Episodes
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In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.
[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.
[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.
[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.
[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.
[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.
[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.
[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.
[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children.
This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach.
[2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue.
[5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids.
[8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making.
[9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation.
[11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems.
[21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions.
[24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.Links & Resources:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Missing episodes?
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In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health.
Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement.
Episode Highlights:
[04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback.
[08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades.
[12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses.
[17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health.
[23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning.
[36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature.
[43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature.Links & Resources:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/25/opinion/coronavirus-scream.htmlhttps://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/television/what-high-schoolers-need-to-start-the-year-seinfeld-style-griping-cea5f83dhttps://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/23/opinion/grade-inflation-high-school.htmlhttps://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/07/opinion/high-school-students-free-time.htmlhttps://hechingerreport.org/teacher-voice-how-the-sad-shadow-of-book-banning-shuts-down-conversations-and-lacerates-librarians/https://www.easthamptonstar.com/guestwords-opinion/20211021/guestwords-consider-rakehttps://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast! In this episode, I chat with Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child, to explore the concept of “brainless education” and why the way we approach learning in schools often overlooks the very organ meant to do the learning: the brain. We explore how prioritizing stress reduction, sleep, and autonomy for students can revolutionize not just their academic success, but also their mental health and intrinsic motivation.
Together, we discuss how giving kids more control over their learning and personal lives can foster better stress tolerance and deeper engagement with education. Dr. Stixrud shares research-based insights, and we provide actionable ideas on how educators, parents, and students themselves can shift toward a brain-friendly approach.
Episode Highlights:
[01:58] - Dr. William Stixrud explains the low levels of student motivation and mental health issues
[04:30] - How schools often act as a major source of stress and anxiety for students
[06:12] - The success of Transcendental Meditation for medical students and its positive effects on learning
[08:48] - The three pillars of healthy brain function: learning, mental health, and motivation
[09:24] - How stress impacts the prefrontal cortex and executive function
[12:27] - The importance of the hippocampus and the damaging effects of stress on memory
[18:56] - The critical role of sleep in memory retention and emotional regulation
[20:45] - How sleep deprivation increases stress and worsens anxiety
[25:41] - Developing a sense of control and its importance in mental health
[31:59] - Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation: how autonomy enhances learning
[37:16] - Supporting autonomy in schools and how it improves student outcomes
[42:19] - The argument for making homework optional and ungraded to reduce stress
[44:01] - Final thoughts: fostering a brain-friendly environment for studentsLinks & Resources:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode of the Self Driven Child podcast, I'm thrilled to welcome back one of my favorite voices in parenting, Jess Lahey. Jess is a New York Times bestselling author, an educator, and someone who's been on the front lines of both teaching and parenting. We discuss the emotional rollercoaster that is the transition from high school to college—not just for our kids, but for us as parents too.
We talk about the balance between supporting our children and giving them the space to grow into their own people. Jess shares personal anecdotes about her own children's experiences, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this major life change. Jess gives insights on how to approach the first day of college, handle the inevitable bumps along the way, and most importantly, how to step back and let our kids take the reins.Episode Highlights:
[00:42] - Introduction to the episode and guest Jess Lahey.
[3:25] - Jess shares her experience with her children's transition to college.
[7:09] - The importance of letting kids create their own identity in college.
[14:24] - How to support your child without taking over, and the power of apology.
[22:19] - Preparing kids for the unexpected challenges in college.
[26:19] - The importance of helping kids build competence and a sense of control.
[39:17] - Understanding why kids push away during major transitions and how to handle it.
Links & Resources:
https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/health/college-student-independence-wellness/index.html
https://www.jessicalahey.com/comingofageinthemiddle/2015/6/21/season-of-the-malcontents
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode, I sit down with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud, to do an origin story into the key concepts from our latest book, "What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home". We discuss the crucial importance of connection between parents and children, exploring how empathy and validation can transform relationships and foster mental well-being. Bill shares insights from our research and experiences, highlighting the profound impact of close relationships on kids' stress levels and overall happiness. Tune in as we unpack practical strategies for effective communication and building stronger bonds with your children.
Episode Highlights:
[01:37] - Bill discusses the motivation behind writing our second book, "What Do You Say?".
[03:13] - The challenges of balancing control and fostering independence in children.
[06:57] - The unexpected mental health risks in high-achieving children.
[08:19] - The power of empathy and validation in strengthening parent-child connections.
[10:25] - How reflective listening can enhance communication and trust.
[12:25] - The importance of understanding before judging in parent-child interactions.
[18:27] - Real-life stories illustrating the impact of empathetic responses.Links & Resources:
Get the book: What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by Dr. William R. Stixrud and Ned JohnsonWebsite: Get the Top 10 Tips from Our Books: https://www.theselfdrivenchild.com Submit questions: [email protected] or [email protected] High Schoolers College Prep: https://prepmatters.com/ or call (301) 951-0350If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Today we are talking about the roots of "The Self Driven Child" with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud. Discover how our understanding of autonomy and control transformed our approach to parenting and education. We explore the neuroscience behind stress and motivation, sharing our journey from initial insights to the profound impact our work has had globally. Join us as we recount our Marvel origin story and reveal the science and anecdotes that shaped our bestselling books.
Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, joins me, Ned Johnson, as we discuss the key principles of our collaboration. From handling stress to fostering intrinsic motivation, this episode covers it all. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to our podcast, this episode offers valuable insights into creating a supportive environment for children and young adults.
Episode Highlights:
[0:34] - Welcoming Dr. William Stixrud and introducing the topic of autonomy and control.
[1:34] - The global impact of "The Self Driven Child" and the importance of a sense of control.
[2:12] - Discussing stress and its effects on the brain from Dr. Stixrud's early research.
[5:39] - How stress and control relate to motivation and mental health.
[6:28] - Personal anecdotes and professional experiences on stress and motivation.
[8:45] - The concept of autonomy in parenting and education.
[13:17] - The bi-directional relationship between stress and brain function.
[17:07] - Practical advice on supporting autonomy in children.
[20:24] - The impact of test preparation on stress and performance.
[25:38] - Addressing the physiological aspects of stress and anxiety.
[30:02] - Reflections on the journey of writing "The Self Driven Child".
[31:03] - Concluding thoughts and a sneak peek into the next episode.
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Hey everyone, welcome back to The Self-Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, I sit down with the incredibly insightful Wendy Wilkinson, a parent educator and admissions expert with decades of experience. Wendy shares her wisdom on how to find the right school for your child, navigating the complex world of school choices, and understanding what makes a good fit for different types of learners. Whether you're a parent feeling the pressure of school admissions or just curious about the process, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] - Wendy discusses the initial reactions parents have when told their child may need extra support.
[00:40] - Introduction to the podcast and today’s topic on choosing the right school.
[01:47] - Welcoming Wendy Wilkinson and a brief overview of her impressive background.
[04:53] - Wendy shares her dream of helping families find the right school for each child.
[07:20] - Overcoming the challenges of school admissions and finding the right fit.
[10:56] - Exploring different types of schools and the importance of a tailored fit.
[13:19] - How to handle learning differences and finding supportive school environments.
[16:37] - Tips for parents on how to identify when a school change might be necessary.
[22:22] - The importance of involving children in school decisions.
[26:06] - Evaluating schools and understanding what makes a good fit.
[29:34] - Navigating the admissions process and understanding school selection criteria.
[37:57] - Advice for parents on filtering out noise and focusing on their child's unique needs.
[41:00] - Where to find Wendy and her team for personalized education consulting.
Links & Resources:
Connect with Wendy: https://www.schoolfirstnyc.com/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Welcome back to the Self Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, we're continuing our incredible conversation with Kaity Broadbent, head of learning at Prenda. Kaity's insights into creating nurturing learning environments are game-changing, and in this second part, we dive even deeper. We discuss the importance of relatedness, competence, and autonomy in child development and how these principles can transform both home and school settings. Kaity's passion and wisdom are truly inspiring—this is an episode you don't want to miss!
Kaity shares profound stories and practical strategies for parents and educators to foster a supportive environment where children can thrive. We explore the impact of adult-child relationships on brain development, the power of empathy, and the importance of giving kids autonomy.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] - Introduction to the episode and recap of Part 1 with Kaity Broadbent.
[00:55] - Kaity shares an analogy about creating nurturing environments for children.
[02:25] - The impact of unconditional positive regard on children's brain development.
[06:31] - Kaity's unique exercise with educators to highlight the importance of empathy and positive reinforcement.
[08:53] - Discussion on common but ineffective methods used to motivate children.
[10:03] - The role of stress and how it affects children's learning and behavior.
[12:57] - How comparing children to others and using rewards/punishments can backfire.
[16:26] - Strategies for parents to help their children navigate less supportive learning environments.
[18:23] - The significance of having at least one caring adult in a child's life.
[20:50] - Kaity's personal story about the importance of merit-based approval and its effects.
[24:01] - The difference between common and normal behavior in children and how to support them.
[29:58] - Where to follow Kaity Broadbent and learn more about Prenda.
Links & Resources:
Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/
Social Media: @PrendaLearn
KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Today, I'm thrilled to have Kaity Broadbent, an extraordinary educator and parent, joining us. Kaity is the head of learning at Prenda, an organization dedicated to creating micro-schools that empower students and parents alike. In this episode, we dive into Kaity's unique approach to education, the psychology of motivation, and the incredible benefits of mastery-based learning.
Join us as we discuss how to transform the traditional learning environment into one that fosters autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and lifelong learning. Kaity shares her insights on the importance of relatedness, competency, and autonomy in education, and how Prenda’s micro-schools are revolutionizing the way kids learn. This conversation is packed with valuable takeaways for parents, educators, and anyone interested in the future of education. Don't miss out on part 2 of our conversation in the next episode!
Episode Highlights:
[00:30] - Introduction to Kaity Broadbent and Prenda’s mission.
[02:02] - Kaity's journey into homeschooling and micro-schools.
[04:33] - What is a micro-school and how does Prenda support student-centered learning?
[06:42] - The challenge of traditional classroom settings and the importance of individualized learning.
[07:59] - Explaining the "zone of proximal development" and its role in mastery-based education.
[10:03] - Real-life example of a student's excitement in mastering math through self-set goals.
[12:19] - Integrating self-determination theory into education: competence, relatedness, and autonomy.
[18:36] - The power of positive language and autonomy-supportive teaching methods.
[22:23] - The difference between controlling students and fostering self-governance.
[25:15] - Building trust and positive relationships with students and the impact on long-term influence.
Links & Resources:
Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/
Social Media: @PrendaLearn
KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindledIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In today's episode, we explore the complexities of an issue that's close to the hearts of parents, teachers, and students alike—college readiness. Alongside my friend and co-author Bill Stixrud, we discuss the crucial aspects that determine whether a high-school student is truly ready to take on the challenges of college life. We start by questioning the common rush towards college right after high school, bringing to light the concerning rates of dropout and burnout among college freshmen. Our conversation covers effective strategies for assessing and enhancing readiness, emphasizing the importance of emotional resilience and maturity over mere academic preparation. Listen in to gain insights into making the transition to college successful and sustainable.
Episode Highlights:
[2:26] College readiness and mental health challenges among students.
[7:05] College readiness, stress tolerance, and emotional resilience.
[12:21] Prioritizing life skills over academic achievement.
[14:40] College readiness and the importance of self-care for students.
[19:53] Importance of sleep for adolescent brain development and academic success.
[24:29] Executive functions, self-evaluation, and stress management in adolescents.
[30:10] Stress management and self-care for high-achieving students.
[35:08] College preparation and stress management for high school students.
Links & Resources:
Visit SelfDrivenChild.com for more resources on developing autonomy and resilience in children.
For further insights into college readiness and effective stress management strategies, check out the books “The Self-Driven Child” and “What Do You Say?” by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud.
If today's discussion resonated with you, consider exploring our books and resources to better prepare for the college journey ahead. Remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast if you find our content valuable. Here's to nurturing a self-driven and resilient next generation!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode of the Self-Driven Child Podcast, we're discussing the ever-tumultuous world of college admissions with special guest Jeff Selingo, a seasoned expert and author who's spent over two decades exploring higher education. We’ll dissect the complexities of the admissions process, the heightened stress it causes students and parents alike, and ponder the crucial question: can anything be done to alleviate this pressure? Join us as we navigate through Jeff’s latest insights and offer a fresh perspective on making the journey to college less daunting.
Episode Highlights:
[02:41] - Jeff shatters any illusions of an improved admissions scene.
[03:16] - Reflecting on the evolution of early decision strategies.
[04:49] - How large universities and early action plans are complicating the admissions narrative.
[06:19] - Unraveling the strategy game behind early admissions.
[09:04] - Discussing the broader implications of the admissions calendar shift.
[13:20] - Commercial dynamics of college admissions and the priority list of institutions.
[15:43] - The quest for diversity in admissions post-affirmative action.
[17:35] - Examining the emotional and mental toll of the admissions process.
[19:04] - How colleges desire for a vast applicant pool.
[21:56] - Encouraging students to broaden their college search.
[23:30] - Debunking the myth of the “perfect applicant”.
[26:05] - Exploring alternative narratives and pathways.
[26:59] - The contradiction of the college application.
[29:25] - Big fish, small pond.
[32:58] - The lottery winner’s pressure.
[37:38] - The cycle of the same few colleges.
[40:13] - Advice to kids in the search and application process.
Links & Resources:
•Jeff Selingo’s past guest episode on The Self Driven Child: Episode 4: Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo
•Jeff Selingo’s Books: Dive deeper into the world of college admissions and student success with Jeff’s insightful publications. https://jeffselingo.com/
•Jeff Selingo’s New York Magazine Article: Inside the Craziest College-Admissions Season Ever
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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Listen in as I chat with Journalist Lisa L. Lewis about the importance of sleep for teens. We explore why sleep matters for learning, behavior, and mental health. Lisa also shares her pivotal role in getting California to pass a landmark law on healthy school start times. We covered everything from the science of sleep to practical tips for ensuring our teens get the rest they need. You won't want to miss this episode if you're looking to understand the crucial role sleep plays in your teenager's life and well-being.
Lisa L. Lewis is a leading expert on adolescent sleep who played an instrumental role in California passing a first-of-its-kind state law regulating middle and high school start times. Her book "The Sleep-Deprived Teen" is described by Ariana Huffington as "a call to action" and by Daniel Pink as "an urgent and timely read."
Episode Highlights:
[01:19] The issue with sleep deprivation on children and teens.
[03:15] An op-ed Lisa wrote helped catalyze major statewide revolutionary change around school start times in California.
[04:57] Lisa’s personal experience with her child in school starting very early in the morning.
[05:33] Lisa put on her Journalism hat and researched other schools and the research on sleep deprivation.
[12:26] Lisa highlights how being sleep deprived makes learning far more difficult across all stages.
[18:17] Beyond duration, irregular sleep seriously sabotages academic performance too.
[20:39] Lack of sleep eats away at teens' emotional resilience, exacerbating conditions like anxiety.
[25:26] Exploring the challenges and solutions for changing school start times to benefit teen sleep.
[30:43] Coordinated statewide change helps bypass complications related to sports scheduling across districts.
[37:40] One remarkable example: a Florida school saw disciplinary issues, absentee rates and more improve after start times shifted later.
[47:14] The importance of making sleep a family priority for both teens and parents.
Links & Resources:
•"The Sleep-Deprived Teen" by Lisa L. Lewis: https://www.lisallewis.com/book
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode, I chat with NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff about her New York Times bestseller, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.
We discuss what Michaeleen learned by taking her three-year-old daughter to learn parenting strategies from three indigenous communities: the Maya in Yucatán, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. She talks about finding parenting relationships based on cooperation rather than control, trust instead of fear, and personalized guidance rather than standardized expectations.
Episode Highlights:
[00:37] Introduction of Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff and her book, "Hunter Gatherer Parent."
[01:53] Michaeleen's journey as a global health correspondent for NPR.
[06:34] Exploration of parenting practices in various cultures.
[10:11] Insights into the Maya community's approach to raising helpful children.
[19:29] Michaeleen's personal experiences implementing these parenting techniques with her daughter.
[30:39] Discussion on motivation and collaboration in parenting.
[44:13] The impact of emotional regulation strategies from different cultures.
[57:18] Addressing criticisms and the universality of these parenting methods.
Links & Resources:
•Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.comIf you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this episode, I have a great conversation with my co-author and friend Dr. Bill Stixrud about motivation and change, especially as we start a new year. We discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how to help kids find their own internal drive.
Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and author. We have co-authored two books together - The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? He brings a wealth of knowledge about the adolescent brain and supporting kids' development.
Episode Highlights:
[02:18] - Sharing my own New Year's resolutions as an example.
[05:03] - Explaining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation.
[06:16] - Discussing natural consequences using a story about my tractor.
[09:39] - Connecting coping skills to motivation and change.
[11:27] - Talking about the ambivalence people feel around change.
[14:51] - Sharing a story about motivational interviewing and drug use.
[20:32] - Emphasizing you can't force someone to change.
[26:22] - Offering advice for parents who want to reset their approach.
[30:14] - Laughing about a story from our new book.
[33:51] - Wishing everyone a happy new year!
Links & Resources:
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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I have spent over 25 years talking with parents about supporting their kids' education and wellbeing. After a turbulent few years dealing with the pandemic, I offer compassionate reflections on what I’ve learned about helping kids heal up before catching up academically.
Episode Highlights:
[02:22] - Kids tend to heal up before they catch up academically after disruptions like COVID.
[05:11] - Focus on balancing healthy inflows and outflows of stress for families.
[07:33] - Importance of parents being a non-anxious presence for kids.
[09:44] - Let kids solve their own problems; don't take over.
[12:11] - Anecdote about letting his son handle his own last-minute paper crunch.
[15:55] - Excelling in college after years of school struggles.
[19:22] - Kids want to do well even if they seem resistant.
[21:33] - Changing the energy from pressure to support with a struggling student.
[25:44] - Taking the long view and having confidence in kids.
[27:11] - Things can get better even after really tough years.
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In today’s episode, I dig into the art of adulting with the phenomenal Julie Lythcott-Haims. Julie is not just a former Stanford Dean and a New York Times bestselling author; she's a beacon of wisdom for the youth and an advocate for the exhilarating journey of self-reliance. Tune in as we unravel the complexities of adult life, discuss the power of human connection, and explore the intricacies of finding your 'why'. deliciousness of adulting!
Timeline Summary:
[00:00] - Julie opens up about the terror and exhilaration of stepping into adulthood and the deliciousness of being in charge of your own life.
[02:46] - A warm welcome to Julie, as she joins the podcast, bringing her insights on the challenges of adulting in today’s world.
[03:10] - Julie discusses her motivations for writing her latest book and reflects on her role as a guiding dean to the younger generation.
[05:59] - The struggle and triumph of finding a voice that resonates with young adults.
[10:27] - Unpacking the concept of adulting.
[17:23] - The necessity of stepping out of your comfort zone to truly engage with life and develop resilience.
[20:13] - The courage to be transparent and the power of sharing vulnerabilities.
[30:46] - Julie's discussion with Irshad Manji about the moral courage in conversations and the power of listening.
[37:47] - The deliberate inclusion of diverse voices and experiences to reflect the vast tapestry of human life.
[43:36] - The significance of mentors and the impact of one caring adult in a young person's life.
Links & Resources:
- Julie Lythcott-Haims' TED Talk: ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting
- Books:
- "How to Raise an Adult"
- "Real American"
- "Your Turn: How to Be an Adult"
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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This Thanksgiving episode tackles the inevitable family drama that comes with the holiday. I sat down with parenting experts Phyllis L. Fagell and Dr. Robyn Silverman to get their tips for navigating tricky conversations and situations with family members. We covered how to set expectations beforehand, validate kids' feelings without agreeing, use humor to defuse tense moments, and provide coping tools for when things go off the rails. The goal is to make the holiday more enjoyable for everyone - kids and adults alike! Tune in for practical strategies to make this Thanksgiving drama-free.
I was joined by two of my favorite parenting experts:
· Phyllis L. Fagell, school counselor and author of “Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times”.
· Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist and author of “How to Talk to Kids about Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier”.
Timeline Summary:
[02:00] How to set expectations with family beforehand.
[03:57] Understanding kids' sensitivity around changes in their appearance.
[06:09] Making sure adults are aware of their own triggers.
[09:36] Giving kids an “out” if conversations get uncomfortable.
[12:18] Redirecting family away from constant questions about school.
[14:06] Using humor and screens to diffuse tense moments.
[18:08] Coaching kids on sharing funny videos/memes.
[19:29] Helping kids not feel “on the spot” in conversations.
[22:10] Getting to know grandparents as real people, not just authority figures.
[23:08] Alternatives to repetitive questions about school.
[27:25] Validating kids' feelings when things go wrong.
[31:53] Agreeing on facts versus feelings.
[33:07] Using different coping mechanisms based on the child.
[35:05] Having distractions/diversions ready when things go downhill.
[35:50] Importance of food and blood sugar levels.
Links & Resources:
· Washington Post Article: Getting silly with your kids is vital. Here’s how to get play into your day.
· Phyllis L. Fagell: https://phyllisfagell.com/
· Dr. Robyn Silverman:
o Website: https://www.drrobynsilverman.com
o Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/DrRobynSilverman/
I hope these practical tips help make Thanksgiving a little smoother for your family! If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to rate, follow, share, and review. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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I'm joined by my co-host and co-author of The Self-Driven Child Dr. William Stixrud to discuss how to be a non-anxious presence for your kids when things feel stressful and scary in the world. As parents and educators, modeling calmness and confidence helps children feel braver.
Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of the bestselling books The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? His work focuses on supporting kids to build resilience, motivation, and handle anxiety.
Timeline Summary:
[00:39] - Introducing the idea of a "non-anxious presence" and why it's so valuable for kids.
[02:43] - Where Dr. Stixrud first came across this concept and what it means.
[04:37] - Children look to parents' reactions in stressful situations. Staying calm helps kids feel confident.
[06:16] - Accepting worst-case scenarios while remaining motivated to support your child.
[09:23] - Taking care of yourself models self-care and brings equilibrium.
[11:06] - The benefits of scheduling prescribed worry time.
[12:40] - Dr. Stixrud's 50-year meditation practice for managing stress.
[15:43] - Rats turning a wheel to activate the prefrontal cortex and reduce stress.
[18:31] - Validating children's difficult feelings while emphasizing their competence.
[21:02] - Making home a safe haven and modeling handling hard emotions.
[22:35] - The recipe for developing resilience: stress plus rest and recovery.
[24:09] - Being calm helps other people manage crises better.
[25:50] - Good sleep gives perspective on challenges.
[27:27] - Wishing for peace in the Middle East. Moving towards non-anxious presence.
Links & Resources:
· The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
· What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If you found this episode helpful, please rate, follow, share, and review the Self Driven Podcast. Being a non-anxious presence helps kids handle hard things. Look for opportunities to model calmness, confidence, and coping. Wishing you peace in unsettled times.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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In this insightful interview, I am joined by my friend and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to speak with child development specialist Dr. Robyn Silverman. We discuss her new book, How to Talk with Kids About Anything. We dive into tough but critical conversations like handling big emotions, building self-esteem, making mistakes, and forming friendships. Dr. Silverman shares valuable advice and scripts for connecting with kids through their triumphs and tribulations. Her vast experience and research is distilled into an accessible guide for parents and caregivers. Don’t miss her incredible insights on empowering kids to handle life’s ups and downs. This conversation overflows with compassion and tools to foster healthy communication.
Dr. Robyn Silverman is a renowned child and teen development specialist seen frequently on national television programs. Her podcast “How to Talk with Kids About Anything” offers incredible wisdom from leading experts. Dr. William Stixrud and I have been guests sharing approaches from The Self-Driven Child. Now we have the tables turned and get to ask Dr. Silverman about her must-read new book.
Timeline Summary:
[02:26] – Starting the podcast after being bullied as a child when adults didn’t know what to say.
[05:00] – The importance of giving kids words and understanding to handle life’s challenges.
[06:28] – Emotional inhibition and invalidation lead kids to become more dysregulated over time.
[08:33] – Discussing the benefits and catharsis of expressing sadness.
[09:47] – Anger often masks hurt; getting underneath to find the real issue.
[12:36] – Assuring kids of unconditional love, regardless of mistakes.
[17:11] – Identifying when sadness becomes persistent depression.
[19:39] – Allowing kids to go through the “tunnel” of hard feelings is better than taking those feelings away.
[22:58] – Fostering self-esteem by celebrating kids’ unique strengths.
[26:51] – Toxic perfectionism and low self-esteem start early and plague high achievers.
[30:15] – The power of observing vs praise in building kids’ self-esteem.
[33:08] – Guiding kids to recognize and leave toxic friendships.
[35:58] – Sharing stories of famous failures to reframe mistakes as learning.
[40:04] – Modeling imperfection and apologies fosters empathy in kids.
[44:40] – Long parenting relationships mean we keep learning as kids grow.
Connect with Dr. Robyn Silverman:
· Robyn’s Podcast: How to Talk to Kids About Anything
· Robyn’s Book: How to Talk with Kids About Anything
Links & Resources:
· Book: Raising a Kid Who Can
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious!
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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