Episodes
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Let’s be honest, we live in a world of imperfection. we are imperfect. No matter how fastidious you may be, there will always be banana peels to slip on in everyone’s life. “Why did I do that?” “If only I worked harder.” The old could-a, would-a, should-a’s.
Every challenge, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. Every setback is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. It’s true we can’t prevent regrets, but we damn well can minimize and avoid most of them.
In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I offer twelve ways to minimize regrets going forward while letting go of yesterday’s banana slips. -
Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much, and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts.
What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back? Sure, there are challenging circumstances in your life. But it’s not life circumstances that are holding you back or making you feel anxious or depressed, it’s your reaction to these circumstances
When it comes to happiness, we often hold ourselves back psychologically through self-imposed limitations and mental barriers, many of which stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or deeply ingrained, habituated thought patterns. Join me in this week’s episode as I explore some common ways we do this. -
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I’m sure you’ll agree that changing neurotic perceptions characterized by excessive worrying fear or emotional hyper-reactivity is easier said than done. In order to change the way you perceive and think about yourself and the world, it will take what we might call intentional effort. Efforts to reframe the thought patterns that have become reflexive habits while also managing and regulating your emotional/physiological responses.
Once you understand how you’ve been compromised by neurotic perceptions and thoughts, then it’s time to apply a Self-Coaching approach that will allow you to reverse the grip that irrational, anxious struggles have on your life. -
Ever notice how silly someone else’s worry seems to you? How many times have you told someone to stop making mountains out of molehills? Unfortunately,// if worry has become your knee-jerk reflexive response to life challenges, then mountain-making is what you do best.
People make mountains out of molehills for a variety of psychological, emotional, and social reasons. This often stems from an inability to put issues into perspective, where minor inconveniences are perceived as major crises. And if you struggle with stress and anxiety, you’re probably no stranger to amplifying small problems, making them seem disproportionately ‘mountain’ like. -
In everyone’s life there are challenges, some big, some small. When faced with adversity, hope can help us weather our storms. What exactly is hope? There’s no doubt that hope involves our emotions, but did you know that hope itself is not an emotion? Hope is a way of thinking. This means that hope—OR HAVING a hopeful attitude-- can be learned or coached.
It’s true that hope may not mitigate the inevitable challenges we must face, but hope isn’t about what’s coming around the corner, it’s about releasing ourselves from the despair of hopelessness in our present. Allowing us to live more courageously and unencumbered by pessimistic projections. -
In this Self-Coaching podcast, I’m introducing a new format: weekly Self-Coaching challenges. My intention is to provide bite-sized, motivational instructions that can be practiced each week to enhance your Self-Coaching efforts. Today’s challenge is an exercise in ‘creating a bubble’ of separation from your world of “have-tos.” By practicing being more responsive to your ‘whims,’ you open yourself up to glimpse the life that awaits you.
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Today’s Self-Coaching episode addresses the crucial role that optimism and pessimism have on your liberation from emotional struggle. Although I’ll be talking about optimism in next week’s podcast, I felt it was crucial to first address what happens when we identify with pessimism, “I’ll never get better,” “life’s too hard, I just can’t handle it.” This is the voice of pessimism, which has become an entrenched habit of ego identification—in a very real sense, you become your pessimism. And when this happens, you begin what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the neurotic thinking associated with insecurity begins to feel like it’s your voice—It’s not!
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Perhaps the best way to describe Responsive Living would be the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) phrase Let go, let god. The simplicity of this adage may escape you,// but trust me, it’s quite profound. In AA parlance, it has to do with letting go of compulsive, destructive thinking and handing yourself over to a higher power. From a secularized, Self-Coaching standpoint, Responsive Living is learning to let go, let life. Translation: letting go of trying to over-control life, and instead learning to risk letting life unfold spontaneously without anticipation, worry, or fear.
Join me in this Self-Coaching episode to explore this extremely important Mind-Talk step of learning to use Responsive Living to liberate yourself from a life of emotional struggle. -
Releasing yourself from struggle
You’ve heard it said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When you get caught up in the incessant chatter of insecurity-driven thinking, having a simple picture in your mind can be far more useful than a thousand words of analyzing or trying to understand the “whys” of your suffering. In this Self-Coaching episode, I provide two compelling, fail-safe visualizations that you will want to use over and over again whenever your mind feels hijacked by insecurity-driven ruminations of emotional struggle.
Why are visualizations so powerful? Simply because the brain likes, even craves, visual images. You can tell yourself to stop worrying, which, more often than not, requires a tedious effort, but if you create a visual image in your mind, you will be short-circuiting the neurotic ruminations that cripple you, allowing you to turn away from the toxic chatter of insecurity and reconnect with a more relaxed, empowered perspective—one that will enable you to proceed to next week’s critically important step 3, Reactive Living. -
How exactly do you stop allowing yourself to be manipulated by neurotic thinking? The simple answer to this question is best summed up by something my grandmother was fond of saying: You can’t stop a bird from flying into your hair, but you don’t have to help it build a nest. You may not be able to stop neurotic thoughts from percolating up into consciousness, but you don’t have to passively allow your conscious mind to become part of the “nest-building” problem. This is the essence of Mind-Talk’s Step Two, stopping the progression of insecurity-driven thinking.
In this Self-Coaching podcast, I introduce two techniques for stopping this progression (a.k.a., nest building):
• Engaging—focusing your conscious mind to actively stop the progression of insecurity-driven thinking.
• Active Ignoring—asserting your conscious mind to ignore and disengage from insecurity-driven thinking. -
If you do nothing about your thinking, nothing will change. If you do something about your thinking, you will change.
In this Self-Coaching podcast, I will introduce you to the first of four steps involved in Mind-Talk. Mind-Talk is my unique technique for ensuring liberation from anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles. Today's episode with teach you two critical exercises: Detached Mind-Checking and Critically Observing. Once you learn these simple techniques, you will no longer feel victimized by the inexplicable, habituated, neurotic thoughts that have prevented you from the solace that you long for. -
It’s critical for you to understand that when it comes to your awareness, your conscious thoughts are not alone. With conscious awareness, you can, for example, be totally conscious and aware of your compulsive, worrisome ruminations: What if I get sick? What will happen to my job? What if I lose my job? What if...? but equally unconscious of the reflexive insecurity that spawns these neurotically laden thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. So, the question is this: with all the cross-fertilization—conscious-unconscious melding—how in the world do we separate truth from untruth, facts from emotionally driven fiction? In this Self-Coaching podcast, join me as I help you prepare for the specific Mind-Talk steps that will enable you to make these critical distinctions.
Today, we’ll discuss three types of thinking:1.) Spontaneous thoughts. Unprovoked thoughts that erupt spontaneously into consciousness, Oops, I forgot to make that call. These are thoughts triggered by the unconscious that emerge into consciousness from the unconscious.2.) Conscious, intentional thinking.3.) Insecurity-Driven thoughts. These are reflexive thoughts that evoke doubt, fear, or negativity. These thoughts are not consciously driven (you may, for example, become aware of your fearful thoughts after you feel them). -
In today’s Self-Coaching podcast I want to introduce you to my technique of Mind Talk. Mind Talk is a four-step program that will allow you to assert the full power of your conscious mind in order to neutralize the distorted, neurotic thinking that sustains anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle. This technique is the core of my philosophy of Self-Coaching and will require a series of podcasts to fully equip you with the foundation necessary to succeed in liberating yourself from your struggles.
Today’s episode is the first of the series.
I begin by laying the preliminary groundwork for the steps ahead. We begin with a more through understanding, a demystifying, of how we think. Our conscious thoughts need to be seen in a different light. You need to understand that you are not your neurotic thoughts, these are interlopers, perpetrated by insecurity. Today’s podcast will help you recognize the importance of separating your true self from the neurotic entanglements of habituated, insecurity-driven thinking. Next week we’ll explore the role that the unconscious plays and following next week’s episode, we’ll begin a discussion of the four steps involved in applying Mind Talk. -
If you’ve been listening to my recent podcasts, you would have heard me say that the reason you struggle emotionally is that you have become a passive victim of old, insecurity-driven habits. And make no mistake, a passive mind will always be susceptible to manipulation by insecurity. Essentially, a passive mind, one that capitulates to the doubts, fears, and negativity of insecurity, insists that neurotic struggle is….well, just the way it is.
Bull!
Once you awaken your sleeping giant of consciousness (active-mind) you can learn to overcome neurotic passivity and begin the important process of neutralizing reflexive, anxious thinking. Join me in this Self-Coaching podcast to see how a traumatic experience from my past led to my understanding of the absolute power your conscious mind has over that in you, which seems powerless. -
In today’s Self-Coaching podcast, I talk about decontaminating and neutralizing the destructive, reflexive habits of the past that operate just beneath your level of consciousness. These less-than-conscious influences, which I call part of your shadow personality, are the reason why we struggle. Keep in mind that these habits are less than conscious, not unconscious!Using my Self-Coaching technique of ‘mind talk,’ you can learn to bring these destructive habits out of the shadow and into the full light of conscious awareness. Once exposed, you can apply my four steps that will help you begin a process of neutralizing the neurotic baggage of the past while putting you on a liberated, uncontaminated path of wellness.
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We all have what I call a ‘shadow personality.’ Although a non-nurturing parental environment can be a major contributor to the shadow personality, any disruptive developmental challenges that all children face—fear, poverty, separations, loss, illness, and so on, can result in feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. These influences comprise the shadow of your here-and-now personality. Like the backdrop of a play, the shadow personality has an indirect, reflexive influence on your life. And it’s these influences that constitute the insecurity-driven habits that fuel your emotional struggles.
In this podcast, I introduce a new Self-Coaching tool: conscious correction. With conscious correction, you will learn how to bring reflexive neurotic aspects of your shadow personality into focus, enabling you to “pump the brakes” slowing down your worrisome habits while neutralizing the acquired, destructive influences of the past. -
Let me wind up my Self-Coaching series on the non-nurturing parental environment with a discussion of the indifferent parent and the defective, abusive parent. Although these examples represent extreme forms of defective parenting, to a greater or lesser extent, they play a part in the lives of many who suffer emotionally as adults.
Essentially, the indifferent parent is one whose life and personal needs supersede their child’s. This type of parent may be openly neglectful and distracted. They are less likely to be held to account for the damage this lack of connectedness has on a child’s sense of worth and self-esteem. They are too selfish to establish an adequate and loving relationship with the child.
The Defective, Abusive Parent, in contrast, tends to have a much more direct and deleterious effect on the child’s emotional development. Many psychologically wounded parents suffer from alcoholism, debilitating anxiety and depression, personality disorders, drug addiction, and so on. As you can imagine, a defective parent’s ability to provide an adequate nurturing environment is limited by the extent of their dysfunction. Because of this dysfunction, there could be neglect, emotional or physical abuse, along with erratic and inconsistent attempts to show love. Children who grow up in these homes are the children of chaos. -
Last week’s podcast dealt with the overcontrolling, anxious parent. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I distinguish between the overcontrolling parent and the co-dependent parent. Whereas the overcontrolling parent is invested in controlling and protecting every aspect of a child’s life, the co-dependent parent lives vicariously through the child to compensate for their own shortcomings. Because of their own emotional neediness, this is a parent who, rather than being the source of emotional stability for the child, winds up using the child to feed their own fragile ego.
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Back around 1969, overly anxious, controlling parents began to be called “helicopter parents.” Helicopter parents have a tendency to hover over their children—helicopter-like—micromanaging every aspect of a child’s life, saying, “Watch out!” “Don’t pet that dog!” “Don’t eat that.” The child becomes merely an extension of the parent’s anxieties, fears, and insecurities. In an attempt to stay one step ahead of anticipated mayhem, helicopter parents just can’t help jumping in and getting involved. Too involved!
Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching episode as I explore the ego-shaping influences of growing up with anxious parents. -
In the Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that by recognizing the similarities between your present-day insecurities and the nurturing/non-nurturing environment provided by your parents (as well as other significant shaping influences) during your early developmental years, you give yourself an important edge. You gain the ability to step apart from your own personal mental congestion and recognize how your present struggles have been shaped by your early learning and conditioning—the programming of your brain.
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