Episodes

  • The Boys of Summer, Don Henley, The Ataris, pencils, FMK, EPs, Casa Bonita, blink-182 plane crash versus cancer, funeral service for broken record player needles, apartments with no bath or shower, sickle versus umbrella, plus after show bonus audio.

    Double X Quantimino

    Do The Math: Did Don Henley earn The Ataris more than The Ataris earn The Ataris on Spotify?

    Guestimation Unknown No. 2 - pencils

    FMK: Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn

    Recommended extended plays (EPs)

    No tipping at Casa Bonita

    Understanding in a plane crash

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Millennium-old Japanese temple offering funeral service for broken record player needles

    Apartments with no bath or shower rising in popularity among young Tokyoites

    Sickle-wielding attacker safely fended off by victim’s umbrella in Aomori

    Burnt End: Burrito’s Prescription, Coupon Book, Guy Hair Counter

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  • Coheed and Cambria albums ranked by The Burrito Bandito in response to The Hard Times article, finger d¡ck or d¡ck hand?, Mein Cumpf, cassettes, The Presidents, One hundred ten percent, Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Double X Quantimino

    Let's taco bout it - Every Coheed and Cambria Album Ranked article by The Hard Times

    Finger d¡ck or d¡ck hand?

    Mein Cumpf

    Cassettes - nostalgia, Hanson, The Presidents

    Ten percent

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Curses for sale on Japan’s leading flea market site Mercari

    Japanese college student admits he robbed taxi driver, denies in court that he was rude about it

    Domino’s Japan creates a bacon shake for dipping pizzas into

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  • Sneaky link, Zoot Suit Riot, walking around barefooted, Covenant Eyes, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Nick Cannon, 50 Cent, Wheel of Fortune, plane door, gross model, kidney stone, beer keys, a million pennies, 5 million yen, air for sale, tiny newspapers, samurai assassination plot

    Double X Quantimino

    Sneaky link

    Zoot Suit Riot

    Walking around barefooted

    Covenant Eyes

    Frederick’s of Hollywood

    Nick Cannon Calls 50 Cent 'Fat:' 'Now It's Get Thick Or Die Fryin'

    Guestimation Unknown - Wheel of Fortune viewers per week

    This Is The Newz

    'I wondered what I'd done wrong in life,' says man next to passenger who opened plane door on flight

    Gross model reveals what remote-workers will look like in 2100

    What if your d!ck had taste buds?

    Sri Lanka doctors remove 5.26-inch, 1.76-pound kidney stone from patient

    Beer kegs block Michigan highway after semi overturns

    California family finds a million pennies while cleaning out old house

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    5 million yen in cash found in Otsu City dump

    Air from 2022 for sale on Japanese flea market app Mercari

    Tiny newspapers

    “Get them drunk then chop off their heads.” Samurai’s assassination plot against U.S. envoys found

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  • Pre-show

    UBI, universal healthcare

    Brian put a timestamp so this is why you have it now instead of six months from now

    New year’s resolutions

    Amazon aquarium accessories

    Noah K

    Double X Quantimino

    In your prime could you have done it? - Since 1948, the 72-ounce Top Sirloin Dinner has been served free to anyone who can eat the entire steak and trimmings within one hour.

    Price Is Right Rules

    Dennis Douglas Dung nicknamed 3D

    Slammich - our own custom sandwich

    How much was Brian’s meal at Quiznos?

    Quizno hack to not pay extra for guacamole

    Twofer’s - a sandwich shop that sells half-and-half sandwiches

    Costco cheesecake return

    Is drywashing a thing? Wiping a spoon

    Beef pizzle

    Hack-a-dick

    Gangrene feet

    This Is The Newz

    Single mother’s future in jeopardy after thief steals driveway

    Pastor accused of trying to push McDonald's cook's head into deep fryer for 'disrespecting' his wife

    Video shows man attack district court judge during sentencing

    Ohio man shot in testes by ex-girlfriend says he still loves her

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Japanese life insurance company develops dating sim where you’re not supposed to get insurance

    Bar explodes in Tokyo’s Shinbashi neighborhood

    All-you-can-eat doughnuts at Mister Donut: How many can we eat in 60 minutes?

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  • Carnevil, The House of the Dead, Etsy, milk glass, laundry frequency, finger lickin’ good, high flying birds and fearless flying frogs, motorcycle ride with one helmet, 23 cents, Lemon Party, neighbor sues over medical weed smell, drunk duck fights dog, three men and a giant inflatable duck, cocaine on Sonic hot dog, drunk politician doing pullups inside train, 85-year-old great grandmother virtual YouTuber, police mascot flipping bird stickers

    Double X Quantimino

    Carnevil or The House of the Dead?

    Arthur the Arbiter - Item title and options mislead. An Etsy review.

    Milk glass and Brian’s grandfather’s glass collection

    The 'no-wash' and 'low-wash' movement - how often is your denim washed

    "finger lickin' good"

    High flying birds and fearless flying frogs

    Hypothetical Meta Analysis - motorcycle ride, one helmet

    23 cents

    Lemon Party documentary

    This Is The Newz

    Judge orders DC man to stop smoking medical weed at home after neighbor sues over smell

    Duck walks into pub, drinks pint, fights dog, loses

    Three men swept out to sea on giant inflatable duck

    New Mexico woman finds cocaine on Sonic hot dog

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Drunk Japanese politician in trouble for doing pullups inside moving train

    85-year-old great-grandmother from Hiroshima is Japan’s newest virtual YouTuber/idol

    Tokyo couple caught making stickers with police mascot flipping bird

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  • Celebrity butt water, sock shoe, caramel, three fingers in the honeycomb, one comic book, Walmart version of Margot Robbie, car flies Dukes of Hazzard style, guillotine, Duck Hunt, eunuch maker’s frozen leg, Saitama thugs, calling police 2,060 times in 9 days, condombassador

    Double X Quantimino

    Celebrity butt water

    sock shoe sock shoe or sock sock shoe shoe

    Caramel

    RHCP lyrics “Three fingers in the honeycomb”

    Burrito has enough space in his bugout bag for one comic book to bring to La Isla - Spider-Man: Blue #6

    knock-off of a knockout

    “Dramatic body camera footage shows a car speeding down a Georgia highway, catching a tow truck ramp and flying about 120 feet through the air "Dukes of Hazzard"-style, authorities say. The driver survived the crash with serious injuries.”

    This Is The Newz

    Couple's choreographed suicide by guillotine ends with heads rolling into fire altar

    Deputies accuse man of using Nintendo ‘Duck Hunt’ pistol to rob a business

    Man admits freezing leg of alleged ‘eunuch maker’ who was accused of broadcasting live castrations

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    “I’m the most famous thug in Saitama!” Japanese kids’ social media beef leads to beating, arrests

    Saitama man arrested for calling police 2,060 times in 9 days to yell at them

    14th-generation condom ambassador named by Japan’s Sagami Original

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  • Tacos fall apart, that double space, The Taming of the Shrew, throwing out undies, $19 smash burger, movie soundtracks, Bomb Queen, Brazilian steakhouse, hiding in a store after close, seals stick eels up nose, tipping culture, Hot Pocket shooting, Plymouth Hoe palm trees, plastic egg tarts, Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Double X Quantimino

    Plug In & Hate - "It's ok if u fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart & we still love them"

    That double space between a full stop and the next sentence

    The Taming of the Shrew

    When to throw out the undies

    A $19 smash burger

    One movie soundtrack to take to La Isla

    Bomb Queen

    Brazilian steakhouse

    Hiding after close in a store of your choice

    This Is The Newz

    ‘Make better choices’: Researchers beg endangered seals to not stick eels up nose

    Influencer who created AI version of herself says it's gone rogue and she's working 'around the clock' to stop it saying sexually explicit things

    TikTokers say tipping culture is getting 'out of hand' after a woman claimed a Ben & Jerry's cashier got annoyed when she didn't tip for a $2 cone

    Man shot roommate in Kentucky for eating last Hot Pocket, police say

    Plymouth Hoe palm trees cut down in sex and drugs crackdown

    ‎Morse - Vibration Messenger

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Egg tart vendor promises not to accidentally sell realistic plastic samples a third time

    More than one in three Japanese working women in survey would rather be housewives

    Man rides motorbike into lobby of Fukuoka police station, demands they crack down on rude driving

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  • Weapons for The Purge, vuvuzelas, poker, lima beans, Honey Buns, $70 safety razor, Newz, one million bees, toe sucking, Martha Stewart, Boot Girls, BNN, precious metal fillings, candy from Grave of the Fireflies, Krispy Kreme doughnut burger

    Double X Quantimino

    Weapons of choice during The Purge

    Vuvuzelas

    Poker’s popularity, Strip Poker on USA Network

    Lima bean, clitorati

    Guestimation Unknown - Honey Buns

    A $70 safety razor

    This Is The Newz

    Ajax man facing charges after obtaining sexual services and refusing to pay

    One million bees released during tractor-trailer crash on I-10 Westbound and US-301

    Man rescued from woods after sex game goes awry

    Hilton Hotel manager arrested for waking up guest by sucking on his toes

    Woman's body found in Arby's freezer

    Driver tried to switch places with his dog on DUI stop in Colorado town, police say

    Martha Stewart lands 'historic' Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover

    Masturbation with 'sex toy' kills man; gets electrocuted with ping pong ball up his butt while jerking off

    A ride with Boot Girls, 2 women challenging Atlanta's parking enforcement industry

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Kyoto City planning to sell cremated people’s precious metal fillings for millions of yen

    Candy from Ghibli’s Grave of the Fireflies disappearing as manufacturer goes out of business

    Krispy Kreme adds doughnut burgers to its menu in Japan

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    Tentative titles: “Meet the Wolves Halfway”, “The Ant and the Lima Bean”, “Innocence and Piggies”

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  • Wrestling entrance songs, NDAs, time is an illusion / social construct / flat circle, the bar scene, boys and girls’ bikes, mermaid statue, drugs shipped to restaurant, $120K banana, penis surgery gone wrong, orgasm heard at LA Philharmonic concert, fish semen on the sushi menu, Betty at 92’s male striptease show, all-you-can eat cookie cafe, beautiful women on apartment visits, JP government seeks power to control AC remotely

    Double X Quantimino

    Wrestling entrance songs - Brian: Let’s Get Reptarded, Art: The War, GMN: Hero, Burrito: Simon Says

    Reality show NDA

    Entrance songs but only from James Bond movies

    Time is an illusion and a social construct

    Time is a flat circle

    A homunculus amunculus

    The bar scene

    Boys and girls' bikes

    This Is The Newz

    Mermaid statue causes stir in southern Italy

    Man arrested after $3M worth of drugs shipped to restaurant

    Banana drama: ‘hungry’ South Korean student eats $120,000 artwork

    Man dies after penis enhancement surgery goes wrong

    Woman's ‘loud and full body orgasm’ heard during LA Philharmonic concert

    Michelin star chef inspired to add ‘fish semen’ to the menu at high-end restaurant

    Care home resident fulfills dream of watching male striptease show at 92

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Reminder: Japan has awesome all-you-can-eat cookies cafés

    Tokyo real estate agency sends beautiful women with you on apartment visits for date-like mood

    Japanese government seeking power to turn down private home air conditioners remotely

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  • Walnutmilk, Mylk, Mxlk, Rawr, OwO/UwU, 3½-hour long movie or live music performance, Avril, JTT, Utopia, Prions, How much until you have to let your pet go?, Jersey Mike’s charity contribution to Boners for Algernon, overthinking, Desiigner, penis for sale, claw machine, cooked bats, stillborn, police bunny, RoboDog, robot waiters, food prank

    Double X Quantimino

    Walnutmilk, Mylk, Mxlk

    Rawr is my OwO

    Three and a half hours of a live music performance or movie

    Avril, JTT, Utopia

    Cool band name? - Hotass Pedxphiles

    Prions

    How much until you have to let your pet go?

    Guesstimation Unknown: Mike's Way®

    Boners for Algernon

    Overthinking? Ruminating? Breathe.

    This Is The Newz

    Rapper Desiigner charged for masturbating aboard overseas flight

    Man 'tries to sell penis' at Eastern Cape shopping mall

    Boy, 13, gets stuck climbing into claw machine for prize

    German officials seize cooked bats near Belgian border

    Pair charged with throwing away ashes of stillborn infant

    Baby Gooch: “I’m stillborn. I stay born. Go shop at Liz Claiborne.”

    Officer Cottontail? Bunny joins the police force. Fur real.

    RoboCop? No, RoboDog: Robotic dog rejoins New York police

    Are robot waiters the future? Some restaurants think so

    Japan police arrest 2 in food prank at beef bowl diner

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  • A paper coffee cup, George Foreman Grill, human burgers, Make-A-Wish wishes, sugar AIDS, throwing stacks of $100 bills out a car window, meta analysis, raw water, two million dimes, hit man names, epoxy condom, gyoza king, asking to jerk off in a convenience store bathroom, cat fur bed sheets

    Double X Quantimino

    A paper coffee cup

    George Foreman Grill

    Human burgers

    You're a Make-A-Wish kid and your wish is going to be granted.

    Sugar AIDS, Chasr, Got Bugz

    A man threw stacks of $100 bills from his car window in a wild show of generosity. His family says he drained their bank accounts, leaving them broke.

    Meta-analysis, Part 1: Testosterone treatment not linked to short-, medium-term CV events in men

    Meta-analysis, Part 2: Sex after menopause doesn’t need to hurt

    Urechis caupo

    This Is The Newz

    Trendy “raw water” source under bird’s nest sparks diarrheal outbreak

    Police search for group of suspects who stole 2 million dimes from truck in Northeast Philadelphia

    Tennessee Air National Guardsman applied to be a hit man on a website - and got arrested

    Hitman names: Montezuma’s Revenge, Gloom and Doom, Ambivalence, Brian Shrimp

    Man dies after having sex using epoxy adhesive instead of a condom

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Kyoto police issue arrest warrant in nine-year-old murder of Japan’s gyoza king

    Teacher in Japan politely asks to use convenience store bathroom to jerk off, gets arrested

    Japan created bed sheets that feel like petting a cat, and they sold out immediately

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  • Vinyl record grooves, The Flaccid and the Furious, horny goat weed, White Van Scam, ranch sauce, your wife has been kidnapped, Caesar salad, your AI existence, alcoholic dog now sober, offensive shirt at Walmart, Resident Evil 4 upskirt, 18,000 cows, cocaine hippo hit by SUV, Apple store robbed, Fabrizio, Japanese fight festival, man buys coffee but gets latte, Least Attractive Prefecture

    Pre-show

    F–k Dungeon

    Rebel Wilson Tribute

    A Facef–k to Remember

    Double X Quantimino

    Groove

    The Flaccid and the Furious

    Horny goat weed

    Booba Gettz spotted in the wild in Arthur's Nextdoor feed: ‘SCAM: Watch out for the “White Van Speaker Scam” in the area. A guy pumping gas next to me, at Exxon, almost fell for it. The scammer was in a white truck “selling” a home entertainment system.’

    Ranch

    “Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You’re driving to rescue her. It’s a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no”

    Plug In & Hate - What I Had For Lunch: Caesar salad

    What if you found out you were an AI bot?

    Did Arthur Dream of Electric Podcasts?

    This Is The Newz

    Alcoholic dog who got addicted to drinks left out by owner now sober

    Walmart removes offensive shirt with hidden curse after complaints

    Ashley breaks the fourth wall in Resident Evil 4 Remake if you try to upskirt her

    18,000 cows killed in explosion, fire at Texas dairy farm may be largest cattle killing ever

    Re-enactment Newz: Brian is the newscaster in the helicopter. Gemini is the SUV driver. Burrito is the hippo.

    One of Pablo Escobar's 'cocaine hippos' dies after being hit by an SUV in Colombia

    Washington Apple store robbed of $500,000 in iPhones after thieves tunnel through coffee shop wall

    Fabricio/Fabrizio

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Fights break out at Japanese fight festival

    Man arrested for trying to kill a convenience store owner over a cup of coffee

    Japanese prefecture replaces Ibaraki as Least Attractive Prefecture in annual ranking

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  • X-Men intimacy, John Stamos gets crowned, a Friends smashup, eat a McGlizzy, where to find grapefruit gelatin, mustaches, Batgirl, what pandemic?, the Blue October Girl archetype, losing 30 lb eating McDonald’s, Luby’s Hamber Alert, a teenager pretends to be a physician’s assistant to access a hospital, mammoth meatballs, knockoff designer brands, a hacker returns $200M, naked man drives school bus, a gang member with Down syndrome, all you can eat ice cream and frozen food, an English-speaking-only bar in Japan, a woman defrauds men for 4.4M yen.

    Double X Quantimino

    The best X-Men with which to have sex

    John Stamos

    Friends Smashup

    The McGlizzy

    Getting grapefruit gelatin for your bae

    Mustache

    That canceled Batgirl movie

    How We Buried A Pandemic

    Blue October Girl

    This Is The Newz

    Man eating McDonald's for 100 days is down nearly 30 lb so far — and now his wife is joining him

    Luby's apologizes for ham-handed promotion

    Teenage imposter gains access to two Slam City South South hospitals

    Meatball from long-extinct mammoth created by food firm

    Customs officers seize more than $700,000 of knockoff Gucci, Chanel, other designer brands

    Hacker Behind $200M Euler Attack Apologizes, Returns Millions in Ether, Dai to Protocol

    Naked man driving stolen school bus with dead deer inside leads police on chase

    Alleged gang member with Down syndrome indicted in separate Chicago murders

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    All you can eat ice cream and frozen food restaurant becomes a hit in Akihabara

    English-speaking-only bar opens in Osaka and Tokyo, yellow cards for those who don’t follow rules

    Shiga woman defrauded 4.4M yen by man asking for money to fly down from the ISS and marry her

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  • The Mayor Pro Tem Boston Cream Cake story is retold. A customized aroma collection for Slam City is workshopped. Motor vehicle operators must now be able to also properly operate a bicycle. A mother’s daughter asks for $4 to pay for a classmate’s field trip fee, but Mom says no. Cassettes are limited edition collectibles now? Arthur was late to the recording session, so no Newz this episode. The Burrito Bandito brings odd news from Japan about a briefcase filled with adult toys, bears serving coffee through a hole in the wall, and a straight-bar keyboard. If your attention span takes you to 45:03, Jaymark takes you time-traveling.

    Double X Quantimino

    Gemini and The Burrito Bandito explain Mayor Pro Tem to Brian and the listener.

    Slam City's Aroma Collection - Barbacoa, Olympic Swimming Pool, Grundle, Clam City (Glitter + Shame), and Nostalgia Stage Two

    Hypothetical Meta Analysis - To legally operate a motor vehicle, one of the requirements is that an applicant must be able to properly operate a bicycle.

    Did she make the right decision? A mother declines to give her daughter $4 to pay for another classmate’s field trip fee.

    When did collectible limited edition cassettes become a thing? Do I need to dig out my old Walkman? As The Burrito Bandito was swinging and missing on buying a copy of the Coheed and Cambria SSTB vinyl repress, pronoun noticed a cassette section in Equal Vision's store.

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Bomb squad in Japan summoned to take care of an abandoned briefcase full of adult toys

    Bears serve environmentally friendly coffee and treats via a hole in the wall at new Tokyo cafe

    Google Japan creates the Key Bou, an insane and logical straight-bar keyboard

    After Party: A brief review of Martin House Brewing Company Raspberry Mochi fruited sour + tips on meeting women

    Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz

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  • The scientific method, buying tickets, first movie on a date at home, $3 for cheese on a burger, chivalry was killed, teledildonics, Crispr baby, stop Rickrolling, The Big Nasty, Newz, Ninja Bear, trains, and raincoats.

    Pre-game: The Scientific Method

    Double X Quantimino

    Buying tickets then and now

    Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans, Part 2 - A Movie

    A woman ghosted a date because he wouldn’t order $3 cheese for his burger

    Chivalry didn't die, it was killed

    Teledildonics

    You found out that you're a Crispr baby

    Stop Rickrolling

    Slam City Lucha Libre - The Burrito Bandito vs The Big Nasty

    This Is The Newz

    Man who killed 3 people, cut heart out and cooked it pleads guilty in Oklahoma

    Security guard dragged by truck while chasing person who stole 3-foot foam carrot from Clearview Mall's Easter display

    Norfolk burglar stole sex toy after break in through dog flap

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Giant “Ninja Bear” has been attacking dairy farms in Hokkaido for three years

    Japanese public broadcaster issues apology for calling a train a “train”

    Japan’s Raincoat Man arrested for stealing 360 women’s raincoats

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  • Electric lawnmowers, mind control, free delivery isn’t free, Weezer gave Pikus speakers, bok choy for some box joy, HEB, Nickelback, boneless wyngz, $432K worth of crab, sister city scam, $40k worth of calculators, Raw Dawgs, corn syrup train derails, melon taste, rear train cars, flush your prayers.

    Double X Quantimino

    Lawnz

    Choose one superpower: super strength, mind control, telekinesis, fire, ice, invisibility

    Free delivery

    White Van Scam in the Quantimino - Booba Gettz is spotted in Hollywood circa 1992.

    “The cost of the recording session was estimated at $200, but the band didn't have any money to cover the costs. In exchange for his services, the band gave Pikus a pair of stereo speakers which they had purchased from "a dude in a van" a few months before the session.”

    Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans - bok choy for some box joy

    "The cultiest cult grocer in America"

    This Is The Newz

    Rutgers Scientists Identify Substance That May Have Sparked Life on Earth

    Man sues Buffalo Wild Wings because he says their 'boneless wings' are actually chicken nuggets

    Man charged for impersonating Stanwood Safeway agent, stealing $432K worth of crab

    City of Newark falls for Sister City scam: "Whose job was it to do a simple Google search?"

    Calculators worth over $40,000 stolen in spree of New York school burglaries

    'We didn't have any failures': Omaha nonprofit hoping to relaunch 'Raw Dawgs' youth gang prevention group

    A train carrying corn syrup derails in Arizona

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Tropicana’s Japanese licensee in hot juice for cartons that boast “100% Melon Taste”

    “Passengers who don’t want to be groped, please use the rear train cars” announcement angers Japan

    Flush your prayers down the toilet at this unique Japanese temple

    After Party: Pubix and Centennial Light

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  • Burrito’s new camera, yeast, socmed feeds, tech shabbat, wife beaters, Clam City, nacho cheese, location data, size Z prosthetic breasts, Funkos, chokehold, Genshin Impact, zombie virus, fake Jordan cards, and Burrito’s Nippon Newz.

    Double X Quantimino

    Hypothetical Meta Analysis - Burrito is asked to do a tasteful nude photoshoot with his new camera.

    "I love you too much to argue."

    Yeast from there to make bread and beer

    Slam Citizens' life pro tips on curating your feedz

    A "tech shabbat" - Is Arthur already doing this and can you?

    “What’d You Say, Delilah?” by Haynes Wife Beaterz

    Clam City, OnlyClamz

    Nacho cheese

    Location data

    This Is The Newz

    Canadian teacher with size-Z prosthetic breasts, placed on paid leave

    Over $30M worth of Funkos are being dumped

    Norwalk math teacher accused of using chokehold on students resigns, official says

    Genshin Impact Voice Actor Asks Fans To Bathe Before Attending Concert

    Scientists have revived a 'zombie' virus that spent 48,500 years frozen in permafrost

    82-year-old charged with sale of fake Michael Jordan cards

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Tokyo gang breaks no-weapons rule, shows up for fight with rivals carrying spiked bat

    Unlicensed drunk driver involved in hit-and-run, makes pathetic attempt to avoid police

    Japanese hotel gives you a beer tap in your room, 10 liters of craft beer to drink for free

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    Tentative titles: “In Queso Emergency”, “Lace Your Uncle”, “What Did You Say, Delilah?”

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  • A $17 cookie, blink-182’s Apple Shampoo lyrics, Liver Guy, bull semen, magazine covers, feeding a family on a $3k/week salary, Roget’s Thesaurus, dental hygienists, blackout rage gallons, free lunches, Walmart versus Target, Never Have I Ever, accidental incest, a 2,000-year-old sex toy, a 1998 Ford Escort, missing biscuits, a kissing device, a giant squid statue, spreadable coffee, and more odd news stories.

    Double X Quantimino

    A $17 Chocolate Chip Cookie

    Dude Ranch, Apple Shampoo, Dance Hall Crashers

    Liver Guy Follow-up Story

    Bull semen - She tells you to take a shot right before coitus.

    Your fake magazine cover

    Plug In & Hate - A mother of two explains how she feeds her toddlers with her $3k/week salary.

    A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

    "What does that make you?"

    Borgs - blackout rage gallons

    Arthur the Freegan

    Walmart

    Never Have I Ever - Retro Edition

    This Is The Newz

    Australia worried 'prolific' sperm donors could lead to 'accidental incest'

    This Well-Worn Wooden Object Was Unearthed In A Roman Fort — And Scientists Believe It's A 2,000-Year-Old Sex Toy

    Man wins $10K lottery prize, but state instead claims he owes them money

    Woman goes viral for buying a 1998 Ford Escort for $289 a month for the next 84 months

    Georgia woman crashes SUV into Popeyes after her order was missing biscuits

    ‘They missed a whole bomb in my bag,’ woman says at FLL, landing her in jail

    Spirit Airlines flight makes emergency landing after battery fire

    An airline provided a single banana as the in-flight 'meal' for one vegan passenger

    This Chinese kissing device lets you smooch over the internet

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Japanese town that spent 25 million yen in COVID money on giant squid statue says it paid off big

    Japanese monkey-hunting team shoots woman with tranquilizer dart

    Spreadable coffee to put on your toast going on sale in Japan

    After Party - Dental hygienists can tell.

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  • Author and comedian Jeremiah Ukponrefe visits Slam City.

    Double X Quantimino

    In this context, what's your definition of “anything”?: “I've been charged with 13 felonies in my life and only convicted of 5. So in my mind, I can get away with anything.” Arthur the Arbiter - Himalayan pink salt Taking surveys Metroid Prime Always Flexfoam Guestimation Unknown - Filling an Olympic swimming pool One song that you can listen to again for the first time Phubbing

    This Is The Newz

    Michigan teacher plants bomb threat note to get day off, police say Pizza delivery gives squirrel opportunity to invade Louisiana house Scientists Will Pay You Over $4,000 to Chug a Diarrhea Drink Drug-free relief from chronic constipation may come from a new vibrating pill 'Groundbreaking' male contraceptive pill 'disables' sperm and works in minutes Toxic fumes escape after truck overturns in Tucson, Arizona Bloomington man reportedly set own car on fire to stop people from stealing from it Cape Coral man cracks a beer open during traffic stop Man caught in stolen car while driving back to crime scene

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Sushi chef drops knives on the train, causes panic and delays Tiny travel guides are our latest Japanese gacha capsule toy obsession Burger King Japan guarantees new chicken sandwich is bigger than your phone with weird promotion

    Jeremiah Ukponrefe is the author of Hive, a dystopian sci-fi novel.

    Get a free preview of Hive at jeremiahu.com.

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  • The Burrito Bandito goes deep about DCU, hypothetically your mom on OnlyFans, how many times you can wear clothes without washing, hit and run, micro-stress, Frito pies, Newz, BNN, and the Take Notes after party.

    Double X Quantimino

    DC characters that The Burrito Bandito really wants to see in the DCU

    Hypothetical Meta Analysis: Your mom on OnlyFans

    How many times can you wear pajamas, jeans, and other clothes without washing them?

    Hit and Run

    Micro-stress

    Are Fritos the last bag of chips?

    This Is The Newz

    Half a billion dollars worth of cocaine found adrift in Pacific Ocean

    Altoona home invader kidnapped man, claimed ‘I’m Batman.’

    Stowaway frog triggers alarm during screening at Pennsylvania airport

    Couple returns home from trip to find pair impersonated them, sold house

    11-year-old boy charged with sharing marijuana edibles at Georgia school

    Hooters waitress shares 'adjustment trick' to get more money from 'cute guys'

    Hughson Church demands answers after sewage water, cement mistakenly pumped into the property

    Bolivar's new roadside attraction? Glass shop houses 11-foot, 150-pound functioning bong

    Crews working to clean up bottles of Jack Daniel's after tractor-trailer crash

    Zookeepers Say They’ve Solved the Mystery of How a Gibbon Got Pregnant by Herself

    Burrito’s Nippon Newz

    Japanese scientists succeed at causing depression in monkeys using magnetic stimulation

    Rice Pizza?! Pizza Hut creates a new base for customers in Japan

    Train driver’s locked tablet with forgotten password leads to big delay on Fukushima line

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