Episodes
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In this episode, we’re exploring three key things you’ll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy relationships are often idealised, they still come with their own challenges.
We’ll discuss how they invite vulnerability, reveal where we may have been hiding behind dysfunction, and show us that even secure partners can be imperfect. Finally, we’ll talk about how conflict in a healthy relationship doesn’t disappear, but it feels safer and more productive.Key Points Covered:
Vulnerability: When you're in a healthy dynamic, the absence of chaos can feel unfamiliar, and it may expose areas where you’ve avoided vulnerability by leaning on old, dysfunctional patterns.Imperfection in Secure Partners: It’s easy to idealise secure partners as perfect, but it’s important to remember that they, too, are human. The difference is in how they respond to their imperfections and how you both handle those inevitable moments of frustration.Safe Conflict: You’ll realise that disagreements can be handled with mutual respect and a sense of safety, where both partners feel heard and valued, even in moments of tension.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In this episode, we’re diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does.
Emphasis on Emotional vs Physical Intimacy
We’ll cover five key differences in how anxious and avoidant attachment styles experience and approach sex.
Anxiously attached individuals may place a stronger emphasis on emotional intimacy and connection as a foundation for physical intimacy. In contrast, avoidantly attached individuals might prioritize physical intimacy while keeping emotional vulnerability at arm’s length.Overthinking vs Dissociating
When it comes to sex, those with an anxious attachment style may find themselves getting stuck in their heads, overthinking and ruminating on whether they’re pleasing their partner or what their partner might be thinking. Avoidantly attached individuals, however, might struggle to stay present during intimacy, often dissociating or emotionally checking out as a way to manage their discomfort with closeness.Focus on Other vs Focus on Self
Anxiously attached individuals often focus heavily on their partner’s needs and feelings during sex, sometimes to the detriment of their own experience. In contrast, avoidant individuals might approach sex with a more self-focused mindset, prioritising their own comfort and boundaries, which can create distance in the sexual connection.Libido / General Openness to Being Intimate
Anxious attachment can sometimes lead to a heightened desire for intimacy as a way to secure closeness and reassurance. Avoidantly attached individuals might experience a lower libido or be less open to intimacy, particularly if they feel overwhelmed by emotional closeness.Impact of Relational Tension on Desire for Sex
Relational tension can have opposite effects on anxious and avoidant individuals. Those with anxious attachment may seek sex as a way to repair or soothe relational tension, while those with avoidant attachment might withdraw further, seeing sex as a source of pressure rather than connection.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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Missing episodes?
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In today's episode, we're diving into fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment and how it differs from anxious attachment.
We’ll explore how both types are driven by a fear of abandonment and intense emotions, yet differ in their approaches to intimacy, conflict resolution, and communication.
Whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does, this episode will give you valuable insights into the dynamics at play and how to navigate them for healthier connections.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we’re exploring the common patterns and beliefs that lead people into situationships — those ambiguous, frustrating "almost-relationships" that never quite become something more.
how a fear of rejection stops you from expressing your desiresthe saviour complex and trying to change the emotionally unavailable personthe tendency to prioritise chemistry over true compatibility and authentic connectiontolerating situationships out of a fear that you can't do any better
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a situationship and wondered why it keeps happening, this episode is for you. We'll dive into four key reasons why you might be attracting these kinds of connections and how to start breaking free from the cycle. Specifically, we'll cover:If you’re tired of finding yourself in situationships, this episode will help you identify the underlying beliefs and behaviors contributing to the pattern. You'll learn practical steps to start attracting the kind of relationship you truly want.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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This week, we're talking all about how avoidant attached people can experience conflict in a healthier, more productive way. I'll be sharing three tips that will allow you to feel more connected, grounded and in control in the way you approach conflict in your relationship.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing three tips for anxiously attached people to improve the way they approach and experience conflict. We cover things like slowing down and saying less, keeping things to one issue, and knowing when to leave the conversation and let things go.
Be sure to tune in next week for Part 2 where we cover tips for avoidantly attached people in conflict!
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing with you some wisdom from three of my favourite writers and teachers on life, love and relationships. These quotes, from authors James Clear, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Brene Brown, have been hugely formative for me in my own journey and I hope you love them as much as I do.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we're talking about boundaries. Boundary setting is one of those areas that we hear about so much in the personal development world, and yet bridging the gap between theory and practice remains a challenge for most of the folks that I work with (particularly those with an anxious attachment style).
why boundary setting is so hard for people with insecure attachment patternshow anxious and avoidant attachment styles differ in boundary settingthe truth about boundaries in healthy relationshipshow to navigate a fear that setting boundaries will lead to the relationship falling apart
We'll cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing three life lessons that I wish I'd learned sooner. These are around the theme of self-awareness, personal responsibility and consciously creating the life that we want for ourselves.
Last chance to join The Secure Self Challenge!
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we're tackling the pervasive issue of resentment in relationships. We explore why resentment occurs, its impact on relationships, and how to address and resolve these feelings.
what resentment signals to us about ourselveswhy certain people are more prone to resentmentthe link between resentment and poor boundaries, suppression of needs and avoiding conflicthow we can shift out of victimhood and take responsibility for our part in a dynamic
We cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we're unpacking five traits that everybody should be looking for in a prospective partner. It's so easy when dating to become swept up in a connection and inadvertently overlook some of the fundamental attributes we should all be seeking in a relationship.
emotional self-awarenessintegrity and trustworthinessconsistency, reliability and dependabilityhumour and playfulnesskindness
The five traits we discuss in this episode are:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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Have you ever found yourself seeking out relationship advice online only to be bombarded with pages of seemingly conflicting and contradictory opinions? If so, you're not alone - and today's episode is for you. I'm going to be sharing 5 examples of contradictory relationship advice that you may have encountered and struggled to make sense of, so that you can understand the nuances and practise discernment in finding the right way forward for you.
going after a life you love AND learning to be content with what you haveknowing what you want in a partner AND not being overly prescriptivenot dating someone for their potential AND wanting someone you can grow withnot changing yourself to earn someone's love AND wanting to be your best self to attract a healthy partnerthe importance of feeling your feelings AND knowing when it's okay to distract yourself
We cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm unpacking three common pain points that virtually all anxious-avoidant couples will encounter at some point in their relationship. We'll talk about why these particular fights are so common, and what they're really about - so you can approach them next time with more empathy and understanding, and avoid the disconnection and hurt that comes with the typical anxious-avoidant trap.
Secure Together Course (save 50% with code HEYBABY): secure-together.com
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why you might struggle to let go of someone after a break-up - especially in circumstances where you logically know that they were "bad" for you. This is such a common experience, particularly for those with anxious attachment - feeling pulled in two different directions between what you know is best vs what your body and attachment system is urging you to do.
the importance of managing expectations after a break-upwhy it's normal to miss your ex (without it meaning anything)why unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships can be even harder to let go oftreating moving on as a choice rather than a feeling\
We cover:If you're going through a break-up, check out my Higher Love break-up course (& save 50% with the code HEYBABY).
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we're exploring the tension between the conflicting needs for time together and time apart that can so often become a source of friction in anxious-avoidant dynamics.
Specifically, I'm sharing a simple but very effective tip that will both reduce separation anxiety for the anxious partner, and increase the avoidant partner's comfort with time spent together, creating a win-win for both partners and reducing the likelihood of repeated ruptures.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, we're talking all about receiving. For many of us, being the giver in our relationships is our comfort zone - which can lead to imbalances, unmet needs, and resentment. But while we may bemoan the lack of reciprocity in our relationships, there is a vulnerability to receiving that many of us are uncomfortable with.
the tendency to consistently end up in imbalanced relationships difficulty directing asking for what you want or needfeeling guilty or burdensome when people support or accommodate youstruggling to accept compliments or praisediscomfort with being the centre of attention
We cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the listener question of "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?" Wanting to change a partner is something most of us will relate to in one form or another, but it's essential that we understand where this urge is coming from and what it's trying to tell us about ourselves, our partner, and the relationship.
wanting to change little things vs big thingshow anxious and avoidant attached people differ in wanting to change their partnerchanges that relate to core relationship needsmy advice when you're hoping they'll change without any signs that they want to
Some of the things we cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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Are you someone who tends to go from 0 to 100 at the start of a new relationship? In today's episode, we're exploring how to not lose yourself when you start dating someone new (although the advice also applies to people already in an established relationship who feel they've lost touch with themselves). This dynamic is particularly common among those with an anxious attachment style, who tend to become overly fixated on a connection at the expense of other areas of life.
Tune in for tips on how to pace yourself in the early stages of a relationship so that you can deepen into a connection in a balanced, sustainable way that sets you up for long-term security and success.
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing some reflections from my recent experience of pregnancy and birth on self-trust, control and surrender. These are themes that most folks with insecure attachment patterns struggle with, and learning to trust in your capacity to navigate life's ups and downs with confidence and agency is a huge step on the path to building secure attachment.
Ep 130: The Pillars of a Healthy Relationship with Self Ep 124: On Trust, Risk & VulnerabilityEp 111: The Pillars of Trust & Trustworthiness
For more episodes on building trust, check out:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to navigate a partner pulling away. If you're someone with anxious attachment patterns, a partner's withdrawal or disengagement can feel extremely distressing - and yet, many of our go-to strategies for managing that distress can ironically have the effect of pushing someone further away.
what to do when someone pulls away in an early dating contextwhy we feel drawn to pursuing connections with people who are inconsistent how to navigate a partner repeatedly leaving and coming backwhat to do when a long-term partner is emotionally withdrawn or distant
We'll cover:
BYRON BAY RETREAT: Join the waitlist Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE) Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment Visit my website
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