Episodit
-
We’ve talked before about voting for your kid, and the rafts of legislation that are directed at taking away rights from trans people and trans kids. Even here in the Pacific Northwest, kids and their families are scared.
As of recording on August 15th, 2023, there were 358 active pieces of anti-trans legislation in 49 states. That doesn't include the 80 bills that were already passed, and it doesn't include the 128 bills failed.
This isn't going to stop anytime soon.
Today, we’ll hear from a dad, Mitch, who moved his family from Texas to Washington to escape the oppressive legislation passed there. You’ll also hear about Mitch’s activism on behalf of his trans daughter and gay son, from school board meetings to testifying at the Texas state house, and the impact it had on him, his marriage, and his kids. And he talks about being in the messy middle of transitioning to a new home while missing their friends, colleagues, and many of the things they loved about their lives in Texas.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
The grief of leaving behind their lives, colleagues, friends, and community and starting overWhy Mitch chose to focus on “joyful resistance” in his approach to activismThe sometimes surprising support and affirmation Mitch’s daughter received in her Texas schoolWhat Mitch learned from his students about affirming, loving, and supporting his daughter when she came outThe impact of Mitch’s commitment to advocacy on his mental health and his relationshipsWhy Mitch says it’s vital for dads of trans kids to get involvedThe final straws that made it clear the family had to leave TexasFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Season 01 Ep 05: Suicide Prevention: Facing Our Fear Of The Dark -
So often when I talk to parents about their children’s decision or request to transition, parents express concern that their child will regret their decision, and that their child’s regret will come back on them as parents.
In fact, I’ve worked with a number of parents who have said, “They can do whatever they want when they’re 18, but I’m not going to be responsible for any regrets that they have later.”
I’ve always translated this as a fear response. And I get it. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of uncertainty, and nobody wants to screw up their kid or make their future not what they hoped it would be.
Today we're going to hear the story of a trans woman who didn't transition when they were young, even though they knew that's what they wanted and needed. She's going to share the story of the life that she has lived struggling with who she is and how to be in the world.
Her name is Randi, and she's a white, middle-aged trans woman. She's married, she has kids.
Randi asked me if she could share her story with you all because she wanted you to know the other side of the story for trans folks who can't transition, or choose to wait until they're adults to do so, and what regret means to her.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How Randi knew from a very young age that she was different–and that she had to hide her differencesThe experience of social and emotional isolation that resulted from not being able to be herselfWhy Randi turned to hypermasculine expression in the wake of realizing that she was transHow suppressing her identity impacted Randi emotionally, in her relationships, and even economicallyHow Randi finally came out to her wife and her familyHow Randi’s pastor and faith community have provided support as she transitionsRandi’s advice for parents of trans kidsFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, Daniel H. Pink -
Puuttuva jakso?
-
Transphobia is all around us, and often inside us.
As parents, we face it in everyday conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends. Our kids face it in school from peers, teachers, and friends.
Over the years, the biggest concern I hear about raising a transgender child isn’t about the medical stuff, it’s fears about the way the world will treat that child. We know it’s not all going to be nice. We know that our kids will face bullies and bigots.
And I've heard from some of you that you want to fight back.
So much of the anti-bullying policy and training in our school systems teaches kids to ignore it or walk away and find an adult. And it doesn’t actually teach kids to extinguish bullying behavior or give parents tools to help.
So what do we do?
Today, I brought in an expert in communications with a specific focus on anti-bullying awareness. She’s going to share some tools that are actually effective in helping kids stop bullying and hold on to their own power through a technique of using neutral responses.
We’re going to dig into what that means, why it makes sense and is effective, and how teaching kids to keep their power can spill over positively into other parts of their lives.
Jamie Hamilton is a communications professor who knows that communication is the magic with which all relationships are created and destroyed. Jamie’s passion is to teach people how to communicate in ways that enhance the areas of their life that matter most.
With over twenty years of experience, Jamie has garnered an academic platform of excellence in higher education and is the founder of The Comm Experts, a communications consulting and coaching firm.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
The difference between one-up, one-down, and neutral responses and how they influence power dynamics with bulliesWhy just ignoring it and walking away doesn’t workHow responding neutrally and factually builds confidenceWhy role-playing and practicing these responses with your kids is absolutely keyWhy it’s essential that kids have affirming, trustworthy adults in their lives when they’re experiencing bullyingHow parents can use communications tools to respond to difficult comments from other adultsWhy the block button is the most effective tool for online bullyingFind out more about Jamie Hamilton:
The Comm ExpertsTikTok: @the_communication_expertFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramTikTok: @realgendertherapist -
Remember that time before you were a parent and you thought you at least had some clue what you were getting into and that you’d be good at it?
I know I did. I knew it wasn’t all snuggles and giggles and that it would be a lot of hard work, but caring for others is part of my wiring.
Of course, none of us are really prepared for what waits for us in parenthood. Even after you’ve had your first kid, you can get thrown for a loop on the second, third, and so on because every kid is different and you’re different too.
When we sign up to be parents, we don’t get to choose the kids we’re going to raise. We don’t know what personality traits they’re going to have or what genetic anomalies will unfold. We get hit with all kinds of unexpected adventures and challenges, and nobody handed us a manual for our kids.
Today’s episode is a parent story. We’ll hear from Mama Bear, Catherine, about how she and her family navigated her child’s coming out and transition, and how different her experience has been as a parent from one kiddo to the next.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
The challenges of having a younger trans child who can’t fully express what they’re feelingWhy Catherine says that aiming for gender neutral parenting may have actually caused her to miss some early signals from her childHow parenting a trans child adds an extra layer of vulnerability to being a parentHow raising a trans kiddo challenged Catherine’s sense of herself as an allyHow Catherine set difficult boundaries with family members to protect her kiddoFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
“How do we know this is about gender and not body image? Doesn’t everyone feel uncomfortable in their body at that age?”
I get these questions from parents all the time. And my answer is this: body image is about being dissatisfied with how we look along with unobtainable beauty standards. Body dysphoria is about the cues their body sends to the world about how to interact with and treat them, how that doesn’t align with how they feel, and how it can make them feel invisible.
It’s similar, but also very, very different.
Struggles with body image and with body dysphoria can lead cis and trans kids to patterns of disordered eating and disconnection from their bodies. Eating disorders are prevalent in the trans community because they are often a coping mechanism for the stress and stigma of being trans.
Which is why I wanted to talk to today’s guests, who are experts in eating disorders and whose treatment model, centered on trusting and coming home to the body, is so different from standard treatment modalities.
Dana Sturtevant helps people let go of chronic patterns of dieting and disordered eating and move into a more authentic, sustainable way to occupy and nurture their bodies. She advocates for food and body sovereignty as a nutrition therapist, educator, speaker, writer, and activist.
Hilary Kinavey works with people to reckon with the vicious cycles of disordered eating and dieting, body shame and weight bias, and the fragmentation, oppression, and trauma that often sits at the center. As a licensed professional counselor, facilitator, educator, and coach, she sees that we have been separated from our embodied knowing of our value and wholeness.
Together they founded the Center for Body Trust and co-authored the book Reclaiming Body Trust: a Path to Healing and Liberation.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Why parents need to do their own work around rebuilding body trustHow to bring awareness and choice to body checking and comparison behaviorsHow our cultural beauty standards–for cis and trans people–are tied to white supremacySuggestions for supporting kids and framing the conversation when they’re exposed to toxic body image messagesThree phases of repairing body trustWhy gender affirmation has to be the first step in building body trustFind out more about Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavey:
Center for Body TrustReclaiming Body Trust: A Path to Healing & LiberationFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Caleb LunaSand ChangFearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia, Sabrina StringsDesiree AdawayRagen ChastainGloria LucasMaintenance Phase -
Every single one of us has a body.
People are complex and our bodies are no different.
Some of us feel at home in our bodies, while others of us do not, and it’s not always because of gender.
Difficult emotions can play a significant role in this disconnect, as well as trauma and its impact on the body. And having a disability, disease, or other condition can further strain the connection with the body.
But for many trans people, their transness is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what makes them and their bodies so different.
Today we're diving into a crucial topic that affects the health and wellbeing of transgender individuals.
It's no secret that members of the LGBTQ+ community face unique health challenges, though there’s no definitive data or research correlating any of these issues with transness. They’re simply conditions that we commonly see in the same patients.
Which is why I wanted to talk to someone who has experience and expertise in treating patients with a lot of these co-occuring conditions that can make it harder for trans individuals to connect with their bodies.
Today we’re digging into the relationship of neurodivergence and transness and how it impacts the body and how holding a marginalized identity or identities literally shapes the body.
Dr. Sam Zoranovich is a chiropractor who specializes in providing care to the LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities. Their own experiences with chronic pain, multiple surgeries, and feeling broken and betrayed by their body inform their practice and how they help people go from managing symptoms to thriving in their lives.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How the siloing of traditional medical specialists impacts diagnosis, treatment, and healingWhy neurodivergence and how the brain processes stimulation can have such profound physical impactsThe overlap of neurodivergence, digestive issues, hypermobility disorders, skin complaints, and moreHow neurodivergence and trauma impact the body’s fight or flight response and what happens when it gets stuckFind out more about Dr. Sam Zoranovich:
Zoranovich ChiropracticTikTok: @doctorsamzFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
TikTok: The overlap of queerness and neurodivergenceTikTok: Dr. Sam's Reply to MackDisjointed Navigating the Diagnosis and Management of Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Hypermobility Spectrum Disorders30 Essential Ideas you should know about ADHD, Dr. Russell Barkley -
Toxic masculinity is more than a buzzword.
Toxic masculinity is part of the gender training we receive starting in childhood, where we learn the rules about how to be a man or a lady. Man up. Boys don’t cry. And it hurts all of us.
Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood and frankly, I’m surprised more men aren’t pissed about it.
What does that have to do with raising a transgender child?
Toxic masculinity can manifest in many ways and have a profound impact on your children.
It can show up in the ways we talk to our kids, the expectations we place on them, and the way parents and kids perceive gender and gender identity. And it can lead to feelings of shame and internalized transphobia.
Which is why today I’m talking with Rocco Kayiatos about toxic masculinity, how it shows up and impacts our children, what we can do to reeducate ourselves and our children about what it means to be a man, and how embrace mindful masculinity.
Rocco Kayiatos is a musician, poet, actor, and activist. His work centers around gender identity, queer liberation, and social justice. Rocco’s artistry and activism have gained national attention and made him a leading voice in the transgender community. He has brought his powerful message to stages across the country and uses his platform to inspire and empower others to embrace their true selves.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Rocco’s evolution as a performer, publisher, and activist and why it’s so important to create inclusive spaces and model possibilityHow Rocco went about uprooting his own toxic ideas about masculinity and let go of being a “man-hating man”Why Rocco says the goal should be to expand our definitions of gender, identity, and expression with compassionHow cultural assumptions about what it means to be a man can make trans men shy away from claiming their full identity as menHow a rejection of perceived femininity can lead to expressions of toxic masculinity in trans boysHow parents can start interrogating how toxic masculinity shows up for them and expand their ideas about genderFind out more about Rocco Kayiatos:
Instagram: @roccokatastropheConnect with Rocco on LinkedInFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Mindful Masculinity WorkbookSummer 365 -
There are so many things about our lives that are gendered.
And some of those things are a lot more important and hold more cultural significance than we realize–that is until we have kid who comes out as trans, and then all of that privilege you had and all the mental energy you didn’t have to spend on thinking about all the ways in which the world wasn’t set up for your transgender kid is gone.
Now, I should be clear, when I say “we” I’m talking about cisgender, heterosexual, white people. People of color, which I am not, have a lot more awareness about the ways in which the white Western world was not built or designed for them.
One of the most common conversations I have with white parents of trans kids, usually pretty early on and always because they bring it up, is about their awareness of exactly how much privilege they have, and also how much it sucks to lose it.
Today we’re talking with Erica Courdae about culture, hair, privilege, gender and race.
Erica is the host of the podcast Pause on the Play® and has built an exceptional community of listeners who are showing up and exploring ways to make their values more explicit at work and at home. She has curated connections and learning experiences that will help anyone challenge harmful norms, show up as an imperfect ally®, and live in alignment.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How Erica’s experience in the beauty industry informs how she helps people investigate cultural norms and show up as themselvesHow having a trans child exposes the fragility of the norms and assumptions parents holdWhy it’s so critical for parents to do their own self-work of acceptance and questioning apart from their kidsWhy parents need to be able to admit they were wrong and apologize to their childrenWhy neutrality is not an optionFind out more about Erica Courdae:
Pause on the Play®The Pause on the Play® CommunityInstagram: @pauseontheplayFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
Get ready for part two of my conversation with Flint. If you haven’t listened to part one, hit pause and give it a listen, then come back for part two.
In this episode, we’re continuing our conversation about creating a safe and supportive space for trans kids, and the trans adults they need in their lives to show them that they will be fine, and that what they are experiencing is normal.
Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.
They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How Flint found a community of trans teachers online and grappled with coming out at school post-remote schoolingHow Flint leads with questions to defuse conflict within the community, and why it’s important to know when to end the conversationReflecting on Flint’s gender journey and why it’s never too late to claim your identityWhy kids need to see a diversity of experiences of gender and sexualityWhy you need to create an environment where it’s safe to ask questions and talk about hard thingsWhy we need to untangle gender and sexualityFind out more about Flint:
Instagram: @justflintisfineTikTok: @justflintisfineTwo Trans Teachers PodcastFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
We have all heard and experienced how different school is now from when we were kids. It’s a whole different world.
And while I could easily be referring to school policies and the way that kids are taught math - I’m not. I’m referring to the social universe and obstacle course that kids navigate day in and day out.
And one of the hardest things about that change is that it doesn’t really end when the bell rings. It continues on social media and smartphones. Kids don’t really get a natural break from it.
They need your help to find balance, but also to help them navigate a world that you didn’t ever really know.
Today we’re talking to a teacher named Flint about what kids are really facing in schools, how to support them while they’re trying to get their education, and how to communicate with teachers to help them understand the unique needs of your student.
Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.
They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Why parents need to let their kids shove them out of their boxesTips for keeping your kid from shutting down in conversationHow leading with curiosity improves your relationships and makes you a better advocate for your childWhy parents and teachers need to do their own work to educate themselves on LGBTQIA+ issuesFind out more about Flint:
Instagram: @justflintisfineTikTok: @justflintisfineTwo Trans Teachers PodcastFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
You never know how people are gonna react to your child's coming out and socially transitioning.
I wish there was a clear indicator that I could give you that says, these are the ones who will support you, and these are the ones who are going to get spooked and do really ugly things. If that thing exists, I haven't discovered it yet.
I've seen families who are progressive and open-minded about others get completely closed off to the idea that something like this could be happening with their child. I've also seen people who go to church every Sunday read the Bible, own a lot of guns, who absolutely get it and show up for their kids in some very beautiful ways.
Everyone responds differently.
Today's episode is a parent story.
We'll hear from Mama Bear Kate about how she and her family went about supporting her trans child, Rachel, without a map, navigating the seas of judgment as they began to socially transition.
Kate is white, middle class and married to a cisgender man. She has two children and lives in the Pacific Northwest. Kate's also a writer, and she recently shared this story in the Huffington Post.
In this episode, Kate opens up about her experience as a parent of a transgender child. She talks about the challenges she faced in accepting her child's gender and the journey toward embracing it fully. She also shares how she educated herself on trans issues and how she navigated religious and cultural barriers, and how she showed up to support her child through the ups and downs.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How a school form started the process of Rachel’s coming out as nonbinaryHow Kate and the family navigated questions about Rachel’s identity being a phase, and a rough year in first grade as he began his social transitionHow Kate and her husband intentionally worked to create a culture of openness to tough questions in their householdHow Kate’s process of educating herself about trans issues quieted the voice in her head yelling that Rachel’s desire to transition was an emergencyFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Our 6-Year-Old Wanted To Use 'They/Them' Pronouns. We Had No Idea What We Were In For. -
I think we’ve all been in that place with our kids where they are clearly going through something big - something with friends, something with sex, mental health, transness, something that makes your parent heart go “Oh god - I need more information about this so I can help and protect and make sure that nothing bad happens to them.”
So you put out the bid for connection and try to engage in the conversation and your kid gives you NOTHING.
They stare blankly at you, they say “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I dunno.” And you get emotionally snared and the harder you push, the less they want to talk to you.
Sound familiar?
In this episode, I’m talking with Flyn Alexander about ways to talk with trans kids who may be hesitant or uncomfortable discussing sensitive topics, such as their transition.
Flyn Alexander is a clinical social worker who specializes in working with transgender individuals and their families. He graduated from Michigan State with his MSW. Flyn uses he and they pronouns and is an out and proud trans man.
When Flyn approached me about working at Wild Heart Society, I was like “I really don’t have room to take on more people” but after spending 20 minutes with him I was like “I”m gonna figure out how to do this because this guy is flipping awesome.”
His energy is contagious. He is courageous, calm, funny, joyful, introspective, and a changemaker. I’m so thrilled he is on our team, and I’m so excited to share this conversation with you.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Why asking your kid a lot of questions can make them clam up so hardWhy you have to separate the narrative of your kiddo’s life that’s in your head from the truth about themselves that they’re telling youWhy parents should investigate their own gender journeys and how gender and other complicated conversations are handled at homeStrategies and key reminders for approaching conversations about gender with your childFind out more about Flyn Alexander:
Wild Heart Society BioFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
When I was a kid, nobody talked to me at all about queer people, except maybe to tell me that they were sinful and going to hell. I don’t think I really even started to learn about queerness in any way other than the negative until I was in high school. And even then, it wasn’t exactly what I would call affirming. And I know my experience isn’t uncommon.
Times have really changed when it comes to the acceptance of the queer community by the dominant cishet society that we live in in the U.S. and it has opened to door to having conversations with kids about queerness and gender much earlier and in a much more positive way.
The problem is because so few of us parents had a positive introduction to this, there are lots of questions about when and how to start these conversations with our kids.
We need resources for talking to kids about queerness.
And that’s where today’s guest comes in.
Lindz Amer (they/them) is the founder and CEO of Queer Kids Creative, a digital entertainment company spreading queer joy and queer-focused intersectional, all-ages media. They wrote, produced, and co-hosted Queer Kid Stuff, an original LGBTQ+ educational web series for ages three and up, for four season and over 50 episodes. They continue to perform QKS music and stories at schools, museums, libraries, and local LGBTQ+ centers all over the country.
They also produce and host a family-friendly podcast called Activist You, where they explore social justice topics through interviews with kids and youth activists. And they just launched a new podcast called Rainbow Parenting.
Their work has been featured by Good Morning America, Kids Screen, NBC Out, Teen Vogue, Shondaland, and Parents Magazine, among others, and their TED Talk, Why Kids Need to Learn About Gender and Sexuality, has been viewed almost 3 million times.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How Queer Kid Stuff evolved as a way to meet kids where they already were with “queer theory meets Mr. Rogers”Lindz’s practical and emotional advice for helping your kiddo navigate social mediaWhy Lindz is making parent and adult-focused content that helps them create affirming environments for their kidsWhy every human needs an education on gender and sexualityFind our more about Lindz Amer:
Queer Kid StuffActivist You PodcastRainbow Parenting PodcastInstagram: @lindzamerTwitter: @lindzamerTED Talk: Why Kids Need to Learn About Gender and SexualityPreorder Rainbow Parenting: Your Guide to Raising Queer Kids and Their AlliesSubscribe to the Queer Kid Stuff NewsletterFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
Coming out is an age old tradition for queer kids. Some even think of it as a right of passage.
But what we don’t really consider is how emotionally taxing it is for the person doing the coming out. What we don’t realize is that by even having this cultural set up, we’re creating a world where our kids are othered. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to come out and we could just be ourselves without having to explain our identity to anyone?
I realize that the world is far from this utopia I imagine. But it’s not as far away as we were when I was a kid. A world where they don’t have to come out, and just get to be is coming.
But that day is not today. And as you navigate the coming out process it is sure to bring up lots of questions. So to help us in this conversation, I’ve asked my good friend and co-counselor, Jess Guerriero to join us.
Jess Guerriero always wanted to be a Boy Scout and comes prepared as your guest counselor to journey through all of the adventures and self-discovery at Camp Wild Heart. Though afraid of the dark, they are not afraid to go to dark places with young people and their families to find some hope and reasons for staying alive. When not at Camp Wild Heart, they utilize their training in social work and their nerdy gender studies degree to help gender expansive youth and adults navigate exploring their identities and identifying ways to feel affirmed. They also bring their fierce and tender heart into parenting their five-year-old and loving on the various members of their relationship constellation. They come to Camp Wild Heart with almost 14 years of experience working with youth and families.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Questions for parents and kiddos to consider when deciding when, how, and to whom to come outHow well-meaning family members can unintentionally disrupt and stunt their relationshipsThe impact of your language and framing when making an announcement on behalf of your kiddoWhy parents need to set boundaries and expectations for family members’ questions about their kiddo’s transitionFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
Parenthood is a state of nonstop learning and adapting. I love being my kids' mom more than anything. And it's a good thing I like a challenge because it is also the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Parenting is hard for so many reasons - even when you’ve got a neurotypical, cisgender kid with no mental health issues. Parenting a neurospicy, gender expansive kid is a whole other level of challenging.
And being a parent shines a big bright light down on all of our own stuff. The lifetime of stuff we have been pushing into the dark corners to hide from the world and ourselves.
As parents, no matter how much we love our child, our own stuff comes up. It creeps in. It gets in the way of us being able to show up for our kids in the ways they need us to, and the ways we want to. We can be resentful of this, or we can see it for the gift of reflection that it is.
Today’s Camp Wild Heart guest is brave dad, David. David is the father of Jimmy, who is 17 at the time of this recording. David, his wife, and their whole family have been on this gender journey together now for six years, and they’ve experienced the growing pains lots of families feel when a child transitions. There is no one way to parent any child. David kindly shares with us some of the ways he, his wife, and Jimmy have written the playbook for their family, and some ways he’s had to grow as a dad in the process.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How David and his wife found community and understanding with other parents of trans kiddosThe impact of transition, from haircuts to top surgery, on Jimmy’s mental health and wellbeingHow David and Jimmy’s relationship has evolved and deepened over the course of his gender journeyFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
Have you ever had the experience where you open your mouth to speak, and the voice that comes out of your mouth is barely recognizable?
Or have you ever heard yourself on a recording and thought, “Whoa! Is that what I sound like?!”
These experiences aren’t exactly the same as the gender dysphoria many trans people experience in their lives, but they are as close as I can get to helping you connect to the feeling of vocal gender dysphoria.
So what do we do about it? How do we help a girl whose voice has dropped? Or a boy who is the only one of his friends whose voice hasn’t changed at all? Vocal Coaching.
Vocal coaching isn’t a quick fix. It takes diligence, time, practice and more practice to transition a voice. The traditional medical model of weekly visits with a Speech Language Pathologist can take up to three years to complete the transition.
So thank goodness there is more than one model to transition a voice. Today’s campfire guest is Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP. Nicole is white and uses she/they pronouns. They are the queer, trans founder and CEO of Undead Voice. Undead Voice is an online platform empowering and educating trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse folks to create a voice that aligns with their identity. Undead Voice's mission is to increase access to trans healthcare by making voice transition resources affordable, accessible, and affirming.
Nicole’s model for vocal transition is innovative, and creative - and does my favorite thing - creates community for those who participate.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Where the traditional model of voice transition falls shortWhy access, affordability, and community were Nicole’s main goals when developing Undead Voice LabWhy Nicole uses non-gendered language when talking about voices and voice goalsWhy they say it’s important for people to continue to be able to access their full vocal rangeHow the program addresses the emotional and mental components of voice transition to help people achieve their goalsFind out more about Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP:
Undead Voice LabTikTok: @undead.voiceInstagram: @undead.voiceUndead Voice Lab FAQsUndead Voice Lab Video QuestionnaireFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on Instagram -
It certainly isn’t the case for everyone, but for many parents, raising a transgender kiddo can feel like a pretty isolating experience.
Who do I talk to about it? Where do we find more information? What supports are even available to our family? What does any of it mean?
Finding other families can be very difficult. And there are so many factors that make it difficult. Where you live is usually a big one. There are certain parts of the country that have more resources and support than others. But even in those communities, it can still be hard to find what you need. Another big barrier to finding support is the age of your child.
When kids come out early (like before puberty) it often leaves parents with a “well what do we do with this? We don’t need medical interventions. I’m not even sure my kid needs therapy. I just want them to feel like they aren’t the only one.”
The truth is, most of the resources that exist in the US are resources that focus on teens and adults. Finding social support for younger kids can feel very challenging.
That’s why sometimes, parents end up taking it into their own hands. That’s exactly what our campfire guest, Shannon Collins, did for their kiddo.
Shannon is a white, nonbinary, queer person who uses they/them pronouns. They partnered with their local library to start an online group for young trans and gender expansive kids. And they’ve worked with a number of business owners to donate time and resources to create a breathtaking photography project called Youthphoria, that offers free photography sessions for trans, nonbinary, and gender expansive youth in the Philadelphia area.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Why it was important to Shannon to partner with a library on Rainbow ConnectionsSteps they take to make the Rainbow Connections online community welcoming and accessible for a range of kidsHow the pandemic shifted Shannon’s journey of learning to take up space and claim labelsHow Shannon’s experience in the wedding industry influences how they talk about gender at homeThe common overlap of trans and nonbinary identities and neurodivergenceFind out more about Shannon Collins:
Shannon Collins PhotographyAbington Free LibraryYouthphoriaFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
FANTI: No Cis-sies Allowed (ft. Da’Shaun Harrison)Loop EarplugsCalmer® EarplugsSelf-Diagnosis-Friendly Resources and Communities, University of WashingtonUnmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, Devon PriceFrom Self-Diagnosis to Self-Realization | by Devon Price | Medium -
When kids come out as trans, there is often, but not always, a progression to it.
It is not at all uncommon for kids–particularly adolescents–to start with coming out as gay, and then progress into a non-binary identity, and then to a re-binary identity.
But not everyone takes that route. And a lot of kids and adults discover the concept of non-binary or something similar and go, “Yes! This is me - finally.”
There are so many labels in the gender universe, and because it is continuously evolving, it makes continuous learners out of all of us.
My hope is that as people hear more gender journey stories like today’s guest’s, an awareness will be built and that more and more people will feel confident going on a journey of gender exploration.
Today’s campfire conversation is with Jeffrey Marsh. Jeffrey is a viral TikTok and Instagram star, nonbinary activist, and LGBTQ keynote speaker. Jeffrey was the first nonbinary public figure to appear on national television, being interviewed on Newsmax in 2016, and Jeffrey was the first celebrity activist to use they/them pronouns. Jeffrey’s #1 bestseller, ‘How to Be You,’ was the first nonbinary memoir. And Jeffrey is the first nonbinary author to sign a book deal with any “Big 5” publisher worldwide, for Penguin Random House. Jeffrey Marsh’s TikToks and compassionate short-form videos have over one billion views.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Jeffrey’s perspective on self-kindness and self-love as a lifelong relationshipThe role parents play in helping their kids with the realities of being LGBTQ+ in the worldWhy you can’t, and shouldn’t, shield your kiddos from everythingHow non-binary identity creates a dialogueFind out more about Jeffrey Marsh:
JeffreyMarsh.comInstagram: @theJeffreyMarshTikTok: @theJeffreyMarshHow to Be You: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your LifeFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Guanyin - Wikipedia -
Dysphoria is a word that gets thrown around a lot in the trans community.
Dysphoria is an intense discomfort, distress, or unease that typically has to do with one of three aspects of gender identity: physical, social, or mental.
Dysphoria is NOT a qualifier for being trans.There are plenty of trans people who don’t experience dysphoria.
But since it is very common, we thought it would be worth telling you about how and when it shows up, what it feels like, and how you can support your kids through it.
To help me with this conversation, I’ve brought in my good friend and colleague at Wild Heart Society, Karen Kopulos.
Karen is white and uses they/them pronouns. Their work focuses primarily on trans and queer youth and their families and they have been doing this work in various forms for more than a decade. Clients rave about Karen’s ability to meet kids and parents right where they’re at, without judgment and gently moving them forward.
Karen hails from Ohio and moved to Portland after college, where they’ve found love, happiness, and a community of support. When they aren’t working, they’re spending time with their partner, playing with their dog, or immersing themselves in nature.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
Common environments that may trigger dysphoriaHow physical dysphoria may show up for AFAB kids as they growHow allowing kids to transition gives them the freedom to explore their gender expressionWhy AMAB kids may develop mental and physical dysphoria earlier and require medical interventions soonerDifferent ways to approach bottom dysphoria for both AFAB and AMAB kidsFind out more about Karen Kopulos, LMHC:
Wildheartsociety.orgFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
Binders - https://www.gc2b.co/Binder Safety FAQA Queer Owned Sex Shop with a wide range of gender expression options https://www.sheboptheshop.com/gender-expression/Clothes, binders, swimwear - tomboyx.comClothes, swimwear - dapperboi.comClothes and swimwear for trans girls - https://rubyshines.com/Masturbation Sleeve for trans boys, and other affirming products - https://www.ftmessentials.com/products/shotpocketCustom Suits for Trans Bodies - https://www.bindleandkeep.com/ -
Sometimes we look around, or turn on the news, and it feels like we’re just being pummeled with injustices and it can feel overwhelming.
Maybe you’ve already been fighting social biases based on race, income, or ability - and now here comes this kid that you love more than life, and they’re thrusting you into a whole new world of oppression that you probably didn’t even know existed.
I think that advocacy and inclusion work as a parent of a trans kid is almost inevitable. You’re going to find yourself in positions to educate and advocate over and over and over and over again. Some parents find this to be overwhelming, others find it empowering, and love being able to find their voice as they fight for their child’s rights.
I don’t think any parent recognizes that this is going to be part of their parenting journey until they’re facing discrimination head on. They didn’t know that the people they might have to push back against are their friends, family members, and colleagues. And sometimes they can get resentful of how their child doesn’t have the same privileges they thought they did, and how their lack of gender privilege also spills onto them.
Today’s campfire guest is a therapist, social justice advocate, racial equity trainer, small business owner and overall badass, Martha Stebbins. Martha owns Mente Counseling and Consulting in Seattle Washington. She is bilingual/bicultural and her pronouns are she/ella.
Martha is incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to working with little kids and trauma, and she also has a wealth of knowledge and experience in helping families of color navigate mental health and social injustice.
Check out the full episode to hear about:
How intersectionality interacts with our implicit calculations of danger and safetyHow intersectionality is impacted by both self-identification and external perceptions and interactionsWhy oppressive forces and intersectionality matter for everyone, even if we hold privilegeHow parents can approach their trans kiddos’ intersecting identities with openness and curiosityFind out more about Martha Stebbins-Aguiniga:
Mente Counseling and ConsultingFind out more about Mackenzie Dunham:
Wildheartsociety.orgwildheartsociety.org/downloadsWild Heart Society on FacebookWild Heart Society on InstagramResources:
The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together, Heather McGheeLGBTQ Students Face Unfair School Discipline, Pushing Many Out of School | GLSENStudy: Black Girls Are Being Pushed Out of School : Code Switch : NPRA Battle for the Souls of Black Girls - Näytä enemmän
