Episodes
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🔸 Disintegration, trying to play too many roles at once.
🔹 Parts:
P: Anxious puppeteer, manage, protect, avoid drama E: 6,7,8 kept down, stifled. Completely unsupported, humiliating. Needed containment. Abandoned🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
My guesses weren't on point but didn’t take us off track, and all the mining/searching didn't cause disruption, but also didn’t get the clarity of exile that came when I got back to the script.
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🔸 A plain fact. Internal family standards of beauty.
🔹 Parts:
P: this is a small minded problem, im over it, they’re obsessed. Would by wiped out by: P: starve myself, obsessed w appearance E: age 4,5,6 Locked in the basement. Dishwater hair, forgettable and plain. Total defective inadequacy, gross, badly formed, hopeless. I didn’t draw a good hand. you’re not pretty. Odd one out, never get it right, needs to be fixed. P: don’t want james to know about E P: other ways to be beautiful: ingenuity, Charm P: brisk, she’s fine P: fixer upper🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Yes, somewhat stormy. I didn't feel like we could get there without spending another hour, and call started 20m late. Part of me says “there’s gotta be a better way to exit” and another says "no, by its nature that situation will be messy, not ideal." It’s feels like planning to make dinner, getting started cooking, and then the oven breaks halfway through. You didn’t know ahead of time that you wouldn't be able to finish cooking, and now you gotta put in just as much work to stop and put it away.
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Missing episodes?
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🔸 The lower chamber: Anger's place.
🔹 Parts:
P: Anger, radiating brambles around grief and fear bodies. P: Annoyed by depth of anger and lots of things. Helps get the job done E: not seen/understood, stuck🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Parts of me are hesitant to share this call. When we see a caller struggling, we can all relate. But these big movements are uncommon and hard to explain, which I can imagine triggering a listener's “frustrated cuz I'm bad at IFS” parts.
What I can do differently is not get in her way. She seems to need what I need (and is the selfish reason I started the pod): an accountability buddy reminding her that the work is worth doing, without making it feel like a chore.
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🔸 Vietnam is too fun, too dangerous.
🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:
I’d like to relax into the experience more.
Which could look like: working some more with the part that’s been concerned we’re going to fuck this up. That part of me takes this role (of coach/guide) very seriously and doesn’t have any room for error. I can notice parts of the call where I’m more focused and tuned in than others; when I’m able to get space from that part and drop in more.
Update: Ending up working with this part in Monday meet up today. Thanks to the lovely guidance of Brandon and Riben. They asked some great questions which really unlocked a new level of understanding around this part for me
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🔸 (Veterinary) Emergency mode.
🔹 Parts:
P: Don’t cry (out loud), stop exposing this, it’s too messy, sounds pathetic, you won’t be understood. “Do not pity me” P: that part is a hard ass, policing is pointless P: emergency mode, frantic, vigilant. I’m failing if cats aren’t well, research more, projection, catastrophizing. What else am I supposed to do? This is how we avoid: sitting down and crying. Predict all possible outcomes you won’t get blindsided. E: grief, guilt🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I thought about calling attention to one who thinks crying is ugly, but didn't want to risk distraction by semantics.
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🔸 Self directed play.
2️⃣ Inadequate vs pick yourself up🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
First call is post-news of Derek Scott’s death. And I'm on day 2 of an epic argument with someone close to me. But IFS makes me feel better.
After the first session, Mio emailed to say she needs more frequent sessions and made arrangements with a therapist. The calls were recorded a few months apart.
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🔸 Christmas sucks. And “If I can’t explain IFS, why bother?”
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was on the fence about sharing the philosophical stuff, just wanted to offer an off-ramp.
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🔸 Sold. Down the dark hall, the door I haven’t tried…
🔹 Parts:
P trying not to be needy, you’re the most needy P now you’ll have to confess, pay for all of your sins E feels not worthy, sold over and over again. "prostitute, if she gave enough of herself.” Been told what to do, how to act, what not to say.🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Been reviewing Dick Schwartz calls again! 1. On the scent 2. Go
I only rushed through the exile steps because calls w Bee rarely go over an hour.
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🔸Boulder of suffering. I don't have instructions for this.
2️⃣ Helpless Bob, and a part that needed me to be fine.
📌 Christine followed up (re #1):
you had asked what selfs answer might be to this parts repeated question of “what do i do with the Boulder? All this pain and suffering, wtf do i do?” Self had responded “IFS” as a possible answer.
As I sat more in that response; It felt like its meaning was broader than just my own personal IFS work. As in, perhaps what is “to be done” with this Boulder of pain and things we can’t make sense of… this Boulder will be imperative to the work we do with others moving forward. A sense that this Boulder and the hard questions it presents may be exactly what I’m meant to help others navigate as well my own parts.
(then later)
the part trying to get to the outside resources (holding the boulder):
In that call it expressed that if it could, it would want to help the system be cared for in other ways, get those resources and that connection.
And at another point we talked about recognizing when self is present more, and how that would be helpful to this part.
I’ve noticed recently a part helping me to take in outside help and love more. To notice when someone is expressing care and to open to that more, rather than skipping past it.
It’s felt like it’s helping me get those outside resources simply by being more present and open to them when they show up. It’s felt nourishing. Like allowing more self energy to be present when others show me care
A really impactful shift🔹 Parts:
P: can't get it right P: hilarious you think you know what right is2️⃣
P: Bob, the beat up dummy . Immobilized P: get over it P: we need to be fine. To be helpless and hurt means to be E: not accepted. Like 5yo, keep secret, don’t acknowledge reality.🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I think I am demonstrating "fast is slow" here. I detected the emotion at end of call but didn’t feel I had time to attend to it in the way it deserved. Call started late, parts of me were itching to go do whatever else, and I switched to explaining mode.
2️⃣
If last call was too cognitive, this time my brain kinda under-functioning. Been one of those days where I'm throwing away the banana and keeping the peel. Lots of dreams, parts work, and yes even some social stuff going on lately. Christine holds me accountable, is courageous and direct, which serves as great a stretch for my parts (some discomfort in the moment, most appreciated in the big picture)
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🔸 What does a powerful doer do when the system is a safer place to be?
🔹 Parts:
P: the imposter, puffed out chest, chameleon. This chronic feeling that I wasn’t living my real life, hyper vigilant of others, do whatever needed to keep mother happy. works in tandem with: P: Sally, top manager. Achievement oriented . “Sally won’t allow the little one to touch her” E: the little one under the bed
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🔸 Step 2: "Feel towards"
🔹 Parts:
P: “The manager is cognitive, trying to explain the feelings, not allowing me to connect” trying to fix others is how to show love. How is that done to myself? A lot of screaming, not a lot of learning. Very static childhood. Wants to achieve stature, power. P: 12 year old “Im not like you anymore, I don’t throw tantrums” E: keeps going back to that play. So connected w the violence🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Maybe not skillful, but I wasn’t feeling blended. Well, frustrated about call drops, but not toward caller. I could have employed other techniques but I wanted to see where this would take us. What I didn’t voice: was that sleepy part at work?
* At 49:05 she said "its working hard", but that got lost in post editing.
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🔸 Grief overshadowing. Another death.
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🔸 Barreling through v Getting it right
🔹 Parts:
Overwhelm, time scarcity Bulldozing, barreling through Getting it right, not starting, not putting on paper🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Tech problems destroy my focus because I don't know what causes it. If it's on my end, super frustrating, I've put so much time and energy into making it work right, and now here I am, unable to guide, and making an unintelligible recording. If it's on their end, frustrating for other reasons.
Im trying to be really specific with my questions to get clarity, but I think I may be putting too much on her plate.
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🔸 Christine's first time ever recording her practitionering!
*Recorded after some Christine-as-client calls that are still waiting to be published
📌 James followed up (the next day): Woke up at 5, went through the points we agreed on, back to sleep : ) And after a week, still significantly better.🎓 What Christine would like to do differently: Still finding my rhythm and pace with guiding others. I.e. How much time to spend taking notes vs purely listening. How long to linger on a question or “stage” of understanding with a part. How often to check for self energy, etc. Lots to learn/refine in general. Also, working with James for the first time in this way, I’m finding my rhythm with the role reversal. Part of which looked like working with my own “we’re new at this, he’s the expert!” parts to step back and allow me space to gain more experience.
Thankful to James for speaking on behalf of his parts at the beginning of the call. I can see how that helped clear the path for a more connected session overall.
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🔸 Daughter: she has to show love to herself.
🔹 Parts:
P: daughter manages everything and wants to get some self for herself. She thinks they’re her parts. Worried she is selfish, not comfy saying “I love myself” so she can’t love other parts unconditionally. “Good enough by self standards but not by my own”. Or else: P: body part continues squirming E: suffocating, drowning, what if I get trapped? Scared of death🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I could use some help on this one, this feels new. Perhaps I should have gone with: daughter has parts. I could probably just consider daughter to be Olivia, at least as my own mental shorthand. And maybe the only thing different here is the pronoun (she vs I). But that pronoun shift might be profound. Notice the shift (of pronoun and energy) back to "I" around minute 48. Yes I believe that is the Olivia I'm normally talking to. But the framing definitely challenges me, it's like we're separated by a couple angled mirrors, and I didn’t have the language or clarity to address it in the moment.
At one point I said “I think that she’s good” and she responded along the lines of “you don’t know me very well”, and I could have stayed with that a little longer, been more assertive, and responded that I think you’re good even though I don’t know you, but she had already expressed her frustration with that unearned respect. Would like to have spent more time there, demonstrating and explaining what my care/respect means, and where it originates from.
She’s says “she is narrating right now” so… the logic is kinda breaking my brain. She (the part) refers to herself as she? Navigating the pronouns used in IFS is complex enough already!
If daughter is Olivia, maybe Self is named Grace.
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🔸 Camouflaged, a ripple in negative space.
🔹 Parts:
P: smooth it out, neutral, wants to stop me knowing too much. It likes “weird laugh” as camouflage. Other parts don’t know about it, doesn’t want to be seen by other parts. Angry after noticing loneliness P: be efficient, make progress E: little angry me, fighting siblings, awful to little sister🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Hard to say. It’s nice, when a caller and I get to this place, I’m not doing much guiding. Doesn't feel like a problem. Maybe with more experience or training I would know how to guide in these kind of places, but maybe not. IFS is simple.
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🔸 People quietly walking away.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
One of those days, racing home, have just a minute to catch my breath before getting on a call. But having the convo was just what my parts & I needed.
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🔸 A keyhole. Easy is scary.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
A lot of this felt familiar, I believe we had already done some witnessing here, so I wanted to see if we could take some shortcuts
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🔸 Sit down, shut up, hold on!
2️⃣Pod boppins. We’re allowed to have concerns?🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Must remember to stretch before calls w Clare! We haven't done IFS in ~6 months, so when "This way, not that way" parts show up, I don’t feel like I have much room to challenge them. But I do wonder “how much of this part's role is diversionary?” Is the future/giggling just a more pleasant place to be?
I wonder what percentage of journeyers have this kind of instant, visual access to these realms. 5? It’s hard for me to know how to guide other than “I'll hang out with you while you travel”
2️⃣ I could have worded it better, but my confidence in her and this process is strong. Maybe I was talking to my own skeptical parts… they’re saying “where’s the sadness, where’s the hurt, are we having too much fun, are we being distracted?” … maybe. But the only way out is through. Meaning, evn if that’s the case, we’ll find out only by continuing to notice and engage from where we are.
Some of that confidence comes from knowing that Clare's “people pleaser” parts aren’t extreme. She’s not doing this for me! Her “personal development” parts work hard, but she’s not beating down my door to do this work.
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🔸 Step 1: Who’s here?
🔹 Parts:
P: Sleepy v judgemental P: Frustrated, an intensity “the universe is coming down on me” P: Holding it together. "I don’t want to be emoting during those challenging time"🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I could be wrong! I had parts on edge, this being a first time caller, parts saying “jump in now! No now!” Others saying I should just observe for now, meditate on it later. But who knows if we'll talk again? My confidence of that being a part: 86%.
I got stuck in town today, arrived home 60 seconds before call start, Riben didn't see my messages asking for 10 min late start, all of that had my parts scrambling a bit.
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