Episodit
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Halloween can be a magical time of year, but for kids with big emotions, it can also be full of anxiety and sensory overload.
In This Episode We Will Dive into: Common emotional responses children have during Halloween and how parents can support them. She introduces three types of emotional reactions: the Shark (always on high alert), the Clownfish (sticking close to home, anxious about the unknown), and the Turtle (wanting to retreat into their shell).
From uncomfortable costumes to the chaos of trick-or-treating, Andi offers practical advice on how to make Halloween a positive experience for your child. Whether your child loves Halloween but struggles afterward, or they’re anxious and overstimulated by the holiday, this episode will help you prepare and navigate these emotional hurdles.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding your child’s emotional response type: Shark, Clownfish, or Turtle.Tips for handling sensory overload, uncomfortable costumes, and loud noises.Strategies to help your child feel more comfortable and safe during Halloween activities.How to address the emotional aftermath of Halloween excitement and overstimulation.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
One of the most common frustrations parents face: relying on external systems like schools and specialists for their child's emotional and executive functioning support. Andi shares her own experiences and reflects on why schools often aren’t enough to address a child's unique needs, especially when it comes to emotional regulation.
Parents are often left feeling unsupported or misunderstood, and Andi explains why becoming an advocate for your child is crucial. She offers practical strategies and tips to empower parents to bridge the gap between external help and at-home support. You'll learn how to move from frustration to confidence as you take control of your child’s emotional journey.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding the Limits of School Support: While schools provide valuable resources, they often aren’t equipped to fully address individual emotional needs, leaving children feeling frustrated or overlooked.Becoming Your Child’s Strongest Advocate: Andi highlights the importance of stepping up as a parent to support emotional regulation and executive functioning at home.Tools for Emotional Regulation: Get actionable tips and strategies to help your child navigate big emotions and develop better coping skills both in and outside of school.Join the Support Circle: Andi’s Support Circle offers ongoing resources and community support to help parents like you build stronger connections with your children and navigate emotional challenges. https://andiclark.com/work-with-me/
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In this insightful episode of the Kids with Big Emotions podcast, Andi Clark continues her 5-part series on the most common parenting mistakes, focusing this time on the challenge of parental burnout. Burnout is something many parents face, especially those raising children with intense emotions, and in this episode, Andi offers valuable guidance on how to recognize, manage, and overcome it.
Key Points Covered:
Introduction to Parental Burnout: Andi explains the mental and physical exhaustion that parents may experience when they feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting children with big emotions.Burnout and Invisible Minority Kids: Andi highlights the challenges of raising "invisible minority" kids—children who follow the rules and don’t show outward signs of distress but are still struggling internally. These children often add to parental burnout, as their needs can go unnoticed until parents are already overwhelmed.Stress Animal Metaphor: Andi uses her metaphor of stress animals to explain different reactions to stress:The Dolphin: The ideal state of calm, cooperation, and playfulness.The Shark: Constantly on high alert, ready to react aggressively.The Clownfish: Anxious and resistant to change, preferring to stay close to their comfort zone.Strategies for Reducing Burnout: Andi offers practical advice for parents to manage their own stress, avoid burnout, and create a healthier environment for themselves and their children.Takeaways:
Understanding the signs of parental burnout and how to address it is crucial for maintaining emotional resilience as a parent.Recognizing the unique stressors involved in parenting both visibly emotional and "invisible" children can help prevent feelings of overwhelm.By implementing stress management techniques and avoiding the “shark” or “clownfish” states, parents can better support their children and reduce their own burnout.Connect with Andi: Join Andi's Support Circle Membership or the Kids with Big Emotions Facebook group to gain access to more strategies for managing parental burnout and supporting your child’s emotional development.
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In this transformative episode of the Kids with Big Emotions podcast, Andi Clark introduces a 5-part series designed to reshape your approach to parenting. This series dives deep into the most common mistakes parents make when dealing with children who have intense emotions and how shifting away from punishment can create stronger connections and foster real growth.
In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Introduction to the 5-Part Series: Andi explains the five common mistakes that parents of kids with big emotions tend to make and how addressing these mistakes can lead to a more compassionate and effective parenting style.The Concept of the "Invisible Minority": Andi discusses children who may not exhibit obvious signs of distress but still struggle with big emotions and executive functioning challenges. These children are often quiet, rule-followers who don't speak up for themselves, which can lead parents to overlook their internal struggles.Moving from Punishment to Connection: This episode focuses on the importance of moving away from punishment and instead creating a sense of safety and understanding for your child. When children feel respected and supported, they can better manage their emotions, leading to long-term success.Real-Life Parenting Examples: Throughout the episode, Andi shares stories from her coaching practice, illustrating how shifting parenting approaches can have a profound impact on both the parent and the child.Takeaways:
Recognize when punishment isn't working and start building more meaningful connections with your child.Learn to see beyond surface behaviors and understand the internal emotional and executive functioning struggles your child may be facing.Begin the journey of shifting your mindset from punitive reactions to a more compassionate, growth-focused approach.Connect with Andi: Join Andi's Support Circle Membership group or connect with other parents in the Kids with Big Emotions Facebook group to continue learning tools to support your child's emotional growth.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:the crucial first step in helping children with big emotions: supporting yourself as a parent. She emphasizes the importance of self-care and personal growth in effectively supporting and role-modeling for your child.
Key Points
Role modeling: Children learn by observing their parents' behaviors and coping mechanisms.Emotional regulation: When parents are calm and balanced, they can better manage their children's big emotions.Resilience: Working on personal growth builds resilience, allowing parents to handle stress more effectively.Mental clarity: Taking time for self-care provides mental space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.Breaking cycles: Addressing personal traumas and patterns helps break generational cycles.Improved communication: Working on personal growth leads to better communication skills with children.Self-compassion: Learning to be compassionate with yourself makes it easier to extend compassion to your child.Strengthened parent-child bond: Prioritizing self-care allows for deeper connections with children.Resources Mentioned
IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy website and "Find a Therapist" option https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners Book recommendation: "Kids With Big Baffling Behaviours" by Robin GobblePodcast episodes 44-52 on IFS therapy www.andiclark.com/podcastUpcoming Membership Site
Andi introduces her new membership site, which will provide:
Tools for parents to support themselves and their childrenCourses based on one-on-one coaching experiencesCoaching calls and Q&A sessionsAffordable long-term support for parents
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In This Episode We Will Dive into: How stress can manifest in our bodies without us realizing it, affecting both adults and children. She shares personal experiences and client stories to illustrate how emotional and physical stressors can lead to various health issues.
Key PointsStress can manifest in physical symptoms like coughs, neck pain, and headaches.Emotional traumas and stressors can be stored in different parts of the body.The stress system manages 50 hormone responses in the body, affecting various functions.Children may express stress through stomach aches, headaches, or behavioral changes.Addressing emotional stressors can sometimes resolve persistent physical symptoms.
Notable MentionsBook: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der KolkBook: "Heal Your Body" by Louise Hay
Action Steps for ListenersStart noticing where you feel emotions in your body.Reflect on recurring pains or medical issues and their potential connection to stressors.Consider the emotional aspects when addressing persistent health issues.Join the "Kids with Big Emotions" Facebook group to share experiences.
UpcomingNew membership site launching on Andy's website (andyclark.com)Personalized attention for early members of the membership site
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:strategies for advocating for gifted children in school and getting them the support they need.
Key points include:
Schools may not be equipped to handle the unique needs of gifted children, especially those with executive functioning challengesTeachers are trained primarily in academics, not executive functioning or mental health supportSchool may not be the best learning environment for every gifted childGetting a private psychoeducational evaluation can help identify giftedness and learning challengesWork on developing executive functioning skills at home, regardless of school situationGet an IEP (Individualized Education Program) in place, using specific language schools understandJoin Facebook groups for IEPs/504 plans to learn advocacy strategiesCreate a document for teachers explaining your child's needs and helpful strategiesTeach children to advocate for themselves as they get olderApproach teachers with kindness and frame support as making their job easierKeep working to empower your child's unique brain and abilitiesResources mentioned:
Andi's upcoming membership group for parentsFacebook groups for IEPs, 504 plans, and twice exceptional (2E) childrenPrivate evaluations by psychologists or SLPs trained in executive functioningNext steps:
Join relevant Facebook groups to learn advocacy strategiesCreate a document about your child's needs for teachersConsider a private evaluation to identify giftedness and challengesFocus on teaching executive functioning skills at home
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Strategies to help parents and children cope with the emotional challenges of the first week back at school.
Key PointsMental overload and executive functioning challenges during the first weekImportance of nutrition and hydrationUnderstanding developmental timelines for future thinkingTips for creating a calm evening routineStrategies to reduce stimulation and questions after school
Detailed NotesMental Overload and Executive FunctioningChildren face numerous challenges in perception, attention, and inhibitionNew faces, routines, and environments can be overwhelmingExecutive functioning skills are taxed, leading to exhaustion
Nutrition and HydrationProvide snacks and drinks immediately after schoolConsider offering lemonade or other appealing drinks for hydrationHunger and dehydration can significantly impact mood and behavior
Developmental Timelines for Future ThinkingAges 3-5: Can think 5-20 minutes aheadKindergarten to 1st grade: Can think several hours ahead3rd to 6th grade: Can think 2-3 days ahead17-23 years old: Can think 2-3 weeks ahead23-35 years old: Can see things 3-5 years ahead
Creating a Calm Evening RoutineClose blinds early, even if it's still light outsideUse red light bulbs to promote melatonin productionListen to audiobooks instead of watching TVCreate a consistent bedtime routine
Reducing Stimulation and QuestionsLimit after-school activities, especially in the first weekDon't ask too many questions about their dayAllow for downtime and less stimulationUnderstand that your child may not have the bandwidth to process or discuss their day
Resources MentionedSarah Ward's research on developmental timelinesTara Sumpner's Seeds of Learning programRobin Gobble's therapy techniques
Next StepsJoin the Kids With Big Emotions Facebook group for support and discussionSign up for the waiting list for Andi's upcoming membership site www.andiclark.com Book a call with Andi for personalized support
Next Episode PreviewAndi will discuss how to navigate getting help for your child at school, based on her personal experiences and learnings.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
My family's journey into homeschooling and while I share insights on how parents can facilitate learning without having to be the primary teacher.
Key points include:
Why I chose to homeschool her two neurodivergent sonsHow homeschooling has benefited my children's emotional regulation and learningThe misconception that parents have to do all the teaching in homeschoolingNumerous online resources, courses, and programs for self-directed learningSubject-specific recommendations for math, science, coding, languages, and moreHow homeschooling allows kids to dive deep into their interestsAddressing socialization concerns in homeschoolingDeveloping executive functioning skills through homeschooling routinesTips for getting started with homeschoolingResources mentioned:
Below I have links to every course I mentioned in this podcast. Here is my spreadsheet for all homeschooling courses that I’m continually adding to and currently cleaning up: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pmT4f6Vmug-waSRrTjgI6Hmk1PWHThFWyNssHB-AVck/edit?usp=sharing
Podcast with TONS of resources
Homeschooling with Technologies Podcast https://www.fundafundaacademy.com/podcast/
Math
Beast Academy https://beastacademy.com/
Brilliant https://brilliant.org/
Science Dad — Science Mom https://sciencemom.teachable.com/courses
Check Universities local to you
Financial Studies
How the Market Works https://www.howthemarketworks.com/
Biz Kids https://bizkids.com/learn/
Planet Money Podcast https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510289/planet-money
Federal Reserve https://www.newyorkfed.org/outreach-and-education/comic-books
Funda FUnda Stock Market Unit Studies Course
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
How parents can manage their frustration when dealing with distracted children. Including:
Understanding the challenges of parenting a distracted childIntroduction to executive functioning skills and their impact on behaviorThe importance of "refocusing" rather than just "focusing"The concept of "flashlight vs. floodlight" attention (credit to Amisha Jha's book "Peak: Find Your Focus, Own Your Attention")Exploring three key executive functioning skills:
Attention and refocusingInhibitionPlanning
How executive functioning challenges can manifest in daily activitiesThe role of stress, fatigue, and other factors in a child's ability to focusStrategies for parents to manage their own reactions and support their childResources mentioned:
Book Reco - Dr. Amishi Jha - In Peak Mind: Find Your Focus, Own Your AttentionFacebook group for parents (scroll up for link) Option to book a 30-minute call with Andi (scroll up for link)Key takeaways:
Understanding the underlying reasons for a child's distraction can help reduce parental frustrationExecutive functioning skills develop into the mid-20sBreaking tasks into smaller steps can help children with executive functioning challengesConsider factors like stress, hunger, and fatigue when assessing a child's behaviorTake a moment to breathe and reassess the situation before reactingWe invite listeners to reach out, share their experiences, and join our supportive community of parents navigating the challenges of raising children with big emotions and attention difficulties.
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Today We Will Dive into a heartfelt episode:
Host Andi Clark shares a powerful message of support and understanding for parents dealing with children's big emotions.
Key points include:
A personal observation of a mother managing her child's emotional outburst at a public poolRecognition of the mother's calm and patient approach during the challenging situationEmpathy and solidarity for parents facing similar struggles with their children's emotionsAcknowledgment of the difficulty in staying calm when children are in their "shark brain" or "clown brain"Reassurance that parents are not alone in dealing with these challengesEncouragement for parents to reach out for support and resourcesInvitation for listeners to connect with Andy for further support and guidanceResources mentioned:
Facebook group for parents (link is above)Option to book a 30-minute call with Andi (link is above)Key takeaways:
The importance of staying calm during a child's emotional outburstRecognition of the hard work parents put into helping their childrenThe value of community support in navigating parenting challengesEncouragement to seek help and resources when needed
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Understanding Executive Functioning - The skills that act as the "manager" or "CEO" of how we execute tasks, control emotions, process information. When executive functioning is impaired, it can lead to chaos and struggles for neurodiverse children.Core Executive Functioning Skills - Perception, attention, verbal/nonverbal working memory, and inhibition. Deficits in these areas can manifest in challenging behaviors in children.Rethinking Discipline for Neurodiverse Kids - Traditional punishment and discipline are often ineffective and counterproductive, as behaviors are not due to willfulness but executive functioning challenges. A more compassionate, supportive approach is needed.Real-World Examples and Insights - Anecdotes illustrating the executive functioning challenges faced by neurodiverse children, emphasizing the need to understand the root causes behind behaviors.Strategies and Next Steps - Focus on supporting neurodiverse children by identifying their specific executive functioning deficits and building those skills over time, rather than punishment. Resources available include a Facebook group and 30-minute calls with Andi.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
In this episode, we explore the concept of your child's stress type using animal analogies: Dolphin, Shark, Clownfish, and Turtle. These analogies help us understand and communicate stress levels without getting bogged down in scientific jargon. This approach has been eye-opening for me, and I hope it will resonate with you as well.
Animal Stress TypesDolphin:
Characteristics: Playful, socially engaged, able to communicate effectively, and rational problem-solvers.State: Regulated, able to handle slight stress while maintaining control (ventral vagal state).Shark:
Characteristics: Constantly on alert, ready to attack, surveying surroundings for potential threats.State: Fight or flight (sympathetic state), often displayed through frustration, yelling, hitting, or other aggressive behaviors.Clownfish (Marlin from Finding Nemo):
Characteristics: Anxious, struggles with change, stays close to safety, skittish in new situations.State: Anxious side of fight or flight (sympathetic state), displaying overwhelmed and skittish behaviors.Turtle:
Characteristics: Withdrawn, slows down, retreats into shell, avoids communication.State: Freeze (dorsal vagal state), often seen as quiet and disengaged, but actually a stress response.
Key TakeawaysUnderstanding Stress Types: Recognizing your child's stress type can provide valuable insights into their behavior and help tailor your responses.Observation: Begin by observing your child and others around you. Identify how often they are in each animal state.Parental Insight: Reflect on your own stress responses and how they interact with your child’s states.
Action StepsStart Observing: Note your child’s behaviors and categorize them as Dolphin, Shark, Clownfish, or Turtle.Book a Call: Schedule a 30-minute call with me to discuss your child's stress state and receive personalized support.Join the Community: Join our free Facebook group to connect with other parents and share experiences about managing children with big emotions.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Andi emphasizes that it's okay to both love your neurodiverse child deeply while also mourning the life you thought you'd have. She offers support and encouragement to parents who may be struggling.
It's normal to have mixed feelings as a parent of a neurodiverse child - both love and adoration for your child, as well as sadness or frustration over the challengesAndi shares a personal story about her neurodiverse son's first overnight stay with grandparents, marking a big milestoneDiscusses how life with neurodiverse kids often looks different than what parents initially imaginedThe importance of allowing kids to regulate and not overschedulingHow having neurodiverse children can change us as people and parents in positive waysIntroduces concepts of "shark brain", "dolphin brain", and other states kids can be inEncourages parents who are struggling that there are ways to help kids regulate and improve family dynamicsTake Action:
Join the Facebook group to connect with other parentsBook a call with the Andi to discuss your specific situationKeep listening to future episodes for more strategies and informationBook a Call: 📞 https://tidycal.com/andi1/bookacall
Join Our FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/kidswithbigemotions
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In This Episode We Will Dive into the unspoken challenges of parenting kids with big emotions. This topic arose recently during a conversation with a friend who, like me, has a neurodiverse child. We discussed the isolation many parents feel when navigating these unique parenting journeys, highlighting the importance of having a support system.
Parenting a neurodiverse child can feel incredibly isolating. When I first began to understand my son's needs, I struggled to make sense of it all. How could I expect others to understand when I was still learning myself? This journey often leaves us feeling alone in our experiences.
But today, I want to assure you that you are not alone. There are countless parents out there facing similar challenges, and I'm here to remind you that you're doing a phenomenal job.
Navigating Parenting Expectations and Realities
Parenting, in general, comes with its challenges. We often enter parenthood with expectations shaped by our own upbringing or societal norms. However, each child is unique, with different needs and preferences. What works for one may not work for another, and this diversity is compounded when parenting a neurodiverse child.
We're not adequately prepared for the complexities of parenting. Society assumes we should instinctively know how to handle every situation, but the reality is far from it. Parenting styles vary, and each generation faces new challenges—like the prevalence of screens and changing societal norms—that require us to adapt continually.
Understanding Neurodiversity
Parenting a neurodiverse child adds another layer of complexity. These children may be more sensitive, struggle with anxiety, exhibit behavioral challenges, or learn differently. It's a unique world that unless you're in it, can be difficult to comprehend.
I admit, I used to judge other parents when their children acted out. It took time for me to realize that every child is different, and every parent is doing their best with the knowledge and resources available to them. Understanding this has been crucial in my own journey of acceptance and support.
Finding Support and Community
One of the most significant supports for me has been joining Facebook groups tailored to parents of neurodiverse children. These communities have provided invaluable reassurance and practical advice. Whether it's groups for gifted children, those with dyslexia, or auditory processing disorders, finding like-minded parents has been transformative.
The Role of Self-Work in Parenting
Supporting a neurodiverse child isn't just about understanding them—it's also about understanding ourselves. I've undergone years of therapy and self-discovery to better support my child. This journey has included understanding my own biases and learning to navigate societal expectations that often don't align with our reality.
Advocating for Our Children
Advocacy is key. It's about recognizing that our children's needs are valid and advocating for them in schools, social settings, and beyond. Sometimes, this means challenging norms
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
How giving kids more responsibility and ownership of their day can support their emotional regulationThe "Let Grow" organization (letgrow.org) and their Independence Inventory conceptBreaking down responsibilities into 4 key areas:
Taking care of yourselfInteracting with the worldCollaborating with othersGetting around and navigating
The importance of meeting kids where they're at and considering their executive functioning skillsPractical examples of increasing independence and responsibility for different ages/abilitiesBalancing safety concerns with fostering independenceHow increased autonomy can boost confidence and emotional regulationThe value of family discussions after kids take on new responsibilitiesResources mentioned:
Let Grow organization: www.letgrow.orgThe Anxious Generation (book)The Co-Regulation Handbook by Linda K. Murphy
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In This Episode Andi challenges the notion that kids are inherently "bad" and starts redefining behavioral expectations.
Join us as we redefine the expectations we have on behavior and switch the lens to make parenting a little bit easier.
Discussion Highlights:
Andi discusses common misconceptions about children's behavior and the impact of stress on both adults and children.She emphasizes the role of parents in teaching necessary life skills and addresses the challenges faced by gifted children.Andi also highlights the importance of establishing neural pathways in a child's brain for improved learning and behavior.Lastly, she explores the potential impact of various traumas on a child's development and encourages listeners to understand the root causes of problematic behavior.We'll explore how society has taught us to view behaviors and offer new perspectives to help make parenting easier.
Nervous System Regulation:
Understanding how a child's ability to regulate emotions and impulses decreases when their nervous system is overwhelmed.Comparing this to similar stress-induced challenges faced by adults.High Sensitivity and Sensory Processing:
Exploring how heightened sensitivity to sensory inputs can lead to behaviors that seem "bad."Strategies to help children cope with overwhelming stimuli.Skill Development and Executive Functioning:
Emphasizing the need to teach children essential skills like emotional regulation and planning.Discussing the common misconception that children will naturally develop these skills without guidance.Trauma and Its Impact on Behavior:
Examining how traumatic experiences shape behaviors and create unhealthy patterns.Highlighting the importance of addressing underlying traumas to improve behaviors.Interconnected Factors and a Holistic Approach:
Taking a 30,000-foot view to understand that behaviors often result from an interconnected web of factors.Advocating for a holistic and compassionate approach to addressing these issues.
If any examples or discussions in this episode don't exactly fit your scenario, reach out via email or set up a call for personalized advice. ( links at the top of this page)Conclusion:
Remember, challenging behaviors in children often stem from underlying issues such as nervous system dysregulation, high sensitivity, lack of skill development, or trauma.By understanding and addressing these root causes, we can support our children in developing healthier behaviors.
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Discussing how to decode report cards for kids with big emotions and understand potential underlying issues.
Key Takeaways
Word choices and tone from teachers can deeply impact highly sensitive childrenLook for recurring themes/struggles in report cards that may point to learning differences like dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, etc.Getting ideas down on paper is a different brain process than reading or verbal expression for some kidsThe school system often lacks resources to properly support kids with neurodiversity/learning differencesAs parents, it's important to advocate, learn about our child's unique needs, and provide tools to help themHighly Sensitive Children
Highly sensitive kids feel teachers' emotions/tension and are impacted by word choices more intenselyThe book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron provides great insightsTeach kids coping strategies to handle teachers struggling with their own issuesDecoding Report Cards
Look for recurring comments about struggles with writing, reading, math, etc. across yearsThese may point to learning differences like dysgraphia (writing), dyslexia (symbols), dyscalculia (math)Some kids mask struggles until higher grades when it becomes overwhelmingGetting Ideas on Paper
The brain process to get ideas written is different than reading or verbal expressionSome kids' brains work faster than they can write, resulting in run-on sentencesUsing AI writing assistants can help provide starter sentences to overcome initiation strugglesSchool System Limitations
Teachers lack training and resources to properly support neurodivergent studentsUnreasonable to expect teachers to solve all these problems without specialistsAs parents, we must advocate, learn about our child's needs, and provide toolsRESOURCES MENTIONED
The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Overwhelms/dp/0767908724 Seeds of Learning by Tera Sumpter https://www.amazon.com/Seeds-Learning-Cognitive-Processing-Functioning/dp/1736797808/ref=sr_1_1Don’t forget to join the Kids with Big Emotions Facebook group for community and resources https://www.facebook.com/groups/kidswithbigemotions
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
Strategies for co-regulating with children during emotional outbursts
Key Takeaways
Importance of parents regulating themselves first before trying to calm a dysregulated childUsing breathing techniques to switch from stress response to resting stateBeing open about one's own emotions models healthy expression for childrenSeeking therapy/doing inner work helps build emotional regulation skillsCo-Regulation and Staying Calm
Prioritize getting yourself into a calm, regulated state firstIf not calm yourself, very difficult to help child regulateAnalogy: Sharpen the ax (yourself) before trying to chop wood (help child)When stressed, brain can't see situation objectively - must self-regulate firstUnderstanding the Child's Perspective
Big emotions are a protective response, not just misbehaviorUse curiosity to understand what the child's "part" is protecting againstExample: Son's outburst before Pokemon was anxiety about playing, not just defianceBreathing and Nervous System Regulation
Breathing through nose activates resting nervous systemPractice nasal breathing regularly to build capacity to self-regulateVerbalize using regulation techniques to model for childrenInner Work and Therapy
Andi's own journey of burnout, trauma work, and therapyImproved emotional skills, communication, staying regulatedRecommend resources like The Co-Regulation HandbookNext Steps
Start with nasal breathing practice if new to regulation techniquesRead The Co-Regulation Handbook and The Declarative Language HandbookExplore older podcast episodes on burnout, nervous system regulation, IFSJoin Facebook group for community supportBook 30-min call with Andi to discuss personal situationBooks mentioned
Co Regulation Handbook by Linda K Murphy - https://www.declarativelanguage.com/about-coregulation-handbook
Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K Murphy - https://www.declarativelanguage.com/about-declarative-language-handbook
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In This Episode We Will Dive into:
"Some kids get extremely upset over losing, even when winning 80% of the time.""These kids often hyperfocus on the 20% losses and can't see the wins."In this episode, Andi Clark explores why some children struggle intensely with losing, even when they win most of the time. The discussion covers understanding this challenge, the impact on children's behavior, and practical strategies for parents to help their kids manage these emotions.
Key Points Discussed:Understanding the Struggle:
Many children get extremely upset over losing, even if they win 80% of the time.These kids often hyperfocus on their losses (20%) and fail to acknowledge their wins.As a result, they may avoid competitions, games, and sports to escape the possibility of losing.Parental Frustration:
Parents often struggle to understand why their child gets upset despite winning frequently.Without understanding the child's perspective, it's challenging to provide effective support.Strategies for Helping:
Co-Regulation Handbook:Introducing structured steps to help children shift their focus from losses to wins.Reframing losses and highlighting positive outcomes can help alter their perspective.Collaborative vs. competitive games: Start with games that involve teamwork and gradually introduce competitive elements.Example: Playing tic-tac-toe with a partner who is a good sport about losing.Step-by-Step Approach:
Breaking down tasks (like learning to bake a cake or ride a bike) into manageable steps.Ensure children master basic steps before tackling bigger challenges.Caution:
Be aware of words/situations that might trigger a loss-focused mindset.Intentionally reinforce positives and wins with specific examples.Rephrase requests to be more positive and collaborative.Aim to shift the child's perspective from focusing on losses to appreciating wins.LInk Mentioned https://www.collaborationlaboratory.com/
Mentioned in this episode:
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/yasumu/blue-watersLicense code: ULEPOJ2G3QK74TY1
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