Episodios
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Todayâs episode is about perseverance, resilience, and letting go of the things we canât control. Earlier this year, Cathy received news that the lump she found on her body was indeed malignant, but the most important thing is everything she did after receiving the news. In todayâs conversation, we learn about Cathyâs diagnosis and how she processed this revelation before exploring how Meredith came to terms with the news. We discover why and how Cathyâs plight fits perfectly with the themes of this podcast, how sheâs maintained an optimistic outlook throughout her journey, how you can build a similar mindset of positivity, the keys to harnessing resilience, and the value of community in helping you overcome lifeâs struggles. To end, we unpack the dangers of toxic positivity, and Cathy shares her final words of gratitude â yes, you heard right, gratitude!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:55] Cathy lets us in on her recent cancer diagnosis.[0:03:33] Meredithâs first experience of seeing Cathy receive treatment.[0:05:38] Why Cathyâs struggle complements the themes of this podcast.[0:07:13] How sheâs managed to maintain a positive mindset since discovery.[0:12:26] The best practices for cultivating and maintaining optimism.[0:18:31] Why Cathy continued to work even while in treatment â building resilience.[0:21:43] A reminder of the undeniable power of community in navigating lifeâs storms.[0:26:00] How to manage your worrying habits, and a side note on toxic positivity.[0:30:17] Cathyâs final words of gratitude â yes, gratitude.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
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Itâs mid-August, and college application deadlines are fast approaching. So, get ready for more 'college stuff' as we dive into how to write kick-ass supplemental essays that will make you stand out to admissions! In todayâs world, most schools require at least two to three different supplements with their application, and highly selective schools often ask for even more. Join Cathy and Meredith as they share their insights on all things college supplements, including why colleges ask for them and why you need to take them seriously. Theyâll explore different themes and templates, discuss how supplements can reveal what a college truly values, and guide listeners through a few key essay questions. Be sure to tune in for all this and more! And remember, make sure your kids donât phone it in because admissions officers can tell!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:00] College applications are due any minute, have you turned on the Common App?[0:01:30] What todayâs episode is all about.[0:02:15] Our views on supplements: the feelings and thoughts behind them.[0:07:28] Using supplements to discourage applications. [0:08:00] Why colleges are asking for supplements and why they have to be taken seriously.[0:09:25] Why you need to have a nice, small, tight list of potential colleges.[0:10:35] A quick look at the book Lifting the Veil of Enrollment Management.[0:11:44] The themes often seen in the template of college supplement requests.[0:13:28] How supplements can reveal what a college cares about (do your research!)[0:15:25] Biggest mistakes weâve seen in the college essay-prompt format.[0:16:30] The importance of belonging to a community.[0:19:00] We talk about a certain trend and âhaze of skepticismâ around adolescents that doesnât seem to play well in a community.[0:21:40] An asterisk for those who donât know what they want to major in.[0:23:00] Identity and the challenges with this essay.[0:26:30] Love yourself for who you are and show up as your authentic self.[0:27:30] The hard parts of the social issue essay.[0:28:30] A great place for parents to model and open up conversations.[0:31:20] Why Meredith doesnât necessarily like the social question.[0:32:20] The adolescents of today versus those in the past.[0:34:00] The roommate letter.[0:35:15] The boom in popularity for the one-liners.[0:38:00] What not to do in the favorite quote section.[0:39:11] The net takeaways from our thoughts on college supplements.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Common App
Lifting the Veil on Enrollment Management: How a Powerful Industry is Limiting Social Mobility in American Higher Education
The Daily Pnut
Dear Kitten
Village Coaches Free Webinars
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As children grow and transition from middle school to high school, their world inevitably becomes bigger and more complex. And rightly so! Welcome back to another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You. Today, we're turning our attention to the âlittlesâ, our middle schoolers! Join us as we explore how to best prepare your middle schooler for the journey to high school. We dive into how to best prepare your middle schooler for the journey to high school by exploring two of the biggest transitions: academic and social. We also discuss some of the most common issues freshmen struggle with, the evolving role of parents, and how boundaries begin to shift, along with why it's crucial to create a safe space for your kids to have those confusing conversations with you. Donât miss out as we cover all this and much more about getting your littles ready for high school. Thanks for listening!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] What listeners can expect from todayâs episode.[0:01:30] Common topics in the transition from middle school to high school.[0:03:00] The most noticeable differences to expect from middle school to high school.[0:06:00] How the social dynamic also changes.[0:07:45] The culture shift for students who change schools (to a new high school).[0:08:30] We discuss some of the things freshmen often struggle with.[0:09:30] The lack of high school coaching on how students should learn.[0:10:45] Why students need to build and adjust good study habits.[0:11:30] How students can become proficient in advocating for themselves.[0:12:45] The parent role and how they can help their kids with these transitions.[0:15:00] The importance of teaching kids how to reflect.[0:16:16] Normalizing asking for help.[0:16:40] The freshmen social concern.[0:20:20] We talk about the shift in grades freshmen often encounter.[0:21:40] How the boundaries of what is appropriate for a parent start to shift.[0:25:55] Going over the schoolâs handbook with your child and other school policies.[0:27:10] Attending the parent orientation sessions.[0:27:50] Getting familiar with the content in content your children will be exposed to.[0:30:55] Letâs talk about parties! (And what exactly the word âpartyâ means)[0:31:50] Boundaries, parents. Adjust them to be appropriate for your high schoolers.[0:32:40] Setting up the stage for your kid to feel safe to have confusing conversations with you.[0:34:15] We look at screen time and how that changes as kids enter high school.[0:36:30] Keeping the long-term goal (college) in your focus.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
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Welcome to Season 4 of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You! Join Cathy and Meredith as they dive into the real conversations and hidden truths of teenage life, bringing you more fresh insights and practical advice to help you navigate the teen years with confidence and understanding. Are you ready for candid discussions, expert tips, and plenty of laughs? Stay tuned for a season packed with stories and strategies (and maybe even some songs) to make parenting your teenager a little bit easier and a whole lot more rewarding!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:45] Welcome to Season 4 of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You![0:02:10] What to expect from our upcoming episodes.[0:03:08] Your invitation to subscribe and leave us a positive review.[0:04:36] Insight into our recent goal-setting getaway.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
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As the end of senior year approaches, a widespread affliction known as senioritis begins to affect many American high school students. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You, we explore how to recognize telltale symptoms of the âitis,â address some of its more serious consequences, and offer practical advice for encouraging seniors to make wise choices, even as their motivation wanes. We also share strategies for striking the right balance between letting teens enjoy all the fun and excitement of senior year while emphasizing the importance of a strong academic finish. Tune in today for your comprehensive guide to conquering senioritis, overcoming high school burnout, and ensuring your teenâs success!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:04:03] Trademark indications that your kid has come down with senioritis.[0:07:41] Consequences of senioritis, from summer school to losing scholarships.[0:12:32] Why itâs important to discuss these consequences with seniors.[0:15:41] Advice for parents to help their kids make better choices.[0:19:01] Reasons that absences and tardiness should not be tolerated.[0:21:20] Opportunities to remind seniors of their place in community.[0:22:41] How much assertiveness and guidance is required from parents.[0:28:06] Why this is a special time to bond before your kids go to college.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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Itâs May, so our seniors are heading off to college! And as the sun sets on high school, fatigue, burnout, or even simple wanderlust may lead many to explore the option of a gap year. Welcome back to Shit Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You as today, we explore the highs and lows of taking a yearâs break between high school and college. After explaining why we chose todayâs topic, we learn about the reasons for wanting to pursue a gap year, the first steps toward taking a gap year, the dangers of taking leave to improve your academic record, and our guidelines and best practices to carry you forward during your year off. We also dive deeper into exploring the value of a gap year, gap year pre-package programs, the power of intention, and how a gap year can also be a way for you to take the time to focus on your mental health.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:49] Why weâve chosen to speak about gap years. [0:01:53] Everything you need to know for your first steps toward taking a gap year.[0:06:13] The reasons that kids and their families push for gap years.[0:08:18] Assessing the dangers of a gap year to improve your academic record.[0:10:23] Gap year options, guidelines, and best practices.[0:12:55] Understanding the value gap year, and why it can always be seen as a gift. [0:14:06] Gap year pre-package programs. [0:15:26] How to overcome the fear of falling behind.[0:17:32] The disadvantages of taking a gap year; why intention matters.[0:20:45] Gap year programs for mental health.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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One of the questions we hear several times a week is about applying to college. We kick off our conversation by weighing in on whether or not you should tell your high school college counselor that you are also consulting with an IEC, or private college counselor. We touch on what you should and shouldnât disclose in your application, how many times you should take the SATs, and the role of AP scores in building your profile. Join us as we chat about all things waitlists, letters of continued interest, recommenders, and more. Lastly, we unpack whether or not it is worthwhile to add in portfolio work or any other documents that you think may strengthen your case. Tune in today to hear all this and more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:47] What this episode is dedicated to: FAQs related to the college application process. [0:02:11] Should you tell your high school college counselor that you are working with an IEC or private college counselor?[0:05:09] Whether or not you should disclose a learning difficulty or mental health challenge. [0:10:24] A different perspective on the influence of disclosure on your college application.[0:12:00] The number of times necessary to take the SAT.[0:15:14] Answering whether or not you should include AP scores.[0:16:35] How to get off of a waitlist and whether or not itâs worth it to send a letter of continued interest.[0:20:03] How to choose a recommender and ask for their letter.[0:24:23] The appropriate number of letters of recommendation to include in your application.[0:28:52] Considering whether or not it is worthwhile to include a portfolio of work unrelated to the field of study.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
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Are your kids spending more time glued to screens than engaging with the world around them? Do you find yourself wondering if your child's love for video games is crossing the line into addiction? In this episode, hosts Meredith and Cathy delve into the pressing question: Is my teen addicted to video games? They explore the reasons behind the allure of video games and screens, challenge the notion of demonizing all video games, and discuss how certain games can offer benefits in various aspects of life. They highlight how parents can tell when it becomes problematic and share insights into navigating conversations around potentially addictive gaming or screentime behavior. In the end, it all boils down to finding the right balance for your kids and your family, inviting your kids into inquisitive and caring conversations, and reminding them that gaming and screentime are (and should be) considered a privilege and therefore something that can essentially, be taken away.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:50] Is your child staring at a screen all day long?[0:02:40] We dive into why kids love spending time playing video games or on a screen.[0:04:20] Why we wouldnât want to âdemonizeâ all video games.[0:07:20] Positive things that can come from gaming.[0:08:45] The importance of building rapport with your child (about the game theyâre playing).[0:10:00] How you can tell if something is problematic.[0:11:25] Strategies for navigating problematic (or addictive) gaming/ use of a device.[0:14:00] Why itâs all about finding a balance.[0:14:35] Approaching the conversation with inquiry and care (and not shaming).[0:16:00] Setting boundaries, even if it isnât a problem.[0:17:00] Recommended boundaries for parents to implement.[0:23:30] As you work toward balance, remember to set your kids up for success.[0:25:00] Dropping the hammer: consequences that what work and those that perhaps donât.[0:27:45] The difference between a lecture and a conversation with your children.[0:29:40] How to avoid pushing kids into becoming shady.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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College counseling can become a really tedious process that is often treated as a âone-size-fits-allâ blueprint model. At Village Coaches, we prefer to place emphasis on helping teenagers build important skills that they will use for life and figure out who they are while doing college counseling. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You, we are breaking down what college counselors do, why our model is different from the norm, how meeting with students every week assists the process, and when the best time is to start college coaching. At Village, we donât offer a generic model for every single student and instead, we help our kids thrive and learn about themselves while building skills they will use in college and beyond. For us, itâs about the long game and college counseling is just one of the many times your kids will encounter uncertainty and challenges. We even discuss why our students come to discuss college issues with us once they have already transitioned from high school. Lastly, we remind you that teenagers are smarter than we think and know themselves more than we give them credit for. You donât want to miss this one so tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:41] Why we want to discuss what college counseling looks like. [0:02:51] How we define college counseling and the role of a college counselor.[0:08:24] The Village college counselor model and why that feels different from others.[0:13:21] Why we love meeting with students every week. [0:18:02] How our students manage transitioning into college and why they talk to us about it.[0:21:32] What Village Coaches offers that other college counselors donât.[0:25:11] The best time to start college counseling.[0:30:28] The beauty of getting to do college coaching the way that we want to.[0:32:26] Why we approach kids with curiosity and trust that they know themselves.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Village Coaches
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Parents and teens often put way too much emphasis on extracurriculars for college applications when the truth is, theyâre not as important as theyâre made out to be! Today we dive into a discussion on whether or not colleges care about extracurriculars. Tuning in, youâll hear all about the importance of choosing activities based on passion and interest and not for the sake of applications, why unique activities are overrated, why the reason for selecting extracurriculars is more important than what is selected, and the negative effects of selecting curated summer programs for teenagers. We delve into why a college resume is not as important as you may think it is and why your actual transcript is far more important before we discuss anchoring decisions about activities based on values. Finally, we break down some examples of purpose and value-based extracurricular activities teenagers have come up with to inspire you. To hear all of this invaluable advice and wisdom, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:04:28] Why extracurriculars are not as important for college applications as people think. [0:06:05] The danger of doing activities for the sake of college applications and not based on passion.[0:11:42] Why you need to abandon the concept of trying to find unique extracurriculars to do for your college application.[0:12:34] Extracurricular activities being more about the âwhyâ than the âwhatâ. [0:18:38] The danger of pre-packaged curated extracurricular programs.[0:23:35] The college resume: not as high-stakes as parents and teens make it out to be. [0:28:20] Why you should anchor decisions surrounding extracurriculars in your values.[0:30:08] Examples of value and purpose-based extracurriculars teenagers have come up.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
The College Essay Guy Presentation
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We are very excited to welcome another guest to the Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You podcast! Joining Cathy and Meredith today is Mark Westerfield, a clinical psychologist who focuses on cognitive, social-emotional, and academic evaluations for children, adolescents, and young adults. Heâs here to delve into a conversation about an important topic, psycho-educational assessments; what they are, when they are indicated, and what to do with the results from the assessments. Mark unpacks several aspects of the assessment process, the reasons families would seek these services, and the importance of including children in the process, and shares his expertise on how to work with schools to deliver individualized accommodations and recommendations. He also shares advice on how to deal with parents and students who push back or donât make use of their accommodations. To hear about all this, and much more, make sure not to miss out on this episode! Thanks for listening.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:20] What to expect from todayâs episode.[0:01:48] More about our guest today, Mark Westerfield.[0:03:15] Mark unpacks the process of a psycho-educational assessment.[0:04:30] Reasons a family would seek out these types of services.[0:07:20] What Mark would advise families to watch for regarding learning disabilities.[0:11:00] He delves further into the process behind the tests.[0:13:15] How long the process usually takes.[0:14:45] The importance of including the child in the process.[0:16:40] Mark details what a neuro-psych report includes/looks like.[0:18:45] Working with schools on delivering individualized accommodations or recommendations.[0:21:50] Advice to parents/ students who arenât making use of their accommodations.[0:23:24] Dealing with parents who are giving push-back on using accommodations.[0:26:50] Middle-schoolers and their need to fit in socially.[0:28:25] Ideal ages for the different assessments.[0:30:40] Dealing with the different reasons parents push back from getting their children assessed.[0:36:00] A reminder that all our brains, simply, arenât the same!Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Mark Westerfield on LinkedIn
Westerfield Psychological Assessment
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How many of you actually felt like doing your homework as a kid? During this episode, weâre talking more about motivation; a topic that keeps resurfacing in our conversations with kids. What if discipline was more valuable than motivation? Join us as we explore how to respond to kids who cite a lack of motivation as their reason for achieving below their capabilities. Delving into our childhood experiences, we consider our respective approach to working as Deans and unpack what it might look like to encourage your kids as they develop the muscle of discipline by doing hard things. We also take a look at what may lie below what kids experience as a lack of motivation and discuss an alternative way of understanding what might cause them to feel that way. Listen in to hear all this and more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] The topic we are revisiting during this episode: motivation.[0:01:19] Feedback Cathy has received from her students on motivation. [0:04:01] Weighing in on how we all felt about our homework as children. [0:06:52] What kids are really looking for in the moment: motivation to do their homework.[0:09:46] How Meredith and Cathy would define their style of work as Deans.[0:13:10] Teaching kids to develop the muscle of discipline.[0:18:51] Why it is beneficial to push your kids to do hard things.[0:22:31] Managing your own discomfort at seeing your kids suffer.[0:28:40] How technology robs students of sitting with their own discomfort. [0:30:49] What kids can conflate motivation with: fear.[0:35:00] Why discipline is ultimately more valuable than motivation.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
The Value Sort App
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We have a timely, but great, episode topic for listeners today! Course sign-ups. Everyone is gathering information, course catalogs are out, kids are having meetings with their counselors, and all this brought up a very interesting point of discussion. How to talk about rigor, as it pertains to the college admissions process. Join the conversation as Cathy and Meredith dive deep into how they approach the conversation about rigor, why colleges care about it, and their thoughts on the reality of taking âthe most rigorous curriculumâ at school. They answer a commonly asked question, share guidance on how to support a child who wishes to pursue a more rigorous curriculum, and explain why playing the game ultimately comes down to a choice. Through this conversation, Cathy and Meredith aim to clarify how broad rigor can look for students all over the country, to help parents realize that there is indeed a range of rigor, and that the rigor conversation can be hard for both parents and students to swallow. Cathy and Meredith (like all parents for their kids) truly want kids to have all the options, but unfortunately, thatâs not the world and how it works these days. Stick around to hear their insightful thoughts on this topic on another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:40] Our timely topic for todayâs podcast.[0:02:20] Why itâs a tricky situation to talk about rigor.[0:03:50] Cathy explains how she approaches the conversation about rigor.[0:04:30] How rigor is measured.[0:04:40] Why colleges (particularly highly selective ones) care about rigor.[0:09:00] Thoughts on the reality of taking on the most rigorous curriculum in the high school.[0:10:10] Why itâs important to realize that rigor exists on a spectrum.[0:10:30] Is it better to get a B or C in honors classes or get an A in regular classes?[0:14:30] The importance of knowing your kids and having (tough) honest conversations.[0:15:45] A minute to defend our colleagues still working in schools.[0:18:10] Guidance on how to support your child pursuing a more rigorous curriculum.[0:23:20] Prompting a more fundamental question to parents.[0:24:00] The choice to play this game.[0:25:30] Other great options (that donât require you to play this game).Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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Get ready for a juicy and salacious topic in this weekâs episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You! Join Cathy and Meredith as they dive into the concept of 'hooks' in the college admission process. They explore what hooks are and discuss the various types, including the nuanced world of athletic recruitment, the use of arts, what advancement is (and is not), and the reality of letters from trustees. Cathy shares a concrete example demonstrating the effectiveness of a true hook, and they leave the audience with a necessary truth about highly selective admission in the United States! Donât miss out on this real and insightful episode. Thanks for tuning in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:00] The salacious topic of todayâs episode![0:01:44] Thinking you can take advantage of a âhookâ in the admissions process.[0:02:00] How Cathy would define âthe hookâ in admissions.[0:03:35] We take a look at different types of hooks.[0:05:10] Our hot-take on the different divisions of athletic recruitment.[0:10:30] Using arts as a hook (like dance or music performance).[0:15:45] The thing people get most uncomfortable about: advancement (or money).[0:18:00] Why advancement (as a hook) is more than writing a check.[0:20:00] Kids with letters from trustees (or really fancy people).[0:23:14] Can hooks work? We end off with a concrete example.[0:25:45] The courts will most likely be coming for legacy and advancement etc.[0:26:00] The truth: highly selective admission in the USA is not a meritocracy.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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Are you curious about seeking mental health support for your teen but worried about the stigma? Hereâs what you need to know! Therapy or counseling can support adolescents through a variety of life events, important self-discovery moments, school-related stress, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. It can also be used to prevent minor (and totally normal) issues from turning into problems later on. To help us dispel some of the common misconceptions about therapy and gain some insight into its measurable benefits, we are joined by Rebecca Li, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. In this episode, youâll learn more about Rebeccaâs methodology, hear her advice for skeptical parents, and discover valuable resources that you can lean on to help you make an informed decision about whether or not therapy is the right choice for your family. Tune in for all this and much more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Introducing todayâs guest, psychotherapist and former lawyer, Rebecca Li.[0:02:43] Insight into Hakomi; a powerful experiential psychotherapy methodology.[0:05:37] Dispelling the stigma around mental health, particularly for immigrant families.[0:07:27] Advice for parents whose children have been referred to therapy.[0:11:27] Some of the measurable positive impacts of therapy.[0:14:00] Distinguishing between normal adolescent behavior and abhorrent behavior.[0:15:30] Tips for parents to manage their own anxiety and expectations for their kids.[0:24:56] How Hakomi therapy supports and promotes change through internal awareness.[0:28:08] Why itâs important to Rebecca that her clients feel celebrated, not just validated.[0:29:40] The value of removing judgment, taking a deep breath, and âzooming out.â[0:33:56] Simple words of wisdom for anxious parents: slow down a notch![0:37:00] Reasons to celebrate more and problem-solve less.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Rebecca Li
Rebecca Li on LinkedIn
Rebecca Li on Instagram
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Today on Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You, we are chatting to one of our hosts, Meredith Herrera about her life and career so our listeners can better get to know her. Tuning in, youâll hear all about what drew Meredith to education, almost working for the Secret Service, the school administrative roles sheâs had throughout her career, and more! We delve into why Meredith doesnât actually find teenagers exhausting and what she loves about working with them before discussing what teens need from the adults around them. Finally, Meredith tells us what she would be doing if she werenât an educator. To hear all this and so much more, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:03:20] A bit about Meredithâs background and what drew her to education. [0:06:33] Her job offer for the Secret Service and what the training was like. [0:09:38] The different kinds of roles Meredith has had in schools throughout her career.[0:13:42] What Meredith likes about working with teenagers.[0:18:34] Meredith outlines what teenagers need from the adults around them.[0:25:52] What Meredith would do if she werenât an educator.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Meredith Herrera
Meredith Herrera on LinkedIn
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Kids today, with their readily available smartphones, so easily avoid uncomfortable situations. But if we, as parents, constantly try to âfixâ life for them, are we setting them up for a successful life as adults? Today we broach an idea in adolescent development, terminology you might have heard before; Orchid Children or Dandelion Children. These terms are often used to describe the temperaments of certain kids (even though not everyone is squarely an Orchid or a Dandelion). Join the conversation as Meredith and Cathy dive into what is meant by Orchid and Dandelion kids and we share tons of real-life examples of how low-distress tolerance children react to uncomfortable situations. They delve into the parental instinct to âfixâ our childâs discomfort, the moral of todayâs episode, and how the realness of this topic can have dire consequences in later adolescence and adulthood. Donât miss out on all the insightful nuggets and practical tips for navigating children with low distress tolerance, on this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You. Thanks for tuning in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:30] What we want to talk about in this weekâs episode.[0:02:04] Cathy explains what is meant by Orchid and Dandelion kids.[0:05:30] We dive into why Orchid kids can be harder to parent than Dandelion kids.[0:06:15] Sensitivity versus fragility.[0:07:00] What we see (most) in the kids we work with.[0:10:30] Examples of how low-distress tolerance children react to uncomfortable situations.[0:17:30] We chat about Cathyâs lack of shyness (both now and growing up).[0:19:20] Our instincts as parents to âfixâ our childâs discomfort.[0:19:44] A quick disclaimer of what we are not talking about.[0:20:15] Cathy shares a real-life example of a response from parents.[0:23:14] The moral of todayâs episode: kids need to do hard things.[0:24:40] Our thoughts on todayâs kids getting their driverâs licenses.[0:25:52] The Chicken with Bones in It story.[0:29:00] When âthis stuffâ gets real: building emotional stress tolerance.[0:29:55] What Cathy tells the kids she sees who are struggling with this.[0:31:55] How we encourage kids that they have what it takes to do what is needed.[0:33:00] Practical tips for navigating children with low-distress tolerance.[0:35:10] Meredith walks listeners through the T-I-P strategy.[0:40:00] What we recommend not to do.[0:44:44] Phrases you can stick on their wall.[0:47:30] Normalizing being bad at something new.[0:49:40] The importance of parents working out their own issues.[0:54:14] Being demonstrative about your childâs accomplishment of a hard thing.[0:56:00] #Growth.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
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Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You on Instagram
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Finding the balance between holding your children accountable and having boundaries while keeping the peace and happiness in the home is a delicate task. In todayâs episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You, we are unpacking one of the most difficult issues parents face and helping you figure out if youâre too easy on your kid. Tuning in, youâll hear all about our approaches with teens, why they often see us as harder on them than their parents are, why you have to hold your children accountable, and much more! We delve into defining your family standards, how to include children in that process, and why peace isnât always possible before we discuss the dangers of talking too much. Your childâs future and ability to be a well-rounded, successful human is more important than being liked by your teenager and today, we remind you that you arenât always going to be liked by your teenager and why thatâs okay! Finally, we touch on sustaining yourselves as parents instead of relying on gratification from your children. This is an incredibly important episode so be sure to press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:08] One of the biggest issues parents face: how to know if they are finding the best balance between peace and boundaries with their children. [0:05:43] How we approach the work we do with teenagers and why we are harder on them than their parents are. [0:12:21] Why asking students how they feel about their academic choices is so beneficial. [0:14:12] The importance of holding your teens accountable as parents. [0:17:09] Defining your standards as a family, including older children, and accepting that peace is not always possible. [0:20:43] The dangers of talking too much and lecturing adolescents and why trust and respect are imperative. [0:27:03] How communities of parents can be supportive and why you cannot rely on gratification from your teenagers to sustain yourself. [0:29:31] Why you do not need to be liked by your teenager and do not always have to like them.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You on Instagram
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Teen coaching is about helping teenagers with academics, college, self-esteem, self-awareness, and so much more! Itâs basically all about coaching them in life! Today we are peeling back the layers of what we do every day and explaining all things teenage life coaching to you. Listening in, youâll hear what teen life coaching actually is, why we got into it and why Cathy started Village Coaches, how we approach our work, the importance of trust, rapport, and respect, and much more! We then discuss the most common topics we discuss in coaching sessions before we talk about why coaching isnât right for every kid and what we do not do in sessions. We even delve into some examples of how we build relationships with our clients. Finally, we share how vulnerable we get with teens in our coaching sessions and how that builds rapport. To hear all this and so much more, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:10] What teen life coaching actually is. [0:03:05] Why we started coaching teenagers. [0:09:12] How we approach our work and the importance of building a relationship with the teenagers we coach. [0:17:36] The most common teen life coaching topics we delve into and how we know what to focus on. [0:32:38] Why coaching is not right for every kid, who is and isnât a good fit, and what we avoid doing in sessions. [0:47:55] How vulnerable we get with our kids in sessions.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Village Coaches
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You on Instagram
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Typically, teenagers arenât always super open, available, or excited to tell you about their report cards. Thatâs why, in todayâs episode, weâre spilling the beans about how you can have a productive, constructive, and empathetic conversation about grades with your teen and help them go from grade-obsessed panic to independently accepting responsibility for their academic performance. Tune in as we discuss the importance of checking in regularly, asking open-ended questions, being curious about your kidâs academic life, getting additional context from their teachers, focusing on performance rather than achievement, and much more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:41] Counterproductive ways our parents talked to us about our report cards.[0:03:05] How we coach kids (and parents) to discuss their academic performance.[0:04:44] Why you shouldnât make the conversation all about the letter/number grade.[0:07:00] Open-ended, reflective ways to talk about grades before grades come out.[0:09:51] The role that schools and teachers play in cultivating a fixation on grades.[0:12:58] Reasons to talk about learning and performance rather than achievement.[0:15:39] Making a habit of checking in regularly versus only discussing poor grades.[0:18:22] Strategies to help your teens succeed, regardless of external circumstances.[0:25:13] How to know if a tutor would be a helpful tool for your teen.[0:26:37] When itâs appropriate to contact the school or a teacher about a specific grade.[0:31:25] Our opinion on why tutors should be temporary.[0:34:42] Key themes and takeaways from this conversation.Links Mentioned in Todayâs Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Wonât Tell You on Instagram
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