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In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, host Bryan Goodwin delves into the complex world of emotional intimacy. Bryan, a certified men's coach, shares his journey of understanding intimacy better to help men improve their relationships. He introduces the concept of emotional intimacy, distinguishing it from physical intimacy, and explains its importance in a healthy marriage. Bryan discusses the various types of intimacy, including intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, creative, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy, and announces a 10-week series to explore each type in detail.
Bryan emphasizes the significance of emotional intimacy in marriage, describing it as the ability to express feelings, both positive and negative, and to receive them with understanding. He challenges the notion of emotional validation, arguing that individuals must understand and express their own emotions rather than seeking validation from others. Brian shares personal anecdotes and insights, highlighting the common struggles men face in achieving emotional intimacy and offering practical advice on how to overcome these challenges.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationships and consider how they can improve their emotional intimacy with their partners. Bryan invites feedback and comments from the audience, fostering a community of men striving for better relationships and personal growth. Join Brian on this enlightening journey to discover the depths of emotional intimacy and its impact on your marriage.
Show notes- https://www.relaxedmale.com/what-in-the-world-is-emotional-intimacy/
Dont forget to help me see what I may have forgot and tell me what you would like to know that would help your relationship.
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve deep into the complexities of conflict, particularly in relationships, where disagreements often escalate into more significant issues. I emphasize the importance of addressing these conflicts rather than avoiding them, as avoiding uncomfortable discussions can lead to resentment and unresolved feelings. I explain that conflict itself is not inherently negative but rather an opportunity for growth and understanding if handled correctly.
As a certified men's coach, my mission is to help men escape the cycle of being a "nice guy," which often leads to self-sacrifice and relationship struggles. I focus on how men can learn to express their emotions constructively instead of resorting to avoidance or silence. Understanding that emotions are simply vibrations within the body can empower individuals to engage more genuinely with their partners.
Throughout the episode, I outline what constitutes conflict, explaining that it often stems from differing thoughts about a shared experience – like a movie that one person loved and the other despised. Recognizing that these differing opinions are neutral circumstances until we assign meaning to them can shift the way we approach disagreements. I encourage listeners to be mindful of their thoughts during conflicts, as these thoughts shape the emotions we experience, which in turn dictate our actions and reactions.
I highlight various conflict responses, including avoidance and anxiety, emphasizing the need for intention and awareness in navigating disagreements. By reframing our approach to conflict, we can allow our emotional minds to pause, think rationally, and respond appropriately. I introduce the concept of the "model," which illustrates that our feelings stem from our thoughts, not the actions of others, allowing men to take ownership of their emotional journeys.
Additionally, I discuss the importance of understanding our spouses' perspectives during conflicts. I introduce the "four pillars of effective communication," derived from the teachings of Tony Overbay. These pillars stress the importance of not assuming ill intentions, recognizing emotions, seeking to understand before being understood, and avoiding victimhood in discussions. I explain that by adhering to these principles, men can navigate conversations more effectively, leading to healthy resolutions rather than destructive fights.
The episode culminates in practical strategies for being present during conflicts. I advocate for being intentional about how we show up in our relationships, as well as the necessity for reflection after conflicts to analyze what went wrong or right. This self-awareness will lead to personal growth and improve interactions with our partners over time.
For those who resonate with these insights and seek further guidance, I invite listeners to reach out for one-on-one coaching sessions aimed at fostering stronger, healthier relationships. Ultimately, the episode reinforces that conflict is a natural part of relationships, and how we handle it can either strengthen our bonds or create distance. As I wrap up, I encourage listeners to share their reflections and insights from this episode with friends or family, as the journey of becoming better partners is one worth sharing. -
Puuttuva jakso?
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In episode 240 we dive deep into the common issue of 'roommate syndrome' in marriages. Bryan addresses the fading spark that many couples experience after years of being together. He explores whether it's possible to rekindle a marriage and offers practical steps to reignite the passion.
Bryan discusses the importance of honesty—not just factual, but emotional honesty—and how to communicate effectively without overwhelming your partner. He emphasizes the need for thoughtful gestures, such as writing love letters and understanding your partner's love languages, to show that you care.
Curiosity plays a crucial role in building a strong emotional connection. Bryan advises getting genuinely interested in your partner's likes and dislikes to foster better communication and intimacy. He also highlights the significance of paying attention to your thoughts, as they can shape your emotions and actions, ultimately affecting your relationship.
Bryan shares personal anecdotes and practical tips, like the '6 by 6 rule' for hugs, to help couples reconnect physically and emotionally. He stresses the importance of intentional actions and continuous effort to maintain a fulfilling marriage.
Whether you're dealing with minor disagreements or major conflicts, Bryan provides insights on how to navigate these challenges and come out stronger. Tune in to learn how to transform your marriage and live a life on your terms. -
Marriage is an adventure. If you don’t look at it as such then you run the risk of falling into a deep pit much like I did with Pitfall Harry. Marriage is not easy and in the early days can be wrought with lots of emotions and struggles. This is why so many marriages fail before reaching the 10-year mark. You first struggle with the idiosyncracies of the girl you dated. You noticed odd things you at first thought were cute habits of her being weird but now you are questioning if you can put with it her till the end of time. Why is she complaining that you leave clothes on the floor while her makeup has invaded your bathroom sink?
There is a lot to marriage for sure. The funny part is that finding out how to divi up the chores is the least of the problems. That is because eventually kids get introduced and your way of life, for a short bit, is upended by the demands of a little life that depends on you to stay alive. Old habits and sometimes dreams get shuffled and relegated to the back burner as you adjust fire.
Then on top of all this, you have to try to remember that your wife is still your girlfriend. Yeah, you see her in all her glory of just waking up and with breath that bubbles the paint on the doorjamb. You see her in times of immense vulnerability and she sees you in times of when you aren’t the most romantic. Yeah, the random Dutch ovens are funny. There are those times when you and her cling together as you all try to support each other in uncertainty. You divide and conquer the changing of the bed right after your son says he doesn’t feel good and erupts half-digested food across your legs while you are readying yourself for bed.
So how do you keep the marriage alive and connected? We have discussed ways to keep a marriage connected but what are some of the more common pitfalls that can drain a marriage of its life? What do you not want to do if you don’t want your marriage to fade and become another statistic? Here are 9 Pitfalls that will remove respect honor and trust from any marriage.
The Victim Mindset
If you have listened to or read anything from this site, you know that victims receive no respect, and rightfully so. Yeah, that sounds harsh until you are trying to repeatedly pick up a victim. Then you realize that they will not take responsibility for their part in the current disaster they are in. The blame is always passed it is never their fault. It is one crisis after another. over and over again. The victim comes running wanting you to fix the problem, then pump their damaged ego up, and be thankful that they chose you to do the work.
Now imagine if this was your spouse or worse it is you. You are supposed to be the head of the household and here you are passing the buck like you are the 5-year-old. The victim takes energy and vitality away from those around them. They don’t take action to keep the problem from happening again. They just stand there looking to blame someone for the fact that they arrived in the same predicament as before.
The victim is a taker. They take the energy drive of their target. They throw away their own self-respect and expect everyone else to prop them up. Stay out of the victim mindset. all that does is send you to the bottom of the trash heap.
Stonewalling
Many times our wife will say something to us that will hurt our feelings. Yes, your wife is very good at creating thoughts that will hurt your feelings. The choice that you have with this is how are you going to respond. Many times she will nag you. This nagging will create thoughts that you are failing at keeping your word or not being responsible. Those thoughts will create feelings of shame and your action will be to shut down and not say anything. That lack of talking is stonewalling. It works, you can just not interact with your wife. That lack of interaction gets her frustrated enough that she just stops nagging you and goes and does something else. Mission accomplished right? Is that action really getting you the results you truly want?
Stonewalling will create frustration in your wife. She may start to believe that you don’t care about her. You do not want to connect with her anymore She will start to feel isolated and then her mind starts to run and that is where the emotions and thoughts can really cause some damage.
Not communicating with your wife doesn’t fix anything. Yeah she was bugging you, but why go in the opposite direction of what you actually want? You claim you want to have a stronger relationship with your wife. So why push her away? You know how to alleviate the nagging that she does. Yes, you can do what she asks, but there is a better way. Talk with her. Have conversations with your wife. Not only in the intense times but also in the down times. Stonewalling keeps you away from her more than it keeps her away from you.
Believing you can control another person
When we are married we want to think that the relationship is going to be great. That is until our spouse does something that we find irritating. Then we would like them to stop. We may wish that they do more of something that we do like. Whatever action we would like our spouse to perform sadly isn’t in our hands. it is up to them to do so. You can’t control them. You can try to manipulate or coerce your wife to do something but is it better if she does it from her own will or yours? I can guarantee that it feels better to you when she does that from her own accord and not from your will
Trying to make your spouse happy
Now this is something you will hear many women state about their man. He doesn’t make me happy. The same thing happens with men too, except we don’t voice it as often. We get resentful because our spouse isn’t controllable. We just want our wives to make us happy yet they fail at it all the time.
However, if you pay attention you will see that your wife struggles with her own happiness. So why would you put your happiness in the hands of someone who struggles with making even themselves happy? This is why one of the best gifts you can give your wife is the absolution of her responsibility to make you happy. Let her know that isn’t her responsibility anymore. She doesn’t have to struggle with it anymore. You will take on that responsibility.
Now she will still have her own thoughts about that declaration and not fully understand it at first. However, she will grasp that you aren’t seeing another woman and that you are taking your happiness into your own hands and not playing the victimanymore.
Not Being Curious
Sadly we stop being curious about our spouse and the late-night talks of random things start to fade. Why? because we stop being curious. We stop wondering about our wife and her thoughts. If you want a strong powerful connected relationship. you have to keep being curious. not blaming but actual curiosity about where she is coming from on a particular action. Why something is as important to her as it is. Letting her say why instead of just believing you know why will fix the hanging dread of disconnection.
Dropping Date Night
When we are dating our wife we set up date nights we make them fun and exciting. They end in romantic romps in bed. That last part is when we want so much so that we know that we are doing good. The problem is that we stop with the work that results in the romps. If you want to have more sex you have to woo your wife and we often stop treating our wife as our girlfriend and that is easy to alleviate when you change how you are looking at your wife.
Being able to laugh
Why have we as men stopped being light-hearted? Why does everything have to be so darn serious? What if you let up on the seriousness a little and allowed yourself to laugh in front of your wife and kids? What if you took things just a little less seriously?
When you can get your wife to smile and laugh because you are being a goofball she can relax and is open to connecting more.
Taking words too seriously
As mentioned before you are going to hear thoughts from your wife that you’ll take personally and these will cause you to feel ashamed embarrassed frustrated or more. This is because you chose to take what she said personally. She may have called yo lazy or worse but you can choose to agree with the statement or not agree and let the pain that comes with those words not even come close to hitting you..
Leaving a disagreement unfinished.
In times of conflict, it can seem that words and thoughts are flung around like axes and bullets. Even though they can’t cause any harm we will allow the thoughts to keep us disconnected. We will pull away the connections we have with our wife. And often sulk to our corner instead of finding a solution no matter how scary it may appear and talking it out till we have a solution, That resolution is important to allow us to reconnect and grow from our experience
Many wonderful times allow you to look at your marriage with fondness. There are times that we also look at our spouse with a thought that is short of fondness. When we do that start looking at when you stopped dating your wife and when you all stop talking. Find a way that you can bring that marital spark back. It’s not too late. You just have to start taking action
If you would like to take your marriage from eggshells to excitement Please take the Next Step and sign up for a free consulting session. -
When we have topics of discussion with other people there are times that we may mess up and we start to say words that we don't mean and try to intentionally inflict pain upon the other person. We just are caught up in our emotions and trying to inflict pain on each other. When we are actively trying to destroy the trust and connection we have, the hope of having a better connection is gone. We fall into victim mindsets and fight because we see the conflict at hand being a matter of life or death. How do you stop the emotional destruction that is being inflicted on both parties? One way to do that is to have a do-over.
When is it good to have a do-over?
When you see that you are going into panic mode.You see that you have made a huge misstep and said something you instantly regret (ie 97% rule)When the participants are moving to their perspective corners for battle.When you see that the conflict of ramping up.Something was misunderstood and you have a better way to say it.What is a do-over?
It is when you stop a discussion and ask to try again
When you are having an argument or a normal discussion that is wearing into territory that is going to be a fight or you realize that you said something that isn't helping the situation at all. You stop the discussion and politely as if YOU can have a do-over.
Why is a do-over good for a relationship?
Shows you are trying to do better.
You are attempting to better how you communicate. YOu are wanting to take responsibility for what you say
How do you implement a do-over?
The moment you realize that your discussion isn't going in the direction of having a better connection you have misstepped and want to try again you can stop the discussion and try once more.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Bryan recounts how he had been neglecting to mow his lawn in his small town. He previously had someone mowing it for him, but that arrangement fell through. The city eventually sent a notice about his overgrown lawn, and his wife was told it would cost $400 to have the city mow it. Bryan initially reacted with anger and fell into a victim mindset.
As he reflects on the situation, Bryan realizes he is making excuses and playing the victim. He acknowledges that he hadn't been trying hard to find a replacement lawn service and recognizes that mowing the lawn himself could actually be beneficial for his health. He discusses how others in town were complaining about the situation, which leads him to contemplate why people feel the need to mow their lawns and societal expectations.
The host then describes his shift in perspective, seeing the situation as an opportunity for physical activity and self-improvement. He plans to be more intentional with his time and make changes to his routine. Bryan emphasizes the importance of processing emotions and not staying in a negative mindset, encouraging listeners to step up to challenges rather than avoiding them.
Relating the lawn mowing situation to broader relationship issues, Bryan stresses the importance of putting effort into relationships to keep them strong. He promotes a 3-month coaching program aimed at helping men improve their relationships.
The episode concludes with Bryan encouraging listeners to share the podcast and avoid the victim mindset. He mentions upcoming live recordings and new ways to access the podcast. The overall message of the episode is about recognizing and overcoming the victim mindset, taking responsibility for one's actions, and using challenges as opportunities for personal growth and relationship improvement.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Why even have a stronger connection?
Better conflict resolution - You will have conflicts and those conflicts can be making or breaking points for your relationship.
More trust - When you both know you will not take everything said personally then the trust starts to form.
More intimacy -Us guys do like our sexy time
Better connections
It is not personal, it is just someone sharing what they are thinking with the other person. It isn't real it is just a thought. Thoughts aren't as scary as you would like to believe.
It’s not life and death. It is just talking and at times with the volume turned up a bit.
Stop managing the other person's emotions That destroys trust
It’s ok if they get upset it is their emotions that were created by their own thoughts.
Understand that you and your spouse are just sharing thoughts.
https://alchemy-of-love.com/expert-relationship-advice/how-to-communicate-relationship
Ask questions - How else are you going to learn about your wife?
Stop trying to be vulnerable with her and just be present - She doesn't want your emotional weaknesses. She wants you to be strong for her and the kids.
If she asks how you feel tell her, but don’t just throw it all at her for her to try to sort out
How do you have better connections?
How you have better connections isn’t as easy as just doing it you have to work on your thoughts and get your thoughts and beliefs in order. Because if you don't then you will find yourself in a battle instead of having a discussion that will make your connections stronger. When you are able to have the hard uncomfortable discussions your wife will come to understand you better and you will understand her better too. Then the strength of the connection grows and the marriage that you have wanted from the beginning will start to appear. But it will never happen till you start working on yourself. That takes the next step.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, host and certified men's coach Brian Goodwin delves into the character of Peter Keating from Ayn Rand's novel, The Fountainhead. Peter Keating epitomizes the 'nice guy' who struggles with self-identity and decision-making, always seeking approval from others rather than living life on his own terms. Brian discusses how Keating's actions and associations lead to his downfall, contrasting him with the novel's protagonist, Howard Roark, who remains steadfast in his ideals and vision.
Brian explores the broader implications of Keating's character for men today, emphasizing the pitfalls of people-pleasing and the importance of living authentically. He draws parallels between Keating's career in architecture and the challenges men face in their personal and professional lives when they fail to assert their own ideas and values.
The episode also touches on the dynamics between Keating and other characters, such as his manipulative mother, his genuine but ultimately neglected girlfriend Catherine Halsey, and his complex relationship with Dominique Francon. Brian uses these relationships to illustrate the consequences of not standing firm in one's beliefs and the impact it has on personal growth and success.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives and consider whether they are living authentically or merely seeking approval from others. Brian offers practical advice and coaching opportunities for men who want to break free from the 'nice guy' syndrome and build more fulfilling relationships and careers.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Clues that your relationship is failing
Dreading going homeFighting over little stuffEntertaining the idea of divorceYou may be intentionally spending time apart.Little to no sexYou are blaming the other person for your unhappinessLack of TImeMarried for the wrong reasonsMaterial ItemsLooking to the pastEnding The Relationship
Why you might end the relationship
When you have one or more of the three A’s
These are the key points that trust falls apart so much that it can destroy any chance of reconciliation
AbuseAddictionAffairWhen there is no benefit to the relationship anymore
There has been too much damageThe emotional tank is completely emptyNo communicationExpectations are too highMany times relationships run their course.
Going down different life pathsLack of TIme
Married for the wrong reasons
Material Items
Looking to the past
Marriage.com
Why do you hold on
So I want your relationship to end?
For the other person's Benefit
When Hold on to a relationship?
You both are willing to work on the relationship
Money isn't a reason for splitting up unless it is from the 3 A's
lIf you believe your life will be better with another person
It wont
Leaving to teach them a lesson
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the complex and often painful topic of when a relationship ends. Host Brian Goodwin, a certified men's coach, discusses the signs and reasons why relationships may come to an end and explores the critical moments when a relationship might need to end versus when it can be saved.
Brian emphasizes the importance of recognizing the warning signs that a relationship is in trouble, such as constant fighting over trivial matters, lack of communication, and the dreaded 'roommate syndrome.' He also highlights the significance of understanding one's own role in the relationship's dynamics and taking responsibility for personal actions.
The episode also covers the three major deal-breakers in a relationship: abuse, addictions, and affairs, and why these issues often lead to the end of a relationship. Brian provides insights into how to handle these situations and the importance of trust and communication in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Additionally, Brian discusses the importance of living life with intention and how intentional actions and thoughts can help in saving a relationship. He offers practical advice on how to rebuild a relationship by improving communication and understanding each other's needs.
Whether you're struggling in your current relationship or just want to understand more about the dynamics of relationships, this episode provides valuable insights and practical advice to help you navigate these challenging situations.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
We go through emotions hourly. Those emotions correlate with the different thoughts that we have. It is said that we have around 60,000 thoughts a day. That means that we have around 60,000 emotions a day. Now incorporate the 50-50 principle and you have half of your thoughts are gonna be good thoughts because they generate good emotions and the other half are gonna be bad thoughts that generate bad emotions.
Many many times we struggle with negative emotions. We avoid those negative emotions. We get angry or frustrated because we have a thought that we don’t wanna have and so we feel bad about that which causes us to have those negative emotions that pile onto other negative emotions, unlike algebra two negatives don’t make a positive.
Because we avoid the negative emotions, we don’t allow those emotions to have their moment and because of that those emotions get stuffed down they get tucked away. This is where we get so many of our assorted problems cropping up. People who experience emotions, but don’t know how to handle those emotions. For instance, men who have decided they’re not supposed to cry, often take a lot longer to grieve the loss of a loved one. They don’t approach The problems from the same direction because they are too busy, avoiding feeling negative.
So what are emotions? Why is it important to process those emotions? And how do you process those emotions? 
What are emotions?
In a nutshell, emotions are vibrations that are felt throughout your body. Sometimes those vibrations are pleasant other times those vibrations are unpleasant. This is what makes a positive emotion and negative emotion; it’s just how they vibrate within your body.
So you have a thought that generates a sensation that is felt through your body. This is why your thoughts create your emotions.
Why is it important to process one’s Emotions?
When you don’t process those emotions, you end up reacting to the emotions unintentionally. When you are processing the emotions, you’re experiencing the emotion you’re going through the emotional life cycle, which only lasts one to two minutes.
Many people struggle with the reaction to how short emotions are because they don’t realize that they are in thought loops that extend the pain of that emotion.
Yet when we process those emotions, we experience the emotion and then the emotion fades. Now, yes, that emotion may come back because we have that same thought again but the strength as to what that emotion is is nowhere near as powerful as it was the first time. And each time you process the motion, it becomes a little more easier to experience. It’ll never go away, and we wouldn’t want it to go away. Because our emotions are what make humans human.
When do you Process emotions?
You can process emotions anywhere. I often recommend people start learning how to process their emotions while in their living room sitting on the couch so they can put their full focus into what they are experiencing. That way you understand what thoughts you’re having that are creating the emotions you can describe the emotion and give the emotion a name.
Yet the best time to process any emotion is when you realize you were feeling it. You feel sadness. It’s best to go ahead and process the motion then or first place where it’s safe to do so processing anger or fear when you notice that you’re feeling a bad emotion. Go through the process and experience that emotion. Let that emotion live its lifespan which is not long at all.
How do you process an emotion?
Processing emotions is very simple. You just have to be able to understand when you’re experiencing an emotion. Many times I will experience an emotion and not realize it. This is the reason why we buffer so much. We buffer because there’s an emotion that crops up that we don’t want to experience so we turn to drugs or alcohol or video games or Food or porn because we don’t want to experience some emotion. It might be the emotion of rejection or the emotion of boredom. These are two of the bigger reasons that we buffer. These are based out of fear, all others can be based on other emotions.
To process an emotion and notice that it’s happening, the first thing to do is give it a name. Are you feeling sadness? Are you feeling bored? Are you feeling anger, jealousy, powerlessness? What is the emotion that you are feeling?
Describe where you feel that emotion. Is it on your head? Is the sensation on top of your head? Is it felt on your shoulders or on top of your shoulders? Maybe behind your shoulders? Is the emotion felt down your back or between your shoulder blades? Maybe it is off to one side or is it in your chest? Is the emotion felt in your chest, or in your stomach? Maybe you are feeling the emotion in your knees or in your thighs? Where in your body are you feeling? The emotion the most? Where do you feel that Vibration is strongest? 
Then pretend that you’re able to hold that emotion in your hands. Now start describing that emotion physically. Does it feel heavy, does it feel light? Does that emotion have a texture? Like sandpapery or scaly or is it glass smooth? Is it hot or is it cold? Is it somewhere between dense or light and fluffy? These are all aspects of an emotion that you can learn to look at so that you can fully experience that emotion as you go.
If you are struggling with naming the emotion, there is an app that can provide a lot of insight into the type of emotion you are feeling.
Take The Next Step
You can have your relationship dreams come true.
You can by taking the next step. You can have a relationship that is fun, loving, and fulfilling. You can have late nights of curiosity-fueled talks. All this is possible when you get coached.
Right now I am making a very special offer that will only last for a limited time. If you are interested in Getting coached for 95% off Then sign up quickly cause the space is limited and they are filling fast.
TAKE THE NEXT STEP
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
If you want to have a better relationship you have to improve yourself. How are you going to help inspire those around you to be better people if you aren’t willing to improve yourself? We all have the ability to influence those who are around us. Jim Rohn said it best. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So it stands to reason that those people will also have you as part of their average.
When it comes to our relationships, being able to improve ourselves is crucial. Our relationships are important. However, their times when relationships come to an end or we do something that creates strive in that relationship. No relationship is perfect, but we can strive to get better with every interaction with other people.
No matter if it is from a fight with your wife or you are going through the loss of a breakup. If you want the best out of the relationship and your life, you can’t just sit on your laurels. You have to be willing to work toward an ultimate goal. That goal could be a stronger relationship. A better means of communication. You may decide you want to have a more, secure connection with your spouse.
How are you supposed to improve your relationship? Anytime our relationship gets a bit rocky, maybe we have some type of disagreement or other types of conflict, and our connection with that person breaks down. How do we repair that damage? Can we even repair that damage?
The answer is yes, you can repair a relationship. You can make a relationship stronger. But it takes effort from you.
Now you may wonder why I am putting all the weight on you instead of you and your spouse. That is because you can’t control your spouse. The only person you have control over is you. So how do you start having better connections with your spouse in particular And other people as a whole?
Work on the basics
as with everything in life, if you have a breakdown of a system, the best thing to do is to go back to the basics. Get simple before you get complex. So for you being a guy wanting to have a better connection with your wife, the best place to start is with the four pillars of The Relaxed Male.
Your 4 pillars
I have talked about the four pillars of The Relaxed Male many times. Because they are crucial for a well-balanced man in any scenario that he may face in today’s world. The basics of the four pillars allow you to become well-rounded and is a good foundation for you to start any self-improvement.
Man's Mind
You are nothing if you do not have your mind. This is why improving how you think. Improving how you approach your world is all based on what you know.
Many men stop reading stop learning and stop growing shortly after they get out of college. They believe they know all that they need to know they’ve hated reading and have such a stigma on learning that they don’t have anything to do with picking up another book for a very long time.
That is a huge detriment to us men. We need to be learning new skills. We need to keep our minds active. Whether that is through hobbies or whatever is currently troubling us your mind is the only way you’re going to grow as a person.
Realizing when you’re doing stuff that is uncomfortable and being OK with that discomfort is needed almost as much as food. The price for your dreams and aspirations is the discomfort.
So how do you learn new stuff? A lot of that is through Books. Reading about a topic you are interested in or a challenge you’re facing allows for you to get a better insight to what you want to accomplish. Do you get better results when you are willing to read and educate yourself?
Besides books, there are plenty of other means of learning in today’s world. From Podcasts like the one you are listening to now to conferences to meetups the phrase where there’s a will, there’s a way is no more evident now than ever all you have to do is decide you want to learn.
Man's Body
The man’s body is your health. That old adage if you don’t have your health, you’ve got nothing into a lot of you being able to have that self-improvement that you’re wanting. If you want to have a stronger connection with your wife, nothing like getting in shape. If you want to have, the ability to show her you can’t protect her and your family from the bad guys. You have to be able to have endurance. You get endurance from exercise. Do you want to show your wife that you’re going to be around for the long haul? That is you get regular exercise and eat right.
Man's Soul
What is your calling? What is your purpose? These are often meant as the same thing for, what feeds your soul?  men need a purpose to get out of bed. Men who are listless, angry, lost don’t have a purpose, or they have lost their purpose. Yet we need these drivers to ensure that our lives will be fulfilled. Our lives often become empty when we don’t have a sense of purpose.
Man's Community
This is the most important pillar that us men need to focus on. This is what allows us to work harder love deeper and have stronger connections with other people.
This Band of Brothers helps you become a better Man. They help you by sharing their lives with you. You acquire a better sense of masculinity when you are around other men regularly.
Other points that help
Well, the four pillars of Relaxed mail are great and they are a good foundation to have their other things you wanna do that help you improve your relationships by helping you improve yourself.
Failure is good
Know that anything you try is going to have the possibility of failing. We shy away from failure because it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t give us a good sense of pride. It doesn’t shine a good light on our ability.
However, we learn from failure. We learn better ways of living our life when we fail at it. We learn what type of relationships we want as opposed to what relationships we don’t want. We learn what it takes to have a strong connected family that growing up from time to time. You can’t be a good friend to other men without offending them and saying things that they don’t agree with at different times.
Failure offers you the opportunity to grow learn and improve. It’s actually better to fail several times before you have success than to have immediate success. This is because you now understand why that success feels so good.
Pay attention to your ruminations
What is it you’re thinking of? When you face a problem and you have a failure what are you thinking about? That is what’s holding you back. Pay attention to what you are ruminating over. When you do, you can start understanding what thoughts you need to interrupt.
Get Better at Having Disagreements
We are going to have disagreements with our spouses, our relatives, and our friends from time to time. The key to having a strong connected relationship is actually knowing how to have disagreements and not having them mean whatever you make them mean.
Whenever you have a disagreement and you can accept that your spouse, your kids, your friend, your boss, or someone on the street has a different view. You can actually come to understand them better and more fully by having disagreements with them. Doesn’t mean you go around trolling other people for the sake of trolling, but when you have open and honest discussions about disagreements, you grow from that experience.
Don’t run from discomfort. Don’t run from the awkwardness of having a disagreement the emotions that you feel are strictly from the thoughts that you have.
Get A Coach
One way you can have a better relationship is also by getting a coach. They can help you step through the discomfort and the thoughts that you have that are keeping you from having the relationship you want.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
We all experience pain at one time or another. Pain can be a physical sensation from a Papercut or it could be from an emotion. The pain that I am talking about today is emotional pain. The feeling that we get from the emotions that we don’t like. Emotions, for instance, powerlessness, frustration, fear, uncertainty, insecurity, humiliation, lost, are often viewed as painful and are often avoided.
These emotions and more similar to them are unpleasant to experience. Often when we feel these emotions, we want to hide from them. We want to buffer or indulge in some other activity than what we really need to be doing. It’s easier to avoid feeling these uncomfortable emotions. Nobody likes feeling lost or feeling anxious about something that they’ve never done before. Yet we’re always doing something new. We’re going to have to feel that anxiety if we want to get anything done.
Many people want to know how to you get past the emotional pain in their life. The answer is simple, but the work is not easy.
Life is 50% pain and 50% pleasure.
Life incorporates the 50/50 principle. 50% of our life is going to be a pleasure. It’s gonna be great. Those emotions are gonna be wonderful. We’re gonna be on top of the world. As we feel these emotions we are gonna be happy and fulfilled. The other 50% of the time we’re going to be in some form of emotional pain. A lot of people don’t like the fact that there is so much pain in their life So much so that they actually would rather try to bargain the ratio to be 80% happiness and 20% pain. Sadly that just shows how much we resist the thought of our life not going perfectly.
No matter how much you resist, you’re going to have pain. Then you add the fact that you’re using more energy to resist that pain which only amplifies the pain. Also, you’re doubling the experience because you worry about the pain. You can see how pain can be such a problem. If you don’t know how to manage that emotional pain it can become tremendous. you also see why so many people become overwhelmed simply because they resist and avoid the pain in their lives.
So how do you handle the painful portions of life?
The way you handle and manage the painful portions of your life is that you allow the pain to be experienced. That sounds scary. I get it. However when you allow the pain to be felt and you’re not resisting or avoiding it by buffering and feeling indulgent emotions. You realize that the pain that you’re avoiding is just a vibration. Granted that vibration may not feel the best but you’re not going to get swallowed by sorrow. You’re not gonna drown in self-pity. You’re just going to feel a slightly unpleasant vibration.
Handling and processing emotions is a skill as with everything else that we do in life. But more so with emotions because so many of us are in emotional childhood. We believe emotions just hit us upside the head out of nowhere. That is a falsity because our thoughts create our emotions.
The thought of how horrible the pain we might experience is the very reason why that pain is being avoided. Our worry and our fear are because of the thoughts we have about pain.
With practice, we find processing our emotions to get easier each time, we realize what we are feeling. What we are feeling is just the result of a thought.
Pain is what you make of it
As with everything that we avoid, the reason we avoid it is because of what we make that thought mean. We see sadness as nobody loves us. We see humiliation as potential death because we’re going to get thrown out of our village. We see a choice as limiting our opportunities instead of expanding the possibilities.
Everything we have happened to us, we take that personally. A sideways glance in our general direction could mean somebody is interested in us or somebody is disgusted with us. Which one is it? I don’t know nor do you know. We just make an assumption.
That sideways glance has as much power as the emotion that you’re avoiding in your life
Why do we avoid pain?
The reason we avoid pain is the very reason why we avoid stepping out in front of a bus. It’s not that we’re afraid of sudden death. We’re actually afraid that we’re going to live and have to deal with all the pain because of that bus meeting our body.
Our brain has a hard time differentiating between physical pain and emotional pain to our survival part of the brain. It’s all the same thing if we do something that will get us ridiculed back when we were living in caves that might cause us to get kicked out of the cave. We might be exiled from our village if that happened. Would we be able to gather enough resources to survive? Back in prehistoric times, social approval was needed. We had to make sure we appeased the Chief. We didn’t want to step too far out of the norms because we may be viewed incorrectly.
Pain doesn’t have to feel bad.
As mentioned before pain is just the way that we classify some emotions emotions are just vibrations. They may be vibrations. We don’t want to feel yet with a 50/50 lifestyle. We don’t have the choice. We will have thoughts that create sadness, loneliness, disempowerment, and Self-pity, and we can only experience those emotions
Then you add to the layer that emotions vary on what we make them mean. Therefore you can actually make emotional pain, not be so painful if you choose. There are times when we want to be in pain. Sorrow and grief are two instances of us wanting to be in pain when our grandmother dies. We don’t wanna be happy. You want to be sad. You want to grieve for the loss of your loved one. That is you showing love for someone who will not be in your life anymore. This is a very beautiful act that we humans are capable of doing.
Therefore, being intentional with your emotions doesn’t mean painful emotions are gonna be gone. It means that we choose to fully feel them at the time they happen. That means you can take a painful emotion and wear it as a badge of honor. You can do that all thanks to the thoughts that you have.
How do you deal with emotional pain?
So how do you deal with and process your emotions? These are emotions that are both good or bad. However, most of the time we need to just process the negative emotions the fear-based emotions, and the emotions that we avoid. So let’s look into how you do this
You start by acknowledging the emotion. he can’t tackle the problem if you don’t acknowledge that it’s there and the way you acknowledge it is by naming it what is that emotion that you’re feeling? What is that uneasy feeling in your chest, in your back, in your shoulders, across your midsection that feels like a steel clamp, what is that sensation right now? Name it happiness, sadness, uncertainty, fear, anger, regret, disempowerment, forlorning, lonely, burnout, boredom. What are you feeling as of right now?
Describe it
If you could take that emotion out of your body and hold it in your hands, what would it look like? Is it heavy or light? Is it soft or hard? Is it spiky scaly or glass-smooth? Describe that emotion and as much detail as you can, is it hot? Is it cold? As you do this examination, you’ll notice that the strength of the emotion starts to fade. This is the processing that we’re talking about.
Sadly, we often try to make problems bigger than what they really are. The problem with our emotions is the same way. We think they’re too big for us to be able to handle and thoroughly process. However, when you start processing and examining the emotions that you feel, you notice that those big scary monsters are nothing more than teddy bears under a blanket.
Now most emotions will only last about 1.5 -2 minutes. Yet there are times that you will just have a very stubborn emotion that you can just process away. may time these are bigger emotions that take time to process. These emotions require you to just experience them for the amount of time they are around. You may have to just go through a day or two with that emotion as you examine why you are feeling what you are feeling. This is where a counselor can come in handy especially when you are dealing with emotions that arise from past experiences. Coaches if you are trying to get over an obstacle you can move to the next goal you are aiming for.
If you want help with this all you have to do is take the next step.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Any question leading to sex.
Why We struggle with talking about sex
It requires you to be vulnerableWe take complaints personallyWe have biasesIsn't sex supposed to just happen and always be good?Or you can't have sex like that!Pushback is a threat to our beliefsWe make sex mean somethingWhy are these most intimate topics so difficult for us to talk about? Especially, when it is with the one person we are supposed to be able to openly and freely talk to.
What is holding us back from asking about sex and talking openly?
JudgedRejectionIt's not comfortable = EmbarrassingWe weren't taught to advocate for ourselvesShameWhat are the hardest questions to ask centered around sex?
Some Questions you might want to ask?
What did you learn about sex growing up and how did you learn?What would you like me to do?What do you not like for me to do?What do you wish I did more of?Where do you like to be touched, and where do you not like to be touched?When do you like to have sex?What allows you to feel the sexiest?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex with me?Did you ever have an event that negatively impacted what you think of sex?The most challenging question is
Would you like to have sex?
Summary
The episode focuses on the challenges men face in discussing sex and intimacy with their wives. The host, Bryan, acknowledges that sex is an important part of marriage for most men as a way to show love and feel loved by their spouse. However, many men struggle when their sex life declines or their wife no longer desires sex as frequently.
Bryan outlines some of the main reasons why men have difficulty talking about sex:
It requires being vulnerable, and men tend to take any criticism or complaints personally.People have biases and differing beliefs around certain sexual acts like oral sex, bondage, etc. which makes those topics awkward to discuss.There is shame and taboo around discussing sex from societal conditioning that sex is "dirty."Men were never taught to properly advocate for their wants/needs, especially something as intimate as sex.There is a fear of rejection, as men have likely been turned down for sex many times before in the relationship.The host suggests that rather than making assumptions or turning to pornography out of frustration, men need to have open conversations with their wives about sex. He provides example questions to help start the dialogue, such as asking about sexual experiences growing up, acts they would/wouldn't want to try, times of day they prefer sex, and if there are any past negative experiences impacting their sexuality.
Ultimately, the most challenging part is simply asking "Would you like to have sex?" But Bryan encourages men to overcome the awkwardness and shame to advocate for their desire for intimacy and connection through sex. He offers his coaching services to help men improve their ability to discuss these topics with their wives.
Take the Next Step and Get Coached - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
So we have noticed that the lack of intentionality with our significant other has to change. To be able to change you have to know how you arrived in the circumstance you are in now. That is what we are going to be talking about this week. What actions did we take to break our connection?
***Warning***
Don't fall into the victim mindset here. You may want to say,
"Well, she doesn't try either."
"She started it"
"She is just cold"
"She never liked the marriage to start"
or any other excuses. even if she said that to your face, your thoughts are what makes it true. So what was your part in this scenario? When you start being honest that you had a hand in your marriage's doldrums too, you start to see where your power is and you can fix it by changing yourself. Think of the law of reciprocity or the 100/0 principle.
You are the leader of the house. Not the boss of the home but the leader and there is nuance as to how a good leader leads.
So what did you do to send your loving sex-filled marriage into the frustrating mediocrity of roommate syndrome?
Being a know-it-all
Has your wife ever reminded you of something you need to do and you said, "I know"? Maybe you step all over her talking with your own thoughts and views? Many times when we are running on unintentional thoughts we will be Mr. Know-it-all. We are in a hurry to get our thoughts sent out before we forget them and we end up forgetting that we want to connect with our wife. So What do we do? Blurt out our thoughts and not show her the courtesy or respect that is needed for a good connected conversation.
We don't have to expound all of our knowledge all at once. Our wife believes we can be awesome and smart. She is also awesome and smart so maybe hold back and if needed write the retort down so you can remember it.
Try to fix it
She doesn't want you to fix the problem. She wants the opportunity to share her life with you. When she complains about the day she had she’s not wanting sympathy as much as she is wanting to share her life.
The problem many of us men have is that we take our wife’s retelling and make it mean something worse. That she is suffering she’s in pain. She is not having a pleasant time and that it reflects badly upon us. Many of us men also have a tendency to become anxious, worried, scared, angry, or some other fear-based emotion That we want to avoid.
so instead of listening and connecting with her wife, we want to rush in with our toolbelt and get our wife to be happier instantly. Life doesn’t work that way how many times has our wife tried to get us to smile and cheer up and it doesn’t work? The same thing goes for her.
When we try to fix the problem often, our wife thinks that we don’t care about what her day was about. We want to hurry the conversation along so that we don’t have to connect with our wives. That is the very opposite of what we want. We want to connect with our wife. We want to have a wonderful relationship with our wife. We know that we have to have a good emotional connection with our wife, but we also don’t wanna feel bad. Therefore, we toss all of the work we’re doing out the window.
Have your phone out at supper
We gripe at our teenagers for having the phone out at times. We really want to connect. These phones that we have today are these wondrous little machines that give us feel-good emotional bumps every second of the day.
The big problem though is that when we don’t have our phones in our hands, the amount of serotonin and dopamine levels drop which tells our brain that we are bored. Our brain does not like to be bored. It likes that stimulation that it gets from that little rectangular slab of plastic glass and metal. so often when we are being unintentional in our life that phone magically appears in our hand. So what are you do?
How do you keep from having that phone out at supper? That’s work right there. You have to get over your thoughts of what boredom actually means.
To your wife, the phone being out means the same thing as the phone being out to the kids. She interprets you reading your email looking up some piece of trivia or what as you’re not interested in her. The same goes around for your wife if she has the phone and you want to talk. You know how that feels so you have to start intentionally paying attention to what your hands are doing while you’re waiting for a refill of the bread basket.
You can start turning the phone off when you go to eat. You can also take the phone and set it face down on a different table to signify that you don’t have the phone. And then start asking questions. Talk to your wife. Don’t fix as before, but have deep conversations by asking questions.
Porn
When it comes to marriage, we’re supposed to have sex on a regular basis. Well, that’s what we like to tell ourselves. Yet often as the years go on and kids come onto the scene lovemaking gets relegated to the back of the closet.
we get told through the years of all the times our wife has a headache all the times her wife is too cold all the times her wife is too hot all the times she is angry at us all the times that she is got other things on her mind. All the times that she is just flat out not in the mood all those times we get told no add up.
Eventually, we start looking at porn. Eventually, we will fall into a victim mindset around porn well I just wanna see someone have sex. I wanna know someone’s at least doing it and we use that as an easy to get some type of sexual gratification. However, porn causes major disconnection to our marriage. it’s easier to go to a porn site on the Internet than to have a connection with your wife. It’s easier to look at fake women that it is to talk to the real woman who is in the bedroom down the hall.
You’ll hear people say that porn can be addicting. I won’t say that, but it is a very easy habit to fall into because of the reward cycles that happen. You can get away from using porn. And you don’t have to be ashamed of it. You can step away from the dirty movies. But again you have to have thoughts about how you’re going to handle porn and how you’re going to improve the sex life between you and your wife.
Playing the victim
If you know anything about this site, you know, I am not for the victim. Playing the victim, aren’t you no respect? It causes more suffering than it benefits and makes the victim look like an all-around loser.
If you want to have a connection with your wife, pointing the blame that you’re unhappy at her is going to fix the problem pointing the blame that you’re unhappy to anybody else is not going to fix the problem. The only person who can fix the problem is the one who is complaining. Your wife wants a hero, not the victim loser who whines about how everything is not fair.
To fix the problem you have to own up to your own shortcomings. You have to own your dirt. This is scary to a natural victim but becomes very empowering as you exercise your anti-victim mindset.
Your wife will start seeing you hold your head a little higher as you take responsibility for your actions. You start taking responsibility for where you are in life. And you start changing your trajectory. 
Not believing what she says
Connection is built on a foundation of trust. And it is very tough to have trust when someone keeps telling you you’re wrong. When the person who’s supposed to have your back, doesn’t believe what you’re saying there’s not gonna be much connection going on. When your wife is telling you something that happened in her day, interrupting her isn’t going to fix the problem if she is talking about something that she sees from her eyes that you’re doing telling her she’s wrong doesn’t help your case.
A big part to remember is that she’s going off of how she perceives what’s going on. The same as your world is based upon how you perceive the world so instead of telling her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she says you never take the trash out, get curious this is when you really need to be curious in the heat of a of an argument ask the questions and start trying to see the world from her eyes.
Doing that practicing the four pillars of effective communication actually allow for greater connection and a greater understanding of your wife for those times when she is seeing her world in a particular fashion.
Being apathetic
Many times in our marriage we won’t have the same interest as what our spouse has. There isn’t any enthusiasm and we could honestly care less about what Cynthia in sales is doing with her life. Yet to express that apathy to your wife is the same as just pulling out your phone at the dinner table. You have to show her you are interested. You have to show curiosity and how her day went. You can do this by asking questions actively listening also helps, but showing how apathetic you are severs connections, faster than a hot razor blade through butter. 
Letting date night slide
It’s Friday night it’s date night. But you really are not kind of feeling good about going out tonight. Rather just kinda stay home and just loaf instead of getting dressed up and taking the wife out. Or maybe kiddos been sick and then the wife got sick and so there’s been two or three weeks of no date night. We’ll do it next week now that is the crack of roommate syndrome starting.
Be intentional with your date nights. Yes, they’re gonna be times you're not in the mood to go out yet go out. It’s the small investments in your relationship that pay out in spades.
Do those little things that don’t seem to matter. We’re married. I don’t need to date my wife anymore. That’s where you’re wrong. You need to date your wife even more after you’re married than when y’all were single and dating.
Being vague
Marriage is about the connection. And those connections require specificity. So being vague transmits a lack of interest and also a bit of secrecy. Are you hiding something from your wife? What is it?
Women tend to bend to the worst possible outcome. When they start worrying, they get out of control at times. If they don’t feel they can trust you they’re going to pull away that pulling away is going to disconnect you from each other.
Go into details when you’re talking about today. This is what your wife wants to hear. When she wants you to open up, she wants you to open up with your day. She doesn’t necessarily mean your emotions. She wants to know the details of your day. Stop being vague about what happened at work and start throwing those details at her.
Manipulate her emotions
This one is for the nice guys. I get it you are scared of your emotions. Whether you want to admit it or not, your wife’s emotions are just as scary as your own. But let her have her emotions. You have your own and yes, they are not very comfortable at times. However, if you want a good connection with your wife, you have to let her experience her on emotions. When she’s mad at you being OK with her being mad at you doesn’t mean that the marriage is over. Just means that she is not happy with an action word that you said.
We have to stop trying to manipulate our wife because her emotions matter to her she may not like them and she’s gonna do things that cause her to avoid her own emotions, but let her cope with her emotions and you cope with yours.
Don’t talk
When relationships really start to crumble, and roommates syndrome has got its claws dug deeply into a relationship. The big indicator is when you aren’t talking with each other anymore.
This lack of talking can stem from too many fights the avoidance of fighting the manipulation of each other‘s emotions The lack of communication is a desperate sign because both sides are pulling away and there is hope that the relationship can get better but it’s going to take effort lots of intentional effort on your part. Being OK with trying something and failing and having to step back and Try again.
Not intentionally spending time with each other
Many times us getting together requires that you actually have to schedule time. Sounds weird sounds so unromantic but yet when y’all were dating, you scheduled date night. He scheduled other parts of your life. So scheduling reconnection time is also critically important for you and your wife.
This can also go for scheduling sex. Now, many people cringe at that thinking that sex should be this spontaneous event that erupts yet ask yourself why has the sex died down? 90% of the time it’s because other things have come up y’all gotten busy you hadn’t connected. Life happens.
Being in emotional childhood
We talk about people being reactionary and being somebody who reacts to circumstances and an emotional way and often runs around, believing that emotions just happened to them. They believe that emotions just float through the air and you somehow just run face-first into them.
This is emotional childhood. When you think emotions just happen to you without any cause. You are unbearably just a victim of your own emotions. When you are in emotional childhood, that’s what you’re thinking. Emotions don’t just happen to you. Emotions require thought to happen before you can feel any type of emotion. When you comprehend the fact that your emotions come from you you enter an emotional adult and you are able to understand why you feel happy sad or whatever.
When you are in an emotional childhood though you want to think that your wife makes you happy or your wife makes you sad. If your wife is in emotional childhood, she thinks you’re supposed to make her happy and that is impossible. You have no power to make your wife happy, you can show her Waze that you love her and she then has the choice to believe that thought you shared or rejected out of hand. This is why so many marriages fail these days they think their spouse is supposed to make them happy yet their spouse isn’t even happy if they can’t figure out how to make themselves happy how are they supposed to make you happy?
Overly critical
Dogging on your wife, your wife’s friends or anybody else who is close to your spouse is a good way of breaking up a connection. Because if you’re critical of those around her, how critical are you of her? You both are supposed to know everything about each other so if you’re critical about your wife’s friend, that’s probably going to tell you that she’s been having thoughts that you’re overly critical of her.
Being critical of other people causes them to close off from you. Why do they want to open up to somebody who’s just going to be very critical of what they think of what the hell they act of what they do? 
Using her as your therapist
Another way, you separate the emotional connection you want from your wife is by using her as your therapist. No, you’re not supposed to use your wife as an emotional dumping ground. That’s one thing a lot of counselors get wrong. That you’re supposed to open up emotionally to your wife. You’re supposed to tell her all your fears and your concerns and the times that you’re anxious and everything else that’s farthest from the truth. Women want to know about your day they want the details of your day. They want to know how your day went in gritty minutia. The more they see you caring, you show them that you want to include them in your day.
They don’t want emotional vomit thrown upon them. When you are dumping all your emotional baggage upon your wife, you’re not helping build a connection you’re tiring her out she’s supposed to be able to come to you to dump her emotional baggage. You’re the man you’re strong enough to handle it. you’re also supposed to have other men around you so that they can help you with that load your band of Brothers your community is where you do your emotional unloading and the other man in your group will help you do that in a healthy manner not just stand around going well I feel really anxious today doesn’t help you become a better husband for your wife telling her how scared you are of every little thing around you And how your dad was not caring of you doesn’t help her. See you as a better man. Talk to your band Brothers about the emotional stuff. Take your wife’s emotional baggage from her and share it with your men. They will bring positive masculine energy to you to be able to share with your wife and kids.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
After 10 to 20 years of marriage, you may notice that the roommate syndrome has crept in and has set up Shop right in your bedroom. You may be noticing that there are a lot of things that are just kind of normal. Maybe you think that’s how things just are. However, this stuff can change. The connection that you are used to hasn't gone it’s just not being used. Your emotional connections are a lot like a muscle and you have to exercise it to keep it strong.
When we have that strong connection in our relationships, we experience a more fulfilling relationship. That connection is what our wife needs to be intimate with us. We often stand around, wondering why she doesn’t want to sleep with us anymore or why the sex has faded away to being once every three months when it used to be we were rocking our socks off every other day. The answer is, that we’ve let life happen. We’ve had arguments and we’ve said things that hurt each other’s feelings. We’ve lashed out because we were hurting emotionally. It means that we would rather feel emotionally safe and not feel hurt as much. Therefore, we withdraw.
That withdrawal pattern amplifies in distance as the years pass. Add kids and other responsibilities and eventually that smoking hot bride that we had isn’t putting on teddys and garter belts for us anymore. She is now in fuzzy pajama pants, a long nightgown sweatshirt with fuzzy socks. You can’t remember the last time she touched her makeup and getting her to go outside amongst people in public is like pulling teeth. When you look back you see and remember how adventurous she used to be. That lack of connection and that lack of communication is what created the problem you’re experiencing now.
Is there any hope? Should you just give up on this marriage and go find a younger model? I would dissuade from the divorce thoughts because you have years of connection. You need to have a reawakening to see that wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling marriage you both still have. The Key is you just have to work at rebuilding that connection now.
Start with the end in mind
When it comes to building a strong connection, you want to start with the end in mind. That means stepping back and examining what does a connected intimate marriage actually look like. Yes, it’s gonna have more sex for sure but what else? Are you ok with the possibility that the sex may never come back to what it was before? What does that look like? How do y’all reconnect each night before bed? How do you set aside intentional time for your wife? How do you foster a deeper connection during the hard times? What does your life with a deep meaningful fulfilling connection look like to you? That is the important part that we miss. How do we go about having a great fulfilling marriage? These are all questions you want to ask regularly.
Many times we step through life without intention so much so that we don’t even think of what we want our marriage to look like or how we want to act toward each other. We think that the other person is supposed to be bringing us joy, happiness, and fulfillment, but that is not the case. Your wife sadly cannot bring you happiness. Your wife cannot make you happy in any form. She doesn't have that power. The same goes for you. You are not able to make your wife happy. No matter what you say or do, you’re not gonna bring joy or fulfillment to her life. All of that is based upon your thoughts, so you have to first understand and examine and do the thought work on what you believe a good healthy marriage is about.
How do you think You behave when there’s a crisis how do you show up to that circumstance? Look in examine how you want your life to be from every possible angle and then look and see where you don’t show up like that and why do you not show up like that? What are you making your wife saying she’s got a headache mean about your relationship? you want to make sure you have those thoughts processed. Make plans as to how you would like to show up for your wife. Have a vision of how you will be. Don't worry about your wife. You have no control over her.
Understand your why and want to change.
What is it about your marriage that is unfulfilling? That’s a great question to ask, isn’t it? Can you answer that question honestly to yourself? What part of that scenario is your fault? That’s a big one if you’re able to answer that. You’re gonna be well on your way to finding answers and being able to change your marriage for the better, if you can see how you had a hand in creating this roommate syndrome.
The next part of your marriage that you want to examine is why you want to change. Yeah, the sex may not be as frequent as you would like, but that is just one aspect of a beautiful marriage. If all you can complain about is that you’re not getting as much nookie as you want, then other issues and that is a little bit more work. I would recommend that you look at your beliefs around marriage and sex.
Look at your "why" and examine that "why". Come to understand the reasons around why you want to better your marriage. That "why" is going to be your motivation. You are going to have rough spots as you make changes in your life. When it’s not going the way you wanted it to go you will need to turn to your "why". You’ve told your spouse that you’re gonna make changes in the past. You probably have told her that you were going to do any number of things that have never actually happened. This is because if you want her to change, you gotta show her how dedicated you are to that change. That dedication may take years. It’s not gonna be one week down the road for darn sure. So you have to lean on your "why". Why do you want a better marriage? Why do you want stronger connections and stronger communication with your wife? When you have that "why" you’ll be able to press through those difficult times. Other people just give up and revert back to their old comfortable ways, but not. you because you know why you want a better marriage.
When you have a why you can step into having a better relationship with your wife. You can do so with full knowledge and intention as to the direction you’re going to take your life and your family.
How are you going to intentionally improve your marriage?
Answer that question as honestly as you possibly can. That's because it’s gonna take all of your intentionality to improve the connection in your marriage. It’s going to take intentionally going to your wife sitting down and talking with her regularly. It’s gonna take you intentionally sharing your day with her no matter how dull and boring you think it is.
When you start becoming intentional in your actions you’re going to get better results. Are you going to still screw up? Oh hell yes, you are. You’re gonna mess up more times than you get right. As long as you are trying and you’re moving forward, and you’re examining what you’ve done with intention, you will see where you’ve messed up. Those problems will be easier to spot and change. You will make your life and your wife’s life better.
Layout your plans
We like to think that we can play things by ear. We can adjust. We have more freedom when we can make changes on the fly. Making plans and examining those plans change the results a lot more than just playing it by ear. Executing those plans is your road to success. If you don’t know where you’re going, are you going to get there? If you don’t know where you wanna wind up how are you even know if you’re close? You have to make plans with your wife.
Every Saturday at 8 o’clock, I’m going to have a conversation with my wife.Every evening at 6 o’clock me and the wife are going to go for a walk.Every Tuesday and Thursday I’m going to wash the dishes.I am going to buy flowers on Friday For my bride.List out what you want to accomplish. Then stick to those almost as religiously as you can. Yeah, there’s gonna be times that the’s kid's have an event is on Friday so you may not be able to go out for steak night. However, if every Friday night is date night, then you pretty much will nail every Friday night as being steak night.
Treat those date nights seriously. Maybe Saturday nights are your date nights now. Therefore, you start intentionally getting dressed up. Go two levels better than what you normally dress. Put on some cologne. Add some deodorant. Wash the undercarriage and go out into town with your wife and don’t expect anything in return for the adventure. If you’re expecting something in return that’s called manipulation and you’re breaking the connection even more.
Work on yourself, not on your wife.
The biggest part of improving your connection with her wife is to not try to fix her. If you think the problem is her, then you need to step back and examine your part of the scenario. She is withdrawn. She’s not putting out she’s not wanting to open up, my response would be what did you do to that. I get this is a difficult question to ask because we don’t want to say our Rose our fault but they are. Now could it be that we have been trying everything and our wife has had an affair? Yeah, there is a chance that that’s happened, but there is a bigger chance that she lost the emotional connection thanks to roommate syndrome and she just happened to find a guy who fit the Bill who makes her feel alive again. So you have to face up to the very uncomfortable fact that it’s not 100% your fault, but you did play a part in perpetuating the breakdown of that connection. This statement isn’t a means to bring upon self-hatred in any way, but when you can be honest with yourself, you’re going to be more willing to make the needed changes and put in the needed effort to fix what is broken in your marriage.
That doesn’t mean you start using your wife as a therapist either. That’s what your band of Brothers is about. You see our wives are not supposed to be our therapists. Our wives are not wanting us to open up emotionally. They do not want us to vomit our emotional feelings all over them. They want to be able to pass their negative experiences and their negative emotions over to you so that you can turn them into positive emotions again. They can’t do that when you’re throwing all of your negative experiences at them.
The secret to what women want from us is the one thing that guys don’t enough of and that is talk about the minuscule minute boring details of our day. When they want us to open up, that’s what they’re talking about. You opening up your life events to them. That’s why we struggle as men. We struggle as hard as we do. Because we’re opening up in the wrong way. Women want to be involved in our lives. Step back and look at how your wife talks to her friends. They go into detail about their day what they’re feeling what they’re seeing. What they experiencing. Look at the same scenario that they’re describing. There is this mountain that's got three really big large jagged cracks that go down the length of the mountain and it’s just so majestic when the sun hits it at a particular time of the day and it turns into a bright, fiery orange colored glow. While we just say we saw a big mountain and it was cool to see. These are big differences that help them feel involved in your life. That is what they mean when they say they want you to open up.
Work on your four pillars of Relaxed Male
Think back, to when you and your wife first married. You were young you had dreams and ideas and passions that you were going to conquer the world. What changed between then and now? That Dr. that passion doesn’t burn nearly as hot as it used to if it’s burning at all if it’s even smoldering, how big is your friend now? Maybe one good friend maybe one guy you call a friend but you’re not sure. How are you improving your life? Are you still in this great shape now, as you were 20 years ago? These are all things that attracted to us. So why do you think our wife is not attracted to us now?
Man’s mind
Your mind is the most important tool that you have. It’s what is needed for you to have a fulfilling relationship with your wife. It is also what you need to be a good dad for your kids. Your mind is tied to you. Yeah, so many of us men choose to not Exercise our minds at all. We would rather zone out on television games or anything else than continue to feed our minds. Men as soon as they graduate from high school cut their reading amount in half and then they continue to decrease as they go further in their education and college to where they cut down to almost 90% of the reading by the time they are out of school, we become smarter from the knowledge we receive in books, podcasts, lectures, and conferences. And yes, some of these cost money but others are free.
Most men learn the most from books. Knowledge has been passed down from generation to generation because of books. Yeah, ask people why they don’t read all I fall asleep if I start reading well yeah you will. If you tell yourself that enough do not fall asleep, watching television or watching a movie? Because the movie is shorter that can be some of it yeah but when you are reading, you can take that as a point of pride.
The interesting part about reading though is that you actually don’t need a book anymore or better term you don’t have to actually read the book anymore. You can have other people read the book to you. So you can grab the knowledge for whatever topic interests you. And consume it while you’re mowing the lawn why are you doing dishes folding towels or whatever another means of being able to learn some more is through podcasts like the one you’re listening to Other podcasts can help you in several fields that you like to know about. Some conferences are on topics that also write up your interest.
Becoming smarter, expanding your knowledge, and challenging your mind so that you don’t become fixed on just one style of thought. You will fall behind if you don’t keep your learning up you can’t find new ways to have stronger connections with your wife unless you have new knowledge you can share with her. Work on The Man's Mind Pillar and see how much of your world opens up.
Man’s Body
There’s a good chance that when you were 25 you’re in a lot better shape than you now as 35, 45, or even 55 years old. Now this can be because of a decrease in testosterone that we get as we age. It could also just be that our work has us sitting for 12 hours each day, and many times we don’t change our eating habits that we used to have when we were young dumb kids. This has gotten us into trouble because we have to be able to show our wives that we can protect them and we cant if we are out of shape. Many of us when we walk up a flight of five steps, and by the time we get there, we’re huffing and puffing through our mouths. How are we going to protect our loved ones when it comes to hand-to-hand combat?
We show our wife that we care about her and that we’re willing to stay around for the long haul when we have to have a healthy life. Now it doesn’t mean you have to go vegan. No, it doesn’t mean you have to go strictly carnivore, either. It means practicing moderation. Eat the right amount of meat. Eat the right amount of fruits and vegetables. Eat the right amount of grains. Drink plenty of water. Better if you abstain from smoking and drink alcohol in moderation too. You will live a healthier life if you are practicing moderation in every aspect.
If you don’t, then you wind up developing diabetes and you can’t stand on your own 2 feet when you’ve had one amputated so you have to take care of your body. so that you can’t take care of your wife and kids. You have to always work on the Man's Body Pillar for the benefit of those you care about.
Man’s Soul
What gets you out of bed in the morning? Is there something in your life that you cannot see yourself not doing?
You see we men need purpose. We need a sense of direction. These are the driving factors of what keep men, young, healthy, and vibrant. Men who work and take immense pride in what they do. Yet these same men shrivel up and pass away once they lose that sense of identity. Men live longer, healthier, happier, more fulfilled lives, when they have a wife, somebody they can protect and care for and nurture. Yet if a man lives longer than his wife. He will often end up passing within five years of her dying, because those men had their purpose. That man had his "why" and as soon as that "why" was taken from him there was no need to keep going on.
What is your sense of purpose? What is it that you like to do that you cannot stand to have anybody else getting your way of doing that? If you have one of those burning desires, that light will shine in attract other people to you that will shine and attract your wife to be closer to you, if you don’t have that why you become just a warm body with little to no life in them. So what is your purpose? If you don't know then that could very well be your purpose at the moment. FInd your purpose.
To draw people, like your wife, into your world having your soul shine as bright as possible means you want to feed your soul and that is what the man's soul pillar does.
Man's community
Quite possibly the most important pillar of a man’s life is a man's community pillar. How many friends do you have that you can turn to on a moment's notice? How many of those friends do you see on a daily and weekly basis? How many of these men do you know beyond being just a good friend?
Men need other men in their lives. To be able to refresh their masculinity they need other masculine men in their lives. Look at the men who you know that congregate at coffee shops, the old Dairy Queen, and the coffee cup cafés. These old men are often farmers, and meet regularly day in and day out. It may not seem like they’re talking about much other than the normal humdrum run of the day. Yet, what they’re doing for each other is ensuring that they bring home the masculine energy to their family. That masculine energy is positive and uplifting. It is caring, that men become frazzled beaten, and alone. Even if we do have a wife and kids, we cannot go without having other men in our lives.
Get honestly curious
One of the greatest ways that you can help build a connection with your wife doesn't involve long soliloquies about how she means the world to you. It doesn’t require you to stand up and profess your undying love for her. It involves lowly questions. That’s all. Ask simple questions about what your wife is saying.
Asking questions does two things, one it shows your wife that you’re paying attention. We all like to know that the person we’re talking to is actually paying attention to us. The best way to do that is to ask questions about what they are saying. Yes, this does mean we have to pay attention to what our wife is talking about. I will agree that sometimes she throws in a lot of details about stuff that we could care less about. However, if we want our wives to understand that we do care for her, those details are important to her. That is how she communicates by talking about the little details that happened in her day about the weird radioactive green candy wrapper that was stuck to the bottom of her shoe or talking about the person who was trying to put on their makeup in their car that almost ran her over, the makeup that she was using doesn’t match her complexion.
When your wife talks about particular problems, get details from her about it. Pay attention to what details she gives you. It shows you what’s important to her and helps you to come to understand your wife even more. Understanding and those questions will help bridge that connection together to be tighter, stronger, and more resilient than any other exercise you can do
Listen don’t fix
Now, guys, we are guilty of this, especially the nice guys. The nice guys can’t stand when our wife is feeling any emotion that causes us to feel uneasy. So if she’s upset, we’re gonna try to find ways to get her to stop being upset not because of her being upset, but because we don’t like the anxiety and the uncertainty that we feel because she is upset.
When we jump in awe and try to fix the problem, we’re not fixing the problem. We’re manipulating the circumstances. We're manipulating her emotions were manipulating not helping so you have to be good with your own emotions. Except that you’re going to feel uneasy, sad, anxious, angry or whatever it is that you feel. You may feel powerless, and you have to be OK with it. So that you can help your wife by listening.
That is the key to not fixing your wife. She just wants to be heard. She wants to hear what is happening in your life and she wants to have equal opportunity to share her life with you, when she feels like she has a good connection with you, her clothes will have a higher possibility of falling off for you. The sex comes from the fact that she can trust you emotionally. When she knows that her emotions are not going to cause you to tailspin into Mr. Fix-It mode, she will be happier to share her emotions with you. The more her emotions are shared with you the safer she feels with you. The safer she feels with you the more chances we get the intimacy that we want in our marriage.
Take action
Finally, after you’ve made your plans and you’ve decided what actions you want to take then it’s time for the hard part. This is the taking action you wanted. You wanna walk with your wife every day at 6 PM well be OK with missing the football game if it happens to be running at 6 PM, and be OK with missing the evening news. If you want to walk with your wife at 6 PM don’t try to compromise with yourself on anything other than what the action is. When you do that you fall out of integrity with your own self. Then that lack of integrity shows up in other parts of your life. Above all else to self be true and you have to be true to yourself. Are you truly OK with your wife being upset? If you want her to be emotionally trusting of you then yes you have to be OK with her being upset not rushing to fix the problem if you want her to be able to share her life with you, you have to share your life with her. You have to study. Good communication skills. If you don’t think you have good communication skills that’s where you incorporate the man’s mind pillar, you’re showing her that you are getting better and that you’re making an effort if you’re trying the more that you do the more of a connection you develop the more connection the better marriage.
Take The Next Step- https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer -
You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace.
Our Bodies are also like thatAre you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key.
Our projects are like that.Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome.
Our relationships are also like thatDo you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship?
We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world?
All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow.
LinksGet a New Podcast App
SummaryThe main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results.
The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling.
The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors.
The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships.
For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key.
The overarching solution is to put high-quality "inputs" or effort into the four pillars of life: body, mind, community, and soul. Our thoughts ultimately create our reality, so being mindful of our self-talk and inputs is crucial.
Brian offers his discounted one-on-one coaching services to help men identify their ideal dream life and make a plan to put in consistent inputs across the key life areas to ultimately get their desired outputs and results.
The main takeaway is that the quality of what we get out of our health, goals, and relationships is a direct reflection of the quality and quantity of what we put into those areas through our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and efforts. Applying this "you get what you give" principle is key to transforming one's life experience.
00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:42 The Three Spaces 00:07:35 Body and Mind 00:12:22 Nurturing Relationships 00:18:47 Input Equals Output 00:21:39 Putting in Effort 00:23:24 Closing Words
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With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift.
Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions. What is living with intention?
Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time.
But what if you don't know?
review your actions and make decisions Why we don't live with intention?
It's scary
We are responsible Where do you start?
Start by making a decisions
Then plan out how you are going to reach those results
Take action Take the Next Step
Get coaching for 95% off
Summary
The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are:
What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy.Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances.Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something.Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions.How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions.The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore.Catch the Show notes athttps://www.relaxedmale.com/the-power-of-living-life-intentionally/
Chapters(00:00) Introduction to The Relaxed Male
(02:18) The Power of Intention
(02:53) Understanding Intentionality in Life
(06:37) The Impact of Intention on Lifes Path
(07:43) Being Intentional as a Parent
(09:40) Consequences of Unintentional Actions
(14:31) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality
(16:59) Making Decisions for Intentional Living
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome
The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder. Why does this happen?past disagreements
It is easier
Rejection free
How to rekindle the sparkKnow what the roommate syndrome is about.
Start with the end in mind
Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.
It starts with the small stuff
Rediscover the silly you
95% Off Coaching Offer
SummaryHere is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:
The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.
He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.
The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:
Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list. Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem. Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.
Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.
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What does the world look like when you are curious
Why it is good to get curiousYou see more out there
You see what is possible
Better at problem-solving
You are more relatable
More creative
More Fulfilment
Strengthens relationshipsApplying those to your relationships
You understand your spouse or friend more
You learn and discover more
Curiosity helps you to connect even more
it deepens the intimacy with your spouse
Want to learn how to have more curiosity in your relationships then take the Next step?
SummaryThe main topic of this podcast episode is the importance of being curious in life, relationships, and personal growth. The host, Bryan, explains that having a curious mindset allows you to find more joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
He discusses how when we are young, we are naturally very curious about the world around us. As we get older, that innate curiosity tends to fade as we settle into routines and stop questioning things as much. However, maintaining a sense of curiosity is vital for several reasons:
Curiosity opens up new possibilities and helps spark creativity to solve problems in innovative ways, especially for entrepreneurs. Being curious makes you a better problem solver in all areas of life rather than just accepting "That's how we've always done it." Curiosity makes you more relatable and eager to learn from others. It shows you don't know everything. A curious mindset is a growth-oriented abundant mindset, whereas a lack of curiosity leads to a scarcity mindset of just holding on to what you have.The episode emphasizes how curiosity can greatly strengthen relationships, especially with your spouse/partner. Asking questions, being interested in her perspective/hobbies, and striving to understand why she does things a certain way builds intimacy and makes her feel heard and understood.
Practical tips are given like the "5 whys" approach to get to the root of someone's motivations by repeatedly asking "Why?" Curiosity about your partner's world helps create deeper connections. Even asking about topics you don't care about can make the other person feel you're a great conversationalist.
Overall, the host advises making a conscious effort to embrace curiosity by asking more questions, being open to learning, and examining the details of the world around you. This curiosity will lead to more fulfillment, stronger bonds, creative problem-solving, and personal growth.
00:00:00 The Power of Curiosity 00:01:47 Embracing Curiosity in Life 00:05:30 Challenging the Status Quo 00:07:28 Embracing Growth Through Curiosity 00:11:10 Curiosity vs. Scarcity Mindset 00:11:25 Strengthening Relationships Through Curiosity 00:11:46 Unveiling Relationship Dynamics with Curiosity 00:17:59 Building Strong Connections Through Curiosity
- Näytä enemmän
