Episodes
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CW: death; brief mention of disordered eating
What happens when someone dies? How do you talk to someone who's lost a parent? What's wrong with the word 'talent'? Do you take on work that makes you uncomfortable? Why are we so scared of Freshers Week? We answer all these questions with absolute authority this week on Things Musicians Don't Talk About!
Grab a cuppa, walk the dog/child, endure the commute, or simply rawdog this episode. We have a chinwag, a catchup and put the world to rights as per usual.
Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow RSM on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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The start of an unedited series of podcasts.
TW: mental illness
Hattie shares the story of her 2017 nervous breakdown and reads a blog she wrote about it back in August. She also answers questions about breakdowns and whether she worries about them returning
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Missing episodes?
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When cellist Matthew Barley was 16 he tried to take his own life following a drug-induced psychotic episode. He then went on to channel everything into music until in 2019 the trauma of the event resurfaced.
We speak to Matthew about his experience of psychosis, looking back on his experiences and the process of trauma therapy and the impact of ayahuasca. He takes us through writing music for his new album based on the events and discusses the way the classical music world views mental health conditions
matthewbarley.com
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Katy Ehrlich
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This was a big one for Things Musicians Don't Talk About: our first live show!!!! We are so grateful to the London Podcast Festival for inviting us to take the stage with the exceptional Ayanna Witter-Johnson.
Hattie and Becca talked a little bit about the conception of the podcast and their own mental health journeys, and then chatted with Ayanna about her background and career in music. Ayanna talks brilliantly about the intricacies of making her own unique career despite not fitting into a traditional classical music pathway, and elaborates on feeling like an outsider, failures and rejections, and her process of making art from trauma and experiences of colourism.
We end with our usual Wins of the Week and take some truly excellent questions from the audience, and were truly blown away by all our fans that came to watch the show! Massive thanks to the Kings Place & London Podcast Festival team who made the day an absolute joy and really supported our audience to have the best experience possible.
Follow Ayanna on Instagram X Facebook and her website
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast (Instagram Facebook)
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich & Ayanna Witter-Johnson
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We're back with our first interview after the summer! The brilliant Laure Chan speaks with Hattie and Becca about her cross-cultural, genre-bending creative endeavours and her journey to musical authenticity.
How did Laure get into composing whilst already being an established violinist? How does she explore her own identity through the medium of music? How did her shoulder injury affect her outlook on making music?
Find out by listening to Things Musicians Don’t Talk About.
Follow Laure on Instagram TikTok Youtube Spotify or visit her website
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Host: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Emma Werner
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Trigger warning: eating disorders, weight (no specific numbers)
A different format of episode this week! Becca reads out her latest blog on her body, her identity and her fears about the possibility of a life of ‘sizing-up’.
She answers some questions afterwards about the blog, talking about the male gaze, the concept of numbers in recovery and the physicality of trumpet playing.
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Host: Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Reflecting on recent trips back to our former music schools and colleges, we chat about the complex emotions that arise when revisiting places of past trauma. We discuss the challenges of addressing mental health in educational settings, wondering if our message is relevant to current students, and the lasting impact of architecture and locations on our wellbeing. We also explore the nuances of loneliness, and share our personal journeys of making peace with specific London locations.
Link to the book recommended by Becca: https://www.olivialaing.com/lonely-city
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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When cellist Ruth Philips was 29 and studying in America, she left her room as she wanted it to be found after her death. So certain was she that the performance approaching her would be the end of her life.
Now, Ruth is sought after for her whole, integrative approach as a cello teacher, mindfulness practitioner and performance coach. She speaks to us about her journey towards discovering mindfulness, reframing the word 'practice' and encouraging others to consider the violent language we frequently use as musicians and music teachers. We explore how kindness and self-love can be a difficult choice if a rigid practice routine has provided comfort, and consider how we can take steps towards a more whole perspective of practice within the music sector.
Discover Ruth Philips here
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Hattie Butterworth
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We thought we'd celebrate hitting 3,000 Instagram followers as some sort of milestone in this crazy journey to cultivate much-needed honesty in the music industry! Every follower, every listener we connect with feels like a little headway in making change in the culture.
In this episode, we take some time to look back on our podcast journey so far, reminiscing about how we became a duo and how TMDTA has grown over the past 4 years. Thanks to questions from our listeners, we also reflect on our personal experiences with mental health, music schools, and our hopes about what has changed since we were school pupils. We ponder on the challenges of giving and receiving feedback in musical workplaces, as well our continuing commitment to being transparent about our struggles and aiming to bring others' stories to light.
Thanks for being here with us and here's to our ever-expanding community ❤️
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode of Things Musicians Don't Talk About, Becca sits down with Chloé van Soeterstède in her dressing room at the Royal College of Music. Chloé shares her personal experiences of working as a musician alongside pregnancy and then motherhood. She walks us through her journey - from figuring out with her manager when might be the best time to get pregnant, to performing while visibly pregnant and giving birth naturally with the aid of mental preparation. Chloé also opens up about challenges like pumping breastmilk between rehearsals on tour and traveling internationally with a newborn, and making sure to be honest about her capacities through such a huge life transformation. Becca and Chloé emphasise how rare and important it is for musicians to discuss the realities of pregnancy and parenthood, and Chloé’s honest and candid story provides a much-needed glimpse into navigating this challenging but rewarding career stage.
Follow Chloé on Instagram and witness more of her brilliant honesty!
Check out her website and on X
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We always love to hear from our listeners, and if you like the show why not recommend to a friend or leave a review?
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Katy Ehrlich
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Another chatty episode for you lovely lot! This was recorded for our last Voices radio slot in February 2023. Hattie and Becca chat about queerness in classical music, exploring our opinions on the films Tár and Maestro, and how we feel power dynamics and hero-worship were portrayed in them. As we've seen over the past few decade or so, teacher-student relationships can be such a dangerous environment if those positions of authority are abused, and so we take a further look into what exactly it is about them that musicians don't talk about and why.
We always love to hear from our listeners, and if you like the show why not recommend to a friend or leave a review?
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Find TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This week we come to you (unintentionally) from the Royal Opera House! We speak with composer, theatre-maker, and journalist Zygmund de Somogyi about growing up with Autism Spectrum Disorder, not fitting in to the classical music world, discovering the world of composing, their experiences of imposter syndrome and feeling disconnected from the world around them. Zyggy is now studying opera composition and discusses how they fell into opera and what it's like to work as an opera composer in the current climate. Thank you to Zyggy for their brilliant honesty and commitment to talk about the things musicians don't talk about.
Follow Zyggy on:
Website
Email (enquires)
Email (press)
Instagram
X
Youtube
Soundcloud
Join us on Things Musicians Don't Talk About for more honest chats about life as musicians. We always love to hear from our listeners, and if you like the show why not recommend to a friend or leave a review?
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Patrick Emeribe
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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TW: sexual assault we do discuss an experience of sexual assault/harassment about halfway through the episode so feel free to skip through / give this one a miss <3
We recorded this episode as part of our Voices Radio residency after the hazy summer of 2023. We took a break from the podcast for a couple of months and reflect on our individual experiences of said break. But just because *we were on a break*, doesn't mean our little brains weren't pondering the music biz. What about critics commenting on musicians' bodies and the deeply-engrained societal fatphobia? How do you even write about Maria Callas without talking about her mental health? What about summer depression as a freelancer? What about the expected exhaustion that comes hand-in-hand with youth orchestras and academies? How about sexual assault and the difficult situation that puts the victim in when the perpetrator is a colleague?
Join us on Things Musicians Don't Talk About for more honest chats about life as musicians. We always love to hear from our listeners, and if you like the show why not recommend to a friend or leave a review?
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Recorded in September 2023 for Voices Radio
Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca Toal
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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A very Happy New Year from us at TMDTA! To kick off 2024, we have an episode recorded waaaaay back last year with the joyous James Partridge. We speak to him about his very unique career, bringing 'primary school bangers' to the masses and what life is like as a social media sensation. Why do these primary school hymns unlock 100% FEELS in us and what does James think about music education? Find out here on Things Musicians Don't Talk About.
Follow James on:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamesbpartridge/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jamesbpartridge
Website: https://www.jamesbpartridge.com/
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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On our Voices Radio slot this month, Becca interviewed DJ Jess Hands about her experiences with mental illness and how making music has been a healing distraction from her struggles. We hear her honest account of what it's like to go through mental health crises, bipolar disorder and to get to grips with simultaneously working as a DJ.
Jessica's bio:
"My name is Jessica Hands, DJ name Jess Hands, a lover for all things bass and wonky sounds. I have bi polar type 1 and BPD, I am here to share my experience to help myself but, also to let me people know its ok to be open and can really help, music has been so healing for me, but of course brings it’s own worries, thank you for the space to share my story and if anyone wants to reach out for advice of course I’m happy to listen and help. ❤️"
Jessica's instagram
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Follow the Royal Society of Musicians:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
Editor: Rebecca Toal & @noumanedits
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome back! This week we speak with astounding trumpet soloist, Simon Höfele, taking a peek behind the scenes of his stunning international career to discuss the reality of it all. We chat about Simon's fortunate journey to becoming a soloist and how his ultimate love is for creating music (especially the contemporary kind), using the trumpet as a tool to achieve that. Simon also works part-time as a very cool hipster barista which he describes almost like 'paid therapy' - a form of distraction and space away from the trumpet to keep him grounded. Stay tuned to find out the piece of music he ranks 'The Most Disgusting' too.
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
Follow the Royal Society of Musicians:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Want to gift us a Kofi? Click here!
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Editor: Federico (@mixinghacks)
Music: Katy Ehrlich
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Follow Things Musicians Don't Talk About on:
Instagram
X
Facebook
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Composer Gavin Higgins found that music was the only thing calmed his severe facial tics as a young kid. After an assessment at the Maudsley Hospital, Gavin was diagnosed with Tourettes and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He was put on Prozac and told to snap a rubber band on his wrist to take away his intrusive thoughts.
A lot has changed in the treatment of mental illnesses, but what's the reality behind living with two severe conditions as an award-winning composer? And why is Gavin so determined to raise awareness? Hattie and Gavin chat in this episode about OCD, Tourettes, generational OCD themes, trauma from writing an opera, the industry as it stands and how things need to change.
Find Gavin's website here
And his Instagram
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Follow the Royal Society of Musicians:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
Editor: Hattie Butterworth
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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It's our first sneaky peaky Patreon preview! Welcome through this little creaky door in the paywall to hear 5 minutes of exclusive content that we recorded last Halloween!
In this episode, Hattie, Katy and Becca scare the living daylights outta themselves by reading feedback ranging from grade 8 to graduate scheme rejections. We also have a little rant about assessing music as a subjective art form, and Hattie shares a story with us that we had to bleep out because it was too gross.
If you fancy accessing the *whole* episode and much more, head to https://www.patreon.com/tmdta!
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
The Royal Society of Musicians is Britain’s oldest music charity and our aims remain as relevant today as they were in the earliest years – to provide vital financial assistance, advice and guidance to those professionally active in the world of music but who are unable to work due to accident, illness, stress or anxiety. Being a charity run by musicians for musicians, we are uniquely placed to fully understand the challenges faced within the profession.
Follow the Royal Society of Musicians on:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Got a few pennies to spare? Buy us a Kofi! https://ko-fi.com/thingsmusiciansdonttalkabout
Feeling extra generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Follow us on all the socials: @tmdtapodcast
Editor: Katy Ehrlich & Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This episode is dedicated to Koshka’s wonderful piano teacher, Niel Immelman, who sadly passed away since it was recorded - and who made it all possible.
TW// sexual violence and assault, physical assault, police brutality
Becca first came across today's guest when she stumbled upon her collection of essays, Abolishing the Police. Philosophy professor, Koshka Duff (University of Nottingham), was largely inspired to compile this collection of essays on policing, dissent and abolition after her own traumatic experiences with the police. In 2013, when studying a Masters in piano performance at the Royal College of Music, Koshka was arrested after offering legal advice to a teenager undergoing a racist stop and search. She describes how the police assaulted her and left her with physical and psychological damage that continued to impact her life long after the event: she suspended her studies and had to confront the devastating possibility that she may never play the piano again. Koshka was able to return for her final recital a year after the event, and set out on a mission to heal by 'making and making up music' with her band, Stolen Goods, and via a pain management course through the NHS. The injuries left her with chronic pain that she still deals with, though more now as a "companion, rather than always an antagonist."
Koshka's album featuring several tracks recorded at her final recital
CD liner notes
The Stolen Goods EP
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Feeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
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Follow the Royal Society of Musicians:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
Editor: Kaileigh Eaton
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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For TMDTA's July Voices Radio appearance, Hattie and Becca discuss Lewis Capaldi's Glastonbury set and how this might translate in the classical music world. They also chat about their experiences of saying no as employees and as freelancers, Hattie's new adventures on bass guitar and Becca's new therapist. In the original show, the first half of Paul Denegri's episode played after their discussion, but now you can go and listen to the whole thing wherever you're listening to this episode.
Thank you as ever to Voices Radio for this platform, and thank you to you listeners for your ongoing support!
The guardian article Becca loved: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jun/26/lewis-capaldis-glastonbury-set-disability-centre-stage
Click here for the transcript
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Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians!
The Royal Society of Musicians is Britain’s oldest music charity and our aims remain as relevant today as they were in the earliest years – to provide vital financial assistance, advice and guidance to those professionally active in the world of music but who are unable to work due to accident, illness, stress or anxiety. Being a charity run by musicians for musicians, we are uniquely placed to fully understand the challenges faced within the profession.
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Support TMDTA
Want to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon for £3 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdta
Got a few pennies to spare? Buy us a Kofi! https://ko-fi.com/thingsmusiciansdonttalkabout
Feeling extra generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-about
Follow us on all the socials: @tmdtapodcast
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Follow the Royal Society of Musicians on:
Instagram: @rsmgb
Twitter: @RSMusicians
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/royalsocietyofmusicians
Editor: Rebecca Toal
Music: Katy Ehrlich
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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