Episodes
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The majority of this episode, we discussed the secret communities/groups that can be found on social media for individuals living with hpv/hsv. We talk about the good and bad of these communities and how they relate to the stigma. (I immersed myself into these and found myself through this, but everyone is different as you’ll hear in this episode) “I have herpes and I don’t know if you’re worth taking the risk…” Paraphrasing this as a phenomenal means of disclosure. When you establish yourself as a high value individual, you set the tone of your own value and you’re able to project yourself as a high value individual when you become the chooser. Don’t be all like, “I have herpes, do you accept me?”. Be like “I have herpes and I think you’re cool enough to know this about me, but I’m still deciding if you’re worth the risk”. Way different dynamic.
I can be found on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr @HonMyChest Link to the show in the comments!
Stay Positive -
Dr. Allison Mathews represents 2BeatHIV which is a research project based at UNC’s Institute for Global Health and Infectious Disease and Department of Social Medicine. We are part of a 5 year, NIH funded grant called searcHIV, focused on examining the social and ethical aspects of research on curing HIV.
2BeatHIV is working to find ways to improve community engagement around HIV cure research. 2BeatHIV wants people to be involved and gain a sense of ownership over the future of HIV cure. The project hosts a series of contests to get the best community-based ideas on how to spread the word about HIV cure research.
2BeatHIV is currently looking for community engagement by submitting your ideas on what a cure would mean to you. Please help us get closer to an HIV cure. Submit your social media posts and or videos to any of the following 2BeatHIV pages explaining what it would mean to yourself or a loved one.
There's a ton of ways to get involved to help us get closer to a cure, what we need are more individuals willing to participate in clinical trials. More diverse participation will REALLY assist in making progress for us . . . . 2 Beat HIV.
Instagram: @2BeatHIV
Facebook: 2 Beat HIV
Twitter: @2BeatHIV
Follow us on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram for updates on the podcast: @HonMyChest -
Missing episodes?
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Our guest shares some horror stories of disclosing her herpes status to partners and their responses as well as many lessons that could've stemmed into other episodes including how it isn't herpes, its vulnerability people are afraid of, how avoidance translates, avoiding avoidance, convenience of non-disclosure, navigating red flags, lonely fatigue, and connectedness in community vs in sex.
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Split with partner and feels like now she’s single and realizes she now HAS to deal with this DURING the pandemic 2 weeks before lockdown happened
Lives in New Zealand
Conversations “In here” vs conversations “Out there”
Being boundariless makes us conform to the boundaries of others or lack thereof
Understand what’s yours and what’s your partners’
Covid conversations parallel STI conversations “Is this person worth getting COVID from?”
Assumptions have no anchor in reality
Stigma makes this diagnosis troubling because we’re not connected to it until we’re connected to it.
Misinformation from credible sources “Just wear condoms” “Don’t have sex during outbreaks”
Well my Doctor said . . .
Dr resistance to testing due to the trauma of a possible positive result
Connecting people to accurate, consistent information is a challenge against all the misinformation
The world’s worst herpes joke at 35 minutes lol. This is awful ya’ll. I mean really bad.
The tickling analogy from Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families how consent violating kids grow to consent violating adults
Sexual Health and Mental health are interconnected. The skeleton of body autonomy and “no” serve as the skeleton of sexual health conversations -
Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 Non Profit organization that connects people who are struggling with their herpes diagnosis to mental health, community support, and education resources in order to help them navigate the stigma.
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Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 Non Profit organization that connects people who are struggling with their herpes diagnosis to mental health, community support, and education resources in order to help them navigate the stigma.
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We got a lot of validation here for the need to integrate post-STI support resources with STD Prevention efforts. It’s needed.
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Closing out Black History month with another Black guest, myself woop woop. I didn't even realize I did that this month but I'm glad it happened this way.
I discuss my own experiences with toxicity in relationships and how the inability to express emotions outside sex has been a challenge for me. I learned that my exertion of control through sex with partners is perhaps a trauma response over the safety of safely expressing emotions. The toxicity of this form of manipulation was neutralized through flat out being challenged by my Partner who called me out on it. This led me to realize that it isn't sex I want to control, it's the connection. I'm learning to let go of control by simply setting boundaries and trust that they'll be respected. This was a liberating discovery about myself and I thought it was worth sharing here, in my other safe vehicle of emotional expression, Something Positive for Positive People. -
Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 non profit organization that connects people struggling with herpes stigma to mental health services, community and empowering support resources. You can donate by visiting www.spfpp.org. If you found value in any of the podcasts, consider leaving a tip for the org!
I’m on social media @honmychest
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If you are interested in joining the March cohort of peer support group led by a licensed mental health professional, fill in the intake form and I’ll follow up afterwards with the next steps: https://forms.gle/MdCXk3kzVWq48gWH9
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For the month of February, SPFPP is raising $6k to provide 12 sessions of Licensed Mental Health Professional (LMHP) led peer support groups to people living with herpes. Our goal is $6k so that we can pay up to $1,200 to each cohort of up to 12 people. We are looking to provide this service beginning in March 2021, contingent on how close to goal we are. You can donate today by visiting www.spfpp.org and selecting from one of the options available for you. If you have questions, reach out.
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Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 Non profit organization connecting people struggling with HSV stigma to mental health resources to support them through navigating the stigma that comes with it. You can donate today by visiting www.spfpp.org and choosing the option that best works for you.
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Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 Non profit organization connecting people struggling with HSV stigma to mental health resources to support them through navigating the stigma that comes with it. You can donate by visiting www.spfpp.org and choosing the option that works best for you.
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I’m on social media @CourtneyBrame_. Visit www.spfpp.org to learn more about Something Positive for Positive People, a 501c3 non profit organization connecting people navigating the trauma of an STI diagnosis to mental health resources. Donate today!
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Some quick takeaways from Jess here:
The most useful resource for navigating herpes comes from within the herpes community, while the worst are the health care providers diagnosing us with STIs consistently.
How is stigma so prevalent that your mom can be in the doctor's office with you when you're receiving an oral herpes diagnosis only for her later to say to you don't ever get herpes and then talk about how bad it is?
We talk of course about how sex ed failed us and how useful therapy is, and then we answer some questions from participants in the IG Live which was dope!
Thanks everyone for being here. I'll consistently record evenings at 7:30pm central time when I have a guest lined up. right now we have one scheduled for Thursday evening as well if you wanna join the next one. -
I share a healing experience that was sparked in therapy in regards to unconscious behavior I hadn't before looked at.
I introduce the Something Positive FROM Positive People blog which features insights from our community that anyone can apply to their lives.
I had some recent experiences where my boundaries were being chipped away at and I thought I would handle that here.
I can't believe I talked for an hour. I thought I only had 30 minutes in me haha. But good thing ya'll like these solo episodes. Let me know what you think.
Whenever I have schedule cancellations I think I'll just record a solo episode and upload it right away. I've had a few people miss interviews, reschedule last minute and then flat out ghost me after recording and it honestly makes me disappointed. So that time doesn't go to waste, I'll just record and upload right away talking about whatever is on my mind and has been going on. -
I interview a woman I met almost 7 years ago on a dating site. She didn't know I had herpes at the time, but eventually I shared with her that I had it and not long afterward, she found out she did as well. This is actually our first time meeting even though we've grown to become very close over the years. This is someone I connect with on a soul level and she's actually a person who heavily contributed to my spirituality/emotional intelligence spark of interest.
Please bear with me through my sporadic coughs in this and the next maybe 6 episodes. I had something going on at the time and did my best to conceal.
We discuss her experiences developing boundaries through abusive relationships, the importance of mental health care integration into sex education, Lyme Disease and HSV,
You can connect with me at www.spfpp.org and learn how you can get involved with Something Positive for Positive People's efforts of integrating post-STI diagnosis support with STD Prevention efforts, developing relationships with mental health organizations to get people therapy and the investment into the number 1 SPFPP resource, this podcast. -
Hanna Dickinson SHOWED UP for us on this one. We hear a genuine experience from a comic who was newly diagnosed with genital HSV. Not only that, but she talks about her REAL experiences navigating her status like a REAL person, despite her social status. We discuss depression, suicide, abuse, herpes jokes and more on this episode. You can connect with Hanna on Instagram @HansDickie and me @honmychest
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The title speaks for itself. After so many individual interactions with people living with HSV, and then attending in person social groups for people with HSV, I notice that there's a major willingness to heal from the individual, and the attendees. The only difference is the risk-reward tolerance from person who will only speak to me as someone who's already made their status known, compared to the person willing to put themselves out there into the unknown with the exclusive sense of safety they created for themselves by being part of the community.
Within these communities, you find that there are many amazing stories from humans about their lived experiences as they relate to herpes and as they relate to life outside of herpes and in fact, people with herpes connect far deeper with one another based on non-herpes things in my experience.
A frustrating realization is that the CDC, with all its credibility, does not recommend herpes testing even if requested by a patient. Their reasoning is that behavior doesn't change after a person tests positive for herpes.
As someone who's interviewed about 200 people with herpes and had thousands of conversations with people living with it who've shared exactly how this has changed their behaviors 100% of the time, we gotta question the validity of their research here.
The healing in community vs individually has shown me one thing. Separate, we seek answers from "credible" resources easily accessible and low-risk of another human knowing our status. In community, we share resources as they parallel our own experiences and they circulate among the people directly impacted who also have stake in the accuracy of information given we can challenge it with our experiences and just ask the group. So we ARE the resource.
You can connect with our guest, Jen at:
Facebook: Jen Lamar
Instagram: jen_of_cinnarostor
Snapchat: jenjenj87
and I can be found on social media @Honmychest - Show more
