Episodit
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Show Notes:
It can be hard to know what to say to a child with big emotions when they're struggling. And while it’s important not to pressure yourself to say the “right thing” all the time, one small change (that you can make immediately) will almost always make things better in those situations.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why one word (that most of us use all the time) almost always upsets children with big emotions
The alternative word that can make a positive difference in negative situations
How this shift improves our influence in the moment and strengthens our children’s self-esteem in the long run
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FREE RESOURCE: Reminder of “but” to “because” strategy + examples
Apply to Rachel’s “Beyond Behavior Blueprint” program
Join Rachel’s Facebook group
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions
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Many kids with big emotions lack confidence, and that can be heartbreaking to see. While building children’s confidence doesn’t happen overnight, one simple action can help. Even better, this same action can also strengthen your relationship and takes less than a minute to use!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The simple strategy to strengthen your child’s confidence and your relationship
How we can incorporate this strategy into our daily lives
Why this strategy might not work for anxious or sensitive kids (and why that’s a good thing!)
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FREE RESOURCE: List of "Emotional Needs Accounts" + ideas for deposits
Apply to Rachel's "Beyond Behavior Blueprint" program
Join Rachel’s Facebook group
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions
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It’s very common as we’re raising kids with big emotions to walk on eggshells, fearing the moment we might “set them off.” But it is possible to learn to diffuse dramatic situations more easily so that we can handle them instead of dreading them.
In this episode, you’ll learn, through the “sink metaphor”:
Why it’s absolutely in our power to make situations better instead of worse
What our kids really need so that they (and we) don’t get stuck in the drama
What our responses are like from our children’s perspective
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FREE RESOURCE: What to do when your child is having a big emotion: https://rachel-bailey.com/yuck-curve/
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/327-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Many children with big emotions crave consistency, but how can we be consistent when life gets in the way? There are so many things to juggle as a parent -- extracurriculars, homework, schedule changes, work trips, family visits -- and we’re tired. The good news is that there’s an alternative to consistency that is much easier to achieve as a busy parent (and it has all the same benefits!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to reduce the pressure on yourself and still meet your kids’ needs
The difference between predictability and consistency
What it feels like to be on the receiving end of this strategy
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Your personalized next step: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/204
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/326-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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There is nothing worse than feeling helpless as a parent, and it’s easy to feel powerless or out of control when our kids won’t listen to what we have to say. Often when we feel powerless, we end up trying to control our children more… which only reduces our influence! Fortunately, there is a simple strategy that can help you improve the impact of your words so your children can actually hear the lessons you’re trying to teach them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why most people dig their heels in when people try to change them
How to give our kids with big emotions what they need to be able to hear us
A simple strategy to increase our influence that requires us to spend less energy, not more
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Your personalized next step: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/202
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/325-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Often when we ask our kids with big emotions to do things they have to do, instead of doing what we ask, they resist, negotiate, or even become disrespectful to us (or themselves!). And when we feel helpless and stuck, we often then fall back on strategies that our parents used with us… which tends to make things worse. So how can we motivate responsible and respectful behavior when our attempts seem to just lead to more drama?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Two reasons why rewards and punishments don’t work for kids with big emotions
Common reasons why children struggle (and how we can identify these reasons when our kids are having a hard time)
How to go beneath kids’ behavior to motivate more positive behaviors, moods, and attitudes with less resistance
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One of the defining qualities of children with "big emotions" is that they have a hard time when things don't go their way. But explaining to them why they need to be more flexible doesn't seem to work, and it only frustrates them and us more! The good news is that we can help our children handle frustration and disappointment when we shift from telling children WHY they need to be more flexible to teaching them HOW to be more flexible.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why we reduce our influence when we try to get children to accept that things won't always go their way What they truly need in order to become more adaptable A simple formula (with examples!) to teach them to maturely handle the fact that things will go differently than they expected -- even if they are currently resistant to talk about this---
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/323-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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We want our children to feel respected, and we know that it’s important to connect with them and validate their feelings. But when they’ve behaved in an unacceptable way, it’s easy to wonder if, when you’re connecting with them, you’re letting them “get away” with negative behavior.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our influence does depend on being able to balance both validation and firmness
A simple formula (with examples!) to show our kids that we sincerely care about what they’re going through without condoning negative behavior
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Summary of this episode with examples:
https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/199Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/322-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Changes and new situations – especially a new school year! – can create a lot of worry for our kids with big emotions. But no matter what the change is, or what their worries are, we can empower children to handle hard things.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Simple steps to help kids get ready for a new school year (or any other situation that they’re nervous about)
How to make it less likely that they’ll worry about changes and transitions
How to help them feel more in control of situations that they are anxious about
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/198
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/321-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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Many children with big emotions can seem spoiled or entitled at times -- like they expect to get everything they want, all of the time. And even though it can be tempting to give in for the sake of family peace, there are better ways to help our children in these situations… so they can learn how to handle not getting their way in the future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids with big emotions seem to always want more, more, more
What we can ask ourselves to know if we’re giving our children what they truly need (or just want they want)
One thing all parents can give their kids so they don’t keep asking for more
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/197
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/320-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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Despite the fact that they experience emotions very intensely, it’s very common for children who feel strongly to NOT want to talk about their emotions. But in order to address negative behavior, moods, and attitudes, we need to have these conversations!
The good news is that using specific phrases will allow us to improve our influence with our children so they are open to hearing us, rather than trying to avoid us.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The real reasons why our children tend to avoid talking about their emotions
How to start conversations with our kids (without triggering their resistance)
How we can help our kids handle their discomfort more effectively and maturely
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/196
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/319-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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We ask our children to do things all the time, and (of course) we assume that they know how to do what we ask. Why wouldn’t they? In reality, a lot of negative behavior stems from skills that children are missing – which means they actually don’t know how to do what we ask. In order to improve our influence and their resilience, all we need to do is teach them a few strategies for success.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What actually stops children from doing what we want them to do
How one simple shift can decrease our frustration and our exhaustion
What it’s like to be a child who wants to do better… but can’t
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/195
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/318-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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It can be exhausting to parent children with big emotions -- especially when it feels like our efforts to improve behavior, moods, and attitudes take longer than we would like. Even if we understand (in our minds) that it takes time for our kids to learn how to deal with their discomfort and develop new skills, that doesn’t always make us stop wishing they would feel and act better more quickly!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why wanting things to go more quickly actually slows things down
One question we can ask ourselves to change our perspective and our attitude (so progress does happen faster)
The key to less frustration if children do take time to change
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/194
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/317-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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One of the most common reasons for big emotions in our homes is related to asking our children to get off of their devices. And let's be real: They DO have to learn to get off of their devices without acting like it's the end of the world!
But most of the time, we attempt to make this happen makes things worse, not better. When we get into our children’s world, we can often understand why our attempts aren’t effective – and what we can do instead.In this episode, you’ll learn:
What it’s like from a child’s perspective to have to get off of screens
Why his parents’ (very logical) attempts to address his behavior don’t work
How getting into your child’s shoes can help bring peace to your home
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/316-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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This time of year, navigating the use of screens can be a real challenge -- especially when you’re raising children with big emotions.
The summer can start off feeling more relaxed, but then come the power struggles over how long children can be on screens and the meltdowns when they have to get off of their devices.
Fortunately, a few simple changes can reduce the drama, even during those times when children are even more likely to turn to screens as entertainment.In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids with big emotions struggle with screen time limits
How to increase your influence to reduce screen time drama
How to give your kids the skills THEY need to get off of screens more easily (helping them deal with transitions and boredom!)
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FREE 1:1 CONVERSATION: Want to talk to Rachel about what's causing YOUR screen time drama?
Send an email to [email protected] with the word "Screens" in the subject line!Free summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/193
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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Of course we want our children to listen to us when we ask them to do what they’re supposed to do or when we ask them to act maturely in situations that don’t go their way.
But often when we try to get our kids to listen to us, we do it in ways that actually decrease our influence. This is especially true when we try to get our children to see why we are right and they are wrong.
Of course it’s not that we shouldn’t try to motivate better behavior! Rather, we can just do it in more effective ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why telling children what they’ve done wrong doesn’t lead to them doing what’s right
Exactly how to approach your child to increase your influence
Why this non-permissive strategy not only increases your influence, but strengthens your relationship
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Free summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/192
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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As parents, we want to be able to influence our children. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we try to help our kids feel or act better… and we can’t make it happen.
One of the most common ways that we “leak” influence happens on a day-to-day basis in the way we ask our kids to do things and in the way we respond to their requests.
Once you become aware of this leak, you can make a simple change and increase your influence immediately!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why some of our our requests and our responses immediately put our kids into fight-or-flight (and make them more resistant to us)
An example that illustrates what this is like for your child that you will be able to relate to
Simple strategies to increase your influence and improve your relationship with your child
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/191
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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As parents, we want to be able to motivate our kids to act more responsible and handle situations more effectively. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we aren’t able to make that happen.
Unfortunately, we will feel helpless and out of control because we often (unknowingly) “leak” influence by the way we think about and respond to situations. One of the most common influence leaks happens when we set unrealistic expectations and aren't even aware that we're doing that.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How setting realistic expectations increases our influence with our children
A simple question that will help you set expectations and handle previously-difficult situations more effectively
The benefits (for us and our kids!) when we plug influence leaks
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/190
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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We want to be able to influence our kids. We want them to listen to us, and we want to be able to calm them down so they can work through situations with less drama. So it can be challenging when our attempts to influence them don't work… or even make things worse! In this second episode of a two-part series, we’ll discuss what's needed to become a powerful positive influence with your children so you can bring more peace to your home, even if that seems impossible now.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The type of influence we usually have with our children – and why it doesn’t motivate better behavior, moods, and attitudes
The two qualities that you need if you want your children to listen more readily and calm down more easily
What it looks like when you do improve your influence (even if your children don’t realize it’s happened)
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/callNotes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/189
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
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Most of us crave more calm in our homes. But what do we do when there is drama on an almost-daily basis and nothing we try makes a difference in our child’s behavior? Is it possible to reduce the drama and feel more confident in our parenting without damaging our relationship with our children? The good news is you can bring more peace to your family while increasing your children’s resilience and self-esteem.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our current parenting strategies don’t change behavior, moods, or attitudes
The differences between Band Aid Parenting and Long Game Parenting
What our kids really need from us when they’re struggling (and the long-term benefits of meeting their needs rather than addressing negative behavior with punishments and rewards)
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/188
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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