Episodes
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Enjoy the replay of a Facebook Live that Jessica hosted with Jacqueline Nagle about why you need to use podcast guesting to grow your speaking business now!
To learn more about Jacqueline and her programs for speakers, visit http://interviewconnections.com/anygiventuesday (affiliate link) -
Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who
color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and AASECT (pronounced ay-sect) certified sex educator. Joli also co-hosts the Project Relationship podcast with her anchor partner, Ken. Joli’s been featured in The New York Times, Vogue, NPR, and The Atlantic. She’s spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility.Joli helps people create non-monogamous partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking,
pretending, or hiding required.
In this episode, she shares the biggest visibility breakthroughs she’s had thanks to podcast guesting and coaching with Jess, Margy and the Interview Connections team!
Take Joli’s quiz at https://joliquiz.com/
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Episodes manquant?
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In this episode, Jess shares about a pivotal moment recently when she realized that her workaholism was actually masking her people-pleasing tendencies.
Audio Transcript:
Jessica Rhodes: On this episode, I want to share a really, really great breakthrough, I had.
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Jessica Rhodes: spoiler alert we're sharing all of our breakthroughs on this podcast now, but I want to share a really important breakthrough about like workaholism and people pleasing and the connection because.
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Jessica Rhodes: I had this pivotal moment recently when I was you know talking with my husband Jamie he was like hey you know we do our two week vacation every summer with our like extended family.
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Jessica Rhodes: And then he was like I really think this summer, we should also do a week vacation like just the four of us, and I was like yeah and when he suggested that I was starting to get a little nervous about taking another week off and.
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Jessica Rhodes: Normally one would be excited for a vacation, but it was like kind of stressing me out like scheduling it in, and you know we found this week where it's fine like there's no launching happening and.
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Jessica Rhodes: It was like we were looking at this Wednesday to a Wednesday.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I saw that on the calendar was like a group mastermind call and content day like where we record all our podcast and I was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: Okay Jamie maybe like let's leave like Wednesday afternoon because, like, I have some stuff in the morning and he was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: it's we're talking about August, like you, can't move it and I was like getting really nervous and like uncomfortable and I was like um no I can get it, and he, like what he gave me the look right he was like seriously like you can't move this like.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I really like it was just in that moment, where I was like oh my God like I don't i'm not like addicted to work i'm not a workaholic I am.
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Jessica Rhodes: deeply afraid of inconveniencing other people, because I knew that if I.
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Jessica Rhodes: said i'm going to be off that day I would have to ask Maggie can we record our podcast on a different day and I would have to say to MARQuIS can you lead the call that day.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I was so afraid to make that request, and I was like I have always identified as a hard worker I love work i'm a career woman like.
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Jessica Rhodes: That has been my identity and through all of this work that's happening right now, this personal work I realized, it is like people-pleasing manifesting as workaholism and an addiction to work.
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Jessica Rhodes: it's not an addiction to work, I actually quite enjoy taking time off, but I was so afraid of inconveniencing somebody that I just was like I love working.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and, like the stuff that justice talking about is like very easy to reschedule to.
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Jessica Rhodes: Like it just exactly.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like we reschedule like our content block when we record the podcast we reschedule it like all the time, in fact, the August, one is a reschedule of the original one because I booked a weekend with my basti and all the colleges move this.
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Jessica Rhodes: knocking I have different trauma tendencies.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah, but I think this is really good, because this is something.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): When we did the leadership and the nervous system panel hold on.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): When we did the leadership in the nervous system panel which we also put out as a podcast episode So hopefully you listen to it and talks about psychological safety we talked a little bit about.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): trauma informed leadership, which I think is really, really interesting and i'm excited to go down more of a rabbit hole on that, but one of the things we talked about because, having worked with Elizabeth Elizabeth Christoph who, I guess, we talked about in every.
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Jessica Rhodes: episode is basically our co host now we're.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): only slightly obsessed with her and the work that she's doing but um she was talking about herself how.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know nervous system dysregulation and trauma and stuff manifested as perfectionism and high achieving and how true that is for a lot of business owners, a lot of high performers.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): there's like this aspect of like yes, you love what you do, but then there's this aspect of the way that you're doing it that can be dysfunctional.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was really interesting because we're talking about leadership and the nervous system and talking about our teams.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And there's this sort of myth in mastermind groups and just groups of entrepreneurs talking it's like if somebody has a team Member who's like all into like first two o'clock in first o'clock out like all this stuff that like your.
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Jessica Rhodes: Last too long ago.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Oh yeah.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): See I can't even say.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah So if you have someone who's like the first in in the morning, the first out at night, like just working super hard I can't.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): See it's not me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): there's this myth that if you have this employee who is so all in there working longer hours and everybody they're trying harder their work is perfect like they're just like this quintessential a player.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): everybody's like oh my God you're so lucky like where did you get them, how can we clone them.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And there's nothing wrong with having someone who's a super high performer i'm a high performer just as a high performer like it's good but there's also.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): With trauma informed leadership, there is this aspects of is that person.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Working that way because of dysregulation and a lot of the times, I think the answer is yes, we can still perform at a high level, we can still work hard.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and go hard on the things that we love that we're in flow and alignment on that feel really easy but that generate results in revenue.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But I do think it's really powerful to look at this idea of especially.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know within capitalism it's being a hard worker being a duo or being a grinder being the hardest worker in the room, like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): All there's so many sayings are so many quotes there are so many motivational posters like it's so glorified and I think it's really important to bring in this aspect of the dialogue that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's kind of dysfunctional and while the label of being a workaholic or super hard worker feels really validating to the ego that ego boost might be covering up some less you know, maybe attractive or less.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): gratifying to the ego traits that have more to do with proving self worth getting affirmation not letting people down people pleasing all that stuff.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah and when you understand and have these breakthroughs of understanding, your tendencies and what they're coming from.
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Jessica Rhodes: A lot of your actions can be similar, but it is totally perceived in a new way and you feel so much more different.
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Jessica Rhodes: You know so for me like I.
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Jessica Rhodes: I do, I love this business and I love, what I do and before I realized that I had these people pleasing tendencies, like, I mean i've heard for forever people like i'm a people pleaser and i'm like that's not me that's not me and i'm like so Okay, maybe it is so i've had.
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Jessica Rhodes: Since i've had this realization around like how I do, I have had these people pleasing tendencies now i'm realizing oh my gosh like I can see how many times, I was.
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Jessica Rhodes: working more hours working harder doing more things because I wanted to please people and I didn't want to inconvenience anyone, and I wanted to like show my worth.
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Jessica Rhodes: And now that I realized the difference like you know i'm working on our social media at seven in the morning because I want to because it's fun, not because i'm trying to please somebody and then.
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Jessica Rhodes: I may stop working at 430 or four o'clock because I know i've provided the value that I can provide that day and I don't feel bad or guilty about it and it's just.
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Jessica Rhodes: it's so interesting to have this realization and this breakthrough because i'm now seeing it and other people, which is like i'm like okay now I gotta.
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Jessica Rhodes: I can't not coach this person or this or you know, and I think it's I love what you're saying about the dysfunctional.
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Jessica Rhodes: You know traits because it's It makes me sad right when people are like they want to check their email on vacation because they don't want to inconvenience, you and I think that's something.
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Jessica Rhodes: I mean you talk about this, all the time, like really healing the workplace healing the team, so people can feel free to to take that time off without feeling stressed about it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and the healing of a team starts with the leaders right like it's you it's not enough to just work on an individual level, you also have to work with the organization and, as a group, but it starts with the leader.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And you can send a message with your words that it's okay to unplug and take a vacation if you're not actually modeling that energetically and with your actions.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They people are smart social mammals pick up on cues and it's not just what you say.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And if you say something's Okay, but every other piece of you is indicating it's not okay your team will get the message they're like all right wink wink got it it's okay to do this, like I know it's not and they won't do it so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This healing that we do as leaders has such an impact to create this next level team to create group healing and we knew think about how people spend and we i'll probably do a whole.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): episode on this, but when you think about how people spend the majority of their time at work.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The space that you create within your Organization has such a huge impact on people's lives which then has this ripple effect on all the people that they live with and come in contact with.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I think leaders have this incredible opportunity to create the shift in consciousness and to heal generational trauma and all of this stuff by creating these safe spaces, with our teams, but it really does start with you as the leader.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah So if you do feel like you're a workaholic and you're addicted to your work just know that there may be some trauma to process there may be some tendencies playing out that are in your blind spot and.
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Jessica Rhodes: As somebody who has felt like a workaholic there is this, there is a possibility for you to enjoy taking time off and to do it in a way that feels really good and free and not like it's constricting you know.
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Jessica Rhodes: So we hope that this was helpful and maybe shed a light on something that you weren't looking at before.
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Margy recently attended Kathleen Cameron’s Rise Retreat in May and she shares all about it in this episode!
Links mentioned:
https://www.instagram.com/asoulcalledjoel/
Audio Transcript:
Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In this episode, I am going to share some of the breakthroughs I had going on a manifestation retreat with Kathleen camera and I went on her rise retreat last week in the Bahamas and it was a really.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Profound amazing experience it wasn't what I thought it would be, but it definitely ended up being what I needed and so i've been sharing this on my personal instagram at hey MARQuIS on live, but we wanted to bring some of those lessons here to the podcast.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah, and so this came about, we were in Florida for a mastermind that we're in Kelly Roach his legacy leaders, and you know Margie had this.
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Jessica Rhodes: Really, this like.
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Jessica Rhodes: Calling she's like I need someone to pour into me do I need like an executive coach like I need something right so she's now out seeking and I remember we're walking through the airport.
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Jessica Rhodes: Well, she had previously heard from Anna rains like you should go to kathleen's retreat and so we're walking she tells me about it in the hotel room and I was like okay like cool like an expensive retreat in the Bahamas sounds like a.
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Jessica Rhodes: Perfect business and.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): A true into MARQuIS style of like being like I think I want to invest in a you know, an executive coach should work with me a CEO.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And, but I had been afraid to ask because it felt really selfish to ask the business to invest in coaching that was just for me, but, but I was like you know.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): As CEO and showing up and coaching and pouring into everybody else I was like I really feel like I need somebody who's like pouring into me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I was like i'll hire an executive coach and then as just said, I, so I reached out to Anna rains and i'm just kind of like researching different coaches.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Kathleen Cameron is amazing she's somebody i've like had my eye on who does incredible work with manifestation and she's a really powerful very authentic person.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so I reached out to Anna and i'm like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): All right, like what a what a kathleen's programs look like you know she's got like some six months programs and there's like a group they're like group programs with a call once a week, which I really was looking for something one on one, but I figured i'd ask like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What does it look like and Anna was like you know I actually think.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't know that her programs would be as good a fit for you as this retreat this like three day retreat in the Bahamas it's going to be amazing Kathleen is going to be there again her energy you'll have these breakthroughs.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so, like when, for me, hiring an executive coach to me like telling jess and my wife like I think i'm going to go to the Bahamas and then being like what.
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Jessica Rhodes: Are you talking about so we're like walking through the palm beach airport and.
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Jessica Rhodes: she's like she has her phone out and she's like I really feel like I need to be there and i'm like all right.
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Jessica Rhodes: And like if you know mark it as as argues wife and I know very well when she says she really feels like she needs to be there, like we know it's going to happen and like there's not you know.
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Jessica Rhodes: it's like get on board or not, but like business happening, and so we sit down.
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Jessica Rhodes: And she's like really sharing like I really feel like I need to be there.
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Jessica Rhodes: And she was sort of like and I was like Okay, what does that mean because, like whenever we work with a coach like we always work with a coach like together like we do a mastermind together we're 50 partners and all that.
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Jessica Rhodes: And she was sort of like like do you want to check it out like what do you think, and I looked at it and I was like I mean I it's hard to do it's hard to look at a luxury retreat in the Bahamas and be like this ain't for me.
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Jessica Rhodes: But I looked at it and I was like this ain't for me like i'm like this Okay, you have my blessing, you can go on this retreat and i'm like I know it'll pay off, but it was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: Okay, this, this is what it's like to partner with marky she is like i'm going to do this and you're like I trust you.
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Jessica Rhodes: and go ahead.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah I get some intuitive hits that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): seem really off topic, sometimes, but so far 100% of the time they have like paid off.
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Jessica Rhodes: it's just so funny because, like it went from like when I think executive coach and I know this like isn't probably super.
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Jessica Rhodes: You know, politically correct, but I just think of like an old man in a suit i'm like okay she's gonna go get some like CEO you know, and then it turns out she's like two weeks later in the Bahamas like in clear blue water and this like $33 million mansion and i'm like okay.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it was like and the thing is like yeah I mean a luxury retreat is cool but that wasn't what I set out for I really set out because I knew that I needed to up level as a leader.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I wanted someone that was coaching me and I wanted some coaching that was like just for me because, like just said, we are coaching together all the time, but increasingly we have very, very different roles and.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like i'm the only one in the CEO see and like it's just a different vibe it's a different like I don't feel like i'm alone, sometimes.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so having a coach who's just working with me directly to help me be the best CEO possible and to help me coach and mentor everybody else in the business, who I met her directly and like to help them up level even more.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was also picturing an old white man.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Which is why I was so funny because it was like the feeling was so strong and it was like also funny because.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I am a little bit like easing into travel, so the idea like i'm looking at this thing we're in the airport and I had just been like I think I want to travel less.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And this retreat is like less than a month away an international trip it, which is just like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): On the surface, I was like this is, and of course it was like every annual doctor's appointment, I had fell during that one week it was like there was, like all these inconveniences that I was just like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Oh, but I felt so strong and I was like I have to be there, and so I just I was, like all right i'm rescheduling everything and like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know, deep appreciation to just for supporting me and for believing that there would be an Roi to the business and to my wife, for supporting me when she was like really not happy that I had just gotten home and was like i'm going to the Bahamas like by.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): She was not happy, but I knew that I had to go and I thought it was because I needed to go and get into kathleen's presence, because she has this incredible vibe and Energy I had heard about it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I ended up going and we actually didn't spend a lot of time with Kathleen because she had some health issues, which was really interesting because, at first, the first day she wasn't there and I was like there was a part of my mind that was like oh wait a minute.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like Why did I have this intuitive hit that I needed to be at this thing when the person who whose presence, I wanted to be in to get this next level guidance to bring back to the business.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): isn't here and I don't say that with any rudeness, but like those are the sort of limiting thoughts that come up sometimes but then there was this other part of me that was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm here this investment is made, I am going to have a breakthrough and like when I decide i'm going to have a breakthrough.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): As I told a few people I could have a breakthrough staring at a telephone pole like breakthroughs on demand baby if.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm going to have a breakthrough i'm going to have a breakthrough and I did end up having these huge breakthroughs, but they weren't and This is so true like when we did landmark it was like this, like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I the breakthrough is never Look how I think they're going to look but it's always the breakthrough that I need and showing up without my wife without jess and justin I always go to business things together.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was so weird I like I couldn't believe it, so I show up in the super expensive Villa expecting to feel.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This like amazing manifesting abundance right and I showed up and I actually felt kind of weird.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was like shit like i'm not i'm not manifesting right, you know, like i'm supposed to i'm supposed to be in this expensive Villa and feel the feelings of abundance and, like all of this stuff and.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But I like showed up, and it was sort of awkward because I came a little bit earlier than everyone else, so there was only a few people in the House and, like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And again, that i'm not knocking the retreat amazing retreat Kathleen is amazing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This is how I experienced it because of my level of consciousness, which then evolved we're going to take you through it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But, so I first arrived and i'm feeling awkward and there's like a few people and i'm kind of like high.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And they all seem to know each other, because they had participated in Bob proctor and Kathleen programs for a long time.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They are part of that world which I have never done any of those things, so people are like, why are you here, and I was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've gotten that question a few times you know, like just an Alex would would ask the same thing i'm not sure I just knew I had to be here and.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was sort of awkward and then everybody arrived, and we had this dinner but Kathleen was supposed to be there, but she wasn't there and it was.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was a little weird and I didn't really know anyone I knew one person I knew Annabel like she had other friends there who she's been friends with for a long time, so I didn't want to like intrude on her time with her bfs so I was just sort of like awkwardly floating around.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And being like Why do I feel so weird like i'm like Marty what the hell is wrong with you like you're literally in a mansion on the beach, why are you feeling uncomfortable you should just be feeling like amazing and manifest it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so we go through the first full day of the retreat Kathleen still not there it's very unclear when she's going to get there if she's going to get there and i'm kind of like what is happening.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And i'm still like in this battle against myself of like Come on, you asshole like manifest like look at the ocean and feel the feelings of abundance margate.
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Jessica Rhodes: swing on those swings in the water.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But well we didn't get to the swings yet that was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Okay, but but i'm like come on girl like talking to myself, like and but still feeling so weird so we get through day one, and it's like nice um I think it was the I think it was all day one, because we get to dinner and or like dinner time and people are sharing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was like I need to share this because i've experienced this so many times.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Where there's just something like not it up and you and you're like fighting against yourself and only when you say it out loud to other human beings are you free of it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it's always awkward but it's like I knew I needed to do that so everyone's doing their shares and they're like talking about abundance and, like all like the stuff we're supposed to be talking about.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I, so I get the MIC and we're at this big giant live live edge wood table with this insane ocean view.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I get the MIC and, of course, my voice starts cracking immediately so i'm like into the MIC like I just feel like it's like so embarrassing voices like that, through this entire speech.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I just like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): open to other them about like feeling so insecure and like showing up alone and feeling like those old feelings from like middle school of like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know, it does my body look right like Am I wearing the right clothes, am I saying the right things like everybody knows each other they're already friends and i'm like I you know i'm like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't know anyone so i'm kind of floating around and i'm like trying not to look like a weird outcast but i'm also trying not to intrude on other people's conversations like like just like being an absolute nutcase.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In this like gorgeous.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): With this gorgeous backdrop.
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Jessica Rhodes: If you have not seen the instagram stories like imagine selling sunset It is like one of those mansions.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it's like and one of the lessons I think, is that, like, no matter how gorgeous scenery it's like what what is happening inside of you that's what matters like you could have a view of a dumpster and if you're in alignment.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's gonna be amazing and you can be in a gorgeous $35 million Villa and like battling old insecurities that you thought you were like 20 years away from experiencing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I share all this in my like cracked voice, and it was so beautiful and by like being honest with people about how I was feeling.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was able to actually connect with them people new group are tearing up people told me they felt the same way and I was like, and it was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was like really because you look amazing and they were like you look amazing and I was like maybe we're all crazy and it was just so amazing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so after I did that share Oh, you know what this was after the boat experience, so we did have that really cool but experience, which was really nice, but I still felt kind of weird and then.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): After I said that we you know we finished our food everybody's like milling around and rosie this really nice woman who was there comes up to me and she was like you know.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Today, when we were on the boat excursion I told you, I love your bathing suit it's like your style is so gorgeous and so unique.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And she had said this compliment at a normal volume of voice to me people around heard because they were they could hear that conversation they're like yeah I heard that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I didn't answer her like it must have looked like I snapped her because I literally didn't hear it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that blew my mind, I was like I because I wasn't feeling confident in myself I literally physically could not hear the nice things that people were saying to me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that blew my fucking mind because it's like how much love.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and support is around you that you're not even hearing how much money are people trying to give you, and you are not even hearing them you're not even seeing it because you're out of alignment with that and so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): That was, like the first that was like part one of the lesson that was really, really profound for me and then the next day there was like a deeper version of that same lesson, do you want me to pause just.
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Jessica Rhodes: um no I don't think I have anything to add, so why don't you keep going.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Okay, so the next day, and I also want to say it wasn't like it wasn't like I said this and then everything was great like right, I was still in the space of discomfort.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it wasn't like it was before I felt connected to the people around me I just felt a little uncomfortable.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And one of the things i've realized is that being connected with people makes me uncomfortable, and so I have to work with my nervous system.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like true connection so that really broke the ice when I was able to share that people started coming up to me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And like you know there were like you seem really confident like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was there were like one person was like I was really surprised to hear you say that because you seemed really confident you seemed really happy and friendly and confident and I never would have guessed you're feeling that way.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that was cool because I was like how many other people are feeling that way that we just think are so much more confident than we are, but they are actually feeling a totally different way, so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I connected with people Peggy shout out to Peggy my bfs who we know who's done like a bunch of our master classes, I got to know her.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was just really special so i'm still feeling a little uncomfortable because i've just been super vulnerable with all these basically strangers, but I felt this relief and people were like you look lighter.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so the next day thing was the next day, or maybe it was two days later, then the our last morning there we did a.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Guided meditation with this amazing musician named Joel his handle is a soul called Joel will link to it in the show notes he's on Tik Tok and on Instagram as a soul called Joel.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's the best he's like the most calming person in the entire world, he also has all these amazing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): manifestation and affirmation and just instrumental stuff on spotify he's an incredible guitar player and singer he.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Is the guitar player for India irie they've been working together for like seven eight years he manifested that that's a whole sidebar but he told me the story of how we manifest that she found him online crazy so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Alright, so i'm going to walk you through this meditation called I am the love of my life and I had seen it on the agenda and i'm like cute like whatever like that's Nice.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then I met Joe I sat with him at dinner The night before and I was like oh this guy's great like he's like so calm and like he just has one of those people who just love immediately he's so open.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's so calm he makes you feel calm he he can like regulate other people he has a superpower so having talked to Joel and gotten to know his very calm energy i'm like cool this is going to be a chill time this like morning meditation.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was not in fact a chill time.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it was the time I needed so he's playing guitar he's having us like breathe in and breathe out and then he starts playing this song which is on spotify.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): called I am the love of my life which, like i'm like okay like that's super cute but I wasn't like I didn't like here that title is like oh my gosh.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm like that's that's nice i'm sure other people will get a lot of that I think is.
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Jessica Rhodes: So classic MARQuIS.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I I don't learn sometimes.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So he's like playing the guitar and he's like an amazing guitarist and also he's so present and in flow when he plays that it just has a different quality.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so, he starts he's like close your eyes i'm like all right Joel and then and then he's like I want you to watch a movie of your life.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): For two minutes, starting at your birth and coming to this moment for two minutes I want you to just close your eyes.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and watch the video and so he's playing the song the love of my life he's like coming in and talking to us a little bit and everybody's eyes are closed and.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I just start to hear like loud cry coming from all around me, you know, like and and like and i'm crying too so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've done a lot of trauma work i've done i've done i've like gone back there i've process stuff so i'm like I kind of felt like I knew what to expect like this, I am about to embark on watching a very sad movie.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And like fine so but I started, and the reason I started crying was not because it was sad, it was because of the opposite, so I start watching I like watch my birth and, like my dad's there and it's like so cute.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And and i'm like this little baby and then I watched like my life.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was so weird because I felt like I could see things differently, even though it was just an imagination like it's a projection.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it really felt like I was there and suddenly I could see all these things watching it from the outside, that I hadn't been able to see when I was actually experiencing it as my younger self.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And the thing that I saw that blew my mind was that I have this very subconscious narrative that like I am alone right like that, like i've just always been so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): lonely like i've always like even I feel the most lonely when I have the most people around me, even if it's like people I love.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've always just felt like disconnected and out of place, and like sometimes being around other people was worse than just being alone because it made me feel even more alone, so I know this is kind of kind of.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): dark right, but I want to be really.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): honest about it, because if i'm not.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You won't be able to get anything out of it so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was like it's subconscious like I wouldn't have described it as that what I thought was that, like people just didn't love me as much as they loved other people that's what I thought, because I couldn't feel the love.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I thought that people don't love me enough like I feel alone when i'm with my loved ones, because they don't love me enough.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): they're not giving me enough love they're not you know, giving me enough words of affirmation support and all that stuff.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then I watched the movie of my life and what blew me away was the amount of love the number of people who have been rooting for me, since day one cheering me on supporting me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): loving me, and it was so crazy and then those people who are really memorable like those negative experiences of people who like said mean things to me are called me uglier said I was fat like that stuff that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): in so many ways, has like shaped me kind of and made me more closed off and made me distrustful.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was such a minority of people who are mean and the majority of people like loved me and supported me so much, I was like crying because i'm like seeing all of this love and support.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): That I hadn't seen and I hadn't felt it and the analogy that came to me was like it was sort of like you've got like this jug of water right and the waters, the love.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then i'm this jar and the tops on the JAR and so you're pouring the jug of of water over the JAR trying to get it in the JAR.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it's all just hitting the top and going out there's nothing going in the JAR.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then, instead of me being like the tops on the JAR I kept thinking there's not enough in the jug there's not enough love i'm not getting enough love and it was crazy to realize how much love and support I was getting and that I wasn't receiving it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that, just like changed everything for me, I feel like and I realized, and I I voice message my wife Alex I voice messages because.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The two of them, particularly they see me a lot they know me well, that you know, and one of the things I do is like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I just don't like to show weakness I because of my narrative that i'm alone it's me verse everybody.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's like I always have my game face on like almost no matter what i'm like no worries I know what to do, we're good i'm fine i'm good like let me help you i'm fine.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I realized that I had noticed, I had picked up on.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Those moments where to me, I was showing weakness, where I don't think this is actually weakness I don't think they would say this, but my interpretation was.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Weak moments moments, where I didn't know what to do, moments, where I got emotional and I didn't mean to moments, where I was vulnerable.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I could tell that both jess and Alex in those moments were happy right they would like lean in there, like yes.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And my interpretation for my previous understanding of me verse everyone was like these assholes like they want to see me week, while they're not fucking gun like you know it was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was so funny to have this realization and be like they're not happy because they want me to suffer they're happy because they love me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And they want to actually be able to see me and contribute to me and connect with me and when i'm acting like everything's perfect and i'm on top of it, and I have my game face on.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They can't connect with me when i'm like let me help you and i'm supporting them but i'm not allowing them to see me or support me i'm like robbing them of this gift of contribution of real contribution and connection with me, and that was like so crazy.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah yeah because when you're it feels it feels like a one way relationship, you know.
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Jessica Rhodes: When when you know one person is not ever opening up or showing their vulnerabilities are showing their weakness like.
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Jessica Rhodes: I know, for me it was like after i'm like well MARQuIS always has it together, she is always right, she is never having a down moment and.
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Jessica Rhodes: Meanwhile i'm like crying and like broad dlp, and so I think you know for so long i've always felt.
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Jessica Rhodes: You know I would feel less than you because i'm like well she never has breakdown she's not you know, then so it was just I really acknowledge you for like having that breakthrough and sharing that because it does feel.
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Jessica Rhodes: So good to be able to support somebody when they're feeling down because everyone has those down moments.
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Jessica Rhodes: And it's nice to be able to support each other.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it feels good to receive support it's uncomfortable.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like for me and if you're like me after work with your nervous system, because it feels like you just want a snapshot.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Then you gotta like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): stay open and like ease into it, but it feels good to receive that and it also feels good to like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): be a real person like it's and it's like I do, I do have it together a lot like I, but there are moments where.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't share what's going on, or one thing I do is like when it's happening like when i'm in something when i'm really in it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): my mind to keep me safe is like don't tell anyone don't tell anyone because it feels like an open nerve that I have to protect.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then it's only once i've like figured it out by myself and i'm, on the other side of it that all then tell this really sanitized version of it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): which looks like authenticity and is a kind of authenticity, but it's not the same as opening up when you're in it, because that's what feels really threatening but that's also.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What allows your people to see you and to support you, and it was also like to hear you say that justin Alex said something similar to me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was crazy to realize that because of my fear of people hurting me and my belief that, I mean I am so sensitive.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I always looked at extreme sensitivity as a handicap and something that I had to hide and like protect and to realize that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In my fear of like vulnerability in my fear of being hurt in my effort to protect my sensitivity and what felt like an opener for me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I had made the people that I love most feel bad about themselves because i'm showing up protecting myself acting like everything's fine.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And not realizing that i'm making them feel less than or like they can't contribute to me, and that was crazy, because that is not at all what I intended.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was just it was very cool and of course it's like an ongoing thing i'm gonna have to keep reminding myself like reminding my body doing the neuro drills.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's safe it's safe to let people in it's safe to let people see me what I don't have it together but it's so powerful and it's just.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I feel less alone, like, I really feel differently, after a lifetime of unconsciously feeling alone, I feel, and receive the love and support around me now for the first time.
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Jessica Rhodes: so beautiful.
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Jessica Rhodes: We are really taking y'all on some deep journey so welcome to our life.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah June is a deep.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Deep month on the podcast, so I hope I hope that you like it.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): follow us on social.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): media.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): shoot us an email, I really am interested in people's takeaways like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): If you heard something here and you're like oh my gosh this is me feel free to like send us a DM or you can email me at marquee at interview connections COM if you're just like oh my gosh.
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Jessica Rhodes: Like honestly were the type of friends, you can like dms and tell us your deepest traumas on the first DM and like we're not going to judge you for that So if you are hearing this and you're just like wow I can relate to this like.
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Jessica Rhodes: You can find us on social you can send us a message.
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Jessica Rhodes: Like we're happy to.
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Jessica Rhodes: to connect with you, if you're you know, an entrepreneur that's like really serious about up leveling and you want to coach with us, you want to get out on podcasts like reach out to us, you know interview connections COM marquee at interview connections COM.
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Jessica Rhodes: Multiple calls to action breaking my own rules, but.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah alright thanks all.
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In this episode, we nerd out on all things nervous system! We share more about nervous system co-regulation and how actually dysregulating each other’s nervous systems was the key to experiencing a quantum leap of personal growth.
Links mentioned:
Elisabeth’s previous podcast appearances on our show:
Applied Neurology: https://interviewconnections.com/elisabeth/
Leadership and the Nervous System: https://interviewconnections.com/leadership-the-nervous-system/
Audio Transcript:
Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): On this episode, we are going to be nurturing out on the nervous system and on some really deep work that dustin I have been doing together.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then, with the help of Elizabeth Christoph who is our nervous system angel and the incredible breakthroughs that that work has really made available.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah I have learned, I mean i'm embarrassed to say I really didn't know what the nervous system was until like a year or year and a half ago, I mean, I guess, I had heard the phrase, but I really didn't understand it.
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Jessica Rhodes: and Elizabeth has been on this podcast I think three times I interviewed her a couple of years ago, so definitely will link to these episodes in the show notes, so you can can listen she's been on marquees panels leadership and the nervous system panels.
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Jessica Rhodes: And i've just learned so much about the nervous system and it's helps me like experience the biggest breakthroughs i've ever had.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah, and the reason that elizabeth's work and she's legit she has been featured in forbes she's like we're clearly obsessed with her.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): We feature her every possible opportunity we both personally work with her, we have coaching clients work with her when they have something they need to process through their nervous system, like the level of.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Our trust in her and our love of her is like very, very high, because we don't take that lightly, who we work with and also who we send our clients to.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So what I love about elizabeth's work is I think there's such a huge focus in the personal development space on these mindset emotional energetic up levels.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I love them they're amazing like I love them i've had so many like mindset and your feelings and your emotional guidance system, all that stuff is so real and so important.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And also, I felt that I personally and i've observed other people kind of hit a ceiling on how far I could go with just mindset and emotion and energy.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I really wasn't sure why until I learned more about the nervous system and the work that Elizabeth doing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And realizing that my mind my energy my spirit was like leveling up like crazy, but no one had talked to my body about what we were doing and that resulted in.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Yes, migraines exhaustion fatigue, but also in me sort of like getting up to the ledge of doing this thing that I knew I should do in this leap of faith.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And backing off because the discomfort in my body was so intense.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I felt like I couldn't handle it, whether that was like you know super tight in the chest like shaking hands shaking voice like it was just like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was like my body was like hell no and so i'm ready to show up powerfully and make this big move, and meanwhile i'm like shaking i'm like I have this week voice i'm like so tense, I can barely get the word out like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And i'm like this in it like this any would make me back off because i'd be kind of honestly embarrassed because my body is not cooperating and I feel so powerful, I want to show up powerfully.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then i'm showing up with so much fear in my body and people can feel that and I can feel that and it started messing with my mindset.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Because I would like go for these up levels, then I would have these reactions his old fear and stuff in my body, and I would back off because I would be like oh God it's too much Oh, it was like there was a fear.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Of the fear like feeling the discomfort in my body from the fear was so uncomfortable that I would back off and i'd be like okay I won't do it then.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then I would be getting mad at myself for playing small.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But the threat response that my body was going through, it was like you're gonna die you're going to die is like you're not gonna die from going on Facebook live, but if your body is sure that you will.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It will feel really, really scary and your brains job as Elizabeth says, all the time, is to keep you safe so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This has been such a profound thing for me because.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's really allowed me to quantum leap because i've already done all this work i've like I mean i've processed, a lot of trauma i've done a lot of energetic work i've done so much mindset so much emotional guidance system stuff.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was the body was really the last piece, for me, and by now learning how to work with my nervous system and get the nervous system on board and take that time.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): To be like hey here's what we're doing it's going to be safe and like doing the neuro drills and the tapping.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It the power and the grounding that I now have is absolutely incredible and I say that as someone who has a tendency to dissociate.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And when you dissociate you're not in your body and so getting in my body is a focus for me.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's it's always something that I have to be really mindful of and i'm like up in the head i'm like flying like let's do this.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Typical air sign if you're into astrology and my my Achilles heel is always grounding a lack of grounding and feeling safe in my body feeling safe grounding into my body.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): has made me so much more powerful as a leader as a mammal You know, as you know, we are, we are like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): alpha apex predators as humans like and there's something when you bring that full power, not in an aggressive way in your body to all the other work you've done mentally it's fucking crazy are we allowed to swear on the spot.
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Jessica Rhodes: Now well well we'll have the explicit sign, but I feel like that's very fitting for a show with you, because we always put the little explicit emoji react in slack so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah i'm a big.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): fan of being explicit I always say I want to tell you explicitly what I want.
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there's no miscommunication.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah I love, all of this, and you know.
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Jessica Rhodes: MARQuIS came to me recently and I alluded to this and I didn't lead to it, I said it in the last episode, but I want to dive more into this, I mean, are you why don't you share that side of story because yeah I want you to share.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Okay, so something was happening, where I was getting dis regulated, when I was talking to us.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And there, there are something we talked about last episode we'll talk about it this episode like mirroring and funding and stuff like that which is a trauma response.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): where you want someone to like you, or you want to connect with someone, but to do that, you try to be what you think they want or to mirror what they're doing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): which can backfire right, because if people feel like you're being in authentic and you're kind of stepping on their toes and you're doing what they're doing but it doesn't feel like it's really authentic.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It can dis regulate them right and they start to get like they don't know why but they're just getting this feeling around you have like I don't know like I don't know if I like this.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was starting to get that feeling and especially stepping into the personal brand I was getting it more, because just was getting more regulated, understandably, I was also kind of just regulated, because it was scary to step out into this content.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I really wasn't working with my nervous system, yet at that point so i'm already I would say delicate nervous system, wise in this new situation and then justice dysregulation was like we were just.
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Jessica Rhodes: It was a thing out of 10.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And yeah and I, like the reason people, people are like, why do you have such a successful partnership and like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): We are able to talk to each other about stuff that like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You you would never talk to someone about like because I started and I started to think about susie so susie if you've heard past episodes i'll let just do the whole story, but she was like a friend in middle school and there was this.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Experience with her were in typical middle school girl on evolved fashion.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know pulled this kind of power move, where she stopped talking to just she brought the friend group with her to super traumatizing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And, in some ways and justin I have talked about this, there are some parallels between me and susie.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Just like energy wise and like so it was really interesting because, as this, I was already a little wonky with my regulation because i'm stepping into this new level.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Just seems just regulated, I can tell that there's more like finding and mirroring which is making me feel smothered which is making me feel this regulated.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I started thinking about susie and we had done coaching we've worked with great coaches and you know both jess and I are quite familiar with each other, like middle school drama and we talked about it all the time with our coaches.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was like you know what I wonder if this happened with susie.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I wonder if susie was getting this regulated and, of course, a middle school girl is not going to be evolved enough to say.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know what I think you're just regulating my nervous system, can we talk through the trauma that we might be playing out together so that we can have a more aligned dynamic now middle school girls are bitches she was like by.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And like and she used her influence to create you know, the new situation that she wanted, which is what people do, especially in middle school.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So it was really interesting though, because I realized, we had talked a lot with coaches about.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The susie situation, but it was always the aftermath right, it was always like okay you've been abandoned and now there's this abandonment wound.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): How do we, you know build your self worth up, which is like fine but, honestly it's kind of superficial right, because if you don't get to the root of something.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You can layer affirmations all day long it's not gonna work it's not going to work at the level of your nervous system, and you can say I feel so much better, but people can tell that you don't so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that's not just just like i've done that too we've all done that, and then like i'm doing great and it's like maybe, so I realized we've never gone before the susie incident right before it right so we've always just said yeah like susie's a jerk middle school girls are.
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Jessica Rhodes: traumatized and if susie if you happen to be listening I forgive you and I love you very much.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): We understand what happened with your nervous system, we get it we're on the level with you.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and honestly, as far as middle school girls got like truly no judgment.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's a savage time so yeah, but it was really I was like we've never gone we've never asked the question why did susie leave.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Because it's always been I think people are afraid to ask questions like that, personally, and one of the things I like to do coaching people.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Is ask those questions that other people are afraid to ask because it's it's hard to tell someone who's like Oh, I had this.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know, someone abandoned me it was so traumatizing it's pretty in your face to say like, why do you think they left you right like because it's not just there a terrible person.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Everybody as Elizabeth would say is acting on the level of their nervous system, everybody is doing the best that they can.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so, are there, people without empathy yes, there are, but the majority of people, they don't do things for no reason right, it might be their own reasons, it might be their own trauma and have nothing to do with you.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But, as I was getting this feeling I was like I wonder if there's something here that we should dig into about what drove susie away.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and not in a blame way, and this is what I said to just it's very easy to go from a victim of like this person abandoned me because they're an asshole.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): To self blaming have they abandoned me because i'm unlovable and i'm terrible.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Those are basically the same thing those feel like two different things that are two sides of the same coin So how do we take responsibility in a way that's like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What caused this result is there a way that I contributed to this and what did that look like, because we know it's not the answer is never going to be your own lovable like spoiler alert.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): If that's what you're getting you're very lovable.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's never that you're a bad person it's never that you're fundamentally unlovable you'll never be enough, I know you have those thoughts I know they feel real.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's never going to be that, so if we can rule that out, and we can rule out that that person is just a monster, then we can come into this middle space of.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What might have happened here what energy did I bring into this situation that somebody else didn't want to be around, and I think it's so incredible.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The way we manifest the people in our lives, that we need to learn these lessons and to get to the next level and, like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was joking, with just but it's kind of true she's manifested me who is like this evolved susie right like I was probably more of a Suzy maybe even meaner and middle school because I had a lot of problems.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But i've done the therapy, I have processed my trauma I have done the personal growth work so whereas susie as a middle school girl, the level of her you know evolution all she could do was be like by like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): An abandoned you, I am an adult who's done a lot of work, so it was so incredible that it's like you've manifested this version of susie who's evolved enough to not just be like by i'm going to abandon you but to really be like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): what's going on here because I am feeling dis regulated by like the funding and the mirroring and I want to like dive into it.
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Jessica Rhodes: I love it you're like all that just told us, the story, and then you know so.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I OK.
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Jessica Rhodes: I know I like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was like i'll just defer to just but then I was like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I kind of want to keep my narrative on track.
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Jessica Rhodes: Now I.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): would love to go to your version of this susie story, though, because they think.
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Jessica Rhodes: And i'm.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): sorry that I did that, and I would love to be able to honestly tell our listeners that I don't usually do stuff like that, but I can't lie to you guys.
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Jessica Rhodes: No, no, no, it was it was absolutely perfect okay so let's talk a little bit about manifesting people into your life because.
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Jessica Rhodes: Again, people ask me all the time, how did you know Marty was the right partner, and I said I don't know I just know.
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Jessica Rhodes: And God the universe was like girl, you need to get complete with your past trauma of feeling abandoned feeling disconnected feeling like the female leader of the pack doesn't want you around like that's all of my ship.
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Jessica Rhodes: And so, really, for the past I mean we've been in each other's lives for like five six years now, as as business partners.
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Jessica Rhodes: And, and there are there was like these moments of feeling just regulated and feeling disconnected or abandoned and i'm just like.
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Jessica Rhodes: Ah, you know it was like Why do I feel less than Why do I feel just regulated and when MARQuIS came to me and was like it was a Monday morning at 930.
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Jessica Rhodes: On Monday morning at 930 guys MARQuIS does not do zoom calls before 10 like if she can help it and she was like hey girl, can you hop on zoom and I was like sure like whatever and she gets on and she's like get ready for a break thrill and I was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I was like sick i'm always down for breakthrough morgan's always serving one up on a platter like, here we go and she then tells me how.
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Jessica Rhodes: This regularly that she feels around me and I was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: Okay feeling very humbled and up moment um and so she starts talking to me about the susie thing because, like really the recent break there was like Oh, I have an abandonment pop up I like i've shared it on this podcast before.
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Jessica Rhodes: And, and she was like I want you to go deeper and so literally it was like 48 plus hours of me going to the depths of my deepest insecurities and like.
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Jessica Rhodes: dramas, and I was really fucking pissed that Murray, he was putting me on this journey, because I was like really that Monday morning was.
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Jessica Rhodes: Perfect until you sold me on zoom and was like i'm gonna send you on there's like she buckled me into a roller coaster and then I went like straight down to the bottom, and I was there for a couple.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah yeah I do that, like there will be aggressive breakthroughs during times.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Where it's like everything's going great and i'm like okay.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): let's face this this thing you've been avoiding for so long.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah.
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Jessica Rhodes: But it was so great, because.
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Jessica Rhodes: The feeling dis regulated around each other, like really had never been spoken um.
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Jessica Rhodes: And so, getting like really facing that head on, was so helpful and there's been like so many like breakthroughs, and like getting into alignment like if you're clicking a puzzle together and just be like every few days we've just like click click click click click click.
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Jessica Rhodes: So it's been it's been really, really great and.
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Jessica Rhodes: So you know, had this big breakthrough like i'd be like okay well, maybe this happened she's like before susie, it has to be before sixth grade what happened before, and I was like.
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Jessica Rhodes: revealing to her like some really embarrassing things that she's like it's not that and i'm like my God, are you serious like I have to keep.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm like the least judgmental person ever like you can't.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): No one can shock me you could tell me anything and i'd be like okay like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah you know it, I know it's embarrassing to you and honestly wasn't that.
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Jessica Rhodes: Bad yeah I know I can tell you anything like I like if I make an off color joke like I know she's never gonna like get upset or judge before it so um.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah so anyway.
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Jessica Rhodes: Like we got to the breakthrough we got to the the deepest darkest root of this problem here, and then she sent me to work with Elizabeth she's like now, you need to like here because, like trauma lives in the body and Elizabeth says this all the time.
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Jessica Rhodes: trauma really is not in the cognitive mind like I never really could have like completely healed that without doing.
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Jessica Rhodes: This nervous system work so Elizabeth worked with me on you know eft tapping and.
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Jessica Rhodes: gave me these really important exercises he's applied neurology exercises to call my nervous system, so now several times a day if i'm feeling like in a heightened state of threat.
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Jessica Rhodes: I have like an exercise that I can do that immediately comes my nervous system.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I also have these really great affirmations that I do when i'm doing those neuro drills which are really great and one of them is myself express myself wait.
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Jessica Rhodes: By self expression protects me, which is amazing because being self expressed and like being fully myself.
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Jessica Rhodes: I previously would feel really scared that that would be the reason somebody would leave me.
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Jessica Rhodes: So when I am self expressed by nervous system is like this is a little scary, so I do these applied neuro drills, and I say like i'm safe Being myself my self expression protects me so when i'm putting myself out there.
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Jessica Rhodes: I can remind my nervous system like this is safe, and this is actually like a good thing.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and I think for anyone listening, even if you can't relate to this exactly like we all have this.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): We all have situations where we get dis regulated or dynamics, where we get dis regulated and if we're willing to really face that and look at what's going on.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): there's so much of your power available to you that you can take back and like when we went jess and I look back, we found a few situations of these, and it was always with these.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): super dominant alpha females, and it was so it's not with everybody it's like this certain type of person the certain type of energy.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): will bring something out of you, that is unprocessed trauma that's either a farming or maybe you're fighting and its aggressive very like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): is so and we all have those things, and when you can look back on those patterns of like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This certain type of person who I always end up friends with or I always end up dating and it plays out the same way if you're willing to look at that and look at why.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): like what happened before this what am I trying to get out of these situations, what is the energy this old energy that i'm bringing to these situations, and I think a lot of the time.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It has to do with wanting something from people like wanting something that's old like old validation old connections something like that.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I think that's what dis regulates people, because if they can feel that you're either being an authentic or that you want or need something from them, it can it can dis regulate them.
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Jessica Rhodes: And I barely just recording this episode at all like clicked into place in in your episode with alicia on we get it your dad died you guys went down this whole personal responsibility rabbit hole and that's that's it like.
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Jessica Rhodes: me taking personal responsibility.
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Jessica Rhodes: For the abandonment of like strong female friendships that i've had because, like susie wasn't the only one i've had other.
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Jessica Rhodes: best friends that are women that totally left me and i'm like what happened there and it was always they abandoned me until the breakthrough came and taking personal responsibility, not being a victim, up until now, I had always been a victim.
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Jessica Rhodes: In those relationships so go listen to marty's episode with alicia on we got it your dad died argue with a hard g.com slash alicia is where you can find it.
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Jessica Rhodes: But that, like all just clicked into place for me, because it was really like confronting at first you're like what did you do and I was like bitch I didn't do anything.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it is tough and I love that episode with alicia because personal responsibility had been like my secret weapon and I never told anybody because it's very awkward.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): To like you don't want to seem like a victim blame or you don't want to you don't want someone to say oh my gosh this person mistreated me or abandoned me and you don't want to be like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Well, what did you do like what energy, did you bring to that situation, especially if it's something that's happened multiple times to you like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): what's up you know, like what what part of you is co creating that with them and yeah I love it, it is personal responsibility and as a coach and as a mentor, the best thing that we can do for the people that we're working with is be brave about.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): shining a light on areas for personal responsibility, even though it might dis regulate our nervous system right because people might get really mad at us, but it is.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The only way to access your power and the only way that therapy nervous system work personal growth affirmations.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): None of that stuff works until you first take the radical personal responsibility step and once you take radical personal responsibility over your results over the things that have happened.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Again, not self blame it's not i'm a bad person it's not I deserve this it's not i'm unlovable that's never going to be right that's always going to be a distraction.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But once you take true personal responsibility of Why am I, continuing to see this pattern show up in my life.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Then you actually are able to heal the therapy works, the nervous system stuff works personal growth will actually work and hit deeper if you don't take that step.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And you can see all around you and on the Internet, people who are doing the work quote unquote they're doing the personal development they're doing the therapy and it's not working right like you're just like.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): that's not it like I don't think they've got it, they have not taken that step and it's palpable the changes that they're making are superficial their patches but, once you take personal responsibility that's when there's a true transformation.
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Jessica Rhodes: yeah so we hope that you, like us, pulling back the curtain and revealing so much to you.
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Jessica Rhodes: If you want to connect with us online, of course, interview connections COM going to get booked up podcast that's where you can find us.
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Jessica Rhodes: follow us on tick tock to I am taken over the tech talks and getting us out there, so interview connections at hey Maggie go follow at hey MARQuIS for amazing brilliant life changing 62nd videos.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and and since we've gotten really deep into this coaching.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And, as I mentioned in the coaching when we work with people I also bring in all the best to work with them to process through their body what we work on with their mind and energy.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Since this is very focused on coaching if this type of coaching and mentorship that we're talking about in these types of breakthroughs are something that you know.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): you're ready for if there's a part of you that's ready to stop avoiding it and knows it's time and it's time to get this stuff complete and have this breakthrough to get to your next level reach out to me marya interview connections COM, you can email me directly.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And we can talk about working together.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's not cheap.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But if you're ready to invest and you really want these breakthroughs I would be happy to talk to you.
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Jessica Rhodes: Alright, thanks all.
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Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Thank you.
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In this episode, we share more about the journey of stepping into the roles that are right for us in our company and how stepping into the role that is right for you brings so much alignment and self-expression into your life. Resources mentioned: https://interviewconnections.com/is-it-time-to-demote-yourself/
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In this episode, we’re sharing with you the recording of Margy’s panel discussion about how to create psychological safety within your organization. If you like this topic be sure to read Margy’s blog post about it here!
Connect with Brandi Olson on LinkedIn here and connect with Elisabeth Kristof on Instagram. -
On today's episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess and Margy share more about their journey of transforming Interview Connections into a fully agile company using the Scrum methodology!
1. Working As A Team Makes It Easier for Individuals to Take Time Off with Less Stress
2. Interdepartmental Games of Telephone Waste Valuable Resources
3. Removing Individual Performance Metrics Lowers Stress and Allows Team Members to Focus on What’s Actually Important
4. Adjusting How Teams Approach Work Frees You From the Expensive and Ineffective Trap of Solving Problems With Addition
5. Working in Sprints Creates Rapid Improvement and Makes Big Changes Less Risky
6. Eliminating Top Down Decision Making is Good for Everyone
7. More Role Fluidity Helps Teams Thrive and Individuals Stay Engaged
8. Happiness Matters
Want to learn more about leading an agile company? Read Margy's blog where she writes frequently about the journey! -
On today's episode of Monetize the Mic, Margy and Jess discuss why entrepreneurs with decent schedules and pretty normal workloads are so tired. Things that appear small on the surface but really need to be talked about, toxic positivity, people pleasing, avoiding tough conversations and obstacles are all energy sucks that you should explore to see if they're draining you. When you're authentic and self expressed, you'll find that you feel way less drained.
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Margy and Jess are talking about how to know when it’s the right time to demote yourself (even if you’re a business owner or founder). When Jess founded the business, she called herself CEO, as most business owners and founders do. However, CEO is a very specific role and a lot of people who call themselves the CEO are not actually doing the work of a CEO, nor do they have the skills to. With Margy being the visionary and strategist in the business, it made much more sense for her to take on the title as she was already in the role and had the skills. In your business, it’s more important to have the right people in the right seats than to just look like you’re in a glamorous role. Margy also talks about how easy and trendy it is to be a business owner in general right now and how if you’re starting a business, you should ask yourself why you’re doing it and if you’re doing it for the right reasons.
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On today's episode of Monetize the Mic, Margy shares the season 3 premiere episode of her podcast We Get It, Your Dad Died. The episode features an interview with entrepreneur Suzy Ashworth about how losing her parents impacted her life and career. Season 3 of We Get It, Your Dad Died goes live today, May 2, 2022! To listen to the rest of the season, find the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon.
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is joined by Interview Connections’ client Anne Hill. Anne has noticed there is a correlation between the health of a person and the health of their business and has founded Hilltop Virtual Solutions to help busy entrepreneurs automate and improve their systems so they can spend more time in their zone of genius. Anne discusses how she works with business owners to create new systems to improve their business’ health and function. She also goes into onboarding new team members, delegating tasks, and how she became an expert in operations and systems.
To work with Anne, visit hilltopoperations.com -
On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is joined by Interview Connections’ client and founder of AMA Publishing, Adriana Monique Alvarez. Adriana talks about creating impactful relationships in order to maximize your collaboration opportunities. Adriana gives tips for getting a broader perspective when it comes to getting to know potential clients, having patience and discipline to grow as a business owner, and implementing the value of relationships into everything you do.
To learn more about Adriana’s work, go to her website adrianamoniquealvarez.com -
On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, we are featuring a special replay of a Facebook live panel that Margy recently hosted on Leadership and the Nervous System. Joining Margy on the panel are Elisabeth Kristof and Brandi Olson. Elisabeth is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, who helps entrepreneurs heal their past trauma by working with the nervous system, and Brandi, CEO of the Olson Group, who helps companies integrate agile strategy and organizational design into their organizations so they can thrive in times of change. This discussion is centered around the relationship between leadership, the nervous system, and how people can better understand their nervous system and its responses in order to become more effective, happier leaders.
Check out Elisabeth’s work at brainbased-wellness.com and Brandi’s at helloolson.com
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is giving you some prompts to help you simplify your call to action. These prompts include listing out 5 of your best clients, how they found you, what their journey was like signing up with you, what the next intentional step is for a host or listener to take to ultimately sign up with you, and whether or not you are utilizing your email list. Listing out the answers to these questions will lead you to create your perfect call to action!
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is talking about how to write your interview topics and questions for your one sheet. A one sheet is a tool that is used to help you get booked for a podcast interview and gives hosts a sense of what value you can provide to their audience and also can act as a guide while interviewing you. In this episode, Jess gives you some prompts to help you identify what your most valuable interview topics are.
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess and Margy are sharing what they’ve learned after one year of running their group coaching program. Whether or not you have an agency or one on one business, you can add a group coaching program into what you’re already doing. It took a long time for Jess and Margy to pull the trigger on starting this program out of fear that nobody would sign up for it, even though they already had an accomplished and established business offering another service. Margy and Jess list out some questions you should ask yourself before you decide to create a new offering in your business in order to set yourself and potential new program up for success.
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess and Margy are talking about the paradox of more. The paradox of more has been coming up in the business over and over again and Margy realized that some problems don’t need to be solved with addition, but instead by leveraging the resources the business already has. Instead of buying more leads to get more sales, Margy realized they already had so many leads and the sales team was already sitting on gold. The team started to ask different questions in order to tap into the potential of the leads they already accumulated, rather than just buying more. Jess also discusses how this can apply to podcast guesting and shares an example of how she helped a client do more with the interviews she already had. Multiplying instead of adding can do amazing things for your business and can definitely help you get the most out of your team.
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On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is joined by Melissa Guller, who helps business owners turn their skills into online courses. If you find yourself answering the same question time after time, it might make sense for you to create an online course. Melissa goes over the differences between creating an online course on a website such as Skillshare versus Teachable, what content to include in your course, how to figure out your pricing, and how to think of TikTok as a raffle ticket.
Get in touch with Melissa at witandwire.com or on social media @witandwire -
On today’s episode of Monetize the Mic, Jess is talking with Mickie Kennedy about using press releases to gain visibility. Mickie is an Interview Connections client and helps small business owners, authors, and startups increase their visibility and credibility with press releases. If you commit to doing a press release strategy, a business owner can see all kinds of returns ranging from new leads, getting articles in major publications, to millions of dollars in revenue (and Mickie can attest to that). In this interview, Mickie goes over the most effective way to use press releases in order to make the most out of the strategy.
To work with Mickie, head over to ereleases.com - Montre plus
