Episode 98: Privacy check up for your kids’ device AND a hidden threat!

29 syys 2022 · The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

00:26:06

Our phones and social media are ever-changing, so sometimes a privacy check up is in order. Check out today's episode for a few tips & a hidden threat!

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

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Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Unless you haven't been on social media at all, you probably have noticed in the past couple of weeks an explosion of concern and post going viral about privacy settings and the social media apps tracking you in your activity. So today we're going to just take that concern and open it up with some talk about privacy. And I'm just gonna give you a few tips on things to check for privacy settings in your phone and on these social media apps that you or your kids may be on. Okay, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:35):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with your host Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:00):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, Bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bar today. Use code, Be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So welcome back to the Be That Mom Movement podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Again, thank you so much for your support of this podcast and reaching out to me and telling me how much this has helped you, whatever episode it is that you're tuning into.

Speaker 1 (01:50):

So I hope today's episode will be another one that's gonna give you some peace of mind and help you have some tips and tools for you to manage the Wild Ride that is raising kids in the digital world. But wanna give you a quick disclaimer before I start and that is that Kids on social media is always a risk. So I will give you some tips of things that I find helpful, but I give that to you as an educational place. I in no way want to make you think that by just doing these things, that you're gonna keep your kids safe. There's always a risk, it's always changing. And so therefore it is something that I believe you need to approach with a layered approach, which is something that I talk about in my course that I'm about to release and I just want you to take these tips.

Speaker 1 (02:39):

But don't take them as an end all Beall. It is always evolving and changing and there's always concern and those that are out there trying to get to our kiddos are savvy and they will find a way. So if your kids are on social media, just please be vigilant and please set up a village and a layered approach to how you're monitoring and what you're doing. So on that note, I also wanna say that as my kids have gotten older and we've gone through the major things that we have that have brought me to make this podcast and be really passionate about this topic and to always kind of, you know, be listening and being out there to bring information to you, I just wanna say how important it is now that my kids are older and I can look back on those years how important it is to be very vigilant and also to not rush the smartphone and the giving of social media in those early years.

Speaker 1 (03:39):

The years where parents are giving it unsuspecting and not realizing how much of an influence it is. And the reason I say that is because each one of our kids, if you've listened to my story, you know this, but my kids are about four years apart each and the oldest did not have the digital things emerge and be as pervasive in her life until she was up into the high school years. The next one had it younger and then the next one had it even younger. And so I had the unique perspective of seeing how pervasive and influential that could be. And I also believe that there's a difference in genders and I've got two girls and a boy so I do and did see that there was the influence was different for each one of them. And it's different on the different apps as well.

Speaker 1 (04:25):

And if I had, like I've said before, a magic time machine, I absolutely would go back and change the decisions that I made. But the influence that is there, especially now, it's so very insidious and I saw a post today that talked about if your child is doing this and believing this, take their phone and all social media and digital access away for a month and have them work on just being themself without that outside influence of all of the, you know, talks of the time right now. And see if they still believe that. And the sentiment of that post without saying the specific topic that it was talking about is that so many of these things are so pervasive in our kids' lives now that they have trouble knowing what they actually think and what they actually feel and what their passions are because they're spending their lives distracted and it's sucking them away from the normal childhood milestones and things that we may view as play and you know, as just things that they do as a kid.

Speaker 1 (05:27):

But they're truly things that are meant to be there to help them in the stepping stone that help them to form into the adult they are meant to be and find the passions and the interest and the things that they're good at, their gifts are being stunted because they are not being allowed to have those things. So one of the best decisions that we ever made with our youngest was to pull the phone and all social media away. And now that he is 17, it is amazing the respect that he has for those apps. And yes, I've allowed him to be back on Instagram and TikTok and Snapchat now, but for years he was not on those things and didn't want to be on those things. But at middle school age I did let him have those things and it was not a good influence.

Speaker 1 (06:26):

And same thing for the girls. So while I talk about privacy checkup and things that you can do for your kids, I do want to stress that despite the, you know, the stigma of being that mom, it eventually will be a place of strength for your kid when you stand your ground, when you be the mom and when you be that mom that is vigilant and concerned about these things with your kids, a kid you not, the moms that are not vigilant about these things probably have no clue the influence and they will likely crash and burn like I did with my family and I did things the hard way. So be that mom and be that mom that shares with your mom friends about the influences about the things that you're learning. Share this podcast if you can leave me a review on the podcast cuz that will help it to rank higher with all the podcast things you know, so that it will be pushed up as something that's recommended so that more moms can hear this and get the tools and the confidence that they need in order to stand their ground to be the parent and to be that mom that is there being vigilant and not just letting the digital pervasiveness of our society raise their child.

Speaker 1 (07:49):

Okay, so I hope I've probably overstated that a little bit, but I hope that makes sense because I do want to talk about the privacy checkup, but I also do not want to in any way make it seem like this is an end all Beall and I definitely don't want you to take your guard down and someone out there wanting to do some type of negative influence on your child to get to your child. So that being said, let's talk about a couple of different aspects that I think will be helpful for you. So the first thing is phone settings. So if you or your kid has a smartphone, you know it's always being updated by you know, Apple or Android. So when you have an update I encourage you to go into the settings, you know, go into the update and see what's actually being updated and then go into your settings and check, you know, for privacy and for tracking and for things like that I recently updated my iPhone and you go to the settings page and go to the privacy and security and there one of the big things is location services.

Speaker 1 (08:57):

So especially for your kid, click on that location services and look to see which apps are allowed to see where they are. And this is very, very huge in terms of Snapchat specifically, I would make sure that for Snapchat that is turned off and you can also do this in the Snapchat settings as well. But, so look at location services, scroll down and look at the different apps and see what they have access to. And then under, let's see, where's it at on the iPhone there's a safety check now where you can manage who has access to like your location and different things like if you shared your location and the maps, this is a place where you can remove that sharing your location type thing. So lots of different options there to be aware of. But you can go through under privacy and security and just look at all the different options.

Speaker 1 (09:55):

And you can even do an app privacy report, which basically will tell you, I just did this recently. It will record data and sensor access and then app and website network activity and the most contacted, uh, most frequently contacted domains. And then it gives you information on when your location was reported and how often it's been used, what domains have been accessed, those type of things. So lots of information there in the smartphone. Again, not an end all Beall, but one of the biggest things probably would be the location services to check. Okay, so now that you've looked at your phone or your kid's phone, the next thing is the social media. And each one of these is different and is always changing, but I'm just gonna talk about Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat because those are the most common that our kids are on. But for Instagram you can go to like when you're on your profile page or their profile page, click on the three little lines at the top and then go to settings and then go to privacy.

Speaker 1 (11:03):

And there you can make them a private account, you can limit post with certain words, cannot be seen. You can make it to where their stories cannot be remixed or made into reals or shared all of those things according to what your preferences are. And then below the privacy setting there is a supervision setting. And so this one you can actually supervise a teen that has Instagram. So you just follow the prompts and it will have you and the teen set that up to where you can supervise who they're interacting with, what they're posting, what they're doing. So that is a new option that I uh, hadn't seen before. Maybe it's been there for a little while cause I hadn't looked at that lately, but that's definitely something to check out if you do have a teen that is on Instagram. The other thing that you can do with Instagram that I did years ago was to have my teens log in as another account.

Speaker 1 (11:58):

So when you click on your name, if you don't have more than one account, you can add more than one account onto your Instagram app and then click on your name at the top and you can add an account and then you can toggle back and forth between their account and your account. So in that, with that you can see their messages and their posts and all that they're doing. You can check who their followers are, who they're following and all of that. So that is what I did when mine were younger and I was wanting to monitor what they were doing. Okay, so then the next thing that I wanna talk about is TikTok. And TikTok is, and at the end of this, I'm gonna tell you the biggest thing that is a hidden threat for all of these that I want you to be aware of if you're not already.

Speaker 1 (12:43):

But TikTok is one of those that I think is a very slippery slope and I actually don't recommend that you have a child that's younger on TikTok because of the thing that I'm gonna mention as a hidden threat in a moment. But if you do have a kiddo on TikTok, if you do choose to do that, if you go to hold on, go to profile, go to the three little lines at the top, go to settings and privacy and then you can go to security and log in. I don't think that's it. Hold on, let me see. There is a privacy section and then there is age related settings for users and it may be because I, it knows I'm an adult account, okay, privacy there. So you can make it a private account and you can turn off where your account's suggested to others, you can turn off comments, allow or not allow mentions and tags and direct messages.

Speaker 1 (13:38):

You can put who their, their story is shared with who can do it you, different things like that. So has all of those. And then there's also a TikTok for younger users that you can set up. However, I don't recommend that, I honestly don't. If that is something that you want to do, that is an option as well for TikTok. So both ig, TikTok and Snapchat location services is huge, huge, huge. Make sure that you check that in settings and that it's not something that they have turned on. Okay, so then the last one that I wanna talk about as far as social media goes is Snapchat. And I don't even know if I have Snapchat on my phone. Snapchat is confusing to me, I've never been able to understand it but I know it is where kids communicate, it's kind of crazy. Okay, so the things with Snapchat is when you're in the, you can go to the settings, which is the gear icon and I kid you not, I do not know how to operate Snapchat very well and usually when I, okay, if you click on the page or it looks like you're gonna take, gonna take a picture, click on the little profile on the upper left and then click on the gear icon upper right and then scroll down to the who can section.

Speaker 1 (14:51):

Okay? So if you scroll down to privacy controls, it looks like they changed some of the names on it, but go to privacy controls and you can put who can contact you, view the story, see my location, see me in quick add and then the family center. So highly, highly, highly recommend that you check that if you have a kiddo on Snapchat. There has been instances where predators have been able to actually go to kids' houses to meet up with them. Drug dealers use Snapchat to reach kids and sell them drugs. And there's a very prominent person out there and I can't remember what her name is, first name's Laura, but her son actually got drugs through Snapchat. They were laced with fentanyl or something to that effect and it actually killed him, but it was through Snapchat that he was able to get the drugs.

Speaker 1 (15:41):

So Snapchat is another one that's like a black hole and very, very important that you turn off the location services and be very much open with your kiddo and communication and all of that. Okay? They do also have something in Snapchat called the Snap Map and that's where you can share your location with others and that can be set to ghost mode. So I recommend that you make sure your kids is, is set to ghost mode on that so that they cannot be located anywhere. Okay, I was just gonna say something and now I forgot what it was. Okay, I don't remember what it was, but my biggest takeaway for all of these is private account versus public account, their location settings and then monitoring. Oh and now I remember what it was. Okay, so a lot of times what happens with parents, and I think I've mentioned this in a recent episode, but a lot of times what happens with parents when the kids are younger and you give them the phone is there, it becomes, there becomes this tug of war between you and it creates this feeling of distrust and kind of like, you know, you're snooping and trying to figure out what the kid's doing cuz they're not telling you the truth.

Speaker 1 (16:49):

And there's a period of time in there in those years, I mean I, I can talk about this to some degree now because my kids have gone, all three have gone through that and I can remember how you're like, ooh, I don't know if it's puberty in hormones that is causing this change in their demeanor or if something else is going on. But just wanna say number one, keep the lines of communication open. Number two, if you have given them some type of digital thing and suddenly their behavior changes, follow your gut instinct on that, pull that thing away and see if you can try to figure out what it is. When I look back and I see some of the most dramatic changes that happened with my kids, it almost always coincides with something digital that I gave them and that maybe I needed to pull that away or provide more boundaries around its use.

Speaker 1 (17:40):

So looking back, I realize that now, but back then in the thick of it, I didn't realize that. So that's just a tidbit that you might, a gut instinct that you might follow is if you've noticed a change in their behavior, pull away from the digital things, yes, you'll get pushed back. You'll probably be, you know, really made out to be the bad guy and you know you're mean or whatever, but just trust beyond this and follow your gut instinct. And then if you set up some type of monitoring like bark, I know there's other things out there. Bark is the one that I know of that is so passionate about helping parents and is so proactive, but also is a place where you can put their system in place and it helps you monitor without always being in their business. So it gives you a place where you don't have to be snooping and wondering what's going on and creating this push pull, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (18:37):

So it doesn't create this kind of like animosity between the parent and the child because what I have done with mine when we were really in the thick of things, I just pulled, like we tried to do the thing where you know, okay, well we're only gonna do this, this, and this. And things didn't get better, they just kept getting worse. So they'd get better for a little bit and then they'd get worse again. So when we were really in the thick of it, I just pulled the phone in digital access and social media accounts and everything, I pulled it away completely and we kept it away for like months. I'm serious, like six months or longer before I gave the phone back. Like it literally was at a point to where I was like, okay, I don't know what else to do, but we are pulling this away until we regroup and figure out what's going on.

Speaker 1 (19:25):

So when I did that and then really put my foot down on all that stuff, it took that draw that addiction away and then he had to kind of find his own interest and it was kind of like we like cleared this fog and all of a sudden the, the kid that we knew before was back again. It was like, oh my god, he's back. Like he had gone away and he was lost in this fog and he didn't know how to handle it. And so what we were seeing with behavior and decisions and all of that was him not knowing how to handle the digital influence and stimulation and addiction that was happening. And we didn't know that that's what's happening because we as parents didn't grow up with those digital things at that age. So while , I certainly didn't, wouldn't want to choose the hard road for us, I'm so very thankful that we could get through that and that we have a medium like this, like this podcast that I can bring this out to people in the world.

Speaker 1 (20:23):

So I hope, hope, hope that this is helpful for you today to just kind of hear this and hear this from my heart. I always have to put a kind of a shade of, you know, not telling all the things for privacy of my children, but they know I do this podcast and they are very happy about the information that I share and they're all healthy and thriving and it's just amazing. But for whatever reason, the hard parts were a part of our story, but thankfully nothing tragic happened in our life. We were close, we were super really close. We were at a crossroads of, of a point where we might not have come back from it in certain aspects. So I know some people out there like that, Dr. Laura, that I mentioned, that her son got drugs on Snapchat and took them, they were laced with fentanyl and he died.

Speaker 1 (21:17):

Some are not as fortunate as we were to, you know, I followed my gut even when my husband was like, No, I don't think that's what's going on. I'm like, Oh no, something's going on. Like something is going on and I have to listen to this right now. And I was right. So thank goodness I followed my gut and for whatever reason this was our path and I absolutely love bringing this information to you. So I hope it's helpful. Now the last thing that I wanna mention is what I mentioned earlier about the hidden threat regarding all of these apps that I mentioned. And that is the popup targeted ads. I don't know how many parents I've talked to that have brought this up. And regardless of your settings, regardless of putting like their age and you know that you want this supervised option and this and that, the popup ads pop up on all the devices and they're often, or you know, a lot of times inappropriate showing pornography, showing words you may not want them to know, showing different things that they click on and it sends them down rabbit holes.

Speaker 1 (22:27):

TikTok, I for sure know, does it Snapchat? I for sure know, does it? I don't think Instagram's is bad, but I do think that they do have things that they target for kids. So like I said at the beginning, this is a way for you to do a privacy checkup if you do have kids on these apps. But do not let your guard down. Make sure that you have some type of layered approach in place. Get my Be That Mom Movement Method course as soon as it launches to give you some more tools and tips, more in depth guidance on these things. But just be aware that there's often those popup targeted ads and things that are inappropriate and that will often be the catalyst for clicking on things and going down and getting, you know, getting curious as kids do and going down rabbit holes that ends up exposing them to things that you may not have wanted them exposed to.

Speaker 1 (23:21):

So definitely be aware of that. Okay, so I hope you found this episode super, super helpful. I was gonna split it up into a couple of episodes, but decided to just give all the information now. So I hope you found it helpful. I hope that you have been using Bark. You can use my code, Be that mom for a discount. If you do not wanna go the social media and smartphone route, which I highly recommend being the way that you go until they're older, I would start with a pinwheel phone, Tru Me Phone, Gab, phone. They're younger. Use a gab, watch, you know, use a Tick Talk watch. One of those things. There's options out there. I wish I would've had them. So I think they are a gift to parents today as we're raising our kids in the digital world and trying to stay in touch.

Speaker 1 (24:09):

Okay, so thanks so much for tuning in and I hope you have a great day and a great week. Thank you. If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the Tick Talk Watch. It is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music, has an activity tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where you know if they go outside of a certain perimeter such as their school or your neighborhood. Check them out today and use code. Be that mom for a discount.

Speaker 2 (24:52):

Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time.

Speaker 1 (25:06):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming, but if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my Fit Club community that will support you, guide you, and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

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Episodit

Episode 100: A few tips for navigating the teen driver years.
8 marras 2023· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Navigating the driving years can be hairy and scary no matter what, but here are a few tips to help you make it less painful!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE
Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Well it took me a lot longer to get to this episode than I expected, but we are at episode 100 that is a milestone. And today we are gonna just talk about briefly a few things that I found helpful and kind of things that I wish I would've done differently when taking my kids through the driving years and getting them their first car. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2: (00:25)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with
Speaker 1: (00:45)
Your
Speaker 2: (00:45)
Host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1: (00:51)
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bark Today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so before I get into the topic today, I just want to say that after recording the last episode that I published, I had a lot of hesitation about publishing it.
Speaker 1: (01:39)
And the reason for that was after reflecting on it for a little bit is that the impact of my legal case and how much they dug into my life, which I don't think I really mentioned in the episode, haunts me. They dug into every aspect of my life, listened to my podcast episodes, looked at things from my past like my little brother dying and the reason behind my, my podcast episodes and anything and everything you could think of, they asked me about, it shook me and it's been really hard to put myself out into the public again. I actually like cut back on how public I was about anything. So most people didn't know about us selling our house, didn't know about us moving into our rv, didn't know a lot of the things going on, and I even made all of my social media private for a little while too because it was so disturbing how much they were trying to dig things up so that they could avoid having to face the fact that they're wrong.
Speaker 1: (02:38)
So that's what's so infuriating about not having the due process that I'm legally supposed to have and that they could manipulate the process like they did because they know they're doing something wrong. . So just wanted to say that, that I considered not publishing, that I considered not continuing with the podcast, but ultimately then they win and I'm not gonna allow that. I have something to offer here. I have information that might be helpful for you. I went through some really hard times raising my kids and did it all the harder way as I've said before. And so I'm just gonna keep sharing that stuff and I hope you're here for it. Alright, so today's topic about taking your kids through the driving years, how scary is that? Have you already reached those years of them actually being behind the wheel and driving? Holy cow.
Speaker 1: (03:30)
For my three kids, each one was different. We did each one a little bit differently in how we had them train. The first one did parent taught, the second one did a driving school and then the third one did parent taught. And I don't know which way is better because each one of them, it kind of fit their personality. So the second born doing the one where she went someplace and was taught by somebody else, it was helpful for her to learn from somebody else than from us. And each one just, you know, was different in how they approach driving And it seems to me that kids, well at least one of my kids wasn't as anxious to get her license and and get going. And then the other one was like out the door the day she turned 16. So I was gonna say that kids are seem to be getting their licenses later and this and that, but that's not really true when I think about it because it just, it wasn't that way for each one of them.
Speaker 1: (04:27)
They just had different things going on and then also covid happening and all the stuff around that affected how we did things with the the youngest. But the biggest thing that I wanted to share, and this is probably gonna be a really short episode unless I kind of go off on a tangent, the biggest thing I wanna share is how we handled the cars. So with the firstborn, I was at that time I was driving my car for work and so we got her a car, we ended up buying her a new car and it wasn't planned to do that, but buying her the new car kind of like set the stage for the other ones, which probably wasn't wise on our part, but we just got a really, really good deal at the time. You know, this is way pre covid before everything blew up with the used car and new car market the way it is right now.
Speaker 1: (05:13)
But we ended up getting her a new car because it was like at the end of the month and they needed to move the cars, you know, move some of the cars off the lot. And so they made us an offer that was like less than what we were finding for the used cars. So we got her that car and to this day, I'm trying to think how many years it's been now, when did we get that for her? I guess it's been eight years and she still has that same car. So it's been a good car for her. Now when we decided to get the car that we did, what I did was I researched the safety ratings for different vehicles and I narrowed it down to three vehicles that had good safety ratings for teen drivers. It was important for me that you know, they had like the airbags and all the things and that had been found to be a, a good car rated for teen or inexperienced drivers.
Speaker 1: (06:05)
So that's how I found her car, the make and the model and how we started looking for it. We just didn't go out there and get any car that was a good price. We looked for one that had the good safety rating. Now by the time the second born got to driving years, the job I was in provided me a vehicle and so my car was just sitting in the garage and not being driven a lot. So I went ahead and let her use that car and that car became like the , the teen driver car. So she used that car until the younger one got to driving years and then it passed on to him and we got her her own car, which was the same make as the oldest ones. And then the youngest one drove in my car until he was ready to buy himself a truck.
Speaker 1: (07:00)
And when I stopped driving that car and was provided a car for my work, that car was at 110,000 miles. He just recently bought himself that truck. And so now the car, which is a Honda so it's like it drives forever and ever it seems it is now at 200,000 miles. So I stopped driving it at 110,000 miles the second born probably put a good chunk of that, those miles on it. And then he finished off using it for his first couple of years of driving and bought himself a new car around the time that he turned 18. So, or bought himself a new to him vehicle but having that car that wasn't a new car had some miles and was paid off, worked really well for us. So now that car that he drove has passed back to me, it's now my car again.
Speaker 1: (07:55)
It has 200,000 miles on it but it's still driving. We just had to get the air conditioning fixed because it went out right at the end of the summer and or I guess it was last month in September, but it's still driving. It has a little bit of like noises it makes and this and that, but it's still going. And so all of that to say, what I recommend is if you're not yet at those driving years, kind of look at what you're doing with vehicles for you and your spouse if you have one, and see if it's gonna come to a place to where you're gonna move into a newer car and then move them into your old car if that's possible. The other thing to say is the car that I drove that ended up being the second and third born's car for a little while, um, that one was also one that was rated high for safety ratings.
Speaker 1: (08:46)
The Honda c r v the only thing is and verify that now 'cause that could have changed. So don't take my word for that. But the only thing at the time when I was getting the firstborn, her car was at Honda CRVs, they hold their value a lot or at least they did. I don't know if they do now. And so it seemed like they were really high priced and we couldn't afford that. So second born ended up getting that one and the third born did too. So just wanted to share that piece of gotten past the teenage driving years wisdom to just give you a, a piece of information. The other thing is if you get a newer car and you finance it, get gap coverage. , I can't tell you how many vehicles we've had to have totaled or they've totaled them since we got out of those initial years and moved them into other vehicles and um, these weren't accidents that were their fault, it was them being hit by somebody else.
Speaker 1: (09:41)
So just so happened, I think we've had three totaled cars in the last year, so that's been a bit frustrating. But that first car we bought in the other one that was the teen driver car, neither one of those has had issues wrecks or anything like that. It was the subsequent vehicles that we got. So hopefully this helps you. I don't know what's spunky with my voice if it sounds a little funny right now. But hope this helps you and feel free to provide me feedback. Let me know how things have gone for you and I'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom
Speaker 2: (10:19)
Strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on
Speaker 1: (10:22)
Social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time. Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone. Check out [email protected]. Use code be.mom 10 for a discount.
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Episode 99: Life seasons may shake us but don’t have to break us!
25 loka 2023· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Its been a while since I recorded an episode, because life was trying to shake me an break me, but I'm back to bring you more episodes!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE
Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello? Hello. Is this thing on? Yes, it is Dolly and I am the host of this Be That Mom Movement podcast and I am back to bring you some more episodes. It has literally been way too long, I think over a year since my last episode and I have gone back and forth about whether or not to record more episodes, go in a different direction, start another podcast. But I do think I have a lot to offer you still as a parent raising a kid in the digital age. And so I am gonna fire this thing back up. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2: (00:36)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with your host Dolly Denson. So
Speaker 1: (01:03)
Yes,
Speaker 1: (01:03)
I am back to record more episodes. A lot has happened in my life and I'm gonna update you on a few things on our short little episode today. But um, just wanted to fire this back up and bring some more information to you. Lots and lots of things have changed in my life in the past year, year and a half. Some of you know some of that history. If you've listened to some of my last episodes, really rough times to go through in several aspects. And first of which I wanna mention is that my husband and I sold our house and we are living in an RV right now. We're stationary near his parents, but we decided that all the kids were outta the house and we didn't want the big huge house And all that came with it and trying to be honest about looking towards our future and what we want for ourselves and just decided that we were gonna downsize.
Speaker 1: (01:55)
There were some days that I thought we were super crazy as we went through this process. It did take us um, nine months, a little bit longer to sell the house, but ultimately now it has been, what has it been five months since we sold and started living in the rv. And there have been hiccups, there have been things we haven't anticipated that have been a little bit hard, but there's also been good things and my husband and I spending more quality time together and really seeing that we can live with much less and still be comfortable. So it's quite amazing to go from a four bedroom, three bath house to , a little bitty rv and our RV's not one of the smallest, it's, I think it's 35 or 38 feet, something like that set up nice so that we can live in it and have some comfort and that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: (02:49)
But definitely different than living in a house but definitely a change that we needed. So that's been the biggest change and that's been the biggest challenge with firing this podcast back up is not having my closet to record in that has sound cut out by the clothes and all of that. And one thing, if you've never been in an RV or lived or traveled in an rv, a lot of times the air conditioning is really loud when it's on. And we are in a very hot state during the summer and we also had a very hot summer. So that was one of the delays from starting this is I'm like, I can't record the podcast when all you can hear is like, I'm like in a winds tunnel when the air conditioning is going. So as of right now, this is middle of October, Texas has some cooler weather.
Speaker 1: (03:39)
I actually have the windows open right now in the rv. I don't have the air conditioning on. It was actually chilly this morning. It was like 43 when I got up. So it was a little chilly in the rv. So that's cut out some of the background noise. But I do have the windows open and sometimes you can hear road noise and different things that are going on at places nearby us. So apologize for that if the microphone does pick that up. Another change that I made was the filter that I put on my microphone. I had to change that out. I couldn't have the big pop filter thing that I had before because I have nowhere to store it. So I stored that and in the process of moving, found some cases to put my microphone in and my headphones in and I've kept them stored in our bedroom.
Speaker 1: (04:25)
Another thing that we've noticed with the RV is when it gets really hot, it's not real well insulated. They're made pretty cheaply. So in the Texas heat been a bit of a challenge. If you have stuff that's like on the edges of the rv, we don't have a lot of shade where we're at. So if you have anything that's like on the edge, it gets hot. And so for the longest time I had put my microphone in my headphones in a certain cabinet that was near the outside of the rv. And one day in the heat of the day I went to getting something outta that cabinet and noticed that they were both hot. So I didn't even know if they were really gonna work. Also didn't know if this new filter for my microphone was gonna work, but it sounds like it's cutting out some of the background noise and making it pretty clear.
Speaker 1: (05:07)
So lots of changes in that regard. And so that was kind of one thing that made me hesitant from starting this up again. But I keep having these things come up where I think I need to share that with people. as I have come off on the other end of raising kids in the digital age, my kids now are 25, 21 and 18. I had to do the math there and we have an empty nest . My youngest is at college and we survived. And I have a lot of insight to tell you about the decisions we made, the the hard road that we inadvertently took because we didn't know better and the beauty that came out of that. And yes, there was beauty that came out of that. So if you're in the thick of raising kids in the digital age, you know, if you've listened to some of my episodes that the digital stuff absolutely does have an influence.
Speaker 1: (06:04)
Sorry for the dogs barking. I do have two little poodles. That's another new thing that came about. Well one of 'em is one of my daughters. But staying with us for the time being right now helping her get through the potty train and all of that. But I have two poodles. Willow is the older one. She is a year and a couple of months. But we got her this month last year when we did get her, we actually were looking for a name, couldn't decide what name we wanted to give and searching different names. And one of the daughters commented on or suggested Willow. And I looked it up, I was looking at the meaning of the name and the meaning of the name is somehow related to freedom. And so once I heard that, I was like, okay, that's her name. . Like it's a given.
Speaker 1: (06:48)
And she is the sweetest dog. She is so chill and so smart. If you don't know poodles, if you don't know the poodle breed, they are absolutely so smart. She and she loves to swim. That's the craziest part. If you follow me on social media, you've seen it. But she wants to go swimming every day. Even now as we're getting colder, she doesn't get in the pool as much when the water's cold. What she does is she chases around the pool vacuum that we turn on and when the pool pumps are on. So , this amazing poodle came into our life a year ago. I wanted a poodle for the longest time I saw her picture. She was the breeder that my oldest daughter got her poodle from. And oh my god, I just fell in love. And you know, you know, having a dog, especially an inside dog, is a responsibility and is a lot of work.
Speaker 1: (07:38)
But she has fit right in. Like she has always belonged here and just to been the most amazing thing. I've never had a connection to a dog like I do with her. And I love the breed. I love that she's hypoallergenic and doesn't shed is one thing. The other poodle that we have, her name is Juniper and she's my second daughter's poodle and second daughter's working a lot and busy and away from home a lot. So she was being left alone a lot. And so she asked us to keep her for the time being and help get her potty trained and get into more of a routine. So that's what we've been doing and she's been doing great, but sometimes they bark in the background. So if you hear them, just consider it a hello from Willow and Juniper . So back to what I was saying about the digital influence.
Speaker 1: (08:23)
If you've listened to me from the beginning, this is gonna sound like so redundant in the thing that I've said over and over, but the digital imprint on our children absolutely has an influence. It is there if we're allowing our children to have any digital devices, have social media, that sort of thing. And it doesn't have to be that they have social media, like it can just be you're giving a device. But if we can provide guidance and pull back when we need to, you can come out on the other end doing well . And my family is proof of that. So I don't regret for a second the decisions that we made. And I'm just here to pass some of that along to you. Other things that have happened in our life, some of you know the history. I did an episode I believe, talking about how one of my gaps in episodes was because of being terminated from my job for not getting the, you know what?
Speaker 1: (09:13)
And I had a legal case going and that resolved in September and it resolved by them shutting down my side and my due process, very crooked process, very much controlled by them on the other side, my former employer and very pathetic in America. I won't go into much more details about that right now, but just understand I didn't lose, they never gave me a chance to bring the facts and my version of the story, they only allowed their version. They forced arbitration and they hired the arbitrator. He's pathetically on a top neutral arbitrator list, but yet didn't allow me to have my day. The lawyer that represented the other side, she actually has a podcast where she talks about how important it is for employers to have a conversation with their employees when they're granting accommodations in, in considering a religious exemption while she defended my employer.
Speaker 1: (10:12)
That gave me no conversation, gave me no reasonable accommodation. So this sort of thing really, really bugs me. 'cause I'm huge about alignment and my business, my health side of my business is called align Your Life Wellness. It's all about aligning your daily choices, your beliefs, your habits with where you want to go for your future. So I think it's sad and pathetic that we have people in America that are defending the practice that we saw, you know, roll out to America. I mean, if you're the person that wanted to get this injection and you did well with it, great kudos to you. But we have the freedom of choice in America and when we let the health freedom that we have go, then that's it. game over. Because the pharmaceutical industry, the health insurance industry, everything, all these corporations, all the three letter agencies, they truly are in bed together.
Speaker 1: (11:06)
It's not for a greater good. There are so many things about the pharmaceutical industry and about things that medical doctors prescribe to patients then this day and age that are harming health. There's so much that is not addressed, that's deeper root issues, that is harming health. And so if we have people defending this practice and this former employer of mine has gotten away with doing what they did to me while I am $20,000 plus out another brick in the wall, I think it's pathetic beyond reason that we have Americans walking around in America defending this practice from the supervisor that I had that implemented firing me to every single person that is a played a part in silencing me and not giving me due process. I think they're all pathetic and I think they lack discernment. They lack a connection to their gut and they truly don't deserve the freedoms that they are given because they are Americans.
Speaker 1: (12:04)
As you can tell, this is really a highly emotional topic for me and very frustrating because I worked hard. I have a pure heart and I have a right to my religious beliefs and I have a right to make the choices that I made. And no means no, I shouldn't have to ask permission. I didn't grant that they be able to make my medical decisions by choosing to take a paycheck from them. So I think it's sad and pathetic. This lawyer, this arbitrator, the supervisor that fired me, everybody involved that didn't turn in their resignation and leave, which a lot of people did, all of them pathetic. So that's all I'll say about that. And I apologize for going off on a little rant with that, but very, it has been a very difficult year because of that and all that I've faced. The next thing that I want to mention is just that you know that I have health and wellness side of things.
Speaker 1: (12:56)
My business called Align Your Life Wellness. I've done health coaching for years in the last three years. I have been working hard at learning more root cause, holistic health type approaches, and just finished a functional medicine practitioner certification. I have learned in the past two years how to do functional blood chemistry, can run multiple functional labs like a Dutch test, hair, tissue, mineral analysis tests, organic acids tests, those sorts of things. And then I also am launching consults where I do bio resident scans, which are highly, highly insightful and a great way to kind of look at things from another perspective, to help you to dig deeper, get to root cause issues, help your body to balance and be in a state of ease. So that is another part of what I do. And that was just my little pitch there. But the reason I bring that up here on the podcast is that I want to do, I've thought a lot about this, like either launching another podcast that's more health related or just doing some pop off episodes that just give you some tips for navigating this.
Speaker 1: (13:58)
And the reason why I think it could be pertinent for the podcast is because for me personally, having a foundation of habits, the main things, you know, moving your body purposefully, eating good, drinking water, those sorts of things helped me so much through my hard days. And if you've watched some of or listened to some of my episodes previously, I felt that that was a place where I, I had me , I had something to do when it was my hard days with raising the kids. And then it also became a place where I had some boundaries around that. And it helped me to have me, you know, to not lose me in motherhood. And then as I came to the empty nest, I feel like at least for me personally, that I've handled the empty nest better because I have my own foundation of things that are important to me, my own interest in things.
Speaker 1: (14:48)
I didn't give it all away to motherhood, if that makes sense. And then some more of the digging deeper things. And these things I talked about with functional blood chemistry and being a functional medicine practitioner and all of that. Those things I think are the wave of the future for health. I think that our old system, that what I call the mainstream system, is going to crumble to some degree. I think it has a place for acute issues and emergencies. But so many people come to me telling me they no longer trust their doctor. And you know, they want to look at this from another perspective. And the way that functional medicine comes to your health is to dig deeper into root causes. And then there's another thing under functional medicine called foundational medicine, which my focus on that as well is basically taking toxins away, looking at pathogens that are there and removing things, adding things in that may be depleted because of those things.
Speaker 1: (15:44)
Lowering your toxic load, reducing your exposure to things. And as you do those things, the body rebalances itself. So it's not a diagnose and treat type approach, it's more of let's see what's going on with your body and then let's provide some support to get the things out that are causing issues and to add things in that have been depleted and then see how things are recheck things and just kind of go from there. So highly, highly important to, for us to kind of switch and moved in that direction instead of always looking for a pill to cure every ill because so many of those are harmful. So I think they have a place in certain conditions and when we have certain issues, but we put too much faith in medical doctors and pharmaceuticals for health. They do not promote health and some of them actually cause harm and make things worse for you.
Speaker 1: (16:37)
And I'll leave it at that for this episode. And but considering doing some pop out episodes related to that sort of thing, or I might eventually launch another podcast if there's not a lot of interest on this one. So all of that being said, I'm excited to be back. I hope that you are excited to hear some more episodes. I'll probably try to keep most of these short and sweet because you're a busy mom and you're doing your thing and don't have a ton of time for stuff like this. I do still recommend things like Bart and Pinwheel, the pinwheel phone, Tru Me phone, gab phone, and and watch the TikTok watch all those things that I've talked about in the past. I still think they're all excellent things and my discount codes still work for them. So check those out in the show notes if you're interested in grabbing any of those.
Speaker 1: (17:20)
And then the course that I have talked about multiple times and never got published, I have it all ready to go, but I had a couple of modules at the end that I hadn't finished, which I think I have an idea what I'm gonna do for those and then I need to get that out into the world. I was just stuck on getting a sales page and then getting it published and then you know, everything under the sun fell apart for me in every realm of my life, in the past couple of years. So all that being said, excited to be here here. Hope that you are too, and I will chat with you next time.
Speaker 2: (17:55)
Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
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Episode 98: Privacy check up for your kids’ device AND a hidden threat!
29 syys 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Our phones and social media are ever-changing, so sometimes a privacy check up is in order. Check out today's episode for a few tips & a hidden threat!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Package options: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
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Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Unless you haven't been on social media at all, you probably have noticed in the past couple of weeks an explosion of concern and post going viral about privacy settings and the social media apps tracking you in your activity. So today we're going to just take that concern and open it up with some talk about privacy. And I'm just gonna give you a few tips on things to check for privacy settings in your phone and on these social media apps that you or your kids may be on. Okay, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, Bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bar today. Use code, Be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So welcome back to the Be That Mom Movement podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Again, thank you so much for your support of this podcast and reaching out to me and telling me how much this has helped you, whatever episode it is that you're tuning into.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So I hope today's episode will be another one that's gonna give you some peace of mind and help you have some tips and tools for you to manage the Wild Ride that is raising kids in the digital world. But wanna give you a quick disclaimer before I start and that is that Kids on social media is always a risk. So I will give you some tips of things that I find helpful, but I give that to you as an educational place. I in no way want to make you think that by just doing these things, that you're gonna keep your kids safe. There's always a risk, it's always changing. And so therefore it is something that I believe you need to approach with a layered approach, which is something that I talk about in my course that I'm about to release and I just want you to take these tips.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
But don't take them as an end all Beall. It is always evolving and changing and there's always concern and those that are out there trying to get to our kiddos are savvy and they will find a way. So if your kids are on social media, just please be vigilant and please set up a village and a layered approach to how you're monitoring and what you're doing. So on that note, I also wanna say that as my kids have gotten older and we've gone through the major things that we have that have brought me to make this podcast and be really passionate about this topic and to always kind of, you know, be listening and being out there to bring information to you, I just wanna say how important it is now that my kids are older and I can look back on those years how important it is to be very vigilant and also to not rush the smartphone and the giving of social media in those early years.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
The years where parents are giving it unsuspecting and not realizing how much of an influence it is. And the reason I say that is because each one of our kids, if you've listened to my story, you know this, but my kids are about four years apart each and the oldest did not have the digital things emerge and be as pervasive in her life until she was up into the high school years. The next one had it younger and then the next one had it even younger. And so I had the unique perspective of seeing how pervasive and influential that could be. And I also believe that there's a difference in genders and I've got two girls and a boy so I do and did see that there was the influence was different for each one of them. And it's different on the different apps as well.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
And if I had, like I've said before, a magic time machine, I absolutely would go back and change the decisions that I made. But the influence that is there, especially now, it's so very insidious and I saw a post today that talked about if your child is doing this and believing this, take their phone and all social media and digital access away for a month and have them work on just being themself without that outside influence of all of the, you know, talks of the time right now. And see if they still believe that. And the sentiment of that post without saying the specific topic that it was talking about is that so many of these things are so pervasive in our kids' lives now that they have trouble knowing what they actually think and what they actually feel and what their passions are because they're spending their lives distracted and it's sucking them away from the normal childhood milestones and things that we may view as play and you know, as just things that they do as a kid.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But they're truly things that are meant to be there to help them in the stepping stone that help them to form into the adult they are meant to be and find the passions and the interest and the things that they're good at, their gifts are being stunted because they are not being allowed to have those things. So one of the best decisions that we ever made with our youngest was to pull the phone and all social media away. And now that he is 17, it is amazing the respect that he has for those apps. And yes, I've allowed him to be back on Instagram and TikTok and Snapchat now, but for years he was not on those things and didn't want to be on those things. But at middle school age I did let him have those things and it was not a good influence.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And same thing for the girls. So while I talk about privacy checkup and things that you can do for your kids, I do want to stress that despite the, you know, the stigma of being that mom, it eventually will be a place of strength for your kid when you stand your ground, when you be the mom and when you be that mom that is vigilant and concerned about these things with your kids, a kid you not, the moms that are not vigilant about these things probably have no clue the influence and they will likely crash and burn like I did with my family and I did things the hard way. So be that mom and be that mom that shares with your mom friends about the influences about the things that you're learning. Share this podcast if you can leave me a review on the podcast cuz that will help it to rank higher with all the podcast things you know, so that it will be pushed up as something that's recommended so that more moms can hear this and get the tools and the confidence that they need in order to stand their ground to be the parent and to be that mom that is there being vigilant and not just letting the digital pervasiveness of our society raise their child.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Okay, so I hope I've probably overstated that a little bit, but I hope that makes sense because I do want to talk about the privacy checkup, but I also do not want to in any way make it seem like this is an end all Beall and I definitely don't want you to take your guard down and someone out there wanting to do some type of negative influence on your child to get to your child. So that being said, let's talk about a couple of different aspects that I think will be helpful for you. So the first thing is phone settings. So if you or your kid has a smartphone, you know it's always being updated by you know, Apple or Android. So when you have an update I encourage you to go into the settings, you know, go into the update and see what's actually being updated and then go into your settings and check, you know, for privacy and for tracking and for things like that I recently updated my iPhone and you go to the settings page and go to the privacy and security and there one of the big things is location services.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
So especially for your kid, click on that location services and look to see which apps are allowed to see where they are. And this is very, very huge in terms of Snapchat specifically, I would make sure that for Snapchat that is turned off and you can also do this in the Snapchat settings as well. But, so look at location services, scroll down and look at the different apps and see what they have access to. And then under, let's see, where's it at on the iPhone there's a safety check now where you can manage who has access to like your location and different things like if you shared your location and the maps, this is a place where you can remove that sharing your location type thing. So lots of different options there to be aware of. But you can go through under privacy and security and just look at all the different options.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And you can even do an app privacy report, which basically will tell you, I just did this recently. It will record data and sensor access and then app and website network activity and the most contacted, uh, most frequently contacted domains. And then it gives you information on when your location was reported and how often it's been used, what domains have been accessed, those type of things. So lots of information there in the smartphone. Again, not an end all Beall, but one of the biggest things probably would be the location services to check. Okay, so now that you've looked at your phone or your kid's phone, the next thing is the social media. And each one of these is different and is always changing, but I'm just gonna talk about Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat because those are the most common that our kids are on. But for Instagram you can go to like when you're on your profile page or their profile page, click on the three little lines at the top and then go to settings and then go to privacy.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And there you can make them a private account, you can limit post with certain words, cannot be seen. You can make it to where their stories cannot be remixed or made into reals or shared all of those things according to what your preferences are. And then below the privacy setting there is a supervision setting. And so this one you can actually supervise a teen that has Instagram. So you just follow the prompts and it will have you and the teen set that up to where you can supervise who they're interacting with, what they're posting, what they're doing. So that is a new option that I uh, hadn't seen before. Maybe it's been there for a little while cause I hadn't looked at that lately, but that's definitely something to check out if you do have a teen that is on Instagram. The other thing that you can do with Instagram that I did years ago was to have my teens log in as another account.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
So when you click on your name, if you don't have more than one account, you can add more than one account onto your Instagram app and then click on your name at the top and you can add an account and then you can toggle back and forth between their account and your account. So in that, with that you can see their messages and their posts and all that they're doing. You can check who their followers are, who they're following and all of that. So that is what I did when mine were younger and I was wanting to monitor what they were doing. Okay, so then the next thing that I wanna talk about is TikTok. And TikTok is, and at the end of this, I'm gonna tell you the biggest thing that is a hidden threat for all of these that I want you to be aware of if you're not already.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
But TikTok is one of those that I think is a very slippery slope and I actually don't recommend that you have a child that's younger on TikTok because of the thing that I'm gonna mention as a hidden threat in a moment. But if you do have a kiddo on TikTok, if you do choose to do that, if you go to hold on, go to profile, go to the three little lines at the top, go to settings and privacy and then you can go to security and log in. I don't think that's it. Hold on, let me see. There is a privacy section and then there is age related settings for users and it may be because I, it knows I'm an adult account, okay, privacy there. So you can make it a private account and you can turn off where your account's suggested to others, you can turn off comments, allow or not allow mentions and tags and direct messages.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You can put who their, their story is shared with who can do it you, different things like that. So has all of those. And then there's also a TikTok for younger users that you can set up. However, I don't recommend that, I honestly don't. If that is something that you want to do, that is an option as well for TikTok. So both ig, TikTok and Snapchat location services is huge, huge, huge. Make sure that you check that in settings and that it's not something that they have turned on. Okay, so then the last one that I wanna talk about as far as social media goes is Snapchat. And I don't even know if I have Snapchat on my phone. Snapchat is confusing to me, I've never been able to understand it but I know it is where kids communicate, it's kind of crazy. Okay, so the things with Snapchat is when you're in the, you can go to the settings, which is the gear icon and I kid you not, I do not know how to operate Snapchat very well and usually when I, okay, if you click on the page or it looks like you're gonna take, gonna take a picture, click on the little profile on the upper left and then click on the gear icon upper right and then scroll down to the who can section.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Okay? So if you scroll down to privacy controls, it looks like they changed some of the names on it, but go to privacy controls and you can put who can contact you, view the story, see my location, see me in quick add and then the family center. So highly, highly, highly recommend that you check that if you have a kiddo on Snapchat. There has been instances where predators have been able to actually go to kids' houses to meet up with them. Drug dealers use Snapchat to reach kids and sell them drugs. And there's a very prominent person out there and I can't remember what her name is, first name's Laura, but her son actually got drugs through Snapchat. They were laced with fentanyl or something to that effect and it actually killed him, but it was through Snapchat that he was able to get the drugs.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So Snapchat is another one that's like a black hole and very, very important that you turn off the location services and be very much open with your kiddo and communication and all of that. Okay? They do also have something in Snapchat called the Snap Map and that's where you can share your location with others and that can be set to ghost mode. So I recommend that you make sure your kids is, is set to ghost mode on that so that they cannot be located anywhere. Okay, I was just gonna say something and now I forgot what it was. Okay, I don't remember what it was, but my biggest takeaway for all of these is private account versus public account, their location settings and then monitoring. Oh and now I remember what it was. Okay, so a lot of times what happens with parents, and I think I've mentioned this in a recent episode, but a lot of times what happens with parents when the kids are younger and you give them the phone is there, it becomes, there becomes this tug of war between you and it creates this feeling of distrust and kind of like, you know, you're snooping and trying to figure out what the kid's doing cuz they're not telling you the truth.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And there's a period of time in there in those years, I mean I, I can talk about this to some degree now because my kids have gone, all three have gone through that and I can remember how you're like, ooh, I don't know if it's puberty in hormones that is causing this change in their demeanor or if something else is going on. But just wanna say number one, keep the lines of communication open. Number two, if you have given them some type of digital thing and suddenly their behavior changes, follow your gut instinct on that, pull that thing away and see if you can try to figure out what it is. When I look back and I see some of the most dramatic changes that happened with my kids, it almost always coincides with something digital that I gave them and that maybe I needed to pull that away or provide more boundaries around its use.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So looking back, I realize that now, but back then in the thick of it, I didn't realize that. So that's just a tidbit that you might, a gut instinct that you might follow is if you've noticed a change in their behavior, pull away from the digital things, yes, you'll get pushed back. You'll probably be, you know, really made out to be the bad guy and you know you're mean or whatever, but just trust beyond this and follow your gut instinct. And then if you set up some type of monitoring like bark, I know there's other things out there. Bark is the one that I know of that is so passionate about helping parents and is so proactive, but also is a place where you can put their system in place and it helps you monitor without always being in their business. So it gives you a place where you don't have to be snooping and wondering what's going on and creating this push pull, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So it doesn't create this kind of like animosity between the parent and the child because what I have done with mine when we were really in the thick of things, I just pulled, like we tried to do the thing where you know, okay, well we're only gonna do this, this, and this. And things didn't get better, they just kept getting worse. So they'd get better for a little bit and then they'd get worse again. So when we were really in the thick of it, I just pulled the phone in digital access and social media accounts and everything, I pulled it away completely and we kept it away for like months. I'm serious, like six months or longer before I gave the phone back. Like it literally was at a point to where I was like, okay, I don't know what else to do, but we are pulling this away until we regroup and figure out what's going on.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
So when I did that and then really put my foot down on all that stuff, it took that draw that addiction away and then he had to kind of find his own interest and it was kind of like we like cleared this fog and all of a sudden the, the kid that we knew before was back again. It was like, oh my god, he's back. Like he had gone away and he was lost in this fog and he didn't know how to handle it. And so what we were seeing with behavior and decisions and all of that was him not knowing how to handle the digital influence and stimulation and addiction that was happening. And we didn't know that that's what's happening because we as parents didn't grow up with those digital things at that age. So while , I certainly didn't, wouldn't want to choose the hard road for us, I'm so very thankful that we could get through that and that we have a medium like this, like this podcast that I can bring this out to people in the world.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So I hope, hope, hope that this is helpful for you today to just kind of hear this and hear this from my heart. I always have to put a kind of a shade of, you know, not telling all the things for privacy of my children, but they know I do this podcast and they are very happy about the information that I share and they're all healthy and thriving and it's just amazing. But for whatever reason, the hard parts were a part of our story, but thankfully nothing tragic happened in our life. We were close, we were super really close. We were at a crossroads of, of a point where we might not have come back from it in certain aspects. So I know some people out there like that, Dr. Laura, that I mentioned, that her son got drugs on Snapchat and took them, they were laced with fentanyl and he died.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Some are not as fortunate as we were to, you know, I followed my gut even when my husband was like, No, I don't think that's what's going on. I'm like, Oh no, something's going on. Like something is going on and I have to listen to this right now. And I was right. So thank goodness I followed my gut and for whatever reason this was our path and I absolutely love bringing this information to you. So I hope it's helpful. Now the last thing that I wanna mention is what I mentioned earlier about the hidden threat regarding all of these apps that I mentioned. And that is the popup targeted ads. I don't know how many parents I've talked to that have brought this up. And regardless of your settings, regardless of putting like their age and you know that you want this supervised option and this and that, the popup ads pop up on all the devices and they're often, or you know, a lot of times inappropriate showing pornography, showing words you may not want them to know, showing different things that they click on and it sends them down rabbit holes.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
TikTok, I for sure know, does it Snapchat? I for sure know, does it? I don't think Instagram's is bad, but I do think that they do have things that they target for kids. So like I said at the beginning, this is a way for you to do a privacy checkup if you do have kids on these apps. But do not let your guard down. Make sure that you have some type of layered approach in place. Get my Be That Mom Movement Method course as soon as it launches to give you some more tools and tips, more in depth guidance on these things. But just be aware that there's often those popup targeted ads and things that are inappropriate and that will often be the catalyst for clicking on things and going down and getting, you know, getting curious as kids do and going down rabbit holes that ends up exposing them to things that you may not have wanted them exposed to.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So definitely be aware of that. Okay, so I hope you found this episode super, super helpful. I was gonna split it up into a couple of episodes, but decided to just give all the information now. So I hope you found it helpful. I hope that you have been using Bark. You can use my code, Be that mom for a discount. If you do not wanna go the social media and smartphone route, which I highly recommend being the way that you go until they're older, I would start with a pinwheel phone, Tru Me Phone, Gab, phone. They're younger. Use a gab, watch, you know, use a Tick Talk watch. One of those things. There's options out there. I wish I would've had them. So I think they are a gift to parents today as we're raising our kids in the digital world and trying to stay in touch.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Okay, so thanks so much for tuning in and I hope you have a great day and a great week. Thank you. If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the Tick Talk Watch. It is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music, has an activity tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where you know if they go outside of a certain perimeter such as their school or your neighborhood. Check them out today and use code. Be that mom for a discount.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming, but if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my Fit Club community that will support you, guide you, and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
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Episode 97: Is your kid’s watch a portal to porn? Be in the know!
22 elo 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
A watch is a great first option for keeping in touch with your kids, but is the watch you gave them a portal to access pornography? Listen in to learn more!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
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MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
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MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
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Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Giving a watch is oftentimes a great first step for getting your kid connected somehow when they're away from you, but are you giving your kid a watch that has a window into things that you don't realize they can access, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest four dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel, pinwheel.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to the be that mom movement podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Today's episode is gonna have some information that I really, really want you to hear. And if this does not apply to you, please share it with parents that may be in this situation because it actually really surprised me when I discovered it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
And I just knew I had to make an episode today and get this out there to you as quickly as I could. So before I go into the content for today, just wanna say in full transparency that I am sitting in a hotel room right now, I honestly have a love, hate relationship with air conditioning units in hotel rooms. I'm usually too cold or too hot. And for this hotel stay I'm by myself. But if my husband was here, it would be even worse, cuz he likes it to be cold. And you know, at home I can't keep it cold because it, our electricity bill would be through the roof if we kept the house too cold. So when we're in a hotel room, he likes to keep it colder, but I've turned off the AC and ho I'm not gonna have any other background noise, but sometimes there is a loud car that drives by that you can hear outside.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So if there is any background noise that you hear apologize for that, but this content is something that I wanted to get out to you. I am flying home tomorrow. And so I figured if I didn't record this today, it will probably be at least a couple of days before I get it recorded. And this information is something that every parent needs to know about. So what I wanna talk about is being able to access pornography through a smart watch. And the one that I tested because the one that I have is an apple watch and it was mind blowing when I saw that I could pull it up so very easily. I did not know that the apple watch had that capability. And if you're like me, not real tech savvy. So that's why giving kids the things is sometimes major challenging for parents like me and maybe you, because they are tech savvy and they are growing up with this capability.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And so they are able to navigate this very quickly. And then the other thing is that when I saw a post about this and I was like, okay, I gotta figure out if I can really do this on my apple watch, I Googled it. And of course there's a website out there that tells you exactly how to get an internet connection on your apple watch and pull up a webpage. So it took me all of two seconds to do that. And then I followed those instructions. And before you know it, I was accessing pornography on my apple watch. Unbelievable. So the reason I bring this up is because this is something I recommend in might be that mom movement method toolkit that I'm getting ready to publish as an a very good first step is to start with a watch or a now I can't forget what they call, but they're like a little walkie talkie type device as a first step to stay connected with your kiddo when they are going to be away from you and not having to give them a phone that opens them up to all of the digital things and so many more struggles or like tugs of war with them in terms of how addictive the phones are and how much they can suck you in.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
You know, of course, giving a gab phone, a pinwheel phone, those type of things, and putting bark is certainly a good option as well. But if you have a younger kid that you're wanting to have a way to stay connected with them, a watch is a great, great option. And I see parents mention often that they're just gonna go ahead and give them an apple watch or, you know, give them one of the smart watches because it just makes more sense. They don't wanna do these other ones. Maybe the watches are a little bit too childlike looking for their kid or something like that. Well, this is a reason why I recommend that you definitely check out the watches that are available through those different options. And I'll go over those again in just a minute, but just to kind of hit this, the importance of this, they say that pornography is usually one or two clicks away for any child that is online.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So regardless of what your feelings are about pornography studies have shown that kids exposed to it at younger ages, or just exposed to it in general, in the teen years that it can have an effect on them and the younger they are, the more of an effect it can have and also just creates a unrealistic idea of what sex is so highly recommend that you have some sort of layer or plan or filter something that limits what sites they're allowed to go to if they are allowed to go online by themselves, because it is a slippery slope and it's kind of a black hole. And if you have ever raised kids, through the middle school years, especially boys, one of them will hear about it. And before you know it, they're sending the link to everybody and before you know, it they're all looking at it.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
They're all curious and curious, killed the cat when it comes to a child that is growing up, you know, and learning like curiosity is completely normal for them, but with the digital things that their fingertips so readily, it can be so dangerous. And so what do I wanna say, like impairing on their development, stunting their mental development and possibly causing trauma by the things that they see. So what I found out today is that you can send a link to your watch by sending a text with the link to yourself, or having someone else send it to you or sending yourself an email with the link. So if you try to do this, you know, pull up, I didn't know any porn site except for I heard of porn hub. So I sent that to myself in a text and pulled that up immediately on my watch.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I couldn't figure out how to do it from my watch. It had to be sent to my watch. And I tried to look for like a internet app, those type of things. And there isn't one that I could find. And according to the, the website that I found that had instructions on how to do this, there isn't an app for internet connection, but if you send a link, it opens up a hidden safari page. And then with that, it will open up whatever website it is that has been sent to you. So very, very important information to know if you have a kiddo that has a smart watch, I'm assuming the other smart watches out there are similar. Now the article or the social media posts that I saw about this, I forget what company was posting about it, but they said that they talked to apple.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
They called them and just acted as a curious parent. And they said that you can set up some type of firewall type thing in the screen time, parental controls. But when they tried to do it, they couldn't figure out how to block it that way. So it's possible that there's a way to block it or filter it through the parental controls also might be possible to put bark. You know, if you have bark on their phone, that might be able to monitor like them sending the text bark might pick up on the text and let you know that they sent this text that had porn in the link or something to that effect. So those are two things that could pick it up. If you're in the situation where you already have given them a smart watch, but I'm not one to say that, pull it all away and , you know, shut the world down and all of that, unless you're in an extreme situation and you need to regroup, you need to detox.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
There is a place for that. I did that with my own child and it was the best thing we did at the time, but it wasn't before we tried multiple things of communication talking, trying to, you know, kind of reroute things. And when we realized that wasn't working and things were really, really going south very quickly in that we were on the brink of a crossroads, that we weren't gonna be able to come back from easily involving much more than anything like pornography. We did pull back. We did cut off completely from all digital things and made very extreme actions in order to regroup detox, figure out what in the world was going on. But I don't think that that's necessarily always what you need to do. So I wouldn't panic yank the watch away and, you know, go run in whatever, but, you know, use your own judgment, your kid's personality and their temperament and all of that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
But this is just knowledge for you to know of and for you to figure out how to move forward with us. But if you have not given a watch or if, you know, young moms that maybe in this situation soon where they're wanting to give a watch, I do wanna tell you that the watches that I know of that get the best reviews is the gab watch. And you can go to G wireless.com or use the link in my show notes. And there is a discount code. My discount codes be that mom, and that will give you a discount on that G watch. And then I don't see that pinwheel has a watch. I was looking, but it looks like the only thing they have right now is the phone. Now the tick talk watch. So T I C K T a L K, is the watch that I hear about as the one that most moms love.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
The, the one that most rave about is the tick talk watch for younger kids. And it comes like in a little case. So it's protected in all of that, but those are the ones that I would recommend. And I do have a discount code for the TikTok watch as well. I do recommend checking those out and starting with one of those. If you're going to do the watch route versus giving the smart watch in having the slippery slope of so many little caveats that you may not be able to monitor certainly is something that I think bar would probably potentially catch, but probably can't guarantee it. And that tends to be the case with apple, with most things. So that's why they say that apple or iPhones, aren't the best first phone for kids because they're not as easily monitored. I did give my kids an apple phone to start.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And if I did it over again, my attitude at that time was, well, we have apple phones. It'll just be easier for us to all have apple phones. If I had it to do over again, I probably would start with an Android phone. One that I could monitor more and have very strict rules, all the things that I'm gonna share and might be that mom movement, method toolkit, and course so definitely recommend you check those things out and pass that along to young moms that may be approaching this as well as access it for yourself. If you are needing more guidance with this and resources and all the things to pivot and all of that because I know there is oftentimes a lot of pivots and it's different for each kiddo since I've raised three and each one was completely different on this path.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
So check out those options for watches, if you're in need of that. And definitely if you are in the place of already having, given a smart watch, explore this and see what, you know, the capabilities are on the watch that they have and keep the lines of communication open with your kiddo. And, you know, just decide what you think is best for you and your kid going forward. But I did wanna get this out to you because I could not believe it. I was sitting I'm in Boise, Idaho and was attending a conference. And as the conference was ending today and I was putting my stuff away, I was like, okay, I'm gonna go back to hotel room and record this podcast. And I sat down and tried to figure out how to send it, sent it. And so I am sitting there in the middle of the conference with pornography, playing on my smart watch.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Not that it had any sound, but I just could not believe what I was seeing. And it wasn't even just like anything mild, like the website pulled up and there's, I just scrolled. And there's all these people having sex all up and down as I scrolled. So yeah. Crazy stuff, definitely something I wanted you to know about. So please reach out to me. If you have any questions, please check out my show notes for all my links and all the discount codes that I have and keep your eye out for my course, that's coming out soon. That's gonna be your toolkit, your roadmap, a place for you to start and a place for you to pivot and figure out what to do next on your path to being that mom. All right. Have a great day. Thank you for tuning in Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review connect on social join. Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
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Episode 96: Suicide or mental health crisis: Is your child/family at risk?
15 elo 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Mental health issues and suicidal ideation is way more prevalent than most realize. Listen in for tips and resources! (Check out the show notes for more info!)
For warning signs of suicide, check out this article with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/risk-factors-protective-factors-and-warning-signs
Mental health and Suicide resources mentioned in the show:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. https://www.afsp.org
Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741.
Https://www.betterhelp.com
https://www.cerebral.com
https://www.opencounseling.com
Https://www.nami.org
Below are a few other hotlines and resources I found that you may find helpful:
Peer Support Space hosts virtual peer support groups twice a day Monday through SaturdayProject LETS provides support by text for urgent issues that involve involuntary hospitalizationWildflower Alliance has a peer support line and online support groups focused on suicide prevention
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Package options: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The need for more prevalent and readily available mental health resources is I think probably we all can safely say at an all time high right now in this world in 2022. So today in memory of my little brother, I am bringing you an episode that is going to give you some pointers of different things, to be aware of, give you some resources that you can use, save them, have them in your back pocket. If you ever come to the point of needing them and pass them along to anyone and everyone that you know, so that we together can link arms and help this world with the mental health crisis that's going on right now, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kid's smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kid's activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So if you hadn't heard my episode, I think it was a couple of times ago, I, or a couple episodes ago, I talked about what has happened over the past year for me and my family.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And one of those things is that we lost me and my siblings lost our little brother to what seems to be suicide in August of last year. We just came on a year on the ninth. And I say that with a little bit of hesitancy, because we can't know for a hundred percent certainty, unless we find a note or something like that. But the circumstances surrounding it make it highly unlikely that it was an accident. What happened? It does seem like it was intentional, even though it's so hard to believe that he would do this intentionally and that all of us that loved him so much and miss him so much were there for him. But as I've researched more about suicide and the circumstances around it, and knowing people who have attempted suicide and weren't successful that I've spoken to, I do believe that when someone is suicidal and they get into that space, they, you know, you could call it like that dark place.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
They believe that the world would be better off without them. And they no longer can see clearly how much it's going to hurt the people around them. They actually think that the, the people that they love will be better off if they're gone. And so when you reach that place, it's a very scary and dark place, but it is often a place where you don't reach out to family and you make your plans and you go through with it. So it's hard as a survivor to fathom someone getting to that place, but it is a very real thing. And so what I wanna talk about today is just some awareness around suicide and mental health issues and concerns. And then I wanna give you some resources for you, for your kids, for family members, so you can pass them along. So please check out the show notes of my episode.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I'm going to put links for all of these things that I have come across. A lot of them have telehealth services. Most of 'em I think are probably private pay, but they have telehealth services. Some of them are free. I shouldn't misconstrue that some of them are absolutely free, but some of the counseling services are telehealth readily available for you. And then there's also free resources as well. If you need someone to talk to, or you have a family member that needs someone to talk to, I do have a personal friend who works with some of these services and she, and has an education and background and psychology or psychiatry and counseling. And she recommended some of these to me as resources. So I do think they come highly recommended in that space. I am not however, any type of mental health expert. That is not what my background is as a nurse practitioner, but I am coming to you as someone who lost a family member to this who has close people to me that have attempted suicide and just have a real and raw pain that like I've said in regards to all of the struggles that I've had with my kids and the digital things, I do believe that struggles and challenges are put upon or are put upon our doorstep for us to use, to become stronger or to pay forward as a gift to others.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Or at the very least, we have the choice to make them a place where we can serve where we can help others to prevent others, to have to have things as hard as, as we have, or to somehow help them to not be in the same place. So any family or friends out there that know my brother and disagree with me on this stance and sharing this stuff, I do apologize if I offend you or hurt you in any way, but this is just intended to be an educational perspective and a place to help people. So please realize that and forgive me for that. So a couple of pointers, I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet because I know you're busy moms and you have things to do, but I do think this is very important, but first point is that suicide attempts and, and suicide being successful is way more prevalent than we realize mental health issues and people struggling with mental health is way more prevalent than we realize.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
We need to be talking to our family and our friends. We need to be doing face to face, intentional talking less of the staring at our phones and not being involved with our family and our friends. I can't tell you how much this past year has changed. My family, me and my siblings are closer. Me and my dad are closer on the anniversary of my brother's death. We all text and emailed each other to tell each other, we love you. We need to get together. Some of us don't live in the same, you know, state and part of the country, opposite parts of the country, actually. And so we're just trying to be more intentional about what we do and talking to each other and making sure that no problem out there, no issue in the world is ever too big for us to handle no judgment, no reason to be apprehensive about talking to each other.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
We are family. We are there for each other, and we will always make sure that we have each other's back. It's more prevalent than we realize. Talk to your kids, talk to your family. The second point I wanna make is that I believe a lot of the mental health issues and suicidal thoughts are perpetuated number one by the big, crazy world that we're living in right now. And all of the stuff we've had over the past two years. But number two is the interconnectedness of social media and all of the digital things like I've said before, an episode after episode, putting a phone or some type of digital connection into the hands of our children and allowing them to interact with it, consume it to all of that. Absolutely has an influence and absolutely is insidious. So be aware that when you allow your kiddo to have social media, to have like, be on Roblox or anything where they're interacting with other people, there is an influence there, there, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Sorry. My, as a side note, my little, uh, apple watch keeps dinging and I can't figure out how to make it quit dinging. It used to never make noise. And now all of a sudden it makes noise and I can't figure out how to turn it off, like technologically challenged over here. But if you hear dinging, that's what it is. I've tried multiple times to turn it off my, as I should have just left it in another room. But anyways, all of those things do have an influence and they make, as far as in, from the perspective of, of a child, there's an influence in the brain there of chemicals and all of that, their thought process, their self-esteem, those type of things. And then also the feeling of not good enough of comparing themselves to others, of seeing other people being invited to things.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
And they're not all of that is there and is an influence. So it absolutely is something to be aware of when you are allowing the access to those things. And then the third thing, I guess I kind of already said this, but most aren't aware when someone else's they know is struggling. We absolutely were not with my brother. Like truly didn't know he had been serving overseas, both in the military and as a contractor for most of his adult life. And when 2020 hit, he was stuck over there and could not get back. He was a contractor. He wasn't active duty military at that time. And so the military would only prioritize getting the military back and the contractors were just left. And so he was stuck there for a good, oh, I don't even know. I think it was almost a year that he was there and that was a very, very hard time for him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
He reached out to all of us at that time and we all stayed in, touched. I text him every week on the weekend to check in with him until, and that was like, he reached out to us in August and he was back on us soil in December. And when he was back on us soil, we kind of all assumed he was okay. I didn't check back in regularly. I actually hadn't talked to him in a while because he was busy with his family and I was busy with mine. So most people aren't aware when someone else is struggling, make sure you reach out, talk to people, be real, be honest. If you notice something's off with them, ask them all they can do is say, no, dude, I'm fine. That type of thing. And then the last point I wanna make is there is help out there.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
There's help out there. And I'm gonna list in the show notes, multiple options for you to look for resources. And I wanna hit on a couple of the top ones here that I'm gonna mention. These are a few websites that have resources for counseling. There's open counseling.com. There's better help.com and cerebral.com. All of those have resources where you can get in touch with them, someone like a counselor, or get help. Some of them will do prescribe medication and that type of stuff too. And then a couple of other resources for mental health. There is a website called NAMI N a mi.org. And I stumbled across this one in my research today called American foundation for suicide prevention. That one actually has local chapters and they do fundraising opportunities, different educational talks and things like that. So a place for you to get involved, if you have the passion and the desire to do that, and then the last place, and I'm gonna list some other things in my show notes that I'm not listing here, just some other things that I've ran across and might be helpful for you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
But the other thing I wanna mention, and I wanna take a few moments to talk about. This is the new line. It's kind of like a 9 1, 1 thing, but it's 9, 8, 8. And it is for, to connect someone with a counselor. It is like, basically, if someone is feeling suicidal, they need to, to vent. They need to talk about what's going on. They're overwhelmed with their situation. This is a place where they will directly connect you with someone that can talk to you. Now, recently there was someone that posted that, um, this 9, 8, 8 number, when you text them, they were gonna send a cop to your home and they were gonna involuntarily detain you if you said you were suicidal. And so I researched that little viral thing thread that went through. I actually have a friend who works for the 9 88 counseling service. And she said they were bombarded with prank calls because they were trying to jam up the lines of this because they said, when you text this number, they get, they take you away and involuntarily detain you and all of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And it sounds crazy, but it really was kind of an emergent situation because the people that needed help couldn't get through because these people were jamming up the line. But what this service has said is that no, they do not call the cops and involuntarily detain you. The purpose of their service is to connect you with someone who can talk to you, who can help you to have a different perspective, help you to see the positive in your situation, help you to find the resources that you need to get out of that mindset and that idea of taking your life. And then if they feel like they cannot get you to the place of where you were like deescalated from that mindset, that idea that in having a plan, that type of thing, then they will call emergency services, but they are not able to like locate you by GPS.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
They don't know where you are. Exactly. Any type of that, any type of thing like that, they basically will call nine one, one or call law enforcement, give them your phone number, give them your name and any information that you have provided, but they're not there just to automatically take people out of their homes and, and voluntarily detain them. So I think that 9 88 number is an amazing resource. I wish we would've had it a year ago. I wish I would've had all of this information a year ago. And I wish I would have known that my family member was struggling and that my family member needed someone to talk to. So please take all these resources that I have mentioned and be very proactive with your family, with your kids. Know there's an influence out there, know that most people won't say that they're struggling talk to the people that mean something to you in your life.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And I don't mean to minimize that, but talk to everybody, be aware that it's an issue, know that everybody out there right now is probably struggling to some degree and that we need to link arms and help each other. So check out the show notes for those resources that I mentioned, and please share those, save them, share them, pass that 9 88 number along, put it places, post it on your stories, on your social media, all of that stuff, and share that that resource is out there for anyone and everyone that needs it. Okay. So thank you so much for listening today. I hope this was good information for you and that someone out there can find this helpful and that you'll find the help that you need in your moment of crisis. If you ever get to that point. Okay. I was all wrapping this up and about to send it off to my editor and realize that I missed sharing with you.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Probably one of the most important tools that you can have in place, if you are having concerns, when it comes to your kiddo and all the digital things, and that is adding bark to your village and what you're doing with your kiddo, if you're allowing them to have social media and a phone bark gives them privacy, allows them to have conversations and do their, you know, their growing up thing, but it monitors their conversations. Unless you're going into apps like Snapchat, that may have things set up to where you can't monitor their conversations. But in general, like if they're texting a friend or something to that effect, it's gonna pick up on keywords that might indicate there's a concern, something you need to talk to them about, and it will send you an alert and let you know of the things that it picked up on so that you can open up that conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
So that has to be probably the best tool that's out there right now for us parents, as we raise our kids with all the digital things is to have something in place like that that provides them some privacy, but also picks up on the most important and most concerning things that sometimes can get missed, because I admit it's hard to decipher the moods and all of the things going on with our kids, you know, and they get annoyed with us when we ask too many questions and, you know, just the struggle of is it just normal puberty and growing up, is it just a mood swing? Is it something more that we need to be concerned about? That's really hard to decipher. And sometimes we can go down the wrong path and miss things because of just, you know, kind of the similarities of just normal growing up, along with something that might be going on with them.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
So when they're like closed up and won't talk to you, this could be a way for you to be alerted of things that are going on, that maybe they're telling someone else that they're talking to. And that way you can, um, you know, open up the conversation and have an awareness, talk to them about the things that you're concerned about and that type of thing. So, oh my gosh, I can't believe I almost left that off of this episode. It probably needed to be a much more extensive talk in regards to that. But when it comes to bark, like I've mentioned, like I have in the different little blurbs that I talk about on most of the episodes, you can use my code, be that mom and get a discount. I believe it still gives you 20% off and that's for life of your subscription.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So if you have it for multiple years, when you renew, you still get my discount. So use code, be that mom, to get your discount on bark. If you don't already have that, they do give you like a seven day free trial. And they also are very responsive to having any tech diff difficulties. So if you're tech challenged, like I am, you can talk to them. Them they'll even get on a zoom call with you and help walk you through things. There are different limitations of different apps and different computers and different setups. So they can kind of walk you through that and help you to set up the most ideal setting. Nothing is a hundred percent nothing out there can possibly be a hundred percent because of the way the phones are, the way the apps are, the way kids are. So this is just one way to add a layer to help you out.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Okay? So don't disregard that if you don't have bark yet, I don't care what type of device you're giving them bar can help you to some degree. And it has to be one of the best things out there, and they are available in more countries now. And I meant to look that up before I got on the episode, but it's not just the us. It's not just Canada. There are multiple other countries that they're available in now. So if you're listening from another country, look them up in the us. It's barked at us search for bark industries or something to that effect, bark parental controls, and you should be able to find a website for them. And then see if they're available where you are. If not, hopefully there's something comparable where you are. I do think that that is like an extra set of eyes and ears for us parents, as we're raising our kids, we can't be there all of the time.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
We have to, at some point, provide them some independence and there's a fine line between monitoring and it affecting their relationship with you if you're too strict for too long. So at some point you gotta kind of let the string out. In my opinion, let the string out a little bit, giving them a little bit more independence, but having a way to monitor and pull them back in if need be. Okay. So nothing's perfect. Like I said before, every child is different. So this is gonna look different for every child. Every situation certainly don't ignore your gut and pull back from all of it. If you feel like that is necessary until you figure out the root of whatever it is, that's going on, that's nagging at your gut. But I do think that bark is an amazing thing. Anything like bark is an amazing thing to provide some independence, allow them to get their feet wet into the world while also having that safety net that will help you to be your eyes and ears so that you're not like driving yourself crazy, trying to look through text and, and messages and seeing if they're deleting things and all of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Okay. So I'm so glad I remembered to add that on. I hope you listened all the way to the end here. I think that was probably the best part of the episode, but thanks so much for listening. I am trying to put out more consistent episodes, but also kind of giving myself some grace with a lot of things that are going on in our world right now that I haven't mentioned here. So thank you so much for listening. Please check out the course that I have coming out. I've talked about it multiple times, but it is your place to have a roadmap and a toolkit to guide you on this path to give you resources and places to pivot. And then to just give you the layers that I highly recommend and think are essential as we let our kids out into the digital world. Okay. Thanks so much. Have a great day. Bye.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
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Episode 95: When preparing to fund your kid’s college, debt is not the only way!
4 heinä 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Do you cringe at the thought of funding your kid's college? Today's episode with Kara Walker highlights why and how this does not have to be the only way!
Kara Walker graduated from college debt-free, and is now on a quest to help other students do the same with her podcast, "Money and Mental Peace," and her upcoming course "The Debt-Free College Blueprint"!
She is a twenty-something Christian entrepreneur, amateur snowboarder, and recovering
over-achiever. Kara enjoys goal-setting, budgeting, and living a debt-free lifestyle, and wants to help YOU do the same!
To check out Kara’s podcast, MONEY AND MENTAL PEACE, please CLICK HERE!
For more info on Kara’s course, The Debt Free College Blueprint, CLICK HERE!!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So besides navigating all the digital things with our kiddos, another thing that ranks way up there in terms of stress is trying to figure out how to fund our kids' college education. Well, if you have been of the mindset that debt and college education must go hand in hand today's episode is going to give you some tips and tools to where that maybe may not have to be the case. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom FLA. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast today's episode is going to be a special one. I'm bringing to you with a special guest that I think is gonna provide you with a lot of good information as you go forward into the college years and all of that with your kiddos, and really give you some pointers for thinking through things before they get to that college age.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So this recording is being done in a different location than my normal one. So please forgive me if there's any background noise, but thank you for being here. Let me just real quick introduce Kara and then I will bring her on and we will get started. So Kara is, uh, graduate of college where she managed to graduate debt free and is now on a quest to help other students do the same with her podcast. Podcast is named money and mental piece. She also has an upcoming course called the debt free college blueprint. She's a 20 something Christian entrepreneur in amateur snowboarder and recovering overachiever. She also enjoys goal setting, budgeting and living a debt free lifestyle and wants to help you do the same. So I hope that you will check out the podcast in its entirety today and then check out her podcast and her upcoming course that is being released as we speak, and definitely use all the tools that she shares.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Cuz I think this is really valuable stuff. And I will say as the parent of three kids with two of them now through college, I definitely do it. Didn't do it, the debt free route. And I would definitely go back and use some of these tips if I could. So like I always say sometimes we just gotta take the hard road with things, but I'm hoping that this will help you not have to take as much of a hard road. So stay tuned and
here's Kara. Okay, well today I am bringing y'all a special guest and like I mentioned, she has a specialty that I think is going to speak straight to your heart. So with that introduction, Kara, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Thanks so much. Yeah, I'm Kara. I, I guess you guys know, I graduated from college debt free. I am kind of a nerd on things like personal finance and you know, Marvel movies and whatever else and joined snowboarding, whatever. However, after I finished college, I didn't wanna work for anybody else. So I started my own business stuff and now I have all this podcast and everything, and I really just have a passion for if I can help get students through college debt free, but also with like spiritual health, right. And mental health intact, cuz it's money and mental peace. Then I just feel like afterwards after graduation they can just launch into life wherever God is leading them to the point of, you know, perhaps not having to take a job just for money, but instead for to pay loans back, but for purpose or the next step they're going into, you know, it's just, it's just a fascinating thing. And I also just wanna tell parents about this because there's so much out there that just is not shared in the general realm of college and paying for college. That pretty much anyone can graduate from college debt free if they had the information. So that's just, that's my interest and things that I work on.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Okay. So I, to totally love that because I know the burden of coming outta college with some debt for myself, but much more. So with my children, my two that I have a 24 year old and a 19 year old and the 19 year old went to a college that was five times the cost of the 24 year old because she was in a specialty culinary school. So finished quickly, but definitely had to take on debt, but we were much smarter about our spending and stuff like that. But I do think that's so important. What you mentioned about coming out and being able to kind of pursue your life's passions versus just getting a job because you have that bill to pay. So I just really kind of love that you are here today and that we can share this.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Thanks. And, and not that you can't have a life's passion with also a job that earns enough money. I think it just gives freedom. It gives more options.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Right, right. I totally get you. And I think there could be a balance there where you have a little bit of debt, but you're not like, you know, buried for your entire lifetime type thing. so, all right. So tell me a little bit more about like, what things do you, uh, recommend or what kind of red flags do you have people look for or whatever it is that you feel is most helpful when you're going on this path?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I love that. You, you say it like that because it just gives it just it's wide open. Let's see. Where do we wanna start? um, let's start at the beginning. Okay. We're gonna start at the beginning. I'm gonna imagine your kids are coming into even like middle school, age or something. And you're like, college is so far away, but like we can get started now. I'm not trying to pressure you. I'm trying to give hope on ideas. Okay. But starting at the beginning, I think is it's stuff like we're gonna tie in college and, and financial mindset as well around digital stuff. Right. I mean, that's what we talk about or you do on this podcast. So as your kids grown up, but they're still like, I don't know, 10, 11, 12, or whatever. Obviously there are certain age appropriate, um, times to discuss money just like age appropriate times to use a phone or, you know, get on.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
It depends on if you want your kid on TikTok or not. But I just hear that so much in life. That's one of the things I name I used to be on it. And then I was like, Nope, I just there's too much. And I just got off, uh,
too addicting. So basically kids usually exemplify what they see. So, I mean, there is a step on like, what's your mindset around digital usage? What's your mindset around money. And is it, is either of them a crutch or are they owning you or are you using them as a tool? Which is great and also some fun, right? I mean, like we go see a movie and get ice cream. You gotta pay money for that. But I think there's like not only, I think we're in the mindset zone, it's like having age appropriate conversations with your kids around money, but in like fun ways, like they're 11 and you're like, Hey, if you got a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You know? And that launches like some fun conversation. And then, you know, depends on how, like I'll probably be that parent someday who talks with their 11 year old about compound interest because I'm a nerd, but like you do it in a fun way, you know? Like, like if you had a million dollars now, you know, if you did a few things, you could have 5 million in 20 years or something and you know, just like getting a mindset. So I think there's, there's lighthearted conversations around money as just like, however, there
would be conversations around digital usage and not like lecturing, but like interacting and talking. Right. So I think that is a start. And I think that also ties into you as a parent. It's you have a budget? Is your money kind of working for you or are you stressed out? You know, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I can't make that decision factor in what you're doing right now, but personally I love going through the Dave Ramsey plan because that really helped me feel like my money was working for me. And I have that financial piece. So just to throw an idea out there, but let's talk about what they might be, uh, soaking in, what, what content they might be soaking in around money and college and stuff. You know, it could be younger than this, but middle school, high school beyond. Right. So there's a couple angles I think to this around money by itself could be anything from like, you gotta be rich to be happy. I mean, there's some of that too. I think the opposite is also pretty detrimental. And often I think more in some Christian circles of like money is the root of all evil. Well, let's be clear here.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
The verse is the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, not money in and of itself. And it's the love of money is an idol over God. So it's like, I personally, I graduated debt free. So I was able the next month after graduation, I was able to start a business and start investing. So by the time I'm 30, I'll have, I don't know exactly, but I'll have somewhere in five figures saved for retirement already with no loans and no like debt and whatever. And that's just like, because I'm, I was excited about that. Like my parents are good with money, but I'm like fanatical, you know what I mean? Like, just because it's interesting to me. So I think there's kind of that like, just conversation around trying to get back to where my train of thought was going, oh, like you don't have to have money to be happy, but also you don't have to not have money to be pious. You know, I think you gotta be careful with that because there are so many people that are godly, Christians who are wealthy, who use their money for such good. So I encourage that. I mean like build wealth for the kingdom, why not? And I think kids might be having a couple angles on that coming from the digital realm, depending on what they're listening or church, you know, like, so you just gotta be aware. I think in other,
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I was gonna, I was gonna say that the, uh, kind of the root of social media, what I see is that it's not, it's not coming from a good place of self-talk and self-esteem, and it's very influential in the negative realm,
you know, like if, if you're not aware of it. So I like that how you have that, that focus around the kind of the self-talk around money, it's your attitude around money and what you think of it, whether it's good, whether it's evil, you know, mm-hmm, the more that you are, have an abundance mindset
around it, the more you're gonna have that kind of be attracted to you too. So I agree the, the social media aspect of it is that everything's kind of negative and dark and all of that. That's, you know, my take on that, you know,
Speaker 3 (11:17):
It's definitely on social media and I think it's also what parents, what kids see in their parents. If y'all, if the parents talk about money and their tense, even their body language that can stress them out about money too. I'm not saying, I mean like nowadays gas and groceries and whatever, like it's understandable that you can be tense around money and your kids need to learn that too. But I think it's just like, there's a mindset on like making sure kids know both sides, right. I just,
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah. Yeah. Like it's a, it's a mindfulness it's, it's becoming more aware that these things are powerful mm-hmm and that they do have an influence, very, very subtle things that parents do, kids will pick up on, you know? And that's the same thing or like your behavior with digital things, you know? And what I always talk about is like set the example for what you wanna do with the digital things. So parents talking about, talking about money and always being negative about money or fearful about money definitely wears like rubs off on them. So yeah, I
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Totally, oh, I feel like everything you probably say about digital things. Everyone listening just apply it to money too. It's just like the same idea. And for example, math, I know we're not here to talk about math, but there is whatever study done. Sometime I'd have to look it up that like, like kids whose parents just hated math and were stressed with math and whatever. Like there was just conversation in the home like, oh, you're going to math class or math homework. Like, I don't wanna help with that. Like oftentimes the kids weren't that good at math. And it was just like a stressor, you know? Maybe not always, like, we're not, we're just going generalization here, but at math, you know, money digital, like I just feel like it's, it's just all entwined
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I totally agree.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Yeah. So also, if we're talking about what kids are soaking in digitally through the internet, social media around college, there are many angles, right? It's like, first of all, like you gotta go to college. Like that's one, and I'm here to tell you I work in this realm and I 'em. And I wanna tell you, college is unnecessary. It can be great. Let me, you know, listen to the key words I'm saying it's not necessary, but it can be
fantastic. So like I'm not against college, it's just not necessary. Especially if your kid is just like, has no idea what's going on or wants not what's going on, but like what they wanna do. And now to be honest, I didn't know what I wanna do when I got started, but I did have a dream of having a degree. So I went very slowly step by step without loans.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
So that if I stopped, I just, I was out some money, but I mean, I didn't have loans to pay back, but like, especially if someone's heading to, you know, I'm going extreme here, but like Harvard, they don't know what they're gonna do. And it's all that money. Like it's just, it's not necessary. There's so many trade schools and just starting a business and just hustling. I don't mean like, to not have good mental health hustling, never sleep, but just like getting on trying things, you know, it's, I think that's one angle to talk with your kids about. And then also like if they're gonna go to college, let's say, let's say they realize college is not necessary, but they wanna go to college. Like, that's awesome. Pretty much. They're gonna hear that. The only way to do it is to have rich parents or have loans.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
And I'm just here to tell you like that is legitimately not true. and there's anything from grants and scholarships that make sense. But like anyone listening did, you know, there are ways to get free classes and really cheap textbooks and to get paid, to take notes and to do stuff on your own timeframe and just all sorts of things. And so that's is connected. What I talk about in my podcast, and I don't know how deep you want me to go in here. Cause we're also kind of like in college slash digital realm. But for example, especially if your kids are in middle school, but high school too, like, no, you can start early. There's a website called homeschooling for college credit and you might not be a homeschooling family. It doesn't matter. It's just, it's the website, because the idea is if you're homeschooling your kids, whatever you have been studying, once you're finished with it, they can go take a test like a club test DSST other types of classes and test out of it.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
If they pass it, they get three to six college credits. Like that's the concept and, and homeschooling for college credit, it lists, lists out different types of credit based on transferability. So obviously some won't go to every school, but if you kind of lean on the ones that have really good transferability, then you can know where to go. And honestly, there were some times I took a few tests when I tested out of things that didn't transfer, but I was like, I'm just out a hundred dollars. Like it's fine. I mean, a hundred dollars does sound a lot, but like I got six credits for college several times for a hundred dollars. That's insane because a credit hour by itself isn't even a hundred dollars anymore. So, and then, so these are just some, I have a lot of other tips, but this is just like the big thing.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
If some student, if a student of yours is in public school, you can do that too. It just, it would be when they're not in school, go take a test. And if you guys are taking clap tests, which is college level examination program, there's a company called modern states that if you do the study guide through them, they reimburse you. They give you a voucher. So you can get a year or two of college for free by just testing out of classes like that is, that is one of my, like, I mean, we have a lot we could talk about, but that is kind of like a main thing. If your kid aren't kids in, even starting in middle school, high school, beyond that, there are ways to, what do they already know? What do they just study in school? Go try to take a test on it. If they don't pass, you know, either you get reimbursed by modern states or they're out a hundred dollars, but compared to college, like, I don't know. I think that's awesome. So there's just a couple angles to like what you can do. And also knowing that college is not necessary and student loans are not necessary. I think that's the key word is unnecessary. So yeah, those are my thoughts around that whole realm.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Okay. Yeah. And I love that I'm of the same mindset that, you know, I think college is a great thing to do, but there's a lot of different ways to slice it now, you know, and like I talk a lot about digital safety and all of the influences of the digital things, but also all like to highlight how much of the world it has opened up to be able to have the internet and the opportunities that are out there. And I tell my kids, you know, like definitely have multiple streams of income, different things that you're passionate about. Don't rely, um, especially now do not rely on one employer to provide all of your livelihood and, you know, and explore all your passions, have a side job, you know, or side business doing this thing that you love to while you're also working to do this, you know, to bring in another stream of income. But I do think that the internet, the portability of our phones and all the different platforms that are out there now is just makes it to where you don't necessarily have to go to college. But also it, you know, if that is something that you're set on doing, there are ways like you've mentioned to cut the cost in different places mm-hmm love, or don't
Speaker 3 (18:12):
Go to college and start a podcast, like, like, you know, dinos what I'm talking about. There's definitely some business connection in that, but go ahead.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
yeah, yeah. For sure. So, yeah, so I love the different things that you mention and, um, what I've done with my son, my, our youngest, my two girls that are older, they, um, they think that he's just got the best of all worlds because of right before 20, 20 different things that happened with him, we pulled him out of regular school and we put him in an online school. And then after that, we now have him in a Christian, dual enrollment place. And so he is basically going to college and high school. He's got, gonna have like two semesters, if not more of college credit already under his belt. And most of it I think is gonna be able to be transferred. There's a couple classes I don't think well, but he's, so he is coming out of high school with all this college credit already.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And the fact that we pulled him off all the digital things and, you know, really kind of set him down and had him do this from home to focus on school and all of that. He's very, very aware of what he wants to do going into college. So he knows what he wants to do. He knows what the, the job opportunities are afterwards for that realm that he wants to go into. And I think if we hadn't done the things that we did, where we pulled him back and had him do online school and, you know, focus more on that in high school, he would be going into college completely. Like, I don't know what I wanna do. I'm just gonna go .
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah. And how you said, I do mention that in my, my course and stuff, dual enrollment and also middle colleges, dual enrollment is with another school. Middle colleges are like, you actually go to the college campus and just do high school there and college there. So those are fantastic opportunities.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Yes. Yes. I think that's, it's such a plus to have that as an opportunity. Now, I hadn't never heard of the homeschooling for college credit thing. Where do you get more information on that? Is that, did you mention a website? Yeah,
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It, it is literally called homeschooling for college credit.com.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah. And it's cool because the person who, um, leads it up is a, an advisor at a college at Excelsior college, which Excelsior is one of the big three who accept almost unlimited credits. There's Excelsior, uh, Thomas Edison, state university, and then like charter Oak. I'd have to look up the name, but basically I've had some friends, couple people who have like, just tested out of a load of classes. And of course it takes a certain student to want to test out a bunch of classes too, but test it out of a load of classes, just transferred everything and got their bachelor's for like $3,000. You know, it's just like, it depends now it might not work if they're going into chemistry and they need a lab right there. But like this person wanted to go to law school. So he got just like a political science degree.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Quick one, he graduated at, he was homeschooled, graduated at 19 with a bachelor's and just spent a few thousand dollars on it, a whole legit bachelor's. And then he went to law school and he was like the youngest in law school, you know, at Michigan state or something like, like there are ways to do it. It obviously probably wouldn't work for an engineering student who needs the labs, but just, there are options of schools that accept almost unlimited transfer credits. But I just wanted to tell you that. So you knew that this website was from someone who knew what they were talking about. It's a, it's an advisor at a college at Excelsior college who deals with like all this stuff. So yep. Just homeschooling for college credit.com.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Okay, cool. Yeah. There's so much that, like some of these things you mentioned, I didn't know about, I definitely knew about clip. I did that in my own high school. I mean, in my own college. So I did know about that, but I did know about that modern state. You said that was that modern states.com. Is that what you said?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Yeah, I believe so. Let me look it up right now in case the website is different modern states.org.org.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Okay. Mm-hmm okay, cool. So that's where you can get reimbursement.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yep. Yep. A year or two of college for free. If you just wanna go all in cuz club tests are a little bit more in like the first year, like prereqs, there are also D SSTs, which used to be just for military, but now our first civilians and those are up to higher levels sometimes cuz people in the military sometimes would just be testing out of classes to get a degree while they're in the military. So DSTs are a little higher level and
those are still really cheap, but they're not covered by modern states. I took a few of those and I still
think it was like a hundred dollars a test. Yeah. And then there's some other ones that are just less known. That's why that homeschooling for college credit lists a whole bunch of type of testing.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Okay. So this is totally awesome. I'm loving this. Okay. So I think this will be great information for all of the moms that are listening. So let's see. So I'm gonna go back and look at what we've talked about and see if there's any questions that I have. So we talked about kind of like at the beginning, when they're younger age appropriate discussion, talking about the, what ifs and all of that around money, just the basics of compound interest and what you do with the million dollars lighthearted conversation. And then you talked about your, what they're consuming about money, self talk around money or attitude around money and what that conveys to them. And then just knowing that college is in an absolute must, but to explore different options and kind of what they, what they wanna do. And that it's not an end all be all with college, but definitely if wanting to go, then we have all of these options that we just talked about. Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah. That
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I took notes so anything else you wanna share with me? I know that you have your podcast and then all of this information here at the end, um, you go into more detail about that. So I'd like everybody to reference your podcast. And tell me again what the name of it was.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It's called money and mental peace. There's really a connection. I think between feeling financially peaceful, like knowing you're not, might not be wealthy, but like knowing you have college paid for or the next semester or your budget or gas money, you know, and I think it really ties into mental piece. Cuz we do talk a bit about my experience of anxiety in college and such. I'm not like a licensed therapist. It's not like diagnosing things. It's just conversations around how I handled. I, I, how I, how an overachiever like me was able to graduate debt free honors, but also not have a total mental breakdown. Although there were a lot of tears. So I mean like there's a bit of both. So it's money and mental piece. We talk about all that stuff kind of all together.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Awesome. Okay. And then you have a course on presale right now and getting ready to launch. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Oh yeah. It's called the debt free college blueprint. Thank you for asking. Honestly, I still just refer people to the podcast. It's just free, free content, free, whatever. And I do talk about the course, if you wanna know where it is on the podcast, but it's like strategies and accountability and conversation about more in depth, like step by step, like how I graduated debt free and even advice on looking at a, a school coming up, looking at how to do FAFSA, how to get paid, to have jobs where you're essentially paid to do your homework or take notes. Or I had a job where I just was paid to take out. Cause I worked at a gym that was not busy. Like, you know, just like hacks there's conversation about handling grants versus scholarships. We talk about dual enrolled versus middle college. It's just, I, I just feel like it's the
, it's this big ameba of just all of the different angles of college without loans. And we talk about each of the things in depth and I do have like a presale going on now. So y'all can look at the info on the podcast if you want. And I'd love to love to have anyone. And we also have a free Facebook group, like there's a ton of free stuff. So thanks for asking.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Sure. That it sounds awesome. And that sounds like exactly what I needed years ago. for all of my, my stuff and my kids. I was actually pretty handy with when I was in college, but this was in the nineties. So I know that it's a lot different now, but could have definitely used some of that information. So it sounds like it's an incredible resource and I'm so glad that you have that. So definitely recommend checking that out for all the moms listening so that you can get all the tips and things that you can from Cara, because she's walked the walk. So
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Thank you. And can I say your student going into college? If they have such a healthy interaction with all everything, digital, the internet, everything that won't significantly boost their mental health, mental piece, to be able to handle figuring out how to pay for college or just handle anxiety or depression while in college, because of like, if they have a healthy interaction with social media and whatever, how much more that can boost their success. So I commend you on your plan and goal and purposes and everything. Any mom listening to like wanna have that because that's such a foundational thing. And just maybe if it ties into money, you know, their kid can be in college and have it paid for and also like not be freaking out so that would be nice.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah. And you know, I really think that does go hand in hand, like my own experience with my son is that he, you know, we crashed and burned with my kids with all the digital stuff. That's how my podcast came to be. You know, I've walked that walk completely in doing it all the hard way. Um, I won't say the wrong way because I think that there were gifts in how we did do it and that it is guided him to where he is now, as well as my daughters. They just weren't as immersed into the digital things because of their ages. But um, for him, he had a hard, hard road, but you know, where he is now is amazing because of his college credit he has already gotten. And then his attitude around money, he actually is working a full-time job. He's a, he's going into his senior year of high school.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
He's working a full time job that he does in the mornings. He gets himself up, gets himself off to work while he at 6:00 AM he's home by 12 or one, he has more money in savings than all the rest of us now. And he has a plan for when he goes away to college and where he wants to go, how he's gonna help us pay for things. And he was telling me yesterday that he is gonna start paying for his own gas, cuz he doesn't think it's necessary that we pay for his gas. And so , so us pulling him off the digital things and then helping him have a healthy relationship with that, to where he's not immersed in all of the social media and it didn't suck down his self-esteem. I mean it started to, and we pulled him back once we realized what was going on, but it definitely has had a, a definite dance with the money mindset.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
And I have my own background of being very poor as a kid and being very fearful around money. And so I've had to, um, work on my, my money talk and what I do and say around them. And even now with, um, over the last six months, I've had a lot of changes with my employment, my income streams, all of that. And it's hard for me to not say that stuff out loud, like I'm, I'm fearful of it. And then I reign it back in and I'm like, wait a second. Let's look at the big picture here and look at what's going on. And we've had all these things come into play right when I needed him to. So I felt like I'm being supported and guided on my path, but so I've had to filter the money, the money talk's and really relearn that for myself. But I absolutely see that in him that with that healthy relationship of the digital things, he didn't get sucked down that mindset and he is very focused, maybe too focused on, on, uh, earning money
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Now he's excited. It sounds like he's like, I can see my mind's not entrenched in what this influencer is doing. And so I can see like if I have this money, what I can do with it and what good too. Like anyone listening also, if you interact with ne with your kids around what, when money is stressful, that's a good learning experience too. So anyone listening who's done that. Like you don't have to always be happy about money all the time. Cuz that can be probably a, a bad, extreme too. But like if your kid, whoever, whatever kid's listening and in yours, yours sounds, your son sounds like he's gonna be a millionaire someday. And I, and I know that that's not like the end all of life, but like that can be a great thing and you can really give and serve if he knows what he's doing, has the steps handle of money.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
If he say able to graduate debt free or with not much and pay it off fast, start investing in his first job. By the time he retires, there are four OHK millionaires that they didn't go in some big extreme investment. It's just that. And let's clarify a millionaire as people's assets. So it's also their house, whatever. It's not that they're earning a million a year. So your son sounds like he is on board. And I like what the sisters were like, he's got a good set, like a good plan ahead. And isn't that sometimes what comes with the younger kid that like you learn and then it gets to that point. So I commend your parenting. Good job. That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Thanks. Yeah, he definitely, uh, got the, the short end of the stick in other realms, but you know, it all balances out in the end and it's just amazing. The, the like 180 that he's done and you know, some of it is just him exploring it himself. And I'll tell you that when he's always been a little entrepreneur, but when he was probably around like seven or eight, we, we were doing the Dave Ramsey thing and we got the little kids kit where they, they do like a chore and they get money. We could not continue that because that little entrepreneur was finding other things to do around the house so much so that we couldn't, we didn't have any money left to pay him. he was so mad at us because we had to cut him off cuz we're like, we don't have enough money to give you, like, now you're gonna have to do dishes just because it's your, your, your job here as a, as a kid in our house. But, um, but he's always been an entrepreneur like that. And so I think he felt really stifled by that, but we're like, okay, we need you to get income from elsewhere because we don't have the extra money to give you right now.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
that's great. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what your situation was and what age range, but even shoveling snow in the winter and raking leaves in the fall. Like there's just so many cool options. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah. Very true. Very true. We were just like, okay, gotta go earn money from gram grandma or something like that now, because we don't have the funds to give you the extra stuff, but he had that drive so early on. And so he's, and I do think the digital things distract what I've said in multiple of my, my podcast episodes is that they divert and almost it's like the kids don't ever find their focus and their purpose because they're so distracted by all the digital things that, you know, they're sucked down these RO these places. And then if you let them stay there, they never find their full potential and they'd never find their focus. And so I think that us pulling him off of that, it definitely helped him to refocus. And it just so happens that he's always been a little entrepreneur. So he's well, on his way, he's talking about, he might do a taxidermy training on the side.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
So he has a taxidermy business along with going to college and this and that. So he's, I think he's gonna be great. And that's why I say that. I don't think that the mistakes that we make and the hiccups that we make as parents, like even the money mindset and all of that, somehow if we can just help our kids learn to stand upon those challenges and use them as strengths later on, instead of them being a roadblock, then that's what you know, where life is found. And all of our, our focus and everything is found is by using the struggles to create the strength. So that's love it. I totally agree. Yeah. Um, so anything else you wanna share with audience or with me?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
It reminded me when we were talking, it reminded me of a couple things. If that's cool. If we're talking about just incorporating this mindset or money or conversation in everyday life, Dave Ramsey now has a board game called act your wage. I'd have to look again. I think it said it's for ages eight and up. I don't, I'm not sure I got it for Christmas. I'm such a nerd. I'm like, I want this game, but it's like, you can do it as a family. And the idea is you have to go around the board and handle like paying for like everyday life and like utilities and whatever. And also you have to pay off your debt, but it also has like, kind of like in game of life, something happens like a tree fell on your car. Like, what do you do? And whoever wins is whoever like pays off their debt first or something, well, it'd be great to teach your kids.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Why don't you not even have debt? And then you don't have to do this, but it's a cool way to handle money and like have a family game night. So I wanted to throw that out there. and also anyone, I just have been notified of another, like, I love the idea of killing two birds with one stone. When you make money. Like when I was a note taker, I was already in class taking notes and then I got paid to give my notes to another student who needed help just like that. There are also dog walkers now like wa or rover.com where like, I, I talk about how exercise is great to help with mental health. I'm not a fitness like podcast, but I just mentioned that you can do that while walking a dog and getting paid. Like there are so many, I just encourage anyone listening with their kids, but even with their own life, if you wanna side hustle, just be weird and unconventional, unlike, I don't know when you go get groceries, you could also be a grocery shopper for someone else and get paid to drop groceries off at their house.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Like there are there's stuff like that. Now that's called using these apps and the digital age as a resource, as a tool for your benefit for other streams of income, but not letting it suck you in and the negative. And if you don't mind, I'll leave. I'll leave this podcast with one of my favorite Dave Ramsey quotes, which is like I'm budgeting. Tell your money where to go, instead of wondering where it went and so I think that's what we're doing with both. Anyone listening with your kids with college, having a plan on where the money is gonna go instead of finishing and being like, I thought I had $50, what happened? All I did was go to the fair while the fair is gonna suck up $50 fast. I just encourage you guys just like digital usage. It's a tool and it's entertainment, but only to a point that it serves you and not that you end up serving it. And that is just like money. And if you have debt, the Bible says the borrower slave to the lender. I'm not saying I hate people of debt. What I'm just saying is knowing that that's more of you serving money than money serving you. And so I just wanna tie that into digital responsibility and I think it all goes together. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Awesome. Thank you so much for all of that. I love that. Definitely gonna check out that Dave Ramsey game and then all of those different options for making money. I think that's definitely something worth mentioning. And then I love that quote. So appreciate you coming on today and all of your wealth of information.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
It was so fun. I love this kind of stuff now.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
all righty. Thanks so much. Thanks. Okay. So I hope that y'all enjoyed all of those tips that Kara has shared. And please check out in the show notes for her podcast link, as well as the link for her course. And I just can't emphasize enough how valuable this information is that she shared with us. And it is definitely information I wish I would've had before. I got my kids going through college. I still have one to go and I'm definitely gonna use some of these tips as well as the things me and Kara already discussed that we are working on with my youngest, but live and learn is what it is. But I hope that you can use this information. Thanks for tuning in today. Holy
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Mo, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest four dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel, pinwheel.com. Use code B that mom 10 for a discount.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 94: Bringing this back to life! Life lessons & what is next!
24 touko 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Life got in the way, but we are bringing this podcast back to life! Tune in for updates on where I've been, how I'm using that to move forward, and what is next!
Sidenote: If you are someone who has been suffering from injury from the topic I discuss, please connect with me for resources that may be helpful for you!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
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Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Email me at [email protected] for more info and package options (Website coming soon)
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
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Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, holy cow. I don't know if you've missed me or not. Maybe you haven't, but I have not been here in a little while. I have not done any new episodes since January and today is the day that that is going to change because I know that moms out there, kids out there, we need digital guidance, digital roadmaps, digital safety. And so that's what my podcast is all about. And so I'm relaunching this today. We are getting back into things and I am back, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Okay. It has been a minute since I have done any episodes and I have a reason for that. And I'm gonna explain a little bit of that for you, so you can understand where I have been and some of the lessons and all of that. And then I'm gonna talk today just briefly about where I'm going with the podcast. So you'll know what is up and what's next. So first off, I just wanna give you a little bit of a heads up that. Yes, I am still very much a promoter of the dumb smartphones that I mention over and over again. And I am very much a fan of bark still. They are all doing really well and helping kids and families so, so much. So if you are in need of some way to set up some boundaries for your kiddo and know what's going on, of course I recommend bark to help with that top notch, best option out there.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
If you're not in the United States and don't have that option, I do have some other things listed on my website and in the show notes. And then of course the dumb smartphone that are available all have perks to them. And it just depends on which one you prefer. The Tru me phone is one that I did in episode on believe it was toward the end of December, beginning of January, where I interviewed the CEO or the co-founder of Tru me. And then there's the pinwheel phone and the gab phone. And they all have features and options that are awesome and great, and definitely a step up from giving our kiddos access to the entire world through a unmonitored smartphone. So still highly recommend all of those things. I also have my be that mom method course like on the brink of coming out, but , I need to make a few tweaks.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I was going through it last night and because I have had a delay with life getting in the way, like majorly over the last year, there's a few things I just need to update and I wanna make sure it is the most relevant thing that you can follow because it absolutely is made from my heart and is exactly what I wish I would've had back when I was like, I know I need to be doing something, but I don't know what this is, what this is gonna be for you. It is a roadmap, it has tools. It has resources. It is going to be a gift to you. Just like all of these other things that I mentioned on my podcast and give you discount codes for this is going to help you with navigating the things, help you with redirecting and pivoting when you need to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
And all of that. So stay tuned for that. I promise it will come to life. I just, you know, I've said it before that when you have something amazing, you're trying to do some change. You're trying to make something you're trying to put out into the world that is going to make such an impact. It is no doubt that life and obstacles are gonna get in the way to try to stop that from happening. And that's my belief as to what keeps getting in the way to where I can't get that launched, but I promise you it is coming and it's going to be amazing. So stay tuned for it and share it with your friends as well, because it definitely is something that I have made and put so much work into to make sure it's exactly what you need when you give your kiddos phones and all of the things.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Okay. So that being said, I wanna go back for a second. I wanna explain a few things that have happened in the last year that kind of got in the way of doing my podcast episodes and staying on my mission for helping you with all of the digital things and give you a bit of background on that. Also how those things have been somewhat of gifts to help me now, and then where we're going with the podcast, a few episodes I have coming up and all of that. Okay. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for tuning in my podcast has still been ranking high in, in a couple of different countries. And a couple of the episodes are like off the charts with listens. So I know you're out there. I know you're listening. I know you need this stuff. And when I kept seeing that pop up in my email that it was ranking high, that certain episodes were getting a lot of listens.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I was just like, oh, holy cow, I need to get this going again. But the truth is that when this is what I always say, like in my fit club and with the girls that I help with health coaching with fitness and nutrition stuff is a body in motion, stays in motion. A body at rest stays at rest. And that is so true when it comes to something like this. I have tried to record this I'm back episode. Multiple times kept having things get in the way the last time I came and sat down and I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. I could not find the adapter thing that I need to go from my microphone and my headphones to my laptop. And I looked everywhere and it was like, I only had this little bit of time to get this done.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And my window of time closed because I couldn't find the darn adapter. It turns out it was laying on my desk, but my desk is a complete mess. And so it was covered up by some papers and it took me like a month after that to find it after I'd already ordered a new one. So anyways, I have tried to record it, but I will say that life got really, really hard for me in 2021 and coming into 2022. And it's one of those things that when everything was still moving and going, I could somehow put some of the hard parts of that to the side. Sorry, I have dinging going on here to the side and in not really deal with them, you know, not face them head on, I need to turn off my notifications here. So you're not here in my dinging.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And so, and I can't figure out how to do that here. So anyways, I wanna tell you a couple things that happened for 2021. So, you know, I launched my podcast in, in March of 2020. I had weekly episodes from March of 2020, all the way to the first week of January of this year, I was going on two years, straight of weekly episodes, very passionate, very focused, but in 2021 life took a turn for me in a couple of ways. One was in my background as a nurse practitioner, I started noticing patterns of health conditions and people that got the thing, the thing that's being pushed around the world, pushed on everyone with the claims of safe and effective. If you do not see the reality of the thing that's happening with that, for some people I know while it could in overall be rare in the number of people that have gotten the thing compared to the number that are having adverse effects.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
If you have not seen that from your vantage point, I ask you, I plea with you to try to open up your heart and your mind to the fact that maybe your vantage point, hasn't given you this observation. But for me personally, I have observed heart wrenching and very concerning observations. I don't know if I just said that redundantly, but I worked with a population of people who were older typically like in their fifties, up until their nineties. And they were the age group that was pushed to get it from the very beginning. Yes, go get it. You're gonna be able to get your life back, go out there and get it. You need to get it right away so you can be safe and you can save your life. Well, what I started to see in this age group was a pattern of certain things happening, all kind of subtle, well, not all subtle.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Some of some people had strokes, heart attacks developed AFib. One lady had three brothers, all die of heart attacks within a week of getting their second thing. And so there were more dramatic ones that didn't seem as, as deniable, but other things, more subtle memory issues, a weird anemia that kind of has the same pattern regardless of who the person is and how it develops and what things they do to, uh, detect it and figure out what the cause is. Can't find a cause, put them on iron, that type of thing. So I started seeing these patterns of different things at the same time that I was not getting the thing at first, because I had just had COVID. I am someone who comes from a background of vaccinating. All of my children, I got a flu shot every single year. I had no reason to distrust the whole agenda of everybody getting a vaccine, because it's what we do and it's to keep the world safe, but I could not deny what was happening and what I was seeing in this population of of a hundred percent getting the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
And this did not align with what I was supposed to do with my job. And therefore, one of the things that happened in 2021 is that I was terminated from my job because I would not get the thing that I'm seeing a bunch of people harmed from. And I apologize if that is disconcerting to you, if you were of the mindset, that it is safe and effective for everyone. And that we have nothing to be concerned about. Maybe that people like me that don't wanna get it or selfish or ignorant or anything like that. But I assure you where I come from is a place of examining all sides. And I did not want to be in this place. I did not want to lose a job I had had for eight years and was the best company I ever worked for, but I could not deny what I was seeing and the people that are being harmed by it.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
So I ask if you are of the mindset that I'm in the wrong, I ask for you to give a little bit of grace, give a little bit of understanding, take a step back and try to understand that someone else might see it differently because they have a different vantage point. I've had friends and family deny my vantage point. I've had friends and family block me, unfriend me, completely vanish from anything that I can connect with them on because they don't understand my vantage point. But let me tell you, it's the most hurtful thing in the world to have worked in this industry for as long as I have, and to suddenly see things differently because I wasn't afraid to ask questions because I wasn't afraid to say when in the world, why are so many people coming up with these same issues? Why is this same pattern happening over and over again?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Why is it that I go to work? And it's like Groundhog day when they tell me about a weird anemia that started, and it started a couple weeks after the second thing that they got and that they can't find anything, you know, it's the same. It was the same scenario over and over again. I don't know how other nurse practitioners and clinicians out there are not seeing this or not speaking up. I don't know how that is possible because it is blatantly obvious to me. And so if you were of the mindset that you do not understand this, I just ask that you try to dig into your heart and your mind and open it a little bit. And let's get back to the police of collaboration of conversation and of realizing that we as one person in this world may not know everything. And unless we are in the same position as the person that has that viewpoint, we do not get to have an authoritative stance on what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I hope that makes sense. this episode has been something that I have like gone over and over in my mind, whether or not I would share this part of it, but it is me. And it is a part of what has happened over the past year. And I, as a healthcare provider, cannot stand here and say that these things are safe and effective. 100%, there's too many unknowns. And there are too many reasons for us to be concerned for me to say, blanket, this is what it is. Okay. So that is one thing that happened over the past year is that I was terminated from my job for making observations, for being a healthcare provider with due diligence and with wanting to simply decide for myself what was best for me. And all of that being said, the majority of the people that I have seen that are getting the thing, not the, the pokey thing, but the infection are the ones that have had the pokey thing.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And so it is just undeniable to me that I don't know what the agenda is here, but it's certainly not the ones that we were used to before 2020, when we actually did things for the, the sake of the patient, the decision was always theirs. We gave them informed consent. And at the end of the day, whether they denied the treatment or accepted it, it was still their decision. I don't know how we got to a point to where that is not okay, but that's where I still am because I was trained in evidence. I was trained in due diligence and I was trained in informed consent. So I think that's all I'm gonna say in regard to that, the next thing I wanna share is that I told you back in August, that my brother had suddenly and tragically died. My little brother, I have two brothers and we've come to put some pieces together to where it appears that it may have been, his death may have been intentional, that it may have been suicide.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
There's no way for us to know 100% without a doubt, but just putting the pieces together of how everything played out. That's what me and my siblings believe happened. And so my point of sharing all of this with you is because in December things really came to a head for me when we realized that along with being terminated from my job. And it's kind of like one of those things where when you have a, a safe, a piece, a sense of safety, when you have security and safety, even when things were kind of difficult, you can keep going. And it was in that time where I really felt like the bottom fell out of my life and everything just really seemed really hard and a lot to deal with. And so what I did at that time was I took, I decided to take a couple weeks away from the podcast and from the other things that I did, I took a trip to Alaska and my sister lives in Alaska.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And so I went to visit her in the wintertime. I'd never been to Alaska in the winter. So it was just, you know, something that I wanted to do and just to take some time away. And I took that time and it was the most amazing trip, just spending time with her. I was only there for five days. It wasn't long enough at all for the amount of travel time it took to get from where I live to where she is, but we had the most amazing experience together. And we felt the presence of our brother there with us. And like I've told you in regards to my podcast and how it all came to be. I think that there's gifts in life's struggles, in life's challenges, in life's obstacles. And I have found so many gifts in this struggle, and that is why I wanted to share the real and the raw of what has happened for me.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And why I've been absent is because I know that every single one of you that has a child that you are contemplating or have given a smartphone, a digital device, some kind of contact digitally, and you've noticed that there's an influence and you're trying to figure out how to navigate it. And there's so much gray space. There's so much like, you know, like, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be the mean mom, the bad mom that mom, I want them to be happy. I want them to be able to do things. They're always mad at me. You know, all of those things, it's hard, it's hard right in that space. It's hard. And my kids now are 17, 19 and 23. I've walked this space and I have . I was of the generation of parents that it all emerged while my kids were in those middle school years, and the impact was astronomical.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And so the reason that I share this is because I walked all of that, but I found a gift in it. I found the gift in it that I could pay it forward to you on this platform. And so I share about my path in 2021, seeing what I did in the clinical world, along with the loss of my brother, who we had no idea he was struggling. And so this is gonna be a topic of some of a podcast going forward. And it's definitely gonna be something I'm gonna dive deeper into because I think this is the gift in what we have gone through is that we had no idea he was struggling and it's taken a lot to face that he could take his life and that we didn't know. And so I want you to know that there's gifts in your struggle, and there's also whispers or God winks that are giving you hints of what to do.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Next. You are here listening to this because it is not an accident. And because there's an intuition, there's a nagging in you. That is saying you need to do more, that you need to offer more guidance. And I want you to know that me talking it's about such a raw thing of losing my brother and us, not knowing, and I'm sorry for the sniffling and all of the noises in this episode, but us not knowing that he was going through the struggles he was. I want to use that pain to help you to talk to your children right now, we are going through such a hard period in this world. No matter where you are, the censorship is unreal out there. The influence, the things that are being pushed on us, the mindset what's true. What's not what we're supposed to believe. What we're not supposed to believe.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
What things are put out to divide us. This is intentional. It's an, and I think it's an attack on our children. And so I want you, if you take anything from this episode today is to talk to your children like point blank, let them know how much they're loved. Let them know that no matter how hard something seems or how deep they feel like they are into something that you are always their safe place to land and that no matter what they are valued, and they will be missed. We miss Tony so much. And he had a son that he left behind, and it's so hard for us to fathom how he could have been struggling. So very hard that he could leave him by choice. But I know when someone gets in that dark space in that place, that sometimes they feel like the world would be better off if they're not here or the struggles seem too hard.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
So please, if anything, from this episode, I want you to take this opportunity to talk to your children, talk to them about the things that are hard right now. Talk to them about the things that are bothering them. Talk about the things that are being pushed on them in their beliefs, and then make sure you are keeping some type of monitoring on what they are consuming. If they are on tech talk, if they're on Instagram, if they're on Snapchat and you are not in some way monitoring what they are consuming there, I promise you they're being influenced. And they are being, you know, pushed into certain mindsets, certain beliefs, conditioning that certain things are okay. And that may not be exactly what you want them to be believing and moving towards. So that was my major mission for this episode. And it's been really hard for me to sit down and record this.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And I know I may have turned some people off and I know this is all stuff that is really controversial, but everything that I share and everything that I do is the point of it is to share the gift in it. And if I can help at least one person to not be in that dark space, then that has helped me in finding some purpose in the pain around all of we have been through with the loss of my brother. And like I said, we can't say for certain 100% that it was not an accident, but everything points to the fact that it, it was not an accident. And so I hope if my brother is listening and I have this wrong that somehow he will let us know that it was an accident. But like I said, it doesn't seem like that was the case.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
So thank you so much for listening today. I don't even know if I hit all of my points on my little outline that I had made before I started recording, but I feel like what I shared is what I wanted to share. And so I hope it helps you talk to your kids and please have some guidance around the digital things. My roadmap is coming, the course that I'm making. And then the other things that I have coming up are I have a couple interviews lined up that are gonna be topics such as like helping, uh, kids with college debt and how to have a plan around that. Someone else reached out to me that talks a lot about self- esteem for girls. And then my best friend, she has twins and she is trying out the pinwheel phone and the Tru me phone with her twins each has a different phone so that she can compare all the aspects of that.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And I may even bring her girls on an episode so they can share their perspective of using the dumb smartphone and how it's helped it help them, their frustrations around it, those type of things. So those are a few things that I have coming up. I hope you'll continue to listen. And if you have any questions about anything I've shared today, please reach out to me. And I hope that there's an understanding there. If you aren't understanding my viewpoint, if you could open your mind and your heart for that, because it's hard for me to share this because I know how much I've been kind of gaslighted. I don't know if that's the right word, but there have been quite a few people who don't understand my viewpoint. And it's so hurtful for me when a lot of them don't work in any type of healthcare, how they can't consider my viewpoint. I don't make things up. And I was never an anti-vaxer or anything like that before this all started. I'm still not, it's still up to you, but I make the personal decision for myself. And I don't think I owe anyone an explanation of that. And shouldn't be forced to get something that I know is not effective, um, that has tons of unknowns and all of that. Okay. So thanks so much for listening, chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Ep 93: EMF exposure & your kid’s digital device: Heads up mom!
5 tammi 2022· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
EMF radiation exposure & our kids' digital devices is the topic of this interview with Defendershield founder, Dan DeBaun. Tune in to hear his top tips and tools!
Check out all that Defendershield has to offer for your kiddo HERE!!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the topic of my podcast is often about how to help you be proactive as a mom when giving your kids digital things and helping to guide them in that world. That is what the podcast is founded on and what it's all about. Well, today's episode, we are going to go into another realm of this whole thing around the digital stuff that I've never dived into before. And I'm so excited to bring you an expert in this field to help you get on the top of this too. All right. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about. Start at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay. So today I am so excited to bring you an interview or a conversation that I had with an expert in the field, around the exposure of our kids, to what our devices are putting off.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I'm talking about how they communicate with the world and get all of their information that has to come from somewhere. And when it is collecting information, we are inadvertently being expos to electromagnetic frequency radiation. So today I am talking to the founder of defender shield. His name is Daniel Debaun, and he is an internationally recognized expert in EMF, radiation, EMF, shielding, and EMF related health issues with a special focus on the effect of exposure from mobile devices, such as laptops, tablets, and cell phones. His concern regarding the health impact of EMF emissions grew from over 30 years of engineering experience in telecommunications industry, he has had a variety of executive positions in multiple large businesses, such at and T and bell labs in various other things. He's been the co-author of a book called radiation nation, the fallout of modern technology. And he is the CEO of defender shield, which is the world leader in EMF radiation protection solutions.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
So I'm so very excited to invite him onto the podcast today. He shares so much valuable information to help you take these nuggets and use them for your kids. Like seriously, make sure you listen to this entire interview and in our convers, and at the end, he gives some very useful nuggets, very useful tips that you can take today to help make sure that your kid is minimizing their exposure to the things that our devices are inadvertently putting out, whether we are aware of it or not. Okay. I hope you find this so very valuable. I absolutely did, and I am so very excited to bring it to you. So stay tuned. All
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Right. So I am so excited today to be talking to Dan with defender shield, and I am really kind of amazed that I have not explored this topic on my podcast yet, and it's very important. So I'm have you here today. Dan, tell me a little bit about yourself and what brought you to this space.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Well, Dolly, thanks so much for inviting me. I'm excited to chat with your, uh, your listening audience, uh, about a subject that's really fairly controversial and really understood. And so we have an opportunity today to sort of chat about that, to help people understand this space. I started in telecommunications 30, 40 years ago. I, I actually wrote the technical standards and, and did the testing on telecommunications equipment for years and years and years. So about 10 years or so, 15, maybe close to 15. Now my sons were visiting me. They had their laptops on their, my wife says that can't be good for you. I want grandchildren. And she was implying that there was an emission coming from a, from a laptop that, that, um, affected the male sperm. Um, and I said, look, I've been doing this stuff for many, many years. There's no way the power levels are gonna have any sort of impact to the human body.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
But then I thought about it a tiny bit. I had never looked at the research side of, uh, the medical research side about these kind of exposures. And even back then, Dolly, it was true that after three or four hours, it's potentially true up to 25 per center of the mill sperm became became immobile. So we, we knew from that study work, that it, it actually can affect you. And then of course, other data that I was stumbling, of course, stuff I've never looked at before seemed to verify that there are potential concerns that we should have as parents and users of these technologies. I built a laptop shield for my sons, cuz I'm actually a mechanical engineer. Although I'm an industry, I spent an electrical world and I built a shielding device for my kids. And um, by the way, Dolly, I, I still don't have grandchildren, but uh, , that was the whole purpose of starting this journey. so that's how I got started. And, and, and once I had a device to protect, I started building other devices that were sort of using the same technology I had and then, and my son and I wrote a book radiation and the purpose of it was so people could read it and, and sort of make decisions about, about this controversial space themselves. So that's actually how I got started.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Uh, it's really interesting. And isn't it crazy that it's kind of like we won't have anything on our radar until someone makes a comment or, or, you know, just kind of spikes your interest on something and then it takes you down a rabbit hole of exploring that a little bit. Oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I mean, I used to worry about electronics interfering with electronics. I never worried about electronics interfering with the human body, but after my wife's comment, she had an intuition which is actually pretty accurate and it did start a journey that, uh, didn't intend, but certainly have embraced over the last 10 years.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. So your book is called radiation nation. The fallout of modern technology is that like on Amazon Barnes and noble, those type of places.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Yeah. Amazon it's like one of the best sells on Amazon. Uh, it's like interesting how, you know, um, there this, he hemp up interest in trying to understand this space and we wrote the book that, that, that was really intended to try to let people understand what it is, what science says, so they can make their own choices and, and it's been fairly successful fortunately for us.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That's awesome. So kind of to, as a baseline, just if you can explain, like in layman's terms, what, like, for someone, you know, I hear things about 5g and I'm like, is that 5g in my phone? Is it 5g someplace else? Like just an understanding for the general public, what should we know about like EMF, electro magnetic, frequency, radiation, and 5g and all of that.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Okay. So my wife was commenting on the laptop that my sons were using and it was the wifi. It's the connection to the router. That is a transmitter and it is being transmitted from the, a laptop to the router. And it's a power, there's a certain amount of power being trans. You can't see it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it, but it's actually there and it's making a connection. And, and so when you have a device like that, what it transmits out of the device in all directions within that room and keeps on going into the other rooms, those can go up to almost 2000 feet. It's fairly, they can go fairly far and it's called an omnidirectional signal. It goes every way you are using it. Well, that's true for, uh, cell phones, tablets, anything that's using Bluetooth, wifi or cell tower connections are transmitting power with a cell phone.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You have the generations of cell phones, the first, second, third, and fourth generation. And then as you pointed out, you have a fifth generation, the fourth generation up to the fourth generation, those signals that you use for your cell phone, they can go actually up to five miles. So there's enough power to get five miles and it's going in all directions. And, and so that's the fundamental characteristics of technology today, and we're putting it very, very close to our body. And then here comes 5g, which is fifth generation next generation technology, which what's really interesting about that. Dotty, it's not introducing a lot of it is not introducing new connections from a cell phone to a cell tower. A lot of it are all what's referred to as sub gigahertz. It's like the speeds are not that fast. Uh, but, uh, uh, the speed of the frequency rate is, is around one gigahertz.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
It's, it's a, a, um, a wave that moves in the air and, and it's moving at a rate of one gigahertz, um, roughly, um, three feet in milliseconds and it gets to the cell tower with 5g. The other part, which is really the more controversial part of it is that there's new rates that are being introduced much, much higher speeds. And that's where science is getting pretty concerned because we've never had these really, really, really fair speeds in our environment. And that's really what you hear about in the controversial space. Most of what you have in the 5g today is not out there is, is the stuff we've seen all along is coming out of our cell phones, no different than it has been in the past, but it's when it's the small cell site, the, the cell tower right in front of your house, that's about 15 feet high or less. And it's transmitting at much, much higher, fast 23, giggers, uh, 60 gig it's 90 gigahertz. They're really, really fast rates. And that's where the controversial lies that is producing broadband services to the house at speeds, UN uh, haven't been available in the marketplace and now is, and that's where the controversial lies.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Okay. Wow. So that's interesting. That makes it makes sense more. So what are the, you mentioned the thing about the sperm count, what are the health effects and the things that are known
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Over? So it varies substantially some research scientists that do the work, talk about the danger potentially can lead to, uh, cell damage D DNA damage cell damage, and Dr. Powell, for example, or Paul, however you wanna announce it. He talks about the cell breaking down and becoming potentially a tumor or a non-cancerous or cancerous tumor. That is the been reinforced by study work for the national toxicity program, which is the federal government study coup several years ago, with 25 million they spent, and they found that the epidemiology study that found frontal lobe cancer and heart cancers related to ex exposures, statistically significant changes. In other words, the populations were big enough that we could conclude from the epidemiology study, that there could potentially be that danger with that kind of exposure valley. Those are the, uh, those are the most extreme, uh, and, and are not the things so much.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
We find in the human body with kind of exposures every day. However, something like 20% of us or so were actually impacted in very different ways. There could be neurological impacts, physiological tingling, a of the eyes, uh, ring, uh, the tinnitus, the ringing in the ears. You may be tired, depressed, fatigued. You may have memory loss. So these are varying degrees of exposure, which influences the, the body. And in fact, some argue like in the classroom, there's so much wifi in the classroom today that it it's like millions of, um, of times more than it was 50 years ago. And, and that constant increased invisible power level in the classroom is, uh, potentially impacting, uh, our kids. Uh, um, and so that's the controversy you hear about that is the power that's found within the classroom. Now that's a constant seven, eight hours that they're exposed and there's, you know, maybe depression, anxiety, stress of independent of the schoolwork that's itself.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
And, and so there's that kind of thing that impact the human and, and by the way, do believe it or not, it's, it's like more women than men, which science has not been able to, to, uh, define why, but we know that roughly 20% of the human is impacted by the exposures to cell phones and laptops and wifis. And it, it it's, um, a growing component because maybe our environment is growing and, and of that 80% of women that are affected, you know, you may have a headache, uh, all day. And, um, that's because it could be true. You're sitting next to a router all day. So all of a sudden these technologies we have around us, you just have to be aware of those things around you and the potential influences that may have on, on, on you and your kids.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
So it's not like, um, I mean, it's just kind of like most other things like in moderation and being aware.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Yeah. I it's like the world health organization who considers, uh, RF signal the signal from a cell phone to the cell tower as a two B carcinogenic. That, that means that it's a potential cancer. So it's not like the world's avoiding it. They're beginning to understand it. And many argue that it'll become a probable carcinogenic the next round with the hook. So it's not like nothing's happening, but it is a controversial space. And it's more are our environment today. And, and 20% of you are influenced, uh, in a negative way.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So interesting and something we just so much need to be aware of as they ramp up the power of our phones and all of that, all you, you know, like before I was aware of all of this, I would just think, oh, wow, a faster phone, you know, remember this and stuff like that. Like, yeah,
Speaker 4 (16:14):
We're, you know, AEC actually dial, that's a really, really good point. We've had electronics around us for long, long amounts of time. But think of this as only the last five, 10 years, we have all this electronic stuff, you in our pockets, you know, you had a mainframe computer down drive a hundred feet in a building you had that had huge power levels of exposure. It didn't matter because I wasn't in the room now that is in my computer, on my laptop, same power levels, same computing capacity, and it's sitting on my lap. So it, it is, that's why it's sort of, of our, our technology. Our environment is changing along with the technology exposures there's potential impacts to the world health organization. I, I mentioned it's a, a possible carcinogenic. Uh, so is gas when you smell gas, that odor it's a, um, is so an organic material smell and that's considered a two B Cogenic as well. So if you have a wifi in your room and you have a, a gasoline 55 gallon drum gasoline open and spewing the volatile organic compounds into the room, there are equivalent in terms of what the world health organization defines.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So really it's just about being aware of it, being an influence, and then being able to kind of have it in moderation and not, you know, always have it, you know, like on your chest or in your pocket or on your lap, that type. So
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Absolutely does. In fact, giving you a description of it, what would you do? You'd put a top on it and you take the gasoline and you put it in the other room. That's what you'd do. And the same thing with a router. Uh, you, you don't need it in the same room as you are. All you gotta do is figure out what room it can be in. That's relatively safe for your right.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Okay. So then let's take this a step further when it comes to kids. So I'm a big proponent of them not having their phones in their bedrooms and all of that. I mean, it's not even the, not just the phones, but like now we have like the Amazon echo devices that they have as their alarm clock in their bedroom and those type of things. So it's really about an awareness that, that does, Haveit something. And so maybe it needs to not be on their nightstand at night and maybe they need to not have it someplace right. All of the time.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Okay. So, uh, uh, let's chat a little bit about that. There is a federal communications commission standard. It was generated about 30 years ago, and it's describing what the power of a signal between a, a, a cell phone and a cell tower. So the federal government does define the standard. It was over 30 years ago, and I remind people over 30 years ago, if I had a cell phone, none of my friends had it. So I wasn't very much on it very, very often. So all the transmit power levels were, you know, at that time there wasn't much of it. So that standard sort of was okay, well, the standard was established by the FCC looking at six foot male military. And they established that if a signal penetrates one to two inches and it heated up less than two degrees, the power level would have to be no more than 1.6 Watts.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Just remember 1.6 Watts. And, and so, and why heating ? Well, the RF signal that you have from a cell phone is a microwave signal. You know, a microwave works at two, three gigahertz, and a cell phone is about one gigahertz. And when you put a piece of meat in the oven and the, and you turn the microwave on it, it heats up the water between the cells, the cells oscillate, they heat up and therefore cook. Well, that's what the standard prevents in theory, that it can only heat up more than two degrees because it's a thermal signal. Okay. How many people does that represent in our population? About 3%, we have smaller men, smaller women, young kids. They were never exposed to these kinds of things early on in their lives. And all of a sudden your children at six year old are getting a cell phone to call chat with grandma.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
And so the standard that was developed 30 years ago to protect the user represents protection for about 3% of the population. What does that mean? Well, again, the cell phone standard protects, uh, six foot male from one, two inches penetration into the head us year, old child. It goes completely through their head. There is no resistive path for that signal. Good. Remember it's not object signal. It's not just connecting to the cell tower. It's also going through your head. And so now you have a six foot child, a six, a six year old child. That's using a phone fairly regularly, unlike you and me when we were growing up and it's going completely through. So what's the implication. We really don't know cause phones have not been around that long at this kind of pervasive use. And so the standard is not been updated by the FCC.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
And it, it, there is a lot of Contra from the medical community and the FCC actually, to the extent, uh, Dolly, that they actually went to, uh, a court. They had an appeals court in Kennedy and, and Dr. Deborah Davis, a couple of scientists, they, they bought a court case to the FCC and the FCC see lost in court because they actually didn't evaluate modern science to understand where it really was and how much impact it really had on the human. So the FCCS been pushed back to look at it. So we know for sure, as I said, it represents 3% of the population, and we have a lot of I, a plethora, thousands and thousands and thousands of studies that show potential concerns. And so even the FCCS been pushed back to start looking at it. So for all of us, all of that means is you have to be aware of what you're using and, and how you're using it. And how much time are you using it and, and know your environment.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Oh, very interesting. I mean like the gist of it is there are concerns. We don't know exactly what act, but for a small body and a small child, we know it's not a positive thing most likely. Right.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
And, and right. We, we don't know. Uh, I mean, honestly don't know, like we were talking about five to G you know, most of 5g is gonna be fine. It's sort of the same as everything, not fine. It's still the same as everything else has been for us, but the stuff in front of your house, that 23 gigahertz, if someone tells you a scientist tells you that it's dangerous, they don't know what they're talking about because there's no studies that characterize what the danger could be or not be. It's just different. If, if you are an informed researcher, you may think there could be comparisons to the current technologies being used to that new, but we really, as you just pointed out, we really don't know. And so that's where question becomes important. Right?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
So to then tell me what you have created with your company defender shield, as far as like what products you have and how that can help parents out there with devices.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
Well, I, I mentioned to you about my son's using a device. I created called a defender pad, and it's a bunch of shielding technologies. We put in into a platform to prevent the signals from passing from the device to the human. We have cell phones, shielding devices, we blankets, we have pregnancy, uh, protection. Why do I say pregnancy protection? There are some scientists that say when a, a young woman, 12 years old puts a, a cell phone in her back pocket, the signals strong enough to influence the egg, maybe potentially mutate the egg. And so when a child puts it and, and it, she becomes, uh, married. And once kids, there's a potential for that mutated today to be influenced in the child if a child's born. So there's that kind of concern. And that's why I begin looking for, we know from a study in San Francisco that at high levels of exposure to first trimesters, uh, you are three times more likely to miscarriage in that first trimester with those I elevating, uh, conditions.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
So you have to be aware of those. And that's why the, the protection for the, uh, for the, uh, pregnant woman, uh, we have pouches, we have, I have earbuds I'm using right now as we are chatting. And I actually created a, uh, a device in which I convert the, the electrical signal and I put it into, uh, an acoustical connection. So I have no emissions at all, uh, at the head level. So that was another one of the devices. Uh, we, we came up with that would, it's not much, let's put it this way. When you have a, a cell phone directly to your head, a as we we've talked about it, there's a potential that it can influence the frontal lobe cells. If you have it, one who feet away, 80% of that danger is gone by four foot, 98% is gone. So we have devices when you choose to pick something close to your body, but you don't need it close to your body.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
If you are taking a, a cell phone and you put it four foot or more away, a laptop, four foot, or more way, you are actually fairly safe. And, and it turns out that if you have a laptop, not in your lap, on your desk and you use to need the net connection to it, you really don't need any device protection, because all you're doing is moving that signal. That would be the wifi signal to the router, and you're eliminating it by connecting it. So there are ways of mitigating potential dangers by simply managing your environment. In fact, Dolly, I often talk about it as, uh, bees in the room. If you are aware of where the bees are, they're the transmitting power levels, and you begin turning them off or moving them away. You reduce exposure in general, one B won't kill you a thousand will.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
And all you have to do is think about where those bees are in the room and just turn 'em off and move 'em away. And you're pretty safe, very actually by simple management of your time. Another thing is, it's not just, um, the closeness, uh, how close you are to the device. It's how much you use the device. If you are using a, a device, a couple of minutes a day, a cell phone, till you had a couple minutes a day, it was unlikely that it'll ever impact you. If you are using it heavily more than an hour to two every day in 10 years, you are two to three times more likely to have frontal cancer, believe it or not. And so the duration of use of the technology is also important. So let me get back to other of things we have, we have blankets that are for, for moms that wanted actually, it was a baby blanket originally, but well, a lot of adults choose it, believe it or not. We have the earbuds adult headset, uh, headset to that are acoustical pouches, blankets, uh, devices that you can, we have a whole bunch of products, all designed to protect you. If you choose to have a device next close to your body for an extended period of
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Time. Okay. I love that kind of that summary in your, um, points about being four feet or more away connecting laptop to an ethernet cable and than the duration that you're using, the, the device, those are three really good things that parents can use as a strategy for mitigating the exposure. Right? Um, in addition to the tools that you, that
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Val, let's say, you're taking your child in a stroll, in a stroller, don't put your cell phone in the back of the divide of this stroller. That's close to your child's head. So keep it in your, not near your, your body, but in your, as a wallet or in, in your, anywhere other than the child's back. So that's a simple thing you can do and keep the child protected. And you still have the device available in, in, uh, to be used when you want to mm-hmm
Speaker 3 (29:29):
. So then you could also like your, like the pouches and things that you have, you could certainly use one of those.
Speaker 4 (29:37): Yeah. Right? Exactly.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Exposure while you're on your walk, Dolly.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
We, we were talking, I just remembered there was some other question about sleep. You were talking about a, and so let's talk about that because that's important be because kids are going to bed with these, uh, I'll, I'll give an example, um, by telling you a story, I was on a, a podcast and I was talking to this person, very, very bright person. And I said, your bedroom's a sanctuary. There should be no transmitting signals in that room. Uh, all devices, even in, in the case of a cell phone, I, I don't even recommend you've put it four foot or more way, get it out of the room. You don't need it in that room, eliminate all those kinds of things. And the person was very nice. And, uh, she said, well, you know, like that's good coaching. Uh, I'm, I'm sure that, uh, my husband and I, we have our phones in our room.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
And, well, thank you so much for letting us know about three or four weeks later, she calls me up and she said, I didn't believe a word. You said the way she would describe me. She says, I didn't believe a word you said. And I said it in the RF signal influences the head. It influences the sleep. Um, and so like, you have to get in the pattern, taking these things outta your room, because it disrupts the, my, uh, the, uh, me toin that's being generated throughout the body. And she said, my husband and I are now sleeping throughout the night. We simply took the laptops. Or in fact there was the phones out of our rooms. The other dimension of that discussion I had with her was simple. When you look at a, um, a lap, a laptop or, or tablet, when you're sleeping, before you go into bed at night, there is a blue light.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
You may have heard of this Dolly, a blue light blue light is part of the spectrum of sunlight, right? It's it's believe it or not visible electromagnetic radiation. That's what it is. It's visible. The blue component is very high on the spectrum of light and very, very close to what what's known as ionized radiation, x-ray radiation. That's roughly where it is. And it is the part of light that actually helps you go to sleep or stay awake. In other words, blue light is the trigger in the back of the eye. The crypto pro is a protein in the back of the eye that turns the on and off switch for a melatonin. And so when you are looking at the screen at 11 o'clock at night, and you've decided to go to bed, the melatonin hasn't been turned on because you had the blue light penetrating your eye and the switch hasn't turned off.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
And so believe it or not, it disrupts the, the, uh, the pattern of sleep only because it delays the melatonin and, and, and the, and the potential, uh, deep sleep and everything. The, the sick nature of our 24 hour cycle. Is it being impacted when you are actually looking at that blue light at night, before you go to bed? So it's a combination of removing products and watching how the technology you're using is impacting, uh, the, the sleep pattern and other ways. Um, so it is a, it is no question, very important for sleep that you really pull tablets, laptops, cell phones out of your sleeping area. Particularly if it's close to you, you do not wanna do it. Cause it is disrupting your sleep pattern.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
So will the, you have like think guys saw him on your website, the blue blocker glasses. Oh
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Yes. Did they actually, yeah, actually, that's why I did it because people were like, during the day, you're not gonna not use a screen. And it is only the blue component of the signal of the, of the light that you're worried about. So we have filters that we put on that takes that signal out, and we have a light 50% shielding and another one that's 99% shielding. And that's why we did it because people who want to read at night, they can go with the, the shield 99% shielding, and they actually have no impact to sleeping pattern as a result
Speaker 3 (34:01):
Of that. Okay. So then that would be a good alternative if they need
Speaker 4 (34:05):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you wanna do it, you can take that precautionary measure.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Okay, cool. The other thing I wanted to go back to was on the earbuds. So kids are, you know, like all crazy about their AirPods and things like that. Is there anything that can be put on AirPods specific that helps to block it? Or is it just kind of a lost cause with those
Speaker 4 (34:24):
the, the answer is no, but, but let's talk about it because this is pretty serious, in my opinion. And I, I hate to talk about this detail, but, um, a, a cell phone, as I mentioned is 1.6 Watts per kilogram. That's the maximum amount of power, a Bluetooth signal, which is used to communicate to the earbuds is dot three Watts. It's five times less, the power level, five times less, the power level. So it's safer to some extent, but not necessarily the safest. And the reason why is because you have Bluetooth is a signal that goes from the, the device, your cell phone to the earbud. And then many of these devices communicate between each other with Bluetooth. And it turns out that.one.one, watch 15 times the power level of a cell phone can influence the frontal lobe cell and mutate the cell. It's not like it's not completely safe. It is from science. We have some data, not that much, but some data has indicated that kind of potential danger and have identified.one Watts as all it takes, which is really not much power at all. So in my opinion, dot dot, you do not want to use those devices. Uh, you, you just yourself needlessly. And if you had a standard peer earbuds, that's fine. Would that a wire, if you wanna do an improvement to that use acoustical connections like I designed and also was all in a market, other places.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Okay. Yeah, that was gonna be, my next question was the difference between the wired ones and the wireless ones, cuz like all of the iPhones. Now you have to use an adapter in order to use the wire ones cuz they don't have a Jack anymore.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
I know it's like crazy. It was good for business, I guess,
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I guess so. I mean I have my own pair of AirPods that I bought years ago before I realized that as any, I just didn't really, you know, it was always kind of like one of those things like surely they're protecting us and wouldn't put something out that's gonna cause this harm. But it's, it's clear that there is exposure there and every kid ha seems to have those in their ears when they're walking around. So
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Dolly actually you bring up a really good point. One of the things I always say is you have the architect and you, your own destiny, you can't rely on anyone to keep you protected the FCC. They didn't intentionally. They certainly did not intend to create a standard that was 30 years later. Not as protective as it should be. They didn't do that. But that's a consequence when, when I smoked cigarettes 12, when I was 12 years old, many, many, many years ago, you know, I, I was a big man and believe it or not, even back then science knew about the link between cancer and smokey. How many years later did it take for us all to know that you shouldn't smoke over 30, 40 years ago, right? Trans fats, you know, there was a lowly biochemist 30 years ago. He said, it's not the cholesterol in the eggs that are killing us. It's the trans fats were used in the Cookoff French fries. It's Cogenic and how many years did it take for that to be banned it band in the us now it's been that way for two years, but we knew 30 years ago that it was potentially dangerous from a science perspective. I don't see this as that much different. It's a technology that we created in our environment, which is really, really good for us in so many different ways. It, it changes our lives, but it also introduces the concerns that we should be thinking about.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Right. So cigarettes are a prime example of that and they're still out on the market, even though we know that you're right,
Speaker 4 (38:27):
Exactly. It's obviously I don't smoke anymore. I haven't for 40 years. So
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Yeah. So, okay. So I think you have given some really, really valuable tips on navigating this because technology's not going away. There's advantages to it. Like we're here connected right now because of it. So I think this is really good starting point for parents to just be aware of this and to help try to mitigate the risk of the exposure because you know, we're not gonna get the devices out of these kids' hands and no,
Speaker 4 (38:59):
No. Hey Ali, in fact, you reminded me when you mentioned that when we had the defendant pad, I wasn't really thinking we're gonna create other product lines. And then I read an article one day that these parents bought a, uh, their six year old daughter, a cell phone. She kept on pushing, pushing, pushing. And a year later after they got her, she, she passed away from, uh, front lo cancers. And I said to myself, I know I can stop that signal. I did it with the defender head and I said, look, we're not gonna throw away our technology, but we have to find a way of maybe making it slightly safer if you think it's endangering. And that's when I adopted the technology from one device to another simply because I'm not gonna throw my cell phone away. But at that time, believe it or not, I never had a cell phone close to me. I was just, I never did. But now I will, because I know I'm protected with a shielding device. So if you're gonna use it, watch your time, your distance and duration, uh, as well as the shielding, uh, if, if you choose to have devices long, extended period of times, close to your body. Awesome.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. That's the, the, you just summarized it all with time, distance, duration and shielding. So yeah. Yep. Um, I really, really appreciate your time and your expertise and really taking the time to explain all this. And I think that all of the parents out there are really gonna benefit from this. So thank you so much for putting your passion into something that can help people. Well,
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Thanks so much daddy for invite. I mean, I, I really did enjoy this. I always, I, I think our goal in life is to try to help people understand what decisions they need to come up with. And, and that's what I consider pretty important for us to do so. And I think you do as well. So thank you so much for the work you do as well.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Yes. You're welcome. Thank you so much. We just have to kind of join hands and, and move forward and, and create your own destiny like you said, so. Yep.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah. Whether you we're architects of the, our own destiny, don't let wait for anyone else to help you.
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
All right. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom is isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul. C B d.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.
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Episode 92: A new ”dumb” smart phone that can grow up with your kid!
16 joulu 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
In this episode, Troomi wireless founder Bill Brady shares all the details of their new safer phone option for kids made to grow smarter as they grow older.
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've said it once I've said it twice, I've probably said it a hundred or maybe even a thousand times since I launched this podcast a year and nine months ago. And that is that all of the options that have come out in the last couple of years to help parents navigate this wild, wild west of the digital world and all the things are true gifts to us parents. And as if everything that's out there, isn't awesome enough. We have a new option for the dumb smartphones. Like, yes, I am not kidding. Knock your socks off. This is incredibly exciting. So for this episode, I have an interview with the founder of this new phone, and you are going to want to listen to this state to
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life, proud to be that mom layer. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So yes, I am not kidding. You are not gonna wanna miss this interview. This is for a new company that has created what I call a dumb smartphone, but this one, an extra feature that makes it not so dumb. The company is called Tru me, and I will leave it to the founder to explain the meaning behind that name, which is pretty awesome and gave me kind of chills because it's exactly the things that I talk about all the time, but yeah, it grows with you and it kind of fills that app that a lot of parents have told me about. And then I hear complaints about when it comes to the dumb smartphones that they are great for when they're younger and as they get a little bit older, but there's kind of a gap there where you're not quite ready to give them access to all of the things, but they're kind of outgrowing that phone.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So one creates a little bit of a bridge there gives you much more control and kind of lets you guide them into what I've referred to before is the deep blue sea of all of the digital things. So I think you are going to absolutely love this as a new option for your kiddo. And if you have younger ones to start them out and help guide them and teach them healthy habits around tech. Okay. So I won't delay any further in introducing the founder of Trumie who is bill Brady. And I will let him explain who he is and what's he about and all of the things around this phone. And before I shift over to that, there is a link in the show notes to grab this phone with a $30 discount and you can also go to their website directly and use my code, be that mom for that same discount. So check it out in the show notes or use the code at checkout. Be that mom. Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
All righty. So today I have bill here with me with Trumie wireless and I am so excited to have you join us today. So tell me a little bit about yourself, about your family, wherever you wanna share with me and what brought you to create the Trumie phone.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Hey, thank you, Dolly. Great to be with you. So yeah, my name is bill Brady and uh, I'm the co-founder and CEO of Tru me wireless. That's actually not my most important job. my most important job is I've been married for 20 years and have a wonderful wife named Heidi. And we've got five kid. Our oldest is 17 and our youngest is five. So we are ourselves right in the thick of all of these questions surrounding kids and technology. And what do you do? And when we can empathize with every other family in America, that's dealing with the same things. So we, uh, uh, yeah, we've been involved in, in Tru me for the last year and a half. Uh, I've actually been in this space of technology for kids for about three years and originally got into this effort to try and find better solutions, safer solutions for families, for families actually stemming from 20 years to I've spent in the marketing world.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Even going back to my time as an undergrad student in university, I was concerned about what I called the dehumanizing effects of technology. And, and so picture that, you know, 20 years ago or 25 years ago for that almost that was before everyone one had cell phones and it was certainly before smart phones. And it was certainly before social media, but as, as a marketer who uses all of these tools, I've watched with a high level of conscientiousness about what does technology really do to us. And as I became a dad was even more are concerned and sensitive about, Hey, you know, I don't want to give my kids too much too soon and just have them be living life on the screen instead of living life in real life. so that that's really where this all, uh, where this all started.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Awesome. Um, so just outta curiosity, where does the name truly come from?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Our mission has everything to do with helping kids accomplish their full potential. We want kids to have, you know, energetic, confident, vibrant lives, where they can really become all that they want to be, where they can find their true selves if you will, or they're true me. And we took that concept and, and put a little bit of an invented, spin on it and call it true me. So there's layers of meaning there. Wow.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I love that. Um, any of the ones that have listened to me on my podcast for a little while, know that I, I say this all the time that I feel like the digital space and the digital world that we allow our kids to be in is like robbing our kids of their full potential. It's a distraction. And it's like hindering their exploration of the world and all of that, and being able to find their true self. So cow, I love it. ,
Speaker 4 (06:18):
That's awesome. And you know, you, you touch on a really important point there and it's a fine line. You know, certainly if kids only live virtual lives where robbing them of everything that you know is beautiful and good in the world that the world has to offer and the depth of the true depth of human relationships. On the other hand, there are aspects of technology that are great. You know, the, the fact that my kids can, you know, have a, a video conference with their grandparents, wonderful. They live on the other side of the country. Recently, my kids did a tour of Jamestown with a doc who had been working at Jamestown for two decades. And it was so good that they felt like they were there and they had this great positive experience with history, you know, so there are some wonderful aspects of technology, but when it gets into just this default for life, you know, if that's all they're doing at the expense of being side and being in nature, playing face to face with friends, and you know, that that's where we really get into problems. And certainly with, you know, all the dangers that come with social media, for example, you know, there's a, uh, some, some, some very obvious things to watch out for there that we try and keep our kids away from.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Totally agree. Wow. That is awesome. Like you are like right on the same wavelength as me, when I first discovered that there were, what I call 'em is, I don't know if I've said this to you yet. What I call them is dumb smartphones. Have you heard, heard them referred to that? That, in that sense? Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
It, this certainly this, this, uh, category I've heard that what we've built is, is, is very, very flexible. So it's, it's probably less dumb than, than some of the other things out there, but definitely a limited, a limited experience smartphone. Yeah, for sure. Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Yeah. So we'll, let's dive into that a little bit. That was my next topic was let's talk about the actual phone, what features it has, how does it work and how is it different from the other ones on the market that are kind of aiming for that same goal of, of limiting access to the entire
Speaker 4 (08:26):
World? Yeah. So there's kind of a, if you think of, of the spectrum of options out there for parents, when it comes time to get their child a phone, you know, on, on one end of the spectrum, you have what I call the wild west, you know, it's get your child a $1,200 iPhone. It does anything and everything. It could probably launch a space shuttle if you wanted it to . And, and we know, we know now, you know, there's an increasing conscientiousness about the dangers of just wide open access to the web, all the, the content that's there. Certainly the, the, the, you know, pornographic and violent content, most people would agree. We don't want our kids near that stuff. There's also, however, you know, the dangers that are inherent in things like social media, we, where you've got this intense comparison culture that robs kids of their self-esteem and their confidence, social media is where you've got predators and bullies hanging out.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
And again, as parents we're learning, Hey, it's not worth the risk of, of immersing our kids in that stuff. On the other end of the spectrum, as an extreme, you've got some options that are completely limited to talk and text only, and particularly for younger kids, Hey, that's a great starting point. And, and I agree, you know, you, you don't need to give a seven or an eight year old, anything more than basic talk or text the challenge with, with some of those solutions though, is that they don't grow with the child. And as, as we were starting, Tru me, our goal was to create an operating system where you could give a younger kid a very limited experience, but then graduate them into increasing levels of responsibility and functionality based on real needs and based on their individual personality and maturity. So that's what we've done.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Our, our phones, our Samsung devices, quality devices, the kids are, are happy to use. And the in dependable devices that parents don't have to worry about getting fixed all the time. And we've on those devices, we've put what we call our kids smart operating system. And, and that's exactly what it does as I described it. It gives parents the ability to custom fit that device with some very, very easy, intuitive controls, custom fit it for an eight year old or a 10 year old, or a 12 year old, or even a 14 year, 15 year old. It, it would still be relevant to them and the needs that they have for school and for their hobbies. That is awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So as far as like how it grows with them, I saw on your website that it has a parent portal and then GPS locator and safe listing is where they can, you can put in, who can contact them and versa. Right?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah. And that was, that was very important for us based on feedback. We'd heard about, you know, other solutions out there, you know, picture giving your, your child something that's completely locked down to talk and text, but if anyone can talk or text with your child, then it might not be as safe as you think it is. So, so when, as we were building Tru me, one of the things that was really important for us was to build this concept called safe listing, where you can, you can set that up with different, different levels of, of security, but make it so that the child can only talk or text with the, the people that you designate for a young child that might be 10. But then, you know, as that child grows, there might be 30 or 40 contacts, or, you know, 75 or a hundred contacts for an older child. You could, you could elect to remove that safe listing all together. For example, I have a 15 year old daughter and she knows what to do. If she gets an unintended call, she's not gonna get pulled into something dangerous at this point. You know? So in her case, I have the safe listing turned off for my 12 year old and younger absolutely. That safe listing is turned on. Okay. I will
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Of that too. How about with, so with the safe listing, like texting, only the people that are on the list can text them. That's
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Correct. Even, uh, even in group text. And that was one of the things that we had to build, you know, brand new functionality for. There was no existing mobile device management platform that, you know, would prevent having a, a safe, listed text contact, not be able to pull in, you know, additional people to a group text that was a way to get around that, that function. So with our safe listing, even in group text, you've gotta be on that list in order to have a conversation with, uh, with
Speaker 3 (13:12):
The child. So then how would it work? Like say that they have a group of like five friends and they have, you know, the, the access to the entire world phones and they try to send a child with this phone, a text. And some of those people aren't on the list is the entire text
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Blocked. Yeah. So the, the, the, you know, my child, they would not get the text, the rest of the group would, but my child would not get the text from that person that was, uh, who's not on their list. Okay. So like,
Speaker 3 (13:42):
If the, the main person that's sending it is on the list and then the other people are not, it would just be blocked completely.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I mean, if I'm, I'm not sure I understand completely the question, but yeah. If, if a person that my child has on their list has started a group conversation, but they've invited people that are not on my child's list. My child would not be able to send a receive with the people, not on the, not on the approved list. Something that's really important to note though, too. And this is a, this is an improvement we've made as we've gone. We quickly realize that there are situations where kids do need to have immediate act us to a person that might meet might not be on their list. So for example, my 12 year old daughter was going to babysit for a family who does, who didn't have a home phone. And, and that family said to her, Hey, take our cell phone number so that if you need to contact us, you can, and if we need to contact you, we can obviously that's important.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Right, right. so we did set up, you know, again, just with making it as user friendly is absolutely possible. We set up a way where my daughter can add a, add that phone number herself in real time, and have it be available for the next 72 hours without my having to approve it. That's one of those security levels for a younger kid. You can have it set, so they can't have any access with that person until it's approved. But, uh, yeah, for that, that tween group we've found it's important that they'd be able to have immediate access. They've they've got, had some judgment, they know what to do and what not to do, but, but still have that, that ability to, to keep the overall approval in, in my parent portal.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Okay. I like that, how it kind, I mean, it all kind of grows with them then, you know, like the features of it in the parent control.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Another, another example of growing with is being able to add internet access, you know, for my, my eight or nine year old, they probably don't need the internet. But once my kids are getting into fifth grade and sixth grade, certainly by seventh grade, you can't do schoolwork without the internet. Like that's just not the way our schools run anymore. And so what he developed was what we call our kids smart browser, where you can give children access to this browser. And in the parent portal, you designate what sites are available to them and picture the awesome conversation you get to have with your kids. You know, we, we've designed all of this to encourage a, a Cooper collaborative relationship where you're sitting down with your kids and saying, Hey, help me understand what you need. Here's where I'm turning on the kid's smart browser. What are the websites that you would like access to?
Speaker 4 (16:25):
And then as a, as a parent, you can look at those sites with your kids and, and make sure that you feel good about them, and then put them on that list. Then when your child is using their phone and they open the browser, they see a dropdown menu with all those sites that were designated in the parent portal. And that's the O those are the only sites they have access to. There's not even a place to search for anything else. There's no search bar. You literally can go to the sites that are in that dropdown menu. So you're able to create a completely safe internet experience for your child, as opposed to just saying, no, we don't do the internet. You don't need the internet on your phone. That's just not practical that that's for, for a, a growing kid. That's not practical for the needs they have for school and for healthy high.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I totally agree with that. And that's really kind of the drawback of some of the other options that are out there right now is the, you know, you reach a point to where I've got a, uh, my best friend has twin girls and they're just turned 13 and they both have one of the other options out there for dumb smartphone. , they're just like, please, can we have a regular phone? And I can't wait to tell her about this as her next step. Cause I don't think they're ready for the entire world yet, but they'll pay for something for a graduation. So to speak.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
That, that's the right. That's the right paradigm. We do the same thing with apps actually, you know, know, I, I'm not ready for my kids to have the entire app store at their fingertips. And as a parent, I don't have time to go and, and vet every single app out there that my kids might want. So what we've done at Tru me is, again, it goes back to that great parent portal that we've built, we've curated and vetted a suite of apps that are available for, to, for parents to put on the phone. There's no app store on the phone. So the kids don't see an app store of any kind, but inside the parent portal, I can look at apps for school, for hobbies, for music, for creativity, for spirituality, all those different categories. And then I literally just go click, click, click, click, choose the ones I want.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
And in a matter of minutes, they appear on the phone. And what parents love is that if we have put those apps in our collection, they can have a high degree of confidence that we've, we've gone through the vetting process to make sure there's no inappropriate content and there's no back doors for creeps to, to get at your kids. Some of those apps include, you know, the most popular digital classroom apps, a Google classroom, canvas, Blackboard Skyward. We've got apps from music streaming in there, apple music, Spotify, Spotify, kids, iHeartRadio, family, Amazon music. So if you're comfortable and some parents aren't some parents aren't, and it's your choice. If you're comfortable with your kids having access to a, a streaming service, then they get to in, you know, have that on their phone.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Okay. That's awesome too. everything about this has been awesome so far. How about, uh, the other thing I wanted to know was for when they're younger, if you have the choice, does the par is the parent portal set up to where you can say what they have access to at certain times of day, like putting it in modes for like study time, that type of
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Thing. Yeah. The way we've built that right now is for any function or any app, you can, you know, build the window of time when that's available. So for example, we have a daughter who loves, loves, loves audio books. There there's an app on the phone called Libby where she can, you know, get digital audio books from the, from the library. Well, without a restriction on there, we would be wrestling with her all day all on that. So we have it set up. So that app is only available after school. And it turns off before she goes to bed, otherwise she would stay up all night, you know? So you can, you can set that kind of functionality with any app or, or frankly, any function, including the calling and texting. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
How about, what are the options for like the plans and, and the type, the, the, like the, is it the same phone for all the plans and you just choose the different plan that you pay
Speaker 4 (20:37):
For. That's exactly it. So we have a, a couple of, of Samsung devices, the Samsung galaxy, a 12 and the Samsung galaxy, a 32. Those are the two phones that we've started with. They both have phenomenal cameras. The one has a 16 megapixel camera and one has a 48 megapixel camera. The reason we, we wanted to do quality devices like that is cuz pictures matter to kids. If they're gonna take, if they're gonna take pictures, they want them to be good. They want them to be good quality. So we we've gone that route and, and used good devices, not expensive devices, but enough quality that the, the, the picture quality isn't compromised when it comes to the plans, you, you know, first you choose your device and then you choose which plan you want. Unlimited talk and unlimited basic is 1495 a month. So very, very affordable.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
If you wanna change that to group text and picture texting the cost increases to 1995 a month. And if you wanna add the kid smart apps and the kid smart browser, it goes to 24 95 a month. And those are all truly on unlimited plans. We're not just pooling, you know, pooling a, a big block of minutes and data and hoping it's gonna work out. It's truly unlimited for every user. And those include calling to Canada and Mexico as well. So, uh, great plans at a, at a very affordable, very affordable price and phones. Uh, I should mention, you know, the, the ones, uh, a hundred and seventy nine ninety five, and the second one is two hundred and seven seventy nine ninety five. So again, we've tried to keep those at, uh, at prices that make sense for kids. I've never thought it was a good idea to get my kid a $1,200 phone. I just don't think it's necessary. kinda
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Crazy that, that, and the only, that was the only option when my kids were young.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah. thank goodness. There are more options
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Now. Thank goodness. Holy cow. I truly, I always mentioned this on my podcast that having these options is truly such, like, I call it a mother's gift, but a parent's gift. Yeah. Because it's just, there's so much out there. And unfortunately my kids minor, my youngest is 16 and my oldest is 23. They were in this middle school age when none of these things existed. So, okay. I'm so thankful for for the next to have this option. that's great. So I think I've covered all of my questions that I had for you. Is there anything else you who thinks pertinent for us to talk about or anything else you wanna share?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Yeah. I just, I just think of the whole philosophy behind, you know, kids and safe devices. You know, this, this might be another place where, where we're different from some of our competitors. I think kids are inherently good. They're parently. They, they wanna do what's right. They wanna be successful. It's our job as parents to guide them and to give them some guardrails when they, when they need the guardrails. But I I've always thought that that approach of just saying to a, a, a child, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only kind of sense the wrong message. You know, it, it almost feels like a lack of trust to me. And I think the phone has, yes, of course, it's gotta keep them safe today. That's a given, but it's also gonna prepare them for the future. It's also gonna give them access to good content content that would help them in school content that would help them develop healthy hobbies.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And certainly by the time they leave phone home, they've got to be disciplined, responsible users of technology, cuz technology will be part of their lives. So I think we do them a disservice. You know, if we say, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only. And as long as you live in my house, that's all you're gonna have. I don't think that's the right way to go. So we, we, our goal was to, to create a, a positive, healthy relationship between kids and parents give the kids the guardrails, they need give them technology that's per to their age, but you've gotta help them develop, you know, some of that discipline and responsibility on their own, all, all the while, keeping, keeping them away from the pornography and the predators and stuff. But they've gotta learn how to use apps and learn how to use the web.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I totally agree. Like it's just kind of setting them up for success versus sending 'em down the dark. Like I call it the deep blue sea often, like sending them out into the deep blue sea without any flotation device. Never taught them how to swim, but yeah, go out there and then I'm gonna be mad at you all of the time for, you know, not knowing what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
It's a good, good analogy.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah. So was there anything in your, if you're willing to share any of this, was there anything that happened with your kids that made you more aware that brought you to the awareness of the threat? Or was it just that past experience that you had that you mentioned? Yeah,
Speaker 4 (25:37):
We've been, we've been very, very fortunate in, in that we haven't had any of the, the really, you know, the really dangerous stuff happen with our kids. Partly because we were always very cautious. You know, we, we didn't, we didn't just say, Hey, here's your, here's your wild west phone? You know, we were, we've always been pretty de uh, deliberate about it. I've had numerous friends and especially while I've been in this space, numerous friends, tell me just some harrowing stories of sit situations. Their kids have gotten into some extremely dangerous situations in a, in a, you know, in a couple cases I've said to my friend, Hey, you know, forgive me for if this is too personal, but why on earth did you not have that phone locked down with the right parental controls? And on more than one occasion, the person has said to me, I thought I did.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
You know, and some of the controls that have been available to this point are so hard to use so complicated, so hard to stay on top of that. Parents don't know what really is set up correctly or not. Or in some cases, the kids are so smart, they get around the controls. And, and for that reason, we didn't build truly as a piece of software that just gets added to the phone. It's the operating system itself. You cannot, you know, a kid cannot can't get away from it. They can, they can reboot the phone. They can go on and off different network works, whatever they want to try, that operating system is always there. And so we we've built it with that level of, uh, conscientiousness, you know, hearing some of the, the other stories that are out there. So
Speaker 3 (27:12):
That brings up another question I wanted to ask you is about like the parental control apps that are out there that are real popular. Uh, I don't see that one of those would even be needed. Is that something that's an, an option that can be added to it or do y'all have that capability on it? You know, like the ones that monitor what texts are going out and kind of tell you what the kids have been doing as far as activity goes.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
Yeah, great question. And there are some good apps out there. They're not infallible, uh, but there are some good, you know, good apps for most, you know, for a lot of situations, our goal was to, to make them less needed. So for example, with, uh, with our operating system coming very, very soon, uh, in our next big release, you'll be able to remotely monitor all of your kids' texts, right? In the parent portal. You won't have to say, Hey, let me look at your phone and look at your text. All of that monitoring will happen right in the parent portal with some pretty advanced functionality, as that gets built out, you know, for alerting parents to potential problems and, you know, inappropriate language or inappropriate pictures or language that sounds like, Hey, this could be a bully or a predator, that kind of thing. And of course, that's something that's gonna, you know, improve as we continue to build it over time.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
But the first release of that is coming very soon. And, but you know, the other side of that is the need for monitoring. Everything goes down dramatically. If your kids are only talking to people that you've decided that you trust. And if they're only going to websites that you have pre-approved, I mean, just the whole need goes down dramatically. That's not to say that in the future, we won't have some kind of a, a, a partnership with, you know, with one of those companies, uh, you know, we may, we may do that at some point, but, uh, certainly right now the need doesn't exist. Like it, like it does if you're on another phone. Right, right.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I get that. So when you, like, when you're gonna, so right now the parent portal doesn't have where it shows the text, did you say you're y'all are adding that?
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah. That'll, that'll, that's coming in our next release, our next, uh, big release of the software. So, uh, literally a matter of weeks.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Okay. And then with that, you can basically just see like a running list of what their conversations have
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Been running list. And then, you know, we're gonna add some filters that allow you to see, Hey, your kid talks to these people, here are the top five people they talk to the most. And if you wanna dig down on any of, one of those people, just click that. And they're the text with that person in particular, you know, you'd be able to see in that dashboard, Hey, here are the text messages that were flagged for potential inappropriate language or bullying language. All of that will be there. And also note that in, in the parent portal, you'll see everything. Whether or not a, a text has been deleted, it's still showing up, you still see everything it's all collected there. Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
So then you're hitting some of the high points of things that I often mention as places where things slip through. And that's like, yeah, the sheer volume of text that can go through between people, a parent can often miss the conversation or, you know, something that they should be you aware of. And then the, like just the filter of the conversation. So that's good that y'all have that in the works and, and plan for that. Cuz I know I missed things that I shouldn't have missed, but it was because now it has been because of one of those filter systems being put on my son's phone and being able to be alert of things. Now it picks up silly things like his conversation with his grandparent and you know, who's gonna bring the gun and other things like that. But you know, like when they're gonna go hunting and stuff, that sounded really bad. Yeah. But you know, like when, um, they're talking about stuff that I'm aware of now, but it'll pick up on little things like that, that yeah. In the context of being with a friend, maybe something that I wanna know about, so sure.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah. Yeah. And better, you know, better that you get over alerted than under alerted, you know, better that you better to have a false negative than a, you know, a missed, a missed positive.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Yes. All right. Well, I think that's everything that I had enlisted that I wanted to ask you about. Anything else you can think of that you wanna share? No,
Speaker 4 (31:25):
I think that's it, you know, happy to, to invite people, to come check things out. We do a lot on social media, uh, in a lot on our blog by way of, you know, trying to help parents really get through some of these questions that they have, uh, relative to parenting around technology. So on our website, it's Tru me.com T R om i.com go to our blog there and you'll find a lot of great content to help with some of these questions. And then on, uh, Instagram and Facebook, we are at Tru me wireless.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Right. Awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming on today and sharing all of this with my audience. I think this is gonna be super valuable and I'm very excited to get this out into the world into more hands of parents so they can help their kids be their true selves. That's really awesome. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (32:15): Thank you, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
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Episode 91: Parent survival tips to brave the digital frontier & beyond!
8 joulu 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
This episode highlights a few survival tips for parents to navigate the digital frontier of this holiday season and beyond!! Listen in to be prepared!
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(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Christmas time is upon us. And chances are you have some sort of digital thing that you're giving your kid or that your kid is going to receive this Christmas season. Am I right? My guess is I'm right. I know it will be for my kids. And so today I wanna talk about three of my top survival tips as you enter the digital frontier this holiday season and beyond stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned to in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Hey friends, did you hear is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use? It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a, some mall fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I get started on today's topic, I have to say something that I needed to say a couple of episodes ago. Like holy cow, I am going on two years of having this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I launched it March of 20, 20 days before the big lockdown around the world. And all of the things that have come to be since then, it has been a lifeline for me in of like a mega storm that I had in my own life, trying to figure out all these digital things that happened about six months prior to launching the podcast really longer than that. But that was when things really came to a head. And it's amazing to me, as I am recording this episode, it is likely going to be episode 91. So I'm going on a hundred episodes. And that's typically about one episode a week for a while there I was doing two episodes on some weeks, but I just couldn't keep up that pace. So I've been doing one episode. I know other podcasts that launched around the time I did like shot off to the moon and had mega growth.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And mine has been more slow and steady, but it is what it is. It's been a place for me to come and pay forward. Some of the struggle that I had as I tried to figure this out and also to pay forward what I see going on in the digital world and what I know being a mom that has kids that are kind of on the other side of those years, that are so very critical for their development. And the fact that I kind of took the hard road on all of that. like, I seriously, seriously did. And you've heard me say it before, but it's like my kids, I think as all of us, when we have struggles, when we have hard times that ultimately if we can see them as a gift and as a place that we are, are being challenged into creating something from that struggle, that it's not an all for not thing.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And so the fact that I took the hard road, just because I was that first generation of parents as smartphones emerged, and all of the things came to be the fact that I can pay this forward is a place for me to help with my healing and a place for me to give myself grace and forgiveness, knowing that it wasn't all for not. And I know it isn't all for not, but you know, it's just one of those things as a mother where we have guilt and it's hard to move past some things that we may have done more out of ignorance than any thing else, but we wish we could get a do over on. And this is one thing that I have wished many times that I could get a do over on, but at the same time, I wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you if it wasn't for all that I went through when I did.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So holy cow, 91 episodes, that is so amazing. It's sometimes I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna talk about next week. And then I just start looking through things. And I see parents that are struggling and are in a place like I was, and it, you know, the topics come and they kind of like roll with the times and the tides and the things that evolve. And I, I do think that this digital world is just ever evolving and changing. And it's one of the most important things that we can do is get a handle on this so that we can help guide our kids. And so that it's not someone else that's out there influencing our kids and molding them into the person that they're going to be while we unknowingly gave them these digital things. And didn't realize that the impact that they would have.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So thank you so much for being here and for listening, if you are someone who has listened since the beginning of my podcast, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, your support has been amazing. And I truly do come, come to this each time I sit down to record and truly try to think through the things that are being talked about and the things that are out there and to come at it from a perspective of how I have seen my kids evolve through the times. So I hope you find this helpful and you'll continue to keep coming back. So let's talk about three top survival tips that I have come up with for this digital frontier of this holiday season. These are things that I truly take to heart and I'm using for my own family. And so I hope that you will utilize these in whatever way, shape and form.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
They are helpful for you. Okay? So if you're still shopping, these things are going to be helpful for you too. So my number one survival tip is to keep, keep some things dumb. What does that mean? That means don't make them all, something that is smart and interconnected and going to connect them to the outside world. So the first survival tip is to keep some things dumb. Do you know what I mean? Like everything has to be interconnected. Not everything has to have an internet connection, a wifi connection, be able to connect to all the friends, be able to look up the internet, be on the internet, be able to tell you what the weather is. Be able to tell you what packages were delivered to your house today. be able to be your alarm clock, be able to be your everything. Like we don't need everything to be interconnected.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
And I don't know about you, but I am frankly, a little bit terrified with how interconnected things are such as a post. I saw the other day, where it was a kid that was tweeting from their, a refrigerator because the parents had taken all of the electronics away and they were trying to get word out to the world that they had no electronics, that they couldn't tweet and that they were tweeting through the smart refrigerator that they had. Like, I know there's a time and a place for things to be connected. And that it's a wonderful thing in several instances, but in the hands of our kids, not everything needs to be connected. So let's keep some things dumb that they get. Okay. So if you're listening to this before Christmas or before a birthday, keep some things dumb, look for some toys in different things that don't have an net connection and aren't connected to all the things.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay. I hope that made you chuckle. It made me laugh when I was writing it. okay. So number two, keep the big picture in mind. And now this is kind of one of those things where I want you to think about like before giving a gift, think about it in terms of this is a gift that I'm giving you, but if you can't handle it, then I'm taking it back. That type of thing. So what I mean by this, there's three things that I'm talking about. When I talk about keeping the big picture in mind, anytime that you give any of the digital things, how they interact with it while respecting the boundaries that you were putting in place, whatever those may be is going to determine how you proceed in the future. So if you give a gab watch or a TikTok watch or a gab phone or a pinwheel phone, you know, all of the different things.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
If you give a smartphone, if you put bark on a smartphone and you find they've disabled, it, whatever it is, that's digital. Even if it's something simple as a gaming console or, you know, some other digital thing that you've given a handheld digital device, and you find that they are breaking your rules, your boundaries, or whatever it is that you are setting in place, then that's where you need to rethink what's going on. So that's number two tip under this one is if you get push back, that means you push back because you are the parent. Okay. So look at the big picture of when you're getting push back, what is it that is causing that pushback? It is it the draw and the addiction of the digital thing that they are doing? Is it just them not being able to handle the influence of that thing?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Is it that maybe you need to re-look at how you have it set up for them to play that to where it's, it's more clear when the time is up for that. Look at the big picture with that pushback means you push back as the parent and figure out what is going on there and why you're getting push back. And then my third tip under this category is to balance the non digital things with the digital things. You have to find a balance for that. If you have any kid at OS that have been in the gaming world, or had like interaction with digital things for a prolonged period of time, and you notice that there are attitude issues, there are, you know, just something going on, where they are, are not doing their normal things. They've lost interest in extracurr activities. Their personality seems different.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They are constantly wanting to get done with it, with whatever family thing you're doing so they can get back to their game. All of those things are clues. Like I said, in one of my previous episodes in the last couple of weeks, all of those are like a, what I wanna call it like a, a shout out, a cry for help. They are trying to tell you that they are not handling the digital influence well. And so it's important to balance the non-digital things, the things that don't have that immediate dopamine release that immediate reward center being stimulated in their minds when they're playing them, it's an important for you to balance those things. So set up boundaries in place to where they are not only doing digital things and that they do have to do non-digital things in the world, too. Okay. So those are the three things that I recommend in terms of keeping the big picture in mind.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now, my third survival tip for the digital frontier. This holiday season is preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you've listened to some of my episodes, you know what I'm talking about. But like I have said many times before when we give them the digital things, when they learn about different things that are out there combined with their normal curiosity, their normal hormonal changes their normal development through puberty. When we give them this vehicle to where they can compare themselves to other, where they can go down rabbit holes of comparison and of learning new things of curiosity, that they start to think they are not enough. And when this is at an influential age, this creates a imprint on their mind, on their self-esteem to where they are not enough because they are comparing themselves to other things. So what I recommend that you do, and I have three tips under this category.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Two is to have an open conversation about comparison. So if you are going to give them that smartphone or something to, or they have access to other things out in the world, have an open conversation about comparison and how pictures can be edited and filters can be used. And social media is a highlight real and is not the real world is not reflective of people's entire lives and likes and comments and things on their posts do not equate to their self worth and how you know, how valuable they are in the world. And you know, all of the things that surround that the second at tip under this category is to keep a close tie on social media. If you are giving a smartphone or giving them access to social media, have a very, very close eye on that and what they are doing on there, I would highly, highly, highly recommend delaying that as much as you can, then keeping a really close tie to them and what is going on, what they're seeing, what they're doing, who they're interacting with.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Some of this is a black hole that you will not be able to control completely. So just be aware of that and be willing to do the work. If you are going to allow these things, be willing to keep that conversation open. If it's a younger kiddo, I, of course don't recommend it. I've made all the mistakes with this, but if you can have them have their login on your phone for certain apps, like some of them don't allow you to have more than one phone logged in, but other ones do have their login and go through their information, go through their messages, go through all of their things and have guidelines for if they post when they post and those types of things. And then my final tip for this is get your hand ends on my, be that mom method course when I get it published in it, I have a roadmap and I have tools for you as this journey evolves for you in this digital frontier that I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
As it evolves, this method that I have set up, it's gonna help you to evaluate new devices, games, all of the things. And it's gonna give you different tools to help you with navigating this with your kid. Okay? So let's go back and recap, cuz I kind of blurred some of those together. I think, to where I wasn't real clear about what I was saying. So top three tips or to keep some things dumb, keep that big picture mind and then preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you are allowing them to have outside access to the world through various things and outside interaction with friends and other people out in the world. Okay? So with the, keep some things dumb, not everything has to be connected, you know, so interconnected to the world under keep that big picture in mind, think about how they interact with their digital things and respecting your boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Pushback means you push back as the parent, not meaning that you fight with them, not meaning that you start from a police of being suspicious or all these restrictions in place. But I, what I mean is be aware that when you get pushback, that means something. And so I encourage you to dig deeper and figure out what's going on there and then balancing with non-digital things. So they are doing some things that are not stimulating their mind, digital dig, can't talk, oh, digital it, okay. Not being stimulated with the digital things. Let's just change the word altogether. Maybe that wasn't even a word. And that's why I can't say it. And then the preserving, the I am enough is just opening up up that conversation about comparison and keeping a close watch on social media. And grad might be that mom movement method course when I get that up and running.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And I, my apologies for talking about that forever in a day and not having it out yet, but it is what it is. Life keeps getting in the way and I promise you, it's going to be amazing once you get your hands on it. Okay. All right. So I hope that you grasp these survival tips that can use them, this digital frontier, the digital things are not going away. And I think they can be fun and they can be productive in all of that. If we just have some of these guidelines in mind. All right, thanks so much for tuning in. If I don't get into your ears in the next couple of weeks, have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season with your family. If you do celebrate that, I hope that you find peace and joy and love and all the things that you're hoping for through this season. All right. Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom in isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more or present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
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Episode 90: A new option to stay connected with your kids: A new kid‘s watch!
1 joulu 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Staying connected with your kids can be a challenge in this fast paced world. Check out this new option for staying connected with a Gabb wireless watch!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
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Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you are still in search of something to give your kiddo in your wanting to stay connected without giving them access to the entire world. I have another option that I'm going to talk about today for you to consider staying connected with your kids. Like I've always said in all of my podcast episodes, they do not need access to the entire world, but if we can introduce them to the dumber versions of the smart things that are all interconnected everywhere, sometimes that is a great first step to getting them connected, knowing where they are and making sure they're safe, as well as giving them a stepping stone into the digital world. So we're going to talk about a new option in a couple of new options that I think you might be interested in if this is the scenario for you. All right. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So before we get started on talking about the specifics of this, I just want to take you back for a second to probably what I've mentioned multiple times, if you've listened to several episodes, but back a few years ago, when all of these options for dumb smartphones in different things that had more guidance and stuff didn't exist. And it was like trial by fire, raising kids and giving the digital things.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
And I honestly had no inkling of a clue as to how impactful they can be at such a what I want to say, like an insidious type of influence, like just very subtle and very much not something I was aware of until lots of time and lots of exposure had gone by. So when I talk about these things, the way I view them is that they're, they're like a gift, like such a gift to us parents as we're raising kids in this digital world, because someone out there has been innovative enough to create these things, to help us in this wildly ever evolving and changing digital world that we have to raise our kids in. We don't have a choice. And I would say that it's nearly impossible to raise our kids without having some of these digital things. So when I talk about some of these different things that I'm excited about, and then I have discount codes for it is because I have looked at them closely and I wholeheartedly believe that they are something that could help you in this realm.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I am very skeptical of most things out there until I've looked at them closely to see the little innuendos and the little ways that our sneaky kiddos can try to get around things with their curiosity and their ability to embrace the digital things at a different understanding than us. So for the little things that they can get around can be kind of elusive to us as parents. So when I talk about these things and when I offer the discount codes, I just want you to know that I do offer them because I do think that they are wholeheartedly going to help you. And I think that our children are our future and our children are being so negatively. I can't say that word negatively impacted by all of the digital things in less. We take that, be that mom proactive stance in this space, they will be negatively impacted if we don't do something about it.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So I highly recommend you check out all the resources that I have in my show notes and really embrace those and dig through those, get on my email list, which I am quite honestly terrible with sending out emails right now, but I'm getting ready to get myself back into a position of sending those out regularly, along with finishing up my, be that mom movement method course, and a few other things that I have in the works. So download my free resource guide and get on my email list, check out some of these discount codes and things that I have in the show notes. They quite honestly are the things that I think are top notch out there and the best options for our kids. And I think they can just kind of be like a tool or like I've said in some of my episodes, the layered approach that I recommend that you take to all the digital things, they are another layer or a part of your village to help raise your kids.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
So please check those things out for me. Okay. And I think that they can definitely help you also can email me or reach out to me on social media for questions, or, you know, if there's just anything else out there that you've found that you think that I should consider reviewing on the podcast, I certainly am open to that. So just check those things out. Okay. So today I want to talk about a new watch that is out there to help you keep connected with your kids. I think this is such an amazing option to have these days versus, you know, like having your elementary or middle school age kid, having a phone that they're walking around with that has anything and everything accessible at their fingertips. The watch is a great way for you to be able to stay connected. And gab wireless has two different versions of watches.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
One is a watch with the band that actually goes on their arm. And then the other one that they have is a gab watch light, which actually can be made into like, instead of wearing it on the arm, actually have a little go into a little holder thing that then you can clip onto a backpack or something similar. So they have a couple of different options. If your kid maybe doesn't want to wear a watch, you know, things like that. So they're, let me start with that one. That's that can be worn as something other than a watch it's called the gab watch light. And it is a GPS tracker, a step counter and a one-way messaging device for younger kids. It doesn't support calls or texts. So I think that that is a great option for your very first thing that you have them staying in touch with you.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I think it's comparable probably to like a relay go device, which is kind of like a walkie-talkie thing. So maybe not quite the same thing, but gab wireless is released this as one option for you to be able to stay connected. And it says that it is going to start shipping between December 1st and eighth as a new thing that they're shipping out. And then the other thing that they have is the gab watch. And this one, it says it triples as a cell phone as a GPS device and as an interactive watch, it is a standalone device. It does not pair with their phone. And right now, for both of these, there's some significant discounts. These may not be live by the time you hear this episode, depending on when these discounts end. But if you use my code, be that mom all together, be that mom that should get you a discount on this.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
And one cool thing that gab wireless has said is that because of the shipping delays this year and all the things going on here around the holiday season of 2021, they said that they likely cannot get the watch in the home in your home by Christmas day, at this point in time. So instead, and if that isn't able to happen, they're going to email you some printables that you can create like an unboxing experience for your kid to let them know what they're getting. Once it comes in a couple of days after Christmas. So I thought that was really cool when I saw that, like, you're going to have a way to still give them the watch without actually having the watch, if it doesn't make it to your home yet. So for both of these, when you purchase them, you can choose a cellular plan.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You can do a two year contract, a one-year contract or no contract and just pay month to month. So that's kind of cool that you have that option. So with the watch device, what it has on it, and I think this is very comparable to the tic talk watch. So if you've heard my episode about that, I do think it is very similar to that. But what I would do is check out both of these and you can compare them and decide which one you feel would be appropriate for you. And the tick talk watch has a couple of different versions, but I do think they each have some different features. So just depending on your preference and how you want the watch to look and the age of your child and stuff like that, those would all be things to look at, to compare the two.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
But this watch that I'm talking about with gab wireless, it has active GPS tracking. It has lock mode scheduling. So what that means is you can schedule times where the phone is locked. Like when they're in a class, like when they're at school to help them stay focused. So they're not distracted by their watch. And then you can also set it up to where it will only enable calls to and from an emergency contact versus, you know, like just not shutting it down completely, but you can set it up to where they can use it if they really need it, but otherwise it'll be shut down so that they can do their schoolwork. Some other things that it has on it is a step counter. So you can encourage them to be able to visually see how active they are in the day. You can also set it up for custom contacts to where only those approved people can call and text them through the watch.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
And then also with the step counter, they also have a thing where you can set up a to-do list. So you can set it up to where they have certain things that they have to do on their watch, or, you know, how some kids like to like check off lists of different things that they do. You can, it gives them some responsibility and fill in, like there you're, you know, they're doing something that you have requested them to do. They also have a, oh, this is kind of cool. It's a pet. It says it's kids, the kids gab go pet that is in the it's like in the watch and you could set it up to where it needs to be fed, walked, washed, and cuddled. And that's another way for them to earn responsibility points. And they actually can earn coins in that, like a little game on the watch.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And then in addition to that, you can set up to where there are customizable, safe zones. So like if they're going to be at school or at grandma's house or in your neighborhood, you can set it up to where there will be an alert that you receive. If they go outside of that zone, you also can set up SOS and emergency notifications too. And then some cool things is that the watch is sweat and water resistant and comes with like a band and stuff that looks pretty durable and other things like that to help protect it. So I do think that this is a pretty awesome watch. I do think it's very comparable to the tick-tock watch. And in some ways the features on this one seemed to look more mature than the tech talk watch. So definitely worth checking out and considering as a gift for your kiddo, if they're involved in school activities or, you know, stay at a friend's house or whatever, this is a way for them to stay connected with you also make it a little bit fun, doing the digital things without the deep dark blue sea of all of the things that come with a phone and just a way to have an introduction to the digital stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
So definitely check that out. And also the, if you have a younger kiddo, the gab, what is it? The gab watch light would be another great option to where you can stay connected with them and they could message you without having all the extra things and just a way to stay connected and get in touch. Okay. And the gab light one also has the GPS tracking and it has the customizable safe zones and then the SOS emergency notification. So both of those great options, I hope you'll check those out. If you have younger kiddos are looking for something else to get your kids. And if you have any questions, let me know. And I will put in the show notes for this episode, as well as on my blog, the discount codes and the links to grab these things, as well as all of the other things that I talk about all of the time.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So please check those out. And if you haven't done so already leave me a review so that my podcast ranks higher in all of the podcast platforms. And as always, I appreciate you so much for tuning in and stay tuned might be that mom movement method course is almost done. Life keeps getting the way, like I've said over and over again. I'm tired of hearing myself say it, but it's just the way life has been lately. So I am going to have some more free time here in the next couple of weeks. And I'm going to work on getting that out to the world because you're going to need it. Once you give these digital things to your kids for Christmas, not this digital thing. The gab watch is not one that will be a pitfall, but if you're giving a smartphone or, you know, the other things like the gaming consoles and different things like that, then my method course is definitely going to help you navigate those things.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And also, you know, if you're still trying to figure this all out, the my method course is definitely going to be an asset in your back pocket to help you as you navigate this crazy in ever evolving world of the digital things. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. If I don't talk in your ears again before then, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and nice holiday season with your family. Feel free to reach out to me and let me know how things are going and what digital products and different tools I've talked about that have been helpful for you in your world of being that mom. Okay. Thanks so much.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 89: Kids & phones: Is it annoying behavior or a cry for help?
24 marras 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So as we approach the holidays, I hope you have enjoyed my last couple of episodes that talked about the gift giving guide for digital and non-digital things, as well as the new pinwheel plus phone that is being released soon. Definitely a great option for giving a dumb smartphone or upgrading that dumb smartphone that you have given. And with some more features and a few more things that the phone has on it. But today I just want to talk about, as you give something digital, a few things for you to look at as warning signs that maybe it's time to pivot or revisit what things are being allowed and used in your home, by your kids, with the digital stuff. Okay. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So as you know, I am a mom that kind of did things in the uninformed and more difficult way. And with that sometimes comes some mom guilt. I didn't listen to my intuition and some of those early days, I really just didn't know what to do or how to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But when I look back at how things went for us in those early years of all the digital things, emerging and social media, being a thing, and all of that, there's a few things that I wish when they happened, that I would have picked up on them as a reason to pull back from what I was allowing and make a change, or just do kind of like a detox on those things. So if you have kids that have digital things right now in their hands, these things probably have happened to you. And maybe they, aren't a reason to just go cold Turkey, pull everything back, but just look at them as a warning sign and almost a cry for help when it comes to what you were allowing. I personally back when I think back didn't want to be that, that mom, and that's where the title of my podcast comes from, but I didn't want to be that mom that was real strict and that didn't allow these things.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I wanted to be the cool mom. I wanted to be the mom that was fun and allowed her kids to do these things. I thought they were fun. I didn't realize there was any harm in them, but looking back, I can see that there were a couple of warning signs or cries from help that I wish I would have had more knowledge to change something that I was doing. So, and these are pretty common things. So just think about them, take them with a grain of salt, but kind of, you know, also realize that if you're seeing this more and more, it might be some, a reason for you to change things. So the first thing is the anxiety around the phone when the battery dies or when they have misplaced their phone. And can't figure out where it's at. If you remember me talking in the last episode about the pinwheel phone, one major thing that I noticed in my best friend, whose twin girls have never had a smartphone.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And if only had the dumb smartphones is that they are not like attached at the hip with those phones. They misplaced them in their home. One of them lost one at when they went to visit the high school for an activity. And while, you know, it wasn't, you know, like she lost the phone. It wasn't that panic and anxiety that I've seen in my own kids when either there were someplace where they can't charge their phone. So it's about to die and that's like the end of the world, or they somehow misplaced it. And can't figure out where it's at. I personally have misplaced my phone before, and I felt a panic because I have so much information on there. And, you know, just all the things that I stay connected with. So, I mean, I think there's a place for that, but when you're seeing it in your kids, that may be a warning sign that they have become too attached to that for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I think that reason can be different for different kids, but when mine were younger and I remember a moment and this is kind of a side story, but we used to be in the stock show world where we showed animals. And there was one time where like, we would go to, if you're not from where I am, what you call, this may look different, but for us it was the rodeo. And so we would go to the rodeo. And at this time I think we were showing goats and it was like a day where we were going to be there on the rodeo grounds all day. And for whatever reason, we hadn't liked spent any time charging our phones or any of that. So then it's time to leave and we're going to go home. And we, the parking lot where we parked, they really squished all the cars in.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And so there was like where our truck was parked. We had like this longer truck where it was parked, we physically could not back out. Like there was no way to maneuver our way out of the space because of how long our truck was, how close all the rows were to each other, how they were angled in the rows. There was like physically no way to get out of the parking lot. And our phone batteries were low. And at this time I think all but one kid had phones as well as myself. And so my phone battery was low and I was trying to communicate with my husband cause he wasn't with us and, you know, let him know what was going on. And he was going to come up and like pick us up because we needed to get home for something. And then we'd come back later to get that truck.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so, because I wouldn't give my charger to one of the other kids, there was this panic in tantrum that pursued or ensued. And it really, at that moment, it was like one of those moments where I was like, oh my God, like, why is this child getting so upset about this? This is a bit ridiculous. You know, like it's a phone and why do you have to have it be connected to it at all of the time? But at the time that didn't raise enough alarms or red flags in my head to change anything I was doing other than, you know, like chill out, you will get to charge your phone in a minute. I need to stay in touch with daddy and I'll give you my charger in a minute. You know? So have you ever had an instance like that where they freak out because their phone is going to die or they've somehow misplaced it and can't figure out where it's at and it needs to be with them at all times.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If so, just keep in a big picture in mind, consider that kind of a red flag and maybe, maybe needs to be a place where you do a little bit of detox or setting up more boundaries for that kind of look at what the underlying thing is there that's causing that anxiety or stress. But a lot of times it's just the addictive quality of that phone. And the fact that they've become used to checking in, used to seeing what's going on and maybe they need to realize that those things don't need to be something that they do all of the time and depending on their age, maybe that needs to be something they disconnect from. The second thing is when they're resistant to your boundaries. So if you have boundaries in place, I honestly did not. And that was a big, huge mistake on my part, I believe.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
But again, there's that grace that I give myself for just not knowing, but if they're resistant to what boundaries you were putting in place. So you know what that might look like for you is where they are using the phone at what things you were allowing on the phone, whether you've set up to know their passwords and they've changed them, whether you are putting it up at a certain time at night and they are coming to get it without your knowledge or just resisting putting it up, if they are using it versus doing their whatever's required to do around the house or finishing their homework or going to sleep at night. All of those things are a warning sign or a for help on some level that something needs to change with what they're doing because the addictive draw of it is becoming too much.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
And then the third thing that I listed, and I think this is kind of the same thing as resisting the boundaries, but pushing back on your established rules, giving you talk back, or, you know, just disregarding what you have said that you want to happen. All of those things, I guess that is the same thing as resistance to boundaries, but just pushing back on whatever rules you make, or if you do set more rules in place and they still push back on that, it's time to go cold Turkey in my opinion. And that was one of the hardest things that we did in when we did decide to do that. And I wish I would have done it with each child when I saw these warning signs happen, but I dismissed them as related to their age to hormones, to puberty, to all of the things other than it being an issue with the digital things.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And I think that's something that it's a very gray area and it's hard to decipher a lot of times and it makes it hard on us because we don't want to call them a liar that we don't trust them. You know, all of those things, we want to give them their space. We want to let them mature and grow. And we want to dismiss it as puberty as you know, their age as a mood or whatever. But when it's coming in relation to the phone, just look bigger picture and look at preserving that joy of missing out and re-establishing that they can exist without the phone, without the digital things, without being connected to the world. And that it's our life every day should not be about checking in. It should not be about posting a status. It should not be about how many likes or hearts we get on things.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
It should not be about how many views we have on a video. It should not be about us taking the next picture with a filter on it. We should be able to take a picture with no filter and not worry about what other people think. So, you know, we know this as adults, but as kids having all of these things in their possession is just such a insidious and can be such a negative trajectory of influence and impact. So really just wanted to emphasize that for you today because it's one of those things that is such a heavy place of mom guilt for me when I look back and I think about that situation at the rodeo and other situations like that, you know, you kind of laugh it off, maybe, you know, post about it on social media, how, you know, the, the charger I even made a post one time about, you know, I can't remember what it said, but it was something about I'm a mom of teens.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I spend my days turning off all of the lights, making sure all of the phone chargers are working and that type of thing, it was kind of a joke. So that's one way for us to cope with it is to joke with other parents about it. And you know, it is a common mom's struggle, but just bigger picture of things, kind of look at how their relationship is with the digital things and realize that it's not a healthy relationship for them to have so much anxiety over their phone dying or not having their phone or having rules for putting it away. That's not a healthy place for them to be. And I believe it is a warning sign and a cry for help from them, even though they will adamantly tell you otherwise. So anyways, I hope that this short little episode will be a value to you as you move forward through the, if you celebrate the holidays that we do here in the U S if you celebrate the holidays and you are in the gift giving season, I hope you will use this as you move forward.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
And then also be sure to check out my, be that mom movement method course that will be coming out soon and grab that when you can, because it's going to be a toolkit for you and a roadmap, a method for you to follow as you go down this path, and this will just be one of several things I have in there to help you. Okay. Alrighty. Like I say, at the end of every episode, thank you so much for tuning in and listening and your support. I appreciate it immensely. And it is my true joy to help bring you tips and tools to help you navigate all of these things. I do think this is a new realm of parenting that none of us can ignore. And so I hope that my podcast is a place for you to find tools and tips and to make this whole digital thing a little bit easier, even though I know it, it can be straight up hard at times. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in hope you have a nice holiday and I'll chat with you next week.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom ten four hundred.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 88: End the FOMO with this upgraded dumb smartphone: The new Pinwheel Plus
17 marras 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Avoid the screen zombie struggles with this healthy tech option, the newest dumb smartphone, the Pinwheel Plus. Use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the dumb smartphone has to be one of the greatest gifts for parents as we move through giving our kids digital things. Well, today we're going to talk about an expansion of one of my favorite dumb smartphones that is out on the market today and why this may be a great next step for you. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So if you've listened to my podcast for even a couple of episodes, you've probably heard me talk about the dumb smartphones and the pinwheel phone, because I love it so much, but pinwheel has been such a remarkable invention creation, whatever you want to call it. It was created by a dad who had the idea of making a phone that put more control into the hands of parents.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And I will tell you as a parent who came to be a parent of a kid in the newly emerging digital things in like the late 2007 to 2010 time when social media and the smartphone and all the things were emerging, this is a gift for parents today. And I hope that more parents will choose to go this route versus just doing the smartphone from the get-go as time goes on, as you probably have heard me say, I did everything kind of haphazardly and just uninformed about the influence and impact. And a lot of it, I think was just unknown at the time because everything was so new and just emerging. But as time has gone on many of us parents that are now in this space of helping you to navigate this were all the parents that went through this new realm of parenting, just basically with no guidance, no tools, no nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
And so when I discovered when I was first, you know, trying to figure out how to reroute what we were doing, the first thing I discovered was bark. And for someone who's already given a smartphone, that is the best option out there. If you live in the north American continent and that area, if you're another part of the world, bark is likely not available for you yet. So in that case, something like inspi would be a good option. There are a couple other things out there that are good, that are available in other countries, but that was such a gift. When I discovered that it helped me to sleep again at night and I don't, I'm not exaggerating or kidding with that. Like a seriously laid up late at night, kind of waking up in a panic. If I did fall asleep, wondering what I was missing, what things I had missed, because I'd missed so much already.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
And didn't realize what was going on until we reached a, like a, a crossroads where we were like, we're going to go down two different trajectories of life. And it's going to be hard to come back from those if we don't make a serious change or pivot in this moment in time. So then I came across the dumb smartphone options and PennWell was the second one that I came across pinwheel. And what I love about it is that it basically has an operating system that you control. Like they they've set it up to where it there's a portal and an operating system that they own. And you control how that is used. So you determine which apps are allowed to be accessed by your kid. You determine when those can be accessed by your kid. And then you have a portal that shows you their activity shows you their text messages shows you everything you are in complete control, and then you are able to unlock more of that as you see them interact with the digital things.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
And the best part of it is that it keeps this as a tool instead of, I don't know what a comparable word to say, but with smartphones, it's almost like the smartphone controls them. You know, there's an addictive quality there, and it's very influential in pulling you in. I mean, I noticed it with myself with my own phone where I have trouble putting it down at night. And I know that without like blue blocker glasses, the blue light on there is, is affecting me at night and keeping me up at night and affecting, you know, the normal sleep cycle and all of that. So for that in the hands of kids is even more impactful. So what PennWell has done is set that up to where you are in control and, but still gives them the option to start interacting with it, learning how to use it, using it responsibly and being able to put it away.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
And if you listen to my episode from last week, when I talked about giving a digital gift for Christmas or a non-digital gift and the different things with that, I mentioned my best friend and her kids. She's got twin girls that are middle school age. And what I have seen with them is that I'm, like I said, in that episode, she has watched me, my kids are older than hers. And so she has watched me walk through this new realm of parenting, really not knowing what I'm doing and kind of doing everything the harder way. And so she's made decisions to first give them the pinwheel phone. She first gave them a gab phone and now the pinwheel phone. And the funny thing is that one of them went to some type of event at school and lost the phone. And, you know, hasn't been real concerned about it.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And, you know, while that's not a good thing that she lost the phone, there's been other instances where she would misplace it at home and just not know where it was like, how many kids do you know that have had smartphones that don't know where their phone is. It's like attached at the hip and they absolutely know where it is or they go into a panic. Right? So what I've seen with her kids is they're not attached in that way to it. It is something that they use, you know, but it just doesn't have that control factor when it comes to them, knowing where it is and, you know, catching up with the latest thing. Now, there is a level of the fear of missing out there that I see in them and kind of, you know, being a little bit irritated with her because she won't give them the fancier phone or the social media while their friends do have that.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Some of them do, but that's just, you know, a decision that we each have to make on our own as to how we want to navigate that. But she has seen firsthand and she knows everything about what we have gone through with my kids. And so she is very adamant that she's not moving forward to a smartphone right now. And right now I believe they're 13 or getting ready to turn 13. So they're going into those really, really what I call the most difficult years of raising kids is, you know, those middle school and early high school years. So, so there is that level, but what PennWell has done is such an amazing thing, going back to the pinwheel plus. So what this new phone is going to be, how it is upgraded from the other ones. So it's kind of like their premium version of their phone.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
It's going to be 5g capable and it's carrier unlocked so you can use any carrier for it. And then it has a larger display. It's a six and a half inch display. It has a camera, it says 48 M P I know the old version is like 15 MP. I don't know what NP stands for, but basically a better camera going to take better pictures. And then this one also has a fingerprint unlock and it has 64 gigabytes of memory. I believe the old model, let me check this out. The old model had a 5.7 inch display, 13 MP camera, and then 64 gigabytes of memory. And so what you do when you purchase a pinwheel phone is you purchase the phone and they, so they have a pinwheel slim, a pinwheel rugged, and now they're going to have this pinwheel plus, and then you pay a monthly fee for a pinwheel subscription, which is basically having access to their operating system and the parent portal, and then whatever fee you would pay for your carrier.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
So yes, there are fees that are monthly, but if you consider the alternative, I think that this is such a major great option. So the two older versions, the slim and the rugged were not compatible with all major carriers, T and T and Verizon would not carry the phones, but this new phone will be all major carriers. So the PennWell plus right now is on pre-order and then it will start shipping as of November 22nd. And the cost is $329. I don't know if I just said that for the phone. So I know that when you look at that, you're probably like, holy cow, that's a lot of money, but think about getting them an Android or a, an iPhone, those most likely will be more expensive. And you know, then it has all these other inherent things that come along. So this is just like, if you've listened to me for a while, you've probably tired of hearing me say this, but this is like you putting floaties on your kid and teaching them how to swim before throwing them in a swimming pool.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
This is just a way for you to be able to give them a guide and really have all of the control within your realm versus giving them a smartphone and anything and everything being available at their fingertips. Any knowledge you may be not don't think is appropriate for them yet. They can find anywhere. They say that pornography is a couple clicks away. Anytime a child is on the internet and then predators have an access to them. The other thing with the pinwheel is that any apps that are allowed to be on the pinwheel as an option for you to enable, and it's always the end line there is that it is all still up to you, which ones your kid has access to. All of those, go through an approval process with a group of individuals that includes therapist and professionals in the area to determine whether or not it is an app that they want to allow on the phone.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And a big factor that plays into that is whether or not it is able to access the internet or for someone else to get in and access your kid. And then the addictive qualities of things, or if they're shown like ads in different things like that, then it's not allowed. So it really is kind of a safe space for you to start with your kid in terms of what they use and how they use it. And then the last thing that I want to say about that before we wrap up the short episode is that the beauty of some of these tools that are out there and especially the company pinwheel, is that the digital world is not static and like never changes. We know that it's always changing, right? And so just like, I don't know if you agree with this, but I think it's a great thing that like you buy an apple phone and they're continually updating the operating system and giving you new features.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
So to an extent, technology keeps up and you don't have to replace your phone every year, right? Like used to you remember before the smartphones came along, you buy a phone and then, you know, you'd have to buy a new one before too long, or when you go and you buy a computer and they say, as soon as you buy the computer, it's obsolete. Those types of things, like all of the digital things are continually evolving. And so with pinwheel, they are continually evaluating and updating their operating system, their features and all of that. So when you get a pinwheel phone, you will get a pinwheel update. And let me look to see here, you get a PennWell update. I'm trying to see how often I get them. I get them at least once a month, but maybe every couple of weeks or even weekly.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
And they have themes that they're improving. Like I have an email here from November 5th and it talks about they are improving the CA in the caregiver portal for the maps and the locations to load faster so that you can track where your kid or the phone is. And then they have life 360 option on the phone. And so they fixed some issues with that. They fixed something with the messenger that was not loading. And then they improved some of the setup features that they have to help you set up. So I think that is the most beautiful thing when it comes to all of the digital things, is that these things are evolving and changing. You're not going to buy this. And then it just be this thing, you know, that never changes. They will listen to you. They will add things to it. They will be constantly tweaking it in order to make sure that it is what it needs to be in order to keep your kids safe and to help you navigate this whole digital thing with your kids.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So I think that's a beautiful thing when it comes to all of this digital stuff, because we know that it is always changing and evolving, but the greatest thing about the PennWell phone is just that you have control, and it is a tool for your kid, and it will help guide you into the big, deep blue sea of all of the digital things without just throwing them in the deep end and not giving them a floaty or anything else. As far as, you know, here you go, here's your digital device. Good luck with that. Hopefully I'll notice if you're having any issues with it. Maybe I won't, because I'll be too busy with my life and all of that type stuff, if you know what I mean. So anyways, I hope you found this helpful. I think I say that at the end of every episode, but check out the link for the pinwheel plus and can pre-order and then they'll start shipping as of November 22nd.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
So you'll have it for that Christmas gift. And I don't think I mentioned it already, but my discount code is be that mom 10, if you use my link, it should automatically put that in. But if it doesn't, it's all a letters, no numbers. So be that mom and then T N it used to be that there was a dash between B that mom and 10, they have taken that dash out. So hopefully that link works for you. If you have any issue with it, give me a [email protected], but I believe that should work for you. Be that mom 10 and use my link that's in the show notes and to make sure that you grab it at a discount. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for tuning in, and I'll chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.
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Episode 87: Top tips for digital & non-digital 2021 holiday gifts for kids
10 marras 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
The digital things are usually at the top of every kid's wish list, right? This episode highlights a few top tips to help YOU navigate the digital and non-digital gifts!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whether we want it to be, or not. The holiday season is upon us. And with that comes our kiddos wanting the digital things. So today we're going to talk about a few tips that you can use when deciding on the digital things that you may give as gifts. And then also I'm going to give you some ideas on things that you can get that are non-digital, that will still be something that they really enjoy and treasure. So stay tuned,
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to the be that mom movement podcast. I'm so glad that you were here. As we roll into this holiday season, I've planned out a few episodes that I hope you will tune into to help you in this process. As we go into the gift giving season, I personally have a very good friend. My best friend has twin girls and they are in the middle school age.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
And I'm seeing the struggle that she is facing with them wanting the digital things and kind of having that FOMO or fear of missing out. Seeing their friends have, you know, the latest and greatest of the digital things and them wanting that. And she is aware of what I have gone through with my kiddos in the fact that the choices I made were uninformed years ago when we didn't have all of the resources that we have now. So she is very, very set on keeping them away from all of the things that steal their joy and affect their self-esteem is they roll through these very difficult. And in my opinion, the hardest years of raising kids is the kind of those middle school years and early high school years. And while she is adamant on that, she also is dealing with their father who has different beliefs.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And so he buys them different things. And then, you know, just having them not understand, they truly don't understand why she's so adamant on it. And so she's kind of the bad guy in the situation. And I empathize with her very much because I know that my struggles were made much harder because I didn't stand my, like she is. And so today I just want to talk about a few things around that to help you. And I'm not saying there's a right or wrong with this. Like if you choose to give the digital things, I'm going to give you some guidance on things that I recommend as a mom who's been there and made most of the mistakes in this regard and made it harder for myself and my kids. So I just want to give you some steps that you can use to help you navigate this.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
And I don't think it's black and white. I don't think it has to be don't give any digital things or give all the things I think there can be a gray area in there that you can navigate this and find a middle ground with your kid. However, I caution like highly caution that you seriously consider any social media and smartphone type things, and really, really think hard on those things. And if you go back through some of my episodes, there's one where I talk about it may have even been almost a year ago that I did it, but I talk about how I don't believe that there's any criteria that you can look at in your child to know if they're ready for a smartphone or for more independence in the digital world, because it is an evolving interaction of your kid with the digital things and you, so I don't think there's a black and white with that.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
It's very much gray and it's very much something that you need to be extremely proactive with and be willing to kind of do a dance with it, to see how they interact. And so if you don't have the time or the energy or the focus to do that, I would hold off on giving the more capable devices, the things that have more access to things, because I do think that this can be a full time job trying to navigate it. However, like I have talked about in multiple episodes, there are many tools out there for you that will help you with navigating this and things that I didn't have that I believe are true gifts to us as parents. And if you're in the U S there's the bark parental control platform that I talk about on most of my episodes that will help you to monitor if you're outside of the U S there is inspi is a great one that you can use.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
And I have links for both of those in my show notes. So those are definitely things that can help you to monitor. There's also the dumb smartphone options. And then there are the watches that are great options too. And then there's also a thing called a relay go device. It's like a walkie-talkie thing. So there are options and there's ways for you to navigate this, but you just have to be willing to take those steps. Otherwise, what happens is a very kind of insidious and incremental influence and impact on our children that often isn't evident until much, much later years, years later. And I've gone through that path and chose different choices for different kids. And if I could go back, I absolutely would go and change some things. So as always, that's what my podcast is about is trying to infer a little bit of my experience and wisdom in this realm, just to arm you with some tools as you navigate this.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
So let's talk about tips for giving the digital things. I started out with just three tips and I couldn't stick with it. So I'm going to go through a few more tips beyond that. So the first thing is if you're giving any type of game or device set the precedent for the rules of that device. So what that looks like is not giving it just as a gift and here's, this is yours and you have free reign of it, but yet giving it, and in a loving way, of course saying that this is going to be something that you use, but I am setting this up to where perhaps you give it to me at night, or it's used in these certain parts of the house, or it's used to these certain times of the day. And then the second thing is to really research the inherent risks and dangers of what you were giving.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
If it is a gaming console or a game, then there's different risks than giving a smartphone or a dumb smartphone. So researching those things to determine what things are in there. For me personally years ago, we gave an X-Box console. I had no idea how invasive it could be in terms of chatting with other people and other people chatting with my child, and then the influence of what was seen on the games and then the interaction with peers, and then also the addictive nature of it. So anything and everything I've talked about, most of them on my podcast. So go through some of my podcasts. And like I've mentioned before multiple times, and if you've listened for a while, you're probably getting tired of me talking about it, but I have my be that mom movement method course coming out. I am working on it, but I've had some major life events that have gotten in the way in the last month or two.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
And it's just been unreal, the roadblocks that keep being put in the way, but I am almost done with that. I just need to finish up some things. I'm going to make each one of the modules to where if you're not someone who can watch the video, most of the videos are pretty short, but I'm also going to have the video transcribed and also have captions on it. And then also just have the audio only. And then I have multiple downloads that I'm making to where you can download the things that I'm talking about and use those as a guide as you give the digital things. And so I'm setting that all up as a resource for you too. And I hope to have that out very soon. I won't say a certain date, but I'm wanting to have it out very soon. So when you do give these digital things, you will have this as a resource.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
It includes my layered approach to setting up your house and all of the things for monitoring. And then it will also include tools for you to set the rules and boundaries and pivoting and redirecting as you see how they interact with things. So I don't have that out yet, and I apologize for that, but it's going to be a mega mega resource and basically take all of these things in more that I talk about in my podcast episodes and give it all to you and you'll have it at your fingertips. And I plan on continuing to edit that and add to it as time goes on, because as we all know, the digital world is constantly changing and evolving. So it's not going to be set in stone and static. But what the course is set up to do is to give you basically the tools that you need to evolve and adapt as the digital world changes too.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So it's giving you the principles and giving you a method to follow. As you go through, you know, navigating all the digital things as your kids get older. The next tip that I want to tell you is be flexible as you see how your kids interact. I guess I already said this, but be flexible in how your kids interact with the device or the game. So that's, you know, goes back to the precedent of setting up rules for whatever it is you're giving that you realize that it's not going to be an all or nothing thing, and it could be different for each child. So if you have multiple kids, you may see interactions and behaviors and things that is going to clue you in to the fact that something needs to change. You know, if there's suddenly pushback on the rules that you have or other responsibilities they have, then it's time to pull back.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
It's time to give that a second thought, maybe have a timeout from that stuff and figure out how to move forward without that constant, like push and pull and battle between y'all. The next tip is to start slow with what you choose to give. If you're in the phase of, okay, I know they're going to be in this school activity or these sports, or they're going to be away from me longer soon. And I want to have a way to get in touch with them. Start slow with the devices. I highly caution against jumping straight to the smartphone. I know some parents do choose to do that. And of course, I am always just giving you information that it's totally your call and your decision, but there are ways to really lock down those devices, but they are inherently addictive and inherently going to draw their attention, their curiosity, and all of that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
So if you can start slow with the devices and choose the dumb over the smart to start out, then it's going to give you more control at your fingertips versus them having the control and you trying to, you know, figure out what's going on. So there is a place in a time for those devices, I believe because our world is digital and so much of how our world functions has to go through all the digital things. So I'm not one to say, absolutely no, never have that, because at some point they have to get used to using it, but there is a that you reach of maturity and kind of a lot of their beliefs and their self-esteem. And all of that is a little bit more semen tid, but the middle school years and the early high school years are typically not yet at that place, you know, in their development.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
So I would try to delay those things until they're a little bit older, if you can. And then when you do give it, have it kind of like locked down and monitored, not, you know, that you don't trust them, but just that you need to help guide them. Okay. And one of my next episodes, it's probably going to be next week's episode is going to be about a new option for the dumb smartphones. I talk a lot about the pinwheel phone and they're coming out with a new one. So next week, be sure to tune in for that, if you're looking for the dumb smartphone options, because this one is really, really cool, and it is an expansion of the other ones, the next tip is just resist the FOMO, the fear of missing out, resist it. They do not understand they do not have the big picture.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Their brains are not fully developed for them to understand that their fear of missing out while real is, you know, only one part of the picture. So you can resist that fear of missing out and help preserve their joy of missing out, preserve that childhood curiosity, discovery, all of that, that is a part of their growing up and is kind of like extinguished when my, I believe when you give them the smartphones and in all of the digital things that influence their self-esteem and what they do with their day and different things like that. Okay. So start slow with the devices, choose the dumb over the smart, and then resist the FOMO to preserve the Jomo or the joy of missing out. And I did a couple of episodes about that. The last couple of episodes that I've done have talked about that or a couple of episodes ago.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So be sure to check those out if you haven't, but in my own kids, I really did see that a lot of their childhood curiosity and joy was extinguished when I gave the digital things. And I didn't really see it until much later in a lot of time had passed. So if you can kind of reserve some of that and, you know, approach it with, from a place of love in terms of they don't understand. And all they see is that their friends have these, you know, smartphones or they're on Instagram or Snapchat. But I really think this is kind of, um, a place where you have a conversation. And I wish that we could get all parents on the same page with this stuff, or that we can get these devices to a place to where this isn't such a big deal, but it there's just no easy answer for it.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Like it's just going to be, I think, a persistent problem. But at the end of the day, you are the parent, you have their best interests in mind. And so, however you choose to proceed with that, just, you know, I just recommend if it makes sense to you come from a place of love with that and talking to them and while mil still as preteens and teens may not understand that eventually they will. I promise you that. And I will say with my own kids, when I had to take drastic measures in this realm, that at the time I was kind of like, I dunno if hate is the right word, cause it's really harsh. But you know, I was really disliked for my stance on this, but my gut, like I've said before, in other episodes, my gut was telling me that this was necessary and I would not bend when the reality of the influence and the impact on them, their behaviors, their beliefs, all of that.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
When it was really plain as day in evident to me, then my gut was what told me no stick to your guns. And I will say that after some time had passed and the dust had settled and we'd come to a new place of stability and all of that, that I was thanked by my child for the decisions that we made and the actions we made in the fact that we put our foot down and we stuck to it. So, you know, you will probably get pushback from them, but just understand that they don't understand the full picture and they will someday. You just have to kind of give them a little grace for being mad at you, come from a place of, you know, I'm doing this for your best interests. And I know you won't understand now, but at some point you will.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I promise you. And I do think that it will help to preserve so much of what they are supposed to be experiencing in childhood. If you can start slow with that and choose the dumb over the smart to start out. Okay. Okay. So now let's shift gears here for a second, and then we're going to round this out, but I want to talk about some ideas of things that are non-digital that you might consider as a gift for your kids. Maybe sprinkle in a few of the digital things that they want, or maybe not, you know, that's your decision and only, you know, what's best and how you want to proceed with this because you, you know, if you decide that you want to be proactive in monitoring and you want to proceed with that thing, then certainly do that. But these are some non-digital gifts that have gone over well with my family.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
And I just wanted to share a few of them and just kind of run with this as you see fit. I know that for me, I haven't been in the mood yet for doing much Christmas shopping and all of that. Like the world has just been super, super heavy and I've had some major life things happen that I'm dealing with in my regular world. And so it's hard to think in terms of this, but when I started thinking about what things have worked well and what things I value now, outside of all the digital things, these are some of the things that I'd recommend. So non-digital gifts. The first, I just have two kind of categories I want to share with you. The first is give experiences, give things that you can do together as a family that are going to create memories. The kids may not at first glance, be very excited about it, but fun things that are going to create memories.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
If you think back to when you were a kid, what were the things that were most memorable to you with, you know, maybe your parents, your grandparents, or people that are no longer with us. Think about that and try to create memories around those things. I think those things are so, so valuable and will live on in their memories versus, you know, getting the latest X-Box game or something like that. But, you know, some ideas would be like a scavenger hunt, outdoor activities, like a trip or hiking, different things where you're kind of side-by-side and experiencing that nature and the world, there's a place near where I live. And I think they're kind of all over the United States. And I don't know in other countries, but they have indoor skydiving. We actually bought tickets for them, for us to do this at the end of 2019.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And we still haven't used our tickets by the way, but they're called I fly. I have no association with them, but they have like an indoor skydiving thing where it's like a vacuum tube thing that you go up in and skydive. And so something like that or getting a membership to like a trampoline park or what is the thing called that my son used to like to go to where you do, like air guns and things like a little, uh, I came to think of the word, but you know, someplace where you go in and you play like strategy with a team, something like Lego land. If they like to do Legos or where I live, we have these like hands-on museums that you can go to with the kids. And they have all these discovery things like a lot of places that schools will take field trips or I've never done geocashing, but I hear that it's something cool.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Or, um, like the Pokemon things where you find the Pokemon. I don't even know if I'm saying that right now because my kids have gotten older, but giving some type of experience that you do together as a family at an at face value, they may be like, oh, this is a boring gift, but I bet you'll create some memories and fun times that they'll really enjoy and value and you're being active and moving your body. The second thing is something that gets the body or the mind moving. So it kind of falls in the same category, but things like if they don't have a bike, getting them a bike and archery set learning how to shoot a bow and arrow, getting an old fashioned like Polaroid camera, they don't look like the old Polaroids from when I was growing up. But they do have those cameras that produce the instant pictures.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
And then if you have a girl, they make little like string things for them to hold those pictures. So you could give them a set of those that they hang up on their wall in their bedroom, jewelry making, or nail decorating cats, a record player. This was something that when these started coming back into, you know, out into the world, I was really shocked that one of my kids was so interested in getting a record player, but it was kind of cool because I could pull and I'm aging myself here, but I could pull out all my old records that I had as a kid that I used to play with. And she actually listens to those and ones that she gets. And she likes now to go to different places and look for old vintage records. So having an old timey record player to play is kind of cool.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
And then other than that, just puzzles and hands-on games. I think that, you know, a lot of those things have been transferred to digital things, but I think there's so much more value in the manipulation of their hands and, you know, just real life games. I don't think that like having candy land on an Xbox or a we versus having candy land in front of you is the same thing. And there's different stimulation that goes on there. So I think there's great value in continuing to give puzzles and hands-on games and things that they are having to manipulate in an, in real life in front of them. So I hope those were some good ideas that maybe sparked more ideas in you or give you a place to start in terms of giving something that is not necessarily digitally related. My best friend that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, she said that pretty much everything on the list that her kids are giving her are all digital.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Mine was the same way when my kids were that age and I was into it, like I was all into it. I was so excited to give them those things and, you know, just loved it. And I don't think that it's necessarily a completely bad thing, but take those tips that I gave you for giving the digital gifts, if you are going to give some of those things, but try to sprinkle in some of these non-digital things for them to do as well to create more balance there. Okay. So hope you found this super, super helpful. If there's anything I can do to help you, please reach out to me, please leave me a review. If you haven't already. That helps me to rank up higher on the charts and get my podcast pushed out to more people. And please check out my show notes for all the different things that I have recommended for you to navigate the digital things and maybe do the dumb versus the smart and all of that.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And I also have a digital wellness summit link still listed on there, and that is something that's going to stay live for, I think, six months to a year. So if you need help kind of navigating the digital things and having more ideas around that. There's multiple of us that presented in that summit from different backgrounds in different resources, and then stay tuned for my, be that mom movement method that is coming out soon. And that is going to give you everything that you need to navigate this going forward. And as you open up those gifts on Christmas day and you need some help, that will be a resource that you can use to help you going forward. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 86: It is time to introduce the JOY of missing out to your kids!
3 marras 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
It is easy for any of us to get sucked into the constant interconnectedness of our world, so that is why it is time we embrace the JOY of missing out!!
Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma!
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shiny thing, the latest bit of mental blank, trying to have it, see it, do it. You simply know you won't go through it. The anxious clamoring in need this restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spurn the treasure on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt. Oh, the joy of missing out that is a poem called the joy of missing out and in is written by Michael Leunig. And that is going to be the topic of today's podcast. Talking about how we need to encourage our kids to experience the joy of missing out. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So last week we talked about the fear of missing out and this week. I want to talk about the joy of missing out. And before I get to a few tips to help you with navigating this with your own kiddos, I just want to talk about a little bit of a background on me that you may not know my podcast has been out now for, I can't even believe it when I say it, but a year and a half, I launched it in March of 2020, but as a background for me, I actually really got into the thick of things when it came to my kids and the digital things about six months prior to that was where we kind of hit our rock bottom, but it had been something that had been developing over the previous year to two years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And when I look back at a big picture of the decisions that I made with my kids, one of the, well, let me backtrack from that for a second. So before we gave all the digital things, my kids were active in our local FFA and four H chapters. We showed cattle and we showed goats at our local shows and we're very active, outdoor things. We're very active with going to different shows and showing the animals and all of that. The kids were very much into it. They did well at what they did. My youngest actually got like grand champion goat at one of the shows and was really passionate about it and really into making sure that everything was right and that we were raising the animals well and all of that stuff. Okay. Inter a X- Box gaming console and a smartphone. And now when I look back at this, it was a pivotal decision in a pivotal moment.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
And it was a moment where I felt good that we were giving these things. I was excited for him to be able to have them, his friends had them. And so I wanted him to have them and he was going into middle school and we'd done the same thing for the other kiddo, the next one up and kind of at similar ages. But like I've said before each one got the digital things at younger ages. And then of course they're much more interconnected as time has gone on with all of the things that have come out. So we gave those devices and then I can look back now and see a steady, like pulling away from these interests in these hobbies and these things that they were passionate about, where suddenly it was a chore to go out and work with the animals. It was a chore.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
And we got attitude about having to fill the water buckets and feed them and work them and go to the shows and do all the things it suddenly became to where there wasn't the same interest in those things. They were pulling away from those things at the time. I just thought they weren't interested in them anymore. And okay. We moved on to other things, right? Like my interests are not necessarily their interests. And so I'm always trying to make sure that what we are doing is because of what they want to do. Not because I'm trying to interject what I didn't get to do as a kid and that type of thing. Right. So now looking back, I can see that it was the introduction of these couple of things that just steadily kind of sucked them away from having any other interests and their main interests were consuming on these devices.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
And like I have, it said multiple times, I had no clue how to guide them on this. I had no clue of the addictive nature. I had no clue of the risk of predators. Like I truly had no clue period. And so things started accelerating and came to a head to where we reached a point where these things that I was allowing and giving, letting them have in their bedrooms and not having any boundaries around when, or how they use them was affecting schoolwork, was affecting sleep, was affecting every aspect of their lives. Self-esteem confidence, pretty much transformed their lives. However, it coincided with the things that happen already in the middle school years, like puberty, like massive changes in our bodies, right. And more self-awareness in more competition with peers when you suddenly, you know, have that realization of all of the things. So it coincided with those things enough to where I didn't realize what was going on.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Okay. So then we came to a head of things in 2019, where all of these things that were impacting them had seeped into daily decisions and choice of who they were hanging out with and all of that stuff. Okay. And so that is when we hit rock bottom, where I realized that something had to change and where I realized that there were so much that was going on right under the surface and right under my nose. And it all stemmed to the interconnectedness of these phones of the games of all of the things. And so the only thing we knew to do at the time was removed the digital devices completely until we could get a handle on what was going on and figure out what the hell was going on. Like seriously, it was a major rock bottom, and a major point for me, where I've never felt so alone and so ashamed and just at an, a feeling of utter hopelessness.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I thought I was alone. And I thought that I was the only mom that was going through this and just really could not believe where we were because we had up until this culmination of events had really focused on providing family time, like quality family time and all these quality family things that we did. And then at the time we were, it was all so, so like fresh that I couldn't get the perspective that it was the introduction of these things without any guidance, without any boundaries around all this stuff that it sucked them away. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that it's their fault or that, you know, it's just, they're, they're like a victim of this technology and all of these things combined to suck them in and to basically crush them and to make them live in a place of not enough and a fear of missing out in all of the things.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Right? So that's the perspective that I come from and what brought me to the point of making this podcast and wanting to share this information with you on a weekly basis. And so when I say that we need to help preserve and show our kids the joy of missing out I'm coming from a place of watching the joy, literally be sucked out of my children because I had no idea. And I allowed all of these things. So whether you just provide like certain limitations, such as choosing a dumb smartphone over a smartphone, or you actually put boundaries and put the layers in place that I recommend for the different things in order to build your village around giving your kids the digital things, whatever it is you decide to do that is appropriate for you, and that you want to spend time navigating is okay for you.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
But I hope what I'm conveying to you is that these things are addictive and they're inherently impactful on our children. And it changes from child to child, depending on what you decide, depending on their temperament, depending on their surroundings, their environment, their peers, and all of the things. And so it's important for us just realize that this is something that happens when we make these decisions to give these things. And so we need to have a game plan for talking to them about the fear of missing out and the not enough syndrome and all of those things and preserving that joy of life, preserving what they are supposed to be doing as children and as teenagers in order to discover what they're meant to be in the world. So that is, I'm very passionate, as you can probably tell about this topic, because I watched the joy of life being sucked out of my kids unintentionally, because I did not know.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
And because a lot of these tools that are out here today, weren't out there. And I also had no game plan, no roadmap, no nothing to tell me, where do I need to put my attention now? You know, like where is it? What's the most important thing that I need to be focusing on. I could see that there were all these things, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should allow on what I not, should not allow and all of that. So some of y'all that, listen, y'all followed me from the beginning. And I know, you know, so I'm probably speaking to the choir when it comes to y'all, but let's talk about a few tips then on how we can preserve or introduce the joy of missing out to our kids so that the fear of missing out doesn't take over their daily life and in the process, it may be that we also rediscover the joy of missing out.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I know I personally have really been struggling with disconnecting from the world and, and trying to keep up with the latest news and all of the things. And so I know I could use a few reminders on this too, so hopefully you can as well. And then when you get all of this information, I challenge you to do a little joy of missing out challenge with your family, where you implement these things, and then you miss out on the world. That'd be awesome just to miss out on a few things, spending quality time together. I think we should all make that our goal, like seriously, let's just miss out on things and spend quality time together and quit having to be connected to all of the stuff that is just sounds like an amazing thing to me, to disconnect from the world. So let's talk about a few tips on things that you can do to implement this whole joy of missing out thing, which don't take these tips too, too seriously.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Just kind of take the, just have them as a way to help guide you and your family and remind you how joyful it can be to be disconnected from the world. So the first thing to be intentional with your time, so schedule things that are important to you, whether it's working out, whether it's a meeting with a friend or it's writing a book or some projects that you have, that you're working on, make your time a priority instead of wasting time. And you'll find that you'll have a ton more time. So instead of spending an hour, scrolling on Facebook, actually schedule out the time for the different things that you know are important in that you need to get done each day. And then you'll find that you don't waste as much time scrolling on social media and things. I know I can sit there and it's just unreal how fast the time goes, as I'm trying to like squirrel through and check up on things, see what everybody's doing and posting and all that stuff in the time.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's just a time suck. It's just a time suck that doesn't give you much value other than just looking at things. So the second tip is just to live in the moment, live in the present, take a moment to listen to the sounds and see what's around you. Instead of it constantly rushing by if you're eating take more time to chew the food and taste the flavors. There's just so much that we rush through instead of just being present in the moment. And then the third thing is embrace tech free time, like get off of the things, unfollow people that are triggering that fear of missing out, get off of following people that are causing you some type of negative reaction, only follow the ones that lift you up and even just get off of the apps. I actually took a couple of my social media apps and I moved to them on, I have an iPhone.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I moved them over to what is it called? The app library. So it's actually not on my main screen and I don't get notifications on my iPhone. So I will only go to those social media apps once a day. And I don't get anything pushed to me showing that, you know, I have a little red number saying I have this number of notifications. So I'm tempted to click that and see what's going on. Like, I literally have no notifications on my phone for the social media apps. And so that keeps me from wanting to go and check in all of the time. I sometimes still do just to see what's going on or to post to my story. But I have severely decreased. How many times I check in and look at that because not readily readily, I can't talk readily accessible from my main screen.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
The next thing is practice saying no, say no to some events and all of the different things. If you don't feel like you want to go to them, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. You can say, no, you can sit at home. You can, you know, do whatever you want, or if you are wanting to go to something, go to it. You know? So it's basically just doing what you want to do instead of doing what you feel like you have to do. The next tip is experience real life, not social media life. And this is something to really emphasize with our kids. Is that what we're seeing on social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life. It is not reflective of every person's struggles at every person's flaws. You know, it's like it's filtered. And so it's important for us to realize that and to get off of it and to realize we have life around us and life is going to pass us by if we aren't being proactive to be out into the world.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And when it comes to my kids, that's what I saw was the biggest suck was to realize that all their interests shore sucked away and all they wanted to do was all these things that are on the digital things. And not that that's not okay to do, but it became where it was too much of that. So it's important to realize that if allowed to just do that, that it is going to suck them in and it's going to like suck all of their ambitions away to where all they want to do is that, and it can affect their self-esteem and all of that, like I've said before. And then the really the last tip is just to slow down, to slow down in everything and take more time, slow down and observe the world around us, slow down and appreciate our kids stages and our kids, you know, things that they do that annoy us slow down and just experience life.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
And I guess that's a duplicate of the one before, but just slowing down and experiencing the real world, getting out into the real world and not always just being connected digitally. Okay. So hopefully those made sense. I think some of them kind of overlapped a little bit, but the, just of it is to be more present in real life, experience, joy in life and experience the joy of missing out on catching up on all the things digitally and seeing what everybody's doing and knowing that whatever we're doing is enough. Whatever our kids are doing is enough and that they aren't there to prove anything to anybody else, or to get a certain number of likes, like seriously. And it is such a joy to miss out on that stuff and to just be out in the real world, doing real things. Okay. All right. I hope that this was super helpful to you and that you found this inspiring.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
And I hope that you'll take me up on the challenge of doing the joy of missing out challenge, share with how you are doing that. What things are you doing with your kids? That's in the real world, real life face- to-face side by side and disconnected from all the digital things. I cannot wait to hear from you and see what you were doing for that. So message me, email me [email protected] or message me on social media. I can't wait to see how you are going to embrace this challenge and run with it and really make your kids or help your kids experience the joy of missing out. All right, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 85: Get this if your kid is screaming FOMO with texting friends!
27 loka 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Fear of missing out is real, and exponentially more intense in our kid's digitally connected world. Check out this option for an alternative to the phone!
Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma!
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's classic. We've all heard it. Right. But mom so-and-so has this, or, but mom I'm being left out because I don't have the ability to chat with my friends. We've heard it. And it's probably the thing that makes so many of us cave when it comes to giving a phone or allowing social media today, I'm going to chat about a few practical tips to help you approach that with your kiddo. And then I'm going to give you one option. That is a relatively new thing that I've learned about. That could be your saving grace. If you're not ready yet to give them a phone, even a dumb smartphone or a watch or anything like that. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I jump into the topic for today, I just want to say thank you so much for all of you that have jumped in to the digital wellness summit that I've posted or mentioned in my last couple of episodes, the link is still in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It is still live. It's going to be good for a good six months to a year after the actual date of the event. And I cannot emphasize enough how much experience comes to the table when we created this, there are so many different backgrounds and educations of the speakers. And so it's a great resource for you. And especially if you have multiple kids, different ages, all of that, it's just a great resource. So if you haven't grabbed it yet, click the link in the show notes and you can get your all access pass for that. And there's all kinds of extra bonuses and things to help you out there. So thank you for those of you that have already opted into that. And if you haven't yet, the link is still live. So click on that and grab that today. Okay. So other thing I want to mention is that I've mentioned this in a couple of episodes about my wellness coaching and my fit club that I run.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It's a virtual group, and we use tools created by a company that puts out amazing things that are so effective. And I know that this is a podcast all about helping you with your kids, but you have so much power when you help yourself first. And so I just want to emphasize if you haven't joined that or checked that out yet, please get in touch with me. It has such a gift within it that pays you back over and over and over in your health, not only in your health, but also in the trickle down effect that you will see in the example that you set for your kids. So if you're struggling in the world today, which is kind of handling all of the things, when you have a place for you to stand to prioritize yourself, and when you feel good in your skin, it has such an amazing power from inside.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You radiating outward. So definitely get in touch with me and I can chat with you about the different options I have for that and connect you with my community of women that are just amazing. And right now they are so on fire with motivation and momentum in what they're doing. And it's just an amazing thing to see. So as a nurse practitioner and someone who's so passionate about our own health and our own wellness, and really taking that power within ourselves and empowering ourselves to be healthy from within is just not something that I can go without mentioning for too long. So please check out the links in the show notes for that, or get in touch with me via [email protected]. And I can get you more information about that and how it can help you. Okay. Okay. So fear of missing out. It is a real thing and it has been around for forever, but when it is combined with all of the digital things, all of this shiny objects and all of the really convenient ways to get in touch with and keep in touch with friends, it is like FOMO on steroids, right?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Like, I don't know if that's the most appropriate way to say it, but basically fear of missing out. It's not new. We had it when we were kids. When we knew that someone had, you know, got a certain toy or gift or get got to go do something that we wanted to do. And we had that jealousy there. Right. And, you know, we figured out how to deal with it. But when it comes to the digital things like holy cow, how do we deal with this? When all of the other friends have phones and are in these group chats and are getting to stay connected and our kid doesn't have a phone and how do they stay connected? And we don't want to give them access to the entire world. So first off, the first tip that I can give for this type of situation is texts all of those other moms and say they are grounded for life.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Like I am serious. This would not be an issue. If we were all on the same page, why can we not be on the same page with this? No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay. We all got to make our own decisions and what we decide may be different than someone else. And ultimately that is okay. We just got to figure out how to navigate it for our kiddo. And so, yes, the, my first tip is text the other moms and say they are grounded for life. The second thing is just to help educate them on the risks and the dangers of giving these devices without any type of monitoring and limitations. But the third thing that I want to mention is what I discovered, and that is Google voice. Have you heard of Google voice? I had never heard of it. So it's actually something that you sign up with.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Mike, the Google suite of things, you know, like Google drive, Google forms, Google all of the Google things. So if you go in, like if you have Gmail, you can click on there and it has all of the different things, or just Google, Google voice. I'm going to start sounding like really weird saying Google 10,000 times. But if you look up Google voice, what Google voice is, is called official name, it's called voice over internet protocol service. So V O I P service. So if you are, I don't know if this is available everywhere or if it's just like where I am in the U S and Canada, but if you're in another country and this isn't available to you look for voice over internet protocol services, and you'll be able to find some other ones. I did find some other ones, but I do think Google voice is a good setup for a kiddo because some of the other ones, you pay a monthly fee, which you could do that.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Most, some of them are really inexpensive, but just to have this as a way to be in a group, chat with other kids, this is really, really cool because you don't have to have a phone in order to get it. And you also aren't charged any fees. So you basically, what, the way they have it set up. And what it's for is for businesses that maybe want to have a separate phone number for their business, but use the same phone instead of carrying multiple phones around. Right. But you can do this without a phone. So you can set it up to where they have a phone number, but it's accessed on a computer. So if you have your house set up to where you are, letting them use a computer, this is a way for them to be able to communicate with their friends in a group text without having to give them a phone.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
So if we think about the, what are the advantages of that? You know, I think that giving a phone is okay, especially a dumb smartphone or the watches or those types of things. Those things are okay. If you are ready to do that, and you are ready to help guide them in that process to help learn how to use it responsibly, right? But if you are not wanting to give that phone, this is a way to do that. And some of the things that I noticed with my kids and other parents mentioned too, is in when you give that phone, if it's not the dumb smartphones, but an actual smartphone, even if it's very well locked down, it's a time suck, right? Like it's like a thing that they carry around that they're looking at all of the time and that sucks them in to where it's sucking them away from real life experiences.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So there are things that go along with the phone, do you may not necessarily want to give them, and in that case, this Google voice is a really, really cool option. Now I tried to look and see, you know, I talk about all the time about the, you have to look at whether or not someone can, like someone from the outside world can get in and access your kiddo and try to prey upon them in some way, always have to consider those things. And when I tried to research them, I don't see any risks such as that if you are using or allowing them to use it supervised, right. I don't see any risks like that. But as always, I caution you that anything that is connected digitally has that risk inherently there, regardless of what it is. So proceed with caution with it. But I really just wanted to mention it.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And as an option for you to deal with that whole FOMO conversation, when it is revolving around, I have all these friends that have phones and are in this group text, and this is the way that we communicate. And I keep being left out of these conversations. This is a way for you to be able to get around and maybe delay the whole phone thing for a little while. Is that not cool? I think it is the coolest thing. Now I did find a couple of other options. In addition to Google voice, some of the, I was kind of looking for like critics of Google voice and seeing if there were like drawbacks to it. And it's basically from the perspective of it being used for a small business, that it's possible that they will discontinue Google voice before too long. And then that it does not have like a support line if you have glitches there's oh, it does say there's no signups outside of the U S so if you're outside of the U S like I said, just look for that voice over internet protocol service, and see if there's something like that where you live.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But some of the other things that are mentioned in here is just that it's basically drawbacks for someone who is wanting to use it for business, but, and you can, so you can make phone calls with it, but you can also text. So that's where this comes in. If they're wanting to be in their group text, and it also keeps them off of the addictive phone, it keeps that phone out of their pocket. It keeps you from having to deal with the push and pull that sometimes comes with the phone in terms of when and where they can use it and all of those things. So that I think is just mega awesome. And so that is why I wanted to bring this to your attention. Like I know it probably has some negative things to it. I know it's not perfect. And maybe that this them being on their computer and using it will open up other doors for things that you have to be concerned about, such as them being on a browser on the computer and being tempted to look at other things.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
But if you can somehow regulate that by perhaps having them use it on a locked down or limited use iPad or whatever limitations you want to send in place. I still think it's a great option versus giving them a phone if they're super young. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful. And I was really excited when I stumbled across this. So like, oh my God, I need to write this down. And I need to share this on the podcast. And so I was looking for alternatives and there are some alternatives that aren't with Google. One is called open phone. And that really seems like the only option that would be like a good option for you just using it for a kid. The other reviews that I found were based on someone using it for a business and all of the plus and minuses of using it for business, but just for your kid, being able to group text open phone does look like it's a good option and has the, the group texting and those types of things.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
But it does cost. It looks like it's $10 per month for a number. So definitely still inexpensive, but Google voice is free of charge, I believe at this time. Okay. So hope you found this super helpful, and I hope everything in your world is going well. And certainly get in touch with me. If you have any other topics you'd like to discuss. If you have a unique experience, a success story with how you're managing the, all of the digital things, I would love to hear from you love to feature a few moms on the podcast. If you would like to share your story can do it anonymous if you want. So reach out to [email protected] and put in the subject line of your email, that you are a listener of the podcast, and that you have an idea for a show or want to share with me your story. So I don't miss your email in all of the emails that hit my inbox each day. So can't wait to hear from you and I hope you're doing great. And I will chat with you again next week. Have a good one.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.
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Episode 84: Cyberbullying part 2: Is your kid at risk of being a cyberbully??
20 loka 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Could your kid be at risk of being an online bully? You'd be surprised how the anonymity of the digital world can lend itself to this! Listen in for a few tips!
https://cyberbullying.org/
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So last week, we talked about the types of cyber bullying. Today. We are going to dive into what to look for, to know whether or not your kiddo might be the bully and what to do. I'm going to just give you some tips on things to help you navigate that. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So again, like I've said in other episodes, you know, I'm a mom that is like so passionate about paying forward. Some of the things that I've learned, and I have been there where I know how overwhelming it is, I know how you don't really know what to focus on. And it's all just kind of overwhelming. So if you were anything like me, you're just like, I just kind of hope they figure this out because I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And I don't have time to figure this out. Right? So if you were in that space, every single one of my episodes is here to help you navigate these little things that I think all of us need to know. I'm just trying to give you some nuggets, not from the standpoint of an expert, other than I am a mom that raised three kids and did it all the hard way. And I'm here to help you not do that. Now, if you are looking for more of a roadmap, I am coming out with that, be that mom movement method course, and it is going to be your roadmap and your tool kit, to be able to look at all of the different things and really help you navigate it. I have a resource list that has a ton of things for both you and things you can show to your kid, as well as things you can print out in order to fill out as sort of like an agreement between each other and all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
So if you are that mom, that wants to be proactive, please check out my method course that is coming out soon. I am working diligently on it and trying to get it out. Life keeps getting in the way, but I promise you, it is almost to completion. And then I will be putting out the information on how you can get your hands on it. When you get it, you will have lifetime access and I will be updating it periodically so that it stays relevant with new things that roll out, because we all know that this digital world is ever evolving and we always have to be on our toes. So I just want to make sure that I am giving you something that stays relevant and that will have all the different things that you need to be able to come at this, no matter how the world evolves, it will give you a roadmap and a method to follow so that you don't have to do everything the hard way like I did.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Okay. So keep your eye out for that. It's coming soon now for today's topic, we're just going to talk about cyber bullying, the context of you finding out that maybe your kiddo is the bully or things to look forward to know. Now, like I said, in the last episode, if you are using a service like bark, if you're outside of the U S or even in the U S and using a similar one, there are some other ones that are out there. One of them that I have mentioned a couple of times, it's called M spy. And it doesn't exactly do the same thing as bark, but there are other options other than bark, just none of them are as robust as bark in terms of how they monitor. But whichever one you may be using, that is one way for you to detect conversations and be able to be on the top of this without having to look too much into other things.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I mean, we always want to look into the other things, right, but that's just one way that you will be alerted quickly if there's any sort of bullying going on that bark can detect. So one of the first things to realize and accept when you may be suspecting that your kiddo is somehow involved with this is to realize that it doesn't mean that your kid is a bad kid. This is key to understand and think in the context of their brain and their judgment and their reasoning not being completely mature. And we know that that doesn't happen until the ages that we consider to be adults, right? So it's important to watch your language when it comes to this. You know, I mean, of course you can do whatever you want, but labeling them as a bad kid or thinking you're a bad parent for this happening is just not something that I would recommend you burden yourself with, because it is just a natural tendency of being a child without the ability to reason through this and not really realizing the ramifications of it.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So in this is kind of one of those things of like parenting psychology that you may have heard, but it's basically just avoiding, labeling them. Like as a bully, you could say, instead of like labeling them to where they feel shame as them, like something's wrong with them, it's better to address their behavior like saying that they have bullied are there, that, that they are engaging in bullying behavior this way. At the younger ages, it doesn't become intertwined with their child identity and the same thing for the person being bullied, saying the bullied child instead of the victim, which I think that's, it's pretty common for us to see that. But just in general, you know, when you're talking to your kids and stuff, instead of labeling them as bad, it's better to see that their behavior is bad. So there's many different reasons why a kid that you would consider to be well adjusted may be engaging in this act of bullying and treating others antagonistically.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
And like I said, they're often not emotionally or intellectually developed like adults are. So their actions to us seem frustrating, irrational. And sometimes we're just like, what, like, how could you do that? You know, how would you do that? But some common reasons is they want to fit in. They want to be like their friends, maybe they're being bullied by the someone themselves. Maybe they're looking for attention, or maybe they're being naturally more assertive or not realizing that what they're doing is going to come in on the other end as being aggressive behavior or harmful or harassment type behavior. So I think the moral of that story is that they don't have the maturity to realize oftentimes the ramifications of what they're doing in the tendency of the anonymous nature. I shouldn't say that word instead. The anonymous nature of the digital things lends itself to this type of harassing behavior, because they don't often have a way for the other person to know who they are.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So it can just kind of lean into that. So there's the obvious times that you may know that your child is participating in some type of bullying behavior. If bark detects it, if somehow someone observes it, if you're notified by the school for some reason, but if you're not a hundred percent certain, whether they are in some sort of bullying behavior, I'm going to go over some warning signs that bark has listed, that they have identified as something to pay attention to. So one is that they often act aggressively toward family teachers or other adults. They may demonstrate controlling behavior. They may be hot tempered and get frustrated easily. They frequently test boundaries and break rules such as where you want their device used or when they can easily talk their way out of difficult, intense situations, and seem to have little sympathy towards others.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Now, these are all things that they identify as, you know, a bullying behavior. But I truly think that the other thing on the flip side of that to think about is just their behaviors with their device or their console. Are they secretive about it? This, you know, and this could be a situation where it could be, they are bullying also be the bully, or maybe they are a part of some type of grooming relationship with someone else. So it can be nonspecific, but the bottom line is the red flags that it should raise. So, you know, thinking in terms of their behavior with their device, as in terms of following any boundaries or rules you've set in place for when they turn it into you, if you have their passwords, if they're only allowed to use it in a certain part of the house or a certain part of the day, if they're pushing against those boundaries, if you have those, then that is just a red flag that you need to investigate more and that it possibly could be something like bullying, but it also could be that they are the ones being bullied.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
It also could be that they are somehow being groomed or preyed upon by someone. So there's a lot going on there, but the bottom line is there's a red flag there that something's going on. And maybe it's not even those things, maybe it's just that they have this draw to the device and it's time to reign in on those boundaries that you set. So if you should discover that your child is somehow involved in bullying others, the most important thing to do is to sit down and communicate to them, talk to them, listen to their side of the story and see how they react to stress that you love them, but that their bullying behavior has to change. Talk about how it impacts that other person and how it makes them feel. And the statistics, you know, not necessarily like using numbers, but just say, you know, kids that are being bullied tend to have their self-esteem affected and tend to have more anxiety or nervousness around things.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
They tend to be more depressed. And they've even found that kids that are being bullied have a higher rate of suicide. And, you know, all of those things are important to just help them understand coming from a place of you realizing they probably don't realize those things and just address that with them. So, in addition to that, when you hit found out that they are participating in this bullying behavior, besides communicating those types of things, I personally would try to uncover the reasons why they are doing that. And it could simply be that they don't understand the ramifications, but what I found with my interactions with my kids, it was sometimes there's something else going on there. You know, how, when we were kids and things were happening with a friend or something like that, there's a lot of times, there's an underlying issue there that you need to uncover.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Like if they are bullying someone else, perhaps they're being bullied or perhaps there's something going on at their school or with a teacher, like there's a lot of things. There's a lot of psychological things that can manifest as them bullying someone else. And I think it goes for the same as if we had no digital things and it was just us out in recess, or, you know, some peer interaction type social situation. It still comes back to the same psychological things that kids bully for various reasons. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but, you know, it's like their way of controlling something because perhaps they are being manipulator controlled in another space. So looking for the warning signs, having open communication, and then also trying to dig deeper and not just assuming that it is them being mean because they're anonymous, but also don't discount the fact that the, maybe there's something else going on, maybe, you know, a relationship, a friend that, that they have is doing something.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
There's all kinds of things that could be happening there. But the bottom line is digging deeper and realizing that it's a red flag with my kids, as I've said before, there were times where I had red flags going up, but I didn't know if it was their natural maturity process that goes on, you know, with puberty and with the hormone changes and all of the things that they're going through. But looking back on the other side of that, it truly was my intuition telling me something was going on and that I needed to investigate it more. And it's such a, kind of like an eggshell type tiptoe through the eggshells type situation, because, you know, you don't want to invade their privacy and you don't want to them to think that you don't trust them and that you, you know, they may get mad at you every time you breathe.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
And so many different things that make this, this whole scenario difficult. And it was all difficult before the digital things. And then the digital things came in and made it like a hundred thousand times worse. Right? There's so many things that go on there, but I just encourage you to realize that when you have that gut feeling, when you have a nagging that you just can't get past, know that that's your intuition telling you something. And it may take you a little while to uncover it. If you don't want to blatantly ask them and confront them, and maybe you even do do that. And they deny it all, which happened to me too. All of those situations just know that if you have that nagging feeling, that is something to listen to. And even if you don't get a response or don't uncover it, just continue to kind of explore that.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
And it may reveal itself. You're not wrong for doing that. And however you want to approach that is okay. Like I always say your approach is what works best for you. Don't think that there's a one way or the highway type situation with this stuff. You just have to kind of proceed with however you feel appropriate, but keeping those lines of communication when it comes to the digital things is so very important. And then when you have certain things in place to where it can detect some changes in behavior and things that will be red flags, such as pushing against your set rules or boundaries around different things. When you have some of those things in place, it will help you to realize something's going on before it gets too bad, hopefully. Okay. So I hope that that makes sense. And that is helpful for you as part of the focus on the whole bullying thing this month.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I just wanted to kind of highlight that it is quite common for kids that we would not expect to be bullies, to actually be bullying another child. And so just realizing that and taking that shame and guilt away from yourself is such an important thing to do in this process. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful, and I hope you have checked out my digital wellness summit link in my show notes. I hope you will grab my method course when it comes out, because it's going to be a roadmap and a toolkit for you. And if you don't have bark, if you don't have some of the other tools, I mentioned like, if you need a dumb smartphone, gab and PennWell are awesome. If you want to start out with something like a watch, I've got links for the different watches. Gab has a watch now, too.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You can use my link for them. So there's so many things out there to help you as a part of your village. So please grab those things. And if you need a place to stand for your own wellness, please connect with me. I have tools that will help you to navigate your own fitness and nutrition from a flexible standpoint of what works for you, but really can help you to implement healthy habits in your life. I can't tell you how much having that for myself has helped me so much through the years and through all the struggles. And I never expected it to be such a place of strength for me and a place for me to really dig in and take care of myself so that I can take care of my family better. They see that when you exercise, it helps secrete hormones and different things in your body that will help your mental state and all of that.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
And I, so I can attest to that, that when I had my hardest days, that was one thing I can control. And now in the midst of so many crazy things going on in my life right now, that is still a solid place for me to stand, to keep myself healthy among all of the COVID stuff, working out in the world as a nurse practitioner, and then with my family and helping us to all stay healthy and all of that. So check out my links or get in touch with me. If you need a place to stand for your own fitness and nutrition, the tools are things that the wellness library that I use can be used for the entire family. It has all sorts of different workouts from live workouts, group workouts, cycling workouts now, and then programs that you can follow that are proven to work.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And I've used a ton of them. And I still cannot believe in five years, I'm still getting results. I'm still in, on dropping weight and toning and just really being the healthiest I have ever been. And if you don't know me and don't follow me anywhere, I am 47. Yes. I'm 47 and I'm in the best shape of my life. So whatever age you are, and however you're old, your kids are, that is something that is so powerful that you can do for yourself. So please don't discount that. Okay. I know my podcast is about digital safety and being that mom and proactive and all of that stuff, but your health and your daily healthy habits are so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect to your kids. Even if they're denying that, that they're watching, they're watching trust me. And it may take years and years because they are already preteens or teens and thinking that, you know nothing, but they're watching and it has a trickle down effect to them.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
They will eventually adopt the habits that you're demonstrating. And there's nothing more powerful than walking the walk and showing them even when they will not admit that they're watching, they are watching. So please implement that for yourself in your life. It's so very powerful. Okay. All right. I will get off my soap box and I hope you found this helpful. And please reach out to me if there's anything that you want to share with me. If you have a topic you'd like me to cover, please leave me review. If you haven't already. And I hope you have a fabulous week.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 83: Cyberbullying on the rise! Be in the know to protect your kiddo!
14 loka 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Cyberbullying is on the rise! Listen in to this episode for more info on the different types to be aware of and what you need to know to protect your kiddo!
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think it's safe to say when we were kids, a lot of us encountered bullies. Maybe we were even the bully nowadays with our kids on all the digital things and everything. So interconnected, it is very, very common and almost guaranteed to encounter a bully. If our kids are online on whatever platform they may be on, it is also very common for kids that you would not expect like our own kids to be the bully in certain situations. And so since October is national bullying prevention month, I'm going to take some time to really break this down and talk about the types of bullying that are out there and things to look for in terms of whether or not your kiddo is being bullied or might lean towards being the bully or witnessing it and how to educate them in these things so that we can make sure that no one out there is being the victim of this. Okay. So this episode, we are going to talk about the different types of bullying that occur. So you are aware that it's not just one thing and there's lots of things to think about. Okay. So stay tuned,
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So thank you so much to all of you that have checked out the digital wellness symposium thing that I have shared on my last couple of episodes.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I still have that link in the show notes. So if you were still wanting to check that out, it is still available. You can get a digital, all access pass with the ability to listen to all of the different talks from all of the different experts in different areas that were in that. So please check that out. I think it is such a vital thing for us to be aware of the digital influence regardless of our kids' ages. And especially when they're younger and we don't realize that they are being influenced. So if you haven't checked out already, the link is in the show notes and that is available for anybody worldwide. So wherever you are give that elicit. Okay. I think it'll be a really good thing for you to check out. So like I said, October is national bullying prevention month. And so we all know, and most of us should be aware by now that there is a thing called cyber bullying and in the stats that bark has put out in their annual report where they basically, if you're not familiar with bark, it's basically a monitoring system where they monitor the activities of kids on their devices.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And they are able to gather so much data. They don't like spy on the kids. They just alert parents of certain conversations, certain keywords that they're picking up on. And so they have such an amazing vantage point to provide information on this. That's why I love, love, love bark. And if you're not in the us and you don't have access to them, still go to their website. I believe you can still access it from anywhere. They have so much stuff on their blog. So many helpful things that they provide. They're such an amazing company, but they have such a great vantage point when it comes to stats like this, because this is what they do. They are monitoring across so much information and you know how kids can text and be active on things. Like if you have them texting through your phone, you can literally have hundreds of texts in a day between little group chats and things that they have.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So it's a monster in bark is somehow navigating it. And so some of their stats show that 76% of tweens or the pre-teen age and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or witness. And I believe these stats are from the year 2020. Yes, they are from 2020. And then according to some other stats that have been reported, one in four students report being bullied and during the whole pandemic scenario of the last year and a half, with all the virtual learning, it's led to new forms of bullying such as zoom bombing. So it's just crazy, right? It's crazy. All that we have to navigate and deal with. So what I want to talk about today is just the different types of cyber bullying. And I looked at different sources and there's different names for some of these. Some people don't have all of these types, but this is five common types that bark identified with all of their stats and things.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So if you're not familiar with cyber bullying, it's basically just bullying. It's just online. And, you know, kids have their digital things intertwined with real-world life. So it's bullying and it can go across platforms and into their real life, into their school life, all of that stuff. Okay. So the first type of bullying that I want to talk about is harassment. It's repeatedly doing some form of abusive behavior against someone online. It could be something that is happening to them in a message in a social media platform. It could be happening on the chat of a game that they're doing through a gaming console. It could be happening in the game of, you know, something where they play with other people like on roadblocks, it could be happening in social media posts in the comments, and it could be happening in texts and emails. There's just, it can happen anywhere if they are online, it can happen to them where they are repeatedly harassed by somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
So many parents with harassment, believe that blocking is the answer, but this doesn't always stop it. So you have to be aware that they can go across different platforms. They can create new accounts in order to continue to do this. If it's on Instagram, for instance, they have where you, when you block an account, it will ask you, do you want to block this account in any new accounts they create because they found that. So what, when blocked, some people will go and just make a new account and then start harassing them. That way they've actually had kids really, really get stressed by this and parents not knowing what's going on is a huge, huge factor in this. So when someone really wants to be a bully and they can be anonymous in it, they can really take this to the extremes in order to harass somebody.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
So recently in right now, as I'm recording this in 2021, Instagram has released more things to help you to control the messaging in those types of things in their app. But I know that if you don't have them on Instagram, just be aware, it's not just Instagram. It can happen anywhere and it can happen across platforms. So it's something really to talk to your kiddo about. The second form of bullying is masquerading. That is pretending to be someone you're not in order to hurt someone else. So masquerading is quite, quite common in the virtual world because anyone can make an account and you don't have to put your picture your face on the account. So you can always say you're someone else. And with all of the different apps that are out there for editing pictures and changing them up, there are editing apps that can make an adult look like a kid.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So masquerading as someone to where you're anonymous is a very powerful thing where they can then go on and, you know, bully this person in some way, by pretending that they're someone else, this is also where the predators often start because they will pose as someone else. They will obtain innermost secrets from that child, like who they have a crush on and what they're mad at their parents about, you know, different things like that. And then they can take that and turn it on them or manipulate them with it. That's where a lot of the grooming and predator type relationships start, they're gaining trust. The kid is thinking that they are someone else. And that's where it starts. The next form of bullying is exclusion. When someone is intentionally left out of a group message in event or a photo. So it doesn't necessarily have to be them, you know, sending them messages and harassing them like that, but excluding them from different activities where they are seeing that they were being left out of things can be a form of bullying.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Now, this situation can be something that, you know, it's just a matter of the kiddo, understanding that they're not always going to be included in everything. You know, all the things that their friends are doing. Like they are allowed to have other friends and do other things. And not everybody all be invited, but sometimes it can escalate and really cause hard feelings and different things. When they are blocked by someone, you know, something like that, they use the blocking, they use the different ways of excluding them to really hurt them. The next form of bullying is called doxxing. And this is basically where you release someone's private information to cause them harm. This is actually something that is really problematic and is happening more and more like, you know, releasing their home address or other private information about them. So this is where it is vital that if you are letting them on some platform that you go through the privacy settings and make sure that it is like, especially like Snapchat, make sure that it is turned off to where it doesn't show their location because kids have been doxed in situations.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I don't know if that's you doxing, I guess docs would be the correct term, but they've been doxed in situations where someone is mad at them. And so they will call the police. And there's someone in a parent chat that actually told all of us about this, that they will call the police and they know your location. So they'll call a police to your address and see that there's someone in that address that is abusing the child, or has a gun, different things like that, something to where it creates this problematic situation. And this parent that was telling us about it, actually it was something like they said that the dad had a gun and was threatening them. And so all of a sudden their house was surrounded and they to prove that that was indeed not true. So it can be a very, very serious form of harassment and bullying.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
And, you know, can turn into creating a criminal situation and fraud and all sorts of things like that. So that's why it's important to not give them access to the entire world. And when you do step into the world of giving them access to something where other people can access it, that your privacy settings are set up to where they cannot be located like in real time. And then the last one that I want to mention is trolling. And that's where they are provoking or baiting someone just to get a rise out of them. Unfortunately, I think adults do this a lot too. And unfortunately I do think some of the social media platforms actually have, there's a way to like set up bots for some of this so that it invokes people getting mad and arguing and being divided about things, but a person trolls, when they make like inflammatory anonymous statements online for the sole purpose of derailing, an online conversation or provoking other participants in the discussion, it can be where they are just making an individual feel bad by constantly leaving negative comments on social media posts to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
But, you know, it can just be something where someone is trying to invoke a response or, you know, make the conversation go in a certain direction. That type of thing. I think it happens a lot in the last year or so since the election in the us and all of that stuff. So definitely something to consider when it comes to our kids. So those are the five types of cyber bullying that are identified on barks information and their stats. Another place you can check out for more information is cyber bullying.org. And on that, a couple of things, I just wanted to mention that when they talk about cyber bullying, it's for their definition, they just describe it as this it's willful, meaning that the behavior is deliberate, it's repeated, meaning it reflects a pattern of behavior, not just an isolated incident, there is harm that is being inflicted.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And then it is basically, if you think about bullying in person between like an, you know, like out in the school yard at school, there's usually some imbalance of power. And so if you think of cyber bullying in a similar manner, it is some way of them invoking power over the other child. So it is some way for them to manipulate the person that they're bullying to control them in some way. Okay. So that is all I wanted to talk about today was just those types of bullying so that you can be aware that it does occur. And if your kids online it's likely to happen. And it is common for kids, you know, we wouldn't expect our kids to do it, but because it's online stuff can be so anonymous that they will have a tendency to just do it, not realizing the ramifications.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So I think the biggest thing to take away from this is we need to talk to our kids and it goes along with us having the conversation and helping them to be mature in what they do. And as a mom that has raised three kids. And if you know my history, you know, that they all got introduced to phones at different stages because of how far apart they are. And so I saw the impact of that being different on each one of them, but I've also walked the path of choosing to course correct, and redirect what we did and take it completely away and then wait for a maturity level to come about before I let to that freedom out more so than I was doing. So I have seen that there is a maturity that happens. So when a kid has a free range, phone and access to social media or whatever at younger ages, they just don't have that judgment capability there that they will have when they get older.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
And it always has an addictive tendency. So I just think that it's our responsibility to have that conversation and be proactive with making them aware of what this is, that it has a name and that it's not okay to do it in. There can be legal ramifications. And they find that kids that are being bullied have a higher incidence of suicide, anxiety, depression, those types of things. So it comes back to communication with our kiddos and making sure we are very proactive in this space. The other thing is too, if you are giving them a full phone, putting bark on it. So you know what their activity is, you don't have to wonder. And in another episode, I'm going to talk about some of the signs that you can look for. And again, I'm a mom that is just passionate about helping other moms in this space.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I have no expertise as far as like a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have walked this path. And sometimes I think that, you know, when we are looking for advice, at least for me, I couldn't take it from someone who wasn't walking my same path. And so it's always my goal to give you that viewpoint. But I also want you to make sure you reach out to an expert. If you feel like you were in over your head as always, okay. I say that all the time. And so I hope you understand that there's no guilt in that. There's no shame in that or anything like that. Okay. So that concludes our episode today. Just being aware of what type of cyber bullying is out there and having that conversation with our kiddo. And if you don't have bark on their phone, get bark on their phone.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
If they don't yet have a full phone, I would delay that if you can use something for the younger kids, like I talk all the time about, and I have links in the show notes for the watches for kids, and then also the dumb smartphones. They are a gift to us moms to have those things. And if you choose a pinwheel phone, you have complete control over when they can use that and how they use it, what apps they have on it. And you can put bark on it. So in places like the text messages, it can help you monitor so that it will pick up on conversations and alert you. So you can take a closer look and see if it's something that you need to be concerned about. All of those tools out there are such a gift right now. So if you aren't utilizing them, please check out my show notes and grab my discount codes and get them in place. They are part of your village that will help you to navigate this. Okay? So that's it for today. I will stop my rambling on and I will chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.
- Kuuntele Kuuntele uudestaan Jatka Soittaa...
- Kuuntele myöhemmin Kuuntele myöhemmin
Episode 82: How & when to pull back on screen time, and how to do that in a positive way!
6 loka 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
How and when should we pull back on screens? This episode discusses a few things you can use to evaluate this & one fun way to spin that positively!
Go Henry: https://www.gohenry.com/us/
Rooster Money: https://roostermoney.com/
Busy Kid: https://busykid.com/
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So it's no doubt that screen use affects our kiddos. And sometimes we allow it more than we want to, right. Life gets busy and we just allow more time in, it becomes a very slippery slope. And before we know it, we're seeing that maybe that's not the best positive influence. So how do we know when we need to reel it in? What are the warning signs for that? And then what are some things that we can do to make it a positive twist? When we are trying to instill our preferences and our boundaries for screen time and screen use in general, that's what we're going to chat about today. So stay tuned,
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty, so welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast. I was looking yesterday, I was working on my be that mom movement method course, and I was looking through my podcast to see a certain topic that is going to be discussed in one of the modules.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
And as I was looking, I noticed the stats for the podcast on how many downloads I'm getting each month, where they are in the world. And then the total number of downloads that I've had now, the growth of my podcast has been slower than other podcasts I know of, of other podcast hosts that I know personally. And that's just because I have so many different things that I'm working on in my life definitely have a lot of different passions. So I have not been able to bring on guests like I would like to and be on guests on other shows as much as I would prefer. And then my course has not been out in the world yet. And I want it to be very soon. It has been a passion project for me for nearly a year that I've been working on it. So it seems crazy to think it's been that long, but man, the world has been crazy this past year, but I was looking at that and I'm just blown away by the number of downloads and the number of people that are listening.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Hopefully you all are listening. You didn't just subscribe. And it's just one of those things that's downloaded to your phone. I do have some podcasts I've subscribed to in the past that I just don't have time to listen to. And therefore they get downloaded and get counted as a download for them. And maybe I'm not listening to them. So maybe all of y'all are not listening. And I am talking to the wind, but if there is one or two people at least out there in the downloads that I'm having every month that is finding this helpful I make, or I believe that this is worth it in the end. At the end of the day, I am not here to promote something to you specifically, except for paying forward. What I have learned, what I have went through with my own family and trying to help you navigate this once I saw the big picture of things and went through some hard, hard, hard days as a mom.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So I hope at the end of the day that you realize that's what I'm here for. The reason that I bring that up is I was in this group on Facebook. That was about like moms of boys or something like that. And this mom posted about kind of what we're going to talk about today, but she posted about screen time with her kid and she felt like, you know, she's just like lost him and it's hopeless and all of this. And so I commented on that post and said, you know, just some of my experiences and what I recommend. And then I commented that I had a podcast. Well, my posts got deleted by the people that run that group because they said that there can be no self-promotion honestly I can understand that how that could get out of hand if people are coming in and be like here, buy this, buy this, do this.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
But honestly, I, I really took time to comment from the heart to tell that mom that I had been there and that same exact spot is her and what I had done. And then they just deleted it because I mentioned that I have a podcast that I am paying forward the stuff, and I would do this completely for free. So it's not about whether or not you are using my affiliate links to subscribe to bark or pinwheel or any of that. I am providing that and hopefully passing on a discount for you because I know how hard it can be. But at the end of the day, I do this regardless of that. And so it kind of hurt me a little bit, that that group was all about, oh, we'll offer help, but don't offer help. So I get it, you know, I get it on the one hand, but I was really kind of offended by that.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So I just wanted to bring that up, that I am here for that mom that finds her in the place that I was or for that mom that is not wanting to get where I was. And I hope that you know, that I hope that you feel that from my heart, the topics that I bring up are things that I'm seeing out in the world that are relevant, that I've been through. And that I just don't want you to take the hard road that I did. Not that you can't still get through it, but things are ever changing in this digital world. So we really have to be proactive and all of that. And you know, if you've listened to any number of my podcasts, I am like preaching to the choir right now. But if you're new to my podcast, I just want to say that I am here provide you, I can't speak, ride you with some nuggets to help you on this path.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yours will look different than mine, but at the end of the day, my goal is for you to help guide your kid through this and to not just leave them out in that big, vast, deep blue sea of all the digital things and whether you realize it or not, they are being impacted and influenced by the things that they see and consume and things that may try to get in touch with them, that type of thing. So not trying to be doom and gloom or scary or any of that, but I truly am just here to provide you tools and all of those things. Okay. So let's get to today's topic. So what I want to talk about today is when should you be concerned with screen time or, you know, like the effect of them being on some type of digital stimulation and like, what are the warning signs for that?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then what are some positive ways that we can kind of turn that around to where it's not just a negative, these are your restrictions. You better abide by this, or I'm going to take it away. Some kids need that, but I think there's a couple of things that are pretty exciting that I was looking at today that I, if I wish that when my kids were younger, that I would have had these things, I actually think they are like kind of vital to the raising of our kids and a huge missing piece in their education if we have them in a traditional educational setting. So I'm excited to kind of talk about this stuff today. So let's talk about when you are allowing your kid on screens. Of course, you've probably heard me say this before, but it's best to have it set up to where you have some control over that in terms of where they consume those things and for how long, but let's say you have kind of let them have free reign because they've, you know, been doing good and life's crazy and you're busy with work and those types of things.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
And you've just kind of let that go. And you notice that some things maybe you need to, Hmm, maybe you need to do something, but you're not sure, right. Or you're at the point to where it's obvious that there's something that you need to do, but you don't know what to do. So I was researching this and I found a psychologist's page, but where she was talking about four phases or four categories that kids can fall in in terms of the influence of digital things and where they fall determines what your next action should be. So before I go into those four kind of categories, I want to just say that when I was going through this, when we were really kind of having some issues and I didn't have any inkling of an idea of how to manage all of the things we did, some trial runs of just some restrictions and pulling back on how much was allowed.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
And it became very obvious, very quickly that wasn't going to be enough that we needed to more drastic. And then it came to a point to where it was blatantly obvious that something had to change. And that's when we pulled completely away from all the digital things for a period of time. And I don't think there's a right or wrong with this. I think this is something where you have to use your own judgment. So let's talk about the four categories. So the first one is healthy functioning, and this is where digital media is used as a tool to reach a desired goal. This is where there is limited use of entertainment and social media on digital things. This is where they have healthy mood fluctuations, which sometimes those are kind of hard to gauge because you know, the whole preteen and teen thing, things can just naturally be dramatic.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
This is where there's no screen use two hours before they go to bed and comfortable interacting socially with other kids in person they're physically and socially active, they engage in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. Their social interactions are primarily face-to-face and they have consistent performance in the things that they are involved in, in their lives, whether it be school, whether it be sports, whether it be some type of outside the home activity, that's the healthy functioning category. Now the next one, this psychologist terms it reactive or common distress category. So this is where digital media is used to relieve distress on occasion, increasing use of entertainment, video games, and social media is occurring. At times they may be irritable and impatient. They use the screen right up to going to sleep. They have some discomfort interacting socially out in the world, and they have decreased physical and social activity because they are using the screens more.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
They have limited engagement in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. They have less face-to-face social interaction and they have inconsistent academic or work performance. So if you decided to go ahead and give a phone or give an X-Box, and now you were kind of seeing some of these creep in, those are kind of like red flags or warning signs for you that maybe we need to look at. Dolly's be that mom movement method course if I had it out yet, or just look for some way to kind of pull back from things that was kind of a spontaneous little plug there, but truly, um, that's just one option out there, but now let's go to the third category. This is called impairment in functioning. So this is where digital media is used most of the day for extended periods of time. We'll look at a combination of things in terms of their activity and how much they're consuming.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So it doesn't mean just sitting in front of one thing. It may mean a phone, a computer, an Xbox, that type of thing. This is preoccupation with entertainment, video games and social media. They may have a depressed mood, anxiety, or anger. They may have trouble sleeping and seem tired all of the time. They have a breakdown and healthy relationships. They are physically deconditioned, likely overweight or even underweight because they're not eating enough or eating junk infrequent, social involvement, limited face to face social interaction, and then academic failure or employment difficulties. Okay. So, and let's go to the fourth one and then I'll say what I was just going to say. So the fourth one is distress and persistent impairment. So this is significant difficulty managing digital media use limited non-virtual pursuits, significant emotional difficulty, sleep deprived breakdown, and healthy relationships, physical health problems, limited social involvement, infrequent face-to-face social interaction and suicidal thoughts, intent or behavior.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
So I think that we can have kids that wax and wane between these different categories. And if your kiddo falls into that third or that fourth one, I would definitely take a serious look at what's going on and try to come up with a game plan. This psychologist that created this chart actually says that that third and the fourth one that you may want to consider professional care. Now I will tell you that there is no shame in seeking outside help. And I hope you know, that we sought outside help for a brief period of time when it became too big for us. So if you have gotten to the point to where your child is not functioning out in the world, and you were seeing some of these warning signs, please, please, please seek outside help. If you feel like it is too big for you to handle.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And that is completely fine completely. Okay. I know there's a social stigma around that. And a lot of times there are reasons to feel ashamed for that. And I did, I truly did by sitting on the other side of it, it was one of the best things we could do to get an outsider, to help us navigate it. Okay. So that got me a little choked up thinking about it and taking me back to that time for us. So now that we've talked about these different categories and we've thought about, I'm sorry, I should have turned off notifications on my computer here. Now that we talked about where your kid might lie in those, I would consider what to do next. So if you feel like they are leaning into the second or the third, or even the fourth category at times, then there's different ways that you can do this and it's going to be completely up to you.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
But what I recommend as you communicate your concerns with your kiddo, as well as your expectations for use, and you can do a trial run of that and see how that goes. Or if it's already been something you've tried to implement some sort of boundaries, think about making a verbal or written agreement as to, you know, the consumption of there things, other expectations that you have for them, such as things that they do around the house every day or every week, those types of things. And then also, like I said before, if you feel that it's bad enough, sometimes what is necessary is a cold Turkey detox. Like you cut off the digital world completely. If you haven't listened to my episodes that talk about the effects on the brain and gaming addiction and all of the things that are happening, just having that knowledge, that this is not, it's kind of like, this is not your kid that is necessarily doing this.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
This is in very intricately designed system that is there to addict us and draw us in and make us push aside the other things in life that are important to us when you realize that, and you realize that it's basically kind of like your kid's brain on drugs, so to speak, it makes it, it almost empowers you a little bit to realize, okay, I didn't fail here. I shouldn't be feeling shame as a parent, those types of things, which I felt all of those things. When you realize that these things are designed to suck them in, it is empowering. At least it was for me to realize that, okay, okay, like we're here. You know, and we're in this situation with their school and their friends and all of the things, because this entity of digital things is designed to do this to my kid and to me, to all of us, right?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
So a cold Turkey detox will likely produce what I call a preteen or teen tantrum if they have been allowed to be on, on the things a lot, because their brain goes through a physiological chemical withdrawal. I'm no expert in that area. But from what I have read and studied about from experts, people that are experts in the area, there is a withdrawal that goes there. They will think that their world has ended, whether it's because they've been on social media or because they're spending a ton of time on a gaming platform, the brain truly goes through a detox, boredom, like not having anything else to do and not knowing what to do with themselves. We'll see more intense. And they truly do go through withdrawal my recommendation for that. If you go down that route, besides getting outside help, if need be is, stand your ground, do not cave in to the tantrum.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Trust me, it passes. And it's a beautiful thing when you get to the other side, because you will see that child that you had before you introduced all the digital things. And didn't really know that they were to have the impact they had. You will see them coming back. It's almost like, oh, wow, where have you been? And old interest resurface, new curiosity comes. And it's a beautiful thing, but it's painful and it's painful. And it is not fun depending on how much time they have been allowed to be on the screens. Okay. So that is where I would try to course correct redirect. And that's just going to be up to you and your decision in how that, and what that looks like for you. But what I want to talk about now to indoubt this episode is to talk about some things that are out there that are kind of cool to enforce positive responsibility in their lives.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Some people call them, you know, like chores, but I think chores has kind of a connotation of being negative or being work. And maybe they need to have that, you know, need to know while there is work in life. But what I want to talk about is just kind of like teaching responsibility in terms of expectations that you expect with things that they do around the house. And also some things that are out there, apps and different programs and things that you can use to help them at the same time, learn how to manage money and learn how to earn the money. So I want to talk about, let me flip over here on my computer. So if you haven't heard about these, of course, you can just do traditional list of chores or responsibilities on your refrigerator, on a calendar, those types of things, but these things kind of make it fun.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And I will tell you that with my kids being older teens, this is one place that I did not provide enough guidance with in terms of managing money, earning money, saving money, those types of things. And this is something that you can utilize from, like, if you have a local bank or credit union, they likely have a program like this, but these things are kind of cool too. So the things that I'm talking about, there's one called go Henry, and then another one called rooster money. And then another one called busy kid. So it, and I think these can be used for any age. So if you have a teenager that you're trying to redirect and ensure that they are being responsible and stuff, this is certainly something you can use for them. So I'm just kind of looking at their websites, go Henry. And all of these are kind of have a combination.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
There's also the green light card, which I think has similar things. And I've done an episode on the Greenlight card too, but go Henry and I am I not on the main page here go Henry and then rooster money and busy kid. I think they all have a combination of where you can have a card or some, one of them at least has, or you can just do the app and where they earn money, and then you can give it to them or they have where you can choose to get a debit card. So if you have a younger kid, you could use one of these apps just where, you know, they check off when they do certain things and then you give them money that way. Or you can actually set it up to where they earn money on a card that you have.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And then like rooster money has a virtual money tracker. And it also has a chore tracker. So this is just something that I thought was really cool to talk about in terms of kind of giving them a visual of, and you know, what, with them, all the kids being so digital, now this would give them like a visual of things that they need to do. It also teaches them responsibility and earning their reward of spending time on whatever the digital things are and just giving them a place to work towards things. I tried to do this when my kids were little and it's funny because one of them was like, it's okay. I don't need money. Like, I'm not going to do any chores because I don't need money. I'm good with sitting here with no money. And then another one was so gung ho about money that I couldn't afford the child.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Like they were like, I'll do the dishes. I will sweep. I will vacuum. I'm going to clean the bathroom now. And like little entrepreneur earning all the money, except I didn't have enough money to pay the kid. So your kid can fall all along that spectrum. But I saw one parent in one discussion that I was looking at said that what they did was they had a kiddo that was like that, where they made non-negotiable chores that they had to do. And some lists like brushing your teeth and those types of things. I think those can be something for a little kid, but personally, I'm not one that's going to be rewarding a kid for doing something that they need to be doing every day anyway, you know, brushing your teeth and taking a bath. Those types of things are just like, to me, there are things that you do because you're a human being and you need to have clean teeth and a clean body.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Right. But that's totally your call anyway. But that parent said that she put the non-negotiable chores that they had to help with. And then the extra one. So non-negotiable could be like doing the dishes and making their bed, those types of things. And then the bonus ones like helping to rake leaves or helping mow the grass or helping with washing the car, those types of things. So my point in bringing this up is that I think you can be really innovative with this in terms of giving them incentives that make it fun and also teach them responsibility while also teaching them how to manage money. And I think that managing money is a crucial piece that personally I think is forgotten in our formal education system. And maybe that's because we need to be teaching it as parents. We can't make everything fall back onto the education system.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Although I do think there's a lot of things there that could be taken out and more life skills could be put in there in their place. Some things I just don't think are necessary for our kids to be spending time on if they're not spending time on things about living healthy, healthy habits and managing money and how to, you know, just live out in the world in that not every kid needs to go to a four-year college, that some it's more appropriate to go to tech school, all of that stuff, but that's a whole nother topic. My point with bringing this up is just for you to check these things out as a way to make it fun. And as a way to teach responsibility while helping them learn how to manage money and just how to be a responsible person in the world and not go into major debt and all of that.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
So I hope that you will check those out, go, Henry [email protected]. And by the way, I have no affiliation with any of these. My kids are older or managing their money in their own accounts. So I don't have an account with these, but I read through some different discussions of different parents that are using them. And these were their top three that were mentioned and that they raved about. So there's [email protected]. And then the last one is busy kid.com. So all of them look really cool. And like I've said before, I wish I could go back in time with some of this stuff to when my kids were younger. It sure would've made things simpler for me, but in the end, our path is our path for a reason. And I always have said that that whatever struggles we've had are there to create our strength.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And I believe that we all have a path to leave in this world, a path to lead in this world. And this just happens to be mine, that we didn't have all of these cool tools and things to help me out in this whole new digital realm of parenting is just a new thing out there. And we kind of took the hard road, but I surely hope that even one of my podcast episodes will help you in some way so that your kiddos will not have to take that same hard road and we'll stay safe in the world. Wow. What happened with my voice there? And we'll stay safe out in the world and we'll grow up to be healthy and prosperous individuals that know the beauty of the world and to the gifts that they have to offer the world so that, you know, we can just live in a healthy and balanced world for our futures.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That was a little bit of my soap box there too. So I hope you found this episode helpful. I say that every single time, but I truly, truly do. If you can, if you have been listening and you find this helpful, leave me a review in whatever app you were listening to me through, that helps me to rank higher and to get pushed out into the suggestions for people looking for similar content. And that is my major mission is to get into the ears of more moms and to help you be proactive in this space and be that mom that is going to be a guide for your kid so that these, all of these digital influences do not become a negative trajectory for them. It is absolutely possible for us to raise kids in this digital world. And co-exist with all these digital things, without them influencing them negatively. I seriously can't talk today negatively. And you know, just not being able to find a healthy balance with the things. So thanks again for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [email protected] use code be that mom 10, four.
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Episode 81: When the world is heavy, help your kid/teen focus on this!
29 syys 2021· The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world
Sleep deprivation & stress overload are on the rise along with a spike in anxiety and depression among our youth (and us)! Use these tips to help mitigate that in your family!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So, regardless of where you are in the world, you likely are experiencing a heightened level of stress. And if you are, that means that your kiddos are too regardless of age. So today I just want to talk about some strategies and some thinking points for you, for yourself and for your kids and your family in general, to help you. Because I think that these are some things that we all need to be focusing on in the effort to control what we can in a very uncertain world and uncertain times right now. Okay. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get rolling on anything today, I have to ask, did you check out the digital wellness summit that I mentioned in last week's episode, it went live over the weekend and oh my God, what an amazing response that we had, there are so many presenters in there that come from different backgrounds and have so much valuable information.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
So if you haven't grabbed access to that, it is still available for you. So check out the link in the show notes, and they do have an all access pass that has extra bonus things included. So please check that out. My presentation is one of several, and again, we come from all different backgrounds and the presenters just are amazing in what they bring to the table. And some of them have some really tragic backgrounds and tragic stories, but the common thing among all of us is that we've had some sort of experience or struggle in this world of kids in the digital things. So if you have kids, you need to check this out. So check it out in the show notes, click the link, and you should be able to grab your all access pass there. Okay. Okay. So onto our topic for today, I think it's a given the world is heavy regardless of where you live or what is, you know, your present state of things.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
I think we all can tell that the world is heavy. There's lots going on. There's a lot of information out there that's hard to, and this does not go unnoticed in our children. And so I just want to talk about a couple of things that I think can be very powerful for you to focus on very simple things that you can implement or encourage and things that you can start with now that I think can go a long, long way to help your kids to help you and your family in general. And these things that I'm referring to is looking at sleep for your kids and for you, and then looking at your stress and coming up with a plan for lowering those things. If you're new to my show, you probably haven't heard me say this, but I am a nurse practitioner by formal education in my day job.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
And I am also very passionate about like empowering ourselves to take care of our health and realizing that we have so much that's within our power. And as a part of that passion, I'm currently working on a level two certification as an integrative health practitioner. And I'm also working on a certification as a functional medicine health coach. So those are just two things that I'm focusing on. I'm also a wellness coach using fitness and nutrition tools that kind of simplify the whole thing. And that gives you a place in a plan to follow. So I do a lot of focus on this and have a great passion for that, and it intertwines with what we do with our kids. But I know my podcast is specifically focused on digital health and digital safety and kind of helping you navigate all the things. But I do think that our own health and what we do for ourselves is a trickle down effect to our kids.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And you know what? We feed ourselves. They watch the habits that we have each day they watch and they follow us right? While I think that one thing that I neglect very easily, these two things are things that I neglect very easily. And so that's why I just thought they were relevant topics to talk about today. Because number one, sleep deprivation in kids is huge, huge, huge. I was researching this and I actually came across a survey. I don't even know. I didn't write down how many people, how many teens were in the survey. But the survey said that 97% of teens wished that they could get more sleep. And then 84% recall feeling sleepy during the day and 83% believed that they miss out on fun and relaxation to due to their homework load and extracurricular activities. 83% recall feeling tired at school. That's like redundant.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
That said that twice. Sorry about that. And then 73% had fallen asleep in class and 59% have been late to school because they overslept. So my question to you is, does your kiddo struggle with sleep? Do you, I mean, they're in a growing period, so they need more sleep and they're usually harder to wake up and all of that, but look at what your kiddo or your teen is doing in terms of when they go to bed and what their sleep routine is. For me personally, with my kids, once they got to the teen years, our routine around bedtime kind of went out the window. And of course, you know, if you listen to me for any length of time, you know, that I did all the things, kind of the, I went the wrong way with it all. I mean, I shouldn't even say the wrong way.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
It was just which kind of, we didn't know what we were doing. So we didn't really have rules set in. We kind of let them have some freedom. And I don't think that it means that you have to be real strict about this, or it'd be like, okay, it's nine, o'clock at your bedtime. But I think there's a couple things that you can implement here. That even if you have a teen, if you can, could encourage these things while also modeling them yourself, this can create a routine, a solid routine for health, for themselves as they get older. You know, like I think that if you think in terms of a teens health, even if they eat junk food, all of the time, they likely aren't gaining weight, they likely are, you know, feeling fine, but their energy level may be low and their developing habits going into adulthood that aren't going to serve them.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
So now's the time to kind of plant those seeds while they're still under our roof, right. While they're still somewhat impressionable, even though they won't let you know that they are right. So now's the time to kind of focus on sleep. But a couple of things that you can do just think about these things right now, as you're listening to them. Number one is, is there technology in their bedroom because they can't resist it. It's too tempting. So getting that out of the bedroom is one huge, huge thing in a way to be able to set a boundary, but also just to take that temptation out of their fingers out of their grasp. And then the other thing is that the blue light that is emitted from electronic devices, tricks the brain into thinking it's daytime. This causes the body to slow down melatonin production, which is needed for the body to feel sleepy.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
So if they're saying, you know, they're on their phone and they're saying, I'm not sleepy, mom, I'm not sleepy. It may be because they're on their phone. So the solution, if you don't want to take the device away or they need to be on the device because they're working on homework is the blue block blue. I don't know if it's blue blocker, blue block glasses, having them wear those or putting a blue blocker shield on their screen of their computer or on their phone. Those do exist. I bought one for my Mac computer. When I first got my Mac, my eyes were really bothered. And so I got one of those screens for it. And then also like dimmed the light and set the settings on the computer to where it would dim it at night. So it didn't have as much of that blue light.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So those are a couple of easy things to look at in terms of helping them with their sleep. And then the other thing is just developing like sleep hygiene is what they call it, but basically just developing a routine around sleep where besides keeping the device out of the room, putting the device up at night or using blue blocker glasses, but also, you know, maybe putting it away sooner just to put it down and stimulate your brain in that way. Go back to reading a book before you go to bed. You know, like when we, when they're younger and we all read them a book, at least I did having another re more relaxing routine of something that reduces their stress, listening to some calm music, maybe diffusing some essential oils. You could also, they make a new, or there's a new thing that I learned about.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I don't think it's new, but it's some different apps that have like brainwave frequencies on them that are supposed to be calming. They call it. One of the things I heard is, and I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's binaural beats B I N a U R a L beats. Those are supposed to stimulate the brain for sleep. So that would be another thing that you could consider, but just focusing on this, both for yourself and for your kid, be very helpful for them. So that leads us into stress reduction. And I think we all can benefit from stress reduction, but thinking in terms of your kiddos, just that routine around sleep will pay you back in multiple ways in that regard. But stress reduction is one of those things that it's important every single day for us to bring our stress down.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I find, and I've had this trouble in the last couple of weeks when I've been really stressed about work. And all of the different things is that I come home and I stay stressed. And I think that we need to develop routines around bringing our stress down, not starting out our days with stress, like picking up the phone and immediately consuming the news. And what's the latest world event that's going on or the latest numbers for this or that. Not starting out our day like that. So having intention around what we do in the morning, around our morning routine to start out relaxed, to start out, focusing on the positive, to start out, moving our body. If you can, even if you're not doing formal workout at the time I work out every single morning. Now it's just a part of me to work out.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
But even if you're not doing a formal workout and just moving your body is a good way to wake yourself up and start out in a low stress state, but then coming home and bringing that stress level down. So I'm talking in terms of you, but I think that it's good for us to look in terms of our family and reducing the stress. So some of the things to think about for them in our worldly times is to not have the news on around them, to not always be talking about the news and to have discussions about what is stressing them right now, what is going on at school or in their peer group that is stressing them. I hear a lot of different things, different opinions, different viewpoints, and what we say trickles into our kids. And then they are like voices to each other and it can become a place of conflict among their friends.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So I think it's important for us to have a discussion around what is stressing them out and then taking time away from all of that and having, you know, digitally disconnected time where you're doing something side-by-side or face-to-face, that is quality time for you. I know that each day of the week, it may not be feasible for you to always do something like that, but just taking a few minutes to check in with them and to see how their day went. And I think that we all do this right, for the most part, but it's easy for that to slip away. So another thing is for us to just model that behavior again and make sure we're bringing down our stress. And then when they see that we are taking our time out away from screens away from the news away from all of the things that they may follow suit with that.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Okay. So those are the two things that I really wanted to talk about today in terms of something that's really powerful that you can do something that I've always struggled with and neglected. And over the last couple years is I have been on a journey for prioritizing my own health in order to be stronger for my kids. It really has had a trickle down effect to my kids and my family. And now all of us do work outs regularly. All of us focus on nutrition. We all have a smoothie that we drink every day that has superfoods and all this nutrition in it to help our bodies. So all of that started with me and what I did, and my kids were of an age old enough that they were resistant to making any changes. And so that was a huge, huge mom's guilt that I had for the longest time that I had that it was too late.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
And I hadn't made the changes that I should have made when they were younger, because they didn't know any different. And it has been quite the opposite. It's been an amazing thing to watch that they have, even though for the longest time, they wouldn't make changes. They have been watching and they are absorbing what they are seeing me do. They're seeing me being more energetic and all of that, but the one place, or the two places where I have continued to struggle has been with sleep and has been with stress reduction. So that is why I wanted to talk about those things today. And I think they're both very simple and powerful things that you can do. And I hope I made sense with everything I was saying, I didn't have like a set outline or a set number of tips to give you, but I just kind of wanted to talk about these topics as something that you can start with today.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
And that is often overlooked and was certainly overlooked for me as well. Okay. So I hope you found this super helpful before you go. I just wanted to tell you that I am offering a discount for another type of programs, similar to bark. I think I did a podcast episode on it a couple months ago, but it's called inspi. And it is a platform for you to be able to monitor what your kid is doing on all of the digital things. And it doesn't have the same platform as bark, but it is available in more places than bark. So it has a lot of customizable monitoring in it. So I'm going to put a link in the show notes for that, as well as a discount code for you. If you want to check it out as an alternative to bark, if you're just wanting to compare the two, or if you're in a place that does not have bark, because I believe bark is in the U S only.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
And I know quite a few of you that listen to my podcast on a regular basis are not in the United States, which still amazes me, but inspire is available in most of the world outside of, in the U S but also outside of the U S. So if you are needing a way to monitor your kiddos digital activity on their phones, on the computer, and all of the things inspire is a great option for that. So please check that out. And then another thing before you go is that I am almost done with my be that mom movement method course. So I hope that you will keep an eye out for that. I'm going to have it ready to go soon. I hope to have had it done by this week, but of course, a couple of things in life slowed me down, but that does not mean I am not almost done with it.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
I actually am almost done with it. I just need to make some few tweaks and hopefully in the next couple of weeks, I will have it out to you. So please stay tuned for that as well. Okay. Thank you so much for listening. I am so honored to be here and to be able to speak to you and to bring topics to you. If there's any topic that you have that I have not covered, or if you would like to be a guest on my show, please reach out to me. If you have some sort of success story with your kiddos and the digital things, if you have something that you've done that I have not mentioned that you think my listeners would find helpful, I want to hear from you. So connect with me. My email is [email protected]. And if you're in a similar space as me, where you were trying to pay back your struggles to help other moms and would like to chat with me about how we can collaborate, I'd love to chat with you as well. Okay? So reach out to me, connect with me on social media or wherever you can connect with me and we'll chat next time. See ya.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.
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Episodit

Episode 100: A few tips for navigating the teen driver years.

Episode 99: Life seasons may shake us but don’t have to break us!

Episode 98: Privacy check up for your kids’ device AND a hidden threat!

Episode 97: Is your kid’s watch a portal to porn? Be in the know!

Episode 96: Suicide or mental health crisis: Is your child/family at risk?

Episode 95: When preparing to fund your kid’s college, debt is not the only way!

Episode 94: Bringing this back to life! Life lessons & what is next!

Ep 93: EMF exposure & your kid’s digital device: Heads up mom!

Episode 92: A new ”dumb” smart phone that can grow up with your kid!

Episode 91: Parent survival tips to brave the digital frontier & beyond!

Episode 90: A new option to stay connected with your kids: A new kid‘s watch!

Episode 89: Kids & phones: Is it annoying behavior or a cry for help?

Episode 88: End the FOMO with this upgraded dumb smartphone: The new Pinwheel Plus

Episode 87: Top tips for digital & non-digital 2021 holiday gifts for kids

Episode 86: It is time to introduce the JOY of missing out to your kids!

Episode 85: Get this if your kid is screaming FOMO with texting friends!

Episode 84: Cyberbullying part 2: Is your kid at risk of being a cyberbully??

Episode 83: Cyberbullying on the rise! Be in the know to protect your kiddo!

Episode 82: How & when to pull back on screen time, and how to do that in a positive way!

Episode 81: When the world is heavy, help your kid/teen focus on this!