Episodit
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Which fork should you use on a first polyamorous date? Do you have to let your partner be the little spoon all the time? We pondered these and other burning questions in the Finale episode of Season Three.
Srsly though, here's the etiquette and advice we gathered for this episode, if you don't want to listen to 80 mins of our charming banter:
Let your partners consent into information about your interactions with other partners (esp sexy stuff) Be careful of collecting too many partners/spreading yourself too thin. Try not to over-curate yourself. Be authentically who you are and let partners meet you there. Everyone is tender. Treat them as human, not just means to the experiences you want. Take responsibility for ending relationships when they aren't working anymore. Be kind but direct. Be honest up front about your capacity. Talk about the parameters of the relationship early and often. Make sure your partners know how 'out' as poly you are (so you don't embarass them when you run into acquaintances in public together). Seek deeper connections, rather than more; the relationships that you're yearning for might be the ones that you're already in.TikTokers we mentioned who you should follow:
@newtononmonogamy
@polyphiliablog
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
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Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out!
Mentioned in the episode:
Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989)
The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967)
Wayne’s World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992)
John Mahoney
Limerence on Wikipedia
In Your Eyes
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
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Puuttuva jakso?
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Are the youngs living in queer poly utopia or what? Sarah and Alex recruit their 20 something barista, Mattise Wood, to find out.
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
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Special live episode featuring some of our favorite mistakes. Recorded May 9, 2024 in Seattle, WA.
Check out the slides from the live episode: https://www.mentimeter.com/app/presentation/n/alkskyvkpq54ehb844w3r2oejcjo4d6a/present
Evergreen hearts on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvergreenHeartsOrg
Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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We finally get to learn about relationship anarchy. Hope you're hungry for a smorgasbord!
Maxx Hill, curator of the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord, joins to talk about the infinite possibilities of how you can "customize your commitments" when you let go of societal expectations. Open the link and follow along!
Mentioned in the episode:
Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord [https://tinyurl.com/rasmorgasbord] Maxx Hill, @maxxhillcreates, on InstagramMore about Mistakes Were Made:
logo design by by eroyn franklin * [email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Mentioned in the episode:
The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class’s Latest Fad Time Magazine - Polyamory isn’t just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory More: A Memoir of Open Marriage Stranger in a Strange Land Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Encore episode!
Let’s talk about sex (or die trying)! Sarah and Alex finally attempt to actually discuss sexual dynamics in non-monogamy without laughing or crying.
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
An actually useful explanation of how to play the three minute game (since ours went so sideways): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KCzpNBNbVM&t=80s
Or download the pamphlet here: https://bettymartin.org/download-wheel/
Don’t miss:
Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm
Evergreen Hearts Polyamory Expo
The Whatever Factory
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Who should you tell you're poly??? A death in the family sparks different reactions from Alex and Sarah about how open to be with family and friends.
Mentioned in the episode:
Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm The Cut: 5 people tell their coming out stories Business Insider: Coming out as poly is the hardest kind of coming out The Poly Coach: Coming out as polyamorous Feeld: Guide to Coming out as Poly
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Alex wants to talk about performance anxiety….and Sarah really, really doesn’t.
Mentioned in the episode:
Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm
Cleveland Clinic: Erectile Dysfunction
Book: The Ice Storm, by Rick Moody
Hump! 2024 National Tour Dates
Book: Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski
"5 things you can say to someone who didn't have an org@sm" from @QueerSexTherapy on Instagram
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Two local organizers talk about their experiences being solo poly; what they like about it, the challenges, independence, couples privilege and more. Stay tuned for the lightning round!
Mentioned in the episode:
Puget Sound Polyamory Meetup Group Evergreen Hearts Poly Prom Newcomers Social Connections Speed Dating Puget Sound Polyamory The NY Times says solo poly is just a fancy word for dating around…lol[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Our guest is "Manthropologist" Dr Eric FitzMedrud (okay, we made that title up, he doesn't really call himself that). We asked Dr FitzMedrud to decode Sarah and Jessica's bad dates with men, using tools from his book The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex.
Dr FitzMedrud, who is poly and bi, takes a compassionate approach to understanding the patterns men bring to both poly and mono relationships, and helps them unpack their violent socialization, emotional isolation, and destructive masculinity in his psychotherapy practice, his writing, and in this episode.
To learn more, visit https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man/
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Special Midnight Mini episode: Polyamory seems to have suddenly gone mainstream, with the New Yorker and New York Magazine running cover stories in the last couple months. Sarah and Alex dig into the icky feelings that came up reading these stories, and realize that it might be about uncomfortable trends that implicate them.
Mentioned in the episode:
The Cut, New York Magazine: A Practical Guide to Polyamory
How did polyamory become so popular? (The New Yorker)
American Poly, by Christopher M. Gleason
More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter
More reading:
How a polyamorous mom had a ‘big sexual adventure’ and found herself (NY Times)
@Bimbo.Theory on Instagram
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
The leading researcher into poly dating app usage shares what works and what doesn’t in profiles, gives insights into the trends in non-traditional relationship styles around the country, and defines the dizzying jargon of poly subcultures. Listen until the end to find out what “dexting” means.
Sign up for Riki Thompson's workshops and get a 20% discount using the code “Mistakes”
https://rikithompson.com/#post-152
Evergreen Hearts Lecture Series
Follow Riki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtuallyriki/
Mentioned in the episode:
Riki’s article on “What is a Polycule”
Riki’s article on what we can learn from poly couples during the pandemic
Book: The Ethical Slut
Audiobook: Opening Up
Most online hate targets women, says EU report
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Should non monogamous parents be “out” to their kids? In this episode Sarah and Alex ask different parents about their approaches to sharing their relationships with their children – from secrecy, to involving secondary partners in parenting – then share mistakes they've made in balancing their feelings and dating schedules with what was developmentally appropriate for their kids.
Mentioned in the episode:
Do Happy Parents Raise Healthier Kids?
Fully automated Luxury Gay Space Communism
A brief summary from Reddit: “It refers to a communist society. Full automated: production is automatic, so people can focus on whatever they want. Luxury: see above. Gay/Queer: gender and other such harmful constructs are abolished, making everybody queer/gay. Space: communist society could allow us to colonize space. Communism: communism.”
Stay in touch with us:
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Sarah and Alex talk about the jealousy and panic that comes up when partners are on dates or trips with others, the roots of those feelings, and how rituals of connection and communication can help. Oh, and also how the film ET is a meta text for polyamory(?)
Mentioned in the episode:
https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/2HFb3BywGM https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/8SvfUvZord"Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation" --Judith Lewis Herman
"Trauma happens in relationships, so it can only be healed in relationships. Art can't provide healing. It can be cathartic and therapeutic but a relationship is a three-part journey." --Alanis Morissette
Take action to suport Palestine:
Palestine Feminist Collective's digital action toolkit: http://bit.ly/PFCToolkitFollow updates from Gaza:
Palestine Academy: https://www.instagram.com/palestine.academy/ https://www.instagram.com/wizard_bisan1/ https://www.instagram.com/byplestia/ https://www.instagram.com/eye.on.palestine/Donate to relief efforts:
https://www.instagram.com/healing.our.homeland/ https://www.instagram.com/medicalaidpal/Stay in touch with us:
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Alex’s partner leaves him for monogamy, sparking a conversation about cowboy-ing, triangulation and attachment.
Mentioned in the episode:
PolyPhilia: https://www.instagram.com/polyphiliablog/
Attachment Panic, the album by Alex & Sarah’s alt country band: https://open.spotify.com/album/2zrOxbFLVA4Y4L3m9Cjamq
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Is non-monogamy actually a sustainable lifestyle – or is it just an experiment? Sarah and Alex reflect on how the novelty of having an open marriage has worn off after three years.
Reddit conversation re changes in non-monogamy styles over time
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
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Season 2 finale! Sarah and Alex try to stump each other with research into some of the most common myths and misconceptions about non monogamy.
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
More about us:
Bloodstar band: https://ffm.to/bloodstarattachmentpanic | [Listen to Bloodstar on Spotify] Sarah’s website: https://www.sarahstuteville.com/ Making Contact: https://www.radioproject.org/ | [Listen to Making Contact on Spotify]Mentioned in the episode:
Shrimpteeth survey on nonmonogamy impacts Shrimpteeth survey for ladies dating men Shrimpteeth on Instagram Generational attitudes toward non-monogamy Kinsey Institute summary of prevalence of polyamory in different groups, desire for polyamory and STI prevalence Jealousy’s impact in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships Reasons people engage in polyamory Here are the actual MythBusters investigating the Coke & Mentos phenomenon
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Sarah and Alex talk with friends and ethical nonmonogamy role models Zack and Madeleine about maintaining a polyamorous partnership for the long haul, and making out with cute German guys.
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ -
Sarah and Alex talk about the lies they have told each other…and themselves. Also, the patriarchy and whatnot.
[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/
Mentioned in the episode:
All about love, by bell hooks - Näytä enemmän
