitoris out from beneath the hood.
Hot tip: Let your tongue rest firmly and flat against the full length of the vaginal entrance, then have her move and grind against your tongue.
30. Closed For Business
Benefits: A variation of One Up that allows for slow buildup. Some women who struggle with hyper-sensitive genitals, and who reach orgasm faster than they prefer, will want to regulate the lovemaking foreplay.
Technique: Some women find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable. Having here close her legs during oral sex may help. The man places his hand above her public mound, applying light pressure, and then rubs his tongue on the area around the clitoris to add indirect stimulation.
Hot tip: The man can also try keeping his tongue still while the woman rocks her pelvis back and forth.
31. Magic Mountain
Benefits: Think the deep penetration of Doggy, with the closeness of Flatiron (great for dirty talk). Women who love anal fun, enjoy the intimacy of her man's heavy breathing and sexy talk in her ear.
Technique: Find a low-lying piece of furniture, like an ottoman or a bed. Kneel over it so it provides a bend at the waist (this can also be done with a stack of pillows on the bed). The man kneels behind the woman, entering from behind. He then forms his body to that of the womanâs.
Hot tip: Slow. It. Down. Instead of quick thrusting, aim for a slow and steady flow.
32. The Seashell
Benefits: This position will provide just about the deepest penetration you can get in a forward-facing position.
Technique: Men, You'll need some flexibility for this one. The seashell is very similar to Happy Baby, except a bit more... folded. Start in missionary, and have the woman bring both her legs up by her head. The man then enters facing them, leaning into the woman's legs.
Also try: If the stretch becomes a bit too much for the woman, take a break with Happy Babyâwhere they bend her knees up to 90 degrees. You will both still get the deep penetration that Seashell provides, without the woman feeling like they're tearing up her hamstrings.
Hot tip: Place a pillow underneath the woman's hips for more liftâit'll make the bend for the receiving woman a bit more comfortable.
33. The Captain
Also known as: V is for Victory
Benefits: Deep penetration, G-spot stimulation, and access to the clitoris.
Technique: Men, The woman lies on her back and raises her legs in the air. Kneeling, hold her ankles and spread her legs into a V shape before entering her.
Also try: Making sure she stretches her hamstrings first.
Hot tip: Since your hands are busy holding her legs in place, she should hold a vibrator if she wants to add some added clit stimulation to this position.
34. Doggy Style
Also known as: Man's Best Friend
Benefits: Deep penetration and an erotic view.
Technique: Men, This could be your next move after starting in The Flatiron sex position. Entering your kneeling woman from behind, you'll be able to thrust deep, so the tip of your penis touches her cervix, an often-neglected pleasure zone. But you should do this slowly and gently. Some women find it painful.
Hot tip for her: She may be able to increase the intensity of your orgasm by pushing her pelvic floor muscles outward, as if trying to squeeze something out of her vagina. This causes the vaginal walls to lower, making the G-spot more accessible.
Hot tip for him: Your hands are free to roam her body. Try leaning over her back and reaching her dangling, drooping breasts. Her nipples may become very firm aroused, and engorged. Try stroking her hair, shoulders and back. Reach around her hips to stroke her clit while penetrating her. Hang onto her hips and get aggressive if she likes a rougher pounding. Have some oil or lube handy to massage her anus while you have an excellent view and access. She may want you to explore further in her anus if sheâs in the mood for it.
35. The Flatiron
Also known as: Downward Dog, The Belly Flop
Benefits: Intensifies vaginal pleasure.
Technique: Men, Your woman lies face down on the bed, knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort, and to increase the angle of her hips, she can place a pillow under her lower abs. You enter her from behind and keep your weight off her body by propping yourself up with your arms. This position creates a snug fit, making you feel larger to your woman. Many men find this position very convenient when they come home late to their sleeping woman. But be advised to use lube on your penis first, and go slow if youâre surprising your woman. Her vagina probably hasnât had time to respond sexually with sufficient natural lubrication.
Also try: You'll last longer in this position if you switch to shallower thrusts and begin deep breathing.
Hot tip: Less friction means less stimulationâand can help you last longer. Try using a very slippery silicon-based lubricant, which may allow you to thrust longer before reaching orgasm.
36. The G-Whiz
Also known as: The Shoulder Holder, The Anvil
Benefits: Allows deep penetration and targeting the G-spot
Technique: Men, Your woman lies on her back. You kneel between her legs and raise them, resting her calves over each of your shoulders. Rock them in a side-to-side and up-and-down motion to bring the head and shaft of your penis in direct contact with the front wall of her vagina. Because this angle allows for deep penetration, thrust slowly at first, to avoid causing discomfort.
Also try: Bring her legs down and have her place her feet on your chest in front of your shoulders. This allows your woman to control the tempo and depth of thrusts.
Hot tip: Notice when your woman is nearing orgasm. You do that by listening for her breath to become short and shallow. Flushed skin and slightly engorged breasts also indicate sheâs nearing the peak of her arousal.
37. Happy Baby
Benefits: Ideal for vaginal and anal penetration. This one's great for her G-spot stimulation. And it's a comfortable option if the woman experiences lower back pain.
Technique: Men, The woman assumes the happy baby pose, a popular yoga position where you lie on your back, bend your knees into your chest, grip the outer edges of your feet, and roll side to side like, well, a happy baby. In this case, instead of rolling around, the woman stays put so you can enter her from a kneeling position.
Also try: Tweaking your angles by sliding a sex pillow underneath her hips.
38. The Face Sitter
Also known as: Hovering Dragonfly
Benefits: A comfortable position for your woman An erotic one for you. It accommodates long sessions of orally pleasuring the man.
Technique: Men, Rest a pillow behind her head, then straddle below her shoulders. Support yourself by holding the bed's headboard or the wall.
Hot tip for her: If your woman's mouth becomes dry after a while, she can add some mint- or fruit-flavored lube to your shaft.
39. Pretzel
Also known as: The Pretzel Dip, The Camel Ride
Benefits: The deep penetration of doggy-style while face to face.
Technique: Men, Kneel and straddle her lower leg while sheâs lying on her side. Your woman will bend her upper leg around the side of your waist, which will give you access to enter her vagina. For many women, rear entry hurts their backs. This sex position allows them to lounge comfortably while enjoying deep penetration. This position is ideal for women who are healing from physical setbacks, because the man can better avoid rough agitation while copulating.
Also try: Manually stimulate her using your fingers. Or withdraw your penis and, holding the shaft with your left hand, rub the head against her clitoris to bring her to the brink of orgasm. You can reinsert when she wants you back inside.
Hot tip: Be gentle with her clitoris. It's more sensitive than your penis, so touch lightly at first. Some women even prefer gentle pressure around it rather than direct stimulation. Go soft, then increase speed and pressure.
Hot tip for him: And ask her to direct you, faster, slower, lighter, harder.
40. Mountain Climber
Also known as: The Pushup
Benefits: Creates great eye-to-eye contact. Keeps your weight off her body.
Technique: Men, Begin in the âMissionaryâ position, then show her your skills. There's a reason people swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack. The mountain climber position shows off your strength and hard abs (if you have them). While penetrating between your womanâs legs, assume the standard "push up" position. This gives you a great live porno view, and youâre the porn star! You can watch her body react to a building orgasm.
Also try: Lower yourself to kiss your woman teasingly while thrusting with your shoulders as well as your pelvis.
Hot tip: Tease her with a series of moves: by entering with just the tip; thrusting just halfway in; then removing yourself and stroking her outside with your rigid penis. She can reach down and grab your shaft and rub her clitoris with it.
41. Spork
Also known as: Spoon and Fork Combo, Scissoring.
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
Technique: Men, Your woman lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork (a spoon-and-fork utensil). She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Also try: If your woman is limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.
Hot tip for her: From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you're inside her.
42. Coital Alignment Technique
Also known as: The CAT
Benefits: Strong clitoral stimulation.
In a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, women who were unable to have an orgasm in the missionary position reported a 56 percent increase in orgasm frequency using the coital alignment technique. Other studies suggest even greater success, with up to 73 percent of women achieving orgasm with CAT.
Technique: Men, The CAT is very similar to the missionary position except your body is positioned farther up and to one side. Instead of being chest to chest, your chest is near your woman's shoulders. Have her bend her legs about 45 degrees to tilt her hips up. This causes the base of your shaft to maintain constant contact with the clitoris.
Also try: Ask your woman to straighten her legs. Push your pelvis down a few inches while she pushes up.
Hot tip: Instead of thrusting up and down, rock forward and back to (hopefully) provide enough stimulation for your woman to orgasm. Make this position even better by grinding your pelvis in a circular motion.
43. Snow Angel
Also known as: Bottom's Up
Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.
Technique: Men, This is challenging: Your woman lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lift her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. she then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.
Hot tip: Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.
44. The X Position
Also known as: Crisscross
Benefits: Prolonged slow sex to build arousal. Shallow thrusts stimulate the nerve endings in the head of your penis.
Technique: Men, Sit on the bed facing each other with legs forward. Lift your right leg over her left, and she lifts her right leg over your left. Come together so you can enter. Now both of you lie back, with your legs forming an X. Slow, leisurely gyrations replace thrusting.
Also try: Reach out and hold hands to pull together for pelvic thrusting. Also, take turns alternatively sitting up and lying back without changing the rhythm.
Chapter 5: Woman On Top
45. Cowgirl
Also known as: Woman On Top
Benefits: âThere's going to be G-spot stimulation, clitoral stimulation, and cervical stimulation,â says Kerner. âItâs a nice position for her to really control her orgasm. It also gives you a great view of everything thatâs happening.â
Technique: Men, Cowgirl is one of the best sex positions because it allows for a variety of interesting sights and sensations, and offers your woman the psychological advantage of taking charge of pace and depth of penetration. Alternate between shallow and deep thrusts. "Shallow will stimulate the front third of the vagina, which is the most sensitive," says sex therapist Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man.
Also try: Lie chest to chest, with your woman, stretching her legs out on top of your legs. Your woman should brace her feet on the tops of yours and push off to create a rocking motion that will rub the vulva and clitoral area against your pubic bone for greater pleasure.
Hot tip: It will be easier for your woman to climax if you stimulate her manually and orally until sheâs extremely aroused. From the cowgirl position, have her squat over your face so you can pull off some oral stimulation.
46. Reverse Cowgirl
Also known as: Rodeo Drive, Half Way Around the World
Benefits: With a pillow under your head, you get an awesome view of your womanâs backside. She can control depth of penetration and pace with this sex position.
Technique: Men, Lie on your back with your legs outstretched. Your woman kneels next to you, then turns and spreads her legs, straddling your hips and facing your feet. Kneeling, she lowers down onto your penis and begins riding you.
Also try: Have your woman lean forward or back to change the angle of the penis for greater stimulation.
Hot tip for her: From this position, she can easily reach down to touch herself or direct your penis to where it feels best. She can also fondle your scrotum or massage your prostate, or anus.
Hot tip for him: You can easily add anal massaging to heighten her arousal. Have anal lube available if she wants your fingers to venture farther in, back there.
47. Pole Position
Also known as: Thighmaster
Benefits: Dual stimulation for your woman; for youâa great view of her rear and your penis entering her.
Technique: Men, Lie on your back and bend one of your legs so the knee is up in the air, keeping the other outstretched horizontally. Your woman straddles the raised leg with a thigh on either side and lowers herself onto your vertical penis(the pole), so that her backside is somewhat facing you. She should hold your knee and use it for support as she rocks up and down. She can have her knees down, or one leg swatted between your legs.
Also try: she can press her vulva hard against your upper thigh, rubbing as the feeling dictates.
Hot tip for her: From Pole Position, your woman can massage your raised leg during the action. Or reach down and touch your perineum.
Hot tip for him: Your eyes may be admiring the view of her arse, but she may really want a gentle sphincter massage. Have some anal lube within reach, as she may decide she wants you to explore her anal region farther in, as her climax builds.
48. '69'
Also known as: Inverted 69, Over and Under.
Benefits: Simultaneous oral pleasure.
Technique: When sheâs on top in 69, she can control the intensity of oral stimulation on her clitoris by lifting or pressing her pelvis. From this position, it's easy to work her finger magic on your perineum, the sensitive area just below your testicles. Also try the man-on-top position.
Also try: Roll over onto your sides in the 69 sex position.
Hot tip for her: Place a cup of warm tea and an ice cube on the nightstand near the bed. When she gives you oral sex, she can alternate placing the ice cube then the tea in her mouth.
49. Lazy Man
Also known as: The Squat Thrust
Benefits: Puts her in control, maintains intimacy. Provides a frisky woman some sexual activities when you have little energy or physical limitations. As long as she can get you hard, she has all she needs to âscratch her deepest itchesâ.
Technique: Men, Place pillows behind your back and sit on the bed with legs outstretched. Your woman straddles your waist, feet on the bed. She then bends her knees to lower herself onto you, using one hand to direct your penis in. Just by pressing on the balls of her feet and releasing, she can raise and lower herself on your shaft as slowly or quickly as she pleases.
Also try: From this position, you both lie back into the Spider position or its more challenging variation, The X.
50.The Spider
Benefits: You both can still maintain eye contact while viewing the action at center stage.
Technique: Men, Both of you are seated on the bed with legs toward one another, arms back to support yourselves. Now you both move together as she places her legs over yours. Her hips will be between your spread legs, Her knees bent and feet outside of your hips and flat on the bed. Now align the genitals and enter, then rock back and forth.
Also try: She grabs your hands and pulls herself up into a squatting position while you lie back. Or you can remain seated upright and pull her against your chest into the Lazy Man position.
Hot tip: Help turn her on by straddling her bottom and massaging her back. While you're busy with your hands, She can wiggle, grind, and move her mons pubis in a circular motion against the sheets to stimulate the clitoris.
51. Waterfall
Also known as: Head Rush
Benefits: The blood will rush to your other head too.
Technique: Men, move to the edge of the bed and lie back with his head and shoulders on the floor as his woman straddles his pelvis. The blood will rush to your head, creating mind-blowing sensations upon orgasm.
52. The Socket
Benefits: âThis looks like it's a nice position to fantasize a little and get a new view of your womanâs behind,â says Kerner. âIt's a chance to get absorbed in the sensations.â
Technique: Men, From reverse cowgirl, have her bend all the way forward, extending her legs all the way back. She should be supporting her body by resting on her elbows, as if she was holding a plank.
Hot tip: Your woman can easily stimulate her own clitoris while you penetrate her. If the two of you are into spanking, go for it.
53. Pearly Gates
Benefits: Great for G-spot stimulation.
Technique: Men, You lie on your back. Your woman can straddles you in a reverse cowgirl position before carefully leaning backward until her back is on your chest.
Hot tip: You can reach around and play with her nipples or clitoris. (She can also use a vibrator in this position.) A chaise lounge is an ideal piece of furniture for this position. It also facilitates anal adventures. But be careful not to break a cock, with a wrong move or other accident.
54. The FusionAlso known as: Getting a Leg Up
Benefits: Quicker orgasms for your woman; easier motions.
Technique: Men, From The Spider, your woman can lift her legs onto your shoulders, which increases the muscular tension that advances the orgasm sequence. By elevating her butt off the bed, it'll be easier for her to thrust and grind in circles.
55. Hovering Butterfly
Also known as: The Face Sitter
Benefits: She can direct the position of your tongue and the pressure against her by rising up or pressing down.
Technique: Men, Your woman straddles you, placing her knees at your ears. She can hold onto a wall or headboard for support. While you're doing your thing, she can use her fingers to graze her nipples or rub the top of her vulva.
Also try: Hold your tongue firm as she gyrates her hips, pressing her clitoris against it.
56. The â69âČ Bridge
Also known as: Golden Gate
FYI: If your woman can do this, she may have been a Russian ballerina in a past life.
Itâs the ultimate test of a womanâs limits.
Technique: Men, âThis just looks impossible to me,â says Kerner. âBut if your woman is able to do it, go for it. I think itâs just a victory in being able to pull this position off.â Add an incentive reward if she needs encouragement. A small, slender woman will have an easier time trying.
Hot tip: You may need to help out your woman by thrusting your pelvis up, so her mouth can actually reach your genitals. -
Creative positions for intimacy: Standing or Sitting
BY THE EDITORS OF MENâS HEALTH. Listen to the âș Podcast at How To Sex.
If you suddenly have an itch to try some new sex positions, weâre not surprised. When we recently surveyed 1,229 American men about their sex lives, a third of respondents said theyâre feeling more sexually experimental now than before the pandemic began.
According to Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute researcher and member of the Menâs Health Advisory Panel, stress could have something to do with the widespread craving for sexual novelty. âWhen weâre stressed, itâs often harder to feel desire or to stay in the moment, because our mind is distracted and wandering,â Lehmiller says. âTrying something new can create this immersive experience that lets us be in the moment and raises sexual arousal.â
A fun, new sex position is an easy way to immerse yourself in a sexual experience. Take a much-needed break from stressing about work or the state of the world by attempting something adventurous in the bedroom, like the many sex positions youâll find on this list. (Donât worry, we also included fan favorites like missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style.)
Which positions should you try first? Start by asking yourself what youâre hoping to achieve by changing up your usual routine. This will guide how you approach this list of 56 sex positions, explains Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of; She Comes First; and, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
If you are looking for positions to help with female orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where he can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. âMost women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless thereâs some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,â Kerner says.
Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. âSome of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,â Kerner says.
Some of these sex positions are fun to try for noveltyâs sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. âYou will likely want to mix and match positions,â Kerner says. âYou can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex youâre having.â
If a sex position feels uncomfortable, donât overdo it. This isnât a âpush through the painâ situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.
These positions are detailed in 5 chapters, which include standing, sitting, sideways, man-on-top, and woman-on-top.
And weâll need to split this topic into two episodes, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if weâre just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcripts with detailed illustrations of all 54 positions.
And now, letâs get started with the first position.
Chapter 1: Standing Positions
The next several positions don't even require a mattress. Often our spontaneous desires won't wait until bedtime. Let's get started.
1. Stand and DeliverAlso known as: The Bicycle
Benefits: You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting.
Technique: Men, Stand at the edge of a bed or desk while your woman lies back and raises her legs to her chest. Her knees are bent as if sheâs doing a "bicycling" exercise. Grab her ankles and enter her. Thrust slowly, as the deep penetration may be painful for her.
Also try: Have your woman place her heels on your shoulders, which will open her hips so her labia press against you
Hot tip: Encourage your woman to play with her clitoris manually. Also, show her that she can control your penetration by flexing her thighs.
2. Standing Dragon
Also known as: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Serpent
Benefits: An ideal position for G-spot stimulation. Seeing the round curves of your womanâs rear tends to be highly erotic for you.
Technique: Men, Stand and enter your woman from behind as she poses on all fours on the edge of the bed and arches her back to lift her buttocks.
Also try: You can move your legs outside of hers, then use your thighs to squeeze her knees together, which tightens her vagina around your penis. The tightness often enhances the response for both of you.
Tip for him: This position also allows you to keep both hands free for pleasuring her backside. Keep some lube handy in case she wants deep anal massaging.
3. Standing O
Benefits: Ideal position for all things cunnilingus: clit sucking, rubbing, digital penetration, G-spot stimulation.
Technique: Men, While on your knees, have your woman stand up-right. She should then drape one of her legs around your shoulder while you eat her out.
Hot tip: Ideally, you want your woman's hands above your head. This can be accomplished through the use of some BDSM restraints. If restraints arenât her thing, see if you can find an anchored bar or beam for her to grasp.
4. Restroom Attendant
Also known as: Drop the Soap
Benefits: Good for a quickie at the workplace, a party, or mid-flight.
Technique: Men, Slip into a bathroom and ask her to look into the mirror while you enter her from behind. It lets you have eye contact during the G-spot-targeting rear-entry sex position.
FYI: Women fantasize about this scenario.
5. Butter Churner
Also known as: Squat Thruster
Benefits: An extra rush of blood to your womanâs head to increase her ecstasy.
Technique: Men, Have your woman lie on her back with her legs raised over her head. This is not a plain Jane position! Squat over her, holding her upraised legs steady; and dip your penis in and out of her vagina. Be extra careful to thrust lightly to avoid stressing her neckâKerner warns this position could potentially result in a neck injury. The side armrest of a sofa might help create a position similar to this with less physical exertion.
Warning: Most menâs erect penises have limits to how much they can bend downward. If this position is painful, stop before your penis ruptures internally and needs emergency surgery.
Also try: By removing yourself fully, you'll give your woman the extremely pleasurable feeling of you first entering her over and over again.
Hot tip: Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD. The Butter Churner qualifies for novelty, but you don't need to go to such extremes to sustain romance. Anything that's new and different will do the trick.
6. Couch Surfer
Also known as: The Lazy Susan
Benefits: Convenient for a quickie and adds spice outside the bedroom.
Technique: Men, Ask your woman to bend her body over the arm of a couch as you enter her from behind. She can grind on the firm but cushy arm for multiple stimulation with minimal effort.
Also try: Have her cross her ankles. This will squeeze her vaginal and gluteal muscles tightly around your penis.
FYI: This is safer than the Butter Churner, but similar.
7. Yourself on the Shelf
Also known as: The Bicycle
Benefits: âYou can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting inside of your woman, and this position really allows for direct clitoral stimulation,â says Kerner.
FYI: This position requires a man with enough strength to hold his woman safely, while she gyrates up and down on his penis.
Technique: Men, Have your woman perch her butt right on the edge of a bed, chair, counter, or table. With you standing in front, you can enter her. Then have her wrap her legs around you. From there, stand up-right, placing your hands firmly around her back to support your woman without injuring your penis.
Also Try: If you donât have the quad and glute muscles to pull this position off, just keep your woman on the edge of a counter, table, or other furnishing, penetrating her there.
Hot Tip: Itâs a great way to finish having sex. Since the position is strenuous, try moving to it 30-60 seconds before you and your woman are about to orgasm.
Caution: Have a safe emergency landing spot near you(bed or sofa), in case you have an injury or lose your balance.
8. Ballerina
Also called Ballet Dancer
Benefits: Erotic move for quickies in tight quarters. Good option for outdoor sex. Allows for easier penetration. Your woman has control of thrusting, depth, and angle.
Technique: Men, You stand facing one another. Your woman raises one of her legs up and wraps it around your buttocks or thigh and pulls you into her with her leg.
Also try: If that wrapped leg gets tired, cradle it with your arm. If your woman is very flexible, lift her leg over your shoulder.
Hot tip: Try this standing position in a hot shower, if you have something to hang onto. During the steamy foreplay, rub each other's entire body with a coarse scrub to stimulate nerve endings and blood flow.
9. Iron Chef
Also known as: Kitchen Confidential
Benefits: Good sex position for a quickie with deep penetration.
Technique: Men, Help your woman up on the counter, seated facing you, with her panties removed. She sits on the edge of the counter and wraps her arms around you while you enter her from in front. Bathrooms and kitchens are the two most popular locations for this coupling, but Dining tables and workbenches are also a thrill.
A variation between The Ballet Dancer and Yourself on a Shelf; in which your woman raises her legs up and wraps them around your butt or thighs. Your kitchen counter is often the perfect height for this standing-to-seated appetizer.
Tip for him: Women often fantasize about being ravaged by her man while preparing him a special meal. Watch for signals, like a scantily dressed, or suggestive-talking woman in the kitchen. Kissing keeps her cooking!
10. H2 Oh Yeah
Also known as: Aquaman's Delight, Water Sex
Benefits: Good for an outdoors quickie, while still avoiding prying eyes.
Technique: Men, Another variation of The Ballet Dancer. Your woman's buoyancy in the water makes this sex position easier to hold. And all you need to do is shift some bathing suit material out of the way of certain body parts; the lifeguards will be none the wiser.
Tip for her: Cold water can hamper a manâs sexual response, so she needs to be especially attentive to arousing him in a cold pool or lake. On the positive side, men donât ejaculate as quickly when their genitals are cold, so she gets to take her time and enjoy the ride longer. Shoulder deep water is best for minimizing the weight of the woman getting a ride on her man.
11. Wheelbarrow, Standing
Also known as: The Hoover Maneuver
Benefits: Calorie burner because it's so athletic. You can stroll around the house in this position, but draw the shades first. She may also experience a heightened climax from blood rushing to her head.
Technique: Men, You enter your woman as you would in doggy, or standing, rear entry; but lift her up by the pelvis and have her grip your waist with her legs. Stand up to invert her body, while thrusting rhythmically. Summer camp wheelbarrow races were never this much fun!
Also try: Ask her to rhythmically squeeze her pelvic floor muscles, to help her climax.
12. The Elevator
Also known as: The Bees Knees
Benefits: Great for out-of-bedroom fellatio.
Technique: Men, Your woman kneels in front of you, covering her teeth with her lips and encircling your glans with her mouth. She then slowly pistons her lips up and down on your shaft, alternating speeds and occasionally stopping to move her tongue over and around your glans.
Also try: Lean a dressing mirror against a wall to the side of your body so you can enjoy the view of your woman going down on you from the side versus top down.
Hot tip for her: For variation, she can take one of your testicles into her mouth as she strokes the shaft with her hand.
13. Quickie-Fix
Also known as: The Bends
Benefits: Greater thrusting power, and good for quickie sex in your kitchen, especially if your woman is wearing a skirt.
Technique: Men, Ask her to bend at the waist and rest her hands on a piece of furniture, her knees or the floor for support. You enter her from behind and hold her hips for support as you thrust.
Also try: Reach below to caress her clitoris for extra stimulation. This is a great âshower sexâ position.
Hot tip: Massage her shoulders or stimulate her breasts by bending over her.
Chapter 2: Seated Positions
In the next several positions, we'll discuss ways to intimacy in a seated position. These options accommodate pleasure in situations where a bed is not an immediate option, or perhaps it's just time for some variety.
Let's continue.
14. Face Off
Also known as: The Lap Dance
Benefits: Allows for face-to-face intimacy; cozy for long sessions.
Technique: Men, Sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. Your woman then faces you, wraps her arms around your back, climbs on top, and sits on your lap. Once in the saddle, she can ride up and down on your penis by rising with her legs or knees. Want to go faster? Assist by grabbing her buttocks and lifting and bouncing.
Also try: Your woman can sit astride facing you on a rocking chair. Old wooden rockers on hardwood or stone floors provide the greatest variety of good vibes.
Hot tip: There's lots of room for creativity in this position for stimulating erogenous areas of the upper body, head, neck, and face. If she likes to have her nipples licked, go for it!
15. Hot Seat
Also known as: The Love Seat, The Man Chair
Benefits: Good G-spot stimulation.
Technique: Men, Sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair with your feet on the floor. Your woman turns away and backs up onto you, sitting between your legs. She can ride back and forth by pushing off the chair arms or pressing up with her feet. She can control the angle of entry by arching her back and pressing her buttocks into your groin. While doggy style is about your dominance, The Hot Seat puts your woman in the driver's seat. And that makes it one of the best sex positions for both of you.
Also try: Your woman can reach under and stimulate the base of your penis, scrotum, and perineum. Meanwhile, you can reach around and stimulate her nipples.
16. The Little Dipper
Benefits: âA great position that allows for clitoral stimulation with both your mouth and fingers,â says Kerner.
Technique: Men, For the Little Dipper, the woman is on top and uses either a bed, couch, or chair to hoist herself over you. You then insert your penis into her vagina or anus. She then does tricep dips to move up and down on your penis. If done correctly, you should be in a T-shape formation.
Hot tip: Play with the manâs penis, or the woman's clitoris, for extra stimulation.
FYI, the woman will have sore triceps once you both finish.
17. One Up
Also known as: Over Your Shoulder, The Hamstring Stretch
Benefits: This is the best sex position for people who are particularly sensitive along one side of the clitoris.
Technique: Men, Kneel on the floor with your woman sitting, reclining, or lying on the edge of the elevated chair, sofa, bed or swing. Raise one of her legs and ask her to support it by wrapping her hands around her hamstring just below the knee. With one hip raised, she will be able to add some movement to aid in your stroking or to help move you to the perfect spot.
Also try: Encourage your woman to wriggle a little to help you get the rhythm right.
Hot tip: During oral sex, allow the knuckle of your finger to trail behind your tongue. The contrast between soft flesh of the tongue and hard bone of the finger will create a pleasing sensation. (For more oral pleasure positions, check out Your Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex.)
Hot tip for her: She can let you know the tongue pressure and technique she prefers by demonstrating with her mouth on your earlobe.
18. Spin Cycle
Also known as: Maytag Repair Man
Benefits: Extra vibes. It's true that women in the nineteen sixties fell in love with the automatic washing machine. But she seldom talked about all the benefits received from the modern convenience.
It seems that when a woman puts all her weight on the rapidly spinning machine, the vibrations pulse and overwhelm her nearby clitoral vaginal nerves.
Some brave women shared this little detail with her receptive man. This sometimes resulted in men utilizing the sturdy machine to enhance their woman's pleasure and perhaps even their own?
Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting in your lap, but this time planting yourselves on top of a washing machine, set at the highest agitator cycle.
Tip: Throw some heavy rugs in the machine ahead of time, and interrupt the process until the two of you are ready for some intimacy. Once you're both mounted and ready, Pull the knob and let the tremors begin.
19. Stairway to Heaven
Also known as: Step Lively
Benefits: Good hand holds for your woman, and you don't have to wait until reaching the bedroom.
Technique: Men, This is a variation on the Hot Seat with your woman sitting on top of you while you sit on one of the stairs of a staircase. Stairs offer good seating possibilities, and a handrail for extra support and lifting leverage for her.
Tip: This unique incline provides ways to gently support the woman's weight as she descends the shaft, gently. Either the upper steps or the hand rails can give her a safe and supportive aid.
Caution: the lower steps of a flight are perhaps a safer option, if orgasm intensity impacts consciousness, leading to a tumble down the flight.
20. Heir to the Throne
Also known as: Lazy Girl
Benefits: The ultimate sex position for oral on the go, use this to get your woman in the mood and help her cut loose.
Technique: Men, Have your woman sit on a chair with her legs wide open. You take it from there. This is a good sex position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, strokes, or ending with strong suction. Your woman is able to easily guide you, and sheâs able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women.
Also try: Switch to a swivel chair and turn it left and right as you hold your tongue stationary.
Hot tip: Insert your index and ring fingers and stroke in a "come hither" motion to wake up her G-spot using this sex position. With either your tongue or other hand, apply pressure to her pubic bone. This dual stimulation executed just right will send your woman over the edge.
21. Seated Wheelbarrow
Also known as: Wheelbarrow at Rest
Benefits: Less strenuous than the standing varieties of this sex position, while still offering intense sensation. With less ability to thrust, this position allows a guy to last longer before blowing his load.
Technique: Men, A recliner or the edge of a bed will be handy for this. The man is seated and lays back. The woman straddles over him, facing away from him, and moves her vagina down his erect penis (as in Reverse Cowgirl.) He begins to sit up and firmly holds her around her hips as she leans down over his legs. The man firmly keeps his hold around her waist while she extends her legs backward along either side of him. She continues letting her torso lower down to the floor, while heâs holding her hips firmly planted against his penis. She sets the motion while he enjoys a great view and access to her anal assets. Try the wheelbarrow while sitting on the edge of a bed or chair. Movement is limited, but penetration is deep.
A nearby ottoman or other sturdy footrest can be helpful when the woman wants to transition her torso to facing down on his legs. She's then free to express tender affection to his feet and toes.
If the woman is aroused by spanking or anal probing, this position easily accommodates the lovers. A woman's orgasm may become more intense, if her head is declining to lower altitude than her hips.
Hot tips for him: Make some noise. Explore the deeper sexual response and energy by letting loose with powerful sounds, a roar, perhaps? Have some oil or lube nearby to give her a special anal massage and/or exploration.
22. Swiss Ball Blitz
Also known as: Romper Room
Benefits: See The Hot Seat. Also, adds bounce to your thrusts.
Technique: Men, Have a big exercise ball in your workout room? Use a stability ball to add some bounce to The Hot Seat. Sit on the ball with your feet on the floor. Have your woman back up onto you, sitting between your legs. Roll and bounce to it.
Let her do the grinding and pumping. Even the slightest energy exerted with bring an amplified response, and the thrill will exceed your biggest amusement ride fantasies.
Tips for him: Sheâll have a great time, but your attention to her breasts with make it even more memorable.
Tips for her: Tuck the big ball in the corner of the room if you want it to stay securely put. Itâll allow you to focus on the pleasure and avoid an injury visit to the ER. The nurses there just love to hear your titillating red-faced explanations, but youâll never live it down.
Chapter 3 Sideways Loving23. Spoon, Facing
Also known as: Sidewinder
Benefits: A very intimate face-to-face position that encourages hugging and kissing.
Technique: Men, This is an ideal position if your woman is pregnant or either one of you had a knee injury because it keeps weight off the body. To get into the position, begin by lying on your sides and facing one another. Your woman spreads her legs slightly to allow you to enter her, then closes her legs so the part of your shaft that's outside can press against her clitoris. It's easy to kiss from this intimate face-to-face position.
Also try: Because thrusting is more difficult in this position, use different techniques such as grinding, circular, and up-and-down motions for added stimulation.
Hot tip: Hug each other for 20 seconds before getting busy. Hugging raises your levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone your body produces naturally, and that will enhance your connection.
24. Spoon
Also known as: The Sleeper Hold
Benefits: Comfortable sex position if your woman is pregnant or you're heavy. Also ideal for long lovemaking. Good one for falling asleep afterward.
Technique: Men, You both lie on your sides facing the same direction, you in back. Your woman bends her knees and pushes her butt back toward you for easier access to her vagina. Adjusting the lean of your bodies will vary the angle of entry and help with rocking and thrusting.
Also try: Synchronize your breathing. One of you takes the lead and the other follows so that you inhale and exhale together. The coordinated rhythm opens an unspoken dialogue of intimacy.
Hot tip: To give her the sensation of greater width inside her, from the Spoon position, have her bend and lift her top leg to her breasts. Adjust your position, so you are more on top of her hip than behind her.
25. Gift Wrapped
Also known as: The Horny Mantis
Benefits: Relaxing position with deeper penetration and increased intimacy.
Technique: Men, Both of you lie on your sides facing one another. Your woman bends and spreads her legs, and angles her vagina toward you. You lift your legs between hers to enter while she wraps her legs around your back.
Also try: She can use her legs and feet to pull you close during thrusts for deeper penetration.
26. Open-Legged Spoon
Concluding
Benefits: It's everything you love about the classic spoon position, with the added opportunity for clitoris access.
Technique: Men, From the spoon position above, the woman lifts her top leg and drapes it backward over her penetrating manâs hips.
Hot tip: The open-legged element of this position means the man in back can reach around and play with his woman's clitâeither with his hand or a vibrator.In part two, weâll discuss option for horizontal intimacy, with thirty variations in which men and women take turns being on top.
Join us next time, and enjoy some fun imagination; then plan on when & where to start mastering new coupling expressions. -
Why creepy guys often don't get laid, even at a swingersâ club
By Hord Holm. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
I've been to a Swinger Club on roughly a dozen occasions, so perhaps not enough to count myself as an expert. But perhaps enough to have observed some common behaviors, and these are what I want to address here, particularly in relation to single guys who go to Swinger Clubs.
The Swinger Club ScenarioWhat usually happens is that my husband suggests that we go to our preferred club about a week ahead of time (or further out, if there is an enticing theme advertised for a particular night.)
We make our reservation, and then I wonder: what kind of night will it be? It will either be a great night, lots of fun with amiable strangers, or it will be a night for just me and my hubby because of a Plague of Creepy Guys, who we will have to spend at least part of the evening avoiding.
But what, pray, does this Plague of Creepy Guys look like?
I need to start by outlining how a Swinger Club will usually be laid out. The Club is most likely divided into three zones.
The first zone is the Bar and Social Zone. Sex might happen there, but the main purpose of this zone is for patrons to relax, buy expensive drinks, which brings in one half of the Club's profit margin, and get to know each other.
The second zone is the Spa Zone, with a sauna, massage area, perhaps a hot tub or even an indoor pool. Sex might happen here, too, but often the Club regulations will prohibit sex in the hot tub or pool, if there is one, for hygiene reasons.
The third zone is the 'Action Zone,' which is where most of the fucking will occur. There will be separate rooms offering greater or lesser privacy, perhaps with themes or pieces of equipment, mirrored walls and ceilings, etc.
On arriving at the Club, the average patron will head for one of the first two areas until they feel like heading for the Action Zone. And it's then that the Plague of Creepy Guys will be encountered. This Plague will most likely be really off-putting to the first couples who enter the Action Zone, though they may be less of an issue once a greater number of couples, or perhaps even threesomes & groups, are scattered about.But we have to ask a question: why is everyone at the Club?Well, to get laid, of course! Though there may be the occasional patron who is there more as a voyeur; in which case, the following isn't really addressed to them. And if that's you, then have fun and don't be too creepy about it. Those patrons looking to get laid are divided into three groups; couples, single men, and single women.
However, single women are generally rarer than hen's teeth! I have seen one in the times I've attended clubs, and talking to more regular attendees one in twelve visits is actually better than average. And when we consider it, that's hardly a surprise as it must take some pretty tough chops as a single woman to walk into a Swinger Club and put oneself in that situation without anyone on one's 'side'. Hell, Iâm adventurous, but I would never go without my man!
This leaves us with a clientele divided between couples and single guys, and thus there are, by definition, pretty much always more men than women in the Club; unless it's a couples-only night. And this factor, the outnumbering of women by men, is the basis of the Plague of Creepy Guys.
Describing the âCreepy GuyâFor the purposes of this piece, the Creepy Guy can be defined as follows: he can be young or old, handsome or a broken-down old wreck, or anything in between, but his defining characteristics are his silence and an air of desperation. He wanders around the Action Zone seeking to interpose himself on couples (or threesomes, or occasionally groups), with his cock in his hand and his mouth hanging half open, and at no point does he say anything.
Now, I get it. Single guys are the bread and butter of Swinger Clubs (indeed, they are the other half of the Club's profit margin). They pay a premium to get in and they want to get their money's worth. Single guys aren't necessarily Creepy Guys, either, but if they are they can be absolute pests.
Perhaps the Creepy guy is proud that he doesnât spend the money on a cheap hooker or a lap dance. But he sees this entry charge as something which entitles him to a return on investment. Yet the women guests donât owe Creepy Guy nothing!
On his own, the Creepy Guy; unless particularly persistent, can be largely ignored. But when they start prowling around the Action Zone in packs?
What usually happens is that a couple feels like getting it on, they go into the Action Zone and find a place to get jiggy, a Creepy Guy spots them, and through some weird telepathic process all the other Creepy Guys activate, and as a group they mob the couple, at a distance, thankfully; and become an off-putting crowd staring, hoping, wanking, gazing at the woman like dying men in the Sahara who've seen the promised oasis.
At this point, many of the couples retreat back to the Bar, and let someone else deal with the Plague instead.
So then the Creepy Guys go into standby mode, waiting for the next couple to enter the Action Zone, activating when they do, and following them around like a bunch of stalkers, waiting for the outside chance that they might be invited to join in. This is, after all, their ultimate aim.
Finally, when enough couples are enjoying one other; the Plague becomes less noticeable, and the atmosphere usually improves a notch or two.
But you see the problem here? The Creepy Guys are self-defeating, by and large.
There is the occasional woman who is fine with beckoning one of these horny lurkers to spread her legs, and sometimes there might be a particular themed night designed for such women to avail themselves of numbers of such men.
In truth, the Gangbang Night, or whatever other name might be accorded to it; is probably the best night for single men to attend the Swinger Club and get lucky. But even then, success is not a given.
Thus, there are many men who pay a large entrance fee, and find themselves with an expensive bar bill, which is due upon his departure. He pays, but heâs not had any action. They can be naturally disappointed, and sometimes they even take to forums to complain that they haven't been laid despite the money they've spent.
And so to the point: how can one minimize the chances of being one of those men?
A side note here: down at the Swinger Club we understand that other folks are going to ogle at us while we're getting it on. We might even welcome it, and often we do. Though, if we don't welcome oglers, and we try to find a more discreet corner; then perhaps it might be better to just let us get busy in peace. Please. If my man and I do decide to enlarge our circle, itâs usually to connect with another couple, not some out-of-town sales rep.
Porn Star LooksSo, you want to get lucky? Well, the first thing to note is that, as alluded to above, you can wander around a Swinger Club looking buff and tanned, as if you've stepped out of an expensive production, but that doesn't guarantee you success, and if you believe it does; then prepare yourself for disappointment.
It should also be noted that us women in a Swinger Club are likely not to be America's Next Top Model either: swingers are, basically, ordinary people. We are your neighbors, who just happen to have a sexual interest in people other than our regular partners.
So, 'Mr. Buff and Tanned and God's Gift to Phillies', if you do make contact with a woman in the Club don't turn her down merely because she doesn't meet your exacting standards. Of course, if you don't fancy someone that's perfectly fine, but don't go in expecting the impossible.
One problem is, that you may have got your image of what a Swinger Club looks like from PornHub, or from reading stories on this or other sites. Don't assume that either the films you've seen or the stories you've read reflect reality.
When a writer crafts a story about a Swinger Club there's no guarantee they've ever been to one, and even if they go week-in, week-out that doesn't mean they are writing reality -- by and large they are creating a fantasy. Don't fall into the trap of believing that an author's fantasy is anything more than, at its most realistic, an exaggeration.
The same goes for video: when a production company rocks up at a Swinger Club they will either ask for volunteers from the clientele who want to feature in their production (they will have done this some time in advance), or they will have hired talent to pretend to be swingers. Usually, it will be some combination of hired talent and genuine swingers. When it comes to the genuine swingers, though, it must be assumed that the production company will do what they can to pick the better-looking ones from those who have agreed to participate. Thus, what one sees in the final production doesn't necessarily reflect what an average group of swingers might look like, and it's best to assume that the group on film are generally better-looking than the swingers in the Club on the night you attend.
That isn't to say that swingers look like the back end of a bus, and I don't want to suggest that they do. But it is to point out that the likelihood is that the swingers you will see in a "Swingers' Report" or "Real Swingers' Club" type of production have been hired and selected. Fantasy stories on Lit, and videos on PornHub or its ilk are not reality.
The bottom line that I'm trying to get to is that looks mean little. Well, no, actually that's not true... The real bottom line is that looks mean nothing if you don't:
CommunicateRemember up above, when we examined what the average Swinger Club is likely to look like? There are usually three zones and the first one is a Bar and Social Zone. This is where Creepy Guy often makes his most basic mistake. The number of guys I've seen who take up position in the Bar and Social Zone, beer in hand, and then simply stare at any woman who happens to be there.
Of course, they never actually talk to said woman. No! That would be too obvious, surely! But they will sit (or stand) and stare, and make the woman feel uncomfortable, and when she doesn't pay attention to them and actively avoids eye contact, they stare at the next woman, and then go to the Action Zone after they've had a couple of drinks and congregate with the other single guys, and once a woman and her chosen partner enter the Action Zone they flock around in a group hoping to get laid. And mostly, they don't.
Please, if you are a single guy going to a Swinger Club, don't be that single guy, don't be Creepy Guy. I know it can be hard to talk to strangers, to be the one to break the ice, but I can vouch for the fact that the guys who do best aren't necessarily the ones with the buff muscles and the sock down their boxer-briefs. The guys who do best are the ones who take the time to introduce themselves to the women (and their partners) at the bar, who take the time to be pleasant and interesting, and who don't assume that they deserve to stick their cock in whoever they want just because they've paid their entrance fee.
Silently staring at a woman and making her feel uncomfortable are not winning tactics in this situation. And just because she is in a Swinger Club and thus, pretty much by definition, wants to get laid, it doesn't mean she automatically wants to get laid by you if you've been following her with your staring eyes, and then with your tongue hanging out and your cock in your hand. Yes, there are some women who might like that, who might feel flattered by that, but it's tactically better to assume that the woman you've spotted across the bar is going to feel far more willing to go to the Action Zone with you if you've taken the time and effort to go up to her and say, "Hi, my name is John. What's yours?"
Her PartnerAnd say hello to her partner, too. As we've already noted, single women are rare in Swinger Clubs, thus virtually every woman you meet will be with her partner. And here we encounter the next lie; (sorry, 'exaggeration') that porn and fantasy fiction feeds us: most guys who are in a Swinger Club with their wives/girlfriends are not into a humiliation kink. Some might be, and good luck to them if they are, but again it's best to assume that they very definitely aren't until you know otherwise. So, if you go up to a woman at the bar or in the social area, and she is sitting or standing next to a man, pretending he doesn't exist or treating him like some 'soy-boy' cuck is likely to piss off not only him, but also the woman, who doesn't want to see her man treated like shit thank you very much, no matter how much of a steak-eating alpha you might consider yourself to be.
Men who are in a Swinger Club with their partners have almost certainly had some in-depth discussions with their wives, and they are generally also keen to partner up with a woman they didn't arrive with. They are also probably happy, or even keen, for their wife to fuck about. But they will be leaving with the same woman they arrived with, and both halves of the couple view the other as their primary responsibility. So treat him with respect, talk to him as well as her, and if she's interested in going to the Action Zone with you; your respect towards her partner is, at the very least, unlikely to weaken her desire and indeed, may well reinforce it. You'll soon know.
And it's also worth remembering that some couples give each other vetoes. So, if you act like my husband doesn't exist, barging between us and showing him your back, you might find that I can see him shaking his head over your shoulder and buddy, you've been declined!
One should, however, be wary of one type of swinger couple: the first-time swingers. They've talked about it, they think they've covered all the bases, but the truth is that neither of them really knows how they will react to seeing their partner being chatted up/chatting up someone else at the bar. Or even more to the point, how they will react when she has a stranger's cock in her mouth or has his fingers in a stranger's pussy, as she moans in his ear.
If you find yourself talking to a couple who've never swung before, treat them carefully, take it slowly, and read the room before. In your eagerness, you suggest that she gets it on with you. Most importantly, check that he's on board with it, and be ready to back off if the vibe is wrong.
There is one last thing to consider on the issue of looks, and that is single men and how they dress. Very often Creepy Guys have one other thing in common other than silence and an air of desperation; they seem to believe that they only need throw on any old t-shirt and jeans. Swinger Clubs have dress codes, but the reality is that they want single guys' money, so they will often turn a blind eye to a guy who falls (or even plummets) below expected sartorial standards.
But we women, for example, notice. If a man has made the effort to wear a shirt (ironed), and shave, and put on deodorant, it doesn't mean I will fuck him. But it does mean I won't be repelled by him, which is better than the way we feels about the roughly ten percent of the men in the Club every time we go; who can't be bothered to do these things. And for the love of God, wash your cock and balls!
Dutch CourageIt's hard to walk into a bar and not order a drink, especially if you know that you need to make contact with strangers if you're going to get what you really want. But booze can be a problem in the Swinger Club, and in particular, too much booze. How tragic it is to see a guy downing three or four beers and getting cheerful and chatty, and yet to know that he runs the real risk that Mr Happy will soon be Mr Floppy. Indeed, I have told my husband and others, on more than one occasion that, "he couldn't get it up," and when I point out which poor chap couldn't, I smile gently at the memory of him ordering yet another drink at the bar an hour earlier.
Of course, it might not be the drink: we're already in a pressured situation for any but the most confident of single guys. All that money spent just getting in, the realization that just being there is no guarantee of getting any action, seeing many more men than women and doing that mental arithmetic that tells us that failure is more likely than success. Hell, it's enough to drive a man to drink! And so, one drink becomes two becomes four, but then Hallelujah! A woman wants us to fuck. Followed, minutes later by gloom, as 'Tiger' doesn't want to come out to play.
So, as a general piece of advice, don't magnify the possibility of performance anxiety with an alcohol-based erectile difficulty: save the drink for afters. Yes, yes! I know you're the type of guy who can drain a keg and still service an entire cheerleading team, sure, but why take the risk?
ConsentWe've dealt with the main issues that I have noticed with single guys in Swinger Clubs, but. Actually, no, scrub that. We haven't. Here's a hugely important one: consent. By this I don't mean the obvious consent of asking someone before attempting to fuck them. Or actually, I do mean that, which is just incredibly disheartening to have to put down on paper. As a rough rule of thumb some guy is ejected from the preferred Club I attend every third visit, and the Club I go to with my husband isn't seedy in the slightest. But every three nights or so there seems to be some knucklehead who doesn't get it, who doesn't understand that even in the midst of half a dozen couples swapping and passing and doing everything and more, there is still positive consent.
I remember seeing this for the first time, on my first visit to a Swinger Club, and being impressed. The gaining of consent by experienced swingers is not a great production, but instead is a simple, "can I?" or "do you want me to?" followed by indicating the act the person has in mind. It's done with the minimum of fuss, and often the consent is a simple nod. Alternatively, the 'receiver' can ask for what they want the other person to do with them, which can be difficult for a novice but is something soon learned as the most effective way of getting what one wants (and is, let's face it, rarely turned down when it's a woman asking a guy to do something with her).
It needn't be more than this to get consent, but it does need to be at least this, and consent must be positive. It is not good enough when a person (and let's be honest here, it's almost always a woman) is put into a position where they have to say 'no' to stop a guy doing something: that guy should never have begun to do what he is doing without first securing the consent of the woman.
So, single guys, positive consent, at all times. If a woman tells you to do what you want with her, then huzzah! Have a ball! But until then, every step of the journey needs to be assented to by her. If consent isn't given, watch the experienced swingers take it on the chin and move on without getting their knickers in a twist, and emulate.
And a note here for any women reading this who might frequent swinger establishments: if you want a guy to do something, tell him, don't simply assume he's telepathic and then get disappointed when you find out he isn't.
CondomsThe last issue that needs to be mentioned here is condoms. Of course, you've seen the Swinger Club videos on the interweb and those hot'n'horny folks all go bareback, don't they? What's more, you're in the Club and you've had a couple or four beers and that latex sheath you're being pressed to wear is only going to ruin your performance. Tough!
The better Swinger Clubs will tell you that they can't, of course, demand you put a condom on, but they will recommend it to the end of time. The others will give you a false sense of security by saying they insist on them; but how? They won't have Swinger Club 'police' wandering around enforcing the rule; it's up to you. And it must be accepted that there are times when a couple in a club might well go bareback. You might even see it with your own eyes, and wonder why, if it's good enough for them, the woman you are about to slide into is insisting you put one of those pesky condoms on.
But here's the thing. That couple is probably a married or long term couple. They are regular partners. You just don't know that because you've never seen them before.
I canl attest that, when it comes to condoms, there are two types of guys. The first type is reaching for a condom before Iâve even got my panties off: it is an automatic reaction for him, in the environment of the Club to reach for a condom. I don't regard him as a saint for doing this, by the way, and he doesn't gain browny points.
But the second type of guy certainly loses points. His common request goes something like, "but I have a long-term partner, so we don't really need to use condoms, do we?"
Er; let's think about this, shall we? I (or indeed, anyone else) have just met Guy No. 2, and he expects me to take what he says on trust? And where the fuck are we, for pity's sake?! Oh yes, a Swinger Club where you, Guy No. 2, may well have had your cock, unprotected for all anyone knows, inside another person not thirty minutes before. Let alone what you might have been doing yesterday, or last week, or whenever/wherever you were able to convince someone else that bareback is the way. And no, it doesn't matter that you've had (or claim to have had) a vasectomy.
So, use condoms. Swallow your entitlement and stick that health-saving bit of latex on your manhood, and don't be a jerk.
EntitlementAnd so, to summarize, with a lovely little segue from the end of the last point into my final sub-heading.
Swinger Clubs are, by and large, a whole kaboodle of fun. But there is, as always, a 'but'. The 'but' generally being the attitudes and actions of those single guys who believe that, once inside a Swinger Club, they are entitled to the sexual attentions of a woman, any woman.
This short piece was inspired by a Forum thread begun by someone who came across very much as if they felt entitled to sex because, hey, it's a Swinger Club and I'm horny and paid my hard-earned money to get in, damn it! Now, to be fair, the person who began that thread did modify their position once they had engaged with other posters, and they did admit that their initial position was unreasonably entitled. So, kudos, and they deserve only respect for questioning their initial position and coming to the conclusion that it was unjustified.
However, reading the beginning of that thread sadly chimed with some of the behaviour of single guys that I have witnessed with my own eyes. These are the Creepy Guys, and whilst they might sometimes get what they want, they often don't and they often bring the whole atmosphere down, down, down. However, there are other single guys in Swinger Clubs that I've met, and they've been the opposite: they've been pleasant, conversational and humorous, and who'd have thunk it, but they've had far more success than their counterparts who wander around with glaring eyes and their cock in their hands, unable to comprehend why they are failing.
At this point I must also hat doff a particular article by Isabella Emily. It summed up much of what I have noted here, only more succinctly, and perhaps more kindly. So, kudos there, too. Isabella Emily, in particular, correctly noted that just because a woman is in a Swinger Club, she is not obliged to fuck any guy who happens to want her, and this point is the key to it all: just because you want her, it doesn't mean she wants you.
So, if you, as a single guy, are in a Swinger Club and feeling horny and you've seen someone you want to hook up with, please follow these simple suggestions:
1: Do Look as if you've made an effort.
2: Don't get drunk. Drunk people can be an annoyance, and are less likely to be able to perform.
3: Don't hang about with the other single guys in a little swarm, descending as a squadron whenever a couple look like they are about to have sex. In fact, try not to go to the Action Zone at all unless you are going with someone you already spoke to in the bar and who has agreed to a hook-up. Or simply to briefly check out the action in a non-creepy kind of way.
4: Do engage with people in the bar, saying, "Hello," and other similar social niceties rather than simply staring like a stalker. Smiling helps, too. And if someone doesn't seem that keen on you, accept their decision with good grace and move on.
5: If she is with a partner, as she almost certainly will be, don't pretend he doesn't exist. At least he got a woman to come here, Did you?
6: Do Get positive consent.
7: If you do get lucky, don't whine about condoms: just use one.
8: And if nothing works, and you strike out, Do accept your failure with humor. Because you are not guaranteed anything, you are not owed anything. And sorry if your time and money feels wasted but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
And the final don't? That should be obvious by now. Don't be the creepy stalker type guy who walks around expecting to get laid without needing to do anything as inconvenient as actually conversing with anyone, and getting clearly more frustrated as the evening wears on and he's getting nowhere. Basically, check your entitlement at the door.
Finally, if you really want to boost your chances in a Swinger Club, don't go on your own. I realize that isn't always possible, but if you can take a partner then you'll almost certainly hook up, even if it's 'only' with the person you came with!
Plus, I and other women may assume youâre more desirable, if another decent woman came with you.
By Hord Holm -
Ms. Evangelina Vargas advises wives who want to be âhot.â
By vargas 1 1 1. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
This topic comes up more often than our society is comfortable with. To illustrate the matter, imagine the scenario of a couple of 50 year old English gentlemen down at the corner pub; when one of them says; âNigel, I donât know how to say this, but I have it on reliable certitude that your wife has been shagging a younger bloke from church.â
To which Nigel responds with a relaxed breath; âWell, at least someone is shagging her.âSome men just lack the libido of their spouse, especially decades after the peak of a manâs virility of the early twenties.
More than a few marriages dissolve in a painful betrayal and severe disruption of a cohesive home. Itâs even more traumatic when kids lose a 2-parent cohesion, because mom and dad couldnât work out a satisfying sexual arrangement.
Guidelines for Happily Married Hot Wives
Weâre presenting the expert advice of well-known âhot wife,â Evangelina Vargas, to weigh in on the issue, for those of you who relate to the conundrum.By Evangelina Vargas, with contributions from Dawn MWF 4 Blk
Okay, you have heard about being a âhot wife.â It sounds sexy but a little scary, too. You have lots of questions and uncertainties and many women have written my brother, Homer Vargas, for advice. Well, he has asked me to reply because this is something better handled between us girls. With two grown daughters, one kid in kindergarten, one in nursery school, and a bun in the oven, Iâve âbeen there, done that.â
Why?Probably your first question is âWhy should I become a âhot wife?ââ There are many reasons but the most important one is, love. You have a wonderful husband whom you love more than anything in the world. You want to please him, to make him happy. You think that he might like a hot wife, but maybe you are not sure. What if he thinks you are a slut? Put that out of your mind, sweetie. Take it from me; if your husband is a heterosexual male, he wants a hot wife. If he is not heterosexual (or is a little underpowered sexually), there may be other reasons for you to become a hot wife, but I will not deal with those here. Men want hot wives; therefore you want to become the woman he wants.
Besides wanting to please your man, itâs also a matter of elementary justice. Your husband deserves a hot wife. He has made a commitment to you. He loves you above all other women. He has promised to be faithful to you, giving up pussy from all those other little hotties he was fucking before he met you. You owe him at least the sexual satisfaction he could be getting from those other women if he were still âon the loose.â
In addition, being a hot wife should be a matter of personal fulfillment. You are a woman and you want to be the best, the sexiest, the most feminine woman possible. Becoming a hot wife; an ever hotter hot wife; will give meaning and purpose to your life, releasing you from self-centeredness and ennui.
Then, too, being a hot wife is a very healthy lifestyle. To become and remain a hot wife, you will have to exercise daily, watch what you eat, maintain your body in top form. Dieting and physical fitness will not seem like a chore when you keep in mind that you are honing your body for your adored husbandâs sexual gratification. You are not just a âsex objectâ; and proud of being a damn good one, you are a sex object d'art!
Moreover, being a hot wife is to your material advantage. You want the good things of life: a nice house, fancy clothes, travel, fine food. So how does being a hot wife get you these things? Simple, honey. To acquire the material possessions you want, you need a financially successful husband. And nothing contributes to a manâs success more than having a hot wife.
For one thing, a hot wife at home does wonders for a manâs self-confidence. After a night with you, he walks into that boardroom or law office or shop floor and looks around knowing that no other man in that room has a wife as hot as his! No one else, only a few hours ago, had a woman riding his cock, screaming his name in ecstasy as she orgasmed over and over, begging him to fuck her longer, harder. A man with a couple of good early-morning fucks like that under his belt can kick ass and get other men to do things his way.
But in addition to his self-confidence, the reputation of having a hot wife will give your husband leg up in any encounter with other men. Remember, men are competitive, always measuring themselves against other men. When his rivals and co-workers know your husband has a hot wife, it gives him prestige and allows him to get his way. Heâll be the one chosen for the highest bonus, the promotion, the challenging assignment that leads to advancement. And of every dollar he earns, 75% to 80% will be spent on YOU, his loving hot wife. (Of course if you are a hot high income professional that will further boost your husbandâs career.)
There is another reason as well that must be mentioned, girls, even though itâs not too pleasant. You need to be a hot wife in self-defense. Knowledge that your man is married immediately makes him a much more attractive target for other women. For some women, knowing a man is able to make a commitment causes their claws to grow. Tired of boyfriends whom they have screwed for months or years only to see them slip from their clutches; these women may figure that here is a man who has proven catchable.
For others, itâs just the opposite. They know you have your guy well tied down and heâs not likely to get serious when all a girl wants is sex. And the way you look and act indicates that at least one other woman (you) has found him highly satisfactory in the sex department. Yummy!
Still other women seek out married men because they know that married men are likely to be sexually unsatisfied. Sad to say, most women (you are going to be a glorious exception) cut back on the frequency and nastiness of sex once they have âlandedâ a guy, leaving the poor schmuck flopping around in frustration like a fish out of water.
Finally, and this is paradoxical, the very success that your husband achieves thanks to your being his hot wife, makes him a more desirable prey. There are hundreds of sexy, slutty women out there wanting to take your husband from you and you have to be sexier and sluttier than they are, to keep him!
How?Now that you understand the reasons to become a hot wife, the important question is, âhow.â First, and this is almost too elementary for me to have to mention but many women miss this point: SEX. Yes! You will want to make love, have sex, fuck, screw, boink, shag, get it on, âdo itâ with your husband every time he can get it hard. Any woman can out-fuck any number of men; so there is no reason for your husband ever to be horny if your cunt is around. The key to a happy, successful, faithful husband is enough sex to keep his eyes crossed.
Almost more important than the frequency and nastiness (weâll get to that later) of sex is to make sure he understands that you want sex it because HE is a macho sexy Neanderthal stud. You are not doing him a favor (although you are!). These are not just frequent mercy fucks. You are fucking him because he turns you on. He makes you hot. He makes you want sex. He makes you NEED sex! With such a man, you are a sex slave!
Now letâs talk about what kind of sex to have with your husband starting with what kind not to have. It will NOT be once a week, in the bedroom, missionary position, lights out, âthink of Englandâ while he empties his balls in you. No! You are so burning with lust for your husband that you will want him to take you on the shag rug in the living room, on the dining table, bending over in the kitchen, draped over the back of the sofa in the family room, in the shower. You have a totally irresistible desire to let him eat you and an almost irresistible desire to give him blowjobs (you swallow greedily), tempered only by the thought that each load of cum in your mouth is one less in your needy cunt. You are multi-orgasmic, or will fake it until you train yourself to become so. You are a moaner and a groaner and a squealer and a screamer. You claw his back in ecstasy. You like it doggie style, riding his cock, legs bent behind you head or heels (6" stilettos) in the air. He can call you every filthy name in the book if it gets you a harder cock and a more cum pumped into your needy cunt. You put every porn movie heâs ever seen to shame.
Because you want to fuck your husband so desperately, all the time, you are constantly looking for ways to excite him, to entice him, to make him want to fuck you. This means taking the initiative, seducing him! You will want to have a collection of sexy nightwear and scandalous casual wear for around the house that signal your constant horniness. Seldom is total nudity best. Always keep on a necklace, bracelets, and your heels during sex. Cleanliness is good and perfume is great, but never wash off or cover up the womanly scent of an aroused cunt. Be proud of how wet he makes you and put up with the mess.
Of course you do not stop being a hot wife when your hubby is off making money for you to spend. A true hot wife would not be able to go through a long day without her man if she did not have toys to keep her sane. Dildos and vibrators will keep you simmering and ready for his return. Masturbation is also important to help you become or remain multi-orgasmic. And of course he likes to know that while he is away, you are missing him so badly you need a large cylindrical object up your twat.
As you get into being a hot wife, seeing how proud and happy your husband is, you will gain self-confidence about displaying your body. You may decide to start taking out the trash early in the morning wearing only a flimsy nightie. You may want to shop for groceries in a short shift that lets anyone see you have nothing on beneath it but your stockings and heels. If you work, you will occasionally âforgetâ to wear bra and panties to the office.
Now the next point is not for everyone and not absolutely necessary to be a hot wife, but many hot wives are strongly bi-sexual. Girl-girl sex is a great way to pass the long horny hours when hubby is away but itâs also a great way to find women to bring to his bed for a threesome. (Husbands love threesomes with two women.) I have found nothing turns my husband on faster than seeing another little honey and me with our tongues buried in each otherâs cunts. And later I let him show me how grateful he is.
Your looksHair is also important. You want a hairstyle that is attractive to your husband, not something that is convenient or easy to manage. Generally men like longer, curly or wavy hair. Variety is nice. If you are brunet, go blonde. If you are blond, try red or darker, perhaps darker with highlights. You have to find what works for you, but the important thing, is you are doing this for him. Donât ask him how he likes your new style; ask him if it makes you look sexier. When he says yes, make him prove it.
Finally a word on body type. Any âbodyâ can be hot as long as you are neither anorexic nor seriously obese. In general men like rounder and fuller women than other women do. Before you decided to become a hot wife, you were probably keeping your weight down because of the expectations of other women, so itâs likely you will can to put on a few pounds. On the other hand taking off a few pounds can say, âI want to be sexy for you.â
So far we have discussed what you need to do in private. Being a hot wife, however, is as much or more about how you behave in public as it is about what you do when you are alone with your husband (or with him and one or two other women). If there is one golden rule of hot wife public behavior it is: DRESS THE PART. When you go out, remember you are NOT dressing for yourself. You are no longer dressing for other women as most women are prone to do. You are not even dressing just for your husband. You are dressing to show off for and tease your husbandâs friends, co-workers and rivals. You are dressing to attract and please other men.
Dressing to please and attract other men takes more time and work but take it from me, it will pay off tremendously in amount of attention you receive and how it affects your own âhot wife attitude.â You should always keep in mind what the men you are trying to attract will probably like but in general follow this simple rule when choosing what to wear: "Think dress first, skirt second, and pants only as a last resort.â This will be a radical change for many women but itâs important to remember that most men prefer their women in dresses as opposed to pants. Short dresses and skirts are sexier to most men and they provide easier access in erotic situations. Any skirt or dress thatâs more than barely hiding your cookies should have a slit to show more flesh. Even a long gown can be sexy if slit nearly to the waist. You never know when you will have the opportunity to attract that certain man and you need to be dressed for the opportunity when it comes. The good news is that the hot wife lifestyle will probably make you feel like dressing up more and the more you wear dresses and skirts, the more you will find yourself wanting to.
Now I can already hear the objections. âOh, Evangelina, I could never wear clothes like that. Iâm too [fill in the blank] short-tall-round-thin-dark-light.â Nonsense. The point is not to have women (skinny supermodels) make clothes look sexy; itâs to have clothes make women (of all sizes and shapes) look sexy. Believe me, girlfriend, any woman looks good in a miniskirt and a top that shows the rounded top of your boobs.
WardrobeWhat you wear under your dress or skirt is as important as the outfit itself. All men love women in sexy lingerie. The colors and styles you may want wear will vary but in general, here are some suggestions and rules to follow:
1: Always wear matching or at least coordinated lingerie.
2: Bras & blouses should maximize your bust size and display as much cleavage as possible.
3. Choose thongs or French cut panties (crotch-less) are best. Avoid white cotton unless you are going for the âCatholic Schoolgirlâ look. If you are with men who know you, no panties is the best option.
4. Always wear hosiery. High tops and thigh highs are great for casual wear but stocking held up by corsets or garter belt are best for formal occasion. No pantyhose. If you are like me, you probably have worn pantyhose your whole life, but they are death to your image as a hot wife. It is practically impossible get fucked on short notice if you are wearing pantyhose. Men understand this and detest them. Pantyhose say âIâm off limitsâ; not the message you want to send. Besides, itâs pretty difficult even to finger yourself or let a man finger you, in the damned things. End of sermon. Stockings, on the other hand, will make you feel far sexier and more feminine and they provide your husband easier access as well as a sexier sight. Once you get used to wearing them, you will probably have no trouble giving up pantyhose. Seamed stockings are the ultimate for attracting men. You will always get a lot of attention in clubs if you wear them and if you dare to wear them in public in the daytime, men will drool.
The only shoes you should ever wear in public are high heels. This will take some getting used to as well, but men love them. Three-four inches are fine for casual entertaining, but try for four-five inches for nights out. High heel, spaghetti strap, open toe sandals are the ultimate âfuck meâ shoes.
Jewelry is a must! It should be flashy, designed to attract the attention you deserve. Earrings should be large, loopy or dangling. Necklaces should draw wandering eyes to your cleavage. Always wear your wedding ring. Men love to think the might be getting a shot at another manâs wife! Anklets and toe rings are a good sign that you are a willing hot wife looking to attract men. Braceletâs and anklets show you are a happy member of your husbandâs one-woman harem. A pierced navel below your tank top makes a sexy statement: âIâll do anything to keep my husband fucking me.â Long highly polished nails in dark, daring colors help draw attention to you. And this goes for toes in those high-heel sandals.
13 âFuck Meâ SignalsBeing a hot wife is more than just looks, however; itâs also how you act.
1: In a situation where you are trying to catch a manâs eye; make sure to make plenty of eye contact with him and smile.
2: Show lots of leg. Cross and uncross your legs and bounce the top leg on the lower one, perhaps pointing the toe of your shoe. If you find that you are very attracted to him, eventually let the skirt ride high enough so that he can see that you are wearing stockings and garters. In clubs a woman wearing stockings and garters is taken as a sign that she is there to get fucked. And of course you are, by your husband that night, but no one else knows that.
3: Apply and reapply lipstick. Men want to see signs that you canât wait to suck a cock and lipstick is a great way to send that signal.
4: Never miss the opportunity to drop something and bend over, from the waist, never bend your knees. (Thatâs what those expensive sessions in the gym are for.)
5: When dancing (probably the closest you can get to having sex in public), move your husbandâs hands to your ass and press close to him during slow dances. If you can feel his cock, he can feel your tits. Donât be shy about letting everyone see you come on his finger. With other guys, let them handle the merchandise knowing just exactly what they canât have. Fast dances give you the opportunity to whirl and twirl and flash your pretty panties or your prettier cunt if youâre not wearing any.
6: If a man puts his hand up your dress; whisper in his ear and ask if him if he would like you to remove your panties.
7: If he compliments your dress; tell him you wore it hoping to meet a man like him.
8: Never miss an opportunity to tell him how sexy he is and how sexy and feminine he makes you feel.
9: However much you flirt with other guys, hang on your husband. Rub up against him. Squeeze his arm. Nibble his ear. Gaze into his eyes adoringly. Demonstrate to onlookers how eager you are for him to fuck you.
10: Do not hesitate to sneak off with your husband to do the dirty during a public event. Sex in public will probably not help his career, but for a man to be seen being dragged away by a hot wife who canât endure another minute without his cock in her, is a real plus.
11: When you depart early from a social event, make sure everyone knows itâs because you are horny and need your husband to take you home and fuck your little brains out before you rape one of the guests.
12: If your husband travels, meet him at the airport dressed to kill: heels, see-through blouse, cunni-skirt, the works. When you see him, fling yourself into his arms and start a stand-up make out session that will shame other wives and drive other husbands mad with jealousy. Make sure the other passengers know what you and he are going to be doing as soon as you get home (if not in the taxi). Leave the men shaking their heads thinking, âWhat the Hell does he put in her water?â
13: Take your husband shopping for sexy clothes and underwear; modeling them is lots of fun. Husband love to say, âNoâ to wives who ask them, âDoes this show off my titties too much?â âDo you think this skirt is too short?â
Hot & PregnantAll of the above are fundamental to being a hot wife, but there is one thing that tops it all. Pregnancy! A hot wife wants to make babies for her husband. His genes deserve to have as many copies poured into the gene pool as possible and hey, as a hottie, yours do too. If knowing he has a hot wife at home is good for a guyâs ego (and earning potential) how much more is knowing he got his hot wife pregnant! By the same token, if other men are envious knowing your husband is fucking the shit out of his little hottie, theyâll become comatose when they find out you let him knock you up. And all those sexy things you wear: skirts, heels, stockings; and the sexy things you do: dancing, teasing, flashing; are twice as exciting when done by a woman with a bulging tummy.
There are ways to flaunt it in, however. Start wearing maternity clothes; outrageously sexy, revealing maternity clothes, as soon as the rabbit dies. There is nothing sexier than a pregnant woman and you are letting everybody see it. Hint to your friends that you had intended to wait longer before getting pregnant, but your sexy husband got you so wound up one night you had an âaccident.â Alternatively, you might let them think this was your surprise gift to him. Always say âthis babyâ or refer to it by number, implying that this is just the most recent offspring of many; your husband may be planning to keep you in maternity clothes until you are 60. Hold, pat, and rub your belly at every opportunity. Show off in public with his hands proudly on his wifeâs baby-filled tummy. Cultivate a dopey, fucked-out-of-it expression. Tell the wives of your husbandâs friends how your libido has just gone through the roof. It will get back to their men who will want to shoot themselves in frustration. None will be able to look your husband in the eye.
Aged To PerfectionA final word on age. You are never too old to become a hot wife. Itâs even more important, in fact, if you have taken a younger man as your husband. Although your dresses may not be quite as short now as when you were in Jr. High fucking the football squad, a hot woman of thirty five or forty or fifty is hotter than any twenty year old in full slutwear. And this goes in spades when you are pregnant. Imagine your gray-at-the-temples husband in the middle of a multimillion dollar negotiation when he says, âCan we roll this up pretty soon, TJ? My wifeâs about to pop with our seventh kid and I need to get home to give her a good fuck!â
Wishing you every happiness as a hot wife,
Evangelina
from How-To Sex Podcast
By vargas 1 1 1 for Literotica
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Do you seek to be comfortable in your body, or be just a piece of meat?
By Zahra Barnes & Dr Nikki Goldstein. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.
Getting naked with a mixed social group might be a tantalizing item on your bucket list, but the options can be radically different, and lead to disappointment, even betrayal and abandonment. To the person whoâs never seriously considered getting naked in a large mixed group, perhaps all the options seem the same. But where some groups, like swingers clubs; gather with the intent of openly sexual interactions; Naturist and nudist clubs specifically ban public sexuality. Even an innocent erection might be frowned upon and the guy might be asked to step apart from the women while heâs turgid.
Some naturists clubs have an unspoken bias against any male arousal. They even tend to blame an erect man for proliferating a ârape cultureâ.
But at the swingers club, the turgid male; especially if heavily endowed; is almost revered. A man or woman whose physique is rather âunremarkableâ may end the event feeling disappointed and inferior. Itâs perhaps that âmeat-marketâ culture which diverts many people to the non-sexual naturist clubs. A man with a considerably small cock, hidden in a thick pubic bush, has little to fear at a Naturist club.
You might see more women than men at a naturist club, but youâll definitely see way more men at a swinger club. Thatâs what leads a modestly-endowed man to give up on the swingers club, unless heâs there with his devoted female life partner.
But letâs hear from a young woman who has created a naturist society for younger adults. Zahra Barnes shares her report on the club that Felicity Jones started.
Naturism Liberated Me
This Is What It's Like To Live Most of Your Life Naked
I firmly believe that if you want to experience euphoria sans drugs, all you have to do is take off your bra after a long workday. And post-shower, you can often find me wrestling my freshly-lotioned legs into a pair of jeans, muttering questions like, "Why can't I just live my life naked?" The thing is, I can. And some people do. Nudists and naturists participate in plenty of normal activities like swimming, camping, and karaoke without clothes. The degrees of nudity vary; some people are naked pretty much all the time, while others reserve it for social events every so often. But to hear them tell it, life is much better in the nude.
While you may have heard of nudists, chances are you're a little less familiar with naturists. Although the terms are often used interchangeably, some people believe certain nuances classify them as two different bodies. "We define nudism as being more about the actual nudity, while naturism has more of a philosophy behind it," Felicity Jones, 27, a resident of Long Island City, N.Y. and co-founder of Young Naturists America, YNA, tells SELF. "Itâs about accepting people as they are, and also promoting the values of respecting other people and the environment." Of course, most naturists can't be naked all the time, because laws exist and being naked in jail doesn't sound particularly comfortable. But when they can, they do, and they enjoy the hell out of it.
Let's clear one thing up: Naturism's not about sex.
Sometimes it's easiest to define naturism by describing what it's not. "A lot of people imagine that itâs this amped up sexual environment, like people are having sex in the open or having orgies," says Felicity. "Itâs not like that at all. Thereâs a time and place for everything," she says, while noting that YNA has "very rarely" had to kick people out of events because they're acting inappropriately.
Stateside nudism and naturism have their roots in the American Association for Nude Recreation, which was founded in 1931. With an spotlight on "wholesome nude family recreation," the organization's mission is "to advocate nudity and nude recreation in appropriate settings while educating and informing society of their value and enjoyment," according to their website. Similar institutions cropped up after, like The Naturist Society, which was founded in 1980.
If you're like, wait, record scratch, people are advocating me getting naked with my family? You're not alone. But as someone who grew up in a home where bodies weren't a thing to be hidden; we weren't naturists by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't taught to fear or shame nudity; I can see why this is worthwhile. So can Felicity, who grew up with a nudity-embracing family in New Jersey, and laughingly calls herself a "third-generation naturist." She co-founded YNA in 2010, and to date, they have around 400 members in the States and internationally. In addition to raising awareness about naturism, they put on events like the nude, public Bodypainting Day this coming July 9th, in New York and Amsterdam.
Misconceptions about the naturist lifestyle can have far-reaching implications. "When I post naked photos of myself online, I have to deal with sexual harassment, cock pics, and people assuming that because Iâm naked I must be looking for sex," says Felicity. And while running YNA is her full-time job, her partner and co-founder works in sales. "His boss and coworkers all know [he's a naturist], but his boss wasnât comfortable with him using his real name because people will Google before doing business with him," she says. Even though naturism's intentions are innocent, it can be hard for people to see it that way.
So, no, naturism isn't a cover for massive, wild orgies. Felicity and her co-founder started it in the hopes of filling a void in modern nudity-focused communities. "We didnât want it to be just about getting naked, but creating a body-positive environment and combatting body shame," she says.
Lose the clothes, gain self-esteem?
Naturism fits beautifully into a society that's increasingly open to the idea that "perfection" doesn't exist. "Being a naturist forces you to accept who you see in the mirror," Serenity Hart, 26, a naturist and nude model in New York, tells SELF. Growing up as a black girl, she loathed the color of her skin and the texture of her hair. "I wished I could change who I was every day, until I found nude modeling," she says. "It challenged me to look past the things I couldn't change, but also learn how to embrace them. Nudity has changed my life." A big fan of naturism's confidence-boosting effects, Serenity wants to spread the message. Like basically everything else in the 21st century, she's using the Internet to do it.
Serenity offers Naked Skype Sessions for $30 an hour, or a package deal of $120 for five sessions. She stumbled upon the idea when she answered a friend's Skype call while in the nude. "At first she was uncomfortable and embarrassed for me even apologized and covered her eyes," says Serenity. Then, they got to talking about where this deeply ingrained negative reaction to nudity comes from. "I asked her to join me in being naked, and she did. So, Naked Skype was born," Serenity explains. "There is nothing more vulnerable than being completely present with a friend or stranger in the nude. No labels, no facade, no judgments, just openness and embracing your true self." She currently has 10 sessions per week with men and women around the world, usually talking about self-love and how to foster positive body image. "The sense of empowerment makes it all worth it for me," she says.
That emphasis on healthy self-image is a cornerstone of YNA's philosophy. That's largely because Felicity realized how beneficial nudity had been to her growing up when she and her family attended the Rock Lodge Nudist Club in northern New Jersey. "I saw the human body in so many different forms," she says. "I wasnât so influenced by this culture that says if you donât have a certain body type, you shouldnât be taking off your clothes."
This is especially important for women. "A lot of the nudity taboo is about female breasts and genitals. People donât see those parts on actual average bodies, so they can have a lot of anxiety," says Felicity. Growing up as a naturist, she was able to appreciate how broad the private-part spectrum is. "You see that they come in all shapes and sizes and can be as unique as a personâs face. That alleviates a lot of body shame and anxiety," she says. Given that American teenagers are more frequently asking for their labia to be trimmed, this message is more crucial than ever; especially because in general, women's labia are perfect just the way they are.
Another essential part of naturism is bonding with the environment. "For me, it's about being able to connect with nature in a way that is impossible while bound in material," Sheila, a 31 year old naturist in Northampton, tells SELF. "It's a chance to be wild and forget all the artificial day-to-day things that people fill their lives with." But one of her other favorite parts of naturism is that she can engage in recreational activities with people who hold the same feelings about how restrictive clothing can be. "My first time playing at a pool table without a top was interesting," she says. "I never knew how boobs can get in the way when trying to play!"
Even before talking to these women, I considered myself extremely accepting of nudity. But after digging deeper and discovering the lifestyle's confidence-related benefits, I see that nudity can solve so much more than the fact that pants can feel like leg prisons. I have to admit that when Felicity invited me to participate in the upcoming Bodypainting Day event, the opportunity sparked some temptation. But in the end, I had to say no. Even though my self-esteem is quite solid, I'm not brave enough to show the world everything I've got. Although I'll be keeping the rest of my clothes on, my hat's off to anyone who is.
Now letâs hear from Dr. Nikki Goldstein, about the real culture of many swinger clubs.
The danger of turning your swinging fantasy into a reality
Many fantasize about swinging, but few can make it work. Nikki Goldstein has been in sex clubs and seen what really goes down.
Standing on the side of the road at 1:30am with the rain pelting down, I was shielded from the wet weather but drenched from tears of the woman in my arms.
I was consoling her because her boyfriend had just walked off in a fit of anger after witnessing her erotically massaged by another man at a private sex club.
Ill-prepared couples often jump into this world of swinging, where there are many misconceptions and false fantasies and a high risk of someone ending up in tears. Sometimes hearts, sexual confidence, egos and relationships are broken.
It is still taboo to talk about sex and the subject of swinging or attending sex clubs is probably not one discussed at the office water cooler. It is a world protected by privacy and anonymity, something that is also responsible for those eager to check it out first hand.
However many party goers do not understand what really happens â itâs not all a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey.
If we were more open about sex, maybe we would make our decisions from a more informed place rather than a desire to explore unknown taboos for all the wrong reasons.
The problem is, how will you ever know what it feels like to watch your partner with someone else until you see it? The catch is that once you enter this environment, even if itâs just for a look, you might be faced with a reality you are not equipped to handle or ready to deal with. This is why preparation, communication and education are a must.
Itâs a great fantasy, but would you really be OK watching your loved one with another person?
So, what actually happens in these clubs?
Most clubs in Australia are exclusive but still open to the general public and are either for couples or single females with some having all singles nights. They are hidden and off the beaten track and are BYO.
When you enter there is often a room with lockers where you can safely store your possessions and clothes and nearby there might be a hot tub or spa where you can meet some couples you want to âmingleâ with.
There are also common areas where you can hang out and chat with others and areas such as dance, bondage and âplayâ rooms where the real action take place. Some have rooms full of mattresses and swings and others couches or beds. Some even look like hotel rooms with showers.
Many of these places from the outside would seem to be just normal apartments, town houses or factories and you might not even know if one was next door to you.
At best they can be great places to explore your sexuality, but it also takes a special type of couple to be able to survive it.
Inside, there can be a lack of seduction and people are often treated like a piece of meat with sexual play being done as easily as you would shake hands. You can see people going through the motions of sex like itâs mechanical. There are of course some scenes which can be sexy and entertaining but I am often disheartened on how sex no longer seems to be special at these clubs and is viewed as just another thing to do on a Saturday night.
I have also found at times a lack of respect for the people that have engaged in âplayâ together. When the fantasy bubble is bust and the tears come out, sometimes those involved back away very quickly.
I have been encouraged to explore these clubs and have been greeted by all personality types from the experienced swingers who love everyone and sex with everyone to the ego males using this as an excuse to bed more women and the poor partners going along out of fear their partner will cheat behind their back if they donât agree.
The reality doesnât often look like this.
There are the exhibitionists and those wanting to have their sexual desirability validated by the multitude of wondering hands and advances. There are also just the people that really want to play and engage in sexy fun.
But there is also a culture that surrounds these clubs that is one of severe alcohol and drug usage. In order to stay up all night having sex with strangers or people you have just met, some often feel their inhibitions need to be lowered chemically.
I personally find sex itself a high and my inhibitions are there as a common sense barrier to protect me, but unfortunately that is not the case for everyone. And with increased alcohol and drug usage comes the decrease chance of protection being used. Condoms, lubricant and wet whips line the walls but at the end of the day, no one can make you use them. (One day I will invent the condom police).
I might seem negative, but while there are many couples for whom this lifestyle has worked and is still working for them, I want to give a warning. These clubs are not for everyone and I only hope people can work that out before they enter the doors and play.
How To Do It Right
But if this is a strong sexual desire or something on your sexual bucket list, here is my checklist for what you need to know before to entering a world that can be exciting, sexual but also relationships suicide.
1. Ask yourself and your partner why you want to do this. Is it a sexual fantasy or relationships rescue? If itâs the first, then proceed, but if this is an attempt to patch things up in the bedroom, you could be putting yourself at a higher risk.
2. Communicate with your partner and discuss this situation A LOT. What would your boundaries be if you did this and what would it look like? You might just want to go for a watch or lightly play with someone else. Just being there doesnât mean you have to have penetrative sex with other people. Itâs also vital to discuss signs and signals for when you are not comfortable
3. Be creative with labels. If you want to explore this world it doesnât mean you have to call yourself swingers or fit into a category of what you think this looks like. You create your own label (if you even want one) and your own rules.
4. Do your research. Itâs good to look online and find out what clubs are in your area and how they work
5. Talk to other people. If you donât know someone who is in this lifestyle jump on various chat rooms and ask what it is all about and maybe some tips for how other couples make rules and boundaries.
6. Use fantasy to test it out. When you are next having an intimate moment with your partner, talk as though you were in a club and what you might see around you. Itâs good to gauge how you feel about the presence of others around you being sexual and wanting to be sexual with you. How would you feel?
7. Just go have a look first. Sometimes go and have a look one night to see how you feel. Make the rule that you will not participate that night no matter how much you want to and discuss what you saw and how you felt when you return home.
8. If at any time you feel uncomfortable leave.
By Zahra Barnes & Dr Nikki Goldstein.
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps. -
Donât give up on what used to be a good thing. By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
There was once a time when your relationship had magic. That spark of romance, anticipation, and bonding. Youâve invested so much, until things somehow went south. It might have been a major incident, or a slow drifting away from each other.
It might be a personal health issue, or a forced new environment for the two of you.
Weâll look at home treatments and try to reverse bad habits, But weâll also discuss your options with a caring and competent professional therapist who specializes in identifying and reversing obstacles in your lives, in a gentle manner.
Letâs first look at the easier solutions you can do in the privacy of your home.
9 Natural Libido Therapies Want more excitement? Stimulation? Satisfaction? There are several drug-free ways to spice up your sex life.
By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD
Exercise, say experts, is one of many natural tools you can use to improve sex.
If fooling around with your partner isn't all you'd like it to be, it might be time to think up new ways to make your sex life sizzle.
Having a date night with your partner â to remind yourself of all the reasons you adore each other â can be a great way to stimulate your libido, says Anita Sadaty, MD, a holistic gynecologist in Roslyn, New York.
This is one of many natural ways that experts say you can improve your sex life.
1. Make Getting in the Mood for Sex a Priority
Sometimes, having more and better sex simply requires clearing your schedule. âIt's hard to be in the mood when you have a million things on your to-do list and not much time to do it,â Dr. Sadaty says.
Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but you put most of your important plans in your calendar, so why not sex? Itâs best to schedule enough time to do something relaxing first rather than hopping straight into bed, since women, especially, need to be relaxed before their libido kicks in, Sadaty says.
2. Avoid Negative Thoughts
If your brain is running a feedback loop of reasons youâve picked up along the way â about how you should feel guilty about sex or maybe that your body is too fat or ugly or, well, whatever â itâs time to stop it in its tracks. Recognize the thought when it appears and change it to a more helpful one.
Practicing sex positivity â the idea that all consensual sexual activities are healthy and positive â can lead to improvements in sexual enjoyment, researchers say.
This means accepting that sex is an essential part of overall health and that you have the right to enjoy sexual activity free from judgment. Examples can include telling your partner what excites you, setting healthy sexual boundaries, and exploring sexual fantasies, which has been shown to improve sexual function and satisfaction.
3. Donât Forget to Use Lubricants
Vaginal dryness can be common among women, affecting as many as 17 percent of females 18 to 50, according to the Cleveland Clinic.
A number of factors can contribute to vaginal dryness, including a drop in hormone levels due to menopause, breastfeeding, and certain medications. Sex can be more pleasurable if you add a lubricant, which cuts down on friction and irritation and, therefore, discomfort, gynecologists say. You can buy lubricant from the drugstore or use a household oil like coconut oil. (Be sure to use a non-latex condom if you DIY, because these oils can damage latex.)
Donât try to hide your need for a lubricant from your partner. Make it part of your sexual routine and have fun with it.
4. Move Your Body
You may not think that the exercise you do for your heart and muscles is important for sex, but remember that blood flows to your genitals as much as to your heart.
Men with erectile dysfunction, for example, can often see improvements in this condition with healthy lifestyle changes such as exercise. A review of 10 studies concluded that 40 minutes of aerobic activity of moderate to vigorous intensity four times per week is associated with reducing erectile problems in men with ED.
In women, research shows that physical activity can also improve sexual function, and even a little can go a long way. One study found that women who engage in regular physical activity (one to six hours per week) have higher levels of sexual desire, arousal, and lubrication than women who are sedentary.
5. Get Enough Sleep
Not getting enough sleep can have negative impact on your sex drive. One reason is that hormone secretion is controlled by the bodyâs internal clock, and sleep patterns likely help the body determine when to release certain hormones related to sex.
For both men and women, feeling tired when you get into bed zaps whatever libido you may have had even moments earlier.
Plus, for women, research has found that sleeping longer is associated with greater next-day sexual desire, and an increase of one hour in sleep led to a 14 percent higher likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner.
6. Practice Mindfulness
It may seem like sex is the ultimate practice of mindfulness. And while orgasm pretty much is â likely no one has made their grocery list or planned a work report in that moment â you may become distracted by random thoughts in the time leading up to that orgasm.
Keeping your attention on what youâre doing and feeling is a powerful way to enhance your pleasure. Research has shown that women who practice meditation at any level experience improved sexual function associated with better overall mental health compared with those who never meditate.
Similarly, the mind-body practice of yoga can aid your libido. When a group of 40 women were instructed to practice an hour of yoga each day, their average scores on a sexual function questionnaire for desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, lower pain, and overall satisfaction increased, according to another study.
The yoga postures they did were basic poses believed to improve pelvic muscle tone, release tight hip joints, and boost mood, followed by breathing exercises and relaxation techniques.
7. Consider Acupuncture Treatments
The ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, in which a practitioner strategically places needles in the body, can also enhance your sex life. Balancing and relaxing the body with acupuncture has long been used to boost libido, says Baljit Khamba, ND, a naturopathic doctor and an assistant professor of naturopathic medicine at Bastyr University California in San Diego.
Dr. Khamba coauthored a study in which 35 men and women with sexual dysfunction, likely caused by antidepressants they were taking, were treated with nine acupuncture sessions. At the end, libido had improved in women, while erection, timing of ejaculation, and ability to orgasm were enhanced in men.
In another study, a six-week course of acupuncture treatments with 18 sessions led to significant improvements in erectile dysfunction in men.
8. See What Some Herbs, Supplements, & Aphrodisiacs, Can Do for You
Some herbs are used by cultures around the world as aphrodisiacs. Some are believed to stimulate nerves in your genitals; others increase levels of nitric oxide, which increases blood flow to the genitals, and the feel-good chemicals in your brain.
Some of these herbs include Chinese ginseng, cordyceps, ginkgo, and muira puama.
Not many scientific studies have been done on these supplements, though some evidence suggests L-arginine, an amino acid, may be tied to increased sexual function. One study of 120 men with erectile dysfunction found that taking a combination of supplemental L-arginine (5 grams) and tadalafil (5 milligrams), a medication to treat erectile dysfunction, for six weeks led to more significant improvements in the condition than taking either the supplement or drug alone.
In another study that included 77 women, researchers found that taking ArginMax for Women, a supplement containing ginseng, ginkgo biloba, damiana, vitamins, minerals, and L-arginine, for four weeks was associated with increased sexual desire and overall satisfaction in women.
9. Masturbate or Self-Stimulate for Better Sex
By experimenting on yourself, you can come to better know what satisfies you sexually â information you can then convey to your partner.
For women, masturbation may have other benefits as well. Vaginal dryness and pain may be reduced when you spend time stimulating yourself, notes the Cleveland Clinic.
Thatâs why sex therapists often recommend masturbation as a tool for women having trouble reaching orgasm. You might want to add a vibrator for enhanced stimulation.
Medical Reasons May Be Behind Sexual Problems or Disinterest Of course, there may be a medical reason why your sex life is flagging. Diabetes, thyroid issues, cancer treatments, and cardiac problems can lower sexual desire. Nerve issues, endometriosis, or other problems can cause sex to be painful for women. And certain medications â like some for blood pressure, depression, anxiety, and even birth control â may inhibit desire.
Thatâs why itâs important to get a medical checkup if you are experiencing symptoms that affect your sex life and get your condition properly treated. You can also ask your doctor if itâs possible to switch your medication to something without a sexual side effect.
But even if you have a medical cause, it doesnât have to stop you from having satisfying sex.
Sex Therapy: What Men and Women Should Know
By Beth Levine & Allison Young, MD
Sex therapy can help both individuals and couples improve their sexual issues and their relationships.
Letâs talk about sex. Sexual health is an essential part of overall emotional and physical well-being. But if youâre experiencing a sexual problem, the last thing you probably want to do is talk about it. If shame is keeping you from seeking help, know this: 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of sexual dysfunction. Sex therapy is designed to get to the bottom of sexual issues and reverse them.
Most Recent in Sexual Health
Working With a Therapist to Address Libido Problems and Other Sexual Health Issues
Whether you work with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or marriage or sex counselor, sex therapy can help with a variety of physical and emotional issues that can interfere with sexual satisfaction, such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, a history of abuse, and others. And it can help you and your partner work through these issues in a supportive and educational environment.
So what does sex therapy really entail? And who qualifies as a sex therapist? Read on to discover the truth about this type of therapy.
What Is Sex Therapy and How Can It Help? Contrary to what some believe, thereâs nothing strange, deviant, or kinky going on behind the door to a sex therapistâs office. Indeed, sex therapy is not very different from other forms of psychological counseling. âSex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that also takes into account possible physical problems. When a couple comes in with a sexual problem, we try to figure out how each of them could be contributing to the issue. We examine behavior, gradually interpret that for them, and come up with solutions,â says Barbara Bartlik, MD, a psychiatrist and sex therapist at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City.
What Happens in a Sex Therapy Session?
Your therapist will help you work through emotional issues that may be contributing to sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction, according to Drogo Montague, MD, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. If performance anxiety is an issue, sex therapy would typically begin with learning about performance anxiety, then move on to teaching a couple how to establish open lines of communication to discuss sexual wants and needs, Dr. Montague explains. The couple may also explore issues causing relationship stress, he adds.
When May Sex Therapy Be Recommended?
Sex therapy may be recommended in a variety of scenarios, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach and coauthor of The Sexual Spark. Here are some of the most common scenarios:
Personal Conflict Issues Related to Sexualit. This includes, for example, sexual trauma or assault. Dr. Krychman recommends seeking individual therapy first to cope with these issues, then gradually including your partner as needed.
Conflict About the Relationship. A common example here would be a partner experiencing sexual boredom. In this case, itâs better to seek therapy alone first so that you can better understand yourself and your own sexual concerns, then incorporate your partner, says Krychman.
Compulsive Sexual Behavior (CSB). Once again, in this scenario itâs better for the person with the compulsive behavior or the partner to see a therapist alone first, then bring in the partner. âSometimes, personal emotions of betrayal, guilt, or fear may need to be explored before incorporating your partner,â explains Krychman. âThe one suffering from CSB may also experience a wide range of emotions, such as fear, shame, and anxiety. Addressing your personal emotional experience is important prior to bringing and dealing with your partner â this may enhance communication.â
Couple, Marital, and Sexual Problems. For instance, with the infidelity of one partner, Krychman typically recommends that the couple tackle the concern or problem together from the start and address the roles they may have played with respect to the issue. âNo one is blameless in a dysfunctional relationship, and couples can jointly work together to improve the quality of their experience,â he says.
Personal Coping Difficulties Related to Sexuality. This area might include if youâve just been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection and want to learn how to disclose your status to your partner or partners.
Youâll Learn to Be Mindful and More Aware
In mindfulness training, you learn to be present and focused on the here and now, rather than letting yourself get distracted by grocery lists and carpool plans. When using this concept in sex therapy, you learn to block out extraneous thoughts as well as negative thoughts you might have about your body or your performance. Instead, you are guided in thinking only about how your body is reacting to sexual stimulation.
Lori A. Brotto, PhD, executive director of the Women's Health Research Institute and Canada research chair in women's sexual health at the University of British Columbia in Canada, has done research on this topic, including a study published in November 2016 in Archives of Sexual Behavior. She has found that there's significant improvement in responsiveness in women suffering from anxiety-related sexual dysfunction. Dr. Brotto, also author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness, says that the hypothesis behind the results is that the mindfulness skills that the women acquired benefited their sexual motivation and response both directly, âby allowing them to nonjudgmentally focus on sexual sensations in their bodies before and during sexual encounters, and indirectly, by improving mood and decreasing stress and anxiety.â
Physical Issues Wonât Be Ignored in Sex Therapy
If there is a physical issue, such as vulvodynia or impotence due to radiation for prostate cancer, the therapist will refer you to a medical specialist who will work in tandem with the sex therapist.
Expect Some Sex Therapy Homework
While nothing sexual in nature will happen at the office, the therapist may offer some ideas to try out at home. âThe therapist may suggest you try something called sensate focus exercises, which are designed to help you attune more to your partner,â says Montague. The exercises are typically done in stages, starting with touching or stroking anywhere on the body, except the breasts and genital areas. The goal is to experience the sensation of touching rather reach an orgasm. Eventually, the exercises can lead to intercourse.
Sex Therapy as an Individual vs. as a Couple âSex therapists can be very helpful in helping to guide one person to help themselves or their partner to overcome self-defeating behaviors. Or we can work one-on-one and then work with the couple together as a unit as well,â says Dr. Bartlik, coauthor of Integrative Sexual Health.
Traditionally, itâs better for people who are experiencing individual sexual issues to seek therapy alone, then gradually incorporate their partner (if they have a partner), says Krychman.
âIf you are treating individuals, you are only seeing one side of the discussion,â he explains. âPartners who are counseled together will often interact and the counselor or therapist can assess communication styles in real time. If they are screaming at each other or using abusive language, interrupting, or disrespecting each other, the counselor can discern the communication style and what is happening in their intimate life.â In addition, during couples sex therapy, the therapist can assess the body language of the partners as they both disclose and discuss intimate sexual details, Krychman adds. âFor example, if a couple seems angry or hostile, there might underlying reasons for this,â he says.
How Can Sex Therapy Help My Relationship?
Sex therapy can improve a coupleâs relationship in a number of ways, Krychman says: Enhancing emotional and sexual communication
Enhancing sensuality and sexuality through sexual exercises that may help eliminate sexual boredom
Enhancing the understanding of each otherâs sexual needs, wants, and desires
Enhancing fantasy exploration (a neutral third party could make it easier for an individual to disclose their sexual fantasies)
You Keep Your Clothes On When You Work With a Sex Therapist One thing is certain: Under no circumstances should you have to take off your clothes in a sex therapistâs office or should the therapist be touching you. âSex therapists donât touch their patients unless they are gynecologists or urologists and a physical exam is involved,â explains Bartlik.
Do My Partner and I Need Sex Therapy?
Individuals and couples seek sex therapy for many different reasons. According to Krychman, these are some of the most common reasons: Mismatched libidos (one partner wants sex all the time; one partner wants it rarely)
Sexual boredom (one or both partners are bored by their sexual relationship)
A desire to change the paradigm (e.g., discussions about polyamory, or opening up the relationship to other partners)
Low libido (one or both partners are uninterested in sexual activity)
Coping with infidelityThe impact of compulsive sexual behaviors on the relationship and resulting in personal distress
âIf you are troubled by your sexual relationship, [or] feel that there are barriers that may include physical, sensual, or sexual intimacy connections with your partner, you may need counseling or sex therapy,â he explains.
Be Picky When Shopping for a Sex Therapist
This person will help you with your most intimate secrets, so it has to be someone you trust. You will need to feel safe being vulnerable and taking risks. First, start by considering the gender of the therapist you and your partner feel most comfortable with. Environmental issues, such as the confidentiality of the therapy setting, were a factor, too.
âUsually, there will be some indication on the therapistâs website that they have experience in this area. I put on mine that I am inclusive so patients know that I am paying attention and know what to do,â says Bartlik.
Where to Find the Right Sex Therapist for YouAsk to see accreditation. A sex coach is not a sex therapist. Sex coaches may do more physical touching and demonstrating body parts. âThey donât have the same licensure that sex therapists do. Anyone can hang up a sex coach shingle,â says Bartlik. Compared with sex therapy, sex coaching is less stringent and not regulated, according to Bartlik.
Sex therapists often hold degrees in marriage and family therapy, social work, theology, psychology, or medicine. You can find licensed sex therapists in your area from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.
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Identify the 18 worst traits, early.
Basedon posts by Emma Mills and Sinitta Weston. Listento the Podcast at How To Sex.
Dating can be a thrilling adventure, full of exciting possibilities. But itâs important to be aware of potential red flags that might signal a less-than-ideal partner. While everyone has their quirks, some behaviors can be toxic and detrimental to a healthy relationship.
You may have a great sexual chemistry, but partnership is a bonding of your souls. To that end, finding emotional intimacy is a bigger challenge than sexual intimacy.
Relationships are hard enough without choosing a partner who adds unnecessary drama and toxicity. Itâs good to have standards and protect your own peace!
18 Types Of Women Who Make Terrible PartnersBy Emma Mills
Letâs break down some of the types of women who are likely to create more headaches than happiness in the long run.
1. The woman who plays the victim in every situation.
Nothing is ever her fault. She constantly blames her problems on bad luck, other people, or circumstances outside her control. This lack of accountability makes growth and healthy conflict resolution impossible in a relationship, Esther Perel points out.
2. The woman who refuses to compromise.
Relationships take compromise, but sheâs a âmy way or the highwayâ kind of person. Her needs and desires always come first, and if you donât bend over backwards to accommodate them, youâre labeled selfish or uncaring.
3. The chronically jealous and insecure woman.
Some jealousy is normal, but she takes it to an extreme. She constantly needs reassurance, accuses you of being interested in others, checks your phone, and tries to isolate you from friends. A relationship built on distrust and possessiveness instead of mutual respect is doomed.
4. The woman who canât be alone.
She rushes from one relationship to the next and hates being single. This often stems from insecurity and an inability to be alone with her own thoughts. These relationships tend to be intense, codependent, and lack healthy boundaries.
5. The emotionally manipulative woman.
Sheâs a master at using guilt trips, tears, or withholding affection to get what she wants. Healthy relationships are built on honest communication, not manipulation. Itâs exhausting trying to navigate her ever-changing emotions to avoid upsetting her.
6. The woman who sees every past relationship as the âcrazy ex.â
If a string of exes have all been âcrazy,â âunreasonable,â or âtotal narcissists,â itâs likely not them â itâs her. She refuses to own her role in past relationship breakdowns, which is a recipe for repeating those same patterns with you.
7. The woman who needs to be the center of attention.
She thrives on drama and needs all eyes on her. She might interrupt conversations, make everything about herself, or even stir up conflict just to get a reaction. Itâs impossible to feel like an equal partner with someone this self-absorbed.
8. The woman who refuses to apologize or admit when sheâs wrong.
Mistakes happen, but she takes any admission of fault as a sign of weakness. Sheâll twist situations to paint herself as the victim, even when clearly in the wrong. Relationships canât grow without two people taking responsibility for their actions.
9. The woman who gossips and speaks badly about others.
If she gossips about others, sheâll likely gossip about you when youâre not around. She canât be trusted, and creates a toxic atmosphere where you never feel completely safe. Constantly tearing others down is a major sign of insecurity, CNBC notes.
10. The woman who never has anything positive to say.
Some people are naturally more pessimistic, but thereâs a difference between that and being chronically negative. If she complains about everything, nitpicks, and rarely seems genuinely happy, itâll drain your own positivity. Relationships should uplift you, not drag you down.
11. The damsel in distress who always needs rescuing.
At first, it feels good to help someone, but if sheâs constantly in some crisis â financial, emotional, etc. â it becomes exhausting. Thereâs a difference between supporting a partner through tough times and being their primary source of stability. She needs to learn to take responsibility for her own life.
12. The woman who never fully leaves her ex behind.
Maybe theyâre still âclose friendsâ, she constantly compares you to him, or she still harbors hopes of getting back together. This guarantees youâll never feel like the priority, and is incredibly disrespectful of your relationship.
13. The woman with unresolved trauma she refuses to address.
We all carry baggage, but thereâs a difference between working on healing and expecting a partner to be your therapist. Untreated trauma often causes unhealthy behaviors, making her difficult to be in a relationship with until she seeks professional help.
14. The woman with wildly different values or long-term goals.
Opposites can attract, but if your core values (about money, family, where you want to live, etc.) are wildly misaligned, it creates constant friction. Itâs hard to build a life together with someone headed in an entirely different direction.
15. The woman whoâs disrespectful towards you or others.
This includes rude comments, belittling your accomplishments, dismissiveness, or treating service workers or strangers poorly. Disrespect is a sign of low character and will poison the relationship over time.
16. The woman who doesnât support your goals and ambitions.
Partners should be each otherâs cheerleaders. If sheâs dismissive of your dreams, makes fun of your hobbies, or becomes jealous of your success, itâs a sign she doesnât value you as a whole person and resents your growth.
17. The woman who controls your life.
She might dictate who you can hang out with, what you wear, or how you spend your time and money. Relationships are partnerships, not dictatorships. Controlling behavior is a sign of deep insecurity and can easily escalate into abuse.
18. The woman who lies, even about small things.
16 Toxic Traits In Men To Watch Out For.
White lies might seem harmless at first, but if she canât be honest about little things, how can you trust her with the important stuff? Lying is corrosive to relationships and breeds distrust over time.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!By Sinitta Weston .
Here are some toxic traits in men that you should definitely watch out for. Remember, recognizing these signs early on can save you a lot of heartache down the road.
1. He constantly puts you down.
Whether itâs subtle digs at your appearance, career, or choices, or outright insults, a man who consistently belittles you is not a keeper. He might disguise it as âjokesâ or âconstructive criticism,â but if it leaves you feeling hurt and insecure, itâs not okay. A healthy relationship should build you up, not tear you down, the Cleveland Clinic notes.
2. Heâs overly controlling.
He wants to know where you are, who youâre with, and what youâre doing at all times. He might try to isolate you from your friends and family or dictate how you dress and behave. This controlling behavior stems from insecurity and a desire for power, and itâs a major red flag for potential abuse.
3. He lacks empathy and emotional intelligence.
Does he dismiss your feelings or invalidate your experiences? Does he struggle to understand or express his own emotions? A lack of empathy and emotional intelligence can make it difficult to connect on a deeper level and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
4. Heâs always the victim.
No matter what goes wrong, itâs never his fault. He blames other people for his problems, refuses to take responsibility for his actions, and sees himself as a constant victim of circumstance. This self-pitying attitude can be exhausting and make it difficult to have a balanced and supportive relationship.
5. He has a history of disrespecting women.
Pay attention to how he talks about his exes or female friends. Does he speak of them with respect and kindness, or does he demean and belittle them? His past behavior can be a strong indicator of how heâll treat you in the long run. If he has a history of disrespecting women, itâs unlikely heâll change for you.
6. Heâs overly jealous and possessive.
A little jealousy can be flattering, but excessive jealousy is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. Does he get angry or suspicious when you talk to other men? Does he constantly check your phone or social media? This behavior can be suffocating and lead to controlling and abusive patterns.
7. He has anger management issues.
Does he have a short fuse and lash out easily? Does he break things, yell, or resort to physical violence when angry? Anger management issues are a serious red flag and can escalate into dangerous situations. Donât make excuses for his behavior or try to âfixâ him. Your safety and well-being should always come first.
8. Heâs addicted to substances or has compulsive behaviors.
Whether itâs alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other addictive behaviors, these issues can strain a relationship and create a toxic environment. Itâs important to consider whether youâre willing and able to support him through his struggles, or if itâs best to distance yourself for your own well-being.
9. Heâs financially irresponsible.
Money matters can be a major source of stress in relationships. If heâs constantly in debt, has no savings, or makes impulsive purchases without considering the consequences, it can create financial instability and resentment. While everyone has different financial habits, itâs important to be with someone who shares your values and priorities when it comes to money.
10. Heâs dishonest and manipulative.
As Verywell Mind points out (and you probably already know), trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If he lies, gaslights, or manipulates you to get his way, itâs a major red flag. He might twist your words, deny reality, or make you doubt your own sanity. This kind of emotional manipulation can be damaging and leave you feeling confused and insecure.
11. He doesnât respect your boundaries.
Healthy relationships require mutual respect for each otherâs boundaries. If he ignores your requests, pushes your limits, or makes you feel uncomfortable, itâs a sign that he doesnât value your autonomy and well-being. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy sense of self and ensuring that your needs are met.
12. He lacks ambition and motivation.
While everyone has different goals and aspirations, itâs important to be with someone who has a sense of purpose and direction in life. If heâs content with mediocrity, lacks ambition, and shows no interest in personal growth, it can be frustrating and demotivating for you. A healthy relationship involves mutual support and encouragement to reach your full potential.
13. Heâs emotionally unavailable.
Does he shut down emotionally, avoid intimacy, or struggle to express his feelings? Emotional unavailability can make it difficult to build a deep and meaningful connection. While everyone has different communication styles, itâs important to be with someone whoâs willing to open up and share their emotions with you.
14. Heâs inconsistent and unreliable.
He cancels plans at the last minute, forgets important dates, and doesnât follow through on his promises. This inconsistency and unreliability can create a sense of instability and leave you feeling undervalued and unimportant. A reliable partner is someone you can count on to be there for you, both in good times and bad.
15. He doesnât support your dreams and goals.
A supportive partner should be your biggest cheerleader, encouraging you to pursue your passions and dreams. If he dismisses your ambitions, belittles your achievements, or tries to hold you back, itâs a major red flag. You deserve someone who believes in you and wants to see you succeed.
16. Your gut tells you somethingâs off.
Sometimes, the most reliable indicator of a toxic relationship is your own intuition. If something feels off, donât ignore it. Trust your gut feeling and listen to the subtle red flags that your conscious mind might be trying to rationalize away. Your intuition is often a powerful tool for protecting yourself and making wise choices.byEmmaMills and Sinitta Weston forPsychLove.
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The dating worldâs been flipping on its head. With input by Blonde&Balanced and Dinsmore. Listen to the Podcast at How To sex.
Clearly, western culture has started failing to secure our survival. We saw it in western Europe, late in the last century. Plus, totalitarian Asian governments dictated it. We quit having enough babies to replace ourselves. We quit teaching our younger generations that a big part of existence is, creating more existence.
We delegated out so much of parenthood, that we quit associating with our roles in life.
Then we quit finding our identity in marriage. That ancient blending of the two halves of humanity. Boys increasingly started pleasuring other boys, and girls started preferring a romp with another girl.
Hell, with internet porn and sex toys, even gay relationships started taking the hit.
People are increasingly alone, and getting lonely. But for many of our fellow humans, thatâs more acceptable than all the potential disasters of trying to find a soulmate and life partner.
Hereâs a report by Blonde&Balanced, about
28 of the possible reasons that men, in particular; are choosing to stay single.
The dating worldâs been flipping on its head, with more men choosing to hit pause on the whole dating game. Itâs not just a single problem causing this shift, but a variety of new challenges prompting guys to retreat.
Letâs delve into 28 reasons highlighting why some men are opting out of dating.
1: High Cost of Love.
The bill for playing the dating game can make some guys hit the brakes, especially when itâs on them to foot the bill for everything from fancy dinners to fun dates, all while balancing their budget.
2: Clash with Modern Women.
A rift between modern independence and traditional dating expectations has led to a disconnect, with men feeling sidelined by womenâs dual demands for autonomy and special treatment.
3: Situationships.
This modern take on non-committal relationships allows for emotional and physical connection without the need to label or define the bond, making it a popular choice for many.
4: The Lost "Getting to Know You" Phase.
Ian Breslow, a 28-year-old high school teacher who lives in Astoria, shared his own personal experience that underscores a shift from casual dating to immediate, intense relationship probing, making casual encounters and light-hearted dating seem a thing of the past.
5: Impact of Pandemic.
Andrew Brunoâs account highlights how the pandemic has altered social behaviors, making in-person interactions less frequent and more guarded.
6: Goals over Dates.
Many men are putting love on the back burner to chase their career or academic dreams, driven by a mix of personal ambition, societal pressure, or the quest for financial security before settling down.
7: Past Pain.
Some guys are keeping their hearts off the market thanks to rough rides in past relationships, from betrayals to breakups, leaving them wary of round two.
8: High Expectations.
Feeling overwhelmed by the mountain of expectations in the dating world, some men think itâs just too muchâwhether itâs pressure from society, a string of bad dates, or those fairy-tale romances in movies.
9: Fear of Exploitation.
Past experiences of feeling used, whether for money, handyman services, or emotional support, have some men wary of dating again, fearing another round of exploitation.
10: The Age Gap.
For some, dating seems to cater exclusively to the young, leaving older individuals feeling out of place and questioning the worth of seeking love later in life.
11: Digital Dating.
The digital dating scene, with its endless swiping and focus on fleeting connections, has some dudes questioning if itâs all just a bit too shallow and overwhelming to bother with.
12: New Rules.
As the ground shifts beneath the traditional gender roles, a lot of men find themselves lost in the new norms of dating and relationships, unsure of their role.
13: Happy with Being Single.
With over half of single Americans content in their solo journey, the drive to seek out a partner is notably low, reflecting a broader acceptance of living life unattached.
14: Busy Life.
The modern dating marathon, with its initial virtual connections leading to real-life meetups, challenges even the best time managers, turning love-seeking into a logistical puzzle.
15: Low Sexual Desire.
Men experiencing a dip in sexual desire might find the dating scene less appealing, choosing instead to invest in friendships or other non-romantic relationships.
16: Emotional Barriers.
Struggling to forge deep emotional connections can act as a significant roadblock in the dating world, whether itâs a challenge with new partners or a deeper issue of emotional availability.
17: Fear of Rejection.
The potential for social rejection, with its emotional toll similar to physical pain, can lead men to steer clear of the dating scene to avoid the discomfort of being turned down.
18: Fear of Commitment.
For some, the idea of locking down with one person brings more panic than peace, driven by fears of lost freedom, past pains, or the weight of relationship responsibilities.
19: Mental Health Issues.
The stigma and challenges surrounding mental health can add layers of fear about judgment or rejection, making the dating scene appear unwelcoming for those struggling.
20: Dating Ambiguity.
The question of whether one is truly in a relationship, casually dating, or simply involved in a fling often goes unanswered, reflecting the widespread uncertainty in contemporary romance.
21: Single is More Acceptable.
Society has shifted from a focus on traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood to celebrating individual choice, making the single lifestyle more prevalent and accepted.
22: Self-Doubts.
Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not being good enough.
23: Social Anxiety.
Social anxiety casts a long shadow over the dating experiences of many men, with the dread of judgment or rejection making even basic interactions seem daunting.
24: Questioning Love.
Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not measuring up.
25: Too Lazy to Date.
It appears the bar has dropped, and men are finding shortcuts in the dating scene. The classic moves â shaving, dressing up, and traditional gestures like buying chocolates or flowers â seem too demanding for many today.
26: Pressure for Serious Commitment.
The societal push towards finding a serious relationship and the perceived loss of prime dating years during the pandemic have left some feeling caught between the desire for casual dating and the pressure to settle down. This conflict can lead to frustration and a sense of missing out on both fronts.
27: Expectation Gap.
Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron, suggest that womenâs dating motivations might be evolving, with an increasing focus on finding long-term partners, especially as the biological clock becomes a consideration. This shift can create a mismatch in expectations between men and women, particularly affecting men who prefer casual relationships.
28: Communication Gap.
For some men, the daunting task of articulating feelings or navigating conversations can turn dating into a high-stress ordeal. This struggle often stems from societal norms that stifle male emotional openness, personal insecurities, or simply not having enough practice.
In a Perfect World, Marriage Might Work
The ramblings of a perpetually horny aging male.
By Dinsmore
At the end of the day, no matter how many baubles and flowers he gives you, no matter how much he tells you he loves your mother, no matter how many times he cooks you dinner or does the laundry, no matter how often he treats you to a romantic evening and no matter how many times he tells you that you are his 'best friend'; it's all bullshit. If he wanted a best friend; it'd be a guy.
He wants to get laid; that's all he ever has wanted, and ever will want. It's been that way for thousands of years. Stop reading women's magazines and just accept it. He just wants to fuck you.
One would also expect that the more experienced male; the one with more experience, sexually; would be less inclined to ejaculate prematurely, more adept at making the experience pleasurable for the female; thus getting invited back. Other females observing the coupling; or getting the details from tribal gossip; would be more interested in the particularly 'talented' male.
Sociologists and psychologists have really clouded the water in the last one hundred years, looking for all sorts of hidden meaning in an effort to make things more 'human' and thus more complicated than they need to be. Their efforts have completely confused both sexes and sadly, resulted in an increase in homosexual activity among females and males whose view and understanding of human sexuality is inadequate; or at best, distorted. In essence it is those humans that have essentially 'dropped out of the game.'
I'm not saying that those factors are the sole cause of increased homosexuality but certainly they have had an impact. The whole feminist revolution hasn't helped normal male-female interaction; at least sexual interaction. Certainly some homosexuals of both sexes find themselves unable to compete, i.e., weaker males who are not found attractive by the opposite sex and unattractive females who find it almost impossible to find a suitable male to mate with.
Again, one has to assume that in the 'good old days' of an ancient, primitive culture, weaker males simply did not survive the hardships. Unattractive females without the support of a strong hunter/gatherer, left on their own to fend, simply perished. While it may sound cruel, we have to accept the fact that the mating of the strongest and most attractive of the species is what ensured its very survival.
So, in a perfect world.
One thing that screws up the perfect world; is clothing mandates.
We men can't go around with our dicks hanging out for female inspection; well, except on the beach. Clothing makes it impossible for the female to demonstrate her readiness to conceive. Stupid women's magazines with inane articles about 'how to show him you are interested' don't help matters. Still, female fashion of the day is certainly intended to accent; 'display'; the female posterior. It's latent and subconscious. It's like saying, 'I know you can't actually see my labia; but trust me, it's there, it's engorged and my vulva is open and ready for your cock.'
Think back to the number of times a woman becomes interested in a man and finds every excuse to 'show her ass' so to speak. Again; forget the tits. In the good old days they were seldom covered and there was little male fascination with them. Baby formula hadn't been invented. Young women frequently turn their backs on a dance partner; if they have decided that the male in question is prime mating material.
I can remember one time going to pick up my kids after my divorce; my exwife climbed the stairs back to her new apartment, just as I settled behind the wheel, swaying her posterior provocatively as she ascended. I wasn't sure if she was having second doubts about the divorce; or simply trying to be cruel, saying: 'see what you're missing.'
The first time I met my second wife; keep in mind, we've now been married for over twenty years; she unconsciously presented. We had talked on the phone a number of times but never actually met. We still laugh about the fact that she decided to bend over to retrieve a file from a lower file drawer just as I entered her office. She was wearing these hounds-tooth pants. She still has an amazing ass; and the bending over stretched the fabric alluringly over her butt. I distinctly remember my dick twitching; and deciding that I was going to nail that hot little babe.
A number of years ago a buddy and I were flying military aircraft across the country and ended up staying in a west Texas city for a few days awaiting repairs on our aircraft. We rented a car and drove around, finding an all-nude diner. Out of curiosity we went in. To our surprise the girls were almost universally young and attractive. While there were certainly food sanitation issues, it was a very interesting experience. As our young waitress bent over the counter to give the kitchen our order, my buddy and I were spell bound as she thrust her pert young cheeks back and her sweet little cunt was in full view.
"That's what I'm talking about!" he said with a leer. "In a perfect world, when a guy sees a sweet young thing bent over like that, he'd just go over and mount her; there'd be a law requiring him to do so." I've had more than one erotic dream about such a world.
Sadly, the closest I ever came to it was
Thailand many years ago.
Three of us had ferried some aircraft over from Vietnam and were staying over waiting on the aircraft we were going to fly back. Thanks to maintenance delays and a monsoon, we got stuck in Thailand's major city for a couple of days. We ended up procuring some female companionship; the sex business in those days was legal, regulated and 'clean' over there. It was also absurdly inexpensive. Our driver and guide procured four quite attractive young women for us. We had rented a suite for something less than ten dollars a night in a four star hotel. The girls were sweet and friendly and spoke reasonable broken English. They figured out what we had in mind and were all naked within minutes of closing the business side of the deal.
So, within a few minutes, I'm looking around and the debauchery is in full swing. One little hottie is riding one of my buddies on the floor, two others are double teaming another guy and eying me wondering when I'm going to jump in and the fourth one is on her knees sucking off my other buddy. Her ass is up in the air and her cheeks are spread. Her little hairless pussy is glistening. Her ass is moving in slow circles. My cock is bone hard. I walk over to them; my friend getting his knob polished wordlessly indicates that he doesn't care. She looks back at my hard cock and nods. I'm balls deep in that tight little Asian cunt in a flash.
She's cute enough that I don't need to close my eyes and picture some girl from back home. She's either into it, or a damned fine little actress; she's making all the appropriate noises. This isn't about love or marriage, it's just about fucking; servicing the alpha males. The alphas expect you to display and present; there aren't going to be any cocktails or long walks on the beach.
Sweet thing, you're just going to get cock; and lots of it. We were in our early twenties, perpetually horny and deprived, after too many months in a war zone. We ordered room service and fucked those sweet little Asian whores constantly for twenty-four hours and not once did we hear, 'not tonight, I have a headache.'
I was not trying to impress this girl; I'll never see her again, and if I suck in the fucking department she'll neither care nor let on. No dinner, no five dates with increasing activity and no long kissing sessions or sweet nothings in her ear. This is just primal shit. Mount the bitch and fuck her. It's all about me getting off and enjoying myself. No guilt, no touchy-feely bullshit. It's fucking prehistoric. She's receptive, I'm hard; she exists for one reason in the world; to make me feel good by getting me off.
I almost ended up going to Thailand for a full tour; unfortunately I ended up back in Vietnam for a second tour; but I did get back to Thailand a few times, if only for an overnight. Lots of guys actually stationed there had multiple, full time, live in babes who, in addition to cooking and cleaning for them, fucked them on demand any time of the day or night. I'm not sure any marriage could have survived a tour of duty in Thailand.
What Would I Do?
I often wonder what I would do, if something happened to my wife? I love her to death and she really is my closest friend. We do everything together. She travels; by air; too damned much. If something happened to her, I'm just not sure I'd have the patience to 'jump back in the game' and find another wife. I doubt that I could find one as perfect as my bride of the last twenty-some years. We're terribly set in our ways.
A foreign mail order bride might be an answer. I'm financially secure; I could certainly afford it. Then again, there are so many horror stories about mail order brides and then of course there is a certain stigma in this society; for both participants. Ultimately she would end up becoming westernized and completely fucked up and I'd probably have to replace her just about the time I had her trained to my liking. Mexico is becoming crime ridden and politically unstable. Asian mail order brides have their own issues and end up being corrupted by our society.
I haven't been to Thailand in decades but I suppose it would be worth a look although I've heard things have changed for the worse. I'd miss my friends and my kids; I'd miss the good old U S of A. Still the idea of posting on eHarmony and then sorting my way through a series of plastically rearranged gold diggers makes me nauseous.
Why does it have to be so damn complicated? I don't need a maid, Iâm an excellent cook, and don't need taking care of. I'm not cruel or abusive and don't drink to excess, or do drugs. I can offer an above average quality of life; but! If, God forbid, something should happen to my wife; I'm positive I don't want another one!
I'm not excited about getting into the modern dating scene, and everything it involves. I'm just looking for a decent, regular and reasonably attractive piece of ass, preferably first thing in the morning, and again before nodding off; with an occasional blowjob at lunch.
You don't have to like my friends, and I don't even have to meet yours. Now sure, there's always the chance that we might actually develop a genuine affection, find out that we really enjoy each other's company outside of sex; and then, who knows? Marriage wouldn't be out of the question, I suppose. But don't be surprised at the prenuptial agreement.
Still, I was thinking; you'd keep your own house; and job. Dinner out, or a movie on occasion; why not. At the end of the day, all of that would be just window dressing. At my core I'm just prehistoric. I want a reasonably attractive female in close proximity; who will present her luscious rump at regular intervals and not give me a ration of shit when I pull down her drawers and/or flip up her skirt and drill her cunt with a stiff dick. I know, I know, you'd like to cum too; no problem. I'm not that prehistoric.
By Dinsmore for Literotica
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps. -
What should a man know before he dates a nymphomaniac?
With Clint Jahn & Olivia Bury. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.
Most people do not understand nymphomania. Itâs real, but itâs not a mythological magic power. Nor is a Satyriasis. There is a vast difference between a woman who enjoys sex and has a high sex drive and a nymphomaniac. When referring to a man with the same obsessive sexual compulsion, the correct term is: satyriasis.
Nymphomania is reserved for females.
The overarching behavioral term is hyper-sexuality. Letâs look at what Wikipedia has to say;
Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly-increased sexual urges or sexual activity. Hyper-sexuality is typically associated with lowered sexual inhibitions. Hyper-sexuality can be caused by some medical conditions or medications. Medical conditions such as bipolar disorders can give rise to hyper-sexuality, and alcohol and some drugs can affect social and sexual inhibitions in some people. A number of theoretical models have been used to explain or treat hyper-sexuality. The most common one, especially in the popular media, is the sexual addiction approach, but sexologists have not reached any consensus. Alternative explanations for the condition include compulsive and impulsive behavioral models.
The International Classification of Diseases of the World Health Organization includes Excessive Sexual Drive, which is divided into satyriasis for males and nymphomania for females, and Excessive Masturbation.
But perhaps those mythological characters are tools of fantasy by people whoâve become obsessed and driven by inner psychiatric conditions.
The American Psychiatric Association (APA) considered and rejected a proposal to add sexual addiction to its list of psychiatric disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). A proposal to include a diagnosis called hypersexual disorder, simply describing the symptom without implying any specific theory, is under consideration for inclusion in the appendix of the DSM, but not in the main list of official diagnoses. This means that the descriptives are not the illness, but manifested traits of the illness.
Some people call nymphomania âsex addictionâ, because it can manifest as a destructive compulsion. These people will make unhealthy choices and engage in high risk behaviors to fulfill their desires, which are barely under control. In many ways it is similar to alcoholism, with the recklessness and shame and damage that goes along with that.
Okay, enough of the medical and psychological talk. Letâs talk about how to respond to a person whom youâre suspecting has a compulsive behavior.
C. R. Jahn was in a relationship with a college classmate.
It starts out absolutely thrilling. It can meet & surpass all of a virile 22 year old manâs fantasies; for a short while.
It is theoretically possible to have a healthy monogamous relationship with a nymphomaniac, as long as you engage in open honest communication about your mutual needs and expectations. You will be expected to have sexual relations with her at least three times a day and your cunnilingus skills need to be top tier, otherwise just forget about monogamy because that probably isnât going to happen. Sorry.
I was engaged to a nymphomaniac for about a year and a half once. Everything was great for the first six month. but as soon as I started working over 40 hours a week, things went toxic and rapidly spiraled downhill. Like an alcoholic, they will lie and sneak and place blame on you for their mistakes.
I dated a few other nymphomaniacs. One was 100% loyal until I needed to leave the state for a few months. I do not blame her one bit. I expected it. It wasnât her. It was her illness. She was the primary victim of a hideous and psychotic mental crisis.
Nymphomania is often the result of any of the following;
· long-term child sexual abuse and is frequently comorbid with
· borderline personality disorder,
· bipolar disorder, or
· addiction issues.
These are mentally ill or damaged people who struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy. Sometimes they have the willpower and fortitude to control their cravings. Usually, they end up destroying everything around them. Many of them end up losing their job, home, driver license, custody of their children, and any vestige of their reputation.
Bipolar Disorder can happen to anyone, at any stage of life, and the onset is most frequent in young adults.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex psychiatric condition marked by intense emotional reactivity, unstable relationships, and impulsivity. One manifestation of this impulsivity can be hypersexuality, a behavior characterized by a significantly increased interest in or engagement with sexual activity. A high occurance of BPD is observed in teens who were sexually abused at a young age. Some believe it is the one chronic mental âillnessâ that a predator can inflict on a victim. It is also associated with post-traumatic stress from sexual abuse.
The Sex is perhaps great, but it should not be your primary objective. When your entire life revolves around satisfying your sexual urges you are going to make unhealthy decisions. Most of us know better than to engage in sexual relations with coworkers, neighbors, your partnerâs friends, or random strangers. Often a nymphomaniac will not make these distinctions. A lot depends on their willpower and mental stability. Some have it under control, many do not.
A lot of women are wrongfully accused of being nymphomaniacs due to being openly sex positive and unashamed of it. Other women mistakenly self-identify as nymphomaniacs because they love sex. True nymphomania is an illness which negatively impacts their life. Fortunately, it is also somewhat rare. If a girl has never had public sex in front of strangers or had anonymous sex with a man she did not know, she probably is not a nymphomaniac. The girls I knew would think nothing of participating in a spontaneous gangbang or fucking someoneâs dog, laughing the whole time like it was a big joke. In retrospect, I feel sorry for these women.
Famous Nymphs
Sir Laurence Olivier and his wife, Vivien Leigh, were Hollywood Royalty. They appeared to have it all; talent, beauty, status, awards, recognition. They were the top of the A-list.
Unfortunately, Vivien Leigh suffered from bipolar disorder, then known as being manic-depressive. Her costars often had difficulty working with her due to her manic episodes which created a great deal of tension on the set.
Vivienâs greatest fear were the bouts of depression. She was terrified of becoming suicidal. At some point, she came to the conclusion that the only way to prevent the depression was to have a great deal of sex. As long as she could continue to achieve release through sex she could keep the depression at bay.
In the brain, a sexual orgasm triggers the release of a chemical called dopamine. Itâs a natural mood-enhancing part of being a healthy person. The other related chemicals in the brain are serotonin and norepinephrine. These are self-balancing in a healthy person, but can become radically imbalanced in a mood disorder. Sex can give a short term spike of contentment to a person suffering severe clinical depression. But a bipolar person can also be at the other extreme, having so much dopamine and feeling a rush similar to a cocaine trip. Itâs beyond euphoric. The person will tell you theyâve never felt better. They will often lack all self-awareness and resent any suggestion that they need help, or need to change their behavior. Bipolar Disorder affects men and women in relatively equal numbers.
Vivianâs husband, Olivier, did his best but he has been quoted later, as saying, âYou know, she was a nymphomaniac. And Iâm a premature ejaculator. Not a good match-up.â In order for their marriage to continue, Olivier stood back while Vivien took on many lovers to help her condition.
Sadly, their arrangement took its toll and they ended their 20 year marriage in 1960. Vivien Leigh, the legendary star of stage and film, was branded a nymphomaniac, a derogatory word meaning sex addict. This brought her more condemnation than sympathy or real help.
In 1950, after a party at Director George Cukorâs home in the Hollywood Hills, all the celebs present entertained illicit passion for a price.
In a biography, âReframing Vivien Leighâ, the author notes that Ms. Leigh had every social disease known to mankind at the time. Her list of conquests go from Robert Taylor thru Peter Finch.
To read her story is to be inspired with pity and terror. She fought a lifelong battle with bipolar. Evidence of her delicate condition surfaced long before that incident. An open secret throughout British and American film circles.
Actress Sarah Miles became a very close friend to Olivier, after his divorce from Vivian. Decades later, Miles described a crisis she later had to confide to Olivier.
Sarah says she got a chance to see Vivienâs seething jealousy and sexual appetite for young men up close in 1963 when she landed a bit part in "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" starring Leigh, then 48, and 24-year-old Tinsel Town hunk Warren Beatty.
When womanizing Beatty spied 20-year-old Sarah in her sex kitten leather costume, Beatty began firting with Sarah.
Suddenly Sarah found Vivienâs âvixen eyes glued to either Warren or me all day. It was obvious to me they were having an affair,â she recalls. âI found Vivien to be a distinctly brittle, dark and jealous woman.â Miles, says Olivier finally admitted Leigh was a nut job in 1963, when she was in a play he was directing in Londonâs old Vic theatre.
One morning, Sarah was looking exhausted when she arrived on set; and confessed to Olivier that she was having to deal with her young actress roommate, who was âa manic-depressive, schizophrenic nymphomaniacâ and kept her up with mobs of men parading through their apartment.
âWell, well, what a coincidence,â Olivier said and told her, âVivien had been diagnosed with exactly the same three conditions.â The more we compared notes, the closer we became, for we both shared the utter despair, the unimaginable frustration and hopelessness of wrestling with such pitiable creatures.â
A Confession
Now letâs hear from a woman in recovery from her mental illness and resulting nymphomaniac behavior.
Olivia Bury tells us her personal story of coping and recovery.
Iâve been diagnosed for 5 years with Bipolar Type 1, the kind that has longer and deeper cycles with mania and even psychosis.
As someone with Bipolar 1, I have extreme difficulty recognizing when I'm in the thick of an episode. The disorder pretty much takes all my judgement, self-awareness, and general clarity from me and smashes it. It's why I rely rather heavily on friends, family, and professionals to help me recognize my prodromal symptoms so I can get help early.
The mania is often the most destructive aspect to my illness as it starts by giving me a false sense of wellbeing. Slowly, my energy builds and I find myself spending several nights at a time awake investing myself in learning new topics such as mathematics, physics, or technology to an obsessive degree. I feel oppressed by my medication and quickly stop taking it to get higher. I begin writing music and creating art that in these moments I honestly believe are revolutionary.
I exercise excessively with my intense energy and find myself rolling in euphoria. My budgets and finances are trashed as I take to getting piercing, tattoos, clothes, raves, alcohol, and drugs. I immerse myself in what I call âcarnal rageâ. My ultimate goal is to burn bright and fast by indulging almost any vice there is. Hyper-sexuality leaves me a hungry nymphomaniac, where I wake in the mornings with one or many people in my bed. Often times I wake up not even knowing where I am or how I got there with several strangers.
I stop going to work, and my random untold absences often lead to my getting fired which only serves to worsen my finances. As I crawl towards psychosis, I end up getting more irritable and chaotic. The world slows down while I speed up and I find myself frustrated with those that can't keep up. I am extremely vulnerable to being taken advantage of and pick up the most unsavory individuals that upon my return to stability torture me. I end up back in the realms of paranoia and delusion. I become a god or some escaped experimental subject or soldier on a mission to save the world. I am hunted by cults and evil scientists. I am swallowed by chaos, euphoria, irritation, and delusions of grandeur paired with magical thinking.
Porn Industry Exploits
Some people are fully aware of their disorder and behavior, but seek to direct it for their own benefit. Taylor & Tatiana Russo were interviewed for a publicity campaign in their pornography ventures.
The two talked about the driving hyper-sexuality which keeps them in the sex industry.
Taylor explains; âI shoot some fetish content for my boyfriend who owns a bondage company. Regardless of that, I always feel like a virgin about to get deflowered before every shoot. When I shoot with my sister, it's not about trying to compete against her. If that was the case, I would have just continued shooting on my own. â
Tatiana added; âI like doing things for shock value. She does whatever comes to her head at the moment. Once we made the decision to work together, we might as well do the best that we can. Teamwork! I mainly hope that our bipolar mood swings manage to hit the âget alongâ mark, because those are the moments that we forget about morals and just go with the flow.â
When asked; âHow did you arrive to the decision that making adult movies was the right choice for you?â
Taylor chuckled; âHa, I'm a nymphomaniac. Iâm narcissistic, love fucking, money. Seems to make sense to me.â
Satyriasis, or male counterparts of Nymphomaniacs
Now, to put the issue in an accurate context, letâs be clear. Men can also suffer conditions that manifest hyper-sexuality. Letâs hear from a man who wishes to remain anonymous.
Yes, I am, but I have slowed down somewhat in my older age. But for 42 years I was diagnosed with so many errant conditions, until I came to the happy diagnosis of hyper-sexuality.
I am male. I am not a mythical beast. I have been called an addict but, unlike the perception of a kind of sex addict ending up beaten and on the streets, a punk sub, I functioned. I was a participant - a wise and sly and manipulative director - in my hyper-sexuality.
I operated for the majority of my life in a manic state. A few of the people dealing with bipolar brain issues will become understood as âunipolarâ. I happen to be one of those. No bipolar crap, as I have never been depressed; and I was seen as driven, happy, kind, witty, very smart, fun to be with, sympathetic, never overbearing, emphatic, even.
I subjected myself to psychiatry during all of those years. Manic Depressive was my first diagnosis, I think. I saw the same shrink for those first 12 years and we waited and waited and waited from the âdepressionâ to come; but it never did.
I lived a controlled manic existence; I felt the tightness and grip in my body, the need of release or death every hour, but I, well, stumbled upon a solution, or solutions, early and satisfied the urgency of my needs with no need for recourse to dangerous sexual practices.
By âdangerousâ sexual practices, I donât mean to imply that my appetites did not escalate into needs that furthered my homosexual & bisexual encounters. I do not know of anyone who is hypersexual who is not bisexual, usually beginning at a very young age. My needs escalated into multiple partners, Dom & Sub relationships and forays into bloody sadomasochist roles. I was Traveling through the U S and Europe to full-scale orgies.
If there is a spot of narcissism in hyper-sexuality, for me it was staying in shape, not so much to remain being attractive but in order to maintain the strength and stamina to enjoy eight to ten orgasms a day. Masturbation could not satisfy me, not at all. I needed others. There is the magic word, need.
I donât believe in satyrs and nymph fantasies. Iâm not ever certain than âmaniaâ is an illness any more than having the drive, and all that is entrenched in that word; to be successful, is an illness.
Some in the dark arts of psychiatry are uncertain that hyper-sexuality is an illness. Some in the dark arts of human sexuality are unable to pinpoint what is normal, what is a normal sexual drive, how many orgasms do normal men and women have in one day or one week!
A married couple, or two partners in a monogamous relationship? After two years of commitment, do they really only have sex three times in one week? That sounds monstrous to me. Sick and unsound.
Donât think that we do not fall in love. Donât think for one minute that we donât appreciate higher, less base qualities in others. We simply have needs more urgent than discussions of 19th-century French literature.
Another questioner asked what it felt like to be hyper-sexual. My answer would be that it either feels how you want it to feel or, maybe, it feels like any life task in which you fail or succeed. More the latter, I guess. If you cannot earn enough money to feed your family I am guessing that you would feel that you have failed a task that you needed to succeed; and I suppose that you would feel some anxiety and sadness and a failure. So it is with hyper-sexuality - a singular life task of great need and if you are able to satisfy that need then you win, you are not a failure.
This society has no interest in male hyper-sexuality; but rather has a fascination with female hyper-sexuality: the nymphomaniac. Those failed whores who fuck their way into a bloody gutter because, well, thatâs what happens to whores, right? The female porn models that grow old and advise younger women to stay away from porn because it destroys your heart. They are our public whores. Hypersexual males - we satyrs - are looked upon as lucky! Just a man who gets a lot of pussy.
I also think that the âwhat does it feel like to be hypersexualâ, questioner, may have wanted to know about the sex. A little titillation, maybe. The sex? It is good, it fulfills needs. Of course the sex is good. Unshackled.
"Bipolar folks will understand, I'm sure. Will others? It's hard to know. Some will be inclined to want to understand. Others will think I'm making this up and I'm rationalizing bad behavior. What I really want, though, is to change the way psychiatry and psychology and society see this behavior."
Clarity on the Bipolar diagnosis
Diagnosing a mood disorder is based on a personâs departure from their own baseline behavior. Itâs not based on whether it fits into a cultural or societal norm of the masses. If a person is always a sex fiend, Itâs just a behavioral observation; a personality feature. But when a person who used to be reserved and discreet, becomes uninhibited, compulsive, and manifesting insatiable & risky behavior, Itâs clear that they are ânot themselves.â Thatâs completely separate from the issue of whether they fit in with our societal expectations. They donât fit in with their own established norms.
A bipolar person can be very persuasive and rationalize everything. They are truly the last person to know that they have a crisis.
A woman responded the account of the hypersexual man we just heard from.
I read this answer when it was first posted and sobbed. I cried because the majority of the post is dead-on . It's taken me a month to be able to address this question, and I can't, or won't fully explain everything that's happened in my life, but I am the female version of this person.
I wasn't diagnosed until pretty recently. I am 40-something. Yes, I needed intense connections with other people on every level: intellectually and spiritually, but especially sexually.
Hyper-sexuality is definitely about a different kind of intense connection, but it is definitely about the sex, too. Different bodies. Different needs. A different kind of fulfillment, or not. This behavior started in college; I held onto my cherished virginity until then. That was truly difficult.
The need to connect, to be stimulated by someone, is ever-present. A pattern emerged; serial monogamy. Onto the next long-term boyfriend. I would exhaust him, in every sense of the word, or find another who could try to be all things, all the time, to be several men at once.
But even during a relationship, pursuit of other men, their pursuit of me, or preferably, all of the above, was wonderfully explosive. Enough sex, seemingly. Then not. Never, ever enough.
The hyper-sexuality happens during the manic stage. If you're manic and you were seeking sex, the end of that relationship doesn't really affect you. The downside is, when a relationship goes awry, and he's someone more long term, or someone you were more attached to, it can trigger a depressive episode. And then, one of two things: Depression leading to complete avoidance of sex, or depression leading to sex to fuck away your depression. Sort of like the famed actress Vivian Leigh, who fucked random men as a desperate means of avoiding suicidal despair.
Guess which one is worse. The tailspin can be swift and the depression profound and prolonged. And living just seems like an impossibility, sometimes for months. How people survive this is beyond me. How I lived through this; I don't even know. I self-medicated and should be dead several times over. Street drugs, including booze.
To answer the question, why are bipolar people hypersexual? I guess the best analogy would be "Why do people eat?" It's biological and not something you can control. You just have a need; your body tells you what it needs, and you respond. Sometimes there are obsessive Compulsive manifestations, like over-eaters, going on spending sprees, workaholics, and other behaviors.
Fast forward some years to modern times and post-diagnosis: taking a few different kinds of meds. One of these meds impairs your memory, the other two deaden your libido. It's like I still have the drive but maybe not the impulsiveness to act out because the mania is controlled.
Not a controlled substance, but a substance that controls.
And then thereâs the possible side effects of the psychotropic drugs that my doctorâs had me try. Eventually I found a combo that Iâm content with, but itâs taken a lot of effort, patience, and teamwork. I need a competent healthcare and counseling team, and a supportive circle of friends and family, who provide the feedback that I and my medical team can rely on.
For people who see an opportunity for a great fuck with a hypersexual; Please look in the mirror first. If youâre going to exploit someone whose illness puts their life in danger; You might be a more pathetic person than they are. And they have an illness to blame. You donât. Go pay a hooker for cheap sex, because at least the hooker has a business model.
If youâve found yourself in whatâs becoming more clearly an unhealthy sexual hookup, Offer your partner the most valuable gift you can offer. Your honest perspective and deepest caring assistance, if they will avail themselves of your offer. Trust me, sex will become even more fulfilling, when a hypersexual regains full control of their sex drive. -
Too much of a good thing. It appears she has persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD)
By Brian Alexander. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
The other day, a few media outlets in the New York region covered the story of a woman who canât seem to stop having orgasms, which would seem joke-ready but can actually be a nightmare.
Doctor Brian Alexander files this assessment;
While the New Jersey womanâs condition has not been formally diagnosed, it appears she has persistent genital arousal disorder (P G A D), something we explored years ago.
The syndrome usually manifests as a constant blood engorgement of the female genitals, mainly the clitoris. This creates a sensation of needing ârelief.â Cue the jokes. But imagine constantly sensing the need for orgasm at work, on the bus, while visiting with friends, and then finding no relief, or only very temporary relief, if you masturbate. Genitals can become highly sensitive, and sore. Sufferers describe feelings of isolation and mental anguish.
Unfortunately, nobody is quite sure what causes it or how to treat it, but, according to Jim Pfaus, a researcher at Montrealâs Concordia University who studies the neuroscience of sexual response, and who is currently engaged in studying persistent genital arousal, there are enough clues to develop a working theory.
âThe root cause,â he explained, âmay be an irritation of the clitoral sensory nerves.â The brain interprets this sensation and sets off a cascade of events.
If you want to incur the rage of a woman in this condition, even the slightest suggestion comparing her to a nymphomaniac, could result in you likely getting beaten up and humiliated.
She didnât ask for this, and she detests its imposition almost as much as sexual assault. A woman wants to be a willing participant. Offer her whatever help she asks for, but it may be for you to get the hell out of here, especially if she usually has some attraction to you, and is now confused by her physically-aroused state.
A brain region called the pro-optic area responds to dopamine signaling by sending out instructions for the body to prepare for sex, as if a woman has been engaged in foreplay when, in fact, sheâs not remotely in a sexual context. Blood flows to the genitals. âSo we think that this blood flow is in a state of hyperarousal in women with P G A D,â Pfaus said. âThey get engorgement quickly, reach orgasm quickly when they try to relieve themselves. It shares features with premature ejaculation and priapismâ in men.
Thatâs consistent with observations others have made. For example, Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University found that of a group of 18 women with P G A D, 12 had cysts on nerves in the sacral region of their spines. The cysts may be stimulating clitoral nerves.
A variety of drug therapies (thereâs even one report of a physical therapy involving manipulation of muscles in the region) have shown to help. SSRIs, commonly used for depression, seem to provide some relief. But Pfaus believes the drug varenicline (Chantix, commonly used for smoking cessation) is most promising. It works by interrupting the signaling that leads to dopamine release. Blood stops flowing.
While the therapy has worked in scores of women, Pfaus said, the drug isnât perfect. âUnfortunately it comes back when they go off it.â
Brian Alexander
Moon Sprayed Eyes tells us about her condition, and the problems she still faces.
It Killed My Marriage
I haven't received any diagnosis yet, but I have experienced nearly all of these symptoms as far back as preschool.
I have been to so many doctors, Primary Care Managers, Obstitricians, Gynecologists,, and mental health professionals, due to how I describe the sensations of throbbing, tingles; that make me feel like I'm trapped in a constant state of arousal; that is debilitating, deviant-like, impositions.
For 25 out of my 40 years I've not heard anything closely related to P G A D.
However, I have received diagnoses of; hypersexuality, sexual addiction, masturbation addiction, PTSD, hypersensitivity, rejection sensitivity, childhood trauma, divorce anguish, adult trauma, shame, guilt, agoraphobia, Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety.
The fallout? I was married 11 years. We tried individual and couples therapy 6-7 times and completed all sorts of âactivitiesâ, âhomeworkâ and received certificates.
It didnât get better because my spouse husband couldnât keep up what wasnât natural to him.
We both had a hand in the demise of our marriage and we both deeply regret not being what the other person needed.
I really hope other marriages can fix or improve the parts that matter most; because I donât wish this pain on anyone.
My former husband and I have been grieving each otherâs loss since 2021 and I donât think weâll ever get over the loss of each other to âmove on.â Not because we havenât tried, but Itâs not as easy to start over as one would think, when nothing feels normal. I donât have the answers but I donât wish this fate on anyone either.
Well you get the idea. All that just to learn, I was describing Persistant Genital Arousal Disorder 100% accurately, the whole time.
Along with nerve pains, and restless leg, insomnia. but hey, its all in my head, right?. Anyways.
Everything I've read, talk about biases, and that it's considered to be rare; more medical gas-lighting. đ«ą
I am very interested to see what else comes out, and Iâll find as many research studies to bring the printed reports to my next appointment, because I can already see him rolling his eyes, and calling the nurse to bring the straightjacket.
Amp It faced a short term crisis with this disorder. She summarizes her ordeal.
My Doctor Needs To Grow Up!
I had P G A D for about a week earlier this year. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. I was a hysterical mess after just a few days. I genuinely felt like I was losing my grip on my sanity. Orgasms didnât even helpâthey actually made it worse. It hurt and the constant pressure in my pelvis was unbearable. There was a lot of ice packs and lidocaine and sobbing. I canât imagine dealing with that BS long term. I donât think I would even survive it. It was hell. Not even remotely sexy.
Since I had back surgery a few months ago my Gynecologist thought it could be something nerve related and wanted me to follow up with my neurosurgeon too. He did order an MRI for me, but the man would not stop cracking jokes at my husband about; âHa ha ha, just donât turn her on, am I right?â
No, sir. That was probably my grossest interaction with a doctor.
Glass Breather retells a grim story of her friendâs tortured life and premature death.
Itâs Perpetual Rape.
I have a friend who has suffered from this for her whole life, since she was five. She said the only way she could describe it was like being raped by demons constantly. Constant engorgement of the genitals, anxiety and stress would also cause unwanted stimulation which could not be contained through masturbation. It only made it worse. Orgasms would also usually make it worse.
Many of the women who suffer from this end up committing suicide. She has managed through a rigorous daily routine of yoga and meditation.
There are some theories that it has something to do with the psoas muscle, near the tailbone; or some sort of impinged spinal nerve that sends a feedback loop to the brain.
It is so far from pleasurable. Torture is closer to the truth.
Love In The Sun gives us a clinical insight.
The desperation leads to bold behavior
I worked as a nurse in a big gynecology clinic. This was a teaching hospital in the US. We had a doctor who specialized in it.
Yes the suffering women would start masturbating in front of the doctor and would masturbate many many times a day, to the detriment of their lives.
She couldnât hold a job, be a parent, or much of anything besides just being perpetually frustrated.
It was absolutely heartbreaking to hear their stories.
So no, this isnât the same pleasurable experience most of us experience as an orgasm. Itâs not pleasurable at all.
Widespread
The condition is profound and widespread, but most sufferers are terrified that they might become exposed to public embarrassment and mockery.
LOS Angeles concert-goers were enjoying a rendition of Tchaikovsky's fifth symphony last week, when the sound of someone having a 'loud and fully body orgasm' suddenly cut through the music.
The incident sparked lively debate between audience members about whether the moaning woman was in the throes of toe-curling pleasure, or if she jerked awake after nodding off and having a bad dream.
Spectator Molly Grant told the LA Times she thought the unknown woman had orgasmed; "because she was heavily breathing, and her partner was smiling and looking at her, like in an effort to not shame her."
But another attendee said they'd witnessed her fall asleep on her partner's lap and wake with a cry 'five seconds later'.
Nevertheless, her 'scream/moan', which the LA Philharmonic blithely continued playing over, lead some to wonder whether the woman was suffering from a rare condition which causes uncontainable genital arousal.
Known as persistent genital arousal disorder, sufferers can feel aroused without experiencing sexual desire and many can have multiple unprovoked orgasms over hours, days or weeks.
Researchers estimated it may affect one per cent of the population, although not everyone's symptoms can are as severe.
Being constantly aroused however, isn't as fun as it sounds.
Medical News Today reported that people with P G A D can have trouble getting on with their day-to-day lives and may experience anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
Christine Decker from Wisconsin, developed the ultra rare condition after slipping a disk in her back.
She suffered a terrifying 236 orgasms in hospital while paramedics watched in horror, and Christine later became completely housebound.
When she spoke up about experiencing more than 100 orgasms daily, she was met with merciless trolling rather than sympathy.
Christine said the hormone therapy which reduced her levels of testosterone also slashed the number of her daily orgasms to just eight.
For mum Cara Anaya-Carlis, having P G A D meant something as simple as the vibrations from a washing machine could send her spiraling into episodes that could last between four and six hours, where she'd experience orgasms every 30 seconds.
Cara began to 'feel too dirty' to be a part of her son's life and felt too embarrassed to work.
Lior Ofir Schwartz from Miami Beach, Florida; began feeling constantly aroused despite not having sexual desires in 2012.
She described the feeling as a 'painful' itch she could not scratch, which would usually come on before the orgasms, when she was stressed, or at night.
Lior's condition worsened to the point that she was unable to have sex with her now husband Jonathan, when she began dating him, due to the pain.
And a mum in England, who started suffering uncontrollable orgasms following an NHS checkup, was left devastated after being told her health board wouldn't fund the medicinal cannabis to help her.
The widow, from East Dunbartonshire, told the The Herald: âWhy should I be paying the bill when I didnât cause the problem? This was inflicted on me by the NHS, so the NHS should be paying for it.
"Itâs been recommended by the very specialist they sent me to â that I had to fight to be sent to â and now theyâre ignoring his advice.
"The condition has calmed down a lot. My own GP says sheâs never seen me looking better in the past two years than I do now. Theyâre the only thing thatâs worked. For me, itâs amazing not to have feeling down there."
Maria believes the condition was sparked during a routine check at Glasgow's Stobhill Hospital in September 2017, claiming a consultant "rammed" a speculum into her.
In the weeks after the examination, Maria said she started to notice distressing symptoms, which were eventually diagnosed as P G A D, caused by damage to her pudendal nerve.
And she said she was furious after it was a NHS consultant who recommended the treatment, with the board now not paying.
Thar She Blows
Lorna, who runs a food delivery service, drove over a speed bump in January 2019.
She said: âI felt a pounding and bulging sensation below.
âIt was lucky I didnât crash as I was losing control of my body.
âWhen I got to the house, I handed over the lunch with my legs crossed, ran to the car and quickly drove home.â
When it recurred, she saw her GP last July.
They offered an epilepsy treatment that eases nerve pain, and reduces the length of episodes.
Lorna, of Doncaster, South Yorks, turned down an ultrasound fearing it would send her into throes of orgasm, but never followed by a pleasant afterglow.
She added: âOnce in a supermarket I had to grab shelves for support.
âPeople looked at me strangely. Another time my friend simply mentioned my boyfriend. I began panicking.
âIâd already started orgasming and so I ran inside a shop.â
She said of her love life: âHenry found it funny at first, but now we canât kiss passionately as it sets me off. He counts down from three then says: âThar she blows!â
Bewildered Doctors
Doctors have struggled to identify what exactly causes P G A D.
According to Medical News Today:
· stress,
· Tourette's syndrome,
· epilepsy,
· trauma to the central nervous system and
· surgery to the lower back
could trigger the condition.
In a 2012 study, MRI results showed that 66.7 per cent of women who demonstrate P G A D symptoms also had a Tarlov cyst - abnormal sacs filled with spinal fluid in the base of the spine.
PERSISTENT genital arousal disorder (P G A D) is spontaneous, persistent and unwanted genital arousal without any sexual desire or satisfaction.
Multiple orgasms over hours, days or weeks can be agonising for sufferers, offering no relief.
Scientists do not know what causes the condition, but suspect neurological, vascular, pharmacological or psychological causes may play a role.
Symptoms can persist for long periods of time, and include:pressure
pain
clitoral throbbing
tingling
vaginal congestion
vaginal contractions
spontaneous orgasms
The signs and symptoms can affect the vagina, labia, perineum and anus.
The condition can impact on a sufferer's work and home life, leaving many feeling embarrassed, and avoiding sexual relationships.
People who have P G A D can undergo cognitive behavioral therapy, to help identify what triggers the attacks, and to manage the ensuing anxiety.
Antidepressants and anti-seizure drugs have also been used as treatment, and - in the case of Tarlov cysts being presence, surgery could also work. -
What really happens when you take someoneâs sex juices in your mouth?
By BareAmy83 & LePenseur. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
Today weâre talking about the thrill of ministering to your sex partnerâs wonderful playground right between two legs. And today weâre discussing the oral delight to the mouth. This is the safest sex act involving penetration. The first report comes from BareAmy83. Sheâs so delighted for all the health benefits she derives from her manâs semen. But itâs her story to tell, so here she is.
The Science of Cum Why Blowjobs Are a LOT Sexier Than You Ever Imagined.Authorâs Note: I have pooled various internet research, studies, facts and figures in order to give you an interesting way of looking at something we all may take for granted in our sexual lives: oral sex and the male ejaculation. I am by no means a scientist or doctor, and none of what you read is intended as medicinal advice, itâs just something that I found rather neat and slightly kinky, and want to share with anyone who has a passing interest in what happens when you go down on a man and swallow his cum.
Enjoy and happy blowjob giving!
PROLOGUEOral sex is one of the safest acts of sex between two people. There is absolutely no risk of pregnancy when a couple engages in pleasing each other orally. Bringing your partner to a satisfying climax is enjoyable for both the giver and the receiver. And for those of us who are sexual âsubmissivesâ, we are often called upon to orally please our Sir or Madam, or even other people.
While giving oral sex to a female can be incredibly rewarding, the focus of this essay is to focus on the immediate outcome of successful oral sex given to a man, by stimulating his penis with your mouth to the point of ejaculation.
And more to the point, what *actually* happens when a male ejaculates into someoneâs mouth?
Sure, thereâs a satisfying orgasm for that person, but for the person giving the blowjob, it goes beyond the simple receiving of semen into the mouth.
And, depending on how you look at it, the outcome from receiving that load of semen is either disgusting or sexy.
Personally, I feel it to be insanely sexy!
To understand what happens when you receive a load of semen in your mouth, letâs first talk about the area receiving most of the âactionâ: your tongue.
THE TONGUEThe human tongue is actually the largest muscle in your body. It aids in chewing and digestion, speaking and breathing. Your tongue runs from your hyoid bone (in the middle of your neck) to the floor of your mouth.
Your tongue is mostly made of muscles, anchored to your mouth by a web of strong tissue, and covered in mucosa (a moist pink lining that covers certain organs and body cavities). It is sensitive and kept moist by saliva and is richly supplied with nerves and blood vessels. The upper part of the tongue is covered by four different types of taste buds housed in lingual papillae:
Filiform: taking up the front 2/3rds of your tongue, they do not contain taste buds.
Fungiform: mushroom-like in appearance, they are on the sides and tip of your tongue, and consist of about 1,600 taste buds
Circumallate: small bumps on the back of the tongue, containing about 250 taste buds.
Foliate: rough golds of tissue, containing several hundred taste buds.
Taste buds are clusters of nerve cells that send sensory messages to your brain for five different tastes: sweet, salty, bitter, sour and savory. Although people think that different areas of the tongue taste different things, that is not true. All taste buds can detect the five tastes, but some are more sensitive towards certain tastes.
In total, the human tongue has from 2,000 to 8,000 taste buds. Each bud has 50 to 100 taste gustatory hairs, or receptors. These receptors pick up different chemicals and send a signal the brain that it has a particular nutrient in it that is either good or bad for the body.
A LITTLE ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEESWhen a male ejaculates into the mouth cavity, a whitish fluid called semen is disgorged from the penis. Semen (also known as âejaculateâ or âcumâ or even the slang term âseedâ) consists of liquids from the prostate, seminal vesicles and bulbourethral glands, and contains sperm (male reproductive cells), sugars, proteins, and even some vitamins and minerals.
A typical ejaculation will have 15 million to 200 million sperm per milliliter.
Semen is a delivery method, and once delivered, itâs the spermâs job to get to work, regardless of where it is placed. In a warm, wet environment, the sperm will thrive, sometimes up to five days. In a very cold area, or even in hot water, sperm will die quickly.
This is where things get interesting.
GETTING To WORKEach sperm has one job: find a female egg and fertilize it for purposes of reproduction. When millions of sperm are released, they work their way through the area, testing every possible crevice to achieve their goal.
In the mouth, that means that a majority of sperm and going to be diving into the taste pores of the tongue and interacting with the taste receptor cell and basal cell. The sperm does not know that the taste cell is not an egg, and will try very hard to penetrate the taste bud. The rapid movement of the sperm cell and seminal âcocktailâ fluid will trigger a taste response that cannot be explained by ânormalâ flavors. Nearly every taste bud will have a sperm try to enter it.
The longer the seminal fluid and sperm stay on the tongue, the more intense the stimuli from the taste buds will be.
Because seminal fluid contains sugars, minerals and other flavors, the brain will presume that the fluid is present to help aid the body. Sugar signals the presence of carbohydrates, which is an energy source. Salt is essential for maintaining the bodyâs water balance and blood circulation. Other tastes, such as glutamate and amino acids reflect foodâs protein content.
The brain, feeling these items are necessary, will pump extra saliva into the mouth. Saliva will help to prolong the spermâs lifespan.
Saliva will also help break down the clumps of sperm into a more lubricated liquid that increases sperm life and coats deep within the cell walls of the mouth. Thus, sperm will explore beyond the tongue, into the walls, roof, and jaw of the mouth, as well as down the throat, seeking that ever-elusive (and, sadly, not-at-all-present) egg for fertilization.
Diving back that deep into the mouth and throat will trigger an active swallow response. Even after the sperm have been consumed, they are still actively seeking any openings they can find to penetrate. Cheek and tongue cells will be penetrated by the sperm. The introduction of water (aka âTrying to get the taste out of your mouthâ) will not remove the penetrated sperm. Once itâs embedded, itâs staying embedded.
In around 15 minutes, the immune system will receive signals that cells are damaged and that a foreign substance (the sperm) is present, and it will being to try to repair and remove the offenders. This will cause inflammation in the area. The inflammation swells around the cells, pores and cavities that the sperm has embedded itself within.
The immune system can only rid itself of the sperm through the blood stream, so it pulls the sperm into the body and circulates it.
Within 30 minutes, millions of sperm are in nearly every organ of the body, including the brain.
Psychological EffectsThe sperm can attach to active sites of proteins, causing neurotransmitters to be released. With a higher volume of sperm consumption, this can result in an emotionally induced pleasure, or âhighâ. Some refer to it by a much more base, slang term: âCum Drunkâ. Because it creates this high, the brain remembers it and will begin to associate sperm consumption with a pleasurable feeling, similar to nicotine.
Although itâs certainly not been proven, itâs been postulated that some nymphomaniacs or even sex workers and porn stars can develop a craving, or even addiction, to sperm consumption over time. Itâs also been theorized that the high created by sperm consumption can be a defense mechanism against depression in some people.
Consumption of sperm has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety. It also can increase sex drive, especially within women, in large doses.
Typically, within 40 minutes, the sperm that remains in the mouth denatures and dies. Saliva breaks it down further and a specific scent will remain, typified by a bleach and ocean scent. The coating in the mouth and throat will begin to dissolve and go away.
Any dry, dead sperm outside the mouth with become stiff due to the organic polymer within seminal fluid, tightening the skin. Thick seminal fluid that drives will begin to flake and peel.
Any semen consumed by the body will think it is food and use it for cell regeneration.
The body will use it to make new cells.
The sperm literally becomes a part of you.
By BareAmy83 for Literotica.
Rapturous ClitorisClitoris, why are you yet so fair?By LePenseur
I have a confession to make: I am entranced by the clitoris.
Ever since I learned about it, I wanted to see one for real. I wanted to watch it swell into a blushing pearl, and tentatively wrap my tongue around it and send a girl through the roof. I did eventually tongue a girlâs clitoris, and it was every bit as delightful as I had hoped. She didnât go through the roof, sadly.
But that wasnât the end of it. Every lover I have, I long to see her clitoris. Because, in my mind, the clitoris is the single sexiest part of the female body. Itâs almost a fixation. I love to stare at a clitoris, stroke a clitoris, tongue a clitoris, run the velvety underside of my penis on a clitoris. When I watch an adult movie, I look for clitorises. And when I read erotic literature, there had better be lots of gratuitous clitoris play, or Iâll be tempted to move on.
I always pronounce it âKLIT-oh-riss.â Iâm aware of an alternate pronunciation, âklit-ORE-issâ, but I donât like it as much. And itâs very trendy and common to talk about a âclitâ, but that to me seems to abrupt. Itâs a beautiful organ and deserves a beautiful name. No need to cut it short. In my mind, saying the full âclitorisâ means youâre talking about a thoroughly fascinating and sexy part of the body for longer, and therefore I say clitoris and not clit. Twice as many letters, twice as sexy.
Now, there are other parts down there too. Thereâs the vagina, which is nice and very sexy when wet, but I feel itâs overrated. The inner labia are wonderful too, with so many shapes and sizes and colors to fantasize about. I like the way the skin folds and stretches, and I love the rich pink everything turns when a woman is aroused. And when you top it all off with the swollen purple button of an engorged clitoris? Breathtaking.
I know, I know, there are other parts of a woman too. But as of the time of this writing, I am in my early twenties and fairly sexually inexperienced. I canât help it. The center of womanhood, especially the clitoris, is one of the most arrestingly beautiful things on this earth. I canât help but admire it, worship it even. Nothing turns me on more than seeing a clitoris, straining past its hood, taut with desire.
Donât take this to mean that bigger is always better. A clitoris is at its best when it looks at home in its gorgeous surroundings. Artificially enlarging it makes it look out of place and uncomfortable. In my opinion, a clitoris that relies on pumps or steroids is trying way too hard. No clitoris is naturally unattractive, but itâs easy to make a clitoris unnaturally unattractive. Thereâs no size contest here.
Similarly, while I drool over the clitoris to no end, I donât want one of my own. I quite like my penis, weâve been very good to one another. Plus, itâs always more fun to play with somebody elseâs body parts. Drawing my finger or tongue along a wet clitorisâs sheer surface and hearing a woman moan is heavenly. It wouldnât be the same if it were my own.
So what makes a clitoris attractive? I wish I could answer this question better, because this answer sounds downright silly. But the fact of the matter is, when presented with a clitoris, I always think itâs the most beautiful clitoris Iâve seen yet. Memories canât bring back the raw lust and desire I feel when Iâm looking at an erect clitoris just inches from my face, and I donât even try. I will stare at your clitoris, maybe take a few deep breaths. My eyes will shine. I will tell you itâs absolutely the prettiest clitoris Iâve ever seen. And Iâll mean it.
Sometimes I wonder what people would think if they knew about this obsession. Guys probably wouldnât be too impressed, mostly. I donât know what most girls would think, though I canât imagine theyâd mind very much. Itâs too bad thereâs only so much you can say in public. âHey there. Iâm single, Iâm tall and Iâm thin, Iâm acceptably good-looking, I speak fluent French, Iâm studying to be a teacher, Iâm a lot more thoughtful than most guys, and I get turned on by licking a clitoris for forty-five minutes straight. If we wind up in bed together, would you mind if I tried for even longer?â
An eager, straining clitoris. It makes me smile, just thinking about it. I love everything about the clitoris.
I love how a clitoris swells when aroused. I love the way a clitoris turns a dusky lavender, or maybe a bright ruby red, and I love seeing its shape nestled among wet folds. I love to watch a clitoris shyly peek its head out of the hood, and I love to see a clitoris already proudly presented, haughty and demanding attention. I love to lick along the labia and roll a womanâs nipples and watch her clitoris pulse urgently.
I love to spread a womanâs cum on her labia and admire how it glistens. I love massaging that cum into her engorged clitoris, then slowly licking it off with the tip of my tongue. I like to eat a woman out until weâve lost track of both time and orgasms, then pull back and see how her clitoris cries out for more attention, shining and throbbing with desire. I love to slowly circle my thumb over a hard clitoris and feel its firm texture among hot, soaked folds. I love to sink my penis into a woman, pumping my hard, veined flesh in and out and rubbing my thumb on her clitoris at the same time.
I love to feel a pulsing clitoris in my mouth. I love to run every taste bud along the smooth, eager surface. I love to release it, then trap it again. I love to use my tongue and dance with a clitoris; sometimes a soft, slow waltz, and other times a swift, firm ballet or a frantic, eager grind. I like to gracefully pirouette around a clitoris, lift it without warning, then catch it again in my tongueâs warm, wet embrace.
The clitoris enthralls and enchants me. The clitoris delights me.
The clitoris is a work of art.
By LePenseur for Literotica
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