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Are you concerned that you’re on the road to divorce? Maybe you and your spouse have fallen into unhealthy, frustrating, and toxic patterns that leave you wondering if your marriage can work. Now what?
In this episode, Lynn, John, and Austin discuss the following patterns you can practice on your own and as a couple that can change the dynamic of your relationship:
On your own:
Have a funeral for your marriage
Pray and journal
Take the “Love Style” quiz
Get a support team
Evaluate your conflict patterns
As a couple:
Evaluate your conflict patterns
Practice a soft start up
Learn how to repair after conflict
Take a break when needed
This is hard work, and it won’t happen overnight. But if and when you, and your spouse, are able and willing (the key phrase!) to practice these together, we’re confident that you’ll be on the road to better and deeper connection.
Book recommendations: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage
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Unfortunately, you can’t talk about how to make marriage work without acknowledging divorce. The prevalence of divorce means that everyone has some experience with it and has been negatively impacted when a marriage doesn’t work out.
Because divorce is so common, we think it’s worth slowing down to ask: What happened to the marriage? Why didn’t things work out? What were the steps that led to divorce? Could divorce have been prevented? How has the family (and children in particular) been affected by divorce?
In this episode, John, Lynn, and Austin discuss the following 3 topics regarding divorce:
What the Bible has to say about divorce
4 specific patterns that let you know you might be on the road toward a divorce
The tangible and harmful impacts that divorce can have on spouses and children
When you listen to this episode, you’ll be more equipped to evaluate the signs and symptoms that indicate your marriage may be in trouble. And once you do that, you can figure out if it’s possible to get off that road to divorce, which is the next episode! So stay tuned…
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter
at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!
Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce -
Puuttuva jakso?
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Did you ever get “the talk?” Do you remember feeling encouraged and hopeful, or were you left feeling awkward, ashamed, confused and with more questions than answers?
Whatever you might have learned about sex when you were growing up, your view of sex has likely been shaped by our sexualized culture that reduces sex to body parts. At the same time, you also may have been influenced by a church culture that emphasizes “purity” as the sole focus of your spiritual maturity.
Yet both of these messages minimize or ignore the beauty and awe of sex that God intended for us to experience and can cause hurt and misunderstanding in marriage. For instance, men may view sex as something they need. And women may feel like they have to have sex with their husband so he won’t seek it somewhere else.
In this transparent conversation, Austin and John explore these topics with Sam Jolman, author of The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. Sam lays out a captivating and beautiful view of sex and sexuality (especially for men) that we think will leave both men and women encouraged, equipped, and curious - all of which is needed to understand sex the way God intended it to be.
[Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.]
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
This episode might make you blush, it might make you cringe, and it might make you laugh! But if you want to make your marriage work, you’re going to have to address your sex life. Intrigued yet?
In this episode Austin and his wife Polly - yes Polly! - discuss:
3 things you NEED to know about sex
4 WRONG messages the enemy, the world, and your desires tell you about sex
Specific takeaways for husbands, for wives, and couples in general
We hope this episode helps you feel normalized, encouraged, and hopefully willing to address the topic of sex in your marriage wherever and however you need to.
[Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.]
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Do you know which habits will make the most positive and lasting impact on your marriage? Although ideas about what makes marriage work change from one generation to another, there are evidence-based habits that characterize a healthy marriage.
In this episode, Shay and Lynn explore what toxic behaviors erode your relationships including criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. Using Gottman Institute research and biblical wisdom, this conversation sheds light on why these attitudes and actions do so much harm to your marriage.
Then we discuss what 4 habits you’ll want to practice instead:
Giving and receiving regular feedback
Taking ownership
Managing your emotions
Cultivating humility and forgiveness
There are many benefits to implementing these 4 habits into all of your relationships, and it’s never too late to start! This is a practical episode that will offer concrete changes you can work on now to create a stronger bond with your partner as you navigate the challenges of marriage.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Kids might be the best, and worst, thing for a marriage! On the one hand, they’re a “blessing from the Lord” (Ps. 127:3) and Jesus himself said “let the little children come to me” (Mt. 19:14). But on the other hand, they’re loud, messy, needy, don’t listen, and can (unintentionally) create barriers between spouses.
Being aware of both the joys and hardships of parenting as well as the impact your kids may have on your marriage is an important first step to preventing a future breakdown.
In this episode Austin and Shay discuss the ways their kids have helped build up their own marriages. Then they acknowledge the following four ways that kids can break down marriage:
Create isolation
Create chronic stress
Create disconnection
Create anger, bitterness, and resentment towards your partner
The great news is that there are several things you can do to build up your marriage in the midst of parenting stress! Austin and Shay recommend the following four practices:
Plan regular date nights and getaways
Schedule “state of the union” meetings
Address “elephants”
Express appreciation
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Trust is not secured or defined by the vows you make on your wedding day. Those are serious and important commitments, but they will be empty words if your behavior isn’t trustworthy over a long period of time.
Boundaries are so foundational to making marriage work, but they’re often associated with being mean or unloving. This conversation with John and Lynn highlights that without boundaries in marriage, you won’t know what your role is, you won’t be able to take responsibility for yourself, and you won’t be able to establish the deep bed of trust that God intended for your relationship.
Understanding the role of boundaries and how they build trust will help you diagnose growth points in yourself and in your marriage, and reinforce the need to protect the marriage covenant by becoming worthy of your spouse’s trust.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Have you considered that the recent argument you had with your spouse began long before you ever got married?
Walking down the aisle on your wedding day, you see the person that you love and are attracted to, but you may not realize that in that moment, two histories are colliding.
In effect, you are marrying your partner’s brain. This means that all of your (and their) previous experiences with love, closeness, connection, hurt, relational expectations and ways of seeking comfort are like pre-programmed software that you will both need to learn about. It also means that your history and everything that’s shaped you, is going to be operating in the background of all of your interactions.
The bottom line is that how you learned to love when you were growing up will be the way you love when you are married.
Using the 5 Love Styles from the book “How We Love” by Kay and Milan Yerkovich, Shay and Lynn discuss how each of these love styles developed in your childhood are impacting your relationship today. This enlightening conversation offers insight into the defensive patterns you might see in your marriage, and what to do when your two histories collide.
How We Love
Love Style Quiz
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
When you’re hungry and ordering a hamburger at the drive thru, do you expect to have a deep, personal conversation with the person at the window? Probably not.
More likely, you’re hoping to find that deeper emotional connection in your marriage with your spouse. But that can be harder to do than you think!
In this episode, John and Austin explain that communication in marriage ranges from very shallow, to very deep. Most couples stay in the shallow end, afraid to take a deeper dive into emotional intimacy.
The reason why it’s so difficult to have deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse is that it requires honesty and openness that feels very vulnerable and requires safety and trust. It takes patience, persistence and intentionality to build this trust over many years of marriage.
However, we think that learning how to REALLY talk with your spouse is worth pursuing for several reasons:
Knowing and being known will change who you are.
Cultivating a lifelong friendship will help your marriage endure life’s challenges.
Deep emotional connection prepares you for a healthy sex life.
You have a confidant to share your hopes, dreams, fears and worries with.
With sustained emotional intimacy you can believe the best about your partner.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Do you believe that all of your needs, longings and desires will be met when you get married? What might happen when your marriage falls short of your expectations?
While it’s normal to want the ideal marriage, living in a world that’s been infected by sin makes that impossible. If you’re not prepared for what marriage will be like with two flawed people, you may be disillusioned, disappointed and full of resentment when your relationship hits the “ordeal” of life.
In this episode, John and Lynn discuss what it means to live in the reality of marriage, which means that you will not have all of your expectations met, you will not get your way all the time, and you will need to learn to live with a certain measure of incompletion in your marriage.
Hiding, blaming, shaming and judging may characterize your marriage until you’re ready to accept the limits of your relationship and grieve the loss of the “ideal” and so you can live in the “real deal”. This conversation will help you see that living in an imperfect relationship requires humility and divine grace.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
A commonly asked question is: “How do I know if I’m marrying the “right” person?”
As counselors, we’ve learned that the best way to help someone make the decision of who to marry is what we call: Informed Consent.
If you’ve ever bought a car, or had surgery, or signed a lease to an apartment, it’s likely that you only moved ahead with that decision after signing an agreement of “Informed Consent”. That means that you were given fair warning about the possible defects, side effects or pre-existing conditions before you agreed to move ahead with the decision. Having this information meant that you would have realistic expectations of the outcomes if you said “yes”.
Deciding who to marry is arguably one of the most important decisions you’ll make in life. So we think that the process of dating and engagement is a chance to obtain “Informed Consent”. That means that you are learning enough about the other person, and understanding their values, personality, dreams for the future, spiritual maturity and level of compatibility so that you know what you’re getting into when you get married.
In this episode, Austin and Lynn explain the purpose of dating, the 3 phases of the dating relationship, what to look for in a potential spouse, and red flags to be aware of as you consider whether or not to marry someone. The process of dating is your chance to learn as much as possible about the other person so you can visualize what marriage with this other person would be like. Although feelings of attraction are important, depth of character that’s demonstrated over a period of time is the best way to learn if your dating relationship is ready for marriage.
Bonus: Lynn shares the best dating advice she ever received, and it may completely change the way you see your dating relationship!
Book Recommendation:
Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
As a high school counselor, Laura Verkamp’s job is anything but boring. Between helping her students fill out college applications, checking in with students who are struggling, or challenging kids to come out of their comfort zone, Laura's invested in equipping them to move forward in life.
Listen as Austin interviews Laura and asks about a “typical” day in the life of a school counselor (if there is one). Their discussion reveals what Laura sees as the top stressors in the lives of high school students today, and the unique ways that she equips them to keep moving forward even in the midst of challenges.
What brings Laura the most joy in her job is seeing her students grow. From the first day of school, to the last day of class, one thing is certain, kids are longing to learn, mature, and overcome the obstacles that may be in their way.
You will appreciate the insight Laura has into the life of a high school student, and learn that the thing she loves most about them is, well, they’re just really cool kids!
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your favorite podcast player. Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com for more free Christian Counseling resources. -
The state of men in our culture is worse than ever in terms of loneliness, shame, and “purpose void”. How did we get here? And why do so many men avoid church?
In this enlightening conversation, Shay Roush and Kermit Summerall, Pastors of Crossing Men, discuss what men are longing for: the good, the bad and the ugly.
Shay and Kermit explain how many men feel trapped and defeated by the demands and pressures of life and are tempted to check out from reality and stop showing up where they’re needed most.
The good news is that men are starting to come out of isolation and build authentic relationships based on honesty and trust. Men are investing in each other’s lives and working side by side towards a common mission, using their strengths to serve others and show up in their families and communities.
Studies even show that Christian men who are actively involved in church are the best husbands, the best fathers, and experience the highest levels of happiness. This episode will challenge and encourage you as you hear about the powerful ways God is moving in the lives of Crossing Men as they follow Jesus together!
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com.
Resources:
The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes by Nancy Pearcey
Podcast: The Aaron Renn Show - May 20, 2024 episode with Anthony Bradley - “Evangelicalism’s Man Problems” -
Women are wearing more hats than ever: student, professional, friend, sister, mother, daughter, and everything in between. Slowing down long enough to consider what it is you really long for is an opportunity to connect with parts of your soul that need attention.
This conversation with Crossing Women director Jeannette Cover and counselor Lynn Roush is a chance to acknowledge that your longings for validation, affirmation, peace, confidence and hope are real and not going away.
This discussion also highlights that the encouragement we can offer each other as women is rare and hard to find. While our lives may look happy on the outside, many of us are carrying heavy burdens, and struggling to make sense of our current realities. In this episode you will learn how important it is to be honest about your thoughts and feelings so you can give and receive the encouragement you need to keep going in life.
That’s why we want to offer you a 30-Day Encouragement Challenge as a way to connect you to the life of God and the people you care about most in your life. While you may not always have your longings met, you can provide encouragement to your friends and family who are also on the journey of waiting, hoping and trusting in God's promises even when life is hard.
For practical ideas and ways to encourage others, download our FREE 30-Day Encouragement Challenge PDF at our website: withyouintheweeds.com, and start the challenge today!
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your favorite podcast player. Follow us on FB & IG @withyouintheweeds and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com for more free Christian Counseling resources. -
Whatever control you believed you had over how your life would turn out is going to be challenged when you reach midlife. Also known as the “crunch” years, research on levels of happiness in midlife suggests that it can be the most dissatisfying life season.
Spanning the ages of 35-64, midlife is a time of raising and launching kids, reaching (or not reaching) your professional goals, defining your important relationships and watching your parents age. To say that midlife is a stressful time would be an understatement.
Many of the hopes and ideals that you believed would come true may be met with disillusion and disappointment when you realize that your life isn't turning out as you had planned. In midlife, your longing for control is overshadowed by powerlessness as you slowly lose friendships, manage health issues and experience the pain of regret.
The temptation in midlife is to checkout, numb, or avoid painful realities, while also pull away from close relationships. Yet there is much spiritual growth happening in midlife that is an opportunity for deep relational connection with God and others.
In this episode, Crossing Small Group directors Ryan and Kelley Wampler discuss with John the unique perspective that midlife brings, and the new longings that come when you realize that life is fleeting.
John, Kelley and Ryan share the most important thing you shouldn’t neglect during the business of midlife, as well as highlight the deep spiritual treasures that are in store when you surrender to God the things you can’t control.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow @withyouintheweeds on IG & FB for more great content! -
The 20’s is a time of transition from college to adulting, requiring tenacity and adaptation. It is also a time of making big decisions about career, relationships and establishing yourself in the world. In your 20’s the weightiness of life is pressing in, while the sharp edges of reality are becoming more pronounced.
As “digital natives”, 20’s don’t know life apart from screens, social media, texting and the internet. Although more connected than ever, 20’s are finding that real and meaningful relationships are harder to come by. This makes dealing with the pressures and expectations of this season of life feel even more isolating and overwhelming.
Ever present is the lure of the “good life” as procured on social media: the best vacation, the most extravagant reveal party, the perfect latte…20’s are searching for the good things in life while often struggling to tolerate anything that challenges their ideals.
What may surprise you is that 20's are open, curious, teachable and hungry for authenticity, real community and practical wisdom for everyday life. That’s what makes this conversation with Lynn Roush and Crossing 20’s directors Nathan Tiemeyer and Colleen Luley so interesting.
As 20’s are coming of age, they’re finding out that the source of the good life doesn’t come from today’s digital landscape, but from the ancient teachings of Jesus who points to where true life is found.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow @withyouintheweeds on IG & FB for more great content! -
Whether you’re in college, work with, or are parenting a college student, this conversation with Austin, Kyle and Emilee will open your eyes as to why Gen Z is a generation worth investing in. Their curiosity and openness is evidence that God is doing something incredible in the lives of college students around the world.
Gen Z is known as the loneliest and least religious generation of all time. Plagued by anxiety and isolation, college students are facing unique pressures and are looking for the pieces to the puzzle of life.
Kyle Richter and Emilee McEnery, leaders of The Crossing college ministry, Veritas, see these obstacles as opportunities to introduce Gen Z to a relationship with Jesus and a chance to help them find their purpose in the world.
The takeaway? “Don’t sleep on Gen Z!”
If you want to learn more about college students, check out these resources - especially the article that Kyle and Emilee wrote for The Gospel Coalition.
Meet Gen Z
Gen Z’s Biggest Obstacles May Be Their Greatest Gospel Opportunities: Kyle Richter & Emilee McEnery
Find Your People
The Great DeChurching
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow @withyouintheweeds on IG & FB for more great content! -
We were so excited to have Caroline Sundvold in the studio with us to share her story as part of our "What Are You Longing For" series!
If you’ve browsed Netflix recently, you might have noticed a docuseries called “America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders” at the top of the most-watched list. Featured in the documentary is Missouri’s own Caroline Sundvold, a DCC veteran who has since retired from the squad after five years.
In the docuseries, Caroline shares the difficulty of transitioning out of life as a DCC while recovering from surgery and figuring out her future. In this episode, Lynn talks with Caroline about her life during and after her cheerleading days, including overcoming health challenges, navigating the pressures of competition, and letting go of the burden to be ‘perfect’.
She also explains how listening to the With You in the Weeds podcast has been a source of insight and inspiration to her as she’s worked through disappointment, life transitions and processing her emotions.
You’ll be encouraged by Caroline’s honesty and authenticity as she shares how she takes care of her mental, emotional and spiritual health by pursuing her deepest longing: peace.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
If you’ve been trying to read the mind of a teenager and still feel perplexed, today’s episode is for you!
Today we ask:
What does your teen really want?
What are some challenges and opportunities they are facing?
How can you love your teen when they push you away?
What can you do to encourage their growth?
Austin asks all of these questions and more to the co-directors of Crossing Students - Jeff Parrett and Anna West. You’ll learn that teens are asking deep questions about identity, belonging and purpose that can be a catalyst for great conversations. This episode is full of wisdom and resources from two talented people who work with teens every day, so we know you’ll be encouraged as you listen!
Book Recommendations:
3 Big Questions That Change Every Teenager
Parenting With Hope
Habits of the Household
The Worry Free Parent
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds! -
Childhood cancer forced Samantha to face reality at an early age, but working through the myriad of emotions that come with hardship has been an ongoing process in her life. Giving herself permission to fall apart and “not be ok” was just one thing she learned through counseling.
Battling cancer, infertility, infant loss and the journey of adoption are just a few elements of Samantha’s story that will open your heart. In this special episode with Austin, she vulnerably shares her struggle with resting in Jesus when she’s tempted to control everything around her.
If you’ve ever wondered, “should I go to counseling?”, this conversation will open up a whole new world for you. Not shying away from hard topics, Austin and Samantha discuss how counseling can be a way to work through life’s hardships, learn tools for healthy coping, and get comfortable with negative emotions.
To hear more from Samantha, find her podcast Going There, where she invites women to get away from shallow conversations and go deep into their friendships and relationship with God.
If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review.
You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds for more great content and message us with your topic suggestions for future episodes. - Näytä enemmän
