Episodes
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I moved to LA twenty years ago this week. They need to invent an âavocado blowerâ next, I guess. Chipotle Incompetence, and whatâs up with the youth? Someone needs to reign in these paper towel companies, itâs out of control. The Penguin on HBO. The Montgomery Clift crash site. The making of Thriller documentary on Paramount Plus. I read the Godfather and complain about the book adaptation. (Coppola really is a fucking fraud, Iâm sorry, film puristsâŠ)
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Just to round off the âhate list,â I canât stand Rainn Wilson either. The old guy at CVS. We had a real ripe banana crisis in this city on Monday. (As if it werenât a banana republic as it is already, LOLLL!!!) I think I spend more time complaining about the direct flight to NC and back more than actually talking about the NC trip. And the sad part is, the flights werenât even that troublesome. Iâm wound tighter than the guy from Bloodletâs snare drum.
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Episodes manquant?
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I couldnât find the picture of that Vietnamese girl from part 1, but I inadvertently sent myself on a journey of discovery into my past, and illuminated some new revelations. (One of them being âIâve sent a LOT of dick pics in the last 15yrsâ) I hate Kumal Nanjiani, but let me tell you why. I went to watch the Trump/Kamala debate live, and left dissatisfied on about 19 different levels. (Chicken tenders were involved) Trump is a bore on podcasts, and if I never hear about âthe golden years of the Boston comedy sceneâ again, itâll be too fuckin soon. People seem to have hated Beetlejuice 2, I held strong and instead went to see Terminator 2. Jack Black was behind me in line for it, and I have a litany of thoughts about him AND the movie. Rain globs keep falling on my car, and (also) fuck âI see what you did thereâ guy, a fresh scourge in the Lukesterâs online life. I had a total Saturday night misfire, and I advocate for a âfats onlyâ section of the beach. The Bureau has added âmy laundromatâ to their list of targets.
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I wrap up Labor Day weekend, and essentially use your ears as a repository for my vitriol. (I apologize, but itâs much cheaper than therapy) Leaf blowers! Dumb people at the beach! High prices! You name it, I bitch about it! I posit the question âAm I a weirdo for âstretch-talking?ââ (Details inside) One more note on the A Team, one more famous Rainbow bar anecdote, the infamous ET Atari game debacle (look at ME following through on promised topics!) and the annoying, mousy weirdo at my PT office.
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West coast aint got no love for Zito movers?! Your brain can only remember 150 people, but itâs still weird to me when famous people donât recognize me. Chipotle Incompetenceâą. Iâm so disgruntled I donât even like Entourage or The A Team anymore. Hurtin for a Burton. I sent in my Misfits pilot(?) for coverage. I went to the Vista for the first time (where there was a vistaview, vistas AND views) to see Strange Darling, a hot new indie hit. Stung by the Beekeepâah. Last Samurai â does it hold up? Friday night on historic Sunset blvd (two of the four spots left, anyway) and a date with a Thai(?) chick(?).
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Ireland, here I come. More like Montgomery almost DROVE OFF a Clift. Old and burned out. T Dogâs birthday. Wheel wet got me wheel mad. The Bureau infects Gelsons. The letter âWâ (I wish I was kidding, thatâs how light of material I was this week) De-aging in movies is somehow getting worse. Trump on Theo Von (why) I figured out why itâs Hardees and Carls Jr on two sides of the country.
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Mr Helper, and a review of the new Aliens video game, Alien: Romulus
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Aside from the Bureau, I now have the nefarious family branched out into all my favorite products, systematically ruining them. Theyâve now infiltrated the Doordash app, Bai flavored water, and Carlâs Jr. My review of âRaising Canes,â a new (alleged) chicken finger slinger around town. Why do bars and restaurants constantly reopen in establishments that have a proven track record of ânot working previous to this?â T Dog & I saw Mark Normand in Thousand Oaks, then I drove to my bossâs downtown and saw all the beautiful folks. (Of which I am not one)
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A shocking turn of events in Los Angeles, breaking news. If you want to cover âI Drive A Fast Car,â I hope you get in one and drive it into a tree. I hate the driver of a Tesla, more or less-la. Travel rage-ency. Rocha and the wretched Virzis at the Ice House, with Daryl Hammond-cheese sandwich. Corrriiinnnneâs beach birthday party, and a shotgun-shoppin Sunday.
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Earthquakes! Protests! Chipotle! What a week, fam. Thereâs people walking around in sweaters and jackets in 95 degree heat. Ilhan Omar might be part of the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants. I advocate for bipartisan legislation for grown adults in congress to stop referring to their grandparents as the childhood gibberish names they had for them when they were 2. (âtWoO?!â) Thereâs 2 astronauts stuck in space, and people somehow give less of a shit about them than they did those billionaires in that submarine. Thereâs a Fresh Prince reboot coming (and itâs worse than you could have possibly imagined), my own screenplay made me cry (punch me when you see me) and Hollywood once again doesnât learn that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE CHICK ACTION MOVIES.
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*Warning,* This week, Iâm stretched for material thinner than a regular sized condom on Mr Marcusâ cock. I have a neurotic panic about a potential flesh eating bacteria in my face. A whole boatload of Chipotle Incompetenceâą, and more shoe drama. I met Vinnie Friday night and had too many margaritas, then paid the price for it the next day. I missed the Boogie Nights screening, but got a lot of writing done. Harrison Ford talked shit about the (probably) pile of shit new Black-tain America movie coming out. I was so desperate for content I even talk about Hawk Tuah girl. (Please forgive me, audience)
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The remainder of my Buffalo trip, and a visit to my brother's compound. I went to see Deadpool 3 so that you don't have to.
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You have to take out a mortgage on your house now to get a haircut in Los Angeles. I saw Apocalypse Now in 70mm, and it was quite an experience. I flew to Buffalo and did things, I'm here right now. Why does Hollywood want us to like Glen Powell so much? Beerwolf wrote one of my favorite songs.
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My assessment and analysis of the attempted Trump assassination. I attempt to focus on the macro aspects of how & why this happened, but end up coming off generally incoherent and mostly rambling. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense to someone, but either way it felt good to rant about it like a low key lunatic. I really put the âanalâ in analysis.
(If you dont like hearing about politics, just chilllll....til the next episode)
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Harrison Ford finally decides to do a Marvel movie. (Good timing, dick head) People with money actually like my dumb movie ideas?? Longlegs review. I also went and saw Wild Bunch AND Far And Away. Itâs hard for old guys to scream. (Misery Signals, Full Collapse)
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Live, from the streets of LA, in my Enterprise cigarette sarcophagus! Fourth of July wrap up. (More like âju lie about having an interesting podcastâ) Iâm now writing my first TV series! (God help us) Will Haven show at the Teragram, with Dude/Boges. I lament my laborious work week, but I venerate Yardhouse, followed by This Week In Chipotle Incompetence. (Thereâs always a ying to the yang) Longlegs speculation.
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The politics of fireworks. 4th of July memories and mammaries. They saved Marilyn Monroeâs house. âLook How Cool Luke Is,â âindustry connectionsâ edition. Satanâs sprinkler system, and a guy on a bicycle on the epon..ponomoys 405. Chipotle Incompetence Round Up. Rochaâs show at the Ice House, and a whiskey tastinâ with T Dog. (Louâs got cancer [CANCER!])
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I went to a bar that was streaming the debate live, and I give my thoughts on it. I had like 7 or 8 thoughts, maybe. (Maybe more) I don't really do a political podcast, I just threw this one out as a lark. If you hate politics (dont blame you), skip this mama jamma and I'll see you at episode 455. (Also, in hell)
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Passport office, attempt #2. Donald Sutherland died. July is shaping up to be a helluva month, but June Is The Month For Me. (Hourglass)
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Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport.
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