Episodes
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We're continuing our journey to use robot to rewrite a more acceptable ad than what Folgers delivered fifteen years ago.
Let's see what robot thinks would happen if we rolled the Hanson brothers into the ad, with the Jo walking in at an inopportune moment.
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The Folgers ad really shocked the conscience of a troubled nation.
Robot helps us imagine what that commercial would have looked like if the brother / sister combo were indeed Amanda Woodward and David Michaels, with Hillary Michaels stepping in at an uncomfortable moment.
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Missing episodes?
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Folgers Incest Ad: The Oral History of "Coming Home" for the Coffee Commercial's 10th Anniversary | GQIn 2009, Folgers released a nice, downhome, wholesome ad, where a brother and sister are clearly into each other.
Mary had never seen the ad.
Until now.
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With Richard literally crawling out of the ground after being buried, we ask robot to help us imagine a scenario where Melrose Place and The Walking Dead cross over.
Who will win in a leadership battle between Amanda Woodward and Rick Grimes?
Is Daryl Dixon or Alison Parker the better sidekick?
Which Melrose Place characters will take advantage of the zombie horde to begin an illicit affair?
Also, who was the Scud Stud?
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As is custom, we wrap up the season with an overarching view of this entire season as one contribution to the culture.
But is it art or is it trash?
We both take our best shot at winning this argument before, mercilessly, burying the season right alongside Richard, where I'm sure it will never be heard from again. Certainly it won't be literally crawling out of the ground in a few months.
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We're nearing the end of our legally-required human resources intervention.
At least as it relates to Melrose Place.
Let's round out this mini-series with a thorough analysis of what an HR professional thinks might be uniquely problematic in the Melrose (work) Places during season four.
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In a recent special episode, expert guest Christopher (of Melrose Sheltering In Place infamy) told us that Sam was the worst character on Melrose Place - and her actions led directly to the worst thing that happened in the entire series.
Of course, Mary and Teege have no idea what he's referring to.
Of course, that won't stop us from throwing out haphazard guesses anyway.
Join us in trying to guess, "What did Sam do?!?"
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A long, long, time ago, season one featured a one-episode family for Billy Campbell. He leared at a sexy lady having car troubles on the side of the road, picked her up literally and figurately, dated her for a week, took the kid to Six Flags, lied to Alison, fought the boy's father, and thought "hasta la vista, baby" was a secret code between him and his step son.
But what if Dawn came by later in the series and she was an old girlfriend instead of a rando comedian on the street?
Join us as we remix and rewrite Dawn, from season one.
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This is a unique situation for us - a main-stay character is coming aboard with just enough background for Mary and I to speculate while simultaneously being someone we know nothing about.
So while Sydney and Kimberly both had some guest appearances before becoming a season regular, we both knew what to expect.
Sam? No clue.
So Mary and I are guessing - with our rival and threat to our podcast kingdom, Christopher, is here to tell us how close we are.
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What could make season three more explosive than a boat bombing and a building bombing?
HR forms in triplicate dealing with the decisions our lovely characters are making along the way.
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Well, mercifully, it's over for Jo Beth Reynolds. She came in as a dark, mysterious, sophisticated photographer from New York City, and left, we think, as Dominick O'Malley's plus one for an uplifting tour of war-torn Bosnia.
But was Jo's entire story line high art for the generations worthy of literary praise, or was it just giving trashy soap opera, and that's fine?
To join us in this important discussion, we have our evergreen rival, Christopher, from Melrose Sheltering in Place Podcast fame.
Let's finish Jo's character off right.
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As you've heard by now, it has infuriated Teege that the actress who played Linda on Models, Inc. was brought into Melrose Place as the character Claire, instead of bringing Linda back to Melrose Place.
Nothing had to change. Linda would have worked just well with the storyline. Why did they do this?
Just to hurt Teege?
Probably.
So join us, as Teege manipulates artificial intelligence to remix this up with a little bit of a rewrite.
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What a stunning end to a long, long season.
Jane and Sydney kill a man (Richard) who is crawling out of the ground, presumably unhappy with his current situation.
Jo and O'Malley have their long goodbye, and now it seems like Jo is going to be back next season but IMDB says no, no, no.
Kimberly goes on a redemption arc only to flatline right when Peter needs her to testify. What does she need to testify to again? Oh, right, Bobby Parezi's death.
Amanda is now married to Dr. Peter Burns so she doesn't have to testify - but it turns out that Dr. Peter Burns is a fake identity, so who knows who Amanda is actually married to.
Alison and Jake are getting together, leaving Billy stood up on a rooftop restaurant with a live musician.
Anything else?
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This episode has everything you could ever want in Melrose Place. Amanda and Michael are gumshoe capers trying to crack the case like they're on a special episode of Melrose Place 'Cast Investigates.
Meanwhile, the heartthrob and organrob that is Peter Burns seduces Priscila Presley, only to be busted as two genuine patients of Willowbrook follow him out.
Peter is going to get a full lobotomy, while Michael and Amanda dick around and hang out by the dumpsters outside the building.
Billy and Alison go on one last date and the fire is gone. But wow, does Jake keep eyeing up Alison as she walks away.
Also, Sydney is being recruited/blackmailed as an accomplice and alibi for Jane Mancini to commit her first murder.
#Sisters
Oh, and Jo continues her slow walk to the exit with Dr. O'Malley.
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The court-ordered intervention of human resources continues. Let's find out what this global powerhouse of HR-ness has to say about what happened in the second season of Melrose Place.
To be clear - he is not pleased and thinks there may be some policy work needed by the good people at Dungeons and Dragons Advertising.
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Well this was a wild ride. We are joined by our expert millenial guest, Gail, who voted well this week.
Things we discussed: are we still doing shock therapy? Is karma a bitch, or is that just Monday's? How much did we all enjoy Jake putting Billy in his place? Does it matter that Alison and Jake are going to hook up? How do we address Jane's story line? Is Dr. O'Malley interesting or generic?
All this and more, as we wind down season four!
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Whatever happened to Carrie from Models, Inc.? The last we saw her, she was somewhere in Central America, trapped in "hell, baby. Hooker hell."
Well, Hillary Michaels gets a note from Carrie, which sends her off on a mission to rescue her last, missing model.
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And now the stage is set for the mad dash to the season finale.
What do you do with a problem like Bobby? Kill him off.
What do you do with a problem like Alycia? Kill her off.
What do you do with a problem like Jo? Send her off.
Peter and Amanda are now goofy in love? And everything Peter ever did, apparently even attempting to murder Amanda, was because, ::sheepishly:: helovesher.
Billy is now back to nice Billy but no one cares.
Jane told Alison a secret about the sexual assault, so of course Jake found out in minutes. He is going to kill Richard, which Jane supports.
Don't get me started on Dr. O'Malley, who offered Matt a teaching job if only he tricked Jo into dating him - who agreed to date him if only she could trick him into confronting Lori at a park. How is Jo not being prosecuted for stalking?
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Have you ever wondered how an HR professional might have impacted the characters and storylines of Melrose Place?
Clearly, the writers never did.
We are very excited to bring you the first of a monthly series - where we bring a decorated and internationally recognized expert in all things human resources, and we tell him what has been happening at D&D, the magazine, Shooters, and more.
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Clearly based on True Lies, this episode of Melrose Place appears to be the beginning of a two-episode etch-a-sketch getting ready for the season four finale.
The beauty queen drama has come to LA, with Peter taking the blame for Michael's shenanigans.
Kimberly is losing her grip on reality, conveniently right up against a season finale. Michael appears to be oblivious to the murder attempts from Betsy.
The most offensive scene of the entire series happens, with an on screen sexual assault that went on uncomfortably long.
Here we go, folks.
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