Episodit
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Let go of work-life balance and embrace the unforced rhythms of a fully integrated life. I used to think that work-life balance was achievable.
I felt so exhausted trying to stay in balance
Now I believe it is a myth.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never achieve this perfect moment of everything in my life working in perfect Zen harmony and balance.The way forward isnāt exhaustion. It isnāt juggling, stretching, or herculean gymnastic efforts to come through for others while ignoring yourself. The way forward is an integrated, wholehearted life.
The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor, and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, heās always doing both.ā
-James Michener Hereās why I wasnāt able to achieve balanceAfter the death of our daughter Hadley in 2011, I found myself desperately trying to hold my life together. My marriage was suffering. My kids needed their dad. And my already intense corporate career as an executive was only getting more complicated as responsibilities and promotions kept coming my way.
Our sweet daughter Hadley crossing over to eternityI was burning out but didnāt admit it.
Anybody else could see the signs a mile away. I was so focused on what was right in front of me that when it finally hit-I was utterly blindsided. And the solution was nothing short of a complete do-overāa āreboot,ā as we called it. We sold our house and everything, down to the last fork. We spent the summer serving at a Young Life camp, finding a new normal.
Ringing in the Opening Day Trading bell at the London Stock Exchange, but wondering whatās it all for?It wasnāt easy. It took brutal months of inner work, therapy programs, tears, and facing the old stories that no longer served us. Stories like āI have to do it allā and āI canāt trust anybody else to get it done.ā But out of that, we emerged with a new vision for our lifeāa new story-A life filled with excitement, ambition, love, rest, forgiveness, and hope.
As we began this journey creating a new lifeI realized my software executive career no longer aligned with the person I had become. For so long, I had tried to find the fabled work-life balance.
The problem was I didnāt want my life to be compartmentalized anymore, with each area staying separate from the other. I wanted it all integrated into one wild, beautiful mess.
Once I stopped trying to achieve work-life balance, I discovered a third-way rhythm, āa repeated pattern of movementā where work, life, play, relationships, rest, finances, friendships, and adventure could co-exist within my experience of each day.
I began to experience my life as a complete whole where every valuable aspect was connected and worked together. I discovered more of Godās presence and meaning in ways I had never noticed. It radically transformed my life for the better-my mission now is to share that discovery with as many people as possible (like you).
Aligning the work I do, with who Iād becomeUltimately I left my corporate executive career behind. After eight months of living off of savings, pursuing work that fit the person I had become, and taking our checking account down to $1500, I discovered a new career doing work that I truly loved. That fit within this new integrated life we were architecting. (Fun fact, my first client meeting in my new career as an executive leadership coach happened less than 1 mile from where I resigned from my old gig just months before. Talk about coming full circle.)
Taking an inventory of the assets of my life. Dashboard lights from Green (going great), Yellow (watch this), to Red (needs attention now) Loosening our grip on balanceMy story isnāt about making millions, retiring early, or living a carefree āwork 2 hours a weekā lifestyle. Thatās all great, but thatās not what Iām talking about here. Like you, I still work a full-time, 40-50 hour work week.
Iām talking about loosening our grip on perfection and balance by living a more meaningful, fulfilled, and wholly integrated life in your current environment- In the career, relationships, and body youāre in-resulting in a life full of adventure and meaning.
Iāve discovered another way to operate in the world. I am at choice. I no longer live under the āshouldsā and āought toāsā of my creation or the expectations of others.
Fully alive and without knowing where itās all heading. Trusting this is the way forward. Living a life true to myselfThree closing wisdom invitations, starting with āIf you donāt prioritize your life, someone else will.ā I believe you see this within your experience.
Bronnie Ware is a palliative care provider and author The Top Five Regrets the Dying. She captured her results over years of sharing the last weeks and days with her patients whoād moved home from the hospital to die. In their final conversations, the patients discussed any regrets they had or anything they wished they would have done differently. Hereās what she heard. Take a good listen, keeping in mind work-life balance vs. wholehearted living.
The Top Five:
1) I wish Iād dared to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2) I wish Iād not worked so hard.
3) I wish Iād dared to express my feelings.
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Donāt be impressed with yourself. Donāt compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best with your own life.
-Saint PaulI used to think that work-life balance was achievable. Now I believe itās a myth. Let go of work-life balance and embrace the unforced rhythms of a fully integrated life. Embrace the mess, the beauty-the imperfection of integration.
Today, I coach global executive leaders on how to be more effective. It starts with being more human.And now, here is the invitation for us all:
-To do your best work
-To become wholehearted
-To play and live adventurouslyWill you accept it? I hope you do.
Letās navigate a well-lived life together.Keep going
-Aaron -
Today, I'm in the interview seat again. Today's topic Friendship and the journey of life impossible to accomplish alone. (Carl Richards) Greetings from the Joy Bus. My name's Carl Richards, and I am your host today of the Work Life Play podcast. I've taken over from Aaron. It was an invitation, but I fully accepted the invitation to interview Aaron somewhere around. We're, we're talking ten years now.
Aaron:
Ten years.
Carl Richards:
And 200+ some-odd episodes. So, Aaron, welcome to the show.
Aaron:
Thank you. I like it. We're in the Joybus. Carl's in the seat you always held for the guests, but you are interviewing me this time.
Carl Richards:
What would I like to start on? It strikes me, and this is a strange place to start, but I'm going to go there anyway. Talk to me about friendship a bit.
I want to pull in David Whyte's poem on friendship. David writes, "The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement neither of the other nor the self. The ultimate touchstone is witness the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another. To have walked with them, to have believed in them. And sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span on a journey impossible to accomplish alone."
Show notes: https://www.aaronmchugh.com/podcast/friendship-the-journey-impossible-alone/Keep going,
Aaron -
Puuttuva jakso?
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In this decade anniversary celebration episode, Morgan Snyder is in the studio to interview me. For me, though, Work Life Play has no periods, no exclamation marks, no hyphens in between. It's all one integrated together story. It's taken me 10 years to articulate what it is I've been chasing the whole time. Enjoy this friends and Keep Going- Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here. -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience. A decade agoI began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore." I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha! Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling." You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it. -Aaron
Episode: Reach for the stuff that's realA craftsman cobbler just resoled my fly fishing wading boots, and they're ready for another "one hundred thousand casts." The landfill was calling for them. Our modern world has an insatiable appetite for newāversion 6.0. Version 13.0, and it's killing us and the planet we call home. This isn't a post just about saving the world. It's about the deeper drivers-what and who we value and how our hearts and souls are connected. Allow me to share a cowboy tune from Guy Clark with you, and then we'll reconvene.
I got an old blue shirt and it suits me just fine.I like the way it feels, so I wear it all the time
I got an old guitar, won't ever stay in tuneI like the way it sounds in a dark and empty room
I got an old pair of boots, and they fit just right Well I can work all day, and I can dance all night
I got an old used car, and it runs just like a topI get the feelin' it ain't ever gonna stop
Stuff that works, stuff that holds up The kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall
I got a pretty good friend who's seen me at my worst
He can't tell if I'm a blessing or a curse
But he always shows up when chips are down
That's the kind of stuff I like to be around
Stuff that works, stuff that holds up
The kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall
I got a woman I love, she's crazy, paints like God
She's got a playground sense of justice, she won't take odds
I got a tattoo with her name right through my soul
I think everything she touches turns to gold
Stuff that works, stuff that holds up
The kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall
Perhaps, the boots we have, the old car, the pretty good friend, and the partner we love are the stuff that's real, stuff we feel. The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall. Stay with the stuff that's real.
Resist the upgrade.
Keep going- AaronWork Life Play Merch available here
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Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Working Vacations: Why we do it and how to stop
I received a desperate email that read, "I'm in leadership, working crazy hours, working through my vacation last week instead of resting, and the story goes on."The gravitational pull is to always be connected, always available, and always responding- even on vacation. I've done it too-taken calls on the beach while the kids swam, squeezed in a few emails before breakfast, dialed into a "quick" call during dinner, returning seven days later, tired and frustrated.
Why do we struggle to step away, trusting that others can and will find their path to good outcomes?
Reminds me of the children's book, "If You Give A Pig a Pancake" A cautionary tale of saying yes once, the Pig never relents from her requests.
Excerpt from the book
Book by Laura Numeroff Your working vacation and The Pig
If you give a pig a pancake, she'll want some syrup to go with it.
Pig: May I please have some syrup?
When she gets all sticky, she'll want to take a bath.
Pig: May I please have some bubbles and a toy?
When you give her your rubber duck, she'll feel homesick.Sticking with our Pig and a pancake analogy, here's the version of the story you're familiar with from your most recent holiday break. The new requests are like the Pig-never fully satisfied.
(Sunday night email) If you can join the call on Tuesday morning at 630am, I promise it will be a quick one.
(Monday text) After the call, May I please also receive a written summary and go ahead and put it into a few PPT pages?
(Tuesday email & text) There is an RFP we're working on that just came in-quick deadline. I would love for you to answer just a few questions on pages 12-28. Do you mind? It would be super helpful-its due before you return from holiday.
(Wednesday email) May I please have only two more hours of your attention, during that family dinner you'd planned, the RFP client has a Q&A-the only time everyone is available. You can make it, right?
-You get the picture. It's not a vacation. It's what my friend calls "PTO-Pretend Time Off".
"If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will."
-Greg McKeown, Essentialism Here's my advice for how to enable real restIn the modern world, rest is vital to replenish the nutrients in our creative engines. Prioritize your rest and recovery. Operationalize your values with better choices. Take responsibility and do your creative best with your own life. In your absence, trust that others will step up and in to solve the challenges of the day.
For your next holiday, borrow my out-of-office auto-responder. Here's the one I use, (Thanks Well-being thought leader Jen Fisher for the inspiration)
"I will be out of the office on vacation with my family beginning Monday, July 3rd, returning July 17th. I and my devices will be resting, replenishing my creative engine. I look forward to responding upon my return."
Out of Office autoresponderRecover your life and enable yourself a real rest.
You can do this.
Keep going-
Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Paying attention to being on and off purpose
So you don't yet know what your life purpose is, why you are here and what you are here to do. Try paying attention to the moments, the conversations, the ways you feel On Purpose. Here are a few small On Purpose practices that help me experience purposeful living and leading.I'm like WALL-E the Pixar Robot. My family giggles, but I pick up trash everywhere I go. I value caring for the planet and our home instead of stepping over debris in parking lots and trails. I kneel and clean as I go about life wherever I am. I'm On Purpose when I'm participating in restoring the planet's beauty.
Imagine how beautiful our world will be when 7.9 billion people care for our home.
Here's another On Purpose practice. I put down my phone when going through a check-out lane at a store or in a drive-through. I choose to honor and engage the human being before me. I believe Saint Paul "we are God's workmanship" we human beings are valuable, and I dignify the Divine in them by giving one another our full attention.
This way of operating in the world applies with senior executives or a customer service rep; I'm On Purpose when I'm dignifying every human.
Imagine how we will treat one another when we believe all human beings are valuable.
We will find ourselves Off Purpose, for moments, maybe for weeks and years, ignoring and running the risk of eventually forgetting what we value and believe.
The poet David Whyte worked with a group of particularly thoughtful managers, looking at how we sacrifice our personal desires (Off Purpose) on the altar of work and success. One of the women in the group shared a handful of haunting lines:
"Ten years agoā¦
I turned my face for a moment
and it became my life."With grace and curiosity, pay attention to your compass needle. Notice when you've traveled many miles without checking your instrumentation. Regularly ask yourself, "where am I? how am I? where am I heading?" It's much easier to make regular minor adjustments than waiting too long.
You'll be surprised to discover that after paying attention, strengthening your awareness muscle, making two-degree shifts, "what's my purpose, what am I here to do?" becomes easier to dance with. It won't be about having the correct answer anymore. You'll speak about the way you live, work, play, and love.
Stay alert. Choose being On Purpose.
Keep going-
Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Losing our sense of frontier in lifeāWithout going out into the fresh air, stepping away from the house, without getting caught in a storm, without getting cold, wet, without feeling hungry, a human being begins to lose their sense of frontier in their life. Their sense of edge in their own explorations.ā
-David WhyteWhen was the last time you stepped away from the house, took a long walk, and felt the cold air, the wind on your cheeks, grumbles of hunger?
Where is the frontier in your life? The unexplored edges of uncertainty. Forget the places of mastery and dominion. Where are you, the student, the novice, an explorer?
Where are you exploring the unknown, unfamiliar landscape of your life, the contours off the map?
Get outside, leave the pack and your sweater. Feel the cold. Remember that the frontier is where you feel alive.
Keep going-
AaronWork Life Play Merch available here
-
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Transmission For The Outsiders
I once believed, If I stopped writing for a while, a pause from publishing and promoting, I'd more readily find the words below the surface.
I see now I may never catalog the anthologies of my soul while in silence.
I believed the world's volume and density were too much to puncture.I broadcast on a lower frequency for those beyond the crowds.
I used to believe I needed to understand what I was trying to say; who's it for? What's it about? how will it help?
Now I know the grounded substance of my Life, my rooted strength, transmits "wake up to your Life. God's with us."
I'm puzzled by five-year plans, same-day shipping, fresh strawberries in February, Alexa, and how humans claim to love while radically excluding.
Call me a zealot of simplicity, sustainability, and radical love of outsiders.It's Love who wrote the play.
Keep going-
Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: 570+ Days of Running: The Joy of Being Alive
This episode is a simple recording of my run on day 570+ above the mountains of Telluride, CO. I'm not always enthusiastic to run again, the pull to do nothing-rest-make an excuse is real. This day, I celebrated the gift of being fully alive.Backstory on running everyday
At the beginning of COVID, I decided to run a life experiment, inspired by my son Holden and the work of James Clear. 570+ days and counting, I'm growing an everyday muscle- habit streaking -by running a minimum of one mile every day.Atomic Habits, Clear's book on tiny habits, caught my attention, giving validation to my question, "How can I just do it-stop the fits and starts?" Here are a few core ideas to his work,
+Become 1% better over time, not tomorrow.
+Make the new habit so small you can't fail.
+Never miss twice.
+Root your new habit or practice in an identity statement, e.g., "I'm an everyday runner."
Keep going-
Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: We are Not Human Doings
Can you remember? Can you remember the last time you walked out your front door and wandered-no plans-no reservations-and explored your own backyard, the simple spots, maybe even the lost places?
Adventure awaits the curious-hearted, an escape hatch from the mundane and predictable tyranny of screens and mindless routines.
Rambling infuses joy into your life and reminds your soul that productivity and conquest are not your primary purpose here.
We are not human doings.
We are human beings intimately created to connect.
You can do this.
Keep Going-
AaronWork Life Play Merch available here
-
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Why Not Today! Everybody should go big
In this episode, I take you along for my eighteen mile walking, hiking, climbing adventure of Eagle Peak near my home. You'll hear the cold, the wind, and my invitation for you to explore your frontier-push beyond the humdrum of life.
I've heard it said,
āBoredom comes simply from ignorance and lack of imagination.ā -Susan ErtzLeave the house, why not today, go big and see what you discover.
You can do this. This is good for you.
Keep going-
Aaron
Work Life Play Merch available here -
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: Dropping the rock
I've been thinking. I am thinking about dropping rocks, not seeing clearly, and being led.By rock, I mean being stuck in the past, beholden to an old story no longer serving you, an old unresolved grievance costing you joy today.
My son and I were in Barcelona, Spain, waiting in line to explore La Sagrada Familia one-of-a-kind temple.
I'd just been grumbling, a well-rehearsed old-narrative regret I'd carried for nearly three decades. I'm sure I'd bored him ten times before. Here's how it went, "I regret never taking that study abroad summer course in Guadalajara, Mexico, before mom and I married. I wishā¦ I can't believe itā¦ If only I hadā¦"
The story I was telling him there, on the threshold of one of the world's most holy and sacred spaces, was how different my life would have looked without this life-altering mistake that "I blew it-this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." The punchline was always about how I would have traveled internationally, learned a second language, and become a more sophisticated world citizen.
Anecdotally Holden, shared with me about their recovery community's Drop the Rock meeting format.
Bring your rocks in with you. Drop the rocks you're carrying. Leave empty-handed. Lighter.
Standing in line, my heavy rock became apparent to me.
What a load of crap I'd talked myself into.Not seeing clearly
The saying goes, "We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are." Now Fifty years old, I'd retold this regret story so many times that it'd become unnoticeable, outside my field of vision. It was the interpretive lens, the way I saw and witnessed my life.Here I was standing in Barcelona, Spain, (international travel) with my son (deeply connected in the relationship), practicing duo-lingo Spanish (learning a foreign language), working abroad professionally, returning from a week in the foothills of the Pyrenees mountains (a more sophisticated world citizen HA!).
HERE I AM! I couldn't see any of that. I'd convinced myself my regretful decision thirty years prior would forever suppress my future.
I dropped the rock. I let go of the regret and the life-less interpretation of my youthful choice. I'm radically allowing the voice of Love to heal me on the inside, unlocking more freedom.
Listen to the stories you're telling yourself on repeat. Drop the rock. See clearly. Allow the eyes of your heart to be enlightened to see clearly-to see ALL of Reality. Remind your soul we're being led. God's with us. Thru us and in us.
You can do this.
Keep going-
AaronWork Life Play Merch available here
-
Friends, I released ten new podcast episodes to celebrate my Decade Anniversary of Work Life Play. I'm proud to share these little gems with you. I know they will help you live more fully in your adventure, explore a well-lived life and find more meaning in your daily experience.
A decade ago
I began podcasting in 2012 with borrowed equipment, no training, with a simple idea "I wanted to explore."I experimented with one tiny step, then the next. Back then, there was no map to How to Podcast. With trust and boldness, I booked my first two guests before I knew how to record or publish an episode. I should have shared this with my guests. Ha!
Compelled to explore beyond the map of my life experiences, expand my mind and heart, and curate stories of good humans. That's as far as I knew. With hindsight's wisdom, I borrow Parker Palmer's explanation for "Why did you do it?" "This is something I can't NOT do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself, but that are nonetheless compelling."
You're listening to a decade of exploration. The fruits are beyond just inspiration, but transformation for myself and many of you. Enjoy, experiment, and keep going. It's worth it.
-Aaron
Episode: A brave conversation with yourselfThe modern world is a hindrance to soulful exploration. The naked soul of man is too timid, too armored to disclose whole truths quickly. Step slowly into the quiet, spacious places to explore the courageous questions that lay in wait beyond your full-throttled Life.
Maybe it's been a while since you had a bold conversation with yourself. Get out there. Forget the map. Get lost if you must.
With God as your guide, explore and whisper your questions. Stay out there. Then return with your heart forward and your spirit attuned to mapping the edges of your frontier.
Abundant, vibrant Life awaits. You can do this.
Keep going-
AaronWork Life Play Merch available here
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Friends, today I wanna talk about how zigzag lines make for a better story. So, good story is not a straight line I heard a friend say just recently. And it really arrested my attention mostly because I wish it wasn't true. Intellectually I know this idea, like, it makes sense. Like when you listen to the arc of a story, the hero's journey, all of that is like, oh, of course, a hero wants something. They have to go through some challenge and obstacle to overcome, to become someone different, to then arrive at the other side and, [vocalization].
However, living that is really challenging for us. I remember the reason this really hit home for me recently is decades ago in the beginning, I really wanted to be a mountain guide. And I was working in outdoor retail and was apprenticing as a guide under a guide service and just couldn't wait to be like, that was gonna be my career. And then I would be out exploring the rugged blank spots on the map. And really at the time I just had a lot of internal grapple when that didn't come to be.
And, you know, I thought that if at the time if I went into the business world that I was somehow going to lose my friendship with the heart of God because for growing up, I didn't really know anyone in business. The only few that I did know were not necessarily inspiring humans. And so I thought that the mountains was gonna be the way that I could, you know, become the person I'm intended to be. So as my wife and I began to have kids and I got a full-time job selling radio advertising and, you know, home by 5 PM for dinner and bedtime stories, my outdoor life shrunk substantially. And really at the time, I remember just, not only were we having a great time, but internally I just felt like, well, I guess I kind of misread the' tea leaves' there and, you know, oh, here we go, this is the story that's in front of me right now.
And so maybe you're like me, maybe you really just prefer an A plus B equals C plan. The one that's linear, it's sequential, has predictable outcomes and only straight lines. And if you're like me, then maybe my friend Jon Blaseās poem will help land this idea a little bit. He writes the same apparently. So he is talking about people with, you know, five-year plans, forged through life with a plan, a map they chart by bolder stars. I, on the other hand, wake to mild confusion, most days, not about the tiny aspects of self-respect, such as brushing my teeth and paying my bills, but more like the big things. Like my destiny, etc. Thanks, John. So for me, I'm not a celestial navigator either. But I do wake and this is I guess a path that I found to bring life. I do wake most days and start with radical surrender and asking God to accept the path that's in front of me for this day. There's a great writing by King David I'll add here too from Psalm 119, from The Message translation. And he says, "You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow His directions, doing your best to find Him. That's right you don't go off on your own. You walk straight along the road He sets." David White calls it the pale ground beneath our feet.
So in this desire for straight unbroken lines, linear paths from A to B, and oftentimes just losing the path along the way of feeling like, well, I guess that was never to be, or I guess I misread the 'tea leaves', or I totally got that wrong and botched it, that'll never come to be. What I'm learning now, as I stare down age 50, that inclusive of all of my jagged lines, the cliff jumps, the plummets, the high places, unbroken lines as Wendell Berry writes, all have culminated in a story that I would love to tell you over a campfire sometime. That now here I am wholehearted, still friends with God. And now I'm finding myself accompanying clients in both the frontiers of business and wilderness settings.
My conclusion is I've been led. So my invitation to you today, friends, is embrace your long way around. All of the squiggly lines, and allow yourself to be led. Because a great story, a good story is often not a straight line. You can do this. It's good for you.
Keep going.
Aaron
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Friends, I've been thinking. I've been thinking about the slippery slope, the slippery slope of...as humans, as leaders, we find ourselves in a place progressively over time far from where we intended to be or accidentally just waking up one day and finding that we're in a place that no longer looks familiar or is no longer desirable. I've found myself on that slope many time. I just had a conversation with a friend this morning, and he was stating, after a year of really intentional work and changes in family, moved into a new home, found himself in a place of work rhythms, lifestyle rhythms that were unfamiliar and undesirable. Really not a place, like, "Why am I doing this? How did I get here?" And it's really helpful to know and have the awareness to start with. "Huh. This isn't working." Paying attention...what I talk about often is the dashboard lights of your life, and they start going off.
For me, sometimes it happens in sleep where I notice, boy, I'm sure up a lot at 1 to 2:30 in the morning with lists of unfinished things in my head. Or, boy, I really notice that I'm way less patient than I wanna be, or I really notice that I'm finding the Zoom world of constantly switching of 30-minute or 60-minute blocks and the mental fatigue that that requires. I was just reading a book from Cal Newport on Deep Work, and he talked about how the mental...basically IQ points go down through the day from the progressive switching between topic and between task. That we actually become dumber effectively is what it means.
So what do we do? What do we do when we find ourselves in a place where it isn't where we started, it's not where we intended to be, or, simply, where we want to be or what we want to be experiencing is something different than what we currently are. And I believe it usually, like, begins with two vocabulary words. One is starting to say yes to different things and say no to others. And those two words, yes and no, pulling those out, looking at those, one in our left hand, one in our right, and deciding, "Okay, now what are the mends and adjustments and trades I can make?" For myself, I notice this constant gravitational pull to say yes to more client work, to say yes to the next opportunity, to say yes to that next small thing.
My wife was in a training program, and they called 'em, "The big things that you put in a bowl are oranges. The small things you put in a bowl are Skittles." And it's much easier to have a bowl that you start with oranges in than it is to start with a bowl, fill it full of Skittles, and then try and shove the oranges in. And oranges being figurative for the things, the big, juicier, meatier, chunkier pieces of your commitments, your yeses and then moving into, then, adding the small bits around those big blocks. So for me, personally, I find it really fatiguing when I end up with a bowl full of Skittles of just tons of little bitty penny ante small things I'm doing. And for me, as I learn to lead myself, learn to lead others, the impact I seek to create has to do with fewer yeses to Skittles, more no to those small little things, and stronger...my friend called them "straight spine" and "open heart" yeses, where the oranges are easier to place in, so that I don't find myself on down the road fatigued and surprised of the results of the impact of my experience of my work and my life and, in the end, finding myself on the slippery slope in some place I don't intend to be or choose not to be.
So start with a yes. Figure out where those yeses need to be invested fully, and then where are some of the noes. I just, before recording this episode, said no to two separate invitations, so that I can keep the integrity of the yeses that I'd formally already committed to. You can do this, friends.
Keep going. This is good for you.
Aaron
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Friends, this is Aaron. And I've been thinking. I've been thinking about to-do lists versus to-be lists. One of my mentors these last few years introduced me to the idea of a to-be list. I really shook my head at first. Like you mean like to be, as in like to be and to not be? What do you mean, to be? Well, she went on to talk about how each of us have, like, a to-do list, you know, shit-we've-got-to-get-done list, things that we want to make a difference in, things we need to accomplish, deadlines, timelines, deliverables. Great. But have we ever, have I, have you ever stopped to start with a daily to-be list? I kid you not, I remember months ago, I wrote down in the morning my to-be list. I wanna be patient, I wanna be open, I wanna be a non-reactive presence.
And within 2 hours, maybe it was 60 minutes, it was short, I found myself with a client live and the client on the other end of Zoom, we were in a breakout room and we were doing this game, I pushed on the wrong tile button on this maze experience that we were doing, and it was my error, but the client really got animated. We came back into the big breakout room and the client in a tile full of Brady Bunch people of a hundred, said, "I blame you." And I thought, oh my, okay, here we go. Thank goodness I have a to-be list because I want to be a non-reactive presence. I had an opportunity to practice that, and if it wasn't for my to-be list of the day, then I wouldn't have had that orientation already in my operating system around who do I wanna be, how do I want to be today.
My list for today, I want to be a mountaineer, I want to be a reader, I want to be a lover, a brother, a deep creator, I want to be a runner, an artist. What will I do with these today? Only time will tell. Very helpful to accompany my to-do list, who I want to be, and how I want to be. Friends, you can do this.
Keep going. This is good for you.
Aaron
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Today I want to share something more intimate with you about pain and living forward. Earlier this year, my family and I we honored the 10-year anniversary of our daughter Hadley's passing and her death in 2011. And I found myself for a couple months, just feeling the... I don't even know if weight is the right word, but just the honoring of the reality of learning to live each of us individually and collectively as a family how to live forward. How to actually move forward. And it's definitely become easier by the year but doesn't mean the the pain or the loss is not there.
It's just a new way of learning to live holding both joy and pain at the same time. So I wanna share with you a poem that I wrote. Her birthday is upcoming.
This month I always tend to be reflective as well. And our holiday seasons are always bookended by her birthday and then her anniversary of her passing. I'll share the poem with you now and then reflect on it a little bit with you, 10 years living forward,
"Ten rings later in the oak tree. Ten rings later and the oak tree. Radius etchings tell the truth of living forward. Closer to fine. Empty bedroom, not to dinner. Quiet, deafening, disappearance. No search party assembled. Empty wheelchair affixed for helium flight. Unconvincing logic to limbic smells and sounds. Was that her shadow? Her cry? Hair clippers to mourn the reminder of not fine. Staggering, limping, walking, living again, rings seared chronicles of summers laughing. Winters ruminating, springs living. All the roots go deeper when it's dry."
So as I reflect back on her death in passing, I envision this trees aging rings, a cross section of a log. And as you see like in the rings, each annual etching tells a different story. Some are like thick with growth. In a tree, it's like, "Oh wow, there must have been a lot of rain that year, was lots of moisture, easy for that tree to grow." Others are really thin, very small amount of growth, but the tree is still standing. And as I began to reflect on that as her passing, no search party assembled, she was missing at dinner. Her bedroom was empty. But we knew why. In our mind. But our soul and our body didn't. Our limbic brain, the part of our brain that stores meaning, and sense, and smell aroused by someone's presence. I remember just being haunted by that for years, "Oh, it sounded like her. Oh, that's not her. Was that her cry? No."
And in the honoring of her passing, I had read a passage in the book of Job. And when Job's children had died, so many tragedies had become him. But it was the last straw when the house collapsed on all of his children. And the two things he did was he shaved his head and worship God. I remember having my kids, Averi and Holden, shave my head with me. And I wore my hair clipper down to skin for a year, just to remind myself, I'm not fine, and that's okay, but have a visceral reminder.
I would go to touch my head in the morning and it would have these, you know, scaly bumps from no hair, or I'd be cold, or I looked not attractive in the mirror. But all of those were reminders. That's okay. I'm not supposed to be fine. And then as we progressed, moving through summers laughing, winters ruminating, and springs living, moving from staggering and limping to walking to living again, and all the roots go deeper when it's dry.
So, friends, like you, I've lived long enough to know to live authentically, to become wholehearted requires us to embrace our humanities spectrum, and remind our souls that God is with us and for us, even when, even when. Friends, you can do this. It's worth it. You're worth it.
Keep going,
Aaron
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Friends, today what's on my mind is piercing the veneer of outside things. Ernest Shackleton, infamous Antarctic explorer, at the turn of the century, the 19th century, did this expedition in Antarctica. His men famously were trapped in the sea ice over 23 months, they found their way back home, each of them living. And in his memoirs, he wrote called "South,ā I'll share with you, two sentences. "We had pierced the veneer of outside things. We had reached the naked soul of men."
I find this particular piece, the veneer, this... I remember in shop class as a kid in high school adding like a coating of veneer, a lacquer on top of whatever it was, we were creating. So veneer can be like a barrier, right? It could be thin, could be thick, could be many-layered, but how do we pierce the veneer of outside things? And I find often in our world that we live in, this modern world, the veneer of outside things exist in polished half-truths, phrases that I don't love like, "Oh, how you doing?" "Oh, I'm great. So busy, so busy," we say. Operating at 7,000 RPMs, drop the merit badge of busy and pierce the veneer. Real connection, real belonging, real community exists in the deeper textures. It's not on your phone. It's not on the flip. It's not in busy. Be whole, be intentional, be on purpose, reach the naked soul.
You can do this, friends. This is good for you.
Let's keep going,
Aaron
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Friends, I've been thinking, I've been thinking about dreaming bigger dreams. A friend of mine sent me a poem in the mail, a prayer over the summer. I've kept, keep going back and rereading these lines. And it reads, "Disturb me, Lord, when I am too well, pleased with myself, when my dreams have come true, because I have dreamed too little." So as I asked myself and wonder about these lines, what are my new dreams? Not the old, the vintage ones of yesteryear. What are the bashful whispers? The ones too big to say out loud. What if we whispered them with intuition? With heart, without knowing how? What if we speak it into the reality of the world as our prayer? We take it as a cue of the opening line of, "Disturb me Lord, when I am too well, pleased with myself, when my dreams have come true, because I have dreamed too little." Friends, danger is calling, danger is for good. Speak those dreams, those whispers, and let's begin to live into the questions of how might we bring bigger dreams to life?
Friends, this is good for us. You can do this. It's worth it.
Keep going,
Aaron
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Friends, I've been thinking about what does the world really need? Our world is pretty complex, complicated place these days, no matter what part of the globe you live on. And I've been thinking about how what the world really needs is more wholehearted humans.
Two quotes to get us started. Parker Palmer. "I wanted more than a job. I wanted deeper congruence between my inner and outer life." Congruence in that is about the who I am. My friend calls it a plum line, between who I am, what I think, feel and do, and they're all lined up. So let me read it again to you. "I wanted more than a job. I wanted deeper congruence between my inner and outer life."
Second quote, Andrew Bennett. The longest journey you will ever take. "The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart."
So friends, if we desire more than just a job, our vocational experience and existence becoming more than just showing up with our butt in a chair, all present for roll call. If we desire our neighborhoods when I hear people say, oh, I've never talked to my neighbor. I don't know who my neighbors are. I'm like, well, have you ever actually walked over and knocked on their door and said hi? And if we dared a dream beyond this transactional interchange of relationship, the mini-dramas, and small living.
The way I see it, there's really only one choice. The courageous choice, the more challenging, fulfilling choice is put your money down, buy the golden ticket of congruence and the plum line that runs through you and buckle up for the mysterious beauty and mess of discovering how to foster friendship of heart and head, that 18 inches. What if your friends of head and heart were deeply part of how you live and who you are? And how do we cultivate a deep knowing of God as our friend? Here's a promise. There's no quick shortcut, VIP line to skip ahead. And oh, by the way, this one alluded me for a long time. There's also not a finish line. We'll never be done. When we begin to embrace living more wholeheartedly in the world that we occupy.
What does the world need? More of us to sign up, buy the ticket, wear the t-shirt, and get started living more true, restored friends with our heart and our head, friends with God, and deeper congruence between our inner and outer life. Friends, it is good for us, I bought the ticket. You can do this.
Let's keep going.
Aaron
- Näytä enemmän
