Episodes
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In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome back Dr. Yael Schonbrun, PhD, a clinical psychologist, writer, and faculty member at Brown University. Dr. Schonbrun discusses the surprising benefits of disagreements, emphasizing how differences can nourish relationships, foster growth, and help individuals thrive.
She explains the importance of mindset shifts, the role of conflict in couples and society, and shares strategies for turning disagreements into productive and positive experiences. The conversation also touches on personal anecdotes, the challenges of maintaining perspective, and the power of repair in relationships.
Healthy conflict resolution strategies Adversarial collaboration in science Parental modeling of repairs Self compassion in mistakes Personal responsibility in conflicts - Importance of conflict repair[02:12] The Secret Power of Disagreements
[04:06] Embracing Differences for Growth
[06:47] Healthy Conflict Resolution Strategies
[07:16] Adversarial Collaboration in Science
[11:17] The Elephant and the Blind Men Parable
[14:37] Perspective Taking vs. Perspective Giving
[27:06] The Joint Contributory System
[31:29] Understanding the Goggles Metaphor
[32:15] Personal Anecdote: Misinterpreting Intentions
[33:02] The Inescapable Nature of Our Perspectives
[33:35] Conflict in Relationships: A Humbling Experience
[36:28] The Importance of Sleep and Self-Care in Conflict Resolution
[42:33] The Power of Repair in Relationships
[44:35] Tips for Effective Repair
[49:59] The Importance of Conflict in Personal Growth
About Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Check out Dr. Schonbrun’s last visit on Life’s Dirty Little Secrets Podcast - Secret #7 Parental Guilt with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Purchase Work Parent Drive by Dr. Yael Schonbrun on Amazon or at your local bookstore to gain valuable insights and strategies for navigating the tension between being a parent and working. https://www.amazon.com/Work-Parent-Thrive-Science-Backed-Strategies/dp/1611809657
Yael Schonbrun, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock: A podcast about the science and practice of living well, and mother of three. Yael’s academic research explores the interaction between relationship problems and mental health conditions.
Follow Dr. Schonbrun on Linkedin
Tweet Dr. Schonbrun on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrYaelSchonbrun
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In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-parenting coach.
Tiffany discusses the importance of separating well, providing evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as alternatives to litigation. She highlights the need for strategic planning, conflict resolution skills, and effective communication to foster better outcomes for children.
Tiffany offers practical advice on managing the initial stages of separation, involving key professionals for guidance, and maintaining a child-focused approach.
Highlights:
Collaborative solutions for separated families Creating space for emotional reaction Practical steps for separation process Resilience through collaboration and supportAbout Tiffany Rochester:
Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation. Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.
The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.
The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors. Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au
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Episodes manquant?
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In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Co Parenting Companion.
Tiffany discusses her work in providing separated families with evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as an alternative to litigation. She dives deep into the challenges and solutions for co-parenting, emphasizing psychological flexibility, kindness, and effective communication.
Tiffany highlights the importance of supporting parents through the separation process to reduce conflict and foster better outcomes for children, providing practical strategies and insights into co-parenting dynamics.
Highlights:
Managing narrative around separation Importance of co-parenting skills Addressing emotional triggers effectively Understanding co-parenting boundaries Overcoming binary thinking in conflictTimestamps:
[01:52] Tiffany's Journey into Co-Parenting
[04:12] Challenges of Co-Parenting
[07:21] Impact on Children and Families
[11:39] Skills for Effective Co-Parenting
[16:09] The Role of Psychological Flexibility
[25:02] Practical Tools and AI in Co-Parenting
[37:08] The Importance of Grace and Letting Go
About Tiffany Rochester:
Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation. Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.
The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.
The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors. Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington talk with Dr. Emily Edlin, a clinical psychologist specializing in children and families.
They explore the question of whether parents truly make a significant difference in their children's lives. The conversation delves into parenting pressures, the influence of genetics versus parental involvement, and the impact of different parenting styles. Emily shares insights from her new book on autonomy-supportive parenting, offering practical advice on managing parental anxiety and fostering healthy development in children.
The episode highlights the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective on the real influence of parenting and encourages listeners to focus on building nurturing relationships with their children.
Highlights:
The impact of intensive parenting The influence of genetics vs. parenting Parental responsibility and anxiety The evolution of the parent-child relationshipTimestamps:
[01:54] The Impact of Parenting
[08:27] Genetics vs. Parenting
[11:38] Parental Responsibility and Anxiety
[22:28] Pseudoscience and Parenting
[29:01] Parental Expectations and Child Development
[30:31] The Importance of Parent-Child Relationship
[32:20] Technology and Modern Parenting Challenges
[34:44] Pressure in Youth Sports
[35:52] Dealing with Children's Disappointment
[40:27] Parental Influence and Letting Go
[44:52] Balancing Guidance and Freedom
About Dr. Emily Edlynn:
Check our Dr. Edlynn’s website
Follow @DrEmilyEdlynn on Instagram:
Read Dr. Edlynn’s Substack
Emily Edlynn is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children’s Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children’s hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily’s writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently joined the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast as a co-host and is the author of a new book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago’s skyline from her attic window.
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In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington engage in an insightful conversation with Dr. Aprilia West, a renowned psychologist, executive coach, and author, about the concept of 'choicefulness.' West, with over 20 years of experience working with various individuals and organizations, delves into how our power lies in our moments of choice.
She explains how default reactions can limit our potential and discusses the importance of mindful, intentional decision-making. The conversation covers practical steps for developing choicefulness, recognizing cognitive and emotional biases, and aligning actions with what truly matters to us.
This engaging and enlightening discussion is essential for anyone looking to tap into their full potential and live a more intentional life.
Highlights:
Defining choicefulness Emotional efficacy Defaults and behavior patterns Values and decision making Cognitive biases Emotionally driven decisionsAbout Dr. Aprilia West
Check out Dr. West’s Website
Follow @drapriliawest on Instagram
Follow drapriliawest on LinkedIn
Dr. Aprilia West brings 20+ years of real-world experience working with individuals, leaders and organizations across a range of industries, including Fortune 500 companies, U.S. Congress, entertainment industry executives, artists and creatives, and tech founders to increase wellbeing and performance. Her extensive experience as a psychologist, executive coach and trainer gives her a niche understanding of human behavior and how to facilitate positive, prosocial change.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry host the wrap-up episode, celebrating the end of season two. They reflect on various discussions from the season, including self-discovery, personal growth, relationships, equity, social justice, and mental health.
The wrap-up includes highlights from various episodes, featuring topics such as challenging societal norms, the importance of self-regulation in neurodivergent individuals, and the complexities of relationships with narcissistic personalities.
Highlights:
Sibling Dynamics and Aggression Sexual Education Victim Blaming Neurodivergence[00:00] Introduction and Season Two Wrap-Up
[01:29] Challenging Norms and Definitions
[01:38] Self-Discovery and Authenticity
[02:59] Dr. Steve Hayes on the Myth of Normal
[06:09] Kristen Campbell on Sexual Education
[09:29] Perfectionism with Dr. Z
[13:23] Stephen Batchelor on Good and Evil
[19:32] Katie Palmer on Favoritism
[25:28] Elisabeth Lati on Sisu
[31:37] Amy Beddows on Victim Blame
[35:01] The Term 'Victim' vs. 'Survivor'
[35:38] The Importance of Recognizing Victimhood
[36:25] Trauma Responses and Validation
[40:14] The Role of Neurodivergence
[49:24] Sibling Dynamics and Aggression
[55:27] The Impact of Narcissism
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, special guest Dr. Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist and host of the "Wise Effort" podcast, joins hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington to delve into the concept of "Wise Effort."
As the discussion unfolds, Dr. Hill offers actionable advice, introducing three steps to embrace wise effort: get curious, open up, and choose wisely. She delves into the balance required to manage energy effectively, avoiding pitfalls like attachment, avoidance, and negative self-stories. Highlighting the significance of consilience and radical regeneration, the episode touches on the abundance of renewable resources and the importance of a mindset of stubborn optimism.
Highlights:
Wise Effort and Energy Principles and Techniques for Wise Effort Value of Diverse Interactions Recognizing Negative Narratives Managing Emotional ResponsesAbout Dr. Diana Hill
Diana Hill, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, international trainer, and sought-out speaker on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Host of the podcast Wise Effort and author of The Self-Compassion Daily Journal, The ACT Daily Journal, and the upcoming book Wise Effort, Diana works with organizations and individuals to develop psychological flexibility so that they can grow fulfilling and impactful lives.
Integrating her 20+ years of meditation experience with yoga and psychological training, Diana leads retreats and workshops internationally at InsightLA, Blue Spirit Costa Rica, PESI, Praxis Continuing Education, Yoga Soup, and Insight Timer Meditation. She is on the board of the Institute for Better Health and blogs for Psychology Today and Mindful.org. Diana practices what she preaches in her daily life as a mom of two boys and bee guardian. Go to drdianahill.com or her channels on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube (@drdianahill) to learn more.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In this episode, we are joined by special guest, Dr. Robyn Walser. Robyn, a renowned clinical psychologist and expert in acceptance and commitment therapy, shares her profound insights on the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships and communities.
From the deep-seated insecurities that drive narcissistic behavior to the emotional toll it can take on those entangled in such relationships, Robyn sheds light on the often misunderstood world of narcissism. The conversation delves into the allure of charismatic individuals during crises, the manipulation of power dynamics, and the dangerous exploitation of empathic and vulnerable individuals.
Listeners will gain valuable strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior, including the importance of setting clear boundaries, seeking community support, and recognizing the red flags of covert narcissism. We also discuss the troubling tendency to surrender autonomy to powerful figures and the historical and contemporary implications of such behavior.
Understanding Narcissism Causes and Rise in Attention Attraction and Relationships with Narcissistic Individuals Challenges in Addressing Narcissism Strategies for Dealing with NarcissistsTimestamps:
[00:00] Introduction to the Guest
[01:33] Defining Narcissism
[03:55] The Rise of Narcissism in Society
[10:10] Narcissism in Relationships
[15:53] The Impact of Narcissistic Leaders
[26:25] Coping with Narcissism
[45:21] Conclusion and Resources
About Dr. Robyn D. Walser
Visit TL Consultation Services, Dr. Walser’s
Check out this Youtube Channel @Surviving Narcissism
And a shout out to her bulldog, Daisy Optimus Prime, who can be heard breathing throughout the podcast.
TLConstulation Services is individually owned and operated in two locations. The main location is in Menlo Park, CA. Dr. Walser also has a home office. There she conducts personal consultation over Skype and by phone.
Robyn is Director of TL Consultation Services and co-director of the Bay Area Trauma Recovery Center and staff at the National Center for PTSD, Dissemination and Training Division. As a licensed psychologist, she maintains an international training, consulting and therapy practice. She is an expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and has co-authored 4 books on ACT including a book on learning ACT. She also has expertise in traumatic stress and substance abuse and has authored a number of articles, chapters and books on these topics. Dr. Walser has been described as a “passionate, creative, and bold ACT trainer and therapist” and she is best known for her dynamic, warm and challenging workshops. She is often referred to as a clinician’s clinician.
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In this episode, we are joined by special guest Dr. Jonathan Caspi, an internationally recognized sibling expert and family therapist. Dr. Caspi dives deep into the intricate dynamics of sibling relationships, shedding light on the complexities of sibling conflict, comparisons, and the ever-present vying for parental attention.
As we engage with Dr. Caspi in a thought-provoking conversation that touches on how sibling comparisons and parental pressures shape behavior and self-identity. Listeners will gain an understanding of how allowing children to pursue different interests can mitigate sibling rivalry and foster individuality.
Dr. Caspi shares personal anecdotes and research-backed insights on how sibling conflict is normal but warns against normalizing physical violence. He powerfully discusses the under-recognized issue of sibling abuse, its higher prevalence compared to parental abuse, and the contributing factors such as favoritism and marital conflict. The episode also explores the significance of setting clear behavioral expectations and rules to cultivate positive sibling interactions.
Highlights
Normalcy and Risks of Sibling Conflict The Prevalence and Causes of Sibling Abuse Parental Intervention in Sibling Conflicts Long-term Effects of Sibling Conflicts Evolutionary Perspective on Sibling Rivalry Parental Strategies for Managing ConflictSHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-28-Sibilings-with-Dr-Jonathan-Caspi
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In this thought-provoking episode, we are joined by the insightful guest, Jennifer Kemp, a clinical psychologist who specializes in neurodivergence with a focus on autism and ADHD. Jennifer delves deep into the world of neurodivergent adults, especially undiagnosed women, and highlights the transformative power of accepting and embracing one's neurodivergent identity.
From discussing the critical importance of reliable resources to navigating the healthcare system's gatekeeping, Jennifer provides invaluable guidance and information. Listeners will also benefit from Jennifer's expertise on the often-misunderstood symptoms and challenges of ADHD and autism, as well as strategies for self-compassion and self-advocacy.
Our conversation sheds light on overcoming the stigmas of neurodivergence and the essential steps toward living more authentically. Whether you are neurodivergent or seeking to understand more about neurodiversity, this episode is packed with information that empowers and educates.
Highlights:
Introduction to Neurodivergence Challenges Faced by Neurodivergent Individuals Diagnosing Autism and ADHD Importance of Understanding and Validating Neurodivergence Living Authentically with NeurodivergenceAbout Jennifer Kemp:
Visit Jennifer’s website
Purchase The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism
Order the The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD
Jennifer Kemp BSc(Psych)Hons, MPsych(Clinical), GradDipApplSc(Psychology of Coaching), MAPS, FCCLP
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist based in Adelaide who works with older adolescents and adults experiencing perfectionism, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and chronic illness. The majority of her clients are neurodivergent, so using a neurodiversity-affirming approach, Jennifer weaves together acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), behavioural and compassion-focused approaches with her own lived experience, to help her clients improve their mental health and develop greater self-compassion, self-acceptance, and pride in their neurodivergent identity.
Jennifer juggles clinical practice with writing, presenting, and clinical supervision. Jennifer is the co-author of “The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD: Cultivate Self-Compassion, Live Authentically, and Be Your Own Advocate,” which is due for release in July 2024, and author of “The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism: Build Your Best (Imperfect) Life Using Powerful Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and Self-Compassion Skills.”
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In today’s revealing episode, we welcome Dr. Amy Beddows, a leading expert with a Ph.D. focused on victim-blaming within the context of sexual violence. Providing a compelling exploration of this societal phenomenon, Dr. Beddows dissects the multifaceted layers of victim guilt and its profound implications on survivors.
Venturing deep into the grim reality where predators often escape accountability, our guest exposes the strenuous challenges victims face from systemic inefficiencies. From the understaffed support agencies to the emotional strain on police, barristers, and counselors, the episode unveils the heartbreaking burden on those seeking justice.
Join us as Dr. Beddows also addresses how victim-blaming maintains patriarchal structures, obstructing societal progress and diverting essential funding from victim services.
Together, we confront the distressing impact of cognitive dissonance and emotional distress among victims and acknowledge the unspoken consequences of burnout and cynicism among professionals. Shedding light on the intricate web of sexism, racism, and ableism that exacerbates victim-blaming, this episode stands as a call to action for empathy and systemic reform.
The Societal Impact of Victim Blaming Victim Blaming Across Various Situations Dr. Amy Beddows' Research Insights Agency and Support Service Challenges Service Provider Challenges and Burnout The Role of Compassion and Human ConnectionLearn more about this episode:
https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/secret-26-victim-blame-with-amy-beddows
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In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, we delve into the multifaceted concept of "Sisu" with our esteemed guest, Dr. Elisabet Lahti, the founder of Sisu Lab and an educator devoutly studying this Finnish philosophy. Dr. Lahti unravels the threads of extraordinary determination encapsulated in Sisu, a reserve of power each of us harbors for life's most challenging moments.
Embarking on a journey through the psyche, this discussion explores the engaging intersection between Sisu and human progress, analyzing how one's action mindset and courage can transform perceived impossibilities into stepping stones for personal growth. Dr. Lahti constructs a compelling narrative around Sisu as an embodied somatic fortitude, distinguishing it from cognitive traits like passion or resilience.
However, this episode isn't just about the strengths of Sisu. Dr. Lahti candidly discusses its potential dark side—when determination morphs into stubbornness or when excess grit leads to burnout, revealing the fine line between fortitude and fragility.
Introduction to Dr. Elisabet Lahti and the Concept of Sisu The Core Elements of Sisu Sisu in the Face of Adversity and Personal Challenges Sisu and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Commitment and Courage in Sisu The Balance of Determination and GentlenessSHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-25-Gentle-Power-with-Dr-Elisabet-Lahti
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In this episode, we welcome the insightful Katie Palmer, a renowned educational consultant and parenting coach, who dives deep into the controversial and emotional topic of parental favoritism. Katie invites listeners to explore the reluctant admittance of having a 'favorite child' and the potential psychological impact this taboo subject can have on family dynamics.
This episode peels back the layers on the challenging issue of fair versus equal treatment and the intricacies of parenting. Discover how balancing different needs does not invariably equate to equitable treatment and why understanding this distinction is fundamental in nurturing well-rounded individuals.
Listeners will find themselves deeply engrossed in personal anecdotes and expert insights that shine a light on the internal struggles parents face when connecting with their offspring. Especially poignant is the examination of shared values, teenage rebellion, and the constant negotiation of needs and values within the family structure.
Highlights:
Insights on reluctance in admitting favoritism among children The Emotional Challenges of Parenting and Fairness The Favorite Child: Parental Perspectives and Dilemmas Balancing Values, Needs, and Relationship Dynamics Fairness vs. Equality: Understanding the DistinctionSHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-24-The-Favorite-Child-with-Katie-Palmer
Subscribe to Life's Dirty Little Secrets YouTube Channel!
Resources Mentioned in this episode:
A study on the notion of a “favorite child” from Purdue University
An article on parent favoritism from The Institute for Family Studies
Two books by Anthony Wolf:
Mom, Jason’s breathing on me: The solution to sibling bickering. Ballantine Books. (2003). It’s not fair, Jeremy Spencer’s parents let him stay up all night: A guide to the tougher parts of parenting. Farrar, Straus and Giroux . (1996).Siblings without rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. W. W. Norton & Company; Revised edition (2012). by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish·
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In this enlightening Life's Dirty Little Secrets episode hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry delve deep with the Buddhist philosopher, Stephen Batchelor on navigating ethical dilemmas in a world bound by societal norms. In this episode, Stephen challenges listeners to find courage and clarity in uncertainty, and to embrace radical self-acceptance as a means to thoughtful, compassionate living.
Touching on the need for like-minded communities amid the decline of traditional institutions, this episode encourages individuals to consciously forge new support systems. Stephen's call for a personal approach to spirituality and ethics resonates throughout the discussion, advocating for a non-binary grasp of morality.
Tune in to explore the balance between individual beliefs and societal pressures, and how meditation groups can anchor us in a turbulent sea of systemic issues. "Good and Evil with Stephen Batchelor" is a must-hear for those wrestling with life's complex ethical questions.
Highlights:
The Nature of Ethical Choices Personal Values vs. Societal Pressures Inner Values and Intuition Stress, Binary Thinking, and Language Self-Acceptance and GrowthTimestamps:
[00:00] Striking similarities in inner struggles, liberating experience.
[05:07] Overwhelmed by thoughts, emotions, habits, regrets, grudges. Ethical uncertainty.
[06:35] Striving for best intentions often leads astray.
[12:58] Ethics is about becoming the best version of oneself.
[14:25] Ethics is about shaping and forming oneself.
[18:29] Tradition must adapt to the changing world.
[23:45] Ethics and imagination crucial for societal change.
[26:02] Encouraging tough questions, creativity, and ethical change.
[28:20] Marvel at the mysterious complexity of human society.
[33:07] Influential counterculture can inspire real societal change.
[36:22] Challenging binary thinking for ethical understanding.
[41:35] Language reinforces binary habits, rooted in evolution.
[43:58] Radical self-acceptance is vital in ethical training.
[46:48] Focus on non-reactive attention, ethics, community bonds.
[50:27] Navigating questions, offering support, creating understanding.
About Stephen BatchelorStephen Batchelor is a former monk in the Tibetan and Zen traditions. He has translated Shantideva’s A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life and is the author of Alone with Others, The Faith to Doubt, The Tibet Guide, The Awakening of the West, Buddhism without Beliefs, and Verses from the Center. He is a contributing editor of Tricycle magazine, a guiding teacher at Gaia House Retreat Centre, and cofounder of Sharpham College for Buddhist Studies and Contemporary Inquiry in Devon, England. He lives in southwest France and lectures and conducts meditation retreats worldwide.
Related ResourcesLearn more about Stephen Batchelor
Order your copy of the Art of Solitude and Living with the Devil
Episodes mentioned -
Secret #2: We Are Not Alone with Martin Wilks
Secret #17: Adolescenting - How to be an Adolescent with Dr. Louise Hayes
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Join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry, alongside esteemed guest Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona (affectionately known as Dr. Z), as they delve deep into the intricate maze of perfectionism. Together, they unravel the complexities that drive our relentless pursuit of flawlessness and the hidden costs it entails.
Dr. Z opens the discussion by dissecting the motivations behind perfectionistic tendencies, from a profound care for one's work to the haunting fear of failure and the rigid adherence to internalized rules. As she shares fascinating insights from her clinical experience, you'll learn about the crucial need to examine these often subconscious guidelines that forge our actions and shape our lives.
The hosts also reflect on societal pressures and the intricate balance of caring for others while nurturing self-compassion. They converse about the paradox of promoting self-care when society often glorifies self-sacrifice, and Emma candidly shares her own journey toward understanding that self-kindness manifests in various, sometimes unexpected, forms.
Dr. Z advocates for a balanced approach to high achievement by laying bare a comical yet relatable anecdote about her quest for the perfect TV - a metaphorical invitation for listeners to contemplate when to aim for the stars and when 'good enough' truly suffices.
Highlights:
Understanding Perfectionism The Concept of the "Maximizer" Self-Compassion and Self-Care Social and Interpersonal Perfectionism Radical Acceptance and Personal ValuesTimestamps:
[00:00] Fear of failure and rigid rules controlling behavior.
[05:18] Understanding client's struggles, mind's protective patterns.
[10:21] Dismissing standards invalidates and fosters fear.
[12:53] Caring about values & flexibility in actions.
[15:58] Approach tasks with fear or expansion.
[18:52] Reflect on motivations driving urges and choices.
[22:49] Teenager's stress due to late-night studying.
[26:09] Helping people with self-compassion and growth.
[28:46] Prioritizing health, limitations, and personal connections.
[31:41] Struggling to balance responsibilities and emotions.
[35:39] Taking ownership of what matters is liberating.
[40:55] Advising on decision-making: maximize or satisfy?
About Dr. Zurita Ona
Listen to Dr. Z’s Playing-It-Safe Podcast
Read Dr. Z’s book Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life
Visit Dr. Z’s Website
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In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry invite Kristen Campbell, a clinical psychosexual therapist, to delve deep into the secrets of our sexual selves. From exploring the emotional neglect in previous generations to the importance of personal responsibility for pleasure, this episode promises to challenge deeply ingrained societal messages around sexuality and provide valuable insights.
Kristen touches on the lack of investment in sexual development as people grow, leading to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy in partnered experiences. She emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility for pleasure and the need to learn about sexual experiences on one's own to reduce pressure. Together with Emma and Chris, she advocates for cultivating healthy sexual practices from childhood through adulthood, while addressing the taboo and societal beliefs surrounding sexual development.
Join the hosts and guest as they discuss the impact of mismatched libido in couples, the need for open conversations about sexual desires, and the importance of giving oneself permission to explore and discover what truly brings pleasure
Highlights:
Importance of Personal Responsibility in Sexual Development Parental Guidance and Children's Sexual Development Cultivating a Healthy Masturbation Practice Effort in Sexual Relationships Talking with Children about Bodies and PleasureResources:
Family Planning Queensland - Traffic Light Resource - Sexual Behaviors
Secret #8: The Taboo of Sex with Kristen Campbell
About Kristen Campbell
Visit Kristen’s website: http://www.kristencampbell.com.au/about
I have been working as a Social Worker for 15 years and have worked in a range of settings including mental health (inpatient & community services) and interpersonal trauma (sexual assault & domestic violence). In the last 7-8 years I have been working in Private Practice, providing therapy to both individuals and couples. I currently specialise in Sex & Relationship therapy, but continue to be passionate about the impact of trauma and adverse events in people’s lives and how this impacts attachments to other people and effects day to day functioning. I also hold a teaching role with the University of Sydney, within the Sexual & Reproductive Health faculty.
I aim to provide a space where people can feel safe, brave and supported as they navigate the challenges in their relationships and their lives. I am a big believer that we develop responses to situations we find ourselves in, so you will find my approach non-pathologising and I work to collaborate with you in understanding what has happened in your life and how to move forward with your goals.
I will be a good fit for those who are wanting a direct, empathic approach and for those who have developed their goals and believe in their capacity for change.
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In this episode, we delve into the controversial notion of "normal." Renowned psychologist, Dr. Steven C. Hayes, challenges the traditional understanding of normalcy, and exposes its historical ties to eugenics and the distortion by scientists for over a century.
Dr. Hayes advocates for a shift from standardized, one-size-fits-all treatment plans, instead, highlighting the importance of individual differences and the need for personalized approaches in therapy and medicine.
Join us as we explore the implications of embracing individual diversity and the potential for AI tools to tailor treatments based on individual choices. This thought-provoking discussion sheds light on the complexities of mental health and the importance of valuing individual voices in a world obsessed with the concept of "normal."
Highlights:
Dr. Steve Hayes' Critique of Statistical Models and Emphasis on Individual Differences The Concept of "Normal" and Its Historical Context Embracing Common Humanity and the Myth of "Normal" Versus "Broken" Individuals Personalization in Mental Health and Behavioral Health Use of Technology and Data for Personalized PsychologyAbout Dr. Steven C. Hayes
Check out Dr. Hayes Youtube Channel
Join Psychflex - Get first 30 days for free
Visit Institute For Better health
Follow Dr. Hayes on Linkedin
Visit Dr. Hayes website and get his free newsletter
Dr. Steven C. Hayes is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Reno and President of the Institute for Better Health, a nearly 50-year old charitable organization dedicated to better mental and behavioral health. He is also the author of 48 books and over 700 scientific articles, originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Relational Frame Theory, and co-founder of Process-Based Therapy and of PsychFlex.
Dr. Hayes has been President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science, among other scientific groups. His work has been recognized by several awards, including the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the Impact of Science on Application Award from the Society for the Advancement of Behavior Analysis. A Fellow of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, he is one of the most cited psychologists in the world.
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For season 2 of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets" podcast, hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington express the importance of embracing our fallibility in a society that often rewards pretending to be perfect.
They give a sneak peek of the exciting conversations lined up for the upcoming season, featuring guests and topics such as Steve Hayes (myth of normalcy), Kristen Campbell (our sexual selves), Elisabeth Lahti (the Finnish concept of sisu), Dr. Zurita (the downsides of perfectionism), and Stephen Batchelor (the duality of good and evil) and more.
Don't miss out on this insightful and engaging podcast that delves into the depths of human existence by exploring life's dirty little secrets with honesty and compassion. Follow, rate, and review the podcast on your preferred platform to help spread the word and reach new listeners.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In the season 1 finale of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry explore the profound complexities of embracing change and fostering personal growth. Through candid and introspective discussions, they delve into the challenges of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and the transformative power of second-order change.
Drawing from their experiences and insights gained throughout the past year of podcasting, Emma and Chris reflect on the invaluable lessons learned and express gratitude for the privilege of witnessing the genuine human experiences shared on their show. They also offer a glimpse into the forthcoming Season 2, tantalizing listeners with the promise of deeper exploration and engaging discourse.
Tune in as Emma and Chris guide listeners through the intricacies of life's less-discussed nuances, inspiring introspection and a renewed appreciation for the journey of self-discovery.
Highlights:
Importance of Conversations and Understanding in Relationships The Role of Wonder and Curiosity in Adulthood Cultural Emphasis on Productivity and Recognition Letting Go of Control and Focusing on Efforts Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Burnout Reflections on the Podcast's Past Year Embracing Discomfort for GrowthFollow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry as they dive into the world of adolescence, exploring its challenges, growth opportunities, and the curious minds that define it. Joined by special guest Louise Hayes, a clinical psychologist and author, they discuss why adults struggle with adolescents, the importance of embracing mistakes and taking risks, and the power of curiosity and creativity. They also touch on Louise's volunteer work with the Pearl Trust, a charity helping children in Nepal. Get ready to embrace your inner adolescent and discover the secrets to navigating life's messy moments on this thought-provoking episode.
Highlights:
Adolescence and the Importance of Discovery and Risk-Taking Nurturing a Sense of Wonder and Openness as Adults Adult Struggles with Adolescents Louise Hayes' Work and Involvement with Pearl Trust Reflecting on Growing Up and Remembering What It's Like to Be a Kid Challenges of Parenting and Respecting Adolescents' AutonomyAbout Dr. Louise Hayes
Visit Dr. Hayes’ website
Dr Louise Hayes is a clinical psychologist, author, international speaker, and educator. She is a Fellow and Past President of the Association for Contextual Behavioural Science. Louise currently holds a position as Adjunct Senior Research Fellow at La Trobe University, where she collaborates on projects using contextual behavioural science. She is a peer-reviewed Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (ACT) trainer engaged in training professionals worldwide. Together with Joseph Ciarrochi, she developed DNA-v, a leading acceptance and commitment therapy model that has sparked international studies. In 2022 she released a new book for helping adults thrive in the face of change – What Makes You Stronger. She is the co-author of two best-selling books for young people – Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teenagers; and Your Life Your Way. She is also the co-author of the practitioner book, The Thriving Adolescent. Louise is an active clinician, working with adults and adolescents. Louise’s passion project and the highlight of her work is establishing a not-for-profit endeavour of taking professionals on the journey of their life into the Himalayas to develop their mindful way of being while raising funds to help children in remote Nepal. She is also a certified Buddhist meditation teacher in the Dzogchen tradition.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]
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