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A follow-up from the Midlife Dating 101, 2017 Seminar in Cincinnati, Beth talks about Attraction, communication rules and progression, dating in midlife for optimum health (and avoiding pain,) the communion of love and loss, and seven fabulous dating tips that will serve you well!
Want the full show notes (as a supplement or to READ instead of listen?) Find them at www.midlifelovebytes.com and look for episode 27. -
Men and Women (and different personality types) deal with heartache in various ways. Beth shares the best answers for how long it takes to heal after divorce or a break-up. She covers a list of sure-fire ways to make it worse. Of course, she finishes with a list of 13 specific ways to heal as quickly and thoroughly as possible.
Don’t spend time asking the hard Why and What questions. Substitute instead the questions you can actually get helpful information on. How do I get through this? How do I make sense of this?
See the complete shownotes at www.luwandicounseling.com/podcast/ -
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Infidelity can rock your world like nothing else. Recovering and even saving the relationship IS possible. Anne Goshen, LCSW, PhD, psychotherapist practicing in San Diego, California outline's the Gottman Institutes phases of recovery. How this issue gets addressed can truly be the make or break in your healing. Beth brings a Burning Question at about 17:00 regarding when things get mighty messy and some form of retaliation enters the situation. Join us!
Link to resources and complete show notes at www.luwandicounseling.com/podcast/ -
Married? In a relationship, alone, or any description in between? Is love hard? Question your limiting beliefs. Burning Question: 38 year old man, together with his wife for eight years asks Why is it so hard to have a good relationship? Beth takes you through a process of examining and questioning what you believe about love and relationships including the common beliefs that relationships are hard, take a lot of work, and require compromise. You just might be surprised by how easily you can shift your thinking and begin to have an easy, joyful, connected experience and attract more love.
Complete show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.com -
For single Smart and Sassy Women and Genuine Good Guys. Recorded in mid-October, Beth gives a list of great resources you can check out. She summarizes from several online articles. Beth takes a light survey of popular publications and their ideas for how YOU can get through until late February. You might find some good ideas! And the list might just be fun, no matter what.
Glamour, PsychCentral, Huffington Post LonerWolf blog, Match.com single person’s holiday survival guide.complete show notes at midlifelovebytes.com
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Beth Luwandi LPC outlines how to handle the holidays when you’re single. She goes over tips on how to handle it, how to talk about it and who to talk to about it. Beth gives examples for different ways to make the experience better for yourself including feeling your feelings, telling the truth about those feelings with the right people, and exploring your options. Don’t make it worse for yourself. Beth gives tips on how to avoid the stuff that makes it all worse and how to make it a little better.
See the complete show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.com
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Dr. Nazanin Moali, licensed psychologist practicing in southern California talks about the tenets of healthy sexuality, what is at the root of many sexual issues, changes in libido as we age, and knowing when it’s time to get professional help.
Burning question comes from a 52-year old woman with grown sons in their early 20’s who was suddenly widowed about a year ago. She wants to know how to approach her desire for sex after a long, frequent, satisfying sex life in her marriage. You’ll love what Dr. Naz has to say about this situation. Dr. Naz defines sexual addiction, explores polyamorous connections, and underscores cultural influences.
See the full show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.comLearn more about Dr. Naz at www.oasis2care.com
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Beth Luwandi Lofstrom, LPC practicing in Cincinnati, outlines the differences between red and pink flags in relationship or connection and what to do when you encounter them. She explores why there is no such thing as a yellow flag in relationship or new connection or even in long-term or committed relationship. Beth uses a story intro featuring a very attractive, high maintenance woman paired with a man to demonstrate how outside perspective evaluating couples does not always hold. Like a fun little love story analysis? You’ll like this one. You need to know once an for all how to distinguish between a red and a pink flag.
See the full show notes at www.bethluwandi.com. -
Psychologist Melvin Varghese, PhD, founder and host of the podcast, Selling the Couch defines perfectionism, fear, and resilience as it shows up in relationships. Beth and Melvin explore the good and bad sides, the way we navigate in life and relationship and then dive into the balance with work as well. It’s a great conversation for successful, intelligent, driven people (like you.)
Complete show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.com
More about Melvin and Selling the Couch at www.sellingthecouch.com
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Beth and Beth Franchini talk Brene Brown’s research on shame, shame resilience, and what to do with this intense, burning feeling in the context of relationship. Beth Franchini explores how disconnecting, fear of losing connection, and believing we’re unworthy of love and belonging are at the core of shame.
She differentiates between guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, and SHAME which says, “I’m bad.” This is the stuff we don’t want to talk about at all and includes a deep-seated belief we’d rather not look at.
Maybe you are vulnerable to shame triggers in these areas: body image, money and work, religion, trauma, addiction, mental health, physical health struggles. Then there are unique individual triggers stemming from personality and our family of origin. Those beginning experiences in family relationships are the longest-lasting.Complete shownotes at www.midlifelovebytes.com
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In this episode, Beth answers several related Burning Questions that have come in. You may have some of the same questions and the answers just might be surprisingly simple. First,Beth reviews the overarching framework to her Dating, Mating, & Relating Coaching:
Preparation: preparing yourself for good relationship
Attraction: knowing how it works
Connection: doing what works to get you connected
Evaluation: being able to look at this fairly and make decisions
Relationship: making very healthy love work.
Listen for the answers to the same burning questions YOU may be asking. -
It's not a scandal; it's NORMAL! Learn how the psychosocial navigation of midlife is just a life passage affecting every single one of us. According to Erik Erickson, it occurs between the ages of 34 and 60 and includes four objectives Beth covers as we navigate the polarities of Generativity and Stagnation. Learn how central personality questions help to complicate the process and how they can be a key to helping you decide between RED flags (or deal-breakers) and PINK flags (your internal signals that are just invitations for growth!) You are already engaging the area of EVALUATION in relationship! Now get smart about it and make the distinction between reasons to break-up and reasons to regenerate in midlife and grow! Burning Question from Lydia, a 58-year old grandmother of two and in a relationship for the pat year and a half with an old beau. She's torn between her newish/old man and the pull toward her grandchildren and children. She wants to know how to evaluate fairly the connection with this great guy.
Erik Erickson says the psychosocial crisis is decided AS people interact with their environment and engage their creativity.
People in this life stage have these objectives: Managing a career. Can include evaluating the meaning of it, making a difference, midlife career change, starting to contribute more to others than just making an identity or making a living. Nurturing an intimate relationship. If you're in a long-term marriage it may mean fueling the passion. If you haven't had a successful, long-term relationship you probably want more than ever to get it right! Expanding care relationships. This includes caring for aging parents and taking care of children. As longevity increases it also means we are expanding care to grandchildren at the same time! Managing a household.Part of evaluating a connection (and your life) fairly is to know yourself well. It can help you distinguish between Red flags and Pink flags.
Ask yourself if these are your DRIVING NEEDS. You want to be good, to have integrity, to act according to your conscnience. You're serious about improving and fixing the lives of others. You want to be loved unconditionally. Because it's so important, you love others and do for them and that helps you reinforce your image of yourself and good feelings about yourself. You want to feel valuabela dn worthwhile, to do what it takes and be the best you can be, to do what it takes to achieve or please other people. You want to find yourself, to solidify a significant identity and prolong selected feelings while moving away from the others. You want to be capable and confident, to be competent and master something that proves it. You may want to retreat into study or research or practice before you emerge into the world. (Trouble is, you may rarely consider yourself ready to move out into the world.) Do you want to find security and support, to belong, and have solid loyalty from friends? You create social alliances and structures, even frameworks of belief that help you feel solid. Maybe you want primarily to be satisfied, to be content, to have your needs met, to be stimulated and avoid boredom. You may spend your time doing those things that support your self-satisfaction. Sacrifice might not fit in your vocabulary. You want to protect yourself, to control your life, to be master of your own destiny and to prove your strength in action and achievement. You like winning and all of life seems appropriate as a contest. You want to experience inner peace and stability. Others see you as the calm in the midst of storm, a stabilizing force. Trouble is, they can't see how much energy it takes to be the peacemaker and the avoid conflict.Recognize yourself?
Have you asked yourself what that driving need gets you?
Here's the advice:
Be kind to yourself and to the other person. Gentle it up! Take a deep breath and tell yourself "I can be kind." Accept that you have relationship with REAL PEOPLE. (And this is a love relationship with a human being.) Learn to identify what are RED flags and what are PINK flags.Deal breakers:
Cuts to the heart, violates central value and worth: cutting down, critical sense of humor, inattention to big needs (empathy and role compatibility.) Can you TALK about what's important to each one of you?
Pink flags are about you! Take a look at those internal driving needs.
If you think it's a pink flag, you're probably right! This could just be your own midlife crisis. Don't break hearts or crush a good relationship; do your own growth in this stage!
In Cincinnati? Don't miss the Get Set for Love Seminar July 28 from 6-9 pm. Read more about it here.
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Hear the why and how behind the Rules for a Cooperative Divorce. These Rules (compiled by Boyan & Termini and part of their Cooperative Parenting Institute) were written by a teen whose parents divorced but apply for children of divorced parents of ALL ages, even adults. Beth expands on the Rules and of course, shares personal examples.
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Beth Luwandi, LPC speaks with Rebecca Wong, LCSW-R, Relationship Therapist and creator of Connectfulness. Find out more at www.connectfulness.com. Learn more about relationship issues including empathy, connection, conflict, and asking for what we need. Rebecca introduces Relationship Reboot, her upcoming email program designed to recharge you in the areas of energy, money, and time. Developed in collaboration with a yoga instructor and a financial planner, Rebecca adds her expertise in relationship to round out this perfect marriage of these three areas where people clash. Burning Question of the episode comes from 57 year-old woman in a second marriage for 17 years: How do I get my husband to express more empathy?
Enjoy the show and be sure to subscribe for FREE on iTunes and read the show notes at bethluwandi.com. -
Are those deal breakers in you marriage, relationship, connection, or date selection? Beth takes a deep look at Bert Adams' 1986 research-based triangle of the Five Phases of Mate Selection in the US and how the common, normal sense, acceptance, and structure of coupling can be a comfort AND a guide no matter what your situation. Includes a definition of red versus pink flags. Pay attention to both, but in different ways! Answering the burning question from Sarah: How do I know if this man is the wrong one for me? Find complete show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.com.
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Round two For Men ONLY dedicated to helping dating men find quality (read HOT, eligible, interested) women. Beth lists more than 20 fantastic places to rub shoulders with HER. Explore the fantasy floating around in your psyche and take the cautionary advice for succeeding when you see her. Now available on Google Play Music. Subscribe there, at Stitcher, or on iTunes where you can Rate and Review (i.e.leave your love note!)
Additional show notes available at Midlifelovebytes.com
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Perspective on choosing your kids over your mate and vice versa. Carla Seemann, LPCC-S, shares her wisdom from 27 years working with children and their families in all stages of change and adaptation. What do you do if your kids hate your new mate? Are you choosing the kids and sacrificing an intimate relationship? People ask this in nuclear families and long-term marriages too. What is the healthiest way to help, even your grown children, adjust to a change in the family configuration? How, when, and what do you communicate to the kids? This is great stuff for one of the toughest parts of midlife love and Carla has the healthy scoop!
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Love can take a bite out of you no matter what your history or current status! Just because you’ve been through this before does not mean you are immune to the accompanying fear when risking in love. Beth takes you through three reminders on how to avoid heartache and three tips for dealing with heartbreak after the fact.
Read the complete show notes at midlifelovebytes.com. Become part of the community and discussion on facebook: Midlife Love Bytes.Subscribe and leave a "love note" in the Rate and Review section on iTunes. No matter how you do it, stay in touch and let me know what is working and how I can support you!
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Loneliness strikes in relationship and during singleness. Empty nest, divorce, the cold of Minnesota winter, foreclosure, and no dog conspire to create the most desolate lonely of Beth's life. Hear the story and explore the psychology behind coping mechanisms, (learn why alcohol is a poor one and cigarettes are more effective) and discover how Zumba and dancing at Zorba's on Gull Lake may have been a life line during this darkest winter. Maybe you can relate to how "right thought" and healthy action can work together to help anyone weather the worst. In the reflection, Beth shares how examination of each side of the psychology triangle: thought, feelings, and action give one the best chance of surviving the worst. You'll hear examples of common unhelpful thinking underlying loneliness and the tough emotion of jealousy. In an upcoming episode, we'll explore more deeply the possibilities that jealousy, (a normal, common human emotion) can lead to greater connection instead of division and distance. Midlife Mating 110 Seminar scheduled Thursday, March 31 6-9 pm. Info and registration at bethluwandi.com. Leave love notes on iTunes (meaning Rate and Review there.)
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Beth talks with John Harrison, LPCC as he shares the real-life adventure of 40 days of meditation. Learn how establishing this relationship with self sets the stage for great relationship with others. John tells it realistically: the struggles, the challenges, the inner chatter, (also known as "monkey mind") during his practice of meditation. He introduces his Intuition Coaching, designed to get people in touch with their own inner GPS, to help guide them toward the good life and good love they deserve. Complete show notes at midlifelovebytes.com Subscribe and Rate & Review at iTunes. Better yet, tell your friends. This is for ALL Smart and Sassy Women and Genuine Good Guys age 35 and better who are interested in good, healthy, lasting love, relationship, and life! That means it's for partnered, coupled, married, committed, single, dating, and even those who are scared to date too!
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