Episodes
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Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) framework emphasizes compassionate communication and understanding. Within this framework, life-serving and life-alienating concepts guide how we interact with ourselves and others.
Life-Serving Concepts:
Empathy: Involves active listening and understanding others' feelings and needs without judgment. It fosters connection and compassion. Honesty: Clearly expressing one's feelings and needs encourages authentic dialogue, reducing misunderstandings and fostering trust. Mutual Respect: Recognizing and honoring the needs of both oneself and others lays the groundwork for collaboration and peaceful resolution of conflicts. Willingness to Learn: Approaching conversations with curiosity and a desire to understand diverse perspectives allows for growth and deeper relationships.Life-Alienating Concepts:
Judgment: Labels and assessments of others lead to division and conflict, making it harder to connect with their underlying needs or feelings. Demanding: Communicating in a way that implies coercion, such as ultimatums or threats, can create resentment and a lack of cooperation. Criticism and Blame: Focusing on what people did wrong, rather than expressing one's needs, creates defensiveness and disconnection. Inflexibility: Being rigid in one’s thinking or refusing to consider other viewpoints inhibits dialogue and problem-solving, leading to isolation and misunderstanding.Nonviolent Communication aims to enhance understanding, connection, and cooperation among individuals by focusing on life-serving interactions and avoiding life-alienating behaviors.
An Introduction to Nonviolent Communication (p. 3)
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Nonviolent Communication supports reframing how we express ourselves, hear others, and resolve conflict by bringing our observations, feelings, needs, and requests to our consciousness.
It's pragmatic and straightforward, challenging our deeply held practices of judging, labeling, criticizing, and comparing. With practice, this tool helps us transform blame and judgment within ourselves into mutual awareness of human needs.
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Episodes manquant?
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What is the difference between feelings and evaluations? Join me this week, and I can answer that question for you - nonviolent communication style.
Evaluations are judgments. They unconsciously elicit defensiveness and justification from the person who is feeling judged. Feelings are identifiers of how you are experiencing something internal to you.
Listen to this week's podcast and check out the link below to see the subtle shift in language needed to practice nonviolent communication.
Feelings vs. Evaluations Masquerading as Feelings
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Continuing with emotional myths, Christian (Regan's boyfriend) joins me to discuss #2 and #3. His personal experiences and history contribute to his understanding of these particular myths.
He talks about his experience showing emotion and how, depending on their intensity, emotions can actually be destructive.
It's a good listen.
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This short and informative podcast explains some of the benefits of nonviolent communication. I will give it a shot and would love to share my experiences with you all along the way.
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Lindsay recently finished reading "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion." Join us as she discusses her thoughts and impressions and shares her excitement about this new paradigm shift.
Feelings Versus Evaluations Masquerading as Feelings
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Human beings have nine or ten basic needs. These include peace, autonomy, spiritual communion, physical nourishment, and interdependence.
Additionally, when our needs are met, we feel certain pleasurable emotions; when our needs are not met, we feel various unpleasant emotions.
This podcast serves as a comprehensive guide to the vocabulary of feelings and needs, educating you about the intricacies of human emotions and needs.
Feelings and Needs Reference Guide
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This episode provides a quick overview of all the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) podcasts and a quick reminder of its core components, such as interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, mindfulness, and distress tolerance. I hope you have been able to practice these skills in daily life to enhance emotional well-being and improve interpersonal relationships. The podcasts on DBT include practical strategies and insights drawn from several DBT skills manuals. Have you been able to work on your skills daily?
Here are some DBT takeaways. Listen again. You won’t be disappointed.
DBT is a structured approach to improving emotional regulation.
Interpersonal effectiveness skills help clarify goals in relationships.
Mindfulness is crucial for reducing emotional vulnerability.
Practicing DBT skills can lead to better emotional well-being.
Understanding emotions is key to effective regulation.
Distress tolerance skills are essential for crisis management.
Encouragement and positive affirmations can improve moments.
Both rational and emotional perspectives are valid in discussions.
Practicing mindfulness can enhance self-awareness and presence.
DBT skills can be integrated into daily life for lasting change.
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Christian joined me this week to discuss his emotional myth. He chose myth number two - letting others know I am feeling bad is a weakness. He comes at this from a therapist's perspective and talks about how this shows up in his office in his clients.
He identifies chronic distress, i.e., resentment, fear, and anxiety centered around our need to be good vs. the acute pain of acknowledging, admitting, and leaning into making the changes necessary to live an authentic life.
The felt sense is the experience of embodying all parts of us, including the "bad" feelings often considered a sign of weakness. This means we must feel, experience, and bring them consciousness. Christian gives us insight into why this is important and necessary.
You will learn a lot from this one.
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I've finally reached Radical Acceptance. This is the practice of fully accepting the reality of a situation, no matter how painful or difficult it may be. It involves acknowledging and embracing the present moment without judgment or resistance. By accepting things as they are and creating space for change and healing, we can reduce emotional suffering.
Within Radical Acceptance, there are empowering practices. The first is WILLINGNESS. This is about fostering an open and adaptable mindset, where we engage with our emotions and experiences without judgment. In DBT, willingness empowers us to take action and pursue our goals, even in discomfort. It builds resilience and the ability to navigate challenges with flexibility, making us feel more in control and resilient.
The other one is EVERYDAY ACCEPTANCE. This concept emphasizes the importance of accepting day-to-day experiences and emotions as they arise. It involves recognizing that not everything needs to be fixed or changed immediately. Everyday acceptance encourages individuals to find peace with their current circumstances, allowing for a more balanced emotional state and reducing anxiety about the future.
These concepts in DBT help us develop a healthier relationship with our emotions and experiences, ultimately leading to greater emotional regulation and well-being.
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Join me this week for an informative podcast about distress tolerance skills. This week, I talk about how the skills IMPROVE, self-soothing, and using pros and cons to make decisions from Wisemind are essential tools for managing overwhelming emotions effectively.
IMPROVE stands for imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing or step at a time, vacation, and encouragement. Utilizing these skills can enhance the ability to cope with distress and prevent impulsive or harmful behavior. The pros of developing these skills include improved emotional resilience, reduced stress, and increased self-control.
However, the potential con might be our initial challenges and discomfort in confronting distress. The benefits of mastering distress tolerance skills outweigh the possible drawbacks, making it a valuable tool for improving mental wellness and emotional stability.
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Kylee joined me this week to discuss her emotional myths. She chose two that she identifies as problematic, but she does not struggle with them herself. Kylee talked about how parenting has given her a new perspective on how vital emotional validation is. She talks about the scripts she uses when she no longer has the capacity for genuine connection with her kiddos. She also told us what she tells herself when she's in a state of fight or flight as a result of parental or relationship overwhelm. It's a good one.
Emotional Myths Worksheet
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I've returned to DBT, and in this episode, I discuss the ACCEPT skills for coping with crisis emotions and creating safety for extreme situations. Whether you struggle with regulating your emotions or want to improve your overall mental health, this episode will provide valuable insights and tools to help you live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
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Annie joins me this week to discuss her emotional myth(s). She chose two and then we discussed them and how they impact her. Using the framework of non-violent communication she discussed how painful emotions are an expression of unmet needs, which tied nicely into her chosen myths.
Give it a listen. You will not be disappointed.
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It's been a busy week, and I've not been able to interview or invest enough time in reviewing distress tolerance, so ... I'm recommending a couple of books.
Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
(Audible)
The Anatomy of Peace, Fourth Edition: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
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Join Carson and me as we discuss another emotional myth. Carson chose number 19. She was thoughtful and brought attention to the idea of embodiment, which is the way that experiences are enlivened, materialized, and situated in the world through the body. I suspect this is something I will talk more about in later podcasts.
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In this episode, I discuss crisis skills and distress tolerance in dialectical behavior therapy. If you have a manual look at the handouts. They are good guides for many of these exercises. I talk about effective rethinking and paired relaxation techniques, as well as the STOP skill for managing overwhelming emotions. Also take note of the TIP skill, which involves changing body chemistry through cold water, intense exercise, paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation.
Paired Muscle Relaxation Script
Effective Rethinking & Paired Relaxation: Step By Step
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Sometimes, our emotions get the best of us. It might be that we are struggling to keep things together - depression, anxiety, and other symptomologies overwhelm us, and we don't handle the distress very well. We use maladaptive coping strategies that work in the short term but will not over the long term. Additionally, there are some periods of our lives where keeping our emotions in check is much harder than at other times. Distress tolerance is a set of skills that can help support us during these times.
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My son-in-law, Chris, was this week's podcast guest. He was a delightful guest who addressed emotional myth 13. Get out your list and check it out.
Chris clearly remembers the emotional climate in his home at different times in his life. He talks about how he thinks authentic emotional expression is a form of communication and is important for honest expression. He challenges his myth in different ways, and I appreciate his honesty and perspective on how reconciling conflicting views can be challenging.
Listen to this week's podcast and let me know what you think.
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Join me this week as Lindsay and I discuss her myth about emotion. This is a great discussion and Lindsay shares both her personal and professional understanding of this myth and how to challenge it.
The conversation with Lindsay is engaging and interesting and I appreciate her perspective and her willingness to share with all of us how this myth shows up for her.
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