Episodes

  • Ep 108: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Own the Room

    Ep 108: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Own the Room

    · Real Confidence

    You know that feeling when you walk into a room and you just know you own it? That’s what true confidence feels like. I don’t mean in the “look at me, I’m the star!” way. I’m talking about being that steady, calming presence that everyone feels comfortable around.

    People have told me I have this vibe—like I’m solid and calming. And honestly? I’ve been thinking about how I do that. Spoiler: It’s not just luck. There’s a method to social madness.

    Because it’s easy to let nerves take over, right? You start worrying about how you look, if you’re saying the right things, or if you’re coming off okay. But owning the room has nothing to do with that. It’s not about you—it’s about the people in the room with you and how you relate to them.

    When you step in with the mindset that you’ve got value to offer—no matter who’s in the room—that’s when people start noticing you and your confidence naturally spikes.

    People start to recognize you as the person who’s grounded, reliable, and can handle whatever’s thrown their way. And that’s how you build trust, which is the foundation of all real confidence.

    At the end of the day, confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up and making others feel like they’re in good hands in the process.

    Ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start stepping into your power? Listen in because owning the room is just the start of owning your confidence.

  • EP 107: Real Confidence- When Fear Shows Up as Aggression

    EP 107: Real Confidence- When Fear Shows Up as Aggression

    · Real Confidence

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how fear can show up in our lives in sneaky ways—especially when we don’t even realize it. Maybe you’ve noticed it too, that feeling of snapping at someone or getting defensive when it’s not even necessary. What’s wild is that it’s not really about being angry—it’s fear wearing the mask of aggression, and we often don’t see it for what it is until it's already done damage.

    I was having a conversation with my friend Trevor Boylston, who’s a coach and leadership expert, and he put it this way: “Fear makes us fight to protect something we feel we’re losing.”

    That stuck with me, because SO OFTEN we disguise our fear behind that sense of aggression because it feels like we can control it. But the truth? It’s a complete disconnect from true confidence.

    Trevor’s insight on this is spot on—he helps us understand how fear shows up in subtle ways, like defensiveness or shutting people down before they have the chance to finish a thought. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, but it’s also a learned response that we can unlearn. If we’re not consciously aware of how we’re responding, fear takes the wheel, and the confidence we’re striving for gets left behind.

    Confidence gives you the space to not react from a place of fear. It’s like this invisible shield that helps you stay calm and centered when others are spiraling-- staying grounded, rather than escalating things, is a much more powerful response.

    So, if you’ve ever found yourself reacting out of fear, snapping at someone, or shutting down in a conversation, this episode is for you. It’s not just about controlling your aggression—it’s about understanding what’s underneath it and building the confidence to face it head-on. Settle in, hit play, and let’s unpack this together.

    You’ll walk away knowing:

    How fear turns into aggression and why we don’t always see it.What makes us go from zero to angry in the blink of an eye.Why emotional intelligence is your secret weapon when things get heated.What to do when you feel that aggressive energy bubbling up.How to handle tough conversations without letting fear take the wheel.

    Trevor Boylston is the guy in the cube next to you who brings the ‘everyman’ perspective to working in a corporate environment as a transgender individual. With experience driving LGBTQ+ empowerment at a leading medical device company, and volunteer service with a leading LGBTQ+ community health center, Trevor brings an authentic view of how to foster an inclusive culture within a corporate structure. Learn more about Trevor or hire him to speak at trevorboylston.com.

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  • EP 106: Real Confidence- What Does Living Your Best Life Even Mean?

    EP 106: Real Confidence- What Does Living Your Best Life Even Mean?

    · Real Confidence

    The last few weeks have brought a lot of loss into my life—family members, extended family, and friends. Some were expected, others were far too sudden and heartbreaking. Through it all, I kept hearing this phrase: live your best life. And I couldn't help but wonder, what does that really mean? What does it look like to truly live our best life, especially when life can be so unpredictable?

    When we're young, "living our best life" might look like partying, chasing thrills, and living on the edge. Then, as we hit midlife, maybe it's about career success, raising kids, or building a solid foundation for the future. As we get older, though, living our best life shifts again. We start focusing on health, relationships, and finding more meaningful experiences. It becomes about aligning how we spend our time with what truly matters—our values, our purpose, our joys.

    Living our best life isn't just about doing what makes us feel good in the moment; it’s about being intentional with our time, energy, and resources. It's about pruning out the things, habits, and even people that no longer serve us. Maybe those friends who were once fun in our twenties don't fit into our life anymore. Maybe that item in the house we've been holding onto for years isn't really bringing us joy. At some point, we all have to make the decision to stop wasting time or energy on things that aren't meaningful anymore.

    This kind of shift requires maturity, confidence, and the courage to prioritize what really matters. And it’s not always easy—sometimes, it means confronting habits or relationships that we’ve clung to for a long time. But I truly believe that living your best life is about activating those dreams and desires that you’ve pushed aside. Maybe it's traveling to Greece or finally writing that book. It's not about making excuses. It’s about making those things a priority and figuring out how to make them happen.

    So how do we go about it? I’m glad you asked, but the answers are in the episode. If you’re ready to find out YOUR best life and how to start living into it, listen in.

  • EP 105- Real Confidence: Confidence at a Crossroads with Special Guest Shellie Rapson

    EP 105- Real Confidence: Confidence at a Crossroads with Special Guest Shellie Rapson

    · Real Confidence

    One day we’re traveling through life in the lane we’ve been in for seemingly ever and the next there’s this whisper—this pull telling you to switch gears. 

    That’s exactly where this episode’s guest, Shellie Rapson, found herself. Mid-life, she’d built a successful corporate career, was living a comfortable life, but something just wasn’t clicking anymore. She hit a point where she had to ask herself, Do I really want to keep going down this road? Or is it time to do something that actually lights me up?

    For Shellie it happened after she pulled her car into her driveway after another day at the office and it was a full-on “a-ha” moment.  Suddenly, there was no time to waste. She knew that NOW was the time to chase something that mattered. 

    Shellie’s career-change story is all about what can happen when we answer the call of a gut feeling even when it seems crazy. She turned her back on her safe, corporate career and dove headfirst into global health where the work is literally life and death. 

    Can we talk about how scary that must’ve been? But she went for it, and I’m here for it.

    What’s wild is that she almost felt guilty at first. Can you imagine walking away from a career where you're the breadwinner, the one everyone relies on? Shellie had this whole "Am I being selfish?" thing going on. But here’s the thing—her passion for global health, for projects like bringing ambulances to rural Uganda, was so much bigger than that guilt. 

    What I love most about her journey is how it’s a reminder that confidence doesn’t mean knowing exactly what’s next. It’s about believing enough in yourself to make that leap—even when you don’t have it all figured out yet. Shellie didn’t know what the future held when she made this change, but she knew it was her change to make. 

    And that kind of confidence? That’s what we need more of. 

    Key takeaways from our conversation:

    Confidence isn’t about knowing everything; it’s about trusting yourself enough to jump, even when the path isn’t clear.You don’t have to wait for the perfect time to make a change - and there really isn’t one.You can let go of the comfort zone without losing stability. 

    At the end of the day, it’s not about stuff or status. It’s about living a life that feels authentic and meaningful.

    After nearly three decades in corporate communications, Shellie followed her heart in 2024 to pursue a long-held dream in global health. The loss of a loved one became her catalyst for change, showing her that some dreams can't wait. Today, Shellie is completing her global health certification with fieldwork in Uganda, connecting rural villages with vital transportation to health centers. She now serves as a communications strategist with Pipeline Worldwide, a nonprofit dedicated to delivering sustainable health solutions to communities living in extreme poverty in northern Uganda. For more information about Shellie’s work visit www.pipelineworldwide.org.

  • EP 104: Real Confidence- Deep or Wide: Finding Confidence in Both

    EP 104: Real Confidence- Deep or Wide: Finding Confidence in Both

    · Real Confidence

    There are the folks who are deep—the ones who focus on one thing and completely immerse themselves in it. They’re experts, the ones who can go on and on about their craft, their passion, their field of knowledge. 

    Then there are the wide ones—the people who are a little bit of everything. They know a little about a lot, and they’re adaptable. They might not master a single thing, but they’re curious, they’re versatile, and they always seem to have the right answer, or at least a solution to get things moving.

    It’s fascinating, really, because both types of people are confident in their own way. The deep folks have this steady, unshakeable confidence that comes from years of dedication and learning. You can tell when someone is deep—they walk into a room and immediately command respect because they own their space and their expertise. It’s not cocky. It’s a quiet, powerful confidence that comes from knowing exactly what they bring to the table.

    But then there’s the wide people, and I love them too and not just because I’m one of them! Wide people have this ease in their confidence because they aren’t afraid to try new things, to jump into unknown territories. They have this natural ability to connect with different kinds of people and situations. They aren’t intimidated by things they don’t know—they just roll with it, which I think takes a different kind of confidence, the kind that’s born from possibility, not perfection.

    Which one are you? Does it matter when it comes to confidence? Listen in as I break down who’s deep, who’s wide, and how each approach shapes how we feel about ourselves and our own confidence, no matter how we show up in the world.

  • EP 103: Real Confidence- Confidently Handling Hateful People with Special Guest Sean Harvey

    EP 103: Real Confidence- Confidently Handling Hateful People with Special Guest Sean Harvey

    · Real Confidence

    This episode of Real Confidence is a wild one. I’m talking to Sean Harvey, founder of Warrior Compassion Institute and author of Warrior Compassion, and we get into the real, messy, and honestly kind of scary work of sitting down with people most of us would run from. Think white nationalists, men feeling lost in a changing world, people whose views might make your skin crawl. But Sean doesn’t argue or shut them down—he meets them with love, curiosity, and a whole lot of patience or in other words, confidence.

    And somehow, it works.

    Sean and I talk about why polarization is making everything worse, how dehumanization goes both ways, and why Sean believes his work is the missing step before DEI efforts can actually stick. He’s all about helping people get emotionally and psychologically ready for those hard, awkward, necessary conversations—the kind that don’t just change minds but actually open hearts.

    I don’t want to give too much away, but the highlights of conversation that stick with me—and will stick with you too, include:

    Why Sean meditates with extremists instead of debating themHow curiosity and compassion can keep even the toughest conversations goingWhy polarization dehumanizes everyone—including usThe "bridging mindset" and how it leads to real change; andA terrifying moment that proved to Sean he was exactly where he needed to be

    Sean’s approach to dealing with hateful people confidently and compassionately is fascinating, and if you want to go deeper into his work, visit check out WarriorCompassion.com where you can also sign up for his mailing list and get copy of his book.

  • EP 102: Real Confidence- Being a Sucker Sucks Your Confidence

    EP 102: Real Confidence- Being a Sucker Sucks Your Confidence

    · Real Confidence

    There’s an awful feeling we all know—being taken advantage of. 

    You know the one. It hits when you realize you’ve been pushed into a decision, and you’re left questioning, Was I just tricked into doing something I didn’t want to do?

    It’s the regret that follows, and it makes you question: Am I a sucker?

    I’ve felt it, especially when dealing with high-pressure situations, like buying a car. The dealership pushes you to make a decision on the spot, and though I’ve done my research, I still wonder if I was manipulated into a choice I wasn’t fully confident in. It’s a feeling I try to avoid, yet we all experience it in different ways.

    This feeling doesn’t always come from those obvious, high-stakes situations either. It can happen in quieter moments, too—when friends, family, or even institutions we trust subtly push us into decisions. Maybe it’s a charity asking for more than you’re comfortable with, or an event that makes you feel obligated to give more of your time than you want to. 

    Even the smartest, most confident people can fall into these traps. I’ve watched as others get scammed through phishing schemes, tricked into believing they were doing the right thing, only to lose money or worse. It happens when we’re vulnerable, when our brains are not fully online and the fear is driving us into decisions we wouldn’t normally make.

    So what can we do? We already feel like a sucker and now we feel even more vulnerable. 

    The key to reclaiming our confidence here is simple. 

    Listen in for my take on how we take our power back, find clarity and build the confidence to trust ourselves so the choices we make feel right, not pressured.

  • EP 101: Real Confidence - Confidence in the Face of a Major Health Event

    EP 101: Real Confidence - Confidence in the Face of a Major Health Event

    · Real Confidence

    As someone who's witnessed neurological challenges and success through my own son's journey, the story I’m sharing in this episode of Real Confidence resonated extremely deeply. 

    During her senior year as a competitive swimmer at Bryant University, Nicole Salzano experienced a life-altering health event after swimming the 500 freestyle in the Northeast Conference Championship: a massive stroke that doctors believed would permanently disable her. They told her parents she would never walk, talk, or use her right arm again. 

    Nicole had lost her future opportunities as a competitive swimmer and many other graduation goals, but her response to this was anything but defeated. Her athletic background as a swim team captain became her greatest asset. With incredible determination, she embarked on an intensive recovery journey.

    Her recovery wasn't quick or easy. It took three and a half years of rigorous therapy - speech, occupational, physical - with countless repetitive exercises. She experienced burnout, pushed through, and ultimately returned to her passion by becoming a swim coach, teaching children the sport she loves.

    What struck me most was Nicole's strength of spirit. She transformed a potentially devastating medical event into a powerful narrative of hope and possibility. Her approach wasn't just about physical recovery, but about redefining her own potential and leaning into her real and unshakable confidence.

    Highlights from our conversation include:

    The reminder that personal identity isn't defined by medical limitations, but by our individual wills and perspectivesHow confidence emerges not from avoiding obstacles, but from how we choose to respond to themWhy our personal support teams can be as transformative during recovery as our medical teamsThe role the magic combination of persistent, focused effort and neuroplasticity plays in healing

    Nicole tracks her recovery journey on Instagram. You can find and follow her @nicole.salzano.

  • EP 100: Real Confidence- 100 Episodes: The Milestones that Matter

    EP 100: Real Confidence- 100 Episodes: The Milestones that Matter

    · Real Confidence

    Friends, we made it—100 episodes of Real Confidence! And because I believe in practicing what I preach, I’m doing something different. No guest. No script. Just me, pulling back the curtain on what real confidence looks like when you hit the big milestones because I’m hitting one myself.

    I’m turning 60 in two weeks (!) – the age research shows that we human beings reach peak confidence!

    Six decades of life, 100 episodes of this podcast, hundreds of confidence coaches certified and countless moments that have shaped what confidence means to me right now.

    And guess what? It’s not what I thought it would mean AT ALL.

    You already know from listening to me that confidence isn’t a destination. It’s not something we “arrive” at just because you’ve done the reps or racked up the awards.

    Confidence shifts. It deepens. And sometimes it throws you a curveball just when you think you’ve got it figured out.

    So, what actually matters when you hit the big milestones? What do you keep? What do you leave behind? And how do you push forward when the doubts creep in—because, yes, they still do.

    This episode isn’t about looking back. It’s about what’s next—for you, for me, and for the confidence we build every single day. Let’s get into it together, including the biggest lessons  - from my powerhouse guests to moments that nearly made me quit.

    But before we get into that, thank you for being with me 100 episodes in and 60 years now in the making of who I am and practicing what I preach.

    We got this.

  • EP 99: Real Confidence- Confidently Talking About the D Word
Death

    EP 99: Real Confidence- Confidently Talking About the D Word…Death

    · Real Confidence

    I recently watched a friend die. I was in the room, witnessing the unplugging of her life support while trying to support her family in their decision before and after it was done. It was the hardest day of my own life so far, by far. And as unprepared I was for the event and emotions, I also didn’t expect to become more prepared for my own death.

    Talking about death has never scared me — It’s not like we can escape it— but I get why many of us want to avoid the topic, especially when it comes to our own eventual demise. Talking about death feels heavy, messy, and uncomfortably real. But what’s more frightening to me, is avoidance. The kind that leaves our loved ones guessing, unsure, and unprepared when everything falls apart. 

    The hardest part of planning for the inevitable isn’t the logistics—it’s finding the courage to start the conversation. But then I think about the alternative: the questions no one can answer because they didn’t ask. And now they have to make critical decisions leaving the weight of uncertainty hanging over the people I care about most. That’s what pushes me forward. Not because I’m fearless, but because I refuse to let fear have the last word. 

    You see, confidence doesn’t come before this type of conversation. It shows up in the middle of it, somewhere between the tears, the uncomfortable pauses, and the sighs of relief when you realize you’re finally saying the things that matter most.

    And I want that for you, which is why this episode of the podcast is about The D Word.

  • EP 98: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Reinvent Your Career

    EP 98: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Reinvent Your Career

    · Real Confidence

    Okay, stop everything and listen to this. I just interviewed the most INCREDIBLE woman on my podcast, and her story is going to blow your mind!

    Picture this: A total rockstar Venezuelan electrical engineer with an MIT MBA, killing it at Microsoft, who suddenly decides to become a family photographer after suffering a concussion.

    WHAT?

    YES.

    Andre's story is everything about confidence wrapped up in one wild ride. She went from managing massive corporate budgets to building a photography business that not only feeds her soul but makes MORE money than her corporate job. And get this—she did it while being present for her kids and completely redesigning her entire life.

    And.. She was terrified. She lost her professional identity. People thought she was CRAZY. Her first clients would literally say things like, "You went to MIT and you're just a photographer?" 

    Instead of giving up, she was like, "Watch me."

    Andre’s story is proof that confidence isn't about having everything figured out. It's about having the guts to completely reinvent yourself when something doesn't feel right.

    Key takeaways from our conversation include: 

    Your career path isn't carved in stone - it's clay you can reshapeSometimes a total life pivot is the most authentic move you can makeIdentity is fluid - your job title doesn't define your worth or potentialYou can choose to believe in yourself, even when others are skeptical

    Boston-based Andre Toro is a former electrical engineer and MIT MBA grad turned-portrait photographer obsessed with fostering human connections and emotive storytelling through the images she captures. Learn more about her work at andretorophotography.com.

  • EP 97: Real Confidence- Breaking the ‘I Could Never’ Barrier

    EP 97: Real Confidence- Breaking the ‘I Could Never’ Barrier

    · Real Confidence

    I can’t tell you how many times I hear it -  “I could never.” It’s a phrase that drives me absolutely nuts because it’s such a convenient, self-imposed barrier. 

    Whether it’s someone telling me they could never write a book, do a TED Talk, or even wear a bold color, it’s the same mindset: shutting down possibility before it even has a chance to breathe.

    And I can’t help myself; I always have to dig deeper. Do you really want to do the thing you’re dismissing? If not, that’s fine — own it! But if you do, then let’s stop hiding behind “I could never” and start figuring out how you can.

    Confidence is a choice. This is a hill I will die on. 

    It’s not about being fearless—it’s about choosing to act in spite of your fears. 

    If you’ve ever felt stuck by fear of failure or rejection, this one’s for you. I’ll walk you through how to get past those feelings and turn your “I could never” into “I can” (and then celebrate when you do confidence isn’t just about you—it’s contagious— and when you share your wins, you inspire others to take their own leaps).

    So, are you ready to start taking those first steps toward what you’ve been avoiding? Tune in now!

  • EP 96: Real Confidence- Confidence Lessons from Dogs (and Their People)

    EP 96: Real Confidence- Confidence Lessons from Dogs (and Their People)

    · Real Confidence

    Hey, Confidence Crusaders! Neuro nerds! And dog lovers? 

    Yup!

    This episode of Real Confidence is about to go to the DOGS. Stay with me — it’s not just about teaching Spot to sit. It’s about how your energy — your confidence — shapes your dog’s behavior (and maybe even your life). 

    Joining me is Brady Foulk, a pro dog trainer with a gift for turning "chaotic canine" into "calm and collected." But here's the twist: it’s not just about training your pup — it’s about training you.

    And because we recently adopted a new puppy, Porter, after we had to say goodbye to our beloved rescue pooch Georgie last summer, I wanted all the tips because it’s been close to two decades since we had a little tail-wagger in the house.

    Brady shared pro tips on how to inspire our dogs (no bribery or yelling required), spot when they’re overwhelmed (hello, frustrated sniffs!) and build their confidence step by step. 

    Whether you're a proud pet parent or just here for the confidence hacks, this episode’s got you. You’ll laugh, you’ll learn, and you’ll totally rethink how you approach leadership—with your dog and your life.

    Key takeaways you don’t want to miss:

     

    Dogs can smell your emotions — yes, literally. If you’re anxious, they’re anxious. If you’re confident, they’re confident.Leadership matters — your dog mirrors your energy. Confidence is teachable — for you and your dog. How to read your dog’s body language for signs of overwhelmFun fact: Brady’s puppy is learning to ride a skateboard. Yes, really!

    Listen now and let’s sniff out some confidence together. 

    Brady is a committed dog trainer who loves helping dogs and their humans thrive together at home and out in the world. With extensive experience in canine behavior, obedience, emotional support, and service dog training, he has developed a practical, compassionate approach to building trust and confidence in dogs and their owners. Brady’s philosophy is simple: a confident, well-trained dog leads to a happier, more harmonious home life. Learn more about Brady and his work at newdirectiondogtraining.com.

  • EP 95: Real Confidence- Why Nostalgia Hurts Your Confidence

    EP 95: Real Confidence- Why Nostalgia Hurts Your Confidence

    · Real Confidence

    I almost titled this episode “I Want My Bubble Back” and no, I don’t mean the pandemic lockdown days. I mean the good old days. 

    Or maybe I should say “my good old days” because we all have a version of those, when life seemed simpler, no matter our age. For me it was playing outside all day, coming home after dark, biking everywhere and worrying about little more than which what jeans were currently cool.

    Ah, nostalgia. 

    But there’s the thing: those memories we cherish? They’re not necessarily accurate. Our brains love to soften the hard stuff, filter out the struggles, and create a highlight reel that doesn’t tell the whole story.

    Our brains also want to tell us that our current challenges and struggles are harder than ever, but the truth is that challenges and struggles have always been part of our lives. Little ones—like sharing a curly cord, landline with your entire family, to big ones, like learning to navigate life after 9/11. 

    The thing I want us all to remember is that if we got through those, we have what it takes to do it again. We didn’t get through those times because we believed they were somehow easier. We got through them because we’re stronger than we think. 

    Tune in as I riff on the tricks our brains play on us, how those rose-colored glasses we view the past through are hurting us and how we can use our “good old days” memories instead to supercharge our confidence today.

  • EP 94: Real Confidence- Building Teen Confidence with Special Guest Emily McCavanagh

    EP 94: Real Confidence- Building Teen Confidence with Special Guest Emily McCavanagh

    · Real Confidence

    It wasn’t that long ago that my sons were in their teens and the world has changed so much even since then. Teens face more and different challenges than we could have imagined when we were their age, and those challenges are doing a number on their confidence.

    What’s one of the biggest confidence crises they’re facing today?

    I had a fascinating conversation with Emily McCavanagh—fitness expert, teen confidence coach, and overall powerhouse—about that very thing. If you’re a parent, coach, or anyone who cares about the next generation, you’ll want to tune in, because we tackled that and so much more because while you might be tempted to point the finger at social media, that’s only part of it. 

    Sure, scrolling can lead to that toxic comparison game, but Emily peeled back the layers and got to the heart of it: teens are terrified of failing. And when you're too scared to fail, you never take the risks that build real confidence.

    What I love about Emily’s work is how she flips the script on leadership. Her teen athlete Captain’s Collaborative program isn’t about being the toughest or most talented—it’s about being compassionate, courageous, and consistent. It’s leadership with heart, and it’s a total game-changer for young athletes who are expected to lead just because they’re good at their sport. 

    Spoiler alert: being really good at something doesn’t mean you’re inevitably confident at it!

    Emily is on a mission to create a new generation of leaders—ones who aren't just strong on the field but empathetic, courageous, and ready to lift others up. And come on - who doesn’t want more of that in the world?

    Highlights from our conversation include:

    How the fear of failure cripples teen confidenceWhy they—and we—should focus on their unique strengths rather than their “win-loss” recordFlipping the script on what leadership means (it’s more than talent, by the way); andA powerful question parents or any adult can ask that sends the subtle message about winning and inspires confidence at the same time

    https://www.facebook.com/emily.mccavanagh/

    https://www.instagram.com/trainwithfitmethod/

  • EP 93: Real Confidence- 5 Phrases that Crush Confidence

    EP 93: Real Confidence- 5 Phrases that Crush Confidence

    · Real Confidence

    I’m going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. 

    I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but words do matter, and we don’t always appreciate how much.

    Especially when they’re coming out of our mouths and we mean well – we truly do – but how they land has the opposite effect.

    I’m as guilty of this as anyone. And it took me a really long time to realize how my good intentions could take someone’s confidence down instead of building it up, not just because of what I said, but how I said it and in what context. 

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve zeroed in on five phrases that have the ability to kill our confidence when we hear them, and kill someone else’s when we say them. 

    These phrases seem benign but even when they’re offered in the spirit of support or helpfulness, can create fear. Fear of failure, regret or rejection – the three fears that really make us all question our confidence. 

    Listen in to find out what the phrases are, what you can say instead and/or respond confidently when someone says them to you. That way we can all try and be a little more compassionate to ourselves and to other people who do intend well, but don't always have the right words to tell us.

  • EP 92: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Be Creative with Special Guest Rich Kirkpatrick

    EP 92: Real Confidence- The Confidence to Be Creative with Special Guest Rich Kirkpatrick

    · Real Confidence

    You know those conversations that stick with you long after they’re over? That’s exactly how I felt after chatting with Rich Kirkpatrick on my podcast. We dove deep into the relationship between confidence and creativity—not just the surface-level stuff, but how they can fuel each other.

    Because creativity is one of those things that makes a lot of us want to shrink into the background so people won’t find out we don’t have it or what we create is amateurish or awful. 

    A musician, Rich talked about how during his early days in the music industry, confidence often felt like a façade and how he learned to separate his self-worth from external validation by reframing his self-talk. Instead of asking himself, “Am I good enough?” he began to ask, “What can I learn from this?” 

    That’s a subtle, common-sense shift, but really does change everything. Suddenly, confidence becomes a journey of growth rather than a destination to reach. 

    Ultimately, confidence and creativity are intertwined, each nurturing the other. When we believe in our abilities and embrace our authentic selves, we unlock the door to endless creative possibilities.

    Key takeaways from this powerful conversation include how:

    Confidence isn’t about being loud or the center of attention; it’s about being grounded in who you are.Creativity isn't just for musicians, artists, or chefs—it’s for everyone. If you’re solving problems, you’re creating. There are two approaches to creativity he’s noticed, and some of us are “robots” while others are “wizards” (honestly, I bet most of us are a little bit of both).Authenticity breeds confidence, which you know I firmly believe, because when you’re true to yourself, you naturally project that energy and people can feel it!

    Rich Kirkpatrick is a native of San Jose, California, studied music at The Phil Mattson School, and earned his bachelor’s and master’s from Jessup University. He writes, consults, and speaks about the intersection of creativity, faith and leadership. His book, MINDBLOWN: Unlock Your Creative Genius by Bridging Science and Magic (2022), deconstructs creativity and the creative process. To learn more about Rich, visit RKblog.com.

  • EP 91: Real Confidence- Can You Be Confident In Your Gut Reactions?

    EP 91: Real Confidence- Can You Be Confident In Your Gut Reactions?

    · Real Confidence

    We often think confidence comes from trusting our instincts, but what if those gut reactions are actually holding us back? 

    Sometimes, we make snap judgments about people, situations, or even ourselves, without giving things a real chance. And those assumptions can stop us from experiencing real connection, growth, or opportunities.

    Take my recent Portugal trip, for example. I met a couple I thought I had nothing in common with—different backgrounds, beliefs, everything. My initial reaction was to dismiss them. But guess what? They ended up becoming close friends. 

    That experience taught me that confidence isn’t about making fast decisions or sticking to what’s comfortable. It’s about being open, curious, and giving yourself—and others—a chance.

    We all have biases, often based on past experiences or fear of looking foolish. But when we question those assumptions, we find out they’re often false. Confidence is about stepping beyond those fear walls, giving new things time to settle, and trusting that the discomfort won’t last forever. 

    True confidence grows when we stop relying on those quick, fear-based decisions and start being more intentional about the opportunities we let in. So next time, instead of saying “no” right away, ask yourself why. You might be surprised at what you find on the other side.

    So if you’re ready to look beneath the surface and make better decisions for yourself, this episode is for you. Tune in, challenge your biases, and let’s grow that confidence together!

  • EP 90: Real Confidence- The Confidence to “Unhide”

    EP 90: Real Confidence- The Confidence to “Unhide”

    · Real Confidence

    Ever catch yourself putting on a brave face or carefully picking which parts of your life to show out of fear of ridicule or rejection? This “hiding” behavior is something we all do to varying degrees depending on vulnerabilities and the fear that drives it, isn’t protecting us as much as we want to believe. In fact, “hiding” can really mess with our personal growth and stand in the way of forging real connections with others.

    So, when I had the chance to talk with Ruth Rathblott—TEDx speaker, former CEO, and a powerhouse advocate for inclusion—about this concept of “unhiding”, I jumped at the chance because as terrifying as it sounds, you know that self-liberation is waiting for you on the other side.

    For Ruth, her “hiding” came in the form of drawing attention away from having a limb difference that makes navigating a world where disability is often overlooked in conversations a real challenge. For you, it may be choosing to keep any trauma, personal, financial or other emotionally-charged struggles under wraps.

    Our caveman brains tell us that “hiding” protects us, keeps us safe within the tribe, but in the modern world this behavior is a form of self-isolation, which is the opposite of the authentic connect we think we’re trying to protect.  

    Ruth and I get into all of this more during our conversation. Highlights from our time together include:

    The universal nature of hiding and its impact on mental and physical healthHow to take the reins away from your insecurities and own your personal narrativeThe ways vulnerability connect us and lead to deeper, more meaningful interactions; andRuth’s four-step framework for overcoming your own tendency to hide

    Ruth Rathblott’s experiences and advice offer valuable lessons on embracing one’s full identity and fostering genuine belonging. I’m excited for you to hear our conversation and learn from Ruth’s journey and insights. For more on Ruth and her work, visit RuthRathblott.com and connect with her on LinkedIn.

  • EP 89: Real Confidence- Control is Confidence in Action

    EP 89: Real Confidence- Control is Confidence in Action

    · Real Confidence

    Let’s talk about something that we all grapple with but don’t always acknowledge—control. 

    Yeah, that word might hit you in different ways depending on how you see it. For some, control sounds like a bad thing, a power trip, or even manipulation. But for others, it's a way to bring order, efficiency, and clarity into their lives. 

    I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially after someone once called me a “control freak.” I was offended, and I bet you would be too. But the more I dug into it, the more I realized control isn’t all bad. In fact, it’s something we all do, whether we like to admit it or not. And guess what? It can be a force for good, not just for us, but for the people around us.

    Imagine walking into a restaurant and being genuinely nice to your server. What happens? They’re likely to respond with the same kindness, right? In that moment, you're controlling the interaction in a positive way. It’s not manipulative; it’s human nature. 

    The way we act can directly influence how others behave. That’s control, but it’s also compassion, connection, and confidence in action.

    Control isn’t the enemy—it’s a tool— and in this episode of Real Confidence I’m going to show you how it’s a force for good. And when you know how to do that, you’ll want to let your control freak flag fly!

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