Episodes
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Crystal is a self-defined good girl. Since childhood, she was expected to, and praised for, doing as she was told and not rocking the boat. While this behavior was effective in her formative years, her passive nature had consequences on multiple levels in her 25-year marriage, including in the bedroom.
Crystal shares her struggle with speaking up for herself or asking for help, and how her lack of assertiveness resulted in years of emotional and physical suffering. She sought help for her low sexual desire through multiple doctors and therapists, but nothing worked until she found Janna. She describes Janna’s program as having "transformed" her marriage, and she explains why she thinks the lessons she and her husband learned are essential for a successful marriage.
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Tyler and his wife struggled with intimacy throughout their 11 years of marriage. After meeting at 16 and waiting until marriage four years later, they both expected that the sexual experience would bring joy and fun to their lives, but it did not. His wife was plagued by pain, and after having two children, the exhaustion and stress of their lives dimmed all expressions of genuine connection and intimacy.
Tyler thought that doing more around the house would help, but this only turned the experience into a transaction, which felt inauthentic and forced. After many failed attempts to fix their problem, his wife found Janna’s podcast and realized they weren’t alone in their struggle. Tyler shares the difficulties they both faced unlearning a lifetime of inaccurate information and how they are rebuilding their connection today.
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Missing episodes?
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Emma vividly remembers losing her libido during her honeymoon. She and her husband had waited until marriage to have intercourse for the first time, and both were eagerly anticipating it. Initially, the experience was wonderful, but soon her desire vanished and never returned.
For years, she tried everything she could think of to "fix" herself. She believed she was fundamentally broken or that something was wrong with her clitoris. She visited doctors and sex therapists, read countless books, and followed all the advice she could find online. Desperate to save her marriage, she decided to take one last chance on Janna and her program. Emma shares her story of how she finally regained her libido and what she and her husband learned that restored their intimacy.
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At 56, Samantha felt like her libido was lost without a map. She had faced medical issues, including adenomyosis and a full hysterectomy, but she knew her diminished desire went deeper than just these physical challenges. Intimacy with her husband had once been enjoyable, but her desire had gradually faded away without explanation. The advice from doctors was bewildering and often repulsive, leaving her feeling more frustrated.
Then, she stumbled upon Janna and her program on social media. It was a revelation. Samantha realized she wasn't alone; many women shared her experience. Janna's program provided the vocabulary Samantha needed to articulate her feelings, and her husband learned ways to help rekindle her desire. Finally, Samantha began to see a path to rediscovering her intimacy.
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How and why do men separate the effects of their pornography use from their marriage? Andreas and Janna extensively discuss the rapid development of his addictive use of adult entertainment throughout his life, the reasons why he used it, his hundreds of failed attempts to quit, and what finally worked to become sober and save his marriage.
Andreas also shares what he’s learned about emotional dysregulation, the importance of boundaries and personal connections in sobriety, the role of his faith, and truth-telling.
If you would like to reach out to Andreas, you can email him at [email protected].
Michelle Mays Episode 46 Reference: https://wantingitmorepodcast.com/46-healing-from-betrayal-trauma-with-michelle-mays/
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Colin grew up with two therapist parents, one of whom was a sex therapist. He learned a lot about emotions, sex, safety, consent, and talking openly from them. These things were really important to him and shaped his core values as he became a man. His wife also thought he was very caring, gentle, and understanding. But despite this, their sex life got worse over the 20 years they were married, and neither of them knew why.
Colin talks with Janna about the big things he painfully realized that were missing from his sexual education. It was hard for him to accept these truths, but now he sees hope for a better relationship with his wife and more fulfilling intimacy in the future.
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Kelly loved her husband of 20 years, but she noticed a change in her feelings toward intimacy over time, and she couldn't understand why. After some of their friends surprised them with divorce news, her husband worried about their own relationship, even though Kelly felt secure.
He thought the solution was for him to become more attractive, so he started working out, buying new clothes, and even got a tattoo. However, Kelly felt his efforts had the opposite effect, making her feel “like a fly trapped in a spider's web.” The more he tried to be appealing, the less interested she became. But why was that?
Thankfully, Janna shared her insights with Kelly and she finally discovered the missing pieces of the puzzle, understanding the real reasons behind her low desire. Now, she and her husband are finding positive and healthy ways to reignite their intimacy.
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Nancy unfolds her 71-year journey, delving into three significant relationships and the tumultuous experiences within each. Enduring emotional abandonment, financial instability, and a constant sense of being invisible and invalidated, she shares the poignant struggle of feeling like a solitary voice crying out, yet unheard.
However, amidst this turmoil, her narrative takes a turn when she encounters Janna. With her, Nancy discovers the language to articulate her life's journey and, notably, finds solace in connecting with other women who echo similar stories, offering her the support she longed for.
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Why are women conditioned to endure pain? Natalie reveals the multitude of reasons she persisted through painful sexual experiences with her husband for 27 years of their marriage. It wasn’t until she discovered Wanting It More that she realized the detrimental extent of what she was subjecting her body and mind to in order to fulfill societal expectations of being a good wife and meeting her husband's needs.
Due to inadequate sexual education and a lack of support, she remained unaware that experiencing pain wasn’t normal until recently. Janna and Natalie delve into the various factors contributing to why women tolerate pain, why they hesitate to seek assistance, and the toll it takes on their relationships. Natalie also shares what she’s learned about genuine intimacy and connection, highlighting significant improvements in her relationship with her husband.
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David’s wife spent years expressing her dissatisfaction with their sex life, repeatedly sharing her feelings, but David remained skeptical. Despite her efforts, he couldn't accept her perspective. Influenced by adult entertainment and misinformation, he believed he was doing everything right, yet she didn't respond as expected, leading him to conclude there was something wrong with her. Throughout their 22 years together, he doubted her words.
Then he stumbled upon Janna’s podcast. Hearing women articulate the same sentiments as his wife and men voicing feelings of shame and unworthiness resonated deeply with him. Finally, he acknowledged the truth of his wife's concerns. He became open to listening and learning.
David reflects on how the misinformation ingrained in his childhood seemed more credible than his wife's expressions. Learning from Janna, he's finally found a pathway to genuine connection and pleasure in his marriage at the age of 65.
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Michele bravely opens up about her tumultuous journey through relationships as a woman in her late 50s. She recounts the harrowing experiences of enduring compulsive lying, cheating, porn and sex addiction, abuse, and a pervasive lack of consent. Amidst the darkness, she discovered a beacon of hope in Janna, whose guidance led Michele on a transformative path towards healing and empowerment.
Michele sheds light on her arduous quest for safety and fulfillment in her current relationship. With Janna's support, she embarks on a profound journey of self-discovery, reclaiming agency over her own desires and experiences. This episode sheds light on the complexities of navigating trauma and rebuilding trust in the pursuit of authentic intimacy and self-empowerment.
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We delve into Raina's journey of rediscovering her desire for sex within her marriage. Despite a healthy upbringing with decent sexual education, positive body image, and safe and secure sexual experiences, Raina found herself losing interest in intimacy with her husband after getting married.
After starting a personal journey which she affectionately calls ‘Raina’s Religious Rebellion’ she began exploring how some of the concepts taught by her church around sex in marriage were harmful. This knowledge allowed her to get mad but didn’t offer real solutions. She started therapy to confront her sexual misgivings, which gave her the why but didn’t fully explain her feelings of low desire. She also had an unexpected hysterectomy, which made her body feel foreign and strange. It wasn’t until Janna’s program that she was able to put all the pieces of her sexual history together and have it make sense, providing her with a comprehensive understanding of her feelings.
Raina shares her ongoing efforts to reconnect with her husband through curious, playful, and meaningful steps, allowing her desire to gradually return. She also talks about her recent hysterectomy, the intricacies of recovery, and her ongoing healing to this day.
REFERENCES:
Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers: Sex, God & the Conservative Church
Sheila Gregoire: The Great Sex Rescue
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When Lisa took the Wanting It More program a couple of years ago, she never imagined the valuable lessons she learned to improve her low libido would also come in handy when confronting a medical issue.
Lisa talks in detail about her struggles with body image anxiety and gynecological exams that accompanied her journey to the diagnosis of Lichen Sclerosus, a rare skin disease that causes itchy and painful patches on the vulva. She shares her insights on coping with the diagnosis, navigating the intricacies of the medical system as a woman, and finding solace from the education she received in WIM. She speaks candidly about how this journey has impacted her body confidence and her intimate relationship with her husband, offering hope and inspiration to those facing similar challenges.
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Kyle’s career in law enforcement defined him as a safe person, dedicating his life to keeping his community and those who live in it safe from harm. Imagine his surprise when he learned the root cause behind his dwindling sex life was because his wife felt unsafe around him. It took him several weeks of coaching with Janna to really understand the meaning of the word unsafe in the context of Wanting It More - his wife felt unsafe to share her true feelings without negative consequences like guilt, shame, or blame. It wasn’t about her physical safety that was causing her low sexual desire; it was the lack of emotional safety.
Through guidance from Janna and reflection on his upbringing, Kyle recognized the impact of societal norms on his behavior. Embracing accountability and growth through the Wanting It More program, Kyle transformed his approach, prioritizing emotional connection and mutual respect. His commitment revitalized their communication and reignited passion, underscoring the transformative power of fostering emotional safety within relationships and highlighting that change, rooted in empathy and dedication, can lead to profound intimacy and fulfillment in marriage.
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We delve into Laura's journey as a 40-year-old mother of three, navigating the intersection of her strong Christian faith and her sexuality. Growing up with little education about sex, Laura found herself prioritizing her partner's desires in the bedroom while neglecting her own. Struggling to balance her intuition with the teachings of her faith community, she grappled with conflicting messages about love, forgiveness, and sexual morality.
However, a turning point came when Janna encouraged her to trust her intuition in the bedroom, mirroring how she had relied on it in her spiritual practice. Through this newfound perspective, Laura learned to challenge societal norms, embracing her worthiness and agency in her sexual experiences and breaking free from societal expectations to embrace her authentic self. This episode show’s how trusting one's inner voice can lead to greater fulfillment and empowerment in all aspects of life.
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In this podcast episode we meet Nate, a devout Christian and father whose misconceptions about intimacy led to strain in his marriage of 15 years. Raised on media for his sexual education, Nate found himself bewildered by the disparity between his expectations and reality in the bedroom. It wasn't until he and his wife took the Wanting It More program that they uncovered years of unspoken discomfort and miscommunication, prompting Nate to reevaluate the absence of crucial teachings on sexual safety and consent within his Christian upbringing.
Nate's journey underscores the vital role of open communication and understanding in relationships. Through introspection and dialogue, he learned to prioritize his wife's comfort and safety, reshaping his Christian beliefs to embrace a more inclusive and empathetic approach to love and intimacy. Join us as we explore Nate's inspiring story, shedding light on the transformative power of honest conversations and the intersection of spirituality and personal growth.
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Thilla shares her journey as a first-generation Canadian, shaped by her Sri Lankan heritage and North American upbringing. Raised in a family where discussions about sex were taboo and dating was reserved for an arranged marriage, she faced immense pressure and conflicting messages from both cultures. These challenges left her grappling with feelings of shame and guilt surrounding anything sexual.
The pressure intensified after marriage, with cultural expectations focused on starting a family. Struggling with fertility issues, Thilla's desire for sex waned, prompting her to find Janna and the Wanting It More program. Through this journey, she learned to untangle the complex narratives surrounding sex from both cultures, recognizing their negative impact on her sexual desires.
WIM provided Thilla with invaluable insights, enabling her to reshape her approach to sex. By delving into specific details, she reflects on her transformative journey and how she now embraces a healthier perspective on sexuality, liberated from the weight of cultural expectations.
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Join Janna in this conversation filled with healing and hope as we delve into a topic often brushed aside: pornography addiction. She sits down with Justin, who bravely shares his 25-year struggle with excessive porn use and the profound impact it had on his relationships and self-esteem.
Despite being told it's 'normal,' Justin's story sheds light on the dark realities of porn addiction and its detrimental effects on intimacy. He shares his journey from secrecy and shame to vulnerability and healing alongside his wife.
Justin shares:
Why porn can be abusive in relationships. The roots of his out-of-control porn habit. How he used porn to numb emotions and his journey to emotional awareness. Plus, Justin's powerful advocacy for Wanting It More as a crucial part of the healing process.Tune in for a compassionate and validating conversation that reminds us that healing is possible, and no one is alone in their struggles. Let's break the stigma and embrace hope together.
Resources Mentioned:
Porn Addicts Anonymous Gary Wilson - Your Brain on Porn Dr. Omar Minwalla - Education in Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment Robert Augustus Masters - To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine PowerJoin the Waitlist for the next round of Wanting It More. Join Now.
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In response to countless requests, we're diving into a topic close to many hearts: how to talk to kids about sex. Meet Christina, a recent graduate of the Wanting It More program, who felt compelled to provide her children with the sexual education she never received. Her journey is all about empowering her kids to navigate their body and intimacy with confidence, steering clear of the challenges she faced herself.
Join us as Christina shares her strategies for teaching life-changing concepts to her four children, aged 4 to 12. From using age-appropriate language to discuss bodies to navigating intimacy with her husband while the kids are around, Christina covers it all. She delves into the nuances of consent, encourages her children to trust their instincts, and tackles head-on the impact of media and pornography. This conversation is a beacon of empowerment for any parent navigating these vital discussions with their children.
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James had no reason to believe the ways he showed his wife affection, both sexual and non, was at all off-base. Afterall, he’d faithfully followed the rulebook he’d been taught in locker rooms and adult magazines throughout his 70 years and had success. He loved to look at and touch his wife to express his love and desire and happily assumed that his wife loved every ounce of his affection in return. He assumed any lack of sexual desire on her part was an issue for her to solve.
Once he met Janna, he quickly learned he’d been living his life happily misinformed.
James shares in detail his initial struggle learning and accepting the concept of safety, his eyes being opened to his wifes struggle to identify her true wants, and their new ability as a couple to honestly communicate with each other in and out of the bedroom.
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