Episodes
-
Nimisha's story of how she came to be a mindfulness teacher is memorable. About ten years ago, she was not able to perform her job as a surgeon, due to not being able to enter the operating theatre. She felt physically sick when she approached it. Her boss forced her to take some time off and had her go through a battery of tests to find out what was going on. They found nothing wrong with her body.
But she often had friends and family comment on how high strung she was. She thought it was a good thing as it allowed her to be at the top of her game as a surgeon, until it wasn't. Friends suggested yoga, but she refused. She wasn't prepared to change her personality to make other people comfortable. She liked who she was. She needed that edge to be a good surgeon.
At the end of the two week vacation she took to get better, she finally gave in to her husband's suggestion to try meditation because she wasn't getting any better. She took medication for her upset tummy, but it wasn't working. She had cut off tea and coffee, which was huge for her as she would drink an average seven to eight cups a day, so trying meditation felt easy. Besides, at that point, she was ready to try anything because she loved her work and wanted to get back to it.
It is at that point that she came across a book called 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works - A True Story, by Dan Harris. And she thought, why not. Who doesn't want to be happier. She also liked that the promise of the book was not grandiose. The author was also a high strung person, which appealed to Nimisha, even though he was an American white male and she was an Indian brown woman. She could relate to the war reporter in him in ways she could never relate to people wearing white robes with serene smiles. What happened next was miraculous. She was able to go back to the operating theatre and resume her former life.
At that point in her life, she called her practice meditation. She had an app and would religiously get on with her meditation daily. But as she slipped back into her life, she became complacent and her practice slipped. Her family noticed right away as she was cranky on days she did not meditate. Even her mother, who was raised a Roman Catholic and who is afraid of the idea of meditation, noticed.
And then there was to be a part two to her journey when she became a mother and started to struggle with issues of anger. Sadly, the meditation did not seem to help because she hadn't accepted yet that all emotions are welcome. She was resisting the anger. She just wanted the joy of being a mum. That is when she shifted from meditation to mindfulness and radical acceptance.
Non judgment became a big part of her new practice.
To find out more about her, head over to her website. Find her on Instagram. To download her free mindfulness journal, click here.
-
The most prominent teacher of the Law of Attraction is Esther Hicks, who channels a collective of souls called Abraham. When I first came across her book, Ask and It Is Given, I could not go past chapter one. It went against so many of the beliefs I had been taught by my parents that I could not digest its content. It actually took me years to go past chapter one. I would try, fail and put the book down. Then try again, fail again, and put the book down again. And then one day, years after my first attempt (and possibly as long as ten years after that first attempt), I was ready. I read the whole book.
One of the reasons I could not go past chapter one is that it starts, straight off the bat, with the following words "We are called Abraham and we are speaking to you from the non physical dimension". I had been to several psychics for readings at that point, and some had passed on messages from my grand mother and grand father, but somehow this was one step further on the bizarre experience and I could not seem to go past past.
The principles I was raised with were: Work hard, stay disciplined and be patient. It went further than that. As a child, I was discouraged from asking what I wanted by a mother who almost as soon as I asked for something made sure I understood that it was the best way not to get it. So I learnt never to ask for what I wanted. Throw in a couple of birthdays where I didn't get what I wanted and my belief that I should not bother to ask for what I want, and just be grateful for what I have was cemented. I was definitely never exposed to the idea that I create my own reality. Ever.
Here are my nine steps to manifesting:
Be clear on what you want
Identify the fears you have around what you want
Clear the fears you have identified in step 2
Have a plan to get what you want and take action
Revise the plan on a regular basis
Be realistic
Surround yourself with supportive people
Acknowledge the smallest successes along the way
Never compare yourself to anyone else
This sounds simple in theory but it is a lot more difficult to implement so head over to the podcast to actually listen to the episode as I share example and tips for each of these steps. In the podcast, I also unpack a little bit how we all start at different points so it's important to acknowledge that and to extend a helping hand to people who don't have as much privilege as we do. I also mention my True Prosperity course on Thinkific. If you want to find out more about it, click here.
-
Missing episodes?
-
Messianism is the belief in the advent of a Messiah who acts as a savior of a group of people. It is at the core of Christianity, the Messiah being Jesus Christ.
You may say that this idea does not apply to you because you are not religious but if the dominant culture of the country you were born in rests on Messianism, then it is likely that it forms part of your core beliefs, albeit unconscious. It's likely to have seeped into books, films and songs and having shaped your thinking, even if you are not aware of it.
In the episode I share an example of how my mother, even though she is an atheist, believed that I would go to hell because she has internalized one of those beliefs.
Why is Messianism problematic? First, because it usually claims that only the people who adhere to that religion will be saved by their Messiah, which is problematic in itself. But also because it relies on the principle that humans need to be saved and personally I think it strips them of personal responsibility. It also carries the idea that there is something intrinsically wrong with us, and I find that toxic. Don’t get me wrong, living in the illusion that we are perfect is equally as toxic. What’s wrong with just being human and radically accepting ourselves as we are?
Messianism is present in most traditional religions. We have already talked about Christianity, but it can also be found in Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and even Taoism.
Look around and you can also see, if you live in the Western world that our culture has a cult for superheroes, and yet these superheroes often carry a message of toxic masculinity, a justification for violence and a binary vision of the world where there are the good and the bad people. Or good or bad things happening, and of course the person who defines good or bad is usually from the dominant culture.
Modern psychologists have recognized the unhealthy pattern at play, so much so that they have coined a complex around it: the Messiah complex. In a milder form, it presents as the White Knight Complex, but not less toxic. The reason I feel we need to be very careful around these ideas is that they pave the way for both authoritarianism and domestic abuse.
To join the discussion in my group, click here https://www.facebook.com/groups/461328731985193
-
I have been a big fan of Feng Shui since the year 2000, due to a mind blowing personal experience with it. For this reason, I wanted to do an episode about it on the show. The reason I am doing it now is because I followed the signs and it seemed to be popping up a lot in my world. I do a form of space clearing, but I no longer call it Feng Shui for many reasons that will become apparent in the episode but that has to do with the fact I have never trained in it. I was tempted, but didn't.
What is Feng Shui? It's an ancient Chinese art that combines astronomical, astrological, architectural, cosmological, geographical and topological dimensions and that guides the placement of buildings, objects and spaces to achieve harmony and balance. I have known Japanese and Vietnamese Feng Shui Masters too. It makes sense as it roots into early Taoism.
The signs I mentioned above started with Nick Stokes, in the TV series CSI commenting on room 114 being "the unluckiest room ever". Then me doing some research on how to support my house move and coming across a great article on how Feng Shui could support that.
The mind blowing experience I lived happened at a time where every aspect of my life felt like a sh*t show: my work, my health and my marriage. It felt like I won the bad luck lottery. I hired a Vietnamese Feng Shui master who was recommended to me and in one session, he not only assessed what was wrong with my life without me saying a word to him, but gave me remedies that allowed me to put things right in only a few months. I love trying out things. If they work, I try again. If they don't, I drop them like a hot potato. This is how I have informed most of what I talk about when it comes to spirituality and religion.
In the episode, I talk about how important it is to honour the culture where Feng Shui has originated and not white wash it or massively culture appropriate it. I mention a woman who has not only done that but gone to the trouble of writing an infamous article where she recommends not to use a Chinese Feng Shui master if you live in the West. You can read it here. I hope it gives you the creeps as much as it has me. I rarely expose people but this women went out of her way to express her toxic beliefs, so she needs to be exposed. My podcast is here to shine a light on these practices.
I also go through the three areas of your life that would benefit from decluttering, a big part of the Feng Shui process, because there is no point using remedies if your home's energy is completely clogged up. I do, however, refer to a podcast episode from the Thriving Between The Lines by Leslie V and Meka where they highlight the toxicity of some aspects of the self development around decluttering towards marginalised groups. Scroll down to the ones they did about Marie Kondon. You won't be disappointed.
For emotional decluttering, I mentioned Brad Yates' EFT videos on YouTube. And for mental decluttering, I mentioned Byron Katie's work. I can of course help you with all these processes, including doing a house cleanse, but before we discuss this, why not join my brand new community to have a conversation about this episode. Click here to join.
-
Emma Turton is a medical intuitive with a health professional background and the founder of the Medical Intuition School, a pioneer space where science meets spirituality. I have interviewed Emma Turton many times, in particular for the True Spirituality Summit in July 2023.
In this interview, however, she answered questions I had never asked her before. We started off with her spiritual beliefs, which she articulated in a great deal of nuance, all leaning towards inclusivity.
I asked her what propelled her on the path she is on and she shared the first experience that she could not explain with her scientific background: when she knew her fiance had cancer without knowing how she knew. She was brave enough to tell him and nag him until he had himself checked by a doctor. His form of cancer is not one that is usually detected until it is "too late", so even the medical community who supported their journey was surprised at what was happening. Emma, even though to humble to brag about, literally saved his life. Although not discussed in the interview itself, I also know that she saved her father's life too.
And yet, after such a glorious example of medical intuition in action, she worked very hard to forget as much about it as she could because she did not have the framework to work around it. I can relate to that, as I experienced the same thing. As a lawyer, I was not equipped to deal with the power of intuition and resisted it for many years.
I asked Emma what would she say to someone who has been told that their illness is a punishment for something they have done in this life or a past life. Her answer was exactly what I expected: reassuring yet shining a light on the toxicity of some spiritual beliefs such as karma, when misunderstood.
We discussed which is more important on our healing journey: nutrition or emotion, which Emma is qualified to discuss as her background is in physiotherapy and nutrition. We also discussed the illnesses that spiritual people are more likely to face. Along the way, we also touched upon the very real belief that old age means illness and how that can set expectations that work against our health and wellbeing.
We, of course, also discussed how her Medical Intuition School can support you either in your personal health journey or if you want to become a medical intuitive, which can be done regardless of whether you have a medical background or not, or if you are psychic or not. To find out more about Emma, check her Instagram account, her Facebook page, her YouTube channel and her website.
-
You may say right away, of course it’s the right thing to do to help. And you would not be alone in thinking this. I am here to share with you that things are a lot more nuanced than that.
Of course selfishness is to be discouraged, if we are to have a kind society.
There are countless articles that list the benefits to you in helping others. There is a part of me that wonders why do they have to list benefits for you to want to help others, but I am not going to make a huge issue out of this.
What I have issues with is people helping others for the wrong reasons OR in the wrong way. And this week’s podcast episode is about that, but also about giving you guidelines and pointers as to what non-toxic help can look like. Having myself been both on the giving and and the receiving end of help, I want to highlight that it is a lot easier to give help than to receive it. This may sound counterintuitive but we, in the Western world live in a society where we are raised to be independent, so actually needing help is already coated in shame. And that is why most people don’t ask for help. But that could be a topic for an entire separate episode.
I have issues with people who help others to make themselves feel better or look better. And there a lot more people who do this than you might actually realise. Or they help with a sense of superiority that fills a need in them to appear better.
Help needs to come from a place of authenticity and needs to come without strings attached. It’s not a bank transaction. If it’s done for the wrong reason it can be incredibly toxic, especially if the helper then believes that the person they have helped owes them something, or they see their help as validation to give unsolicited advice or maybe even impose conditions on the help. It can then become incredibly manipulative. And then it can even become an act of disempowerment.
But even if you did none of that, it’s not enough. Your intentions, even though they might be good, are not enough. You need to make sure your help is appropriate. If you want to help marginalised groups, then you need to do better than that. You need to become a better ally. In order to do that, you need to question your motives, unpack your privilege and prejudices, take responsibility for your mistakes and be proactive in your own education. Help can also be disempowering when you are assuming that a person is not capable to do something for themselves. Here is a link to the video from the Down syndrome association that I mention in the podcast.
Last but not least, learn about the Drama Triangle and always check where you stand on that triangle when you are faced with a situation where you need help or you are asked to help. You can find out more about it here.
-
I am going to say it upfront: the spiritual mantra that you need to meditate in order to be spiritual or progress is rehashed ad nauseam to the point that it tastes like gum you have chewed all the flavour out of. It is also incredibly elitist and it can be an ego trap.
So, yes it can be beneficial to meditate, for some.
And yes, it can help you progress on your spiritual path.
But no, it’s not the only way. And for some people, especially those of us who suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD, it can actually be harmful.
In this episode, I talk about the dark side of meditation: yes there are some risks, both for the mind but also for your physical health. So I want to call out all those meditation teachers who rave about the benefits of meditation and ask them to be a little more nuanced about meditation. Nothing is only positive and beneficial.
Also, for someone who works two jobs to pay their bills, when will they have the time or space to meditate? Elitist much? Plus, it’s a mega ego trap. So beware.
I am not against meditation. I started off my spiritual journey taking a zazen meditation class in 1999. I am just saying there is not just one way to calm the mind and connect to your inner self. And in this episode, I list twelve activities you can engage in that will bring similar benefits. But before you do any of these, if your goal is to quiet the mind, then your first need to understand the mind. You need to know that you are not your thoughts. You need to know that the quality of your thoughts has a direct impact on your emotions and thus behaviour but also your health. And you need to know that you can choose which thoughts you want to give mileage to. It can take practice to get there, but it’s entirely worth the effort.
People who tell you to meditate without educating you as to how your mind works are dangerous. And given how many narcissists cruise in the spiritual waters (yes, like sharks), I want you to enter the meditation waters with eyes wide open. Meditation classes have also been known grooming grounds for cults. And it’s not that I want you to be paranoid. Just prepared.
-
This week marked the tenth anniversary of my father's death. Some of you might consider this morbid, but actually to me, it's very special. I asked my dad if he wanted me to mark the event with some sort of celebration and he said yes and asked if I could run my treasure hunt, which I am. He has given me so many signs, it's unbelievable almost. And my treasure hunt is here to help people understand signs, their power and their meaning. We have been having so much fun, in the FB pop up group and it's not too late to join. If you want to do so, click this link. If you are reading these show notes after the 14th of March 2024, don't worry. I should be running the treasure hunt again in June, so you will be informed of the new dates when they are available, if you do.
The purpose of the treasure hunt is to bring fun into your life. There will be three chances for you to win a half hour session with me. As long as you complete the tasks before the 14th of March. My dad was a devout Catholic man who did not believe into any of my nonsense when he walked the earth. When he was diagnosed with a brain tumour, he put 100% of his faith into his doctors. And when they gave him the all clear in the summer 2013, he gave them credit exclusively and even went out of his way to have my mum send me an email to tell me it had nothing to do with the reiki I sent him.
When he was first diagnosed in 2008, I didn't know if my belief in the afterlife would help the grieving process. I had trained in reiki the year before as well as mediumship. When I realised that he wasn't interesting in support through his illness, I signed up to train with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care, who are Bristol based. It turned out to be an incredible blessing for me and I was able to support two ladies through their cancer journeys.
In September 2013, the tumour returned with a vengeance and the chemotherapy wasn't able to treat it. It was inoperable so the inevitable happened. Dad declined. He started needing a wheelchair. He eventually died on the 6th of March 2014. On the day of his death, I saw him ascend, happy and content. He later communicated with me through a medium and shared how angry he was with the Catholic Church for perpetuating so many lies of what true spirituality is, so I guess he is now very happy with the work that I do.
Our joint memoir is available for sale in my online shop. Click here to purchase it.
-
"When I find myself in trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be..."
Famous lines. I certainly heard them over and over again and yet, it is only when I fully embraced my spiritual journey that I started to understand their true meaning. I guess the first way that this was put in motion is when I learnt about karma. If the Big U was in charge of keeping scores, then it was no longer my job. What a relief! I no longer had to get outraged every time I thought someone did something wrong.
Mel Robbins reminded me of the importance of letting go as I was listening to her being interviewed on the Diary of a CEO. She shared that one of the pivotal moment for her was when her daughter had said those three simple words "let it be", as Mel was getting all worked up about the details of her son's prom.
This led me to remember the Serenity Prayer "God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". What a profound prayer.
In my experience, the only thing you can change is YOU. You can't change other people. You can't control the economy. You can't control the climate. You can't control outcomes. You can't control how people react to you and what you do. Lean into the wisdom that the only person you can change is yourself and start doing something about this now.
This, of course, has to be balanced with the fact that we need to get things done, so how do we do that? First by knowing that is down to you and what isn't. I have been listening to the audio of Annie Duke, Thinking in Bets and one thing that stayed with me from her book, is the idea that you cannot measure whether a decision is right or wrong by its outcome. It has to be measured by the process that led you to make that decision. For me, that was a revolution. I had beaten myself up with all my failures in life and in business, but if I used Annie's lens to analyse my decisions, I have a pretty sound decision making process. What I failed to understand is that I was never in control of the outcome. And that is my biggest learning curve right now.
Letting go of control was not easy for me. As a former lawyer, I guess I have been used to see an equation that went like this: I want A, so if I do B then C will happen - C being, I get what I want. It worked during my studies and for most of my career. It involved hard work. Once I was serious about embracing my spiritual path, it was like the whole system was put on its head. What I wanted no longer matter. I got what I needed. And believe me, there is a massive difference between the two.
I lose my job whilst pregnant from a boyfriend who did not want a child, and I was already a single mum of two. I had no chance of finding another job as a lawyer where I lived because I was pregnant (although apparently there are a few enlightened employers who do hire pregnant women) but more importantly I was not qualified to practice law in the country I lived in. I might have had a small chance in London but I had moved to Bristol, where there is not much international recruitment going on. In addition to that, I was going through a constructive dismissal process. If you don't know, don't bother finding out. It will stress you out. My entire family and my friends lived in another country and I had no friends in Bristol because I had recently moved there. I don't know about you, but that's a pretty serious stacking of odds against me. Call it a massive spiritual exam.
I had to let go. I had no other options. I had no answers. No certainty. I had to learn to control the only thing I could: my own thoughts. Talk about being thrown into the deep end of the pool. I love what my second spiritual mentor told me almost ten years later: "You were not tested. You were trusted." Which is another way to say that the Universe never presents you any challenge that you cannot deal with. Thank you for trusting me so much Universe.
Don't forget to join us for the Spiritual Treasure Hunt on the 4th of March (2024) by clicking on this link.
-
Chantal Vanderhaeghen is a Mind Body Spirit Therapist, who has been writing a memoir called Deep Dive for the past year, and who I wanted to interview on the show because she has much wisdom to share with the world when it comes to embodied spirituality.
Chantal and I have known each other for years and I admire her courage at sharing her story, which is something that took a long time for her to do, as sadly it was cloaked in shame. Now in her sixties, she is a beacon of wisdom and joy for all to listen to and she specialises in supporting people who have been Hurt, Not Heard.
Unlike a lot of people operating in the spiritual space, Chantal has solid training in counselling and goes through supervision, which means that she is a safer person to work with than most people, as she is trained in identifying what is hers and what is not. This is a critical aptitude for space holders.
In this episode, I ask Chantal if she considers herself spiritual and her answer is both delightful and informative. She did not consider herself spiritual for a long time, but aspired to be. However, by understanding what it truly means to be spiritual, she then changed her own understanding of what it meant for her. Yet, for years, she was seduced by the voices of spiritual teachers who claimed to operate from a higher level and almost promised to be freed from the heaviness of the body. She has come back from that journey with profound wisdom on how spirituality without embodiment is just a trap for the ego.
A pivotal moment on her journey was her car accident which followed her father's death by only a few years. She suffered from Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and only truly understood then the impact that her abusive childhood had on her. She wanted to badly to be out of her body, for multiple reasons, that she was seduced into the spiritual sirens of superiority, bypassing and toxic positivity.
Now that she is back from the brink of that world, she enjoys debunking myths around what it means to be spiritual and supporting people on their journey of healing from trauma. Chantal is running a three day challenge called Own Your Story in her Facebook community on the 18th of March (2024) followed by a Masterclass on the 25th of March called Release the Shame to Shine. To sign up for these events, click here.
-
One of the things that helped me the most on my spiritual journey is signs. Signs are everywhere if we pay attention. In this week's podcast episode, I share with you the most common ways that the Universe helps guide you.
There seven main kinds of signs that you can receive:
Angel feathers Sounds The weather Triple numbers Car plates Songs DreamsIn the episode I share with you many examples from my own life but also how to understand the meaning of these signs by leaning into what is meaningful to you. A sign that will mean something to someone will probably not hit the mark with another person. You need to map out what I call your own symbology.
For example, three planes is a sign that is very significant to my sister and I because it is the sign Dad gave us on the day he died to say that he had arrived safely. Only a few years later, he guided me to a walk by the Bournemouth seafront to the Red Arrow sculpture, that has three planes. This showed me that he was there for me and gave me immense comfort.
Even as I wrote the notes for the episode, signs kept coming. I often use the shuffle option in my music player to get messages. So, I thought I would put that in action whilst I wrote the notes for the podcast and the song that came up was Connect, which has the following lyrics "If you make sure you are connected, the writing is on the wall". How clearer a sign that what I was writing about was right on the money can you get? Epic.
The more you are aligned and in flow, the more of these synchronicities happen so I also gave you my top tip to raise your vibration in order to keep the signs coming. And just as I finished and went on Facebook to check on my message, a FB friend has posted the following words "Universe, I am ready. Show me how good it can get" This stuff blows my mind. You cannot make this stuff up.
I will be running my signature seven day spiritual treasure hunt on the 4th of March in my community called True Spirituality with Ange on FB. To join, us click this link https://www.facebook.com/groups/1270150046502922
-
I know this is going to be a controversial one, but today's podcast answers the question why do spiritual people lack a sense of humour? And why they should embrace it more. I did find Christian comedians, for example, they call themselves "clean" but in the bout of research I did (I watched quite a few videos) they did makes jokes but not one of their jokes was about God or Jesus. Why?
Whilst researching, I found what I consider a pretty hilarious anthology of George Carlin on religion that you can watch here.
For me, the explanation comes from history. Here is where Sting's song History Will Teach Us Nothing might have been wrong. If you look into canon law, which is religious law. In case you don't know it, it is taught in universities. In the UK there is even a canon law society. There is also an ecclesiastic law society in the UK.
Anyway, looking back in time, blasphemy was an offence that was punishable by death. And even though this is no longer the case in the Western world, I am pretty sure it's a sin so you are told you will be going to hell for it. And for religious folks, that's serious. By the way, blasphemy also exist in Judaism and Islam and are taken equally as seriously if not worse.
The first person to be condemned to sorcery was Roman and was sentenced to death in 386. The last one to be executed as a heretic was in 1626. It's not that far back in time. So my theory is that religious people do not laugh about religious matters because of fear. A fear that was handed down by their ancestors.
And of course at the time, religious organisations established their power and control over their flock through fear. This is the sign of a cult, in my humble opinion, so something to ponder on.
This lead me to research the purpose and benefits of humour, but also to find out that laughter can only happen in a safe environment. This was concluded by research done at the very reputable University of California by Christopher Oveis.
What people who don't have a sense of humour are missing (my mother has no sense of humour whatsoever), is the power it has to free you from fear. Being able to see the funny side of things helps our resilience when facing what might otherwise be soul crushing challenges. The sadder the times in your life, the more important laughter is.
I conclude episode sharing about a way you can laugh without ever having to be funny or hurting someone else and the six areas where comedy and spirituality intersect inspired by an article I found on Chopra.com.
-
I wrote an article on Medium on how to be a better person in December last year where I talked mostly about being a better listener. It talked also about the prejudice we carry towards groups of people that maybe have been known to have conflict with your own.
In this episode, I go further than that and examine what we, as spiritual seekers, can do to stop some incredibly damaging practices that are commonly carried out by our peers and take a stance. I am talking mostly about cultural appropriation and white washing.
When I started my spiritual journey, these two topics were not talked about much. Because of that, I harmed marginalised groups without being aware of what I was doing, and although it is not an excuse, I want to forgive my younger self for what she has done. It is because of this that I feel the need to be vocal about this. And it was only last week that I saw a post on LinkedIn by Steve Barlett, sharing what happened in the Dragon's Den, which gave me the proof that these practices are still very much happening right here and right now.
As white spiritual people, it is our duty to educate ourselves into topics such a anti-racism, our own biases and beliefs but also the systemic discrimination that marginalised groups suffer at the hands of our institutions such as hospitals and the police for example. Did you know that black people are nine times more likely to be arrested and searched for suspected drug possession in the UK despite the fact that they are statistically less likely to be users than white people? These statistics come from the Institute of Race Relations. I knew that instinctively as a teen. What I did not know was that people of colour are prescribed less pain medication than their white counterparts by the NHS. This stems from remnants of beliefs from the European slavery days when white people considered people of colour as animals and pretended they could not feel pain, to ease their own conscience with how their slaves were treated.
Your beliefs are like the furniture in your house. You are so used to them that you hardly notice them anymore.
The other two topics we need to actively seek more information about are cultural appropriation and white washing. Cultural appropriation is taking a sacred object, ritual or food from a historically marginalised culture and making money out of it, turning it into a costume or using it without showing understanding or respect. The man who pitched the Dragon's Den last week did exactly that. He took a ceremony from a Guatemalan shaman around cacao ceremony, and is now making it the centre of his business by training people in cacao ceremonies (he has his own school) and selling the product in the UK. Other example of cultural appropriation are: dream catches, sage bundles, reiki, but also using the word chakra and desacralising yoga and turning it into mere exercise. Whole industries have been built on this and it time we stopped.
I am inviting you, actually scratch that, urging you to decolonise your spiritual practice now. You didn't know better but now you do. And please share this episode far and wide so we can collectively put an end to the damage we are doing to marginalised groups. Thank you.
-
Eleanor is an Intuitive Love Coach. Eleanor was raised by two parents who were spiritual seekers who became Buddhists in their 20s and her parents talked about things other parents did not talk about, such as past lives, enlightenment, meditation, compassion and all of those topics. But because there was a disconnect and her childhood household environment was volatile, she moved away from Buddhism and into New Age practices such as the use of tarot cards, crystals and other modalities. This led her to becoming a reiki teacher and a registered holistic nutritionist.
As she built her practice, though, the women who came to her with a health problem, invariably would end up talking about their intimate relationships. Either because they did not seem to be able to find love or they had all these issues in their romantic relationships. However, she resisted embracing this line of work until she felt she had sorted her own unhealthy patterns in relationships, which took her until 2018.
Part of the work is to find your true self, which ironically ties into Eleanor's childhood of observing her parents being disconnected and this led her to call her business Truly Eleanor. This is the starting point of the work she does with her clients, because as long as we are people pleasing, and we tend to do a lot of that in the courtship phase of dating, then we can't really meet the person that will be the right person for us.
Eleanor and I picked up the topic of twin flames, especially the Netflix documentary that I mentioned in Episode 10, and how disturbing this is because it rests on the false premise that your romantic partner is here to complete you, and even fix you, and that you are not complete on your own. But the concept of Twin Flames goes further than that. It rests on the premise that you must be pure to find your twin flame and that it is a privilege that only a few chosen people will experience. It brings in it the notion of elite, which actually speaks to the ego, which is ironically, is the opposite of what being spiritual is.
But what Eleanor warns us against, especially two weeks from Valentine's Day, is that this concept will lure you away from yourself in a sort of chase for the gold, like a love olympics of some sort, and then paradoxically, it will bring you down and make you feel worthless. You end up losing yourself in that process. You also start believing in a kind of fairy tale kind of love, that is supposed to be this exalted spiritual experience, but in reality, it does not exist. And it is easy to get manipulated into this movement because it is incredibly seductive. They are making you feel that you are superior to others. Who doesn't like that? Especially if you have a fractured sense of self, or you lack confidence.
To find true love, you need to be true to yourself and dig deeper into what you truly want. It's never going to be perfect, because perfection does not exist. The ego is welcome to come along for the ride, but it is not in the driving seat.
Asking yourself, how do I want to live my life and how do I want to feel with another person. It's a self discovery process and it's also a trial and error process. The clearer you will be on what you want, the more magnetic you will become. In order to stay authentic in the dating process, Eleanor recommends that instead of focusing on the person that you meet, you take your awareness back to you and ask yourself "How do I feel in the presence of that person?"
Eleanor and I talked about so much more though. I asked her questions about how do we know if we are ready to date again after a relationship breakup but also the top three red flags to pay attention to. To listen to the full interview, click here. You can find Eleanor on her website, on Facebook and Insight Timer.
-
I wrote an article on medium about this back in November but wanted to expand on the topic. I realised the reason why I felt I needed to wait so long before doing the episode was probably my intuition as it turns out that someone whose work I admire a lot, Caroline Strawson, is literally running her first Rage Release Retreat as we speak to help victims of narcissists deal with their repressed anger. https://carolinestrawson.com/
For years, I never got angry and I believe, wrongly may I add, that it was because I was more evolved than other people. What I did not realise was that this wasn't at all what was happening. What was happening was that my nervous system had shut down and I was living in functional freeze. I even remember a dear friend of mine in my twenties asking me why on earth I was such a cool cucumber. I know better now. I had no space to express my anger as a child so I shut it down. My body was frozen. Interestingly, from a law of attraction perspective, I was surrounded by angry people. The anger vibe was deep seated in me, I just couldn't feel it.
I personally believe that it is a spiritual thing to take responsibility for ALL our emotions, negative or positive. No emotion is actually good or bad. It is what society wants us to believe. Anger is just an emotion. It is not a pleasant one but it's not better or worse than happiness. Until we can accept that, we won't really take responsibility for our anger. We will continue to be in denial. Religions have not helped in this respect, except maybe Buddhism which in my opinion is the healthiest of them all because it has integrated psychology into its philosophy, which is something most other religions could learn from. I want to mention in particular Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who is one of my favourite spiritual teachers, and who wrote an entire book on Anger and another one on Fear.
When you don't take responsibility for your anger, there is a risk that you will:
- act out
- explore
- project
- judge
- lack compassion
- be passive aggressive
Acceptance of our anger is the first and necessary step in that road to responsibility for ourselves. If you have been hurt and feel angry about it, why not join our brand new community called Hurt, Not Heard on FB. It's for women only but if you are a man and need support, I work with men too. Head over to my welcome page and find out about my offers.
-
I didn't give much thought to angels growing up. I left church at twelve because the Catholic teachings made me cringe. So you can imagine my surprise when a psychic told me in 2003 that I had angel dust coming out of my hands. What?
I wasn't amused, but in a way it planted a seed in my mind that earth angels might exist, just not me.
Fast forward a year or so and I decided to train in reiki. I attended a reiki one workshop and a girl who trained with me claimed she was an earth angel. She was bitter and quite negative and she monopolised the attention of the group for the entire weekend. I wasn't impressed. If that was what an earth angel looked like, I didn't want to meet any.
Then I came across Doreen Virtue's books on angels. She had severa: Angel Therapy, Healing with the Angels, the Lightworker's Way, and even one on Earth Angels. She also produced the most exquisite angel oracle cards. I have several of her decks. But that did not convince me either. It was just a nice idea. And I hadn't met an earth angel yet either.
It is only a few years ago, as I was walking the streets of London with a person I know very well, when suddenly, I looked at her back and saw wings. Energetic wings. This took me by surprise for two reasons. The first reason is that I don't consider myself clairvoyant and very rarely see things, so that was definitely something unexpected. The second reason is that the person I saw with wings was not a lightworker, a healer, or a psychic. They are a highly regarded professional in the corporate finance industry. And the New Age movement certainly never talks about earth angels having these sorts of jobs. I liked it. I like a good paradox, or at least something that commands you to think differently.
As you can imagine, from there, the idea that there could be earth angels presenting as lawyers really appealed to me. I just had to wait to meet one.
So what are the signs that someone might be an angel in disguise (for real)?
They are here to serve humanity (although they might not know it themselves) They can have compassion for people that you and I really struggle too feel compassion for They have brilliant energies that can shift a room They love to help people with no strings attached They always look for a better way to do things They always see the good in others Being in their presence instantly uplifts you They want everyone to win They don't like to be the centre of attention They are very bad at asking for help and often neglect themselvesBut they are also human and make mistakes. And for them, being human is way more challenging than for us because Earth school is rough.
I have a job for you. I want you to observe around you to find out if you know an earth angel from the list of points above. And if you do, I want you to go give them a big hug. And then I want you to go to my article on Medium that asks whether lawyers can be angels, and in the comments share a story about that earth angel with us. Here is a link to my profile on Medium.
As always if you have enjoyed the episode, please share with people you think might enjoy it, write a review and rate it. Here is a link to the podcast.
-
What is the best way to achieve your dreams in 2024? Is it through intention setting? Goals? New Year Resolutions? Or maybe even the Law of Attraction. In this episode, I explain the difference between these four modalities and the pluses and minuses of them all.
For me, Goals tend to be purely action driven and are often rooted into what our minds believe we should be doing. They lack the energy of co-creation and can be a big rigid. They can also compound our feelings of failure if we are perfectionists. There is definitely an art in setting goals and if you feel a little bit hesitant to set goals because they scare you or you have failed at reaching your goals before, it is well worth the money to invest in a planning coach who can help you set realistic but also goals that are going to help achieve those big dreams or targets for 2024.
Intentions are usually "softer" and leave more room for inspiration or creativity. They allow more for life or the Big U to come in a co-create with us, but there is a danger that they are going to be too vague. There is also a risk in the spiritual communities that we are going to hand over all our decision making process to God, the Big U, the Universe or our higher self or our spirit guides, and in my opinion that is a real danger. That is what makes spiritual people give up at the smallest obstacle with the expression "It wasn't meant to be". The reality is that once you set your intention, you are going to face some obstacles because it is the way the Universe is going to test how motivated you are to reach that particular outcome.
New Year Resolution are problematic in a different way. They often lack vision or planning which is why they often only last a few weeks. And I feel for people who go through this cycle because it compounds the feelings of failure, which makes it just that much harder the second or third time around.
Knowing this, choose what feels right for you. We have sensitivities and proclivities towards certain words and expression, but then make sure two things are in place: a vision and a plan. And remember that tiny steps are much more effective than giant leaps, when it comes to creating new habits or reaching goals. Without goals/intentions/new year resolutions, we will constantly allow the urgent to trump the important, nothing of significance is achieved.
Before you go, I want to mention that I have taught for many years a planning process that combined the intellect (goals) with intuition (inspiration) which most of the participants have said was a breath of fresh air in the entrepreneurial world. If this appeals to you, there are two ways I could help: through my planning in the akashic records kit for £59 (price valid as of January 2024) or through my two week Get it Done package for £600 (price valid as of January 2024). If you want to discuss these two options to find out which one is most suited to you, why not book a discovery call with me with this link.
-
Dr Lulu is a paediatrician and coach who works with LGBTQIA+ families, as well as an activist. I asked her to come on the show to discuss how we can create more inclusive spiritual spaces. Although she retired as a physician a little over two years ago, she is now coming back into medicine with a new angle: offering gender care for transgender individuals. She is passionate about rectifying the myths and misinformation around what gender care really is.
But Dr Lulu is also a member of the LGBTQIA+ herself. She describes herself as Bi-Plus although she prefers the term Queer. And she is a mum of three, one of which is transgender, which is actually how we met.
I wanted to have her on the show because I am well aware that some religious people and some spiritual people are not as inclusive as they could be towards the LGBTQIA+ community.
Dr Lulu was born and raised in a Catholic household. Her family is so religious that one of her uncles is a priest. She enjoys having a relationship with something bigger than her. She went to mass for the first fifty years of her life. And when she was in medical school, she even went to mass daily because it was available. She told her dad she was attracted to girls when she was sixteen and he made her believe that it was just a phase. Her father did not say it with any malice, but her aunt, who was much more engrained into Nigerian culture, made her feel that if she indulged into these inclinations, she would go to hell. Her auntie was very close to her. She had helped raise her and she believed her because she knew she loved her so much. So she started to turn down the volume on her attraction until it was nearly down to zero. She got married and had three kids. The pressure to conform was enormous.
Dr Lulu wants people to understand that when you have very strong beliefs, especially about what is right and wrong from a religious perspective, then it can put undue pressure on other people to conform, especially if they are children. It's not really fair. Religion, by nature, is not inclusive, but it's not God. It's the religion. And these are two very different things. If there is a God, God is inclusive and God's pronouns are they/them. It is us humans who love to put conditions on everything. It's an important distinction.
Religion is based on a binary model that is divisive, but to a certain extent, spiritual circles have also espoused this binary model especially when they insist on having separate circles for men and women. No one should have a say for what is right or wrong in terms of gender identity. It's an individual expression that should be respected. In addition to that, just because someone reads a passage from the bible from 2,000 years ago, doesn't make it right. Especially since it has been rewritten many times to suit the people who preached from it. The LGBTQIA+ community is giving us the gift of diversity. It is constantly expanding and offering new ways to express and see oneself. Dr Lulu first thought she was a Lesbian, then Bisexual. Now Bi-Plus and rather than see it with contempt, people who are not part of the LGBTQIA+ community should see it as "a garden that has flowers you did not even know existed".
This goes against the current of religion and spirituality which has tried over the years and even decades, to dictate who people should be, how they should fit in, or else, they go to hell. Dr Lulu mentioned a famous Black Pastor who was openly homophobic, but when he died, it was revealed that he was gay and died of AIDS. Instead of blaming that pastor, we need to look at the institution and the pressure that is put on people to be other than who they are. This causes internalised homophobia. And this can be traced into colonialism, which is a subject that Dr Lulu broached on her own podcast, Moms 4 Trans Kids. podfollow.com/1708676679
But things are changing. Dr Lulu and I discussed several clergy members in the US who are openly either gay or trans. It looks like the Church of England, in the UK, has also appointed their first openly non binary vicar.
-
Christmas time can be very stressful in the Western World. Whilst everywhere we see images of happy gatherings, the reality can be very different. Everything gets a little frantic. People spend time buying presents and of course there are the family gatherings. Everyone wants everything to be perfect. And I sometimes wonder, if the same pressure exists in other religious traditions such as Diwali, Hanukkah or Yule. Personally, it's too much pressure and if you add to this a relative level of dysfunction that exists in most families, then it can be a recipe for disaster.
In my family, it was taken to a whole new level due to the fact that I have four autistic children so this is the perfect storm to trigger meltdowns, sensory overload and kids actually not even wanting to come out of their bedrooms.
For you it might be another kind of challenge (or a combination of): your family may be far away, maybe a loved one has recently died, you might be under a lot of financial stress or you might be single. Christmas is not kind to single people. Not many celebrations are.
How can you do Christmas differently so that it can be a happier time for you? One way would be to fly away to a destination where they do not celebrate Christmas, but that's not always possible. I want to mention someone who has helped me tremendously to redefine Christmas and make it a much happier time for me and my kids. Lauren Winzar is an Australian decluttering and organisation coach with a signature program called Simplicity. She also has a very reasonable library of resources called the Simplicity Toolkit, available for the very kind price of AUD9 which you can check out here.
One of the tools I used from her kit helps you do a Christmas audit. It's a questionnaire that you can fill in for each person in your household where they will share what they love about Christmas, what they don't, their favourite activities, the people they love, their favourite food, and their triggers. When I did this audit, it made me wonder why I had never asked my kids these questions before, or even myself. And it allowed me to make Christmas a much happier time for everyone.
The other thing you can do is to learn to say no. And if you find it hard because, like me, you are a people pleaser, I share on the show seven ways you can say no without actually using the word. I was inspired by a humorous page on FB called Very British Problems, because let's say it, the British are very good at saying no without saying no, which to Frenchies like me, can drive us a little mad. French people know how to say no. There was a meme recently on FB that circulates of a foreigner who tried to order an oat Cafe au lait in Paris, and the waiter just said "No!" That had me giggling.
I also want you to have strategies to deal with energy vampires over Christmas, because we all have them in our lives, if not in our friend circles anymore, they might lurk at work or in our families. In the episode, I share six strategies to deal with them (one of them is to learn to say no).
I also share ideas of clutter free presents, inspired from Lauren's tool.
I want to invite you to look at what you normally do at Christmas time and look at it with the eyes of an alien, and ask yourself: does it work for me? What could I do differently? Personally, I have gotten rid of the whole Christmas tree tradition and have created a wall one with drift wood and string, which I absolutely love looking at. I was never really satisfied with the real Christmas tree tradition as it did not feel very earth friendly.
Last but not least, I want you to have realistic expectations. I have been reading the Happiness Trap recently and what I have retained from it, is that our emotions are like the weather. To expect to only get sunshine is not realistic and it means that you get upset about the rain. Challenge the assumption that if you feel negative emotions, you are not normal. Be kind to yourself. If it happens to you in the middle of a party, take some time out and allow yourself to feel all the feels without the pressure to perform in the happy happy Christmas play. Do the best you can and be ok with it.
Last but not least, I gave you some tips on how to focus on small things that can enhance your feelings of happiness during the Christmas period even if you are feeling challenged.
If you would like some support in the background, my Sage in Your Pocket package is ideal. You can reach out to me without having to get on a call and I can help you go through those difficult moments. Check it out here.
If you have enjoyed this episode, please go in your favourite app and write us a review. Whilst you are at it, also rate it. And share it on socials. Thank you.
-
I was invited by a very dear friend of mine to go to Church last Sunday. I am not a church person but she recently joined that church and I wanted to honour her.
The last time I went to church was weeks before my dad died. He was a very devout Catholic and going to church was everything to him. As a child, us going to church was our very special time. Dad was an eye surgeon and worked long hours, so I did not get to see much of him. As I sat in a chair at the back of the room, the tears started to flow. Grief knows no rules. It hits you unexpectedly. Some of the tears came from memories of me at the girl scouts, listening to the songs. My friend has joined an Evangelical Church, so there was a lot of singing and clapping, which I had never experienced before in a house of God.
Before I launch into why Christianity clashes with my values, I want to honour the Vicar of my village and his wife, now retired, for the beautiful friendly and inclusive community he created for the twenty years I have lived here. Even though he knew I wasn't a church goer, I was always made more than welcome and invited to all village events. I never quite made it to mass, but my kids loved going to Messy Church, an after school gathering where kids made crafts, ate cookies with squash and learnt about bible stories.
As I listened attentively, the usual words triggered me: sin, father, savior. The cross always triggers me when I enter a Christian church. Why, of all the important moments of Jesus' life do Christians focus on his darkest hour? Sacrifice is another trigger word for me. Perhaps because my mother reminded me on a regular basis all the sacrifices she did for me as a mother and that weighted heavily on my small shoulders as a kid. Also, my grandmother wore her pain as a badge of honour. It was pretty toxic.
I was fairly young, probably twelve, when I realised that Catholicism clashed with my values. I found the fact that I was condemned as a sinner just for being born unsavory. Come on, God, give me a chance. Now, of course, I know better, but I was raised in that faith and it was all around me. How do you resist? Most of our beliefs are shaped before we reach the age of seven. Is that really the start we want to give our kids?
The moment the pastor referred to God with the male pronouns, I was put off. It was an immediate red flag. I know that most religious organisations are not inclusive, but if they just made the small effort to use they/them when referring to God, it would take that sexist and white supremacist edge. Is it that difficult? Not to mention that the constant mention of a father and us as being his children, plus the idea that he sent his son to save us, made me feel like an irresponsible child. Surely, at fifty eight, I don't need a father to admonish me or tell me what to do.
As my December guest on the podcast said in her interview, if Jesus was to come back he would be non binary. Think about it, it makes sense.
One claim that a lot of religions make and that grates me is that if you don't follow their rules, then you won't be saved. It's the "my way or the highway" rule. How can people claim this? It stems on the idea that there is only one right path. Personally, I value diversity. At the start of my spiritual journey, I wondered why there were so many religions, if there was one god, and I received the answer: each culture is to have their own version of religion to suit their set of beliefs. To claim that yours is better than others is childish at best, supremacist at worst.
There as also the elephant in the room, as a child, which was how religion treats women as inferior. As a little girl, this made me wonder. Why does God not value me as much as my brother? I had a very strong sense of justice and it felt wrong, so I told my dad I did not want to get my confirmation. And so, I walked out.
As soon as I went to University, I started making friends with people from the LGBTQIA+ community and I was even more appalled at the messages conveyed by religious people about them. Condemnation of same sex love? I could see clearly that it was because it challenged a model of society where everyone was to conform: get married, have kids, work hard. And please, do not create any waves that are going to upset the apple cart.
The claims by various religious organisations that their buildings, whether they call it a church, a temple, or a mosque, is the house of God is, in my opinion, false. God is everywhere. And God is here, even for non religious people. God is in the rivers, on the hills, in the sun, in the wind, in the forest, in the sea, in the heart of every animal, but also in your home, in your car... and in the business world.
God is also in the middle of war zones.
God knows no hierarchy. God is inclusive. God is forgiving. God is unconditional love. God is un-judging. God is pure. You can access God directly. You don't need to be a saint or to have permission from another human being, but you might need a guide to help you shift through all the claims that are made in their name. And if that is the case, I can be here for you. You can find out about "Sage in your pocket" offer here https://www.theintuitiverevolution.co.uk/a-sage-in-your-pocket-package/.
Also, I have a brand new quiz available to find out which of the four pillars of success needs strenghtening. Click here to receive it http://eepurl.com/gdEEJX.
- Show more
