Episodes
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing.
In this episode, we dive into the reasons why therapy can sometimes fail. We'll explore the importance of ruling out physiological issues, the critical role of the therapist-client relationship, and the impact of waiting too long to seek help. We also discuss the significance of session frequency, managing expectations, and the necessity of active involvement in the therapeutic process.
Whether you're here to heal, better understand yourself, or improve your relationships, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate the complexities of therapy and maximize its benefits. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. In this episode, hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts, delve into an often-overlooked tool for mental well-being: journaling.
Discover how journaling can help you calm the storm within your mind, process heavy emotions, and reduce mental overwhelm. Tim and Ruth explore different types of journaling, from managing immediate emotional struggles to using it as a daily habit for enhanced mental clarity and focus. They share expert insights, practical strategies, and personal anecdotes to help you effectively incorporate journaling into your life.
Whether you're dealing with trauma, seeking better emotional management, or looking to improve your communication skills, this episode provides valuable guidance on how to use journaling as a powerful tool for mental health and personal growth. Join the conversation and start your journey towards healing today!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Episodes manquant?
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts.
In today's episode, we delve into how backlogged or unresolved tasks can negatively affect your mood and mental health. Using a humorous story about a cookie jar search, we explore the emotional impact of seemingly minor tasks that pile up over time.
Join us as we discuss the importance of addressing these tasks to unburden yourself and improve your overall well-being. We'll share personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you manage your to-do list effectively and reduce stress.
Whether you're looking to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, and let's start healing together.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
In this episode, we dive into the importance of over-communicating during busy seasons. Using a hectic day from their own lives as an example, Tim and Ruth discuss how effective communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone stays on the same page. They share personal anecdotes and practical tips on maintaining clear communication, even amidst chaos, and emphasize the significance of having grace and patience with your partner.
Whether you're navigating a busy schedule or working through relationship challenges, this episode offers valuable insights on how to communicate effectively and maintain harmony in your relationship. Tune in to learn how to transform adversity into triumph and create meaningful, fulfilling connections.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Each week, we bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love.
In this episode, we dive into a technique designed to help you fall asleep and manage intrusive thoughts. Building on our previous discussion about the "pink elephant" phenomenon, we explore how to redirect your mind from persistent worries by focusing on a simple yet powerful exercise. Learn how to use the alphabet to create a chain of words that will occupy your mind, allowing you to relax and drift into sleep. This method can also be useful during the day to refocus your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
Join us as we guide you through this process, share personal experiences, and explain the science behind why this technique works. Whether you're struggling with sleepless nights or just need a way to calm your mind, this episode offers practical advice to help you achieve a peaceful state of relaxation.
Thank you for tuning in to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Remember, there's always hope and there's always help.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast dedicated to transforming life's challenges into opportunities for growth and healthier relationships. Hosted by licensed therapists Tim and Ruth Olson, this episode dives into the concept of "pink elephants"—those nagging problems that occupy our minds. Learn why focusing on these issues can heighten anxiety and discover practical strategies to redirect your thoughts and manage emotions effectively. Join us for expert insights and engaging conversations designed to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and build enduring love.
In this episode, Tim and Ruth explore how shifting your focus from persistent worries to positive distractions can lead to emotional clarity. They share personal anecdotes, practical advice, and even delve into the importance of order of operations in emotional management. Whether dealing with personal struggles, relationship conflicts, or parenting challenges, this episode offers valuable tools for navigating emotional turbulence. Tune in to learn how to manage your mind, calm your emotions, and approach problems with a clearer perspective.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing. We've spent our lives supporting people through the ups and downs, and we want to share these insights with you.
Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships. Each week, we'll bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love. This podcast is your guide to transforming adversity into triumph, healing wounds and past trauma, gaining wisdom and insight, and creating meaningful, fulfilling connections. So if you're here to heal, to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy podcast. We're so glad that you're here with us today. So in the last episode, we talked about communication and why word choice is so important and can impact your relationship. So we're going to continue that today. This will be part two of that. So far, we covered examples of constructive versus destructive word choice when we're talking about feelings, when we're discussing responsibilities, as well as when we're addressing concerns. And today we're going to pick up right there, but we're going to talk about subtle shifts in communication, as well as give you practical tips for communication in general.
We just want to remind you that there are so many different nuances in communication. And when we see couples, a lot of times this is one of their main issues that they come in with. I'll ask them what they need help on, and a lot of times communication is their answer. And so when we look specifically at word choice, it's important because the words and the content matter, but really it also affects the emotional tone of the conversation. And it can positively affect it or it can negatively.
So one clear example of this, and we used this in the last episode, but it's coming in and just saying what's wrong versus, hey, how are you doing? One is very assumptive and accusatory, and the other really comes from a place of concern and care. Or even just curiosity. And that leads to open dialogue and communication. So as we look today at those subtle shifts, one of the things that we want to look at is a request versus a demand. So an example of this would be, hey, would you mind helping me with the groceries versus help me bring the groceries in?
And I know in the last episode, you talked about the pleasantries and the importance of that. And so I think that fits perfectly right here with requesting versus demanding. Oh, for sure. Because ultimately, the same thing happens in the end. There's going to be help with groceries, but there might be more begrudging help with the groceries, or there might be more irritable help with the groceries versus much calmer and more pleasant engagement with helping with the groceries. And again, one thing people can think is like, well, they should just grow up and get over themselves. They just need to come help the groceries. And maybe there's an element of truth to that. But again, you can smooth over a lot of potential difficulties by just being a little more careful and adding in a little more pleasantries into the discussion. And some of this is as simple as saying please or thank you.
I think sometimes we get so comfortable with our spouse and I hear people saying, well, I shouldn't have to say all the extra stuff. They know what I mean. But in communication, it really is important to be intentional with your words. And some of that includes the pleasantries and saying please and saying things like, will you please help me with the groceries because just adding in that please or that thank you makes a world of difference.
So another example of a subtle shift is expressing needs versus blaming. So blaming would look like you always ignore me when I'm talking to you versus being able to express your need. You could say, I feel important when you listen to me. There's something important I have to share with you. Could we find a time to talk without distraction? And I think one thing that's important about this is that one is coming from a place of vulnerability and the other one is being more aggressive and actually trying to hide or mask that vulnerability. And so when you're going from blaming, you're not really articulating what is the real problem. And so you're making it a you statement. You, right? It's your problem versus really it's an I statement. It's like I'm struggling with this. I'm having an issue with this. And that's scary and uncomfortable for people to come at it more in this healthy way. So to follow the example, I feel important when you listen to me, right? That's letting them know like, hey, this is a place where I can feel valued. But that oftentimes can make people feel uncomfortable because then they get fearful of being rejected. But actually, when they come across in that more blaming way where they're kind of trying to hide or mask their vulnerability, they're actually much more likely to get rejected. But then it also causes them to then believe like, oh, see, like, I couldn't be vulnerable and say what my real issue is. And so then they continue down that more blaming or aggressive type statement.
And with all of these, you're going to see that it causes a reaction that you don't really want. So with this one and with many of the others, it causes people to immediately be defensive. Because if you're going to blame them, they need to have their defenses up and they need to protect themselves. And so it makes sense why they're defensive. But if you're coming at it with a point, like you said, of vulnerability, then there's no need to protect themselves. selves. And just like we were talking in the last episode, the reason why I think a lot of times this is difficult for people is because the blaming type response oftentimes is more natural. And you jump to that right away versus when you're stopping to express your needs, it takes a little more forethought and you have to be a little more cautious and careful with how you phrase and think about things and communicate things.
The next one we're going to talk about is discussing sensitive topics. So an insensitive way you can bring it up is you always spend too much every month versus a sensitive way of bringing it up is let's review our monthly budget together. I think we could find some ways to save more effectively. Now, one of the things that I think people really struggle with is they want to emote, they want to express what they're feeling, and they end up making that their ultimate goal. I want to say what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling as opposed to getting to the solution, right? When you say you always spend too much every month, obviously you want your partner to spend less. But what you're spending most of your time doing is expressing those negative frustrations or feelings about what they're doing and much less time getting to what the actual solution is. And that's why if you say to them, let's review our monthly budget together, that's helping you to get to the end goal of spending less money. And so you're not activating them emotionally. And then you're spending much more time and effort pushing towards that solution, which will then address your negative feelings of them spending too much.
And with sensitive topics, you want to make sure that you are thinking ahead and being very intentional because the nature of sensitive topics is it's easy to go south and it's easy to take wrong turns and it's already a rocky topic to talk about. So you just don't want to go in there all willy nilly and not be intentional about your words. And so it's important that you think ahead and really are careful with how you phrase things. And maybe it's not finances for you. Maybe it's a different topic that is sensitive. But think about what are common arguments that you have or discussions that often go the wrong way. And those are the ones that are red flags or sensitive to you. And you need to be careful with those.
Another example of a subtle shift is addressing habits. So instead of saying you leave your stuff everywhere, which is pretty accusatory and immediately will cause people to be defensive, you want to instead of say something constructive like it's really important for me when things are tidy, could we work on solutions or figure out a way to keep things organized together or to do a family reset together? And again, noticing that what we're looking at here is the solution. We're focusing on the solution, not about you're leaving your stuff everywhere, but what's the solution? Coming up with some new system that we can employ where the house would be more clean and then that person's needs would be getting met, as opposed to just criticizing the other person for not doing it. Because when you levy criticism against your partner or anybody in particular, not just your partner, but when you levy criticism against people, it's a demotivational thing. It doesn't encourage them. It doesn't make them want to do it. It makes them feel bad, which then suppresses their desire to get up and go do that thing, as opposed to like, hey, I would really like to sit down and come up with a system where we can work at making it easier to keep the house clean and make it not a burden where we're doing it all in one day or something like that. When you phrase or say it in that manner, it makes it more enticing to engage into that discussion versus you're just leaving your stuff everywhere.
Right. And I think it also makes it more of a team thing. We're not blaming it all on that person. And maybe that person is significantly less tidy and they're contributing to the majority of things being left out. But like you're saying, it is more enticing when we're doing it together as a team rather than you criticizing them and blaming them for everything. Yeah. So the next one we're going to be talking about is feedback versus criticism. Now, this is very important because you may be trying to convey the same message, but you're going to get a very different response from your partner if you're giving feedback versus criticism. And so an example of feedback would be, I feel worried when you come home late without calling versus the example of criticism is you're so irresponsible for not calling me.
And when you look at these two, they're both kind of conveying the same message that they They don't like not getting a call when somebody is running late, but one is going to cause somebody to be much more likely to be defensive and want to start arguing or more likely to start a conflict between the two of you. If you're critical and you say you're so irresponsible when you don't call me when you're running late, you're inviting conflict. You're inviting an argument between you and your partner. But if you say, I feel worried when you come home late without calling, you're letting them know that this negatively affects me. It's an I statement. It's an issue that I have, and you can help me out with this by calling. And so you're letting them know in the same breath what your problem is, but then also giving them a solution. But then you're not also levying an attack against them. And so to break it down even further, this is the impact of feedback versus criticism. When you're giving feedback, it helps address a behavior and its effects. Versus criticism is an attack on the person's character, and then its aim is generally to try to wound the other person.
And I think a good prep phrase that can really help prep both you and the person you're talking to is to ask them if you can provide them feedback. And sometimes people are like, why would I ask for permission to tell my spouse something? But I do think it puts you in a different mindset. If I were to say, hey, Tim, can I share with you why I was frustrated last night when you came home? If we are in the routine of having healthy communication, he will usually say yes. And once in a while, there'll be times where it's just not the right timing and he'll say, hey, can we talk about this later? But for the most part, when he does say yes, that gives him just a little bit of time to prepare that something is coming. We're going to talk about something tough. Rather than me just bombarding him with maybe some feedback, but to him, it feels like criticism because it just came out of nowhere. But when you ask that question about, can I share this with you? It also requires for you to pause to even be able to ask that question. And so it kind of slows you down before jumping right into criticism and reacting to their behavior or cutting down their character. It causes you to slow down enough to really think, hey, can I share some feedback with you? Or can I share with you why I was upset last night? So it just kind of slows the conversation down altogether and gets people in a mindset where you're willing to have a conversation and you're willing to discuss things.
And the last example that we'll talk about today is asking for what you need. And there really are direct and indirect ways to do this. A lot of times the indirect ways seem a little more passive aggressive or sometimes just straight aggressive. Because you're assuming that you know the motivation behind it and a lot of times you're not asking directly what you need. So for example, an indirect way would be I had a really bad day and you don't even care. So I'm assuming that because he has his phone or maybe he's truly just listening to me, but it looks kind of like a distant stare. I'm assuming that he doesn't care. And I really don't even ask him for what I need. I'm just saying, hey, I had a bad day. Whereas a direct ask would be, I had a tough day today and I could really use your support right now. Can we talk? And I think a major difference between those two is that, so one, you're still wearing your armor and you got your sword out and you're trying to lop off your partner's head. And then the other one, you're coming to them, letting them know that you're struggling and you're asking them for support and for help through that. And I think a lot of times people get very scared about asking in that more indirect way. They feel like it's not going to be received well. And so then they have a tendency to come at it more aggressively. But then you're much more likely to not get received well. And when you're upset or when you're hurting, you are more likely to be just very reactive. But again, that reactive behavior is going to get you bad responses in return.
Oh, for sure. I tell our kids often to think about what was their end goal of what they're asking, because sometimes they'll get their end goal. So say they wanted a ball out of a tree or something, but it wasn't handled the way they wanted. And I'll just remind them, what was your end goal? Was it to get the ball? And then we'll process through how it was handled. But when you think about it in terms of this, if my end goal really is his support and his encouragement in this difficult time after a rough day, I'm not going to achieve that by, like Tim's saying, taking my sword out and demanding that he listen to me or even accusing him of not listening and not caring and not loving me. And so thinking about what do you want out of this and what do you need is important. Because I think a lot of times in couple sessions. One partner will be upset that the spouse doesn't meet their needs, and then we'll turn to that person and say, well, what do you need? And they'll say, I don't know. He should just know. And when you think about that, that's really unfair because if you can't verbalize it, then think about how difficult that probably is for them to figure out exactly what you want or need. And I think in general, we kind of know what the other person is saying, but if you're requiring that of others, then it's important that you know it yourself. Otherwise, it's not fair to get so aggressively angry at the other person for not meeting your needs that first off, you haven't stated to them. And secondly, you don't even know what it is. And I will say there are times where I'm not exactly sure what I need. And sometimes just through processing out loud with Tim and talking through it, I'm able to come to that conclusion. But what I'm talking about here is when you are demanding and requiring that of your spouse and coming from that place rather than thinking, you know, I'm having a really rough day. I don't really know what I need, but can we kind of talk about it? Or can you just be here to support me and help me figure that out together?
So now what we're going to do is discuss some tips that we can use in order for us to have better communication with our spouse. And one of the things is we want to be mindful in our speech. Beach. We want to be aware of how our words and the words that we choose, how they're likely to be received and the impact that they're going to have on our partner. If you want to have a good response, you definitely want to start off by putting in the correct ingredients. If you put in the wrong ingredients or you forget some ingredients, you're going to have a bad response. You're going to get a bad recipe out of it. So make sure that you are being mindful with the words that you're choosing, the way you're phrasing things, and the tone of your voice and how you're saying those things.
The next thing is positive framing. Now, one of the things that's important for people to do when they're trying to have a difficult discussion about something is you want to start off by talking about what is your end goal with this discussion. My end goal is I want to make sure that I am heard and I want to be nice and kind and gentle to you. My goal is not to tear you down or hurt your feelings in any way shape or form I just want to tell you how this situation made me feel and again it can be frustrating when you think why should I have to jump through all these hoops and say all this to try to put my partner at ease and blah blah blah blah that's so annoying but the truth is that when you're going through this conversation your partner is going to start making a lot of assumptions especially if you poke or prod at their emotional sensitive spots they're going to start making more and more assumptions about what your motivation is and what your reasoning is. And if you give them a positive framing at the beginning where you give them some level of assurance of what your goal is and how you want to be received. Then they're more likely to take it that way. Now, you might think, well, I could also just do that after the fact. But the truth is, if you do it after the fact, they're going to have already formed these thoughts in their mind. And it's way harder to overcome a thought somebody has already formed than it is to try to frame it that way from the the beginning. And so it's not something you can really do retroactively. I mean, again, you can talk about it afterwards, but it's not going
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Welcome to the 200th episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast! Join licensed marriage and family therapists, Tim and Ruth Olson, as they celebrate this exciting milestone and dive into one of the most requested topics: communication. With over 120,000 downloads, they express their gratitude to their listeners and offer tips on how to support the podcast further.
In this episode, Tim and Ruth focus on the nuances of word choice in communication, discussing how small tweaks can significantly impact relationships. They provide examples of constructive versus destructive word choices in various contexts, such as inquiring about feelings, discussing responsibilities, and addressing concerns. Learn how to foster better understanding and emotional connection through mindful communication strategies.
Stay tuned for the next episode where they will continue the discussion on communication, covering topics like requesting versus demanding, giving feedback versus criticizing, and practical tips for effective communication. Don't miss out on transforming your conversations and building healthier relationships!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships.
In this episode, we continue our discussion from the last episode on why seeking absolute victory in arguments is detrimental to your marriage. We delve into the pitfalls and impacts of this approach on relationship dynamics. More importantly, we explore healthy alternatives to needing to win all the arguments.
First, we emphasize the importance of practicing active listening. Instead of engaging in combative listening, we discuss how to fully understand your partner's perspective through supportive listening techniques. We then move on to empathy and validation, explaining how these elements are crucial in fostering mutual understanding and reducing defensiveness.
Next, we highlight the need to look beyond surface arguments to identify underlying needs and fears driving the conflict. By understanding the heart behind the words, couples can navigate disagreements more effectively. Finally, we discuss the importance of seeking compromise and collaborative problem-solving, offering practical strategies for negotiating solutions that benefit both partners.
Join us as we provide insights and tools to help you transform conflict into a pathway for deeper connection and stronger relationships. Remember, in marriage, you're a team, and winning together is the ultimate goal.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. For more discussions and questions, visit our Facebook group via the link in the description. Remember, there's always hope and help available.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships.
In this episode, we discuss a common issue couples face: the pursuit of absolute victory in conflicts. We'll explore the pitfalls of trying to win every argument, the underlying drives such as control and insecurity, and the impact on your relationship. Learn how seeking to dominate in disagreements can lead to emotional distancing, loss of intimacy, and long-term relational breakdowns.
Join us as we delve into the differences in decision-making and communication styles, and how they can cause friction. We'll also touch on the consequences of creating a culture of shame and the importance of resolving conflicts to avoid cumulative emotional damage.
Tune in to understand why absolute victory in arguments isn't beneficial and stay tuned for our next episode where we'll offer healthy alternatives and practical tools to foster better communication and understanding in your marriage.
Remember, your mind is a powerful thing. Thank you for joining us on Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. There's always hope, and there's always help.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
-
We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. We've spent our lives supporting people through the ups and downs, and we want to share these insights with you.
In this episode, we delve into the concept of false humility and its negative side effects. Discover the fine line between being humble and acknowledging your accomplishments without seeking external validation. Learn how to celebrate your successes genuinely and how this can positively impact your motivation and self-esteem.
We'll share personal anecdotes, including a memorable experience from our children's jujitsu match and a recent racquetball game. These stories highlight the importance of allowing yourself to feel excitement and pride in your achievements. We'll also discuss how your attitude towards others' successes can shape your own journey to excellence.
Join us as we explore practical strategies to embrace your strengths, foster a supportive community, and encourage others to shine brightly. If you're ready to transform adversity into triumph and build meaningful, fulfilling connections, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, and let's start healing together.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome back to the Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast! In this episode, we delve into the importance of knowing your true identity and how it can help you stay focused on your path without getting sidetracked by others' opinions.
We discuss a powerful analogy about how understanding who you are can protect you from hurtful comments and criticism, just like how you wouldn't be offended by someone criticizing your blue hair if you don't have blue hair.
We'll also explore the role of trusted individuals in shaping and affirming your identity, and how listening to the right voices can help you grow and stay true to yourself. Join us for an enlightening conversation on self-awareness, personal growth, and the power of positive self-talk.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to the latest episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy! In this final installment of our extensive series on negative beliefs and cognitions, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, delve deep into the origins and impacts of these detrimental thoughts.
Join us as we explore how negative beliefs like "I'm a failure," "I cannot succeed," "I have to be perfect," and "I cannot stand it" affect our daily lives and relationships. Learn how these beliefs can stem from past traumas and life experiences, and discover practical strategies to uproot them for a healthier, happier you.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed by perfectionism, chronic stress, or the need to please everyone, this episode is for you. Gain insights on how to break free from these negative cycles and start your journey towards healing and personal growth.
Don't miss out on this transformative conversation—listen now to take the first step towards becoming the best version of yourself.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to another transformative episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast! Join Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, as they dive deep into the final segment of their series on negative cognitions and beliefs.
This week, Tim and Ruth explore the intricate layers of control and choice, discussing how beliefs such as "I'm not in control," "I am powerless," "I am weak," and "I cannot get what I want" can deeply impact our lives and relationships. They provide insightful examples and practical strategies to help you recognize and address these negative beliefs, paving the way for personal growth and healing.
Don't miss this engaging conversation that will empower you to transform adversity into triumph, heal from past trauma, and build healthier, more fulfilling connections. Tune in and start your journey towards a more empowered you!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to another insightful episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where licensed therapists Tim and Ruth Olson guide you through the complex journey of healing from trauma and fostering healthier relationships. In this episode, they continue their deep dive into the negative beliefs and cognitions often addressed during EMDR therapy.
Tim and Ruth explore a range of negative beliefs related to safety and vulnerability, such as "I cannot protect myself," "I'm in danger," "It is not okay to feel or show my emotions," "I cannot stand up for myself," and "I cannot let it out." They discuss the origins of these beliefs, often rooted in past trauma or adverse experiences, and how they manifest in daily life, causing emotional and physiological distress.
Join them as they provide examples, share personal insights, and offer practical strategies for recognizing and challenging these harmful beliefs. Whether you're on a journey of personal growth or seeking to improve your relationships, this episode is packed with valuable information to help you on your path to healing.
Stay tuned for the next episode, where they'll delve into the final section of this series, focusing on control and choice. Don't miss out on the opportunity to transform adversity into triumph with Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome back to the Mr. and Mrs. Therapy podcast! In this episode, we continue our deep dive into the series on negative cognitions and beliefs. We've already explored feelings of responsibility and guilt in previous episodes. Today, we shift our focus to safety and vulnerability, specifically examining the negative beliefs around trust.
Join us as we discuss how environments of constant doubt and scrutiny can lead to the belief that "I cannot be trusted," and explore the implications of this mindset. We then delve into the nuances between "I cannot trust myself," "I cannot trust my judgment," and "I cannot trust anyone," analyzing how each impacts personal growth and relationships.
We'll also touch on how these negative beliefs can manifest in everyday life, causing anxiety, chronic indecision, and even social withdrawal. Whether it's about trusting oneself or others, understanding these subtle differences is crucial for personal development and healing.
Thank you for joining us today. Stay tuned for our next episode, where we'll continue to explore themes of safety and vulnerability, including beliefs like "I cannot protect myself" and "I am in danger." Remember, your mind is a powerful thing.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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In this episode, we continue our insightful series on negative cognitions and beliefs. Today, we delve into the second category under responsibility: "I did something wrong." We explore three core beliefs in this category and discuss their origins and impacts on our lives.
We start with "I should have done something," examining how traumatic events can lead to an overinflated sense of responsibility. Next, we discuss "I did something wrong," where external blame leads to persistent self-blame and low self-worth. Lastly, we cover "I should have known better," which often arises from experiences of betrayal or being scammed.
Join us as we unpack these negative beliefs, understand their roots, and learn how they affect our current lives. Together, we aim to bring awareness and healing, helping you navigate these complex emotions. Stay tuned for our next episode, where we explore beliefs related to safety and vulnerability.
Remember, your mind is a powerful thing!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to the Mr. and Mrs. Therapy podcast! In today's episode, we continue our series on negative cognitions and negative beliefs, focusing on the "I Am Something Wrong" category. If you haven't caught the previous episodes, we highly recommend listening to those first.
We'll delve into the beliefs such as "I am stupid," "I'm insignificant," "I'm a disappointment," "I deserve to die," "I deserve to be miserable," and "I am different or I don't belong." Understanding these deeply rooted negative thoughts is crucial, especially if you're considering EMDR therapy, a trauma therapy technique that we find highly effective.
We'll explore how these negative beliefs originate, often from childhood experiences, academic pressures, or toxic relationships, and how they manifest in our adult lives, affecting our self-esteem, decision-making, and overall mental health. Join us as we discuss ways to identify and heal these harmful beliefs to lead a more fulfilling life.
Don't miss our next episode, where we'll tackle the "I Did Something Wrong" category of beliefs. Stay tuned, and remember, your mind is a powerful thing!
**We want to work with YOU!**
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to the Mrs. Therapy podcast! In this episode, we continue our series on negative beliefs and cognitions, particularly how they relate to EMDR therapy. If you're new here, EMDR is a highly effective trauma treatment that helps reprogram the brain to let go of negative beliefs. We're diving deeper into these beliefs, exploring their origins and impacts on our current lives.
In the last episode, we discussed beliefs such as "I don't deserve love" and "I'm worthless." Today, we examine "I am not good enough," tracing its roots to high parental expectations and societal pressures. We also explore how it manifests as perfectionism and procrastination, affecting various aspects of life including work and relationships.
Next, we tackle the belief "I deserve only bad things," often stemming from abusive relationships or harsh parenting. This belief can lead to learned helplessness and self-sabotaging behaviors, making it difficult to accept positive experiences.
We also discuss "I am permanently damaged," a belief arising from traumatic events or long-term mental health struggles. This can result in hopelessness and a reluctance to seek help, believing that recovery is impossible.
Finally, we explore "I am ugly or my body is hateful," frequently rooted in body shaming or physical trauma. This belief can lead to cosmetic surgery addiction, eating disorders, or social withdrawal.
Join us as we delve into these beliefs, offering examples and insights to help you identify and challenge them in your own life. Stay tuned for more episodes where we'll cover additional categories of negative beliefs, including feelings of safety, control, and choice. Have a great day and remember, your mind is a powerful thing.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. Join your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts, as they share their insights and strategies to help you heal from the past and build meaningful connections.
In today's episode, we begin a new series on negative cognitive cognitions—your negative beliefs often rooted in trauma. We'll explore different categories of negative beliefs, such as feelings of responsibility, safety and vulnerability, and control and choice. Learn how these beliefs shape your daily life and discover practical ways to address and overcome them.
If you resonate with any of these negative beliefs, take some time to reflect and identify the experiences that contributed to them. Understanding these beliefs is crucial for healing and moving forward. Join us as we delve into the first group of negative beliefs, starting with "I don't deserve love" and "I am a bad person," and learn how to transform these limiting thoughts into opportunities for growth and healing.
Remember, your mind is a powerful thing. Tune in to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy and start your journey towards healing today.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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