Episodit
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If youâve ever dealt with a toxic person online or in real life, this episode is for you.
Josh breaks down a recent Facebook interaction that perfectly illustrates the exhausting tactics toxic people use to wear you down â from word salads to projection, reactive abuse, triangulation, moral superiority, and weaponised vulnerability.
Youâll learn:
Why youâll never âwinâ against a toxic personHow they twist your words, deny reality, and drag you into chaosThe difference between true vulnerability and manipulative victimhoodHow these same toxic tactics show up in cult-like communities and spiritual spacesWhy gray rocking might be the only sane responseItâs raw, honest, a bit messy â and definitely dysfunctional.
Whether youâre healing from family dysfunction, dealing with online trolls, or navigating toxic dynamics in your life, this one will help you feel a little less crazy.
00:00 Introduction to Toxic Relationships
00:57 Personal Anecdote: The Persistent Commenter
04:32 The Facebook Confrontation
07:59 Understanding Reactive Abuse
17:17 The DAVO Tactic Explained
20:01 Confrontation and Gaslighting
22:22 Understanding Word Salad
23:45 Triangulation in Toxic Relationships
25:22 Weaponized Vulnerability
29:26 Moral Superiority and Cult-like Behavior
36:45 Personal Reflections and Community Building
40:55 Final Thoughts and Podcast Wrap-up
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What really happens when you cut ties with your own family?
In this episode, Iâm joined by psychologist and author Karl Melvin, whose book Navigating Family Estrangement has been a lifeline for people trying to break free from toxic family systems. Together, we dive into the misunderstood world of family estrangement â exploring the deep grief, the guilt, the gaslighting, and the complex layers of going no contact.
We talk about:
Why estrangement is sometimes the healthiest choiceHow society often sides with the abuserThe pressure to forgive, reconcile, and âjust move onâWhat healing can actually look like on the other sideWhether youâve cut contact, are considering it, or are struggling to stay away, this conversation will help you feel seen, validated, and a little less alone.
Karl Melvin is an IACP (Irish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists) accredited psychotherapist with an MA in Counselling and Psychotherapy. He has spent 14 years working with estranged adults of different perspectives, including adult sons and daughters, siblings and parents. He has spent several years training professionals on his own approach to understanding the complex reality of family estrangement in contemporary society and how to support clients through the various psychological, relational, and social challenges they face.
He has published one paper in the Family Journal, entitled The Changing Impact and Challenges of Familial Estrangement, and his first book, Navigating Family Estrangement, published by Routledge, is a practical guide for professionals and estranged adults and is available from all book sellers now.
Link to Book (There's sale on at the mo):
https://www.routledge.com/Navigating-Family-Estrangement-Helping-Adults-Understand-and-Manage-the-Challenges-of-Family-Estrangement/Melvin/p/book/9781032423067
Link to Workshop on Jun 5th (8 things everyone needs to know about family estrangement):
https://www.therapyacademy.ie/details/webinar/1673
Socials:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/karl-melvin-psychotherapist-ma-miacp-2a29679/
https://www.instagram.com/karl.melvin/
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Puuttuva jakso?
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In this deeply personal and vulnerable episode, Josh Connolly shares his journey to 13 years of sobriety. But this isnât just a story about putting down the drink. Itâs a story of survival, chaos, pain, and ultimately transformation.
Josh opens up about his early experiences with cannabis at age 12, the spiral into alcohol and hard drugs, and the chaos that followed â from blackouts and self-destruction to brushes with death. He recounts traumatic events, addiction-fueled madness, and his darkest moments, where the idea of escape felt like the only way out.
But this episode is more than just a retelling of a troubled past. Itâs about healing. Josh reflects on how sobriety didnât fix everything overnight, how emotional wounds ran deeper than the addiction itself, and how he learned to live with â and eventually love â himself.
Whether youâre struggling with addiction, supporting someone who is, or just curious about the raw reality of sobriety beyond the social media highlight reel, this episode is a must-listen.
đč Topics Covered:
The raw reality of addiction â beyond the social media facade.The love affair with substances and the chaos that followed.The turning point â from suicidal despair to a life of service.The truth about sobriety â why itâs more than just quitting.Joshâs ongoing journey â the challenges and the gifts of 13 years sober.Listen now to hear the story behind the resilience.
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In the very first guest episode of Dysfunctional, Iâm joined by writer and embodiment coach Leona Waller â and we go all in on the toxic side of self-improvement culture.
We explore how the wellness and personal development world can subtly (and not-so-subtly) feed the same control, shame and conformity that many of us grew up with. We talk about embodiment as an antidote â not the trendy version, but the real, messy, human kind. The kind that gets you out of your head, back into your body, and into a life that actually feels like yours.
We also dig into:
â Why gratitude lists can actually make things worse
â How capitalism hijacked healing
â Why being âzenâ isnât always the answer
â The problem with trying to meditate your trauma away
â And how embodiment can help you feel less crazy and more you
Leona Waller is a writer and facilitator helping people trust their own bodies and emotions more than Instagram wellness influencers. Sheâs the co-creator of The Body Knows, a newsletter and community using somatics and embodiment to help people stop optimizing life and start living it. With a background in neuroscience and emotional psychology, she creates spaces where people shed the shoulds and come home â to the power and joy that are their birthright.
Follow Leonaâs work here:
đ The Body Knows on Substack
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Subscribe to Dysfunctional for raw, unfiltered conversations about healing, systems, and seeing clearly â because if you grew up in dysfunction, chances are, youâre still surrounded by it.
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Back from the bank holiday chaos with a so-called âbite-sizedâ episode (spoiler: itâs not). Iâm checking in after a couple of messy, kid-mode weeksâreflecting on how quickly I spiral into my childlike state and how the lows still hit me hard, even after all these years.
Then Iâm answering some of your deep, messy, crunchy questions. Everything from âIs it ever okay to yell at a toxic parent?â to âDo narcissists know what theyâre doing?â to âWhy does the wellness industry feel so f*cking toxic?â
I also share where this podcast is going: weâre pulling the curtain back on toxic and dysfunctional systems, family, society, politics, wellness culture, the lot. If youâve got guest ideas, I want them.
This oneâs raw, honest, a bit sweary, and definitely dysfunctional.
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You canât co-parent with a toxic person and itâs time we said that out loud.
In this episode, Iâm naming what so many people live through in silence: post-separation abuse, control through communication, smear campaigns, financial manipulation, and the emotional destruction caused by toxic exes who weaponise the system.
I start by reading a real-life UK court case where a mother was forced to promote contact with her abusive ex, despite proven findings of sexual and domestic abuse. From there, I dive deep into what it actually looks like to parent alongside someone who uses your child as a pawn to keep control of your life.
If you're in it youâre not crazy. You're not alone. And no, itâs not âjust a difficult co-parenting situation.â Itâs abuse.
Iâll talk you through the signs, the tactics they use, and most importantly: what you can do about it. From the myth of co-parenting to parallel parenting and grey rocking this one is for every parent still trying to find peace in the chaos.
Parenting communication tool mentioned in the episode - https://www.neutrily.com/
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Alright, here we go... In this episode, Iâm diving into what I believe might just be the most important conversation we need to be having right now...how do we actually change the system?
I talk about how weâre all living in a society that mirrors the same abusive dynamics so many of us grew up with in our families. Weâre divided, disconnected, and constantly fighting each other which just helps those in power stay exactly where they are.
This oneâs about community. Real community. Not the online echo chambers where everyone has to agree to belong , Iâm talking about old school, village-style connection, where we come together because weâre different, not in spite of it.
I unpack how we ended up so fragmented, why disagreement shouldnât mean disconnection, and why true change will never happen if we keep shouting sideways instead of looking up.
Itâs not a polished TED Talk but it's me, raw and thinking out loud. Crunchy in places. Sweary in others. But hopefully, real enough to get us thinking.
Letâs start a revolution. Together.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Theme
00:45 The Family System and Society
02:08 Community as a Solution
05:37 The Evolution of Community
12:50 Challenges in Modern Communities
22:16 The Power Imbalance in Society
31:16 Call to Action: Rebuilding Community
36:48 Conclusion and Future Plans
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In this 20th episode of Dysfunctional, Iâm going in on everything thatâs wrong with modern-day spirituality.
This isnât an anti-spiritual rant â I have a deep spiritual life myself â but Iâm calling out what I see far too often: bypassing disguised as healing, whitewashed practices stripped of their roots, and a new wave of spiritual dogma that looks more like performance than truth.
Weâll talk about the misuse of words like âAhoâ and âNamaste,â the pressure to forgive even when itâs harmful, and how healing spaces are starting to feel more like exclusive clubs than grounded communities.
And most importantly, Iâll share what I believe true spirituality actually is â messy, embodied, honest, and deeply human.
If youâve ever felt like you didnât belong in modern spiritual spaces, this episode might explain why.
Letâs pull it apart together.
00:00 Introduction and Future Plans
01:03 Diving into New Age Spirituality
05:08 Spiritual Bypassing and Emotional Complexity
13:41 Cultural Appropriation in Spiritual Practices
26:56 Toxic Positivity and Dogma in Spirituality
31:01 Defining True Spirituality
34:29 Final Reflections and Call to Action
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Not my longest podcast ever but boy do I go in! I am passionate about this and challenging the abusive system is my main passion from now on
Tackling Systemic Issues: Conversations on Economic Inequality and Mental Health
In this episode, Josh Connolly dives deep into systemic issues, focusing on economic inequality, mental health, and societal structures. He reflects on Gary Stevenson's insights from the 'Steven Bartlett Podcast,' discussing how the system is rigged against the working class and the role of socioeconomic factors in mental health challenges. Josh also critiques the notion that individual effort alone can overcome systemic barriers and emphasizes the need for collective action and structural change. He underscores the importance of community, political awareness, and collective healing in challenging and potentially transforming the system.
00:00 Introduction and Purpose of the Podcast
00:26 Gary Stevenson and Economic Inequality
02:15 Mental Health and Systemic Issues
05:59 The Role of Power and Systemic Gaslighting
09:36 Critique of Individualistic Solutions
15:17 Simon Squibb's Reaction and Systemic Abuse
19:39 Economic Inequality and Hard Work
20:33 Challenging the Broken System
22:04 Historical Examples of Overcoming Oppression
26:25 The Role of Community in Healing
30:08 Systemic Gaslighting and Its Impact
32:24 Using Platforms for Change
35:38 Final Thoughts on Rebellion and Change
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Diving into your questions on toxic parents and dysfunctional relationships. Here is what AI thought -
In this bite-sized episode of Dysfunctional, Josh Connolly tackles listener questions about dealing with toxic parents, finding emotional independence, and navigating complex family dynamics. Josh offers practical advice on embracing one's true self, handling smear campaigns, and the challenges of caring for abusive parents. He also touches upon the difficulties of gratitude and finding personal worth. Tune in for an insightful discussion on healing from a dysfunctional childhood while maintaining personal boundaries and integrity.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:39 Upcoming Busy Week
01:52 Answering Listener Questions
02:20 Emotional Independence from Toxic Parents
05:10 Compassion vs. Consequence
08:20 Suppressing True Self in Relationships
14:31 Unconditional Love and Self-Worth
16:38 Caring for Abusive Parents
19:00 Struggles with Gratitude
21:18 Exposing Abusive Parents
24:09 Being the Only One Who Sees the Truth
27:27 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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I am highly sensitive person so this subject is definitely a passion one for me. I get into in this episode and y passion clearly shines through.
Here is what ai thought -
The Strength and Struggle of Highly Sensitive People | Episode 17
In this episode, Josh Connolly dives deeply into the topic of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and the unique traits and challenges they face. He shares his personal experiences and beliefs about the genetic and environmental factors that contribute to high sensitivity. Josh also talks about the distinction between sensitivity and being labeled 'disordered' by society. With reflections on the strengths of HSPs, like deep empathy and heightened intuition, and the cons, such as overstimulation and emotional exhaustion, this episode provides valuable insights. Additionally, Josh touches on how learning breathwork and setting boundaries can help HSPs manage their sensitivity. He addresses listener questions about complex feelings towards toxic family members and gives advice on trusting one's own emotions.
00:00 Introduction and Recording Setup
00:42 Discussing Highly Sensitive People
01:45 Deep Breathing Exercise
03:35 The Importance of Community
03:56 Exploring Sensitivity and Trauma
09:07 Personal Experiences with Sensitivity
16:57 Understanding Sensory Processing Sensitivity
26:40 Taking Responsibility for Your Emotions
26:53 Biological Basis of Sensitivity
27:23 Sensitivity in Animals and Evolution
28:58 Modern Society and Sensitivity
31:02 Pros and Cons of High Sensitivity
34:56 Understanding Empaths and Boundaries
38:20 Breathwork and Somatic Practices
44:05 Summary and Personal Reflections
45:49 Addressing Audience Questions
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After a post online about enabling therapists sparked some really powerful conversations, I had to take the opportunity to do a deep dive into therapy as we know it. Hold onto your hats because this one gets crunchy.
Here is what AI made of it all -
The Complex World of Therapy: Pros, Cons, and My Personal Journey
In this episode, Josh Connolly explores the intricate topic of therapy, inspired by a recent post he shared on social media. Josh discusses his own experiences with therapy, including both positive breakthroughs and negative encounters. He delves into the different types of therapy, such as IFS and CBT, and offers a brief history of one-on-one therapy, citing figures like Freud and Carl Rogers. He also tackles the notion that some therapists may be unhealed, abusive, or driven by inappropriate incentives like money. Josh emphasizes the need for open conversations about the complex dynamics of therapy, regulation challenges, and the importance of finding the right therapist for each individual. Ultimately, he urges viewers to be careful, thoughtful, and empowered in their approach to seeking and participating in therapy.
00:00 Introduction and Recording Assurance
01:04 Today's Topic: Therapy
02:02 Personal Experiences with Therapy
07:05 History and Evolution of Therapy
09:33 Concerns and Criticisms of Therapy
18:25 Therapist Misconduct and Abuse
25:29 Regulation and Credentialism in Therapy
39:27 Final Thoughts and Summary
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This episode is a deep dive into gaslighting, its origins, whether it is overused and why it is such an awful form of abuse. Here is what AI makes of it -
In this episode, Josh Connolly discusses the concept of gaslighting, exploring its history, origins from a 1938 play, and its use in abusive relationships. He emphasises the importance of recognizing and understanding gaslighting, detailing its characteristics and impact on victims, particularly in toxic family dynamics. Josh also shares personal updates, including the launch of his online program Deeper you, upcoming breathwork sessions, and his book release in the United States. He provides practical advice for those experiencing gaslighting, encouraging them to trust their bodies and seek support.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Updates
00:40 Launching Deeper you and Upcoming Events
01:06 Introduction to Gaslighting
03:51 Origins of the Term 'Gaslighting'
05:34 Gaslighting Tactics and Effects
13:59 Recognizing and Responding to Gaslighting
27:32 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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I sat down and shared my experience of the a historic moment for children of alcoholics everywhere!
Hereâs what AI makes of it -
Walking for Change: A 92-Mile Journey to Downing Street
Join Josh Connolly as he recounts his incredible three-day journey, walking 92 miles with over 215,000 steps to raise awareness for children affected by parental alcoholism. Starting from his home and culminating at 10 Downing Street, Josh shares the physical and emotional challenges he faced, the inspiration behind the walk, and the overwhelming support he received. He also highlights the pivotal moments, such as meeting policy advisors and gaining media attention, that made this more than just a walk. This episode isn't just about the steps taken, but the strides made towards real change and supporting those who need it most.
00:00 Introduction and Overview of the Walk
01:05 Returning Home and Recovery
03:15 The Idea and Planning Phase
08:24 The Start of the Journey
13:46 Challenges and Realizations
22:30 Struggling Through the Pain
22:56 Reaching Windsor and the Nacoa Social
24:44 The Final Day: Pushing to Parliament
26:54 Entering Downing Street
30:30 Meeting the Policy Advisors
34:23 Reflecting on the Journey
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It is coaweek - a week to raise awareness for children of alcoholics and as a proud ambassador for Nacoa I am shouting about it all week. This episode I dive into 21 traits of a child of an alcoholic.
You can find Nacoa here - Nacoa.org.uk
To Sponser me go here - https://www.justgiving.com/page/josh-connolly-2
And for deeper you it is here - https://www.joshconnolly.co.uk/deeper-you
Here is what AI makes of it all -
Back from Illness: Raising Awareness for Children of Alcoholics
In this episode, Josh Connolly returns after recovering from a week-and-a-half-long illness. He begins with an apology for missing last week's podcast and announces changes to the podcast cover picture for future episodes. Josh also talks about the upcoming American release of his book 'It's Them, Not You: How to Break Free from Toxic Parents and Reclaim Your Story' and his online program DeeperU, aimed at fostering joy and reconnecting with one's inner child. He dedicates this week's podcast to Children of Alcoholics Week, sharing his long-standing involvement with NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics) and raising awareness about the lack of specific governmental support for these children. Josh discusses his planned 93-mile walk from Wiltshire to London, delivering a letter to 10 Downing Street, and attending a Parliamentary meeting to advocate for change. Highlighting 21 traits common among children with alcoholic parents, Josh emphasizes the need for specialized support and recounts personal experiences and emotional challenges faced throughout his life. He concludes with a call to action for better resources and support for children affected by parental drinking.
00:00 Introduction and Apology
01:18 Podcast Picture Change
02:37 Book Release Announcement
03:01 DeeperU Program Launch
03:19 Children of Alcoholics Week
03:40 Walking to Raise Awareness
04:00 Government's Lack of Support
06:30 Traits of Children of Alcoholics
12:08 Hypervigilance and Trust Issues
15:12 People Pleasing and Fear of Abandonment
19:40 Perfectionism and Intimacy Issues
34:41 Control Issues and Hyper Independence
36:27 Caretaking and Emotional Challenges
39:07 Conclusion and Call to Action
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My daughter is off school sick, so we are coming from my living room with little planning time so I used it to answer a bunch of your questions and there was some deep ones! There's also a bit of insight into my scattered mind and even stop to take some breaths at some point. Here is what AI made of it all -
In this episode of 'Dysfunctional,' Josh Connolly addresses common questions about growing up with toxic parents, the impacts of emotional abuse, and the complexities of estrangement. Filmed from his living room due to personal circumstances, Josh offers insights into dealing with self-hatred, the need to earn love, being the family scapegoat, and the concept of living grief. He also discusses practical steps to avoid becoming like a toxic parent by focusing on accountability. Join Josh as he candidly shares his thoughts and provides heartfelt advice for those navigating their own dysfunctional family dynamics.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Setup
01:22 Answering Listener Questions on Toxic Parents
03:02 Understanding Toxic Parental Behavior
07:00 Dealing with Conditional Love and Manipulation
09:56 Coping with Emotional Abuse and Self-Doubt
19:53 Living Grief and Going No Contact
30:38 Final Thoughts and Conclusion
#toxicparents
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This one was a tricky one to tackle and I could feel my anxiety throughout the episode which means it was a needed conversation. Buckle up for this one, because you might not agree with a lot of my points! Here is what AI thought about it -
Are We Talking About Mental Health Too Much? - Exploring the Overwhelm and Societal Impact
In Episode 11, host Josh Connolly delves into the controversial question: Are we discussing mental health too excessively? Josh shares his personal experiences with overwhelm, anxiety, and hypervigilance. He also highlights the rise in self-diagnosis and the potential pitfalls of over-medicalizing everyday emotional struggles. The discussion touches on societal factors, the influence of pharmaceutical companies, and the importance of resilience. Josh emphasizes the need to balance emotional awareness with practical life strategies while questioning how current systems handle mental health and children's needs.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Kickoff
00:41 Personal Overwhelm and Anxiety
02:13 Hyperawareness and Internal Reflection
05:52 Critique of Social Media and Generational Bullying
11:01 Tony Blair's View on Mental Health
31:41 The Rise of Self-Diagnosis
35:17 Arguments For and Against Pathologizing Mental Health
46:46 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
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As I hit the 10th episode, I have decided to go out of mine and your comfort zone even more. No more playing safe. I look at what's happening culturally with DEI and peoples hysteria around misinformation before a deeeeep chat on scapegoats. Here is what AI thought of it all -
Embracing Uncomfortable Conversations:
In the milestone 10th episode of the 'Dysfunctional' podcast, host Josh Connolly reflects on his journey so far, revealing his desire to tackle more challenging and controversial topics. He discusses his views on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DE&I) initiatives scaling back in major corporations, the role of hysteria in society, and the importance of allowing open dialogue about diverse opinions. Josh underscores the significance of scapegoats in fostering societal change and delves deeply into the dynamics of power structures, both in family and societal contexts. The episode aims to encourage critical thinking and honest conversations around complex issues, urging listeners to continuously seek the truth, even when it means stepping out of their comfort zones.
00:00 Celebrating Episode 10: A New Direction
02:28 Diving into DE&I: What's Happening?
07:35 The Problem with Censorship and Misinformation
22:26 The Role of Scapegoats in Society
24:36 Understanding Power Dynamics and Abuse
44:19 Historical Scapegoats: Lessons from the Past
48:04 Final Thoughts and Reflections
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I have wanted to do a bit of a deep dive into forgiveness for a long time and so I am glad to be able to get to do it today. I have some strong opinions on this and having done a little bit of research, my opinions have only got stronger. If you feel like forgiveness is unfairly pushed on you, this one is for you. Here is what AI thinks about it all.
Navigating Forgiveness: Exploring Accountability, Family Dynamics, and Toxic Relationships
In this episode, Josh Connolly dives deep into the complexities of navigating forgiveness, particularly within the context of toxic and abusive relationships. He discusses the unavoidable level of performance in content creation, the influence of social media, and the impact of negative comments on mental health. Josh also engages in a heated exchange with a commenter, exploring the generational differences in attitudes towards family dynamics. He stresses the importance of self-forgiveness, the historical roots and evolution of forgiveness, and highlights the need for accountability over forced forgiveness, especially in the context of parental abuse.
00:00 Introduction and Setting the Mood
01:22 Navigating Online Interactions and Trolls
03:05 Engaging with Toxic Comments
14:37 The Concept of Forgiveness
18:19 Historical Perspectives on Forgiveness
20:43 Forgiveness in Religious Contexts
30:46 The Complexity of Forgiveness in Abuse
36:32 Final Thoughts on Forgiveness and Accountability
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In this episode I list the 5 things I would change if I could wave a magic wand as we head into 2025. I also answer a couple of questions on toxic parents.
Here's what AI thinks about it -
In the final podcast of 2024, Josh Connolly begins with a calming breathwork exercise to address technical difficulties and set the tone. He reflects on the significance of community, especially how it has deteriorated over the years due to the loss of key social structures like pubs, community centers, and religious gatherings. Josh underscores the crucial role that emotionally available adults play in the healthy development of children. He delves into the over pathologization of mental health struggles, emphasizing the need to address social and systemic issues rather than just individualizing problems. Curiosity is championed over absolutes, advocating for open-mindedness and discussion in today's polarized world. Josh also stresses the importance of prioritizing children in societal decisions and highlights how accountability is essential for individual and communal healing. The episode concludes with Josh answering listener questions about handling contact with toxic parents and the use of terms like 'toxic' and 'narcissist.'
00:00 Introduction and Breathing Exercise
01:25 Understanding the Nervous System and Thoughts
06:10 The Importance of Community
18:32 Over-Pathologization of Struggles
24:34 Promoting Curiosity Over Absolutes
30:21 Prioritizing Children in Society
32:34 Promoting Accountability and Addressing Dysfunction
36:17 Q&A: Navigating Toxic Relationships
42:17 Conclusion and Future Plans
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- Näytä enemmän
