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As the holiday season approaches, it's the perfect time to reflect on the past year and prepare for the new one. In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the importance of reviewing our lives and setting goals for 2025. Host Bryan Goodwin, a certified coach, guides us through the process of self-examination and goal setting, emphasizing the significance of the four pillars of a relaxed male: mind, body, soul, and community.
Bryan shares his personal journey with Relaxed Male, discussing the challenges and successes he's faced over the past seven years. He highlights the importance of setting realistic goals and celebrating achievements, no matter how small. By conducting an after-action review, we can learn from our successes and failures, paving the way for personal growth.
The episode also explores the significance of having a strong community and the role it plays in personal development. Brian encourages listeners to focus on building relationships and expanding their network, as these connections can greatly influence our success and happiness.
Looking ahead to 2025, Brian shares his goals, including losing 50 pounds, attending a conference, and making new contacts. He emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision and the determination to achieve it, while also being prepared for challenges along the way.
Join Bryan as he offers insights and practical advice on how to make the upcoming year a successful and fulfilling one, by focusing on personal growth and building a supportive community.
https://www.relaxedmale.com/trycoaching -
The podcast focuses on the concept of taking one's wife off a metaphorical pedestal in a relationship. The host, Bryan, discusses how men often idealize their wives, creating an unrealistic and ultimately harmful dynamic in their marriages.
Bryan explains that when men place their wives on a pedestal, they create an impossible standard of perfection. This idealization actually prevents genuine connection and love. By elevating their wives to an unreachable status, men inadvertently create distance and pressure that makes it difficult for their wives to be themselves.
The host, identifying as a recovering "nice guy," shares insights into how this pedestal mentality stems from feelings of unworthiness. Men often believe they don't deserve their wife's love, so they compensate by worshipping her. However, this approach backfires. It makes the wife uncomfortable and creates an unsustainable relationship dynamic where she feels constant pressure to maintain an impossible image.
Bryan emphasizes that wives are human beings with complex emotions and changing states. They go through various phases - sometimes feeling sexy and energetic, other times tired and overwhelmed, especially during different life stages like parenthood. When men expect their wives to maintain a constant, idealized state, they set themselves up for disappointment and resentment.
The key to a healthy relationship, according to Bryan, is accepting your wife's full humanity. This means allowing her to experience and express her emotions without trying to fix or judge them. It means being comfortable with her changing appearance, mood, and priorities. By removing her from the pedestal and treating her as an equal partner, men actually create space for deeper love and connection.
Bryan also addresses the challenge this presents for men, who are naturally inclined to solve problems and take action. He advises listeners to resist the urge to immediately fix their wife's emotions and instead simply be present and accepting.
Towards the end of the podcast, Bryan promotes an upcoming workshop called "Storm Master" aimed at helping men improve their relationships by understanding and managing their internal emotional landscape. He encourages listeners to share the podcast with others who might benefit from its insights about relationship dynamics and personal growth.
The overall message is profound in its simplicity: true love means accepting your partner completely, without conditions or unrealistic expectations, and allowing them the freedom to be fully human. -
Puuttuva jakso?
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This week on The Relaxed Male, we have a special guest, Dawn Wiggins, host of the podcast Dear Divorce Diaries. We dive deep into the world of marriage counseling and explore what couples can expect from therapy. Dawn shares insights on how to navigate the painful journey of divorce and offers strategies to prevent it by fostering healthier relationships.
We discuss the concept of conflict avoidance, a common issue many men face, and how it impacts relationships. Dawn explains the importance of emotional processing and the dangers of becoming "comfortably numb" through distractions like work, screens, and substances. We explore how men can step into conflict constructively and create relationships worth fighting for.
Dawn shares her experiences with homeopathy and its impact on emotional well-being, offering a fresh perspective on alternative medicine. We also touch on the importance of grounding oneself in a belief system and how it can provide stability during conflicts.
Throughout the episode, we emphasize the significance of self-acceptance and understanding repetitive patterns in relationships. Dawn provides practical advice for men to improve their connections with their partners by observing and addressing deeper issues.
Join us for an enlightening conversation that challenges traditional views on masculinity and offers actionable steps for personal growth and relationship improvement.
Information on Our Guest
Dawn Wiggins Therapy
She specializes in EMDR, Tapping, Marriage therapy, and psychotherapy. With her offices based in Florida, she does in-person and online sessions.
Dawn also is a divorce coach helping women learn to process their thoughts and emotions so that they are able to grow from their experience.
Divorce Coaching - https://mycoachdawn.com/
Dawn's Therapy Website - https://www.dawnwigginstherapy.com/
Podcast: Dear Divorce Diary- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/
Dawns Social Media
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
X - https://x.com/dawn_wiggins
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@DawnWigginsLMFTBocaRaton
Threads - https://www.threads.net/@dawnwiggins -
In this final episode of our series on intimacy, we delve into the realm of physical intimacy. Over the past ten weeks, we've explored various forms of intimacy, including emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, creative, conflict, aesthetic, and work. Today, we focus on the nuances of physical intimacy, a topic that often garners significant attention and curiosity.
Physical intimacy is more than just the act of sex; it encompasses a range of interactions, from holding hands to sharing a hug. These gestures release chemicals like oxytocin, fostering a sense of connection and bonding. We discuss how societal norms can sometimes hinder men from expressing their emotions, which are crucial for building emotional intimacy with their partners.
We also touch on the importance of conflict intimacy, which allows couples to engage in healthy disagreements and grow stronger together. This episode emphasizes that physical intimacy is deeply intertwined with other forms of intimacy, and improving these areas can enhance one's overall relationship.
For those seeking to deepen their understanding and practice of intimacy, I offer insights into how to work on emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections. By focusing on these areas, physical intimacy will naturally follow, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced relationship.
Join me as we wrap up this enlightening series and prepare for next week's episode featuring a special guest, Don Wiggins. -
What is Work initiative?
In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of work intimacy, a lesser-known but vital form of intimacy that influences our relationships both at home and in the workplace. Host Brian Goodwin explores how work intimacy fits into the broader spectrum of intimacy types, including emotional, intellectual, and experiential intimacy. He discusses the importance of effective communication and collaboration with our partners and colleagues, emphasizing how these interactions can strengthen our bonds and lead to personal growth.
Brian shares personal anecdotes about the challenges and rewards of working closely with a spouse, highlighting the need for presence and understanding in shared projects. He explains how work intimacy is not just about professional relationships but also about how we share our work experiences and problem-solving processes with our partners. This episode encourages listeners to embrace discomfort as a path to achieving deeper connections and a more fulfilling life.
Listeners are invited to reflect on their own work intimacy and consider how it impacts their overall relationship health. Brian also offers a preview of next week's episode, which will focus on physical intimacy, and extends an invitation to try a free coaching session to explore personal challenges further.
Links
Mini Coaching Session - https://www.relaxedmale.com/trycoaching
Podcast 2.0 app - https://www.relaxedmale.com/newapps -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of aesthetic intimacy, exploring how aesthetics and intimacy intertwine in our lives. As part of a series on different types of intimacy, We discuss the importance of sharing beautiful experiences with loved ones, particularly spouses, to strengthen relationships. Aesthetic intimacy is about appreciating the beauty around us, whether it's a sunset, a piece of art, or a simple walk with a partner, and how these shared moments can enhance our connections.
Bryan shares personal anecdotes, such as visiting Sunset Cliffs with his family and dog, to illustrate how aesthetic experiences can bond people together. He emphasizes the significance of being intentional in recognizing beauty in everyday life and how this can prevent relationships from becoming mundane.
The episode also touches on the broader spectrum of intimacy, including physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual, and how aesthetic intimacy fits into this framework. Bryan argues that aesthetic intimacy is a subset of experiential intimacy, highlighting the need for both beauty and ugliness to appreciate life fully.
Listeners are encouraged to engage in aesthetic experiences with their partners, to "stop and smell the roses," and to embrace both the beautiful and challenging aspects of life. Bryan also introduces a 4-week challenge starting January 1st, aimed at helping men calm their inner disturbances and improve their relationships. -
In this week's episode, we delve into the concept of conflict intimacy, a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of relationships. Drawing inspiration from an article on Choose Therapy, we explore the ten different types of intimacy, focusing particularly on conflict intimacy and its significance in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Conflict intimacy, as discussed, is the ability to engage in and resolve conflicts constructively. It is essential for preventing relationships from becoming stagnant and for avoiding the "roommate syndrome." We revisit the various types of intimacy, including emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, and creative, and discuss how conflict intimacy intertwines with these aspects.
We explore why many people, especially men, avoid conflict due to fears of emotional upheaval and potential negative outcomes, such as impacting sexual relationships. However, embracing conflict can lead to deeper understanding and connection, as it involves sharing emotions, thoughts, and experiences.
Drawing insights from experts like Dr. John Gottman and Jason Gaddis, we highlight the importance of conflict in fostering a thriving relationship. We discuss how discomfort is a necessary currency for achieving desired outcomes and how conflict can lead to personal growth and stronger bonds.
Listeners are encouraged to embrace conflict as a means of enhancing intimacy and communication with their partners. By understanding and practicing effective conflict resolution, couples can transform their relationships, creating a more fulfilling and connected partnership. -
We are exploring the world of Creative Intimacy today
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of creative intimacy, one of the ten types of intimacy outlined by Choose Therapy. As we explore whether creative intimacy is a legitimate form of intimacy, I share my personal insights and invite listeners to form their own opinions.
Creative intimacy involves the ability to collaborate with your partner on creative projects, such as making music, writing, or crafting. It requires a shared vision and the willingness to navigate differences in approach and opinion. This process can strengthen your relationship by fostering communication and compromise.
Throughout the episode, I discuss the various types of intimacy, including physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy. Each type offers a unique way to connect with your partner, and creative intimacy is no exception.
While some may argue that creative intimacy is simply an extension of experiential intimacy, I believe it offers its own distinct challenges and rewards. By engaging in creative projects, couples can learn more about themselves and each other, ultimately enhancing their bond.
Join me as we unpack the nuances of creative intimacy and consider its role in building stronger relationships. Whether you're sculpting a clay bust or writing a book together, the creative process can be a powerful tool for connection. -
Host BrYan Goodwin, a certified coach, explores the ten different types of intimacy, focusing this week on social intimacy. He explains how social intimacy is essentially the connections we form with others, whether they are long-term relationships or brief interactions with acquaintances like a barista. Brian emphasizes the importance of maintaining these connections as we age, noting that societal changes and personal anxieties often hinder our ability to nurture friendships.
BrYan discusses the challenges men face in forming and maintaining friendships, highlighting the societal pressures and personal fears that often lead to loneliness. He stresses the importance of having a strong community pillar, referencing Jim Rohn's idea that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. By intentionally building a network of supportive friends, men can improve their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
The episode also touches on the significance of social intimacy within marriages. BrYan explains how couples often neglect this aspect of their relationship, leading to a lack of connection and intimacy over time. He offers practical advice on how to rekindle social intimacy with a partner, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding.
Throughout the episode, BrYan encourages listeners to step out of their comfort zones and actively work on building and maintaining friendships. He provides actionable steps for improving social intimacy, both in friendships and romantic relationships, and offers coaching support for those seeking to enhance their personal connections.
Links
New Podcast 2.0 Apps - https://www.newpodcastapps.com
Coaching - https://wwww.relaxedmale.com/lovebirds -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of experiential intimacy, a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of relationships. Experiential intimacy involves sharing and bonding over life experiences with your partner, which can significantly strengthen your relationship. We explore why these shared experiences are vital and how they act as the cement that holds relationships together.
Drawing inspiration from a Choose Therapy post on the ten types of intimacy, we focus on experiential intimacy and its importance in creating lasting bonds. We discuss how shared experiences, whether mundane or exciting, can enhance your connection with your spouse. From visiting museums to going on adventures, these activities can help maintain the bond that might weaken over time if not nurtured.
We also provide practical tips on how to cultivate experiential intimacy. Whether it's going on a new adventure, trying out a couple's retreat, or simply volunteering together, these activities can bring you closer to your partner. Even individual trips can contribute to this intimacy by providing new stories and experiences to share.
Join us as we explore the significance of experiential intimacy and how it can transform your relationship, helping you live life intentionally with your partner. Tune in to learn more about how to strengthen your relationship through shared experiences.
LINKS
Questions that will Spark a conversation - https://www.relaxedmale.com/askquestionsIf you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
- https://www.relaxedmale.com/lovebirds
Take The Next Step -
In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of spiritual intimacy, continuing our exploration of the ten different types of intimacy as outlined by Choose Therapy. Having previously discussed emotional and intellectual intimacy, we now turn our attention to understanding each other's spiritual journeys. This episode challenges the notion of being spiritual without being religious and explores how spiritual beliefs can impact relationships.
Host Bryan Goodwin shares his personal insights and struggles with the topic, emphasizing the importance of discussing spiritual beliefs with your partner. He highlights how spiritual intimacy can strengthen a relationship, even when partners have differing beliefs. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful reflections, Brian encourages listeners to engage in open conversations about spirituality, respect differing beliefs, and find common ground.
The episode also touches on the significance of traditions and rituals in fostering spiritual intimacy, offering practical advice on how to honor and serve each other in a spiritual sense. Bryan underscores the value of curiosity and understanding in building stronger connections, not just with partners, but with family and community as well.
Listeners are invited to reflect on their own spiritual journeys and consider how they can enhance their spiritual intimacy with loved ones. Bryan offers coaching services for those seeking to improve their relationships and invites listeners to connect with him for further guidance. -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, host Bryan Goodwin delves into the concept of intellectual intimacy, exploring its significance in relationships. Building on last week's discussion on emotional intimacy, Bryan questions whether intellectual intimacy is a genuine form of connection or simply a modern construct. He shares insights from various sources, including a book on the pillars of marriage and a website listing ten types of intimacy, to understand this concept better.
Bryan explains that intellectual intimacy involves respecting and valuing each other's thoughts and insights. He emphasizes that this form of intimacy is often the first to diminish in relationships, leading to internal arguments and a lack of respect for a partner's ideas. Brian encourages listeners to stop these mental debates and instead engage in open discussions with their partners, allowing for a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's perspectives.
The episode highlights the importance of intellectual intimacy in fostering curiosity, enhancing communication, and building a richer, more fulfilling relationship. Brian offers practical advice on how to cultivate this intimacy, such as engaging in discussions, asking questions, and learning something new together. He also provides a resource with 800 questions to help couples explore each other's thoughts and beliefs.
Bryan concludes by inviting listeners to share their thoughts on improving relationships and encourages them to reach out with questions or comments. He also asks for feedback on what listeners would like to know to enhance their relationships, aiming to tailor future content to their needs.
Help me by answering question
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme -
In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, host Bryan Goodwin delves into the complex world of emotional intimacy. Bryan, a certified men's coach, shares his journey of understanding intimacy better to help men improve their relationships. He introduces the concept of emotional intimacy, distinguishing it from physical intimacy, and explains its importance in a healthy marriage. Bryan discusses the various types of intimacy, including intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, creative, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy, and announces a 10-week series to explore each type in detail.
Bryan emphasizes the significance of emotional intimacy in marriage, describing it as the ability to express feelings, both positive and negative, and to receive them with understanding. He challenges the notion of emotional validation, arguing that individuals must understand and express their own emotions rather than seeking validation from others. Brian shares personal anecdotes and insights, highlighting the common struggles men face in achieving emotional intimacy and offering practical advice on how to overcome these challenges.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationships and consider how they can improve their emotional intimacy with their partners. Bryan invites feedback and comments from the audience, fostering a community of men striving for better relationships and personal growth. Join Brian on this enlightening journey to discover the depths of emotional intimacy and its impact on your marriage.
Show notes- https://www.relaxedmale.com/what-in-the-world-is-emotional-intimacy/
Dont forget to help me see what I may have forgot and tell me what you would like to know that would help your relationship.
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve deep into the complexities of conflict, particularly in relationships, where disagreements often escalate into more significant issues. I emphasize the importance of addressing these conflicts rather than avoiding them, as avoiding uncomfortable discussions can lead to resentment and unresolved feelings. I explain that conflict itself is not inherently negative but rather an opportunity for growth and understanding if handled correctly.
As a certified men's coach, my mission is to help men escape the cycle of being a "nice guy," which often leads to self-sacrifice and relationship struggles. I focus on how men can learn to express their emotions constructively instead of resorting to avoidance or silence. Understanding that emotions are simply vibrations within the body can empower individuals to engage more genuinely with their partners.
Throughout the episode, I outline what constitutes conflict, explaining that it often stems from differing thoughts about a shared experience – like a movie that one person loved and the other despised. Recognizing that these differing opinions are neutral circumstances until we assign meaning to them can shift the way we approach disagreements. I encourage listeners to be mindful of their thoughts during conflicts, as these thoughts shape the emotions we experience, which in turn dictate our actions and reactions.
I highlight various conflict responses, including avoidance and anxiety, emphasizing the need for intention and awareness in navigating disagreements. By reframing our approach to conflict, we can allow our emotional minds to pause, think rationally, and respond appropriately. I introduce the concept of the "model," which illustrates that our feelings stem from our thoughts, not the actions of others, allowing men to take ownership of their emotional journeys.
Additionally, I discuss the importance of understanding our spouses' perspectives during conflicts. I introduce the "four pillars of effective communication," derived from the teachings of Tony Overbay. These pillars stress the importance of not assuming ill intentions, recognizing emotions, seeking to understand before being understood, and avoiding victimhood in discussions. I explain that by adhering to these principles, men can navigate conversations more effectively, leading to healthy resolutions rather than destructive fights.
The episode culminates in practical strategies for being present during conflicts. I advocate for being intentional about how we show up in our relationships, as well as the necessity for reflection after conflicts to analyze what went wrong or right. This self-awareness will lead to personal growth and improve interactions with our partners over time.
For those who resonate with these insights and seek further guidance, I invite listeners to reach out for one-on-one coaching sessions aimed at fostering stronger, healthier relationships. Ultimately, the episode reinforces that conflict is a natural part of relationships, and how we handle it can either strengthen our bonds or create distance. As I wrap up, I encourage listeners to share their reflections and insights from this episode with friends or family, as the journey of becoming better partners is one worth sharing. -
In episode 240 we dive deep into the common issue of 'roommate syndrome' in marriages. Bryan addresses the fading spark that many couples experience after years of being together. He explores whether it's possible to rekindle a marriage and offers practical steps to reignite the passion.
Bryan discusses the importance of honesty—not just factual, but emotional honesty—and how to communicate effectively without overwhelming your partner. He emphasizes the need for thoughtful gestures, such as writing love letters and understanding your partner's love languages, to show that you care.
Curiosity plays a crucial role in building a strong emotional connection. Bryan advises getting genuinely interested in your partner's likes and dislikes to foster better communication and intimacy. He also highlights the significance of paying attention to your thoughts, as they can shape your emotions and actions, ultimately affecting your relationship.
Bryan shares personal anecdotes and practical tips, like the '6 by 6 rule' for hugs, to help couples reconnect physically and emotionally. He stresses the importance of intentional actions and continuous effort to maintain a fulfilling marriage.
Whether you're dealing with minor disagreements or major conflicts, Bryan provides insights on how to navigate these challenges and come out stronger. Tune in to learn how to transform your marriage and live a life on your terms. -
Marriage is an adventure. If you don’t look at it as such then you run the risk of falling into a deep pit much like I did with Pitfall Harry. Marriage is not easy and in the early days can be wrought with lots of emotions and struggles. This is why so many marriages fail before reaching the 10-year mark. You first struggle with the idiosyncracies of the girl you dated. You noticed odd things you at first thought were cute habits of her being weird but now you are questioning if you can put with it her till the end of time. Why is she complaining that you leave clothes on the floor while her makeup has invaded your bathroom sink?
There is a lot to marriage for sure. The funny part is that finding out how to divi up the chores is the least of the problems. That is because eventually kids get introduced and your way of life, for a short bit, is upended by the demands of a little life that depends on you to stay alive. Old habits and sometimes dreams get shuffled and relegated to the back burner as you adjust fire.
Then on top of all this, you have to try to remember that your wife is still your girlfriend. Yeah, you see her in all her glory of just waking up and with breath that bubbles the paint on the doorjamb. You see her in times of immense vulnerability and she sees you in times of when you aren’t the most romantic. Yeah, the random Dutch ovens are funny. There are those times when you and her cling together as you all try to support each other in uncertainty. You divide and conquer the changing of the bed right after your son says he doesn’t feel good and erupts half-digested food across your legs while you are readying yourself for bed.
So how do you keep the marriage alive and connected? We have discussed ways to keep a marriage connected but what are some of the more common pitfalls that can drain a marriage of its life? What do you not want to do if you don’t want your marriage to fade and become another statistic? Here are 9 Pitfalls that will remove respect honor and trust from any marriage.
The Victim Mindset
If you have listened to or read anything from this site, you know that victims receive no respect, and rightfully so. Yeah, that sounds harsh until you are trying to repeatedly pick up a victim. Then you realize that they will not take responsibility for their part in the current disaster they are in. The blame is always passed it is never their fault. It is one crisis after another. over and over again. The victim comes running wanting you to fix the problem, then pump their damaged ego up, and be thankful that they chose you to do the work.
Now imagine if this was your spouse or worse it is you. You are supposed to be the head of the household and here you are passing the buck like you are the 5-year-old. The victim takes energy and vitality away from those around them. They don’t take action to keep the problem from happening again. They just stand there looking to blame someone for the fact that they arrived in the same predicament as before.
The victim is a taker. They take the energy drive of their target. They throw away their own self-respect and expect everyone else to prop them up. Stay out of the victim mindset. all that does is send you to the bottom of the trash heap.
Stonewalling
Many times our wife will say something to us that will hurt our feelings. Yes, your wife is very good at creating thoughts that will hurt your feelings. The choice that you have with this is how are you going to respond. Many times she will nag you. This nagging will create thoughts that you are failing at keeping your word or not being responsible. Those thoughts will create feelings of shame and your action will be to shut down and not say anything. That lack of talking is stonewalling. It works, you can just not interact with your wife. That lack of interaction gets her frustrated enough that she just stops nagging you and goes and does something else. Mission accomplished right? Is that action really getting you the results you truly want?
Stonewalling will create frustration in your wife. She may start to believe that you don’t care about her. You do not want to connect with her anymore She will start to feel isolated and then her mind starts to run and that is where the emotions and thoughts can really cause some damage.
Not communicating with your wife doesn’t fix anything. Yeah she was bugging you, but why go in the opposite direction of what you actually want? You claim you want to have a stronger relationship with your wife. So why push her away? You know how to alleviate the nagging that she does. Yes, you can do what she asks, but there is a better way. Talk with her. Have conversations with your wife. Not only in the intense times but also in the down times. Stonewalling keeps you away from her more than it keeps her away from you.
Believing you can control another person
When we are married we want to think that the relationship is going to be great. That is until our spouse does something that we find irritating. Then we would like them to stop. We may wish that they do more of something that we do like. Whatever action we would like our spouse to perform sadly isn’t in our hands. it is up to them to do so. You can’t control them. You can try to manipulate or coerce your wife to do something but is it better if she does it from her own will or yours? I can guarantee that it feels better to you when she does that from her own accord and not from your will
Trying to make your spouse happy
Now this is something you will hear many women state about their man. He doesn’t make me happy. The same thing happens with men too, except we don’t voice it as often. We get resentful because our spouse isn’t controllable. We just want our wives to make us happy yet they fail at it all the time.
However, if you pay attention you will see that your wife struggles with her own happiness. So why would you put your happiness in the hands of someone who struggles with making even themselves happy? This is why one of the best gifts you can give your wife is the absolution of her responsibility to make you happy. Let her know that isn’t her responsibility anymore. She doesn’t have to struggle with it anymore. You will take on that responsibility.
Now she will still have her own thoughts about that declaration and not fully understand it at first. However, she will grasp that you aren’t seeing another woman and that you are taking your happiness into your own hands and not playing the victimanymore.
Not Being Curious
Sadly we stop being curious about our spouse and the late-night talks of random things start to fade. Why? because we stop being curious. We stop wondering about our wife and her thoughts. If you want a strong powerful connected relationship. you have to keep being curious. not blaming but actual curiosity about where she is coming from on a particular action. Why something is as important to her as it is. Letting her say why instead of just believing you know why will fix the hanging dread of disconnection.
Dropping Date Night
When we are dating our wife we set up date nights we make them fun and exciting. They end in romantic romps in bed. That last part is when we want so much so that we know that we are doing good. The problem is that we stop with the work that results in the romps. If you want to have more sex you have to woo your wife and we often stop treating our wife as our girlfriend and that is easy to alleviate when you change how you are looking at your wife.
Being able to laugh
Why have we as men stopped being light-hearted? Why does everything have to be so darn serious? What if you let up on the seriousness a little and allowed yourself to laugh in front of your wife and kids? What if you took things just a little less seriously?
When you can get your wife to smile and laugh because you are being a goofball she can relax and is open to connecting more.
Taking words too seriously
As mentioned before you are going to hear thoughts from your wife that you’ll take personally and these will cause you to feel ashamed embarrassed frustrated or more. This is because you chose to take what she said personally. She may have called yo lazy or worse but you can choose to agree with the statement or not agree and let the pain that comes with those words not even come close to hitting you..
Leaving a disagreement unfinished.
In times of conflict, it can seem that words and thoughts are flung around like axes and bullets. Even though they can’t cause any harm we will allow the thoughts to keep us disconnected. We will pull away the connections we have with our wife. And often sulk to our corner instead of finding a solution no matter how scary it may appear and talking it out till we have a solution, That resolution is important to allow us to reconnect and grow from our experience
Many wonderful times allow you to look at your marriage with fondness. There are times that we also look at our spouse with a thought that is short of fondness. When we do that start looking at when you stopped dating your wife and when you all stop talking. Find a way that you can bring that marital spark back. It’s not too late. You just have to start taking action
If you would like to take your marriage from eggshells to excitement Please take the Next Step and sign up for a free consulting session. -
When we have topics of discussion with other people there are times that we may mess up and we start to say words that we don't mean and try to intentionally inflict pain upon the other person. We just are caught up in our emotions and trying to inflict pain on each other. When we are actively trying to destroy the trust and connection we have, the hope of having a better connection is gone. We fall into victim mindsets and fight because we see the conflict at hand being a matter of life or death. How do you stop the emotional destruction that is being inflicted on both parties? One way to do that is to have a do-over.
When is it good to have a do-over?
When you see that you are going into panic mode.You see that you have made a huge misstep and said something you instantly regret (ie 97% rule)When the participants are moving to their perspective corners for battle.When you see that the conflict of ramping up.Something was misunderstood and you have a better way to say it.What is a do-over?
It is when you stop a discussion and ask to try again
When you are having an argument or a normal discussion that is wearing into territory that is going to be a fight or you realize that you said something that isn't helping the situation at all. You stop the discussion and politely as if YOU can have a do-over.
Why is a do-over good for a relationship?
Shows you are trying to do better.
You are attempting to better how you communicate. YOu are wanting to take responsibility for what you say
How do you implement a do-over?
The moment you realize that your discussion isn't going in the direction of having a better connection you have misstepped and want to try again you can stop the discussion and try once more.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Bryan recounts how he had been neglecting to mow his lawn in his small town. He previously had someone mowing it for him, but that arrangement fell through. The city eventually sent a notice about his overgrown lawn, and his wife was told it would cost $400 to have the city mow it. Bryan initially reacted with anger and fell into a victim mindset.
As he reflects on the situation, Bryan realizes he is making excuses and playing the victim. He acknowledges that he hadn't been trying hard to find a replacement lawn service and recognizes that mowing the lawn himself could actually be beneficial for his health. He discusses how others in town were complaining about the situation, which leads him to contemplate why people feel the need to mow their lawns and societal expectations.
The host then describes his shift in perspective, seeing the situation as an opportunity for physical activity and self-improvement. He plans to be more intentional with his time and make changes to his routine. Bryan emphasizes the importance of processing emotions and not staying in a negative mindset, encouraging listeners to step up to challenges rather than avoiding them.
Relating the lawn mowing situation to broader relationship issues, Bryan stresses the importance of putting effort into relationships to keep them strong. He promotes a 3-month coaching program aimed at helping men improve their relationships.
The episode concludes with Bryan encouraging listeners to share the podcast and avoid the victim mindset. He mentions upcoming live recordings and new ways to access the podcast. The overall message of the episode is about recognizing and overcoming the victim mindset, taking responsibility for one's actions, and using challenges as opportunities for personal growth and relationship improvement.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Why even have a stronger connection?
Better conflict resolution - You will have conflicts and those conflicts can be making or breaking points for your relationship.
More trust - When you both know you will not take everything said personally then the trust starts to form.
More intimacy -Us guys do like our sexy time
Better connections
It is not personal, it is just someone sharing what they are thinking with the other person. It isn't real it is just a thought. Thoughts aren't as scary as you would like to believe.
It’s not life and death. It is just talking and at times with the volume turned up a bit.
Stop managing the other person's emotions That destroys trust
It’s ok if they get upset it is their emotions that were created by their own thoughts.
Understand that you and your spouse are just sharing thoughts.
https://alchemy-of-love.com/expert-relationship-advice/how-to-communicate-relationship
Ask questions - How else are you going to learn about your wife?
Stop trying to be vulnerable with her and just be present - She doesn't want your emotional weaknesses. She wants you to be strong for her and the kids.
If she asks how you feel tell her, but don’t just throw it all at her for her to try to sort out
How do you have better connections?
How you have better connections isn’t as easy as just doing it you have to work on your thoughts and get your thoughts and beliefs in order. Because if you don't then you will find yourself in a battle instead of having a discussion that will make your connections stronger. When you are able to have the hard uncomfortable discussions your wife will come to understand you better and you will understand her better too. Then the strength of the connection grows and the marriage that you have wanted from the beginning will start to appear. But it will never happen till you start working on yourself. That takes the next step.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step - Näytä enemmän
