Episodes
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In this episode, Steve and I are breaking down the decision we made to sleep separately, which, at first, was just about his snoring. It was disrupting our nights, leaving me on edge, waiting to see if I'd get a full night's sleep or end up dragging myself through the next day. But as we moved into this new setup, we realised it was about much more than just noise.
The truth is, we both need different things at the end of the day. Steve winds down with a show or something on his screen, giving him that moment of mental break. Iâm the opposite. I want quiet, my salt lamp, a candle, and a book that pulls me away from everything external. And I like being in bed by 9 pm, whereas he naturally leans into a later night. Our decision to sleep apart evolved into something we didnât expect â we could actually honor our individual needs without it taking anything away from us as a couple.
And hereâs the thing: we love it! Since making this change, weâre more connected because we're not hating on each other. Thereâs no underlying frustration, no waiting for someone else to adjust or sacrifice their comfort. We cuddle when we want to, weâre close in the mornings, and both of us wake up fresher, more grounded. Itâs not a sign of distance; itâs a deeper respect for what each of us needs to be at our best, so that when weâre together, weâre fully there. For anyone feeling boxed in by what they think a relationship *should* look like, this is a reminder: authenticity doesnât follow a rulebook.
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Todayâs episode speaks to those quiet, insistent yearnings in our heartsâthe ones we often overlook or silence because they seem too risky, or even impossible. These yearnings are like markers, guiding us toward authentic living, toward a life and self that truly feel like âhome.â Yet, too often, old pains and familiar wounds override these inner pulls. We get trapped in predictable patterns, repeating behaviors we think will protect us but really only keep us confined, far from the life weâd love to live.
This is something Iâve experienced firsthand, how the wounds we carry have a way of weaving into our habits, and they convince us that staying put, sticking to what we know, is the safest option. But whatâs at stake when we keep ignoring our deepest yearnings? The cost is our authenticityâour ability to live and express who we genuinely are, free from the masks and patterns we hide behind.
In todayâs episode, Iâm here to speak directly to that part of youâthe one thatâs ready to consider, or even take, the next step toward living a life aligned with who you are at your core. It might feel confronting or uncomfortable, but that discomfort is a signal that something real is knocking, something that wants to be heard and finally acknowledged.
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Missing episodes?
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So, here's the thing. We all make promises, right? Promises to ourselves about showing up, doing the things we say matter to us, and yet sometimesâespecially when weâre tired, grumpy, or just not feeling itâwe slack off. I had one of those mornings. Crap sleep, not in the mood, and all I wanted to do was skip my 3-good-minute practice. I almost didnât do it. But in those three minutesâliterally just three minutesâeverything shifted. I was reminded of just how much those small, oh-so-little practices actually are treasure for the soul. Theyâre not just âhabitsâ or âthings to tick off the list.â Theyâre a way to reconnect, to remind ourselves of who we are, and what we care about.
That got me thinkingâwhere are we placing our fucks? Are we giving our energy to the promises we said we'd make matter? And if not, why? Why do we say these things are important but then ditch them when the mood doesnât feel right? Itâs in these little moments, these small practices, that we build the foundation for the big things. And when we keep skipping them, what weâre really skipping is the chance to nourish ourselves on a deeper level.
After my 3-good-minute practice, a message came through so clearly: itâs the simple things that do funny things to our hearts. Moments like watching the moonâs shine, the stars, the wind moving through a plant, and it hit meâthose simple, quiet moments have so much more to offer than the ego could ever recognize. Theyâre where the magic is. So, no matter how tired, grumpy, or off I am, Iâll keep showing up for those three good minutes because they move me in ways I canât even explain. And I bet theyâll do the same for you if you give them a chance.
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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why itâs so damn important to recognize and respect them. Life isnât meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. Itâs about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if weâre always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the priceâwhether itâs burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.
Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, Iâm deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. Iâve hit that phase where Iâm taking a slow-ass walk, and itâs exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And letâs be real, whatâs the point of all the success if Iâm too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isnât about being lazy or slacking off; itâs about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. Itâs intentional. Itâs necessary.
Itâs not always easy, though. Thereâs a little voice in my head saying, âYou should be doing more,â trying to convince me that if Iâm not moving at full speed, Iâm somehow failing. But Iâm choosing to trust the rhythm Iâm in right now because I know whatâs at stake if I donât. Thereâs a cost to living in a constant sprintâitâs your well-being, your peace of mind. But thereâs also a cost to staying in the land of âsit back and wait,â where youâre not pushing at all, and thatâs the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.
So, wherever youâre at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything youâve got. If youâre in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that youâre paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.
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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why itâs so damn important to recognise and respect them. Life isnât meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. Itâs about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if weâre always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the priceâwhether itâs burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.
Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, Iâm deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. Iâve hit that phase where Iâm taking a slow-ass walk, and itâs exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And letâs be real, whatâs the point of all the success if Iâm too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isnât about being lazy or slacking off; itâs about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. Itâs intentional. Itâs necessary.
Itâs not always easy, though. Thereâs a little voice in my head saying, âYou should be doing more,â trying to convince me that if Iâm not moving at full speed, Iâm somehow failing. But Iâm choosing to trust the rhythm Iâm in right now because I know whatâs at stake if I donât. Thereâs a cost to living in a constant sprintâitâs your well-being, your peace of mind. But thereâs also a cost to staying in the land of âsit back and wait,â where youâre not pushing at all, and thatâs the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.
So, wherever youâre at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything youâve got. If youâre in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that youâre paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.Support the show
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Steve and I had one of those weeks where we both found ourselves caught up in focusing on what wasnât going right, what was missing, or what we thought we should be doing better. It happens, right? You get into a headspace where youâre just seeing everything through this lens of ânot enough.â And when youâre in that space, itâs not just you who feels it; it impacts the whole dynamic. We were both touchy and disconnected, almost like roommates just getting by.
Then we decided to actually talk about it, whichâletâs be honestâcan be hard to do when youâre in that kind of mindset. But as soon as we acknowledged what was going on, it was like a weight lifted. We decided to make a conscious shift, focusing on what we do have and whatâs right here, right now. And it changed everything. It didnât just lighten our moods; it lifted the whole vibe in the house.
That night turned into one of those spontaneous, beautiful moments where we found ourselves singing, dancing, and just being present with each other. It wasnât planned or forced; it was just a natural result of deciding to show up differently. It reminded me how quickly things can turn around when youâre willing to shift your perspectiveâeven just a little bit. Sometimes, itâs the smallest adjustments that lead to the most significant changes.
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I want to share some real-life updates with you â the and-ness of life. My life right now is amazing. My book is out there, Iâm working with incredible clients, and I feel deeply aligned with my purpose. But hereâs the thing â alongside all of that, my old patterns still show up. Those sneaky thoughts that want to pull me back into old ways of thinking, like doubting myself, or feeling like I need to rush to get "there" â whatever 'there' is.
This podcast episode is about embracing both: the highs and the challenges. Life isnât about waiting to reach some destination where everythingâs perfect. Itâs about recognising that great things can happen while difficult things are happening too. Iâm in the very practice right now that itâs okay to hold space for both â to feel gratitude for the good, and at the same time, navigate the hard stuff without making it mean Iâm doing something wrong.
Weâre so conditioned to think life should be all sunshine or all storm â but thatâs not the whole picture. Itâs the and-ness of life that we need to normalise. We can be thriving in one area while still working through old patterns in another. Itâs all part of the ride. So, letâs talk about how we can navigate this together without constantly chasing the illusion of âthere.â Weâre already here, and thatâs more than enough.
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Lately, Steve and I have been making a real effort to focus on gratitude, and itâs been a game changer. Itâs easy to fall into the trap of noticing what the other hasnât done, isnât doing, or the little habits that get under your skin. But with gratitude, it shifts where our attention goes. Instead of zeroing in on whatâs missing, weâre paying attention to whatâs right in front of usâwhat we *are* doing for each other.
Itâs not fluffy or forced, either. Gratitude isnât about pretending everything is perfect, but it keeps us from getting stuck in the usual patterns of taking things for granted. Steve doesnât need to do anything huge to make me feel appreciated. Itâs the small stuff, like how heâll step up and do something I didnât expect, or even just his consistency that I mightâve overlooked before. When I take a second to actually notice, it shifts my mindset from irritation to, "Yeah, heâs got my back."
And the thing is, when we make gratitude a habit, it creates less space for resentment to build. We all have annoying habits or things we forget to do, but when weâre genuinely practicing gratitude, those things donât seem as big of a deal. It keeps the focus on whatâs working, and we end up appreciating each other more for it. Itâs not magic, but it definitely helps keep things in perspective.
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Perimenopauseâwho knew this was even a thing? Not me! I always thought menopause was something that just suddenly happened when you hit a certain age, but perimenopause? Thatâs a whole different beast, and Iâm right in the thick of it. Itâs like this sneaky, slow-motion transition where your body starts doing things you never expected, and youâre left wondering what the hell is going on.
Iâve been navigating it as best as I can, but let me tell you, it hasnât been easy. There are days when I feel like Iâm losing my mindâliterally. The brain fog, the mood swings, the physical changesâit's all so intense. Itâs like my body is rewriting the rulebook, and I didnât get the memo. Iâve been sharing these frustrations openly on Instagram because, honestly, I had no idea this was even a thing, and I know Iâm not alone. If I can shine a light on what perimenopause really looks like, maybe itâll help someone else feel a little less lost.
Thankfully, Iâve called in the big gunsâDr. Kirstey Holland. Sheâs been an absolute game-changer, helping me get my gut, brain, and hormones back to some kind of new normal. Itâs a journey, and itâs not about getting back to the old me, but finding a new balance, a new way of being in this body thatâs changing whether I like it or not. Iâm learning to work with these changes, rather than against them, and itâs been a real lesson in patience, acceptance, and finding new ways to care for myself.
If youâre in this with me, just know youâre not alone, and itâs okay to reach out for help. This isnât something we have to navigate on our own, and thereâs power in sharing our stories and supporting each other through it.
Contact details for Dr Kirstey Holland O.M.D - https://thehollandclinic.com/
1. Clarity call with Dr Kirstey Holland - https://p.bttr.to/3xzJRro
2. Initial Consultation with Dr Kirstey Holland - https://l.bttr.to/NT6PM
3. Heal Seal Repair Gut Program - The first 100 people to sign up access this for $57 only! Usually $497.
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Book launches - Bendigo - Sep 4th, Geelong - Sep 8th, Shepparton - Sep 15th.
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Lately, I've been reflecting on what truly makes a relationship successful, and one thing stands out: in a strong, healthy relationship, you never try to bring the other person down when they're shining in their light. Instead, you lift them up, cheer them on, and celebrate their successes as if they were your own. As I'm gearing up for the launch of my book, I've been feeling this more than ever, especially with Steve, my husband, by my side.
Steve has been my #1 cheerleader through this entire process. There hasnât been a single drop of insecurity or jealousyâjust pure, unwavering support. Heâs the first to encourage me, to remind me of how far I've come, and to push me to keep going when I start doubting myself. Itâs a kind of support that makes me feel even more connected to him because I know he's genuinely happy to see me succeed.
In moments like these, I realize just how lucky I am to have a partner who is not only secure in himself but also deeply invested in our shared journey. Steveâs encouragement has allowed me to shine even brighter, knowing that heâs right there with me, cheering me on every step of the way. It's a reminder that in the best relationships, you both rise together, and that kind of love and support is what truly makes a partnership thrive.
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Recently, I found myself journaling about the phrase "all in good time." As I was writing, I noticed how much my ego wanted to rush, push, and brute force my way through the process. There was this constant sense of urgency and impatience, a nagging feeling that if I didn't hurry, everything would fall apart. Beneath this impatience, I recognized a deeper, more profound fear of failure, especially with the launch of my book.
The pressure I was putting on myself was immense. I felt like I had to get everything right, and get it right quickly. My mind was racing with thoughts of deadlines, expectations, and the endless to-do lists that seemed to grow longer by the minute. In the midst of this chaos, the simple phrase "all in good time" emerged. It was like a gentle reminder from a wiser, calmer part of myself to slow down and trust the process.
These four wordsâ"all in good time"âbecame a mantra that helped ease the angst and stress I was feeling. Every time I felt the urge to rush or push too hard, I would remind myself of this phrase. It acted as an anchor, keeping me grounded and bringing me back to the present moment. I realized that success doesn't come from forcing things to happen, but from allowing them to unfold naturally and organically.
By embracing "all in good time," I've been able to release some of the pressure and find a more balanced, peaceful approach to my work. Itâs a reminder that everything has its own pace, and that forcing things often leads to burnout and frustration. This mindset has kept me close to the ground, more connected to my purpose, and less caught up in the whirlwind of my egoâs demands. It's a lesson I'm grateful for, and one that I hope to carry with me as I continue on this journey.
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Lately, I've been immersing myself in the art of listening, and it's been a transformative journey. I started journaling about my experiences with listening, prompted by Julia Cameron's book The Listening Path. Her insights have guided me to pay closer attention not only to the words people say but also to the deeper meanings and emotions behind them. Through my journaling, I've begun to notice patterns in my own listening habits, especially within my family dynamics.
One of the biggest revelations has been realising how often I cut people off, especially my family members. I catch myself assuming what they're going to say next or tuning out when I think I already know the gist of their message. Journaling about these moments has helped me become more aware of them. It's humbling to see how these habits can create distance in our relationships and prevent truly meaningful connections.
By consciously working on these tendencies, I'm learning to be a better listener towards the people I love, allowing them to fully express themselves without interruption. This practice has not only deepened my relationships but also enriched my understanding of those around me. It's amazing how much more you can learn about someone when you genuinely listen without jumping to conclusions or planning your response while they're still talking.
I invite you to join me on this journey of becoming a better listener. Pay attention to how you listen to othersânotice when you might be cutting them off, assuming their next sentence, or tuning out. Journaling about these observations can be a powerful tool to deepen your own relationship with listening. It's a practice that has the potential to transform not only how we connect with others but also how we understand and connect with ourselves.
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I wrote this question down in my journal, played this song, closed my eyes, and let the answers find me.
The reason this question came up was due to writing the date, June 30th, at the top of my page and I thought, "wow, halfway through this year. How would I love the rest of it to be?" Then the question opened itself to the 'it' being 'life itself'.
Here's what came about ...
IMPACT - having major effect.
MEANINGFUL - worthwhile.
JOYFUL - great pleasure and happiness.
INTENTIONAL - done on purpose.
As I looked over my writings I thought, "shit yeah, that's how I'd love it to be! How great it would be to have major effect in the lives of my family, friends, loved ones and the world. To live a life that is worthwhile, create work in the world that is worthwhile. To do as such with great pleasure and happiness, and, on purpose.
This photo below sums the above up neatly. It was taken right after I finished recording my audiobook. This book has impact, meaning, was created on purpose, and written and recorded with great pleasure and happiness.
It begs the question, could all things be done this way? I'll come back to you on that.
Truly, how would you love it (your life) to be? And what would be your next best step to bring that way of life a little closer to you?
I'd love to read your insights and shares if you feel compelled to do so.
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Book launch - Melbourne, Aug 18th.
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Unhealed wounds from our past shape the personalities we present to the world, often causing us to make choices that align more with our trauma than with our true selves. These wounds can manifest as insecurities, fears, and defenses that influence how we interact with others and perceive our place in the world. When we don't address these wounds, we often wear masks that hide our authentic selves, leading us to make decisions based on the need for validation, acceptance, or protection rather than what truly resonates with our core values and desires.
I recently watched the series Dropout about Elizabeth Holmes, and it struck me how vividly it illustrated this point. Holmes, once a passionate innovator, gradually lost touch with her true essence. In her quest to become someone "important," she made choices that prioritized external success over internal integrity. This shift not only led to her downfall but also highlighted the dangers of losing sight of what is genuinely important.When we make choices from our unhealed selves, we often end up pursuing paths that don't truly satisfy us or align with our deepest values. However, when we take the time to heal and reconnect with our true selves, our decisions become more authentic and fulfilling. Choices made from our true essence are guided by inner wisdom and genuine desires, leading us to a life that feels more aligned, purposeful, and meaningful. The contrast between living from our unhealed wounds and our authentic selves is profound, and the journey towards healing is not just beneficial but essential for living a truly fulfilling life.
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When you take your next best step guided by your inner knowing, you begin a journey of natural evolution. Each step, rooted in your authentic self, paves the way for the next, creating a path that aligns with your true essence. Over time, these steps build upon each other, leading you to places you never imagined. This process is organic and fluid, allowing you to grow and evolve in harmony with your inner wisdom. By trusting this inner guidance, you not only move forward but also deepen your connection to your true self, creating a life that is genuinely fulfilling and aligned with who you are.
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It's easy to give a lot of care to things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really matter. Our egos often convince us to prioritize superficial concerns, social status, and external validation. However, our true essence knows better. It guides us to focus on what truly matters, to give the right kind of fucks. Living authentically means aligning with this deeper wisdom, caring deeply about the things that genuinely enrich our lives and reflect our true values. It's about finding the courage to let go of ego-driven worries and instead, nurture what is truly right, good, and meaningful for our authentic selves.
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This morning, Steve held space for me in the midst of a raw emotional release.
I've been doing EMDR therapy for the past five weeks now, allowing and processing the raw emotions from childhood sexual abuse that I haven't felt in its purity. No bloody wonder why - IT'S. A. LOT.
As I journaled this morning, the emotion of anger was right there and I felt it in all its power and fucked-off-ness. Steve could sense that I wasn't quite myself and I let him know I was processing some stuff. He was about to go on his merry way and leave me to it when he got an intuitive sense to come upstairs and ask me if I needed a hug. My little Miss Independent didn't want to let him in, but instead, I chose to drop into his arms and let out the raw emotion.
Today's episode is about both our takes on this situation and how holding space for the other in relationships is so damn necessary.
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In my book I write about living a life that feels intrinsically right, good and true for us.
A life that we get to dance with and make up the dance moves and rhythm and pace as we go along.
A life that is so ours, so very much considered and intuited, a life that also considers the lives of others, all beings.
This is the life of someone who is in touch with their authentic nature and plugged into their core values, their heart, their truth. This is the life of someone who has chosen to step off the societal norm treadmill and dare ask, âhang on, is this even my life?â
I get it isnât an easy question to ask because often we we ask the question, weâre bound to receive an answer from the well of truth that resides inside. At the same time, something in you is so relieved youâve dared to ask because it, your true nature, can talk to you and guide you home to what you know deep down is right good and true for you.
Let us be willing, albeit scared, to dare ask if how we are living and how we are showing up is indeed true to who we are.
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Living true to our own pace and rhythm is about honoring the unique cadence of our lives, rather than conforming to the timelines imposed by society. It's a reminder that our journey is deeply personal and cannot be rushed or dictated by external expectations.
When we tune into our inner rhythm, we reconnect with our true essenceâthe part of us that knows what feels right and authentic. This means allowing ourselves the space to move, grow, and evolve at a pace that feels natural and aligned with our deepest desires. By embracing our individual journey and trusting in our own timing, we empower ourselves to live authentically and wholeheartedly, free from the pressure to measure up to society's standards.
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I had a magical moment this morning whilst sitting on the canal, listening to beautiful music and chatting with the forces at be.
For some time I have not been my most vital in energy and also in well-being. My guts are crook, pretty much always bloated, I've been experiencing brain fog, forgetfulness, losing the thread of thoughts and increasing fatigue. If I hadn't have known about per-menopause, which to be real I only heard of two years ago, I'd think I am quite literally losing my mind.
Anyway. When I am not right in my body, it is harder for me to connect to my Spirit and hear what it is wanting to share with me. After a session and being in the care of my dear friend and peri-menopause Queen, Dr Kirstey Holland, today I woke up for the first time in a long want feeling closer to and connected to my intrinsic nature.
So I took myself, my journal, airpods and chai latte for a stroll along the canal and sat on a bench. A moment with the forces at be and me. And boy did we have some seriously good chats.
In today's episode I share the insights that landed. Enjoy.
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