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In this enlightening episode of the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath dive deep into the core reasons and behaviors that make a relationship happy for a lifetime. Rabbi Bernath passionately argues that trust is the bedrock of any lasting relationship, though it’s not always identifiable at the start. Trust must be built over time through small, consistent acts that demonstrate reliability and integrity.
Aleeza brings a unique perspective, suggesting that kindness, while important, could be replaced by another crucial element. She highlights the importance of giving, noting that love flourishes when partners engage in selfless acts, leading to a deeper understanding and connection. Both Aleeza and Rabbi Bernath agree that curiosity is essential for continuous growth and learning in a relationship, as staying curious about each other fosters a dynamic and evolving bond.
Join Aleeza and Rabbi Bernath as they explore these foundational elements of a happy, lifelong partnership. They invite you to share your thoughts on what you think the root of trust is by sending a voice note on their socials or dropping a message on their website.
Watch the Episode: Catch the video version of this insightful conversation on Aleeza’s YouTube channel: Watch Now.
Need Expert Advice? Got burning questions about dating and relationships? Visit MatchmakerMatchmaker.org to submit your queries. Your question might be featured in a future episode!
Bonus Resource: For more dating wisdom, download a free copy of Aleeza’s book, Get Real, Get Married, available at MatchmakerMatchmaker.org.
Tune in for a mix of wisdom, wit, and practical advice that will help you navigate the journey of love and relationships.
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Get ready for another exciting episode of "Matchmaker Matchmaker," featuring Netflix's own Aleeza Ben Shalom and the dynamic "Love Rabbi," Rabbi Yisroel Bernath! This week, they dive into the intriguing question: "What's the difference between a good guy and a kind guy?"
Aleeza and Rabbi Bernath reveal that a good guy isn't just nice—he's also fun, engaging, and genuinely interested in getting to know people. In contrast, a kind guy is simply polite and agreeable, but may lack that engaging spark.
Don't miss the video version of this insightful discussion at https://www.youtube.com/@aleezabenshalom/videos. Got a burning question for a future episode? Submit it at www.MarriageMindedMentor.com/PodcastWatch
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Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom welcome back Janine to share another wild and unexpected tale from her dating adventures. This time, Janine recounts a bizarre experience with a man she met online who made an unbelievable claim about having a glass eye, only to later reveal it was a joke. The trio talks about the importance of honesty and humor in the dating world, exploring where the line should be drawn.
Key Takeaways:
The Importance of Honesty: Trust is crucial in any relationship. Janine's story shows how a lack of honesty can quickly become a deal-breaker.
Understanding Humor in Dating: Humor can be a great ice-breaker, but it's important to know where to draw the line. Jokes that are misleading or confusing can harm a budding relationship
.Communication is Key: Clear and open communication helps avoid misunderstandings. Janine's experience highlights how miscommunication can lead to awkward and uncomfortable situations.
Red Flags and Gut Feelings: Trust your instincts. Janine noticed several "orange flags" but was willing to overlook them until the glass eye incident. Recognizing and acting on red flags can save time and emotional energy.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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In this week's episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom are joined by a regular listener Janine, who shares a humorous and perplexing dating experiences that highlight the complexities of modern relationships. The trio explores the boundaries of friendship between men and women, the importance of clear communication, and the persistence often found in romantic pursuits.
Key Points:
Crazy Dating Stories: Janine shares her personal experiences with a longtime friend who repeatedly tries to turn their friendship into a romantic relationship, despite her clear rejections.
Clear Communication: The episode emphasizes the importance of direct communication in dating, illustrated by Janine's bold approach of telling her friend she would "vomit" if he flirted with her.
Persistence vs. Stalking: The discussion delves into the fine line between being persistent and becoming a stalker, with insights on when men should recognize and respect a clear 'no'.
Friend Zone Dynamics: They examine whether men and women can truly have platonic friendships, especially when one party has romantic feelings, concluding that it often leads to misunderstandings and complications.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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In this episode, Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom discuss a listener's question about how to inspire couples to get engaged and married quicker, reflecting on personal experiences and cultural trends. The discussion the topic of marriage timelines and societal perceptions of marriage. They also talk about the challenges and benefits of marriage, emphasizing the importance of positive messaging and community support.
Key Points:
Current Trends in Marriage: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom talk about how getting married has become less popular, with many people focusing on careers and personal goals first.
Being Positive Role Models: They emphasize the need for married couples to share the good parts of their marriages openly. This can help inspire others to see marriage as a positive and worthwhile step.
Balancing Challenges and Benefits: The discussion covers both the challenges and the benefits of marriage, including practical perks like tax breaks and the personal growth that comes from having a life partner.
Changing the Conversation: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom plan to create and spread positive messages about marriage to counter the negative ones often seen in media. They believe this can help change how people think about getting married.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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In this episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath talk about a listener's question about the unique challenges of dating as a middle-aged Jew in the rural South. Rachel, a listener from Virginia, shares her experience of connecting with another Jewish divorcee from North Carolina and the complexities of their new relationship.
Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the pressures of long-distance relationships, the difficulty of finding Jewish partners in small communities, and the importance of giving potential relationships a fair chance despite geographical and social hurdles. They also invite Rachel and her match to share their journey on the podcast.
Key Points:
Long-Distance Relationship Dynamics: The hosts talk about the intensity and challenges that come with long-distance dating, including managing communication and expectations.
Scarcity of Jewish Partners in Small Towns: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explore the pressure of dating within a limited Jewish community and the fear of settling due to a lack of options.
Importance of Real Connections: They stress the need to tell the difference between feeling forced into a relationship due to limited options and recognizing a genuine connection.
Giving Relationships a Fair Chance: The hosts suggest a "five date challenge" to allow time for a real connection to develop before making a final decision and highlight the potential blessings in having fewer dating options.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom tackle a big question from a listener named Shoshana, who has been single for ten years and is struggling to understand why finding a life partner is so hard. The discussion looks at both the spiritual and practical sides of finding a match, exploring the balance between divine intervention and free will.
Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasizes that the challenge of finding a soulmate is part of God's plan and talks about how time and effort in relationships are crucial for their longevity and success.
Key Points:
Divine Intervention and Free Will: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explains that while God is involved in matchmaking, humans also have free will, which means the process requires their active participation and decision-making.
The Importance of Effort: Both hosts agree that the difficulty in finding a partner is intentional, designed to make individuals value and work hard for their relationships, ensuring they are cherished and maintained.
Multiple Potential Soulmates: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom discuss the idea that there isn't just one perfect soulmate for each person; several individuals could potentially fulfill that role, which can alleviate some pressure and open more possibilities.
Practical Advice and Hope: The episode concludes with practical advice, such as Aleeza Ben Shalom's "Mystery in Your History" course, which helps individuals re-evaluate past connections, and a hopeful message encouraging patience and perseverance in the journey to find a life partner.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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In this episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath answer a question from Judith, a widow in her 50s. Judith notices that many divorced men she meets blame their failed marriages on their ex-wives' emotional issues, which they say come from being raised by Holocaust survivors. The episode looks into whether this is a real pattern or just an excuse.
Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath also talk about how the Holocaust affects later generations. They give Judith and others advice on dating.
Key Points:
Recurring Theme in Divorce Reasons: Judith sees that many divorced men say their ex-wives are emotionally unavailable because of their Holocaust survivor parents.
Holocaust's Lingering Impact: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explains how the trauma from the Holocaust can affect the children of survivors, shaping their emotional and relationship issues.
Pattern Recognition and Self-Reflection: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath suggest that Judith think about why she sees this pattern and how her own background might play a role.
Advice for Change: They recommend that Judith try dating outside her usual community to find someone who is emotionally available and a good match.Support the show
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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Join us for another episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker where your hosts, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath dive into a heartfelt query from Yosef, who is facing the challenge of unrequited love with a friend. The episode explores the delicate balance of maintaining a friendship while dealing with romantic feelings that aren't reciprocated.
Key Points:
Respecting the Friend's Decision: Aleeza Ben Shalom stresses the importance of respecting the friend's feelings and decision to remain just friends, highlighting how essential it is to honor these boundaries.
Timing for Reapproaching: Aleeza Ben Shalom advises waiting at least six months before considering to express feelings again, suggesting a gentle approach to see if the dynamics might have changed, without applying pressure.
The Importance of Moving On: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasizes the necessity for Yosef to focus on moving forward, recommending that he explore other romantic possibilities instead of waiting for his friend’s feelings to change.
Taking Time for Self-Reflection: Both hosts agree on the benefits of Yosef taking some time away from the friendship if needed, to mitigate emotional pain and to make space for new, reciprocative relationships.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath respond to a listener who is struggling with self-criticism after a past relationship. They discuss the importance of forgiving oneself and using mistakes as learning opportunities for better future relationships. The conversation offers practical advice on personal growth and emotional recovery post-breakup.
Key Points:
Normalizing Mistakes: Aleeza points out that making mistakes is a common part of all human interactions. She likens it to how children stumble when learning to walk, illustrating that errors are essential for personal development.
Timing of Conversations: Aleeza Ben Shalom shares a personal tip about managing emotions during conflicts. She advises waiting until you're calm to discuss sensitive topics to ensure the conversation is constructive.
Shared Responsibility: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath highlights that problems in relationships are usually not one-sided. Recognizing that both partners may contribute to issues can alleviate unnecessary self-blame.
Constructive Reflection: They offer advice on how to reflect on past errors effectively, which includes stopping negative behaviors, expressing regret, clearly stating intentions for change, and making plans for improvement.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the challenges people face when dating after a divorce. They offer advice on dealing with public perception, the best time to share your divorce history, and learning from past relationships to improve future ones. This conversation provides practical tips for those looking to find love again.
Key Points:
Stigma Around Divorce: Aleeza Ben Shalom explains that being divorced is more accepted today than before. She suggests that having been married shows you're serious about relationships, which can be a plus when dating again.
When to Share About Divorce: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath talk about the right time to tell someone you're dating that you've been divorced. They emphasize being honest and confident about your past.L
earning from the Past: It's important to reflect on previous relationships and understand what you can do better. Knowing what went wrong helps you prepare for a better relationship next time.
Owning Your Story: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath encourage taking responsibility for your part in a past relationship ending. They say this shows maturity and can make you more attractive to potential partners.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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This week, your hosts tackle the listener's question about the meaning and implications of requesting a "phone break" in a relationship. Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss various scenarios and motives behind such a request, providing insights into communication dynamics in modern relationships.
In this episode, they cover:
Understanding the Request: Exploring what a "phone break" could signify, whether it's a need for space, a sign of feeling overwhelmed, or a desire to shift the mode of communication.
Assessing Relationship Intensity: How frequent and intense communication can lead to one partner feeling smothered, prompting the need for a break.
Positive vs. Negative Implications: Discussing when a phone break might be healthy and necessary for personal processing, versus when it might signal deeper issues within the relationship.
Navigating the Break: Strategies for effectively communicating about the break, setting clear expectations and timelines, and ensuring both partners are on the same page to maintain relationship health.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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Welcome to another episode of the Matchmaker Matchmaker podcast where your hosts, Jewish dating experts Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath, discuss this week's listeners' question: 'What do you do when a girl doesn't want you But you know, she loves you?'
They break down emotional dilemmas, historical perspectives on marriage, and the practical aspects needed beyond love to build a sustainable relationship.
Key Points Discussed:
Discussion on why love might not be sufficient for marriage, emphasizing compatibility and shared life paths.
Exploring how the concept of marrying solely for love is a relatively modern development, contrasting with historical reasons such as financial or social advantages.
The importance of aligning on life goals, values, and personal habits is discussed as essential alongside love for a healthy marriage.
Evaluating whether love itself can sustain a marriage and what other elements are crucial for a lasting partnership.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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Welcome back to another episode of the Matchmaker Matchmaker Podcast. On this week's episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the complexities of physical attraction in dating and relationships. They go into the question of what to do when someone attempts to set you up with a person who is considered a great match, but you don't find them physically attractive.
Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explore the nuances of this situation and provide insights on how to approach it.
Key Points:
The Importance of Physical Attraction: Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the significance of physical attraction in relationships, acknowledging its role while also exploring its limitations.
Handling "Hard No" Situations: The hosts provide advice on how to navigate situations where there is an immediate lack of physical attraction and when it's appropriate to decline a potential match outright.
Giving It a Chance: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath share anecdotes and examples of instances where initial lack of physical attraction evolved after giving the relationship a chance, emphasizing the value of getting to know someone beyond their appearance.
Patience and Decision-Making: The episode concludes with a blessing for patience and wisdom, underscoring the importance of taking time to make the right decision after a few dates and allowing both the heart and mind to align.Support the show
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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Join us this week on "Matchmaker Matchmaker" as Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss trust in relationships. They explore the time it takes to establish trust, the link between commitment and the growth of trust, and the impact of personal insecurities and past traumas on trust-building. Throughout the episode, they share practical perspectives, stressing the importance of open communication to navigate challenges related to trust. Tune in to unravel the layers of trust and its pivotal role in the journey of love and commitment.
Key Points:
Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasize the time it takes to develop trust, highlighting that true trust often takes years to develop, as supported by research findings.
Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the correlation between commitment and the growth of trust, emphasizing that trust evolves with the level of commitment within the relationship.
The impact of personal insecurities and past traumas on the timeline for establishing trust is addressed, with the hosts stressing the importance of open communication to navigate these challenges.
Throughout the episode, practical perspectives are shared, shedding light on the significance of consistency, reliability, vulnerability, and personal integrity in building trust within relationships.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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Welcome back to another episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, where Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss whether women fall in love faster than men. They challenge this common assumption, sharing personal stories and emphasizing the importance of clear communication in relationships. The hosts also touch on the role of matchmakers in guiding relationship milestones and share insights into surprise proposals.
Key Points:
Challenging Traditional Assumptions: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath question the belief that women fall in love faster than men, offering personal stories that challenge this idea.
Redefining Love: The hosts advocate for a more intentional and proactive approach to emotional connection, emphasizing growth and mutual understanding over the terminology of "falling in love."
The Role of Communication: Stressing the importance of open communication in relationships, the hosts share personal stories to highlight understanding each other's perspectives and preferences
.Proposal Insights: Rabbi and Aleeza discuss surprise proposals, emphasizing the significance of understanding individual preferences and the potential role of matchmakers in guiding relationship milestones.Support the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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Join us today on the Matchmaker Matchmaker podcast as Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the common doubts and challenges individuals face in finding the right partner. They explore the importance of asking the right questions and reframing the search for love. The conversation also goes into the significance of non-negotiables in relationships and the varied importance of specific traits in different individuals' search for a partner.Key Points:Aleeza and Rabbi emphasize the need to reframe one's mindset from "Is there something wrong with me?" to more proactive inquiries when searching for a partner.The speakers discuss the concept of non-negotiables in relationships, highlighting the difference between essential traits and desirable bonuses in a potential partner.They share insights into recognizing the existence of desired traits in others and the common experiences of individuals who struggle to find someone who embodies the qualities they seek.The discussion also touches on the role of humor and compatibility in relationships, shedding light on the varied importance of specific traits in different individuals' search for a partner.To submit your question for a future episode, go to www.MarriageMindedMentor.com/PodcastSupport the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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In this episode, Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the common scenario of being mistaken for being married and how to respond to such assumptions. They share playful and humorous ways to handle these situations, emphasizing the importance of using humor to break the ice and creating relational opportunities. relationship status.Key Points:Using Humor: Aleeza and Rabbi advocate for responding to assumptions about being married with playful and humorous remarks, utilizing humor to diffuse tension and create a lighthearted interaction.Relational Opportunities: The hosts emphasize the abundance of relational opportunities in everyday life, from nonverbal interactions to casual conversations, highlighting the potential for unexpected connections in daily encounters.Embracing Playfulness: They encourage listeners to embrace humor and playfulness in responding to assumptions, viewing such moments as opportunities for engagement and connection.Positive Responses: Aleeza and Rabbi stress the importance of responding in a way that promotes positivity and opens the door to potential connections, emphasizing the value of seizing relational opportunities in various interactions.To submit your question for a future episode, go to www.MarriageMindedMentor.com/PodcastSupport the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
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Join us In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmerk where your hosts, Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the challenging task of rejecting someone kindly in dating situations. They explore the use of technology, particularly Chat GPT, as a means to craft considerate rejections while emphasizing the ethical and responsible use of such tools. Key Points: Challenges of Kind Rejection: Discussion on the difficulties of conveying rejection kindly without being overly blunt.Role of Matchmakers: Exploring the potential role of a matchmaker in handling rejections in the dating process.Technology as a Communication Tool: Exploring the use of technology, particularly Chat GPT, as a helpful tool in communicating sensitive messages, emphasizing the ethical and responsible use of such tools.Ethical Considerations in Technology Use: Touching on the ethical considerations when leveraging technology in the dating and rejection process, integrating modern tools with traditional values within the context of Judaism.To submit your question for a future episode, go to www.MarriageMindedMentor.com/PodcastSupport the Show.
Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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Join us this week in the Matchmaker Matchmaker Podcast, where Rabbi and Aleeza discuss a listener's question that's all too familiar: Am I in the friend zone? They unpack what it means to be in the friend zone, the signs to look out for, and how to deal with the uncertainty of a relationship that might be stuck in friendship territory. Whether it's fear of ruining a good friendship or simply not feeling the spark, our hosts share their views on how to work this tricky situation.Key Points:The 'Friend Zone' Reality: Discussing whether true friendships can stay just that or if they're always a stepping stone to romance.Friendship as a Relationship Cornerstone: Exploring how friendships can be the starting point for a strong romantic relationship.Taking Chances Beyond Friendship: The pros and cons of moving past the friend zone and how to take that leap.Deciding Between Friendship and Romance: Advice on choosing whether to pursue a romantic relationship with a friend or to keep the friendship as it is.To submit your question for a future episode, go to www.MarriageMindedMentor.com/PodcastSupport the Show.
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Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/
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