Episodes
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In this episode I tackle the dark side of meaning making. As humans we instinctively assign meaning to events or experiences we go through. Some of the info I draw from comes from Dr. Benjamin Hardy's book Personality Isn't Permanent. In the book he says "we can generate a premature cognitive commitment about ourselves" this cognitive commitment can be based on mistaken or misinformed meaning of things. Meaning that begins or helps to shape our self-image and how we see the world.
Creating meaning is fundamental to who we are and who we become. As Brene Brown says, "we are meaning makers!"
I also reference the Same Love by Macklemore & Ryan.
How trauma leads to attaching meaning about ourselves is discussed as well.
For more about me visit my website www.ryanwynder.com. You can also follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist and also visit my website for the link to my 14 Day Marriage Challenge.
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In this episode I give you the break down of what I learned from running my third marathon. This was to Utah Valley Marathon that started in Provo Canyon. The Race was a challenge to say the least! I wanted to share a few the things I learned and the takeaways for life. Things around preparation, expectations, embracing obstacles, setting goals and accountability, people, and one final lesson you will have to listen for! Be sure to check out my website www.ryanwynder.com for more information about me. Also the link to my 14 Day Marriage Challenge is there.
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The most powerful human need is to be seen and heard. We want to be know that matter. In this episode I explore the impact of not being seen or heard in our lives.
The lack of having that type of acknowledgment in our life comes with a variety of consequences, including losing trust in our inclinations and our intuitive needs.
I discuss a variety a ways that we try and compensate for this in our lives.
Finally, I talk about the ways we can heal this wound in our lives
For more info on me visit my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist -
This episode is a result of the thought I had while watching the documentary called Dynasty. It’s about the New England Patriots and in particular the focus on Bill Belichick and Tom Brady and how he came to be the Patriots quarterback. As Fate would have hit a huge hit on the starter at the time, Drew Bledsoe opened the door for Brady to get his opportunity! An opportunity he did not let go of and turned into 7 Super Bowls! It got me thinking about fate and the role it plays in our life. I share some experiences of how fate brought me to the place I am in my career. My challenge is for you to look at how fate has shown up in your life. More about me can be found on my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist
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In this episode I tackle the topic of relationships. It’s Valentines Day so I assume everyone is thinking about their relationships and how they want them to improve! With 20 years of experience in the field and seeing thousands of couples I thought to myself, I should know what are essential components to a successful relationship. Sit back, take notes and enjoy my relationship essentials and see where you can be better with your partner. From Trust to Connection I have you covered and as a special bonus I leave you with the 777 challenge. For more on me go to my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist
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In this episode I break down the concept of mental load. It refers to the invisible burden that is associated with the effort involved in managing your work, relationships, family and household. This is typically associated with woman in a relationship. There are 4 parts to the mental load: anticipate, identify, decide, and monitor. Education and awareness are key to helping to alleviate the burden of the mental load that exists in the relationship. I also share details about my own experiment of helping to alleviate the mental load in my own relationship. For more about me go to my website www.ryanwynder.com and following me on Instagram @thevegastherapist
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In this episode I update everyone on what I have been up to and what things have been going on in my life since the last episode.
My focus is on the value of time. As we approach this new year how do we want to utilize our time for effectively. Time is the stuff life is made of and our use of it determines many things things in our life.
I leave you with 3 questions - 1. What do you want to do with this one wild and precious life. 2. How do you want to show up as a friend, partner, worker, etc. 3. What is important to you and what may be missing in your life?
For more about me visit my webpage www.ryanwynder.com or following me on Instagram @thevegastherapist -
In this episode Ryan dives into part 2 of 2. This episode will focus more on the Defense Mechanisms we use to keep us "safe" or to keep us feeling more hurt or pain in our lives. "Most of us do not reenact the experience of the trauma itself. Instead we act out the coping strategy (or defense mechanism) we evolved to deal with the trauma.
Ryan will discuss a number of different defense mechanisms we utilize, including Terrance Real's adaptive child defense, self-abandonment, disconnection, self blame and shame, victim mentality, and the inability to receive. From this episode you will gain a better understanding of your own defense mechanisms and find out ways you can begin to move away from them and start healing.
To follow Ryan on Instagram go to @thevegastherapist or visit his website www.ryanwynder.com
Don't forget about his 14 Day Relationship Challenge, the link is available on his website!
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In this episode Ryan breaks down the first of a two part episode. The focus for the first episode will be on Triggers. The word trigger itself has become a hot topic and according to MaryCatherine McDonald and her new book Unbroken, it has become a catchall for any occasion in which we have an emotion that is remotely unpleasant or unwanted. This misconception also leads to a misunderstanding of how we deal with triggers when they happen. We have learned to block and avoid instead of adapting and healing!
There are three things to be mindful of when it comes to triggers: 1. We are always conscious of our triggers, 2. Triggers are something to be avoided at all costs, 3. Not feeling anything is a realistic goal. Ultimately when it comes to triggers they are a sign that there things that we have not yet processed. Because of that we need to pay attention to them, acknowledge them, and honor ourselves by doing the work to reduce the impact they have on us.
You can follow Ryan on Instagram @thevegastherapist or go to his website www.ryanwynder.com
Check out my 14 Day Relationship Challenge - link on website
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Just in time for Father's Day! In this episode I sit down with David Frey, who is currently a marriage researcher and coach for men who want to be better husbands in their relationships. David himself has been married for 33 years to Ingrid Frey. They met as missionaries in Bolivia and started dating in college. They adopted two children at birth. Their names are Sterling, who is 26 and Alina, who is 21. David has worked as an executive in the business world and as a solo entrepreneur for over 23 years. David has had a genetic disease that has no cure and so he decided to set aside his business career to help men become better husbands. He’s the author of the book titled, “301 Ways to Become a High Value Husband.” Currently he is working on a new book titled - The #1 Rule for High Value Husbands.
Our episode will focus on his most recent book and the number 1 rule, which is Taking Ownership - David will define what that looks like in our lives, as well as discuss what happens when men do not take ownership in their relationships.
Finally, we discuss the 9 Aspects of creating an Ownership Lifestyle that will produce a more fulfilling and connected relationship with our partner and those around us.
To connect with David you can find him on Facebook or Instagram @davidfrey.highvaluehusbands
You can find me on my website www.ryanwynder.com or follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist
Check out my 14 Day Relationship Challenge as well, the link for that is on my website.
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In this episode, I welcome in Kathy Moffat, who currently is a Relationship Coach. For this show though, she is hear to share her story about raising a child that has severe Mental Health issues. Kathy and I have been intertwined for 16 years now as we have worked together in helping her son. This was a very real and vulnerable conversation about the challenges that come with having a child that experiences these things. Kathy digs into some of the more difficult topics such as fear, disappointment, and dealing with the potential of suicide with your child. She shares her process of moving from "fixing them" to an acceptance of this being a life long journey. Kathy gives some great insight and advice for parents who may be dealing with similar issues, things she wish she had known, what she has learned from her experiences, and the importance of self-care.
A critical part of the conversation was how Kathy dealt with the shame of having a child with mental health issues. Shame has kept most of us from being open about the challenges around mental health. Kathy shares some great advice about managing the shame.
This is mental health awareness month and I feel this episode is great for spreading the message about dealing with mental health. We still have room for growth and awareness in the area of mental health.
You can follow Kathy on Instagram @kathymoffat.co
Follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com
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I am honored to celebrate my 100th episode with my special guest MaryCatherine McDonald, PhD. She is the author of the book Unbroken: The Trauma Response is Never Wrong. MC (as she goes by), is a research professor and life coach who has been researching, lecturing, and publishing on the neuroscience, psychology, and lived experience of trauma since beginning her PhD in 2009. For more, visit alchemycoaching.life or follow her on Instagram @mc.phd
This episode is like a Trauma 101 of sorts. Through her research MC has come to define trauma as a unbearable emotional experience that lack a relational home. Trauma also has three core parts 1. A narrative event 2. Emotional content 3. A set tags or labels Each part is discussed and we talk about how each part impacts our outlook and how each of these parts can be integrated for healing.
We discuss some key components to trauma which include reconstructing the world view that can be shattered as a result of experiencing trauma. Taking our power back from the labels that have been given to us through others or our trauma is critical to healing as well. The role of shame in our trauma and how we manage triggers among other important aspects of trauma are discussed as well. Such a great conversation on trauma with an amazing guest!
You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com
You can also check out my 14 Day Relationship Challenge at https://14daybettermarriagechallenge.com/home -
In this episode I discuss the process of taking power back in our lives. There are a number of things in life that can take our power from us: trauma, people, and especially negative labels. When these things have taken us down and put us in a cage or we find ourselves feeling powerless or helpless to them, its time to take a stand and take our power back. In order to take back the reins we may need to understand what we are fighting in the first place, or that the way we have been fighting is not working or backfiring on us. Each time we come face to face with the things that have power over us we have the opportunity to stand up for ourselves, not doing so can leave us feeling like we have betrayed ourselves. which only adds more layers of shame and labels to the existing pile.
After discussing this process I share a number of ways we can begin to take our power back and reclaim our lives and create and identity for ourselves that we want!
You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com
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In this episode I sit down with my fellow colleague Lauren Schloss. Lauren is a Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselor and CPC Intern. She has been practicing as a therapist for 10+ years. As a therapist Lauren has great perspective and specializes in working with individuals who struggle with addiction, trauma, low self-esteem, and depression. Over the course of the last year, Lauren lost both of her parents, and as an only child the caregiver role fell solely on her. All of this while having a family of her own and trying to work as well. During the episode Lauren offers great insight into working through these difficult live events. We discuss the role of trauma and how it impacted her and how she is committed to finding herself after these difficult losses.
You can find me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com. My 14 Day Relationship challenge is available to purchase on my website. -
In this episode, I discuss the details of a new book I have been reading by Terrance Real, called "US." It was a great follow up to my previous episode with my wife Sonia as we shared secrets to our successful 25 year marriage. In Real's Book he identifies a rhythm in relationship - Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair. This rhythm is cyclical and we move through it multiple times within the term of our relationships. An important realization for many in relationships is that their will be disharmony and that does not equal a bad relationship it simply just is what it is. We all have it in our relationships, but the key is how we repair the disharmony. There can be a number of benefits we gain from repair in building a stronger relationship.
You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or go to my website for more info about me or to sign up for my 14 Day Marriage Challenge - www.ryanwynder.com
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In this episode, I welcome a special guest to the show! My wife Sonia joins me, as we recently celebrated our "Silver" anniversary. I wanted share with you what has worked for us in our relationship and the things that we feel can lead to a successful marriage. In the episode, we share our story of how we met and then delve into some of the keys to marriage. Topics include: Love & commitment, time together, chemistry & compatibility, growth, interests, communication and of course SEX! I hope you enjoy what we have to share. Follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or my website www.ryanwynder.com
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In this episode I sit down with Dr. Randall Bell, who recently came out with the book Post-Traumatic Thriving. Dr. Bell has specialized in disaster recovery and has been involved in such events as the World Trade Center, Flight 93, Sandy Hook, Hurricane Katrina, OJ Simpson and Heavens gate to name a few. In his book he lays out the academic research about trauma as well as discusses his own PTSD as a child.
In the episode we dive into the 3 phases of Trauma outlined in his book: The Dive Stage, Survive Stage, and finally the Thrive Stage. Each stage has its core components and importance for moving through and healing. The ultimate end goal for everyone is to find a way to utilize the energy from their trauma to thrive fully in life. To set goals and achieve success. Not letting the trauma define us but using it's impact as a way to build resilience along the way to healing and thriving.
To follow me on Instagram check out @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.thevegastherapist.com you can also reach out to me via email - [email protected]
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Dr. Anna Lembke received her undergraduate degree in Humanities from Yale University and her medical degree from Stanford University. She is currently Professor and Medical Director of Addiction Medicine, Stanford University School of Medicine. She is also Program Director of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Fellowship, and Chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. She is a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and a diplomate of the American Board of Addiction Medicine.
Dr. Lembke was one of the first in the medical community to sound the alarm regarding opioid overprescribing and the opioid epidemic. In 2016, she published her best-selling book on the prescription drug epidemic, "Drug Dealer, MD – How Doctors Were Duped, Patients Got Hooked, and Why It’s So Hard to Stop" (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016). Her book was highlighted in the New York Times as one of the top five books to read to understand the opioid epidemic (Zuger, 2018).Her latest book, "Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence" (Dutton/Penguin Random House, August 2021), was an instant New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller, and explores how to moderate compulsive overconsumption in a dopamine-overloaded world.
In this episode we talk about the elements surrounding our "Dopamine Nation" This includes the Pleasure- Pain Balance, The Broken Balance, our society that is running from pain, the solution of pressing on the pain side of things, and finally the concept of Radical Honesty. It is a packed filled episode with something for us all. Dr. Lembke has a great understanding of all of these elements and shares them in a very real way.
You can follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.thevegastherapist.com
Check out my 14 Day Better Relationship Challenge by going to my website and clicking on the link.
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In this episode I welcome in my guest September Frogley, she is the founder of Connection is the Cure. The goals of this foundation include: 1. Normalize and encourage ongoing conversations about mental health and suicide prevention, 2. Equip people with prevention strategies, 3. Connect people to resources in the community and each other! September shares her personal story with losing her brother to suicide and how that experience sent her down this path to create this foundation to raise awareness for others. Healing the shame for those suffering and those impacted is hugely tied to our ability to connect and to share. In addition to her story we tackle some of the myths around suicide, ways to help those struggling, and much more. You can learn more about this foundation by following on Instagram @connection_isthe_cure or the website https://www.connectionisthecureidaho.org/
The event is January 17th, doors open at 5pm @ The Ford Idaho Center - Smith Alley, Max Hall , and Brock Bevell will be speaking, Ben Fuller with be performing.
For more info on myself follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com
You can also access my 14 Day Better Marriage Challenge by going to my website -
In this episode I tackle the topic of goal setting! There are a few key parts for a new way to set goals that I address in the episode. First, there are two types of motivation, "Want-to" and "Have-to" Motivation, the type you have will influence your overall success with achieving your goals! The main part of the episode is dedicated to having goals that are centered in our values. Goals that are value based have lasting power and generates enduring motivation. A value is not something to be achieved, but is something you can only manifest by acting in accordance with it. Being "aligned" in the way we live and want to live helps to reduce pain in life. I draw from 2 articles by Mark Travers and Steven Hayes in Feb. 2023 Psychology Today as well as Steven Hayes book "A Liberated Mind"
1. Rate your Domains - Scale 1-10 (Family, Marriage/couples/intimate relations, Parenting, Friends/social life, Work, Education, Recreation/Fun, Spirituality, Physical self-care, & Art/creative expression
2. Rate your consistency in the areas above - how consistent have your actions been with your values
3.What do I care about in this area? What do I want to do in this area that reflects that caring? What can I do to manifest this value more in my life?
Follow me on Instagram @thevegastherapist or visit my website www.ryanwynder.com
Check out my website as well for a link to my 14 Day Better Marriage Challenge!
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