Episodes
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Episode 260 explores the emotional challenges faced by partners of individuals struggling with addiction, focusing on reclaiming happiness and self-worth despite the heartbreak of repeated relapses. It begins by addressing the toll betrayal takes on trust and identity, emphasizing the need for partners to step away from old coping mechanisms and prioritize their emotional well-being. The concept of radical acceptance is introduced as a transformative tool, helping partners embrace the reality of their situation without blame or denial while focusing on areas where they have control.
The importance of boundaries is central to this discussion, with practical examples on how to create and uphold boundaries that protect emotional health and align with personal values. The article highlights the significance of self-compassion, engaging in fulfilling activities, and seeking supportive communities or professional help to rebuild resilience and self-worth. Betrayed partners are encouraged to rewrite their narrative, shifting from victimhood to empowerment.
Finally, the article underscores that happiness is a self-driven journey independent of an addicted partner's choices. By taking ownership of their happiness, partners can create a foundation for strength and stability while pursuing dreams and aspirations that reignite a sense of purpose. It is a call to action for partners to step into their power, build a fulfilling life, and embrace healing as a possibility.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "How Do I Get to Find Happiness Again When My Addict Partner Keeps Relapsing? How can I be OK, No Matter What?"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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The inspiration for Episode 259 comes from a heartfelt submission we received from a betrayed partner. Her words encapsulate a struggle that many couples in recovery face. She wrote:
"It has been 18 months since D-Day, and my husband has been sober for six months. Recently, he went on a work trip, which already triggered a lot of anxiety for me. While he was there, I received a receipt for a movie he watched that contained nudity and sexual content. Even though I trust that he skipped the raunchy scenes, the issue is that there was no consideration for how this would make me feel.
This has been a common theme in our marriage. I have so much compassion for how he got here, but it doesn't seem to go both ways. His sobriety is there, but the selfishness and entitlement donât seem to be shifting. Iâve asked for an in-home separation because I can't keep living like this. How can I get him to understand how much this hurts?"
These words hit home for so many couples navigating recovery. Sobriety may be present, but without considerationâthe conscious choice to think about your partnerâs feelings and anticipate their emotional needsâthe pain lingers.
Consideration is a vital element in the recovery and healing process, going beyond sobriety to rebuild trust and foster emotional safety. It requires intentional, proactive efforts to understand and empathize with a partner's emotional world, especially in the context of betrayal trauma. Through actions that reflect care and awareness, such as pausing to think about how decisions may impact a partner, consideration demonstrates that their feelings matter. This practice bridges the gap between sobriety and intimacy, as shown in the story of a husband whose thoughtful choice to prioritize his wife's emotional safety became a turning point in their marriage.
Despite its importance, practicing consideration is challenging due to significant barriers. Addicts often struggle with emotional awareness, fear of vulnerability, and habits of selfishness rooted in their addiction, while betrayed partners face fears of being hurt again, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting changes. Both partners may also lack healthy examples of consideration from their past, making it harder to implement. Overcoming these barriers requires consistent effort, including pausing to reflect, validating a partnerâs feelings, and taking proactive actions that demonstrate thoughtfulness and care.
When practiced consistently, consideration transforms relationships by fostering trust, collaboration, and emotional connection. It allows betrayed partners to feel valued and chosen, while helping addicts break free from selfish patterns and grow emotionally. This practice turns recovery into a shared journey, where both partners link arms and work together to create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Programs like Dare to Connect offer tools and guidance to integrate consideration into daily life, enabling couples to experience the profound healing it can bring.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "The-powerful-potential-of-consideration-in-recovery-the-betrayal-trauma-healing-process"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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Episodes manquant?
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In relationships and personal growth, conflicts often become fixated on factsâwhat happened, what didnât, and whoâs to blameâwhile neglecting the deeper emotional needs driving these disputes. Facts feel safer and easier to articulate, offering a shield against vulnerability. However, this focus on logistics often leads to surface-level arguments that fail to address the real issues, leaving partners feeling misunderstood and disconnected. Beneath every disagreement lies an unmet emotional need, such as feeling valued, prioritized, or connected, but these underlying truths are often buried beneath layers of factual disputes and miscommunication.
The article highlights the importance of shifting focus from facts to feelings, using real-life examples to illustrate how emotional vulnerability can transform relationships. For instance, a husband in recovery who paused to consider his wifeâs emotional needs before engaging in a triggering behavior created a breakthrough moment of connection. This act of prioritizing her feelings over rigid boundaries allowed the couple to address the core issues driving their conflicts, building trust and intimacy. Balancing facts with feelings requires practical strategies such as leading with vulnerability, setting clear discussion boundaries, and reframing conflicts as opportunities for growth.
Ultimately, the article urges individuals and couples to fight the âright warâ by connecting with their emotions and communicating with intentionality. Pausing to ask whatâs truly at stake in a conflict helps avoid getting lost in the âfog of warâ and ensures that both partners address the underlying needs behind their disputes. By integrating self-awareness, emotional honesty, and vulnerability into their interactions, couples can build stronger, more meaningful relationships where trust and connection thrive.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Are You Fighting the Right War: Working Within the Facts, but NOT at the Cost of Connecting with the Feelings?"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In Episode 257, Mark & Steve respond to submissions by two different partners in betrayal trauma healing. Navigating the complexities of philias, fetishes, and taboo behaviors in the context of addiction and recovery can be challenging for both addicts and their partners. These behaviors often stem from factors such as exposure to pornography, trauma, or unique life experiences that shape an individualâs arousal template over time. The escalation of pornography use into increasingly taboo behaviors can reinforce unhealthy patterns, particularly when paired with masturbatory conditioning. Understanding these influences and their impact on the relationship is essential to determining whether such behaviors are healthy or detrimental.
Key to this understanding is evaluating how these behaviors affect vulnerability, respect, safety, authenticity, and connection within the relationship. Healthy sexual behaviors strengthen intimacy, trust, and presence, fostering deeper emotional and physical connection. In contrast, addiction-driven behaviors often disconnect individuals from reality and their partners. Open communication, free from judgment, is crucial to exploring these issues. Partners must feel empowered to express their fears, boundaries, and preferences, ensuring that mutual respect and alignment with personal values remain at the core of the relationship.
For couples facing these challenges, solutions include honest dialogue, professional guidance, and, if needed, a sexual âresetâ to rebuild trust and emotional intimacy. By reflecting on the impact of these behaviors and committing to shared growth, couples can redefine their relationship in ways that align with their authentic selves. While the process can be difficult, it offers the opportunity to deepen connection, foster healing, and move forward in recovery with greater empowerment and understanding.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "My Addict Partner has Certain Philias, Fetishes & Taboo Behaviors. What is the Impact of this on His Recovery & Our Relationship?"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In Episode 256, Mark & Steve talk raw and real to the partners of porn/sex addicts whose authentic voices have been "silenced." Silence often becomes a way of life for partners of sex addicts, rooted in past experiences, family dynamics, and cultural norms that discourage authentic self-expression. Many learn early on that their needs donât matter or that speaking up leads to rejection or conflict. This pattern is exacerbated in relationships with addicts, where manipulation, gaslighting, or neglect make it feel safer to remain quiet. While silence may seem like a survival tactic, it comes at a steep costâfueling anger and resentment, diminishing self-worth, and preventing relationships from evolving into deeper, more authentic connections. Over time, these suppressed emotions and unmet needs create disconnection and imbalance, leaving partners feeling isolated and unfulfilled.
Breaking free from silence requires partners to reconnect with their self-worth and recognize that their value is independent of othersâ validation. Practicing self-advocacy, even in small ways, is crucial to rebuilding confidence and learning to express needs and boundaries. Establishing boundaries protects emotional well-being and helps partners reclaim their voice in a healthy way. While fear of rejection is a common barrier, itâs important to remember that relationships worth keeping are those where both partners can express themselves honestly and be heard without fear of judgment or invalidation.
Rediscovering your voice is not just about speaking upâitâs about reclaiming your identity and creating a life of authenticity and empowerment. This process may require support from safe spaces like therapy, support groups, or trusted friends. As partners practice authentic communication and challenge fears, they foster deeper connections with themselves and their loved ones. Ultimately, relationships where both individuals can express their true selves are healthier, more fulfilling, and sustainable. By finding your voice, you take the first step toward building a life rooted in respect, mutual growth, and healing.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Why Do I Go Silent As the Partner of a Sex Addict, and How Do I Healthily Break Free of This?"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In Episode 255, we talk about one of the most common stories we hear: a partner stuck in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of addiction and betrayal, trying desperately to keep the relationship afloat. We received an emotional, raw submission from a listenerââHeartbroken and Exhausted Wifeââwho articulated her pain, frustration, and fatigue so clearly that her words resonate as a voice for countless others in similar situations.
Her journey reflects years of enduring her husbandâs addiction to pornography and sexual behaviors. Over their 23-year marriage, the cycle has repeated itself again and again: discovery, apologies, promises of change, followed by a temporary calm before everything falls apart once more. This pattern isnât just exhaustingâitâs soul-crushing. It leaves partners wondering how much more they can give before theyâre completely depleted.
The heartbreaking truth is that no matter how much love exists in a relationship, trust and safety are essential. Without these, even the strongest bonds begin to erode. Her love for her husband hasnât waned, but her ability to trust him has been battered by broken promises and actions that donât align with his words. Itâs no wonder sheâs reached a point of despair, questioning how to move forward.
For those of us who have lived through addictionâon both sidesâitâs painfully clear how this happens. Addiction thrives in cycles. For the addict, itâs easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance, short-term fixes, and empty promises. For the partner, itâs easy to become consumed by the effort to keep things together. But unless the cycle is broken, both people remain trapped in their own version of suffering.
In this episode, Mark & Steve get deep and personal in offering empathy and solutions for betrayed partners. They also talk directly to porn/sex addicts about what "real" recovery looks like. And why there is great HOPE for couples who find themselves in this deeply difficult place.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "My Partner Relapses, Says He's Sorry, Does Better for a Time, Then the Whole Cycle Starts Again!"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These includeâthe horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of pornography; his anger and emotional abuse towards his wife; and other factors. He desperately wants to repair the damage he has done and find a way to heal the emotional and physical relationship in his marriage. Mark & Steve not only address the issues that this listener submitted, but the most common issues couples face in connection with healing sexual wounds, creating sexual safety and building a truly healthy sexual relationship.
Her past abuse/betrayalTrauma and betrayal within the relationshipRigid religious backgroundShame surrounding sex; lack of open communicationMisinformation surrounding sexSexual secrecy
This PBSE listener and his partner's situation is very complicated, with a lot of moving parts:Although this situation does have some unique elements, it brings up a lot of common struggles for couples, both in and out of recovery:
The changing physical dynamics of sexual expression/reciprocation in an ongoing, long-term committed relationshipThe constantly evolving state of a relationship as a wholeThe need for ongoing, vulnerable discussion in a coupleship regarding the various elements to intimacy, including the physicalWe all have existing âsexual paradigmsââwhat sex or different sexual acts mean; how critical it is; how it impacts the rest of the relationship, etc. Are willing to step back to openly assess where these paradigms come from; challenge them; be flexible; etc?Really exploring a coupleshipâs sexuality means backing up from preconceived ânormsâ around sex acts and forms of physical expression:
As a coupleship, you have the right/obligation to determine how and what you would like your physical and sexual relationship to look like, as well as what it means and represents. Mark gives the real-life example of an acquaintance whose wife had a stroke and was permanently paralyzed from the chest downâafter tenderly caring for her for a decade, he said it was the most intimate, loving and connected 10 years of their marriage.YOU are the sole architects of your own relationshipâyou get to collaboratively build it into what YOU want!
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Sex in Our Marriage has Always Been "Broken." How do we Repair and Heal it?"
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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With Episode 253, we just crossed the âOne Million Downloadsâ threshold! And weâre in 204 Countries/Territories worldwide! Thank you to all of our PBSE listeners across the planet! None of this is possible without YOU!
In this episode, we address a betrayed partner's questions about the role of pornography in a relationship. Here's what she submittedâ
Hello, I know you talk about how porn isnât healthy or true intimacy, but what happens when your partner says they use porn to better learn how to please their partner? I ask because Iâm a part of a couple of support groups, and there are a good number of women who share that this is the approach of their porn-addicted partners. I know itâs an excuse, which if anything is an understatement. Is it to possibly do a podcast specifically on this? We all know porn is NOT how to learn how to please your partner, and ultimately itâs a cop out to continue in addiction. In other words, their porn brain justifies it. I do want to note thankfully this isnât my husbandâs mindset, and have to thank both of you for the podcasts you post. My husband has shared it has helped him not feel alone, or attacked, and has helped him stay in active recovery.Over the last couple of decades, we have run into this rationale too often! Where does this come from?
Our heavily âsexualized cultureâ is a âgrand set-upâ from our earliest youth!Sadly, too many of our teens look to porn as their primary âsex educationâTeens and young adults feel âpressuredâ to âbe in the knowâThere is the whole âaddiction pandemicâ at younger & younger agesâand then all of the âdefense mechanismsâ to protect that addictionWhat role do you want âsexâ to play in your relationship???
What is âholistic intimacyâ? How does âpornâ get in the way of that âintimacyâ and healthy sexual intimacy as a part of that âwholeâ?âBecause this is all being âdictatedâ to you, you nearly completely miss the whole communication, exploration, and collaboration experience!!! In essence, it is NOT âsex your way,â itâs âsex their wayââfrom an âintentionâ that is entirely manipulative, usury and ENSLAVING! Porn as a âsourceâ of so-called information and instruction is a WHOLLY distorted, fake, inaccurate, filled with lies & manipulation and BASED ON THE DEEPEST FORMS OF HUMAN EXPLOITATION & ABUSE KNOWN TO MANKIND!In other words, not only is it poisonous, it isnât even accurate or âeducationalâ! And has NOTHING to do with âtrue intimacy.âPorn has the potential to impact your capacity for feeling happiness in general!
A brief discussion about the hedonic set points & the rewiring of the Dopamine System:Recurrent, compulsive exposure to selective, isolated elements can begin to manipulate and change the way you feel pleasure, and how much of it you are able to feelOn a chemical level, it can become more difficult to experience pleasure, more difficult to overcome sadness, etc. Radically alters the focus of the coupleship, and imbalances the priorities that introduces instability, emotionally and otherwise.Take back ALL sexual aspects of your relationship! Do NOT allow it to be highjacked & manipulated by outside sources. Make it what the two of you want it to be; a healthy, connecting part of your overall WHOLE relationship intimacy!
For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to: "I Use Porn to Learn How to Please my Partner. That's Healthy . . . Right?" -
In Episode 252, we talk about how our âCulture of Empowermentâ at D2C came about; our PASSION for PARTNERS finding their EMPOWERMENT . . . (and addicts of course, but this episode is about partners)
The seeming BLARING CONTRADICTION of a betrayed partner âowning her side of the streetâ!â
Betrayed partners find themselves in a variety of situationsâThe addict partner is not engaged in recovery at allThe addict partner is kind of half-in-half outThe addict partner is working it hard and consistent, but the betrayed partner feels like sheâs âlagging behindâ (which is a âmisnomer,â VERY common and a natural, normal part of healing and increasing safetyWhat does it mean to âLIVE IN EMPOWERMENTâ?First, what does it NOT mean? It in NO way means that:The addictâs behaviors are in ANY way the fault of the betrayed partnerâshe did not cause this; she does not deserve it; she is NOT responsible to âfix itâ and indeed CANNOTALL of the betrayed partnerâs feelings are LEGITIMATE and MUST be heard, acknowledged, validated and addressed.The addict partner absolutely MUST face, own and actively pursue HIS SIDE OF THE STREET.What IS empowerment for a Betrayed PartnerâHere is the definition we use in the âD2C Culture of EmpowermentââHere at D2C, our goal is to help you claim your right & power to create and collaborate in your own change, growth & serenityâto EMPOWER YOU! What are the essential elements for a Betrayed Partner to move into and consistently live in a place of empowerment?Have a healthy, safe, supportive space to express your FULL feelings WHATEVER they may be and WHY you are feeling them (âWhat is under this?â) NOTE: this support, at least for a good while, is nearly NEVER your addict partner!) Examples includeâSupport Group; Therapist; trusted/safe family member/friend; Dare to Connect . . . Responseâability & Accountâabitilty: we cannot change what we cannot own. Recognizing âmy next right thingâ in ANY situation is critical to staying in a place of empowerment. Refusing to be pigeon-holed into a victim role means recognizing my options, whatever they may be, in ANY situation. There are ALWAYS choices, even if those choices are uncomfortable.Become VERY clear and specific about your Authentic Wants & Needs in your individual life and in the relationship. Learn the skills to express these in a healthy way.Surround your wants and needs with clear, specific BOUNDARIES and couple these with VERY clear, specific outcomes/consequencesâNOT to control his side of the street, but to keep your authentic self, wants and needs protected.KEYâa betrayed partner living in empowerment does NOT in ANY way release the addict from ANY level of responsibility and accountabilityâin fact, it actually places those things MORE on his shoulders and STRICTLY on his side of the street.Alsoâwhat an addict chooses to do or not do, does NOT control whether or not the betrayed partner can or will live an EMPOWERED LIFE. What it DOES directly impact is whether or not the couple can COLLABORATE, be a team, have each otherâs backs and BE COMPATIBLE.
For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to: "As a Betrayed Partner, How do I Live "Empowered" Regardless of what my Addict Partner Does or Does Not Do?"
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In Episode 251, Mark & Steve respond to a submission by a betrayed partner who is a regular PBSE listener. She describes a long-term, ongoing situation with her partner who struggles with porn use. In the beginning of their relationship, they both agreed that his porn use would not be considered, "cheating." But then a number of years into their relationship, she happened across an online account of his and actually witnessed first-hand the porn he was viewing. It was so shocking to her that she approached him to let him know that she DOES consider his porn viewing cheating. He was surprisingly agreeable and cooperative. He got into recovery, did well for awhile, and then the whole cycle started againâher discovering his use; him lying, denying and gaslighting; then finally coming clean and getting back into recovery.
Then, he began "debating" whether or not he has an actual "porn addiction" and insists that in order for him to continue in recovery he MUST have a professional give him an absolute "diagnosis" of addiction or it really isn't a problem. Here's what she submitted about thisâ
I am so angry. Canât he see that if he is unable to prevent himself from watching porn AT WORK that this is a problem??? His âslipsâ happen every few months or so, and I think this is why he believes that itâs not an addictionâŠ. So my big questionâŠ. At what point do you consider porn use to be an addiction? To me it seems like itâs neither here nor there as itâs a behavior he has been unable to discontinue, no matter how infrequently it happens. I believe he needs support and tools to help navigate this habit, but it seems as though he believes not having a âdiagnosisâ means he doesnât have a problemâŠIn this episode, Mark & Steve get raw and real about how porn addiction is a topic that often elicits confusion and doubt, especially when someone isnât formally diagnosed as an addict. They explore the nuances of defining addiction, the impact of pornography on relationships, and the importance of recognizing unhealthy behaviorsâwhether they fit into a diagnostic label or not. They dive into the complexity of dealing with a partnerâs pornography use, and why waiting for a âdiagnosisâ is not the best approach for recovery or healing. Mark & Steve address crucial issues for the porn-using-partner; for the betrayed partner; and for the coupleship.
For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to: "Unless my Partner is âDiagnosedâ as an âAddict,â his Porn Use is NOT a Problem . . . Right?"
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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This is PBSE's 250th Episode! Our deepest gratitude goes out to our global audience of listeners!!! YOU all make this possible! THANK YOU!
After reviewing the last several months of PBSE Episodes, we have tackled a LOT of HEAVY topics! For this 250th episode, we want to focus on all of the hopeful, optimistic, positive reasons WHY we all do the CRAZY hard work of betrayal trauma healing and addiction recovery. To illustrate just how "worth it" this can all be, here's a comment that one our of our Dare to Connect clients just submitted to usâ
When I first started with D2C I had a year and half of sobriety from porn and masturbation addiction. My wife and I were still struggling with communication because of her trauma response and my lack of shame resilience. D2C sessions have helped us identify these issues which has helped us to start the true healing and recovery process. We are communicating and now collaborating with each other like we never have before. We are still learning new things a year in and plan to continue with D2C for a while longer. Thank you Mark and Steve for all the effort you put into your work.
You will notice in the title the words in all capsââCOLLABORATING in the HARDâ
The greatest CONNECTION, INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIP RESILIENCY come from coming together as a âcollaborative teamâ to face the STRUGGLES!Our experiences in our own relationships as well as what we have witnessed working with couples for more than 20 yearsâ
Hard challenges and struggles can tear us apart OR unite usâHow does the hard disconnect couples?Turning away instead of turning toward: fear, shame & pain leading to going it alone; trying to CONTROL outcomesWithout proper boundaries, the desire to emotionally caretake one another can blur the lines of accountability and diminish collaborationOne or both partners engaging in avoidance cycles can establish a pattern of seeking peace at the cost of growthHow can the hard unite couplesâ Acknowledging challenges, as well as their accompanying fears, hesitations, insecurities, and vulnerabilities sets the stage for truly intimate dialogue. Steve and Brittany: we may not last through ChristmasâŠMark & Ladawn: I donât want to hurt her anymore; Iâll take care of this on my own; letâs not rock the boat on what are at least somewhat stable waters in how she sees me, where we are as a couple, why make this harder than it needs to be . . .Owning and âbeing realâ about the obstacles ahead puts us in the driverâs seat as a coupleship: Once we know where we are really starting, we can begin to truly prepare for and actually set out on the required journey.
Developing coupleship âskillsâ in the HARD means REAL SKILLS! We are âweldedâ togetherâan atomic bomb canât break us apart! Iâve got you; youâve got me; weâve got US!
We actually get to decide for the first time if we want to CHOOSE âallâ of each otherâand KEEP choosing each other.
For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to: "COLLABORATING as a Couple in the HARD Struggle of Recovery & Healing" -
In Episode 249, Mark & Steve respond in detail to a situation and quesiton submitted by the betrayed spouse of porn/sex addict. Here are her wordsâ
My husband is very closed off with me. He doesn't tell me important things about his life, family, or what really happens in his 12-Step recovery meetings. It's like I have to know the answer and ask specific questions to get him to talk to me with any sort of detail. I know he used to do this to hide his pornography use and affairs. But even simple things, like going to a restaurant he kept hidden. Is this just a part of his personality? He's sober from porn now, but he still doesn't talk to me. It's like I only exist to him when he is at home. He was recently in a car accident and didn't tell me until he came home from the hospital. Is there any hope he will treat me like a true friend and partner, or has compartmentalization become so ingrained in him, this is just how it is?The song âSay Somethingâ by âA Great Big WorldââSay something, I'm giving up on you; I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you; Anywhere I would've followed you; Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Why can addicts be âclosed offâ to their partners?It can be âpersonality/styleâ from childhoodIt can be âlearnedâ due to environment, trauma, etc. It can be a BIG part of the addiction cycle/system; shame cycle; fear cycle; etc. These are possible explanations, NOT seHow does this impact betrayed partners?While partners suffer horrible fallout from betrayal trauma, PTSD, etc., nearly all DO desperately want to connect & collaborateSilence, surface/shallow conversation, âcompartmentalizationâ (as she calls it), hiding, lying, gaslighting, etc., âpile onâ and create âComplex TraumaâWhat is the Addict Partnerâs Response-ability in this situation?Pride, ego, shame, fear, discomfort, life-long habits, lack of skills, etc. will too easily keep the addict from making the REAL commitment to change.This is ALL about his individual preparation and âwhat he brings with himâ to the coupleship interactionâPRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!âJournaling, opening up to his outside support system, simple daily human interactions, conversations with his Higher PowerMaking deposits to the Relationship Trust Account is SUPER importantâand keeping her actively âinformedâ about your recovery progress, recovery insights, deep thoughts, feelings, etc. Start with âstructureâ and âexpectationsââDaily Couples Check-in; weekly Partnership Meeting; may need to start with written communication or adhere to a âscriptâ--(which may be hard for the partner!)This is NOT easy, but the addict gets to decide IF he will do the consistent WORK to progressively develop and practice the skillsâNO MORE EXCUSES!What is the betrayed partnerâs âside of the streetâ in this situation?She has AUTHENTIC wants and needs in this relationship! She needs to take time to clearly identify and write down what these are, including her vision of how she desires this relationship to progress.She needs to create boundaries of safety around her wants and needs along with outcomes/consequencesIt is VERY important that she CLEARLY communicates her deep feelingsâlike the song we started with . . . Will we ever become true friends and partners???What does it mean to âbe true friends & partners"? What is INTIMACY?What is CONNECTION?ARE WE COMPATIBLE???
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: pbsepodcast.com -
In episode 248, Mark & Steve tackle an extremely intense and heart-breaking submission by a betrayed partner. Here's what she submittedâ
There are serious, long-term and permanent medical implications at play with this example which we are not going to tackle here.IT IS CRITICAL that this couple, if they havenât already, seek immediate medical testing and treatment, as well as education regarding the issues at play and their long-term implications. What this is like for betrayed partners?The compounding effects of âComplex Traumaââtrickled disclosure, âbomb droppingâA âpainful paradoxââfacing the devastation & realities of disclosure and PAST/ONGOING trauma while at the same timeââWe have built a great life over our 20+ years of marriageâWhat is authentic for her going forwardâher wants and her needs; what is she willing to do and not do; VERY SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES around this! What is this like for the porn/sex addict?WHEN the addict is ALL in and doing the WORK, the CONSEQUENCES & OUTCOMES of his past choices do NOT magically go away! In some ways, this process actually INTENSIFIES! How does he PROACTIVELY meet his betrayed partnerâs authentic wants & needs; provide as much safety as is possible; be TRANSPARENT about his work; his learning; his progress; PROACTIVE PLANS he puts together and presentsâLEAD OUT!What is he willing or not willing to âsacrificeâ for this to work going forward?When these two worlds COLLIDEâAddiction & Ongoing Traumaâhow can a Couple navigate this?!Be mindful of the tendency to reactively make BIG decisions in the midst of intense emotion BEFORE the recovery & healing processes have had a truly fair chance to unfold, progress and bring about positive change. Create as safe a space as possible for OPEN, AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION & DIALOGUEâNOT avoiding, minimizing, care-taking, shutting down, etc., to escape sitting in and talking about the HARDAlthough CRAZY HARD in the midst of addiction & betrayal, TEMPORARILY pushing a âpauseâ button and âsitting in a state of graceâ while the small, progressive steps in the process unfold. Then, having done âallâ you feel you can, coming together to ask, âAre we compatibleâ? Can we âgetâ to compatibility? HOW?This will, due to the ongoing nature of the issues, NEED TO BE AN ONGOING DISCUSSION, with appropriate medical and mental health professionals involved.
I have listened to many of your podcast episodes. An area I wish you would do an episode on is how is a spouse to handle it when your porn addicted/SA husband comes home and discloses (not the first time in our marriage) that he has been acting out for several years and contracted an STD. How am I supposed to forgive and get past that? I canât see ever having an intimate relationship with him. However, we have built a great life (other than his sexual addiction) over our 20+ year marriage. He shows remorse, is in therapy as am I. We have not had a Formal Therapeutic Disclosure yet but itâs coming. There are a lot of aspects Iâm struggling with but would love an episode on navigating an incurable STD. Sincerely, Heartbroken Spouse.
Our hearts go out to this betrayed partner! In too many ways, the consequences and fallout are not only devastating upon disclosure, but also create an ongoing traumatic nightmare!For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.daretoconnectnow.com/post/how-does-a-betrayed-partner-navigate-the-news-that-their-sex-addict-partner-has-contracted-an-incura
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In this episode, number 247, Mark & Steve discuss a situation and questions submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. She does a great job presenting a balanced description of their situation, while also being very direct, vulnerable and authentic. Her addict partner has struggled with porn addiction nearly his whole life and when all the "trickle truths" started coming out, it nearly finished off their marriage. But, they both got into therapy and did a lot of hard work individually and as a couple for over a year. She describes their marriage as "feeling a lot safer and stronger."
At the same time, there are still some significant struggles. Here's how she describes itâ
The issue that continues to arise for me, is that my husband seems to âneedâ sex every 4 days, or he will feel that he is too distracted by women and his sexual desires which impacts his recovery. This also impacts my ability to feel that I am in full control of my own body as well as feeling wanted and chosen, as opposed to just being the object of a selfish need. I understand that men are biologically more inclined to feel sexual desire more often, but is he limiting himself in his healing journey by assuming that this need is normal and biological (his words). He does have some sort of goal to increase the amount of days by using self discipline, but it seems that he believes itâs a biological need for men and specifically for himself because he feels too much physical and mental discomfort when he pushes it off. He has not masturbated in around 8-10 months (other than 1-2 slips, and a recent relapse) but we have created a plan where he has the option of masturbating after 7 days of no sex if he feels he âneedsâ it. My question isâdoes this sound like something that is limiting the recovery process or is each person an individual case and this plan can be something that is helpful for him and helpful for me to feel full control of my own body, while he does his own recovery work?
Mark & Steve directly address this couple's situation and this betrayed partner's questions. They discuss the critical importance of the addict taking charge of the healthy wiring and management of his brain's "pleasure/reward system" and how this impacts his recovery. They address the "need" for sex vs. a healthy balance in a WHOLE relationship. They speak raw and real about "his side of the street" and what he is response-able and account-able for in this situation.
They also speak directly to what this betrayed partner needs for her own "body sovereignty" and for a path of true healing. In addition, they speak to what is needed to make consistent deposits to the relationship trust account and what true "holistic intimacy" looks like vs. a narrow focus on physical sex. Also discussed are healthy sexual boundaries and what it means for an addict in recovery to evolve, mature and transform.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/my-porn-addicted-partner-has-adhd-he-insists-i-must-manage-his-recovery-for-him-to-succeed-is-this
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In episode 246, we explore the concept of interdependence in the context of recovery from betrayal trauma and porn addiction. Interdependence, often mentioned but not always fully understood, is a critical aspect of healing and moving forward in a relationship after the discovery of a partnerâs addiction. Many betrayed spouses struggle with defining what interdependence looks and feels like, particularly as they navigate the complexities of their partner's ongoing recovery and behavior. Today, weâll dive into what interdependence truly means and how it manifests in real-world scenarios, especially for those who have been deeply impacted by their spouseâs actions.
Our discussion centers around the journey of a betrayed spouse who has been married for over two decades and is actively working on her own recovery after discovering her husbandâs sexual addiction. She shares her experience of wrestling with the pain of watching her husbandâs behavior, such as scanning or getting captivated by other women, and how it feels intensely personal, even though she intellectually knows itâs not about her. This inner conflict highlights the struggle many face in separating their spouseâs actions from their self-worth, and how exhausting it can be to maintain a healthy mindset amidst these triggers.
Weâll also examine how interdependence can evolve over time, contrasting the early stages of recovery with later phases where individuals may experience greater emotional resilience and independence. The question is raised about whether, over time, triggers like a partnerâs inappropriate behavior still impact those who are further along in their recovery. This conversation is not just about reframing mindsets but also about understanding how personal growth and healing can empower individuals, regardless of the outcome of their marriage. Join us as we unpack these challenging dynamics and provide insight into what interdependence can look like in healthy, recovering relationships.
What IS âinterdependenceâ/COLLABORATION? What does it âlook likeâ?What does âindependence/the Authentic Selfâ in recovery and healing look like for both partners?For the recovering porn addictâFor the partner healing from betrayal traumaâWhat kinds of things can disrupt oneâs independent recovery and healing paths?For the recovering porn addictâFor the healing partnerâHow do âindependent/authenticâ partners progressively move into a place of âinterdependenceâ?Each must have a clear understanding of what it means to âown my side of the streetââto step into my voice, my truth, my sovereignty and my EMPOWERMENT and be WORKING IT!Be VERY mindful of the EARLY signs you are leaving the realm of sovereign independence and entering back into sacrificing oneâs Authentic Self and boundaries around that self.What are the PROGRESSIVE steps to traveling the path of interdependence and coupleship collaboration?First and foremost itâs all about âWhat you bring with youâ to the coupleship interaction! Self-care; outside support system; shame resilience work . . . MUST agree to interrupt long-standing, emotionally intense/reactive relationships patterns! Establish CLEAR communication boundaries and TAKE A BREAK every time one or both go outside those boundaries (do NOT weaponize this!)Donât allow âreactive situationsâ to always be where you try to âwork on healthy communication/collaboration.â Intentionally plan and practice hard topicsâJournaling & Higher Power; Outside Support Systems; Couples Daily Check-ins: weekly Partnership meetings.This is a process NOT a destinationâbe patient; give grace; donât give up.Visit www.daretoconnectnow.com
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In Episode 245, Mark & Steve respond to an allâtooâcommon, legitimate struggle faced by the betrayed partners of sex/porn addicts. Here's a submission from a partnerâ
A History of Lying and Betrayal trauma trigger MANY symptoms for a partner that are understandable, legitimate and CRAZY HARD!âLike he has lied to me about everything else so farâ Hypervigilance, seeking for guarantees, feelings of competition/comparison, doubting her intuition/gut, exhausted by his gaslighting, etcShe has every right to be skeptical, guarded and suspicious. âHow can I, as the spouse, learn to (I guess) just be okay with it and trust that work relationships are just that, work relationships?âYou shouldnât. These concerns need to be TRANSPARENTLY EXPLORED, THOUGHT OUT, and SHARED with him.In whatever way/medium is safe for her. He needs to access resources and/or skills (as needed) to be able to HEAR, PROCESS, CONNECT WITH, and VALIDATE her concerns in a vulnerable way.Connecting with/utilizing a support group, therapist, sponsor, daily renewal partner, journaling, etcThis happens ideally not just in the moment (trigger management), but also is cultivated in advance (self-care routines)Situations like this point towards the âbigger issuesâ within the relationshipLack of trustLack of safety(potentially) lack of dialogueLack of collaborationFor the partner, FINDING YOUR AUTHENTIC VOICE is something to grow in terms of skillset and practice:Discovering the authentic selfSetting boundariesSetting and holding consequences to preserve safety and authenticityHow can you âknowâ what heâs doing or not doing?How to begin addressing this as a coupleshipâGet comfortable with the uncomfortablePractice via daily check-inâsCouples therapyPrograms like D2C
My husband is starting a new position within his company where he will be working very closely with this woman. She is highly attractive, and the only female in the male dominated company they work in. He has admitted a few times that â_______â is beautiful, smart and is going to go far in the company. While I have never been concerned heâs going to cheat on me, with her or anyone else, I have a lot of mixed feelings about them working so close together. Iâm scared that he is fantasizing about her, masturbating to her and lying to me about it. Like he has lied to me about everything else so far. I asked him bluntly and he laughed at me and told me that âhe only has eyes for meâobviously, weâre married!â He has some pretty obvious âtellsâ when he is lying and Iâm almost certain he is in this case. How can I, as the spouse, learn to (I guess) just be okay with it and trust that work relationships are just that, work relationships?
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/my-porn-addicted-partner-has-adhd-he-insists-i-must-manage-his-recovery-for-him-to-succeed-is-this
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program atâdaretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
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In Episode 244, Mark & Steve address the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict who submitted the following to PBSEâ
As a partner of an addict, what can I do to help my partner feel more supported during his recovery, so that he may feel more comfortable telling me the truth??? Time and time again, I have caught him in lies or omissions and itâs eating away at the trust in our relationship. Most recently, we engaged in physical intimacy and I could tell IMMEDIATELY that he had been looking at porn that day. I canât explain it- I just knew. I felt used, like my body was simply a means to an end for him, like a masturbation device. So I asked my partner if heâd been hiding anything from me, and he came clean that he did in fact have some slips over the weekend. I have since made it clear, respectfully, that I do not wish to engage in intercourse while information about his sexual proclivities is being withheld from me. The main issue here is that during previous conversations, he has agreed to PROACTIVELY come to me when these slips happen so that I donât have to play detective anymore⊠but he has never followed through with that agreement, and he continues to wait around until I ask the perfect question. After this incident, my partner told me that he doesnât feel like he can come to me because I get really quiet when he talks about his slips and therefore I do not make him feel supported enough. If you have any suggestions or words of wisdom to share, I would greatly appreciate it so much.For Her:
Take the time to truly explore your feelings, wants, and needs, and then come up with boundaries and attached consequences for each.Vulnerably share these with your partner, in whatever way is safest.Ensure that you are practicing healthy communication skills:When feeling anger or anger-related feelings (which are absolutely legitimate), be sure to express this in a way that also communicates the vulnerable primary emotions under the anger.Avoid toxicity in your dialogue (name-calling, sarcasm, mind-reading, etc.) and stay true to what is "authentic" to you.As safety allows, be very proactive in your expression of needs, as well as your thoughts and feelings. Hold FIRM boundaries and their accompanying consequences/outcomes. Recognize that you canât âmakeâ anyone continue to feel or not feel anything. They choose which feelings to focus on and remain in.SURRENDER THE REST. IT'S ON HIM.For Him: An addict in sincere recovery will be making progressive efforts to:
Practice true account-abilityAt a BASELINE, this means telling the WHOLE truth at ALL costs!Doing the hard work to not just share lapses/relapses, but to discover:What led up to the lapse/relapseWhat broke down on his endWhat specific changes will he make in future encounters with triggersSit in âUncomfortable PlacesâWhy are you responding the way you do your partner's reactions?How are you response-able for your actions & your responses?In what ways are you growing in your capacity to practice uncomfortable ownership and account-ability?As Addicts, WE CAUSED THIS. We may not be responsible for all of the circumstances that got us here in totality, but we ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE responsible for how we handle, show up for, and address "today."For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/is-it-my-responsibility-to-make-my-porn-addicted-partner-feel-comfortable-so-he-will-consistently-te
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In Episode 243, Mark & Steve address a very important issue submitted to PBSE by a listener who is the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. This question especially resonated with Mark as he himself, along with a number of his children and many of his extended family, have suffered with the challenges of mental illness and related diagnosed issues like ADHD. Here's the submission by a PBSE listenerâ
First of all, we have tremendous empathy for those challenged by ADHD. This is NOT an episode about the intricacies of ADHD and how it relates to addiction and recovery. We covered this topic in a very basic sense in Episode 210. This episode is about what it means to be truly PROACTIVE and LEAD OUT in oneâs own recovery. Mental Illness and Addiction: One of the great challenges in our field is an issue of âWhat came first, the chicken or the egg?â Did mental illness, trauma, abuse and the like come first and lead to addiction or vice-versa? Mark can speak to this from personal experience . . . What was HORRENDOUSLY HARD for Mark was honestly and vulnerably facing what it means to âown MY side of the street/MY recovery.â What does it mean to âLEAD OUTâ and be PROACTIVE? How do you balance this with realities, limited capacities, self-compassion, etc.?With mental illness, trauma, abuse and the like in the mix, there are more âmoving partsâ to recovery.What IS a reasonable expectation for an individual with both challengesâaddiction and mental illness/trauma/abuse? What are the EDUCATION, RESOURCES & TOOLS in todayâs world?Moving from âmeâ to âWEâ and how to find the balance in the âaddictâs side of the streetâ vs. the âpartnerâs side.â What does true âcollaborationâ look like as a coupleship?How does the betrayed partner of an addict balance her own self-care, betrayal trauma healing and boundaries in this whole process? How does she walk the delicate line of healthy support vs. enablement?
My husband and I have been friends for close to 20 years, in a relationship for 7 years, and married for 3. He has been addicted to pornography for most of his life, close to 40 years. I started to suspect something a couple weeks before we got married, and he finally confessed his addiction about 6 months later. We now both have CSATs that work together as a team and we have been seeing them for about 18 months. My husband has been doing fairly well, or so I thought, but I have just found out he has been in a relapse for a couple of months. I am of course hurt and angry that he would go back down this road after all the work, time, and money that has been invested in his recovery. He very much wants to get back on track, but feels that I need to take a much larger role in his recovery. I should mention that my husband is diagnosed with ADHD. For this reason alone, he feels he needs me to essentially manage his recovery. If he has homework, sit down and do it with him. Set up our weekly check ins and give him reminders about them. Follow up that he has made therapy appointments, continually check in with him that he is not using porn etc. I do not want to have to manage all this for him. He feels that If I truly care and support him, I will understand that because of his ADHD, this is what he needs in order to be successful. I do know that it is not the wifeâs place to do this typically. Is there ever a time, for instance when ADHD is present, that this could be a healthy, successful approach to both partners' recovery. Thank you so much.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/my-porn-addicted-partner-has-adhd-he-insists-i-must-manage-his-recovery-for-him-to-succeed-is-this
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In this PBSE episode (#242), Mark & Steve respond to an incredibly vulnerable, painful submission by a PBSE listener. Her submission starts out withâ
I was happy to have found your podcast after my partnerâs reluctant disclosure last month. After experiencing what can only be described as one of the most intensely painful experiences of my life, I navigated my way to one of your episodes about betrayal trauma and it immediately eased my mind and provided me a much-needed sense of validation. I really thought my full mind and body breakdown was an unwarranted overreaction. A little bit of context before I ask my question . . .
She then describes how she was married for 8 years to an extremely abusive man who was addicted to drugs, alcohol and pornography. She finally had to end that relationship to protect herself and her children from further abuse and ongoing danger. Afters a number of years, she was courageous enough to "try again" and shares that she has been in a new relationship for the past 4 years with someone who has helped her understand what love truly is for the first time. He has been steadfast, reliable, kind and patient. From the outset, she made her stand on porn clearâthat it has no place in a healthy relationship. He said that he had used it prior to their relationship, but had no need for it anymore. Then comes the bombshell that rocked her world! Here's how she describes itâ
After returning from a three-day work conference last month, I sensed that he was less than eager to reconnect with me. I just had this intuitive, crushing feeling, so I asked him point blank if he had used pornography while I was away. He confessed, but very minimally, and he may have said more but I broke. Absolutely broke. I was flooded with despair. Not even a month after our marriage, I was faced with the terrible realization that I had made another huge mistake. That this was a complete stranger who had lied by omission countless times, and that I was once again in the position of being the ânot good enoughâ wife. Despite his good intent and compassion, I wrestle with these and many more tormenting thoughts daily. I feel like life has pretty much stayed the same for him, while my whole world has been ripped apart. My question is this - he said that he has never liked this âneedâ within him, and that I could never understand because I am not a man. If this âneedâ is in every man, is there even a point in any woman EVER expecting their partner to be 100% faithful to them, spiritually, mentally, and physically? If my husband, an upstanding, moral, and loving individual, could betray me in this way and then chalk it up to the âessenceâ of man, then it doesnât leave me with much (in fact, ANY) hope that I will ever be worth fidelity from him or anyone else. I would truly rather be on my own than deal with the incessant and intrusive thought that he will be forever seeking sexual gratification outside of our union. Your words and wisdom would be truly appreciated. Sincerely, One jaded, exhausted, and heartbroken wife.
In this episode, Mark & Steve speak from the heart to this blindsided and deeply betrayed partner. They help her understand her completely legitimate trauma and the flood of emotions she is experiencing. They talk about "his side of the street" with regard to her addict partner and what he can do going forward IF this relationship is to be saved. They also offer some insights and guidance to this betrayed partner and speak specifically to HOW she can STEP INTO HER POWER moving forward!
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/men-will-just-be-men-live-with-it-really -
In Episode 241, Mark & Steve respond to a porn/sex addict in recovery who is facing an extremely difficult situation with his betrayed partner. Here's what he submitted through the PBSE contact formâ
Hey, my wife is one of the .01% of wives who expects me to be absolutely perfect. I donât know what to do? Iâve been focusing on being serene. Learning from every mistake I make. Iâm 16 ish months sober. And in full recovery. Each step of the way, Iâm reminded how Iâm a screw up. That the score will never be even because I betrayed her, I took away her dreams, and because Iâm an addict, I will never be the man she wants. Ever. That she is staying with me solely because she doesnât want to miss time with our young son. Who we both love. She says I trapped her and she canât leave and that she plans to stay until our son turns 18. Then leave and find a better man and have a new family. That her life is on pause until then. That I deserve to burn in hell for what Iâve done. I validate her pain. I do make mistakes and objectify her every so often and imply that I do find her âsexyâ and I recognize my reasons of how my head got there and I work on those defects. Iâm able to work through my shame in these moments and stay present and hear her pain. I just am at a loss of how to support her further. I feel Iâm at loss and Iâm committed to her. She is my only option and I love her. I never want to go back to life without recovery. I love my life and love the healing Iâve accomplished. I just donât know how to help support her to get here as well so she can enjoy life again.
In this episode, Mark & Steve address this difficult and delicate situation:
SO much empathy for the betrayed partner and for the addict in recovery! Where is the place of âempowermentâ for both partners? Without this, they will just stay STUCK!There is NO timetable or checklist for a partner bearing the heavy burden of betrayal trauma! Where is she AUTHENTICALLY? Is it what he describes or something different?Is he TRULY practicing leading out; leaning in; being proactive; making amends; rebuilding trust, etc.?Is she tapping into her own support system; following a path of true healing, etc?This coupleship must seek for DIALOGUE and AUTHENTICITY! Each person in the relationship needs to do their individual work to truly determine what is ACTUALLY their authentic voice and what is coming from the "Unholy Triad"âPride, Shame and Traumaâfor the addict in recovery and for the partner in healing.After doing the ongoing work to determine TRUE AUTHENTICITY . . . THEN each can decide how to proceed forwardâWhat is each individualâs VISION for the relationship? What is the willingness for and level of COMPATIBILITY?For the Partner:Are you open to change on his part? If not, why? What is preventing this? Is that resistance AUTHENTIC, or something else? If so, what would that need to look like for it to resonate with you? If it does, are you open to change or growth in the relationship?What would that need to look like? If he is unwilling or unable to authentically make those changes, what is your ânext right thingâ?For the Addict:Will this (your partner's vision) work for you? Is this compatible with the life (and vision) you are choosing to live? If not, what would need to change in order for it to be? If she is unwilling or unable to authentically make those changes, what is your "next right thing"
For a full transcript/article of this podcast, go to:
https://www.pbsepodcast.com/post/how-can-i-support-my-partner-who-i-betrayed-so-she-can-enjoy-life-again - Montre plus
