Episodes

  • Neal illustrates the Mandela Effect phenomenum using Status Quo’s discography, reevaluates Popeye, changes your mind about socks and discusses what we know about helicoptors, how elevators should work, a clever trick for locating a cordless phone with ham, why holes in food are useful, why the sausage thing last time was a bit much, defining the face’s perimeter, the trouble with peeling, why boiled sweets and gum are superfoods, a new way to think about litter, an itch no McDonalds breakfast can scratch and more. Then concludes with some helpful orientation for the recent influx of new listeners, assuming they use the same bus

    route.CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: The song I mentioned with incorrect tune and incorrect lyric “There’s something going on (repeat ad nauseum)” in fact goes “…stop
    Children, what’s that sound? Everybody look, what’s going down?” I knew it must be something along those lines.

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  • Neal discusses popping your Bs, the trouble with playing a zombie, how to purchase free tap water in pubs, BB Max and other nemeses, apple seed myths, the globalisation of bin day, a tip for listeners who don’t enjoy this voice, a card game nation, an entrepreneur’s guide to counting money, why Nickelodeon goes over children’s heads, the trouble with Jack and the Beanstalk, hospitality versus hostelry, Coolio’s big mistake, water on draught, how to store a tonne of bricks, the limitations of the word giraffe, getting the fliuch out of here, Ireland’s new Tasioghiflghiush (prime minister), how to manage your president and more.

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  • Neal takes an objective look at Hansel and Gretel and discusses the trouble with heroin, basement-attic philosophy, the IRA on Everest, the argument against thought experiments, broken leg mysteries, the rainy day myth, advice for News Junkies, Einstein’s dog equation, dog narratives versus dog stories, how a trained actor drinks piss, declaring garden weed to the authorities, pisswaffles, the stroopwaffel era of this podcast (circa 2007), reforming how we name our children, pre-registering your death, registering drugs found in your garden, fairy tale time shiftability, things Einstein presumably explained and more.

    CLARIFICATIONS: Rev Ian Paisley, deceased DUP leader, was not one of the joint recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize.

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    Neal’s webcomic: MatchstickCats.com

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  • Neal discusses Bivouacs, shoes in radio dramas, traversing North Korea, how to talk to your child about podcasting, the phrase teaching your grandmother how to suck eggs, urinal troughs on trains, inventing the commuter picnic, cartoons about puppets, attitudes to scarecrows, curing the listener’s pencil sickness, major life lesson from Man Versus Food, how a bishop moves in Chess, Worzel Gummage (ITV), alternate universe binary code, winning in the confessional, Muppet Babies format confusion, a Mary Poppins of the drugs world, typewriter versus typerwriter, myths about oats, the fates of Murder She Wrote’s Jessica Fletcher and Family Guy‘s Mayor Adam West, paracetamol versus cocaine versus audiobooks, Harbour Hotel (RTE Radio 1) and what replaced it, honey monster capsules. what an AI barman experiences and more.

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  • Neal discusses things to consider when falling to Earth, the impenetrable mechanics of swatting a fly, victim-blaming a fly, nondescriptness, a dog’s attempts to line it’s stomach, why the Littlest Hobo should learn better posture, why dinosaurs could have been pets, assessing the moon’s flammability, a fly relates to Billy Joel’s No Man’s Land, how air crash investigators measure customer satisfaction, the difference between a lighthouse and the sun, the role of rear view mirrors in space travel and more.

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  • Neal discusses explaining Pink Floyd to a cat, understanding the Middle East, how parrots work, cars that are very wide and very short, how to dress a performing seal, Chevies, levees, levies, Daewoo, the building layout in Cheers, imagining what it’s like to have undiagnosed haemorrhoids, advice for U.S. homeowners, Led Zeppelin’s creative process, using local language on the podcast, a non-unionised dog, a unionised dog, proof my brain exists, a fraudulent dog, determining what the listener wants and more.

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  • Neal presents a new original Quentin Tarantino dialogue about a bank heist of a bulding that once housed Robin Island jail (tasteful), and discusses assisting an elephant with self exploration, a bland thing that you’re sucking on all day, mapping your face, addressing the far-future listener as ancestor, a non-corporeal Maître D’ versus a cat, Logan’s Run (1976) for fish, podcasts versus comic books, a French dining experience, how I imagine you drive a car, a concienctious elephant’s data protection worries, peanuts as an epsresso, how they made Resevoir Dogs (1992) on a budget, writing dialogue, the undernourished gear stick, the term “shitting on”, recyclable tissue drinking straws, Mrs Brown’s Boys (BBC / RTE), Keeping the dream alive, how to end a conversation in real life, how this podcast stays authentic and more.

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  • Neal discusses what happens to your child if they listen to this, what your cat does to feel alive, how to organise a legalised crime purchase regime, reporting future cold cases, Demolition Man (1993), prepping your child for an era of burning and drowning, how to row your dog, Dinasaur versus Alien, an horrific nursery rhyme. forty years of non-violent teaching, a tonne of bricks versus a tonne of blessings, understanding shoe leather, a brief overview of flies in popular culture, the movie that wasn’t about the fly (1997) (NOT The Fly (1996)), a pact with the listener regarding the papacy, sourcing snake oil, is it okay to laugh at a dog and more.

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  • Neal discusses a problem he has in common with Beatle Paul McCartney, a surgeon and a tree surgeon comparing notes, truly hollow fruits, the body as a trickle down economy, doctors berating the comatose, the very worst thing to take on a plane, manicure and footwear logistics for upright cats, cranberry sauce nuts, outsourcing your bedtime thoughts, the face as a fake shopfront facade, dropkick me Jesus through the goalposts of life, toothbrushing on TV, “coming right up” as a catchprhase, child avoidance for cats, Edward Scissorpaws, toothbrushing in the military, that movie with the Dude (1998), blood in the heads of Guiness, tackling the roof of your mouth, belching as a by-product, the argument against sleeping, Judge Judy tries to help, defining a field, scaring your child with wooden houses, redesigning the toothbrush, the argument for timber skycrapers, two places where coffee is inappropriate, a flying bucket, Fortycoats (RTE TV), body parts as co-workers and more.

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  • In a podcast laden with twists and nail-biting revelations as we sit in on a jail-hardened dog’s parole review, Neal considers what an M and M is, Mother Nature’s periodic landscapes, a doctor’s views on bi-directional blackboard scraping, the dog bitch to dog Hitler ratio, dog parole board makeup, the French resistance on ‘Allo ‘Allo (BBC1), what home means to a dog serving life, lingusitics versus comas, putting yourself in the dog’s shoes, something I learned watching Letterman (Columbia Broadcasting Systems), adults and Freddo bars, a shocking reveal about the dog convict’s year, ditto the parole officer’s year, employee Christmas dinner ratios, trying it with two dogs; two Shanes, a mutton decoy, a French podcast you might prefer and more.

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  • In the first show of 2024 Neal discusses the term “west brit”, Trevelyan, a cat avoiding New Year’s beer scams, a dog’s dealings with the registrar of deaths and stuff, defining hella dodgy, Hurricane Charlie mountain memories, songs about meatloaf, accepting that toilets trigger thirst, Chas and Dave but not Status Quo, realities of building a road to the Moon, a show-permeating glasses incident, fine line between Nowhereland and Doctor Who, what is a dog’s business?, civil defence raincoats, Brendan Grace wrote that combine harvester song, a moveable psychic prediction, counterintuitive office animal demographics, how dogs experience repetition and more.

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  • In a Christmas special culminating in the heartwarming story of a foulmouthed fake Santa who holds up bars, Neal discusses face cloth enthusiasts, introducing your child to A Clockwork Orange (1972), conversations with a working dog, a guide to shooting yourself in the foot, dogs in soap operas, how parenting ends, a deleted undersea mountain climber story, watching Highlander (1986) for the Queen songs, a barman’s secret life, a barman’s alternative work ethic, inventing a trailor system for homeless pets, what the term Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick means to a cat, the nights of Christmas Day, a dog who relates to post-Gabriel Byrne episodes of In Treatment (HBO / Sky Atlantic), people who have multiple shoes, one fell swoop, managing a five mile leash, drawing artificial trees on heads of stout, consulting the bar security cat aging expert from last week, reimaging Slimer, an overtrained dog, panting versus laughing and more.

    CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: The barman incorrectly refers to a Baileys and coffee as an “Irish Coffee”, when it is of course something far superior.

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  • Neal discusses reassuring a fast food operative who’s seen Michael Douglas in Falling Down (1993), the trouble with one-way vocal chords, whodunnits at mass, thoughts of a depressed eternal dog, bar security’s guide to aging a cat, a new way to deliver heating oil, misinterpreting a blue moon, temporal extradition, custody of a padlock, cat linguistics, commissioning the word bespoke, smuggling toast, smiting technique, TV sets versus alters, nasal linguistics, portable church memories, cinema glasses for cats, you Americans do the news incorrectly, ditto late night talk shows, multitasking with your mouth, minimum word-lengths in academia, dangers of generic juice, probabilities explained properly, penography, philantropicality, a new way to value postage stamps, a non-scalable podcast, ordering milk in bars, bridge versus drunkard, operating an old fashioned telephone, why dogs pant, reinventing the afterlude and more.

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  • Neal discusses sit-com bunk bed envy, takey-offey parachutes versus landy parachutes, a dignified way to kill off libraries, eternal peanuts, where cabaret fits in the grand scheme of things, a curtailed feed remnant advisory for returning listeners, fooling yourself with documentaries, Everest without a Walkman, measuring hell-broken-loose levels, steamboats and whitewashing, long distance stewing, casting then uncasting the dead parents on Diff’rent Strokes, the right elephant for the job, rebooting Air Crash Investigation, legalities of shooting messengers who happen to be elephants, elephants versus character actors, actor David Kelly RIP, a revised history of storytelling and firelighting, falling by design, penny drop moment for a trainee air crash investigator, statistical probabilities of different species entering a bar, bunk kitchens, failing to remember the word bittorrent, inauthentic endings on travel shows and podcasts, drawing a stairs on volume two of Colliers Junior Classics and more, before assigning the listener an important comprehension exercise as homework.

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  • In an 800th episode during which he may have overdone the energy drinks somewhat, (although the Cat Stevens part is true) Neal exposes a gaping loophole for toddler movie producers and discusses merry-go-rounds versus the events depicted in The Deer Hunter (1978), what he learned in his days in a Dublin boxing arena, achieving immortality by outwitting his future self, sit-com revolving door tropes, novel advice for joggers, you could fry an egg on the rocks / stones / sidewalk – if you had an egg (1980s Irish commercial) ukulele talk, a scathing attack on the first four hundred episodes of this series, a hall of mirrors versus a horsehoe-shaped bar, learning from The Walking Dead, self-aware fictional characters on strike, revisiting Short Circuit (1986) versus revisiting Sesame Street, windscreen wipers are robots, the chimney revenge woman, Cat Stevens at an accountancy seminar (1994), a contraption to achieve mouth lubrication equilibrium, time machine form factors, Spielberg and Schindler’s charming misunderstanding in a bar, a Netflix branded cereal, what real raw milk does to cereal and more.

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  • Neal discusses the imaginary listener’s secret existential crisis, approximating the taste of grass for the discerning diner, a new way to measure your height, whether crosswords count as relaxation, changing atitudes to chimneys, what’s under your face, the first humans ever to see a bridge, canal tow-path horse height issues, harmonica design mysteries, Lovely Daaaaaaaaaay versus a barking barman, canal tow path issues, demons in undergound systems, a horse’s head versus a railway bridge, impressing a giraffe with our bar licensing system, how giraffes pat you on the head, Lovely Daaaaaaaaaay versus a barking barman, what happens when two “Two cats walk into a bar” stories walk into a bar and more.

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  • In an hour culminating in an elightening explanation, using the story of his recently departed mother’s 1950s or early 1960s Atlantic crossing, of how silence works, Neal discusses why animals need to become gardeners, your chances of getting a pharmacist to sell you tea or paracetemol or cocaine, the movie “Downsizing”, quicksand on a playing field, the pros and cons of having Anthony Hopkins as your family doctor, how cats buy rounds, the folly of wine tasting, Robin Williams, Robbie Williams, an over-empowered sweet shop proprietor, the philosophy of characters who exist only in a podcaster’s imagination, an old zoological gardens song, how The Beatles’ new song Now and Then has advanced this podcast, and more.

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  • Neal discusses turning against Tom Hanks, a cat versus Pope Benedict XVI, Apple Pencils in banks, turning against Monopoly, a beverage based on some woman off Deep Space Nine, misexplaining Occupy Wall Street, off-air cat songs, debriefing a temporary cat, why you should have something wrong with you, fonts in the blood, transmitting barmen over the Wicklow Mountains, taking up space, IT security as entertainment, cistern noise analysis, treadmills versus conveyor belts and more.

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  • Neal discusses filling a bath from the bottom, an anti-prelude, harmonica haters, witchhunts under Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, isolated tool-blaming, the case for (domestic) cats vomiting on each other, QED memories, a particularly taxing song for harmonica, what to drink in a vomitorium, understanding bass guitar operators, misunderstanding Queen’s John Deacon, vomitorium enthusiasts in academia, navigating company law for vomitoriums, the IT role in a vomitorium, the life of an off-duty vomitorium manager, judges playing peek-a-boo in procedural dramas and more.

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  • Neal deals with how head transplants do or don’t work, cinematography of Pope John Paul II and Oscar Schindler, how donkeys are processed hygenically, the problem with Steve Jobs RIP, a cat purchasing fake magic in a laundrette, elephants in a library, the problem with the human digestive system, surviving a long weekend in prison, what to do after you’ve made lemons into lemonde, talking microbes with guns (fictional), what Bob Geldof was right about, a synopsis of Better Caul Saul, awards versus nominations, and more.

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