Episodit
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This episode is said to be our season finale (allegedly) and Shireen is flying solo without Charles. She is happily joined by one of her best friends, content creator, free diving mermaid and travel aficionado Rene Daniella, known on social media as @ownbyfemme. Shireen gives her guest her flowers, complimenting how intentional Rene is about posting on social media. Rene takes us through her journey to becoming an influencer. She studied broadcast journalism and was working for a PR firm in NYC. She did a shoot that she felt self conscious about but it was during a time when natural/curly hair was a thing, so it picked up traction (1:23-8:01). Fast forward to Rene living in Paris during grad school. She gave herself a year; if she couldn't build up a significant enough following and brand partnerships to stay afloat, she would go back to NYC. Rene mentions how the support of her family/parents really helpd get her through some struggle times in her 20s. Maxing out credit cards and borrowing from her parents helped her get the start she needed. The foundation she had is one that she is immensely grateful for. After returning to NY Rene made friends with more Black travel content creators and she was off to the races. She was hired to host a travel series for YouTube and moved to Colombia for 6mo. That's when she knew she could do it full time in the states (14:54-20:06). Rene says blind faith is really what has propelled her forward in the content space. At the root of all her desires is freedom to travel. Shireen asks about failures vs successes and Rene mentions the ups and downs since 2020. The pandemic halted most of her travel plans so she wound up staying in the UK with her parents for many months. Rene recalls not having as many deals during that time but once they picked up, she was able to buy a house in 2022. She takes pride in being able to afford the lifestyle she dreamed about, all from her earnings from brand partnerships on social media. People are fnally starting to see how lucrative it is to curate branded content that way(21:14-29:08). Rene is fulfilled by the community she's created online and shares that keeping up with people online through shared interests is a talent in itself. Shireen then shifts the convo to home ownership and the woes of draining your resources. Rene mentions how Rocket Money(not an ad) has helped her manage her budget better, so that there is less frivolous spending. She shared how 2023 she was on a weight loss journey, so the content focus was on that and home decor. How you feel about yourself, your body, being in front of the camera impacts how you share content. Rene's secret to success appears to be blind faith, personal deadlines and pushing through insecurities to find something creative to get passionate about. Social media is a culmination of everyone's wins, but rarely do any come without a bunch of unseen losses. She's an expert at capturing "the moment" and then putting her phone away to actually enjoy it. We could all take some notes on that! (32:03-40:19)
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After giving Shireen more flowers this week, the Kuykendolls are joined by one of their favorites, Scottie Beam. Charles recalls meeting Scottie at his first Revolt event in Chicago and knowing immediately that she was a star. Shireen remembered watching Scottie at ComplexCon, realizing how much she makes Black women and men feel seen. Scottie acknowledges everyone, always says hello, always stops to take pictures. Charles asks how she became an influencer. Humbly, Scottie shares how she got her start on the Hot97 street team in NYC and worked her way up to digital producer, taking what she learned from creating awareness on the street to the internet. They all joke about their AIM names and MySpace. Some men peaked as athletes in high school and never let it go, so their highlights ended up online (1:46-11:21). Scottie says she likes a nerd, a smart man that doesn't have to be "universally fine", just fine for her, and that always surprises dudes. Somehow they land on deodorant and soaps, claiming that the 3 in 1 and 5 in 1 soaps don't count (Head&Shoulders is NOT body wash). Getting back to her industry start, Scottie shares how working with Angie Martinez and learning social media taught her about content for her audience. She began posting more images of herself. Scottie's mother always told her to document everything; even if you're uncomfortbale in your body, post it as a reminder of your growth. Shireen has a hard time consistently posting as well because she feels like more of a consumer than a content creator (12:02-19:24). Scottie says she tried multiple things before landing in the content space as a creator; Interning at labels, working in retail. Taking the content/talk space by storm has been grat, and Scottie says she knows when to leave and when things don't serve her anymore. Charles asks how she trusts her gut and she replies that when she left Hot97 to focus fully on digital content, she knew her passion would elevate her. The purpose is louder than the look! She had stopped hosting once she was clinically diagnosed with dyslexia. She was overthinking everything, including her confidence. Coupled with the isolation of Covid, fear got overwhelming. Scottie admits that she's afraid she won't make her loved ones proud, that she's very hard on herself but she's learning more and more to trust God (21:08-31:13). The convo shifts to Charles and his need to feel in control of things. Shireen has patience but also gets frustrated when she feels Charles doesn't trust her work ethic. He claims his biggest fear is being disappointed, and Scottie asks for how long? Eventually Charles digresses and listens to the ladies point out how much Shireen does for their family and some of the efforts that go unseen. Women always get it done, especially without a hand clap. Charles has always said he couldn't do half as much in his life or achieve his amount of success without Shireen, but it helps to hear it out loud from friends as well. Scottie goes on to give Charles his flowers about how well he moves in the industry; always keeping his wife next to him, never letting any other women(friends or colleagues) get too familiar without also getting to know Shireen. "If you like me, you'd love my wife" energy. Real friends loving on each other this episode! (33:36-47:43)
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Puuttuva jakso?
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This week the Kuykendolls dive into making a decision about having baby girl Beloved. Charles recalls the first episode ever being about the vasectomy and now 15 months later they're preparing to go through the process of IVF. Shireen says that he revealed he really wanted a little girl during her 37 week ultrasound while pregnant with Carter and she thought he was joking. Now that Carter is almost 2 and Shireen's snapback is crazy, Charles thinks its time for them to do the egg retrieval. Shireen says she was intentional about her prayers and there was never a prayer for baby #3. Charles remembers still wanting to be outside and travel when CJ was born but now he loves being at home. Shireen is now traveling more and Charles jokes that he's gotta get her pregnant to keep her from going on all these girls trips!(1:02-8:57). Charles says if he had his way, there would be a 5yr gap between kids, Shireen says they should've started younger. Shireen doesn't want to wait longer becuase she's already loving the freedom she's getting as Carter grows, she's not gonna want to give it up. CJ is perfectly content with his little brother, he thinks 2 kids is enough. Shireen explans the egg retrieval process; injections 10-12 days, doctors visits etc. and said she needed Charles to be present to help her. Charles doesn't believe in needles, apparently, so she was on her own. Both have agreed they're only going through all this for a baby girl. So once fertilized, if the embryos turned out to be all boys, they've agreed not to do another round of egg retrievals(9:09-19:34). Charles recaps his sperm retrieval experience; from the buzzing lights to the turn dial tv to the magazines. Shireen shares the hurdle that is fibroids, and wasn't sure if she would be able to carry. She suggested a surrogate, and Charles said he was down as long as she follows his set of rules, its giving princess/prisoner. Charles recalls Shireen locking in on her health during pregnancy so the bar is high. Shireen said the exam on her uterus was painful but the doctor cleared her to carry. Baby shower for a surrogate? They did a gender reveal for CJ and Carter, so the same will stand for baby girl. Adoption is also not off the table as a last resort, and would be an option for Shireen into her 40s. She shares that pregnancy was not easy for her, as beautiful a feeling as it was, it was rough both times. Despite how physically and emotionally taxing, Shireen loves Charles and having baby girl Beloved will be her love letter to him(22:13-37:08).
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Barely-making-it Beloved is fresh off of a flight to join Shireen and their guest, occupational therapist, Shardia Washington. Her intro defines what her exact medical title means as they discuss the very touchy topic of children. Identifying developmental hurdles as a parent can be tough. Shireen shares that their second son Carter was a little delayed in his ability to stand and walk as a 1 year old, and being familiar with CJ's growth (he was slightly late and lazy), she knew that Carter would need the same if not more grace(1:52-5:05). Milestones are not definitive; Shardia explains that having an idea of where kids should be is fine, but the shame and guilt about something possibly being "wrong" shouldn't keep you from getting an assessment. She says that being a clinician, she can't help but always be transparent with parents, even friends who may be in denial about their situation. She says she can't turn it off, its her responsibility but always makes sure that she's not overstepping boundaries. Shireen asks if Shardia gets pushback from parents because she doesn't have children. Shardia makes it clear to parents that they know their child, no one knows and loves them like a mom, but the mom doesn't know disability or development, so she says its important to disarm the parents so it feels solution based (7:12-13:30). There's progress made in discomfort. Charles jokes that he's knock-kneed and Shireen is piegon toed so he cracks a joke about their kids having inherited their joint traits. Carter is now old enough to understand his intuition and senses when he's about to be pushed or challenged to work on his development. Charles describes Carter as being a little lazy and stubborn, that the older he gets the harder it is for him to adapt; fear shows up. Some days he's got the energy and some days he doesn't. Shardia says thats like us too, as adults. Nurturing a kids' capacity is just as important as our own. We have to recognize what we grew out of and get out of our feelings about where the kids are in comparison. So much of the Black community has been held together by the "family business stays in the house" idealogy, that help thats available goes ignored. You'd be shocked to find out how many people would assist if they knew you were in need(14:01-20:10). Shardia breaks down how small things get compounded if gone untreated with kids, and the problems can go from being medical to social. Carter is very social, Shireen sees how engaged he is at home with his brother. They point out how different their lives have become, from once having a baby who was immobile to having a child who runs around with curiosity. Shireen says the physical therapist sees Carter twice a week but she doesn't feel like its really working as well as it should, even with concentrated practice at home. Shardia looks for patient/clinician fit and results. She says sometimes you can have one without the other, and if progress isn't ongoing, its time to take a more aggressive approach and explore second and third opinions. And bear in mind that cost does not always equal quality when it comes to care(21:02-27:32). When you first start therapy, Shardia says she's assessing the barriers that are preventing the child from doing what they need to do. Throughout the intervention, Shardia knows what targets the kid needs to hit at every session. Every parent should also be able to keep track according to what the clinician provides. Shireen is an action oriented parent, and found another treatment center for Carter and had a new therapist do a home evaluation that felt much more productive. CJ makes a rare appearance! Shireen says that kids tell everybody your business at school, he's bragging about season 2 of the podcast!
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Friends, how many of us have them?! This week the Kuykendolls are joined by good friends Jae Murphy (DJ, host, artist) and Alex Hill (chef, food blogger, content creator). The guests start off disucissing their HBCU experiences, Jae was at Howard for broadcast journalism and Alex went to Hampton for PR/marketing. Charles gushes about wanting his kids going to HBCUs, for all the perks of culture and networking. Jae pledged Kappa and learned how to DJ quietly while building a local name for himself. After getting asked to host the BET Music Matters showcase with Kendrick Lamar, he hit the gas and moved to LA to pursue a gig at Revolt. Shooters shoot! (1:19-15:19). The attention shifts to Alex, who shares that her mom taught her how to cook and her favorite hot sauces are Krystal's and Tapatio. The 'Just Add Hot Sauce' blog was perfectly on brand! Alex didn't know how to shoot/edit food content back then. She worked for Team Epiphany (Black owned media company) and after a tough love/life lesson moved from NY to LA. Overwhelmed by the high demand of the job, Alex decided to pivot. She saved $20k and launched her video series. It's not about who you know but who knows you! (19:18-28:10). Jae Murphy is a brand, not just a DJ anymore. He's a host, music artist and content creator. He explains that people stiill treat DJing like its not a real job, its a trendy hobby. Similarly to that, cooking on IG has become a widespread trend. Alex always wanted to start a cooking show, hence her long form series on YouTube, 'Hot Sauce At Home'. Tastemates found her and she realized someone had been quietly pitching her content for a show for a while. Both Jae and Alex go back and forth about the pains of dating. East coast men are the preference all across the board for Alex, whereas Jae prefers west coast women because he went to college with so many of them. Alex says its important to be intentional in dating, that whoever she considers has to be ok with the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Jae working in nightlife works against him, people assume the public persona is all they are in real life. They all chat about Charles' ability to bring singles together by curating "tribal gatherings" for his many friend groups. Jae is content being single in this season, while Alex is not interested in the unserious, no more ignoring red flags, no more dating with potential, you gotta come potenched! (33:13-50:45). Alex has been trying her luck on Raya. She says she doesn't need a partner to be passionate about the same things as her, just be super supportive. Jae concurs that he needs someone that doesn't mind being his supporting act, and that Charles and Shireen give him hope, the way they love each other loudly (51:30-1:01:02).
Make sure to check out 'Spice Spice Baby' on Tastemates, listen to 'Angel' on Apple Music/Spotify, and follow @justaddhotsauce and @jaemurphy on IG
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Blow-A-Bag Beloved is back with his wonderful queen Shireen, outfits matching, per usual. After exchanging pleasantries, compliments and big words, the two dive right in. People are pocket watching! Aesthetics and luxury are important, but working really hard to get a deal is too. Shireen spills the tea on the Palm Springs outlets and mentions that they Google the best prices for all the items she's looking for. Charles mentions his love of watches and wanting a Rolex, so the convo about shopping internationally begins(2:10-12:19). Charles explains VAT tax and how he doesn't shop in London unless there's an exclusive piece he can't get anywhere else. If there's ever something either of them wants, they try to wait for it to go on sale. Charles would rather spend more time finding deals than just blow the bread. They elaborate on perks like being Delta Airlines loyalists, and the travel perks that come from using their Amex cards. The Kuykendolls need an Amex brand partnership please! Shireen shares that the best usage of credit card points/rewards is for hotels and airfare. Charles travels much more frequently for work so whenever he gets a seat upgrade he'll troll Shireen while she sits in coach (think of yourself, queen!). Charles admits to being a crier during certain important moments (IE when he proposed to Shireen (14:02-28:12). When R&B HouseParty was acquired, it was the most money Charles had ever seen in one payout. Charles put money aside for the kids, wanted to buy something nice for Shireen and get an Audemars Piquet watch. While in Europe, they investigated purchasing his watch and found out you have to build a portfolio(similar to Birkin) before purchasing. Charles is loud luxury, not quiet. He doesn't want to spend the loud amount for subtlety! For all the things they buy, they also give things away, but resellers have ruined the donation process. There's a group on Facebook called BuyNothing and Shireen posts clothes and furniture in good condition. Charles describes his Rolex, and says its an investment and the VAT tax refund they got from Europe covered their family vacay. If you're a big international traveler, Shireen recommends global entry for the entire family for the sake of convenience, they reference the mobile passport app. Window shopper Beloved claims to still be looking out for sales and deals. Don't feel pressured or rushed to spend money or go into debt, make sound choices for yourself. Charles says if you have issues with sizing, international order/pickup is a stress free process as well. Happy shopping!(32:01-44:39)
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The Kuykendolls are back for a solo episode this week, after several deep chats with friends! It felt like a good time to share some personal health changes that both Charles and Shireen had been experiencing. Charles makes it a point to declare he is politically correct Beloved and doesn't speak on womens' bodies, but says that seeing Shireen pregnant, he thought she was the most beautiful. Shireen has lost a considerable amount of weight. Shireen shares that she gained quite a bit during her most recent pregnancy and the post-baby weight was stubborn, especially in her mid-section and she couldn't fit anything in her closet. Despite eating salads and walking every day, she needed a little extra help. Enter WeGovy! *this is NOT an ad* (0:23-7:32). Shireen breaks down how the medicine is rationed; that its a lifelong medication. After traveling over the summer, Shireen returned home to find it wasn't as easy to get her hands on the medication. Shireen says its harder for some than others to lose weight, so she doesn't feel any kind of way about eing judged. She said she'll never be a grilled chicken girlie! Weight loss looks different for everybody (7:49-12:52). Charles asks about side effects; Shireen mentions nausea, drinking alcohol, eating processed foods, and that some people had to force themselves to eat. She said the meds have changed how she chemically thinks about food now. She no longer craves certain foods, she eats mechanically to be satiated. Shireen has lost 35 pounds in 7mo, she said she hadn't been that size since before their wedding. Charles notes how beautiful its been to see her regain her confidence. She says she wanted to share everything because social media doesn't give you the details and she wanted to disclose her experience honestly (14:12-23:42). Ironically, Charles had his own run in with BelovedGovy shortly after. The undertaking of new projects was stressful, Charles complained of neck pain and Shireen insisted he go to the doctor. His blood pressure was concerning, so they had him go to the ER against his wishes. He couldn't calm down, so the number kept going up. They kept him overnight, due to being close to heartattack. After seeing all the specialists, they deemed him pre-diabetic and he was prescribed Ozempic. He became a believer in the magic after losing 11lbs. Both Charles and Shireen have changed their perspectives on food and prioritize health and feeling good, now. Shireen feels like herself again and Charles is taking better care overall!
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This week, Charles and Shireen are joined by content creator/researcher/entrepreneur Taiwo Ade and award-winning producer and journalist Krystal Franklin. Charles starts off professing his love for Instagram, citing that its his favorite social media platform. He talks about connecting with both guests via mutual friends that introfuced them to connect at AfroTech. Charles emphasizes how much of a good networking tool IG has become, remembering how exciting it was to talk to new friends on Black Planet and MySpace. He explains how nowadays IG likes/supportive comments are his way of connecting when life make its tough to see some of his close friends as often as he'd like. He references a few "friends" that acknowledged seeing the posts of his family trip to Paris and not hitting the like button. He takes offense because he deems himself a serial "liker". Shireen's toxic IG trait is that she scrolls and consumes but doesn't necessarily hit like (0:29-10:26). Shireen retorts that she's been the same since her party promoter days in college, she wouldn't even like the flyer post. Krystal says her toxic IG trait is that she engages with posts that are aesthetically pleasing. Taiwo says she only follows accounts that enrich her in some way; that she looks for inspiration from the content, whether its travel or food, etc. Krystal says she sometimes questions whats real vs fake because as a single woman, plenty of folks only reach out to her to turn up and party; her accomplishments look different than some of her friends(11:04-18:53). There are some people who are just haters! The group discusses what the algorithm dictates (strangers are more reactive than people you know) and point out that comparison is the thief of joy. No one actually knows the truth outside of what friends post on social media unless they talk about it. Charles says he's taking a King Solomon approach to it, now. Taking courtesy to the next level, if someone shows him they care; and disengaging if it appears they do not. We're living in the matrix! Everyone is a villain in somemone's story (19:09-29:32). They continue to touch on unfollowing/blocking etiquette, sometimes it requires a conversation, sometimes not. The ladies list the top 5 expectations of real friends on IG and in real life. At the end of the day, if someone is your real close friend or someone you genuinely care about, it costs nothing to Like or Comment (31:37-43:41).
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Shireen and "Bespoke Beloved" kick off the episode recalling what it felt like receiving the news that Charles was being laid off and the friendship assessments that took place. He explains that 90% of his close friends were there to support him in new endeavors but that 10% that he felt he had invested so much into, didn't show up as he'd expected. Reciprocity was different. Joined by their good friend and psychotherapist Brittany Richardson, the couple asks what factors cause 10+ year friendships to fall apart. Brittany reminds them that social media plays a different role in your 20's vs your 30's. Career goals and lifestyle choices like marriage/partnership and children have major impacts on friendships (2:12-10:40). Charles claims to be very introspective, reflecting on where he might've fallen short or dropped the ball in friendships. Shireen points out the intentionality of friends who also have very busy lives and the value of communcating their needs directly. How do we meet our friends where they're at? Charles asks if there's room for friendship therapy and Brittany says its possible to work on it as long as there is a common goal. Shireen believes it different from marriage, brings in financial ties, children etc. The investment and attachment is different. Eventhough you're being asked to change in a friendship, family/kids/business may be prioritized over friends(10:50-18:02). Brittany explains that opting in/out feels finite in partnership but the unspoken rule is that friendship is supposed to withstand all things. Maybe friendship doesn't look the same anymore but sitting in the feeling of change is harder than just abandoning the connection. How do we give people grace, knowing its not me, its them? Boundaries has become an overused buzzword, but they're still important. Charles wishes he was more mature and more healed. He says he matches energy; if you fall back, he falls back and goes where he's celebrated. Boundaries are the cliff, and then there's a preference, which is less tit for tat and more about case by case situation. What are the signals that its time to let the friendship go? Brittany says, share how you're feeling and express what a solution would look like for you; give it a fair shot. If they're not reciprocating or flat out disregard it, leave it where it is. Decide how much you can take(19:12-28:02). Top 3 things to make friendships last: listening/communication, mutual respect, loyalty/love. To live a long and healthy life, you need community. That means sharing joy and sorrows. Some friends only share joy when they feel inadequate. Brittany emphasizes that we are everyone's best judge and our own best attorney. Pay it forward in love and don't treat the rainy days with so much shame. There are people rooting for you!
If you'd like to connect with guest therapist Brittany Richardson please follow @venttherapy on IG and visit venttherapy.com
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The first official guest on FBOB is none other than our very own EP, Bridget Kelly! While discussing how Charles and Shireen's paths crossed w/BK, Charles poses the question, 'do you know who you are'? They started out as fans of the music and now that they're friends, wanted to dive a little deeper into BK's origin story. Growing up in NYC, music wasn't her only love. She wanted to be a marine biologist! With the encouragement of her parents, BK went from singing in the choir to open mics and then the Subway. Charles asks about getting signed and the process behind trying to get a deal. BK shares the first time she met JayZ and what her experience was like entering the music industry. Like most artists, she didn't realize how much went into creating a career in music aside from just singing and songwriting. BK goes into detail about how 'Special Delivery' came about, debuting it at her first Essence Fest. She shared how touring and visiting radio stations was necessary to promote the music. She tells stories about some of the big names she's proud to have collaborated with along the way. Career pivots from tv to podcasting wasn't easy, and the pandemic forced the changes that BK had prayed for. Throughout her 15 year career, BK divulges things she wishes she knew and things she might've done differently. Charles and Shireen remind BK of who she is to them, a friend but also a talent with so much more to create and share. Bringing things to present day, BK shares her love story, how she met her fiancee and what the future holds. Its a blessing to have friends who believe in you and pour into you the way Charles and Shireen pour into Bridget. Everyone needs someone to remind them who they are!
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Byke like they never left! Charles and Shireen return for season 2 after an exciting year, full of wonderful changes. They start with a thank you to the audience (both real friends and fans of the show) for pressing them about returning to the mics. Charles then brings us up to speed on his professional adjustments. Having been no stranger to layoffs in the tech space, he was shocked but still at peace when his news came mid-vacation. He didn't want to hide it, despite his ego being slightly bruised, and reminds listeners to have their own IP because corporate can let you go at any time (5:15-10:02). After Essence Fest, Charles began talks with Blavity about a possible acquisition of R&B HouseParty. Charles explains acquisition preparedness and his due diligence checklist, now having the time to devote to his passion project (12:30-19:52). Charles' new position at Blavity is the GM of community. Morgan DeBaun(CEO of Blavity) understood how much of an asset Charles is and saw the vision he had for his role. A music festival has always been a dream of his, and this summer its finally coming to fruition. While Charles was planting new creative seeds, Shireen was planning Carter's 1st birthday party and simultneously being scammed out of tens of thousands, trying to build a pool! They were told that contractors everywhere were shady and it turned out someone else they knew was also scammed by the same one(21:46-27:02). Over the course of several months, the pool nightmare continued. Shireen took over communication and eventually had to pull up on the guy becuase what should've cost $40k ended up costing close to $60k! What's the number you would lose your mind for? What amount of money could you let go? All is well that ends well, since lessons can be blessings, however some lessons cost more than others. Needless to say, do your research thoroughly before hiring contractors. And also, the pool really turned out great!
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We finally made it to episode 10! Shireen talks about being nervous during the first episode compared to now, and Charles says they're officially podcasters after 10 episodes. Shireen and Charles are both super excited to be at the end of season one, especially just in time for a very busy summer. CJ is about to graduate kindergarten and Carter is about to turn 1 and take his first international trip with their friends. From there they go to Chicago and Essence Fest aka Aunty Fest for some nostalgic R&B vibes. The Freaknik generation are now the Essence Fest demographic(0:22-5:40). Charles and Shireen are celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary by attending the Renaissance tour in Toronto. If you see them outside, say hello! Charles says they're both approachable with the same personalities on and offline. Shireen is looking forward to not being pregnant and enjoying drinks at all their destinations this year, and asked Charles to go dry with her for the 9mo pregnancy term of baby #3(whether with surrogate or without). Charles is ready for a Charlotte(a baby girl). He says he needs to be ready for whatever Shireen and the doctor's plan is, by 2024(5:50-14:12). The couple has seen a lot of conversations online about traveling with kids. They recall a story about a guy complaining loudly about a crying baby. Shireen says don't let your kids stop you from traveling, take them with you and get them used to it. They used to take CJ everywhere because they had no childcare so therefore, no choice. Now they're looking forward to a much needed break for the summer before returning for Season 2. Charles expresses his gratitude for everyone tuning in and also showing up to all his R&B Houseparties. Shireen works the door and welcomes everyone in. Tito's is sponsoring them this summer so they're all free, make sure you follow @rnbhouseparty on socials for info(15:4-22:07). Interior design has also been a big undertaking for Charles and Shireen. The house is so big that tehy get decision fatigue. Between wallpaer, wall trim and crown molding its all very expensive. Charles wanted to go the cheap route but Shireen shut it down so that they wouldn't stand out in the neighborhood. HGTV is not real life. They've installed a pool, ice maker by the grill and a hot tub spa as well. When they bought the new construction on the plot, there was nothing but a frame and some dirt. It's come a long way. Charles and Shireen admit they don't know how to swim so the pool is really for the kids. Charles does better on a yacht with a captain's hat at the helm. Shireen and Charles are both grateful to everyone who has joined them for these 10 episodes look forward to season 2(23:02-30:03). Feel free to share suggestions, send DMs or leave ideas in the comments, we would love to hear from you and keep expanding the conversations. That's all for now! Til next time, enjoy summer.
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Charles and Shireen kick off ep 9 by laughing about the comments and feedback from previous episodes. Charles points out that some of their subscribers believe Shireen has displayed red flags, and that its a topic the two have never discussed before. Charles says that Shireen had some yellow flags early on when they were just friends and he was watching how she moved dating other people. Shireen claims she thought Charles was corny, but admits that NY women think everyone is corny. He eventually got his swag up(1:05-8:00). Shireen was intentionally dating to meet her husband so one of her red flags was a cheap man. She recalls a date she went on with a guy on a Tuesday, and she knew it was a free movie at a random theater. She had to kiss a few frogs before finding her Prince Charming. It was a turn off, and Charles asked if she was being harsh because the cheapness was a red flag. He then says that transparency for men is what can save them from judgment about being frugal. Had the guy expressed that he either didn't have it or was saving for something, Shireen might've had a bit more respect for it. Shireen believes you should make an effort to make a good impression in the beginning, and that being cheap is acceptable if there's a goal. So now Shireen and Charles are coupon lovers and bargain hunters, but its also because they're transparent and share long term plans(11:02-17:40). Despite Charles having a lot going on which was a red flag, he was incredibly honest and open which was a green flag. Charles admits that proposing was a mental hurdle because of the vulnerability that had been established. He trusted Shireen so much from jump since they started out as friends. Shireen had dated enough and watched her friends get played and lied to so she was relieved by how much Charles shared with her. He always gave her a choice. When his ex came back around he was upfront about it and made Shireen feel safe and secure. Both would rather be uncomfortable hearing the truth than not know what is really going on. Their relationship was long distance so it would've been easy to be dishonest but the friendship was too solid. Charles says if they weren't faith-based it would never have worked(18:00-22:50). Being a God-fearing man was a non-negotiable for Shireen, she knew she wanted to raise her kids a certain way. Having kids and ensuring the family liked him was also non-negotiable. Shireen's mother has no filter, so Shireen was hopeful she would love Charles and now she calls him the son she alwyas wanted. Charles wanted to be a father more than anything because of how amazing his father has been to him. He wanted an ambitious woman, someone that would hustle and be just as much of a go getter as he is. Its hard if you're the only one pushing, who pushes the pusher? Charles and Shireen motivate each other and have stepped out on faith successfully on more than one occasion. Cheers to the green flags!(23:12-30:59)
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Do you know your partner's love languages? Charles and Shireen deep dive into their different preferences in this episode. Charles states that he'll be keeping his shades on the entire episode, to usher in R&B HouseParty energy. With summer approaching, Charles schedule is getting hectic. Shireen describes how tough it is to manage the house and her big girl job, not to mention keeping up with CJ's social life. Shireen's been watching 'Love Is Blind' and realized that understanding love languages isn't as common as it should be. The assumption is ususlly that mens' main language is physical touch(0:26-5:55). Charles' father gave them the Five Love Languges book when they were in premarital counseling and it opened his eyes to how he approaches his relationship. The pandemic also exposed some things within their marriage. Both Shireen and Charles are triggered when they don't feel seen or appreciated. If Acts of Service is the love language, both the giver and recipient have to be clear that its valuable. For some its gift giving, but if the recipient doesn't care about material things, its pointless. The world gets to see the fun version of Charles, but at home he's a different beast. He believes words of affirmation should be earned (no participation trophies). He only wants to celebrte milestones so they can be grandiose, while Shireen has said her basic needs aren't being met sometimes(6:08-16:07). They're both itentional about the time/energy they give to each other, since many of their trips are work related.(Pause to take the love language test). Shireen's love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time. For Charles, its acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts. Charles claims to value the small thoughtful things and feels like Shireen rests on him just buying everything he wants for himself. Shireen says its impossible to surprise him or buy him things and that all the little things she does on a daily basis have just become part of the routine(18:45-26:53). Shireen says all she wants is help putting the kids to bed sometimes. Charles treats financial provision as an act of service, how he's been showing up is not enough and he admits that(29:45-36:10). Charles admits that he doesn't make surprising him easy and that they can both improve on how they display their love. Shireen tried to plan a birthday party for him and asked him to hold the weekend and he booked a trip to NY. Now, she says, surprises are done. Friends and children are impacted by expressions of love as well. Charles says as a kid he enjoyed receiving gifts from his mother while his father emphasized quality time. As he got older his mother took him on trips and he realizes now how priceless those memories are, compared to all the gifts he got. Shireen is making it a priority to be more intentional and prioritize the little things to reinforce their love for one another.
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The money convo continues in episode 7, as Shireen and Charles show up in matching drip (unplanned, somehow). Both admit that podcasting isn't as easy as it looks, but that they're loving the support and feedback from the audience. Charles is still upset that Shireen kept all her money movements a secret while he was sweating, trying to figure out how they would pay for the wedding. Shireen says once she made it out the mud, she never wants to be poor again. They both have poverty ptsd and its manifested in different ways. Shireen has a spreadsheet that keeps her on track and Charles puts bills on autopay because he was unable to do it until recently(0:52-6:00). Shireen revisits her saving skills and reveals all the ways she was skimming off the top to save a significant amount. She says she can never surprise Charle because he always buys what he wants. While saving for his watch before the wedding, she was frustrated that Charles was blowing through his money while she was saving hers. Charles had started seeing money again and felt free. He would constantly remind Shireen that he was making HIS money and didn't want to be told how to spend it(6:08-13:45). Once Shireen presented Charles with the watch he wanted on their wedding day, the "my money, your money" tone changed. But when R&B HouseParty started to pick up, the MY money monster in Charles returned! Now married, they had to redefine partnership. When buying their first house, Charles had the cash, Shireen had the credit. Moving from Jersey to the Bay was a major adjustment in cost, so they both became frugal. When they moved to LA they shared 1 car so they wouldn't have to pay for an additional parking spot(14:04-26:16). They both had big goals in mind and sacrificed and endured inconvenience to reach them. Charles express his gratitude that he met Shireen because she helped him grow. He became obsessed with looking at/for homes and worked to buy their second hone himself. He knew it wasn't his forever home, Charles wanted bigger, a better kitchen. Shireen says she wasn't ready for a more expensive house, but Charles was adamant about his vision. After seeing a bunch of houses similar to the one they were in, Shireen grew tired of looking. Charles had her look at larger model homes in a gated community and she fell in love with one on an ad sheet. She circled it and wrote "if we win the lottery" underneath the image. Tearing up, Shireen admits she didn't see it coming to pass but God made it happen. Charles says faith without works is dead, and both have worked very hard to get to their dream house. Shireen is tactical and Charles is the dreamer, so they both compliment each other well and thank the other for being loving and strategic. Charles gushes that he has everything he wants in his life; a great wife, healthy kids and dream house. They've come a long way and still have forever to go(27:50-38:43).
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Charles starts off admitting he didn't know the lyrics to 'Poison' by Bel Biv Devoe until he met Shireen, and now it plays at R&B HouseParty. The couple is prepping/planning around each other's schedules, since summer is on the way and now Charles' mother has moved out and their in-house childcare is no more! Shireen is back in the thick of work, with Carter now in daycare and Charles announces The Bridge Tour for R&B HouseParty, a series of free parties(0:34-4:15). Its tax refund season, so its time to talk money. Shireen notes that she's always known how to manage money. When they met, she lived at home and knew how to budget/save. They worked together so she knew how much Charles made. Charles had a different philosophy, living paycheck to paycheck. For Charles, establishing credit was a secretive thing, no one discussed it. He didn't know his mother ever hustled or struggled until he was in junior high. His brother went to prom and he had custom everything. When it was Charles' turn, his mother didn't have it. Having no money made Charles work extra hard(5:30-12:09). Charles took a job in finance because it was high paying, but was still paying the minimum on credit cards while Shireen was paying off her cards every month to establish good credit. She wasn't forthcoming in the beginning, about how much money she had. She took out a loan for grad school and didn't feel obligated to rescue Charles financially when he lost his job(12:20-18:17). Charles recalls the story told on 'Black Love' about Shireen helping keep his ego in tact while he wasn't making a ton of money. Shireen says she was willing to invest in him because she felt he would've done the same for her, that he was generous even with the little bit he did have. That thoughtfulness let her know who Charles would be with money. On her 25th birthday he used his whole unemployment check to fly out to her and take her to dinner. But then Charles would make dinner/happy hour plans and invite her, knowing that she would have to be the one to pay. Shireen would ask how it was being covered and Charles felt like it was rude. Little did she know, he was being intentional with his money(18:46-24:18). Charles was saving for an engagement ring. It was the first time he ever exercised self control. Shireen recalls Charles being a terrible recruitment candidate because he didn't prioritize the job. He had taken a lower paying job because he enjoyed it, but knew he wanted to change his approach with money once he proposed. Charles says he resented when he would visit Shireen in ATL, go to Zaxby's and she would have an attitude about paying $7 for his meal(she didnt know he was proposing soon) because who doesn't have $7?(25:55-30:30). When Charles proposed to Shireen he had bottle girl sparklers bring him out. Shireen was overwhelmed, looked at ring like wait, where did this money come from? She loves her ring but it hasn't fit since she had Carter. Charles says he never wanted to upgrade the ring because of the sentimental value. Shireen mentions that she was still hiding money when they got engaged because now she was saving to buy him the watch he really wanted. They knew they were getting ready to pay for a wedding and then buy a house. Charles was panicked when Shireen offered to quit her job so she could move in with him and was pissed when he realized she had 30k saved. Marriage later increased the pressure...more on that next episode!(31:18-35:37)
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Patience is a virtue! Charles and Shireen kick off episode 5 talking about delayed gratification. Charles has been curating events celebrating community and women, but none of it has been on his time. Shireen said this is a season of tests for Charles, she believes God wants to see how Charles will do trusting other people to take the lead(0:42-2:45). Theres other sides to Charles aside from the fun-loving life of the party persona. He used to treat his now-flourishing businesses as hobbies and side hustles. He has a great business mind and a creative one, he just had to learn how to apply strategies to both. He wasn't always this organized and focused, but Charles' older brother was his idol, so he pushed himself to secure a college scholarship(3:20-7:15). Charles' first R&B Houseparty was at his frat house. He was discovering new passions but had to put them on the back burner so he could develop a new skill set at his finance operations job. He later realized how crucial those skills would be in his own business building. Shireen helped him land a recruiter job but Charles was horrible at it. He worked so hard and felt like he was learning but couldn't execute properly. They actually got married on the same date that Charles got let go from that job, because he wanted to turn that negative into a positive. His only regret was calling out after he made a mistake, saying if he had gotten in front of it, he could've had more time to prep for the job he really wanted(9:05-13:20). Shireen saw Charles lose steam and ambition, facing rejection after rejection. Shireen handled all his job applications during that year. Charles says he spoils her now for how she held him down in the trenches. Charles' brother reminded him that if he had a passion, the money would come(easy for someone with money to say!). Charles took a recruiting job with less salary but he loved it. Ambition returned when the passion was nurtutred(14:02-19:05). Charles honed in on the skills he learned from finance and runs a tight ship. Now Shireen says he's a bit OCD and she's figuring out how to be supportive. Charles claims that Shireen is his soundboard and he's not as powerful without her. There are a bunch of conversations between them before Charles pitches anything. He spends a lot of time micromanaging and has a tough time with disappointment. He's been able to plan the last 4years of his life, getting comfortable with uncomfortable conversations at work. While working at Facebook/Meta, he learned to appreciate feedback(19:35-24:11). Shireen says she approaches feedback with radical candor and empathy by focusing on the issue, not criticism of the person. The pandemic softened Charles professionally and made him more empathetic. They both work in tech and know how fickle that industry is, so they lead with empathy and stay prayerful. The skill building jobs that required patience, are what helped them have successful businesses. Every job set them up for the next. Shireen believes you can pitch yourself while still figuring yourself out. Charles says shooters shoot and advises not to fear hearing "no's". Lean in and stay the course, manifestation is real(24:53-33:10).
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Focusing on yourself is tough to do with a spouse and kids, but this week the Kuykendolls unpack what that means for them. Shireen and Charles discuss whats coming up on their schedules; bachelorette and influencer trips, mixing work/play. Before the kids, Shireen was active and outside! So much so that Charles was known as "Shireen's boyfriend"(0:20-4:16). Shireen and Charles' relationship was long distance for 3 years, so balancing time with each other and friends was tough. They both respect each other's friendships because they were friends first. Being a host/event curator, Charles has a ton of platonic female friends. "Everyone gets 'beloved', and I get Charles" - Shireen. She has never told him he can't hang out with anyone. Charles makes sure Shireen is included in the friendship building so that she's more comfortable (7:30-12:30). Their marriage is reinforced by consistency and trust. Both have become great at nurturing their individual friendships and the ones closest to them are ingrained in the marriage. Charles is proud of his family, so no one could ever be close to him and not be close to Shireen, and vice versa (13:10-18:00). There was a guy in Chicago at an event Charles was hosting, that bought Shireen a drink. Charles says its ok to socialize without throwing your wedding band in someone's face. Shireen let him know she was married and he clarified he was interested in attending Charles' next event so they exchanged info. When he started texting her about random things and not the ticket link, Shireen stopped responding and shared what was going on with Charles. They both believe in friendships with the opposite sex, so transparency has never been an issue. Charles made a joke about the guy, calling him 'entanglement bae'. Most couples aren't mature or hnest enough to have these types of convos (18:30-25:00). Because they're so close, neither wants to be outside without the other. LA is a social scene, Shireen tries to avoid if it isn't their core friend group. They discuss a curfew, and how its different in each city (LA closes at 2am, NYC at 4am). Charles is a light sleeper and can't fully fall asleep until Shireen gets home. When Charles is out in LA, a 2:30 text is requested so Shireen doesn't jump to worst case scenario. When you're Black in America and don't come home when expected, its scary. To minimize confusion and prioritize safety, they share locations with each other(28:50-37:20). When it comes to individual friends vs mutual friends, its touchy. Shireen knows that friends always will pick their partner over their friends, so they try to stand in solidarity. Shireen knows that he has friends whose loyalty will always be to Charles and she's ok with that. Sharing friends on the west coast didn't feel good to Shireen at first because they would treat her differently. Shireen talks about how intenional Bridget was about being her friend and affirmed that it was ok to develop friendships separate from Charles. They've figured out what works for them, its trial and error, but keep the peace in your home first(39:00-48:48). Nurture the relationships that support and uplift you and your partner.
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Episode 3 is heavy! The couple share that weight is a sensitive subject, both have fluctuated in size over the past 11 years. Charles is back in the gym and encourages Shireen to keep up, despite prefering her more full bodied than skinny (1:55-3:58). Charles has a goal weight in mind, but he's gone beyond that number. He was born big, struggled with weight his whole life. Everyone called Charles big boned, in church it was normalized to be husky and since he could cook and saw it as a chance for fellowship or a celebratory occasion, food became a crutch. A girl in 3rd grade told him she would date him if he lost weight and it stuck with him (6:02-9:58). Charles admits to having an obsessive personality and has avoided the work in fitness. He posts everything about his life on social media except his workouts in case he falls off. Shireen acknowledges his latest efforts, which include dragging her to the gym, sometimes while pushing the stroller (11:27-15:00). Shireen shares that she is 40lbs from where she used to be and wants to be. Charles motivates/encourages her by reminding her how attractive she was to him while pregnant. Charles and Shireen confess to enabling each other with food. Charles is a dessert person, goes to Mastros and eats light just so he can enjoy the butter cake (15:02-18:09). Shireen says she carried big during pregnancy (53lbs with CJ, 49lbs with Carter) and her body will never be the same, which is a tough pill to swallow. She wants lipo and a tummy tuck and supports all women to make those choices for their bodies. Shireen expresses the pressure she feels to look a certain way in LA, compared to NY. She sometimes feels looked over or invisible and men have it easy. Many women in LA have had very obvious procedures, Shireen wants hers to be subtle (18:30-23:03). Shireen goes on to say that Black women don't receive the same amount of attention in LA, but it hasn't swayed her confidence. She does however think it would be harder for her if she was single and in the dating pool. Shireen is learning to love her curves, and give herself grace since having the baby. It isn't talked about at length with friends, so she's trying to change that(23:33-26:18). Charles has always been honest with her; if something looks out of place, he knows how to communicate that. Shireen says he is annoying when he gets into fitness, eating 1 salad and being down 3lbs, while she starves and works out to lose half a pound. They'll be watching the progress on camera in each episode to keep each other accountable. Even if your goal isn't to lose weight, everyone should move their body every day(27:05-31:13).
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This week, Charles and Shireen dive right in to the latest adjustment in their household; Carter (baby #2) is here and maternity leave/paternity leave are inn full effect! Charles is back in his R&B HouseParty bag now that he's on paternity leave, and Shireen talks about going back to work from home after 5mo with the baby. She says she can get distracted by nursing, taking supplements, and balancing her mental
(3:08-4:14). Charles talks about wanting to be the Tom Joyner of our generation, sharing the fun side and the business savvy side. He says having a mini him in CJ felt so perfect, he didn't know it could get even better having 2
(5:20-7:55). They discuss their different takes on timing; Charles wasn't ready for another kid the same time Shireen was, and then was impatient once he got on board, finally conceiving after 9mo
(9:34-14:30). Despite having in-house support from Charles' mother Shontina, which Shireen loves, Charles has a hard time being fully comfortable as the man of his house. To the kids, grandma can do no wrong, same dynamic with Charles and his grandmother
(16:10-20:10). Charles talks about this difference between 1-2 kids, wants to stay home more, event scheduling is done around family now. CJ is a sweet sensitive child and both parents work to make sure hes always nurtured. They make it a point to designate one on one time with both kids. Charles/CJ time is getting haircuts together
(23:02-29:10). Shireen shares that she had baby blues but not full postpartum depression with CJ. She didn't know what she needed and couldn't articulate it. Charles struggled trying to find a solution so just implored that the best thing he could do was just be there to listen. He surprised her with her NY friends for her birthday. Shireen's sacrifice uprooting to the west coast didn't go unnoticed by Charles. From the bay to LA, they prayed constantly. "Your blessing isn't your comfort zone"-Shireen
(30:00-38:09). They're happy to know/have more knowledge and support with baby #2, so the prayers are to be richer and richer since childcare is expensive(private school, larger house). The couple advise everyone considering expanding their family to communicate with their partners and families. Consult doctors, ladies talk to other mothers/like minded people. Check on your strong friends and strong parents
(42:21-44:00)
- Näytä enemmän
