Episodes
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I took a sabbatical from this newsletter for some various personal reasons, but my life is now in a place where I think I can get back to thinking and reflecting and writing about parenting adolescents.
I wanted to try a new form, though.
I started making what I hope are short, positive TikTok videos each morning as I have a long drive to work (I pinkie swear that I am very careful about this).
That time has allowed me to create some content, but it is very spontaneous, un-edited, and what you see is what you get.
So I thought about trying to do this with my parenting stuff.
I am curious if this format has any appeal, and wanted to experiment.
Let me know what you think and if this would be useful to you.
Also, I have had several encounters lately with my adult children. These encounters have been positive, but have also impressed on me the importance of cultivating the attributes and skills in children and teens that will lead them to have autonomy as adults, as that is the key to happiness, self-actualization, and success.
Warmly,
Braden
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Parents, if you have ever felt that your weaknesses and mistakes mighg mess your child up; if you feel that a happy family means attaining some arbitrary and impossible standard of perfection that implies being free of real challenges; if you have a child who argues with you; if you have real and difficult problems in your family, today’s guest has wonderful news for you: it’s okay. And you can still build a happy family, one where each member feels peace and joy.
What if, instead of feeling insecure, you were confident that you have the innate ability to raise your child?
What if you could feel good about what you do and not bad about what you don’t do? What if you could spend less time and focus on your perceived parenting weaknesses?
What if your main goal as a family was to simply create a place where each member feels peace, joy, and has fun--and what if you had some simple techniques to get there?
What if your parenting mistakes—even the big ones—didn't really matter? What if they not only didn’t matter but could even be net positives—and what you had a template to make that happen?
What if being a happy family is not the absence of problems, but rather, a family that encounters problems, small or big, tackles them together, and comes out intact and closer than before?
What if an argumentative child is actually a good sign?
What if you had a clear, simple way to sift through all the parenting advice out there, draw only on what was useful for you, and find the most authentic version of yourself as a parent?
My guest today touches on all these things, and more.
Mina Brandes is a former psychiatrist turned mom. She is now an executive family coach, drawing upon her years of professional and personal experience to help families achieve peace and joy.
Today, she shares some of her techniques and philosophy. I think you will be really empowered and peaceful at the end of this episode.
You can find more about Mina and her work at:
Family at the Top:
https://www.familyatthetop.com
You can contact Mina at: [email protected]
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Missing episodes?
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Amy Joyce is the editor of the “On Parenting” section of The Washington Post. In her role, Amy encounters hundreds of parenting pieces a week. She fields questions from regular parents and hears from leading thinkers and writers on parenting.
She is also a parent.
Like all parents, Amy has questions. Unlike most of us, however, she is able to commission a reporter or writer to think about those questions and share their reflections or answers.
That has put her in a unique position, giving her a fascinating perspective on trends, themes, and ideas in parenting.
In light of this, I wanted to ask Amy how she manages to stay current without getting overwhelmed with information. How does she decide what to integrate in her own parenting, and what does she leave at the office? Amy does this on a large scale, but we all have a similar challenge, since we all have to sift through the vast amount of information we have access to.
I was also curious to hear from Amy about shifts, developments, and changes she has observed in parenting over the years—what’s better? what’s harder? what’s just different?—as well as some of the memorable pieces she was written or published and key lessons she has learned as a parent.
Some of Amy’s favorite/memorable pieces:
“Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind.” Amy Joyce.
“How to raise superpowered tweens in turbulent times.” Phyllis Fagell.
“Seven things to understand about your teen, according to a veteran teacher and father of five.” Braden Bell
“Teens are crumbling under extreme pressure. Parents need to change: ‘Never Enough’ delves into how and why today’s teens are suffering as they are pushed to achieve.” Amy Joyce with Jenny Wallace
“Why I still read aloud to my tween and teen,” Amy Joyce.
Books:
“The Gift of Failure,” by Jessica Lahey
“Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times,” by Phyllis Fagell.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Bringing her trademark wit, humor, and empathy, award-winning author Mary Laura Philpott drops by to talk about both the paradox of parenting: it brings us great joy and also brings us significant vulnerability.
Mary Laura discuss her own parenting journey, including how we come to make peace with the fact that our empathize with our own parents, how we can instill kindness, and some unique thoughts on when and when not to reach out to schools or teachers with problems.
As a bonus, she also reads a powerful chapter from her book, I Miss You When I Blink, which is called, “A Letter to the Type-A Person in Distress,” and I think you will want to hear it!
I Miss You When I Blink
Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Theatre arts educator Dr. Jim DeVivo stops by for a wide-ranging discussion about the value of the creative arts in education, mentorship, encouraging creativity, helping kids find their voices, dealing with pandemic-era, social-emotional learning loss, and an article in The New York Times that says theatre kids run the world.
During this podcast, we discuss ways that the creative arts help children develop as individuals and enhance their ability to more fully be themselves in every context and in every place.
Show notes:
Grown-Up Theater Kids Run the World: A Supreme Court justice. The governor of New Jersey. Senator Ted Cruz. A prominent MSNBC host. Practically half the tech world. What’s behind this moment of thespian power?
(Madison Malone Kirchner. New York Times, August 20, 2023.)
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Navigating friendships and social relationships is one of the most significant parts of a child’s life. During adolescence, social relationships take on enormous, out-sized importance. That also means that when things get challenging, it can be very difficult.
The good news is that there are habits and skills that can be built and research-supported techniques and information that can help.
Today’s podcast is the second half of a discussion with THE expert in friendship. Noted child development expert, Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore comes by to discuss making friends, bullying, unkindness, social problems, anxiety, and much more!
Show notes:
Dr. Friendtastic Podcast
Growing Feelings: A Kids' Guide to Dealing with Emotions about Friends and Other Kids
Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to Making and Keeping Friends
Open Door with Dr. Kennedy-Moore
Dr. Kennedy-Moore’s website.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Navigating friendships and social relationships is one of the most significant parts of a child’s life. During adolescence, social relationships take on enormous, out-sized importance. That also means that when things get challenging, it can be very difficult.
The good news is that there are habits and skills that can be built and research-supported techniques and information that can help.
Today’s guest is an expert in friendship. Noted child development expert, Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore comes by to discuss making friends, bullying, unkindness, social problems, anxiety, and much more!
Show notes:
Dr. Friendtastic Podcast
Growing Feelings: A Kids' Guide to Dealing with Emotions about Friends and Other Kids
Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to Making and Keeping Friends
Open Door with Dr. Kennedy-Moore
Dr. Kennedy-Moore’s website.
Dr. Ross Greene, Collaborative and Proactive Solutions
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Eliza Thompson has a Master's of Social Work from Utah State University. She's a certified social worker and is working as a therapist at a private practice, specializing in perinatal mental health.
Eliza's a self-described self-development junkie. She frequently posts and shares thoughts on her journey and other things she learns on her Instagram account, Elizainprogress.
Last year, Eliza shared some wonderful insights about motherhood, things that she had learned, sort of letters to a younger self. She posted those on Instagram, where they got a lot of notice and received a lot of positive feedback. I then shared them on my Substack page and they also got a wonderful response there.
Today Eliza talks about those five lessons she learned, and her own journey from parenting in profound darkness to finding her own parenting path.
Show notes:
Elizainprogress
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristen Neff, Ph.D.
https://self-compassion.org/
Fairplay by Eve Rodsky
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com -
Before I introduce this episode, I’d like to ask a favor if I may. This is my first podcast ever and I really enjoyed doing it. Are you, my wonderful readers, interested in more? If so, do you have suggestions or ideas for guests and/or topics?
I’d love your feedback as well. I personally love long conversations on the podcasts I listen to. But maybe you feel differently.
There’s a lot for me to learn yet and I’d love for you to teach me. Send me an email if you like @[email protected] or leave a comment.
As always, this is a reader-supported publication, so if you can like, share, and spread the word, I’d be ever so grateful!
—BB
It isn’t easy to parent, mentor, or teach boys today. In fact, it is not easy to be a boy today. Conflicting voices, changing societal conditions, shifting values and expectations all make the ground on which boys must walk much more complex.
Let me pause there and address the inevitable rejoinder: What about girls? They are struggling too!
Yes. But I’d like to suggest that a good hospital can—and should—treat both heart attacks and car-crash victims at the same time.
We need to move beyond seeing the welfare of our children as a zero-sum, either/or situation.
A number of bleak statistics make a compelling case that boys are in trouble. While acknowledging that girls still face difficulties, advocates for boys make the point that we are, at least, aware of and working on some of the gender-based difficulties girls face, while essentially ignoring or even belittling the gender-based challenges boys face. This is bad for individual boys, but also bad for our society.
This becomes all the more difficult when there is a high-profile tragedy where a boy or man has done something awful. If a young boy puts up his fingers and makes a gun motion as young child, does that mean he’s on the road to becoming a school shooter? If he is curious about and aware of another person’s body, does that mean he will sexually harass people? If he thinks girls have cooties, does that lead to misogyny? Or, are these natural phases of development?
Sincere, well-intentioned parents, teachers, and policymakers often take this very seriously. But in doing this, are we being unduly harsh and missing the forest for the trees?
Unfortunately, discussions about the needs and problems of boys has taken on a political valence and is tainted by the culture war. Sadly, some people’s responses to hearing about the problems of boys are shaped by larger narratives, political leanings, and cultural positions which can result in minimizing, belittling, and ignoring real problems. Equally sad, some people’s advocacy for boys seems far more about scoring political points and using this as a weapon in the culture war.
What is a parent, teacher, grandparent, mentor, concerned citizen to do?
My guest today has some important thoughts on how to help boys thrive and reach their fullest potential in a world that can feel very hostile to them.
Jennifer L. W. Fink is the author of a new book called, “Building Boys Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males.” Jennifer also has a wonderful, must-read Substack called the Building Boys Bulletin.
I mentioned that discussion about the struggles and needs of boys often has a political valence, but Jennifer's work cuts through this and she can speak to everyone.
She is not wearing a political jersey, nor is she a demagogue who uses concerns about boys as a cudgel to make political points. She's a mom of four boys who started to be concerned by what she saw and is deeply sympathetic to boys, their parents, and the problems they face.
At the same time, she comes from the more progressive side of the political aisle. In her writing, you will discern genuine concern about boys and their well-being but you will also hear her concerns about gender equity, fighting misogyny, breaking through this kind of traditional notion that men need to be stoic and not have feelings, preventing sexual violence and so on.
But most of all, as much as anyone I know, Jennifer follows the data. She has a background as a nurse, so she sees symptoms and problems and then searches for evidence-based responses.
She reads widely and is engaged in this subject. She is constantly scouring the Internet and reading new research.
For those reasons, I think she's a very important voice, and I'm so happy to have her on my first-ever podcast.
Happy parenting!
Braden
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com
