Episodit
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This episode was first shared in 2023, and here's what I had to say about it:
You know, in all of the time that we've been doing this show we've never featured a sauna... but that's about to change!
Our very first sauna is ACI, which was in San Antonio, Texas. And, showing us around is the subversive queer rapper Chris Conde. Now, Chris was a military brat, and so they moved around a lot when they were a kid. But, as a young adult they decided they wanted some stability, and so chose to settle in San Antonio.
And it was here that they let go of religion, got sober, and then came out of the closet... again (?).
Oooh, and for those who don't know, saunas, or bathhouse as they are commonly named in America, are places where people go for relaxation and... sex... let's be honest - it's mostly for sex. Anyway, they've kind of fallen out of fashion since the rise of the apps, but they were a huge part of queer (predominately male) culture for decades.
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Greatest hits episode! This conversation was first shared in 2023, and this is what I had to say about it:
One of the things that I've noticed is fairly common in people who come out later in life is just how much of a hurry they are in to experience ALL of the queer shit they've missed out on...
And that is what happened to this week's guest, podcaster and voice-over artist Phil Corin, who, upon realising that they may not be heterosexual was on a mission to make their way to the New York City lesbian bar Meow Mix (1996 - 2004).
And once they got in to the bar? Well, the gloves were off, but you'll have to listen to the episode to find out the whole story...
In this episode we chat all about coming out tactics, lesbian pulp fiction, and.... our complicated feelings about single-gender spaces...
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Puuttuva jakso?
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Greatest hits episode! This conversation was first shared in 2023, and this is what I had to say about it:
So, you know I love me a story about someone running away to figure out who they are. And, this week we have a doozy. Naomi Mourra, who is Sydney’s only Lebanese, lesbian, ex-Jehovah’s Witness, comedian, first came to London in the late 90s when she was trying to reconcile the thoughts she was feeling about women-folk with the teachings of her religion.
And, she got to explore at Soho's Candy Bar, a lesbian bar that first opened in 1996, but closed in 2014 due to rising rents in the area. Boo!
We talk all about the magic of London, finding your bearings in a new city, and wooly jumpers...
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We're revisiting some of my favourite/most memorable/most impactful episodes throughout June!
Sometimes I'm really taken aback by what an absolute privilege it is to do this job, and how people can be so open and honest with me. And I think it's a real honour that I get to help amplify the stories, and get the opportunity to really examine my own queerness and how that's shaped who I am.
Maybe that's all a little bit too sentimental?
Let's get on with what this show is about this week. I am joined by the British comedian, Jacob Truman, who sat down with me to talk about a small-town gay bar that was in the city where he went to University.
The kicker? He never had the bravery to step foot in the place.
So you've probably already guessed that this one's going to be heavy, but but I promise it's a good one.
We talk all about making all of your decisions from a position of fear, being too scared to come out to your identical twin brother, and what it's like to glimpse through that sliver of a window at a life that you aren't brave enough to start for yourself.
Do you have any memories of Christopher’s, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos!
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It’s entirely possible that it’s just the contrarian in me, but I kind of love when I am talking to a guest who is like ‘been there, done that, do not want to go back’.
Because, yes, I love hearing about queer nightlife, and how accessing those spaces helps you tap into something bigger than yourself, but it’s important not to over romanticise them. And, on top of that, it's always nice to be reminded that there are bigger and better things out there in the wild world.
And I was reminded of just that when I sat down to talk to author Troy Ford, who is currently on the cusp of releasing his new book, Lamb, a book about two friends and their complicated relationship.
And speaking of complicated relationships (see what I did there?), Troy had refreshing insights in to the queer world of San Francisco in the 90s, a space and time he had a complicated relationship with. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't connect with the scene and the people in it.
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Ok, so this just might be the most obvious statement that I've ever made. And, that's really saying something, considering all of the clangers that I come out with...
But... it's kind of incredible how much our family and our early years define us.
Like, so much of who I am is because of who they are. And, vice versa, I suppose. But, there's something really interesting in the messages that we chose to internalise and how difficult those are to shake off.
But, like, what would happen if we just did? If we just stopped believing all of those things about ourselves that we thought were innate or hard-wired or just who we are... What if they're not who we are?
Ok, ok, that's too much navel gazing. Let me introduce you to this week's guest, who sent me down this thought path. He is Brian Gryhpon, a queer neurodelightful Canadian who is a photographer, tarot card reader, and poet.
We got together to talk about his days in Toronto, and how he graduated from the bar scene to start going to Club Manatee, a club that operated in the 1970s.....
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Have you ever decided that you were going to go celibate and swear off sex forever?
Probably. It happens.
Now, my follow up question - have you ever promised that you'd go celibate to... oh, i don't know, let's say,,,, thousands upon thousands of evangelical christians and then felt the weight of all of their expectations upon you whilst you're still trying to wrestle with your sexuality and identity?
No, I didn't think so. Me either.
But this week's guest, the sex and intimacy coach, porn star, and podcast host, Alex Gay did just that, promising the world that he would remain celibate.
But that was all to come crashing down when he went to Washington, DC's club Town.
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Do you remember the person that you were before you first had your heart broken? How you moved through the world? How you approached relationships and falling in love?
Do you ever miss that person?
This week I caught up with comedian Glo Butler, and though we sat down to talk about the Fab Lounge, a lesbian bar in Washington DC, what we talked about was the people she met there and how they changed her outlook on life, love, and lesbian bars.
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This week's episode feels like a bit of a culmination of different thoughts that have been bubbling up from recent conversations on the show.
First, there’s my realisation that I’m more of a sponge than an island — and I know that sounds cryptic, but it’s really not. It's just this idea that who we are is shaped as much by what’s going on around us as it is by what’s inside us.
Then there’s been a lot of talk about people pleasing — that’s come up in a few conversations lately too.
But don't worry, it’s not all existential crises! That’s only half of the conversation.
The other half is a lovely chat with actor and founder of the 'Men Who Read' book club, Paul Cram, about the lost Minneapolis space Jet Set, where he and his friend Robert used to go religiously, embracing the opportunity to leave behind the rest of the world if only for the evening.
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
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This week it's the story of The Copa, a club that was found (across two different sites) in Flint, Michigan between the years of 1980-1995
But, really, it's a love story. And the first scene in this love story just happened to be at The Copa.
And, who is here to tell us all about it?
Why, it's the self-proclaimed 'professional homosexual' Greg R Baird, who is a Global Lecturer on LGBTQIA+ Civil Rights, Allyship & Community.
Greg is currently working on his memoir, and so was in a reflective mood when we sat down. And I learnt some really important things in this conversation, like how Greg learnt to masturbate, and how he managed to fit in his really tight trousers that he bought especially for his first night in the club. But, most importantly, I learnt about the power of unconditional love.
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Subscribe to my newsletter Queer Word, where we explore and unpack a different queer word every week.
You know how we talk about queer spaces as a place where you can just be yourself? And we talk about how liberating and exciting and freeing that is?
Well, what if the opposite is also true? What if being someone else in a queer space is also really liberating? What if being someone else actually helps you to realise who you are?
Ok, I seem to be tying myself up in knots here. So, instead of pondering that massive question, why don't I introduce you to this week's guest?
If you are a fan of Drag Race, but you haven't yet watched any of the international versions of the franchise then let me recommend you go straight to Drag Race Philippines. And, in particular, season 3 because it's chaotic and ridiculous in all the best ways.
And it's where I found this week's guest, the delightful Tita Baby.
Tita and I caught up to talk about Bed, which was a club in the capital city of the Philipines, Manila. And, of course, we also talked about much, much more - her childhood growing up in a sheltered catholic family, never being picked to play basketball with the other boys, and her relationship with her bisexuality.
I loved this conversation because Tita was so open and honest throughout.
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Have you ever heard of the concept of a “gay age”?
If not, here's the gist: the idea goes that we each have a gay age, which starts from the moment we come out. So, that means if I came out yesterday, I’d be zero. If you came out a decade ago you’re ten years old in gay years.
It’s a really fascinating concept, but the more I sit with it, the more I find it to be a little problematic.
But I won’t get into all that now (I'll actually be talking about it in this week's issue of my newsletter, Queer Word. If you haven't signed up yet, make sure you do before Friday!)
Let me instead introduce you to this week’s guest, Koby Falks—an adult entertainer from Australia who started going out in the early 2000s at one of Melbourne’s most iconic queer clubs, The Market.
It was in this space that he really got to step into his queerness—and no other place was this more true than on the dancefloor where he could feel free, open... and shirtless.
If the whole “gay age” thing has piqued your interest, I’ll be writing about it in this week’s issue of Queer Word, my newsletter all about queer language and its history. If you haven’t already signed up, you’ll find all the details in the show notes—I’d love to hear your thoughts on the idea.
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Sometimes when you live in a small close-knit community there is nowhere to hide. No where to disappear to. It can feel like you're always on guard, always wearing the false smile and maintaining the pretence for everyone else around you.
So, what would happen if you found somewhere that you knew no one else was going to be? Somewhere that you could totally relax, and just be yourself for an hour or two? How would that impact you?
Well, we're about to find out, because this week's guest is comedian Sunny Laprade, who grew up in small town America , and found an abandoned building as a teen where she got to be away from the judgemental eyes of... well... everyone else in her life.
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We talk a lot about — and when I say 'we,' I mean the wider queer community — how upsetting it is that queer bars and clubs are closing at an accelerated rate. But I think the bigger tragedy is the disappearance of queer cafés.
And maybe it’s wrong to pit them against each other, but queer cafés offer that beautiful intermediate step. They’re not as full-on or intimidating as a bar or a club, and they’re places where you can just be. There’s no pressure to perform, no need to match the thump of a bassline — just you, your overpriced oat flat white, and the comforting hum of conversations that sound a little more like home.
One of the absolute best queer cafés that ever existed — and I won't hear any counterarguments — was First Out Café in Central London. Before it closed in 2011 to make way for yet another railway construction project, it was a sanctuary. A place where you could nervously nurse a tea while pretending to read the free gay magazines that used to exist, all the while sneaking glances at the other queers who had found refuge there too.
It’s also where today’s guest, drag king extraordinaire Mr Wesley Dykes, took his first tentative steps into queerdom. Growing up between Lagos and South London, Wesley navigated the complexities of identity, family expectations, and self-acceptance. And when that weight felt a little too heavy, First Out Café was there — offering a cup of tea and the reassuring presence of a community.
Other episodes about First Out Cafe
'The First Gay Place That I Went Inside...' - with Alex Iantaffi from Gender Stories Podcast
First Out Cafe, London (with Ali Brumfitt)
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I've always struggled with the word community, because it's something that I've desperately wanted - I've wanted to belong, and I've wanted to feel a part of something bigger than myself. But, at the same time, how do you measure those things? How do you know that you belong? What does that feel like, and how do you measure it?
And, I think someone who has had a similar experience, and has always strived for community and belong is this week's guest, Steve Whiting. Steve is the founder of the online listings site Hey Queer London, which started off as an Instagram page sharing events and goings on for people in London to have a better idea of how to enjoy their city. At the end of 2024 Steve made the difficult decision to close Hey Queer London, and we caught up to talk about this lost digital space, and what it has meant for him over the years.
Along the way we also discuss another famous lost-ish space, Twitter, guilty pop pleasures, and how your interactions with the queer scene change when you become sober.
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There's a reason that the theme song to the Golden Girls hits so hard for me. And, I think it's because I've always valued friendships over all other types of relationships. There’s just something magical about having that person who eggs you on, pushes you out of your comfort zone, and encourages you to be bolder than you ever thought possible.
So, I loved hearing about Norwegian drag king Erik Sjon’s first foray into dressing up—back when he and his friends would go full klub kid glam and dance the night away at Oslo’s Erskin.
This was well before he became a drag king or performer; it was just about self-expression, community, and joy.
We talked about what drew him to drag, the inspiration behind his character, and that one time he and his friends accidentally became go-go dancers (as you do!).
Oh, and—true to form—I completely failed to pick up on the pun in Erik’s name. Did you get it? No worries if not—he’s just about to explain it.
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So, usually we talk about a bar or a club or a coffee shop… or some kind of building, at least. But this week we're doing something a little bit different. We're talking about a set of steps.
Yes, you heard that correctly.
But, these weren’t just any set of steps. They were the legendary, and imaginatively titled, Steps that were found in Toronto's gay village.
And to tell us all about them is the author, speaker, and DEI specialist Michael Bach, who may have recently escaped the cold, cold winters of Canada to live in Palm Springs, but nonetheless maintains that a huge chunk of his heart belongs to Toronto's gay village.
We talk about coming out before you even know what gay is, using a fake ID to get in to the bar, and navigating being queer at a boy's boarding school.
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Coming out can be both thrilling and exhilarating… but also kind of dangerous.
There’s something about that first rush of freedom that makes you feel invincible—like you can throw yourself into any and every experience, consequences be damned.
Which brings us to this week’s guest—Brad Shreve. Now, you might already know Brad as an author and the host of multiple podcasts, including Going Hollywood, Queer We Are, and Queer Writers of Crime.
He finally came out to himself in his 30s, when he was working in the travel industry, newly single, that he dove headfirst into queer life—taking in everything, the good and the bad. And, it was at Faultline, a bar in Los Angeles , where he first felt seen.
Content warning: this episode touches on drug use, suicidal thoughts, and domestic violence. If you’re not in the right headspace to listen, please take care of yourself and come back when you’re ready.
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Ugh, I can't believe that it's been almost five whole years since the Covid-19 pandemic came along and turned all of our lives upside down.
Five. whole. years.
Doesn't that make you feel old?
I still don’t know if the pandemic changed my life for better or worse, but for this week’s guest, it was the unexpected catalyst that kick-started their drag career.
This week, I’m joined by bearded drag queen Jackie Daniels, who shares how moving from small-town Armidale to the bright lights of Sydney, a special bond with her drag sister, and nights at The Green Park Hotel—a beloved gay bar in Darlinghurst that shut its doors in 2020—all shaped her journey.
Oh, and of course, we get into the highs and lows of lockdown life!
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This week's episode could very well be titled 'The Many Lovers of Frank Akinsete', because we somehow manage to cover off about half a dozen love affairs during our conversation!
And if you’re a longtime listener ofLost Spaces you already know that we love a good detour here. Honestly, I think those are the best episodes, where we get to truly know a person and trace their many, many queer footsteps.
This week’s guest is Frank Akinsete, a fashion stylist and consultant who’s been part of London’s queer scene since the70s, giving him a front-row seat to its evolution over the decades.
Frank and I caught up to talk aboutThe Mews, a late-night, dingy little club with almost no digital footprint, but we also talk about The Embassy, and just what Soho in London was like in the 70s and beyond. And, on top of that, we dive into his coming-out story, his overprotective cat, and, of course, hismany lovers.
For some context: for a long time, the heart of London’s gay scene was in Soho, particularly around Old Compton Street. But thanks to gentrification, that landscape has shifted, and the scene is much more fragmented now.
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- Näytä enemmän
