Episodes

  • The creators of The Offensive are back with Season Two of their groundbreaking audio drama, BOOM.


    The first two episodes are out now, with new episodes released every Monday. 


    Search 'BOOM' in your podcast app and subscribe. And if you want to get the whole series straightaway, for the first time ever you can purchase all six episodes ad-free for £6.99 with Acast+ here.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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  • The fate of the club and its staff hang in the balance as 5 years of mismanagement and greed come home to roost.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall


    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Natalie Green

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Having been relegated from the Premier League, the season's proceedings come to a close. Including an outstanding Court of Appeal appearance for Sir Patrick Nolan and Ashwood City FC. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Harry Attwell

    Lauren Ingram

    Karim Kronfli

    George Still


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Matchday 38 and just 90 minutes of football remain in the 2022/23 Premier League season as Ashwood City throw everything at survival.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    As themselves:

    Peter Drury

    Gary Lineker

    Alan Shearer

    Micah Richards

    Jules Breach

    Kate Mason

    Danny Jamieson 


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • It's Matchday 37 in the Premier League and we join Peter Reynolds and Billy Richards for Everton v Ashwood City at Goodison Park.


    Voices by: Joel Emery


    Episode written by: Joel Emery


    Executive Producer: Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Off the back of a 4-0 defeat to Manchester United, Ashwood City need a result on the pitch. Meanwhile, a decision by a local magistrate gives them a result off the pitch. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Thomas Mitchells

    Jemma Revell

    Lauren Hall

    Adam Jarrell

    Michael Lyons



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • As the financial cuts deepen, Ashwood City are barely keeping the league form together at the most important stage of the season. Chief-Executive Jess Tate and Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan finally discuss the fallout from administration.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • In the grips of a brutal CVA, further cuts are made and this time the coaching staff are targeted. Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall looks to offer a beleaguered Dan Watson all the help he can during a wobble in form as Patrick Nolan continues to distance himself from the crisis.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Joel Emery


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Ashwood City travel to The Emirates Stadium on Easter Weekend. Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan informs Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh of his Zoom meeting with the local council. Meanwhile, Administrator Tom Beattie has completed his dreaded 'Black Folder'. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Natalie Green as Elaine Wright

    Chirstopher Swift as Reuben Thomas


    Additional Voices:

    Adam Jarrell

    Joel Emery



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Ashwood City clash with the local council over who's to blame for the collapse of the iBET stand. Meanwhile, Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan makes a momentous call on the club's future. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Darcey Ferguson as Leanne Potter

    Natalie Green as Elaine Wright


    Additional Voices:

    Adam Jarrell

    Joel Emery

    Vanessa Emery



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Ashwood City Football Club are hit by the news that the fabled iBET Stand has collapsed. The club hierarchy and local council clash over who's to blame. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    Additional Voices:

    Thomas Mitchells

    Natalie Green

    Nalan Burgess



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • As the football world reacts to the BBC's treatment of Gary Lineker, Ashwood City have a social media issue of their own


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson

    Luke Stevenson as Gareth McAskill


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Stuck in traffic after the second leg of The Champions Fixture against PSG; Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate questions Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan about rumours surrounding the future of the football club.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan 

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate spends her 'day off' visiting both her doctor and an old acquaintance, who may know more about the future of the club than Jess does.


    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson

    Lauren Ingram as Fiona Weed


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • A day in the life of Ashwood City is interrupted by a protestor, who aims his fury at Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • Liverpool FC are in town as Ashwood CIty play their first home game since the catastrophic transfer window.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • After a brutal transfer window, Sir Patrick Nolan heads to the City of London to seek new money from old friends. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Thomas Mitchells as Simon Napier-Fox

    Adam Jarrell as Chris Well


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Nalan Burgess

    Jennifer Tierney



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • A seismic day in the history of Ashwood City Football Club has arrived as the severe financial crisis, internal disputes, player disharmony and firesale of key team members comes to a head on a tumultuous Deadline Day.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas


    Additional voices by

    Darcey Ferguson


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell and Joel Emery


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  • The departure of Brazilian striker Kevin brings about yet more protests at The Credit Master Stadium. Despite a decent run of form in the league, the Ashwood CIty hierarchy find themselves locked in the offices, for their own safety. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.