Episodios
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#226: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the fourth stage: contempt. Contempt is the most significant predictor of relationship decline and divorce, due to its permanence and the emotional distance it creates. Contempt also has cultural implications, particularly in parenting, and the need for fostering bonds through understanding and mutual respect. Humility, growth mindset, and trust are crucial in overcoming contempt and helping us orient ourselves toward the good of others, our bonds with them, and our common goods.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#225: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the third stage: stonewalling. Stonewalling means putting up obstacles to forming bonds with others. While defensiveness and criticism most concern one’s attitude, stonewalling goes deeper and touches upon one’s attention. Stonewalling at its most extreme implies an inward collapse of attention, an unwillingness to attend to others.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#224: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the second stage: criticism, or what we call a critical spirit. A critical spirit often arises from hyperfocusing on someone else’s flaws, conflating those flaws with their identity, and viewing them as fixed and unchangeable. It can also serve as a kind of projection—an unconscious act of attributing our own shortcomings to others. Recognizing a critical spirit within ourselves, however uncomfortable, can open the door to profound personal growth. By addressing the root of this behavior, we not only improve our relationships but also cultivate greater humility and self-awareness.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#223: Dr. John Gottman describes four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: first defensiveness, then criticism, then stonewalling, and finally contempt. Each of these is a manifestation of a lack of humility. Having laid out the big picture in our previous episode, here we do a deep dive into the first, defensiveness. We explain how it arises and how it relates to key concepts in our approach, like Reframing, Growth Mindset, and Threat Mode.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#222: In this episode of the OptimalWork Podcast, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of humility in leadership and team dynamics. They explore the concept of humble leadership, the detrimental effects of pride, and the four horsemen of team dysfunction: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. The conversation emphasizes the importance of cultivating humility as a means to foster better relationships, enhance team cohesion, and promote personal growth. The episode concludes with actionable steps for developing humility and the transformative power it holds in achieving mastery in various aspects of life.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#221: Over the past five years, OptimalWork has grown into a unique and powerful digital platform for growth, centered on our MasterClass. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the history of our digital platform and recent findings about how effective the MasterClass is in helping people achieve behavior change.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#220: Working with a spirit of service lies at the core of working at your best. But the spirit of service has a doppelgänger: aiming to please people. This often arises from motives of fear (fear of conflict, etc.), whereas service is rooted in love. In this episode, we compare these two motivations, and discuss how to escape the trap of seeking to please others.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#219: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of Extreme Ownership, as introduced and developed by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Willink and Babin learned this concept from their time serving as Navy Seals and have gained popularity adapting it to other contexts, like business and relationships. In this conversation, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the nuances of this approach, and share applications to challenges faced in various contexts, from the classroom to the boardroom.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#218: In this installment of our series on mastery, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the third and final stage: the optimizing stage. The optimizing stage of mastery has deep connections to other core concepts of OptimalWork like deliberate practice, continual growth, and above all service. In the optimizing stage, we can go beyond the automaticity characteristic of the implicit stage (stage two) and develop our mastery to such a degree that we can pour our entire selves into a task. In this way, the optimizing stage of mastery is also connected to flow, the state of peak focus, when we become, as it were, fused with the present task.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#217: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the second of the three phases of mastery: the implicit phase of mastery. This phase is the most dangerous, because it is where bad actions can become automatic habits, and where good habits can become plateaus. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid these pitfalls. The implicit phase of mastery is also closely connected with flow. The next episode will cover the final stage of mastery: optimizing strategies.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#216: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the concept of mastery, focusing on its explicit phase. Broadly, mastery has three forms: mastery over a technical skill, self-mastery, and mastery in the context of bonds. For all these forms, crafting a strategy (a goal plus steps) is essential to developing explicit mastery. As you develop explicit mastery, you can harness dopamine to maintain motivation by setting appropriate micro-goals to complete as you carry out your strategy.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#215: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the concept of mastery, its relationship to service, and the neuroscience behind it. We can distinguish between three stages of mastery: explicit, implicit, and optimizing. Ultimately, mastery is not just about raw technical skills, but about putting these skills to the service of higher ideals and ultimately our bonds with others.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#214: Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of breath in regulation attention and managing anxiety. One of the most interesting advances in the understanding of breath is the discovery of the oxygen paradox: breathing too much can actually reduce the amount of oxygen that reaches your brain. Breathing, mood, nutrition, attention, and activity are all interrelated. Understanding the relationship between breathing, oxygen, and carbon dioxide shows just how transformative proper breathing techniques can be.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#213: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the importance of learning how to self-regulate your attention. We often try to address distraction and worrying — two common obstacles relating to attention — by re-arranging our external circumstances, changing aspects of our lives. This can be helpful and even necessary at times. But to get the best results, it is also important to focus on the internals, on our own capacity to focus our attention. This capacity is like a muscle that we can strengthen over time with the right exercises.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#212: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss the importance of attention for working at your best. Understanding how your attention works — especially the dynamic between task attention and default attention — can help you improve how you both rest and work. Some may think that focus is a matter of brute force and self-discipline, or of simply arranging your environment. But the understanding of attention explored here points to deeper strategies that we can use to master our attention and shape ourselves in the process.
Find more at https://OptimalWork.com
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#211: Is it possible to sustain a high level of challenge throughout the day? At first, it may seem daunting. But embracing challenge brings growth and with it an increase in energy. The key is to embrace challenges in order to serve, so that challenges are not about improving yourself in isolation, but deepening the bonds with those around you.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#210: When focusing on self-improvement, it is natural to look first at your behaviors and strive for behavior change. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif explore what change on the inside looks like: how you relate to the inner friction produced by “parts” of you, like an inner critic or a harsh taskmaster. They show that behavior change is best built on a foundation of interior transformation.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#209: It is possible to accept in theory that every challenge presents an opportunity, while still in reality viewing the actual challenges you face in a negative light. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the need for a robust worldview to be able to reframe any challenge, and how to tap into that worldview to make it more operative.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#208: There is increasing interest in dopamine, a molecule that is closely related to our experience of pleasure, reward, expectation, and motivation. It’s involved in negative processes, like overindulgence and addiction, but it can also be harnessed to set virtuous cycles in motion. Surprisingly, as Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss, the dopamine molecule is involved in the very spiritual processes of living ideals and deepening bonds.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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#207: In this episode Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss Steven Pressfield’s book “The War of Art.” Pressfield has developed a kind of mythology to describe the psychology of following one’s true calling. You know you’re on the right path if you encounter Resistance. But if you persevere and work through the Resistance your Muse will inspire you to do great things. In this episode, we compare Pressfield’s practical conclusions to the advice we give at OptimalWork.
Find more at https://www.OptimalWork.com.
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