Episodes
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It’s SO frustrating when your kid doesn’t take your advice, isn’t it?! As parents, we have more life experience and we can share our advice with our kids to give them an easier and smoother life experience, at least that’s how it feels to us, right?
That’s not how it works though. Together with Ciara Fanlo (a former “troubled teen” turned mentor for adolescents and their families), I explore why teens often don’t take advice, how to shift from frustration to understanding, and how to support teens as they build their library of life experiences.
Because here’s the thing: while as parents have decades of life experience, our teens are still gathering theirs. “There’s no substitute for life experience” Ciara explains. You want to save them from heartache and disappointment because you know how hard it is. But the problem is, that doesn’t actually teach them anything. Hardly anyone, whether kids, teens, or adults, learns from hearing. We learn by experiencing.So even when your teen intellectually understands your advice, they don’t have their own memory bank yet of setbacks, disappointments, and triumphs, that they can connect it to to really integrate the lesson.
So what does that mean? In short, it means that we should let our kids make their own mistakes, no matter how difficult that may be. Let them build their own library of experiences.
“Parenting is not about saving your child from experience; it’s about helping them find themselves through the experience.” - Beth Hillman
So how can you best support your teen in doing this? Let’s discuss it in today’s episode.
Why teens don’t always listen to advice, and why they shouldn’t;Understanding the gap between a parent’s lived experience and a teen’s need to build their own;How heartbreak, disappointment, and mistakes serve as the real teachers for teens;How parents can best support, encourage, and influence their teen (without enabling) to learn through their experience;Dealing with frustration, fear, and the urge to protect as a parent while allowing your kid space for growth;And more!
In this episode on why your kid shouldn’t take your advice, we discuss:
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]
More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Our wilderness kid is doing really well, so you’d think, after all the heartache, pain, and anxiety of that journey, things would finally feel calm. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, doesn’t it?
My recent struggles with anxiety and what they’ve taught me;How anxiety often masks deeper emotions, like sadness or fear;The transformative power of understanding and accepting anxiety;Unshaming past actions to regain control and self-compassion.
But honestly, I’ve been judging my anxiety hard. What’s your problem? Why can’t you handle this? You used to be good at this! You’re a mess. It’s exhausting, and the more I try to push these thoughts away, the louder they get.
But then a good reminder brought me back on the path of unshaming and it started to shift my perspective.
I know many of you are navigating hard times too. The mistakes we make, the thoughts that feel overwhelming, they need unshaming. They need understanding. That’s where healing starts. And as I work through this, I’m learning to love myself through the experience.
If you’re in a season of anxiety or shame, I want you to know I’m here for you. Together, we can unlearn the judgment and begin to embrace understanding.
In this episode on unshaming anxiety, I reflect on:Please know, you are not alone.
Other episodes on this topic:
61. How to Unshame Your Parent Regrets With David Bedrick - Part 1
62. How to Unshame the Identified Patient in Your Home With David Bedrick - Part 2
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Missing episodes?
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It’s natural to want to steer our kids toward success and protect them from struggle. But what if trying to control the outcome does more harm than good? In this episode, I speak with Maggie, a mom of four (including one “wilderness kid”), who shares her deeply personal journey of learning to step back, trust her child’s path, and focus on her own growth.
How to shift from controlling to supporting your child’s journey;Why prioritizing impact over intent is key in parent-child communication;The surprising ways letting go can improve your relationship with your struggling teen and family dynamics in general;How struggles shape kids into who they’re meant to be, and why parents shouldn’t stand in the way.And much more!
“I leaned in on control-based, outcome-oriented parenting because I thought that was my job. I thought that’s what a good parent looked like” Maggie admits. Be she started noticing she was consistently crossing the line when her kids grew older, moving from reassuring them about her own choices to trying to make their choices for them. The result? Miscommunication, frustration, and strained family dynamics.
Maggie’s turning point came when she realized she’s not the main character in her child’s life.
“It is not my job to make my child succeed and it’s not my job to intervene when struggle is up ahead” - Maggie
By stepping out of the way and allowing her child to make their own decisions, whether these are the choices she would have made herself or not, she noticed an interesting shift: he started making healthier choices for himself.
Maggie’s story is so relatable for many parents out there with a struggling teen, so have a listen and enjoy.
In this episode on letting go of control and desired outcomes for our teens, we discuss:
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
What happens after your teen completes treatment? It’s a question many parents grapple with. In today’s episode, Beth talks to Michael, a former struggling teen who went to wilderness himself, about his journey through treatment and the challenges of returning home.
How Michael abused the privileges he was given during wilderness;The importance of holding boundaries after treatment;How parents can support their teen’s ongoing growth;Michael’s experiences after treatment, from a 3-month ‘honeymoon’ period to a new ’storm’;The support his parents gave him after treatment and the boundaries they held up;The importance of doing your own work and also finding out what your kid is working on and supporting them in that work;Why having a mentor can be incredibly beneficial for your teen after treatment;And more!
Michael reflects on his time in wilderness treatment as the ‘worst best time’ of his life. It wasn’t just the woods or the strict routines that made it tough - it was the emotional accountability he had never faced before. As he shares, “At home, I got away with everything and anything.”
But wilderness was only the beginning. Michael opens up about the highs and lows that followed, from the "honeymoon period" in which everything seemed to be going great, to the real work of sustaining change.
He also speaks about his parents’ role during this time: their support, their boundaries, and their commitment to not only doing their own work alongside him but supporting him in his work as well.
If you’ve ever wondered how to support your teen after treatment, or how to hold steady through the ups and downs, Michael’s story is one for you.
In this episode on messing up after treatment, we cover:
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
More about Michael Wangsgard
Michael is a former struggling teen who went to wilderness turned mentor for struggling teens. You can connect with Michael via email at [email protected] or give him a call at 8014308455.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
It’s natural to feel uneasy when your kid strays from the socially accepted path of college, career, and other traditional milestones. But as today’s guest Joanna points out, the reality is that the so-called "normal" path is often the exception, not the rule. The world has changed dramatically, and success now comes in many forms. Degrees, certifications, and fulfilling careers don’t always look like they used to, and that’s okay.
Why the "normal" path is no longer the standard;How societal shifts are changing what success looks like for our young adult kids nowadays;What it means to believe in your young adult, even when their path looks unfamiliar;Joanna’s biggest advice for parents when your young adult is feeling miserable on the path they’re taking;The life experience teens gain in treatment;And much more.
As parents, we’re fearful of our teen’s choices because it looks different from our own experiences and we don’t know whether it’s going to work out for them. The unknown makes it scary for us to witness. But their unique journey can lead to a future that’s both meaningful and fulfilling for your teen.
“Anybody that has treatment experience just is so much more attuned, so much more insightful, so much more aware. … The reality is, they’re lightyears ahead of their peers” - Joanna Lilley
Today’s guest is Joanna Lilley, a therapeutic consultant who specializes in guiding young adults through life transitions. Together, we dive into redefining success, breaking free from outdated societal norms, and supporting young adults who are charting their own unique paths, especially when those paths look different from the ones we expected.
In this episode on what success looks like for our young adult kids, we cover:Let’s poke holes in rigid thinking and redefine success, together.
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
More about Joanna Lilley
Joanna Lilley, MA, NCC, is a Therapeutic Consultant working with young adults only. Since 2016, Lilley Consulting has been helping families and young adults find treatment and resource options during the most important time in adulthood. Joanna dedicates herself to working solely with emerging adults who unravel before going to college, when they land on campus, or right after college graduation. Young adulthood can be messy, but it doesn’t have to be if you find the right resources when needed.
You can connect with Lilley on her website or Facebook.
Have a listen to Lilley’s podcast ‘Success is Subjective’ where I was also a guest speaker.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Are you unknowingly sending your teen the message that their best isn’t good enough?
Why focusing on the positive is more effective than focusing on the negative;How “pointing positive” can guide teens toward what they want to achieve;How our attention as parents influences our teen’s motivation to change;Simple shifts in word choice to emphasize progress and reinforce growth;Why sustainable change often happens in smaller, gradual steps over time;And more!
In this episode, we dig into a concept called "pointing positive," a term from river kayaking that can make a big difference in parenting teens through tough times. When we guide our kids toward what they want to achieve, instead of focusing on what they need to fix, we can help them feel more motivated and confident in their journey.
Think about it: if your teen has worked hard to bring their grades up from D’s and F’s to consistent C’s, it’s tempting to ask, “Why aren’t you getting B’s or A’s?” But focusing on what’s still lacking can undermine their progress, even when we mean well. By “pointing positive” and acknowledging their small steps forward, we show them that we see and value their growth, making it easier for them to keep pushing forward.
“If you are honoring the change that has been made, that encourages more change” - Beth Hillman
Seth and I discuss how, as parents, our attention impacts our kids’ motivation. It’s about shifting focus to what’s working, not ignoring reality, but being more mindful. When we highlight the positive changes, no matter how small, we’re reinforcing their resilience and progress.
And remember, change takes time and practice, for both us parents and our struggling teens. Here’s to guiding them forward, one positive step at a time.
In this episode on influencing your teen toward positive change, we discuss:
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Ever found yourself reacting strongly to something, even when it seems like “no big deal”? Or maybe, in a tense moment, you freeze or shut down instead of reacting?
Why our bodies sometimes react before our minds even have a chance;How trauma can make it hard to know what’s truly safe or dangerous;What over- and under-responses look like as a parent of a struggling teen in treatment or recovery;How to bring self-compassion to the way we show up, even if it’s not perfect;Different therapeutic approaches, including tips for finding the right fit for you or your family;And much more!
If you’re a parent of a struggling teen, be it addiction, mental health struggles, suicidal ideation or a different struggle, you’ve probably felt your own heart skip a beat more times than you can count.
Today, I talk with trauma therapist Sarah Allen about why we sometimes overreact (or shut down) in response to certain triggers and how it all comes down to our bodies trying to protect us.
Sarah breaks down the idea that trauma doesn’t just live in the mind - it lives in the body. Even when our heads know “things are okay,” our nervous systems might still be on high alert, especially if we’ve been through overwhelming experiences with our kids in the past. It’s that part of us that steps in to make sure we don’t go through that kind of pain again. But sometimes, this automatic response can show up as a jolt of panic, a wave of anger, or even a complete shutdown.
As parents, we’re human too. And with the right tools and support, we can navigate our own responses, even when this journey with our kids takes us through some incredibly challenging terrain.
In this episode on understanding trauma responses in parents of struggling teens, we explore:
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Fear has a sneaky way of impacting our brains, pushing us toward avoiding what feels uncomfortable instead of working through it. For many of us, fear makes us want to avoid the situation, but doing that keeps us from working through what needs to be done.
What fear does to us as parents and how to recognize its impact;The kinds of fear our teens might experience, especially coming out of treatment;What helps parents and teens work through their fears?;Practical strategies for parents to manage their own fears while supporting their teens;How understanding love languages can help us better understand our struggling teens;And much more
It’s important to understand that fear is an emotion that comes and goes, just like other emotions. But what does fear bring up in us as parents, and in our struggling teens? Thinking back to the time before our son went to wilderness, I remember thinking ‘There’s nothing to be done. We’ve lost him.’ My brain was giving up on him out of fear.
“I think fear basically stalls people out” - Beth Hillman
So how can you face fear? How can you bring it with you, allowing it to take place in the passenger’s seat instead of taking over the wheel? We’re talking all about it in today’s episode.
In this episode, we discuss:
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
It’s easy to forget to prioritize ourselves as parents, especially when our children are struggling. In this episode, Seth and I dive into the emotional balancing act of parenting a teen in treatment while still finding time for self-care. It’s common to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, especially when your child is away in treatment. Whether you feel guilty about telling your kid that you had a good day while they’re in treatment, or it feels exhausting to you to always be 'on' as a solo parent, it’s crucial to make time for self-care.
The emotional guilt parents feel when taking care of themselves while their teen is in treatment;The importance of self-care for parents and how it affects your ability to support your child;How modeling self-care can project its importance to your child;Balancing self-care with parenting responsibilities;What does true self-care look like for parents?;The 3 main ways to fill you cup and practice self-care as a parent;And more!
“It’s one of the hardest asks, but it’s so important to be intentional about [self-care]” - Beth Hillman
But filling your own cup isn’t just crucial for yourself, but also for your teen. The way you find balance and make time for self-care can be a great model for your child, even if they don’t show appreciation right away.
If you've ever felt guilty for having a good day or wondered how to balance taking care of yourself while being there for your child, this episode is for you.
In this episode on self-care for parents, we discuss:
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Your teen appears calm and composed with their therapist but displays anger or aggression at home, how frustrating!? It feels like you're dealing with two completely different versions of the same person.
Teens showing different behaviors at home vs. in therapy;The frustration parents feel when their child “works the system.”;Actions as a more accurate reflection of what's really happening;Opening the conversation between your teen, their therapist, and you;Why your teen might feel the need to present themselves differently with their providers;And more!
In this episode, Seth and I explore the challenge of handling teens who have been through enough therapy to know exactly what to say to 'work the system.' While their providers see one side, you as a parent experience something entirely different. We’ll talk about how to navigate these mixed signals, how actions often speak louder than words, and how you can open up this conversation with your teen. Have a listen!
In this episode, we discuss:Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Balancing the need for rules with the desire for connection can be incredibly challenging when parenting teens. In this episode, therapist Trevor Allen and I dive into the complex dynamics of rules versus boundaries versus expectations and how to navigate them in a way that promotes healthy relationships.
We discuss the confusion that can arise when trying to balance control and support, particularly when parenting a struggling teen. It’s not just about setting strict rules but more about understanding how to teach our kids how to treat us through our own actions and the boundaries we set. We want to influence without trying to control, allowing for growth while maintaining a healthy home environment.
One key takeaway from our conversation is that zero-tolerance policies can set kids up for failure, particularly when dealing with issues like addiction. So let’s explore other options in today’s episode.
“If I lived with anybody and ALL they could see are the things that are problematic that I’m doing, I would have a really hard time being around that person. I think that’s a relationship destroyer” - Trevor Allen
If you’re wondering how to create a supportive yet structured environment for your child without taking their choices personally, this episode is for you.
In this episode on rules vs. boundaries vs. expectations, we discuss:
The differences between rules, boundaries, and expectations in parenting;How to influence your struggling teen without controlling them;Managing yourself and maintaining a healthy home environment;Supporting your teen despite poor decisions and bad behavior;The importance of focusing on what you do, not just what you say;Why controlling the situation by controlling your teen doesn’t work;Being consistent with rules vs. being flexible to meet your teen’s needs;The impact of only seeing the negative and how to shift focus to positive progress;Why nuance and flexibility in rules can improve family dynamics.Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
What’s it actually like for your teen to be in wilderness or other treatment?
As parents, we can never truly know. But today’s guest, Ciara Fanlo, has been through it herself. According to her, the emotional stages our teens go through in treatment are very similar to the seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance & hope, and processing grief.
So what does that look like for your teen? In this episode, Ciara shares her thoughts and experiences going through each of these steps. Like when she was going through the ‘denial’ phase and remembers thinking: “There’s no way I’ll be staying here for 12 weeks. My mom loves me, when I write her there’s no way she’s going to let me stay that long.”
I cannot describe how valuable it is to actually hear the thoughts of someone who’s been through it all themselves, as a teen. Tune in to hear Ciara’s mindblowing insights.
In this episode, we discuss:
The emotional stages your teen or young adult will experience in treatment, similar to the 7 stages of grief;How shock affects both teens and parents when entering treatment;Why resistance and anger can be healthy steps in the process;Processing grief over lost time and emotional struggles.How to manage your own expectations as a parent through the ups and downsThe importance of letting your teen move through these stages at their own paceNeed support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering why they’re the only one doing all the hard work, resentment can do a lot of harm when left unchecked.
In this episode, Seth and I tackle the tricky topic of resentment, how it sneaks up on us as parents and what we can do about it before it takes over, as well as the resentment our struggling teens might feel, especially those who have been in treatment.
“A lot of my resentment comes from an unrealistic expectation that I have of somebody else that I have not yet expressed.” - Seth Gottlieb
The truth is, resentment often grows from unspoken expectations and emotions. I share my journey of being the passive parent until my resentment boiled over, and Seth explains why teens, too, feel resentful when they’re the only ones expected to change or feel like they’re the only ones putting in all the work.
In this episode on resentment between parents and teens, we discuss:
How resentment builds and why we often ignore it until it’s too late;The importance of being emotionally honest with ourselves and our loved ones;Why struggling teens may feel resentment towards us, especially those who have been in treatment;How resentment can be an indicator that you’re not staying true to your values as a parent;Strategies to prevent resentment by communicating expectations clearly and consistently;And much more!Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showRelated podcast episodes:
102. Why Your Teen Isn’t Acting Like an Adult
66. How To Bring Up Backburner Issues With Tanya HaleAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
We are all wired to avoid uncomfortable feelings. We instinctively shy away from discomfort, parents and teens alike. Whether it’s solving a problem for our kids, distracting ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, or we’re trying to save the day, we often act to avoid the tension. But here’s the hard truth: our teens need to experience that discomfort in order to grow. In this episode, Seth and I explore why learning to sit with emotional unease, both for ourselves and our teens or young adults, is key to developing resilience and problem-solving skills.
As parents, it’s all too easy to step in and “rescue” our kids when they’re struggling. But where’s the line between helping and enabling? Is stepping in actually saving them from distress, or is it preventing them from learning how to handle their own emotions? I share a story from one of my clients about how a teen’s persistent pushback led the parent to second-guess their boundaries, ultimately giving in to avoid discomfort. It’s a common trap, but real growth happens when we, as parents, can sit with that unease a little longer than our kids, helping them build the skills they need to handle life’s emotional challenges.
In this episode on learning to sit with discomfort, we explore:
How long can you tolerate emotional discomfort before feeling the need to act?;The fine line between helping and enabling your child;Why sitting with your own distress can help your child develop problem-solving skills;The importance of modeling emotional resilience for your kids;How to balance support and structure when parenting teens.Listen now to learn how to help your teen build emotional resilience and problem-solving skills by managing your own discomfort first!
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Co-parenting is hard - there’s no sugarcoating it. In an ideal world, both parents would align perfectly on every decision, from phone use to curfews to navigating friendships. But, as Seth and I explore in this episode, that’s often not the case.
One of the biggest challenges I often see as a parent coach is when one parent holds firm boundaries while the other is more loose. It can feel like a tug-of-war, and the fear of "losing" your child to the more relaxed parent is real. But here’s the thing: I’ve consistently found that when healthy boundaries are set (and consequences stuck to) with kindness, compassion, and understanding, your child, teen, or young adult will still enjoy being around you.
You don’t have to undermine your co-parent to uphold your values, and you don’t have to be afraid of the different influences your child is getting from the other parent. Let’s take a deeper look at all of this in today’s episode!
In this episode on co-parenting challenges, we discuss:
Why you don’t have to be afraid of ‘losing’ your child to the other parent by setting more strict boundaries;How to uphold your value system without undermining the other parent;The damaging effects of speaking negatively about the other parent or dismissing their boundaries;The natural reaction of our brain to blame others and how to turn the reflection back on yourself;And much more!
"What do I do if my ex undermines my parenting?""How can I co-parent without putting my child in the middle?""Why does my ex always get to be the fun parent?""Am I losing my child to the other parent by setting strict boundaries?""What’s the best way to co-parent when we don’t agree?""How can I co-parent without conflict?"
If you ever think to yourself:…then this episode is for you! Let’s dive in!
Need support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
“An adolescent brain, it is what it is for a reason”- Brittney King
The teenage years can feel like a rollercoaster. One moment your young teen is playing it cool, and the next, they’re literally rolling on the ground pretending to be a dog. Sound familiar? In this week’s episode, I sit down with Brittney King, a licensed counselor, mom of five, and creator of the Think Good Feel Good online courses, to dive into the world of teens, particularly those in Junior High, aged 11-15.
“It’s such a key time for parents ... to be a guiding force.” - Brittney King
Brittney has a unique insight into our teen’s brain development throughout these years and why this unpredictable phase is so crucial for their development, and for us as parents. Their unpredictability can feel frustrating for us as parents (I’m not the only one who thinks sometimes ‘WHAT am I going to do with my teen?!’, right?) but understanding the teenage brain can help us be more tolerant of our kids as they explore, learn, and develop.
One thing Brittney has learned from being a counselor is that there is not one teenager out there who’s not struggling with something. What surprised her the most was how much they want to talk to adults about their problems. They don’t always show it and they certainly want some independence but that doesn’t mean they don’t need you to still be there and helping and supporting them through it.
“Teachers, coaches, therapists, they will come and go. But there is no substitute for caring and intentional parenting.” - Brittney King
It’s not about being a perfect parent or trying to be their therapist (they’ll see right through you!). What they care about is you connecting with them. They care about whether you’re showing up for them and whether they truly believe that you are there for them unconditionally, even when they don’t know how to ask for it.Let’s hear more invaluable wisdom from Brittney in today’s episode.
In this episode on the brain development of teenagers, we cover:
Why unpredictability is actually part of teen brain development;The importance of being a guiding force;How to connect with your teen without trying to “fix” them;The difference between helping and letting your teen solve their own problems;The importance of developing emotional intelligence for parents raising teens;What does it mean to be a safe person for your teen to open up to?;What teens are looking for in their parents;And more!Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can reach out to Brittney on her website brittneykingcoaching.com or send her an email at [email protected] 50% off the Think Good Feel Good online course bundle for parents and teens with promo code: bethcoachingResearch by Donald Winnicott: Good Enough ParentingBook by Ellen Galinsky: The Breakthrough Years
Links & resources mentioned in this episode:
You can support the show by:🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
What if improving your relationship with your teen starts with changing yourself?
Are you willing to look at your own behavior to improve your relationship with your teen? If you know me at all, you know I truly believe the change begins with us. In this episode, Seth and I dive deeper into what that actually means for you as a parent.
Seth dropped quite the truth bomb in this episode: "None of us is perfect in how we relate to everybody." And isn't that the crux of it? We go into situations armed with a laundry list of demands and expectations for our teens or partners, but how often do we take a step back and ask ourselves if we’re holding up our end of the bargain?
Here’s the thing—no one wants to change when they feel attacked. Think about it: How would you feel if your teen came at you with a list of your shortcomings? You’d probably get defensive, right? Well, guess what? Your teen feels the same way.
“If I’m asking someone else to be honest, I better look in the mirror and just ask myself ‘How honest am I being?’” - Beth Hillman
Real change starts when we’re willing to look in the mirror and look at our own part first - a little self-reflection I challenge you to do as we explore these ideas in this week’s episode. Let’s dive in.
In this episode on improving your relationship with your struggling teen through self-awareness, we discuss:
Self-Awareness in Parenting: Recognizing your own weaknesses and how they impact your relationships, especially with your struggling teen;The Importance of Mutual Respect: Understanding that in any relationship, there must be a balance of give and take;Avoiding an Authoritarian Approach: Realizing that setting rigid expectations and demands without self-reflection won't foster positive change in your teen;Owning Your Role: Accepting responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamic and being open to self-improvement;Effective Communication: Emphasizing the need to clearly communicate your needs to avoid resentment;And more!
Need support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
Have you ever snapped at your partner or your teen over something small, not really sure why you overreacted? Or like no matter how much sleep you get or how many cups of coffee you drink, there’s still a part of you that feels completely drained?
Oof, believe me, you’re not alone. In this episode, Seth and I dive deep into a topic that resonates with every parent: understanding our limits and how to recognize when we’re stretched too thin.
We often fill our days with obligations or even fun activities that keep us busy, but rarely do we pause to ask, “How am I really doing emotionally, physically, mentally, relationally, and spiritually?”
“A lot of times when there’s emotional stress in my life, I’m giving out a ton of emotional energy, but I don’t realize the physical toll it’s taking on me.” - Seth Gottlieb
It’s a reality many of us parents face: We push ourselves beyond our physical and emotional limits without even noticing the signs our bodies are sending us.
Have you ever noticed how your energy automatically flows to your obligations? Work, your teen, … you name it. But what happens when our personal cup is empty? That’s when we tend to overreact to minor inconveniences, not because of the small things themselves, but because we are simply exhausted. And it’s hard not to let this exhaustion seep into our family dynamics, leading to unhealthy interactions.
Seth and I break down how to become more self-aware and communicate your current emotional bandwidth to your partner and children. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about always being positive or suppressing emotions. It's about recognizing what's really going on inside you and being honest about it. Because let’s be real: until we’re fully taking care of ourselves, we can’t be fully present for others.
But self-awareness takes practice. It requires us to pause and check in with ourselves regularly. Are we really okay, or are we just telling ourselves we are? What activities genuinely fill our buckets, and which ones are simply distractions?
Let’s explore this more together in today’s episode!
In this episode on becoming aware of our own limits as parents, we discuss:
Recognizing our own physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual limits as parents;Understanding how our capacity can impact those around us;The cost for ourselves and our families of Ignoring our needs as parents;The connection between physical and emotional energy and how this impacts our behavior and family dynamics.Differentiating between enjoyable and restorative activities;Having empathy for the energy needs of others, especially our struggling teens;Learning to communicate our current emotional state and limitations to our family members;Building healthier interactions within the family by understanding and managing our own energy levels;How self-regulation and self-awareness are key to being the best parent we can be.Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
As parents, it’s natural to want to do everything we can to support our struggling teens or young adults. But where do we draw the line between encouraging them to grow and enabling them to remain dependent?
It’s a delicate balance and I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to dive into one of the more challenging questions for any parent: How do we figure out what our teens are truly capable of?
How much should you be doing for your kids? Should you be doing something for them when they can do it themselves?
It’s tempting to step in and help, especially when you see your teen struggling. But here’s the catch: by doing too much, we might be taking away the very opportunities they need to learn, grow, and mature.
Because the truth is: growth happens in the struggle.
It’s in those moments of challenge and difficulty that our teens build resilience and develop the skills they’ll need for life.
In this episode, we also explore the concept of self-efficacy, or the belief in one’s ability to succeed.
“As parents, we have to somehow be able to open up the possibility of them actually being successful, which does open up the possibility of them failing again. But we have to be willing to open up a certain amount” - Beth Hillman
It’s a tricky balance, but it’s essential for their growth.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how much is too much when it comes to helping your teen, this episode is for you. Trevor and I unpack these complex questions and offer practical insights on how to support your teen in a way that empowers them to take charge of their own life.
In this episode on encouraging vs. enabling, we discuss:
How can you determine what your struggling teen or young adult is capable of in order to set appropriate expectations and boundaries based on their capabilities?;How to decide how much you can help your teen without enabling dependency;The growth that comes from struggle and the importance of allowing your teen to face challenges independently;Avoiding the mindset of “they’re not doing it, so they can’t do it,” and recognizing when your actions cross the line from supportive to enabling;The importance of getting to know your child deeply to understand what they truly need, rather than focusing on getting them to do more or less;How you can help your teen without doing things entirely for them by taking baby steps out of enabling;Your role as a parent in helping your teen build the necessary skills to overcome their challenges without overwhelming them;The need for you to open up the possibility of your teen being successful, even if it means risking failure;The importance of self-efficacy and its role in your teen’s development.And remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! -
You want your teen to be sober, don’t you? But aren’t you focusing on the wrong goal by expecting your teen not to drink any alcohol or take any substances? And what does being sober actually mean? Does it mean the same thing to you as it does to your teen?
A multiple pathways approach versus a one-shoe-fits-all, abstinence policy;Focussing on the root cause versus the symptom of drinking or using drugs;Creating a safe space for your teen to confide in you;What does sobriety mean to you? And what does it mean to your teen?;Is sobriety a good goal to strive for or should we be focusing on something else?;And much more!
“Progress, navigation, experimentation, these are normal parts of teenage and young-adult life” - Seth Gottlieb
Sobriety is a complex topic and I’m grateful to be having a deep discussion with Seth today, who has some interesting takes while sharing about his own thoughts and feelings from his path to sobriety.
Here’s one big takeaway from today’s episode: We have to remember the goal. Is the goal to check a box, out of fear and insecurity? Or is the goal a happy and healthy teen?
“There’s this one little piece, [sobriety] and if we focus on that piece, … you’re missing the entire context of other things that they’re accomplishing and other progress they’re making in their lives” - Beth
As parents, we often go black and white. Sober or addict. I get that. First of all, I’ve been there. Second of all, we’re often dealing with very young brains and it feels like there’s so much at stake!
But what if they need this experimentation to figure out whether or not this is something that can be a part of their life?
Join us today in this discussion about what sobriety means, to you and to your struggling teen, and whether it should be a goal to strive for or not.
In this episode on what it means to be sober and whether it’s really that important, we discuss:Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.
🌱 Small GROUP COACHING program starting February 3rd, 2025 🌱
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there! - Show more
