Episodit
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Reframing is a core element of NLP. It's a simple yet powerful process that can mean the difference between you have a stressed and uptight life or one much more enjoyable one. Seriously, it really is that good. And the great news is, you'll already do this in some shape or form.
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There are 3 areas that I'll separate out for Deletions. These are Nominalisations, Unspecified verbs and Simple deletions.
For clarity, the purpose of understanding deletions is to get to the heart of another person map. We are deletions machines, it allows us to simplify and fast track through life, but this means we miss so much of what actually is going on for a person.
The first sections we can take a deep dive into is Nominalisations, I have written a post, podcast and video on this, but in the interest of keeping it all together, here's another summary.
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Generally speaking, generalisations are everywhere. Learn this and begin to spot generalisations in NLP.
Generalisations are one of the fundamental pieces of the Meta-model. With already took a deep dive into distortions which you can find here and also the question, what is the Meta-model and you can find that here too.
Generalisations generally occur whenever a person generalises specific information. So much of the Meta-model helps us navigate what we do daily. The Metamodel and the three fundamental pieces are a way for us to get to the heart of the real issue or understand what is the person is aiming to communicate.
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There are five main distortions in NLP seen in the Meta model.
They are:
Mind reading Cause-and-effect Lost performative Complex equivalence Presuppositions Mind ReadingWe are all guilty of mind reading I know you are! A mind read is categorised by knowing what someone else is thinking or feeling but without any information to support that thought. Mind reading can come in lots of different forms. One of them which is very common is knowing what a person is thinking or feeling. Another is how others should know how we think and feel. And lastly predicting the future or proper sizing what is going to happen.
Whenever you hear mind reading type statements you can begin to ask questions using 'how' and 'what.'
Examples:
"He wants to ask me out" "You don't give me what I want" "I just know Christmas will be a disaster" "I know that you will want to live in the Cotswolds when you see my house" "You have no idea what is going to happen"Meta model challenges to those statements
"How do you know he wants to ask you out?" "What do you want specifically?" "Really? How specifically do you know that?" "How do you know that when I see your house in the Cotswolds I want to live there?" "How do you know that I have no idea what is going to happen?"Possible Reply
"Well, he's always nervous when he's around me" "I want to feel like wearing this together" "It's just that December has been a nightmare so far so it will probably continue" "Because I did when I visited a friend here" "Because I think it's going to be worse than you given credit for" Cause and EffectRecognising a cause-and-effect Meta model violation is when you spot and X causes why configurations in the language. so much of our life is in a cause-and-effect format that has a tendency to make connections where there is none. "If you do your homework, then you can stay up late on Friday." "If you pass all of your grades at school, you will get a good job."
So in the Meta model for cause and effect, we are looking for violations where someone associates X causes Y.
Whenever you spot this cause-and-effect violation it's time to begin asking more questions to find out how specifically do they know that X causes Y?
Examples:
"My boss makes me angry when he doesn't come in early on Monday" "If my daughter fails her dance exam I will be disappointed" "Going to the gym will wear a body out" "If you drink alcohol you will get dementia" "Getting married made my brother the depressive he is today"Meta Model Challenges
"How specifically that his lateness make you angry? What about if he's late on Tuesday?" "How will you disappoint yourself?" "How do you know that to be true? do you know of any gym goers who haven't worn at their body? Just how much Gym does it take to wear out your body?" "How much alcohol specifically? Do you know of anyone who does drink alcohol who hasn't got dementia? I drink some alcohol are you sure I will get dementia?" "What was it about marrying that made your brother begin to depress himself?" Lost PerformativeRecognising a lost performative is when you hear a person say something like, "We will end up living on Mars by 2050" or "Only weak people stay in relationships."
The structure of a lost performative is an opinion stated as a fact and a value judgement that does not say who had that value.
You can begin to challenge lost performative type statements by asking "who says, according to whom and how do you know that?" type of questions.
Examples:
"It's good to go to the Gym three times per week" "You need to go on as many training courses as you can" "Reading is relaxing"Meta model Challenges to those statements
"Who says it's good to go to the gym three times a week?" "Who says you need to go in as many training courses you can, and how do you know that to be true?" "According to whom?"Possible replies to the challenges
"I heard it on a podcast about health" "The person who was teaching me NLP!" "Well, I find reading relaxing!" Complex EquivalenceA complex equivalence is very similar to cause-and-effect. Just as we, cause-and-effect is when X causes Y. And complex equivalence can be recognised by hearing a statement that says X means Y.
"The fact that you're reading watching or listening to this means that you'll find something new!"
it's amazing how often you will hear people attach meaning to something very different.
"The fact that you're changing your job means that you are outgrowing your family"
Whenever you hear convex equivalent type statements you can challenge them by asking. "So does X have to always equal Y? Could it mean anything else? Does it always have to mean that?"
Examples:
"You're not coming to bed the same time as me, you don't love me as much anymore" "Bitcoin value is rising our government isn't going to last" "Samsung are late releasing the new phone, so there's tension growing between North and South Korea."Meta model challenges
"How does me staying up to finish watching this documentary mean I don't love you as much?" "How does Bitcoin rising mean our government isn't going to last?" "How does Samsung being late to release their new phone mean there's growing tension between North and South Korea?"Possible replies
"I think married couples should always go to bed together to show there is a bond." "Well, Bitcoin is anti-establishment so I think a rise in its value means a fall in the governments holds." "They've never been late to release a new phone so It's obviously a big political reason." PresuppositionsIf you've been looking into NLP you have heard the word presupposition quite frequently. A presupposition is simply a part of the statement has to be presupposed to be true in order for that sentence to make sense.
We challenge presuppositions to allow us to gain more specific detail and get closer to the truth. Let's look at some working examples of presuppositions in NLP.
Examples
In court, a judge might say "have you stopped beating your wife?" This statement presupposes that the husband was, in fact, beating his wife. "What's your problem?" This presupposes that a person does have a problem. "Are you not intelligent enough to work this out?" This statement presupposes that there is something to work out, intelligence is required to work it out. "Enjoy your next burger even more" Presupposes that someone has had a burger and they will have another at some point.Meta model challenges
You can use any suitable meta model question to dive more deeply into the intention behind any presupposition.
"Your honour, are you suggesting I did want to beat my wife? could there be any other explanation to her bruised arm?" You could answer this provocatively. "Well, what's my problem? Depends on how long you've got!" "My next burger? how do you know of had one in the first place?"with everything, practice makes permanent. To save this and come back to this article many times and really begin to notice these distortions in NLP in other people's language and even yours.
Have a play around with some of the Meta model challenges and begin to notice how you're able to really open up a person's map to allow you to understand more richly and more deeply.
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The NLP Meta model is a linguistic process that was developed back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The Meta model gives you a set of questions that allow you to gain some high-quality information. By now, you probably understand that each of us represents the world very differently. We have our own map. The Meta model allows you to question a person's map to discover more detail and more of what is real.
Starting from the fact that we all experience life differently through our senses. And each of us distorts, generalise and delete lots of information at any given time. Each of our maps is completely different because of our internal representations are different. The Meta model allows us to explore a person's map in more detail.
The NLP Meta model has three distinct categories Distortions Generalisations Deletions DistortionsDistortion is the process that allows you to take an experience and change it. Whenever we bring in information through our senses, we hold that in our memory in a way that is right for us at that time. If we don't talk about that event, we generally blur the lines between fact and fiction and we use our own language to describe what happened.
We often use distortions when we recall conversations, explain what happened and describe what and why we want something for example.
GeneralisationsGeneralisations are essential in our life. We use generalisations to garner information from one area to allow us to learn or understand another area. for example, if I was to show you a stool that you'd never seen before, you would know that that was a stool. It has three legs and a top, therefore, it must be a stool.
Generalisations can also work against you. Just because your last two bosses were horrible to you, doesn't necessarily mean all bosses are horrible. Our ability to generalise helps us massively. also, our ability to generalise can also lead us to make unhelpful connections generally.
DeletionsWe are deletion machines. It is said that there are over 2 billion pieces of information bombarding our senses at any one time. yet, we are only able to process between five and nine pieces of information at any one time.
it's simply not possible to pay attention to all of the information around us at any one time. Whatever you choose to be aware of will normally be picked up by your attention. You can select what it is you want to focus on and your senses will begin to notice those things. But think of how many processes are happening outside of your conscious awareness. That time a wasp was chasing you around the garden, did you notice how nice the flower smelt?
What we notice and what we focus on generally become real for us. This is why it's important to understand our usual structure of how we delete things. Imagine having a mindset where you consciously look for things to be appreciative for and things that go right. They are the things that you will notice and that will become real to you.
Big corporations often focus on areas that can be improved. this is fine from a constructive point of view in most cases, however, the people involved will find it difficult to see the successes and the enjoyment of the work that they are doing.
Check out the Reticular activating system and what you focus on increases for more on how our own radar works.
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This is part 2 of the NLP beliefs of excellence. Here is Part 1
You Cannot Not CommunicateWe understand communication is something that we usually do verbally. However, any thoughts or feelings that are happening internally, will begin to affect us physiologically on the outside and therefore will be communicating with others how and where we are at that time. whether verbally or nonverbally we cannot not communicate, and others around us are always communicating.
The Meaning Of The Communication Is The Response You GetI'm sure you can think of many times when you were talking with a person only to have them reject what you were saying and then you follow up with "that wasn't what I meant."
When you understand that we are all different and that there is no failure only feedback. You can begin to hold on to the belief that the meaning of the communication is the response that you get and therefore begin to take full ownership of your language and communication to ensure you get your message across in the way that you desire whilst paying particular attention to another person's map.
There Is A Positive Intention Behind Every BehaviourThis is sometimes difficult belief to swallow. However, if you do accept that there is a positive intention behind every behaviour. Then you can begin to question and wonder how another person may have constructed that within their map of the world.
If you see someone demonstrate behaviour that you don't like. What must be the positive intention for them at that time given the resources available to them?
Adopting this belief requires you to be curious and less judgemental.
People Are Always Making The Best Choices Available To ThemEach of us has our own unique personal history. this personal history defines and shapes our future choices and decisions. The combination of past events and history and current states emotions and knowledge allow people to make the best choices available to them at that time.
Ever heard the saying "with hindsight I'd......?"
This demonstrates that people are also able to review a situation or choice that they had made with hindsight and realise that they may have chosen something different had that information is available to them at that time.
There Is No Failure Only FeedbackThis belief of excellence has become more and more common. However, break it down into its simplest form and it's baffling it's even a thing. Nearly everything that we learn to do in life comes from repetition, change in strategy or direction and multiple attempts until we improve or get it right.
If as a child, we didn't have this embedded within us. Would all be crawling as adults is after failing, falling down repeatedly. We would see as a failure rather than feedback and be done with our lot crawling on all hands and knees for the rest of our lives.
As adults though, most of us shy away from the potential of failure. this is just a gentle reminder to say that every time you fail, you'll receive feedback and you'll be better able to make a more educated move the next time.
We Have All Of The Resources That We NeedThis can be a very empowering belief. I remember saying to my first NLP Trainer "but we don't, that's why we need to learn new things. We don't have the resources but with learning, we can have."
To which he responded, "and you do have the resources you need to know that you need to learn more which is why you're on this course."
Whenever I think of this belief of excellence now, I always think of the film my left foot
Sometimes the resources that we need are available to us they just require a little bit more effort.
Try some of these beliefs of excellence on size and noticed the impact that they have.
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What and how we believe can dramatically change the way we live our lives. And the great thing about beliefs is we can change them at any time that we choose.
NLP, which is the study of excellence which to put even more simply. The study of what works. And from studying what works comes these beliefs of excellence. Have a read through these beliefs of excellence and try them on the size. If you absorb and live by these beliefs, imagine how differently you would see situations.
Each person is unique - The Map Is Not The TerritoryThis is perhaps the most common for all of NLP. When you understand each person is individual, then, we are all different. Each of us has our mental maps that we interpret the world to arrive our very own conclusion. These, differ from person to person. each new experience and interpretation of the experience is usually shaded in some way by our experience. This is partially what gives us our uniqueness.
Each Experience Has A StructureThis can be viewed as all knowledge, memories, thoughts and imaginations are merely a result of the way we have filters installed all previous information. All of our thoughts and our memories have a pattern structure to them. And these are what allow us to anchor our emotional states and feelings to past experiences. The structure that is created within each experience allows us to fast-track back to an initial thought feeling or emotion at a specific time. If an unhelpful experience has a structure, they were able to change the structure which would change the output of that experience. This is one of the ways that change can occur using NLP techniques.
If Someone Can Do It - Anyone Can Do ItThis belief of excellence has been in place in NLP since the mid-70s. Only recently, Carol Dweck has added some sound science to this belief in her study of fixed versus growth mindsets.
What a great belief to hold. Also, if every experience has a structure, then everything that anyone does with excellence will also have a structure. Modelling, which is the cornerstone of NLP can allow a person to uncover another's excellence and try that on for size.
There Is A Solution To Every ProblemI believe that this belief is becoming more and more common. We live in a world now where we can access so much information, which solutions can become easier to find. If you do what you've always done then you'll get you always got. So when you believe that there is a solution to every problem, then you can look at the issue as temporary and use the tote model to begin to seek the solution intelligently.
The Mind And Body Are Parts of The Same SystemWhatever and however we think directly affects our physiology. But also, our physiology directly affects our psychology. This completely two-way street. You've heard the saying " fake it until you make it," which is now probably overused. However, there is a lot of sense in this because whenever a person acts confident and relaxed about the situation, then they will get able to feel that.
The converse is true also. When you act and feel depressed, then you're more likely to feel depressive feelings. The mind controls the body, and the body controls the mind they are parts of the same system
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Nominalisations happen whenever a person describes a process (Verb) as a thing (Noun). Usually, a thing that cannot be picked up. You will hear NLP'ers talk about nominalisations is nouns that you can't put in a wheelbarrow.
You will begin to come to new understandings of this as you learn more about NLP.
The word understandings here is a 'thing' you will have. So, therefore, an item which is not tangible. 'Understandings' is a nominalisation. A summary of an action, into an item.
Nominalisations are stuck in time. Much of NLP is about uncovering and discovering the real meaning or intention behind the communication. Whenever a person describes something using a nominalisation, it seems very factual and stable. As a person working with an individual who is using nominalisations and feels trapped. You can begin to help them realise that the nominalisation is apparent and could become a process which is a verb.
I can't say this enough; nouns are fixed and definite. Verbs are actions and allow for change.
As cliches as it might sound, the only thing constant is change. So helping a person realise and understand that their descriptions of themselves or an event in nouns can feel far more freeing when they are changed into verbs. Action items
An identifying statement of "I have anxiety." Allows that person to own anxiety as a thing. Of course, nothing that they are unable to touch, locate, remove or forget to take to work one day. It can become a thing that people aren't able to get past.
But when a person identifies with anxiety as a process, then the possibility of changing it is far easier to notice. "I'm feeling anxious."
Some examples of nominalisations
I have a belief (Noun) to, I'm believing (Verb)
My relationship needs some work (Double noun in this one)
We're working on the way we both relate to each other.
I have depression. "How do you depress yourself?"
Your behaviour is terrible Could change too. You're behaving terriblyWhen you begin to notice nominalisations in communication you can become a master influencer and negotiator.
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The is session number 15. This is about learning frames of NLP.
A picture can change by merely changing its frame. Learning frames in NLP allows us to view situations through different lenses.
I'll show 7 NLP learning frames in this session. These are the most used and helpful. In my opinion.
The Outcome Frame
The Outcome Frame is a process that will enable you to find out what people want, and then discover what, if any resources they will require to get what they want. The outcome frame is a created by questioning a person about the outcomes and what they are like for them. It also maximises the chances of getting what they want and can even allow them to evaluate whether they do want it.
"What do you want?"
"How will you know when you have it?"
"What resources do you need to achieve your outcome?"
"What resources do you have that will help you get x?Working through an outcome frame is very useful to build possibility in a person map. Also, see Well-Formed Outcomes for more on this
Ecology Frame
What's the impact of an event or action you think you want to undertake?
"What might you lose as a result of getting what you want?"
"What stops you from having x?"Initially, an event or action may seem logical and worth aiming for. However, when you look through the ecology lens/frame something, you consider things differently.
As If Frame
As If or fake it until you make it. This has a fantastic effect on a persons ability to be more creative and discover new possible solutions. Basically, what would it be like if something was different?
Some examples:
The CEO is away for two weeks, and a significant decision needs to be made.“What would Mary (CEO) suggest we do now?”
“What will it feel like to have lost three stone in the next six months?”
“If a miracle happened tonight and I had what I wanted, what would that be?”
The "As If" frame is a great way to build possibility. Possibility breeds more possibility and creativity. This is a fantastic way for you and team to break the mould and think and act differently
"What would we do it we stopped allowing ourselves to be limited this way?"
"What would we do as a company if we weren't concerned with cash flow?"
Backtrack Frame
Sometimes called the clarity frame. This is essential for group communication and project management.
You'll hear people use this without intention.
"Let's just backtrack for a moment."
You can use the backtrack frame to check and clarify. This will also boost confidence in the recipient/s as you backtrack and re-confirm all of the salient points. Backtracking allows people to move forward from the same point of reference. If a negotiation is going off track, backtrack, re-align and head forward again. It's a fantastic way to discover where the misalignments, if any, are.
Relevancy Frame
The backtrack frame is useful for discovering the pattern which we are to follow and make sure everyone is on the same page. The relevancy frame is a lens you use if you think a person is "off track". If a line of communication is not relevant, it's easy to muddy the waters. Use the relevancy frame to discover "how is this relevant to this discussion?"
You may well discover how, or park that line of communication to keep things on track. Either way, the relevancy frame keeps communication clean.
Contrast Frame
This is a standard frame. We often compare and contrast options when purchasing.
But think of this as creating a contrast to highlight that action should be taken now. Perhaps a company have called to hire you to train their sales team.
"If you don't commit your sales team to this training now, how much could this cost you over the next 12 months in missed sales?"
This is a great way to contrast "Buying your services" vs "Losing sales"
Highlighting offers
This laptop has 8GB of memory 25bGB hard drive and a 2.2ghz processor which costs £1125 and this laptop has 16gb of memory, 1TB SSD hard drive an i7 3.4GHz processor and a 5-year warranty for £1395
Take a look at pricing anchors. This is creating a contrasting frame at its best
Open Frame
Anything goes. What's on your mind right now and what do you feel like expressing?
There is a technique called WIFLE. What I Feel Like Expressing
This is an amazing frame to allow people to open up. Non-scripted.Imagine for a moment a new group of people meet at a training course. Typically these types of setting can have the room go around and say who you are, where you come from and what you want to get from the training. But imagine setting the frame for Just your name and then open..... say what you wish to, relevant at that time.
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This is session number 14 and no doubt if you've delved into NLP you will have heard, "The Map is Not The Territory". With its roots set in 1931 Science & Sanity, this is an essential part of understanding subjectivity. But what is the meaning of the map is not the territory?
But what the hell does it mean and why is this such an important part of NLP?
NLP is the study of excellence and the study of subjective experience. This last piece the study of subjective experience is where the map is not the territory kicks in.
No map regardless of how detailed will ever be a true representation of the actual terrain.
No amount of explanation of a personal experience will ever be the experienced in the same way by another person. A couple on the same holiday for two weeks, who spend every second together from the time they leave home, until the time they get back home. Will have very different interpretations of that holiday. Different memories, different likes and dislikes different experiences.
No movie watched by 2 people will ever be remembered in the same way either. Even the same movie watched again for the same person will lead to a different experience.
No NLP training will ever be experienced the same way by two people on the same course.
So consider the implications when most people respond to abstract communication. I saw an accident on the way to work! Think for a moment what that conjures up for you? Think how you are lead to assume so much information based on your own map.
Car accident, spilt coffee, a person with trousers on the wrong way!
Perhaps you do ask "What kind of accident?" and it turns out to be a car accident. But that's only that persons map and experience and not what happened.
Their map told them it was a car accident which they then related to you as a car accident. However, it could have been infinitely different from another persons map or reality!
Stunt driver in town on set filming Broken down car Previously damaged car just parked funny and on.....When you appreciate we all have our own maps you can begin to explore a person map in more details and begin to discover more.
Think about this in terms of disagreements, fights, and wars. These usually come from a misunderstanding of intention. A failure to recognize all factors, all opinions, and from relying on their maps of reality. When 2 maps don't align tension raises.
How many times have you heard people say, "Well, why didn't you just say so" in that moment when 2 realise they were on about the same thing!
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T.O.T.E stands for Test, operate, test, exit.
It is a dynamic feedback model that allows us to begin to understand what works and what doesn't.The tote model can be applied in just about every situation where you have a desired outcome in mind.
If you do have a desired outcome, that presupposes that you don't currently have that result otherwise, it would be your present state or current situation.
Now to transition from your present state to your desired state, you probably have an idea of what you need to do. However, this is where the T.O.T.E model kicks in.
"If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again." Intelligently!
What if after the first try at obtaining your desired state or outcome, you don't succeed? Well, simple. You try again. However, remember that great saying of Einstein?
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
Each time you review the process, you change the operation in some way which will undoubtedly lead to a slightly different result, is that your end result? Is that the desired state that you are after?
If not, repeat the test, but this time change the operation in some way which will change the result, take the new closer and closer to your desired outcome or state.
Once you reach and achieve the desired outcome that you are after, then you can exit.
T.O.T.E test, operate, test, exit.
This is how Edison made the lightbulb with over 1000 changes in the operation, Edison persevered as his desired result was a working lightbulb. Each failed attempt was a lesson learnt. Each lesson learnt, gave new insight into how to change the operation to get the desired result.
People don't like to be wrong. Often, people faced with failure will move on and ignore rather than change and adapt. The tote model is in perfect alignment with the NLP presupposition that there is no failures only feedback!
To put this into practice, think about the desired state you want to create, it could be confidence, it could be wittiness or even compassion. If your present state doesn't match your desired state, then you can enter that T.O.T.E model and make adjustments as you go until you achieve the state or outcome that you want.
In true T.O.T.E format, everything is a tote. Think about every phone call that you have. Is the conversation going in the way you'd like? Then make that change based on feedback.
How's your presentation going? Not to plan? If your performance isn't going as planned, then, it's not your desired outcome. So rather than bail and run away from the presentation or accept failure during it. How can you begin to change the operation which can incrementally lead towards your desired state and outcome?
Don't just think of a T.O.T.E as a big achievement model to get an end goal. Think of it as more of a way to move and adjust elegantly to life's challenges.
Discussions with your children or loved ones is a great example. If the conversation or tone isn't where you want it to be because you feel it's heading in the wrong direction, T.O.T.E.
In marketing terms, we call this testing and measuring. Just make sure you make the adjustments and continue to test.
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This is Episode 012 of the NLP In Action podcast. This session is all about controlling your state, by controlling your inner voice and the way it or should say you make you feel. Your inner voice is the one that is talking to you right now.
Perhaps even while you're listening, or reading this that internal voice is still chattering away. There's a chance is asking you because it wants to ask me where I'm going with this, or perhaps you're confirming to yourself that you've heard something like this before! this in a voice, or inner critic is with you all of us, however some people blame this inner voice and describe it as a piece of them that they simply can't control, it seems to have power over them and it makes them do things or perhaps in summary more cases not do the things that they want to.
The great news though, it's your inner critic. In the book the chimp paradox the author describes this as monkey mind. It's also referred to as monkey mind by certain Tai Chi practitioners. I like to refer it to it as, you! Trying to separate this is exactly the problem. This is a part of you, and you have full control over it, however some paradigms assume it's it, that has the control.
So how do you begin to relinquish this control over this seemingly wild train of thoughts? One of the ways I mention quite frequently is the type of questions you ask yourself. I've covered this in another podcast please check that out. Today's show is all about controlling this inner voice and sometimes our biggest critic by using sub-modalities. This is an NLP podcast after all! LOL
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This is session number 11 of the NLP in actions podcast and today's show is all about the Pattern Interrupt. So much of NLP is is flexible and not a one trick pony. Its tools, techniques, and principles are readily transferable and have the ability to integrate with others, creating amazing flexibility and profound changes. The pattern interrupt follows this exact same pattern of flexibility in its applications but it uses can seem so different.
What is a Pattern InterruptAs we discover in NLP, so much of what we do is pattern-based. We follow certain methods, models and procedures whenever we do certain tasks or things. These models are patterns and they allow us to generate and create certain outcomes and states. Some of these are beneficial and others aren’t. Let me give you an example of a not so good pattern.
Your alarm goes off at 6 AM you reach over with your right arm and hit snooze, three minutes later the alarm goes off again, and so does your arm, ready to hit the snooze button. This repeats several times until you finally decide it's time to get out of bed. You eventually get out of bed, you're not feeling too good, but you plod on as you do every single morning…….Because, this is your pattern. This also ties in nicely to the saying “if you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always got.” Our patterns allow us to run on autopilot which is a massive advantage most of the time. If our patterns are not helpful and create states we wish we weren't in, then patterns need to be interrupted.
An interruption in a pattern can dramatically transform a person state or outcome and there are so many ways to do this, so I'll explain a few here. Once you understand this principle, you can find new ways that you can use this and if you have any questions regarding these please do get in touch and I can go over some with you.
To go back to the example I gave above about lying in bed in the morning and snoozing eight times before deciding to get out. A change in pattern or change in strategy could be to move your phone or alarm to the other side of the room. The following morning when your alarm goes off at 6 AM you have no choice but to get out of bed to turn the alarm off, also decide prior to that, once the alarm goes off and you switch it off, you stand at the other end of your bedroom, open the curtains and do a big stretch and take three deep breaths. This is a pattern that you can decide upon, but whatever you do will create a dramatic change from what you were doing and you can most definitely expect a change in your state and how your morning normally runs.
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This is Episode 010 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about the Circle of Excellence. There are a few name variations to this but the principles are all the same. So just embrace the process and look for new applications and variations yourself. One of the main core skills of NLP is state management. Having the ability to manage your state in various circumstances has a massive positive impact. Most people let their states managed them. The Circle of excellence, sometimes known as the circle of confidence and many more variations is a simple process that allows a person to create a desired state, and then step into that any time that they choose. A person can have a number of these "desired states" for various applications, such as sales, negotiation, even having fun.
Superstars, presidents, and all types of people who are on stage, go through some sort of Circle of excellence process, to enable them to deliver not only their speech but their passion and enthusiasm.
The Circle of Excellence process
Decide on the resource or state. Choose a resourceful state that you would like to have more often.Imagine there's a circle on the floor in front of you, something the size that you can step into. Some people even like to mark this out.Time to elicit that state, so take some time, relax and breathe deeply. As this is a process of imagination, it's usually easier to do this with your eyes closed.Now elicit a strong resourceful state. really intensify that feeling, act as if you had that state intensely, notice the sensations, and feelings.Now project those intense feelings into the circle in front of you. Notice what colour they are, how they moving what's the size? Notice the sounds of feelings that come from that circle.Now, step into the circle when the feelings and emotions are at their peak. As soon as you get in there, intensify those feelings as much as you can, notice and feel the powerful emotions that are surrounding and flowing throughout your entire body. Breathe it in, and totally embrace it.Anchor that feeling with some natural gesture word or phrase. Some people use a body movement as an anchor that is in line with the state they are trying to produce.Don't let the intensity fade, step back out, shake off the feelings and return to a normal state. ( Questions like what do I have a breakfast on Wednesday is a great way to create a neutral state change).Now repeat the process, adding in where possible even more powerful emotions -
This is Episode 009 of the NLP In Action podcast and this session is all about representational systems, sometimes called rep systems in the world of NLP. Rep systems are yet another corner stone of NLP and without them, you will literally be in the dark.
A representational system, can be defined as particular senses we use to describe our experience of the world. There are 3 main and 5 overall representational systems for the purpose of this explanation. These are Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic, Olfactory and Gustatory Aka V.A.K.O.G in the vast majority of cases only the first 3 are used. With all practice, do what's necessary and then add in later once you have mastered the most relevant and useful steps.
Start to notice these representational systems in a persons choice of words. NLP calls these "predicates". This is meant to imply something relating to the representational systems used.
People will have a dominant or sensory preference that you'll be able to pick up in their language. The reason you'd want to know this is that it makes connecting with people far easier. Communicating in a person's sensory preference is a great rapport builder and I'm sure you've heard people say, "we were just on the same wavelength". There are a number of reasons for this but sensory preference matching is a great step in the right direction. Talking "their way" makes commInication flow as they do not need to swap over rep systems internally in an effort to make more sense of the communication.
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This is Episode 008 of the NLP In Action podcast. And you would understand why this is number 8 if you understood fully where I'm coming from. Metaphorically speaking! This session is on Perceptual Positions. Most of you even if you've never heard of this will do this in some ways most days. But.... when you add some structure and methodology it will allow you to become a more rounded, could I say balanced person. Understanding perceptual positions can allow you to be the ultimate placater and mediator.
What are Perceptual PositionsThe great news here is they are what they sound like. A perception of another position, in this case, another person's position, or understanding of an event, situation, or even and upcoming one for example.
What you need to know!As with all NLP, you will find variations to an on certain techniques. But as I aim to keep these in 10-minute shows I'll deliver and explain the most common 3 positions. I like to do this process in 2 separate rounds, but as with all NLP, you can simply mix and match until you get the desired result and or state. The first of the rounds is to allow you to obtain insights, and foresight, and the second round is the same thing but now applying those initial learnings and creating new learnings to give a new understanding. Round 1
1st Position or perspectiveAssociated. This means to see and assess the situation through your own eyes and senses. This is a very insular process and you need to imagine as if you are there. There is a linguistic pattern in NLP and we say, "see what you'd see, feel what you'd feel, hear what you'd here and notice those feeling inside..... what are you saying to yourself"? This is a great way to get your own fully rounded perspective firstly.
2nd Position or perspective"I wish you could walk a day in my shoes?" This is the process and step where you will Imagine what it is like to be the other person. Really begin to imagine what its like for them. Almost as if you are looking back at you listening to whats been said and how your are acting, How are you coming across to them? An interesting angle and easy for the self-critical, but try to be a little neutral and just understand more, now you have the opportunity too.
3rd Position or perspectiveEver noticed when the person is standing at the sideline of a discussion they step in after a few minutes of back and forth and are usually able to get a new and different perspective on the situation. One that perhaps neither of you had thought of as a solution or desired outcome. This third position is about detachment and really allows for a birds eye view of the situation. From this position, you can watch body language, posture and perhaps take the view of both and combine to make a new level of understanding. Its great to consider how differently the situation would pan out if you take on board this view. The 2nd Round Repeat the above steps again! "Mike I've already done them why again?" This time, you'll notice each position feels completely different. If you think about it. It's impossible to get the exact response as you now have a brand new set of understandings, viewpoint, and knowledge. As always practice, practice and practice some more...... It makes permanent, and it will allow you to be unconsciously competent at running this process. It very possible, with practice, that you are able to do this on the fly. Can you imagine how effective you'd be at understanding a situation or event if this were automatic?
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This is Episode 006 of the NLP In Action podcast. This episode is all about matching and mirroring. Perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused of all of the NLP tool-box.
What some believe and shouldn'tIf you match and mirror an individual's physiology pitch, pace and volume and more during an interaction you'll be able to create a rapid and solid rapport with them. There is a very fine line with matching and mirroring and it's not copying and mimicking. There is nothing worse than that.
Where did the matching and mirroring idea come from?Simple! You can observe this perfectly at work with people who are comfortable with each other. They will sit the same, breathe at the same pace, speak at similar volumes and gesture in a similar way. is very simple to see how this was discovered, and again how easy it would be to deduce that copying those patterns could, and would produce rapid cases of rapport. However, the thing that needs to be understood about this, is that these behaviours were happening on an unconscious level, therefore when the unskilled practitioner attempts to match and mirror it can happen on a very conscious level and could come across extremely awkward, and worst of all the person may realise that you're actually mimicking them which is not going to help report at all.
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This is Episode 005 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about eye accessing cues. Typically people who being to look into NLP at first, are very excited to learn that the way a person moves their eyes can tell you a lot about how they are experiencing the world and what they may be thinking.
In a nutshell, the eyes typically move in 6 directions while a person is talking
Up and Left
Up and Right
Across Left
Across Right
Down to the Left
Down to the RightHave you noticed this? Perhaps now I've said it you'll really begin to notice how much this happens. Great, please do as practice does make permanent.
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This is Episode 004 of the NLP In Action podcast. Technically this is directly related to NLP but it's something that needs to be understood from the get go. Now as you start to listen you'll hear things like Reticular Cortex and such like. Do not be put off by these. It gets interesting as we go along.
You'll find out a crucial part of you neurology and how you can begin to operate your brain more effectively. - Näytä enemmän
