Episodes
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What if there's an inherent health within us that drives us? A Self that's untouched by trauma? How would knowing that make a difference to how we feel about ourselves? Listen in as Liam dives into his experience to reveal a finding overflowing with hope.
Liam O Mahony is an adoptee, an accredited Psychotherapist and Addiction Counsellor with over nine years of experience working with adults and adolescents. He is associated with the Centre for Self-Leadership Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), a member of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP) and Addiction Counsellors of Ireland (ACI). He is a graduate of University College Cork and the Cork Institute of Technology with particular expertise in areas such as Trauma and Addiction.
His main interest is the related fields of Attachment, Neuroscience and Trauma and he is particular passionate about how research from these areas can be integrated into the work of psychotherapists and addiction counsellors.
More at:
https://pcpsi.ie/our-founders/
The book Liam mentioned on generational trauma is The Heart of Trauma by Dr. Bonnie Badenoch
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Have you felt separate? Alone? Elizabeth felt so separate that she thought she was an alien. So how did she get to that visceral feeling of wholeness? A deep dive into healing. Because that's where the gems are.
Note from Elizabeth – I want to apologize for the incorrect usage of the phrase trauma bonding near the very end of the episode. I was looking for a way to describe adoptees commiserating with one another about a shared traumatic experience. Simon’s term of validation is more appropriate in this instance.
Here's a bit about Elizabeth from her website:
I’m an adult adoptee living in reunion with my birth family. Since 1999, I’ve known my birth mom, my birth dad and my eleven (!!!) brothers and sisters. And, in 2011, I adopted our daughter Riley. She is the love of my life.
I’m Elizabeth Barbour, M.Ed, Life & Business Coach, Shamanic Practitioner, Speaker, Retreat Leader, Author and Mom.
I see what’s possible for you when you can’t see it for yourself. I see your strengths, your beauty, your gifts, your talents and all that you can possibly be… and I help you step more fully into the truest version of you.
As a life and business coach, I help entrepreneurial and professional women find work/life balance–and sanity–in the chaos of daily living. It’s not unusual for clients to cry in their first sessions with me because they are just so relieved to find support.
As a shamanic practitioner, I utilize the power of shamanic journey work to access messages and information from the spiritual realms (sometimes referred to as non-ordinary reality) to help my clients cut through the stuck places and gain clarity fast. I’m passionate about helping my clients to design rituals and celebrations when big transitions are afoot (life and death, weddings and divorces, moves, etc.) My first book is tentatively titled Sacred Celebrations.
When teaching and speaking, I’m multi-passionate. I’m equally comfortable facilitating a teambuilding session in an corporate environment, inspiring a room full of entrepreneurs to become authentic networkers, preaching the value of self-care to a room full of overworked realtors or leading an intimate women’s retreat through a fire ceremony ritual to release their stress and to reclaim their balance.
https://elizabethbarbour.com/
https://www.facebook.com/elizabethbarbour
https://www.instagram.com/elizabthbarbour/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Missing episodes?
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Trauma sits frozen in time within the part of us that experienced the trauma. For those relinquished at birth it's newborn who's lost their mother. Parts work (also known as Internal Family Systems IFS) heals those parts. Our Self is untouched by trauma. Our Self heals our parts. It does that by accepting, loving and giving them the recognition that they've never had before. Listen in as adoptee and IFS therapist Kathy shares how we heal all our parts.
Here's a bit about Kathy from her website:
Long before I became a therapist, I was adopted. My parents had two biological sons and were unable to have a third child and wanted a girl, so they adopted me. Even before then, though, I was relinquished.
I make the distinction between relinquishment and adoption, because those are two separate events, and I believe the root of many “adoption issues" lies with relinquishment and the experience of having been separated from one’s original parents, especially one’s first mom/birthmom. I was relinquished at birth, placed in foster care and then placed with my adoptive family when I was 10 weeks old. Even those of us who were relinquished at birth, before we developed conscious memory, lived through the experience, and our bodies remember, which often lead us to respond as though it is happening again—a post-traumatic response.
My personal experiences led me to become a therapist who specializes in helping other adoptees, and the people close to them. I work with adult adoptees, adopted children/teens, adoptive parents, first/birth parents, prospective adoptive parents and the partners of adoptees, as well as others who have had similar experiences for other reasons.
https://www.instagram.com/adopteetherapy
https://www.adopteetherapy.com/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Does healing seem like a journey to you? A long, arduous trip. What if wholeness were closer? Something we can see and feel sooner? Listen in as Yael and dive deep into revealing and reclaiming our wholeness.
Here's a bit about Yael:
"My personal experience as a bisexual Jewish woman, a practitioner of Mussar, an adoptee, a divorcee, a “bonus mom” and a “career transitionist” have given me a deep repository of strength and skills as well.
As a mindfulness-based coach, I help people who are at turning points in life get crystal-clear on who they are, what they need in the next chapter of their lives, and how to create it.
I help you develop the confidence to express yourself authentically and bring true closure to past chapters. Together, we discover your inner barriers to fulfillment. With support, you learn to rewrite old programming you didn’t realize you had.
My intention is to accompany you on your journey to living a life that is deeply meaningful to you with clarity, confidence, courage, and connection – whatever your identity, whatever your situation."
https://www.instagram.com/bechiracoaching/
https://www.facebook.com/yael.dennis.817/
https://bechiracoaching.com/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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How's your healing evolving? Are we ever whole? Listen in as guest host Jude flips the script on me. Her questions on healing were great! They're well worth you asking yourself. Do my answers bring you an insight or two? There's only one way for you to find out...
I was adopted at 5 weeks old and told so young I don’t ever remember not knowing.
I didn't experience any conscious adoption trauma until 40 when I found out my childhood teddy bear was a gift from my birth mother.
This caused an eruption of anger, feeling rejected and unloved. That kickstarted a healing journey exploring trauma, my roots and who I am.
I've spent 16 years doing this and continues to be fascinated by it all and:
*working with 2,500 kids and parents in the UK and USA to increase kids’ confidence, self-esteem, resilience and ability to stop bullies upsetting them.
*conversations with over 400 global foster and adoptive parents, foster and adoption professionals, social workers and therapists as well as adults who were fostered or adopted. Many of these conversations have been for the Thriving Adoptees podcast https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com
*I've also run webinars for adoptees and resource parents in the UK, USA and Australia.
More at:
https://www.facebook.com/simonjbenn
https://www.facebook.com/thrivingadoptees
https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonjbenn/
https://www.instagram.com/simonjbenn/
https://www.thrivingadoptees.com/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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We only have to heal if we've been sick or damaged. But what if this perspective is off? Listen in as therapist and teacher Corie shares a fresh perspective on growth and change.
Find out more about Corie and her book at:
https://www.facebook.com/corieskolnick
https://corieskolnick.com/orfan/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Our anger can be explosive, scaring ourselves as well as others. It's often a central part of our trauma as well as coming out of the fog. So how do we find peace? Where do we find peace? Listen in as Quinn shares his insights on finding peace.
https://novacatfilms.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/quinn-wolverton-4285662b2/
https://www.instagram.com/novacatfilms/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Changing the narrative requires changing the narrators. What narrative would empower you? What if being adopted has given you superpowers? How would that perspective power you? Listen in as Stephanie shares her thoughts about becoming superpowered and other healing insights.
More about Stephanie at:
https://www.loyola.edu/school-education/academics/graduate/curriculum-instruction/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-flores-koulish-5792919/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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How do you see your trauma? Does it scare you? Has the lead to you pushing it away? Suppressing it? Would a new relationship with trauma improve your life? Listen in as Tim shares key learnings on his journey to seeing trauma as a gift.
Tim Perdion, born Thomas Griffin Demchak on March 1, 1969, was adopted shortly after birth. Despite growing up in a seemingly perfect family, he struggled with anger, depression, and anxiety. Discovering his biological roots at 46 unveiled complex family secrets, prompting a relentless pursuit of identity and self-worth.
Tim's journey includes overcoming addiction, mental health challenges, and relationship struggles. In 2019, he sought help at Sierra Tucson, leading to a transformative healing journey. Embracing Christianity in 2023, Tim was baptized and ignited his passion for serving others.
He continues to explore family connections, despite facing secondary rejection and complex family dynamics. Transitioning from a corporate career, Tim now leverages his spiritual gifts as a life coach, speaker, and consultant, dedicated to inspiring and supporting adoptees and those dealing with trauma.
Tim's mission is to use his experiences to heal the pain of relinquishment, foster authentic connections, and empower others to live their truth, trusting in God's plan for his life.
https://www.prodigalpathways.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/timperdion/
https://www.facebook.com/tperdion/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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What have you done with your trauma? Turning the tough stuff you've been through into work to empower others is one of the most healing things we can do. Listen in as Mallory shares learnings from her life including what she discovered about herself adopting her daughter. We touch on empathy, ending self-judgement and more...powerful and insightful. Enjoy.
Mallory is an intercountry transracial adoptee and a former foster, now adoptive, mom. She has a profound awareness of the challenges faced by foster and adoptive families and is passionate about providing parents with the education they need to understand trauma and its impact on children. She's a University of Southern Indiana graduate with a BS in Accounting and Professional Services. She has over a decade's worth of experience in various accounting settings, including the nonprofit industry.
https://www.mallorysmission.net/
https://www.facebook.com/MalChfn
https://www.instagram.com/maljoest/
https://www.instagram.com/mallorysmission/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Gabor Maté says that the feeling we are not good enough is actually a belief that we are not good enough. And that's important given so many of us feel less than. Do beliefs seem more bustable than trauma seems healable? Listen in as I explore belief busting, hope and more in this short episode.
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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What if time ISN'T the greatest healer? What is? Anthony lost a wife through divorce, his adoptive mother who died and his birth mother for the second time. All in one year. How did he cope? What did he learn? Listen in as he shares some of his greatest healings. And we go deep on the healing power of realisations.
About his book Lucky Bastard
When he was ten years old, the author was told he’d been adopted. It was a seismic event that turned his world upside down. Nobody was who he thought they were. His mother wasn’t his mother; his father wasn’t his father; his sister wasn’t his sister; his grandparents weren’t his grandparents; he wasn’t related to any of his relatives; he didn’t know where he came from or who he was. This was at a time when adoption was shrouded in secrecy and shame. Birth mothers and adoptive parents signed non-disclosure agreements. Adoption records were sealed. In Lucky Bastard Anthony Akerman takes the reader on his quest to find out where he came from.
https://www.amazon.com/Lucky-Bastard-Anthony-Akerman-ebook/dp/B0CWD19RCP
Contact Anthony
https://www.facebook.com/anthony.akerman.7
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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The need to heal the “Primal Wound” assumes we are wounded. It is important to remember that it's based on the perspective of adoptive mother Nancy Verrier, NOT an adoptee.
It can leave us feeling:
*stuck with the belief we cannot heal.
*unsure of what to do next for the best.
*pathologized for an event we had no choice in.
*More and more adoptees are questioning the wound narrative and wanting to take back their power. Post Traumatic Growth is an altogether more empowering, hopeful and positive perspective that allows us to do exactly that.
View the slides that go with the presentation here
https://www.canva.com/design/DAGIf_zETn8/kZ0rRZ1DLOdWe4lZ3j0h7g/view?utm_content=DAGIf_zETn8&utm_campaign=share_your_design&utm_medium=link&utm_source=shareyourdesignpanel
Let's thrive together.
This event was a taster for the Growth & Transformation course.
Starts: Wednesday 31st July at 9am PST, Noon EST, 5pm UK
Runs every Wednesday for 24 weeks Price: £75 (approx. $100)/month for 6 months
Register now - only 12 places for this first cohort (£150 per month for future cohorts) at www.thrivingadoptees.com
Here's the course outline:
Introduction
We’ll start with 2 sessions exploring the holistic nature of healing, energy, entering and pacing on the Spiral of Growth.
Mind
The next 4 sessions will look at what’s going on in our minds, opening to and focussing on growth and what gets in the way of that. We’ll use metaphors such as mind-set v mind-fluid to bust old beliefs and access new and healthier perspectives. It’s all about harnessing your brain’s ability to recover and transcend trauma.
Body
The 4 webinars on Body will get to the heart of pre-verbal, pre-memory trauma looking into Somatics, self care and embodiment to bring subconscious trauma into the warm and healing light of awareness. This is all about shifting your moment to moment lived experience to peace and calm Heart You will learn all about attuning to your heart, being guided by your intuition over 4 sessions. We will go upstream of feelings to their source and learn about creating new flows for a more contented life being triggered less, with less intensity.
Social
How can we navigate relationships – even the tough ones with adoptive and biological families – with more ease? 4 sessions on setting and keeping boundaries, communication, the double-edged sword of validation in adoptee communities, self- leadership and feeling like we belong
Spirit Who are we at our core, our essence that’s untouched by our trauma. A non-religious take on the self v the Self to understand and live our sovereignty. These 4 sessions are all about the many ways we can leave our trauma bound identity behind for a more authentic and contented life
Integration
2 sessions to pull the last 22 together to catalyse our growth and transformation. Stepping into a role as alchemist to turn darkness into light, trauma into joy.
Weekly Learning & Practice – 24 X 60 minute sessions
Guided Support, Mentorship, Group Support & Accountability through a dedicated Facebook Group
Starts: Wednesday 31st July at 9am PST, Noon EST, 5pm UK
Runs every Wednesday for 24 weeks Price: £75 (approx. $100)/month for 6 months
Register now - only 12 places for this first cohort (£150 per month for future cohorts) at www.thrivingadoptees.com
About the speakers:
About Jude
Adopted at 2 days old, Jude was told the first time her mother held her, “you are adopted”. As a Reiki Master, certified aromatherapist, massage therapist and meditation teacher, she uses a variety of tools in showing people how to cultivate a life of authenticity, empowerment and fulfillment. On June 4th, 2019, she received a letter from her biological mother that pushed her out of the fog and into the realization that she had been carrying, in her body, the trauma of being relinquished. This was the final ah-ha on her personal healing journey that brought her to the root of the grief, pain and fear she had struggled with throughout her life. Now, 56, Jude has a blog, facilitates workshops and weekly adoptee support groups. She resides in Asheville, NC with her husband, Jeff and dog Skyler.
About Simon
Simon but was adopted at 5 weeks old and told so young he doesn't ever remember not knowing. He didn't come out of the fog until he was 40 when he found out that my teddy bear was a gift from his birth mother. That unleashed an eruption of anger, feeling rejected and unloved. That led to a quest to heal, healing and a desire to help others. A letter from his birth mother (Pat) caused a profound realisation that she loved him dearly and a visceral connection with her. He later found out that she had died, but the depth of their felt connection helped Simon take this in his stride. He's now 57, runs Thriving Adoptees and lives in Hunsingore, near York, UK with his wife, 2 labradors Rosie and Indie and pet pig Buster (who lives outside). He has interviewed over 400 adoptees and run webinars for many, many more on advocacy, healing and thriving.
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Would you like more joy and awe in your life? Who wouldn't? Listen in as Lena shares how nature brings out awe from within for moments that blow our minds (in a good way). And this is all backed up by the science of awe.
Here are links to the science of awe
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/05/awe-by-dacher-keltner-review-the-transformative-power-of-wonder
https://onbeing.org/programs/dacher-keltner-the-thrilling-new-science-of-awe/
Here is a link to Lena's website
https://www.wildsoulphotographycolorado.com/
Connect with Lena here
https://www.facebook.com/eileenskahill
https://www.instagram.com/eileen.skahill/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Flik believes she chose to be adopted. What???? Perhaps one of the most challenging things I've heard in over 500 episodes. Listen in and find out why she believes this. Ooodles of insight into grace, acceptance, peace, the mind body connection and more. We go deep. Where the great stuff is buried.
Find out more about Flik:
https://www.therebalancecentre.com/
Here are links to the books I mentioned
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=chris+niebauer&crid=3JXO4KTRK9CES
https://www.amazon.com/Power-vs-Force-David-Hawkins-ebook/dp/B00EJBABS2/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Does the term healing resonate with you? It doesn't for Canadian adoptee Elle. For her it's all about peace and feeling better. And being at peace with not knowing. Listen in as she shares how growing up with evangelical adoptive parents impacted her. And what's helped - and continues - to help her to peace.
Here's Elle's bio from the Adoption The Making Of Me podcast
Elle Klassen is a Canadian who was born to a young woman of nineteen years of age in 1970. She was relinquished and then placed with her adoptive family when she was five days old. She grew up in a very conservative Canadian evangelical family where adoption was spoken of as God's plan. Much of her religious background didn't sit well with her, including the narrative around adoption. As an adopted person whose big goal in life was to fly under the radar as much as she could, she never challenged the common narrative surrounding adoption that she grew up with. Several years ago she did a DNA test on a whim & with a hint of morbid curiosity. She wanted to know if her adoption information had been falsified as so many others in the baby scoop had been. As a result, she was reunited with her first family on both her maternal, and paternal sides. Digging for truth led to seeing relinquishment, and adoption as complicated, traumatic events in a child's life. The repercussions of this reach into adulthood, and can never be fully dealt with until it is seen for what it is whether someone has had a "good" adoption or not. Truthful conversations about adoption have become her passion. She now co-hosts the podcast "Pulled by the Root" to help facilitate the conversation about relinquishment & adoption, showcasing the voices of those adopted people, and first parents, who have been previously silenced in favor of perpetuating the idea that adoption is not a trauma or a system of belief that should not be challenged.
https://www.facebook.com/luana.klassen
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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How hard are you on yourself? Self judgement is rife amongst us. It's always there. Until it isn't. Listen in as we go deep on grace, easing up and giving ourselves some slack.
Bio:
Anthony Lynch is a Jamaican-white adoptee based in London. As a research assistant at Coram, the UK's oldest Children's charity, they use their lived experience to inform policy and practice in the Adoption space.
Links:
Anthony's work: https://linktr.ee/inbetweenlinesorg
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anthony-emanuel-lynch/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Time and time again I've heard that healing is a very active pursuit. A very conscious decision to make what is unconscious to conscious. Listen as Julie shares profound learnings from her healing journey.
Here's the link to download the items Julie mentioned:
https://cominghometoself.co/social
Here's the link to the book I mentioned
https://www.amazon.com/No-Self-Problem-Neuropsychology-Catching-ebook/dp/B07PLRZVTT
https://cominghometoself.co/
https://www.instagram.com/juliebrumley_/
https://www.facebook.com/julierasbrum
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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Have your feelings scared you? Terrified you? Have you closed your heart to save you heartache? Listen in as Jo shares what she's learned about opening our hearts to ourselves to heal. Profound and enlightening. You're going to love this.
https://www.jowilliscoach.com/jos-adoption-story
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jo-willis-444ab03b/
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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What if we could laugh at grief? Even though that grief is darkest part of our trauma? Wouldn't that lighten our emotional load? Listen in for a contrary take on grief and trauma that brings hope before diving deep to touch that part of us that's unwounded...
Alison Larkin was adopted at birth in Washington, D.C., by British parents and raised in England and Africa. After graduation from the University of London and the Webber-Douglas Academy of Dramatic Art, she became a regular on the British stage with appearances on Broadway, a ubiquitous voice-over artist, and a successful stand-up comic. Her internationally acclaimed one-woman show, The English American, was a highlight of the London Comedy Festival. For more information, go to https://alisonlarkin.com/
https://www.facebook.com/alison.larkin.944
https://twitter.com/AlisonLarkinTEA
https://www.instagram.com/alisonlarkinpresents/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1y7eVMYgrZfBGrHrF0gJXw
Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.
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