Episodit
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This is part 2 of the situations that can feel tough around the holidays. We explore how we deal with grief, family dynamics and clashes and ways we can take care of ourselves and look for ways to enjoy what is available to us. Tips from a counsellor to consider for the holiday season.
Main topics of this episode:
Part 1 unpacked topics like anticipatory anxiety, routines, loneliness, overspending and transitions
196. When The Holidays Feel Hard (stress, anxiety, loneliness, overspending, transitions)- tips from a Counsellor
Dealing with grief over the holidays
When you need permission to grieve
The 4 tasks of grieving
Canadian Grief Support mygrief.ca
Family dynamics
Owning your own values
149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values)
Family roles
8 common family roles
134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids)
Boundaries help maintain a relationship vs barriers which block a relationship
Knowing when to use each one
Coping well, taking care of your capacity over the holidays
The Meeting Your Needs Series
Bringing the fun with you, you are allowed to enjoy moments
162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.
Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject)
163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun
Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable
When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email here
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:10
Hi, It is Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. And I'm just going to jump right into it. This episode is a follow up to 196 When Christmas feels hard, in that we introduced the concepts of making one shift for yourself this Christmas in the US things that feel hard. And we talked about anticipatory anxiety that you might be feeling stressed around the lack of routine, the pressures that we feel on Christmas spending money, being alone at Christmas being in a time transition. So those were all really great intros in situations that were shared. And I'm going to pick up and continue on with the topics of grief, family dynamics and boundaries. So the topic of grief was shared in the scenarios that women shared about the things that feel hard at Christmas. So there are things that we are grieving, we might be grieving this deed of the world right now, we might be grieving, a loss of what we thought this year would be. Maybe we're walking through a loss a loss of a person that you love, a loss of a relationship, a loss of a family, or friends system as you knew it. And if if someone has lost someone in the recent years, they're going through these seasons of life without that person for the first time. If someone has had a divorce or changes in their family, even if it was wanted, they're still left with this blank space that was once filled with familiar patterns and people and traditions they could rely on. And they know there are people grieving losses that happened over the past few years and didn't really get a chance to mourn during COVID Things have gone unaddressed. And new griefs can trigger old griefs. I wanted to share an experience that I had with grief around Christmas time. A few Christmases ago, during COVID, my mom had what was suspected to be a mini stroke, and she already had dementia. So from this, she was put into the hospital and then moved into a care facility. But at that time when it first happened, and she was in the hospital, she couldn't talk. She wasn't very responsive. She had to be spoon fed, she was in a wheelchair. And this was such a dramatic contrast to where she had just been. I mean, my dad had taken care of her for years. -
I asked listeners to share the tough scenarios they expect to encounter during the holidays and Christmas. I will start with Part 1, going through the themes of scenarios and sharing an idea on a shift you can try to make this season, from a counsellor's perspective. The goal is to give you some tools on how to handle the reality that life can still be hard and things can feel tough, especially around this time of year.
The interview with Brandi Hofer of Colour Me Happy Community
On Youtube - Brandi Hofer Studios
On the podcast - Colour Me Happy Community
Main topics covered in this episode:
The expectations of Christmas/The Holidays vs the emotions we carry as humans
156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions
Anticipatory anxiety, one way to deal with it
174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
Tough scenarios during the holidays, lack of routines
115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?
Overspending to make the holidays FEEL good
141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping)
Being alone or missing family during the holidays
Times of transition during the holidays
67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
Simple Christmas (all posts here)
FULL TRANSCRIPT
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Hey friends, it's Shawna Scafe, your nerdy girlfriend and counsellor from simple on purpose.ca I thought I would add my last name in there because I never say it and you're probably reading it and don't really know how to pronounce it. So nice to meet you guys. My Instagram used to be Shawna Scafe. But the way it was written everyone thought it was Sean is cafe. And people were genuinely wondering where my cafe was. And that would be so dreamy to have a cafe so but I don't, I don't have a cafe. So I just changed my instagram name to simple on purpose. Anyways, here you are, you're at the simple and purpose podcast. Welcome. And today has been a really busy day. This morning, I did an interview with brandy Hofer. She is a Canadian artist. She's a muralist. She's a portrait artist. She's an educator, she's a speaker, and I have followed her work for actually a lot of years now. And I just love her work. It's so beautiful. It's like a feast for the heart. It's just so wonderful. And I recently had commented on one of her Instagram posts, and she wrote me right back, and she asked me to come on your podcast, which was so cool. On one hand to be asked, because I just admire her so much. And on the other hand to realize she had a podcast, I hadn't missed that in the Instagram algorithm. So I said, Yes, I started listening to her podcast, it's called Color Me happy, which is also the name of her book that I just ordered. I'm excited about it. Because the more you talk to her and the more you listen to her podcast, the more you see just how have a real deal. She is like genuine, honest, open and passionate, like you can feel her passion for what she does, and for empowering other women. So her podcast is about being a community for motherhood and art, you don't have to be an artist to listen to it really like I listened to it. And it's women talking about issues that women deal with in different areas of entrepreneurship and motherhood. So I'm gonna link her in the show notes, I recommend following her everywhere, and getting your book in follow your podcasts, especially because she's Canadian. And we let just love fellow Canadians around here, don't we? So then, after I did that, I went to put on my long johns, because there's snow here today walk down to my kids school, because they're all in the same school this year. And because they're in the same school, I thought I should probably help out, I should be more involved. So I signed up to become a noon hour supervisor, which as I say it, I'm like, -
Puuttuva jakso?
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A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits.
This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom
In this episode, we discuss topics such as:
relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnout
opportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation
188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)
189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood
the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning rest
how we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom
67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)
the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings
185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them)
142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change)
Show up for your life
getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work
the Instagram post you all loved about rest
the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashing
meeting your needs
the series is right here
Join the Simple Saturdays newsletter right here
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.
0:17
So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life.
0:31
So this episode is a follow up to the last episode where I was unpacking that concept of asking yourself in moments where you are finding yourself with a desire to relax, am I being lazy? Or am I overwhelmed, because when we can differentiate between the two, we can handle it accordingly.
0:48
When we're overwhelmed, we've maxed out we've reached capacity. And I've talked about that window of tolerance. That's that range where we feel a sense of resource and ability to deal well with the day in all its demands. being overwhelmed takes us out of that window of tolerance. And we have this dilemma of actually being worn out and needing rest. But then that voice comes in that says, if you're resting, you're lazy, you should be doing this or that.
1:09
So in that moment, we have a choice, we can be lazy, or we can go and get more things done. One leads to guilt fueled pseudo arrest, the other leads to even more burnout.
1:20
A concept I've shared over the years is the concept of opportunity cost. And that is the acknowledgement that when we say yes to one thing, we say no to the other, and vice versa.
1:30
For example, if I say yes to a day of work, and all that comes with it, career advancement, maybe job satisfaction, a wage, etc, then I say no to maybe being a stay at home, parent, and all the stuff that would happen then if I was a stay at home parents, someone's there to do chores, make meals, childcare, whatever, vice versa, there's no wrong choice. I'm just saying these simple choices, we are weighing against our own values and goals have a cost on either side.
1:56
But as moms when it comes to the opportunity cost of rest. We live in a culture where we have put ourselves into the transaction.
2:04
We tell ourselves this math, if I say no to me, resting, I say yes to getting more stuff done. And since I live in a culture where busy is glorified, I should choose that. Or vice versa. If I say no to getting stuff done, I'm saying yes to me being a lazy mum. -
Do you ever find yourself trying to rest or relax and get this nagging voice telling you that you are being lazy? As moms, this can be a nightly experience, when we finally get the kids down and would like to unwind. Instead, our R&R gets hijacked by this notion that if we aren't doing chores, hobbies, exercise, etc then we are being lazy. But, odds are you are NOT a lazy mom, rather you are overwhelmed.
In this episode we cover some of these topics (and related links you might like):
The original blog post When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed
Naming our experience
The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)
Societal expectations on moms
188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)
Self-definition (limiting identities)
76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)
Three ways we are exhausted during the day
Physical exhaustion
Emotional exhaustion, mirror neurons, our kids' emotions
117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves)
113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving)
Mental exhaustion, mental load, decision fatigue
144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE
The counter-argument of 'just be more organized'
11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler
133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better
How do we handle this voice telling us that we are lazy
Window of tolerance
understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower)
Knowing when you are overwhelmed and when you are feeling lazy
180. Self-care, self-comfort, self-love & what we have learned from our mothers
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
Get the wallpapers for the Beautiful Words Episode right here
All of the Simple Christmas posts are right here
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:00
Hey it's Shawna, you're near to go find a counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the Simplon purpose podcast.
0:17
So it's December guys we made it is December. And today when I'm recording this, it's snowing in BC, which I know what's going to make it beautiful here, except I have to drive out of town for a hockey tournament. So That's never fun to be driving through these kinds of conditions. But hey, that's the life of a Canadian parent with a kid in winter sports, traveling through all the conditions, bringing all the snacks and the vitamins and the gear is just like a whole thing, isn't it?
0:42
So we're in December, many of us are thinking about Christmas planning for it, whatever you're celebrating, we're thinking about it. And I do like to share content that is seasonally relevant. And often I would share a lot of posts about Christmas. But I've shared so much in the past that I'm not going to rehash all of it. Again, I'm just going to lead you to the archives of all of the posts all of the episodes about all of the things when it comes to simplifying Christmas, and having your Christmas be intentional and purposeful in something that you just show up for and enjoy. So stop by the link in the show notes for a little landing page for all of that.
1:19
I'm going to talk about a well loved post that I shared a few years back called I stopped calling myself a lazy mom. And when I wrote it, I was writing it from that experience of feeling like I was momming hard all day long, three small kids.
1:34
Just reminder, my kids now are 12,11, and nine. So when they were all at home, they were all like close in age and it was like hot, hot and heavy situation. -
Words are incredibly powerful, they can communicate exactly what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, in sometimes as little as a single sentence. But that only works when we understand ourselves and have the vocabulary necessary to name our lives. Join me today as I talk about nine beautiful words from other cultures that capture the heart of simple and intentional living and discuss how they can influence your life.
Naming our experience
The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)
117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
The Facebook Community Group
Hygge
Hygge vs Minimalism
Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life
174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
30 Ways to Hygge When It Is Cold Outside
Lagom
164. How I am finding balance in my life this year
189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood
Sisu
11. The Finnish Way (sisu) + Do we need so much pantry space?
49. Facing change and uncertainty with a growth mindset
139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE
Kaizen
78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)
11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler
133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better
150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement
3. Brain dump, kid’s clothes storage, minimum baseline to change habits.
175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?
Meraki
192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)
For the mom who is ‘waiting’ for life to happen
176. When you don’t know what you want in life. Life on purpose for the non-dreamer
Hurdles to being a mom who has dreams and hobbies
191. Are you idling on your goals or moving them forward (passive action vs massive action)
163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun
Simple Christmas, and The On Purpose workbooks
The Simple Christmas Planner
All the Simple Christmas posts
Life on Purpose Academy
All of the On Purpose Workbooks
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
📱GET THE WALLPAPER downloads for the words discussed in this episode
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:10
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast.
0:18
So welcome new friends, old friends, this is a podcast for anyone looking to be more intentional with how they're living. And we talk about ways that you can declutter the home, the heart, the life, in order to make space to get rid of the distractions and the clutter and make space for the important things, the things that matter to you.
0:37
And to let you know who I am, if you're new here, I'm Shawna. I am a Canadian. And I am a mom of three as well as a counselor. And I've been blogging for about a decade at simple on purpose, where we talk about decluttering intentional living and motherhood and I offer coaching and counseling services. Online. I'm an online counselor if you are looking for an online counselor coach.
0:59
Alright, so today I want to share some of my favorite words with you. And these are not English words. But these are words that you might have seen floating around the internet, and maybe you haven't heard some of them. They are words that I've picked up through the years. And I've probably shared about some of them, and I've just pondered on them. And I'm sharing these specific words, there's going to be nine of them for two reasons.
1:20
The first reason is that they are words that embody a lot of the concepts, -
We live in an audience-performer culture it is hard to know which decisions we are making for ourselves and which ones we are making for others. What you buy differently, how would you spend your time differently, how would you be differently without feeling like the world is watching?
In this episode:
The song that started it all: "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton
How hard it can be to 'play' as an adult
126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)
Doing things for an outcome
Fashion, identity, and societal influences
Simple style posts (capsule wardrobes, 30for30 challenge, dressing your age)
Spending habits
The Audience-Performer culture of social media
Influencers in the wild (article on it here)
What is sacred vs what is for sharing online
Our lives as content, for external validation and approval
Being part of society, while also being ourselves
188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (How Online Communities Impact Your Motherhood Experience)
Being valuable and fitting in
Learning self-definition through the reflection of others
Moving from external validation to internal validation
134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids)
Women and beauty standards of our culture
What does it mean to be a woman when no one is looking?
Making decisions that are true to you and your passions and preferences, how to get started in small ways
Validating the little things for yourself
Connect!
Make sure to share your thoughts and questions in the Simple on Purpose community facebook group!
What would you like to hear about when it comes to the topic of Simple Living?
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Full transcript (unedited)
0:10
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simpler purpose podcast. Around here we talk about ways to simplify your home, your heart and your life. So my aim is to help us all slow down, quiet the noise, remove the distractions and just look up for a minute at your life and consider what you want to keep and what you want to let go of.
0:35
So this week, I'm a little under the weather, I took a sick day yesterday. And that actually worked out well because one of my kids needed a soul care day. So we took it slow together, we each took turns having a hot salty bath with a TV show on the iPad and warm drinks. We did some brain dumping on paper, you know, get out all those stressful thoughts and feelings inside, listen to music went and bought vitamins. It was a it was kind of a beautiful day, even though I didn't feel great. And I think hot, salty baths, match that with a coffee and an Advil, boom, this is this is why I'm here right now, I can make some progress over the next four hours of my day. And then I'm probably going to move on to burgers and a hot toddy. Because I'm pretty sure that's the cure for a cold. And I should be good by tomorrow. I'm sure of it, I'm sure of it.
1:25
So today I want to talk to you about a concept that has just been rattling around in the back of my brain for years now. And it's a notion that I like to hold up to the different areas of my life. And just consider how it shows up in these different areas. So I think about it often. And I wanted to share it here because I think it might be interesting to you maybe even helpful for you too. And I'm going to share this concept by sharing some quick stories. I promise they're all gonna end up going in the same direction. But it's a little bit of circle time vibes right now. So go get a pillow and a coffee meet me on the circle rug.
2:02
On a cold Canadian day in February, almost 13 years ago, I was in early labor with my first child. My husband was driving us to the hospital in the hospitals over an ... -
When we think about the motivation we have to take action, we can sometimes take action that is more passive. The type of action that feels productive but doesn't quite move us in a forward direction. This concept from Brooke Castillo contrasts passive action and massive action.
In this episode, I discuss topics such as:
How simplifying the home leads to an aim for intentional living
living intentionally and overcoming complacency
self-motivation and limiting beliefs
the concept of passive action vs massive action
the discomfort of taking action
The upcoming workshop on motivation can be found right here at the Life on Purpose Academy
Related episodes you might like
140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose
139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?
Two Months In To The #onesmallhabit Challenge
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Full Transcript (unedited)
0:11
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy Brooklyn counselor from simple americans.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm Shawna, I'm a mom of three. And the whole aim of this podcast is to just be a time for us to take a minute, slow down. Take a breath. I know sometimes I just hear that word breath. And it reminds me to take a breath. And my aim is to help you to stop and take stock of what feels like too much. What maybe it feels like not enough. Where are we on autopilot? What is distracting us? And most importantly, what do we want? What do you want? And I aim to help you move forward with all of these questions, I aim to help you simplify and it might start with decluttering, your home, a drawer or a closet. And we're quickly going to see as I did that, decluttering it helps us to declutter ourselves, if decluttering our space helps us to declutter ourselves. And as we do that, we're also inspired to declutter our lives. And so I often say, I'm here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. But all of that clearing that space so that we can fill it with something different so that we can fill our homes, ourselves, our hearts, our lives, our days, with what matters to us. And that's the life on purpose part. So I'm just want to acknowledge that this recording is different. I'm in a hotel right now. And right before I was leaving, yesterday morning, I was searching that was everywhere for this special little adapter that I needed. So I could plug in my microphone, my usual microphone to the computer that I was bringing the laptop. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's such a mystery to me where it has gone. So when I do finally find is going to be somewhere probably ridiculous. Like a kid's duffel bag in the basement or an old like, bin of wrapping paper or something i I'm just it's a mystery of where I could put it anyways, I'm in a hotel right now I'm at a conference, I'm at a counseling conference, and learning some great things, meeting some great people. Anyways, here we are on a Friday night together in a hotel.
2:15
And I am also going to say it's been a long day for me my brain. It's Monday, it's been a long day, and seven o'clock. And I thought yeah, maybe I can just push this episode back a week. But I needed to tell you about the motivation workshop I'm holding on Friday. And I needed to get this done so that it could be edited this weekend. So I need to get it done tonight. So I had to motivate myself. I had to use all my own tools to get this done. Do all of my motivation tricks. Here we we talk a lot about being on autopilot, and about moving into living intentionally living on purpose. And I think sometimes about who I was pre life on purpose, pretty simple on purpose. And just how complacent I was how reactive I was. I was living in a house that had a lot of stuffs. -
This is part two of a two-part series about planning your day. If you haven't listened to part one (episode 189), I highly recommend you do so and then come right back to listen to this one. Join me as I guide you through a typical day in my life as a work-from-home mom. I discuss how I use time-blocking, rhythms and answer your questions .
In this episode I discuss:
My typical weekday
My weekly rhythms for work, home and family
Time-blocking
How the changing seasons also change my days
Family life, priorities and routines
Answering some questions I’ve been asked about planning my days
Exercise, laundry, meal prep, groceries, planning the week
Derailed plans
All the fun links you might enjoy
Family rhythms (setting your own, and worksheets) Family Rhythms + free worksheet
Planning the week with your partner What happened in my marriage when we started weekly calendar meetings
Exercise for wellbeing 184. Movement as self-care (exercise for wellbeing, not weight loss)
Establishing a chore routine 61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores)
Creating your own simple cleaning routines Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)
Working on your sense of capability 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?
170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use)
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Upcoming workshops and coaching:
The Oct 13 group coaching session
The Oct 27 workshop on motivation
Full transcript (with timestamps)
0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.
0:16
This episode is part two, actually. So I would encourage you to go back to the previous episode and listen to that first. These episodes are on planning my day planning my week and the first episode I talked about applying that concept of if everything matters, nothing matters. And I think that's just really a good foundation to have in the back of your mind when you're thinking about filling your day, and how you're going to fill your day. So I encourage you to go back and listen to that.
0:42
Let's talk about my typical day, which is a question you guys have asked me. I kind of like hearing on other people's days, I don't know, I they used to do that Instagram challenge, like a day in the life or I forget what it's called, like one hour every? I don't know. Anyways, I thought it was really interesting. I like to peek in on how other people were spending their time. So I'm going to talk about my day and then answer a bunch of questions that you guys have sent in.
1:09
So my typical day, week day, I'm going to wake up around 720. And I have a timer for the Internet and like the Internet app on my phone. So the kids can't turn the TV or iPad on until seven because they were waking up really early just to watch TV. So they are watching a little bit of TV by the time I'm up. And I get up, we all kind of get ready, the kids leave. Generally, they're all over the door by 830. And then I can eat breakfast, make a coffee and get started on my workday.
1:38
So I spend my day working, I break for lunch in lunchtime. I like to like go out in the kitchen, listen to a podcast, maybe go outside, if the weather's nice, maybe go for a 10 minute walk, go back to work. And you know, because I'm working from home, I can do things like throw the laundry through, get the meat out of the freezer, because we're always forgetting to build a meat out army, do a quick living room tidy when the kids are heading out the door. And I head back to work.
2:04
So the kids come home between three and 330. Actually, my oldest usually comes on first. So we actually get about like 10 or 15 minutes to just cat... -
Planning your day, week, month, even year is a great way to stay organized and on top of life, but it can become overwhelming and cluttered very quickly if you are not careful. When we plan without intention, and without knowing what the important things are, then we will be stuck in a lot of distractions and autopilot priorities. Join me in the first of a two part series about planning your day as a mom.
In this episode I discuss:
My first blog and how it changed my outlook
The post that started the original blog My C-Section & The Feelings I Was Ashamed to Admit
Advice for working-from-home moms
A strategy I used to plan my day with kids at home How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps)
Simplifying mom life 11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler
Some tips for how you can look at your available time
Honouring your season, validating the season you are in What Moms of Toddlers Need to Hear
Doing the hard thing to make life easier
Simplifying your life, consider the resources of your life
The Simplify Your Life Series (with worksheets)
Values and vision worksheets available in the free resources
Knowing your own values 149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values)
Knowing the vision for the nine areas of your life Know Where You Are Going (why vision setting matters + free LIVE YOUR VISION worksheets)
Establishing family rhythms (worksheets too!) 28. How to plan your summer on purpose, family rhythms we have and how to set ones you love.
Doing the work of small consistent habits 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Upcoming workshops and coaching:
The Oct 13 group coaching session
The Oct 27 workshop on motivation
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:10
Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. If you are just joining welcome, it's great to have you here. I'm Shawna, I'm a counselor, I'm a mom of three, living in Canada. And my whole goal with this podcast is to help you just take a minute slow down, get centered on the things that really matter to you and encourage you to clear out all of the distractions and the excess that keeps you from showing up well for your life.
0:38
Some fun things around our house these days, we're doing that closet Reno, you might have seen the pictures and the simple Saturdays emails, I'm going to share more on that in the future because we had to reduce the size of the office to increase the size of the closet. And I feel like it's just kind of had a few aha moments for me. So hoping to share on that in the future. If you have questions about it. I want to answer those questions. So send me those questions over Instagram or the synthesizers email, or in the Facebook group.
1:05
Of course, we've got some kids in hockey, hockey has started. We've got a kid in theater. So my social life is really just saying hi invite other moms. Essentially, thank goodness my bestie calls me on the telephone like an OG bestie that she is, it's awesome.
1:23
I'm recording this before Thanksgiving in Canada, we're celebrating it this coming weekend. So Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians.
It's amazing that Thanksgiving can be such a social, like special time. It's one of the best holidays, I think it really is just about gathering and eating. Two of my favorite things. Gathering in small doses though, I am an introvert.
Alright, so in this episode about planning your day, I was asked to talk about how I plan my day how I structure my week how I get things done the various forms of the question asking the same thing. And I did have a lot to say I wanted to offer you a lot of my reflections. So I'm going to do this episode into two parts. This will be the first part, I encourage you to listen to it first and then move on to the next. -
How has Instagram shaped our culture and expectations around motherhood? As moms, we often turn to our phones for a sense of community. Being online can be a great way to keep in touch with old friends, make new connections, or get inspiration for your life. But not every online experience can be positive, and sometimes we find ourselves scrolling through our phones, feeling overwhelmed about our own motherhood. In my experience as a counsellor, working with moms, I see first-hand that the online culture we create has a strong impact on how we FEEL about our own motherhood.
In this episode:
The role of social platforms in creating a community for moms
The difference between in-person friendships and online friendships
How we relate differently to real-life moms vs moms online
The ways our culture shapes us
The impact our culture has on our roles as mom, wife, woman
The responsibility we have to choose a culture that uplifts us
All the fun links you might enjoy
Moms30for30 wardrobe challenge
When I instagrammed my own life, and not my kids
#instamomclub (an OG blog post on being a mom on instagram)
Emotional needs in motherhood\ (on looking for sense of connection)
Why you should date your friends’ (investing in friendship)
Think the best of me (on being hard and awesome)
Phone habit, episodes and worksheets
Your phone habits on autopilot
Intentional phone habits and boundaries
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Monthly group coaching sessions
Share your thoughts with me:
Instagram
Facebook
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:11
Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counsellor from simple on purpose .ca
0:18
If you are new here, I'll let you know I am Shawna I'm a mom of three kids. I live in small town BC. And my simple on purpose journey really started with me many years ago decluttering my basement, and in decluttering, these boxes of stuff, I was really face to face with the notion that I was living complacent, complacently, that I was not living the life that I wanted, I was not in the driver's seat of my own life. And it launched me into this approach called intentional living, living life on purpose, which eventually led me to training in coaching and counseling.
0:53
And over the years, I've been working with women all over the world on the issues that they feel stuck in, to help them simplify declutter all of that, and live their own lives on purpose, with their own purpose, their own values, their own vision for their life.
1:09
I want to talk about our culture today, and specifically our online culture. And I'm thinking about how I started out with my own experience about 10 years ago being at home with a toddler and a newborn. And I was fortunate enough to have a best friend who I would walk with most every day. And sidenote, I look back on that now. And I see that that was one of the things that truly kept my sanity in those early years.
1:34
But other than my best friend, I didn't really have a support network, I didn't have family around, my husband would work long hours and shift work. She was my village. And that's a lot for one person, right. And so she wasn't my entire village.
1:47
So I did what many moms do and have done, and I formed an online village specifically on Instagram, I like tothink I'm an OG Instagrammer, which probably explains my personal aversion to ever making a real, I made a real by accident this week, though, I thought I was making a video. But then it got posted as a real I don't even know what I'm doing. But please don't ever expect reels from me. I will be in your stories. But please don't expect reels.
2:13
Anyways, so the original Instagram, we were just sharing photos and updates of our day. And at that time was finding a lot of other moms in the same boat. -
Coach, counsellor and mom shares on emotional awareness, the myth of happy, and how we can change our lives by learning to get better at feeling - instead of always chasing 'feeling better'
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.
In this episode I discuss:
Can we use happiness as a measurement of success in life, marriage and parenting?
The pursuit of 'feeling better'
Feelings as a parent
Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness?
When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed
Are you aware of your emotions?
How are we coping with our feelings (dealing rather than feeling)
All feelings are welcome
Three things to know about feeling negative emotions
Feeling in the moment
All the fun links you might enjoy
Coaching Sessions
Emotions on Purpose Workshops
Sept 15th call BDAY bonus discount
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Find me on Instagram
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:10
Hey friends, welcome back. Welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. As you know, I take the summer off, so that I could be, you know, momming it up with all of the kids at home and doing counseling and working my environmental health job making those work.
0:27
I also secured myself in office space in town so that while everyone was home, I could have that space to go to we were also doing rentos. If you're in this simple Saturday's email, you've heard all about this, we were doing rentals between my office in our bedroom closet, and I have a wall up now I have a wall in my office, I am all back put together. In my own little office space, it's reduced its size, I'll make sure to share some photos as we're getting it all put together. It's kind of exciting thing. Last night, I was up googling artwork in my office. Now that I don't have enough artwork laying around the house. But here we go. I wanted to have a fresh piece of art. That's always exciting.
1:09
Anyways, here we are September. And I don't know about you. But in September, I tend to have this sentiment where I reflect and remember a year ago, remember what the kids were doing and what grades they were going into what we were doing what I was doing with my life, what was different and like how much has changed. And I think this is something people might ask themselves around January, you no fresh new year, but I think I'm the kind of person who asks, is it in September, maybe because the kids are moving up a grade in school, maybe because my birthday is at the end of August. But it's almost like a metaphorical Page Break in my year.
1:45
And as I'm thinking like, oh, what were we doing a year ago, I also think what will next year be? And I don't get stressed about this question or like worried what decisions will I make? But I asked it with hope that I'm gonna set some intention. What do I want to happen? What do I want to be doing this time next year? Where do I want to be?
2:05
And so I'm thinking last September, I knew that that was going to be my year really focusing on one to one, counseling and coaching. And I also knew at that time that a year from now, this September, I was going to return to these online group settings. I've done them in the past, I've loved them so much. And as I went through this past year, even I was getting questions is Is the life on purpose Academy running? Are you doing group programs, and I did one group session this year, a handful of you came to that and we left the call with women saying can we do this again, like I want to come to the next one. So now is the time now is the time that I committed to doing that. It was something that I put on the backburner with hopes and anticipation that I would come back to it.
2:51
So this fall, you can expect two things from me one is I'll be he... -
This spring I reflected on our finances and felt a sense of defeat over where I was vs where I wanted to be. I had to acknowledge aspects like lifestyle creep, inflation and inattention to contribute to this. This prompted me to ask the Simple Squad (Facebook group) to join in a challenge to do life with less this summer.
In this episode
Acknowledging the privilege of doing a challenge like this, by choice
Reflecting on the cultural expectations for what we need ‘have/do’ as relevant, acceptable adults in society
The lifestyle creep, the new baseline cost of maintaining our life
The impact of inflation on our daily lives, in Canada
Joining the challenge in the Facebook group
The different intentions participants have in how they aim to live with less
My weekly goal of living less (the little things matter)
Tracking spending
Join the facebook group
Check out the spotify playlists to find episodes by topics
Sign up for Simple Saturdays email
Follow me on Instagram
Related to simple living
141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping)
You Can Simplify Your Life Series
63. Why it is hard to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, and what to do about it
Five Ways We Justify Needless Shopping
7 Eye-Opening Lessons I Learned From 200 Days Of Buying Nothing New
127. Planning your Summer on Purpose (Tips for Moms)
Links mentioned
CBC marketplace - the inflation survival guide
Fun cheap or free envelope budget strategy
Full transcript (unedited)
0:07
Hey friends, it's Sean me your nerdy girlfriend, Counselor therapist.ca. I know the podcast is wrapped up for this summer. But I wanted to stop by and share a summer challenge that I'm posting in the Facebook group. So the Facebook group, if you've looked for in in the past, yes, it was closed, it is reopened right now, if you want to join, the challenge is called Life with less the life with less challenge. And this challenge was motivated by a conversation I was having with my best friend about debt and managing money and the kind of bigger vision that we have for ourselves financially. And carrying debt, it might be one thing, but in this climate that we're in of inflation, where everything about life is just so much more expensive. Now, it's forcing us to stop and consider what we are doing.
So I thought, as we ourselves are talking about buckling down, it's probably a common experience that a lot of us are having right now. And I wanted to do it alongside the simple squad, that's the Facebook group.
Now, before I go on about this, I just want to acknowledge that making this sort of thing a challenge, it feels trivial. And it really highlights my privilege. I can think for me growing up, we had to live with less because there wasn't really a choice. Otherwise, we didn't go back to schools, clothes shopping every year, we didn't eat out very often or ever. We didn't get the fancy snacks. We didn't go on trips, our needs were met. But my parents wouldn't have to say what can we cut out what's extra that we can cut out of our lives because they were already accounting for all of those pennies.
So I feel that, for me to now be an adult and aware that I just want to live in low my means as a way to be a good steward of what I have, it's a luxury, it's a luxury to just simply desire this change, rather than naturally having it imposed on me.
So as I talk about the life with less challenge and the things that we're aiming to challenge ourselves with, I'm a white middle class woman with the privilege to call this a challenge. I'm aware of that. And I acknowledge that. And I think we just need to acknowledge that before we carry on with having this kind of conversation.
So in the Facebook group, we've already started talking about this challenge. And we opened up the first weekly thread to share. -
How are we told we SHOULD feel in motherhood, versus how do we truly feel in motherhood?
We spend a lot of time and energy living in default emotions, while hustling to shift away from uncomfortable emotions and into more comfortable emotions. I want to open up your options for empowering emotions that you can feel in motherhood, emotions that generate capacity instead of exhaustion. And I want to have the conversation about HOW we are meeting our emotional needs in effective or ineffective ways.
Covered in this episode:
Our emotional experience matters
What memories are you making in motherhood (and how it can change your motherhood experience)
day after day of feeling overwhelmed in our bodies
Is Self-Care the Answer When Motherhood Sucks?
Our emotions need to be addressed
when we address how we feel and what we do with those feelings, we gain power and opportunities
Do we have basic emotional needs?
What we are TOLD we will feel in motherhood (what we go into motherhood expecting to feel) versus what we actually feel in motherhood
114. Being a Mom, on Purpose (it’s not about happy, obedient kids)
Should ‘Happy Kids’ Be Our Parenting Goal?
156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions
What most moms say they want to feel in motherhood
66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife
69. Will a simpler home bring me peace?
What getting dressed each day taught me about meeting my emotional needs
The Baby That Always Cried (Our Story With Esophagitis)
Mothering Through Anxiety
God’s Grace Through Difficult Parenting
the moms30for30 posts
When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids
Chasing happiness and peace vs other emotions we could be pursuing in our day
Emotional needs of motherhood
Questions to ask yourself:
How are you meeting that emotional need? In an effective way or an ineffective way?
Where are you in terms of meeting this need (shut off the need and avoid needing it, or overcompensate and need a lot of it?)
Some emotional needs you might not be aware you have:
Connection
Productivity
When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
Productivity Needs A Purpose
149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values)
170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use)
Appreciation/Validation
Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
62. My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn’t care about me (love languages and expectations in marriage)
Confidence
Being confident in the mom you are
115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?
Enjoyment/joy
do you withhold joy from yourself?
138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself
When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject)
Accomplishment
Nurturing
Contentment, happiness, joy
Pride
Security
Relaxed
Belonging
Self-expression, creativity
Autonomy
Adventurous
Motivated, energized
Things to consider
all our actions are us trying to meet our needs the best we know how, and we are all trying to feel more of what we WANT to feel and less of what we DON'T want to feel
Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all interrelated
Our use of our emotional energy matters
Towards and Away Motivation
Staying connected over the summer
Catch up on the Spotify Playlists
The Facebook group, reopened if you were wanting to join it
Follow along Instagram
Join the Simple Saturdays email, the virtual coffee date with your Nerdy Girlfriend
Full transcript (unedited)
0:00 -
I have gone from be an avid gym-avoider, unathletic, didn't even own a pair of running shoes, complacent with my health in many ways to someone who PRIORITIZES movement as a way to improve and maintain my sense of wellbeing. I want to share how I got here, what makes exercise tough and simple ways to get started with moving more.
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.
Topics covered in this episode
What I learned about exercise as a kid. 1:54
The ideal body has shifted over generations.
The modern human moves around 30% less than the 1960s.
Learning from the culture around us. 3:50
Learning from culture and home culture.
Limiting identities and how they shape us.
What Is physical literacy? 6:12
Lack of physical literacy, lack of motivation, knowledge and understanding.
The importance of movement.
The wake-up call I had
Getting started with yoga
It’s not about the goal but about the process. 11:05
Challenging the lifelong belief of complacency.
The benefits of exercise.
How exercise changes the brain’s anatomy. 13:42
Exercise changes the brain's anatomy, physiology and function.
Exercise reduces stress and cortisol.
How exercise can help with depression? 15:07
Exercise can provide temporary anxiety relief.
The benefits of prolonged exercise for over 20 minutes.
Exercise can be a form of meditation.
What will keep you from experiencing the benefits of exercise
Perfectionism, all or nothing, using exercise as a distraction
How exercise helps you care for yourself better
Increasing capacity and showing up better. 19:19
Why exercise is hard
Our relationship to our bodies
The resistance and excuses our brain gives us when we are faced with potential pain (hard work)
Building a dopamine pathway for exercise
Strategies for incorporating movement into your life. 21:40
Consistency is key to long-term motivation.
Consider yourself 20 years from now
Exercise, with a toddler at home
Links related to the episode
References
Books
Move by Caroline Williams
The Joy of Movement by Kelly McGonigal
Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
Move the Body, Heal the Mind by Dr. Heisz
Episodes, articles and studies
The brain-changing benefits of exercise by Wendi Suzuki
Move the body, heal the mind on the Art of Manliness podcast, with Dr. Jennifer Heisz of NeuroFitLab
Physical literacy
The secret to why exercise is so good for mental health. 'Hope Molecules'
The truth behind 'runners high'
Blog posts/my stories
My VBAC Birth Story
I’ve Been Living On Auto-Pilot and I’m Changing My Ways (aka Why Running Makes Me Cry)
I’m Running My First 5k. Here’s Why
Umm…I Thought You Were Running a 5km?
164. How I am finding balance in my life this year
Building self trust
Athletic skillz, according to 12 year old me
What We Say About Ourselves (and why it matters) Limiting Identity
78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)
150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement
I would love to hear from you on Instagram, find me @simpleonpurpose.ca
Or reply to me anytime through the Simple Saturdays email (if you want to join that fun, twice-a-month email, sign up here!)
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:07
Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. And if you're new here, welcome to just give you like a quick nutshell about simple and purpose. I am Shawna, I'm a mom of three kids, I'm a counselor. And over the years, I have shared my journey online at simple on purpose.ca. With simplifying my home, decluttering my home, -
I am a decades-long nightowl, but it doesn't always serve me well in motherhood. Some years ago I made 'sleep' my health goal (not becoming a morning person, but simply heading to bed earlier). I want to share the benefits of sleep and strategies that can help you give up that nightowl life.
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.
In this episode I talk about:
How sleep was handled in our upbringing
How technology impacts our experience of motherhood
The cultural expectations for sleep and self-care as it pertains to moms
How moms are trying to get self-care, in ways that it impacts their sleep
The benefits of sleep
Being a nightowl, the benefits and the costs
Strategies to set a sleep goal
Addressing the things that keep us up
Strategies to make sleep easier
Building up self-trust with yourself
The need for rest
Having more rest in your day and week
All the related links:
Grave's disease (My Thyroid, My Frenemy {Grave’s Disease to Hypothyroid}
Reading books instead of social media (4 simple habits that make my momlife better)
Studies and information on the benefits of sleep:
the Sleep Foundation
Memory consolidation (Healthy Sleep, Harvard)
The role of sleep in emotional processing
Intentional phone habits episodes + worksheets
Feeling addicted to your phone
Setting intentional phone habits
Brain dump (blog post)
Magnesium drink powder to help you relax, and this one to help you sleep
Ashwaganda
Blue light blockers (the ones I use here)
Enable red tint on your phone (instructions here)
Greyscale your phone (instructions here)
Study on blue lights and circadian rhythms
Huberman Lab Toolkit for Sleep
Exercising for better sleep (John Hopkins Medicine)
Building self-trust with yourself (podcast episode)
Getting a day of rest, as a mom (podcast episode)
Church and chill day (family rhythms)
Full transcript (unedited)
0:08
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. And I'm excited for what we're going to talk about today we're going to talk about the topic of rest. We're continuing on with the series on meeting your needs. In the last episode, we talked about nourishment. And I told you, I was going to continue on sharing these basic needs, we have these basic actions of self care. And I don't want to tell you what to do. But I want to share my journey with it. And with each topic, I want to address the culture that impacts how we relate to this basic need, and how I've changed my own mindsets about it over the years. Additionally, the strategies that have helped me with this basic need that have helped me to take better care of myself. Today we're going to talk about sleep and I want to share with you how I went from what I see myself as a night owl. A morning tragedy. tragedy is a good word for it. And someone who never really intentionally rested in a week. And I think I've really become someone now who loves an early night. I love a good tuck in. I'm not a morning tragedy, maybe I've downgraded but maybe a morning bumbler would be a better, I'm still not awesome in the mornings. And I think I am someone who prioritizes rest in the week. And you maybe can feel that I'm painting a picture of how I used to be this night owl. I have been a night owl since I can remember. I was a teenager with insomnia. That's how I would have labeled myself. I just adopted that mold of being a night owl. And that reputation of just being a miserable human being upon the waking hours. If you ask my little sister, she'll tell you, the many glares and snares that her otherwise happy sister would dish out to the whole family at seven in the morning like these innocent bystanders.
1:59
Just getting my wrath, my morning wrath. And as a teenager, -
If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, consider how you meet your basic needs - especially how you feed yourself well and often. In this episode, I share my journey to ensure I am nourishing myself, as a busy mom. Including 11 different strategies that I find help to make sure I am meeting this basic need.
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.
In this episode
The culture we grow up in shapes how we feed ourselves
The modern cultural expectations for moms and food
Hyperfixation on health
Going gluten and dairy free, the whole30, heartburn
How staying nourished helps us maintain our window of tolerance
11 strategies that have helped me ensure I feed myself well and often
All the fun links you might enjoy
The baby who always cried (our story with esophagitis)
Mindful eating for moms (Interview with Jessica Penner)
Teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food (+ our own food guilt and body shame) with Andrea Heyman
Understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
What I ate during the whole30
11 things I learned from doing the whole30 diet challenge
A simple hack to make meal planning easy
Four simple habits that make my momlife easier (vegetables for breakfast)
Paying attention to how you feel (body and emotional awareness) – (the mind-body connection)
The almond mom (GMA article)
Sign up for the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Find me on Instagram
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:10
Welcome to another episode of The Simple on purpose Podcast. I'm so happy you're here. At simple on purpose, my aim is to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life so that you can show up for your life on purpose.
And today we're going to be talking about a topic in the meeting your needs series, we're actually going to talk about the topic that started the whole series. Because what happened was, I shared a story on Instagram about eating lunch, and how much we need to make sure that we as moms are eating real food, too. And there was a conversation on Instagram that came from that, and it made me realize there's so much more I want to say.
So I laugh at myself, because I was going to do one simple episode on lunch. One simple podcast episode on lunch, and it turned into this series about meeting your needs, which really, it just might be a factor of the overwhelm, I feel when I come to do the podcast because I take it too far. I can't do that, you know, seven minute quick episode, I feel like there's just way too much to consider. I just want to talk about all the things.
So we've talked about in this series, meeting our needs, what we've learned to believe around meeting our needs. Working through the process of becoming aware, validating, and handling our approach to meeting our needs. We've talked about self care and self love, and looking at what our moms have taught us and what mums of other generations have experienced. And I let you know that as we were moving forward, I will be sharing my own stories with some of the basic needs that I have learned to meet in myself. So I'm going to be sharing one of those stories today. And it's not to tell you how you should do it. This isn't about telling you how and what to eat. But this can just be a story where there's framework around how we can meet our needs and different approaches, and some ideas on how you might want to do that if this is a need, that you are focusing on in your own life.
So today we're talking about feeding ourselves, or as I like to call it nourishing ourselves. And for me, food was a big crash course in realizing that I had physical needs I had to pay attention to there's been a process as I've gone through the decades of motherhood, where I just realized how detached I have been from my body. -
From becoming aware, to validation, to giving ourselves permission to disrupt the system - we have some steps that can help us in our process of Becoming Someone Who Takes Care of Themselves. I want to share with you how decluttering led me to assess how I was taking care of myself, and how I worked from my basic needs, in small steps to more personal needs.
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I may be compensated at no additional cost to you.
In this episode I talk more about:
Our basic needs
The wheel of self care
Self-care of ourselves vs caring for others
The cultural rules of self-care for moms
Owning our own narrative of motherhood
The process of becoming someone who takes care of themselves: awareness, validation, permission, approach
All or nothing thinking
Links you might like
174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood
First episode in the series 179. What are your needs and how are you meeting them?
Second episode in the series 180. Self-care and self-love, what would our mothers say?
The Joy of Less by Francine Jay
Small things matter 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)
When Motherhood Can Change You but You Can’t Change Motherhood
When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate
Self care assessment
Enneagram Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)
139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving)
Sign up for Simple Saturdays Email
Talk to me on Instagram
The Wheel of Self Care, by Olga Phoenix
Full Transcript (unedited)
0:09
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simpleonpurpose.ca. Welcome the simple on purpose podcast, we are continuing our series about meeting our needs in today I want to talk about becoming someone who takes care of themselves. In the last episode, I talked about how we can shift our approach to the things we call self love and self care. And when we are proactive with self care, then we can become better at creating and maintaining capacity, capacity for our lives and capacity matters. Capacity, having capacity, it helps us feel like we're just able to handle our day. If you've heard talk about the window of tolerance, I think that's a good example of capacity. When we are in our window of tolerance, we feel like we have capacity, I'll make sure to link an episode on that where I've talked about that in the past. So when we are not meeting our needs, we have lowered capacity. Or maybe another way to say this is that meeting our needs increases our capacity. In the very first episode of this series, we talked about our relationship to our needs and how we learn from our upbringing, what's acceptable, what's not, what's a burden, who meets our needs, how do we express them, whose needs Should we meet whose needs are more important, and so on. And then we also are living in this world where we hear a lot about self care and self love. But we've also have some handed down notions from our own mothers and the mothers in our lives. I shared my own story around that in the last episode. And so we're all entering into this conversation with a bit of a different framework on what's comfortable, what's right, what's acceptable when it comes to our needs as a women and moms. I have been asking around what do you consider your basic needs basic needs. And I see a general consensus that our basic needs are what we need to survive, food, sleep, shelter, water. And I'm going to be honest, I know some of us are not very good at three out of four. And I will tell you my very basic list, when I entered into this mindset of becoming someone who takes care of themselves, it did start with food, sleep, water and, and physical space, -
Sometimes we can find ourselves reaching for a bowl of chocolate, scrolling through social media, or checking out for the night, and call that self-care. But that is really self-comfort and only serves to numb the discomfort instead of fixing it. Self-care is tuning into ourselves and finding out what we need to do to care for ourselves. Listen in as I discuss self-care and self-love, and how that has changed over the years since our mothers were young.
Main topics:
The difference between self-care and self-comfort
Meeting our needs and our capacity (window of tolerance)
Accepting cheap substitutes to meet our needs
What we think it means when our needs are going unmet
The culture of moms meeting their needs, is it intuitive?
What we learn from our mothers about self-care and self-love
Why the term self-love feels challenging.
Related links:
Self-care assessment
Is self care the answer when motherhood sucks? (blog post)
Understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood (episode)
How to find confidence in being the mom you are (episode)
Being a mom on purpose (it is not about happy, obedient kids) (episode)
67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
The highlight reel of moms talking about self-care and meeting their needs
Simple Saturdays email (sign up here)
Instagram (message me on IG)
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
We're gonna continue on with our series about meeting your needs. And I want to talk more about self care and self love and how this is about it. But it's also not about it. The whole series, meeting your needs, I don't think that is one that I would listen to if I saw that title sounds kind of weird to say, but I think many mums might feel this way you see something on meeting your needs, and you might think, I don't need that things are fine. Or there might be some resistance, because you're kind of worried is this another pitch for that self care, self love, do face masks in the bath, treat yourself, you deserve it love yourself, you're amazing. We are a little bit worried about where this is going to take us. Because I think some of us know that. That self care, self love cannot be an entire approach to living. There's parts that are so helpful, for sure. But the approach needs more to it, it kind of feels like thin ice over water. But we need that iceberg. Underneath we need that iceberg of values and beliefs. We need awareness, validation, radical acceptance before we move into self care and self love. So as I move forward with this topic of meeting your needs, I want to approach this topic from the work I've done with moms of all ages and stages all over the world. And that's the approach of addressing the overwhelm the stress, the expectations, the mental load that moms are under. Because this overwhelm it feels like a threat to us on a base level. And when we add in a reduced capacity to deal with that threat, you have yourself a chronic stress response. And that's what we're commonly operating from. That's why we need self care and self love. But at the at the core of it capacity is what's important. Capacity is one I want to talk about. For someone to feel capacity, they feel like they can do they feel capable, they have met their basic needs, so that they can move forward with dealing with things and feeling capable. Think of how capacity impacts you in your daily life. Think of how you show up in motherhood, when you have slept well, or have had a nourishing meal or when you've just gone out for a walk on your own and it felt really restorative. Or you've just met up with your besties and had some great laughs. But how often are we really giving ourselves the resources to restore and maintain our capacity, I would say the opposite often happens that we spend more energy scrambling to deal with our lack of capacity rather than we spend building it. -
What are needs? At a basic level, they are simple things like food, water, shelter, sleep. They can also be more complicated, like friendship, personal accomplishment, and sense of purpose. Sometimes it can be difficult to meet these needs, or to even know what they are. Join me today while I discuss needs and how to meet them in all aspects of your life.
In this episode I discuss:
What are your needs and how to figure that out
Understanding your relationship to 'your needs' and 'the needs of others'
Communal vs Individual cultures
What we learn about needs from our culture, our family, and how gender bias impacts our view on meeting our needs
Addressing needs in a relationship, expressing needs
Meeting the needs of others, how do we show up for this
All the fun links you might enjoy
Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs (wikipedia)
Podcast playlist
Think the best of me: Hard and awesome
Capable or controlling
My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn’t love me
Instagram
Simple Saturdays Email (sign up here)
Email me here
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Email me here
Follow me on Instagram
FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome, welcome back to the podcast. Or maybe Welcome back to me, because it seemed that I was on a hiatus from sharing new episodes. And what happened is I had an episode ready to go. And I didn't post it. The other week, I shared this in the simple Saturdays email that I had just decided the content wasn't right. And sometimes this happens, sometimes, I'll go through the whole process of drafting up an episode, maybe even recording it and just deciding it's not the right content, not the right time, too much too little, that kind of thing. So now I'm back in the recording chair, which just a normal chair. But what I found is that I had to really listen to myself and give myself permission to not post that and take the risk that there wouldn't be this consistent content, which is always what we're told, we need to be doing sharing consistent content. And the reality is that it took me a while to get back to because my days are pretty full. And I was also sick for a while. As I was trying to get a new episode done, I was observing the sense of overwhelming me. And I was taking stock of what I'm doing with my days, versus what I'm expecting myself to do with my days. And I'm realizing that I am taking on more and more clients, and spending so much more time in those one on one sessions and in research for the sessions. That is time that in the past, I would easily spend researching and recording podcast episodes, I had time to do draft episodes and episodes that just never made the cut. Because that's the amount of time I have for that. This is a season for me, where those one to one sessions are really taking priority. But I do want to try my best to still show up here with new ideas new discussion, mainly because of the feedback you guys give me the messages you send me the Instagram DMS, you send me sharing that this podcast is of high value to you. And I want to keep offering that in ways that are sustainable for me. So if you're ever feeling like you want to hear a new episode, and I haven't brought one out, I do encourage you to scroll through past episodes because there's like, well over 100 there. I'm going to put links in the show notes of all the playlists that I have made. They're on Spotify, they're also on my website. And you can look up by topic of interest what you want to hear more about. There's habit change, slow living, emotional intelligence, minimalism, parenting on purpose. So I encourage you, if you ever like oh, I just want to hear more, go and listen to those. Funny enough here I was saying, Okay, I'm gonna have some time this morning, -
Giving your child extra attention might seem like a great idea, but if it’s the wrong type of attention it could do more harm than good. Let’s learn what it means to parent intentionally and make proactive connections with your family.
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.
In this episode I discuss:
Why we get stuck in the negative
Our negativity bias as parents
Your experience of motherhood
The Nurtured Heart approach
How to use this approach on 'difficult' kids
All the fun links you might enjoy:
Is momlife unfun? How to be a more fun mom, to stop withholding fun from yourself
More on the negativity bias
When I stopped enjoying my kids
Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories
Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving)
Conscious parenting through the struggles, and letting go of perfectionism in motherhood
Transforming the Difficult Child: the Nurtured Heart Approach
Article on Nurtured Heart Approach
Do you typecast your kids? (Labels and how they impact our parenting and our kids)
Check out the episode playlists for your topic of interest right here
Simple pleasure links
The wordle (also search wordle unlimited for more)
The heardle (also search heardle unlimited)
Spot the difference site (click explorer games for more variety and levels)
Highlights hidden pictures book
Spot the difference brain games book
Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)
Full transcript (unedited)
0:18
So friends around here, I like to talk about all the ways that we can turn off the autopilot living, just living reactively by default for me, it looked like a lot of complacency and step into doing things on purpose with intention, getting clear and focused on where we want to go and taking steps to get there. Today we're going to talk about intentional parenting, just parenting in general, but doing it with intention. And the topic of focus can come up in parenting, when we start thinking, what are we focusing on? What gets the most attention, what gets our most attention in a single day, what gets our attention as a parent. And I don't know if you're like me, but it can go to demands and the urgency who needs to be aware what needs to happen, what needs to be cooked, who's eating one of the eating, where the eating, and it's like, we're just directors of all of this. And of course, as our kids get older, we can start to give them ownership of this and they can start self directing. But our attention in a given day, it can really be given mostly to the problems at hand, stop shouting Sydney, clean up your mess, put that away. And I know that there are seasons of my own motherhood, where I don't even want to talk anymore, because I'm just sick of hearing myself talk. And then I start to think, man, my kids aren't really listening to me, I don't really want to listen to me either.
1:38
They don't have such a bad idea about this, after all. Anyways, this is a really common place that we can find ourselves in as parents, a season of no a season of constant correction, a season of constant discipline. And then instead of motherhood, feeling like this enjoyable experience, it feels like a perpetual power struggle. And there's this urgency and every day is just full of problems that we feel we cannot solve. So if you are here, welcome. Yeah, we are all here. Sometimes, some of us get stuck here. And we get stuck here for a few good reasons. Actually, we get stuck here, we start to live in this story. And this becomes the emotional habit we operate from. And I'll tell you why it kind of makes sense. We get stuck here because on one hand, the more we're thinking this the stories, the more we're feeling these emotions, - Näytä enemmän
