Episodes
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Upper echelon where we belong
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This week the Brides take a trip to the quiet, snow-covered, definitely not creepy at all Overlook Hotel for a spirited discussion on Stanley Kubrick's The Shining! A faithful adaptation of Stephen King's novel, this is not. And Kubrick's treatment of Shelley Duval on set was borderline abusive (maybe even just straight up abusive)? But The Shining remains a brilliantly unsettling journey into madness, as well as a harrowing depiction of a marriages' collapse. We also discuss the Escher-like construction of the Overlook, whether or not Jack Torrance being a gross monster from the beginning detracts from the plot development, and Dick Halloran's absolutely awesome Florida home. Seriously, those paintings? YES.
Also, is Scatman Crothers the greatest name ever? Yes. Yes it is.
The Shining. 1980. Directed by Stanley Kubrick. Written by Stanley Kubrick and Diane Johnson. Starring Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duval, Scatman Crothers, and Danny Lloyd.
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Episodes manquant?
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HALLOWEEEEEEEN!!! Today is the best day of the year, so the Brides are dropping one heck of a fun episode. Today we're going into the light and chatting all things Poltergeist! This is one of the rare horror movies that's both incredibly creepy and very, very funny, with a lot of surprisingly wholesome family dynamics. Perhaps that's because Stephen Spielberg wrote the script and also claimed he directed most of it (and then had to apologize to the ACTUAL director, legend Tobe Hooper). In this episode the Brides discuss how fun the family seems, how you always need to move the bodies and the headstones when you're building a development next to a graveyard, and the absolute uselessness of the older daughter. Seriously, she spends the entire movie running off to her boyfriends' house. Of course, we must bow down to ultimate movie psychic, Zelda Rubinstein, who walks into the movie halfway through and walks away with our hearts. Also, we take a moment to completely rip apart the BS myth that the movie is "cursed" because, hi, actual people died and it's super disrespectful. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, stay safe out there ya freaks!
This episode contains brief discussion of domestic abuse and murder. Rest well, Dominique Dunne and Heather O'Rourke.
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It's finally here - the most wonderful time of the year - SPOOKY SEASON HAS RETURNED! The Brides kick off their Halloween celebrations with yet another vampire movie, the brilliantly creepy Nosferatu! Released in 1922, F.W. Murnau's deep dive into German Expressionist horror is the first onscreen retelling of Dracula, even though the studio definitely didn't have the rights to Stoker's novel and got sued into bankruptcy by his widow. Seriously: Prana Films closed after this film because she gouged them with legal fees. And for good reason; it's Dracula. No question about it. This is a film we technically shouldn't have, and that transgressive, unsettling quality shows up in every frame. And that's before we even get to Count Orlok! Along the way we chat about the obvious anti-Semitic tropes that surround vampire lore, the baffling choice to sub a hyena for a werewolf, and debate if Herr Knock is a scarier character than Count Orlok. It's honestly closer than you think. Also, would Orlok sound like the Count from Sesame Street, or Count Chocola?
Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror. 1922. Directed by F.W. Murnau. Written by Henrik Galeen. Starring Max Schreck, Greta Schröder, Gustav von Wangenheim.
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It's Birthday Mandate time, and by Alysa's command, the Brides are dodging extreme acting and buckets of blood for a chat all about Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 epic, Bram Stoker's Dracula! Alysa shares how watching this movie's trailer at a very young age during a screening of A League of Their Own traumatized her for literal years, while Lindsay recaps her experience of watching it this week for the very first time. This movie is legendary for some of the most beautiful costumes ever produced for cinema and the most bonkers acting ever committed to film thanks to Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins chewing every piece of scenery they could get their hands on - as well as Keanu Reeves trying so, so hard, and Tom Waits eating bugs! This movie raises more questions than it answers, but it's a question mark on a scale so huge and beautiful you can't not look at it and relish every second. Except for the kissing. The kissing is bad. Don't worry, we talk about it. At length.
Also, seriously, where did Dracula get that baby??
And for the first time in podcast history, we have a shared REPEAT palate cleanser, but you'll understand why when you listen. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF FALL, Y'ALL!
Bram Stoker's Dracula. 1992. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Written by John Hart. Starring Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, and Keanu Reeves.
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Today the Brides hang with some very needy ghosts who don't know they're dead - it's 1999's The Sixth Sense! M. Night Shyamalan has spent the last 21 years trying to live up to this film's extremely lofty expectations - sometimes it works out (The Visit), sometimes it doesn't (The Last Airbender, Lady In the Water, After Earth). But what works in this movie really, really works, in no small part due to the trio of performances that anchor the at times clunky script. And to think, Michael Cera auditioned for the role of Cole Sear. Along the way, we chat about the film's play-like structure (with crowd "rhubarb peas and carrots" scenes to match), Bruce Willis as the best actor of the 80s action bros, the most obviously evil mother in movie history, and Haley Joel Osment's bug-eye glasses. Did you know there's a twist at the end of this movie?
And seriously, Shyamalan - you put that mom in a red power suit and red lipstick for her own child's funeral. We know that in your movies red is the 'evil color' that represents death, but come on.
The Sixth Sense, 1999. Written and Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Starring Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Toni Collette, and Olivia Williams.
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This week, the Brides get smacked around with a social commentary 2x4 as we try to find anything good to say about 2013's The Purge. You know a movie is awful when even the great Lena Headey and usually reliable Ethan Hawke can't save it. This movie is atrociously written, poorly paced, and its hamfisted attempt at SERIOUS MESSAGING ABOUT AMERICA is all the more infuriating when looked at in a post-2016 election lens. Also, WHY is the focus on the affluent white family when the film's commentary keeps insisting that they're the ones who don't suffer the worst of the Purge's effects? And dear god, this director really thought was saying something profound with all of the verbal abuse heaped on the Black homeless man! This episode is blessedly short because honestly, what is there to say about this piece of garbage that hasn't already been said? Note: We do acknowledge that the prequel and subsequent Purge television show do a much better job of showing the intricacies of this whole 'all crime is legal for 12 hours' thing, but this movie just takes a good, interesting idea and does the equivalent of a bellyflop off the platform. Do you want a better home invasion movie? Go watch The Strangers (2008).
The Purge. 2013. Directed and written by James DeMonaco. Starring Ethan Hawke and Lena Headey.
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It's summertime, and that means a trip to Camp Crystal Lake! This week the Brides break down the unintentionally hilarious, still pretty effective Friday the 13th. It's got everything Halloween's got...because it deliberately ripped off Halloween. Let's face it, this movie is real silly and is mainly a vehicle for gory kills, but it can't be overstated how important Friday the 13th is to the creation of the slasher genre. Along the way we fawn over Tom Savini's makeup effects, consider the horny properties of religious hymns, and debate the effectiveness of Mrs. Voorhees trying to slap Alice to death. Also, how great are Steve's jorts? SO GREAT.
Friday the 13th. 1980. Directed by Sean Cunningham.
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"The trailer is what I wanted this movie to be." This week, the Brides head back to Texas for a recap of the most aggressively "meh" film in our podcast's short history: the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is one of the most toothless, gutless, boring entries in the early 2000s American remake-a-palooza (this is the one that started it all, so....you're welcome?). It's even more aggravating because the original film is so wildly unsettling and transgressive, and there's nothing unsettling or transgressive about this thing. Along the way, the Brides discuss the two or three things that make this movie kind of palatable, namely OG TCM cinematographer Daniel Pearl's return and his GORGEOUS use of light - seriously, this movie looks spectacular. We also marvel at how long Eric Balfour played a teenager on film, Alysa shares her era-appropriate crush on Mike Vogel, and how every single person in this movie is definitely trying their hardest, but to what end? TO WHAT END?! If you want a 2003 movie with gross chainsaw content, definitely go for Alejandre Aja's Haute Tension instead of this slog. Also, we ponder the effectiveness of curing human meat like a nice prosciutto.
And seriously, go watch the trailer for this movie. It's one of the best trailers ever made, which makes the actual film's soullessness all the more annoying.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 2003. Directed by Marcus Nispel. Written by Scott Kosar. Starring Jessica Biel, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, Erika Leerhsen, Jonathan Tucker, and R. Lee Ermey.
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It's a beautiful day, the beaches are open, and everyone is having a wonderful time! This 4th of July weekend the Brides are headed to Amity for the third season premiere, talking about all things Jaws! This movie is the big bad granddaddy of summer blockbusters, in which every single thing that could go wrong on a film shoot, did so in catastrophic fashion. Seriously, who thought to build a mechanical shark without testing it in the ocean? Along the way we discuss how this movie is basically a Law and Order episode starring a shark, the places this movie walks so Jurassic Park could run, the agonizing realization that Mayor Vaughn handled the shark attacks like Trump handled COVID-19, and the joys of Richard Dreyfuss and his "short guy energy." We also acknowledge that despite the film one hundred percent being every bit as effective and fun as ever, there is one shot in particular that really doesn't hold up. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. AMITY MEANS FRIENDSHIP!
Jaws. 1975. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Written by Peter Benchley and Carl Gottlieb. Starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw, Lorraine Gary, and Murray Hamilton.
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LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN! This week on our season 2 finale, the Brides head to Sweden, trip out on some shrooms, and try to ignore the very large bear in our gleeful recap of the haunting, thrilling, and extremely satisfying 2019 'folk horror' film, Midsommar. This might be the most fun movie ever made about a Swedish death cult. Ari Aster is one of the most exciting horror directors working today, but unlike his debut film Hereditary, Midsommar doesn't make you want crawl into a hole and die. Rather, its excruciating portrayal of relationship toxicity makes the ending all the more cathartic. We also chat about the stellar cinematography, how Christian is the worst, the genius of Aster giving away the entire movie in the first twenty minutes but convincing you he didn't, and how you should never mock local customs by literally peeing on their sacred trees (looking at you, Mark). Also, Alysa's trivia about the 'blood eagle' scene ruins Lindsay's weekend. Skål!
But seriously, is anyone going to talk about the bear?
Note: This episode contains mention of suicide, emotional abuse, gaslighting, and toxic relationship dynamics. Take care of yourselves, friends!
Midsommar. 2019. Directed and written by Ari Aster. Starring Florence Pugh, Jack Reynor, William Jackson Harper, Vilhelm Blomgren, and Will Poulter.
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Today, the Brides are one hundred percent going to make sense of James Wan's 2010 film, Insidious. We swear. By the end of the episode, we will understand why this haunted house story turns in the last 40 minutes into a story about astral projection??? With a ton of ghost mythos that never fully gets explained???? And Lin Shaye wearing a gas mask to channel ghosts during a seance?????? We don't even know, guys - this movie is straight up the most frustrating we've ever covered, and we did Children of the Corn this season! But all that said, what this movie does right, it does in stunningly spooky fashion, and it's a solid warmup for James Wan and writer Leigh Whannel's spectacular follow-up, The Conjuring (which we raved about last season!). We also discuss the perfection that is Patrick Wilson - even though his character is kind of a douche - and the fact that the demon with a red face looks way too much like Darth Maul to be truly effective. Also, this movie contains the biggest plot hole we've ever covered on the show. We're still mad.
Side note: take a shot every time Alysa compares something Insidious does, to something The Conjuring does better. You won't survive the episode.
Insidious. 2010. Directed by James Wan. Written by Leigh Whannel. Starring Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Lin Shaye, Barbara Hershey, and Ty Simpkins.
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Oh boy. On this episode, the Brides are taking a trip into the woods and dodging a flesh-eating virus and lots of early 2000s humor as we try to make heads or tails of Eli Roth's 2002 gorefest Cabin Fever. This movie doesn't quite know what it's trying to be - a parody of horror movies, a grimdark tribute to the movies Roth clearly loves, or somewhere in between. All we know is, most of it doesn't really work, and when it pays homage to classic horror, it does so with arrows and bold font. There are definitely other, better movies directed by Eli Roth, with scripts that don't scream mid-90s meta - we recommend Hostel! But what Cabin Fever does well, it does in spectacularly chilling fashion, with excellent makeup effects and a few genuinely fun "EW" moments. Along the way we touch on the infamous leg shaving scene, and how our mutual childhood crush on Rider Strong completely colored our view of his character's total disregard for consent. Also, holy hell we forgot about that n-word joke! Additionally, Alysa shares her thoughts on the 2016 reboot of the same name, which is worth checking out if you want this exact same movie, but with the humor (and the racism) taken out.
NOTE: This episode contains discussion of a scene in which a sleeping woman is sexually stimulated without her consent. Take care, pals!
Cabin Fever. 2002. Directed and written by Eli Roth. Starring Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern, and James DiBello.
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We promised we'd be back in the realm of completely messed up and traumatizing films and we ALWAYS deliver! This week the Brides head to Barcelona and get stuck in the worst penthouse ever as we cover the 2007 found-footage masterpiece [•REC]! Found footage movies became almost a punch line in the mid-Aughts and 2010s, with the genre nearly over-saturating the market. But what makes [•REC] so different - and what makes its American remake, Quarantine, so disappointing in comparison - is its balls to the wall, take no prisoners commitment to scaring the every loving crap out of the viewer, with an ending that still makes us want to curl up in a ball and die. Fourteen years later, this movie has lost none of its ability to surprise and terrify. We round things out with a spirited chat about our love for the genre of found footage as a whole, and Alysa bemoans the fact that she had to rewatch this movie on Crackle - which meant a 75 minute movie was broken up by 500 commercials for Fortnite. The things we do for you, dear listeners.
NOTE: The end of this episode contains mild spoilers through episode 2 of the Disney+ series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Don't say you weren't told!
[•REC]. 2007. Directed by Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza. Written by Jaume Balaguero, Paco Plaza, and Luis A. Berdejo. Starring Manuela Velasco, Pablo Rosso, Ferrán Terraza, and Javier Botet.
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For the first time in Brides of Frankenstein history, the Brides are in disagreement about a film! Today we are taking a drop-ship to LV-426 (aka Acheron) to discuss James Cameron's 1986 beefed-up sequel to Alien, creatively titled Aliens. Let's be real: this is not a horror movie, and if you're looking for a direct continuation of the tone explored in Ridley Scott's OG masterwork, you won't get that until (ugh) Prometheus and (UGH) Alien: Covenant. But is this movie a crazy fun romp on its own terms? The Brides might not think so! We also debate the trajectory of James Cameron's portrayal of 'strong women' and how that may or may not just be a reflection of 1980s masculinity, instead of an actual feminist portrayal. Along the way, we do agree on some things - Sigourney Weaver continues to rule, there is no such thing as a 'nice' corporate stooge, and Bill Paxton is in an entirely different film.
Also, a moment of silence for the amount of self tanner they put on Janette Goldstein to make her look Latinx. WOOF.
Aliens. 1986. Written and directed by James Cameron. Starring Sigourney Weaver, Paul Reiser, Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton, Janette Goldstein, and Lance Henriksen.
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Finally, a movie that makes sense! This week, the Brides pull up to the Bates Motel for a spirited discussion on Alfred Hitchcock's seminal thriller, Psycho. We rave about the spotless editing, Anthony Perkins' legendary performance, the straight up hot opening scene, and obviously beautiful and iconic score by Bernard Hermann. I We also debate if viewing this movie through a 2021 lens makes Norman Bates look like a total creep even before the final twist, and the sheer pointlessness of the 1998 Gus van Sant remake. Honestly, this movie is a masterpiece, and if you haven't seen it yet, what are you even doing here?
Psycho. Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Based on Psycho by Robert Bloch. Written by Joseph Stefano. Starring Janet Leigh, Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, John Garvin, and Martin Balsam.
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This week, the Brides are back in Derry and recapping the crushing disappointment that is It: Chapter Two! Man. This is one of the most woefully messy films we'll ever cover on the show, specifically because everything that does work gets swallowed up by over-zealous directing, a script stuffed full of bloat, and characters that didn't need to be here (seriously, why is Henry Bowers in this movie?!). Along the way, we cover the absolute pointlessness of the opening violence, the sheer majesty of Bill Hader and Jessica Chastain, and the Uncanny Valley effects used to de-age the younger Losers. Also - seriously, Mike? Stealing from Indigenous people? Come on.
Quick side note: Alysa has no idea how to work her new microphone. Apologies if your ears bleed.
Side note, THE SECOND: No palate cleansers this week because this episode is already 100 minutes long and we didn't want to do that to you, but safe to say, Lindsay is still into Magnus Archives and Alysa is still rewatching spicy scenes from Bridgerton.
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Welcome to the Losers Club! This week, the Brides head to Derry, Maine, to talk all about 2017's It Chapter One. Topics covered in this episode include: why this Stephen King adaptation works as opposed to Children of the Corn, the pitch perfect casting for the Losers, the tendency of director Andy Muschietti to go HUGE with set pieces and imagery, Henry Bowers' truly scary mullet, and the infuriating fact that a lot of the best lines of the film were improvised by 12 year olds (seriously, these kids have NO RIGHT to be this good). We also critique the various changes from book to screen, and confess which one of us is, in real life, truly freaked out by clowns. This episode is long, because man, there's a lot to cover in this film - and it's just part one!
Note: This podcast episode contains reference to molestation by a parent. Take care of yourselves, friends!
It: Chapter One. 2017. Directed by Andy Muschietti. Starring Bill Skarsgard, Jaeden Martell, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Wyatt Oleff, Jeremy Raymond Taylor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and Chosen Jacobs.
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The Brides are back for season 2! This week, we get lost in Gatlin, Nebraska, and try to make even a little bit of sense out of the 1984 adaptation of Stephen King's Children of the Corn. Over the course of a purely chaotic hour we wonder who put Linda Hamilton in those unforgivable khakis, pick at the plot strands that go absolutely nowhere, and marvel at the clearly 35 year old 'stunt chest' in the church scene. Also, did you know that this film was supposed to be a metaphor for the Iranian revolution? Because we definitely didn't! Let's be honest - this movie is trash, but man, did we have fun trashing it. Here's to season 2, and better movies to come!
Children of the Corn. 1984. Directed by Fritz Kiersch. Written by George Goldsmith. Starring Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton, John Franklin, and Courtney Gains
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On this, our Season 1 finale, the Brides of Frankenstein celebrate Lindsay's birthday mandate with one of her favorite films, Wes Craven's Scream! We rave about the brilliance of the opening scene, the genius, bordering-on-unhinged performance of Matthew Lillard, the way the characters talk and how it mirrored the way we all thought we sounded as kids (which we did NOT), and how the costumer for Courtney Cox definitely wanted to make her look like a stick of gum. We also confirm, once and for all, that Billy Loomis is in fact the the creepiest, grossest horror movie boyfriend ever put to celluloid. Other questions we ponder: how 90s is this soundtrack? Why does this movie succeed when so many imitators fail? And man, how much BS did Wes Craven have to go through to make this damn movie?
FYI: This is the longest episode we've done so far; we brought some CHAOTIC Stu-level energy to recording, along with the dumbest blooper we've ever done on the show. You have been warned.
The Brides wish you all HAPPY HOLIDAYS, and we'll see you in January 2021 for a whole new season of spooks and silliness!
FYI, this episode contains discussion of rape, assault, and the 1999 Columbine school shooting. Take care of yourselves, kiddos!
Scream, 1996. Directed by Wes Craven. Written by Kevin Williamson. Starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, Skeet Ulrich, Matthew Lillard, Rose McGowan, David Arquette, Drew Barrymore, and Henry Winkler.
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