Episodios
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Allison and Jenie sit down with Anita Ervin (host of the Lift and Love non-binary parenting support groups) and how to council with your children in the uncomfortable moments.
When we don't get a vote but we still want to be a voice in our children's decisions. For instance, if your transgender child wants to seek medical affirming care but you might not agree with the decision. How do you best help your child?
Create emotional distance when possible (i.e. make sure I'm not speaking from a place of fear)Focus on the underlying questions rather than the specific situation. For example:Resolving relationship conflictAddressing relationship expectationsFinding trustworthy medical and psychological careMaking wise medical decisions3. Use available (and reliable) resources:Reliable medical sourcesTrusted professionalsKnowledgeable friends (when appropriate)Books (use with caution)Informative podcasts, especially those with guests who are open about their personal experiencesSupport groups4. Seek divine inspiration. Heavenly Father understands the position we are in. He will not abandon us when we have the best interests of our loved ones at heart.5. Don't be afraid to decline the opportunity to give counsel if it's too much for you. Let them know you don't feel like you are in a place that you can share insight with them about it, but that you love them and you're working to overcome your discomfort with the situation because they matter to you. Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey you can work 1:1 with Jenie at www.jeniehuntercoaching.com
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Every parent wants to raise a healthy child, no matter what their sexuality is.
When your child comes out this is one of the biggest fears that parents of LGBTQ children have.
Will they be healthy emotionally and spiritually?
In this episode Allison and Jenie talk about how they handled it with their sons and what they have learned helping 100's of families help their child
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey you can work 1:1 with Jenie at www.jeniehuntercoaching.com
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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¿Faltan episodios?
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Have you ever listened to a talk that everybody seems to love and you are left with feeling less hope and more fear?
Allison and Jenie recently experienced this and they discuss in this episode how to process and find peace.
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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We are back! Jenie and Allison talk about the behind the Gathering Conference. Sharing their experience, behind the scenes moments and what they have learned.
To listen to the Gathering Speakers go to Gathering Speakers Youtube
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Most parent's have great fear on what is going to happen with their testimony when their child comes out. Can they stay in the church and support their LGBTQ child? Anita Irvin, Allison and Jenie talk about how they have managed this path and share what they needed to do to protect their testimony and how they grew their faith of Jesus Christ
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Worry is a sneaky emotion. It feels useful and necessary. But that is a lie. When we create worry about our LGBTQ child we are using up our valuable emotional energy in unproductive ways. Taking action from worry is not where we want to parent from.
This episode Allison and Jenie talk about how to handle your worry, what result your worry is creating and how to thrive and not just survive.
Link for the Pope's quoteshttps://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/250221/at-general-audience-pope-francis-urges-parents-never-condemn-a-child
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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This episode we are sharing the conversation I recorded with Heather Rackman from Latter Day Life Coach Podcast
We talk about how to you as the mom can be the touchpoint for your LGBTQ child.
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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In this episode Jenie and Allison talk with Julie Spilsbury who serves as a Councilmember for the city of Mesa. Julie shared with us her story on how supporting the controversial non-discrimination ordinance effected her relationships and her standing in the community.
Julie was elected to the Mesa City Council in August of 2020, Councilmember Julie Spilsbury began her first term defending her vote on Mesa’s controversial Non-Discrimination Ordinance – passed March 1 2021.
Julie and her husband Jeremy ran a small tree care company for more than 20 years. They have lived in Mesa for almost their entire 24 years of marriage and have six children, five girls and one boy. She attended Brigham Young University.
To contact Councilmember Spilsbury you can reach her on Facebook or her [email protected].
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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In one week's time, four mom's told us that their children didn't feel safe at church. This is not unusual. We hear this a lot.
We also hear from parent's who don't have LGBTQ children they don't understand why LGBTQ children feel unsafe at church.
In this episode we get vulnerable when we talk about HOW our LGBTQ saints feel emotionally unsafe in our churches.
It isn't happening intentionally but it is a reality for most LGBTQ LDS members at church.
Learning what makes them feel emotionally unsafe is the first step for us to become better disciples of our Savior.
His gospel is not unsafe, so we need to talk to our LGBTQ children and rethink our teaching and how we present it to uncover the answer to what is causing our LGBTQ members to feel disconnected with Him?
We hope you can feel our love and plea for each of you and how we can create a safer environment for ALL of God's children in our church community.
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Allison and Jenie had the pleasure of interviewing Patrick Mason and J. David Pulsipher about their new book. These two men have co-authored the book Proclaim Peace - The Restoration's Answer to an Age of Conflict. This book is a spiritual journey by two believing scholars of peace. In a world plagued by violence, Mason and Pulsipher believe, with President Russell M. Nelson, that “peace is possible” and that the “descendants of Abraham . . . are in a pivotal position to emerge as peacemakers” (“Blessed Are the Peacemakers,” Ensign, Nov. 2002). This book is an effort to lift up the Restoration’s distinctive principles that invite us to renounce violence and proclaim Christ’s good news of love and peace to a world that desperately needs it. Proclaim Peace seeks not to promote any particular ideology, but to invite readers, especially the rising generation, to reflect on the interpersonal, ethical, and social dimensions of Christian discipleshipPatrick Q. Mason is the Leonard J. Arrington Chair of Mormon History and Culture and an associate professor of religious studies and history at Utah State University. He is a nationally recognized authority about the Church in media outlets.
J. David Pulsipher is a professor of history at Brigham Young University–Idaho, where he teaches courses on citizenship, civil discourse, peace-building, and nonviolence .Patrick Q. Mason is the Leonard J. Arrington Chair of Mormon History and Culture and an associate professor of religious studies and history at Utah State University. He is a nationally recognized authority about the Church in media outlets.
It was such a pleasure to hear their perspective and guidance of how to build bridges of peace in our communities and wards.
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Jenie and Allison sit down and talk to Jessica from Husband In Law podcast. Steve and Jessica were happily married for 7 years until Steve came out as being gay which inevitably ended in divorce. Now, Matt and Jessica have been happily married for over 8 years. The crazy part is, Matt, Jessica, and Steve all get along, to the extent that Matt and Steve work together, every dang day… Don’t worry you will get all the details while you listen. Matt, Jessica, and Steve have a relationship that, by most standards, would be considered atypical. Listen in as Jessica takes us on their journey of learning how to love and accept themselves enough to love and accept others for who they are during this experience called “Life”.
Husband in Law Podcast
Husband in Law Instagram Account
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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When we talk to mom's of children who just came out - this is the number one question. Is this just a phase? Is this a trend? All of their friends seem to be doing this.
In this episode we talk with Dr. Lacey Bagley, LMFT who owns Celebrate LGBTQIA+ Therapy Services in Provo, Utah. She helps us break "Is this just a phase?" down and gives us some great tips on how to parent and help your LGTBQ child as they explore their identity.
To contact Dr. Lacey you can reach:
Website: Celebrate Therapy/Dr. Lacey
Celebratetherapy Instagram or Dr. Lacey Bagley Instagram
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Are you dreading Thanksgiving dinner with the big family? If so, we got your back. In this episode we will teach you how to handle crazy grandma and have the best big family dinner you have ever had. We arm you with great thoughts and 4 tips on how to prepare and coach yourself before the big family gathering.
The book Allison referenced "Proclaim Peace
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
Join us for any of our free monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Declaration of Divinity - Part 6
Declaration of Divinity - Part 6 - SEEKING As stated in Article Faith 9, “We believe that… He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” As mother's we are pleading for greater gospel light to shine on our LGBTQ children. We invite all members to join us in asking the Savior for further understanding of the plan for HIS LGBTQ children.
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lift and Love Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Declaration of Divinity - Part 5
We get the question a lot - "Why do we have so many LGBTQ saints?" This question we discuss in this episode and how we feel as mother's of LGBTQ children that our LGBTQ children have an important purpose here on earth. That they were sent down to earth at this time to teach others and to do specific missions for their Heavenly Father. Jenie and Allison discuss the beauty of what their diversity brings and how diversity makes the body of Christ perfect only with its diversity.
To quote Bishop Gérald Caussé, Presiding Bishop, “unity is not achieved by ignoring and isolating members who seem to be different.”4 Christ’s unity is not subtractive, whereby we disregard the significance of our differences. It is additive. This episode talks about how we can better strive to understand, to appreciate, and to integrate our differences in order to carry out the Lord’s work. This is an important episode about how essential diversity is for Christ's church.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2019/07/the-blessings-of-diversity?lang=eng
Declaration of Divinity - Part 5 PURPOSE - We believe that our LGBTQ children have been sent to earth at this time for a divine mission. Their diversity is essential to the body of Christ and we are not whole without them. They are here to teach us and it is our responsibility to ask God what He wants us to know and how we can better love His children.
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Declaration of Divinity - Part 4
We know that our Heavenly Father love our LGBTQ children. Unfortunately this is not always the message they receive in our church communities. Jenie and Allison discuss how harmful it is that our LGBTQ children receive the message of shame about who they are. Allison share's her brothers journey with this messaging and how that affected his live. Jenie talks about how sometimes parents are part of this harmful message and what to do next if that has happened in your family. This is a powerful episode about how important our words are to our LGBTQ children.
Declaration of Divinity - Part 4 Divine Birthright - We take away an LGBTQ child’s divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God’s plan. As mothers we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them that they are a beloved Child of God and so entitled to all the blessings promised to His faithful children.
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
Transcripts:
Jenie Rae Hunter 0:03 Hello are lifted left community we are back with you today Alison and I and we are so excited we always love recording these podcasts they we want you know they are from our heart. Anything we're talking to you about has been weighing heavy on our heart and we work on it for weeks and weeks and this one in particular that we're going to talk about today and we're gonna get into in just a minute but I think this has taken us six months out so
Allison Dayton 0:28 it feels like it and Jenny got me up at the crack of dawn, before the animals. We ran out of time yesterday
Jenie Rae Hunter 0:37 Right so Allison might have a little morning voice because it's very early. Yes, almost morning. We had exciting house here in the hunters like my daughter, Sarah Jane, open up her she's at BYU. So we did it all via Facebook Live but she openened her mission call amd is going to Rome Italy and now her twin is going share her twin already opened her college she's going to Las Vegas, Nevada. So my twins will be out in January and March to go on their mission. So super excited for them. And your you have your BYUI. So, it was busy this week, for sure. And then we have some really exciting things coming up your loved one we're not going to tell you about we're just going to we have a really big announcement that we is squeezing changes happening. Present. It is it is we are so excited about we there's so much going on behind the scenes without that we're not going to we're gonna just tease you but in December we have a big announcement and our live event. Our first Love
Allison Dayton 1:37 Live event. It's the first time I think ever that we that mothers of LGBTQ children have gotten an opportunity to be together for two days.
Jenie Rae Hunter 1:50 I can not wait.
Allison Dayton 1:54 It's going to be February 28 and march 1.
Jenie Rae Hunter 1:59 Pretty full days both of those Yep, in what city in Provo?
Allison Dayton 2:04 Lindon, it's next to Provo, in the shadow of the great Timpanogos in this darling Event Center.
Jenie Rae Hunter 2:15 And we are taking limited moms like we are making it this very cozy. So by the time you hear this podcast, it is live,
Allison Dayton 2:24 Go to liftandlove.org and look at the live event button on the homepage and have a look at it. But it shows you what's paid for in the event proce and what you'll receive. I think the most important thing is you're going to be with a lot of other women who have been going through the same changes that you have, and you are going to find friendship and love and camaraderie and lifelong support. And we just we can't wait we we can't wait to do it.
Jenie Rae Hunter 3:05 Yeah. If you know us, we are both kind of party girls. And so we have like it's going to be fun. And our whole purpose for this event coming together as women as moms is to leave with that so much better friendships and community in this because we know how isolating could be as LGBTQ moms, and we are creating things to end that isolation. So we're so excited. So we're going to focus on what we're here today. And we're talking about number four of the declaration of divinity. And this one's exciting. Go ahead,
Allison Dayton 3:42 We are going to focus on birthright here. I'm just gonna read it really quick, I'm going to lead with it because these are the words that that began kind of our quest for sort of these statements. We take away our child's divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God's plan. as mothers, we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them, that they are beloved children of God, and so entitled to all the blessings promised to his faithful children.
Jenie Rae Hunter 4:18 I just, I mean, we know this. When you heard this, I'm sure you felt like we did like, wow, like it hurts that this is truth that we have given our LGBTQ filter and say, shame instead of divinity. We mean we talked to hundreds of moms. And this is the common denominator of what we have to kind of heal in our children of the shame and the trauma that they've received from the messages and potentially it's not I know that it's never been intentional anybody to take away anybody's divinity, but just kind of the platitudes and the things we've said part of our community. This has produced shame, if you're LGBTQ member,
Allison Dayton 4:57 Right? And we've we journey and I've just been talking about These words. And it's interesting because I was looking through a journal from last year, and I try and keep I keep, I'm not great at writing journals, but I keep like statements and like inspiration and personal revelation in my journal and part of that first line, they're taking away the Divinity was in there. And Jenny and I have talked about this over the years, with my brother's death and the experiences, the sacred experiences around being in this house, and being part of that. One of the real understandings I had with it, he felt divorced from his heavenly parents when he left the church, because he was gay. And it was something he left when he was 24. And he died at 58. And it was something that he could never heal. And it was actually one of the first real understandings that I had, and I'm sort of ashamed I didn't understand it before.
Unknown Speaker 6:14 he felt Holy Spirit after Yeah.
Allison Dayton 6:17 And he was so angry at the church, and that it was hard to look at it in like a healthy, objective way. And anyway, I just this has been in my head for a long time. And I think as Jenny and I have have raised these children, we can see it. This disconnection from their divinity and this disconnection from, from Jesus Christ and from God that we don't nobody intends it to happen. But, because because of some of the words around how we talk about LGBTQ people, it does happen.
Jenie Rae Hunter 7:04 It does. And we know how, when you really look at who you are, and how you recreate it with the feeling of shame, like, I mean, how many times have we heard like, well, if I kill myself, then I won't feel this way anymore. And we know of the suicides and we know I mean, this is a serious problem. And, you know, I know, part of my son, I mean, he had some drug use, and it was from this feeling of shame. And it's really hard as parents, because then you have, like, have I add it to that shame. And, you know, like, you have to, it's really kind of devastating to go through it. Because you hold all of us, none of us should feel shameful for who we are, we're 100% worth, and that, you know, it's easier for us. But once when our children are affected, and our siblings, and that's a heartache. That's really it takes a while for you personally to heal for him too. And, you know, I think it's so interesting because Preston, you know, he didn't start that way. Like he served a mission, right?
Allison Dayton 8:06 oh and, and, you know, even and maybe one day we'll, I'll be brave enough to do, we'll do a podcast on suicide, but we were cleaning out his house, there were such symbols, or symbols from our gospel, even a painting he had done at the temple. In his home. They were not out like ours would be. Yeah. But you know, there was actually a photograph of the sacred grove in his home. And those symbols were so important to him, even even in his anger. And I think we, as mothers have just seen this and you know, I had a mom asked me this week, are actually a friend. Another LGBTQ mom said that she had a young man say to her, how do I do this? If God hates me? And the church hates me. And I mean that I know that was never anyone's intent. It's interesting how impactful Elder, Ballard's talk at BYU was when he said to those of you who are LGBTQ, I want you to know that there is a place for you in God's kingdom. Like that is if you're on the Instagram accounts for LGBTQ people that is so often repeated and I know that you'll be saying, well, we maybe we don't take away anyone's divinity. But I think that they we we might not do that, but that is the feeling. Right that our members and our families feel.
Jenie Rae Hunter 10:01 Right? And, and we know this to be true because of how many we talked to right. And you know, even when a child is super obedient and you know, goes on a mission because they think this the mission will then solve this what they feel like is shameful about them. And then they come back and, you know, we just stories over and over again about and they, you know they can't even listen to the apostle speak anymore because that triggers that feeling of unworthiness. And so
Allison Dayton 10:33 I think I think we're we're getting away from it. But that idea that our families are won't be whole in eternity. So we have this member of the family that won't have an opportunity to be whole, and with us, in celestial glory puts the whole family in question. Right?
Jenie Rae Hunter 10:52 Right. And that was just bad interpretation. That's not you know, how Heavenly Father wants us to feel, EVER!
Allison Dayton 10:58 And my parents never really bought into that idea that they wouldn't be a whole family, you know, but that didn't take away my brother's pain.Yeah. So it's, it's not just a parent, assuring their child, that their beloved child of God, it's all of us, assuring each other, that we are beloved children of our Heavenly Parents. I mean, that takes all of us to cure this all every Sunday school teacher, every seminary teacher, every neighbor, just like Wow, you are a child of God. And there are new our favorite and there's nothing that can take you away from that birthright.
Jenie Rae Hunter 11:52 Yeah, you are not. You were made not despite his plan, you're part of his plan. Right? You know, to really feel that deep inside. And, you know, I love like, we are all the plan of salvation. You know, we hear a lot of like, Well, where's my child, he's not in the plan of salvation anymore. And I love where in the typical guy that says, the plan of salvation and the premortal existence, Heavenly Father procured a plan to enable us to become like Him and receive a fullness of joy. Because of this plan, we can be perfected through the atonement, receive a fullness of joy, and live forever in the presence of God, our family relationships can last throughout the eternities. And I really subject that we really know, we know less about the plan of salvation than we really like, there's so much more we don't know. Yeah, I think we have a very scarcity, very focused in view of the planet salvation, that heavenly Father has a much bigger view. And that there is like President Ballard said that there's room for all members in that God's kingdom. And so when we say messages that get when we we just have to be careful how we are teaching, the doctrine interpreting the doctrine, and that we're not othering people because that is what's happened. And I want to teach the doctrine, I love the doctrine of Jesus Christ and love our gospel. And we have to be more careful with how we interpret it and how our words are being said.
Allison Dayton 13:18 One of the thingsas you were talking about the Plan of Salvation, so I loved Tammy Uzelac, call on the Sunday on Monday podcast Instagram account said one day, she had, it's a devil in Greek, it means one who separates. And this is, this is the what's happening here, we're separating somebody out of eligibility or the circle I always say we have to redraw or reframe the family so that everybody's back in the family and we we know that the Lord sent us each here with equal potential to get back to him and that was the plan that was the plan that started in in Eden, right? We had we had to be cast out of an Eden to or Adam and Eve did to be able to, educate ourselves as we fight thorns and thistles and noxious weeds, and that's an education that we are working on. All the while to get back to our, you know, to come at the end of the day to the fount to the altar, and pray to the Lord and say, what, what do we need to know and we're blind in this but it was for all children. And I often say to people, there's there's no Heaven without my brother, and my son.
I love that.
I mean, that's, that's our belief, right? That we are sealed together as families and bound together as family. So I just I revel in the comfort of that, and we don't understand we have no answers. But as mothers, we know, the beauty and the divinity of these children, and the more mothers we talk to the more stories of the Lord helping them in the wilderness to understand these children and to strengthen them,
Jenie Rae Hunter 15:49 I think we're talking about this today because, you know, I love that the church has given us so much authority of parents where, you know, once again, we're home center church supported, centers, groups, focus, supportive, yes, church supported, where, you know, you really have this personal authority as parents, to guide your the message that your children hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I love that we have the rule that at any time, you're you could go with any interview with a bishop or state president and sit there with your child and make sure the messages are in with align with what you're telling at church and at you know, I mean, start telling at home, because, you know, there's I love bishops and state presidents, they've worked so hard, right? That like the bishops, to me is the hardest job in the whole church, very little, like training, right? They're thrown into the hardest situations of people's lives, and they have to put their life I just love bishops and bishops wives, I commend you, you're amazing people and you give, give give. And even though I know sometimes, bishops misspeak, right, they just, they're just men, and they're doing the best they can. They're learning. And I know this is because of so many moms I talked to and the bishops, there's no ill intent, I know that. But there is sometimes things that are said that have done damage. I know that has happened in our home with our son. And so I think, like, parents, moms, and dads really be prayerful about, you know, the interviews your children are having at church,you know, because there is very different interpretations of like the doctrine and how we're viewing our LGBTQ saints, you know, that you felt that. And so use your personal authority and use the tools that our church has given you to protect your child and to be able to steer your children in the message of their divinity, and that they are whole and not broken?
Allison Dayton 17:48 Well, yeah, as you were saying that I thought it might be a good idea just to have a conversation with the bishop beforehand, before any meetings where you could mention to them, I understand I don't want to limit what you're saying. But I would, I pray that you will pray about focusing on the love of Christ, that light and love of Christ on my child, the entire message. And I just think it's okay, to advocate for valuable messages, those messages will ring in their ears for the rest of their lives.
Jenie Rae Hunter 18:29 Well, they will and because they didn't do that just as much, right? Yeah,
Allison Dayton 18:33 they will be impossible because the bishop is speaking for for God, right?
Jenie Rae Hunter 18:41 Yeah, he has those keys. So
Allison Dayton 18:44 in all humility, you can ask a bishop to be very prayerful. Yeah, about focusing the love of Christ on the child. And you could remind the Bishop that, that your child knows about the doctrine the way it you know, and that wouldn't necessarily need a new lesson on the doctrine because they're very well aware of it. And you talk about it quite a bit in your family and in primary and young woman's and all of it. But that is, that is, that's just you there, then you're giving the bishop a breath, and a moment to really, you he knows what he needs to focus on for this child. And you're not telling him what to say you're just asking him to, to reframe it in in beautiful ways that will that will also exist in this child's head for the rest of their lives, and that can make all the difference.
Jenie Rae Hunter 19:42 Yeah, I don't think you could go wrong and focusing on the love of Christ. And when you said that, I was thinking, I wish I had always done that with my son. Oh my gosh. If I could have done that, like because they're having,
Allison Dayton 20:00 All of our children, yes, I'm not sure all of my children got a real huge dose every single time I talked to him,
Jenie Rae Hunter 20:09 but I that's what we're striving for. And there have been moments where, unintentionally, I know that I have said, things that Nick took, and brought him shame. And that was painful to realize. But I tell you, and I really want to be vulnerable here with you. When I let go of like, like my shame about it, that I did that costume shame, and had the conversation with him. That was really a powerful moment in our relationship. And we I, all of us, not all of us, but some of his mom say things like no empty chairs and things like that, that we've heard before our child even comes out, we have no idea like we do this from the best intentions. And it we are sometimes part of that message. And don't wait to sit down and talk and apologize. And tell them how your heart where your heart is, and what you've learned and how your heart has changed and how you have new understanding. Because that was really a powerful and beautiful moment for Nick and our andJohn and I. So you know, it's, you know better, you do better. And sometimes you just say things and you don't even know what your child is dealing with. And I know that was part of ours, and then that he came out and, and we even can remember some things. I think then they were brought back to us from him. And we're like, wow, that must have been hurtful. Right? And so sometimes we're part of that message of shame. And I know Allison, you probably weren't because you were so drained by Preston. And it's just a normal life.
Allison Dayton 21:55 I was, you know, I did my fair share of I had my fair share of fear, actually, because of my brother's life. Yeah, I didn't I didn't want the same life for for a child and I did my own damage. We all do. And I didn't even need to, Jake was feeling the pain already. You know what I mean? He was doing it himself, too.
Jenie Rae Hunter 22:16 I think that is such a interesting thing, what you just said, because that is like, it almost feels like and I see this when my LGBTQ clients where it's not the parents, I'm doing the actual LGBT person where they are constantly looking for, do I belong? Am I like they're looking on high alert for evidence? Are they divine? Or are they broken? And so like, You're not even so it's almost like you have to double down with them about there's nothing wrong with you, you are created in God's image, you are divine. You know, you really these messages. I know like you we hear them a lot. But these children need to hear them double, even more double than your other children. Because they really are high alert of like, Is this true? Is the things I've heard, because they're not just other than our church, they're other than our world, let's be honest. And so it's it's, it's a it's a huge message that they are internalizing. And so to really combat that, talk about it say How are you feeling about yourself? Have you prayed, I love when we're interviewing an LGBTQ member on our on our podcast and how they say what changed the game for me is when I finally prayed god of how he felt about me, yep, right. And so encourage your children to gain their because his witness God's witness to them is going to be more powerful than my witness. The bishops witness, anybody's witness, like God's witness is what is going to go to their core. And so I would suggest you be praying about that, to find out how God loves your child for all your children, but we're talking about our LGBTQ today, and and really encourage your child to pray about that. And to connect, sometimes they can't pray, say, go for a walk, ask questions, like whatever you want to go in the woods. Yes. But like, and I love all the time I say to send them I know like how much Heavenly Father loves you because I do like I've gotten it this vision of how much Heavenly Father loves and values and how much the Savior loves and values him and so I that's the message he hears a lot from me like, well, he loves you or he's worried about you or like yeah, I feel that connection with God about how much he loves his child. And that helps me parent the way I think God wants me to do for Nick. Absolutely.
Allison Dayton 24:35 Okay, let me read it and then we'll leave you with that. We take away an LGBTQ child's divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God's plan. as mothers we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them they are beloved children of God, and so entitled to all the blessings promised to his faithful children.
Jenie Rae Hunter 24:59 That's declaration Number four, on birth right? And so just ponder these words, pray about these words and find out how as mothers and parents, you could be empowered to make a message more aligned with God's doctrine about your child. WIll you read it one more time.
Allison Dayton 25:16 Yeah, go ahead and share your thoughts on Instagram On Facebook, where others can see them and we can talk about this and just, we'd love to know what you think we're excited to hear about what you think.
Jenie Rae Hunter 25:31 All right, we love you and sign up for Live, and you can come with us because that's, it's like I said, they're gonna go fast. So we want you to be with us and have you with us. Yes, right. All right, Bye!
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Allison and Jenie introduce Part 3 of the declaration of Divinity - Eternal Families. They share how they viewed their eternal family once their son's came out. They also share ideas on how to connect your child to their spirituality if they decide to leave to the church. It is a powerful episode on examining how you view your family and how that effects your family.
Declaration of Divinity - Part 2 ETERNAL FAMILIES - "As mother's we know that our family can only be complete when all members are loved and valued equally. We believe that each individual is an important part of the Eternal Family of God. We have faith that our Heavenly Parents know and understand our unique situations and that by following their guidance, given through the Holy Spirit, our earthly family will return to live with them again."
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Jenie and Allison talk with two of the coolest LGBTQ moms, Lisa Clark Valentine and Hailey Smith. Both of these ladies are extremely talented and has made our world a better place with their talents. Lisa Clark is an actress and producer, known for Show Offs (2019), Pretty Darn Funny(2012) and Once I Was a Beehive (2015). Hailey Smith is an actress and producer, known for Show Offs (2019), Once I Was a Beehive (2015) and Christmas Time
On this episode we talk about what an LDS LGBTQ TV show would look like. We invent the characters and the story line. It is full of laughs and tender moments and most of all exceptional wisdom from 4 moms's who love their LGBTQ children at a 10.
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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Because of our petitioning the Lord we have been taught some beautiful truths about our LGBTQ children. This is the second part of the series - "Declaration of their Divinity", a six part podcast series, talking about the truths that we and hundreds of mom's have learned and shared in this sacred calling.
In this episode Allison and Jenie talk with TJ who is a licensed clinical therapist practicing in Draper Utah (Instagram). Tj is a gay LDS therapist who attended BYU and USC and hosts our Lift + Love monthly teenage/young support groups.
Declaration of Divinity - 2 - Eternal Nature
Understanding and honoring our child's sexuality and gender is critical for their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. Their identity permeates all aspects of their spirit and is not limited to their sexuality or orientation.
President Nelson's - "Your Body: A Magnificent Gift to Cherish"
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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All mother's love and worry about their children. But mother's of LGBTQ children spend a lot of time pleading with our Heavenly Parents and our Savior asking them to teach us about our LGBTQ children. Who are they? What is their purpose?
Because of our petitioning the Lord we have been taught some beautiful truths about our LGBTQ children. This is the first part of the series - "Declaration of their Divinity", a six part podcast series, talking about the truths that we and hundreds of mom's have learned and shared in this sacred calling.
Declaration of their Divinity
As mothers of LGBTQ children we testify to their divinity. It is our sacred responsibility to seek for and receive new understanding from our Heavenly Parents concerning the full measure of their creation.
Join us for any of our monthly Lift+Love Support Groups - link sign up at Lift+Love Support .
If you would like some personal help on how to do this please sign up for a free consult with Jenie at Jenie Hunter Coaching www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts at Lift+Love and Jenie Hunter Coaching
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