Episodes
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Welcome back to another episode of The Dynamics of Everyday Life. In this episode, I dive into the question: Why do we keep going out for lunch (or coffee, or dinners) with people we don’t actually want to spend time with?
I share a personal story inspired by my parents’ obligatory lunches with “Pam and Derek”—people who aren’t truly friends but whom social obligation keeps pulling back into their orbit. Does this sound familiar?
01:53 Why Do We Spend Time With People We Don’t Want To?
03:27 The Psychodynamic Angle – Why Is It So Hard to Say No?
05:27 Why Do We Repeat These Patterns? (Repetition Compulsion)
07:33 When Obligation is Not Really Necessary
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In this episode, I reflect on my recent experience attending a marketing conference that left me feeling out of step with the crowd. From travel hassles and parental guilt to high expectations for expert wisdom and less-than-inspiring content, I share my candid thoughts on group dynamics, FOMO, and the pressure to fit in. Are you doing things just because everyone else is? Or are you tuning in to what’s truly right for you?
Along the way, I dive into psychological concepts like Freud’s group theory, the tendency to go along with the crowd, and the personal liberation that comes from realising not every trend or event is meant for us. I encourage listeners to examine where they might be following the group without questioning whether it aligns with their own desires and values.
05:50 — Reflecting on Group Dynamics
07:01 — Group Influence & Freud’s Theory
07:48 — Conference Marketing Tactics & FOMO
08:47 — Post-Event Clarity & Accepting Individual Preference
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In this episode, I share a humorous and deeply personal story about my eye surgery and a surprising case of mistaken identity at my local hospital’s "Alan Cumming Day Unit." Expect reflections on anxiety, the power of imagination, and how we often use humour as a defense mechanism in stressful situations. I unpack the psychodynamic elements at play and invite listeners to consider how comedy might be serving a protective role in their own lives.
00:00:56 I reflect on my past vision issues and the process of dealing with my eye condition, mentioning the initial diagnosis and how things changed when my daughter saw an optometrist.
00:01:38 My daughter’s optometrist encourages me to revisit my own diagnosis with subsequent NHS medical processes, including pretests and reassurance from consultants.
00:02:37 Arriving at the day surgery unit, sharing my curiosity about the Alan Cumming Day Unit and speculating about its connection to the celebrity Alan Cumming.
00:04:17 Humorously recounts my conversation with a nurse who clarifies that the day unit is named after a former mayor, not the actor, and describes how this disappointment distracted me from pre-surgery anxiety.
00:07:21 Reflects on using humor as a defense mechanism, inviting listeners to consider where they may do the same, and describing how this can be unconscious.
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Ever catch yourself blaming external factors when things don’t go as planned? In this episode, I share a real-life story of getting my floor redone—and how it turned into a lesson about responsibility, defense mechanisms, and the classic saying, “a bad workman blames his tools.” We dive into how projecting blame can affect not just us, but our relationships too, and why taking ownership is so empowering. If you’re ready to stop pointing fingers and start leveling up—this episode is for you. Check out the resource sheet linked in the show notes for more ways to build your self-awareness and become a better you!
00:00 Floor Replacement Drama
05:06 Rationalization in Defense Mechanisms
08:30 Self-Reflection and Accountability
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Welcome back to The Dynamics of Everyday Life, where we dive deep into the big and small moments that shape our everyday lives. In this episode, "Dance with me tonight," I take you on a journey from the excitement of live concerts to the quieter anxieties that sometimes hold us back—even when we’re eager to join in the fun.
I share my recent adventure taking her son to see Olly Murs at the O2, I reflect on why so many of us hesitate to let loose and dance, even when we really want to. Using real-life experiences and a bit of Freud, they explore the concept of "moral anxiety" and how our internalized fear of judgment keeps us from fully engaging in experiences we’ve chosen for ourselves.
With practical insights into the psychology of holding ourselves back, and a gentle invitation to notice where you might not be "dancing" in your own life, this episode is all about learning to loosen the grip of self-consciousness and live a little more freely. So whether you’re a concert goer, a dance floor dodger, or just someone curious about what makes us tick, you won’t want to miss this thoughtful, playful conversation.
00:00 Concert Night at the O2
03:57 Dancing Uninhibited: Overcoming Social Restraints
08:45 "Dance Beyond Fear"
10:13 "Connect With Psychodynamic Expert"
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Today I’m delighted to welcome another guest to the show, Vicky Quinn Fraser. Vicky is the MicroBook Magician. She knows the ideas hiding in your head deserve their own space between their own covers on their very own bookshelf — and she understands how to drag, coax, and tweezer those ideas out and into the story only you could tell.
She’s the creator of MicroBook Magic, author of 4 books, ghostwriter of dozens, and shepherd to multiple dozens of other people’s beautiful books. When she’s not writing or coaching, she can be found dangling from a trapeze or peering at beetles in the undergrowth.
You can find her on LinkedIn at Vicky Quinn Fraser and sign up to her (highly recommended!) email list here: https://moxiebooks.co.uk/freebies/
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(2.46) The main blockers to writing a book
(4.45) I don’t know enough to write a book
(8.50) Who writes most of the books out there
(12.53) The importance of stories
(17.40) Going off at tangents
(27.05) Tips for writing a book
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We often find inspiration when we are away from our desks and this week’s episode is no exception. I’ve taken up a new hobby to help with my confidence and, in the words of Julie Andrews, “start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start”. And it was during a practice session that my teacher said something that stopped me in my tracks.
We all have belief patterns that keep us safe and tell us we are only capable of so much. But this really isn’t true. Sometimes we need someone to hold up a mirror to what we can achieve. Join me as I explore what might be going on from a psychodynamic perspective, and Matteo and Stan might pop up to help us too.
Here are the highlights for this episode:
(1.06) Learning new things
(2.02) The step around
(5.40) Defence mechanisms coming out to play
(6.12) Validation and permission
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“Lovely weather we are having”. We love to point out to other people what we are all experiencing. It isn’t just the weather that we state the obvious about. Anything is up for grabs in our bid to communicate.
Why do we state the obvious? Are we even aware that we are doing this? In this episode I explore what might be happening for us when we communicate this way, using the metaphor of tennis commentary. There’s a few of the greats that we meet along the way.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.30) The arrival of the tennis season
(1.53) Martina Navratilova
(3.38) Stating the obvious
(4.25) Anxiety
(6.20) Learning and constructive criticism
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Procrastination. It’s something we all find ourselves up against. But what if it’s more than being lazy or wanting to avoid something? In this episode I explore what might be going on for us when we drag our feet.
Don’t be put off by the title. I do talk about my tax return, but to help us understand why we might be tripping ourselves up, not in a way that’s going to send you to sleep – or at least I hope not!
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.25) Procrastination
(1.38) How you do anything is how you do everything, or not
(3.21) The repetition compulsion
(6.48) Asking for what we need
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Do we always know what makes us happy? Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don’t. And sometimes our defence mechanisms can cause us to cut our noses off to spite our faces.
If you’ve ever dug your heels in when a friend or relative has given you an opinion that you know is probably true, but you don’t want to think about, then this episode is for you.
Here are the highlights of this episode
(1.40) Training lorry drivers
(2.20) Being competent doesn’t necessarily make you happy
(4.11) Man with the hat
(6.08) Sometimes we don’t know what’s making us unhappy
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How many times have you been annoyed by other passengers getting in your way? Possibly more than you would like to admit? It happens to all of us and can have an impact on how we move forward, both literally and metaphorically. In this episode I explore what’s going on for us in these situations and how we can get some control back.
You’ll be pleased to know that we are back in some familiar psychodynamic territory, transference and our old friends denial and rationalisation come out to play. Just in time for us to have a think about before our summer holidays.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(3.06) Disruptive passengers in life
(6.00) Defence mechanisms and boundaries
(9.11) Moving forward and setting boundaries
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What is it like to be a parent of a child with autism? Whilst there is a lot more information out there than there used to be, it still can be quite a lonely place for parents. In this episode I’m talking to fellow SEN parent, Del Parsons, about what we have learnt along the way and why we are best placed to advocate for our children.
Del is ‘The No-Nonsense Business Coach and Marketing Mentor’ who’s on a mission to give business owners and founders the skills, confidence and self-belief to market their business and sell their stuff in a way that feels good for them!
As well as being a coach and mentor Del also has a property portfolio and is part of an aviation business which she runs with her husband. She’s built businesses with 8 figure revenues for herself, as well as for clients, so can apply the lessons learnt across the board.
You can get in touch with Del at:
Website: Delparsonscoaching.co.uk
Email: [email protected].uk
LinkedIn: Del Parsons
Instagram: Delparsonscoaching
Facebook: Del Parsons
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(5.30) Relief at diagnosis
(10.35) The assumptions people make
(15.15) You know your child
(21.24) A bit of controversy
(34.10) Advocate for your child
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I’m delighted to be welcoming another guest to the show today, fellow coach Kate Adey. We discuss what it means to be in control, how much control we do have and what role anxiety plays for us. Join us as we explore the narratives we construct for ourselves and how we can reframe our stories.
Kate works with leaders in professional services navigating the challenges of a busy career and home life, helping them reconnect with the freedom and flow of their true nature. You can connect with kate either via LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/kateadey) or via email ([email protected].uk).
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(4.23) Beyond our limitations
(7.58) The illusion of not having control
(11.41) Byron Katie
(20.51) The link between anxiety and control
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I’m delighted to be bringing another guest to the show today, Penny Hopkinson. Penny is an Operations Manual specialist and author of Manual Magic. Join us as we delve into the world of learning and discover why it’s changed so much over the generations.
Here’s how you can get in touch with Penny:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pennyhopkinson
Everything under one ‘roof': www.linktr.ee/pennyhopkinson
Here are the highlights for this episode:
(2.22) 30% of global workforce under 30
(8.21) The single source of truth
(10.31) Five generations under one workplace
(30.01) The importance of consistency
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Today I’m welcoming another guest to the show, Simon Bennett. Simon is a friend of mine, a fellow coach and is keen to bring the concept of kindness to our attention.
Simon’s coaching practice builds on his experience of leading teams in high pressure organisations. He is passionate about working with leaders to best navigate the challenges and opportunities of the modern working world.
Simon shares a home in London with his husband, and teaches Aikido, a Japanese martial art. Simon is an Affiliate member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council.
Simon would love to hear any thoughts or feedback on the podcast, or any enquiries about working together in coaching. You can learn more about his work at www.sbennett.uk and email him at simon@sbennett.uk
Join us as we delve into what kindness means at home and at work, and how we can be more kind to ourselves and others.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(5.16) Trying to fix the world to fix yourself
(10.14) Boundaries
(12.20) Authority structures
(14.35) Kindness in the workplace
(19.40) Everyone deserves to prioritise kindness for themselves
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This week’s episode marks a special occasion—both my birthday and the podcast’s one-year anniversary! We’re exploring the dynamics of birthdays: what they mean to us, the expectations we place on them, and how they reveal our deeper unconscious patterns. Freud wasn’t a fan of birthdays (except for the gifts!), and that got me thinking; how do we truly feel about getting older?
Plus, I share some reflections on personal growth, the stories we tell ourselves, and why birthdays can be a great moment to check in with where we are in life.
I’m launching a new course, Psychodynamics for Beginners! Initially designed for coaches, but soon to be available for anyone curious about how psychodynamic theory can help them make better choices in their everyday lives. Click here for more info:
https://mailchi.mp/5344a338c710/psychodynamics-for-beginners
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.34) How Freud felt about birthdays
(2.40) Bridget Jones
(3.07) Are we where we want to be?
(6.21) How other people respond to our birthdays
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Why does silence make us uncomfortable? We’ve all been in those moments where the quiet stretches just a little too long, and we feel the need to fill it. But what if silence isn’t empty at all? What if it’s one of the most powerful tools we have?
In this episode, we explore the impact of silence, when it serves us, when it doesn’t, and how to use it to our advantage. We’ll also learn what Freud thought about it, why my son used it as a form of protest, and how silence can be both a gift and a weapon.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.56) The paradox of silence on a podcast
(1.17) What I thought good listening was
(1.51) Silence as a response
(3.37) The silent treatment
(4.15) Freud’s take on silence
(6.49) It’s always about the other person
New Training Course: Psychodynamics for Beginners
I’m launching a new course designed to make psychodynamic theory accessible—so we’re not just relying on social media soundbites to understand ourselves. Initially aimed at coaches, but soon available to a wider audience. If you’re interested, subscribe to my newsletter or book a chat with me for more details.
https://calendly.com/dynamicseverydaylife/30min
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In this episode, I’m sharing a personal story about how my confidence took a hit, how I unknowingly held myself back, and what ultimately helped me rebuild my sense of self. Spoiler alert: it involves pole dancing, platform boots, and a whole lot of fun!
We’ll have a look at how our defence mechanisms get in our way and how they can subtly keep us stuck. Plus, I’ll invite you to reflect on where you might be self-sabotaging and what small (or big!) steps you can take to reclaim your confidence and joy.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(1.40) The moment I realised my confidence had taken a knock
(2.10) The surprising impact of stepping out of my comfort zone (hello, pole dancing!)
(5.03) Building ourselves back up from adversity
(6.09) Why we can get over busy at times
My invitation for you to consider this week is where in your life are you holding yourself back? What stories are keeping you stuck? I encourage you to explore what’s stopping you and to take one step, big or small, towards moving forwards.
If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. I’d love to hear what your ‘fabulous boots’ moment looks like!
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How often have you found yourself mid-story, only to realise you’ve completely lost track of the point you were trying to make? You’re not alone. Sometimes, our words take on a life of their own, and there’s usually something deeper going on beneath the surface.
In this episode, I take a look at why I (and maybe you, too) sometimes talk in circles, what this has to do with defence mechanisms, and the unexpected realisation I had during a discovery call. We’ll also touch on why excitement isn’t always excitement and how a simple question stopped me in my tracks.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.27) Why do we verbally process?
(1.27) FOMO and panic
(3.15) The desire to connect
(5.32) The unexpected fear behind my excitement
(6.49) Denial and the link to reaction formation
Looking at ourselves at this level can feel unsettling, so take your time with it. And if you’d like extra support, I’ve put together a resource sheet to help. You’ll find the link below.
Sign Up for your free Resource Sheet HERE
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Today I’m delighted to welcome Gwenne Dickson, spiritual empowerment coach, to the show. Gwenne and I are tackling a subject that all of us will experience and yet so many of us find difficult; and that’s grief. Join us as we talk about what we find surprising about the grieving process and how we can support each other during these times.
You can contact Gwenne at:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/livingyourbestlifegwenne
https://www.facebook.com/groups/35568229478
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/livingyourbestlife888/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gwenne-dickson/
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(4.40) Connecting with our higher selves
(8.20) Making meanings out of things
(10.20) Keeping a lot to ourselves
(16.20) The unexpected things
(20.40) Not allowing ourselves to move on
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